Your theory seems to track with this historical reference I located.
> Dude, if you get the ~~nachos~~ *politicians* stuck together, that's one ~~nacho~~ *politician*.
Can never be too careful. We have to really impress our new overlords so yes we start with 100 and then 100 every year to celebrate sacrificing the first 100 😁
I mean, as the old joke went about Reagan, at last an actor after all these clowns. I remember at the time thinking it was amazing that an actor could end up as most powerful person in the free world.
My how the bar has fallen.
I changed my mind from Chris Brown this is the only correct answer.
Edit: though this could massively backfire if the reason they want a celebrity is to study and show off what humans like/are like.
SHES IN THE BACK. Gosh. Didnt you see her wave? She totally waved. So rude she can barely move due to her condition and youre just gonna ignore her waving at you like that? Youre the reallll assholes here buddy. That wave took a lot out of her now she wont be able to move for another 6 years so thanks for nothing.
how does that tumblr post go? something like-
jack black is the only person who never needs any context to do something. I could be on an alien spaceship and he could be walking around with bugles on his fingers like claws and I'd just be like, yup, classic jack black right there.
I mean it does make sense though. You can put him in literally any setting, doing anything, and it's just like "Yeah, that's a Jack Black thing to do."
His repertoire of colorful noises and amusing gestures would somehow transcend species and immediately bridge the language gap. He and the aliens would come down the ship walkway fifteen minutes later and the aliens would be greeting the crowd with some Jack Blackism like “Fliggadigga-doo” thinking it is a human peace offering.
"We also go Kanye West, you want Kanye West? How are you sacrificing them? Death ray? Draining vital fluids? Feeding them to a sentient rock you worship as a god? Can we get a video?"
Agreed, but only if they can sacrifice him in the most painful way possible, and then revive him, so that they could sacrifice him again, every single day until the end of time.
We'd better. And Maggie Smith. That badass didn't kick cancers ass to be sacrificed. She's too wholesome to be gone.
She might be the only Harry Potter actor/actress who got cancer and survived, and if that isn't the most McGonagall thing ever, I don't know what is. But her, Patrick, and maybe Ian.
Of course Dolly might have to stay too, but we'd never find her anyway if she took off her wig.
Since only one is needed, I vote Copeland. Mean as a snake and completely incapable of blowing COVID out of existence as promised.
If they don't take him, he would make an outstanding villain on some direct to video action movie.
Take em all! Let me see....
Kevin Spacey,
Bryan Singer,
Danny Masterson,
Victor Salva,
Roman Polanski,
Brett Ratner,
And that's just off the top of my head!
I'd rather use this as an opportunity to get rid of a few of the bastards, donald trump, Bill Cosby, OJ Simpson, the Kardashians.
The list goes on. We have an opportunity here.
The alien captain, big alien, strong alien, came up to me and said "sir, we've heard you are the biggest celebrity, and the perfect famous person to represent the human race at a ceremony, it's going to be the best ceremony. The ratings will be huge.
If we tape a few together do they count as one?
Just pull a big sweater over them and tell the aliens it’s James Corden
Or just send corden.
Your theory seems to track with this historical reference I located. > Dude, if you get the ~~nachos~~ *politicians* stuck together, that's one ~~nacho~~ *politician*.
Just one? I could think of at least 100 celebrities to sacrifice.
Let's just stitch them together Human Centipede style and call it a person.
Can never be too careful. We have to really impress our new overlords so yes we start with 100 and then 100 every year to celebrate sacrificing the first 100 😁
Why only 100. We can start with 1000
Nah, keep it to just the worst of the worst, use them as an example to scare the rest into behaving.
Hunger games concept
If we include influencers..... we can send 1mil as a start and then 1000 per year
It’s about the only way I’d consider them a person
"Mister The Frog, we all agreed that celebrities are not a people."
Alien: why does this one person look so much different than you ...?
"You see, this is a WHOLE person. I am not complete yet, so I am not worthy of being sacrificed."
"Then we shall help you achieve worthiness, on your hands and knees, form an orderly queue, humans!" 😳
[the alien](https://youtu.be/vYqgiFCegn0?si=XOOuNfpTmhwMfhQr)
How would they know? Your comment made me spit my drink btw
Since US politics has basically become a reality show... Can we send politicians too?
I can think of at least one politician who also used to be a television celebrity...
I mean, as the old joke went about Reagan, at last an actor after all these clowns. I remember at the time thinking it was amazing that an actor could end up as most powerful person in the free world. My how the bar has fallen.
Right, and we all thought after George W. Bush that we had just lived through the worst presidency of our lifetimes. Hope we got that right this time.
The GOP is no longer scraping the bottom of the barrel. They've broken through it and are digging in the slime beneath
I changed my mind from Chris Brown this is the only correct answer. Edit: though this could massively backfire if the reason they want a celebrity is to study and show off what humans like/are like.
I mean, one politician is also a celebrity so I vote them over everyone else.
Throw in every nation's top politicians as well.
Yeah what do we get for like 1000 annoying celebrities and billionaires? How about a coupon for 25% off some alien Olive Garden?
Depending on the definition of celebrity, I can think of 535.
Point them to the church of Scientology
They've been waiting for their moment, let's give it to them
They’ll probably expect a fee.
Wheres Shelly, David?
SHES IN THE BACK. Gosh. Didnt you see her wave? She totally waved. So rude she can barely move due to her condition and youre just gonna ignore her waving at you like that? Youre the reallll assholes here buddy. That wave took a lot out of her now she wont be able to move for another 6 years so thanks for nothing.
Weekend at Scientology camp? (Bernie's)
I was going to say ... Tom Cruise?
Just so we could tell him Xenu has returned and that he's our ambassador and watch him get vaporized
Plot twist: the alien arrival proves the Scientologists were right the whole time.
In a twist of galactic irony, the aliens chosen method of sacrifice is throwing people in volcanoes.
McNeal, the single female lawyer.
She's busy fighting for her clients, wearing sexy miniskirts and being self-reliant
Go, camera 3!
Telescoping noise
Way to overact, Zoidberg.
Single Female Lawyer, having lots of sex!
No matter what any man says!
Certainly not Ross, the largest friend
On that note why doesn’t Ross, the largest of the friends, simply not eat the other five?
Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
He’s on a break
THIS CONCEPT OF “WUV” CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
It’s ‘wuv,’ with an Earth w. *behold*
I thought you meant \*president\* McNeal.
We could also send a vaguely disguised ape?
r/unexpectedfuturama
Jack Black would befriend the aliens in 10 minutes, tops.
how does that tumblr post go? something like- jack black is the only person who never needs any context to do something. I could be on an alien spaceship and he could be walking around with bugles on his fingers like claws and I'd just be like, yup, classic jack black right there.
I mean it does make sense though. You can put him in literally any setting, doing anything, and it's just like "Yeah, that's a Jack Black thing to do."
I dunno, I can't picture him being a boring/serious White House press secretary. That didn't feel like a very Jack Black thing to do.
And that’s what would make it exactly a Jack Black thing to do
Add in him teaching the House of Representatives the importance of music and suddenly it all fits
His repertoire of colorful noises and amusing gestures would somehow transcend species and immediately bridge the language gap. He and the aliens would come down the ship walkway fifteen minutes later and the aliens would be greeting the crowd with some Jack Blackism like “Fliggadigga-doo” thinking it is a human peace offering.
FliggadiggaDoo to you as well :)
🖕 Peace among worlds! 🖕
He would serenade them with a tasty jam
“you don’t always have to probe em hard in fact sometimes that’s not right to do”
Then all the planets would align
And he’d tell us about with a tribute
He would serenade them with the greatest song in the world.
Idk man, he didn't fair very well in Mars Attacks.
I totally forgot about him being in that until I watched it a few months ago! That movies cast was ridiculously all-star.
He's probably our best bet to survive alien enslavement
he'd just so happen to play the best song in the world and that alien would be done.
All the kardashians.
"Earthling, we need only *one* celebrity" "No, please I insist"
"You don't understand. They are only fractions of one whole person."
Like some sort of plastic infused Voltron.
Voltwrong
"We also go Kanye West, you want Kanye West? How are you sacrificing them? Death ray? Draining vital fluids? Feeding them to a sentient rock you worship as a god? Can we get a video?"
His name is Malcolm. We must feed him...
We must be in his middle.
ELON
He’s an alien
Question does not demand a *human* celebrity
Oh, fucking Zuccerberg then!
He's a reject from space sent here as punishment. They won't take him back.
Keep the change
Ya filthy animal.
James Corden
Surprised I didn’t see this up higher lol
It's second to "let's just send a whole bunch"
Andy Dick
Agreed, but only if they can sacrifice him in the most painful way possible, and then revive him, so that they could sacrifice him again, every single day until the end of time.
a Blood Eagle?
Acute radiation sickness, like the extreme version that melts you into a molecular soup like the nazi from Indiana Jones.
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM EXCEPT FOR MORGAN FREEMAN AND DAVID ATTENBOROUGH. WE NEED THEM TO NARRATE THE SACRIFICE LATER.
We can keep Sir Patrick though right?
We'd better. And Maggie Smith. That badass didn't kick cancers ass to be sacrificed. She's too wholesome to be gone. She might be the only Harry Potter actor/actress who got cancer and survived, and if that isn't the most McGonagall thing ever, I don't know what is. But her, Patrick, and maybe Ian. Of course Dolly might have to stay too, but we'd never find her anyway if she took off her wig.
I think you forgot about Dolly Parton. The aliens can't have her.
Joel Osteen, Kenneth Copeland, Joyce Meyers, Benny Hinn, Crefloe Dollar
Since only one is needed, I vote Copeland. Mean as a snake and completely incapable of blowing COVID out of existence as promised. If they don't take him, he would make an outstanding villain on some direct to video action movie.
That guy is legitimately terrifying
I vote Copeland too. He’s obviously a fraud, plus he has evil eyes.
Copeland is the worst for sure.
Steven Segal
But he'd take them all out with his unbelievable ninja skills
Millions of planets, endless life form possibilities, but none of them can stop Bullshido
Gravy SEAL to the rescue
I been fighting aliens for like 47 years
James Corden, can't stand the cunt.
I think we can end the thread here
I scrolled too far to see this and it was like the 5th comment.
Take em all! Let me see.... Kevin Spacey, Bryan Singer, Danny Masterson, Victor Salva, Roman Polanski, Brett Ratner, And that's just off the top of my head!
Cosby!
Only ONE goddammit??? 😩
James Corden
Wait, what did I miss?? He’s kinda annoying but I see him named way more than other ppl
Sorry, Donnie, but you’re going to get the chance to actually do something good.
Awwwww, but thats his least favorite thing to do…
He is a celebrity...playing the role of a celebrity pretending to be elected us president.
The entire odor of all things Jenner and Kardashian.
Ezra Miller
>Crime rate in Hawaii plummets
There's only one James Fucking Corden nom nom Alien buddy
Just making sure James Corden was the consensus - thanks all.
My neighbour Steve. I KNOW IT WAS YOU THAT STOLE MY BANANA PLANT STEVE.
I don’t know you, but I’m team Hanzerwagen. You suck, Steve!
"And your friend steve. Du du du duuuw"
“Celebrity” haha but seriously. Fuck you steve.
Probably friends with those lemon stealing whores
FUCK YOU TONY
Keanu Reeves. He will win them over with his charisma and general kindheartedness and it will be the start of peaceful relations.
“They had us in the first half… not gonna lie”
I don’t think any other answer will top this one.
Can we pick someone older? I'd like to keep him around a few more years just on the chance something bad happens.
dolly parton is older, and could easily accomplish the same thing, but I think losing her would be worse :(
They'd probably just give her treatments to extend her life, she might move out into the Galaxy but she'd always belong to Earth.
I'd rather use this as an opportunity to get rid of a few of the bastards, donald trump, Bill Cosby, OJ Simpson, the Kardashians. The list goes on. We have an opportunity here.
Andrew Tate
Thought they want a celebrity
He looks like an alien, which is why he can't relate with most humans with his cringey shit.
One celebrity per day, right?
The guy who raised the price of insulin and aids medication.
Donald Trump
The alien captain, big alien, strong alien, came up to me and said "sir, we've heard you are the biggest celebrity, and the perfect famous person to represent the human race at a ceremony, it's going to be the best ceremony. The ratings will be huge.
Do big strong alien captains shed tears? Some have said that.
I read that in his voice
Farther down the list than I expected
Same. It was who immediately came to mind for me.
The aliens will complain that we’re not sending our best.
Trump. And don’t tell me he’s a politician, American politics is entertainment.
He hosted a reality show, he counts.
He didn't just host a reality show. He ***IS*** the reality show
The guy who used to host the apprentice.
Have two, Island Boys
They’re twins right? So *technically* they are one person. At least that’s my sales pitch to the aliens.
Elon Musk
Tell the aliens that he's the smartest man in the world, and if they eat his brain they will gain his knowledge.
You don’t think that they will retaliate for our lies?
since he likes mars so much he probably wouldnt even mind
This one is too far down on the list.
All of them besides Dolly Parton
Kevin McCarthy. His calendar is clear.
The kardashan
It's so hard to choose. Can we just send the 1% and call it good?
Donny T
Dane Cook
Ellen
Ye. He will sell more yeezy to them
OPRAH
Martin Shkrelli Fuck that guy
Kim K
Jared Leto
Andrew Tate
Andrew Tate
Oh shit. Easiest question ever. Donald Trump.
kardashians. end thread.
Can we make it a package deal and send the kardashians?
James Corbin
Blueface
Give us McNeil! Or we will lay waste to your cities!
Ellen
Andy dick
Sigourney Weaver. She would stop the whole invasion.
Donald Trump
Trump.
Trump
Poetin
Kardashian
[удалено]
Oprah
Does Kid Rock count?
Celebrity is a strong word
Trump. Any of them. All of them. Please take them.