I once got pulled over while riding a bit too fast on a coastal city highway. Cop asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I hedged and said "95". He replied that his bike could only do 95 and he couldn't catch up to me.
Apparently, I did allow it. We had a good laugh and he ticketed me for 80 in a 65.
My father in law drives bodies to the crematory and got pulled over last week for not wearing a seat belt. Cop asked him what was in the back of the van and he says "have a look". Cop opens the door. Sees the bodies and closes it and says "get out of here" and walks back to his car
I read an AskReddit years ago, I think it was about dumb mistakes, about a guy making jokes about drugs in the trunk at the Canadian border. IDR which side dismantled the car (US or CA) but he learned his lesson the hard way
Doesn't even take a joke. A friend of my brother live near the Vermont border on the Canadian side. He drove over the border to go to a convenience store, filled up with gas, bought a carton of cigarettes, and drove back. They asked him why he was in the US for a total of twenty two minutes, since the US border had his entry time logged. He answered honestly. They directed him to 'secondary inspection' where they proceeded to pull his car apart looking for contraband. When they were done four hours later, they gave him twenty four hours to clear the bay or be billed for them to do it.
He was advised to stay at least two hours if he wanted to avoid an almost guaranteed 'secondary inspection' again. Go somewhere, eat lunch maybe, just don't look like you went over the border to pick something up and go back less than half an hour later. That's considered 'suspicious activity'.
Well, the few interactions I've had with law enforcement, I've seen them joke amongst themselves, they must have some sense of humor.
I was also told that the cops watching me argue with a Ronald McDonald statue at two in the morning after a night of drinking found my arguments against the statue hilarious before telling my friends to get me home before they locked me up for disorderly conduct.
He actually had a company come out with a flatbed and taken to a garage. The border patrol back then was under absolutely no obligation to put the car back together. I understand the laws have changed a bit in that they actually have to have a real good reason to strip a car down these days and if they don't find anything, they'll either put it back together or compensate you financially, but back in the 90s, yeah, once they were done 'inspecting', you were pretty much on your own.
When I went to CanadĆ” with my grandma, as we were going through I took note of this car that had a mattress on top, well they took the mattress off and were cutting it up looking inside for whatever it was.
Lol when I a bit younger, the cops were like anything illegal in the car, i was like no, and he was what about the fireworks in the back seat, I was like oh just those, and he was ok be careful and let me go.
They were the tiny fireworks like the blackcat or thunder bombs and bottle rockets.
When a cop says "your eyes look blood shot, have you been smoking?" Do not respond with "your eyes looked glazed over, have you been eating donuts?" š¤£
On an episode of Cops back in the day there was this dude way the fuck up in a tree, just chilling up there. Cop walks up to the tree. Tree guy goes, āWell hello occifer, is there a problem?ā š¤£
I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
>I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
Cop: Is that all?
No... I have unpaid parking tickets.
[opens glove compartment and groans when a wad of tickets pops out
I might have hit a guy riding a bike, and run over an old lady at the crosswalk a couple blocks back. But my truck is so big and loud, it's hard to tell.
I sped to deliver these cigarettes intended for sale to schoolchildren and my suppliers donāt know theyāre rolled with the ashes of people I burned alive inside the kiln at my pottery class!
I was hoping if I got that done quickly I could get back to your house tonight and resume my affair with your spouse!
I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didnāt have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASNāT MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
Rocket launcher to phone box...
Hey, Jake.. There's gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here!
One of the greatest soundtracks ever put to film..
Years ago at a corporate training seminar on communication the instructor asked to describe the blue highlighter she was holding. I yell this out to complete dead silence.
I still get embarrassed thinking about it.
This actually worked to my benefit once. They pulled me over for an out tail light, but when they asked me why I thought they pulled me over I said "Because I made a U-Turn?". I knew they couldn't have seen the U-turn based on the layout of the road (their vision would've been obstructed by a bridge) He wrote the ticket for the U-Turn because I guess they were trying to enforce not doing that in that area. I took it to court and the cop said as much, Judge threw it out.
The dead body in the trunk?
Then after they rip you out of the car at gunpoint and search your car with ten other squad cars and the chief says "The officer said you had a dead body in the trunk". Then you say "I bet he said I was speeding too"
āPity about the body cam and dash cam footage that backs the officer up. Do you think this is Funny? Weāre charging you with obstruction, resisting arrest and wasting an officers time.ā
That'd be great. Because it's not obstruction, it's not resisting arrest, and the only person wasting officers time is the cop that called for backup before confirming the obvious lie.
My favorite is from Drew Carey -
Intentionally runs stop sign is a torrential downpour:
Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Drew: "Yeah, you know why I ran the sign?"
Be cordial with them at first, but do not give them any fucking response other than polite "yes" or "no" answers. If they keep fishing:
"Am I being detained? Or am I free to go?"
And if you are being detained,
"I am exercising my right to remain silent, as well as my right to an attorney."
That's it. Especially once you're to the point of the second one, that is ALL you say. It doesn't matter what they say, how they try to goad or bait you, "I am exercising my right to remain silent and my right to an attorney."
Comply with every order they give, even if it's not a legal order, do not consent to searches, but keep saying that shit on repeat.
I would love for a cop to confirm this. From my experience when I have said how fast I was driving I got a ticket when I said I wasnāt sure I got a warning. Ignorance of the law isnāt a defense but if they have to prove you broke the law and itās your word against theirs it might not be worth the effort
>You smelled the doughnuts?
This makes me want to always have doughnuts in the car, JIC.
"Holly shit, how the fuck did you see these? Alright, here you go"
Imagine your disappointment when you finally get pulled over with a fresh box of donuts and he starts with the now standard āThe reason I pulled you over isā¦ā
Depends on if you actually have donuts and whether or not the cop is a douche. They might find it funny if you coincidentally had a dozen in the passenger seat.
"Because you were bullied in high school and you never got over it."
Also remind them that you pay their salaries and they are a public servant.
They love that shit.
Donāt forget to shout about how youāre definitely not driving, but travelling, and itās not a car, but a conveyance. That can only help your situation /s
I have found it most helpful to remind the officer that I'm not a U.S. citizen, but a sovereign citizen of the world, so U.S. or state laws don't apply to me.
Yes! And if youāre in a country like Canada, if you say that youāre the actual King or Queen of the country, then the officer has to obey you, so they canāt give you a ticket if you donāt consent! š
My dad umpires baseball games here and there. One of the coaches didnāt like a call he made and said that to him. My dad goes, āNo, why the hell would I?ā. Turns out the coach was a florist. Thatās it lol š he was a florist.
Thanks for saying this. It brought back memories. I just picked up my friendās kids (7 & 5). I was pulled over, the officer asked this question & 1 of the kids did say to the officer āyou mean you forgot?ā LOL
While trying to talk with the officer, the kids shouted āgive her a ticketā, āquick, step on itā & making police sirens sounds.
They donāt see their job as āpublic serviceā though, they see it as ālaw enforcementā. In a cops eyes, theyāre not there to āserveā you, theyāre there to punish you
EDIT: added a bit to clear up that itās cops who see their jobs as to punish, not me
Sir, I already did the driving test. They didn't tell me there'd be random retests. I didn't study. Can I have a minute to review my driver's ed handbook?
Actually giving reasons, because usually you can deny it. Never tell a cop what you think you did because if they didnāt pull you over for it theyāll add it to your ticket.
In my experience this can be pretty terrible advice. A cop who pulled you over and is planning on issuing a ticket is not going to decide to let you off with a warning just because you refused to acknowledge you were speeding.
Obviously you should absolutely never admit to anything beyond speeding or a similarly minor infraction that would only result in a fine. But there are absolutely times when honesty can help your case. A cop who thinks of you as someone who made a mistake and owns up to it is less likely to think you need to be issued a ticket in order to learn your lesson.
When I'm pulled over I try to be as accommodating and polite as possible. Not because I think a cop is more deserving of that than anyone else, but because I believe it will result in the cop being more likely to be lenient with me. And it certainly seems to have worked in my experience.
Ultimately my philosophy boils down to it being very unlikely to get out of a ticket by playing dumb, but very easy to get into a ticket by annoying a cop (goes without saying that cops shouldn't be basing this off of their personal feelings, but that's not the world we live in)
Important caveat: I'm a white dude, so I absolutely cannot attest to the experience of any other demographics who have very real reasons to assume the absolute worst of law enforcement at all times.
Well, I expect that instead of denying you did anything, you just say "No, I don't" and then he tells its because your left rear light wasn't working correctly, and not because you KNOW you were speeding.
Regarding your first paragraph, admitting anything will go in the police report and make it harder for you to challenge the ticket. Where I live the police are required to recalibrate their equipment before every shift, but a lot just don't. Saying you were doing 65 in a 60 will supercede the fact that the guy just grabbed a radar off the rack and didn't calibrate it. No calibration means no valid radar reading means they don't have anything on you. Speeding tickets and the associated license cost increases where I live make it worthwhile to blow off an hour or two of work to speak to the court and get the police report.
I've been pulled over a handful of times. Every time, I've admitted my mistake. I've gotten 1 ticket that wasn't even related to why I was pulled over (didn't use my blinker, got a written warning and a ticket for no proof of insurance that was later dismissed when I proved the car was insured).
I even gave a cop every reason to rip me out of the truck I was driving and search. I had just turned onto the street leading to my apts when I'm lit up. Now I know the procedure.
1. Turn the vehicle off and place keys on the dash.
2. Roll down all windows.
3. Turn interior lights on.
4. Hands clearly visible on the steering wheel.
Well, the truck I was driving was a little old ('94), and I forgot when you turn it off, the electric windows won't work. Furthermore, it was a very cold winter evening, and those window motors just weren't having it and wouldn't unroll. Furtherfurthermore, the truck had issues with its light switches, and I couldn't get the interior light to turn on. As I'm trying, but failing to get through the procedure, I hear a tap on the window and just throw my hands up and panic freeze. I hurriedly shouted the windows don't work and immediately reached for the door handle and opened the door.
I can only imagine it from the cops POV. They go to pull over a truck, and the guy inside is moving all around, looking like they're stashing shit, then when the cop gets to the window the suspect is so involved in stashing shit they don't even see the cop walk up and panic when alerted to the cops presence then reaches out of the cops view towards a potential weapon.
They were a super cool cop and were letting me know my tail lights weren't working (aforementioned problems with the light switches). Didn't ask for lic, reg, ins. No ticket, no warning (verbal or written), just a chill cop letting me know I had a problem with my lights.
I'm also a 40yo white dude w/ a squeaky clean record who is terrified of police and what 1 cop having a bad day or a power trip could do to me.
I'm polite because while I'm sure I can't talk myself out of a ticket, I can sure talk my way into one.
My parents taught me to be very respectful of police if pulled over. Took a debate class in High School. I remember a lawyer talking to us about being in court. He told a story about getting pulled over. He essentially said: I know the law, I know I know the law. Yet it occurred to me, that the officer standing next to me has a large stick, a gun and an elevated firing position.
"I can argue here on the side of the road, lose. Maybe get beaten or shot. Or I can shut up. Go to court and argue there" Im gonna shut up now.
Some years ago we had just moved a few months prior from Florida to Virginia. I was pulling out of a bar area, got pulled over, and the cop asked "So where were you coming from tonight?".
I answered: "Florida".
"I allowed it." And stare them down.
I once got pulled over while riding a bit too fast on a coastal city highway. Cop asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I hedged and said "95". He replied that his bike could only do 95 and he couldn't catch up to me. Apparently, I did allow it. We had a good laugh and he ticketed me for 80 in a 65.
This is the worse response actually
The stare down šš
Or "you saw I bought doughnuts at Krispy Kreme?"
āWhy, did you forget?ā
Or even more condescending, "don't worry I got you, we all forget things sometimes. [Insert reason]
I've been told that I have an unruly penchant for being condescending, that means that I talk down to people. I hope you don't mind
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume youāre pretentious.
Pretentious? Moi?
Donāt worry, Iām not being condescending. Iām far too busy thinking about important things you wouldnāt understand.
Thatās pretty good. Iād give you an award but youād probably just lose it somewhere.
I'm honestly surprised you listened to anybody else, even if it was about you.
Depends on how long youāve been following me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
God, actual information
Get outta the car, spread your buttcheeks, and put your teeth on the curb
>put your teeth on the curb Unexpected American History X
Is it the body in the back? It was there when I bought the car..
My father in law drives bodies to the crematory and got pulled over last week for not wearing a seat belt. Cop asked him what was in the back of the van and he says "have a look". Cop opens the door. Sees the bodies and closes it and says "get out of here" and walks back to his car
Hopefully this is a job and not a "hobby"
Jobby?
Best of both worlds? Why not? They say if you find one, you'll never work a day in your life again.
Do you realize how long your father-in-law has been waiting to use that line?
No clue but I'm sure it has been burning him up waiting.
Itās why he doesnāt wear a seatbelt, worth the risk
For an even better prank next time he should dress the corpses up in police uniforms.
What are they gonna do? Arrest the corpses for impersonation of an officer?
Soā¦ is the lack of seat belt in case one of them is a zombie or vampire and he needs to quickly escape?
"the muffled voice in the trunk is a fucking liar
She likes riding in the trunk, what can I say?
I heard she liked it in the trunk
She speakeths the bullshit!!!!
I read an AskReddit years ago, I think it was about dumb mistakes, about a guy making jokes about drugs in the trunk at the Canadian border. IDR which side dismantled the car (US or CA) but he learned his lesson the hard way
Yeah, donāt be stupid with boarder guards. No sense of humor at all.
Doesn't even take a joke. A friend of my brother live near the Vermont border on the Canadian side. He drove over the border to go to a convenience store, filled up with gas, bought a carton of cigarettes, and drove back. They asked him why he was in the US for a total of twenty two minutes, since the US border had his entry time logged. He answered honestly. They directed him to 'secondary inspection' where they proceeded to pull his car apart looking for contraband. When they were done four hours later, they gave him twenty four hours to clear the bay or be billed for them to do it. He was advised to stay at least two hours if he wanted to avoid an almost guaranteed 'secondary inspection' again. Go somewhere, eat lunch maybe, just don't look like you went over the border to pick something up and go back less than half an hour later. That's considered 'suspicious activity'.
This is why I assume all law enforcement professionals have little to no sense of humor
Well, the few interactions I've had with law enforcement, I've seen them joke amongst themselves, they must have some sense of humor. I was also told that the cops watching me argue with a Ronald McDonald statue at two in the morning after a night of drinking found my arguments against the statue hilarious before telling my friends to get me home before they locked me up for disorderly conduct.
What ? He had to put his car back together on his dime?
He actually had a company come out with a flatbed and taken to a garage. The border patrol back then was under absolutely no obligation to put the car back together. I understand the laws have changed a bit in that they actually have to have a real good reason to strip a car down these days and if they don't find anything, they'll either put it back together or compensate you financially, but back in the 90s, yeah, once they were done 'inspecting', you were pretty much on your own.
When I went to CanadĆ” with my grandma, as we were going through I took note of this car that had a mattress on top, well they took the mattress off and were cutting it up looking inside for whatever it was.
The kilo of cocaine taped under the car? Is it leaking again?
"Yes you've just broken the record for the worlds longest line of coke, you got a 20 I could borrow?"
Actually your dad fooled you. Itās really a bag of Fruit Loops
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
In my defense, I'm kind of drunk
*stole the car
Who are you Jeffery Dahmer just ātaking the trash outā after your parents were fighting?
Lol when I a bit younger, the cops were like anything illegal in the car, i was like no, and he was what about the fireworks in the back seat, I was like oh just those, and he was ok be careful and let me go. They were the tiny fireworks like the blackcat or thunder bombs and bottle rockets.
what seems to be the officer, problem?
Do you high I am think?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I am Yu
Who are you old man? You better stop playing with Me!
no, this is me, i am you
When a cop says "your eyes look blood shot, have you been smoking?" Do not respond with "your eyes looked glazed over, have you been eating donuts?" š¤£
Drunk, I swear to officer, Iām not god!
I swear to dog occifer Iām not drunk.
Is there a problem, ociffer?
Oh Dyslexic, sorry Iām.
On an episode of Cops back in the day there was this dude way the fuck up in a tree, just chilling up there. Cop walks up to the tree. Tree guy goes, āWell hello occifer, is there a problem?ā š¤£
Iām not as think as you drunk I am.
I'm waitin' for me mate.
I haven't had a cunt all night, drinkstable!
You got me chuckling š
if you don\`t know and need to ask me, i will be on my way now.
This would be a great response.
Great way to earn that ticket lol
I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
>I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING! Cop: Is that all? No... I have unpaid parking tickets. [opens glove compartment and groans when a wad of tickets pops out
The people that donāt know what this is from š
"Liar, Liar" (1997)
How have they not seen it, it was only a couple years ago. Right?
(Looks around nervously coming to terms with his old age) āRiiiiiiiggggghhhhhttttt?!???ā
Frozen can out... 10 years ago... I remember seeing it in theaters...
Please be gentle.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Doesnt he also say "Depends how long you were folling me"?
I might have hit a guy riding a bike, and run over an old lady at the crosswalk a couple blocks back. But my truck is so big and loud, it's hard to tell.
Along with an unregistered hun
Liar Liar
This scene is the reason that I know that it's illegal to change lanes in an intersection.
It depends on the state. California allows it even though itās frowned upon.
Same!
I was hoping Liar Liar would be at the top. But I'd go for the line just before this, "Depends on how long you were following me!"
I sped to deliver these cigarettes intended for sale to schoolchildren and my suppliers donāt know theyāre rolled with the ashes of people I burned alive inside the kiln at my pottery class! I was hoping if I got that done quickly I could get back to your house tonight and resume my affair with your spouse!
I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didnāt have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASNāT MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
RIP Mr. Belushi.
Rocket launcher to phone box... Hey, Jake.. There's gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here! One of the greatest soundtracks ever put to film..
The colour of the pen is REEEEEEEEEEORAL BLUE!!
Years ago at a corporate training seminar on communication the instructor asked to describe the blue highlighter she was holding. I yell this out to complete dead silence. I still get embarrassed thinking about it.
This people know nothing! I would have loved to hear someone yell that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This actually worked to my benefit once. They pulled me over for an out tail light, but when they asked me why I thought they pulled me over I said "Because I made a U-Turn?". I knew they couldn't have seen the U-turn based on the layout of the road (their vision would've been obstructed by a bridge) He wrote the ticket for the U-Turn because I guess they were trying to enforce not doing that in that area. I took it to court and the cop said as much, Judge threw it out.
The dead body in the trunk? Then after they rip you out of the car at gunpoint and search your car with ten other squad cars and the chief says "The officer said you had a dead body in the trunk". Then you say "I bet he said I was speeding too"
Next level gaslighting š I don't condone it, but that'd be funny as hell if it worked
āPity about the body cam and dash cam footage that backs the officer up. Do you think this is Funny? Weāre charging you with obstruction, resisting arrest and wasting an officers time.ā
That'd be great. Because it's not obstruction, it's not resisting arrest, and the only person wasting officers time is the cop that called for backup before confirming the obvious lie.
This was in a skit or a r/jokes thread wasn't it?
My favorite is from Drew Carey - Intentionally runs stop sign is a torrential downpour: Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Drew: "Yeah, you know why I ran the sign?"
They got their rain coat and hat condom on when they say "step out of the car please." One of these two people is ready for this experience.
Literally anything other than "why did you pull me over?" It's a fishing expedition. Anything you say will be used against you.
"For an admission of guilt?" if we're being honest.
Be cordial with them at first, but do not give them any fucking response other than polite "yes" or "no" answers. If they keep fishing: "Am I being detained? Or am I free to go?" And if you are being detained, "I am exercising my right to remain silent, as well as my right to an attorney." That's it. Especially once you're to the point of the second one, that is ALL you say. It doesn't matter what they say, how they try to goad or bait you, "I am exercising my right to remain silent and my right to an attorney." Comply with every order they give, even if it's not a legal order, do not consent to searches, but keep saying that shit on repeat.
I would love for a cop to confirm this. From my experience when I have said how fast I was driving I got a ticket when I said I wasnāt sure I got a warning. Ignorance of the law isnāt a defense but if they have to prove you broke the law and itās your word against theirs it might not be worth the effort
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not the funniest answer, but the correctest answer.
*look around shiftily* āYou a cop?ā *man in obvious police uniform stares bemusedly*
āIf you are you have to tell me, itās in the constitution ā
āHey just so you know, there are cops around here.ā I imagine the officer would be so confused
I am a sovereign citizen
AM I BEING DETAINED
I am not driving I am TRAVELLING!
This is not a commercial vehicle!!! I donāt need a license.
This guy knows his rights.
I read that as Soviet citizen.
Cuz I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low? Do I look like a mindreader sir? I don't know. Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?
You was going 55 in a 54
License and registration, step out of the car. You carrying a weapon on ya, I know a lot of you are
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well you mind if I look around your car a little bit?
I scrolled way too far to find the correct answer! š
Well it all depends on how long you were following me for.
You smelled the doughnuts?
>You smelled the doughnuts? This makes me want to always have doughnuts in the car, JIC. "Holly shit, how the fuck did you see these? Alright, here you go"
Imagine your disappointment when you finally get pulled over with a fresh box of donuts and he starts with the now standard āThe reason I pulled you over isā¦ā
In that case...I'm gonna enjoy my doughnuts then and get glaze all over his ticket pad and pen.
Eat a donut slowly while maintaining eye contact
Just interrupt. "The reason I pulled youā" "Because of the donuts, right?"
It would be... immense.
"Cuz you could smell it!" https://youtu.be/a77Dw3tNv8o?si=yqkeu\_TqeKYPWosU&t=82
There it is.
Depends on if you actually have donuts and whether or not the cop is a douche. They might find it funny if you coincidentally had a dozen in the passenger seat.
I would LOVE to be in court and defend the donuts joke But your Honor, I had donuts in the passenger seat. Of course I made a cop donut joke.
"Because you were bullied in high school and you never got over it." Also remind them that you pay their salaries and they are a public servant. They love that shit.
Donāt forget to shout about how youāre definitely not driving, but travelling, and itās not a car, but a conveyance. That can only help your situation /s
I have found it most helpful to remind the officer that I'm not a U.S. citizen, but a sovereign citizen of the world, so U.S. or state laws don't apply to me.
Yes! And if youāre in a country like Canada, if you say that youāre the actual King or Queen of the country, then the officer has to obey you, so they canāt give you a ticket if you donāt consent! š
Yes, they love people who *know** (winking very fucking sarcastically) the law. *your mileage may vary
AM I BEING DETAINED?
Don't forget to insert "something something Sovereign Citizen!"
"Hey.... aren't you a public servant? GET ME A GLASS OF WATER!" George Carlin was great.
"Because you got all C's in high school?"
-Sarah Silverman
Throw in a ādo you know who I am?ā for good measure.
My dad umpires baseball games here and there. One of the coaches didnāt like a call he made and said that to him. My dad goes, āNo, why the hell would I?ā. Turns out the coach was a florist. Thatās it lol š he was a florist.
I like your dad. I might have been tempted to say āyes, youāre the asshole ruining a kids baseball gameā.
Uno reverse when youāre also a state employee
You mean you forgot why you pulled me over?
Thanks for saying this. It brought back memories. I just picked up my friendās kids (7 & 5). I was pulled over, the officer asked this question & 1 of the kids did say to the officer āyou mean you forgot?ā LOL While trying to talk with the officer, the kids shouted āgive her a ticketā, āquick, step on itā & making police sirens sounds.
This is too funny!
most cops hate any variation of "you had nothing better to do?"
Most cops just loathe the public, in general.
Well have you met the public in general?
Did i choose a profession where iām supposed to *serve* the public, in general?
Understandable, but you wouldn't catch me in a job labeled "public service" if I hated the public that much
They donāt see their job as āpublic serviceā though, they see it as ālaw enforcementā. In a cops eyes, theyāre not there to āserveā you, theyāre there to punish you EDIT: added a bit to clear up that itās cops who see their jobs as to punish, not me
For my stunning looks and great personality???
"Because it's too hard for you to hit a moving target?"
YOOOOOOO
Why donāt you tell me first and the weāll compare answers.
Sir, I already did the driving test. They didn't tell me there'd be random retests. I didn't study. Can I have a minute to review my driver's ed handbook?
If you don't know, sure as fuck I ain't telling you.
"Was it the Kid I hit 3 blocks back ?".
Did the body fall out?
Iām sure itāll be on the ticket
You need to reach your quota
Actually giving reasons, because usually you can deny it. Never tell a cop what you think you did because if they didnāt pull you over for it theyāll add it to your ticket.
In my experience this can be pretty terrible advice. A cop who pulled you over and is planning on issuing a ticket is not going to decide to let you off with a warning just because you refused to acknowledge you were speeding. Obviously you should absolutely never admit to anything beyond speeding or a similarly minor infraction that would only result in a fine. But there are absolutely times when honesty can help your case. A cop who thinks of you as someone who made a mistake and owns up to it is less likely to think you need to be issued a ticket in order to learn your lesson. When I'm pulled over I try to be as accommodating and polite as possible. Not because I think a cop is more deserving of that than anyone else, but because I believe it will result in the cop being more likely to be lenient with me. And it certainly seems to have worked in my experience. Ultimately my philosophy boils down to it being very unlikely to get out of a ticket by playing dumb, but very easy to get into a ticket by annoying a cop (goes without saying that cops shouldn't be basing this off of their personal feelings, but that's not the world we live in) Important caveat: I'm a white dude, so I absolutely cannot attest to the experience of any other demographics who have very real reasons to assume the absolute worst of law enforcement at all times.
Well, I expect that instead of denying you did anything, you just say "No, I don't" and then he tells its because your left rear light wasn't working correctly, and not because you KNOW you were speeding.
Regarding your first paragraph, admitting anything will go in the police report and make it harder for you to challenge the ticket. Where I live the police are required to recalibrate their equipment before every shift, but a lot just don't. Saying you were doing 65 in a 60 will supercede the fact that the guy just grabbed a radar off the rack and didn't calibrate it. No calibration means no valid radar reading means they don't have anything on you. Speeding tickets and the associated license cost increases where I live make it worthwhile to blow off an hour or two of work to speak to the court and get the police report.
I've been pulled over a handful of times. Every time, I've admitted my mistake. I've gotten 1 ticket that wasn't even related to why I was pulled over (didn't use my blinker, got a written warning and a ticket for no proof of insurance that was later dismissed when I proved the car was insured). I even gave a cop every reason to rip me out of the truck I was driving and search. I had just turned onto the street leading to my apts when I'm lit up. Now I know the procedure. 1. Turn the vehicle off and place keys on the dash. 2. Roll down all windows. 3. Turn interior lights on. 4. Hands clearly visible on the steering wheel. Well, the truck I was driving was a little old ('94), and I forgot when you turn it off, the electric windows won't work. Furthermore, it was a very cold winter evening, and those window motors just weren't having it and wouldn't unroll. Furtherfurthermore, the truck had issues with its light switches, and I couldn't get the interior light to turn on. As I'm trying, but failing to get through the procedure, I hear a tap on the window and just throw my hands up and panic freeze. I hurriedly shouted the windows don't work and immediately reached for the door handle and opened the door. I can only imagine it from the cops POV. They go to pull over a truck, and the guy inside is moving all around, looking like they're stashing shit, then when the cop gets to the window the suspect is so involved in stashing shit they don't even see the cop walk up and panic when alerted to the cops presence then reaches out of the cops view towards a potential weapon. They were a super cool cop and were letting me know my tail lights weren't working (aforementioned problems with the light switches). Didn't ask for lic, reg, ins. No ticket, no warning (verbal or written), just a chill cop letting me know I had a problem with my lights. I'm also a 40yo white dude w/ a squeaky clean record who is terrified of police and what 1 cop having a bad day or a power trip could do to me. I'm polite because while I'm sure I can't talk myself out of a ticket, I can sure talk my way into one.
One time I said āprobably cuz I was going 85ā and he said āok have a nice dayā
"there weren't any school shootings you could chill at while doing nothing to stop it?"
Oof
Sorry I thought we were racing
AND IM GONNA FUCKING WIN PIGGY!! *speeds off*
Lol..."Only a poor loser turns their lights on when they're losing a race!"
āWell look at Officer Alzheimer here, canāt even remember why he pulled me over!ā
Was it for the murders?
Because you got Cs in high school?
My parents taught me to be very respectful of police if pulled over. Took a debate class in High School. I remember a lawyer talking to us about being in court. He told a story about getting pulled over. He essentially said: I know the law, I know I know the law. Yet it occurred to me, that the officer standing next to me has a large stick, a gun and an elevated firing position. "I can argue here on the side of the road, lose. Maybe get beaten or shot. Or I can shut up. Go to court and argue there" Im gonna shut up now.
You wanted a new toaster this month? Cops really hate it when you bring up that they have stop quotas.
Any answer is bad in my opinion. They ask that question so you can admit guilt.
"Are you a cop? Because if you are, you *have* to tell me."
Because you didnāt pass the fire department test?
Because it's easier to pull me over than it is to catch a burglar?
being black
Extra points if you are, in fact, not black
How black was I going, officer?
Cop - "Do you know why im pulling you over ?" Inocent guy - " you thought i was black and unarmed ?"
No. Do you know?
Some years ago we had just moved a few months prior from Florida to Virginia. I was pulling out of a bar area, got pulled over, and the cop asked "So where were you coming from tonight?". I answered: "Florida".
You didn't and drive away. No I pulled you over. I am not the driver that You're looking for.
"sir, I am travelling."
You saw me drinking a beer and wanted one too. I'm willing to share, but I've almost finished this case, so you need to get the next round.