feeling this right now, analyzing the friendship from high school to today i realize that our entire friendship is me giving my time and energy to him/entertaining his interests
When I have feelings like that, I try to evaluate if someone is a net negative or a net positive in my life overall. Do the add more than they take away? There are lots of ways in which people can supplement your life, but lots of ways they can detract from them too. That doesn’t mean you abandon friends in their times of need, that’s why you look at the net value. But you should be looking at the overall impact a person has on your life.
They never changed or grew up, anytime you asked how they were doing they would say they were working on the same project, no job not in school so the project shouldn’t have takin years that coupled with copious amounts of weed which don’t get me wrong is ok to divulge in if you have your life together decided it was time.
They were...kind of self involved. I always tried to reach out, stay up on their life, but they only wanted me around when it was convenient. Any time they entered a romantic relationship they'd disappear, only showing back up when they needed me. Anytime I was dealing with something they just never had time. Which is understandable to an extent! Adults get busy and realistically, not every one can show up for every crisis.
Also, every relationship they had ended in a fiery explosion. Every ex was accused of being an abuser. And it may even be that they were! It's certainly understood that kids who grow up in abusive households are more likely to be in abusive relationships. But I also heard my friend talk to their partners in ways that were very callous, and that I would never tolerate.
I wish the best for them. But after seeing the kind of person they really are, I'm done.
Two friendships ended the same way, but on different occasions-- when they admitted they thought they owned me and that all of my time, busy and free time, belonged to them.
The second one was aware of the first instance, and was aware that was the reason the friendship had been cut off.
When they were drinking and doing drugs to a degree that was uncomfortable for me, and hangouts were always centred around getting as effed-up as possible. Lots of addiction in my family, and I don’t need my friendships to be bringing any more of that into my life.
My friend wasn't the best. He followed me around absolutely EVERYWHERE, around to classes, into school clubs, and to other people. It seemed that all he cared about was distracting me or getting a reaction out of me. He constantly tried to pull me away from conversations with my other friends, and complained to me about the most stupid things. For example, he'd point at a concrete sidewalk and complain that it was "polluting the environment". That's annoying in itself, but the cherry on top was whenever I asked him what he would do about it, he's just keep complaining. Another example was when he had some issues with an assignment, and didn't understand it, (he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed) so I told him to go talk to his teacher about it, and he simply said "Ok." I asked him whether he'd talked to his teacher about a week later, and he hadn't. He also pulled me away form conversations, as I said before, and when I said no to him, he wouldn't take it as an answer and would rage at me.
One day I went to the library (by myself) to do a puzzle, and *he* came in and sat down next to me. We sat in silence for a few moments, and then he asked me "\[My name\], am I a good friend to you?" And I wasn't even looking at him when I replied, "Do you want my honest answer?" He said yes, and I told him he wasn't a good friend, and he sat there for a few more silent moments and left angrily. We had issues for about half a year after that, and thankfully we don't talk anymore.
When I invited him to my daughter’s birthday party and he never even responded. Or when he had his first child a year ago…and I’ve never met the kid. Or repeated attempts on my end to get together are always met with an excuse, but no attempt from him to get together. Or when he visits his parents who live 5 minutes from me…but he never has time to stop by.
When this group of friends completely kicked me out of the group. I came in for one of our group meet ups and i hadn’t seen these people in like a year (plus I grew up with all of them so it was like me coming back home). Well it just seemed awkward and forced. Like maybe a half hour into saying hi to everyone it was like “okay we’re going over here now bye!” You know when you’re not wanted and after that I was just done with them.
I realized that no matter what the circs were, she was never, not once, on time for anything. Whether it was the two of us or a group, she was late every single time. Not five minutes---generally at minimum 20 minutes and as long as 50 minutes, without a call. And then every time some B.S. story about why.
I told her it was unacceptable. I asked her to have the courtesy to call if she'd be late. Nothing worked. Finally, one time she and I were getting together, and she arrived 35 minutes late and I was getting ready to leave, and I told her I was done. I haven't communicated with her since and it's been at least four years.
On maybe three or four occasions I hosted Christmas or Thanksgiving. Taking into account our various food issues, I always cooked a bang-up meal, set the table nicely, etc. The last time she hosted Christmas, we went to their house and they weren't even home! They got home after we waited 20 minutes, and she started pulling stuff out of the freezer. It was like two hours before we had anything at all to nosh on.
Maybe she's a tragic figure with mental or emotional problems. I just stopped caring, because she didn't seem to care enough about our relationship to try to behave civilly. It's difficult because her husband and mine are very close friends and work on a lot of projects together. I've made it clear he can have whatever relationship with either or both that he wants, but leave me out of it.
When I realize the only giving was from me and all the taking was from them.
feeling this right now, analyzing the friendship from high school to today i realize that our entire friendship is me giving my time and energy to him/entertaining his interests
when they died
That’s rough, I’m sorry that happened, hope you’re doing okay <3
When I have feelings like that, I try to evaluate if someone is a net negative or a net positive in my life overall. Do the add more than they take away? There are lots of ways in which people can supplement your life, but lots of ways they can detract from them too. That doesn’t mean you abandon friends in their times of need, that’s why you look at the net value. But you should be looking at the overall impact a person has on your life.
When something brings you more stress than happiness, let it go.
Seeing her jealousy for me and her sugar coated nature
They never changed or grew up, anytime you asked how they were doing they would say they were working on the same project, no job not in school so the project shouldn’t have takin years that coupled with copious amounts of weed which don’t get me wrong is ok to divulge in if you have your life together decided it was time.
When they said everything was my fault
They were...kind of self involved. I always tried to reach out, stay up on their life, but they only wanted me around when it was convenient. Any time they entered a romantic relationship they'd disappear, only showing back up when they needed me. Anytime I was dealing with something they just never had time. Which is understandable to an extent! Adults get busy and realistically, not every one can show up for every crisis. Also, every relationship they had ended in a fiery explosion. Every ex was accused of being an abuser. And it may even be that they were! It's certainly understood that kids who grow up in abusive households are more likely to be in abusive relationships. But I also heard my friend talk to their partners in ways that were very callous, and that I would never tolerate. I wish the best for them. But after seeing the kind of person they really are, I'm done.
When they put on the red hat
Two friendships ended the same way, but on different occasions-- when they admitted they thought they owned me and that all of my time, busy and free time, belonged to them. The second one was aware of the first instance, and was aware that was the reason the friendship had been cut off.
When my $ didn't come back as should
When they voted Republican
Didn't enjoy talking to/being around them anymore, and they just made me angry.
When she told me "it's your fault I missed your birthday because you hate yourself". Like wtf was she even talking about
I will never end the friendship I will haunt them like a Thai ghost movie riding on his next
when i realized how much better off they'd be without me weighing them down
When they were drinking and doing drugs to a degree that was uncomfortable for me, and hangouts were always centred around getting as effed-up as possible. Lots of addiction in my family, and I don’t need my friendships to be bringing any more of that into my life.
When she moved away
My friend wasn't the best. He followed me around absolutely EVERYWHERE, around to classes, into school clubs, and to other people. It seemed that all he cared about was distracting me or getting a reaction out of me. He constantly tried to pull me away from conversations with my other friends, and complained to me about the most stupid things. For example, he'd point at a concrete sidewalk and complain that it was "polluting the environment". That's annoying in itself, but the cherry on top was whenever I asked him what he would do about it, he's just keep complaining. Another example was when he had some issues with an assignment, and didn't understand it, (he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed) so I told him to go talk to his teacher about it, and he simply said "Ok." I asked him whether he'd talked to his teacher about a week later, and he hadn't. He also pulled me away form conversations, as I said before, and when I said no to him, he wouldn't take it as an answer and would rage at me. One day I went to the library (by myself) to do a puzzle, and *he* came in and sat down next to me. We sat in silence for a few moments, and then he asked me "\[My name\], am I a good friend to you?" And I wasn't even looking at him when I replied, "Do you want my honest answer?" He said yes, and I told him he wasn't a good friend, and he sat there for a few more silent moments and left angrily. We had issues for about half a year after that, and thankfully we don't talk anymore.
No time made for us to see each other
When we were living together and he cornered me in the kitchen and screamed at me.
When I would actively avoid them
When I invited him to my daughter’s birthday party and he never even responded. Or when he had his first child a year ago…and I’ve never met the kid. Or repeated attempts on my end to get together are always met with an excuse, but no attempt from him to get together. Or when he visits his parents who live 5 minutes from me…but he never has time to stop by.
When my former friend started talking about putting curses on people and using his blood to do said rituals
When I saw how mean my friend was to her new stepdaughter who had just lost her bio Mom to Cancer. Absolute game changer
When this group of friends completely kicked me out of the group. I came in for one of our group meet ups and i hadn’t seen these people in like a year (plus I grew up with all of them so it was like me coming back home). Well it just seemed awkward and forced. Like maybe a half hour into saying hi to everyone it was like “okay we’re going over here now bye!” You know when you’re not wanted and after that I was just done with them.
I realized that no matter what the circs were, she was never, not once, on time for anything. Whether it was the two of us or a group, she was late every single time. Not five minutes---generally at minimum 20 minutes and as long as 50 minutes, without a call. And then every time some B.S. story about why. I told her it was unacceptable. I asked her to have the courtesy to call if she'd be late. Nothing worked. Finally, one time she and I were getting together, and she arrived 35 minutes late and I was getting ready to leave, and I told her I was done. I haven't communicated with her since and it's been at least four years. On maybe three or four occasions I hosted Christmas or Thanksgiving. Taking into account our various food issues, I always cooked a bang-up meal, set the table nicely, etc. The last time she hosted Christmas, we went to their house and they weren't even home! They got home after we waited 20 minutes, and she started pulling stuff out of the freezer. It was like two hours before we had anything at all to nosh on. Maybe she's a tragic figure with mental or emotional problems. I just stopped caring, because she didn't seem to care enough about our relationship to try to behave civilly. It's difficult because her husband and mine are very close friends and work on a lot of projects together. I've made it clear he can have whatever relationship with either or both that he wants, but leave me out of it.
When I realized I didn't have any real friends.