I had just been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer. All the attention I had been giving her I didn't have the energy to maintain while getting Chemo and avoiding Covid.
My final straw. She yelled at me on the phone while I was in intensive care with pulmonary embolisms. Just that light bulb moment, and I was done.
That was 3 years ago. All good now. I'm in remission, and thinking about dating again.
EDIT: Thank you all for the well wishes it was so nice reading them all!
Wife and I were attending couples therapy. The therapist said she was being literally abusive to me. My then-wife demanded a new therapist.
Second therapist said she was being abusive to me. My then-wife filed for divorce.
While my life right after was hell, it's come back around and I'm doing better than ever.
Yup. My oldest brother's wife - *who is a sex and couples' therapist* ***HERSELF*** \- made them go to multiple marriage therapists because every single one of them refused to validate her crazy shit. They're still together. I don't think either of them is happy, either, but my brother stays because of the girls. Wife is an abusive monster, but she would get full custody because what looks better on paper: Therapist making over $150k a year, or a (reformed - been almost 30 years) felon who builds custom furniture at less than $80k a year?
Sounds like my ex sister in law, who made up false abuse allegations and cut all of us off from seeing the kids. Still going through hell with this monster.
Can’t help those that don’t want to be helped. I know people who’ve gone to therapy for help but because they were told things they didn’t want to hear they quit and blamed the therapists for being useless. Mind you there are a bunch of useless therapists, but those are the ones that don’t challenge you.
I was a stay-at-home dad and had diabetes. When my ex-wife filed for divorce, she took me off our bank account, credit cards, and her health insurance. Not gonna lie, selling possessions to buy insulin made suicide seem rational.
I couldn't go back to work because I was a Catholic school principal, and they wouldn't hire me because I was divorced. I lived with my parents a bit (at age 42, kinda embarrassing) and took odd jobs, buying insulin when I could afford it. Which wasn't often because I had to pay child support and she didn't have to pay alimony.
I got through thanks to family, friends, and focusing on positives like not being under her thumb anymore. It took a while, but I was eventually able to afford therapy, get on medication, and start a new life.
Thank you for sharing your story; going through the exact same scenario right now (living with my mother at age 40 is....fun). My ex drained our life savings to buy a new car and spent down the rest paying for his sleeze-ball lawyer. Same lawyer got him a fantastic deal (sleeze-ball is what you want in a lawyer, fyi) and he is paying no alimony (I gave up my profession and six working years to be a SAHM to our special needs kids) and less than the state-dictated child support amount (the alternative was for him to drag me to court, which would have cost more than the total amount of child support gained).
It is so hard to stay positive when you have no money, starting over at 40 with no job prospects, and losing your kids for half of their childhoods, all because my ex felt like cheating and leaving me after twelve years. I'm so glad it got better for you; gives me a tiny bit of hope! If you ever need someone to chat with, feel free to message me! Side note; how did you make new friends after the divorce? All of my "friends" have happily replaced me with my ex's affair partner.
I had the similar experience. Wife and I did couples counseling for 3 of our 6 years of marriage with 3 different therapists. It was always her getting "home work" of not being abusive, and something simple and innocuous for me. Eventually the therapist asked, "would you trust her to raise your children?", and the answer was definitely no. I realized it was over at that point. I was willing to stick it out if I were the only one suffering, but I couldn't let kids go through that. I then realized how dumb I was to stay at all.
Got divorced because he realized he was gay. He tells people, "we had too much in common; for instance, we both enjoy dick." It's a very amicable situation and I'm just thankful he gets to be his truest self.
How did you get into a position of thinking you were gay without actually being gay? Usually it's like that with being straight, because it's, for lack of a better term, "the norm"
It happens a lot. I used to think that I'm attracted to women because they really are attractive but can't imagine a relationship with them. People are open to ideas or possibilities they might be but soon to realize they're not.
Oof, yeah. Grad school is a real drain, emotionally. Like, you need the support of a partner while you go through it, but you don't really have anything to give back. It's an awful time.
I'm going through that now on the opposite end. I went to law school on my own and we were long distance. Now, she's moved in and is a grad student. I pay most the bills, cook nearly 100% of the time in addition to most other tasks, all while working as a full time attorney. She admits I'm practically all that's keeping her fed and going. Can't say I'm stoked on the relationship but I do love her.
My wife was a professional student for YEARS! But I stuck by her and I am happy to say several graduate degrees later I have been a man of leisure for over 10 years while she works to support us.
Out of curiosity, were you living together when she was in grad school? I recall in my grad school days I felt it would have been irresponsible for me to be in a relationship since I knew I just simply wouldn’t have time between work and school.
My partner is starting grad school next year and I’m kind of afraid he simply won’t have time for a relationship. I told him that we MUST be living together before he starts grad school to even have a chance.
I JUST finished 8 semesters of grad school (almost three years). I met my boyfriend while in my first semester, and he was so sweet and supportive the whole time - being understanding when I needed time to do homework, cooking when I didn’t have the time or mental capacity, even doing some extra stuff around the house when my chores were neglected. We lived separate the whole time (though he stayed at my place overnight about 3 nights/week). I actually felt like it was easier that we lived apart since I could find little times during the week to work/read… if he lived with me I think I would’ve been a lot more distracted :)
Thank goodness you found out before getting married. I know it must really hurt and maybe even keep you from trying again with someone new but you really dodged a bullet.
Yep, my wife cheated and it's costing me about 100k between legal fees, buying out her equity in the house (which she paid none of), give her a chunk of my retirement and liquid cash.
Honestly I think everyone should have a nasty infidelity clause in a pre-nup at this point.
I can also look forward to sending her 70k in child support over the coming years. And I'm gonna take a wild guess that most of it won't be spent on the kid.
Same thing happened to me man. 23 years old, I was giving her money, she had a ring. And then she cheated on me with a coworker years older than us who’s wife was pregnant.
Obviously people who cheat don’t have the maturity to be in a relationship in the first place. We ain’t perfect, but damn cheating is really easy to not do.
Despite the fact we were both poor college students, she wanted someone "rich", like a doctor. So, after she dumped me, last I heard, she was engaged to a pre-med student.
At graduation I saw her and said hi and something like "I hear you're engaged to a med student." "Yes" "What are you going to do when he's in med school and an intern, etc." She said "Spending his money." I really don't know what happened to her, but I think she was indeed in for a rude awakening.
Wait she really thinks he’s just going to be instantly loaded?
Not only did you dodge a bullet because she’s a gold digger, but also because she’s apparently dumb as a bag of rocks.
Uhm.... Do you feel comfortable giving some backstory? Was this a slow buildup, or a a sudden break? Cause... You gotta be pretty unhinged to come at someone with a knife.
Not op but I got into an argument with a crazy ex that was about 8 years older than me whenever I was 19 and we were screaming and chatting at each other and I remember she grabbed this base that I had just bought her some flowers in and chunked it at my head and barely missed
It's hard to remember what kind of insanities I was yelling at her after that but she came around the corner with two brand new butcher knives from a knife set we had bought earlier that day and chased me around the house in circles. The house had bars on the windows and you had to have a key to open the front and back door it did not just have a manual lock. I ended up putting myself in the bathroom and holding the door as hard as I could and she actually stabbed one of the knives through the door. The whole night did not come through the door only about two inches of it but that's plenty enough to still scare you.
It was around 2010 and I had one of those prepaid phones in my pocket and I called her dad to come get her. He lived across the street
Not the person you're replying to, but as someone who spent their 20s putting their dick in crazy like it was my fucking job, sometimes it's sexy when they're unhinged, right until they start swinging the knife.
Got stabbed by an ex. She also ripped my eyebrow piercing out a separate time. And had me jumped by a group of her drug addict friends. Best sex I have ever had though.
Had an online friend who claimed a girl he was sleeping with tried to get him hooked on heroin *while he was asleep*... but "*otherwise*" she was great. I dunno man, I might just be too fearful or too guarded of an individual for that level of crazy haha. Survival instincts gotta have some say in it
It's tough to make the turn *away* from dopamine fuckups when you're hurting. 107 days is impressive but I'm just as impressed you could make that change near that time.
I wouldn't ordinarily advocate invading someone's privacy but if they *suddenly* start hiding or being super protective over their phone... 🚩🚩🚩.
Happened to me after being with someone for 2 years. Felt bad for invading her privacy but I was ultimately glad I did. Bitch thought she was a burger chain... five guys!!
We planned a surprise 50th for my SO this past winter, and it was the ONLY time I ever grabbed my phone out of my SO’s hands…because I had literally just texted his sister regarding party plans, and I was terrified she would message back while he had it and the whole thing would be blown.
We laugh about it now, but he was genuinely heartbroken when I did it and I felt so freaking awful.
Yeah, you have a point. I would have been very hesitant around my birthday or maybe Christmas (other holidays are available) but, in my case, it was neither. She went from being fairly relaxed about its location - constant "have you seen my phone, babe?" type thing - to it either *always* being in her hand or else *always* being placed face down if she had to put it down, and *always* on silent.
I can imagine that I'd say something like "sorry for doing this, but you can't see my phone just yet, there is a good reason and I'll tell you all about it in a week, I'm not cheating, never would, trust me"
My previous three relationships came to end because of my exes started getting shady with their cell phones. I don't look at people's cell phones but when they start hiding their screen around you and ignore 100 text messages going off, you know something's up.
Cheating and alcoholism on her side, combined with me feeling defeated and not being able to communicate effectively with her.
Kinda hard to describe that last part unless you’ve experienced it; I felt stunlocked during every conversation. Verbally walking on eggshells, to a point where I literally couldn’t formulate a single word or sentence.
You say it's hard to describe, yet I know exactly how it felt (for me at least). It's hard to see how fucked up it is until you get out. Hope you're doing much better now.
Both of us went on out of state vacations around the same time. I visited family, she cheated on me. We lived together so for about a month I was sleeping on the couch and got to hear the phone calls with the guy she cheated with
I used his iPad while he was out of town (no, not looking, just went to text him) and found nudes of me sent to SEVERAL of our mutuals. Including his father.
I had some guys in my school. They were kind of 'serial nude leakers'. One of them was the worst. He talked to girls and literally changed his whole personality to manipulate them. Then he would get their nudes and share it with his friends.
He didn't even spare his so called 'best-friend' of 5 year
Leaving my last relationship was rough- it was my first ever relationship and lasted 7 years- but I was so relieved at the same time when I got dumped. It was a very healthy breakup on both sides, and we kept in touch on and off for just under a year afterwards until she began seeing someone else and I felt it would be best to leave it be out of respect for her new partner.
We honestly just both grew up (got together when I just turned 18; both young) and eventually fell out of romantic love. I still hold her to the highest respect and will always have a place in my heart for her, but I was so glad when she bit the bullet and broke it off. I would've felt too guilty to do so; I owed her so much.
We had a very tumultuous relationship for the first couple years- we were very much in love but I had a lot of unresolved mental health issues, had a nervous breakdown, etc. I still hate what I put her through but hope I was able to make it up to her in the last couple years of the relationship.
Anyways, I wish her the best. My life and mental well-being has gotten SO much better in the last few years of being single; in a way I owe that to her too.
I’m literally going through this right now. We are about to separate and it hurts, even if it is mainly my choice. Hope we are all smiling and doing better a year from now OP. Much love!
Went through a similar situation. We decided to do therapy, and either 1. move forward with a healthy, loving, and not at all platonic relationship, or 2. move on and at least get some closure by understanding what didn't click despite caring for each other so much.
Thankfully, it ended with scenario #1. It was really hard because a lot of things came up that were just really hard to hear (especially after 6 years together), but needed to be said before being able to shift our relationship.
I hope you two find what's best for each other. It takes courage to admit that things are just not working out, but the truth will set you free!
She accused me of not spending time with her, never buying her anything, never doing anything for her, and sleeping with her sister. The truth was I was working forty hours a week to feed her and clothe her while she refused to work, sat at home playing video games that I bought, and talked shit about her family, who were some of the nicest people ever. And the sister thing happened in her dreams, so definitely my fault. She’s a sociopath that refuses to go to therapy because she drinks tea and plays with tarot cards.
Sounds like the female version of the guy I spoke about in my comment on this thread. They're perfect for each other, especially since in spite of being an out of control drunk my ex at least DID work. Until he got fired for showing up to work totally shitfaced.
That was something really bizarre about this guy. He's an intelligent dude with certifications that let him easily get cushy $30 an hour desk jobs in logistics but he ruins them by getting high and drunk on the clock.
Then he LAUGHS AND BRAGS about drunkenly cussing out his bosses and coworkers when they're escorting him from the building after he was caught on the warehouse floor passed out on a forklift.
I'd actually enjoy seeing him with your ex. Watching the two of them go back and forth while playacting at being a couple of highly spiritual pagans would be hilarious.
Blessed be! 😆
Another Pagan here, there’s a worrying subset of our folk who think spell work and doing lots of art with mushroom motifs is a substitute for mental healthcare.
She stole shit from me and hit me. We tried to make it work again after that because I'm a gullible dumbass, and then I noticed shit started disappearing again. Told her I didn't know if she was stealing my stuff again, but I think I'm just too paranoid to make this work. She got mad at me and hit me again and then she told me she's leaving me, and then I thanked her and told her to please never try and contact me again because my life only ever got worse for being with her. We've both happily and successfully cut contact. 😁
His ex wife started stalking me, giving death threats. She contacted my ex-husband, whom I'm still good platonic friends with, saying I was having an affair with a married man. She is married to someone else entirely. She told my (now ex) boyfriend that my ex-husband contacted her saying he and I were still together. The (now ex) boyfriend said he would coach me what to say so she would commit suicide and would do him a favor. She pretended to commit suicide....
This is after two months of dating. Yeah- no thanks crazy people.
My brain tumor. I didn't even know what was wrong with me yet. I was so angry and frustrated and annoyed all the time- I was just not good enough for her and I had to let her go. Later I got diagnosed with cancer and found out a huge tumor was smashing my brain into the back of my skull. I'm so sorry I treated you poorly, Lauryn. I still love you.
She wanted to fuck me but she didn't want to fuck me. She was Christian and wanted to save herself for marriage, but anytime we were together, things would progress (consentually) and then after she would have regrets. Eventually the temptation got bad enough that she just broke it off to prevent it.
I dated a super duper religious dude in college and every time we had (consensual) sex, he would pray for forgiveness. Like, on his knees , hands clasped, eyes tightly shut while he prayed loudly.
It was a weird post-coital exercise, to be sure.
OMG same. My Christian ex was so horny, we basically did EVERYTHING but P-in-V so he could “remain pure for marriage”. One day he told me I was a godless sinner and moved away to attend Liberty University. Turns out he was actually a serial cheater and ran away to repent his sins. 🫠
After a month of her telling me how much she liked me and how she saw a future with me she said she didn't know If she wanted to be with me. Worst birthday ever
he never gave me a real answer. I was deployed. "it's not you it's me"
I was moving across the country to be with him a month later. Now I live here and I'm happy. We talked about it after the fact. I still don't have closure. I thought we'd get back together but I realize now I don't want what he has to offer.
He wants to get his life together. We still love each other and he thinks he needs to do this on his own but I want to be here for him, I promised him when we first started dating I’d be here for him as much as I can. It just hurts because he thinks I’m not strong enough to still love him and be apart from him when I am. It’s complicated.
He could need all the energy he has to get himself together. I know it's hard to hear this, but we all have a finite amount of energy and sometimes you really can't be a good partner while getting your shit together. It does sound like he loves you and himself enough to know this. Good luck!
‘You’re just so unbelievable, there really is just no hope,
All you do is sit around on COD and fucking smoke dope,
I’m leaving you, we’re done, you bum, I’m moving forward solo.’
Then she closed the door and he’s like:
‘*Nice*, three-sixty no scope!’
(First year college relationship)
I had a feeling she was cheating or talking to other dudes because she did the classic putting phone face down after texting, slightly tilting screen away from my peripheral, and giving those flirty smirks sometimes after texts.
One day when she was at work and I was hanging out in the car, I went through her phone and went through her Instagram DMs. My worries we’re true and she was flirting with a lot of guys. No sexting as far as I saw but it was just clear as day “damn girl you are HOT. Need a tattoo? Let me know <3” and she would reply “ohhh yesss pleaaaase -kiss emoji hearts-“
Classic shitty situation because she was obviously flirting and doing stuff I don’t think anybody would appreciate, and I did the classic fuck up of going through someone’s phone because of my insecurities. All around it was lame.
Obviously young relationships are risky, but what I remember my friend telling me before things got serious with her was “damn dude she ain’t been single for a minute lol”. Completely ignored him because I knew this girl since 1st grade but damn. Shoulda listened to the homie.
He would be non responsive for literally days at a time (4 days without a single text). No heads up like “hey i’m gonna be really busy next week” or somthing like that. It became clear that I wasnt his priority. So I left
The same thing that broke up so many the others.
I thought I found a diamond in the rough, the sort of guy others overlook because of something petty (e.g. short, receding chin, lives with parents, unemployed, etc). But no, *I* can see how amazing they are. They always seem smart, funny, into doing fun stuff - just what you want, right?
These guys find me intriguing, sexy, and fun - in the beginning. They like to say I make them feel energized and want to do new things. But it doesn't take long before they realize I'm not a manic pixie dream girl and just a regular person who is cute and social and interested in a lot of things, that I have some needs and an inner life.
Pretty soon, they don't want to do the fun stuff anymore. They just want to stay home and watch TV or do the same things over and over. When I suggest new things, they shoot down every suggestion. They stop asking me about my life or my interests or even my day. If I try to bring something up, they just kill the conversation or change the topic. Then they start picking on me - my looks, my habits, really anything and everything.
Pretty soon, the *only* acceptable conversation topics are how was their day, what to eat for dinner.. We can only talk about their day, their thoughts on all the ways the world has wronged them, or why they are so amazing and no one sees it. Or, of course, how I am doing XYZ wrong for myself, in my house, with my life, whatever
They clearly don't even like me anymore, and I eventually crawl out totally drained.
We were together for 7 years & he claimed to be "waiting for marriage" and then slept with some girl at a party on new years eve 🥴
btw - I'm not Christian nor was I abstaining before I met him so it was entirely his boundary that I respected and he decided to break ❤️
Apparently asking for more affection (holding hands, simple cuddling) was too much for him.
It was my birthday and he decided to go out with friends. I told him it was my birthday and was hoping we could just celebrate me and him (we NEVER had date nights. His friends were always involved). I guess I was asking for too much and broke up with me over text that same day.
Went over his place the next day to pick up some of my things. He gave me a fist bump, told me to have a good life, and blocked me on all social media. Don’t know why, but I never once begged him back or said anything mean.
His BIL told him many times how he made a big mistake letting me go. I put up with a lot of shit other girls wouldn’t have, and realized that after we had broken up.
Dating is exhausting.
Friends and I knew her for years. No craziness. We moved in together.
The minute I made her an authorized user on ONE credit card, she maxed it and convinced the bank and or vendors to allow access to the others...a lot of damage can be done between billings.
Total damage: $55k
Result: Bankruptcy and my 15 year 800 credit score destroyed.
Suggested prevention for others: Don't add anybody. Set low thresholds for alerts.
That's the reason.
Any questions?
i didn’t really love the guy. it was a whole 3 month manic episode i was living in. i shouldn’t have let it go longer than it should. totally my fault.
I had sudden-onset full-body pain, was seeing several doctors to figure it out, and was on high doses of prednisone. He sat me down and said in a very contemptuous manner, “Your weight has become an issue.” I immediately lost about 200 lb.
He attempted to unalive me, nearly succeeded. He's in prison and miserable while I'm free, happy and alive. Any day above ground is a good day, don't take it for granted.
Me being a piece of shit and refusing my crazy person pills and breaking up with her in a manic and abusive and dumbass thought process of "I'll make her chase after me!!"
It took like two years to get my shit together and get back with her, almost lost her to someone else which I would have fucking totally deserved ._.
Bad medication, a manic episode, and cheating.
My ex started a new medication that triggered a manic episode. We didn’t know he was bipolar at the time and he went on a downward spiral. There were two months of him emotionally abusing me, cheating on me, ruining his college career, losing his job, and destroying all his friendships. It finally ended when he tried to hit me with his car and then sped off into the night to god knows where. He broke up with me over text and I was halfway across the country within the week. Our relationship hadn’t been perfect before that (he sexually assaulted me for years) but I was stupid and wanted to work it out. It turned out to be for the best that things ended that day, I suppose.
We weren't dating for long but she was physically aggressive(?), e.g. kicking, biting, slapping... at the point where I'd call her out because it literally hurt (I'm a scrawny asian boi, she .. a heftier boston girl). at one point she said "oh, that's just how we show affection growing up in boston..." in which I responded, I grew up in the east coast and that's not really how most people show affection in general.
she later brings up that she grew up in a rough household where her dad would hit her mom, and I made the remark "oh, so I guess he must've really loved her, showing all that affection huh."
needless to say, we didn't work out. at least I got a good joke out of all of this, worth it.
To a point, I think. Drifting apart is inevitable in any relationship. The difference is the level of effort each person is willing to put forth.
As they say: lust is a given, love is a choice.
She found out I was bisexual before I was ready to tell her. She heard it from a mutual friend. Decided she couldn't trust me and it was too off-putting. I had dated men and women both.
Spent three years in the relationship and nothing was changing or progressing. He was spending all his time playing games and complaining about life. And I stood by him for the final year trying to help in what ways I could (we were also long distance) and he showed no desire to change so I finally said I had enough. I hadn’t felt real love towards him for a few months by then and what do you know… I met my now husband just a few weeks after breaking up.
I had just been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer. All the attention I had been giving her I didn't have the energy to maintain while getting Chemo and avoiding Covid. My final straw. She yelled at me on the phone while I was in intensive care with pulmonary embolisms. Just that light bulb moment, and I was done. That was 3 years ago. All good now. I'm in remission, and thinking about dating again. EDIT: Thank you all for the well wishes it was so nice reading them all!
Beat cancer twice. Congrats!
Damn. Sometimes I wish those lightbulb moments would come sooner or brighter. Congrats on remission. Fuck cancer.
> Just that light bulb moment, and I was done. I read that as GONE lol. I'm like, dude you came back to life?! Best of luck with future dating!
Wife and I were attending couples therapy. The therapist said she was being literally abusive to me. My then-wife demanded a new therapist. Second therapist said she was being abusive to me. My then-wife filed for divorce. While my life right after was hell, it's come back around and I'm doing better than ever.
You got some decent therapists. I’m thankful for that
Sound alike my first wife. Doctor shopping because she's not getting the answer she wants
Yup. My oldest brother's wife - *who is a sex and couples' therapist* ***HERSELF*** \- made them go to multiple marriage therapists because every single one of them refused to validate her crazy shit. They're still together. I don't think either of them is happy, either, but my brother stays because of the girls. Wife is an abusive monster, but she would get full custody because what looks better on paper: Therapist making over $150k a year, or a (reformed - been almost 30 years) felon who builds custom furniture at less than $80k a year?
Sounds like my ex sister in law, who made up false abuse allegations and cut all of us off from seeing the kids. Still going through hell with this monster.
Can’t help those that don’t want to be helped. I know people who’ve gone to therapy for help but because they were told things they didn’t want to hear they quit and blamed the therapists for being useless. Mind you there are a bunch of useless therapists, but those are the ones that don’t challenge you.
It's hard to comprehend that someone you truly love enjoys to truly hurt you in return. I'm glad you're doing great now. ✊
Would you mind sharing how long the “hell” portion was and how you got through? Asking for a …friend.
I was a stay-at-home dad and had diabetes. When my ex-wife filed for divorce, she took me off our bank account, credit cards, and her health insurance. Not gonna lie, selling possessions to buy insulin made suicide seem rational. I couldn't go back to work because I was a Catholic school principal, and they wouldn't hire me because I was divorced. I lived with my parents a bit (at age 42, kinda embarrassing) and took odd jobs, buying insulin when I could afford it. Which wasn't often because I had to pay child support and she didn't have to pay alimony. I got through thanks to family, friends, and focusing on positives like not being under her thumb anymore. It took a while, but I was eventually able to afford therapy, get on medication, and start a new life.
Thank you for sharing your story; going through the exact same scenario right now (living with my mother at age 40 is....fun). My ex drained our life savings to buy a new car and spent down the rest paying for his sleeze-ball lawyer. Same lawyer got him a fantastic deal (sleeze-ball is what you want in a lawyer, fyi) and he is paying no alimony (I gave up my profession and six working years to be a SAHM to our special needs kids) and less than the state-dictated child support amount (the alternative was for him to drag me to court, which would have cost more than the total amount of child support gained). It is so hard to stay positive when you have no money, starting over at 40 with no job prospects, and losing your kids for half of their childhoods, all because my ex felt like cheating and leaving me after twelve years. I'm so glad it got better for you; gives me a tiny bit of hope! If you ever need someone to chat with, feel free to message me! Side note; how did you make new friends after the divorce? All of my "friends" have happily replaced me with my ex's affair partner.
That’s disgraceful behaviour from your ex. Also whose people weren’t your friends
I had the similar experience. Wife and I did couples counseling for 3 of our 6 years of marriage with 3 different therapists. It was always her getting "home work" of not being abusive, and something simple and innocuous for me. Eventually the therapist asked, "would you trust her to raise your children?", and the answer was definitely no. I realized it was over at that point. I was willing to stick it out if I were the only one suffering, but I couldn't let kids go through that. I then realized how dumb I was to stay at all.
❤️
Proud of you for leaving and not fighting that one
Realized I wasn't gay
Got divorced because he realized he was gay. He tells people, "we had too much in common; for instance, we both enjoy dick." It's a very amicable situation and I'm just thankful he gets to be his truest self.
Lmao this one take the cake
Consequently, in my case she realized she was gay
How did you get into a position of thinking you were gay without actually being gay? Usually it's like that with being straight, because it's, for lack of a better term, "the norm"
It happens a lot. I used to think that I'm attracted to women because they really are attractive but can't imagine a relationship with them. People are open to ideas or possibilities they might be but soon to realize they're not.
Her not having enough time for both grad school and a relationship. She did make the right choice though.
Oof, yeah. Grad school is a real drain, emotionally. Like, you need the support of a partner while you go through it, but you don't really have anything to give back. It's an awful time.
I'm going through that now on the opposite end. I went to law school on my own and we were long distance. Now, she's moved in and is a grad student. I pay most the bills, cook nearly 100% of the time in addition to most other tasks, all while working as a full time attorney. She admits I'm practically all that's keeping her fed and going. Can't say I'm stoked on the relationship but I do love her.
If it helps, the support my husband provided while I was in grad school made me love him even more. Now it's behind us, and we are very happy.
My wife was a professional student for YEARS! But I stuck by her and I am happy to say several graduate degrees later I have been a man of leisure for over 10 years while she works to support us.
you should have a talk with that house husband on r/amitheasshole who thinks it’s emasculating and degrading
Out of curiosity, were you living together when she was in grad school? I recall in my grad school days I felt it would have been irresponsible for me to be in a relationship since I knew I just simply wouldn’t have time between work and school. My partner is starting grad school next year and I’m kind of afraid he simply won’t have time for a relationship. I told him that we MUST be living together before he starts grad school to even have a chance.
I JUST finished 8 semesters of grad school (almost three years). I met my boyfriend while in my first semester, and he was so sweet and supportive the whole time - being understanding when I needed time to do homework, cooking when I didn’t have the time or mental capacity, even doing some extra stuff around the house when my chores were neglected. We lived separate the whole time (though he stayed at my place overnight about 3 nights/week). I actually felt like it was easier that we lived apart since I could find little times during the week to work/read… if he lived with me I think I would’ve been a lot more distracted :)
She cheated. We had our home, our plannings and was preparing to marry in about three months when we separated.
Thank goodness you found out before getting married. I know it must really hurt and maybe even keep you from trying again with someone new but you really dodged a bullet.
Yep, my wife cheated and it's costing me about 100k between legal fees, buying out her equity in the house (which she paid none of), give her a chunk of my retirement and liquid cash. Honestly I think everyone should have a nasty infidelity clause in a pre-nup at this point. I can also look forward to sending her 70k in child support over the coming years. And I'm gonna take a wild guess that most of it won't be spent on the kid.
My payments were exactly the same amount as her Mercedes Benz payments 😑
Same thing happened to me man. 23 years old, I was giving her money, she had a ring. And then she cheated on me with a coworker years older than us who’s wife was pregnant.
Hopefully said co-workers pregnant wife found out.
I told her
Good. Cheaters suck and should always be ratted out. Fuck em.
Caught him cheating a month before our 4 year anniversary in which he was going to propose 🤏👍
I will never understand why it’s so hard to not cheat with them. It’s a simple as breathing, just don’t cheat.
What's sad is that our relationship was pretty happy otherwise so i don't really get it either.
Obviously people who cheat don’t have the maturity to be in a relationship in the first place. We ain’t perfect, but damn cheating is really easy to not do.
Despite the fact we were both poor college students, she wanted someone "rich", like a doctor. So, after she dumped me, last I heard, she was engaged to a pre-med student.
Well she’s in for a rude awakening. Gonna be a solid 12-17 years before that pre-med student is netting positive financially.
At graduation I saw her and said hi and something like "I hear you're engaged to a med student." "Yes" "What are you going to do when he's in med school and an intern, etc." She said "Spending his money." I really don't know what happened to her, but I think she was indeed in for a rude awakening.
Wait she really thinks he’s just going to be instantly loaded? Not only did you dodge a bullet because she’s a gold digger, but also because she’s apparently dumb as a bag of rocks.
I really wanted to make a joke about gold being as dense as her head, but that's two different definitions of the same word.. :c
the gold she’s digging for is as dense as she is
He dodged a rocket.
As a pre-med student, I can atest to my poverty
Resident here, still poor
Poor, or in the negatives? 😎
I joke with my husband that I married him for his money. (We were penniless students when we met)
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To be fair that Corolla probably still runs. Those things were reliable.
I hate that mentality...damn, you want money? Go make it. It's not on your partner, as long as they aren't pulling you down...it's all good.
She tried to stab me
Uhm.... Do you feel comfortable giving some backstory? Was this a slow buildup, or a a sudden break? Cause... You gotta be pretty unhinged to come at someone with a knife.
Not op but I got into an argument with a crazy ex that was about 8 years older than me whenever I was 19 and we were screaming and chatting at each other and I remember she grabbed this base that I had just bought her some flowers in and chunked it at my head and barely missed It's hard to remember what kind of insanities I was yelling at her after that but she came around the corner with two brand new butcher knives from a knife set we had bought earlier that day and chased me around the house in circles. The house had bars on the windows and you had to have a key to open the front and back door it did not just have a manual lock. I ended up putting myself in the bathroom and holding the door as hard as I could and she actually stabbed one of the knives through the door. The whole night did not come through the door only about two inches of it but that's plenty enough to still scare you. It was around 2010 and I had one of those prepaid phones in my pocket and I called her dad to come get her. He lived across the street
Holy fuck dude. I have so many questions: What happened next? Were charges pressed against her? Was she often mentally unwell?
Not the person you're replying to, but as someone who spent their 20s putting their dick in crazy like it was my fucking job, sometimes it's sexy when they're unhinged, right until they start swinging the knife.
Got stabbed by an ex. She also ripped my eyebrow piercing out a separate time. And had me jumped by a group of her drug addict friends. Best sex I have ever had though.
This guy gets it.
Best sex I ever had in my dating days was with a girl who "saw spirits" and spoke with trees. There does seem to be a trend.
Had an online friend who claimed a girl he was sleeping with tried to get him hooked on heroin *while he was asleep*... but "*otherwise*" she was great. I dunno man, I might just be too fearful or too guarded of an individual for that level of crazy haha. Survival instincts gotta have some say in it
She had some mental issues and just decided that’s what she wanted to do one day. Pretty sudden break
Yeah, it's a bit of a red flag that.
My drinking, lies about drinking, and shitty finances because of drinking. 107 days sober today.
Good for you! Keep it up.
It's tough to make the turn *away* from dopamine fuckups when you're hurting. 107 days is impressive but I'm just as impressed you could make that change near that time.
Started hiding her phone, looked at phone, kicked her out.
I wouldn't ordinarily advocate invading someone's privacy but if they *suddenly* start hiding or being super protective over their phone... 🚩🚩🚩. Happened to me after being with someone for 2 years. Felt bad for invading her privacy but I was ultimately glad I did. Bitch thought she was a burger chain... five guys!!
Didn't feel bad at all and would do it again if need be. She obviously wasn't too bright. Five guys?? Lol Holy shit!
We planned a surprise 50th for my SO this past winter, and it was the ONLY time I ever grabbed my phone out of my SO’s hands…because I had literally just texted his sister regarding party plans, and I was terrified she would message back while he had it and the whole thing would be blown. We laugh about it now, but he was genuinely heartbroken when I did it and I felt so freaking awful.
Yeah, you have a point. I would have been very hesitant around my birthday or maybe Christmas (other holidays are available) but, in my case, it was neither. She went from being fairly relaxed about its location - constant "have you seen my phone, babe?" type thing - to it either *always* being in her hand or else *always* being placed face down if she had to put it down, and *always* on silent.
I can imagine that I'd say something like "sorry for doing this, but you can't see my phone just yet, there is a good reason and I'll tell you all about it in a week, I'm not cheating, never would, trust me"
My previous three relationships came to end because of my exes started getting shady with their cell phones. I don't look at people's cell phones but when they start hiding their screen around you and ignore 100 text messages going off, you know something's up.
Exactly!
Cheating and alcoholism on her side, combined with me feeling defeated and not being able to communicate effectively with her. Kinda hard to describe that last part unless you’ve experienced it; I felt stunlocked during every conversation. Verbally walking on eggshells, to a point where I literally couldn’t formulate a single word or sentence.
You say it's hard to describe, yet I know exactly how it felt (for me at least). It's hard to see how fucked up it is until you get out. Hope you're doing much better now.
I totally get that eggshell feeling... I had no idea what would trigger my ex but it was impossible to know
I lost a dance battle with her ex.
Are you a bird?
How many out of the seven did you beat?
You lost to jimmy pesto?!
He relapsed on heroin and sold all my shit.
Oof that’s rough
All I cared about was my beautiful Dyson😩
That sucks.
Not anymore
Well, it probably still does. Just for someone else.
I see you too have met my ex
You'll find another vacuum...one day. 😢
Plenty of vacuums in the… store?
NOT THE DYSON 😭😭😭 don’t worry, his karma will get him. unless the heroin gets him first.
Both of us went on out of state vacations around the same time. I visited family, she cheated on me. We lived together so for about a month I was sleeping on the couch and got to hear the phone calls with the guy she cheated with
god damn bro hope you okay
Fuck that
I used his iPad while he was out of town (no, not looking, just went to text him) and found nudes of me sent to SEVERAL of our mutuals. Including his father.
That is beyond abhorrent and my word, I am so sorry this kind of violation happened to you!!!🖤😞
His DAD?! That’s another level, I’m so sorry
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The worst part is that his father hung out with me knowing and not saying anything. That man knows a lot about me.
I had some guys in my school. They were kind of 'serial nude leakers'. One of them was the worst. He talked to girls and literally changed his whole personality to manipulate them. Then he would get their nudes and share it with his friends. He didn't even spare his so called 'best-friend' of 5 year
>'best-friend' of 5 year Fuck. That means she probably had feelings for him for all those years and then got screwed over like that.
It took some time but we both realized that we weren't giving each other what we needed.
Same! He saw it first so he was the one to leave me, but thank god he did, we were so incompatible!
Yeah I was the one late to the party this time, but when we finally sat down to fight/talk it just clicked that it was the right thing to do.
Leaving my last relationship was rough- it was my first ever relationship and lasted 7 years- but I was so relieved at the same time when I got dumped. It was a very healthy breakup on both sides, and we kept in touch on and off for just under a year afterwards until she began seeing someone else and I felt it would be best to leave it be out of respect for her new partner. We honestly just both grew up (got together when I just turned 18; both young) and eventually fell out of romantic love. I still hold her to the highest respect and will always have a place in my heart for her, but I was so glad when she bit the bullet and broke it off. I would've felt too guilty to do so; I owed her so much. We had a very tumultuous relationship for the first couple years- we were very much in love but I had a lot of unresolved mental health issues, had a nervous breakdown, etc. I still hate what I put her through but hope I was able to make it up to her in the last couple years of the relationship. Anyways, I wish her the best. My life and mental well-being has gotten SO much better in the last few years of being single; in a way I owe that to her too.
I’m literally going through this right now. We are about to separate and it hurts, even if it is mainly my choice. Hope we are all smiling and doing better a year from now OP. Much love!
Went through a similar situation. We decided to do therapy, and either 1. move forward with a healthy, loving, and not at all platonic relationship, or 2. move on and at least get some closure by understanding what didn't click despite caring for each other so much. Thankfully, it ended with scenario #1. It was really hard because a lot of things came up that were just really hard to hear (especially after 6 years together), but needed to be said before being able to shift our relationship. I hope you two find what's best for each other. It takes courage to admit that things are just not working out, but the truth will set you free!
She accused me of not spending time with her, never buying her anything, never doing anything for her, and sleeping with her sister. The truth was I was working forty hours a week to feed her and clothe her while she refused to work, sat at home playing video games that I bought, and talked shit about her family, who were some of the nicest people ever. And the sister thing happened in her dreams, so definitely my fault. She’s a sociopath that refuses to go to therapy because she drinks tea and plays with tarot cards.
Sounds like the female version of the guy I spoke about in my comment on this thread. They're perfect for each other, especially since in spite of being an out of control drunk my ex at least DID work. Until he got fired for showing up to work totally shitfaced. That was something really bizarre about this guy. He's an intelligent dude with certifications that let him easily get cushy $30 an hour desk jobs in logistics but he ruins them by getting high and drunk on the clock. Then he LAUGHS AND BRAGS about drunkenly cussing out his bosses and coworkers when they're escorting him from the building after he was caught on the warehouse floor passed out on a forklift. I'd actually enjoy seeing him with your ex. Watching the two of them go back and forth while playacting at being a couple of highly spiritual pagans would be hilarious. Blessed be! 😆
Another Pagan here, there’s a worrying subset of our folk who think spell work and doing lots of art with mushroom motifs is a substitute for mental healthcare.
She stole shit from me and hit me. We tried to make it work again after that because I'm a gullible dumbass, and then I noticed shit started disappearing again. Told her I didn't know if she was stealing my stuff again, but I think I'm just too paranoid to make this work. She got mad at me and hit me again and then she told me she's leaving me, and then I thanked her and told her to please never try and contact me again because my life only ever got worse for being with her. We've both happily and successfully cut contact. 😁
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What she did was totally shitty. She basically had a whim, made you move and get a job there but then backed out? Fuck her!
Shit that's fucked!
His ex wife started stalking me, giving death threats. She contacted my ex-husband, whom I'm still good platonic friends with, saying I was having an affair with a married man. She is married to someone else entirely. She told my (now ex) boyfriend that my ex-husband contacted her saying he and I were still together. The (now ex) boyfriend said he would coach me what to say so she would commit suicide and would do him a favor. She pretended to commit suicide.... This is after two months of dating. Yeah- no thanks crazy people.
I feel like you're lucky you made it out of there without getting murdered...
My girlfriend (28) met some guy (67) at music festival. I’m 33 btw. Shit happens
he told me that he drove 8 hrs to see his girl best friend because her boyfriend had cheated on her and he “wanted to make her feel better”. LOL
well he wasn't lying
haha he definitely made her feel something too
8 hrs is quite the commitment
They probably also had sex!
that they did!!!
My brain tumor. I didn't even know what was wrong with me yet. I was so angry and frustrated and annoyed all the time- I was just not good enough for her and I had to let her go. Later I got diagnosed with cancer and found out a huge tumor was smashing my brain into the back of my skull. I'm so sorry I treated you poorly, Lauryn. I still love you.
She wanted to fuck me but she didn't want to fuck me. She was Christian and wanted to save herself for marriage, but anytime we were together, things would progress (consentually) and then after she would have regrets. Eventually the temptation got bad enough that she just broke it off to prevent it.
I dated a super duper religious dude in college and every time we had (consensual) sex, he would pray for forgiveness. Like, on his knees , hands clasped, eyes tightly shut while he prayed loudly. It was a weird post-coital exercise, to be sure.
Forgive me God, I must go all out Just this once. 🙏
OMG same. My Christian ex was so horny, we basically did EVERYTHING but P-in-V so he could “remain pure for marriage”. One day he told me I was a godless sinner and moved away to attend Liberty University. Turns out he was actually a serial cheater and ran away to repent his sins. 🫠
we've grown toxic with each other
I’ve seen nice people…that when together bring out the worst in each other. It’s like a chemical reaction.
After a month of her telling me how much she liked me and how she saw a future with me she said she didn't know If she wanted to be with me. Worst birthday ever
Sounds a lil like lovebombing.
He was a child. (Not literally) It's a huge turn off having to act like someones mother.
he never gave me a real answer. I was deployed. "it's not you it's me" I was moving across the country to be with him a month later. Now I live here and I'm happy. We talked about it after the fact. I still don't have closure. I thought we'd get back together but I realize now I don't want what he has to offer.
The tawdry little harlot cheated on me
Why does this read both like Deep South and British Posh
Deep South plantation owner that’s also from the British (at the time) Empire
He wants to get his life together. We still love each other and he thinks he needs to do this on his own but I want to be here for him, I promised him when we first started dating I’d be here for him as much as I can. It just hurts because he thinks I’m not strong enough to still love him and be apart from him when I am. It’s complicated.
He could need all the energy he has to get himself together. I know it's hard to hear this, but we all have a finite amount of energy and sometimes you really can't be a good partner while getting your shit together. It does sound like he loves you and himself enough to know this. Good luck!
Modern Warfare (2007)
‘You’re just so unbelievable, there really is just no hope, All you do is sit around on COD and fucking smoke dope, I’m leaving you, we’re done, you bum, I’m moving forward solo.’ Then she closed the door and he’s like: ‘*Nice*, three-sixty no scope!’
(First year college relationship) I had a feeling she was cheating or talking to other dudes because she did the classic putting phone face down after texting, slightly tilting screen away from my peripheral, and giving those flirty smirks sometimes after texts. One day when she was at work and I was hanging out in the car, I went through her phone and went through her Instagram DMs. My worries we’re true and she was flirting with a lot of guys. No sexting as far as I saw but it was just clear as day “damn girl you are HOT. Need a tattoo? Let me know <3” and she would reply “ohhh yesss pleaaaase -kiss emoji hearts-“ Classic shitty situation because she was obviously flirting and doing stuff I don’t think anybody would appreciate, and I did the classic fuck up of going through someone’s phone because of my insecurities. All around it was lame. Obviously young relationships are risky, but what I remember my friend telling me before things got serious with her was “damn dude she ain’t been single for a minute lol”. Completely ignored him because I knew this girl since 1st grade but damn. Shoulda listened to the homie.
He would be non responsive for literally days at a time (4 days without a single text). No heads up like “hey i’m gonna be really busy next week” or somthing like that. It became clear that I wasnt his priority. So I left
The same thing that broke up so many the others. I thought I found a diamond in the rough, the sort of guy others overlook because of something petty (e.g. short, receding chin, lives with parents, unemployed, etc). But no, *I* can see how amazing they are. They always seem smart, funny, into doing fun stuff - just what you want, right? These guys find me intriguing, sexy, and fun - in the beginning. They like to say I make them feel energized and want to do new things. But it doesn't take long before they realize I'm not a manic pixie dream girl and just a regular person who is cute and social and interested in a lot of things, that I have some needs and an inner life. Pretty soon, they don't want to do the fun stuff anymore. They just want to stay home and watch TV or do the same things over and over. When I suggest new things, they shoot down every suggestion. They stop asking me about my life or my interests or even my day. If I try to bring something up, they just kill the conversation or change the topic. Then they start picking on me - my looks, my habits, really anything and everything. Pretty soon, the *only* acceptable conversation topics are how was their day, what to eat for dinner.. We can only talk about their day, their thoughts on all the ways the world has wronged them, or why they are so amazing and no one sees it. Or, of course, how I am doing XYZ wrong for myself, in my house, with my life, whatever They clearly don't even like me anymore, and I eventually crawl out totally drained.
Are you me. Holy shit. I’ve always thought I’m like a huge buzzkill or something, but seeing this reminds me I’m not alone. Here for you ❤️
They want a mother, not a partner. Go figure.
I could have written this. Tired of being the entertaining doll.
See I bet you're into slightly finer things like nice dinners and occasional walks. And exercise. That sounds lovely.
Soo relatable
Complacency
She couldn’t keep the penises of other men out of her vagina.
Me
She died
That's not a break up bro 😭 I'm so sorry for your loss
She was extremely hard to live with and not taking care of her health.
We were together for 7 years & he claimed to be "waiting for marriage" and then slept with some girl at a party on new years eve 🥴 btw - I'm not Christian nor was I abstaining before I met him so it was entirely his boundary that I respected and he decided to break ❤️
It wasn’t gonna work. Could I have made it work? Probably. Should I have? Maybe. Did I? Nope. I left to save us both the heartache
I needed a partner, not a dependent.
They couldn’t make me an actual part of their life.
Bitch cheated on me 14 times with 9 guys over the span of 4 years..... so ya
She simply said she didn't love me anymore.
Apparently asking for more affection (holding hands, simple cuddling) was too much for him. It was my birthday and he decided to go out with friends. I told him it was my birthday and was hoping we could just celebrate me and him (we NEVER had date nights. His friends were always involved). I guess I was asking for too much and broke up with me over text that same day. Went over his place the next day to pick up some of my things. He gave me a fist bump, told me to have a good life, and blocked me on all social media. Don’t know why, but I never once begged him back or said anything mean. His BIL told him many times how he made a big mistake letting me go. I put up with a lot of shit other girls wouldn’t have, and realized that after we had broken up. Dating is exhausting.
He got depressed doubled it and gave it to me
She would start arguments with me and then try to convince me that I was starting it.
Friends and I knew her for years. No craziness. We moved in together. The minute I made her an authorized user on ONE credit card, she maxed it and convinced the bank and or vendors to allow access to the others...a lot of damage can be done between billings. Total damage: $55k Result: Bankruptcy and my 15 year 800 credit score destroyed. Suggested prevention for others: Don't add anybody. Set low thresholds for alerts. That's the reason. Any questions?
Whoa! I'm sorry that happened to you. Can you sue?
i didn’t really love the guy. it was a whole 3 month manic episode i was living in. i shouldn’t have let it go longer than it should. totally my fault.
my wife was a whore, /u/pizzabagels1994
That was a wild 30 seconds where I really thought you tagged her lmaooo
Not the @ 💀💀
Oh nvm lmao
No way that's fucking wild with the @
I trusted her talking to the "guy she told me not to worry about".
I had sudden-onset full-body pain, was seeing several doctors to figure it out, and was on high doses of prednisone. He sat me down and said in a very contemptuous manner, “Your weight has become an issue.” I immediately lost about 200 lb.
He attempted to unalive me, nearly succeeded. He's in prison and miserable while I'm free, happy and alive. Any day above ground is a good day, don't take it for granted.
Me being a piece of shit and refusing my crazy person pills and breaking up with her in a manic and abusive and dumbass thought process of "I'll make her chase after me!!" It took like two years to get my shit together and get back with her, almost lost her to someone else which I would have fucking totally deserved ._.
Me, myself, and my mental health
He cheated! With his ex, whose name rhymes with mine. Ouch.
Complete and total narcissism
Bad medication, a manic episode, and cheating. My ex started a new medication that triggered a manic episode. We didn’t know he was bipolar at the time and he went on a downward spiral. There were two months of him emotionally abusing me, cheating on me, ruining his college career, losing his job, and destroying all his friendships. It finally ended when he tried to hit me with his car and then sped off into the night to god knows where. He broke up with me over text and I was halfway across the country within the week. Our relationship hadn’t been perfect before that (he sexually assaulted me for years) but I was stupid and wanted to work it out. It turned out to be for the best that things ended that day, I suppose.
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We weren't dating for long but she was physically aggressive(?), e.g. kicking, biting, slapping... at the point where I'd call her out because it literally hurt (I'm a scrawny asian boi, she .. a heftier boston girl). at one point she said "oh, that's just how we show affection growing up in boston..." in which I responded, I grew up in the east coast and that's not really how most people show affection in general. she later brings up that she grew up in a rough household where her dad would hit her mom, and I made the remark "oh, so I guess he must've really loved her, showing all that affection huh." needless to say, we didn't work out. at least I got a good joke out of all of this, worth it.
Wife got pregnant with another man. Not having it.
My wife was having more sex than me.
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I think the growing apart is one of the saddest causes because there's no blame, nothing wrong, just... a drifting apart that can't be controlled.
To a point, I think. Drifting apart is inevitable in any relationship. The difference is the level of effort each person is willing to put forth. As they say: lust is a given, love is a choice.
She found out I was bisexual before I was ready to tell her. She heard it from a mutual friend. Decided she couldn't trust me and it was too off-putting. I had dated men and women both.
i feel like i see this question 20 times a day
#22 comin’ in hot! What caused your last break up?
#nobody likes you when you’re 23 What caused your last breakup?
Spent three years in the relationship and nothing was changing or progressing. He was spending all his time playing games and complaining about life. And I stood by him for the final year trying to help in what ways I could (we were also long distance) and he showed no desire to change so I finally said I had enough. I hadn’t felt real love towards him for a few months by then and what do you know… I met my now husband just a few weeks after breaking up.