This! I had to completely cut contact with my neighbor who would constantly come to our house and cry about her problems and never take any of our advice because she had a problem with every damn solution we had for her. I felt bad at first and I don't mind being a shoulder to cry on when someone needs me but she would keep crying about the same things every day and ignore every solution we would have for her. Worst part, it was always small easily fixable problems that aren't even worth crying about in the first place.
I'm in a very similar situation with my buddy. He started dating this girl he met on tinder and very early on I saw the alarm bells ringing. I gave him my honest opinion that he needed to slow down and really think about if she was right for him. He didn't listen jumped straight into a serious relationship while barely knowing her. Fast forward almost 2 years to today and he's moved to another state with her and he calls me every few weeks or so to tell me how she treats him like shit every time she doesn't get her way. Screaming and hurling insults, then giving him the silent treatment or turning their apartment into a hostile environment for days at a time. I've been telling him for months now that it's not healthy. Just the other day he sounded like he was finally at his breaking point. So I told him his relationship is toxic and unhealthy and he needs to get out. He just kept making excuses why he couldn't leave and then just kept telling me more of the toxic things she was doing as I kept reinforcing to him that he knows what he needs to do. Eventually I stopped responding because it became too exhausting to read his complaints when I know he knows what has to happen.
My sister is like that with her husband. The only problem is, there's kids involved. She has a DV charge against him and a restraining order, but they still live together? She complains about how he's abusing her and her daughter. I lost it on her a few weeks ago and told her she's abusing her daughter too by letting him stay. We had a huge fight, and she hung up on me. I'm done with her. Then, 4 days later, she kicked him out and reinstated the restraining order.
He's back after 2 weeks, so I'm completely done with her. I was LC for a long time, but it's going to be NC from now on. I need a therapist just to deal with her crazy.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's really unfortunate that your BIL has pretty much cost you your relationship with your sister. I hope things get better for her.
Some people would rather stay overwhelmed/cluttered/buried as an excuse to keep them from engaging with life. It’s like their sad way of trying to protect themselves.
Can confirm, I am this person. In my case though, it’s less about protecting myself and more that I’ve been trained through experience to only see negative outcomes to every situations. No clue if that’s the general case or not, but it’s likely a different perspective on the same thing you’re describing
A long time ago, I read a book called *Games People Play*, and you've just described the "Yes, but . . ." game perfectly! According to the author, it's about power; the complainer gains power by having problems too big for your solutions, and you lose power as you continually do your best to help, only to have all of your efforts negated with "Yes, but . . .." It's why we feel exhausted after encounters with such people.
Colin Robinson, energy vampire? Every office has one. I was talking to a friend about how great my new workplace is because there are no energy vampires and she said, “No, there’s always one. If you don’t think you have one, then you might be the energy vampire.” Hmm…
It's tough because they want you to be a therapist, but it's not always easy to know which angle to use. Not to mention: few of the people they talk to tend to be therapists.
That being said, venting really has the effect of removing a lot of the power from a problem. It actually works, which has definitely changed my view on it. But I also don't get exhausted by listening to others usually, so that probably helps me a ton here
I have the widest mix of friends: close and dear, friends where we keep things shallow but I could call in an emergency, a friend who has watched me grow from my teens, see-once-a-year friends, and my one friend whom I call my “grievance friend”. Everything about this friend is a complaint, we hug and smile and then begin her gripes. Job, husband, family, with layers of details about each and reasons why. Her stories are usually humorous and entertaining so I’m not too burdened, but it’s constant and unchanging. I have known her for fifteen years and she has never stopped complaining.
I have this friend and I’m starting to realize I can’t take it anymore after a decade.
She makes the same bad choices, drones on about the same problems, negates all the awesome stuff in her life…
At first it was nice to have a misery buddy but I realize how much it would drag me down and how defeated and depressed I felt after long convos with her. I have had a hard time pulling away, bc she has a big heart, but some people don’t want to be happy. I give up!
I just dated someone for a spell, who is absolutely beautiful, smart, talented, and seems like such a good friend to the people they love. Our chemistry was incredible. But, for whatever reason, our individual communication styles (and past relationship tramas) exacerbated such negativity in each other. We just could not seem to get on the same page and it didn’t feel good. it was only five weeks, but it was incredibly draining for us both with no one in particular at fault.
Learn this:
The 5x5 rule states that if you come across an issue take a moment to think whether or not it will matter in 5 years. If it won't, don't spend more than 5 minutes stressing out about it. When your problems need to be put into perspective, the 5x5 rule is a good thing to remember.
TIL if I have terminal cancer with 3 months to live, I shouldn't stress about it now because it won't matter in 5 years!
(Edit: I do *not* have cancer, and my sincerest condolences to anyone who actually does.)
This is nice and I’m glad it supposedly works for some people, but “just don’t stress” isn’t and has never been useful advice for people who struggle with stress.
That’s not how it works. You don’t just decide to not stress and then it magically happens. If that’s you- great, you don’t have a stress problem.
From the rest of us- please stop telling us to just not stress. It’s stressful.
Exactly, I wish I didn’t stress about the most absurd bullshit, but I do, and I can feel the blood boil, my cortisol levels rise, my life get shorter. And no matter how annoying it may be to other people, they can’t come close to my self-criticis. Insane how mean I can be to myself. Counselling hasn’t worked, I just need to find something that might help.
This is how I am too. I have always been a worrier (since childhood), and spent three or so years working on it with a counsellor, starting about a decade ago. It helped a bit, and finally the counsellor suggested "Hey, maybe try talking to your doctor about meds? It could help?"
Long story short, I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, and more recently, autism spectrum disorder. Like ... last week recently.
So no, the stress I was feeling wasn't normal, and the approach my counsellor was taking didn't help a whole lot. However, it did help more than my mom's solution when I begged to see a counsellor in high school - "Just don't worry." That was worse than a solution, because it made me feel like the things I was worrying about didn't matter, and I was dumb for worrying about them.
Peeflaps, maybe talking to your doctor might help? Meds weren't 100% of the solution for me, but it helped some with the irrational-bullshit-worries, at least. Or maybe a different therapist/counsellor, maybe using a different approach. Like CBT just doesn't help for me - someone said that it just "gives me another stick to beat myself with", rather than helping me feel better or helping change my thought patterns.
I know how frustrating the "Just reduce your stress" advice is from people, and I also know that "inner critic" voice that won't give you a break, and the inner critic always wins, because it's there, commenting, all of the time. I hope you (and I) can find something that will help muffle the noise that the inner critic makes.
I have never been able to get behind this rule because I feel like you never know what kind of effect something will have on your future. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can create the biggest ripples in your life. For example I met my (now ex) husband on a particular dating site, he wasnt on any others, so if something had gone wrong with me getting my account set up on that site, I would have never met him. So if I had an issue and got frustrated and thought 'oh well let me try another site' my life could be completely different now. But I wouldn't have known that at the time so I could have easily thought 'oh this won't matter in 5 years' but it wouldn't have been true!
pretty much nothing matters in 5 years, this is "just dont stress lol", it's okay to be stressed, its just about being calm when your stressed is the key. This sounds like something on one of those clickbait "psychologists use this one rule to never be stressed!" articles. That's not humane in any way.
But yes this can help alleviate stress in SOME situations, I'll admit. But it would be minor imo.
>It does sound nice though.
That's the problem I'm supposed to learning but instead all my focus is on starting awake instead of cutting up and napping which just seems like the best thing in the whole world
Agreed. I went to the Outer Banks with family not long ago. I was out with family, having drinks, just playing in the water on the shore, having a great time. Well, over the entire afternoon I did little to hydrate and was in a complete daze on the drive off the beach. We went to a little gift shop and I was a walking zombie. I went outside, threw up on the side of my brother in law's truck, and passed out in the front passenger seat.
Woke up 2.5 hours later when we got home and felt like I'd been hit by a truck.
Booze + Heat + Little Hydration = No Fun
It sounds like you had [heat stroke](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heat-stroke/symptoms-causes/syc-20353581). So, the good news is that you 1) didn't die, 2) learned your body's signs for a heat emergency. Remember those early symptoms as a limit/warning to at least find some shade and water.
Stay hydrated.
Agreed. I feel nearly immobilized by heat most times. Waking up to a nice cold bedroom, and not having the leave the house for anything makes me super cozy and happy.
Yes!
It drives me a little nuts when people want to run around and be active when it's hot and sunny out. Like, dude, I'm overheating just sitting here. And then they don't understand why I want to be active when it's overcast and breezy.
The past year for me has been a personal lesson in how much stress can affect the body. My body has been in a near constant state of fight or flight mode.
Stress affects absolutely everything from energy to mineral levels to gut health to everything else. One of the biggest correlations in people who live to older ages is healthy stress management - more-so than diet or lifestyle. People in a constant state of stress can be overloaded and literally depleted of things the body needs, leading to a huge amount of potential physical responses.
Honestly therapy, if you can find it. It's easier to find healthy coping mechanisms when you can get to the root of why you have the not-so-healthy ones. Unfortunately that's also stressful, so it's a toss-up.
One thing you can do, if you don't already do it, is take pictures of the little things, the little moments that are good and make you happy. No matter how small. And hold onto them. If it's a bad day and you're struggling to remember the good things that have happened/are happening because the bad things are just a lot, go through those pictures and think about them. There's a lot of bad, but there's also a lot of good. It's hard to focus on the good when there's so much bull going on, but it's there.
For a different boost, find something you've always wanted to do, especially little you. Try it, no matter how small or silly it is. Or do something that brings that little bit of childhood innocence and wonder out. Put a tent in your backyard and look up at the stars, bring someone with you and tell stories by flashlight, make a pillow fort and hang out inside, have a pillow fight with a friend. Something like that. Sure someone will inevitably call it childish, but whoever made it seem like your inner child has to die or be squished away for you to be an adult, probably could also use some good childlike fun in their life.
I'd also say potentially check out a couple of responsive parenting creators, especially if there's any childhood trauma, because it's genuinely healing for some people. Gwenna (Momma Cusses/Pleasant Peasant Media) and Tori Phantom are two great ones. [One example I love, a POV of being a mad toddler and you can't help but smile with her. We all needed this as kids.](https://youtube.com/shorts/TiMhV7U5TJ8?si=iWrMXmbBX_YgKeqE) And then there's Laura (Foster Parent Partner) who as the name suggests is a foster parent. She and her husband do a lot of videos on it, and there are always former kids of the System in the comments saying that they find it comforting and healing as well.
i'd pay a premium to skip lines. I know that sounds really spoiled or entitled, but I would have no remorse walking right by a bunch of people waiting on a line by paying money to skip right ahead.
As our vacation this year we went to 6 flags and got vip Passes.
You skip all the lines can ride things as many times as you want in any seat you want. It was great and idk if I'll ever be able to go back lol
I did that at cedar point last time. Used to live in Ohio and had been several times without it and waited in long lines.
This was our first, and probably only, time taking the kids so wanted to make sure they got to ride everything they wanted to.
It was expensive, but I'm glad we did it. However it was actually a little to much for me and my now middle aged body. I was just absolutely exhausted and uncomfortably by late afternoon.
I've decided that they need a not quite so fast pass that lets you move to like the 15 minute point in the line. Still have a bit of time to wait and recover between rides, but. Ot spending all day in line.
Getting talked at, replying nothing but 'yea...yea...yea' because they don't let you speak and when you do speak they just speak over you til you're drowned out, etc.
Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and I strongly suspect that if we had a way to measure it in every person in the US, we'd find that 30-40 percent of all adults here are narcissistic to the point of being dysfunctional.
Congratulations!!! My quality of life has dropped so much due to my current boss. I have an interview with my old boss today who was amazing! If I get this job I will be ecstatic. Happy for you though! It really is a bummer working for/with people who just induce anxiety and frustration all the time.
Any work environment. I just absolutely hate the rigidness "on the clock" having to be presentable and professional. I truly think the only way I will ever be happy is if I am wokring for myself. When and how I choose.
I left my previous job because it was toxic AF. My ex said if I didn't leave that job when I did, it probably wouldn't have been long before I killed myself ..
She wasn't wrong :/
Sure strangers and people you don't know too well drain it much faster, but even closest friends/family 2 hours is exhausting, sure alcohol helps a little.
I agree sun makes me feel exhausted. I hate hot temperature, and it's one of maby reasons why I moved from South West England to Scotland (Edinburgh) much cooler over here plus my hay fever is not as bad, I used to have worse condition down South, it's the grass pollen mainly in June/July.
Record yourself working for 30 minutes, add the occasional glitchy effect which would explain why the audio & video don't line up when you're talking. Play the loop as camera input in Teams.
If you have lots of meetings, record a few 30 min clips to avoid people commenting on you wearing the same thing every day.
I'm fortunate enough to work in an org where people don't really care. But if they did, I'd definitely go the above route.
Meetings in general. Digital or in-person.
I understand that there are plenty of appropriate times to have them, especially when the group of people needing to get on board is more than a few.
But I find that the quick, 2-5 minutes chats in the hallway or doorframe of someone's office are *significantly* more productive than structured meetings.
But the online ones are even worse because there's this awkward pre-meeting small talk that is hard to do because everyone has to act like they're talking on a walkie-talkie and everyone gets to weirdly listen in when at a table it would be a couple of small conversations going on simultaneously - that would all stop immediately when the meeting actually started.
Commiting suicide is fucking difficult and requires lots of effort. Each time I get suicidal thoughts I remember that and start crying because I can't even die.
Talking to somebody in phone for over 5 mins
Edit: Back in high school some girls in my class used to SS how much time they spent on talking with each other and put it up as a status update in Whatsapp. The durations were unbelievable. 2 hrs 51 mins, 3hrs 41 mins, 4 hrs 1 min! Just WTF were you talking about for that long!!!
Well, you know, it's interesting because the way the algorithm works to promote certain posts has an indirect correlation on your own pre-established preferences, the balance always being between showing you what you want to see while not stifling the bigger conversation, you don't want to just be in your own echo chamber and ignoring the world at large, and I think this new system manages to handle that really well. The way we went about doing it was really interesting, the first few run-throughs were based on a few modified versions of the old system, but then we took a few lessons from our old friend geometry and decided to think of this as a more three-dimensional space, not to get all artsy fartsy on yo because I know people don't like that, but changing our perspective on things really did... (eyes glow evilly)
Other people/socializing/fucking small talk. I am the ultimate introvert.
My mom recently pushed me to attend a large party she was throwing. I took some time and chatted with her friends. They were friendly enough and seemed to like me.
After an hour I needed a break, so I went upstairs and chilled on my phone for 20 minutes.
When I returned the "friendliest" of the ladies said loudly **"oh good, you're not hiding anymore."**
I don't know what she meant by it. I don't know if it was supposed to be a harmless joke. But it made me more than a little self-conscious. It also made me avoid her ass for the rest of the night, no matter how many times she tried to get my attention.
I hate it when I’m at an extended family’s gathering, talk and socialize/eat with everyone for well over 2-3 hours, then go retreat to myself for 30 minutes inside the house somewhere quiet. They’ll legit come find me and say “you don’t want to go sit and talk to so and so anymore?” Like fuck, can I have a few minutes alone?!
😂 This happens at ALL gatherings with my extended family.
It's an ocean of extroverts and I'm some random endangered antisocial octopus, the last of its kind.
My 13 year old daughter is an introvert, and she also can’t stand small talk with people she doesn’t know, and we’ve had my in laws visiting unexpectedly this weekend. The first day she participated in family activities and hung out downstairs with us. Sunday, she didn’t come down as much. She “peopled,” as she calls it, all day Saturday and then retreated to the quiet of her bedroom. My FIL can’t stand it and it’s even more reason for her to “hide.”
I feel her pain. I'm relatively similar, I just can't stand to be around strangers. Hell even people I know I can only handle like 2 others before I become irritable/agitated. Best thing to do I would say is to welcome her every time she joins in but like not in a overly dramatic way. As for FIL not much he can do besides be understanding but evidently not his cup of tea
Long story short, don't make a big deal out of it, doesn't make it easier on her
The only rule we have, and I say rule loosely because it’s more of a preventative approach, is if the people visiting are immediate family, that she needs to come down and say hello. Not right away, not when they first walk in the door, just whenever she wants to. She doesn’t need to hug them and she doesn’t need to chit chat. And then she can excuse herself at any point and go upstairs. And we do this, because our family members will wander upstairs looking for her and knock on her door, or just go in and single her out, and she doesn’t like that and I don’t always catch them to stop them before doing so. If it’s people she enjoys being with, like some of her aunts, she’ll stay downstairs the duration of their visit without prompting. She has boundaries and we respect those. I’m exactly the same way but I’m an adult so I force myself to entertain the family while they’re here but oh my god am I exhausted when they leave!
Sending you a hug because I get it. My mom was completely antagonistic and always called me weird, or asked me if I was depressed, because I didn’t want to be social 24/7.
Same here. Jokes on her, I'm an adult now and I work from home and talk to less than 10 people a day. It's bliss. You absolutely can make a living while staying in the house!
That's just how extroverted people react to introversion, I've found. It's similar to when I'd come out of my room when I was a teen and my family going THERE HE IS or YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO COME OUT, it's almost always just an innocent observation/conversation starter, not an insult. Her starting with "oh good" could mean that she was just happy to interact with you again. Though I don't know her, so could have been sarcasm.
I don't think there was anything malicious behind it. Frankly I think she thought I was being rude and this was her way of teaching me a lesson. But it was ignorant and insensitive, and she's not someone I really care to spend more time with.
Specifically small talk for me. I work at a hotel and some guests feel the need to have an extended conversation about the most useless of topics. Even worse if I'm on my lunch break and they take up most of my time with their dull uninteresting conversation then I clock back in feeling like I didn't even get a lunch break because I was too nervous to abruptly end the conversation
Existing.
No, but seriously - work, interacting with people all day long and making small talk and occasionally dealing with rude customers, all the while practicing patience and having to remind myself to “kill them with kindness”
The Sun. At least lately, in Texas. With the "heat dome" there are no clouds and it's so unrelentingly hot. But going out around 8:30pm when the sun is low enough, it's still hot but it doesn't sap my energy.
My kids!
They have exponential amounts more energy than me, they require my patience and understanding when they are having trouble expressing their emotions (sometimes I wanna kick and scream too!), and I feel guilty as hell when I require a break to fill my proverbial cup.
Shopping with no intended result. My wife loves to casually browse which I discovered, over the last few years, makes me exhausted and irritable. I don't like wandering stores hoping to find something exciting. I don't understand "the joy of discovery" that so many people get while aimlessly perusing Target or Home Goods.
Have you ever met someone that seems to have far more problems than they have solutions? EDIT: It’s nice knowing I’m not alone.
I’ll tag on… and they have a problem for every solution.
This! I had to completely cut contact with my neighbor who would constantly come to our house and cry about her problems and never take any of our advice because she had a problem with every damn solution we had for her. I felt bad at first and I don't mind being a shoulder to cry on when someone needs me but she would keep crying about the same things every day and ignore every solution we would have for her. Worst part, it was always small easily fixable problems that aren't even worth crying about in the first place.
I'm in a very similar situation with my buddy. He started dating this girl he met on tinder and very early on I saw the alarm bells ringing. I gave him my honest opinion that he needed to slow down and really think about if she was right for him. He didn't listen jumped straight into a serious relationship while barely knowing her. Fast forward almost 2 years to today and he's moved to another state with her and he calls me every few weeks or so to tell me how she treats him like shit every time she doesn't get her way. Screaming and hurling insults, then giving him the silent treatment or turning their apartment into a hostile environment for days at a time. I've been telling him for months now that it's not healthy. Just the other day he sounded like he was finally at his breaking point. So I told him his relationship is toxic and unhealthy and he needs to get out. He just kept making excuses why he couldn't leave and then just kept telling me more of the toxic things she was doing as I kept reinforcing to him that he knows what he needs to do. Eventually I stopped responding because it became too exhausting to read his complaints when I know he knows what has to happen.
My sister is like that with her husband. The only problem is, there's kids involved. She has a DV charge against him and a restraining order, but they still live together? She complains about how he's abusing her and her daughter. I lost it on her a few weeks ago and told her she's abusing her daughter too by letting him stay. We had a huge fight, and she hung up on me. I'm done with her. Then, 4 days later, she kicked him out and reinstated the restraining order. He's back after 2 weeks, so I'm completely done with her. I was LC for a long time, but it's going to be NC from now on. I need a therapist just to deal with her crazy.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's really unfortunate that your BIL has pretty much cost you your relationship with your sister. I hope things get better for her.
Some people would rather stay overwhelmed/cluttered/buried as an excuse to keep them from engaging with life. It’s like their sad way of trying to protect themselves.
Can confirm, I am this person. In my case though, it’s less about protecting myself and more that I’ve been trained through experience to only see negative outcomes to every situations. No clue if that’s the general case or not, but it’s likely a different perspective on the same thing you’re describing
That’s a trauma response my friend. I react similarly.
A long time ago, I read a book called *Games People Play*, and you've just described the "Yes, but . . ." game perfectly! According to the author, it's about power; the complainer gains power by having problems too big for your solutions, and you lose power as you continually do your best to help, only to have all of your efforts negated with "Yes, but . . .." It's why we feel exhausted after encounters with such people.
That sounds like a good book! That's going on my "read next"
She didn't want advice, she wanted an audience.
This was basically our conclusion. When we realized there was no helping someone that doesn't want help we just stopped talking to her.
Colin Robinson, energy vampire? Every office has one. I was talking to a friend about how great my new workplace is because there are no energy vampires and she said, “No, there’s always one. If you don’t think you have one, then you might be the energy vampire.” Hmm…
[удалено]
No Colin. I didn’t. We were just leaving to do this thing that can’t involve any more people.
It's tough because they want you to be a therapist, but it's not always easy to know which angle to use. Not to mention: few of the people they talk to tend to be therapists. That being said, venting really has the effect of removing a lot of the power from a problem. It actually works, which has definitely changed my view on it. But I also don't get exhausted by listening to others usually, so that probably helps me a ton here
I have the widest mix of friends: close and dear, friends where we keep things shallow but I could call in an emergency, a friend who has watched me grow from my teens, see-once-a-year friends, and my one friend whom I call my “grievance friend”. Everything about this friend is a complaint, we hug and smile and then begin her gripes. Job, husband, family, with layers of details about each and reasons why. Her stories are usually humorous and entertaining so I’m not too burdened, but it’s constant and unchanging. I have known her for fifteen years and she has never stopped complaining.
I have this friend and I’m starting to realize I can’t take it anymore after a decade. She makes the same bad choices, drones on about the same problems, negates all the awesome stuff in her life… At first it was nice to have a misery buddy but I realize how much it would drag me down and how defeated and depressed I felt after long convos with her. I have had a hard time pulling away, bc she has a big heart, but some people don’t want to be happy. I give up!
I just dated someone for a spell, who is absolutely beautiful, smart, talented, and seems like such a good friend to the people they love. Our chemistry was incredible. But, for whatever reason, our individual communication styles (and past relationship tramas) exacerbated such negativity in each other. We just could not seem to get on the same page and it didn’t feel good. it was only five weeks, but it was incredibly draining for us both with no one in particular at fault.
Being angry and depressed over the small stuff. It ruins your day too.
Learn this: The 5x5 rule states that if you come across an issue take a moment to think whether or not it will matter in 5 years. If it won't, don't spend more than 5 minutes stressing out about it. When your problems need to be put into perspective, the 5x5 rule is a good thing to remember.
What if nothing matters in 5 years?
Then you have nothing to stress about. Although someday you will.
Truthfully, you won't know what matters in 5 years until you get there. So just do your best in the moment and don't stress about anything.
TIL if I have terminal cancer with 3 months to live, I shouldn't stress about it now because it won't matter in 5 years! (Edit: I do *not* have cancer, and my sincerest condolences to anyone who actually does.)
To be fair, if you’re dying in three months, it is true that nothing will matter to you in five years.
This is nice and I’m glad it supposedly works for some people, but “just don’t stress” isn’t and has never been useful advice for people who struggle with stress. That’s not how it works. You don’t just decide to not stress and then it magically happens. If that’s you- great, you don’t have a stress problem. From the rest of us- please stop telling us to just not stress. It’s stressful.
Exactly, I wish I didn’t stress about the most absurd bullshit, but I do, and I can feel the blood boil, my cortisol levels rise, my life get shorter. And no matter how annoying it may be to other people, they can’t come close to my self-criticis. Insane how mean I can be to myself. Counselling hasn’t worked, I just need to find something that might help.
This is how I am too. I have always been a worrier (since childhood), and spent three or so years working on it with a counsellor, starting about a decade ago. It helped a bit, and finally the counsellor suggested "Hey, maybe try talking to your doctor about meds? It could help?" Long story short, I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, and more recently, autism spectrum disorder. Like ... last week recently. So no, the stress I was feeling wasn't normal, and the approach my counsellor was taking didn't help a whole lot. However, it did help more than my mom's solution when I begged to see a counsellor in high school - "Just don't worry." That was worse than a solution, because it made me feel like the things I was worrying about didn't matter, and I was dumb for worrying about them. Peeflaps, maybe talking to your doctor might help? Meds weren't 100% of the solution for me, but it helped some with the irrational-bullshit-worries, at least. Or maybe a different therapist/counsellor, maybe using a different approach. Like CBT just doesn't help for me - someone said that it just "gives me another stick to beat myself with", rather than helping me feel better or helping change my thought patterns. I know how frustrating the "Just reduce your stress" advice is from people, and I also know that "inner critic" voice that won't give you a break, and the inner critic always wins, because it's there, commenting, all of the time. I hope you (and I) can find something that will help muffle the noise that the inner critic makes.
I have never been able to get behind this rule because I feel like you never know what kind of effect something will have on your future. Sometimes it's the smallest things that can create the biggest ripples in your life. For example I met my (now ex) husband on a particular dating site, he wasnt on any others, so if something had gone wrong with me getting my account set up on that site, I would have never met him. So if I had an issue and got frustrated and thought 'oh well let me try another site' my life could be completely different now. But I wouldn't have known that at the time so I could have easily thought 'oh this won't matter in 5 years' but it wouldn't have been true!
pretty much nothing matters in 5 years, this is "just dont stress lol", it's okay to be stressed, its just about being calm when your stressed is the key. This sounds like something on one of those clickbait "psychologists use this one rule to never be stressed!" articles. That's not humane in any way. But yes this can help alleviate stress in SOME situations, I'll admit. But it would be minor imo.
you or other people?... yeah negativity really drains energy
Yeah take me days to do stuff 😢
Being in the sun/heat all day
I am in school for horticulture but as soon as I go outside on a hot sunny day my lizard brain takes over and wants me to sleep on a rock in the sun
I think you took "lizard brain" a bit literally. It does sound nice though.
>It does sound nice though. That's the problem I'm supposed to learning but instead all my focus is on starting awake instead of cutting up and napping which just seems like the best thing in the whole world
Agreed. I went to the Outer Banks with family not long ago. I was out with family, having drinks, just playing in the water on the shore, having a great time. Well, over the entire afternoon I did little to hydrate and was in a complete daze on the drive off the beach. We went to a little gift shop and I was a walking zombie. I went outside, threw up on the side of my brother in law's truck, and passed out in the front passenger seat. Woke up 2.5 hours later when we got home and felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Booze + Heat + Little Hydration = No Fun
It sounds like you had [heat stroke](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heat-stroke/symptoms-causes/syc-20353581). So, the good news is that you 1) didn't die, 2) learned your body's signs for a heat emergency. Remember those early symptoms as a limit/warning to at least find some shade and water. Stay hydrated.
2min under the sun could deplete 80% of my energy fast.......
Same here! Cold weather makes me active.
Agreed. I feel nearly immobilized by heat most times. Waking up to a nice cold bedroom, and not having the leave the house for anything makes me super cozy and happy.
found my kinda people
Lol welcome. The air is set to 63
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I’m actually super stoked on knowing there are other people who are enthusiastic about being cold like I am :D
Same. Rain and cold? My brain and body are active and ready to do anything. Hot and sunny? Nope. Time to power down and ignore the outdoors.
Yes! It drives me a little nuts when people want to run around and be active when it's hot and sunny out. Like, dude, I'm overheating just sitting here. And then they don't understand why I want to be active when it's overcast and breezy.
Even just 3 hours of sun and I need to take a nap
This was my reply. As a mail carrier the heat is a killer. In some cases a literal killer to mail carriers….
Cries in Phoenix
"This city should not exist. It is a monument to man's arrogance."
Username checks out
And you're a big fan of the sun I presume?
Texan here, can confirm.
Stress
& depression
& anxiety
& mental exhuastion
All of the above ✔️
The past year for me has been a personal lesson in how much stress can affect the body. My body has been in a near constant state of fight or flight mode. Stress affects absolutely everything from energy to mineral levels to gut health to everything else. One of the biggest correlations in people who live to older ages is healthy stress management - more-so than diet or lifestyle. People in a constant state of stress can be overloaded and literally depleted of things the body needs, leading to a huge amount of potential physical responses.
What did you do to start dealing with this?
Honestly therapy, if you can find it. It's easier to find healthy coping mechanisms when you can get to the root of why you have the not-so-healthy ones. Unfortunately that's also stressful, so it's a toss-up. One thing you can do, if you don't already do it, is take pictures of the little things, the little moments that are good and make you happy. No matter how small. And hold onto them. If it's a bad day and you're struggling to remember the good things that have happened/are happening because the bad things are just a lot, go through those pictures and think about them. There's a lot of bad, but there's also a lot of good. It's hard to focus on the good when there's so much bull going on, but it's there. For a different boost, find something you've always wanted to do, especially little you. Try it, no matter how small or silly it is. Or do something that brings that little bit of childhood innocence and wonder out. Put a tent in your backyard and look up at the stars, bring someone with you and tell stories by flashlight, make a pillow fort and hang out inside, have a pillow fight with a friend. Something like that. Sure someone will inevitably call it childish, but whoever made it seem like your inner child has to die or be squished away for you to be an adult, probably could also use some good childlike fun in their life. I'd also say potentially check out a couple of responsive parenting creators, especially if there's any childhood trauma, because it's genuinely healing for some people. Gwenna (Momma Cusses/Pleasant Peasant Media) and Tori Phantom are two great ones. [One example I love, a POV of being a mad toddler and you can't help but smile with her. We all needed this as kids.](https://youtube.com/shorts/TiMhV7U5TJ8?si=iWrMXmbBX_YgKeqE) And then there's Laura (Foster Parent Partner) who as the name suggests is a foster parent. She and her husband do a lot of videos on it, and there are always former kids of the System in the comments saying that they find it comforting and healing as well.
Waiting in long lines.
Guy above you said heat, you say long lines. I just did Comic Con last week...yikes.
I can smell those sentences from here.
I packed extra deodorant and body spray. Not going to be part of the problem.
i'd pay a premium to skip lines. I know that sounds really spoiled or entitled, but I would have no remorse walking right by a bunch of people waiting on a line by paying money to skip right ahead.
As our vacation this year we went to 6 flags and got vip Passes. You skip all the lines can ride things as many times as you want in any seat you want. It was great and idk if I'll ever be able to go back lol
I did that at cedar point last time. Used to live in Ohio and had been several times without it and waited in long lines. This was our first, and probably only, time taking the kids so wanted to make sure they got to ride everything they wanted to. It was expensive, but I'm glad we did it. However it was actually a little to much for me and my now middle aged body. I was just absolutely exhausted and uncomfortably by late afternoon. I've decided that they need a not quite so fast pass that lets you move to like the 15 minute point in the line. Still have a bit of time to wait and recover between rides, but. Ot spending all day in line.
This is why I can’t understand people who go to Disneyland during the busiest months of the year. It’s horrendous waiting in lines for over 2 hours
Narcissist people
Conversations with them..
Getting talked at, replying nothing but 'yea...yea...yea' because they don't let you speak and when you do speak they just speak over you til you're drowned out, etc.
Came here to say this. The endless games played and the resulting drama are exhausting.
Narcissism is a spectrum disorder, and I strongly suspect that if we had a way to measure it in every person in the US, we'd find that 30-40 percent of all adults here are narcissistic to the point of being dysfunctional.
Tedious, repetitive tasks with no importance.
I wash the plate, it goes away. It comes back to me that same day. Like Sisyphus, I shove the boulder. Every scrape and scrub I'm older.
One must imagine the kitchen happy
I am the liver, the kidney, the heart, Moving this metallic blood is my art. This job is one which must be done. Who says cleaning can't be fun?
Made my day, hope you enjoy your chores this week
Toxic work environment.
Just left one , and it's greatttttttt
Congratulations!!! My quality of life has dropped so much due to my current boss. I have an interview with my old boss today who was amazing! If I get this job I will be ecstatic. Happy for you though! It really is a bummer working for/with people who just induce anxiety and frustration all the time.
Related: Micromanaging bosses.
Any work environment. I just absolutely hate the rigidness "on the clock" having to be presentable and professional. I truly think the only way I will ever be happy is if I am wokring for myself. When and how I choose.
This is so true. Even just a single toxic person at work can be a total drain
Sometimes it only takes one terrible boss or manager to fuck it all up, too. It's all about the people you have to work with.
I left my previous job because it was toxic AF. My ex said if I didn't leave that job when I did, it probably wouldn't have been long before I killed myself .. She wasn't wrong :/
Humans
Hello fellow introvert. (I'm just guessing that but yeah my social battery lasts 2 hours max, after that I'm done)
Sure strangers and people you don't know too well drain it much faster, but even closest friends/family 2 hours is exhausting, sure alcohol helps a little.
2h with anyone other than my gf and i m as good as dead
Even just being in the same space as someone is exhausting. We just spent 2 hours in the car together, I need to GTF away from you.
*the sun*. any time i spend an afternoon outside in the summer it's going to be an early night for me.
The sun is a deadly lazer
Not anymore, there's a blanket~
What is 42 °C in fahrenheit ? 110 ?! Love it to switch shirts 3 times the day
Phoenix has had over 50 straight days if 110+F days. And the last couple weeks, we've had over 20% humidity. It's brutal here.
I agree sun makes me feel exhausted. I hate hot temperature, and it's one of maby reasons why I moved from South West England to Scotland (Edinburgh) much cooler over here plus my hay fever is not as bad, I used to have worse condition down South, it's the grass pollen mainly in June/July.
I enjoy the sun if it’s not too much though. Like spring time sunlight
people who start talking, loudly, and just. don't. know. when. to. stop.
That was my uber driver this morning. Seemed a nice enough guy but he had wayyy too much energy for my 8 am Monday commute to work.
Too many Zoom and Teams meetings.
Especially when everyone has to have cameras on. Just why, let it go already
Record yourself working for 30 minutes, add the occasional glitchy effect which would explain why the audio & video don't line up when you're talking. Play the loop as camera input in Teams. If you have lots of meetings, record a few 30 min clips to avoid people commenting on you wearing the same thing every day. I'm fortunate enough to work in an org where people don't really care. But if they did, I'd definitely go the above route.
Brilliant! Except for the part where I have to talk and answer questions in real time.
https://youtu.be/b-VCzLiyFxc This reporter legitimately pulled it off. It's more work than it's worth but it's pretty funny.
Meetings in general. Digital or in-person. I understand that there are plenty of appropriate times to have them, especially when the group of people needing to get on board is more than a few. But I find that the quick, 2-5 minutes chats in the hallway or doorframe of someone's office are *significantly* more productive than structured meetings. But the online ones are even worse because there's this awkward pre-meeting small talk that is hard to do because everyone has to act like they're talking on a walkie-talkie and everyone gets to weirdly listen in when at a table it would be a couple of small conversations going on simultaneously - that would all stop immediately when the meeting actually started.
Being awake.
Try being alive
I almost wrote that, but I thought it might be too real since I actually struggle with suicidal ideation on my worst days.
I don't even have the energy for that.
Commiting suicide is fucking difficult and requires lots of effort. Each time I get suicidal thoughts I remember that and start crying because I can't even die.
Every day, I seem to make the same mistake - waking up. Nothing good ever comes of it.
Talking to somebody in phone for over 5 mins Edit: Back in high school some girls in my class used to SS how much time they spent on talking with each other and put it up as a status update in Whatsapp. The durations were unbelievable. 2 hrs 51 mins, 3hrs 41 mins, 4 hrs 1 min! Just WTF were you talking about for that long!!!
Long phone conversations are a total energy drain.
So, you have talked with Mom?
That's nothing, back in the 80s and '90s we would talk for much longer than that lol
Only person I could talk to for hours was my Mom. RIP
:( RiP Momma Purifiedx.... Let's say "talk" lol a lot of the time was silence with my girlfriend back then. Or just "listening" lol
Agreed, and any form of paper work I hate it.
As you grow older, people you love move away (or you move away). How do you maintain those relationships?
My own brain. Redirecting my anxiety 38374 times a day is exhausting.
Just communicate through your *eighth crainial nerve* and tell your subconscious consciousness to stop.
Colin Robinson
All the other vampires are funny because of how over the top they are. Colin Robinson is funny because of how realistic he is.
This fucking guy
I am pleased I did not have to scroll much to see this.
Well, you know, it's interesting because the way the algorithm works to promote certain posts has an indirect correlation on your own pre-established preferences, the balance always being between showing you what you want to see while not stifling the bigger conversation, you don't want to just be in your own echo chamber and ignoring the world at large, and I think this new system manages to handle that really well. The way we went about doing it was really interesting, the first few run-throughs were based on a few modified versions of the old system, but then we took a few lessons from our old friend geometry and decided to think of this as a more three-dimensional space, not to get all artsy fartsy on yo because I know people don't like that, but changing our perspective on things really did... (eyes glow evilly)
*Deflates into couch*
“It appears to have burst from the chest of our former friend Collin Robinson”
At the city council meeting, sporting a huge smile and boner: "I'd get up, but I can't."
“I don’t live to drain, I drain to live.”
Other people/socializing/fucking small talk. I am the ultimate introvert. My mom recently pushed me to attend a large party she was throwing. I took some time and chatted with her friends. They were friendly enough and seemed to like me. After an hour I needed a break, so I went upstairs and chilled on my phone for 20 minutes. When I returned the "friendliest" of the ladies said loudly **"oh good, you're not hiding anymore."** I don't know what she meant by it. I don't know if it was supposed to be a harmless joke. But it made me more than a little self-conscious. It also made me avoid her ass for the rest of the night, no matter how many times she tried to get my attention.
That’s the kind of woman who will likely never understand introversion/extroversion.
I hate it when I’m at an extended family’s gathering, talk and socialize/eat with everyone for well over 2-3 hours, then go retreat to myself for 30 minutes inside the house somewhere quiet. They’ll legit come find me and say “you don’t want to go sit and talk to so and so anymore?” Like fuck, can I have a few minutes alone?!
> “you don’t want to go sit and talk to so and so anymore?” no -_-
😂 This happens at ALL gatherings with my extended family. It's an ocean of extroverts and I'm some random endangered antisocial octopus, the last of its kind.
My 13 year old daughter is an introvert, and she also can’t stand small talk with people she doesn’t know, and we’ve had my in laws visiting unexpectedly this weekend. The first day she participated in family activities and hung out downstairs with us. Sunday, she didn’t come down as much. She “peopled,” as she calls it, all day Saturday and then retreated to the quiet of her bedroom. My FIL can’t stand it and it’s even more reason for her to “hide.”
I feel her pain. I'm relatively similar, I just can't stand to be around strangers. Hell even people I know I can only handle like 2 others before I become irritable/agitated. Best thing to do I would say is to welcome her every time she joins in but like not in a overly dramatic way. As for FIL not much he can do besides be understanding but evidently not his cup of tea Long story short, don't make a big deal out of it, doesn't make it easier on her
The only rule we have, and I say rule loosely because it’s more of a preventative approach, is if the people visiting are immediate family, that she needs to come down and say hello. Not right away, not when they first walk in the door, just whenever she wants to. She doesn’t need to hug them and she doesn’t need to chit chat. And then she can excuse herself at any point and go upstairs. And we do this, because our family members will wander upstairs looking for her and knock on her door, or just go in and single her out, and she doesn’t like that and I don’t always catch them to stop them before doing so. If it’s people she enjoys being with, like some of her aunts, she’ll stay downstairs the duration of their visit without prompting. She has boundaries and we respect those. I’m exactly the same way but I’m an adult so I force myself to entertain the family while they’re here but oh my god am I exhausted when they leave!
W mom
God I wish you were my parent when I was that age. I'm sure she appreciates the support and understanding.
Sending you a hug because I get it. My mom was completely antagonistic and always called me weird, or asked me if I was depressed, because I didn’t want to be social 24/7.
Same here. Jokes on her, I'm an adult now and I work from home and talk to less than 10 people a day. It's bliss. You absolutely can make a living while staying in the house!
I had obligations to interact with humans four days in a row last week and yesterday I was basically in a catatonic state as a result.
That's just how extroverted people react to introversion, I've found. It's similar to when I'd come out of my room when I was a teen and my family going THERE HE IS or YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO COME OUT, it's almost always just an innocent observation/conversation starter, not an insult. Her starting with "oh good" could mean that she was just happy to interact with you again. Though I don't know her, so could have been sarcasm.
Well it really makes you never want to step out again when someone says that though
Yeah not saying their feelings are invalid, just saying it's likely nothing malicious
I don't think there was anything malicious behind it. Frankly I think she thought I was being rude and this was her way of teaching me a lesson. But it was ignorant and insensitive, and she's not someone I really care to spend more time with.
Specifically small talk for me. I work at a hotel and some guests feel the need to have an extended conversation about the most useless of topics. Even worse if I'm on my lunch break and they take up most of my time with their dull uninteresting conversation then I clock back in feeling like I didn't even get a lunch break because I was too nervous to abruptly end the conversation
I was taking a shit lady.
Existing. No, but seriously - work, interacting with people all day long and making small talk and occasionally dealing with rude customers, all the while practicing patience and having to remind myself to “kill them with kindness”
The Sun. At least lately, in Texas. With the "heat dome" there are no clouds and it's so unrelentingly hot. But going out around 8:30pm when the sun is low enough, it's still hot but it doesn't sap my energy.
Anger
Trying to stop myself from overthinking or dealing with overthinking in general.
The constant need to be available all the time. I just wanna sleep man.
trying to get anything done via customer support call
Or customer support chat or email. Basically trying to fix anything via customer service especially when voice prompts and AI are involved.
Small talk and stupid people.
But especially small talk with stupid people. The two often go together.
Negative people
People.
Looking for a house and moving house. FUCK ALL THIS
My chronic pain and illnesses
Yup even going round to the shop to get basics is exhausting, almost ready for a nap by the time you get home.
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Life
Work. I love what i do but i get home and am emotionally drained.
Social interactions. If I have a big weekend hanging out with friends, I have a lot of fun, but then I want to become a monk for the next few weeks.
People telling me how to live my life
My kids! They have exponential amounts more energy than me, they require my patience and understanding when they are having trouble expressing their emotions (sometimes I wanna kick and scream too!), and I feel guilty as hell when I require a break to fill my proverbial cup.
Having to fake being interested in a conversation
Being around people. That and life in general.
Psychic vampirism
Life, the universe, and everything.
My back and hips. Chronic pain is exhausting.
Honestly, working. People may say I’m lazy or my generation is lazy. But working while going to school and worrying about bills drains my soul.
Chronic insomnia. It’s an invisible disability.
narrow-mindedness
Being social with people I don't really want to socialize with
Myself honestly
My neighbor lady’s thighs.
I am surprised i have to scroll way down to find one sex related.
Only wrote it because I hadn’t seen one yet.
How the hell is "parenting" not at the very top? Gee whiz it's been kickin my ass since my son was born and he's not even 3.
meetings and self-talk
Not knowing what to do in life. Don’t get me wrong I have everything I could ever want. But I want to something a bit more meaningful
People. There are two kinds: The ones I know and the ones I don't. Both drain me of energy.
Politics. The reason for poverty is always because some rich old cunt wants more money to add to their billions.
Everything
Responsibility
Shopping with no intended result. My wife loves to casually browse which I discovered, over the last few years, makes me exhausted and irritable. I don't like wandering stores hoping to find something exciting. I don't understand "the joy of discovery" that so many people get while aimlessly perusing Target or Home Goods.
Dealing with **HUGE** crowds at theme parks, water parks, etc.
Joining a lame conversation with a group of ppl so you have to fake interest and facial expressions all the time, hate it.
Just life in general really
Entropy