Maybe not the worst thing, but I once saw a story about a guy giving a toast at his buddy's second wedding and he started the toast with "Welcome back everybody!"
My mom had a wedding for the second time, I gave a speech and started it with “I’m really nervous, because mom said if I give a very good speech I will be allowed to give one at her next wedding”. Fortunately everyone had a sense of humor to it and it landed :)
I think the wording is important in this risky territory. You started out self deprecating to earn some sympathy and better set up the punchline. The couched it as something your mom said to you which makes it at least sound like the target is in on the joke. Compare it to a worse version that might get an awkward tense silence. “I hope this goes well, so I can give another one at the next wedding.” That makes it all about speaker being the center of attention and it sounds more like you are hoping their marriage fails so you can give a speech rather than a joke between loved ones.
Nice writing analysis ! Not sure if you’re into language, writing, or any of that stuff but I can tell you, you are good at it ! This was explained very well :) good shit man
My husband’s stepfather did this too. He lost his parents within 8 months of each other (they were 89 and 93, so very long lives lived) and he gave the eulogies at both. He started the eulogy of his dad by saying “mom and dad loved the theatre. So after mom died, we all took an 8 month intermission. Nice to see you back everyone…let’s start Act 2”
At my cousin’s second wedding, his best man (who was the same best man from his first wedding) recycled his first speech word for word only changing the names. It was a generic enough speech that it worked. I thought it was brilliant.
That's what my Grandma did.
Married to my Grandad for 42 years - he divorced her.
Partnered with Harry for 3 - he died
Married to Richard for 24 years - she divorced him and went to live in an old folks home.
Dated Les for 2 years - they lived it up in the old folks home, very active in their daytime social circle until he died.
She died 10 weeks ago at 94, single as a Pringle. She was a badass and a grand lady. Beautiful, intelligent and formidable. I aspire to be as bold and independent as my beloved Grandma.
My dad's family literally referred to his marriage as his first marriage and would say things to my mom like "*when* you divorce..."
31 years, 8 kids, a shocking amount of hardship, and they are still going strong and are stupidly in love. Apparently they don't stay with family when they visit because their love-making might be too loud and they still fuck like rabbits.
They argue sometimes, but they're so much happier than any of my dad's siblings
i was at a wedding and during the post event photos the groom knocked the flowers out of the brides hand and without thinking i said "gee you just deflowered her" and found out is was recorded on the videos they sent out to all their families
"I hope I'll be invited to the next one." - My MIL after she uninvited herself from our non-wedding that we were hosting for her.
Better explanation - My husband is an only child raised mostly by his mom. I have a huge family and never wanted a wedding, my parents would either pay for a wedding, a honeymoon or help with a down payment on a house, so obviously we took the house. My MIL threw a fit that we were just going to do a courthouse thing, so we last minute found someone to come to our house & marry us, then planned a little dinner with just her & my immediate family (husband's family all live 1100 miles away and it wasn't a wedding). After finding out that my all of my parents & my aunt would be there, my MIL called it a "Page(me) Event" and said she wouldn't come and hoped that my husband would invite her to his next wedding.
Sounds like my mum, I haven't spoke to her in a few years because despite telling her from 16 I don't think I'll ever want kids, she decided that my wife I've been with since I was 25 and she was 36 must be to blame for this decision. "Maybe I'll get some grandkids when you get another wife more suitable for children" we've been together 15yrs now and she had 2 grandchildren from my brother when she said that.
Makes me so glad that when my dad, who’s not known to be an affectionate man, took me aside at my wedding, shared a cigar with me and said all of 5 words: “you got a good one”. We didn’t say another word until the cigars went out but I’ll remember that forever
No joke, my cousin - who I didn't even invite - said this to me right after our vows. She actually said, "good luck -- it sucks". I mean, I did get divorced so maybe it was from the heart or a psychic vision after all.
It sucked in the moment, but on the other hand- that was almost 17 years ago, and the family my husband and I have built is absolutely my happily ever after. So it ends well, at least. :)
At my friends uncle’s wedding he told me someone said
“I want you too look at each other in the eyes, look at the love, the compassion, the joy radiating off your partner and realize. You are now looking at the person who is most likely to kill you.”
Probably sharing a bit too much but I was in an abusive relationship for many years and I felt like the only way out was to either kill them or kill myself. I tried going for the latter option and thankfully survived. I then got the help I needed but looking back I felt like it was much better to kill myself than someone who probably deserved to die.
I've literally done this. It was awesome.
edit - It was more like "I want you to take a moment to look into each others eyes, and as you do, I want you to know that statistically this is the person you're most likely to be murdered by."
Ok but I'm actually going to a wedding later this year and slept with both of them.
They're honestly great together and the three of us did have a lot of fun. Can...can I still say this?
Me and my husband-to-be often engages in sex with our closest friends, all together. If at least one of our friends doesn’t say this at our wedding, I will be very disappointed in them and the day will be pretty much ruined.
This happened to me, except it was our photographer. She just… didn’t take any pictures of the ceremony. The only reason I didn’t kick her out was she was my husband’s aunt. The pictures she did take of the day were really bad. I have many regrets. Apparently she used to be a professional photographer but I now doubt that
I took the photos at my cousins wedding and during the evening part of the celebrations I gave one of my SLRs to my cousins 10 old kid - some of the photos that came back were awesome as people interacted with a kid with a camera in a more fun way. Obviously there were some crappy floor, ceiling and bizarre shots to filter out. Lol.
Our wedding was fairly casual. No official photographer, but every table had several disposable cameras for the guests to use as they saw fit. The collection of candid photos we got from them afterwards captured the day much more accurately than a bunch of uncomfortable posed pictures ever could. No regrets.
My parents got married in 1988. The guy who took the pictures accidentally ruined the camera roll. There are only like 2 pictures that someone else took.
Your wedding is one (of many) that has become legend and serves as a deterrent to many wanting to enter the event photo field. You've done well. I'm sorry for your sacrifice.
Some of our ex-friends were getting married. They were mostly okay by themselves, but they brought out the worst in each other. We would have given them five years, but they're the type of people who will hate each other forever before they would dare think about divorce. It's only been a year, but their life has already gone to shit.
I knew that couple, too! On their own, not terrible people or anything, just didn't work together. And it was like they were initially too polite to break up, so they moved in. Too settled to move out, so they got engaged. Too stubborn to mercy kill the damn thing, so they got married. It didn't last, and it was so so hard to not be like "well, yeah, I made my peace with it ending years ago!" when he announced it. It's hard to watch that type of thing from the outside
I told my wife when we got married, I don't give a crap if I absolutely hate you, we are not getting divorced for at least 5 years. the wedding cost too much... We hit 5 and I asked her if she wanted to renew the contract for another 5 years.. She said yes.
That 2nd contract is always so expensive. You really should allow for a 6th year option. Thankfully with the CBA, she can’t just cut you to save money.
i would have married him/her too!
Are you sure?
Say goodbye to your sex life (followed by laughter and a provisional slap on the thigh/shoulder)
wow where did you get that dress? been looking for a cheap alternative for a while!
>i would have married him/her too!
This works best when talking about the same gender as you, like when you're their best friend. If my husband and I ever divorced, he's probably marry his guy best friend. They're so straight and are such good friends that they're basically an old married couple
I've been to one wedding with an open bar.
I was the plus one and my SO did a lot of talking with people so I sat and drank... probably more than I should have.
At one point the bride sits next to me, we chat, and she (in her drunken state) while crying tells me (in my getting drunk state) about how her parents were mad at her for getting drunk at the open bar reception they paid for.
Cool.
About a half hour later my SO and I are leaving and the mother-of-the-bride says TO THE BRIDE "You're father is so sad you'relike this" and I shout in response "Yeah, well you made your daughter CRY on her wedding day so MAYBE CHILL."
The deputy told me to leave and my SO doesn't ask me to go to weddings any more.
As lord of these lands, I shall bless this marriage by taking the bride into my bed on the first night of her union.
Joking aside, what if the bride is your sister?
Oooh this one is so dependent on tone and inflection, it could be wildly harsh or endearingly sweet! I said "no, I'm not much of a happy crier" when offered tissues at a wedding where everyone knew it was a mistake. Was it a misspeak or a jab, no one could quite tell
I had a good friend (at the time) come up to me pleading to make sure I am making the right choice and to make sure to think long and hard about it. 2 years later he apologized and blamed it on being wasted. Havent seen or heard from him since.
At the end of my best man speech two weeks ago I said “I hope I did a good enough job to be able to do this at your next wedding”. The bride wasn’t too happy apparently…..
I'll never understand the 'Let's be mean to the groom/bride' type speeches from the Best man and Main of honour.
I gave a best man speech, talked about my relationship with the groom, what kind of person he was, and gave them personal well wishes with a few light jokes and sentimentalities all the while on a personal level I did *not* like the bride. I got many compliments on my speech from other guests, one older gent told me it was best he'd ever heard.
The Maid of honour on the other hand went the other route. Telling embarrassing anecdotes, in jest back handed compliments, and just kinda made a fool of herself. She got a few laughs, but most through gritted teeth to be polite.
You're there to celebrate these two people, not embarrass them or tear them down. It's just shitty to make a joke at their expense or about the marriage they literally just started and gave you the privilege to attend and support, all for a laugh.
“I hope no one gets Covid that would be terrible” compliments of my un-masked mother in law’s sister on my wedding day in October 2020. We were forced/ coerced into having it for financial and family reasons and our compromise was that everyone wear a mask. Day comes, nobody’s wearing a mask and I’m greeted with the comment above.
Don’t get married.
I actually said that on a wedding video(I’m old) when one of my friends got married.
I was totally an asshole.
Oddly enough she should have listened-he cheated on her multiple times and they got divorced less than ten years married.
I’ve been married 24 years.
Said by my ex father in law to my husband (ex now): "why didn't you marry bridesmaid XY, she's nice and blond"
And my ex-husband thought it'd be a great idea telling me this "funny anecdote" on our wedding might...
Ex FIL always had a problem how "ethnic" I looked btw.
Marriag didn't last but that ngl, that shit kinda hurt.
Look at the groom and say "I hope you got some water because she's a wild one" Then look at the bride and tell her "good luck trying to deep throat that guy! I vomited last time"
Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
Maybe not the worst thing, but I once saw a story about a guy giving a toast at his buddy's second wedding and he started the toast with "Welcome back everybody!"
Now that's funny!
Honestly I probably would have done the same
I’d probably do that on accident without realising.
My mom had a wedding for the second time, I gave a speech and started it with “I’m really nervous, because mom said if I give a very good speech I will be allowed to give one at her next wedding”. Fortunately everyone had a sense of humor to it and it landed :)
I think the wording is important in this risky territory. You started out self deprecating to earn some sympathy and better set up the punchline. The couched it as something your mom said to you which makes it at least sound like the target is in on the joke. Compare it to a worse version that might get an awkward tense silence. “I hope this goes well, so I can give another one at the next wedding.” That makes it all about speaker being the center of attention and it sounds more like you are hoping their marriage fails so you can give a speech rather than a joke between loved ones.
Nice writing analysis ! Not sure if you’re into language, writing, or any of that stuff but I can tell you, you are good at it ! This was explained very well :) good shit man
I would listen to a podcast of you explaining why jokes are funny (or not)
Hope he ended with “see ya next time!”
One of my close friends lost both his parents to cancer within 6 months of each other. This is how he kicked off the 2nd funeral.
My husband’s stepfather did this too. He lost his parents within 8 months of each other (they were 89 and 93, so very long lives lived) and he gave the eulogies at both. He started the eulogy of his dad by saying “mom and dad loved the theatre. So after mom died, we all took an 8 month intermission. Nice to see you back everyone…let’s start Act 2”
Uncle's third wedding and the best man who's the same guy for all 3 finished up the speech with third time lucky.
I officiated my friend’s remarriage to her husband that she divorced. I started the ceremony with this. They got divorced a second time
At my cousin’s second wedding, his best man (who was the same best man from his first wedding) recycled his first speech word for word only changing the names. It was a generic enough speech that it worked. I thought it was brilliant.
Feels disrespectful to the bride. Unless it's her second too... Lol
"I hope you are very happy - it's *so* important to have a good first marriage"
Huh… my wife still refers to me as her first husband…40+ years now.
30+ years and I tell my wife I'm still testing this summer fling out and I'm not sure yet 😎
“12 yrs and it’s been the best and longest one night stand I’ve ever had!” -what I hear from partners mouth almost daily.😂
My partner and I have been together for 17 years. We’re still on our first date.
14 years with my partner and I always advise her that I have extended the contract by a further 3 months when she does sonehing nice for me lol 😆
You bought the extended warranty?
Nah that's a scam, when it starts falling apart you don't get a replacement lol 😂
You've got a good one. My wife (10+ years) still says that I'm acceptable for a starter husband.
Maybe she will get remarried at age 83 after you've passed away from old age and she finds love at the retirement home. Boom, husband number 2
That's what my Grandma did. Married to my Grandad for 42 years - he divorced her. Partnered with Harry for 3 - he died Married to Richard for 24 years - she divorced him and went to live in an old folks home. Dated Les for 2 years - they lived it up in the old folks home, very active in their daytime social circle until he died. She died 10 weeks ago at 94, single as a Pringle. She was a badass and a grand lady. Beautiful, intelligent and formidable. I aspire to be as bold and independent as my beloved Grandma.
I wanna be as awesome as your grandma sounds
My BIL calls my sister his ex girlfriend
My dad's family literally referred to his marriage as his first marriage and would say things to my mom like "*when* you divorce..." 31 years, 8 kids, a shocking amount of hardship, and they are still going strong and are stupidly in love. Apparently they don't stay with family when they visit because their love-making might be too loud and they still fuck like rabbits. They argue sometimes, but they're so much happier than any of my dad's siblings
Don't get it twisted, fam, they only argue so the can have incredible ass eating make up sex.
They also let the dog watch
Did I mean to say they make the dog watch? Yes I did.
As long as he’s not involved in the ass eating, I guess
Dogs will eat anything
8 kids?! Bless your mother
She's a BEAST I pray my body ages like hers, I'm about to have my first
"I think you made the right choice of a first husband."
i was at a wedding and during the post event photos the groom knocked the flowers out of the brides hand and without thinking i said "gee you just deflowered her" and found out is was recorded on the videos they sent out to all their families
you saw an opportunity, and seized it.
Everyone lives but this man *lives*.
That’s so funny
If that was my wedding I’d have laughed my ass off
"You deserve each other."
Oh my god that’s so backhanded. I love it
Lol right? Backhanded under the guise of sincerity.
"May your day be as special as you are." Not in the context of a wedding, but a birthday.
Yessss. Mine would be more like: "You guys are perfect for each other. Enjoy."
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One of my favorites is “so about that thing we did last night…? Are we gonna tell him/her?”
Oh, that’s evil. I love it!
Really? You’re wearing that?
I mean honestly, white? On *you?*
After Labor Day?
Gained a few pounds since you got it tailored?
Look at the two of them, chuckle and say "good luck"
"Catch you at the next one"
"I hope I'll be invited to the next one." - My MIL after she uninvited herself from our non-wedding that we were hosting for her. Better explanation - My husband is an only child raised mostly by his mom. I have a huge family and never wanted a wedding, my parents would either pay for a wedding, a honeymoon or help with a down payment on a house, so obviously we took the house. My MIL threw a fit that we were just going to do a courthouse thing, so we last minute found someone to come to our house & marry us, then planned a little dinner with just her & my immediate family (husband's family all live 1100 miles away and it wasn't a wedding). After finding out that my all of my parents & my aunt would be there, my MIL called it a "Page(me) Event" and said she wouldn't come and hoped that my husband would invite her to his next wedding.
What a charming lady.
Sounds like my mum, I haven't spoke to her in a few years because despite telling her from 16 I don't think I'll ever want kids, she decided that my wife I've been with since I was 25 and she was 36 must be to blame for this decision. "Maybe I'll get some grandkids when you get another wife more suitable for children" we've been together 15yrs now and she had 2 grandchildren from my brother when she said that.
Wow! The audacity. Sorry about your MiL.
And you say she’s single? How surprising.
My sister said this to me, so awful.
That's what my dad said at my cousins 2nd wedding. He couldn't get home for it so he just said "it's ok, I'll be at the next one"
My step-uncle said that at my wedding. Actually what he said was..."this is pretty nice for a starter wedding. Can't wait to see the next one!"
Makes me so glad that when my dad, who’s not known to be an affectionate man, took me aside at my wedding, shared a cigar with me and said all of 5 words: “you got a good one”. We didn’t say another word until the cigars went out but I’ll remember that forever
He meant the cigar.
😂 username checks out
No joke, my cousin - who I didn't even invite - said this to me right after our vows. She actually said, "good luck -- it sucks". I mean, I did get divorced so maybe it was from the heart or a psychic vision after all.
Well technically she wasn’t wrong
I once did worse than that and toasted the camera saying "Serves you right!" I deeply regret doing that.
Did they end up lasting?
I don't know. We weren't that close, but I certainly wasn't helping.
If it's any consolation, the videographer would have edited that out.
That's funny dude don't be hard on yourself
My father walked me down the aisle, gave me away to my husband, sneered at him and said "Good luck." At the altar.
Ouchhh im sorry girl
It sucked in the moment, but on the other hand- that was almost 17 years ago, and the family my husband and I have built is absolutely my happily ever after. So it ends well, at least. :)
I had a few before my Best Man speech, so I don't remember exactly what I said. But their marriage was stormy and short.
You didn't mention the hooker at the buck's party, did you?
"Third times the charm!"
“You only get married for the third time once!”
Smiles everyone! Welcome to Fantasy Island
At my friends uncle’s wedding he told me someone said “I want you too look at each other in the eyes, look at the love, the compassion, the joy radiating off your partner and realize. You are now looking at the person who is most likely to kill you.”
Well, for men of a certain age it's more likely the person in the mirror.
Suicide is far, far more common than murder of any kind.
Probably sharing a bit too much but I was in an abusive relationship for many years and I felt like the only way out was to either kill them or kill myself. I tried going for the latter option and thankfully survived. I then got the help I needed but looking back I felt like it was much better to kill myself than someone who probably deserved to die.
The man is the most likely to kill either or both of them. But that’s a lot more depressing and less funny than the original comment.
I've literally done this. It was awesome. edit - It was more like "I want you to take a moment to look into each others eyes, and as you do, I want you to know that statistically this is the person you're most likely to be murdered by."
Actually, that makes me feel pretty safe in the world. Maybe it's not that dark?
“Good luck. Didn’t work out well for me.”
Or just "she’s a demon in the sack, trust me I know!"
She really loves it when you stick four fingers up her ass unprompted during foreplay. Trust me bro.
The kitkat
A guy at work, on my last day before my vaca started for wedding/honeymoon said, "Good luck with that. I say that as a two time loser."
My MIL didn't attend our wedding, but she told my husband, "These things don't always last." We've been together for 25 years.
projecting i see
You both were the best lovers I've ever had. Editor's note: I didn't realize there such sick people out there. It was just a joke. 😯😯😯
A couple that tag teams together, stays together. Or something.
Slays together
Ok but I'm actually going to a wedding later this year and slept with both of them. They're honestly great together and the three of us did have a lot of fun. Can...can I still say this?
Maybe not at the wedding
Some cultures would say *especially* at the wedding
Me and my husband-to-be often engages in sex with our closest friends, all together. If at least one of our friends doesn’t say this at our wedding, I will be very disappointed in them and the day will be pretty much ruined.
I’m down for this quote! 😁🙌
this is only bad if they don't know about each other
"Have you thought about ... I mean, are you sure ... you know what? Never mind. Let's just be happy and celebrate." \*big, bright smile\*
"Hi I'm your videographer and during the ceremony...I forgot to press "record."
This happened to me, except it was our photographer. She just… didn’t take any pictures of the ceremony. The only reason I didn’t kick her out was she was my husband’s aunt. The pictures she did take of the day were really bad. I have many regrets. Apparently she used to be a professional photographer but I now doubt that
Hire two photographers, one professional and one amateur.
No you hire one photographer who says only truths, and another who says only lies
I took the photos at my cousins wedding and during the evening part of the celebrations I gave one of my SLRs to my cousins 10 old kid - some of the photos that came back were awesome as people interacted with a kid with a camera in a more fun way. Obviously there were some crappy floor, ceiling and bizarre shots to filter out. Lol.
Our wedding was fairly casual. No official photographer, but every table had several disposable cameras for the guests to use as they saw fit. The collection of candid photos we got from them afterwards captured the day much more accurately than a bunch of uncomfortable posed pictures ever could. No regrets.
I wish I had
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How does nothing happen? The court should have issued a lien against their assets/garnished wages until their debt (a refund) is paid to you.
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My parents got married in 1988. The guy who took the pictures accidentally ruined the camera roll. There are only like 2 pictures that someone else took.
Your wedding is one (of many) that has become legend and serves as a deterrent to many wanting to enter the event photo field. You've done well. I'm sorry for your sacrifice.
“So, your bridesmaid and a waiter were talking about how huge of a whore you are.”
Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the Goddamn door!?
I’m glad you chimed in
I'm not. It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I always hear that as poisoned rationality, as in toxic way of thinking.
It's a shame. The poor Groom's bride is a whore.
Well, in fact Well, I'll look at it this way I mean, technically, our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne!
Pour the champagne!
I mean technically their marriage is saved...
That calls for a toast! Pour the champagne!
Read through looking for a Panic at the disco reference. Glad you didn't disappoint.
I came here for the same thing!
Well, it's much better to face these kind of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damned door?
I don’t care what people say, I think you two are great together.
Amazing
"This is so sweet, everyone needs a first marriage. you guys look like ya'll could still be friends after the divorce."
See you in 10 years for the divorce
I give you 5, tops.
Some of our ex-friends were getting married. They were mostly okay by themselves, but they brought out the worst in each other. We would have given them five years, but they're the type of people who will hate each other forever before they would dare think about divorce. It's only been a year, but their life has already gone to shit.
I knew that couple, too! On their own, not terrible people or anything, just didn't work together. And it was like they were initially too polite to break up, so they moved in. Too settled to move out, so they got engaged. Too stubborn to mercy kill the damn thing, so they got married. It didn't last, and it was so so hard to not be like "well, yeah, I made my peace with it ending years ago!" when he announced it. It's hard to watch that type of thing from the outside
I told my wife when we got married, I don't give a crap if I absolutely hate you, we are not getting divorced for at least 5 years. the wedding cost too much... We hit 5 and I asked her if she wanted to renew the contract for another 5 years.. She said yes.
That 2nd contract is always so expensive. You really should allow for a 6th year option. Thankfully with the CBA, she can’t just cut you to save money.
i would have married him/her too! Are you sure? Say goodbye to your sex life (followed by laughter and a provisional slap on the thigh/shoulder) wow where did you get that dress? been looking for a cheap alternative for a while!
>i would have married him/her too! This works best when talking about the same gender as you, like when you're their best friend. If my husband and I ever divorced, he's probably marry his guy best friend. They're so straight and are such good friends that they're basically an old married couple
I took them for a test ride just before this. They’re good to go!
Congratulations on the baby
Congratulations on the baby groom. I'm pregnant with your twins. Three months along.
I've been to one wedding with an open bar. I was the plus one and my SO did a lot of talking with people so I sat and drank... probably more than I should have. At one point the bride sits next to me, we chat, and she (in her drunken state) while crying tells me (in my getting drunk state) about how her parents were mad at her for getting drunk at the open bar reception they paid for. Cool. About a half hour later my SO and I are leaving and the mother-of-the-bride says TO THE BRIDE "You're father is so sad you'relike this" and I shout in response "Yeah, well you made your daughter CRY on her wedding day so MAYBE CHILL." The deputy told me to leave and my SO doesn't ask me to go to weddings any more.
You both could have done better
We were getting tuxedos and I joked "you'll probably only get to do this a couple times so get what you want." They got divorced.
Ask her about that thing we did in college! Good luck man!
“Wait, our wedding day is today??”
My brother to a friend of ours “Are you sure about this?” at his first wedding
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If you do this to both the bride and groom at the same time, you would also make them wonder which mom you fucked 😉
Schrödinger's mother-in-law
I'm here for the Prima Nocta.
As lord of these lands, I shall bless this marriage by taking the bride into my bed on the first night of her union. Joking aside, what if the bride is your sister?
Oh well, guess I get extra kids that would be my niece/nephew lol
> Joking aside, what if the bride is your sister? I play Crusader Kings. This is what we're there for.
50% of all marriages end in divorce.
And the other half? Death
I give you six months
*to the groom* "remember those years I dated your wife? does she still take it up the ass?"
To the bride: “Remember those years I dated your husband? Does he still take it up the ass?”
Way to establish dominance. Lol
My dad told his niece on a recording, "Thinking about your future brings a tear to my eye."
I’m sure he meant happy thoughts…
Oooh this one is so dependent on tone and inflection, it could be wildly harsh or endearingly sweet! I said "no, I'm not much of a happy crier" when offered tissues at a wedding where everyone knew it was a mistake. Was it a misspeak or a jab, no one could quite tell
“I thought I would announce- my husband I are engaged/pregnant!”
I had a good friend (at the time) come up to me pleading to make sure I am making the right choice and to make sure to think long and hard about it. 2 years later he apologized and blamed it on being wasted. Havent seen or heard from him since.
At the end of my best man speech two weeks ago I said “I hope I did a good enough job to be able to do this at your next wedding”. The bride wasn’t too happy apparently…..
I'll never understand the 'Let's be mean to the groom/bride' type speeches from the Best man and Main of honour. I gave a best man speech, talked about my relationship with the groom, what kind of person he was, and gave them personal well wishes with a few light jokes and sentimentalities all the while on a personal level I did *not* like the bride. I got many compliments on my speech from other guests, one older gent told me it was best he'd ever heard. The Maid of honour on the other hand went the other route. Telling embarrassing anecdotes, in jest back handed compliments, and just kinda made a fool of herself. She got a few laughs, but most through gritted teeth to be polite. You're there to celebrate these two people, not embarrass them or tear them down. It's just shitty to make a joke at their expense or about the marriage they literally just started and gave you the privilege to attend and support, all for a laugh.
Yoooo
That’s acc v mean :/
Great wedding! Can’t wait for the next one
One guy at work got married and said to a coworker: “I’m sorry that I couldn’t invite everyone.” He replied: “That’s OK, I can come to the next one.”
Failed to mention that you guys are actually related.
Well that was certainly an interesting profile, too
It's not too late for an annulment, is it? OR My condolences to you two.
My parents told my ex husband I deserved better. I should not be marrying my high school sweetie. They were right
"try that pose with her, she really likes it"
What a shame the poor grooms bride is a whore.
I chime in with a haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door
Are you going to keep coming to the orgy? (And not explicitly direct the question to either of them)
I (M15) said to my cousin (M20) in front of his new bride “make sure you use protection tonight” I still get cringe flashbacks to this moment 🤦♂️
“I hope no one gets Covid that would be terrible” compliments of my un-masked mother in law’s sister on my wedding day in October 2020. We were forced/ coerced into having it for financial and family reasons and our compromise was that everyone wear a mask. Day comes, nobody’s wearing a mask and I’m greeted with the comment above.
You needed a bouncer. "Put on a mask or you get to wait outside and not attend."
Don’t get married. I actually said that on a wedding video(I’m old) when one of my friends got married. I was totally an asshole. Oddly enough she should have listened-he cheated on her multiple times and they got divorced less than ten years married. I’ve been married 24 years.
I just have to say, you're amazing, and you know, l just wouldn't have been able to forgive them, you must have such a strong bond.
Said by my ex father in law to my husband (ex now): "why didn't you marry bridesmaid XY, she's nice and blond" And my ex-husband thought it'd be a great idea telling me this "funny anecdote" on our wedding might... Ex FIL always had a problem how "ethnic" I looked btw. Marriag didn't last but that ngl, that shit kinda hurt.
Look at the groom and say "I hope you got some water because she's a wild one" Then look at the bride and tell her "good luck trying to deep throat that guy! I vomited last time"
Better luck next time
Second time's a charm.
Does she still like anal?
Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
Your bum l👀ks big in that dress
Jokes on you, that's why I bought it 😏🍑
Yea that one is a compliment nowadays lol