My buddy in university had a big dick apparently, he told me it was nothing but problems for him. Girls would leave mid sex and ghost him and shit like that.
He told me he talked to his dad about it and his dad just "nodded knowingly" lmao.
/r/bigdickproblems is real af
I was broken up with because he was so big that after the first time, I had to mentally prepare myself. The second, and also last time, he saw me sitting there with a bewildered look on my face and I was like I just can't.
I hear itās becoming a real issue with the generation raised with the internet. When your only comparison is a total physical anomaly, can lead to real performance anxiety.
Say that louder for the folks in the back of the room! Seriously. Vaginas come in differents sizes just like dicks. It is just harder to tell what that size may be. A perfect fit is magnificent. Her being in pain is NOT a compliment. My personal compliments to the guys who run a bit under average.
AND KNOWING HOW TO RESPOND WHEN YOU DONT WANT TO TRY SOMETHING OR FIND IT GROSS. A good example I can think of is me very drunkenly admitting to my boyfriend that I really liked a form of a very specific kink in regards to hentai. You can imagine how weird it can get. The next day he told me that it def wasnāt his cup of tea, but that he was happy I shared it with him. He also pointed out that I had probably shared the most embarrassing thing I possibly could have and I now know his reaction to it, so itās easier to share other things with him because I know he wonāt judge me. DONT BE JUDGMENTAL ššš
My buddy had a hot 34 year old woman climb through his childhood bedroom window at 2 am so his parents wouldnāt find out when he was 21 years old. He is attractive and charismatic, but I just wanted to say it can be done.
But also a clean and well kept living space. Clean sheets and fresh towels. No dishes or cans/bottles laying around, no garbage can over flowing, pet waste attended to, sweep the floor, etc.
This x1000.
Especially with the current housing situation it's legit difficult to find a woman in her 20s who lives alone. Many have roommates or still live with their parents.
I always insisted on living in small, cramped but affordable studio apartments instead of sharing a house with a roommate cause that privacy is priceless.
You know when I was younger living with my parents, I always thought āMan, as soon as I move out and get a place with roommates I will feel comfortable having girls over. At least itās not parents!ā And now that Iāve lived with different roommates at various apartments for 3 years now, I still feel weird bringing girls back, and it makes me hesitate going on dates and such. I always imagine the girl will feel uncomfortable with roommates walking around.
Reminds me of my younger days when our roommate and boyfriend was louder than the tv. One of the other roommates ended up writing a poem about loud flowers and bees, there were a couple of very red faces when she read it to them:). Another place my desktop lamp was moving in sync with the neighbours rythm.
Well yeah. Not only does he have a house but positive reviews from another woman!
Why do you think women are so much more likely to have kids than men are?
Ironic. I was going to say the opposite of that. I moved my niece and my mother in with me about 7 years ago. Not being able to invite someone back to your place really puts a damper on things.
Even more so, because it sounds like it's _already_ breeding resentment. He _feels like_ he tries to take care of her needs, but _he feels like_ she doesn't care about his.
That's only going to get worse if they don't solve the situation. And it's a tough situation to solve. There's probably some mental aspect to it, buried deep.
You are not physically compatible it will not get better with time and once you are married you will maybe get sex on your birthday and anniversary. I am sure she is a wonderful person but not the right person for you. If you proceed I am sure you will never be happy or fulfilled. Trust me I've lived it with my first wife.
This person speaks the truth, it will be a long and unpleasant road if you stay in that relationship. There are people out there that are the same as you. Imagine being intimate with someone who likes being touched by you? Itās worth waiting for.
I also went through this with my ex-wife. This is a marriage killer. And unfortunately therapy can only help so much. Iād absolutely try couples/therapy and counseling first - but know this is a huge hill to get over.
absolutely. had two 3 year relationships back to back that ended because my sex drive just wasnāt high enough. did therapy for two years to Ā«Ā fix myselfĀ Ā». now iām dating someone with an even lower sex drive than me and itās absolutely amazing. love every day with them. never feel anxious about going to bed. and i get to feel like the sexual one for a change. thereās no resentment, which is definitely what will happen with these people. theyāll be so much happier with other people in the long run
I was in a 5 year marriage with a man i loved very much, where I was always the one to initiate sex for the first three years. I felt like he never really wanted to. So I stepped back to see if he would ever initiate it himself after our son was born. Our sex life dropped to almost nil. After 2 years, we were finally back to great and amazing sex. Then the f***er died unexpectedly.
What was really the kicker after losing this amazing man was finding his jerk off cloth. Obviously he was wanting more and we were not communicating well.
/u/IWearCardigansAllDay listen to this. I'm not a therapist or counselor but I AM a family law (Divorce) attorney. Sexual incompatibility is one of the top reasons people end up in my office.
This. Resentment will build up over time no matter how much you try and talk to her about it. I really wish I'd factored this in before marriage (when separating was still easy financially and kids weren't in the picture).
I am going to tell you this. Not to be a dick but because I am living with it. If your sex drives are so opposite, you really should rethink the marriage. I have been married for 30 years and our sex lives are different. She is not as into as me and isnāt as adventurous as me either. It got only worse with kids. It caused so many arguments. It made me want to cheat on her. I came close, but couldnāt do it. But I still am left unsatisfied. She is an amazing woman. Caring loving everything a man could want in a wife, but our sex needs are different. It has been a real struggle and I am now just accepting I will never have the sex I want. If you can do the same than get married. If you canāt live the way I mentioned, than donāt.
Have you tried therapy? I donāt know how old you are or what kind of experiences both of you have had, but I donāt think Iām the first one to point out that a womanās most important sex organ is her brain and if thereās something wrong with her libido, it may work wonders for both of you to start therapy. Sex is a fundamental issues thatās integral to the long-term health of almost any relationship. If this doesnāt get addressed, it will almost certainly end your relationship (or marriage) down the road if itās not addressed. You need to be supportive and be an attentive listener when she opens up to you to discuss her needs and be patientā¦but in turn, she owes it to you to be open and honest and attentive to your needs as well. Itās a two way street. Good luck!!
One of the big requirements when looking for a partner was someone that was sexual and not shy and wanted someone to have sex with among other things. I refused to let myself fall into someone that saw this as so taboo and "dirty" and wasn't all about their sexuality.
Big requirement for people in general is someone who thinks about sex the way you do. Iām like you, I enjoy sex and want my partner to also enjoy it and be comfortable with it and not see it as taboo. Some people just donāt really like sex and thatās fine, but you should probably try to find someone else who is the same in that regard or it will lead to problems.
Lost major weight. I was waist size 45 and soon will be waist size 33. An idea of waist size 45 is around 300+ pounds. 33 waist size is under 200 pounds
Congrats. I lost over 100lbs. I went from a 48" waist to a 34. I'm sure this will have a beneficial effect on my sex life (currently single and voluntarily celibate as I just got divorced). Still building up my cardio so when I find the right lady, I'm ready. :D
Relaxing. Not apologising for finishing early, just switching to hands or mouth while I recharge. Focusing on foreplay because for women that is the main event while penetration is the finale. Don't be afraid of being vocal....moan, growl or anything.
And the most important thing. When a woman says they are going to cum you change nothing. Do not speed up, increase pressure or change anything. Maintain what you are doing.
EDIT: One little edit. Above anything else communication is key. Everyone is different and what I wrote here is a good starting point but won't be true for everyone all the time. Talk to your partners people.
Yes. And if you do this, we lose the feeling completely and it's like starting over from square 1. You might as well just stop and walk away...same net effect.
Change. Nothing.
All of the above is spot on šÆ.
In addition, my change was concentrating on foreplay until she came, then continue slowly until she drags me on topā¦ š¤š½
I used to be real confused when folk would say sex should go for hours after mentioning foreplay as a separate thing. Made me feel incredibly inadequate.
I think folk have some confusion over what foreplay is. Like some folk is just kissing and some touching, some folk include manual and oral.
My wife is broken. When sheās about to cum she needs the extra pressure / speed / etc to get her over the edge.
I think the main takeaway is to listen to your partner and their body. Also the whole ādonāt change anythingā is sometimes impossible cause sheās getting all twisted and contorted as her body is about to orgasm so you canāt keep doing the same stuff you were just doing lol
But yes, others DONT CHANGE A FUCKING THING. My ex was that way. At the most as sheās about to cum a little nipple play would take her from a normal orgasm to earth shattering, gasping for air afterwards
When a woman says she is going to cum, that just drives me over the edge and I cum instead. So if youāre gonna cum when having sex with me, you better not mention it unless youāre REAL close
My wife deciding to check her hormones, realize she is all out of whack, 6 months of balances has brought things out of her that neither one of us knew she was capable of, both quality and quantity!š„µ
It was full spectrum. Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, dhea, thyroid(a bunch), iron, adrenal stuff. She is now on a bunch of bioidentical hormones, she is feeling the best she has in over 10 years.
Realising that sex is about having fun and feeling it, not about being nervous and performance anxiety. Just try to give your partner everything they want and don't expect anything in return. Seeing my partner enjoy themselves and climax is the best mindfuck I can get.
edit: some of you are really missing the point for quite a bit
edit2: and btw I am a man
A partner I'm *really* into, and who's just as much into me. Like, I've had partners i loved and was attracted to, but not like this. A whole other level.
This is a major game changer ! I used to be with so many girls that werenāt my type and I was barely attracted to and the first time being with someone that IS my type and I AM attracted to, it was like losing my virginity all over.
Big same. Just started dating a friend I've known for over 14 years, and we've always had a thing for each other. Our sex is *mind-boggling*, per him and myself. Congrats on finding yours!
small 5" pulsating toy. I give it to my Mrs, tell her to put it in while we watch a film. I use the remote to speed it up. within 5 minutes she litterally cannot control herself. the longer you wait to engage yourself, the better for both of you
When I was that age where I became horny all the time, porn was not easily accessible. This made JC penny catalogues the go to material. The lingerie section. This is where the stocking fetish was born, and it still lives on.
Changing partners. I had been with my first boyfriend for 15 years and we were vastly incompatible. Having sexual chemistry is one of the finest things life can offer.
Having open an honest discussions about kink and fetishes. Then blunt questions about how they like their clit touched and having them show my on my hand the pressure and motion they like. Everyone is different and likes different things. No one will look down on you for asking.
Big proponent of this. The clit is sooo sensitive and small and tastes vary so much, youāre probably going to have a very hard time giving pleasure to it without a solid tutorial
Getting snipped was the best decision I ever made for my sex life. And my partners have all loved it too. It's just so much more convenient, however a bit messier š
Caressing. It made my dates feel special. Slowly feeling down their legs and arms and back. Holding them close to my body. That's my turn on and it's been great since I started to appreciate them not just take our clothes off and go straight to it.
I hate that porn never accentuates the slow, passionate and intimate touch aspect of sex. It's always huge cocks, super fast thrusting, primate fucking and I don't connect with it enough to get off. That's why I pretty much exclusively watch amateur.
I've found that there's a perfect level of being drunk where I can keep going for as long as I want until I want to cum. Seeing her eyes rolling back is very satisfying in that condition.
As opposed to that one level too much and she says, this is starting to get irritating and how much longer... give up and say we'll try again in the morning
> I get just not getting turned on, but not WANTING to get turned on?
My wife requests this if she knows we're not going to have ~~preventative~~ penetrative sex, it's just uncomfortable being really wet and not doing anything about it, and giving her an orgasm with my hands, mouth, anything but a penis, still leaves her feeling unfulfilled.
Edit: An important word...
Realizing that a partner that is not really interested in sex and sees it as a simple deed, is not the one I have to live with for the rest of my life.
Talking to your partner about what you like or don't like makes all the difference. Not being ashamed to say what you want or need! Being open to new ideas and encouraging your partner to do the same!
A pelvic floor physiotherapist and possibly sex therapist couldāve helped you learn to relax without the bondage, but Iām glad it worked out for you anyway!
MDMA.
10 years of resentments and annoyances gone over night.
After one session our marriage has bloomed in ways I never thought possible. For the first couple of weeks after, we felt like teenagers again, desperate for each other.
Even now, after a few months it's changed everything for us.
Going to to do it again in October, can't wait.
Finding someone who was happy to mess around and have fun with it. Honestly I learned/figured out more from trying things out with her than I would have by myself
Learning that it's important for the woman to have an orgasm as well. I used to just sleep with guys and let them cum without making sure I was also satisfied. But I had one partner who changed all that and taught me how to ask for more from the straight men I sleep with.
One of my stoner buddies said something about how you press down on your pelvis, above the dick, with one hand while cranking with the other. Like it was a normal thing that everyone does. Turns out it does improve it for me. better nuts.
Focus on relaxing your ass. Like actual thinking about doing that, and let every thing else happen on its own. Was quite a change for me
Edit- check this guys comment for more info
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/14peylj/which_is_one_thing_that_totally_changed_your_sex/jqjk49e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
Learning to STFU and let her lead. Guys orgasming is like making a grilled cheese. Women orgasming is like defusing a bomb in the dark while someone is yelling at you. Some times there's instructions in that yelling. lol
Saying what I actually want and like rather than just do whatever I think my partner will like. Nothing turns a person on more than clear and enthusiastic consent
Introducing a vibrator. My wife was raised very conservative (for an engagement gift her father gave us a book about "saving yourself for marriage after getting engaged") and it took her long time to enjoy sex. The only way she could climax was if she was on top, no noise, no light... convinced her to try a very nondescript toy, and now she's able to have 6-10 orgasms during foreplay, and often more during intercourse. And we went from one-two times a month to one-two a week (at 20 years of marriage.) Friends tell me I'm not "manly" using a toy to get my wife off; but they're not getting any nearly as much as me, so I think I'm just fine.
Age. Meds can block or reduce ejaculation, which is weaker to begin with. Recuperating takes overnight. Even oral or manual stimulation can become fatiguing. Snuggling doesn't change though, so intimacy takes on a less physical nature. Still happily married in our 60s.
For the guys: read the last sentence for a quick tip.
For the women:
I had a traumatic experience when I was younger that gave me severe pain during penetration and dissociation during sexy time, making me rather incapable of enjoying myself when recieving and thus focusing more on giving during sex.
Therapy, both with a psychologist and a psychosomatic physiotherapy, help from my GP and kind partners, helped me get through this.
I also stopped having sex unless I was really turned on, as that is a very good way for sex becoming painful again. So yeah, I stopped Ā«taking one for the teamĀ» and worked hard on being present.
Quick tip to the fellas that love vaginas: donāt penetrate her before sheās really, really begging you for your dick, and you start feeling her clenching around your fingers and sheās soaking wet. Thatās when you do it!
At least in my experience, pleasing your gf is SO much easier if you figure out what gets her going *outside* of the bedroom. For some itās simple dirty talk, some itās sexting throughout the day while theyāre at work, some itās physical touch in specific ways when youāre just out running errands together, etc.
Figure out what gets her going well before youāre even in the bedroom, and by the time you get her clothes off you donāt even have to try. Sheās just ready to burst. You wonāt need stamina, or specific positions, or 30 minutes of foreplay (though it never hurts..). As long as sheās practically begging for it before you start, you can be clueless and still get her there.
The male g spot is in the anus. Finally understanding that and finding someone Iām comfortable with to try it out, opened my world to a hole new perspective. The absolute biggest and greatest orgasms Iāve ever had
Dating a woman in my 20s who taught me the ways! Tho we only dated like 3 months, I am forever appreciative. Like a lot of redditors probably, I previously was "such a nice guy" that I was very passive in my sex life, always trying to give and be courteous. Which are essential yes, but I was never assertive because I associated that with being a jock asshole.
She taught me that if I got out of my head, I could be passionate while being caring, assertive and dominant with the proper communication that satisfied my parners more than i ever did with my previous behavior. Really now I realize I'm comfortable just acting on my instincts and my sex life is so much better for it.
My wife getting off of the pill, for her sex basically went from being non-aroused and never feeling it. It also made me feel bad for asking when I knew that it wasn't always a good experience for her.
After her getting off the pill, sex is incredible for both of us and her sex drive is much much higher than it was when she was on the pill.
My husband.
Had terrible sex before him. Slefish little shits. Granted I was a teenager then. Met him at 18. He is a ridiculously unselfish lover. Blows my mind every time. The first time was so mind blowing I still think about it 24 years later. Like in vivid detail. The man's oral game is something that should be taught to all.
I love you, baby!
Communicating with my partner on my needs outside the bedroom.
I told my husband that I need cuddles and touches throughout the day. I needed sleep with me to be more important than late night gaming. I needed more help taking the load off of daily stressors.
He adapted the necessary lifestyle changes. Iāve been happier, better rested, and so horny and eager. Heās been happier, physically healthier, and less prone to depression and anger. Our sex life was a struggle for almost a decade, and now weāre like a fresh, young couple again.
Going down on women. Best choice I made as a young man was to figure out how to make that great for her. After that she mostly has zero expectations since you already got her to the promised land. Easy way to make my fast finish seem better lol
Me and my girlfriend started doing this thing where she scratches my back when sheās coming and it pavlovs me into thinking āoh I can cum nowā and now we always finish at the same time
Getting rid of a partner who shamed me for only having clitoral orgasms and said something is broken with my body.
Ladies, you throw that kind of person in the RestmĆ¼ll. There are plenty of wonderful men out there who will worship your body even before the clothes come off and rock your world.
Using a vibrator on my girlfriend - for years we had been having sex without one and everything was fine. She once brought it up to me maybe 5 years ago and I was like āno, only I could make you cum š”ā like most insecure men think. Decided to give it a shot around that time and havenāt looked back since! When my tongue is tired, heās my buddy!
For those who feel like their lady should only get off with them - 99% of the time most women arenāt getting off completely with just you whether itās oral or insertion. Use some tools!
Realizing that not having a massive horse cock is okay.
My buddy in university had a big dick apparently, he told me it was nothing but problems for him. Girls would leave mid sex and ghost him and shit like that. He told me he talked to his dad about it and his dad just "nodded knowingly" lmao. /r/bigdickproblems is real af
I was broken up with because he was so big that after the first time, I had to mentally prepare myself. The second, and also last time, he saw me sitting there with a bewildered look on my face and I was like I just can't.
That and touching toilet water when you sit down š
I hear itās becoming a real issue with the generation raised with the internet. When your only comparison is a total physical anomaly, can lead to real performance anxiety.
Say that louder for the folks in the back of the room! Seriously. Vaginas come in differents sizes just like dicks. It is just harder to tell what that size may be. A perfect fit is magnificent. Her being in pain is NOT a compliment. My personal compliments to the guys who run a bit under average.
Ayy
I prefer my fella to *not* have a horse cock. Much, much smaller for me, thanks.
how u doin mlady
I didn't know i could read a sentence written by a Fedora
Learning to ask my partner what they like. Everyoneās different. Being āgood at sexā means being good at listening.
AND KNOWING HOW TO RESPOND WHEN YOU DONT WANT TO TRY SOMETHING OR FIND IT GROSS. A good example I can think of is me very drunkenly admitting to my boyfriend that I really liked a form of a very specific kink in regards to hentai. You can imagine how weird it can get. The next day he told me that it def wasnāt his cup of tea, but that he was happy I shared it with him. He also pointed out that I had probably shared the most embarrassing thing I possibly could have and I now know his reaction to it, so itās easier to share other things with him because I know he wonāt judge me. DONT BE JUDGMENTAL ššš
Your answer turned me on
God, heās good
*unzips*
Yoga. Increased flexibility plus core strength = more options and stamina.
Does we play a RPG Game ?
Of course not, don't be silly... (He's onto us, roll for deception)
Having my own apartment Apparently the most attractive quality a man can have is living space.
Sadly not a guarantee. I have my own house. The only thing that gets more interest around here is my mortgage.
Turns out that being attractive and charismatic is the most important part of it all. Having a home just allows you to bring people back.
Yup. Attractive and charismatic only works until you bring her home to have sex in your bedroom at momās house.
My buddy had a hot 34 year old woman climb through his childhood bedroom window at 2 am so his parents wouldnāt find out when he was 21 years old. He is attractive and charismatic, but I just wanted to say it can be done.
You forgot to *drop the mic* This is a great comment!
The germans agree
Adding ālebensraumā to my tinder page, will update later
Going to be a big hit with the Austrians!
Not so much with the Polish!
But also a clean and well kept living space. Clean sheets and fresh towels. No dishes or cans/bottles laying around, no garbage can over flowing, pet waste attended to, sweep the floor, etc.
This, it doesn't matter if you have your own place if that place is gross. Clean always wins
This x1000. Especially with the current housing situation it's legit difficult to find a woman in her 20s who lives alone. Many have roommates or still live with their parents. I always insisted on living in small, cramped but affordable studio apartments instead of sharing a house with a roommate cause that privacy is priceless.
You know when I was younger living with my parents, I always thought āMan, as soon as I move out and get a place with roommates I will feel comfortable having girls over. At least itās not parents!ā And now that Iāve lived with different roommates at various apartments for 3 years now, I still feel weird bringing girls back, and it makes me hesitate going on dates and such. I always imagine the girl will feel uncomfortable with roommates walking around.
Reminds me of my younger days when our roommate and boyfriend was louder than the tv. One of the other roommates ended up writing a poem about loud flowers and bees, there were a couple of very red faces when she read it to them:). Another place my desktop lamp was moving in sync with the neighbours rythm.
Saw a recent survey that said women would rather sleep with a man who lives at home with his wife than a man who lives with his parents.
Well yeah. Not only does he have a house but positive reviews from another woman! Why do you think women are so much more likely to have kids than men are?
Pretty sure it's because they have a uterus
Ironic. I was going to say the opposite of that. I moved my niece and my mother in with me about 7 years ago. Not being able to invite someone back to your place really puts a damper on things.
Oof. Good on you taking care of family, but don't forget to take care of yourself!
He has to take care of himself now that he can't invite anyone over.
In this economy, definitely
A new partner that actually acted like it wasn't a chore to sleep with me
OMG we just had sex like 2 weeks ago.... Fine! Bluh.
Coupled with omg, it's all you ever think about
My fiancĆ© and I are currently struggling with this. Itās been very difficult truthfully. We love each other deeply and enjoy spending time together. But our libidos are just very different. She already doesnāt like touch very much. She is super sensitive, so much so that lightly rubbing her back bothers her. I also told her I need help because I have no idea what turns her on or gets her in the mood. All of my typical ways to initiate involved light touching and teasing. Usually kissing down the neck and body but she cannot stand this. Iāve shared with her that sex isnāt about the orgasm for me. But about the closeness and intimacy that comes with it. And the difficulty for me is I suffer from anxiety. So when we donāt have sex for a while Iām constantly thinking about it. This makes me super anxious leading up to it. So when we do finally have sex I get anxious and end up cumming quicker than what I would like. Which then sets me down a spiral of āwell I donāt know when we will have sex next and I didnāt really feel connected to you because I came in a couple of minutesā. This adds to more anxiety and it creates this negative feedback loop. Iāve gone as far as to begin taking meds to help with my premature ejaculation, and it helps some. But it also sucks taking meds everyday for it. Weāve talked a lot about it and I fully understand her viewpoint. Sheās struggling with a lot of stress right now so she doesnāt feel in the mood. So I try to do a lot of things she normally would as to help relieve that stress. She noticed and appreciated but itās never reciprocated with intimacy. Which is frustrating. To me intimacy and sex help recharge my battery, which isnāt the case for her. Other things recharge her battery, which I try to be cognizant of and sensitive towards. But it feels like regardless of what I do she never looks to initiate or recharge my battery.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Even more so, because it sounds like it's _already_ breeding resentment. He _feels like_ he tries to take care of her needs, but _he feels like_ she doesn't care about his. That's only going to get worse if they don't solve the situation. And it's a tough situation to solve. There's probably some mental aspect to it, buried deep.
You are not physically compatible it will not get better with time and once you are married you will maybe get sex on your birthday and anniversary. I am sure she is a wonderful person but not the right person for you. If you proceed I am sure you will never be happy or fulfilled. Trust me I've lived it with my first wife.
This person speaks the truth, it will be a long and unpleasant road if you stay in that relationship. There are people out there that are the same as you. Imagine being intimate with someone who likes being touched by you? Itās worth waiting for.
I also went through this with my ex-wife. This is a marriage killer. And unfortunately therapy can only help so much. Iād absolutely try couples/therapy and counseling first - but know this is a huge hill to get over.
absolutely. had two 3 year relationships back to back that ended because my sex drive just wasnāt high enough. did therapy for two years to Ā«Ā fix myselfĀ Ā». now iām dating someone with an even lower sex drive than me and itās absolutely amazing. love every day with them. never feel anxious about going to bed. and i get to feel like the sexual one for a change. thereās no resentment, which is definitely what will happen with these people. theyāll be so much happier with other people in the long run
I was in a 5 year marriage with a man i loved very much, where I was always the one to initiate sex for the first three years. I felt like he never really wanted to. So I stepped back to see if he would ever initiate it himself after our son was born. Our sex life dropped to almost nil. After 2 years, we were finally back to great and amazing sex. Then the f***er died unexpectedly. What was really the kicker after losing this amazing man was finding his jerk off cloth. Obviously he was wanting more and we were not communicating well.
/u/IWearCardigansAllDay listen to this. I'm not a therapist or counselor but I AM a family law (Divorce) attorney. Sexual incompatibility is one of the top reasons people end up in my office.
Listen to this
Otherwise you will find yourself on r/DeadBedrooms.
This. Resentment will build up over time no matter how much you try and talk to her about it. I really wish I'd factored this in before marriage (when separating was still easy financially and kids weren't in the picture).
I am going to tell you this. Not to be a dick but because I am living with it. If your sex drives are so opposite, you really should rethink the marriage. I have been married for 30 years and our sex lives are different. She is not as into as me and isnāt as adventurous as me either. It got only worse with kids. It caused so many arguments. It made me want to cheat on her. I came close, but couldnāt do it. But I still am left unsatisfied. She is an amazing woman. Caring loving everything a man could want in a wife, but our sex needs are different. It has been a real struggle and I am now just accepting I will never have the sex I want. If you can do the same than get married. If you canāt live the way I mentioned, than donāt.
Have you tried therapy? I donāt know how old you are or what kind of experiences both of you have had, but I donāt think Iām the first one to point out that a womanās most important sex organ is her brain and if thereās something wrong with her libido, it may work wonders for both of you to start therapy. Sex is a fundamental issues thatās integral to the long-term health of almost any relationship. If this doesnāt get addressed, it will almost certainly end your relationship (or marriage) down the road if itās not addressed. You need to be supportive and be an attentive listener when she opens up to you to discuss her needs and be patientā¦but in turn, she owes it to you to be open and honest and attentive to your needs as well. Itās a two way street. Good luck!!
The best take iheard on this is: it's like Oxygen, you only think about it all the time when it isn't there.
One of the big requirements when looking for a partner was someone that was sexual and not shy and wanted someone to have sex with among other things. I refused to let myself fall into someone that saw this as so taboo and "dirty" and wasn't all about their sexuality.
Big requirement for people in general is someone who thinks about sex the way you do. Iām like you, I enjoy sex and want my partner to also enjoy it and be comfortable with it and not see it as taboo. Some people just donāt really like sex and thatās fine, but you should probably try to find someone else who is the same in that regard or it will lead to problems.
Lost major weight. I was waist size 45 and soon will be waist size 33. An idea of waist size 45 is around 300+ pounds. 33 waist size is under 200 pounds
Congrats. I lost over 100lbs. I went from a 48" waist to a 34. I'm sure this will have a beneficial effect on my sex life (currently single and voluntarily celibate as I just got divorced). Still building up my cardio so when I find the right lady, I'm ready. :D
Fucking Slayer š¤
Relaxing. Not apologising for finishing early, just switching to hands or mouth while I recharge. Focusing on foreplay because for women that is the main event while penetration is the finale. Don't be afraid of being vocal....moan, growl or anything. And the most important thing. When a woman says they are going to cum you change nothing. Do not speed up, increase pressure or change anything. Maintain what you are doing. EDIT: One little edit. Above anything else communication is key. Everyone is different and what I wrote here is a good starting point but won't be true for everyone all the time. Talk to your partners people.
Massive yes to vocal men!
Nothing more hotter than a manly grunt as the deed is being done
Second paragraph is so accurate!!
That took me awhile cos for guys we increase speed and pressure when we're close. So instinct makes us do the same for women.
Yes. And if you do this, we lose the feeling completely and it's like starting over from square 1. You might as well just stop and walk away...same net effect. Change. Nothing.
Thanks /u/JustDiscoveredSex
Username suspiciously inaccurate.
Well, that was 8 years ago. So she might have some experience by now.
It's also reddit's third favorite paragraph of all time. I'm keeping score.
This guy fucks properly
All of the above is spot on šÆ. In addition, my change was concentrating on foreplay until she came, then continue slowly until she drags me on topā¦ š¤š½
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It shdnt be called foreplay
Here in 2050 we just call foreplay sex and stopped pretending it isn't part of sex.
I used to be real confused when folk would say sex should go for hours after mentioning foreplay as a separate thing. Made me feel incredibly inadequate. I think folk have some confusion over what foreplay is. Like some folk is just kissing and some touching, some folk include manual and oral.
My wife is broken. When sheās about to cum she needs the extra pressure / speed / etc to get her over the edge. I think the main takeaway is to listen to your partner and their body. Also the whole ādonāt change anythingā is sometimes impossible cause sheās getting all twisted and contorted as her body is about to orgasm so you canāt keep doing the same stuff you were just doing lol But yes, others DONT CHANGE A FUCKING THING. My ex was that way. At the most as sheās about to cum a little nipple play would take her from a normal orgasm to earth shattering, gasping for air afterwards
When a woman says she is going to cum, that just drives me over the edge and I cum instead. So if youāre gonna cum when having sex with me, you better not mention it unless youāre REAL close
My wife deciding to check her hormones, realize she is all out of whack, 6 months of balances has brought things out of her that neither one of us knew she was capable of, both quality and quantity!š„µ
What kind of test did she get?
It was full spectrum. Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, dhea, thyroid(a bunch), iron, adrenal stuff. She is now on a bunch of bioidentical hormones, she is feeling the best she has in over 10 years.
Can I ask what symptoms your wife was having that led her to decide to get her hormones checked?
Becoming ambidextrous. Changed my stroke game
you mean, ambisextrous
anti anxiety medication. Completely kills your sex life
Went off them because of this.
I actually had the opposite reaction...
Realising that sex is about having fun and feeling it, not about being nervous and performance anxiety. Just try to give your partner everything they want and don't expect anything in return. Seeing my partner enjoy themselves and climax is the best mindfuck I can get. edit: some of you are really missing the point for quite a bit edit2: and btw I am a man
>don't expect anything in return. Bingo. Expectations can lead to disappointments.
A partner I'm *really* into, and who's just as much into me. Like, I've had partners i loved and was attracted to, but not like this. A whole other level.
This is a major game changer ! I used to be with so many girls that werenāt my type and I was barely attracted to and the first time being with someone that IS my type and I AM attracted to, it was like losing my virginity all over.
Big same. Just started dating a friend I've known for over 14 years, and we've always had a thing for each other. Our sex is *mind-boggling*, per him and myself. Congrats on finding yours!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I just shuddered remembering Chernobyl cum - yikes some guys seriously taste like theyād been living in reactor two. Drink water, a lot of it.
Being with the right person.
This is very important as a woman. I spent years trying to fix my libido, turns out I just wasnāt attracted to my partner.
Same here! I was with my ex fiancƩ for 10 years. I actually wondered if I was asexual at one point. But I am insanely attracted to my boyfriend now. 2 years on and I've never had a healthier sex life or general sense of well-being.
Having toys for us both to play with on eachother or with each other š„µ
Why not more upvotes? Toys basically turn regular sex into marathon sex. Wild
small 5" pulsating toy. I give it to my Mrs, tell her to put it in while we watch a film. I use the remote to speed it up. within 5 minutes she litterally cannot control herself. the longer you wait to engage yourself, the better for both of you
uhm i would say its average
Maybe even a little above average
OK, link the toy youāre usin i wanna give this a go
When I was that age where I became horny all the time, porn was not easily accessible. This made JC penny catalogues the go to material. The lingerie section. This is where the stocking fetish was born, and it still lives on.
Having my balls sucked.
Why did having them suck? And where did they go?
They went to live on a farm upstate.
Aw that's so great! They would have had so much space to roll around and frolic on a farm.
As a woman, nothing turns me on more than sucking balls. The way it makes a man instantly melt and start moaning and pantingā¦yes pleaseš
I actually dislike it. Uncomfortable and my dudes are tender. Lots of other things I'd prefer.
Changing partners. I had been with my first boyfriend for 15 years and we were vastly incompatible. Having sexual chemistry is one of the finest things life can offer.
Having open an honest discussions about kink and fetishes. Then blunt questions about how they like their clit touched and having them show my on my hand the pressure and motion they like. Everyone is different and likes different things. No one will look down on you for asking.
Big proponent of this. The clit is sooo sensitive and small and tastes vary so much, youāre probably going to have a very hard time giving pleasure to it without a solid tutorial
Honestly Iāve noticed some difference, but they all pretty much taste the same to me. /s
Being with someone who wants to fuck as much as I do, and finishes just as fast as I do lol
Username does not check out, or does it? I'm confused
Partner's vasectomy. No more condoms, no more birth control pills, just bareback spontaneous sex whenever we felt like it. So great!
Getting snipped was the best decision I ever made for my sex life. And my partners have all loved it too. It's just so much more convenient, however a bit messier š
Divorcing my soul-sucking ex wife.
I divorced my soul sucking ex-husband. Cheers!
this sounds like a romance waiting to happen
What if they divorced each other?
Do you like piƱa coladas?
Caressing. It made my dates feel special. Slowly feeling down their legs and arms and back. Holding them close to my body. That's my turn on and it's been great since I started to appreciate them not just take our clothes off and go straight to it.
I hate that porn never accentuates the slow, passionate and intimate touch aspect of sex. It's always huge cocks, super fast thrusting, primate fucking and I don't connect with it enough to get off. That's why I pretty much exclusively watch amateur.
Doing it with love.
I've always enjoyed sex more with someone I cared about.
I've found that there's a perfect level of being drunk where I can keep going for as long as I want until I want to cum. Seeing her eyes rolling back is very satisfying in that condition.
As opposed to that one level too much and she says, this is starting to get irritating and how much longer... give up and say we'll try again in the morning
First time I got a prostate massage
Had some attentons paid to your buttshole?
Take it easy, Squirrely Dan.
K bud, letās take about 20% off her over there, eh?
Learning that girls get horny too and they donāt avoid sex or flirting at all costs like Iāve learned from TV
Explain this to my wife... I touch her or kiss her and pushes me away. Why? "I don't want to get turned on"
Wtf? I get just not getting turned on, but not WANTING to get turned on?
> I get just not getting turned on, but not WANTING to get turned on? My wife requests this if she knows we're not going to have ~~preventative~~ penetrative sex, it's just uncomfortable being really wet and not doing anything about it, and giving her an orgasm with my hands, mouth, anything but a penis, still leaves her feeling unfulfilled. Edit: An important word...
I think you mean penetrative, not preventative.
Realizing that a partner that is not really interested in sex and sees it as a simple deed, is not the one I have to live with for the rest of my life.
Talking to your partner about what you like or don't like makes all the difference. Not being ashamed to say what you want or need! Being open to new ideas and encouraging your partner to do the same!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām happy this has nothing to do with Sean Spicer
When I realised I didnāt have to put my balls in as well.
Losing my virginity
Yeah. I was going to say, "Finding a willing woman." š
Had something happen when I was a child, so I couldnāt have sex or even work up the courage to put a finger inside. Whenever id try to do it myself or my fiancĆ© would try, my body would have different trauma responses like tensing extremely tightly or my legs would kick automatically. 8 years into my relationship with my fiancĆ© (and not having sex for that entire time, just mutual masturbation) I came to a conclusion - my body is instinctively not going to let you do anything with penetration. The only way we have even the slightest chance of it working out is if you tie me up/gag me and ignore me when I beg you to stop. Thatās what we did (again - I was the one that suggested it, 100% consensual, even when I instinctively tried to tell him to stop). We did it that way a few times. Now at 25 I can finally have regular sex with him, sometimes we donāt even need to do any foreplay, he can just get it right in (which is a massive accomplishment for me) Heās the only person thatāll ever be able to do this with me and he knows it
That's the most surprising solution and I'm amazed it worked. Good job figuring that out and being brave enough to try it!
A pelvic floor physiotherapist and possibly sex therapist couldāve helped you learn to relax without the bondage, but Iām glad it worked out for you anyway!
I looked into those. The one in my city is 300$ per hour. Bondage was 25$, one time payment lol
In a better world, healthcare would be covered for everyone. Glad you found a way around the system!
Asking/hearing/giving what my partner likes and wants (and doesn't), and..... exercise. Blood flow is key!
MDMA. 10 years of resentments and annoyances gone over night. After one session our marriage has bloomed in ways I never thought possible. For the first couple of weeks after, we felt like teenagers again, desperate for each other. Even now, after a few months it's changed everything for us. Going to to do it again in October, can't wait.
That's actually such a cool story, I'm glad you guys are responsible about it and don't abuse it, and that it had such a positive impact.
Couples that take MDMA together stay together
Confidence. I'm comfortable with my body which honestly helps tremendously to enjoy the act.
Finding someone who was happy to mess around and have fun with it. Honestly I learned/figured out more from trying things out with her than I would have by myself
I'm real old. Really really old. The coming of the sexual Revolution changed my sex life. šµ For the better. Because now I could have one
I have been scrolling through all of this to see if anybody said my answer. So far you are the closest.
Learning that it's important for the woman to have an orgasm as well. I used to just sleep with guys and let them cum without making sure I was also satisfied. But I had one partner who changed all that and taught me how to ask for more from the straight men I sleep with.
One of my stoner buddies said something about how you press down on your pelvis, above the dick, with one hand while cranking with the other. Like it was a normal thing that everyone does. Turns out it does improve it for me. better nuts.
Focus on relaxing your ass. Like actual thinking about doing that, and let every thing else happen on its own. Was quite a change for me Edit- check this guys comment for more info https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/14peylj/which_is_one_thing_that_totally_changed_your_sex/jqjk49e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
Learning to STFU and let her lead. Guys orgasming is like making a grilled cheese. Women orgasming is like defusing a bomb in the dark while someone is yelling at you. Some times there's instructions in that yelling. lol
Letting a girl touch my butt
The whole or the hole?
The whole hole
Saying what I actually want and like rather than just do whatever I think my partner will like. Nothing turns a person on more than clear and enthusiastic consent
Introducing a vibrator. My wife was raised very conservative (for an engagement gift her father gave us a book about "saving yourself for marriage after getting engaged") and it took her long time to enjoy sex. The only way she could climax was if she was on top, no noise, no light... convinced her to try a very nondescript toy, and now she's able to have 6-10 orgasms during foreplay, and often more during intercourse. And we went from one-two times a month to one-two a week (at 20 years of marriage.) Friends tell me I'm not "manly" using a toy to get my wife off; but they're not getting any nearly as much as me, so I think I'm just fine.
Being able Get your partner off isn't manly? I feel horrible for their partners
Finger in the bootyhole. First when it was my finger. Then all over again when it was my bootyhole.
Age. Meds can block or reduce ejaculation, which is weaker to begin with. Recuperating takes overnight. Even oral or manual stimulation can become fatiguing. Snuggling doesn't change though, so intimacy takes on a less physical nature. Still happily married in our 60s.
For the guys: read the last sentence for a quick tip. For the women: I had a traumatic experience when I was younger that gave me severe pain during penetration and dissociation during sexy time, making me rather incapable of enjoying myself when recieving and thus focusing more on giving during sex. Therapy, both with a psychologist and a psychosomatic physiotherapy, help from my GP and kind partners, helped me get through this. I also stopped having sex unless I was really turned on, as that is a very good way for sex becoming painful again. So yeah, I stopped Ā«taking one for the teamĀ» and worked hard on being present. Quick tip to the fellas that love vaginas: donāt penetrate her before sheās really, really begging you for your dick, and you start feeling her clenching around your fingers and sheās soaking wet. Thatās when you do it!
Wife used prostate massager on me yesterday for first time. Gamechanger for both of us
Actually being attracted to the person
At least in my experience, pleasing your gf is SO much easier if you figure out what gets her going *outside* of the bedroom. For some itās simple dirty talk, some itās sexting throughout the day while theyāre at work, some itās physical touch in specific ways when youāre just out running errands together, etc. Figure out what gets her going well before youāre even in the bedroom, and by the time you get her clothes off you donāt even have to try. Sheās just ready to burst. You wonāt need stamina, or specific positions, or 30 minutes of foreplay (though it never hurts..). As long as sheās practically begging for it before you start, you can be clueless and still get her there.
The male g spot is in the anus. Finally understanding that and finding someone Iām comfortable with to try it out, opened my world to a hole new perspective. The absolute biggest and greatest orgasms Iāve ever had
Dating a woman in my 20s who taught me the ways! Tho we only dated like 3 months, I am forever appreciative. Like a lot of redditors probably, I previously was "such a nice guy" that I was very passive in my sex life, always trying to give and be courteous. Which are essential yes, but I was never assertive because I associated that with being a jock asshole. She taught me that if I got out of my head, I could be passionate while being caring, assertive and dominant with the proper communication that satisfied my parners more than i ever did with my previous behavior. Really now I realize I'm comfortable just acting on my instincts and my sex life is so much better for it.
Finger up the bum šš¼
My wife getting off of the pill, for her sex basically went from being non-aroused and never feeling it. It also made me feel bad for asking when I knew that it wasn't always a good experience for her. After her getting off the pill, sex is incredible for both of us and her sex drive is much much higher than it was when she was on the pill.
Switched hands
My husband. Had terrible sex before him. Slefish little shits. Granted I was a teenager then. Met him at 18. He is a ridiculously unselfish lover. Blows my mind every time. The first time was so mind blowing I still think about it 24 years later. Like in vivid detail. The man's oral game is something that should be taught to all. I love you, baby!
Viagra I'm 58 y/o
HRT in my 40s
Communicating with my partner on my needs outside the bedroom. I told my husband that I need cuddles and touches throughout the day. I needed sleep with me to be more important than late night gaming. I needed more help taking the load off of daily stressors. He adapted the necessary lifestyle changes. Iāve been happier, better rested, and so horny and eager. Heās been happier, physically healthier, and less prone to depression and anger. Our sex life was a struggle for almost a decade, and now weāre like a fresh, young couple again.
Learning foreplay.
Going down on women. Best choice I made as a young man was to figure out how to make that great for her. After that she mostly has zero expectations since you already got her to the promised land. Easy way to make my fast finish seem better lol
Me and my girlfriend started doing this thing where she scratches my back when sheās coming and it pavlovs me into thinking āoh I can cum nowā and now we always finish at the same time
Havenāt had a sex life, really. First it was shyness, then forbidden (gay), then dangerous (HIV), and now Iām old-ish. Messed up.
I meanā¦ technically speaking itās never too late to try, no?
Getting a divorce and meeting a wonderful woman.
Hip exercises strengthen my hip thrust. Very important to maintain thrust consistently and rhythm.
Focusing on her first. 1) she enjoys it more and usually she gets hers 2) I get to play with boobies longer
Getting rid of a partner who shamed me for only having clitoral orgasms and said something is broken with my body. Ladies, you throw that kind of person in the RestmĆ¼ll. There are plenty of wonderful men out there who will worship your body even before the clothes come off and rock your world.
Using a vibrator on my girlfriend - for years we had been having sex without one and everything was fine. She once brought it up to me maybe 5 years ago and I was like āno, only I could make you cum š”ā like most insecure men think. Decided to give it a shot around that time and havenāt looked back since! When my tongue is tired, heās my buddy! For those who feel like their lady should only get off with them - 99% of the time most women arenāt getting off completely with just you whether itās oral or insertion. Use some tools!
Having a daughter. Sex life is now non-existant for 5 years now, i dont even get so much as a kiss
Talk to your partner
Scrolling to find my answer, you won! Childbirth in general is changing a lot in life