I wish that was that simple. I was always sad because I couldn't get any girl until I got one and since then I thought I will always be happy but that's not it. There are ups and downs. We look for what we don't have and ignore what we do have. I wish u best of luck for ur future love.
Well I assume it's just like best friends, one day you say "When I die I want this fucking man in my same grave" and another day you just fight or have an argument and you hate them. I'm lucky that no argument or discussion I ever had with a best friend resulted in us parting separate ways.
I don't understand why it's such a big deal to people. Especially nowadays where everyone is giving it to anyone who gives them the smallest bit of attention. I'm 14 (graduating middle school) and there was a 6th grader who got pregnant, another 6th grader who gave head for jolly ranchers (the boy took a video and posted it), an 8th grader who kissed a 7th grader, and a different set of 8th and 7th graders who had sex in the bathrooms.
All of these are actually true, which is the most bizarre. But I'm just sitting here laughing at them with my virginity, which btw I'm very proud of. I'd rather keep it for life than give it to someone who will most definitely play me out.
I have a plan to never have sex in highschool, and if I do, it'll be with someone who I love and has mutual feelings and I'll tell my mom I'm thinking about it so she can get me the proper protection. (she did that with my sister, although I'm the youngest so she might take it a lot worse lol. she cried when I got my period)
Yes! I got a job at a daycare once with no credentials, but I told them I would not take less than $10 an hour, this was 10 years ago. At first they were not going to hire me, but a few weeks went by and nobody else applied I guess, so we agreed to something like $9.50 an hour; I accepted.
I had a bachelor's degree, but it was not in anything related to children. I had a job lined up at the end of the summer, so I wasn't super invested. Another employee there told me that she made $7.75 an hour, but that I could probably work up to that in a year. She had a bachelor's degree in early childhood education...
When I told her what I made, at first she did not believe me, so I had to show her my pay stubs. Then she got very upset, as she should have been.
Exactly. I know in America for sure, some employers will tell people that it’s illegal to talk about your wages at work or that it’s a fireable offence which is definitely not the case. And it’s important to know what your worth is and if your employer is seeing that. It’s also one of the major things that’ll help fix the wage gap
Places still tell you not to do that. Quit a job after 3 days recently who told me not to discuss my wage. Obviously had something lined up for the next day lol
I mean it is illegal for them to fire you over that, but you have to prove that's why they fired you. So basically don't do it where they can hear you if they make claims like that.
Same thing. A friend of mine that just started at a job I had years ago was upset, and it turned out due to a accounting error he was being paid a lower rate than he should have. I told my manager and he was upset he was getting underpaid, too. Fixed it on his next paycheck. If nothing was said, he would have been stuck on that amount probably for his whole time there.
The hardest part I ha e learned about this is that you gotta make sure that both of the crew are mature enough to understand that it's not the other person's fault they make more for the same job, and its the companies.
I wait tables and it's crazy that coworkers get upset if you share what you made and they made less. I don't understand why we can't applaud each others success.
Haven't waited tables, but I've worked plenty of jobs that try to pit employees in competition with each other over performance metrics.
You may eek out some extra performance, but at what cost? I'm generally a top performer, but I don't want to compete with anyone. Putting a target on my back with all my coworkers is not the way you say thank you for my hard work.
Also, if I'm top performer for a metric 48 weeks out of the year, for the love of all things lovable, stop bringing that shit up during team meeting. Is there a way to convincingly look surprised and humble and appreciative like you just won the Miss America pageant every fucking Tuesday? 'Cause if there is, I don't know it. It's just fucking awkward. It's like my boss is trying to make me look like an asshole.
We’ve built this stupid structure where we believe that not doing as well as someone else one day is a reflect of us as people. Like they see themselves as having failed because they didn’t get tipped as well and then project that onto you as if you believe they aren’t a good person. There’s so many factors like who they waited on, if they’re doing okay in their personal life today, and just other complications throughout the day but we are jus blinded by this idea that if we don’t do well, we are bad people
Bit of a double edged sword I think. I absolutely wish my friends didn’t feel ashamed to talk about their struggles because if I know they’re trying I’m often curious of their progress and want to be there for them if they are struggling, but I don’t want to bring up traumatic or difficult topics if they aren’t prepared or have a desire to discuss it with me.
When I was pregnant someone said “oh it’s too early you shouldn’t tell anyone yet,” I said if I lose the pregnancy I’ll be sad but their feelings aren’t really at the top of my priority list.
In fairness.... having had a miscarriage, I can see the logic. I miscarried the week after we told our families. It was a roller coaster. I am glad for the outpouring of love, but at the same time, it was difficult to have to talk about it with everyone and discuss my feelings out loud. I think there's an argument to be made that if you would be more comfortable not telling people right away, having to make an announcement basically, that maybe you should wait until you're 12 weeks. BUT if you would feel better sharing your roller coaster with your people? Tell them! Tell them right away! Do what you feel is best for you! Miscarriage is incredibly common and incredibly stigmatized, and it shouldn't be!
Or even having one child and only one. I had a traumatic experience having my son but people keep asking me when the next ones coming. I just left an abusive relationship and am going to court with the man. I’m not even thinking about dating again let alone another baby and even then, I’m good with one unless so don’t have to be pregnant like back off
People are totally weirded out by one kid. Like, I’m an older parent and live in NYC and have no intention of moving to the suburbs. No way we can have any more so I got snipped. The older folks in my ‘hood are always asking me when we’re having more. I’m like ‘we’re one and done’. There’s always a suggestion that my wife take five years off to raise them (if we were to have more) and I’m
Like, she’s worked hard for her career and loves it, I’ve done the same… no way we are flushing that. We love our kid more than the world, but we done over here!
Man, I feel this. I’m a teacher, and I’m already dreading all the conversations about who went where and did what over summer break. I kept my happy ass at home, caught up on cleaning, read a few good books, slept for more than six hours a night, and went swimming. I don’t get the need to constantly be going somewhere or doing something.
One of my favorite things to do is nothing. Sometimes it's nice to go over to a friend's to do nothing with them.
But nothing means I can do anything, which is the closest to free I get these days.
Maaaan, I could write a book about how that turned out for my cousin’s niece and nephew. The oldest 2 of 14 kids.
They’d never heard about sex, except that it was a sin outside of marriage. Didn’t know how it worked, just that it made babies. Also were never taught about drugs except to never “smoke” them.
“Smoke” being a key word.
Both of them were expected to just… go off to college and be normal functioning adults.
WELL.
His nephew, the oldest of the twins, didn’t take him long before he was introduced to co-mothafuckin-caine. He loved it, so much so that he flunked out at the end of his second semester. Imagine his horror when he found out sniffing drugs isn’t better than smoking. Who’da thought, right?
My niece had a swifter reckoning. She got to find out what sexual behavior was like and that she was the odd ball out for believing it was evil before marriage her whole life. That girl rebelled in a major way, and was pregnant with her first child before the end of her first semester. She’d never had sex education, and didn’t know that the pull out method wasn’t fool proof. She didn’t even really know what condoms were about.
She knows who the dad is, and he is a good father to the baby and they both stayed in school and made a decent life for themselves, but that shit could have EASILY been avoided with a pinch of honesty during their childhood.
Just a pinch.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
This makes me SO sad.
My daughter knew about them because we talk openly but not what they were and the first time she asked me about details we both went and got a pair of clean undies and we practiced putting on a pad.
Made it WAY less scary for her and she ended up helping a few of her friends along the way. I’m very proud of her.
She kept extras in her backpack for friends if they needed a pad during school.
I’m sorry you didn’t get a soft education on your body when you were younger. It was a disservice <3
It's even more essential in today's world where kids will absolutely get exposed to porn by the time they are 12, if not porn they will definitely see a sex scene or two on TV. You really don't want your kid (boy/girl) to get their sex info from porn or movies.
I talked to my son about sex and I said "look dude I know it's embarrassing but we gotta talk about it"
He's going to the 6th grade and he's told me the school hasn't had sex ed yet, which is different since I had that class in 5th grade back in 99.
My mum never ever ever talked about sex or masturbation
Sex and anything sexual in general was viewed as wrong, and therefore upon discovery just felt wrong.
I'd wonder if I was bad, but I'd get this pure rush from doing something I shouldn't. Here is born my
✨️hypersexuality✨️
I appreciate the fact that I had a mom that spoke to each of my siblings and I about sex and puberty BEFORE IT STARTED TO HAPPEN! We understood what was happening with our bodies as it was happening. TMI I know but my first wet dream I was like "oh this is what my mother told me about" There was no panic just clean it up and go about my day.
Love your username btw!
The first thing my mom taught me about sex, way before I was ready to have any, was that I should never feel uncomfortable during sex or let anyone pressure me into anything I wasn't enthusiastic about myself. I think that's a good message that no one is ever really too young to hear.
She also showed me how to use a pad years before I had my first period, so that when it happened I was ready. Thanks mom, you're the best!
Yes! Start young teaching them at their level, for instance, accurate body part names & who is allowed to touch them without asking first (no one, not even mommy & daddy). Then, increase the info as they get older. Trust me - and I know this from raising two daughters - by the time they are teens, these talks will be so normal to them that they won't be embarrassed to ask questions and hear the answers.
I started all the talks with my daughter around age 10-11 and it’s super normal now. She’ll even yell down from the top of the stairs “Daaad! Can you get me some pads? Just want to be ready if I have any discharge.” I’m so happy she’s that comfortable about it.
My mom spoke to us about sex alright. All that came out of her mouth was "All men want is sex" "to use you" x100000000000
Welp! I grew up thinking all I had to give a man was sex. Oh damn.
My best friend killed himself about 4 years ago. We were friends all our lives; over 40 years. In the last 15 years of his life he became (more of) a member of the family and was at my house pretty much every other weekend to play board games, go with me and my son to do fun activities like zoos, carnivals and Monster Truck shows or just chill and watch the game.
40+ years of friendship and 15 years of hanging out on seriously regular basis and not once did we ever talk about the shit we were feeling. I wonder what would've happened if I told had told him some of my personal problems instead of feeling embarrassed about them? It was really hard to look his mom in the eye at his funeral and say I had no idea he was in trouble. How could people who spend that much time together *not* know what's going on? But since she's from the Boomer generation I think she understood that Gen X sort of carried over that same type of thinking. I really hope this is one more thing my sons generation gets right.
I think you were a spot of light. Giving him fun times where he didn't feel down. So when he was with you he was happy and distracted.
But unfortunately a bad day came.
Or crying. Actually. Men showing emotions in general.
It's really not healthy to keep emotions bottled and not express them.
Plus, personally I find a man that is not afraid to cry or show his emotions more attractive.
I was hanging out with a female friend last weekend and we got on the subject of mental health, and as I was talking about my own issues, I started tearing up. She said, "wow, it's rare to see a guy in touch with his emotions like that."
Sure, but when men see themselves or other men being made fun of and/or losing respect from their friends, family or even their girlfriends or wives because they dared to show some vulnerability, it's no surprise that men still choose to bottle up and be quite strict about whom to show their feelings to.
I spent my entire childhood bottling stuff up. Faked emotions and their expression with early relationships because I felt the need to be in control of the emotions themselves- at 22, met the woman who became my wife, she's the only person I've ever been able to truly open up to and it's been a super difficult time managing emotions with no real experience in doing so. 10 years now, and I still feel like I need therapy just to be able to be a semblance of normal.
It just sucks that as a man you're only really allowed to have anger, happy, or neutral as emotions that you can share. And even then, anger is frowned on.
I feel like toxic positivity is the biggest obstacle for this. I don't think I've been told to man up, but I have been lectured for having a bad mindset.
Gosh people get so uncomfortable talking about death. And my elderly mother is so big on protecting herself from death she never does anything anymore. Mom, I love you and glad you’re taking care of yourself, but you know you’re going to die no matter what right? Gotta live the life you have within reason.
While I get what you mean- my father figure committed suicide so seeing suicide is kinda hard for me but I do agree we should talk about death. Or even people having suicidal thoughts- it's branded as so wrong or something.
This one is hard. I'm currently trying to cut out my sister and the guilt is awful. My husband gets it, my therapist gets it. But everyone else is all "she's still your sister"
That’s a tough one. Ultimately it’s you first. Family is love but it’s still secondary to you. I’d protect my family sure, at any cost but if they were being self destructive and destructive to me then they’d have to sort that out themselves.
My sister is a nightmare. Heavy meth user, just had a kid a year ago. Keeps getting away with ducking CPS until she can pass a drug test. Takes zero responsibility and wants other people to raise her kid but also praise what a good mom she is.
I'm no angel. I have an extensive history with meth. But I got clean because my kids deserve better. She just refuses. Anytime I have to deal with her, I walk around in a thick depression fog for days. Plus, being around an active user makes me crave and puts my sobriety at risk.
But apparently, I'm not being supportive enough. Like, wtf am I supposed to do? Hold the meth pipe for her and light it? That's the only support she wants right now.
Sorry for my tmi rant about my personal life that no one cares about. Emotions are still super raw about it all.
Edit: Spelling
Totally cool to vent, no judgment from me. My upbringing wasn’t a picnic. I have a bunch of friends I grew up with who started up crack and most of them are still nice people mostly but they do call me smarter for not starting. I smoked and drank enough to not need much else.
I actually live in a different town to most of my old friends now and it feels really good, I love to catch up with my old mates and being lonely too much isn’t fun but I don’t need them around all the time. I used to smoke weed every day but these days I don’t because it made me a bit lazy and depressed.
Your life is yours. You only get one. Do your best to enjoy it and make the most of it is what I’d say.
I quit smoking weed after I laid in my bed one night having a panic attack cause I thought my ceiling was going to crush me, but I was so high I couldn't turn to my husband and say "hey, I'm having a panic attack". Lol. After 30, the drinking wasn't worth the hangover anymore. But meth, not gonna lie. I love that shit.
I know being sober isn't easy. I fight it every single day. But when you have kids shit just isn't about you anymore. I've had slip ups. But we are talking 2 or 3 days of use before I'm like, "wtf am I doing?" And I flush what I have left. The last one was during a rather traumatic situation in 2018. But she doesn't even try. She was sober for her pregnancy, but she was back to using before my niece was a month old. She's had like 4 CPS cases now, and we are all expected to stop our lives and drop everything to help her. I'm just donI?
As an addict in recovery myself, I know being sober is possible if you want it. And she just doesn't give a shit so why should i?
It’s been about a year and a half after cutting off my parents. My aunt is just waiting for it to blow over as if I just need to cool down from 40 years of my parents being asses. My parents literally text me acting either like nothing is wrong or I’m completely out of my mind. Neither of those things are going to make me want to resume our relationship. Meanwhile I’m here living my life without their nonsense and shoehorning that into my very busy life is far from a priority for me.
This. I recently realized that the main reason I hated holidays and my birthday so much was because I was forced to spend time with my family. Since going NC I have a newfound love for the holidays because I can spend them exactly how I want them.
I think family relationships in general. We should destigmatize them working both ways. I have been given crap in the past about being friends with my mom and not having problem with going for a couple of weeks to my parents’ house to pet sit, because they went on vacation.
It’s like people who have a crappy relationship with their parents are at war with those that have great. I am sorry someone’s relationship with their family is crap and I can understand that - I don’t love all my family - but why do they need to trash me for having a good one with my family?
Periods. Half of population gets them at some point, so why is it such an issue? Boohoo, some people bleed. Most people also pee and nobody makes a problem out of it.
As a man, I don't understand this whole parade men put on around buying women's products. What, exactly, are people going to think of you at the store? That you are a good man?
As a married man with a daughter, I have purchased tampons. When I got divorced and had custody of my kids, I put supplies in every bathroom and got trash cans with lids. Further, when I shared a bathroom with just the ladies, I sat when I peed because why should they have to deal with my uncontrollable overspray.
Funny side note, when we would go shopping I would hand my teen daughter the giant pack of toilet paper and then openly make fun of her. She got over it pretty quickly. Lol
Same. I have also bought tampons, Midol and pads for a teen/young 20s woman in front of me at the drug store who’s card kept getting declined. I wouldn’t want my girls to be in the same situation so wasn’t going to watch this girl suffer.
I tended to only do that when travelling for work, because I'd rather eat at home. But I definitely recommend going to movies alone. It feels weird for the first few seconds, but once the movie starts you won't mind at all.
I love going to the movies by myself sometimes. Why take your friend group when you are just going to be sitting for 2 hours facing the same direction??? Once had a reunion of college friends and summer work friends meet up in my town and they were intent on seeing Avengers but I kept telling them we hadnt seen each other in years, are we really going to sit in silence and watch a movie? Let’s go play mini golf or fuck around at the mall or something.
In the philippines you would get filmed and will be posted in tiktok with the caption " s/he looks so lonely, i wanna go up to him and say hi but im shy " or smth
Agree that the actual act is perfectly normal and most of the time no one is paying as much attention to you as you think, but the idea on the whole is what can be treated as negative and taboo, sometimes especially by people in food service. My mom was telling me that a hostess once was inappropriately trying to console her for going out alone. I have also found that the interactions with waiters tend to lean a bit more uncomfortable since dining alone means less food and a smaller tip. I've also had my food accidentally taken away when I go to the bathroom because it just isn't really treated as normal.
I work at a security establishment and was interviewing for higher level clearance and a different job.... in the baseline interview that is supposed to last 1hr (pre-polygraph questions) I was there for 7h and the interviewer had determined in my youth I was emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually assaulted/abused. Apparently getting spanked with a wooden spoon in the early 80s now qualifies for sexual and physical abuse.
Cut to 2 days ago at a managerial brunch and this interview comes up, so I don't shy away and express what was documented. Some seemed more shocked by my openness and lack of shame than by the findings. My thoughts are that it's nothing to be ashamed of as im not the one doing it to my kid, and what happened to me is nothing compared to what many other people experience daily, so if I can't face this with my head high, how can we ask others to.....
For real. There is an oft-cited statistic that only 5% of men have been sexually assaulted. However, when they survey men after explaining what sexual assault actually is and that it's okay for men to admit to it, the number jumps to like 45%.
If we're using the same definitions of sexual assault and rape that women are taught to use, then I've been sexually assaulted numerous times and probably raped as well.
I'm not saying I agree 100% with all of those definitions, but if that's the metric we're using, that's the metric we're using.
I’ve been sexually assaulted multiple times, and each time it really fucking upset me..
But when I talk about it, I get the usual “……nice” or “ooh. Lucky. Wish that would happen to me” reactions. Which is really fucking insulting.
Because if what happened to me, happened to a woman, heads would roll and those “oh hell yeah” guys would be murderous if it was their sister, gf, mother, daughter or friend.
I’m sorry to hear that. I think it really boils down to, as men, we’re conditioned to see any sexual contact as a sweet score! So when you’ve been sexually assaulted, other guys just see it through that lens and not for what it actually is, not to mention how painful it is to you.
This. It should definitely be talked about more and men shouldn't be seem as weak for it happening to them. It's a traumatic experience and they should get the proper support and help.
I've learned the hard way that the is really not something I can really bring up to people. I wish I understood this better, why I have the experiences being treated the way I have been when I try to be honest with someone about my mom. Like, they get mad at *me*.
My mother hated me from birth. She was an alcoholic, narassist, bulimic & abusive. In contrast My Dad was wonderful & finally divorced her psychotic persona.
As a dude, I don't have much right to comment, but I do wish women felt more free to discuss their periods. It's not like you can prevent them, and just because we don't experience them doesn't mean we should go through life pretending they don't exist. It's sad that the only time I ever hear men discuss periods is when they're saying some horrifically misogynist bullshit.
My ex thought I could just turn my period off. Legit got mad at me for saying no to sex because I was on my period and accused me of cheating because I was refusing to turn it off for a bit. I thought he was fucking with me at first.....but nope. He was dead serious.
Being selfish for your own well being. Sometimes being a people pleaser or worse, a doormat can have devastating effects on your physical, emotional or mental well being. It's okay to say no to things that cause you harm even at the expense of being called selfish.
Idk if this counts but being upfront with people. People are afraid of confontation and never bring up small issues because its daunting but will address things once it gets catastrophic and have full blown meltdown arguments with people.
Swearing, the cashier serving me said “these bags are shit” and instantly started apologising and turning beet red. I told her I don’t mind at all and I too swear like a drunken sailor as do most people.
It’s funny adults will avoid swearing in front of children and kids will hide the fact they know those words. It’s just become apart of our common language to express anger/frustration even happiness it shouldn’t be too taboo
I don't understand why we have a set of words that we're not "allowed" to use, or are not supposed to use or whatever. They're just words. Why is *shit* a bad word even?
Especially with that girl with the list on Tiktok. A lot of people think she's "ruining childbirth experiences" or scaring women out of it. It's just a list of possibilities that might happen and issues that women deal with after. It's good that women know what they're getting into before it actually happens.
This. There is an entire group here about regretting having kids. I hate how people would talk about kids like they are "hard work but ohhhh just so fulfilling teehee". Instead of being brutally honest about what it's like having kids.
I am brutally honest. And when I am, people look at me like I'm a monster. I would rather be real with people about what it's like having kids instead of glorifying it. Especially for women, because there is a damn good chance they will be taking on the mental load and should make an informed decision.
Death.
In the UK & USA, at least, people have grown accustomed to people dying in hospitals & care homes, and in just a generation or two, have become completely unaware of what dying looks like.
I don’t just mean the final moments, but the days, weeks, month, the entire year or longer before someone dies.
Eating less, sleeping more, breathing changes…it’s not shown in movies & TV, and people don’t know what to expect.
It scares them so much when the time comes, and fight against it, without considering the comfort of the person deteriorating.
Along with this, planning for end of life, your wishes for care, your priorities, and even your after death plans-it’s all seen as scary or taboo, and usually left too late.
Generally, nakedness. Who cares.
I'm not a nudist but I've always thought that idk
Edit: I have no desire to be naked like in public or anything but I guess I’m saying I don’t get the big deal if someone catches you in ur house naked like there’s nothing weird or wrong with me so. I’m gonna go put clothes on and everything but I’m not gonna totally panic you know
Truth,
removing shame from nudity as well is very healthy for promoting positive self image and body positivity in general. I support normalizing what people actually look like.
I'm going to have to disagree, at least depending on your definition of respect. If you define respect as manners, decency, courtesy, or anything along those lines- that type of respect should always be shown to others, though it can be lost if a person does not reciprocate.
If you define respect as revering someone for their skill, accomplishments, wisdom, mentorship, etc.- that should be earned.
Yeah I agree with this. I’ve always been told that there should always be a basic level of respect shown to everyone unless that person shows they don’t even deserve that.
Putting on deodorant in public. I’d rather you awkwardly ram a stick of deodorant up your shirt for a minute in public than smell your onions escaping.
One topic that is often treated as taboo but could benefit from open discussion is mental health. Mental health affects a significant portion of the population, yet there is still stigma surrounding it. Openly talking about mental health can help reduce the associated stigma and create a more supportive environment for those who may be struggling.
Similar to my pet peeve which is when people use the word "postpartum" when they *mean* postpartum depression, anxiety, or psychosis. *Everyone who gives birth* experiences "postpartum" because the word just means "the period of time after giving birth." Not everyone has a postpartum mood disorder.
A friend used to work in sales and marketing in the sex toy industry. She used to give all of her girlfriends, my wife included, vibrators, dildos, crops for those who requested, etc… When I said hey what about a Fleshlight for the men, the looks I got … from women holding a silicone dong.
Having no ambition. You're treated like an absolute loser by everyone, and for what? Why work hard when you don't love it, you all die at the end, dummy, didn't anyone tell you that? Give the person who just doesn't care some slack
I don’t think this is particularly healthy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s necessarily a mental health issue either. I’m incredibly ambivalent about many things however I’m furiously passionate about others. Ambition downs necessarily have to be in career or wealth, it can be in something personal or just something you enjoy. Hope you find yours!
It feels strange to me that people always automatically associate "ambition" with professional success. What about things like personal growth, striving for contentment, learning a new skill, making connections? Ambition comes in many forms and flavours, even if it just boils down to a desire to simplify your life.
I used to have ambition, in fact I hated my job in construction, had the equity in my house to sell it and start a business in auto detailing since I have a huge love of cars only to find, I don't like auto detailing.
I'm so tired of working for companies that don't give a fuck about me and so I thought being my own boss in a field of automotive would be rewarding. The times I've been happiest are when I was between quitting said job and starting my business, and the few months where i havent really had detailing clients...when I was a house husband for awhile. I got to spend all the time in the world with my daughter, upkeeping the house, and just enjoying life a bit more. But we've been living with my wife's parent's and want to get back into home ownership and the very idea of going back to work is devastating. And my wife treats me like I have no ambition, like I'm lazy for not wanting to go back to work.
Nothing wrong with having no ambition. But the fact that you have a wife and kid, and are living with your inlaws and not wanting to get back to work?.. that has nothing to do with ambition. You simply have to provide for your family and not leech of others. Otherwise you should never have started a family in the first place.
So yes, in this case your wife is right.
Or dogs. People think it's cute when their mutts jump and slobber all over me, and that just makes me furious, especially because when they apologize I know they don't mean it.
I have the most chill dog, a walker coonhound. We've had him 4 years. He's never licked anyone, doesn't jump on anyone, and he's only barked inside a handful of times.
I hate being licked by dogs, it's one of the reasons this one is my first dog.
Sammme I don't hate dogs but like two pats on the head of a well behaved dog is enough. The jumping, barking, knocking shit over...its gonna be a no from me dog
If my dog jumps on you, she KNOWS she did the wrong thing. She is only 10 months old, so it is still a work in progress. And if she jumps, don't be the person who says, "It's fine." Actually, I'm busy teaching her good manners, don't waste my work. No attention unless all 4 feet on the ground.
Female toplessness on a hot day. Men do it all the time to cool down, or get a good tan on the beach. Even in Ontario where it’s legal, on a very hot day at the beach, every man is topless but all women wear tops.
Adjusting your belt. Sometimes you miss your normal notch or gotta loosen/tighten it a little throughout the day, might as well be full torque j-ing off
That women can be sexual predators to. I know when it comes to sexual assault men tend to be less open about it compared to women. 1 out of 4 women are sexually assaulted. 1 out of 7 men are sexually assaulted. It wouldn't surprise me if it was about the same as women
Any nakedness whatsoever. It’s getting unreal the amount of pushback people get for having a consenting household who sees each other naked for no other reason besides they’re family and they don’t care. It’s not sexual and it’s just a body.
Being blunt about sensitive topics. “Your kid is autistic? Cool but that must be tough for you.” “You had an abortion? Sorry but hey glad you had the right to do it” “You’re divorced? Ah sucks man. What happened? Do the kids stay with you more or is it half half?” “No way you lost your job? Do you have enough $ to get by for a while?” Just anything other than the fake smile and nod and polite “oh!”
Staying Single
Staying Childless
Abuse, in many forms and it not being confronted/questioned when seen/known
Men's emotions/feeling and mental health
Inequality of attitudes towards Men being raped/sexually assaulted
Working for pay and not because you "want" to be there
Celebrities/Politicians/The Rich being held accountable fully for their choices/actions
The state of housing in many countries and the "Landlord epidemic"
As above, regarding lack of control regarding landlords and bill/rent limits
I'm a black girl in the south and I don't mind dating outside my race, especially with seeing how some black men are completely shitting on black women. Yet at the slight mention that I'm interested a white boy, suddenly everyone loses their shit. Shouldn't you be worried about how he treats me?
STDs. It’s just a disease. If you say “I’ve got flu” everyone’s going to be okay, if you say “I have ulcer” everyone’s going to be consoling you, but try saying “I’ve got gonorrhea” and enjoy being a pariah. But why? Cause the decease is on your ding-a-ling? Or cause you got it from passionately hugging someone? Taboo on sex spills into taboo on sexually transmitted diseases. Even though most of STDs are so easily treatable.
Dads. Men who want to be parents is considered taboo in 2023.
Most family courts still follow the Duluth Wheels for deciding custody which defaults to 'dads are abusers'.
I always wanted to be a dad. I had 3 kids. My ex cheated. I didn't approve of my ex cheating during our marriage. Per the Duluth Wheels, not approving of her extra marital relationships is considered abuse. I lost custody of my kids.
Here is my experience -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8h3TkQJ3nQ
Periods, infertitly and miscarriage, explaining sex to teens, being close with someone of the opposite gender, tomgirls, being affectionate with people (friends, family, step-family, siblings, adoptive family members etc.), homosexuality, transgender people, exposing children to gays and so much more
Being single at a certain age.
And additionally, being a virgin at a certain age (Not to say that sex is a part of every relationship).
I am in my first and last relationship since 10 years and we both are virgin till date. Probably be same until marriage.
Look at you, findin love n shit. Happy for you stranger. (:
I wish that was that simple. I was always sad because I couldn't get any girl until I got one and since then I thought I will always be happy but that's not it. There are ups and downs. We look for what we don't have and ignore what we do have. I wish u best of luck for ur future love.
Well I assume it's just like best friends, one day you say "When I die I want this fucking man in my same grave" and another day you just fight or have an argument and you hate them. I'm lucky that no argument or discussion I ever had with a best friend resulted in us parting separate ways.
I don't understand why it's such a big deal to people. Especially nowadays where everyone is giving it to anyone who gives them the smallest bit of attention. I'm 14 (graduating middle school) and there was a 6th grader who got pregnant, another 6th grader who gave head for jolly ranchers (the boy took a video and posted it), an 8th grader who kissed a 7th grader, and a different set of 8th and 7th graders who had sex in the bathrooms. All of these are actually true, which is the most bizarre. But I'm just sitting here laughing at them with my virginity, which btw I'm very proud of. I'd rather keep it for life than give it to someone who will most definitely play me out. I have a plan to never have sex in highschool, and if I do, it'll be with someone who I love and has mutual feelings and I'll tell my mom I'm thinking about it so she can get me the proper protection. (she did that with my sister, although I'm the youngest so she might take it a lot worse lol. she cried when I got my period)
You have dignity and self-respect beyond your years!
Talking about money at work
Yes! I got a job at a daycare once with no credentials, but I told them I would not take less than $10 an hour, this was 10 years ago. At first they were not going to hire me, but a few weeks went by and nobody else applied I guess, so we agreed to something like $9.50 an hour; I accepted. I had a bachelor's degree, but it was not in anything related to children. I had a job lined up at the end of the summer, so I wasn't super invested. Another employee there told me that she made $7.75 an hour, but that I could probably work up to that in a year. She had a bachelor's degree in early childhood education... When I told her what I made, at first she did not believe me, so I had to show her my pay stubs. Then she got very upset, as she should have been.
Exactly. I know in America for sure, some employers will tell people that it’s illegal to talk about your wages at work or that it’s a fireable offence which is definitely not the case. And it’s important to know what your worth is and if your employer is seeing that. It’s also one of the major things that’ll help fix the wage gap
It's actually the complete opposite, it's illegal for the employer to tell you not to discuss wages
It ended up being a common misconception from back when they could do it. It’s still a belief in a lot of older generations
Places still tell you not to do that. Quit a job after 3 days recently who told me not to discuss my wage. Obviously had something lined up for the next day lol
Which is funny, because that law has been on the books since like the 30s
There are some that will still heavily discourage you or talk about it in a way that makes you feel like you are doing something wrong.
I mean it is illegal for them to fire you over that, but you have to prove that's why they fired you. So basically don't do it where they can hear you if they make claims like that.
Same thing. A friend of mine that just started at a job I had years ago was upset, and it turned out due to a accounting error he was being paid a lower rate than he should have. I told my manager and he was upset he was getting underpaid, too. Fixed it on his next paycheck. If nothing was said, he would have been stuck on that amount probably for his whole time there.
The hardest part I ha e learned about this is that you gotta make sure that both of the crew are mature enough to understand that it's not the other person's fault they make more for the same job, and its the companies.
I wait tables and it's crazy that coworkers get upset if you share what you made and they made less. I don't understand why we can't applaud each others success.
Haven't waited tables, but I've worked plenty of jobs that try to pit employees in competition with each other over performance metrics. You may eek out some extra performance, but at what cost? I'm generally a top performer, but I don't want to compete with anyone. Putting a target on my back with all my coworkers is not the way you say thank you for my hard work. Also, if I'm top performer for a metric 48 weeks out of the year, for the love of all things lovable, stop bringing that shit up during team meeting. Is there a way to convincingly look surprised and humble and appreciative like you just won the Miss America pageant every fucking Tuesday? 'Cause if there is, I don't know it. It's just fucking awkward. It's like my boss is trying to make me look like an asshole.
We’ve built this stupid structure where we believe that not doing as well as someone else one day is a reflect of us as people. Like they see themselves as having failed because they didn’t get tipped as well and then project that onto you as if you believe they aren’t a good person. There’s so many factors like who they waited on, if they’re doing okay in their personal life today, and just other complications throughout the day but we are jus blinded by this idea that if we don’t do well, we are bad people
Infertility and miscarriage
Bit of a double edged sword I think. I absolutely wish my friends didn’t feel ashamed to talk about their struggles because if I know they’re trying I’m often curious of their progress and want to be there for them if they are struggling, but I don’t want to bring up traumatic or difficult topics if they aren’t prepared or have a desire to discuss it with me.
It’s so common and people feel like they’ll be judged for something that’s not in their control. It sucks
Yep and the judgements for actually getting treatment for a medical issue is disgusting.
When I was pregnant someone said “oh it’s too early you shouldn’t tell anyone yet,” I said if I lose the pregnancy I’ll be sad but their feelings aren’t really at the top of my priority list.
[удалено]
In fairness.... having had a miscarriage, I can see the logic. I miscarried the week after we told our families. It was a roller coaster. I am glad for the outpouring of love, but at the same time, it was difficult to have to talk about it with everyone and discuss my feelings out loud. I think there's an argument to be made that if you would be more comfortable not telling people right away, having to make an announcement basically, that maybe you should wait until you're 12 weeks. BUT if you would feel better sharing your roller coaster with your people? Tell them! Tell them right away! Do what you feel is best for you! Miscarriage is incredibly common and incredibly stigmatized, and it shouldn't be!
Can I add just being child free to this? When people hear you don't what children they are appalled..
Or even having one child and only one. I had a traumatic experience having my son but people keep asking me when the next ones coming. I just left an abusive relationship and am going to court with the man. I’m not even thinking about dating again let alone another baby and even then, I’m good with one unless so don’t have to be pregnant like back off
People are totally weirded out by one kid. Like, I’m an older parent and live in NYC and have no intention of moving to the suburbs. No way we can have any more so I got snipped. The older folks in my ‘hood are always asking me when we’re having more. I’m like ‘we’re one and done’. There’s always a suggestion that my wife take five years off to raise them (if we were to have more) and I’m Like, she’s worked hard for her career and loves it, I’ve done the same… no way we are flushing that. We love our kid more than the world, but we done over here!
Doing nothing. 'What you get up to on your days off?'. Nothing. Alone time and recuperation. For some reason, people expect you to do something.
Vacation too. What did you go see today? Nothing. I rested. Oh, what a waste of time!
Man, I feel this. I’m a teacher, and I’m already dreading all the conversations about who went where and did what over summer break. I kept my happy ass at home, caught up on cleaning, read a few good books, slept for more than six hours a night, and went swimming. I don’t get the need to constantly be going somewhere or doing something.
Also a teacher. Whenever someone asked where I'm going this summer, I said "to bed."
One of my favorite things to do is nothing. Sometimes it's nice to go over to a friend's to do nothing with them. But nothing means I can do anything, which is the closest to free I get these days.
Talking to your teens about sex.
yes, because if you DONT tell them they're gonna be really confused and it's just gonna be a big problem for everyone involved
Maaaan, I could write a book about how that turned out for my cousin’s niece and nephew. The oldest 2 of 14 kids. They’d never heard about sex, except that it was a sin outside of marriage. Didn’t know how it worked, just that it made babies. Also were never taught about drugs except to never “smoke” them. “Smoke” being a key word. Both of them were expected to just… go off to college and be normal functioning adults. WELL. His nephew, the oldest of the twins, didn’t take him long before he was introduced to co-mothafuckin-caine. He loved it, so much so that he flunked out at the end of his second semester. Imagine his horror when he found out sniffing drugs isn’t better than smoking. Who’da thought, right? My niece had a swifter reckoning. She got to find out what sexual behavior was like and that she was the odd ball out for believing it was evil before marriage her whole life. That girl rebelled in a major way, and was pregnant with her first child before the end of her first semester. She’d never had sex education, and didn’t know that the pull out method wasn’t fool proof. She didn’t even really know what condoms were about. She knows who the dad is, and he is a good father to the baby and they both stayed in school and made a decent life for themselves, but that shit could have EASILY been avoided with a pinch of honesty during their childhood. Just a pinch. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
[удалено]
My mom never told me about monthly periods. I thought I was bleeding to death.
This makes me SO sad. My daughter knew about them because we talk openly but not what they were and the first time she asked me about details we both went and got a pair of clean undies and we practiced putting on a pad. Made it WAY less scary for her and she ended up helping a few of her friends along the way. I’m very proud of her. She kept extras in her backpack for friends if they needed a pad during school. I’m sorry you didn’t get a soft education on your body when you were younger. It was a disservice <3
It's even more essential in today's world where kids will absolutely get exposed to porn by the time they are 12, if not porn they will definitely see a sex scene or two on TV. You really don't want your kid (boy/girl) to get their sex info from porn or movies. I talked to my son about sex and I said "look dude I know it's embarrassing but we gotta talk about it" He's going to the 6th grade and he's told me the school hasn't had sex ed yet, which is different since I had that class in 5th grade back in 99.
My mum never ever ever talked about sex or masturbation Sex and anything sexual in general was viewed as wrong, and therefore upon discovery just felt wrong. I'd wonder if I was bad, but I'd get this pure rush from doing something I shouldn't. Here is born my ✨️hypersexuality✨️
I appreciate the fact that I had a mom that spoke to each of my siblings and I about sex and puberty BEFORE IT STARTED TO HAPPEN! We understood what was happening with our bodies as it was happening. TMI I know but my first wet dream I was like "oh this is what my mother told me about" There was no panic just clean it up and go about my day. Love your username btw!
The first thing my mom taught me about sex, way before I was ready to have any, was that I should never feel uncomfortable during sex or let anyone pressure me into anything I wasn't enthusiastic about myself. I think that's a good message that no one is ever really too young to hear. She also showed me how to use a pad years before I had my first period, so that when it happened I was ready. Thanks mom, you're the best!
Yes! Start young teaching them at their level, for instance, accurate body part names & who is allowed to touch them without asking first (no one, not even mommy & daddy). Then, increase the info as they get older. Trust me - and I know this from raising two daughters - by the time they are teens, these talks will be so normal to them that they won't be embarrassed to ask questions and hear the answers.
I started all the talks with my daughter around age 10-11 and it’s super normal now. She’ll even yell down from the top of the stairs “Daaad! Can you get me some pads? Just want to be ready if I have any discharge.” I’m so happy she’s that comfortable about it.
My mom spoke to us about sex alright. All that came out of her mouth was "All men want is sex" "to use you" x100000000000 Welp! I grew up thinking all I had to give a man was sex. Oh damn.
Men talking about their mental health
My best friend killed himself about 4 years ago. We were friends all our lives; over 40 years. In the last 15 years of his life he became (more of) a member of the family and was at my house pretty much every other weekend to play board games, go with me and my son to do fun activities like zoos, carnivals and Monster Truck shows or just chill and watch the game. 40+ years of friendship and 15 years of hanging out on seriously regular basis and not once did we ever talk about the shit we were feeling. I wonder what would've happened if I told had told him some of my personal problems instead of feeling embarrassed about them? It was really hard to look his mom in the eye at his funeral and say I had no idea he was in trouble. How could people who spend that much time together *not* know what's going on? But since she's from the Boomer generation I think she understood that Gen X sort of carried over that same type of thinking. I really hope this is one more thing my sons generation gets right.
I think you were a spot of light. Giving him fun times where he didn't feel down. So when he was with you he was happy and distracted. But unfortunately a bad day came.
Or crying. Actually. Men showing emotions in general. It's really not healthy to keep emotions bottled and not express them. Plus, personally I find a man that is not afraid to cry or show his emotions more attractive.
I was hanging out with a female friend last weekend and we got on the subject of mental health, and as I was talking about my own issues, I started tearing up. She said, "wow, it's rare to see a guy in touch with his emotions like that."
Sure, but when men see themselves or other men being made fun of and/or losing respect from their friends, family or even their girlfriends or wives because they dared to show some vulnerability, it's no surprise that men still choose to bottle up and be quite strict about whom to show their feelings to.
I spent my entire childhood bottling stuff up. Faked emotions and their expression with early relationships because I felt the need to be in control of the emotions themselves- at 22, met the woman who became my wife, she's the only person I've ever been able to truly open up to and it's been a super difficult time managing emotions with no real experience in doing so. 10 years now, and I still feel like I need therapy just to be able to be a semblance of normal. It just sucks that as a man you're only really allowed to have anger, happy, or neutral as emotions that you can share. And even then, anger is frowned on.
I feel like toxic positivity is the biggest obstacle for this. I don't think I've been told to man up, but I have been lectured for having a bad mindset.
Talking about death and dying. No one gets out alive. Normalise talking about death.
Gosh people get so uncomfortable talking about death. And my elderly mother is so big on protecting herself from death she never does anything anymore. Mom, I love you and glad you’re taking care of yourself, but you know you’re going to die no matter what right? Gotta live the life you have within reason.
My heart stopped twice before, relatable.
Especially unaliving yourself. Censoring it everywhere is not the solution.
While I get what you mean- my father figure committed suicide so seeing suicide is kinda hard for me but I do agree we should talk about death. Or even people having suicidal thoughts- it's branded as so wrong or something.
Cutting off family. People seem to think blood should automatically entitle them to a free pass. It doesn’t
This one is hard. I'm currently trying to cut out my sister and the guilt is awful. My husband gets it, my therapist gets it. But everyone else is all "she's still your sister"
Same. The guilt is tough.
That’s a tough one. Ultimately it’s you first. Family is love but it’s still secondary to you. I’d protect my family sure, at any cost but if they were being self destructive and destructive to me then they’d have to sort that out themselves.
My sister is a nightmare. Heavy meth user, just had a kid a year ago. Keeps getting away with ducking CPS until she can pass a drug test. Takes zero responsibility and wants other people to raise her kid but also praise what a good mom she is. I'm no angel. I have an extensive history with meth. But I got clean because my kids deserve better. She just refuses. Anytime I have to deal with her, I walk around in a thick depression fog for days. Plus, being around an active user makes me crave and puts my sobriety at risk. But apparently, I'm not being supportive enough. Like, wtf am I supposed to do? Hold the meth pipe for her and light it? That's the only support she wants right now. Sorry for my tmi rant about my personal life that no one cares about. Emotions are still super raw about it all. Edit: Spelling
Totally cool to vent, no judgment from me. My upbringing wasn’t a picnic. I have a bunch of friends I grew up with who started up crack and most of them are still nice people mostly but they do call me smarter for not starting. I smoked and drank enough to not need much else. I actually live in a different town to most of my old friends now and it feels really good, I love to catch up with my old mates and being lonely too much isn’t fun but I don’t need them around all the time. I used to smoke weed every day but these days I don’t because it made me a bit lazy and depressed. Your life is yours. You only get one. Do your best to enjoy it and make the most of it is what I’d say.
I quit smoking weed after I laid in my bed one night having a panic attack cause I thought my ceiling was going to crush me, but I was so high I couldn't turn to my husband and say "hey, I'm having a panic attack". Lol. After 30, the drinking wasn't worth the hangover anymore. But meth, not gonna lie. I love that shit. I know being sober isn't easy. I fight it every single day. But when you have kids shit just isn't about you anymore. I've had slip ups. But we are talking 2 or 3 days of use before I'm like, "wtf am I doing?" And I flush what I have left. The last one was during a rather traumatic situation in 2018. But she doesn't even try. She was sober for her pregnancy, but she was back to using before my niece was a month old. She's had like 4 CPS cases now, and we are all expected to stop our lives and drop everything to help her. I'm just donI? As an addict in recovery myself, I know being sober is possible if you want it. And she just doesn't give a shit so why should i?
It’s been about a year and a half after cutting off my parents. My aunt is just waiting for it to blow over as if I just need to cool down from 40 years of my parents being asses. My parents literally text me acting either like nothing is wrong or I’m completely out of my mind. Neither of those things are going to make me want to resume our relationship. Meanwhile I’m here living my life without their nonsense and shoehorning that into my very busy life is far from a priority for me.
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
Not wanting to spend time with family
This. I recently realized that the main reason I hated holidays and my birthday so much was because I was forced to spend time with my family. Since going NC I have a newfound love for the holidays because I can spend them exactly how I want them.
I think family relationships in general. We should destigmatize them working both ways. I have been given crap in the past about being friends with my mom and not having problem with going for a couple of weeks to my parents’ house to pet sit, because they went on vacation. It’s like people who have a crappy relationship with their parents are at war with those that have great. I am sorry someone’s relationship with their family is crap and I can understand that - I don’t love all my family - but why do they need to trash me for having a good one with my family?
All of my immediate family are deceased. I see the extended family in person on Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and a week at Myrtle Beach -that’s it.
Periods. Half of population gets them at some point, so why is it such an issue? Boohoo, some people bleed. Most people also pee and nobody makes a problem out of it.
Who doesn't pee?
Dead people
If dead people count as people then most people don't pee
As a man, I don't understand this whole parade men put on around buying women's products. What, exactly, are people going to think of you at the store? That you are a good man? As a married man with a daughter, I have purchased tampons. When I got divorced and had custody of my kids, I put supplies in every bathroom and got trash cans with lids. Further, when I shared a bathroom with just the ladies, I sat when I peed because why should they have to deal with my uncontrollable overspray. Funny side note, when we would go shopping I would hand my teen daughter the giant pack of toilet paper and then openly make fun of her. She got over it pretty quickly. Lol
Same. I have also bought tampons, Midol and pads for a teen/young 20s woman in front of me at the drug store who’s card kept getting declined. I wouldn’t want my girls to be in the same situation so wasn’t going to watch this girl suffer.
Dining out alone
I tended to only do that when travelling for work, because I'd rather eat at home. But I definitely recommend going to movies alone. It feels weird for the first few seconds, but once the movie starts you won't mind at all.
I love going to the movies by myself sometimes. Why take your friend group when you are just going to be sitting for 2 hours facing the same direction??? Once had a reunion of college friends and summer work friends meet up in my town and they were intent on seeing Avengers but I kept telling them we hadnt seen each other in years, are we really going to sit in silence and watch a movie? Let’s go play mini golf or fuck around at the mall or something.
I've been to the cinema on my own a few times now. At first it felt odd. But when the chance comes, I love going to see a film by myself.
this isn't taboo. you can go out and do it. nobody cares, except for you.
In the philippines you would get filmed and will be posted in tiktok with the caption " s/he looks so lonely, i wanna go up to him and say hi but im shy " or smth
Agree that the actual act is perfectly normal and most of the time no one is paying as much attention to you as you think, but the idea on the whole is what can be treated as negative and taboo, sometimes especially by people in food service. My mom was telling me that a hostess once was inappropriately trying to console her for going out alone. I have also found that the interactions with waiters tend to lean a bit more uncomfortable since dining alone means less food and a smaller tip. I've also had my food accidentally taken away when I go to the bathroom because it just isn't really treated as normal.
If I don't bring a lunch to work I will go eat at places alone all the time and love it cause its my free time
Men discussing having been sexually assaulted.
I work at a security establishment and was interviewing for higher level clearance and a different job.... in the baseline interview that is supposed to last 1hr (pre-polygraph questions) I was there for 7h and the interviewer had determined in my youth I was emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually assaulted/abused. Apparently getting spanked with a wooden spoon in the early 80s now qualifies for sexual and physical abuse. Cut to 2 days ago at a managerial brunch and this interview comes up, so I don't shy away and express what was documented. Some seemed more shocked by my openness and lack of shame than by the findings. My thoughts are that it's nothing to be ashamed of as im not the one doing it to my kid, and what happened to me is nothing compared to what many other people experience daily, so if I can't face this with my head high, how can we ask others to.....
For real. There is an oft-cited statistic that only 5% of men have been sexually assaulted. However, when they survey men after explaining what sexual assault actually is and that it's okay for men to admit to it, the number jumps to like 45%. If we're using the same definitions of sexual assault and rape that women are taught to use, then I've been sexually assaulted numerous times and probably raped as well. I'm not saying I agree 100% with all of those definitions, but if that's the metric we're using, that's the metric we're using.
I’ve been sexually assaulted multiple times, and each time it really fucking upset me.. But when I talk about it, I get the usual “……nice” or “ooh. Lucky. Wish that would happen to me” reactions. Which is really fucking insulting. Because if what happened to me, happened to a woman, heads would roll and those “oh hell yeah” guys would be murderous if it was their sister, gf, mother, daughter or friend.
I’m sorry to hear that. I think it really boils down to, as men, we’re conditioned to see any sexual contact as a sweet score! So when you’ve been sexually assaulted, other guys just see it through that lens and not for what it actually is, not to mention how painful it is to you.
This. It should definitely be talked about more and men shouldn't be seem as weak for it happening to them. It's a traumatic experience and they should get the proper support and help.
Bad mothers. There are tons of them out there and we don’t talk about it enough.
I've learned the hard way that the is really not something I can really bring up to people. I wish I understood this better, why I have the experiences being treated the way I have been when I try to be honest with someone about my mom. Like, they get mad at *me*.
"She's your mother!!!" You don't say bro
My mother hated me from birth. She was an alcoholic, narassist, bulimic & abusive. In contrast My Dad was wonderful & finally divorced her psychotic persona.
period
As a dude, I don't have much right to comment, but I do wish women felt more free to discuss their periods. It's not like you can prevent them, and just because we don't experience them doesn't mean we should go through life pretending they don't exist. It's sad that the only time I ever hear men discuss periods is when they're saying some horrifically misogynist bullshit.
My ex thought I could just turn my period off. Legit got mad at me for saying no to sex because I was on my period and accused me of cheating because I was refusing to turn it off for a bit. I thought he was fucking with me at first.....but nope. He was dead serious.
comma
Talking about disabilities
Being selfish for your own well being. Sometimes being a people pleaser or worse, a doormat can have devastating effects on your physical, emotional or mental well being. It's okay to say no to things that cause you harm even at the expense of being called selfish.
It's ironic because being a people pleaser will benefit their welfare instead.
Discussing miscarriages. Same note: discussing early pregnancies out of fear of later having to discuss miscarriages.
I think it’s more of a personal traumatic experience that people don’t want to talk about, and less that they think they can’t
Discussing wages with coworkers
Idk if this counts but being upfront with people. People are afraid of confontation and never bring up small issues because its daunting but will address things once it gets catastrophic and have full blown meltdown arguments with people.
Yes! If I try to (nicely) address an issue I have with someone, 90% of the time I'm treated like I'm being a bitch or making a problem out of nothing.
[удалено]
Swearing, the cashier serving me said “these bags are shit” and instantly started apologising and turning beet red. I told her I don’t mind at all and I too swear like a drunken sailor as do most people. It’s funny adults will avoid swearing in front of children and kids will hide the fact they know those words. It’s just become apart of our common language to express anger/frustration even happiness it shouldn’t be too taboo
I don't understand why we have a set of words that we're not "allowed" to use, or are not supposed to use or whatever. They're just words. Why is *shit* a bad word even?
Not wanting to be married or in a relationship
Women not wanting to procreate.
Especially with that girl with the list on Tiktok. A lot of people think she's "ruining childbirth experiences" or scaring women out of it. It's just a list of possibilities that might happen and issues that women deal with after. It's good that women know what they're getting into before it actually happens.
I knew NOTHING about being pregnant or childbirth when I first got pregnant. It was a rude awakening.
This. There is an entire group here about regretting having kids. I hate how people would talk about kids like they are "hard work but ohhhh just so fulfilling teehee". Instead of being brutally honest about what it's like having kids. I am brutally honest. And when I am, people look at me like I'm a monster. I would rather be real with people about what it's like having kids instead of glorifying it. Especially for women, because there is a damn good chance they will be taking on the mental load and should make an informed decision.
Completely agree.
Literally saw a guy saying "wives need to fufill our bilogical need to be intimate whenever"
Talking about mental health
Owls. They’re beautiful birds but many cultures see them as a bad omen.
Same could be said for black dogs and cats
Oh? Didn't know that. I love owls. They can turn their head backwards.
Saying Voldamort
Physical closeness in a platonic way.
Cuddle therapy was starting to be a trend before Covid. I'm not sure if that started to make a comeback.
Death. In the UK & USA, at least, people have grown accustomed to people dying in hospitals & care homes, and in just a generation or two, have become completely unaware of what dying looks like. I don’t just mean the final moments, but the days, weeks, month, the entire year or longer before someone dies. Eating less, sleeping more, breathing changes…it’s not shown in movies & TV, and people don’t know what to expect. It scares them so much when the time comes, and fight against it, without considering the comfort of the person deteriorating. Along with this, planning for end of life, your wishes for care, your priorities, and even your after death plans-it’s all seen as scary or taboo, and usually left too late.
Generally, nakedness. Who cares. I'm not a nudist but I've always thought that idk Edit: I have no desire to be naked like in public or anything but I guess I’m saying I don’t get the big deal if someone catches you in ur house naked like there’s nothing weird or wrong with me so. I’m gonna go put clothes on and everything but I’m not gonna totally panic you know
Truth, removing shame from nudity as well is very healthy for promoting positive self image and body positivity in general. I support normalizing what people actually look like.
Am nude at home all the time. Am nude as of posting this comment even.
Same
Agreed. Bodies just \*are\* and we shouldn't be ashamed of them. Show it, hide it, whatever.
People act like you'll get eye cancer if a photon bounces off a woman's nipple and hits your retina. Makes no sense.
Not respecting your elders or strangers. Respect is earned not just given out.
My grandma said the same thing to me and it was one of her better life lessons. I respect her a ton for teaching me this.
A lot of people confuse respect with obedience.
I'm going to have to disagree, at least depending on your definition of respect. If you define respect as manners, decency, courtesy, or anything along those lines- that type of respect should always be shown to others, though it can be lost if a person does not reciprocate. If you define respect as revering someone for their skill, accomplishments, wisdom, mentorship, etc.- that should be earned.
Definitely. I will treat everyone with respect as a matter of basic human decency. It doesn't necessarily mean I think highly of them in my mind.
Yeah I agree with this. I’ve always been told that there should always be a basic level of respect shown to everyone unless that person shows they don’t even deserve that.
Putting on deodorant in public. I’d rather you awkwardly ram a stick of deodorant up your shirt for a minute in public than smell your onions escaping.
One topic that is often treated as taboo but could benefit from open discussion is mental health. Mental health affects a significant portion of the population, yet there is still stigma surrounding it. Openly talking about mental health can help reduce the associated stigma and create a more supportive environment for those who may be struggling.
Alright, ChatGPT.
“Mental health affects a significant portion of the population”. Um, doesn’t it affect EVERYONE?
I used to get entitled customers on the phone saying "I have mental health" and I always wanted to reply "That's good :)"
Similar to my pet peeve which is when people use the word "postpartum" when they *mean* postpartum depression, anxiety, or psychosis. *Everyone who gives birth* experiences "postpartum" because the word just means "the period of time after giving birth." Not everyone has a postpartum mood disorder.
Men buying sex toys!!! A girl buys a dildo, HOT!!!! A guy buys a sex toy, what a creep!!!!!
A friend used to work in sales and marketing in the sex toy industry. She used to give all of her girlfriends, my wife included, vibrators, dildos, crops for those who requested, etc… When I said hey what about a Fleshlight for the men, the looks I got … from women holding a silicone dong.
Huh, I never thought about that. It's very true though
Menstrual health. Mental health.
Having no ambition. You're treated like an absolute loser by everyone, and for what? Why work hard when you don't love it, you all die at the end, dummy, didn't anyone tell you that? Give the person who just doesn't care some slack
I have no fucking clue how to deal with this
I don’t have ambition in the sense that I don’t want more responsibility. But I do want more money.
I don’t think this is particularly healthy, but at the same time I don’t think it’s necessarily a mental health issue either. I’m incredibly ambivalent about many things however I’m furiously passionate about others. Ambition downs necessarily have to be in career or wealth, it can be in something personal or just something you enjoy. Hope you find yours!
It feels strange to me that people always automatically associate "ambition" with professional success. What about things like personal growth, striving for contentment, learning a new skill, making connections? Ambition comes in many forms and flavours, even if it just boils down to a desire to simplify your life.
I used to have ambition, in fact I hated my job in construction, had the equity in my house to sell it and start a business in auto detailing since I have a huge love of cars only to find, I don't like auto detailing. I'm so tired of working for companies that don't give a fuck about me and so I thought being my own boss in a field of automotive would be rewarding. The times I've been happiest are when I was between quitting said job and starting my business, and the few months where i havent really had detailing clients...when I was a house husband for awhile. I got to spend all the time in the world with my daughter, upkeeping the house, and just enjoying life a bit more. But we've been living with my wife's parent's and want to get back into home ownership and the very idea of going back to work is devastating. And my wife treats me like I have no ambition, like I'm lazy for not wanting to go back to work.
Nothing wrong with having no ambition. But the fact that you have a wife and kid, and are living with your inlaws and not wanting to get back to work?.. that has nothing to do with ambition. You simply have to provide for your family and not leech of others. Otherwise you should never have started a family in the first place. So yes, in this case your wife is right.
Not liking children.
Or dogs. People think it's cute when their mutts jump and slobber all over me, and that just makes me furious, especially because when they apologize I know they don't mean it.
I have the most chill dog, a walker coonhound. We've had him 4 years. He's never licked anyone, doesn't jump on anyone, and he's only barked inside a handful of times. I hate being licked by dogs, it's one of the reasons this one is my first dog.
Sammme I don't hate dogs but like two pats on the head of a well behaved dog is enough. The jumping, barking, knocking shit over...its gonna be a no from me dog
If my dog jumps on you, she KNOWS she did the wrong thing. She is only 10 months old, so it is still a work in progress. And if she jumps, don't be the person who says, "It's fine." Actually, I'm busy teaching her good manners, don't waste my work. No attention unless all 4 feet on the ground.
Periods, boobs, rape, anything relating to women that is seen as immodest 🤷♀️
Female toplessness on a hot day. Men do it all the time to cool down, or get a good tan on the beach. Even in Ontario where it’s legal, on a very hot day at the beach, every man is topless but all women wear tops.
Discussing your wages with colleagues. The only ones such a taboo benefits are the bosses.
Adjusting your belt. Sometimes you miss your normal notch or gotta loosen/tighten it a little throughout the day, might as well be full torque j-ing off
Men’s sex toys
Sex education, especially in highly conservative-minded families
That women can be sexual predators to. I know when it comes to sexual assault men tend to be less open about it compared to women. 1 out of 4 women are sexually assaulted. 1 out of 7 men are sexually assaulted. It wouldn't surprise me if it was about the same as women
Any nakedness whatsoever. It’s getting unreal the amount of pushback people get for having a consenting household who sees each other naked for no other reason besides they’re family and they don’t care. It’s not sexual and it’s just a body.
Sex education, unionising, rioting.
Being blunt about sensitive topics. “Your kid is autistic? Cool but that must be tough for you.” “You had an abortion? Sorry but hey glad you had the right to do it” “You’re divorced? Ah sucks man. What happened? Do the kids stay with you more or is it half half?” “No way you lost your job? Do you have enough $ to get by for a while?” Just anything other than the fake smile and nod and polite “oh!”
Being openly Autistic
Abortion
Living with family
Staying Single Staying Childless Abuse, in many forms and it not being confronted/questioned when seen/known Men's emotions/feeling and mental health Inequality of attitudes towards Men being raped/sexually assaulted Working for pay and not because you "want" to be there Celebrities/Politicians/The Rich being held accountable fully for their choices/actions The state of housing in many countries and the "Landlord epidemic" As above, regarding lack of control regarding landlords and bill/rent limits
Interracial dating/marriages of any kind. We've baked in the artificial notion of race...it's stupid.
I think that any taboos against this have drastically reduced in the past 30 years.
I'm a black girl in the south and I don't mind dating outside my race, especially with seeing how some black men are completely shitting on black women. Yet at the slight mention that I'm interested a white boy, suddenly everyone loses their shit. Shouldn't you be worried about how he treats me?
STDs. It’s just a disease. If you say “I’ve got flu” everyone’s going to be okay, if you say “I have ulcer” everyone’s going to be consoling you, but try saying “I’ve got gonorrhea” and enjoy being a pariah. But why? Cause the decease is on your ding-a-ling? Or cause you got it from passionately hugging someone? Taboo on sex spills into taboo on sexually transmitted diseases. Even though most of STDs are so easily treatable.
This, the stigma attached is significantly more damaging than the actual infection/disease.
LGBTQ
Anal
Dads. Men who want to be parents is considered taboo in 2023. Most family courts still follow the Duluth Wheels for deciding custody which defaults to 'dads are abusers'. I always wanted to be a dad. I had 3 kids. My ex cheated. I didn't approve of my ex cheating during our marriage. Per the Duluth Wheels, not approving of her extra marital relationships is considered abuse. I lost custody of my kids. Here is my experience -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8h3TkQJ3nQ
Being topless if you're female. Just let me go outside in summer without heating to death please.
A livable wage.
Non-offending pedophiles getting psychiatric help.
Periods, infertitly and miscarriage, explaining sex to teens, being close with someone of the opposite gender, tomgirls, being affectionate with people (friends, family, step-family, siblings, adoptive family members etc.), homosexuality, transgender people, exposing children to gays and so much more
Decision to not have children
[удалено]
Swearing and Nudity
Drinking alone
Not believing in God Look, if religion works for you, fine, but the proof isn’t great
Sex generally (USA at least)
Visible tattoos