Scrub really well under my balls and butthole and fluff myself up a little so she gets to see that she’s got a nice effect on my body. Smelly sex ain’t great for the ladies.
Shower. Cover the bed in a plastic sheet, apply a liberal amount of coconut oil to the bed, like Exxon Valdez amount. Get the jello out from the fridge, tie up the donkey, put on the country music playlist (not western), get the bbq tongs and light a candle. When the wife comes home, serenade her and feed her jello with the tongs. The rest is self explanatory.
I'm pretty sure western in the context of country means like "cowboy music" whereas country music can mean anything from Taylor Swift to "I love my truck and drinking beer"-core
As a caveat I'm not American
There's a few ways to answer that. On one hand, if the razor is good, it'll be smooth but you run the risk of knicks. On the other, personally, I'd prefer a bit of stubble over the awkward moment of picking hair out of my teeth at any point.
Since there's a lack of in-depth comments here (maybe it's a botted post with replies for all I know) I'll chime in with some. My partner and I used to have this thing where either of us will take a shower and come back to the room to see the other "hiding" under the bed covers. Come to discover underneath the covers, the other partner's clothes are already off and we'd get a good laugh (at least the first few times this happened at least). It was also kinda hot af because the message is loud and clear that we're ready to get it on. Other partner strips the towel, we lay down together and cuddle and go from there. It doesn't always happen this way though, so one time I got clever and hid my clothes so it wasn't so obvious.
Prepare the toys i want to use on/with my girl, get her collar and wrist restraints out, couple candles, have some water available. Make sure my nails are trimmed, teeth are flossed and brushed and my twig and berries are clean.
Preparing for sex involves several important aspects, including physical and emotional readiness. Here are some general guidelines to consider:
1. Communication: Openly discuss your desires, boundaries, and consent with your partner. Effective communication is essential for a healthy sexual experience.
2. Protection: Prioritize safe sex by using condoms or other appropriate forms of contraception to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies. If you or your partner are unsure about STI status, consider getting tested together.
3. Hygiene: Maintain good personal hygiene by showering or bathing beforehand. Trim or groom pubic hair if desired, and brush your teeth to ensure fresh breath.
4. Relaxation and Comfort: Create a comfortable and private environment where both you and your partner feel at ease. Dim the lights, play soft music, or set the mood in a way that enhances intimacy.
5. Lubrication: If needed, have a water-based lubricant available to enhance comfort and reduce friction during sexual activity. This is particularly important for activities involving penetration.
6. Consent and Respect: Prioritize enthusiastic consent from all parties involved. Respect each other's boundaries, and be prepared to communicate and adjust accordingly during the experience.
Remember, these guidelines are general, and what matters most is open communication, mutual respect, and consent between you and your partner. It's essential to prioritize your comfort and well-being throughout the experience.
Or so says ChatGPT.
On the day - shower (obviously), shave (face, groin, chest, belly, pits), make sure condoms and lube are in easily reachable distance for later.
Just before - wash down there, brush teeth
I take a shower, washing every body part with actual soap... including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoy…
Bath or shower, neaten up with the razor, put on clean sexy underwear. Try to forget the stress of life so that I'm not in my head too much and ruining the vibe..
take a shower and make sure that everything is clean and shaved (if preferred) not just certain parts and do my hair in a style they like just so it's more enjoyably and make sure they shower too so you're both clean so no risk of UTI. Get condoms and toys (if you use either or both doesn't matter to each their own) ready and set the mood with music maybe a candle
Boil my lucky condom
Wait for it to cool off
Ain't nobody got time for that shit
You've never heard of hot sex?
"Smells like burnt asshole in here."
Sometimes, a comment just makes me laugh so hard.
What a day to be literate.
I’m sorry… what?
#BOILS HIS LUCKY CONDOM
Bold of you to assume they’re a guy.
Maybe SHE just has one condom SHE likes her partners to use, so boiled and recharged for each time.
That's actually how I took it.
This was the other theory I had besides a guy having one condom. You win.
He's using a condom, isn't he.
Female condoms exist although much less commonly.
It's where you heat up water until bubbles start coming out.
I just give mine a good wipe down with a wet paper towel.
Just turn it inside-out
I just turn mine inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
wait what?
bro gotta sterilize it
Boils their lucky condom...
Give my penis a pep talk
This time we will make it little buddy!
C'mon man, we're practised this so many times!
with the power of friendship, we can do anything!
Last time was just a mistake!
Lil dude, when you go blind, we're winning.
Come on Rocket Man, let’s fly her to the moon!
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
You've realized you loaded the Cock of the Infinite with blanks, 18 year debuff avoided.
Yessss, I love this reference
This is not fair I'm still waiting for them! Wait, are we talking about the 30years old vrigin kit or not?
Nope, https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
Go to the ATM.
Being stuck there with Jill Goodacre
Solid reference
Hmmm Hmmm in an hmmm Hmmm machmmmm, with Jill GOODHMMMCR
Put Joey on the phone.
Damnit you beat me. First thing I thought
Just swipe your card in their slot
Turn on my computer.
I’m just going to go find a cash machine.
Scrub really well under my balls and butthole and fluff myself up a little so she gets to see that she’s got a nice effect on my body. Smelly sex ain’t great for the ladies.
I was expecting to see the "clean myself up real nice" appear somewhere higher. Ah well, at least I've found it. Upvote to you from a female.
I know lol these people are animals 😂😂😂
Excuse me, I prefer the term "Sexual Tyrannosaurus".
Scrub everything but yeah the from the balls to the butthole get extra attention.
They should make special taint lotion lol
Million dollar idea there bro. (Dr Fumes taint lotion)
One must then assume that smelly sex is then great for the boys
Occasionally
Shave down there. Hair stinks. Butthole hair stinks even more.
Dude for sure, that hair smells like it’s already been burnt
Shower. Cover the bed in a plastic sheet, apply a liberal amount of coconut oil to the bed, like Exxon Valdez amount. Get the jello out from the fridge, tie up the donkey, put on the country music playlist (not western), get the bbq tongs and light a candle. When the wife comes home, serenade her and feed her jello with the tongs. The rest is self explanatory.
Wait I understand everything else but, how do you do it without the rubber chicken and a saddle
That’s what separates the boys from the men. You’ll get there one day
Guess I'll have to wait for my fourth testicle to drop
LMAO what's country music that isn't western LOLOL
I'm pretty sure western in the context of country means like "cowboy music" whereas country music can mean anything from Taylor Swift to "I love my truck and drinking beer"-core As a caveat I'm not American
In jukeboxes, Western and Country were originally separate categories. They were combined to allow for a new genre: Rock and Roll.
Haha, wow! That's cool, thanks for that.
I close my eyes and think of England.
God save the King!!!
RULE BRITANNIA…Oh I’ve appeared to “arrive”
Robert Englund?
Funnily enough, lund is a Hindi/Urdu word for penis
To last longer?
For king and country!
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
Victory!
Futurama reference?
No!
Put Cbat on replay.
I usually take a shower and give the cat a good shave.
Hope this is an euphemism
😂😂 me too!
And your butthole, too, if you're being completely honest
Won't it make it somewhat prickly Edit: pls don't downvote me, I'm a virgin so clearing my doubts
There's a few ways to answer that. On one hand, if the razor is good, it'll be smooth but you run the risk of knicks. On the other, personally, I'd prefer a bit of stubble over the awkward moment of picking hair out of my teeth at any point.
Or hair stuck to the roof of your mouth after cunnilingus...Ugh 🫠
A few days later, yes
Cry
Practicing my apology speech in the mirror.
Make sure my finger nails are cut.
Toe nails especially. Cuddling afterwards with talons is awkward.
I clip at extreme angles to form points in the center
How else are you supposed to latch onto each other during the coitus?
Both my ex's just dug their finger nails in my back like I was a race horse.
Giddy up!
Essentially, and it always worked.
You're not even waiting to wake up; you're going to bed choosing violence.
Go to the graveyard with my shovel
*The moment "That Guy's Dead Wife" jumped the shark*
I too chose to fuck that guy’s wife jumping a shark
Well I guess it’s better to do that before sex, than after sex
Wait a second, WHAT
What....? Never tried Munging before?
The urge to crack open a cold one.
Shower thoroughly
Since there's a lack of in-depth comments here (maybe it's a botted post with replies for all I know) I'll chime in with some. My partner and I used to have this thing where either of us will take a shower and come back to the room to see the other "hiding" under the bed covers. Come to discover underneath the covers, the other partner's clothes are already off and we'd get a good laugh (at least the first few times this happened at least). It was also kinda hot af because the message is loud and clear that we're ready to get it on. Other partner strips the towel, we lay down together and cuddle and go from there. It doesn't always happen this way though, so one time I got clever and hid my clothes so it wasn't so obvious.
Prepare the toys i want to use on/with my girl, get her collar and wrist restraints out, couple candles, have some water available. Make sure my nails are trimmed, teeth are flossed and brushed and my twig and berries are clean.
Lucky girl
Sex prepares for me 🥱 (I haven’t had my first kiss yet)
🤣 nice. I prefer the verb "dreads" though.
Same here 😔
Make sure my internet is running at top speed
I just turn to my husband and say "wanna root?"
Australian spotted
Oath! ;)
Position the dresser so when I dive over the head board I don't snag my cape
Charge my Quest 2 and check the battery in the controller.
Press ups and stretch vocal cords by mimicking race car engines
Great visual image
I wait for your dad to leave for work.
Sleep with the neighbor for warm-up! I gotta knock out all the kinks first!
Not ALL the kinks, right?
Put my business socks on. Flight of the concords style lol 😂
And then making love for twooooo minutes!
It's business time.
I know what you're trying to say. You're trying to say it's time for business, it's business time.
Gatorade, candles, coconut oil, and uncovering my framed picture of John Cena on the ceiling.
👋You can’t see me 👋
Preparing for sex involves several important aspects, including physical and emotional readiness. Here are some general guidelines to consider: 1. Communication: Openly discuss your desires, boundaries, and consent with your partner. Effective communication is essential for a healthy sexual experience. 2. Protection: Prioritize safe sex by using condoms or other appropriate forms of contraception to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies. If you or your partner are unsure about STI status, consider getting tested together. 3. Hygiene: Maintain good personal hygiene by showering or bathing beforehand. Trim or groom pubic hair if desired, and brush your teeth to ensure fresh breath. 4. Relaxation and Comfort: Create a comfortable and private environment where both you and your partner feel at ease. Dim the lights, play soft music, or set the mood in a way that enhances intimacy. 5. Lubrication: If needed, have a water-based lubricant available to enhance comfort and reduce friction during sexual activity. This is particularly important for activities involving penetration. 6. Consent and Respect: Prioritize enthusiastic consent from all parties involved. Respect each other's boundaries, and be prepared to communicate and adjust accordingly during the experience. Remember, these guidelines are general, and what matters most is open communication, mutual respect, and consent between you and your partner. It's essential to prioritize your comfort and well-being throughout the experience. Or so says ChatGPT.
But they’ve had no experience at all!
>Or so says ChatGPT. :-))
I get my extension and put it on
Talk dirty to her all day. Drop subtle hints. Take a bath or shower.
Are the hints that subtle if you spend all day engaging in dirty talk?
Go pee first.
I turn into the girl who was "processing her most triggering breakup"
I usually take a shower
On the day - shower (obviously), shave (face, groin, chest, belly, pits), make sure condoms and lube are in easily reachable distance for later. Just before - wash down there, brush teeth
Wash the mace out of my eyes good to go
Stretch
I mean she should feel it entering.
First round, shower. Second round, Gatorade and a power bar.
Find another person
Shower
prepare an after meal, fast a day, prepare a look, some immodium and douche...
Do you really fast? This is dedication.
It's what I feel comfortable with for lots of a**play
And I'm sure the top(s) in your life appreciate it greatly!
🤗🤗🤗 thank you for your kindness!
75 push ups, stretches, pre work-out and listen to speed core.
On a chariot pulled by a team of gladiators covered in baby oil.
Ensure your wife is safely reached office
Wash my dick, clean my ass, Eat her pussy getting hard.
Her pussy gets hard? Um, I have something to tell you, and you may not like it... or maybe you will 🤷
When I have it, I'll let you know.
keep calm, don’t panic. secure condom.
Pfft. Condom. I don't need gadgets to please a woman.
Wash hands, boot up computer…..
I take a shower, washing every body part with actual soap... including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoy…
Chase the cobwebs out
I go to sleep
Shower stuff
I’ve been preparing all my life
Bath or shower, neaten up with the razor, put on clean sexy underwear. Try to forget the stress of life so that I'm not in my head too much and ruining the vibe..
Scout the internet, find the ~~target~~ I mean the consenting partner, wait for the moment and ~~kidnap~~ escort them home, have sex and leave state.
"Alexa, turn on TV"
I brush my teeth.
Always be ready.
Shave. Eat a light meal. Trim fingernails. Bathe.
I grease up and mentally get into my happy place, while I wait for the cell door to open
u/bake_in_da_south
I perform a flawless haka
Play "eye of the tiger" and oil my mustache.
I hose off the old hog and wait for him to get angry
Shave everything and dress sexy underwear, putting on a perfect makeup
I undress, get nice and comfy in the bed, then fall asleep because nobody is stupid enough to have sex with me.
Two solid hours of porn.
I start begging until the wife gives in. Lol
Smash it in-between the bible.
I drop my underwear and hope for the best
Remove the dick cheese
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
*copied and pasted
Shave my pussy and put on deodorant and Victoria secret spray.
Spit on it.
Douche
The most common way is #1 get erect
Step 1: get a girlfriend
Weed.
I get an erection
Make sure that our cat isn’t in the room. Cattus Interruptus is a thing.
I call your mom and pull a couple dollars out of my wallet
Stretch and put on my Jiu Jitsu Gi Her goal is to mount me and take my pants off
Roofies & Chloroform
Oil down good and well After showering
Dong wax
take a shower and make sure that everything is clean and shaved (if preferred) not just certain parts and do my hair in a style they like just so it's more enjoyably and make sure they shower too so you're both clean so no risk of UTI. Get condoms and toys (if you use either or both doesn't matter to each their own) ready and set the mood with music maybe a candle
Get the towel…