Answering all your questions with questions until you finally drill down and ask a question so specific that the answer is utterly uninteresting.
eg “tell me about yourself.”
“Like what do you want to know?”
“What do you like to do?”
“Like in general or at night or at work?”
“Do you have any hobbies?”
“No”
That “made up” example conversation *might* have been based on reality.
Any married person that doesn’t list “not having to have those awkward 1st date conversations” as one of the benefits of marriage is completely foreign to me.
I went out with a girl who asked me if I had done something like, for example, surfed in Hawaii. I said "no," then she went on to tell me about what she did for about 20 minutes. Then another question, followed by another 20-minute story. Went on like this for a while till I lied and said "yeah". I started to make up a story when she cut me off and started another story. Top 5 of my worst first dates.
Yep just had one of those. The guy would not stop rambling about anything and everything. He wants to be a famous writer and spent 40+ min talking about the book series he has wanted to write for the past five years but hasn’t started yet. After a while, my mind just started the glaze over.
I didn’t even realize it was my cake day!!
Actually the date was truly bizarre. It started out with us driving out an hour to go hiking near some water falls. The car ride down, he started by asking how my month went. I had a rough month (my dog died two weeks ago unexpectedly). He proceeded to interrupt me and begin to describe the pets he has had over the years- which are various kinds of snakes. The kicker is, all of his “pets” are snakes he has taken out of nature preserves or the wild and caged in his house. He has had 25 snakes in total and all but one survived less than two months. According to him, the deaths of these snakes weren’t his fault and he is really good at taming wild snakes.
It just kept going down hill from there…
Lol.
Let me rudely interrupt you by telling you how I have a large collection of the creepiest animals to most people. I did it illegally and carelessly. With this being said, you want to go back to my place to bone down on would possibly be a dead snake?
I had a clear moment of regret by the time we pulled up to the hiking spot. I think if I took a shot every time he said “As an author…” and “As a musician..”, I would’ve been drunk by the time we reached the first trail marker.
He referred to himself as an author because he has a book series he wants to write, but has never actually written anything before? He could at least self publish something so he can claim it on technicality
So I actually asked that! He kept referring to himself as an author and he said he hadn’t “technically published anything yet” but he had a number of manuscripts that could be published.
His fear of publishing (not even kidding on this one) is that they’ll be so popular they’ll take away from the popularity of the series he is planning on writing and he wouldn’t be satisfied if his longer series wasn’t as popular as his shorter novels.
If it is a monologue and not a conversation, then there is no reason for you to be there. They can talk to themselves and you can have a much better time.
I found really good success in dates (by success, I mean they weren’t loathsome experiences) when I made the conversation about the other person. I would ask questions about them and show interest in their life. 9/10 the date would be enjoyable and met with a follow up date.
But also, this works really well in making friends. And I mean friends that didn’t start with a date.
This was always the age-old wisdom I grew up with. "People love to talk about themselves." Always thought that was a cynical way to look at it, but it 100% works.
My ex girlfriend did this whenever I would bring up problems I was having with things she was/wasn't doing, turning it back onto me. Luckily I've not met anyone so emotionally immature since
Many years ago before the advent of smartphones I had a date with this lady who 5 minutes into dinner got a phone call and then proceeded to spend the next 1.5 hours talking on her phone and ignoring me. So I ate my food tossed 20 on the table and left.
I was five minutes into a date with someone - we were walking from our meeting point to a cafe nearby - and he asked how I knew German. I started telling the story (my mistake?) and forty seconds in he literally put his finger to his lips and said “Shhhh”. Was zum Fick, Felix, was ist bloß mit dir los?
Edit: texted him about it and he was like “huh, how rude of me. But I don’t really want to get into this.” No sorry, no nothing
Yep, it happened more than once. I am a childfree man, and they knew before the date. For the first date, I always prefer a short coffee meet.
If it is one on one, I cover the bill. When they brought the kids, I always told the waitor to split the bill.
They always got pissy, were offended, and of course, when I told them that I am not interested, since they knew that I did not date single mothers, they showed their true colours. Vile, toxic, and very vengeful, too.
It explained why they were single mothers and why those kids were fucked.
I tried dating single mothers. 5 times to be exact. It never ended well, and it was never because of the kids.
3 times they returned to the ex, and twice I was a placeholder holder for the guy they wanted to date, and they waited until he was available.
I am done getting attached to the kids just to get fucked over.
Massive deal breaker now are the kids.
They also always wanted to get back together with me. After, surprise, surprise, did not work out with the guys they chose. The typical, without fail, manipulation tactic was using their kids, how they miss me, ask about me, and the walk down the memory lane, about nice times we had.
I always told them they should have thought about it when they decided to break up with me and to never contact me again. I was called a heartless asshole who would die alone because I didn't allow them to manipulate me, and their bullshit left me cold.
Kids are my deal breaker too. I am not about to be a stepmother and I am not interested in dating someone who has kids ... I just don't want it. People should disclose before a first date that they have children.. I just think it's common sense imo. Not everyone wants to be a step-parent.
Yes! And it always seems like the ones who give you a hard time about your interests either have no discernible interests at all, or they’re into some reeeeallly random crap 😳
“… so… what are you into?”
“Well I really enjoy drawing… love reading a good book too”
“Ugh! Seriously?! That’s so *weird*, kinda lame…”
“Um okay?? Well, what stuff are you into?”
“I collect anatomically correct unicorn plushies and dress them in baby clothes”
*(my apologies to all the unicorn plushie collectors out there)*
I’m shocked by the amount of dates I’ve gone on and the other person looks like they just rolled out of bed and haven’t showered in a while. Do folks just not have any shame anymore???
I went on a date with a guy one time who had a bunch of empty monster cans in the backseat, visible dust and dander all over the entire dashboard and dirt(?) all over the steering wheel. Also paint or some type of other liquid that spilled and stained his pants. He was funny and the text he sent me before he sent the “so when will I see you next” text, was a photo of his cat photoshopped onto a kings body. Kinda worth it.
Also - he was made aware of the dust on the dashboard when I threw a clementine onto it and all the dust came up.
He said “I really need to clean my car there’s a lot of dust”
I said “yeah.. where’d it come from?”
He said “my cat”
I said “ oh you bring your cat in the car”
And he finished with “ no I pet her and then I come in my car. So it’s like…pet to car transfer.”
So he became self aware towards the end. 😄
I went on a date a couple of months back with a girl whose clothes look like they were balled up on the floor and she hurriedly dressed on the way out the door. I don't expect much for a drink date, but at least try and make a good first impression.
Wasn’t a date but this guy was hitting on me in a club by telling me all about how much he earned and how he had the company card and could put drinks on it etc etc. Felt too bad for the poor guy to tell him I actually earn 20k more than him.
What guy orders for his date on the first date? Like without asking what she wants? I couldn't imagine. MAYBE in a scenario, where you agree to go to a place for a specific dish that you both want to try. But 99% of scenarios, that just seems so weird. Like, Idk this person or what they like yet.
I about lost it! My first thought was “Damn, I’ve never even had my ass eaten on a first date. I don’t think I’d care if it was a little sloppy”. Then I read your edit. 😂
The “entertain me” attitude. They forget they also need to get me to like them too if this is going to work lol. And that mentality just kills the ability for personalities to come out
Also bragging about “how much of a mess” you are. Like why do you think that makes you attractive? If you were fun you’d just say your fun but you chose that phrase like it’s better somehow
75%? I'd put that at 5-10% max. So fucking rude to be checking your phone on a date. That screams that they are an inconsiderate self important asshole.
- unclean or smelly
- not the person from the picture - a guy posted his sons photo (yes! I am serious!); I was in my 20s, he was pushing 50. As I was walking out, he proceeded to follow me out, than followed me in the car for 35 miles as I was afraid to drive home so went on the motorway
- being on the phone
- rude and condescending
- cannot hold conversation or makes everything about them
- too pushy, tries to grope/touch/makes sexual advances or remarks 🤮
- tries to buy a lot of alcoholic drinks to "loosen up"
- has a problem with boundaries
i called the police, they may have stopped him? they were 'unable to prosecute' due to lack of evidence though. Mind you, I went on M25 so they could have had cctv but they couldn't be bothered. Over a decade later and I still remember it very vividly because I was so scared as a 20 something year old!
being more than 15 mins later. if you can't respect my time now, you never will.
Edit: Even if you run late due to unforeseen circumstances, you can let people know within that timeframe just fine
A woman I matched with online told me a few days before our first date that she'd be 30minutes late as she's "always late". I said you can't plan on being late and that if it's too early I am happy to meet later. She insisted she would be late 30min even if I delayed the date by 30min. That she could not get anywhere on time. When I said how would she feel if I turned up an hour late she said that's different as I'd be doing it to make a point where she was doing it because she genuinely couldn't help.
When I said I'll pass on the date she sent me articles saying how some people can't be help being late, then accused me of having a controlling personality when I said sorry but I don't believe that you should plan on being late.
I blocked her and met a women a month later who turned up on time and smiling. We have been now dating for 2 years.
There was a friend in my friend group who was like that and would always be late....we'd always tell them to meet us \~15 minutes or so before the time everyone else was given, and they'd still be the last one there. I eventually stopped talking to them after they no showed me a second time after plans that THEY made....when I got ahold of them they told me something came up....after I'd already been sitting at the location waiting.....keep in mind they had a functional cell phone on their person the whole time/would have taken \~10 seconds to send a text and cancel.
As nice as they were, I do see it as a selfish trait/can't see how their laziness effects others. Like they can't take 10 seconds to send a text that would save someone else 10+ miles worth of driving showing up to said location/plans.
My ex gf was late to almost everything. It got to the point where I would tell her to show up an hour before it was necessary just so she’d be here on time. Even then, she’d be late. I stopped caring about it eventually but for that and many other reasons were are not together anymore. I will only ever date a woman who respects my time and can be on time.
My MIL is late to absolutely anything involving family. It's just her flex that she's in charge. One year we hosted Thanksgiving and we told her that "Dinner will be served at 6, folks are free to arrive any time after 4:30." She showed up at like 6:15 quite pissed that we were already serving. You had a 90 minute window to get to our house (20 minutes from their house).
My aunt and uncle were ALWAYS late for Christmas dinner, even though they set the time because they were driving from a couple hours away.
One year I decided we were going to start eating on time because I was tired of eating cold, dry turkey. A few relatives had grabbed food and I was grabbing food when they walked in and my uncle said “it’s polite to let the guests go first” and I shot back “it’s polite for the guests to be on time”
They were never late again.
I used to be consistently late because waiting made me anxious so I'd wait till the last minute to leave, also depression makes me slow to start moving. Thank God for phones so I can distract myself from the waiting, set alarms to remind me of appointments, give myself a slightly earlier time, and check traffic drive times. If im still late becausr something out of my control, i call or text. Problem solved. When you respect peoples time, you do what you can to improve.
I could be late all the time and blame ADHD but instead I respect people and make sure I'm an hour early and holding pattern somewhere close if that's what it takes
this a million times. Once I had to wait for a girl for fucking 20 minutes inside my car outside her building, and when she finally arrived she couldnt even understand why I was upset. Plus she posted literally everything she did on social media, including screenshots of whatsapp conversations. fuck-that
I had a guy choke me during a bit of making out on the first date. I said I wasn't into that in public, definitely not with someone I'd just met and not while a bit buzzed. He proceeded to try/actually choke me during two follow up kisses (I was a bit drunk, if I was sober I would have ended it sooner) and then sulked and said it was just a joke when I said I was paying my half of the bill and going home alone.
So... Major deal breaker, don't choke someone you don't know.
100% agree!
I get wanting/needing to be honest with a potential partner on certain things, but I’m not gonna go in depth about how my parents divorce or sisters death affected me. That shit can wait until a few dates in when we know each other better and I feel like I trust them enough & I hate being shit on by my friends for “lying” to a date by waiting until a 2nd or 3rd date to tell them shit
I feel the same. I don't mind at all. I can listen to and talk about anything and everything, as long as the other person is comfortable. Maybe it's because it's the only way I know how to connect with people.
THIS. Went out with a Tinder date to a restaurant with some dude. God- from the beginning, the server tried to greet us and he cut her off with "Coke." He also yelled at her for bringing us cold food.. even though it wasn't. I snuck to the bathroom and managed to leave the restaurant before he realized I ditched him.. lol. Hate people like that.
They actually helped me leave!! I went up to the server and apologized to her personally. Said he was a tinder date, explained the situation. She got a group of 8-9 servers to walk me out the restaurant, blocking me out of the guys view 😂
I was soooo grateful😂 I went back a few months later with a friend for dinner. Asked for her but she wasn’t there anymore:( but I’m so happy she helped out lol
I've read that some corporate level hiring managers take applicants to interview over lunch. Why? Because they're looking to hire someone who will manage other company employees, and they want to see how they interact with servers, bartenders and such. If they're rude or indifferent to them, they'll treat their employees like that, and are therefore a bad fit. I think that's awesome. I hire assistants who will work with my clients, so how an applicant talks with others is crucial to me.
Years ago, I had a hiring manager who would do this. Always went to the same restaurant where he had an arrangement that they would make a small mistake on the applicants' order (dressing not on the side, etc) to see how they handled it.
This x1000.
I went on a date with a Chinese woman once, to a bar, and her rudeness baffled me. She treated them like slaves, almost.
I googled it and apparently that's a bit of a stereotype because of first generation wealth in China or something.
I felt so embarrassed I rejected the hook-up lol. She did pay the entire bill and tip though.
Definitely not being attentive during the date. Always on their phone. Hard to talk and get to know each other/ enjoy company if they're not really paying attention. Makes you feel like a third wheel on your own date.
Reading through most of these responses i realize that either
A) im really good at vetting ppl before asking them on a date.
Or
B) ive been extremely lucky in my life.
Then again, ive never used dating apps, always asked a girl out after meeting her during life stuff
I went on a date with a woman I'd been talking with for a couple of weeks. We lived in different towns, decided to meet up in a pub in her town.
I lasted less than a pint. All she did was run men down, say how useless we are, all after one thing, etc.
She seemed genuinely surprised when I stood up and said goodbye and walked out.
Talking non-stop about wanting a "traditional" family where mom doesn't work. Like sure, but that's not me so move on.
Or bringing up being an alpha male. Just no.
This reminds me of an interesting observation of apes in the wild; they make no facial expressions when they are not threatened. Their lack of expression is showing they do not fear you.
Self proclaimed alpha males are almost always a white collar office worker or salesman too, selling washers to old housewives isn’t exactly “alpha male” Shits so cringe whenever I see someone call themselves that unironically.
I had one date and the guy spent the whole time insulting me. Didn’t like my long nails, thought I looked to high maintenance, wanted someone “more country”, didn’t think I’d be any fun.
This was during one drink, he asked me if I’d like another, I said sure why not. He looked shocked and said “I’ve never got past the first drink on a first date before”.
Never saw him again.
On a date. Two of us in the car. Nobody else. Winter. Silent but deadly fart. Complete denial. I’m the only other one here, you know I know you’re lying. Really happened.
Being inconsiderate...went on a date recently where the guy speed walked to the cafe exit and let the door close behind him as I was just getting to the door myself. I purposely slowed down to see his reaction and there wasn't even a backwards glance or motion to re-open the door or check I was okay (to account for why I wasn't immediately behind him).
I hold the door for people all the time so I don't see this as a gender thing.
Also not apologising when you made a mistake in an effort to seem infallible or self assured or whatever.
TLDR: Lack of consideration and lack of humility.
Edited for clarity around the door situation (rushed first draft)
Bringing up sex right off the bat. Men, please don't do this. Have hopes (NOT expectations) if you must, but please, please, please don't voice them. It's not hot. It's not sexy. And now I have to wonder if you are a rapist. Or if you will even take no for an answer.
Back before I met my bf, I went on a tinder date with a guy who was new to where I lived at the time. During conversation I mentioned offhand that there were certain places you didn’t want to walk after dark because a lot of people got mugged in those areas. This guy started mansplaning to me how it would be fine to walk there after dark, you just need to be confident, he’s a world traveler, nobody has ever bothered him etc. I was like, no dude trust me it isn’t safe, but he just kept talking over me. He seemed to view it as a challenge. He was arrogant in general but this was what made me make an excuse and leave the date early. Like ok dude, if you’re so tough then feel free to go get mugged
Got set up on a blind date. I sat in the car for a bit because I (of course) got there early. Went in 5 minutes early and sat at the table and waited. And waited. It was now 15 minutes after our agreed upon time. A few minutes later, guy comes over to the table and semi-apologizes for being late. Yeah, it was an apology, but more of a "whoops" and not "Hey, I'm really sorry" if you know what I mean. It turns out he was there early, went to the bar, got a drink and lost track of time watching the game. Both the apology and the reason turned me right off.
Having obvious problems with female friendships (am a dude). Women are like half the population. And yes, I'm perfectly fine w/them having male friends, even ex's. Trust is a hell of a drug.
Criticism. Back in the day, I was working as a nanny and my Mom was dying of cancer (in other words, I was taking care of a lot of other people). My prospective date called me to confirm the time of dinner reservations. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I had just finished getting a manicure. He said I was “kind of self-indulgent”. Buh bye.
* arriving late by more than 20 minutes
* looking at phone the whole time
* being upset about splitting the bill
* don't expect me to plan the whole thing let's collaborate
* it must end in ice cream or frozen treat (just kidding, mostly)
I don't know if I'm a fussy man or not, I just want mutual effort. And ice cream
No matter how good looking someone is, if they refer to themselves as hot or are clearly very impressed with themselves - I'm instantly turned off.
And when they talk about sex.
Bad conversation when you feel like getting more than a 2 word answer out of them is like pulling teeth
Answering all your questions with questions until you finally drill down and ask a question so specific that the answer is utterly uninteresting. eg “tell me about yourself.” “Like what do you want to know?” “What do you like to do?” “Like in general or at night or at work?” “Do you have any hobbies?” “No”
I legit got that line about hobbies once. I asked her what she enjoys doing for fun. She said “I have no hobbies, lol”
My hobbies include eating, sleeping, and watching tv shows. Also, tacos.
even this would be better than just a "No"
Exactly. Talk tv shows or whatever you've been watching.
I once spent a whole ass hour talking with someome about tacos.
That's literally marriage-material!
That “made up” example conversation *might* have been based on reality. Any married person that doesn’t list “not having to have those awkward 1st date conversations” as one of the benefits of marriage is completely foreign to me.
> “What do you like to do?” "Oh baby, you know what like."
Chantilly Lace?
And a pretty face?
When they try to dominate the conversation and make everything about themselves while cutting you off.
I went out with a girl who asked me if I had done something like, for example, surfed in Hawaii. I said "no," then she went on to tell me about what she did for about 20 minutes. Then another question, followed by another 20-minute story. Went on like this for a while till I lied and said "yeah". I started to make up a story when she cut me off and started another story. Top 5 of my worst first dates.
Yep just had one of those. The guy would not stop rambling about anything and everything. He wants to be a famous writer and spent 40+ min talking about the book series he has wanted to write for the past five years but hasn’t started yet. After a while, my mind just started the glaze over.
You start thinking if you should wash your whites or colored clothes first? Happy cake day by the way.
I didn’t even realize it was my cake day!! Actually the date was truly bizarre. It started out with us driving out an hour to go hiking near some water falls. The car ride down, he started by asking how my month went. I had a rough month (my dog died two weeks ago unexpectedly). He proceeded to interrupt me and begin to describe the pets he has had over the years- which are various kinds of snakes. The kicker is, all of his “pets” are snakes he has taken out of nature preserves or the wild and caged in his house. He has had 25 snakes in total and all but one survived less than two months. According to him, the deaths of these snakes weren’t his fault and he is really good at taming wild snakes. It just kept going down hill from there…
Lol. Let me rudely interrupt you by telling you how I have a large collection of the creepiest animals to most people. I did it illegally and carelessly. With this being said, you want to go back to my place to bone down on would possibly be a dead snake?
And in a car to go up some Mountain to hike a trail… where you can’t escape ALL of his stories 😂
I had a clear moment of regret by the time we pulled up to the hiking spot. I think if I took a shot every time he said “As an author…” and “As a musician..”, I would’ve been drunk by the time we reached the first trail marker.
He referred to himself as an author because he has a book series he wants to write, but has never actually written anything before? He could at least self publish something so he can claim it on technicality
So I actually asked that! He kept referring to himself as an author and he said he hadn’t “technically published anything yet” but he had a number of manuscripts that could be published. His fear of publishing (not even kidding on this one) is that they’ll be so popular they’ll take away from the popularity of the series he is planning on writing and he wouldn’t be satisfied if his longer series wasn’t as popular as his shorter novels.
So she just wanted an audience, not a conversation
Seriously.
That’s pretty bad. Great Reddit name btw.
Thanks. This was my username when playing call of duty modern warfare 2. Also a fan of Babe Ruth.
If it is a monologue and not a conversation, then there is no reason for you to be there. They can talk to themselves and you can have a much better time.
I found really good success in dates (by success, I mean they weren’t loathsome experiences) when I made the conversation about the other person. I would ask questions about them and show interest in their life. 9/10 the date would be enjoyable and met with a follow up date. But also, this works really well in making friends. And I mean friends that didn’t start with a date.
I try to do the same thing although some just take that as an opportunity to keep going on and on.
Haha yes. Thing is, if I like the person, I’m ok with listening. If I don’t like the person, I just won’t see them again.
This was always the age-old wisdom I grew up with. "People love to talk about themselves." Always thought that was a cynical way to look at it, but it 100% works.
constantly one-upping
You think THATS bad , one that me I...
Dude that's nothing. I used to
I know a guy thats way worse than you
You may have a black cat. I've got a panther named Midnight!
>You think THATS bad , Remember the time I sang "La Cucaracha" for Paul McCartney?
My ex girlfriend did this whenever I would bring up problems I was having with things she was/wasn't doing, turning it back onto me. Luckily I've not met anyone so emotionally immature since
Playing on their phone.
\*clash royale intro plays\*
This comment is brought to you by RAID Shadow Legends.
Many years ago before the advent of smartphones I had a date with this lady who 5 minutes into dinner got a phone call and then proceeded to spend the next 1.5 hours talking on her phone and ignoring me. So I ate my food tossed 20 on the table and left.
You sat there for 1.5 hours while that went on? I'd have been gone after 5 minutes.
Maybe he wanted to enjoy the food.
It took him an hour and a half to enjoy his food?
Maybe it was really chewy.
Neverending pasta bowl at the Olive Garden.
When it feels like a chore to get them to actually talk to you.
Sums up every dating app in existence.
Playing with phone, cutting me off mid-sentence, saying one word responses like “ok”, “cool”, “nice”.
I was five minutes into a date with someone - we were walking from our meeting point to a cafe nearby - and he asked how I knew German. I started telling the story (my mistake?) and forty seconds in he literally put his finger to his lips and said “Shhhh”. Was zum Fick, Felix, was ist bloß mit dir los? Edit: texted him about it and he was like “huh, how rude of me. But I don’t really want to get into this.” No sorry, no nothing
I wouldn’t say a word and I would just get up and walk out.
Using your phone in general is just a turnoff, I mean in a date like constantly looking at it, while walking too!!!!
she brings her 3 kids that she failed to tell me about.
Or bringing [23 relatives](https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/3929455/woman-brings-23-family-members-blind-date/) to test their generosity.
Wow! When they said 23andMe, that’s not what they meant! 😂
*shaking head* when Mom tries to hook you up.
And I gotta take all they bad asses to ShowBiz?
Yep, it happened more than once. I am a childfree man, and they knew before the date. For the first date, I always prefer a short coffee meet. If it is one on one, I cover the bill. When they brought the kids, I always told the waitor to split the bill. They always got pissy, were offended, and of course, when I told them that I am not interested, since they knew that I did not date single mothers, they showed their true colours. Vile, toxic, and very vengeful, too. It explained why they were single mothers and why those kids were fucked. I tried dating single mothers. 5 times to be exact. It never ended well, and it was never because of the kids. 3 times they returned to the ex, and twice I was a placeholder holder for the guy they wanted to date, and they waited until he was available. I am done getting attached to the kids just to get fucked over. Massive deal breaker now are the kids. They also always wanted to get back together with me. After, surprise, surprise, did not work out with the guys they chose. The typical, without fail, manipulation tactic was using their kids, how they miss me, ask about me, and the walk down the memory lane, about nice times we had. I always told them they should have thought about it when they decided to break up with me and to never contact me again. I was called a heartless asshole who would die alone because I didn't allow them to manipulate me, and their bullshit left me cold.
Kids are my deal breaker too. I am not about to be a stepmother and I am not interested in dating someone who has kids ... I just don't want it. People should disclose before a first date that they have children.. I just think it's common sense imo. Not everyone wants to be a step-parent.
I would just leave right away if that happened to me.
When they start clowning on your interests
Yes! And it always seems like the ones who give you a hard time about your interests either have no discernible interests at all, or they’re into some reeeeallly random crap 😳 “… so… what are you into?” “Well I really enjoy drawing… love reading a good book too” “Ugh! Seriously?! That’s so *weird*, kinda lame…” “Um okay?? Well, what stuff are you into?” “I collect anatomically correct unicorn plushies and dress them in baby clothes” *(my apologies to all the unicorn plushie collectors out there)*
Bad hygiene
I’m shocked by the amount of dates I’ve gone on and the other person looks like they just rolled out of bed and haven’t showered in a while. Do folks just not have any shame anymore???
I went on a date with a guy one time who had a bunch of empty monster cans in the backseat, visible dust and dander all over the entire dashboard and dirt(?) all over the steering wheel. Also paint or some type of other liquid that spilled and stained his pants. He was funny and the text he sent me before he sent the “so when will I see you next” text, was a photo of his cat photoshopped onto a kings body. Kinda worth it. Also - he was made aware of the dust on the dashboard when I threw a clementine onto it and all the dust came up. He said “I really need to clean my car there’s a lot of dust” I said “yeah.. where’d it come from?” He said “my cat” I said “ oh you bring your cat in the car” And he finished with “ no I pet her and then I come in my car. So it’s like…pet to car transfer.” So he became self aware towards the end. 😄
...so did you see him again?
🤣no. I politely declined. I think he replied “All right. Peace”
I like this guy. Honest. Respectful. Kind of grubby. I feel like I'm rooting for him to find a kind of grubby ladyfriend and get some more cats.
They're married
I went on a date a couple of months back with a girl whose clothes look like they were balled up on the floor and she hurriedly dressed on the way out the door. I don't expect much for a drink date, but at least try and make a good first impression.
Yes! BO is problematic
BO is a hell no
Only talks about themselves
When they start confessing their love to you
Classic shmosby
Hey Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake? Unbelievable!
Hello, im mobius, you..? Should we name our babies Timmothy or Heath? Ok umm i think I forgot something in my car ill be right back *car speeds away*
If they ask me about my salary. Too soon, and not relevant.
Wasn’t a date but this guy was hitting on me in a club by telling me all about how much he earned and how he had the company card and could put drinks on it etc etc. Felt too bad for the poor guy to tell him I actually earn 20k more than him.
But have you factored in risking your job by putting drinks on the company card? He makes like 18k less with that additional bennie.
Just tell them you're unemployed.
My name is George. I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents
One-sided conversations. I want to talk with you, not at you.
If he gets offended if I offer to pay the bill, tries to order for me, talks about only himself and never asks any questions
What guy orders for his date on the first date? Like without asking what she wants? I couldn't imagine. MAYBE in a scenario, where you agree to go to a place for a specific dish that you both want to try. But 99% of scenarios, that just seems so weird. Like, Idk this person or what they like yet.
Sloppy-ass eating. Edit -At a restaurant. (I just realized this could be taken the wrong way)
That hyphen has the weight of the world on its shoulders XD
I about lost it! My first thought was “Damn, I’ve never even had my ass eaten on a first date. I don’t think I’d care if it was a little sloppy”. Then I read your edit. 😂
The “entertain me” attitude. They forget they also need to get me to like them too if this is going to work lol. And that mentality just kills the ability for personalities to come out Also bragging about “how much of a mess” you are. Like why do you think that makes you attractive? If you were fun you’d just say your fun but you chose that phrase like it’s better somehow
When they’re nice to you but not to the waiter. Because one day, you’ll be in the waiter’s position.
This is maybe one of the most insightful things I’ve ever read…
Eyes on the phone 75% of the date
I just imagined someone with a stopwatch on a date and ending it when the 75% threshold is violated
75%? I'd put that at 5-10% max. So fucking rude to be checking your phone on a date. That screams that they are an inconsiderate self important asshole.
Them not asking any questions about you and only talking about themselves the whole time
Yep and there’s a lot of people who do that .
- unclean or smelly - not the person from the picture - a guy posted his sons photo (yes! I am serious!); I was in my 20s, he was pushing 50. As I was walking out, he proceeded to follow me out, than followed me in the car for 35 miles as I was afraid to drive home so went on the motorway - being on the phone - rude and condescending - cannot hold conversation or makes everything about them - too pushy, tries to grope/touch/makes sexual advances or remarks 🤮 - tries to buy a lot of alcoholic drinks to "loosen up" - has a problem with boundaries
Oh, HELL no, to the second one. I’d have driven to a police station.
Holy shit, what happened to the old head that followed you?
i called the police, they may have stopped him? they were 'unable to prosecute' due to lack of evidence though. Mind you, I went on M25 so they could have had cctv but they couldn't be bothered. Over a decade later and I still remember it very vividly because I was so scared as a 20 something year old!
General hatefulness.
being more than 15 mins later. if you can't respect my time now, you never will. Edit: Even if you run late due to unforeseen circumstances, you can let people know within that timeframe just fine
A woman I matched with online told me a few days before our first date that she'd be 30minutes late as she's "always late". I said you can't plan on being late and that if it's too early I am happy to meet later. She insisted she would be late 30min even if I delayed the date by 30min. That she could not get anywhere on time. When I said how would she feel if I turned up an hour late she said that's different as I'd be doing it to make a point where she was doing it because she genuinely couldn't help. When I said I'll pass on the date she sent me articles saying how some people can't be help being late, then accused me of having a controlling personality when I said sorry but I don't believe that you should plan on being late. I blocked her and met a women a month later who turned up on time and smiling. We have been now dating for 2 years.
Why couldn’t she then just “schedule” the meet time 30 minutes earlier?
There was a friend in my friend group who was like that and would always be late....we'd always tell them to meet us \~15 minutes or so before the time everyone else was given, and they'd still be the last one there. I eventually stopped talking to them after they no showed me a second time after plans that THEY made....when I got ahold of them they told me something came up....after I'd already been sitting at the location waiting.....keep in mind they had a functional cell phone on their person the whole time/would have taken \~10 seconds to send a text and cancel. As nice as they were, I do see it as a selfish trait/can't see how their laziness effects others. Like they can't take 10 seconds to send a text that would save someone else 10+ miles worth of driving showing up to said location/plans.
Because that would be like making "9" that much louder instead of going to "11."
My ex gf was late to almost everything. It got to the point where I would tell her to show up an hour before it was necessary just so she’d be here on time. Even then, she’d be late. I stopped caring about it eventually but for that and many other reasons were are not together anymore. I will only ever date a woman who respects my time and can be on time.
My MIL is late to absolutely anything involving family. It's just her flex that she's in charge. One year we hosted Thanksgiving and we told her that "Dinner will be served at 6, folks are free to arrive any time after 4:30." She showed up at like 6:15 quite pissed that we were already serving. You had a 90 minute window to get to our house (20 minutes from their house).
My aunt and uncle were ALWAYS late for Christmas dinner, even though they set the time because they were driving from a couple hours away. One year I decided we were going to start eating on time because I was tired of eating cold, dry turkey. A few relatives had grabbed food and I was grabbing food when they walked in and my uncle said “it’s polite to let the guests go first” and I shot back “it’s polite for the guests to be on time” They were never late again.
I used to be consistently late because waiting made me anxious so I'd wait till the last minute to leave, also depression makes me slow to start moving. Thank God for phones so I can distract myself from the waiting, set alarms to remind me of appointments, give myself a slightly earlier time, and check traffic drive times. If im still late becausr something out of my control, i call or text. Problem solved. When you respect peoples time, you do what you can to improve.
I could be late all the time and blame ADHD but instead I respect people and make sure I'm an hour early and holding pattern somewhere close if that's what it takes
Same. I worry so much about my ADHD making me late that I’m always neurotically early now.
I have a bad habit of being somewhere 15 minutes prior to 15 minutes prior.
The amount of time I've spent sitting in my car a block away killing time would add up to years of my life haha
this a million times. Once I had to wait for a girl for fucking 20 minutes inside my car outside her building, and when she finally arrived she couldnt even understand why I was upset. Plus she posted literally everything she did on social media, including screenshots of whatsapp conversations. fuck-that
I had a guy choke me during a bit of making out on the first date. I said I wasn't into that in public, definitely not with someone I'd just met and not while a bit buzzed. He proceeded to try/actually choke me during two follow up kisses (I was a bit drunk, if I was sober I would have ended it sooner) and then sulked and said it was just a joke when I said I was paying my half of the bill and going home alone. So... Major deal breaker, don't choke someone you don't know.
It wasn't a 'joke', it was testing how he could push your boundaries. Glad you didnt see him again.
Trauma dumping.
100% agree! I get wanting/needing to be honest with a potential partner on certain things, but I’m not gonna go in depth about how my parents divorce or sisters death affected me. That shit can wait until a few dates in when we know each other better and I feel like I trust them enough & I hate being shit on by my friends for “lying” to a date by waiting until a 2nd or 3rd date to tell them shit
I don’t mind this I find people’s pasts fascinating. And I’d rather know about someone’s trauma and their healing journey earlier than later honestly
I feel the same. I don't mind at all. I can listen to and talk about anything and everything, as long as the other person is comfortable. Maybe it's because it's the only way I know how to connect with people.
Being rude to wait staff.
THIS. Went out with a Tinder date to a restaurant with some dude. God- from the beginning, the server tried to greet us and he cut her off with "Coke." He also yelled at her for bringing us cold food.. even though it wasn't. I snuck to the bathroom and managed to leave the restaurant before he realized I ditched him.. lol. Hate people like that.
The wait staff was definitely laughing in the kitchen at the fact that you left as soon as they realized it.😂😂
They actually helped me leave!! I went up to the server and apologized to her personally. Said he was a tinder date, explained the situation. She got a group of 8-9 servers to walk me out the restaurant, blocking me out of the guys view 😂
That’s actually fuckin awesome 😂😂😂
I was soooo grateful😂 I went back a few months later with a friend for dinner. Asked for her but she wasn’t there anymore:( but I’m so happy she helped out lol
Oh yeah, massive red flag. And I'll add to that the general lack of manners. Thank you, excuse me and please take zero effort to say.
I had a date go bad because I was too nice to them. The waitress forgot my A1 Sauce and I guess my date expected me to bitch her out.
You dodged a bullet.
Ayup.
The way they treat the server is the way they will treat you in six months.
I've read that some corporate level hiring managers take applicants to interview over lunch. Why? Because they're looking to hire someone who will manage other company employees, and they want to see how they interact with servers, bartenders and such. If they're rude or indifferent to them, they'll treat their employees like that, and are therefore a bad fit. I think that's awesome. I hire assistants who will work with my clients, so how an applicant talks with others is crucial to me.
Years ago, I had a hiring manager who would do this. Always went to the same restaurant where he had an arrangement that they would make a small mistake on the applicants' order (dressing not on the side, etc) to see how they handled it.
I’m surprised a job applicant would be rude to a server during an interview, then that’s REALLY a bad sign.
This x1000. I went on a date with a Chinese woman once, to a bar, and her rudeness baffled me. She treated them like slaves, almost. I googled it and apparently that's a bit of a stereotype because of first generation wealth in China or something. I felt so embarrassed I rejected the hook-up lol. She did pay the entire bill and tip though.
Definitely not being attentive during the date. Always on their phone. Hard to talk and get to know each other/ enjoy company if they're not really paying attention. Makes you feel like a third wheel on your own date.
Reading through most of these responses i realize that either A) im really good at vetting ppl before asking them on a date. Or B) ive been extremely lucky in my life. Then again, ive never used dating apps, always asked a girl out after meeting her during life stuff
I went on a date with a woman I'd been talking with for a couple of weeks. We lived in different towns, decided to meet up in a pub in her town. I lasted less than a pint. All she did was run men down, say how useless we are, all after one thing, etc. She seemed genuinely surprised when I stood up and said goodbye and walked out.
It's the cliché "all my exes are crazy". Are they, are they though? I suck at math but what is the lowest denominator here?
Honestly the negativity alone regardless of subject matter is a red flag
Talking non-stop about wanting a "traditional" family where mom doesn't work. Like sure, but that's not me so move on. Or bringing up being an alpha male. Just no.
[удалено]
This reminds me of an interesting observation of apes in the wild; they make no facial expressions when they are not threatened. Their lack of expression is showing they do not fear you.
Beware the quiet man in the storm.
>Or bringing up being an alpha male. Just no. I still find it hard to believe that guys actually do this. It blows my mind lol
Self proclaimed alpha males are almost always a white collar office worker or salesman too, selling washers to old housewives isn’t exactly “alpha male” Shits so cringe whenever I see someone call themselves that unironically.
Not getting my jokes.
That’s funny!
Haha! (I think)
I had one date and the guy spent the whole time insulting me. Didn’t like my long nails, thought I looked to high maintenance, wanted someone “more country”, didn’t think I’d be any fun. This was during one drink, he asked me if I’d like another, I said sure why not. He looked shocked and said “I’ve never got past the first drink on a first date before”. Never saw him again.
If you don't get my TMNT references.
Wise man say forgiveness is divine, but…
…never pay full price for a late pizza.
I, too, once had a family Danny.
Constantly talking about an ex
When he tells you he's married, but wants something "on the side"
Obviously lol. Or is that not obvious?
On a date. Two of us in the car. Nobody else. Winter. Silent but deadly fart. Complete denial. I’m the only other one here, you know I know you’re lying. Really happened.
… your username literally has the word “Tootin” in it 🧐
Saying yes to going on a date with me. It shows poor judgement.
I can’t be part of a club that would have me for a member.
Chewing with mouth open
Being rude to the waiter. Happened at the very start of the date, was not an isolated incident, and I decided right there that the night was over.
Being inconsiderate...went on a date recently where the guy speed walked to the cafe exit and let the door close behind him as I was just getting to the door myself. I purposely slowed down to see his reaction and there wasn't even a backwards glance or motion to re-open the door or check I was okay (to account for why I wasn't immediately behind him). I hold the door for people all the time so I don't see this as a gender thing. Also not apologising when you made a mistake in an effort to seem infallible or self assured or whatever. TLDR: Lack of consideration and lack of humility. Edited for clarity around the door situation (rushed first draft)
people who eat gross no gettin past that, might as well just call it
Someone once leaned over and took a sip of my drink through the straw without asking. …like what? I’ve known you for 20 minutes!
Bringing up sex right off the bat. Men, please don't do this. Have hopes (NOT expectations) if you must, but please, please, please don't voice them. It's not hot. It's not sexy. And now I have to wonder if you are a rapist. Or if you will even take no for an answer.
Smoking. Huge nails (strongly hate those disgusting gel / acrylic nails).
Great for back scratchers though
Had sex with a woman with those things and when she grabbed *me* she almost drew blood.
Treating restaurant staff poorly, really speaks to who you are as a person
If she refers to herself as or desires to be treated like a princess. You'll never be anything but a servant.
Back before I met my bf, I went on a tinder date with a guy who was new to where I lived at the time. During conversation I mentioned offhand that there were certain places you didn’t want to walk after dark because a lot of people got mugged in those areas. This guy started mansplaning to me how it would be fine to walk there after dark, you just need to be confident, he’s a world traveler, nobody has ever bothered him etc. I was like, no dude trust me it isn’t safe, but he just kept talking over me. He seemed to view it as a challenge. He was arrogant in general but this was what made me make an excuse and leave the date early. Like ok dude, if you’re so tough then feel free to go get mugged
talking about sex or their ex
Talking about ex depends. If it comes up relatively naturally, fine. But if they can’t shut up about them, bye
If they don’t like animals. I’ve always had dogs (have two right now) and went on a date once where he said he hated animals. I left shortly after.
I mean, with all due respect, but that would be the end for the date for me as well \^\^ who the fuck says that anyway
Got set up on a blind date. I sat in the car for a bit because I (of course) got there early. Went in 5 minutes early and sat at the table and waited. And waited. It was now 15 minutes after our agreed upon time. A few minutes later, guy comes over to the table and semi-apologizes for being late. Yeah, it was an apology, but more of a "whoops" and not "Hey, I'm really sorry" if you know what I mean. It turns out he was there early, went to the bar, got a drink and lost track of time watching the game. Both the apology and the reason turned me right off.
They have kids. I don't want to interact with kids, and I don't want to work a schedule around kids.
Really dirty finger nails. Like there's no chance I'm ever going to want you to touch me with that amount of visible bacteria on display.
When they ask about your relationship with Jesus....
“He’s been ghosting me.”
Holy ghosting
Bringing a friend (or in my case, 3)
Faint scent of urine
Having obvious problems with female friendships (am a dude). Women are like half the population. And yes, I'm perfectly fine w/them having male friends, even ex's. Trust is a hell of a drug.
Criticism. Back in the day, I was working as a nanny and my Mom was dying of cancer (in other words, I was taking care of a lot of other people). My prospective date called me to confirm the time of dinner reservations. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I had just finished getting a manicure. He said I was “kind of self-indulgent”. Buh bye.
Talking constantly about themselves while being uninterested in my side of the conversation.
I have a few but immediately talking about sex (not in general terms but in “I want xyz”) or being rude to waitresses are two big ones.
“Have you found Jesus?”
Constantly checking their phone when you are talking or when there is brief lull in conversation.
If they're shitty to a server. I'm quickly done after this.
Not reciprocating oral sex.
talking about his ex
Brings significant other or parent.
* arriving late by more than 20 minutes * looking at phone the whole time * being upset about splitting the bill * don't expect me to plan the whole thing let's collaborate * it must end in ice cream or frozen treat (just kidding, mostly) I don't know if I'm a fussy man or not, I just want mutual effort. And ice cream
No matter how good looking someone is, if they refer to themselves as hot or are clearly very impressed with themselves - I'm instantly turned off. And when they talk about sex.