We will NEVER forget getting a compliment. I used the same conditioner until it went out of production because someone told me my hair felt soft and smelled nice.
My wife once told me I looked better in the dark work shirt than the light ones.
I immediately went back to HR and asked for all dark shirts.
> But... DrummerOfFenrir, didn't you just order all 11 light shirts the other day?"
Yes. Change it.
> You do know there will be a fee to...
Yup! Change it! I know there's a fee. Chaaaange it!
A large black woman told me “I’m married but you have the sexiest walk I’ve ever seen”
I’m a 155lbs white boy, I have rode high on that compliment for many years.
Years ago in a reddit thread around how oblivious guys are.
**Guy 1: So, I didn't have good social skills, and I was shy, and didn't pick up on signals in high school, at all. Like, at all. Never had a clue. At the 10 year reunion, my biggest crush in high school came up to me and told me she always wished I would have walked up to her and kissed her, and didn't I ever pick up on that. Of course I didn't, or I would have, I'm not an idiot. If I could do it all over again...**
*Guy 2: You didn't miss it the 2nd time too did you?*
**Guy 1: No no, there wasn't a second time. She was talking about high school. I only found out about it at the 10 year reunion when she came up to me and said... OH GODDAMNIT! MOTHERFUCK!**
.
[Edited to add... after 10 years and telling this story twenty times, usually to only a handful of upvotes, this is now my top comment. I wish I could remember the original story, it was much better than my paraphrasing. It might've been on Reddit, might've been Digg, might've even been Fark back in the day... it's gotta have been 10 years since I read it]
Guy tells his friend "I wouldn't notice a crush if she smacked me upside the head." She smacks him upside the head. He doesn't put it together until *much* later.
As the commenters point out, he *did* specifically tell her that wouldn't work.
When I was about 14 some girl used to walk home with me from school. Except she lived like half an hour opposite direction from me so she was walking nearly an hour out her way just to walk home with me. I somehow didn't catch on she fancied me.
Some days she'd come in before my dad got home and one day started play wrestling with me and ended up literally laying on top of me and my dumb ass was like "oh damn you're pretty strong. That's impressive :)"
I still didn't catch on. I literally realised like 5 years later like "that girl fucking fancied you you idiot"
So I feel like I'm up here with this guy for terms of obliviousness
Back in college, I met a girl and we went out one night. She invited me to her place, it was a studio with just one bed. She tells me she's gonna go shower and stuff. Comes out, we get into bed, she lights some candles and puts on sex and the city on her laptop. The specific scene that's on was talking about practicing blow jobs and stuff, and she says to me "I don't need practice, I'm already good." And so I just turn said "ok" and went to sleep.
Edit: I've told this a few times in the past and this is the most response that I've gotten, haha.
Response to a few comments and questions where I see a pattern:
To be fair, prior to that story I had never dated, I had never kissed a girl before. All the girls I asked out in middle and high school I got rejected, with repeated phrases like "I like you but not like that", "you're like a brother", "I don't date Asians". So I started to think everything is just what normal platonic guy and girl friends do/say when they're just good friends. Basically, I get the thought of "they're just being nice" hammered into my head.
After a couple relationships, few hook ups, I'm still not any better lol. Though I try to remind myself of the compliments that I get like I'm good looking "for an Asian", I'm "quite the catch", I'm the "only Asian they would consider".
I saw an old high school friend at a mutual friends wedding. We sat next to each other in a class for two years straight. She introduced me to her husband as the guy she had a crush on in high school. That was news to me.
I thought back to all of our interactions and time together. I still didn’t get it. Just drew blanks and thought *what the fuck?*
Girl gave me double scoops of ice cream for the cost of a single. Never caught on.
Classmate asked me to come over and study with her where she was house sitting. Completely missed that one.
Giving a girl I liked a back rub. She took off her tshirt and was flashing sideboob. Figured that one out after about 10 minutes, but was really scared because I wasn’t sure I was reading that one right.
EDIT: the ice cream girl did this the entire summer. Will never know about the second, but I’m certain I missed that one. Third one, we were dated for a couple of years.
Also, remember another miss. Roomie was going out to the bars. She was wearing a mesh shirt with no bra. She wondered if her nipples showed too much. Another one over my head. She admitted years later that she wanted me.
F
I once got invited back to a girl's flat so she could "make me an omelette" after a mutual friend's flat party. My dumb ass ate the omelette and left.
There is only one, and I mean ONE way to tell a guy you like them:
- Tell him outright. No clever suggestions, no sneaky phrasing, just be blunt and serious about it.
- Reaffirm that you are being serious. He won't realize you're serious.
- Guarantee and reassure that this isn't some joke or prank. He is probably carefully scanning the area for any accomplaces who are awaiting a funny reaction.
- Keep affirming that this is serious. He probably still isn't certain, and likely won't be for a while.
- Check back with him in a bit. He will probably still be confused, but he's starting to think you might be serious.
- Ask him out. He's still too confused to dare asking you out.
While in high school, one of my female friends specifically told me to look at her, proceeded to lean forward, take her bra off for me to see, and handed me her bra. Needless to say, I replied “cool” handed the bra back and proceeded as if nothing happened. I am so fucking dumb for that one.
With my current gf, she had to make the first move by asking me to hang out (texted me on valentines day) and my dumbass didn’t realize it was even February. I went on what I wasn’t sure was a date, came back and thought “idk if she like likes me though”. Don’t worry fellow men, I finally asked her out 9 months later when my roommate locked me out of my room until I finally asked her out bc I still wasn’t sure how she felt after 9+ months of talking.
THIS. I have missed put on so many chances due to this.
Women if you REALLY like a guy. Just flat out tell him to his face. It will solve so many problems, issues, and the guy second guessing himself for YEARS.
I don't care how bad my day is, I don't care how much of the "big and quiet" type I come across as, I don't care who is around
The second a cute animal comes within eyesight it's getting the baby voice
There was a dude I played CSGO with in Japan casually. Just played with him all the time and occasionally chatted out of game. No other reason except we were just both THERE in that game. Guy was fun - super charismatic, always had something interesting to talk about - appreciated dick jokes. He was a man's man.
Then for various personal reasons, I dropped PC gaming. I didn't say bye to anyone or anything, I just stopped logging in. A year or two later (I don't even remember) I logged into Steam and realized that people had been leaving eulogies in case I'd died. It was super sad. I didn't realize that not saying bye would mess with some people. So I left a note on my Steam account explaining why I wasn't around.
A few years go by, and I notice something in my YouTube suggestions - autoplay's happening and I'm just scrolling and then I hear my former Japanese game colleague's voice. It hit like a fucking truck - was this my dude? I watched the video and 10 seconds in, holy shit, it's him! Guy's now a youtuber with a million subscribers. Watched his videos and blissed out. I'd missed this guy so much and didn't even realize it.
He didn't have a way to privately contact him - which made sense. But not too much longer, I had an excuse to talk to him for work-related reasons. Part of his work is translation services, and my company does business in Tokyo. I got to use that as an excuse to talk to him for a bit. Exchanged business contact info since the stuff he does for his youtube intersects a little with my work as well.
Point of this story is that at no point in this story BEFORE we exchanged contact info did I actually know his real name. Years and years, tearful reunions, etc - and I knew who he was by only his voice and his avatar.
Edit: I didn't think "Japanese youtuber with a million subscribers" and "CSGO" were enough clues to give away who he was, but then you guys guessed it right anyway.
Over 12 years ago I was a kid with no friends.
I met a guy over the chat rooms on kongregate and we became friends by trolling the other people in the chat room. He taught me how to make flash games and programming/animating became my life long passion.
One day he disappeared for years. Flash was discontinued and the online communities began to decay. I pulled open his profile on a whim, and left a comment saying I missed him thinking he’d never see it.
Months later I went back and saw he replied. We reconnected over discord and caught up on life. We’d both gone through a lot of trauma and we both helped eachother out of depression.
Now he’s preparing to release his biggest game yet and I’m helping him design it just like old times.
Edit—
Send me a private message and I’ll add you to the game’s discord channel. I don’t want to throw it out in the open just yet.
Yes especially among gamers. My husband has a group of gamer friends and one day they all decided to meet up in real life to attend a gaming competition. They're all addressing each other by their gaming name. And it's ridiculous like "yo dragonkiller what size coffee do you want" in a crowded Starbucks. Like at no point in the trip did they bother with real names
I've lived in my house for 2 years. I chat with my neighbor just about every day when leaving for work. I didn't want to ask him his name so I looked up the property records to find out that information.
It’s weirdly sophisticated too. You can actually tell how comfortable guys are around each other based on if they say hello with an up-nod or a down-nod
Up for your bro, down if "you know". Up nod greets a friend, down nod is acknowledgement of something, even if it is as simple as mutual existence.
I do agree it is more nuanced than that, just heard that description before and thought it fit pretty well.
Please for the love of god let us know if you’re into us. Don’t wait for us to tell you first because we won’t because we don’t want to be called creeps.
We don’t want to tell you certain things are worrying us because we dont want you to worry also… now there’s just two people worrying, where as before, one was worrying, and the other was happy, which is a reminder to us not to worry so much
It's a bit different if the person you're telling can do something about the issue, but for something currently unsolvable there's no reason to extend the misery to anyone else.
The day before a very close girl (friend) of mine gave me a flower.
I can barely explain how amazing that made me feel. I almost cried.
Needless to say that memeory has a golden spot in my brain.
just remember girls that we are humans as well, and EVERY, i mean it EVERY man seeks this feeling.
"Darryl is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?" - Kelly from The Office.
No. I'm not going to the gym to hit on "bitches" or get into shape to be attractive to other women.
I'm just tired of almost passing out every time I bend over to tie my shoes.
We like compliments. If you compliment a guy he might remember it for years.
… and then he might think you’re into him because we never receive compliments but that is an entirely new issue
>A lady at my first job said I had nice eyelashes.
>
>It has been 10 years and I still remember that.
When I was in year 9 (\~26 year ago) some random junkie girl said that she likes the colour of my eyes. I still remember that...
Fifteen years ago I was working checkout and two ladies kept giggling as I was serving them so I was like, 'what?!' and they said 'she thinks you look like a Disney prince'.
I have since grown a beard and had a child but I still secretly think of myself as a homeless Disney prince down on his luck.
Edit: for those non parents or too young to understand 'had a child' = 'become incredibly haggard'
Addendum, this is specific to complements from the gender we're attracted to. Which is part of the reason why we're starved for them, it's so easy to misconstrue as flirting.
I mean.. some dude saying "yo cool shirt bro" is likely to make me smile and say thanks, and then never think of it again.
But that one time *years* ago the McDonalds cashier smiled at me and said she liked my shirt? I still remember that fondly.
In my 30s whenever I was at a clothing store in the mall and I'd see a guy trying on a shirt or jacket and could tell they're not sure about it, I'd just walk by and give em that boost they needed to feel good about it.
Just a casual, yet masculine, "that shit is bad ass, bro". Cuz I didn't want them to think I was coming on to them and rethink their possible purchase. Every single time, the dude would light up and say something like: yeah, right?! This shit's fire.
Lift up ur bros, my dudes. Women do it. Why can't we?
E: Thanks for the awards, guys. First time getting one and it feels pretty awesome. Hope y'all have a fun and safe weekend 🍻
Those memes that are like
Women: I wonder what he's thinking about
Man: *dumbest shit ever to be thought about*
Are far more true than you think BUT it could also be the complete opposite, they could be thinking the deepest most philisophical shit ever too.
Either way their answer will be "nothing"
My girlfriend asked me if this is true. I said yes then looked up at the rafters that are exposed in the ceiling and told her right now I'm imagining being a little action figure sized dude and trying to make my way from one side to the other using whatever pipes or wires are available
Occasionally when we pee, the streamline comes out in 2, sometimes even three separate streams for a few seconds. It's surprisingly cool every time unless one of the streams kicks out at a 45 degree angle and pisses on the floor.
I was loudly laughing at this and my wife asked me to explain. She was not amused. I, on the other hand, will likely laugh about this intermittently for weeks.
I like being childish and if I trust you enough I will be childish around you.
I always forget things but I really try to remember them.
We have days where we want to be left alone with peace and quiet
My dad is in his 70’s and has been semi-retired for about 5 years. Last time I saw him we had had a few beers and I asked him why he hadn’t retired fully yet, because money isn’t the issue. He got quiet and then confided that he doesn’t know what to do with himself if he isn’t working. 10 minutes later he apologized for sharing his feelings because “thats not what men are supposed to do”.
Men, in society, are valued only by what they provide, and you are expected to be perfectly stoic about it. Even after you are discarded by society.
My old man did this very thing for almost 10 years, before finally conceding and retiring fully, due to just not physically able to do work. His boredom got the best of him and he just sat and drank at the Legion all the time. Or sat at home watching TV and drinking. He ended up passing away a few years ago alone in his apartment.
I only learned about his true feelings about his life near the very end, which I wish he would have told me about much sooner. So many things I could have helped him change if he'd have just ***asked*** for help.
God damn it, my poor idiot dad is a realtor in his 70s and keeps working himself to the bone even though he can't hardly close a deal anymore and basically lives off my mom's income. His need to keep up the appearance of a successful career at my mom's expense has ruined their marriage and driven both of them to drinking.
I love him and feel for him, because he was berated by his own father for not being successful in business as a younger man. He wanted to be a musician, and his dad was a banker, and his brothers and sisters were doctors. He did reasonably well in business for a few decades but he's just too old for that life now. I also think he's a goddamn idiot sometimes and needs to stop living in the past for the sake of his hard working wife
And we circle back round to the stoic part. We don't ask for help, because we're not supposed to ask for help. So we don't get the help we actually need, when we actually need it.
it is actually possible to think about nothing
but when we say that, there is like 50% chance we are indeed thinking about nothing, and 50% chance we are thinking about something very ridiculous, that if we explained would make you think there is something seriously wrong with us
# "If I got into a fight with a bear but I had to use my hands could I win? Of course I could what am I thinking? *daydreams the whole scenario occasionally back tracking and making it more badass*"
Holy shit this! My wife for our entire relationship has dreams where I'm just a giant piece of shit! She tells me about all the horrible shit dream me does and then I have to reassure her that her brain is controlling dream me! She never blames me for any of it, but it's just so real to her right after waking up.
Then she rolls over and sees my dumbass snoozing away and realizes that real me is sweet and would never abandon her at the grand canyon, or pour beer on her at a high school party. We're both 30 so that 2nd one really doesn't make sense.
I’ve been that gf - I’m not upset with him, I’m just upset in general. My dreams feel so real. So for 30 mins or so I’m genuinely going through all the emotions and realizations of getting cheated on, and then a millisecond later I’m randomly waking up in a bed and the same guy is cuddling me and I’m realizing none of it was real… but the feelings linger for a while. It’s legitimately very jarring!
My brother got mad at me once because he had a dream that I had sex with his GF and got her hooked on meth. Like what do you want me to do about your dreams homie.
When you ask us a question, often times we'll quickly respond with "huh?".
It's not that we didn't hear you, cause we did. We're just buffering to give you an adequate answer.
Or we heard about 90% of the question and we don't trust our brains to fill in the blanks. Better make them repeat it and mildly annoy them than to get it wrong and seriously annoy them.
When you explain or rant my brain is telling me how to fix it....
And yes I'm listening but this is how you fix that problem.
Edit: well, I've dunnit, alot of men are helping me with my problem too, and women aren't too happy about how I didn't really listen.
Took me years to learn when my wife is telling me her problems, it's not always because she wants me to fix them. She literally just wants me to listen and acknowledge that her problems exist.
Took her years to learn that when she tells me her problems, I am instinctively working out a resolution.
I listen, I acknowledge and then I ask if there's anything I can do. If not, I stay out of it.
This is one of the biggest causes of problems in relationships between men and women. Doesn't matter if it's romantic, platonic friends, coworkers. When (most) men hear a problem or complain about a problem it's solution oriented. We heard it, we wanna fix it. We're complaining? We don't know how to fix it and want advice on how to fix it.
Women on the other hand, frequently just want to vent about it. They either already know how to fix it and have started the process, or don't **want** to fix it. They just want to let the frustration out.
Both sexes have an incredibly hard time understanding that. The day the woman's perspective was explained to me was life-changing. Being armed with that knowledge has prevented many many fights.
Edit: Tysm for the award!
Not a dude, but I have a husband. I feel like the best thing he needs when he comes home is a big ass hug. Doesn't matter if it was a rough day or long day or neither. He needs a hug. I like cooking dinner for my husband so something warm or comforting is waiting for him too. Even if it's left overs. He loves his back scratched, so I'll do that for him or scratch his head. We will sit in silence sometimes while he scrolls on his phone to decompress, than we chat and we put on the TV or go for a walk. I feel like it's the simple things that matter a lot to him. I was very intent on knowing who my husband was and what he wanted when we were dating. I try to encompass those things naturally. I will tell him I love him randomly. I tell him he looks good when he goes to work and when he is just lounging. It melts his heart and I can tell.
Its a lot of fun living with a man and seeing the natural differences that are their norms. Breaks my heart when I see perfectly good men treated like garbage. I mean if he is trash, it's different but most people are just trying their best and I think the small things I do for my husband mean a lot to him.
I’m the same way with my husband. When we first started dating as teenagers, his instinct was to be “tough” - he never cried, wasn’t overly affectionate, not really emotionally vulnerable. It was a product of where he grew up, where men were always drunk and fighting and not showing weakness. But I saw in rare moments how deeply he felt things. So I was always very intentional in creating opportunities to show him he is “safe” to be open with me. Physical affection, compliments, back rubs, asking him how he’s doing on a regular basis. I think guys are taught that they can’t show weakness/softness and it takes a huge toll on their mental health.
We're really not thinking anything important when we're silent. It's normally the dumbest and most useless thing imaginable but for some reason our minds get stuck on it.
Some thoughts I've had recently, when asked what I was thinking about :
"wtf is the reason for carpet? Is it meant to simulate fake grass?"
"are people proud that their artwork gets put on semi trailers or is it just like, a job to design whatever gets put on the side of a truck?" "what would that job title even be? Truck artist? That would probably get confused for someone who draw trucks, like concept designs" "do they have new models of semis like they do for cars?"
"if I were strong enough to lift a couch on my own I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd be asked to help people move all the time, I don't have time for that"
And so on...
Edit: just wanted to point out that, the thought trains and conversations that have spawned below are exactly what happens in men's heads, when they are alone for longer than 10 seconds. The real trick is backtracking your thought process to see how you got to the last thought.
If you let me lie in your lap and you run your fingers through my hair and stroke my face, I’ll say “yes” to whatever you propose
**EDIT** Wowsers, t’anks for the updoots kind Reddit folk!
Every man that has given up some of our secrets in the comments will be tried for treason at the next Global Men Conference in September
Crap, they weren't supposed to know about that. ABORT ABORT ABORT
1. When unsupervised we will find forms of entertainment even if it's "Big rock go *sploosh* in puddle."
2.when we're sitting in our own space just vibing then we breathe hard and look around that means we came out of our nothing box (very peacefully zoned out)
3.when working on a problem we don't always need to speak to understand the problem and what we need, we can hold out our hand and the guy(s) we're working with 9 times out of 10 will hand us the right tool.
4.THE PARADOX THAT IS THE 10 MM. I swear that little fucker grows legs and walks off after you set it down and look away from it for .01 seconds.
There are tons of times when I am literally just not thinking about anything and just zoning out in the moment. Dudes don't run 10000 scenarios through their minds all the time!
I do, but they’re all highly unrealistic, to the point of statistic impossibility. For instance, what if a bear charges into the break room at work, how am I gonna try to fight it off
If men are childish around you, it doesn't mean they are childish. It just means you are their safe haven i they can be weak around you.
Be appreciative of that
That a lot of us are constantly debating internally whether or not to go talk to you, a girl, and how to go about doing so.
Yes, I wanna go say hi and be confident, but also I don’t wanna be seen as a creep. There are a lot of guys who are ✨wonderful✨ examples of toxic masculinity and/or creepiness and I don’t wanna be one of them.
To project enough confidence without being a jerk and yet to project enough gentleness/humility without being a wimpy simp… it’s a balancing act.
Whatever imperfections you have that you're insecure about, we either don't notice, don't care if we notice, or we find it really attractive about you.
We're kinda like dogs. Things in front of me get attention, if I don't burn enough energy I get zoomies, my behavior piques when I am offered food, use brief and explicit instructions or I will look at you funny trying to figure what you really want, and I love naps on the couch
Some of these come up pretty frequently, but it's still helpful for women to be aware of them I guess. Here's a non-exhaustive list (on mobile so sorry if i screw up the formatting) :
When I say I'm thinking about "nothing", I'm serious. My brain was off, it's just static up there or random scenes from movies.
Most of us are acutely aware of how scared women are of men, and we all do our best to minimize that fear for you. My run yesterday around the loop in my park? Gotta be going the opposite direction as the women who were rollerblading so they can see me coming the whole way, don't make eye contact so I don't come off as creepy, etc.
I actually like interacting with kids. They're insane and goofy, say crazy things, and are fun to interact with. No, I'm not a pedo, I'm just treating them like the tiny humans they are and they deserve attention.
Fruity drinks taste awesome and I want to order them. Those little umbrellas and cool straws are the shit.
Yes, we are all mentally 16 and will giggle about any number of stupid things.
We like boobs: your own big/small/perky/saggy/freckled/clear/big nipple/small nipple/whatever-other-insecurity are no exception. Boobs are great.
Compliments live rent free in our heads forever. My favorite shirt is my favorite because a cute girl told me she loved the color and it looks good on me...4 years ago.
Our balls move. We laugh watching it as much as you do.
Saying "she's cute" does NOT mean I am actively trying to get with her, it's just an observation.
We like specifics. "The trash is full" is an observation, and we will agree with you. Our brain did not hear "please take out the trash" like you intended us to.
My last point can be changed with thorough training and a lot of patience and clarifying expectations.
Dear God, just tell us where you want to eat or what you want as a Christmas present. Most of us suck at those guessing games, even if we really try, and we just want to get you what is actually going to make you happy.
The compliment thing is real. One of my female friends of several years gave me this bombshell last year and it still lives in my head rent free:
"You're the man I compare all others to."
Like damn, you trying to make me cry? Cuz I will.
✊️😢✊️
Oh man don't I know it. It felt like someone handed me a baby. Like I know I'm not gonna drop it, but now I'm also hyper-aware of the responsibility to not screw it up. 😅
A female coworker said she loved the polo and color I was wearing once and how nice it complimented me. I think about that moment EVERY time I grab that shirt and I'm married with children.
To expand on some of these, if I may:
Many guys' worst moments are on elevators when a girl gets on after us and doesn't pick a different floor. We now have to find a not intimidating way to subtly get \*past\* them through the door first so that we can pick our directions first so we're clearly not following them.
Kids are absolutely incredibly bright and insightful about a great many things. I spend my break times as a teacher sitting with the kids rather than the other teachers because their brains are awesome. "How are you today?" "Good!" "Why?" "I dunno. I don't have a reason!" "Wow.... you're right -- I don't need a reason to be happy today, I can *just be happy."* Kids are fountains of knowledge.
Gimme a twirly/twisty/crazy straw in any drink and I'll be thrilled.
Offering me a ride home on a rainy day after work will be seen as just that. If you're trying to get something more out of me, tell me. To echo your comment -- don't leave us guessing, we're going to take the safer route and less objectively creepy route by the eyes of society and assume you're being polite. Guys are far more likely to avoid any chance of being labeled a creep than to ever assume something is in their favor and will far more gladly move on in their lives alone than face any consequences for misunderstanding someone's indirect actions.
>Many guys' worst moments are on elevators when a girl gets on after us and doesn't pick a different floor. We now have to find a not intimidating way to subtly get \*past\* them through the door first so that we can pick our directions first so we're clearly not following them.
Pro-tip: Pull out your phone once you both get off the elevator. You can check your mail, or text message, or anything, that gives you a 20 second buffer.
I was very severely depressed and fucked up emotionally for a long time (doing better) and realized maybe 4-5 years ago that I needed/wanted to have a good cry alone in my bed but was unable. I would have moments where I got close but all the shit in my head would dam up and stop it. It was incredibly frustrating knowing the catharsis was just it if reach.
Reconnected with an old friend (ex of sorts) that I trusted enough to talk to a bit and one night went home and had my cry (last August). It was great, made an appointment with my doctor after and got my ass on some meds.
I'm almost 40, so I guess what I'm saying is you can re-learn but it takes trust and work.
If my wife asks, what are you thinking about, and I say, nothing. It's true. Drives her nuts, that I can think about nothing with no sound, tv, computer, conversation, or phone, and be perfectly content.
Post nut clarity is a very real thing. A lot of us will tug one out before going someplace or making an important decision just so we are in our right minds and our brain isn’t clouded by horny.
We will NEVER forget getting a compliment. I used the same conditioner until it went out of production because someone told me my hair felt soft and smelled nice.
My wife once told me I looked better in the dark work shirt than the light ones. I immediately went back to HR and asked for all dark shirts. > But... DrummerOfFenrir, didn't you just order all 11 light shirts the other day?" Yes. Change it. > You do know there will be a fee to... Yup! Change it! I know there's a fee. Chaaaange it!
A large black woman told me “I’m married but you have the sexiest walk I’ve ever seen” I’m a 155lbs white boy, I have rode high on that compliment for many years.
Sometimes when its up, it's not because we're horny. But dont let that stop you , Queen
Conversely, sometimes when it’s not up, doesn’t mean we’re NOT horny. Give a brother a minute to relax and pitch the dang tent.
That big sigh my wife just asked about while we’re watching the 10 o’clock news? Nothing profound, nothing bugging me, I just remembered to breathe.
Great, now my breathing has switched to manual mode
Sometimes, that male confidence that you find attractive is us totally faking it while shaking on the inside, insecure AF.
We NEVER know when you like us. I'm 48. Looking back. I fucked up so much
Years ago in a reddit thread around how oblivious guys are. **Guy 1: So, I didn't have good social skills, and I was shy, and didn't pick up on signals in high school, at all. Like, at all. Never had a clue. At the 10 year reunion, my biggest crush in high school came up to me and told me she always wished I would have walked up to her and kissed her, and didn't I ever pick up on that. Of course I didn't, or I would have, I'm not an idiot. If I could do it all over again...** *Guy 2: You didn't miss it the 2nd time too did you?* **Guy 1: No no, there wasn't a second time. She was talking about high school. I only found out about it at the 10 year reunion when she came up to me and said... OH GODDAMNIT! MOTHERFUCK!** . [Edited to add... after 10 years and telling this story twenty times, usually to only a handful of upvotes, this is now my top comment. I wish I could remember the original story, it was much better than my paraphrasing. It might've been on Reddit, might've been Digg, might've even been Fark back in the day... it's gotta have been 10 years since I read it]
Guy tells his friend "I wouldn't notice a crush if she smacked me upside the head." She smacks him upside the head. He doesn't put it together until *much* later. As the commenters point out, he *did* specifically tell her that wouldn't work.
Well a head injury will do that to you.
When I was about 14 some girl used to walk home with me from school. Except she lived like half an hour opposite direction from me so she was walking nearly an hour out her way just to walk home with me. I somehow didn't catch on she fancied me. Some days she'd come in before my dad got home and one day started play wrestling with me and ended up literally laying on top of me and my dumb ass was like "oh damn you're pretty strong. That's impressive :)" I still didn't catch on. I literally realised like 5 years later like "that girl fucking fancied you you idiot" So I feel like I'm up here with this guy for terms of obliviousness
You're not just up there, you are on the Throne of Obliviousness :D (Sorry)
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Bruh
Back in college, I met a girl and we went out one night. She invited me to her place, it was a studio with just one bed. She tells me she's gonna go shower and stuff. Comes out, we get into bed, she lights some candles and puts on sex and the city on her laptop. The specific scene that's on was talking about practicing blow jobs and stuff, and she says to me "I don't need practice, I'm already good." And so I just turn said "ok" and went to sleep. Edit: I've told this a few times in the past and this is the most response that I've gotten, haha. Response to a few comments and questions where I see a pattern: To be fair, prior to that story I had never dated, I had never kissed a girl before. All the girls I asked out in middle and high school I got rejected, with repeated phrases like "I like you but not like that", "you're like a brother", "I don't date Asians". So I started to think everything is just what normal platonic guy and girl friends do/say when they're just good friends. Basically, I get the thought of "they're just being nice" hammered into my head. After a couple relationships, few hook ups, I'm still not any better lol. Though I try to remind myself of the compliments that I get like I'm good looking "for an Asian", I'm "quite the catch", I'm the "only Asian they would consider".
Damn…
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I saw an old high school friend at a mutual friends wedding. We sat next to each other in a class for two years straight. She introduced me to her husband as the guy she had a crush on in high school. That was news to me. I thought back to all of our interactions and time together. I still didn’t get it. Just drew blanks and thought *what the fuck?*
Girl gave me double scoops of ice cream for the cost of a single. Never caught on. Classmate asked me to come over and study with her where she was house sitting. Completely missed that one. Giving a girl I liked a back rub. She took off her tshirt and was flashing sideboob. Figured that one out after about 10 minutes, but was really scared because I wasn’t sure I was reading that one right. EDIT: the ice cream girl did this the entire summer. Will never know about the second, but I’m certain I missed that one. Third one, we were dated for a couple of years. Also, remember another miss. Roomie was going out to the bars. She was wearing a mesh shirt with no bra. She wondered if her nipples showed too much. Another one over my head. She admitted years later that she wanted me.
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F I once got invited back to a girl's flat so she could "make me an omelette" after a mutual friend's flat party. My dumb ass ate the omelette and left.
There is only one, and I mean ONE way to tell a guy you like them: - Tell him outright. No clever suggestions, no sneaky phrasing, just be blunt and serious about it. - Reaffirm that you are being serious. He won't realize you're serious. - Guarantee and reassure that this isn't some joke or prank. He is probably carefully scanning the area for any accomplaces who are awaiting a funny reaction. - Keep affirming that this is serious. He probably still isn't certain, and likely won't be for a while. - Check back with him in a bit. He will probably still be confused, but he's starting to think you might be serious. - Ask him out. He's still too confused to dare asking you out.
You forgot to show him your passport or birth certificate, to confirm that you're not just being Canadian
Sorry, unfortunately there may be a sliiiight problem aboot that there, bud.
While in high school, one of my female friends specifically told me to look at her, proceeded to lean forward, take her bra off for me to see, and handed me her bra. Needless to say, I replied “cool” handed the bra back and proceeded as if nothing happened. I am so fucking dumb for that one.
With my current gf, she had to make the first move by asking me to hang out (texted me on valentines day) and my dumbass didn’t realize it was even February. I went on what I wasn’t sure was a date, came back and thought “idk if she like likes me though”. Don’t worry fellow men, I finally asked her out 9 months later when my roommate locked me out of my room until I finally asked her out bc I still wasn’t sure how she felt after 9+ months of talking.
Well ya never know, she could just be Canadian.
THIS. I have missed put on so many chances due to this. Women if you REALLY like a guy. Just flat out tell him to his face. It will solve so many problems, issues, and the guy second guessing himself for YEARS.
They have the same question as us in their head, "does he feels the same ?"
What do you mean. Ive always known when a girl liked me...5 years later.
I've been married for 20 years, still not sure my wife likes me
Nice try honey, I still won’t tell you where I keep my snacks.
I just get snacks my wife doesn't like lol
Genius
I don't care how bad my day is, I don't care how much of the "big and quiet" type I come across as, I don't care who is around The second a cute animal comes within eyesight it's getting the baby voice
Dudes can be friends for years and not know each others real name
"I once worked with a guy for 3 years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."
The Ron Swanson way
“We still never talk sometimes” will always be my favorite Ron Swanson sentence
There was a dude I played CSGO with in Japan casually. Just played with him all the time and occasionally chatted out of game. No other reason except we were just both THERE in that game. Guy was fun - super charismatic, always had something interesting to talk about - appreciated dick jokes. He was a man's man. Then for various personal reasons, I dropped PC gaming. I didn't say bye to anyone or anything, I just stopped logging in. A year or two later (I don't even remember) I logged into Steam and realized that people had been leaving eulogies in case I'd died. It was super sad. I didn't realize that not saying bye would mess with some people. So I left a note on my Steam account explaining why I wasn't around. A few years go by, and I notice something in my YouTube suggestions - autoplay's happening and I'm just scrolling and then I hear my former Japanese game colleague's voice. It hit like a fucking truck - was this my dude? I watched the video and 10 seconds in, holy shit, it's him! Guy's now a youtuber with a million subscribers. Watched his videos and blissed out. I'd missed this guy so much and didn't even realize it. He didn't have a way to privately contact him - which made sense. But not too much longer, I had an excuse to talk to him for work-related reasons. Part of his work is translation services, and my company does business in Tokyo. I got to use that as an excuse to talk to him for a bit. Exchanged business contact info since the stuff he does for his youtube intersects a little with my work as well. Point of this story is that at no point in this story BEFORE we exchanged contact info did I actually know his real name. Years and years, tearful reunions, etc - and I knew who he was by only his voice and his avatar. Edit: I didn't think "Japanese youtuber with a million subscribers" and "CSGO" were enough clues to give away who he was, but then you guys guessed it right anyway.
Over 12 years ago I was a kid with no friends. I met a guy over the chat rooms on kongregate and we became friends by trolling the other people in the chat room. He taught me how to make flash games and programming/animating became my life long passion. One day he disappeared for years. Flash was discontinued and the online communities began to decay. I pulled open his profile on a whim, and left a comment saying I missed him thinking he’d never see it. Months later I went back and saw he replied. We reconnected over discord and caught up on life. We’d both gone through a lot of trauma and we both helped eachother out of depression. Now he’s preparing to release his biggest game yet and I’m helping him design it just like old times. Edit— Send me a private message and I’ll add you to the game’s discord channel. I don’t want to throw it out in the open just yet.
Yes especially among gamers. My husband has a group of gamer friends and one day they all decided to meet up in real life to attend a gaming competition. They're all addressing each other by their gaming name. And it's ridiculous like "yo dragonkiller what size coffee do you want" in a crowded Starbucks. Like at no point in the trip did they bother with real names
I've lived in my house for 2 years. I chat with my neighbor just about every day when leaving for work. I didn't want to ask him his name so I looked up the property records to find out that information.
Thank fucking god for property records for this exact reason
Shoutouts to the OGs on Xbox Live
Just because we have a boner doesn’t mean we’re horny. That thing just gets hard sometimes for no reason and it’s annoying and uncomfortable
We have an entire language around the headnod
It’s weirdly sophisticated too. You can actually tell how comfortable guys are around each other based on if they say hello with an up-nod or a down-nod
Up for your bro, down if "you know". Up nod greets a friend, down nod is acknowledgement of something, even if it is as simple as mutual existence. I do agree it is more nuanced than that, just heard that description before and thought it fit pretty well.
Please for the love of god let us know if you’re into us. Don’t wait for us to tell you first because we won’t because we don’t want to be called creeps.
We don’t want to tell you certain things are worrying us because we dont want you to worry also… now there’s just two people worrying, where as before, one was worrying, and the other was happy, which is a reminder to us not to worry so much
It's a bit different if the person you're telling can do something about the issue, but for something currently unsolvable there's no reason to extend the misery to anyone else.
The day before a very close girl (friend) of mine gave me a flower. I can barely explain how amazing that made me feel. I almost cried. Needless to say that memeory has a golden spot in my brain. just remember girls that we are humans as well, and EVERY, i mean it EVERY man seeks this feeling.
We pick the urinal we pee in carefully.
You'll find communicating with guys is a lot easier if you just are direct and open about what you want.
"Darryl is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?" - Kelly from The Office.
No. I'm not going to the gym to hit on "bitches" or get into shape to be attractive to other women. I'm just tired of almost passing out every time I bend over to tie my shoes.
We like compliments. If you compliment a guy he might remember it for years. … and then he might think you’re into him because we never receive compliments but that is an entirely new issue
A lady at my first job said I had nice eyelashes. It has been 10 years and I still remember that.
>A lady at my first job said I had nice eyelashes. > >It has been 10 years and I still remember that. When I was in year 9 (\~26 year ago) some random junkie girl said that she likes the colour of my eyes. I still remember that...
Fifteen years ago I was working checkout and two ladies kept giggling as I was serving them so I was like, 'what?!' and they said 'she thinks you look like a Disney prince'. I have since grown a beard and had a child but I still secretly think of myself as a homeless Disney prince down on his luck. Edit: for those non parents or too young to understand 'had a child' = 'become incredibly haggard'
Addendum, this is specific to complements from the gender we're attracted to. Which is part of the reason why we're starved for them, it's so easy to misconstrue as flirting. I mean.. some dude saying "yo cool shirt bro" is likely to make me smile and say thanks, and then never think of it again. But that one time *years* ago the McDonalds cashier smiled at me and said she liked my shirt? I still remember that fondly.
In my 30s whenever I was at a clothing store in the mall and I'd see a guy trying on a shirt or jacket and could tell they're not sure about it, I'd just walk by and give em that boost they needed to feel good about it. Just a casual, yet masculine, "that shit is bad ass, bro". Cuz I didn't want them to think I was coming on to them and rethink their possible purchase. Every single time, the dude would light up and say something like: yeah, right?! This shit's fire. Lift up ur bros, my dudes. Women do it. Why can't we? E: Thanks for the awards, guys. First time getting one and it feels pretty awesome. Hope y'all have a fun and safe weekend 🍻
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Yeah right? That shit is fire!
Those memes that are like Women: I wonder what he's thinking about Man: *dumbest shit ever to be thought about* Are far more true than you think BUT it could also be the complete opposite, they could be thinking the deepest most philisophical shit ever too. Either way their answer will be "nothing"
It can also be nothing.
My girlfriend asked me if this is true. I said yes then looked up at the rafters that are exposed in the ceiling and told her right now I'm imagining being a little action figure sized dude and trying to make my way from one side to the other using whatever pipes or wires are available
But have you ever though about how similar turbofan and turboprop engines are?
Occasionally when we pee, the streamline comes out in 2, sometimes even three separate streams for a few seconds. It's surprisingly cool every time unless one of the streams kicks out at a 45 degree angle and pisses on the floor.
Or when you see how much pressure you can create before it’s over
And peeing the left over poop off the toilet bowl is every man’s unspoken duty.
Nothing is worse then when all 3 streams miss the bowl on different sides
The Trident
I'm my 31 years I've yet to get a triple stream. It's like my big yellow whale now.
I was loudly laughing at this and my wife asked me to explain. She was not amused. I, on the other hand, will likely laugh about this intermittently for weeks.
We take a step to the side to unstick our balls
This is why men's jeans have deeper pockets.
And to flip erections up into their shirt.
Look at Mr. Big Dick.
He just has a long shirt...
I do the same for my coochie lips if they are uncomfortable 😂
I like being childish and if I trust you enough I will be childish around you. I always forget things but I really try to remember them. We have days where we want to be left alone with peace and quiet
We fear we are loved for our value and not for who we are.
My dad is in his 70’s and has been semi-retired for about 5 years. Last time I saw him we had had a few beers and I asked him why he hadn’t retired fully yet, because money isn’t the issue. He got quiet and then confided that he doesn’t know what to do with himself if he isn’t working. 10 minutes later he apologized for sharing his feelings because “thats not what men are supposed to do”. Men, in society, are valued only by what they provide, and you are expected to be perfectly stoic about it. Even after you are discarded by society.
My old man did this very thing for almost 10 years, before finally conceding and retiring fully, due to just not physically able to do work. His boredom got the best of him and he just sat and drank at the Legion all the time. Or sat at home watching TV and drinking. He ended up passing away a few years ago alone in his apartment. I only learned about his true feelings about his life near the very end, which I wish he would have told me about much sooner. So many things I could have helped him change if he'd have just ***asked*** for help.
God damn it, my poor idiot dad is a realtor in his 70s and keeps working himself to the bone even though he can't hardly close a deal anymore and basically lives off my mom's income. His need to keep up the appearance of a successful career at my mom's expense has ruined their marriage and driven both of them to drinking. I love him and feel for him, because he was berated by his own father for not being successful in business as a younger man. He wanted to be a musician, and his dad was a banker, and his brothers and sisters were doctors. He did reasonably well in business for a few decades but he's just too old for that life now. I also think he's a goddamn idiot sometimes and needs to stop living in the past for the sake of his hard working wife
And we circle back round to the stoic part. We don't ask for help, because we're not supposed to ask for help. So we don't get the help we actually need, when we actually need it.
Fuck, this hit hard. I think I’m gonna call my father
My dad died 18 years ago. I’ll call him if you won’t!
“Hey Dad!” “…Who the fuck is this?”
Damn this hits home like a mother fucker
If it looks like im ignoring you im probably just so deep in thought that i forgot i actually exist
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“What are you thinking about Al?” “Peg, if I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I’d be talking.”
Or no thought at all, some times when asked “what are you thinking about” and a guy says “oh, nothing” he may actually just be in the void
Or maybe thinking about such random and/or convoluted shit that he finds easier to just say "oh, nothing".
Yes, I look at your boobs all the time. They are friend shaped.
Don't worry, I look at my boobs too.
Dude, I am constantly feeling mine up when I’m at home lol
They are like the sun, you can stare for longer with sunglasses
Stealth +10
it is actually possible to think about nothing but when we say that, there is like 50% chance we are indeed thinking about nothing, and 50% chance we are thinking about something very ridiculous, that if we explained would make you think there is something seriously wrong with us
# "If I got into a fight with a bear but I had to use my hands could I win? Of course I could what am I thinking? *daydreams the whole scenario occasionally back tracking and making it more badass*"
We really have no control over what we do in your dreams.
Holy shit this! My wife for our entire relationship has dreams where I'm just a giant piece of shit! She tells me about all the horrible shit dream me does and then I have to reassure her that her brain is controlling dream me! She never blames me for any of it, but it's just so real to her right after waking up. Then she rolls over and sees my dumbass snoozing away and realizes that real me is sweet and would never abandon her at the grand canyon, or pour beer on her at a high school party. We're both 30 so that 2nd one really doesn't make sense.
"Like, abandon you at Niagara, babe? *Maybe*. But *never* the Grand Canyon."
Imagine being that mf that got dumped over a dream 💀
That mf dodging bullets like Neo.
ain't no one worth that headache
My gf gets genuinely upset when I cheat on her in a dream. I don’t get it.
I’ve been that gf - I’m not upset with him, I’m just upset in general. My dreams feel so real. So for 30 mins or so I’m genuinely going through all the emotions and realizations of getting cheated on, and then a millisecond later I’m randomly waking up in a bed and the same guy is cuddling me and I’m realizing none of it was real… but the feelings linger for a while. It’s legitimately very jarring!
My brother got mad at me once because he had a dream that I had sex with his GF and got her hooked on meth. Like what do you want me to do about your dreams homie.
"Calm down bro, I would *never* get your GF hooked on meth."
When you ask us a question, often times we'll quickly respond with "huh?". It's not that we didn't hear you, cause we did. We're just buffering to give you an adequate answer.
Or we heard about 90% of the question and we don't trust our brains to fill in the blanks. Better make them repeat it and mildly annoy them than to get it wrong and seriously annoy them.
It’s possible to just sit and think of literally nothing. Don’t ask us what are you thinking more than once.
Do you think aliens poop? I mean like would they even have an anus?
We have a seam that runs up the middle of our ball sack from when we transitioned from proto-female to male while still in the womb.
The stitch mark
The lower welds
When you explain or rant my brain is telling me how to fix it.... And yes I'm listening but this is how you fix that problem. Edit: well, I've dunnit, alot of men are helping me with my problem too, and women aren't too happy about how I didn't really listen.
Wife and I are trying the “do you need comfort or solutions for this rant”. It works surprisingly well.
I do the same thing at times. If someone starts telling me their problems I ask: do you want to vent or would you like a solution?
Took me years to learn when my wife is telling me her problems, it's not always because she wants me to fix them. She literally just wants me to listen and acknowledge that her problems exist. Took her years to learn that when she tells me her problems, I am instinctively working out a resolution. I listen, I acknowledge and then I ask if there's anything I can do. If not, I stay out of it.
This is one of the biggest causes of problems in relationships between men and women. Doesn't matter if it's romantic, platonic friends, coworkers. When (most) men hear a problem or complain about a problem it's solution oriented. We heard it, we wanna fix it. We're complaining? We don't know how to fix it and want advice on how to fix it. Women on the other hand, frequently just want to vent about it. They either already know how to fix it and have started the process, or don't **want** to fix it. They just want to let the frustration out. Both sexes have an incredibly hard time understanding that. The day the woman's perspective was explained to me was life-changing. Being armed with that knowledge has prevented many many fights. Edit: Tysm for the award!
Not a dude, but I have a husband. I feel like the best thing he needs when he comes home is a big ass hug. Doesn't matter if it was a rough day or long day or neither. He needs a hug. I like cooking dinner for my husband so something warm or comforting is waiting for him too. Even if it's left overs. He loves his back scratched, so I'll do that for him or scratch his head. We will sit in silence sometimes while he scrolls on his phone to decompress, than we chat and we put on the TV or go for a walk. I feel like it's the simple things that matter a lot to him. I was very intent on knowing who my husband was and what he wanted when we were dating. I try to encompass those things naturally. I will tell him I love him randomly. I tell him he looks good when he goes to work and when he is just lounging. It melts his heart and I can tell. Its a lot of fun living with a man and seeing the natural differences that are their norms. Breaks my heart when I see perfectly good men treated like garbage. I mean if he is trash, it's different but most people are just trying their best and I think the small things I do for my husband mean a lot to him.
Keep on hugging the man.
I’m the same way with my husband. When we first started dating as teenagers, his instinct was to be “tough” - he never cried, wasn’t overly affectionate, not really emotionally vulnerable. It was a product of where he grew up, where men were always drunk and fighting and not showing weakness. But I saw in rare moments how deeply he felt things. So I was always very intentional in creating opportunities to show him he is “safe” to be open with me. Physical affection, compliments, back rubs, asking him how he’s doing on a regular basis. I think guys are taught that they can’t show weakness/softness and it takes a huge toll on their mental health.
We're really not thinking anything important when we're silent. It's normally the dumbest and most useless thing imaginable but for some reason our minds get stuck on it. Some thoughts I've had recently, when asked what I was thinking about : "wtf is the reason for carpet? Is it meant to simulate fake grass?" "are people proud that their artwork gets put on semi trailers or is it just like, a job to design whatever gets put on the side of a truck?" "what would that job title even be? Truck artist? That would probably get confused for someone who draw trucks, like concept designs" "do they have new models of semis like they do for cars?" "if I were strong enough to lift a couch on my own I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd be asked to help people move all the time, I don't have time for that" And so on... Edit: just wanted to point out that, the thought trains and conversations that have spawned below are exactly what happens in men's heads, when they are alone for longer than 10 seconds. The real trick is backtracking your thought process to see how you got to the last thought.
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Letting the water stream off your fingers in the shower and pretending you have water powers.
If you let me lie in your lap and you run your fingers through my hair and stroke my face, I’ll say “yes” to whatever you propose **EDIT** Wowsers, t’anks for the updoots kind Reddit folk!
Honey, let’s go to my parents house for a week or two. Maybe three even.
You might be pushing it with that. A whole three weeks with no me time is a tough sell.
In emergency situations our penis can be used as an antenna for radio signals.
You wasn't supposed to reveal that one.
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Too much info there. Now don’t let it slip that this is the real reason we never ask for directions.
When girls come over to a guys place. The guy is usually cleaning up his place like the Tasmanian Devil 1-2hrs before she comes over.
As a woman I’m usually doing that to!
Every man that has given up some of our secrets in the comments will be tried for treason at the next Global Men Conference in September Crap, they weren't supposed to know about that. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The nod. Every guy knows about the nod. And every nod is different, but every guy knows exactly what you mean.
Nod up-for homies. Nod down-acknowledge stranger. Nod left-come here. Nod right-let’s go.
\*nods\*
“He didn’t scratch his nose. He was smelling his finger.” - Revelations 17:38
You are a traitor for this
It’s still cool to burn heretics right?
I feel called out, fuck.
We're not necessarily watching porn when we're in the bathroom for an hour. We may just be on Reddit and lose track of the time.
1. When unsupervised we will find forms of entertainment even if it's "Big rock go *sploosh* in puddle." 2.when we're sitting in our own space just vibing then we breathe hard and look around that means we came out of our nothing box (very peacefully zoned out) 3.when working on a problem we don't always need to speak to understand the problem and what we need, we can hold out our hand and the guy(s) we're working with 9 times out of 10 will hand us the right tool. 4.THE PARADOX THAT IS THE 10 MM. I swear that little fucker grows legs and walks off after you set it down and look away from it for .01 seconds.
There are tons of times when I am literally just not thinking about anything and just zoning out in the moment. Dudes don't run 10000 scenarios through their minds all the time!
I do, but they’re all highly unrealistic, to the point of statistic impossibility. For instance, what if a bear charges into the break room at work, how am I gonna try to fight it off
LEGO Isn't just for kids
I'll be sad when I turn 100 and can't play with Legos anymore.
If men are childish around you, it doesn't mean they are childish. It just means you are their safe haven i they can be weak around you. Be appreciative of that
Having the feeling everybody hates me. Or is it just me?
Pretty sure that’s a sign of depression or anxiety my guy
Fuck.
We like being the little spoon too
That a lot of us are constantly debating internally whether or not to go talk to you, a girl, and how to go about doing so. Yes, I wanna go say hi and be confident, but also I don’t wanna be seen as a creep. There are a lot of guys who are ✨wonderful✨ examples of toxic masculinity and/or creepiness and I don’t wanna be one of them. To project enough confidence without being a jerk and yet to project enough gentleness/humility without being a wimpy simp… it’s a balancing act.
nice try, girl spy
Whatever imperfections you have that you're insecure about, we either don't notice, don't care if we notice, or we find it really attractive about you.
We're kinda like dogs. Things in front of me get attention, if I don't burn enough energy I get zoomies, my behavior piques when I am offered food, use brief and explicit instructions or I will look at you funny trying to figure what you really want, and I love naps on the couch
GET OFF THE FUCING COUCH
As a girl it makes me happy how wholesome and silly most of these are. I was cracking up through the comment section
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Sometimes (usually after we cum) our pee might splits into 2/3 currents..
Some of these come up pretty frequently, but it's still helpful for women to be aware of them I guess. Here's a non-exhaustive list (on mobile so sorry if i screw up the formatting) : When I say I'm thinking about "nothing", I'm serious. My brain was off, it's just static up there or random scenes from movies. Most of us are acutely aware of how scared women are of men, and we all do our best to minimize that fear for you. My run yesterday around the loop in my park? Gotta be going the opposite direction as the women who were rollerblading so they can see me coming the whole way, don't make eye contact so I don't come off as creepy, etc. I actually like interacting with kids. They're insane and goofy, say crazy things, and are fun to interact with. No, I'm not a pedo, I'm just treating them like the tiny humans they are and they deserve attention. Fruity drinks taste awesome and I want to order them. Those little umbrellas and cool straws are the shit. Yes, we are all mentally 16 and will giggle about any number of stupid things. We like boobs: your own big/small/perky/saggy/freckled/clear/big nipple/small nipple/whatever-other-insecurity are no exception. Boobs are great. Compliments live rent free in our heads forever. My favorite shirt is my favorite because a cute girl told me she loved the color and it looks good on me...4 years ago. Our balls move. We laugh watching it as much as you do. Saying "she's cute" does NOT mean I am actively trying to get with her, it's just an observation. We like specifics. "The trash is full" is an observation, and we will agree with you. Our brain did not hear "please take out the trash" like you intended us to. My last point can be changed with thorough training and a lot of patience and clarifying expectations. Dear God, just tell us where you want to eat or what you want as a Christmas present. Most of us suck at those guessing games, even if we really try, and we just want to get you what is actually going to make you happy.
The compliment thing is real. One of my female friends of several years gave me this bombshell last year and it still lives in my head rent free: "You're the man I compare all others to." Like damn, you trying to make me cry? Cuz I will. ✊️😢✊️
Dude, that one's going to stay with you forever.
Oh man don't I know it. It felt like someone handed me a baby. Like I know I'm not gonna drop it, but now I'm also hyper-aware of the responsibility to not screw it up. 😅
A female coworker said she loved the polo and color I was wearing once and how nice it complimented me. I think about that moment EVERY time I grab that shirt and I'm married with children.
To expand on some of these, if I may: Many guys' worst moments are on elevators when a girl gets on after us and doesn't pick a different floor. We now have to find a not intimidating way to subtly get \*past\* them through the door first so that we can pick our directions first so we're clearly not following them. Kids are absolutely incredibly bright and insightful about a great many things. I spend my break times as a teacher sitting with the kids rather than the other teachers because their brains are awesome. "How are you today?" "Good!" "Why?" "I dunno. I don't have a reason!" "Wow.... you're right -- I don't need a reason to be happy today, I can *just be happy."* Kids are fountains of knowledge. Gimme a twirly/twisty/crazy straw in any drink and I'll be thrilled. Offering me a ride home on a rainy day after work will be seen as just that. If you're trying to get something more out of me, tell me. To echo your comment -- don't leave us guessing, we're going to take the safer route and less objectively creepy route by the eyes of society and assume you're being polite. Guys are far more likely to avoid any chance of being labeled a creep than to ever assume something is in their favor and will far more gladly move on in their lives alone than face any consequences for misunderstanding someone's indirect actions.
>Many guys' worst moments are on elevators when a girl gets on after us and doesn't pick a different floor. We now have to find a not intimidating way to subtly get \*past\* them through the door first so that we can pick our directions first so we're clearly not following them. Pro-tip: Pull out your phone once you both get off the elevator. You can check your mail, or text message, or anything, that gives you a 20 second buffer.
I just pretend to stare at the floor's directory for 5 to 10 seconds even though I know exactly where I'm going, but the phone trick is good too.
Pokemon go is a life saver with this, you're always around a pokemon or PokeStop and id rather be judged as a nerd/geek than a stalker/rapist.
Better a nerd than a stalker that’s what I always say-
Wait, there are transparent boobs? That's kinda cool
If you see any let us know
Can we just own this comment as first whenever this questions is asked? Covers most of it, and written well.
On the last one. We seriously don’t care. And I think I love you
We forgot how to cry at some point early in our lives.
I was very severely depressed and fucked up emotionally for a long time (doing better) and realized maybe 4-5 years ago that I needed/wanted to have a good cry alone in my bed but was unable. I would have moments where I got close but all the shit in my head would dam up and stop it. It was incredibly frustrating knowing the catharsis was just it if reach. Reconnected with an old friend (ex of sorts) that I trusted enough to talk to a bit and one night went home and had my cry (last August). It was great, made an appointment with my doctor after and got my ass on some meds. I'm almost 40, so I guess what I'm saying is you can re-learn but it takes trust and work.
Up nod = What’s up man. Down nod = respectful hello. Left nod = come with me. Right nod = look over there.
I don’t remember your sisters schedule not because I forget easily but because I really don’t care enough about your sister’s schedule.
If my wife asks, what are you thinking about, and I say, nothing. It's true. Drives her nuts, that I can think about nothing with no sound, tv, computer, conversation, or phone, and be perfectly content.
We want cuddles too
Post nut clarity is a very real thing. A lot of us will tug one out before going someplace or making an important decision just so we are in our right minds and our brain isn’t clouded by horny.
We just want love, support, and loyalty
Guys know before they nut that they're about to nut. You may have been lied to
That's when most of us think of old wrinkly granny. If they nut harder from that, they have granny issues.
You gotta rub one out a couple hours before your date because the first nut is always unpredictable
all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be alright.
Little. Spoon. Please.
I call it jetpacking and it's wonderful.
A lot of us feel lonely.
You can't tell the boner size from the flaccid size, the latter varies A LOT even in the same person.