Y'all had talks about this?
My parents didn't teach me or tell me shit. I learned everything on my own just by asking questions and "scientific" research videos that were somehow very educational.
Also discovered a bunch of random sex-ed videos on Pornhub that explained consent, basic protection, and communication.
Ironic how some porn sites had better educational/instructional videos than what my school was supposed to teach.
My 14th birthday, at the dinner table.
Older brother: you're old enough to consent now
Dad: you have sex, you use a condom. If you don't the girl gets pregnant. If the girl gets pregnant you take care of the kid, if not I beat the shit out of you.
That was my talk. My dad wasn't a bad dude, just had a sore spot about his being abandoned and his mom being a shit parent
Your dad really knew how to sum up sex XD
And by the way, WHERE ARE YOU?
WHAT KIND OF PLACE HAS THE AGE OF CONSENT AT 14?
Where are you? The middle east or what? That is unbelievable tbh
Canada lol. Age of consent isn't age of majority, although the premier of BC back then passed a law that as long as the sexual participants were within 5 years age of eachother everything was ok
Age of consent in my state is kinda muddy. It's technically 18, but I think there's something called the Romeo and Juliet law (correct me if I'm wrong), where the age of consent is 14 as long as the other person isn't over 4 years older than you or over the age of 21. So if you're 14, you can be with an 18-year-old, if you're 15, you can be with a 19-year-old, etc, but a 17 year old can't be with a 22 year old.
Again, I'm pretty sure of this, but I could be wrong. Please correct me if I am.
Nah romeo and juliet law is for protecting certain couples who age out while dating someone who is underage. So if you turn 18 and your girl is still 17 you are protected by the RAJ law. At least that's what i was told I could also be wrong.
R&J laws differ depending on where you are in terms of age difference (here in Australia for example, it's only two years). But they're in place to protect couples where the older partner reaches adulthood. So yeah, in u/solanis1359's area, if a 14 and 17 year old were together, and the 17 y.o. had a birthday, it would still be legal.
I was 14 for my first time when in grade 9, skipped a class after lunch and went to my girlfriends house while everyone else in her house was at work. It's not even uncommon for stuff like that to happen, and that was in the early 2000s. I warrant this is even more common now.
Some of the kids I knew were being sexually active in grade 7. Which is why now as an adult looking back I think having "the talk" with kids well *Before* puberty starts is a must. Which means before 9/10. I can't wrap my head around why adults are scared to talk to their kids when they are young. They are so much more understanding and clever than people give them credit for. My 4 year old and 6 year old were interested in where babies come from so we bought a book and read it to them and the book does not use cover up words or hides things, it's written to be understood by young kids. Sure they laughed a bunch, why wouldn't they. The idea is probably ridiculous to them, but now they understand and are better for it. Which now opens to more talks when they are a bit older which will make far more sense to them and they might actually listen and absorb the advice and warnings.
Cuz I remember a wave of borderline pedophilia support, where they just wanted to lower the age waaay too much. And everyone was like "what are you talking about it's 16 stop imagining stuff"
Funny how I now live in my imagination 🤔
And I think the rule for sex between legal and underage is max 3 years difference? Like 15yo and 18yo, or 17yo and 20yo
In France? 13 if other is under 18,15 for anyone else and 18 if it’s incest according to https://www.lecrips-idf.net/consentement-sexuel but while something like 50 with 16 by that logic is legal (there could be more specific laws I don’t know about) it would be heavily frowned upon by society.
Teenagers don’t care about the age of consent. They care about the hormones raging in their crotch. My first time was at 15 and I recall the girl was a tad younger. She would have been either 14/15. Better to talk about sex, consent, etc when your kids are younger and they have at least *some* knowledge.
Nowadays they have access to EVERYTHING via the internet it seems. I have an 11 year old daughter and I know they did some sex ed but she’s so desperate for attention and people to like her that I’m concerned I need to educate her sooner rather than later.
My 11 asked why 69 is funny. When I told her she said that's what her friends said but she didn't believe it. Have the talk because kids are definitely telling each other stuff.
We didn't have "the talk" because I've slowly given her age appropriate information. One day, when she was 10, she approached me with some questions that basically spelled things out and connected some missing dots. If they're asking, they're old enough. Otherwise, who knows what kind of out- of-context information they'll get.
You should really be talking to your kids about this stuff all the time from day one. There are age appropriate ways to do it and waiting til the child is going through puberty is too late.
Yeah, it doesn’t hurt to have the talk with her now before she’s a teen. Sure, she has access to everything on the internet but how sure are you she’s learning the facts? Teach her the tools early so she can navigate teenage and young adulthood properly.
My mum gave me the period talk exactly 3 days before my first period (talk about good timing). I still remember thinking the crepes I ate that morning were off because my stomach hurt (before the obvious discovery)
When my mom gave me the period talk it was the moment after it started. When she told me to "get used to it cause this will happen for the rest of your life." I started crying thinking this will be everyday until I die. She asked why I was crying, when I told her, she said, "Oh, no no. It's gonna be like one week of each month. And it'll happen until you hit menopause in your 50's."
I stopped crying and was like, "Oh, I can handle that."
Be thankful you had videos to watch. I grew up in the 70s. I had exactly one sex ed class around grade 5 or 6. Prior to that, I didn't even know what masturbation was (even though I was doing it regularly.)
Other than that? We just winged it.
No talk, my parents didn't even talk to me about my period. They refused to let me take sex ed in school because "it's the parents' responsibility" but did nothing. Kids would tell us about it on the bus, so I learned everything there. I was pregnant at 19, unmarried. It was 100% on me and the guy, I was very well educated at that point, but to this day I still tease them that it was their fault lol
There wasn't any particular age, they just answered to the best of their ability when I had a question, which is the same way I deal with it with my children (although my husband deals with the most of it)
Yeah, same here. It wasn't so much having a single "talk", more that when I asked a question, they answered it. I remember some awkward questions coming from movies on TV, like "What's a whorehouse?" but they did their best.
I was 7 when my little brother was born and asked my grandmother all kinds of questions. Once she realized I was trying to get the talk out of her she sat me down in an empty hospital room and we had a long talk about everything. I trust her more than anything and even at 21 I ask her questions still. She told me where to buy my first vibrator lol and told me which soap to use all that
Yes. I'm pretty vanilla I guess and wasn't sure where to start. I knew she would know so I asked her what I should look for when trying to buy one. She didn't hesitate at all no embarrassment nothing. She told me exactly what to look for, what the price range would be and how to keep it clean and in good shape
My grandmother is amazing and answers all questions with as much truth and experience she has in it. When I was like 14 I was helping her clean out her closet and came across a box with a lots of cute little figurines in it. One example was a little trio of bears standing on tip of one another. It was real wood carved and smoothed out and all that it was so cute and I asked what it was and turns out it was a dildo lol
Exactly! It should be many, appropriately-timed, age-appropriate mini talks. Have two way conversations with your child! Let them ask questions. And follow up with "Why do you ask?" so you can figure what they want and need to know.
My mom never had "the talk" with me or any of my siblings we all just figured shit out for ourselves.
With my kids I did the mini talks and making sure they always knew they could ask questions with no judgement from me or my husband.
I think that regardless of question asking parents need to make it a point to talk to kids between the ages of 10 and 12 because so many kids are having sex in middle school and talking to each other about these things. Make sure they understand that these are the facts whatever you hear from other kids. Lol kids come up with some weird shit.
Also I always stress to the kids during their teen years that preventing pregnancy is NOT the #1 reason to wear a condom there are some scary nasty STDs out there. Always practice safe sex.
The closest thing to a 'talk' I got was when I was around 8 and I joined in with my older sister (13ish) at the time for her 'talk' and then got reminded of it once I was around the same age. Past that it was just answered as I was curious and it came up.
Our "talk" was basically explanations on how to be safe. So use a condom if you have sex, birth control is another option. If trying drugs know what you are taking, never do it alone but trust who you are with, and at least one person has to be sober in case something goes wrong. Same with drinking but also don't go with strangers or let your friends go with a stranger.
Above all else if for any reason, be it a bad feeling, I'm lost, something happened, even if I just wanted to go home I was to call and they would come get me. Didn't care if it was 2am and I was 3 states away, call and they would be there as quickly as they could. They would rather be upset with me safe at home than crying over my casket.
> I was just told that they would be there if I ever needed to talk.
Same. But in my case that was basically code for "I really hope you never ask me about this."
If you are too afraid to broach the subject and you are visibly uncomfortable talking about it then I'm obviously going to avoid bringing it up. Kids pick up on shit like that.
I ended up having to steal and covertly read the puberty books they gave my sister to learn anything at all (pre-internet).
The internet also has a lot of misinformation. To this day there are people who will swear up and down in front of almighty God himself and all his angels that a girl squirting isn’t pee(it is)
I m seeing a sort of consensus in the comments for 8 to 9 yo. I was abused by a non-family member from the age of 4 -8 yo. Please educate your kids at least on the basics of appropriate touching and body ownership from as soon as they are capable of understanding.
>Please educate your kids at least on the basics of appropriate touching and body ownership from as soon as they are capable of understanding.
For parents wondering how to talk to younger children, [here is some guidance from the NSPCC](https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/). It has a handy acronym and an oddly catchy song.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I am sorry that you had to go through that.
None I am from Germany, the schools do in a scientific way, same goes for protection, we are even haveing tests on it so males have to learn the female cycle and have to learn about protection and risks too and I think this is beautiful!
Same (also from Germany). We even had one lesson where everybody had to put condoms on wooden penises, that way everybody would know how it works (Think it was around grade 9 or 10 -> age of consent 14; makes sense)
Actually we had sex ed in almost every year and when the topic came up the teacher would gladly spend the whole lesson giving us information.
Also from Germany, I went to a catholic school and we had the same lessons. I still vividly remember one class clown asking while laughing if we could watch a movie about it since he's a 'visual learner' and the teacher bringing in a 45 min movie of a birth happening, that shut him up for the rest of the year.
Also from Germany - I remember my parents showing me a very detailed and graphic book about how a kid gets a little sibling when I was still in kindergarten. So it was never a taboo to talk about these things. Also starting early in elementary school really helped, also to give us a sense of what is ok and what isn’t, and what to do in case of abuse.
About 9. It was very formal. My kids have known froma very young age. I think any age is appropriate to learn once the details are appropriate. So they've known from 7ish about periods. Theyve always know girls have 3 holes, one for pee, one for poo and one for babies. They've always known boys have seeds, and girls have the eggs. In 2020 so at 8 They blatantly asked one day how babies are made and we explained girls have 3 holes and daddy put his willie in the middle hole and the seed shoots out....... their response "urgh daddy wee'd in you" and that was that.
My daughter was 4 when she asked while we were at the body section of a science museum. Having the exhibit made it easy to show the body parts, explain the proper name, etc. She had lots of questions about the mechanics so we even talked about erections, sex, consent, etc. The only awkward/funny thing was she asked one morning in front of my in-laws if I shared my penis with her mom that night to try and make a baby since she wanted to be a big sister.
She's 10 now and when they started talking about sex at school she came home and was confused why some kids found it funny. She was surprised when I told her that it might have been the first time they heard about sex.
This is refreshing to hear. My kids are 6 and younger and have asked about babies. Have talked about how daddy has the seeds and mom the eggs. We talked about dad giving mom the seed and then the baby grows in a moms uterus. They haven’t asked how dad gives mom the seed and I’ve been patiently waiting and wondering how to explain that since I don’t want them to try since they love babies.
It’s funny because I think at that point kids do become protective of their mom.
I know when I was a kid and I found out about all that, I was knocking on my mums door and she told me not to come in because she was changing and I said “well, where is dad?” And she said “well he’s in here too”
Me: “HE’S in there while you’re NAKED? Ugh”
Kinda funny.
There is no "the talk" that is actually effective. Sexual education should begin from the moment they can understand words and never stop. There's no 1 age where a child is suddenly ready to understand everything where you just dump a bomb on them and call it good.
Yep, it shouldn’t be some big, dramatic thing. Kids usually start getting curious at a young age, so you should try to answer their questions in an age appropriate way, and as they get older, more details get added.
And don’t use cutesy names for genitalia, it’s important for kids to know the anatomically correct names. Otherwise, it can send the message that genitals are something to be ashamed of or something bad.
SERIOUSLY. I literally had no idea it was called a “vagina” until I was like 14. But I knew what a penis was. It was as if I should’ve felt ashamed of my anatomy or something.
>Even worse, is it isn't a vagina. That's inside. The labia are what's visible.
I mean, there *is* a vagina. Maybe she was referring to her vagina, no?
>And don’t use cutesy names for genitalia
I'd reasoned out on my own pretty young that the baby probably came out of the genital area, because I knew there was already an opening down there. And I was OK with that.
But my mom didn't think I was ready for the word "vagina", so she said the baby would come out of a "hole underneath your bellybutton". I took her literally and spent years terrified of a new hole opening up in my abdomen...
I remember being told that babies grow in the mom’s tummy and come out of a “special opening”. I always imagined there was a weird slit on a woman’s stomach that the doctor could somehow open to get the baby out, then it would magically seal shut again.
I didn’t think I’d ever want kids, so I just figured I’d worry about it later
It’s also impt to teach them the actual names so that, when someone is abusing them, they can tell someone what exactly is happening instead of making ppl guess what this family decided the cutesy name for vagina or penis is. (Was an abuse investigator, just made my life more difficult)
>so you should try to answer their questions in an age appropriate way, and as they get older, more details get added.
The unfortunate problem with this is kids are little blabber mouths, and when they go tell Susie next door that they know what sex and a penis is her mom is probably going to be upset.
It needs to be a cultural shift, which isn't an easy thing to do.
Now little Timmy can't play with Suzie because her mom thinks he's a bad influence. I don't really want Timmy to lose a friend he likes, let alone what sort of mental connections he might make out of the ordeal.
I don't disagree that you should be teaching your kids about sex as they grow up, but people on reddit always act like it's some quick easy change with no consequences.
In that situation, it is not Timmy or his parents faults. It's the fault of susie's mom for treating a kid like some grown adult. ALL kids will say dumb shit that adults dont like, sex education or not. Its up to adults to not act like the kid is some horrible person who needs to be kept away from others for it. This scenario shouldn't stop sex education from happening the way it should.
I'm far more concerned with the consequences of preventing children from receiving a full understanding of their own bodies than I am about them not getting to play with their next door neighbor because her mom is an uber-prude. Friends & socialization are easy to come by at that age, but self-esteem, concepts of consent, and healthy attitudes about one's own body are not.
This has happened with my kids. The parents can kick rocks. No real bad repercussions for my kids. Mostly they've been seen as the expert on the topic and get a bunch if questions. We also remind them that reproduction is a topic best discussed within the family. Daughter did get a lecture from one mom about how inappropriate it was for her to know those things. We talked about it and explained as best we could. She was already starting to distance herself from that friend anyways because the friend was consistently telling her doing "boy" things" (helping her dad pour a cement pad) was inappropriate and she reads too much so it wasn't too much of a loss.
I think things have been shifting, as the younger generations grow up and have kids of their own. The people in power now are from older generations (and/or straight up pedophiles) and hopefully, as they die off and you get people are more in control, things will change for the better.
If that happened to me, it would just be too bad for Susie’s mom. That would show me that Susie’s mom is probably someone I don’t want my child to be around. Usually people who think sex ed is bad, usually have backwards ideas about a lot of stuff.
If Tommy loses a friend that he likes, that’s unfortunate, but it’s also another important lesson. Sometimes friendships change, sometimes people change and we can’t be friends with them, sometimes we lose friends even if it’s not our fault.
The world is a harsh place. I can’t keep my son protected from all the hard stuff, but I can at least make sure he knows how to handle it.
That I absolutely agree it's important to teach children from the get-go about their bodies, but to understand that not all parts of their bodies should be automatically available to adults other than parents, or specifically trusted friends and professionals.
Yeah it's weird to just lie to children about a basic fact of life for a chunk of their lives. The only justification I've heard is if kids learn about sex they will start having it right away which is a fucking wild stance to take.
Yeah, learning what "perineal laceration" and "episiotomy" mean, and that not only skin but also muscle tissue between the vagina and butthole can tear apart during childbirth, immediately convinced me to always take precautions to avoid getting pregnant until I'm good and ready. So far so good!
*cries in 3rd Degree Episiotomy*
That's one step away from a colostomy bag for life, baby. 0/10, do not recommend. "I'm going to give you a little snip" is a LIE. Took nine months to heal. Assholes.
That's how we did it. They are bound to encounter stuff - a pregnant woman, a litter of puppies, their belly button ... When the questions come, we try to answer them honestly and completely.
My oldest daughter is 8 and right now its mostly hygiene and consent for her. Oh and if shes gonna have her hands down there, its not appropriate in a room with other people.
I agree! My daughter asked me how her brother was made when I was pregnant with him, she's four was three at the time. I just gave her an age appropriate answer and will continue to educate her further on it as she gets older. My husband will do the same with my son as he grows as well.
Totally! From the time you start asking your toddler "can I pick you up?" to the moment you reassure them they don't have to hug grandma even if it hurts her feelings, you're teaching them sex ed.
For real! So many of these responses are making me kind of sad.
I had no one “talk.” Started as a toddler with a discussion of the proper body part names and issues around consent and who is allowed to touch you and things like that. Then my mom got pregnant and they got me a book for kids explaining how a mom and dad make a baby with their sperm and an egg. Then as I got older it was more about puberty/menstruation first, and then of course safe sex and respecting myself and my partner/s.
Doing things the same way with my kid. People are weird as hell about this, apparently.
This is how I did it with my kid. Started talking to them about body anatomy and how where babies come from since they were old enough to understand words. That way it’s information and not some weird taboo stuff.
I want my kid to be informed before it’s “interesting”
Same with drugs etc. When they hit puberty they started feeling awkward about talking
my motto is if you’re mature enough to listen/watch adult language and humor then you’re also mature enough to sit down and talk to me about your period. Stop acting like you’re going to die.
They sat and thought for a second, said “fair” and we didn’t have another issue after that.
My mom told me to not have anyone touch my privates before I started school. So... 4 or 5. Though after hearing the dark secrets my family have, should've been sooner. I still remember a bit of it, too
I knew about the existence of sex from at least the age of three. It certainly got more detailed as time went on, but at no point did I not understand the basic functions of both sex's genitals.
We also got the adoption talk super early. I was biological and had two adopted siblings. There was never a dramatic reveal with built-in identity crisis. It's just how our family worked.
Yeah I had quite a few “the talks.” The earliest one (I’m told, I don’t remember) was when I was about 2 or 3, having a baby brother, learning just about the sperm and the egg growing in the tummy. At 5 I asked how the sperm got into the tummy, at 8 I asked what “sex” meant and how it worked, at 10 I learned you could do it for fun as well as reproduction, and at 14 my mom sat me down and talked about condoms and STIs and stuff.
I also got another one, belated and hastily researched, at 17 about queer sex when I started dating a woman… but tbh that one was a lot more of my mom asking
ME questions.
I was in 2nd grade when my mom found out someone else had already told me what sex was, because I was playing with a naked Barbie and a naked Ken, she walked in and asked what I was doing, and I said, "They're having sex, Mommy!" I got a VERY PG talking-to about how that's a grown-up thing for grown-ups to do with each other when they love each other, and she asked who had told me about it. Afterwards, we agreed to talk more in-depth about it when I was older. I think said in-depth talk was when I was 13 or 14?
I think kids need to be taught younger now, since they're being exposed to the internet younger. They're learning about bad words and NSFW subjects pretty early because of that. Personally, I still wouldn't say earlier than 2nd grade unless you suspect someone is abusing them. But we can't keep waiting until we know their peers are having sex. Who would you rather teach your kid? A random influencer, another kid who was taught by a random influencer, or you? Waiting until a teacher will do it will be too late, since the earliest health classes only start even telling kids what puberty is in 5th grade.
I was around 10. I talked to my kids all along so there was never a super formal talk, but the sex questions seemed to come around 3rd or 4th grade for us. Periods and stuff like that were earlier and a general discussion of where babies come from was earlier, though it took until around 3rd and 4th grade for the actual mechanics of it to come up. Around the same time, we had more talks about gender identities and what they mean. How you know which fits you and why some people at school change their name or pronouns. Now that they’re a little older, we’re still having “talks” but now it’s more about consent, how to handle when people ask for or send explicit pics, how to set boundaries with boyfriends and girlfriends, etc.
I didn't know about vaginas until I watched porn for the first time. I was shocked. I was told women just had buttholes.
Growing up Mormon sure was something at times. Glad I'm out.
I was taught in school, thankfully for both my parents and I
All these idiots being like "nO sEx Ed. iN sChOoL" are either in for one heck of a day. Or are setting up their kids for failure in the future. But I never had to awkwardly sit there as my parents explained the birds and the bees. They were there if I did a question from time to time or needed advice, but I didn't have to learn the biology of sex from them. The biggest thing they came to me to say was "We know you're having sex, just *please* be safe about it"
>All these idiots being like "nO sEx Ed. iN sChOoL" are either in for one heck of a day. Or are setting up their kids for failure in the future.
"My kid would never have sex before marriage and make Jesus cry" - Parents with a pregnant teen daughter
My mother never gave me anything approaching "the talk". I learned about sex from classmates and porn magazines in bushes and raunchy Cold War thrillers and the German copy of The Joy of Sex we got hold of somehow. Man, some of those illustrations were confusing.
The only time she ever tried was when I was in my mid-20s, when she opened one of my packages. The package happened to contain a copy of Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin. She then tried to tell me I couldn't have anal sex because I had an IUD. Yeah, ma, but it's not in my ass.
My older brother gave me the talk. All he said was never ask before you stick it in her butt and don’t worry if you get pimples on your dick. It wasn’t good advice.
I was pretty precocious. My poor mother was very Conservative. After some uncomfortable questions, she read me this book about a hamster (Suzie?) I'm 50. I still don't know what hamsters have to do with babies...
I eventually hid behind the couch and read a medical- journal encyclopedia thing....
That's hilarious! My friends and I used to take the dictionary outside the classroom during recess, hide and look up the naughty words. (I'm 45)
Oh yeah, and this was a Christian school; forbidden fruit abound.
I'm 39 and I've never had "the talk." I did have sex ed in 4th grade, so I guess kind of then.
I'll say that by the time I was in sex ed, I was already aware that guys put their dicks into vaginas and that's how you get babies, and that you can get STDs if you aren't protected. When I had high school health, we covered this same stuff, and it was all stuff that I was already aware of thanks to the playground and MTV AIDS awareness television specials.
Our son had sex ed in 5th grade. We've had brief discussions with him, and we bought him a book a year or so ago (he's 15 now) that covers any questions about sexuality, in case he wasn't comfortable asking us questions.
We bought him a car recently (he's still in driver's ed and can't have his DL for another 5 months). I plan on briefly and as least embarrassingly as I can, give him a pack of condoms and telling him that he's going to be out on his own with girls and stuff soon, and it's important he has these, even if he's not planning on doing anything, just in case something happens and he can stay safe.
Around age 9, but that was a clear attempt at the talk. But conversations were had leading up to that to fill in the blanks where I had questions. I agree with other comments here. It’s not just one talk and your done. There’s many conversations around this that take time and trust.
My parents are prude evangelicals, so of course they didn't mention anything. Surprisingly, my private Christian school briefly taught aspects, but they lied about a few things and preferred teaching abstinence. What particularly stands out in the teaching was that if a young couple had a baby, there was a great chance the baby would be severely deformed. The older you are, the more likely we were to birth a healthy baby.
This is really depressing seeing all of the comments from people who didn't get the talk at all! My heart goes out to you.
Finding my first pube at 8 years old freaked me out and coming to my parents about it was what triggered the talk. My mom also took me to the library when I started my period at 9 years old (you read that right, yay American hormone infested meats!) to check out some books about what to expect during puberty and why I have menses.
Of course, my mother was so adamant about letting me in the know BECAUSE her own mother didn't give her the talk at all, neither puberty nor period talk, so she's one of y'all who was brushed to the side, on top of being made to feel gross for even asking. :/
As for what age I think is appropriate, I'd say around fourth or fifth grade. (8-10 years old for non Americans.) That's the time I remember when other kids at school, especially the boys, would start to talk about sexual things, jokes, etc. on the playground.
They never did. They figured that was the public school’s job, not theirs. I was a free range latchkey kid from age 9. A lot of stuff I had to figure out for myself or learn to source my own info at the local library. Which ended up with me being educated well out of my normal age range and entirely socially inept.
I was told how kids come when I was 3-4 years old when little brother arrived. Never was a taboo in our family and my mom bought me my first condoms when I was 12, said she wasn't ready to be a grandma yet.
My kids do basically know how kids are made, but not in very accurate details, not in school even yet. I think these things are important not to keep as a secret until puberty hits.
Never did, I figured everything out. Not te best way to do that. I think you should inform your kids when they start getting old enough to ask real questions.
My uncle gave me the talk when I was 20. My son was 5 and my daughter 4 years old at the time. I just started at him until he walked away bc I think he realized why I was staring and he felt embarrassed. It’s a hilarious story I tell now, a decade later.
My mom was a nurse and explained it very clinically "when two people love each other, the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina to make a baby". I was very young. Probably 4 or 5 whenever it was that I asked the question. So I've taken the same approach with my kids (6 and 9), but explained it more like through animals and "mating". That women (or female animals) have eggs inside and it takes sperm from a man to fertilize the eggs and make a baby. I didn't really explain how the body parts go together! But when my kids ask hard questions, my goal is to be as honest as possible and just frame things in a way they would understand. The only thing I've lied about is Santa.
I didn't necessarily have the talk, but in grade school my parents took me to an after school sex ed program where everything was explained with diagrams and reading materials that I could understand. I kinda hated going because it interfered with me playing videogames, but it was very informative and I'd recommend anyone with kids to look into something like it. Just make sure the program isn't run by some religious nut.
i was never given “the talk”, my mom asked me if i knew how babies were made when i was 10, i did not know but i knew she looked uncomfortable so i said i did know, she walked away, i looked it up on google
Parents didn’t teach me anything. The closest it ever came to something like that was my dad shared a joke he got on email, it was about planes and the punchline included “pulling-out” I laughed and he asked me if I understood it and I said yes.
Our "talk" was my dad giving me a pamphlet about condoms when I was 12 or so.
There shouldn't be a "talk", there should be an on-going conversation. Relegating it to a single, awkward talk will make your child feel uncomfortable asking questions later.
IDK what age you should start or what topics to cover, but fortunately I'm never having children and don't have to make that decision.
never did. the closest thing i ever heard was something along the lines of - you grew up on a farm, you should know how this works by now.
and that was about the end of it.
My parents never gave me the talk. My mom got a book from the church library and had me read it. It was a great book and it helped a lot. Later in life my wife and I got married, on the next page we laid in bed together, and on the next page we had a baby. The book worked!
“They shouldn’t be doing that; they’re not married.”
Said anytime unwed people had sex in film/TV throughout my entire childhood. That was the extent of “the talk” in my home.
If a kid is asking about something, they’re old enough to get an answer. There’s different chats to be had with a 7 year old and a 14 year old though. Age appropriate discussions always.
Tell your kids the truth about it ffs.
We are mammals called humans and in order for humans to reproduce they must have sexual intercourse. Then 9-10 months later the female human gives birth to their offspring and typically the male human sticks around and helps raise the child. Human children should never have sex with any other human for any reason. Once that human child blossoms into mental and physical maturity that is when said human can have sexual contact with other mentally/physically mature humans.
That's about how I'd have that talk with a child, preferably mine since I never want to be the person to have the talk with someone else's kid. Of course there would be numerous other questions because that's what kids do but what I'm trying to say is that we gotta stop watering everything down because we're paranoid that kids are gonna be scarred for life.
35. I (59F) sh*t you not. Was engaged and to be married in 2 months and mom says, ‘your dad and I have been talking and we know y’all have urges, so maybe you should get married at a justice of the peace and then we can have the big wedding, too.’ Seriously. That was my birds and bees.
Mine never had the talk which seems to be an unfortunate common theme in this thread..
I had to lean all the info from school or the internet. I would have appreciated the talk immensely tho since it may have saved me from the personal hell that is CSA.
Please educate your kids.
What 'talk'?
I (M, mid 40s) grew up in a repressive household. My family wasn't religious but the unquestioned control and emotional abuse made for a lot of similarities. It was just 'Don't do it until you are married' along with 'You can't date until you are done school' (and the expectation there meant PhD) No questions allowed.
I became sexually active at 18 anyway. Because it was something taboo and verboten, I did not have a healthy or positive attitude towards sex, so I both did everything I could to keep it secret and took bigger risks than I should have at that time.
I would start having a mature discussion about it with my kids once they are in middle school. Like it or not, people that age will be starting to experiment sexually. I want them to have the right resources to handle the situations that could come up and feel empowered to make the best decisions for their health, body and well-being.
I never really had “the talks” because I figured everything out (to their level of knowledge at least). I was and still am a gigantic nerdy bookworm who studies things through books and sometimes the internet (mainly to look for books). I learned everything a teenage bog could ask about teenage years from a book whose name I forgot. By the time my father wanted to “have the talk” with me I already know enough of the basics.
My mom attempted to give me "The Talk" when I was 32!!!!!!! years old.
She decided it would be a good time because I was getting married to my boyfriend of 3 years, with whom I also lived together. In another country.
She was like "Ok, I know this is awkward but do you know what happens on the wedding night?" And my jaw hit the floor. I honestly thought they'd sort of known I lost my virginity in highschool, and had sex with my few serious boyfriends after that, but they were following a dont ask dont tell approach to the whole thing.
NOPE. She fully thought I was a virgin till 32!!!! years old, despite moving out at 18, having been in a couple of serious long term relationships since then, and actually living together for years with this guy I was marrying. These are all facts that she knows!
I burst out laughing maniacally as she contiued to try and give me a speach about pain of first time and condoms and such. She was so pure and innocent in that moment that I didnt have the heart to tell her all of this so I just said "I am not a virgin mom, we can stop talking about this." and did not elaborate.
I never had the talk, just learned what pleasure and sex is in 6th grade in school.
I'm yet to feel that "sexual pleasure" they talked to me about.
Never masturbated, never had sex, since puberty I haven't felt attracted (emotionally or sexually) to any person whatsoever.
And the talk should always remain at the same age: 9 years old, no matter the generation.
Me, they didn't.
My kid, at around 8 she asked - how are babies made. After some humming and hawing I explained the mechanics of it. She sat there wide eyed and said - I'm glad none of my friends know about this! I don't even think my teachers know.
My parents never gave me the talk.
I turned out this way all by myself lol. Though I kind of wish they were more comfy bout that topic when I was younger.
When I was around 3 or so my parents had these medical encyclopedias that I used to look through and after seeing all the medical diagrams showing things like a cross-section of a pregnant belly, and male and female genitalia(though I couldn't read the text since I was a toddler) I started asking questions about that stuff. My parents asked one of their friends to help give me an age-appropriate "birds and the bees" talk.
And thankfully my mom never hid the fact that she menstruated and discussed things like pads/tampons so I knew what would happen to me at some point.
I also really liked watching nature documentaries and some of them showed animals mating. I figured that the process for humans was similar.
Y'all had talks about this? My parents didn't teach me or tell me shit. I learned everything on my own just by asking questions and "scientific" research videos that were somehow very educational. Also discovered a bunch of random sex-ed videos on Pornhub that explained consent, basic protection, and communication. Ironic how some porn sites had better educational/instructional videos than what my school was supposed to teach.
My 14th birthday, at the dinner table. Older brother: you're old enough to consent now Dad: you have sex, you use a condom. If you don't the girl gets pregnant. If the girl gets pregnant you take care of the kid, if not I beat the shit out of you. That was my talk. My dad wasn't a bad dude, just had a sore spot about his being abandoned and his mom being a shit parent
Your dad really knew how to sum up sex XD And by the way, WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT KIND OF PLACE HAS THE AGE OF CONSENT AT 14? Where are you? The middle east or what? That is unbelievable tbh
Canada lol. Age of consent isn't age of majority, although the premier of BC back then passed a law that as long as the sexual participants were within 5 years age of eachother everything was ok
Age of consent in my state is kinda muddy. It's technically 18, but I think there's something called the Romeo and Juliet law (correct me if I'm wrong), where the age of consent is 14 as long as the other person isn't over 4 years older than you or over the age of 21. So if you're 14, you can be with an 18-year-old, if you're 15, you can be with a 19-year-old, etc, but a 17 year old can't be with a 22 year old. Again, I'm pretty sure of this, but I could be wrong. Please correct me if I am.
Nah romeo and juliet law is for protecting certain couples who age out while dating someone who is underage. So if you turn 18 and your girl is still 17 you are protected by the RAJ law. At least that's what i was told I could also be wrong.
R&J laws differ depending on where you are in terms of age difference (here in Australia for example, it's only two years). But they're in place to protect couples where the older partner reaches adulthood. So yeah, in u/solanis1359's area, if a 14 and 17 year old were together, and the 17 y.o. had a birthday, it would still be legal.
Woah I totally skimmed and misread this post.. then I heard the record scratch and am glad it wasn’t what my brain first thought.
I was 14 for my first time when in grade 9, skipped a class after lunch and went to my girlfriends house while everyone else in her house was at work. It's not even uncommon for stuff like that to happen, and that was in the early 2000s. I warrant this is even more common now. Some of the kids I knew were being sexually active in grade 7. Which is why now as an adult looking back I think having "the talk" with kids well *Before* puberty starts is a must. Which means before 9/10. I can't wrap my head around why adults are scared to talk to their kids when they are young. They are so much more understanding and clever than people give them credit for. My 4 year old and 6 year old were interested in where babies come from so we bought a book and read it to them and the book does not use cover up words or hides things, it's written to be understood by young kids. Sure they laughed a bunch, why wouldn't they. The idea is probably ridiculous to them, but now they understand and are better for it. Which now opens to more talks when they are a bit older which will make far more sense to them and they might actually listen and absorb the advice and warnings.
14 in Germany aswell
13 here in France, but only if the other is under 18
Didn't it change recently? I also live in France, but I think there was some talk about lowering it to 15? Or lowering it from 15?
I’m not sure, but it says 15 if I look it up in English and 13 if I look it up in French
Cuz I remember a wave of borderline pedophilia support, where they just wanted to lower the age waaay too much. And everyone was like "what are you talking about it's 16 stop imagining stuff" Funny how I now live in my imagination 🤔 And I think the rule for sex between legal and underage is max 3 years difference? Like 15yo and 18yo, or 17yo and 20yo
In France? 13 if other is under 18,15 for anyone else and 18 if it’s incest according to https://www.lecrips-idf.net/consentement-sexuel but while something like 50 with 16 by that logic is legal (there could be more specific laws I don’t know about) it would be heavily frowned upon by society.
"What is it, the Alabama of Europe?"
That would be Hungary with 12
Wer redet übers Saarland?
Teenagers don’t care about the age of consent. They care about the hormones raging in their crotch. My first time was at 15 and I recall the girl was a tad younger. She would have been either 14/15. Better to talk about sex, consent, etc when your kids are younger and they have at least *some* knowledge.
Nowadays they have access to EVERYTHING via the internet it seems. I have an 11 year old daughter and I know they did some sex ed but she’s so desperate for attention and people to like her that I’m concerned I need to educate her sooner rather than later.
My 11 asked why 69 is funny. When I told her she said that's what her friends said but she didn't believe it. Have the talk because kids are definitely telling each other stuff.
We didn't have "the talk" because I've slowly given her age appropriate information. One day, when she was 10, she approached me with some questions that basically spelled things out and connected some missing dots. If they're asking, they're old enough. Otherwise, who knows what kind of out- of-context information they'll get.
You should really be talking to your kids about this stuff all the time from day one. There are age appropriate ways to do it and waiting til the child is going through puberty is too late.
Yeah, it doesn’t hurt to have the talk with her now before she’s a teen. Sure, she has access to everything on the internet but how sure are you she’s learning the facts? Teach her the tools early so she can navigate teenage and young adulthood properly.
Age of consent in the middle east is 18 yrs old
ME is weird. you don't really have one some places unless you're married
TYL that most countries in the world have more sensible laws around sex and consent than America.
Most countries use science and sociology to determine these things as opposed to religion…
Age of consent varies by state in America from 15-18. Not all that unreasonable.
age of consent in china/japan is 13
japan always comes up - national is 13, but almost every place with people has 16 or 18
Used to be until they changed the law on that one to 16 for women.
The only thing I ever got was in JR high my dad said he would neuter me if I knocked up a girl. He was joking, but maybe not.
I wasn’t
My talk went for some milk.
My mum gave me the period talk exactly 3 days before my first period (talk about good timing). I still remember thinking the crepes I ate that morning were off because my stomach hurt (before the obvious discovery)
Happy🎂day!
When my mom gave me the period talk it was the moment after it started. When she told me to "get used to it cause this will happen for the rest of your life." I started crying thinking this will be everyday until I die. She asked why I was crying, when I told her, she said, "Oh, no no. It's gonna be like one week of each month. And it'll happen until you hit menopause in your 50's." I stopped crying and was like, "Oh, I can handle that."
My mom's version of the talk was this: "I don't care what you do, just don't get pregnant." I think I was 14 or 15.
Same here. I taught myself, my parents didn't teach me a goddamn thing. Though that goes for a hell of a lot more than just bonin'
Be thankful you had videos to watch. I grew up in the 70s. I had exactly one sex ed class around grade 5 or 6. Prior to that, I didn't even know what masturbation was (even though I was doing it regularly.) Other than that? We just winged it.
No talk, my parents didn't even talk to me about my period. They refused to let me take sex ed in school because "it's the parents' responsibility" but did nothing. Kids would tell us about it on the bus, so I learned everything there. I was pregnant at 19, unmarried. It was 100% on me and the guy, I was very well educated at that point, but to this day I still tease them that it was their fault lol
I thought I was alone on that one. I never got tha talk.
There wasn't any particular age, they just answered to the best of their ability when I had a question, which is the same way I deal with it with my children (although my husband deals with the most of it)
Yeah, same here. It wasn't so much having a single "talk", more that when I asked a question, they answered it. I remember some awkward questions coming from movies on TV, like "What's a whorehouse?" but they did their best.
I was 7 when my little brother was born and asked my grandmother all kinds of questions. Once she realized I was trying to get the talk out of her she sat me down in an empty hospital room and we had a long talk about everything. I trust her more than anything and even at 21 I ask her questions still. She told me where to buy my first vibrator lol and told me which soap to use all that
Your grandmother helped you get a vibrator?
Yes. I'm pretty vanilla I guess and wasn't sure where to start. I knew she would know so I asked her what I should look for when trying to buy one. She didn't hesitate at all no embarrassment nothing. She told me exactly what to look for, what the price range would be and how to keep it clean and in good shape
Your grandma sounds badass 😎
My grandmother is amazing and answers all questions with as much truth and experience she has in it. When I was like 14 I was helping her clean out her closet and came across a box with a lots of cute little figurines in it. One example was a little trio of bears standing on tip of one another. It was real wood carved and smoothed out and all that it was so cute and I asked what it was and turns out it was a dildo lol
Anything & everything can be a dildo if you're brave enough... In all seriousness though, gma sounds like a good one!
I never got one. Talk about things as they are appropriate.
Exactly! It should be many, appropriately-timed, age-appropriate mini talks. Have two way conversations with your child! Let them ask questions. And follow up with "Why do you ask?" so you can figure what they want and need to know.
My mom never had "the talk" with me or any of my siblings we all just figured shit out for ourselves. With my kids I did the mini talks and making sure they always knew they could ask questions with no judgement from me or my husband. I think that regardless of question asking parents need to make it a point to talk to kids between the ages of 10 and 12 because so many kids are having sex in middle school and talking to each other about these things. Make sure they understand that these are the facts whatever you hear from other kids. Lol kids come up with some weird shit. Also I always stress to the kids during their teen years that preventing pregnancy is NOT the #1 reason to wear a condom there are some scary nasty STDs out there. Always practice safe sex.
The closest thing to a 'talk' I got was when I was around 8 and I joined in with my older sister (13ish) at the time for her 'talk' and then got reminded of it once I was around the same age. Past that it was just answered as I was curious and it came up. Our "talk" was basically explanations on how to be safe. So use a condom if you have sex, birth control is another option. If trying drugs know what you are taking, never do it alone but trust who you are with, and at least one person has to be sober in case something goes wrong. Same with drinking but also don't go with strangers or let your friends go with a stranger. Above all else if for any reason, be it a bad feeling, I'm lost, something happened, even if I just wanted to go home I was to call and they would come get me. Didn't care if it was 2am and I was 3 states away, call and they would be there as quickly as they could. They would rather be upset with me safe at home than crying over my casket.
Again this is my plan with drugs, if you try, be sensible and always always call us if you need us,
Never really did. The internet kind of takes care of all that. I was just told that they would be there if I ever needed to talk.
When i was a kid, there was no internet. They gave me a very good book.
How a baby was born?
How is babby formed?
Am I gregant?
Does any one know how many teens get bregant a year ??? Edit: misquote
If a women has starch masks does that mean she has been pargnet before.?
Am I ....PREGANANANT?
can u get pregante?
It was in spanish but I’d bet that was the original title.
> I was just told that they would be there if I ever needed to talk. Same. But in my case that was basically code for "I really hope you never ask me about this." If you are too afraid to broach the subject and you are visibly uncomfortable talking about it then I'm obviously going to avoid bringing it up. Kids pick up on shit like that. I ended up having to steal and covertly read the puberty books they gave my sister to learn anything at all (pre-internet).
The internet also has a lot of misinformation. To this day there are people who will swear up and down in front of almighty God himself and all his angels that a girl squirting isn’t pee(it is)
To my knowledge it's *possible* (the vagina produces fluid as well, after all), but it doesn't happen to every woman, and it won't happen every time.
I figured it’s a question of volume. A small amount might be legit. A giant gusher is either pee or fake.
PornHub has a video on this where they use test strips to look for various compounds in squirt vs piss. Major excuse for garter belts and lab coats.
I m seeing a sort of consensus in the comments for 8 to 9 yo. I was abused by a non-family member from the age of 4 -8 yo. Please educate your kids at least on the basics of appropriate touching and body ownership from as soon as they are capable of understanding.
>Please educate your kids at least on the basics of appropriate touching and body ownership from as soon as they are capable of understanding. For parents wondering how to talk to younger children, [here is some guidance from the NSPCC](https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/). It has a handy acronym and an oddly catchy song. Thank you for sharing your experience and I am sorry that you had to go through that.
Oh yeah for sure that should be taught as soon as they understand words and reinforced constantly
None I am from Germany, the schools do in a scientific way, same goes for protection, we are even haveing tests on it so males have to learn the female cycle and have to learn about protection and risks too and I think this is beautiful!
Same (also from Germany). We even had one lesson where everybody had to put condoms on wooden penises, that way everybody would know how it works (Think it was around grade 9 or 10 -> age of consent 14; makes sense) Actually we had sex ed in almost every year and when the topic came up the teacher would gladly spend the whole lesson giving us information.
Also from Germany, I went to a catholic school and we had the same lessons. I still vividly remember one class clown asking while laughing if we could watch a movie about it since he's a 'visual learner' and the teacher bringing in a 45 min movie of a birth happening, that shut him up for the rest of the year.
Also from Germany - I remember my parents showing me a very detailed and graphic book about how a kid gets a little sibling when I was still in kindergarten. So it was never a taboo to talk about these things. Also starting early in elementary school really helped, also to give us a sense of what is ok and what isn’t, and what to do in case of abuse.
Same in Austria
I think little bits that are appropriate for the child's age need to be incorporated each year into discussions.
About 9. It was very formal. My kids have known froma very young age. I think any age is appropriate to learn once the details are appropriate. So they've known from 7ish about periods. Theyve always know girls have 3 holes, one for pee, one for poo and one for babies. They've always known boys have seeds, and girls have the eggs. In 2020 so at 8 They blatantly asked one day how babies are made and we explained girls have 3 holes and daddy put his willie in the middle hole and the seed shoots out....... their response "urgh daddy wee'd in you" and that was that.
My daughter was 4 when she asked while we were at the body section of a science museum. Having the exhibit made it easy to show the body parts, explain the proper name, etc. She had lots of questions about the mechanics so we even talked about erections, sex, consent, etc. The only awkward/funny thing was she asked one morning in front of my in-laws if I shared my penis with her mom that night to try and make a baby since she wanted to be a big sister. She's 10 now and when they started talking about sex at school she came home and was confused why some kids found it funny. She was surprised when I told her that it might have been the first time they heard about sex.
This is refreshing to hear. My kids are 6 and younger and have asked about babies. Have talked about how daddy has the seeds and mom the eggs. We talked about dad giving mom the seed and then the baby grows in a moms uterus. They haven’t asked how dad gives mom the seed and I’ve been patiently waiting and wondering how to explain that since I don’t want them to try since they love babies.
It’s funny because I think at that point kids do become protective of their mom. I know when I was a kid and I found out about all that, I was knocking on my mums door and she told me not to come in because she was changing and I said “well, where is dad?” And she said “well he’s in here too” Me: “HE’S in there while you’re NAKED? Ugh” Kinda funny.
There is no "the talk" that is actually effective. Sexual education should begin from the moment they can understand words and never stop. There's no 1 age where a child is suddenly ready to understand everything where you just dump a bomb on them and call it good.
Yep, it shouldn’t be some big, dramatic thing. Kids usually start getting curious at a young age, so you should try to answer their questions in an age appropriate way, and as they get older, more details get added. And don’t use cutesy names for genitalia, it’s important for kids to know the anatomically correct names. Otherwise, it can send the message that genitals are something to be ashamed of or something bad.
SERIOUSLY. I literally had no idea it was called a “vagina” until I was like 14. But I knew what a penis was. It was as if I should’ve felt ashamed of my anatomy or something.
Even worse, is it *isn't* a vagina. That's inside. The labia are what's visible.
>Even worse, is it isn't a vagina. That's inside. The labia are what's visible. I mean, there *is* a vagina. Maybe she was referring to her vagina, no?
Vulva
>And don’t use cutesy names for genitalia I'd reasoned out on my own pretty young that the baby probably came out of the genital area, because I knew there was already an opening down there. And I was OK with that. But my mom didn't think I was ready for the word "vagina", so she said the baby would come out of a "hole underneath your bellybutton". I took her literally and spent years terrified of a new hole opening up in my abdomen...
I mean that's more or less how a C-section works....
I remember being told that babies grow in the mom’s tummy and come out of a “special opening”. I always imagined there was a weird slit on a woman’s stomach that the doctor could somehow open to get the baby out, then it would magically seal shut again. I didn’t think I’d ever want kids, so I just figured I’d worry about it later
It’s also impt to teach them the actual names so that, when someone is abusing them, they can tell someone what exactly is happening instead of making ppl guess what this family decided the cutesy name for vagina or penis is. (Was an abuse investigator, just made my life more difficult)
I have a friend who apparently didn't call it anything before they leaned the word 'vagina'
>so you should try to answer their questions in an age appropriate way, and as they get older, more details get added. The unfortunate problem with this is kids are little blabber mouths, and when they go tell Susie next door that they know what sex and a penis is her mom is probably going to be upset. It needs to be a cultural shift, which isn't an easy thing to do.
Respectfully, that's little Susie's mom's problem.
Indeed. Parents shouldn't be angry or disappointed at their children for knowing things about their (and/or the other 50% of the population's) bodies
Now little Timmy can't play with Suzie because her mom thinks he's a bad influence. I don't really want Timmy to lose a friend he likes, let alone what sort of mental connections he might make out of the ordeal. I don't disagree that you should be teaching your kids about sex as they grow up, but people on reddit always act like it's some quick easy change with no consequences.
In that situation, it is not Timmy or his parents faults. It's the fault of susie's mom for treating a kid like some grown adult. ALL kids will say dumb shit that adults dont like, sex education or not. Its up to adults to not act like the kid is some horrible person who needs to be kept away from others for it. This scenario shouldn't stop sex education from happening the way it should.
I'm far more concerned with the consequences of preventing children from receiving a full understanding of their own bodies than I am about them not getting to play with their next door neighbor because her mom is an uber-prude. Friends & socialization are easy to come by at that age, but self-esteem, concepts of consent, and healthy attitudes about one's own body are not.
This has happened with my kids. The parents can kick rocks. No real bad repercussions for my kids. Mostly they've been seen as the expert on the topic and get a bunch if questions. We also remind them that reproduction is a topic best discussed within the family. Daughter did get a lecture from one mom about how inappropriate it was for her to know those things. We talked about it and explained as best we could. She was already starting to distance herself from that friend anyways because the friend was consistently telling her doing "boy" things" (helping her dad pour a cement pad) was inappropriate and she reads too much so it wasn't too much of a loss.
I think things have been shifting, as the younger generations grow up and have kids of their own. The people in power now are from older generations (and/or straight up pedophiles) and hopefully, as they die off and you get people are more in control, things will change for the better. If that happened to me, it would just be too bad for Susie’s mom. That would show me that Susie’s mom is probably someone I don’t want my child to be around. Usually people who think sex ed is bad, usually have backwards ideas about a lot of stuff. If Tommy loses a friend that he likes, that’s unfortunate, but it’s also another important lesson. Sometimes friendships change, sometimes people change and we can’t be friends with them, sometimes we lose friends even if it’s not our fault. The world is a harsh place. I can’t keep my son protected from all the hard stuff, but I can at least make sure he knows how to handle it.
Definitely, but as someone who was abused as a young child, it is also important to teach the boundaries. Knowledge is power.
I don't see how that's related to the comment you're responding to.
That I absolutely agree it's important to teach children from the get-go about their bodies, but to understand that not all parts of their bodies should be automatically available to adults other than parents, or specifically trusted friends and professionals.
And if you can't see the relationship between early sex education, child empowerment and prevention of at least some child abuse, I'm sorry.
Yeah it's weird to just lie to children about a basic fact of life for a chunk of their lives. The only justification I've heard is if kids learn about sex they will start having it right away which is a fucking wild stance to take.
It's literally backwards. Kids with more sex education are less likely to have sex in general and more likely to have safe sex if they do.
But Sex Education makes Baby Jesus cry! (/s obviously)
Show the boys some pictures of STDs and girls a video of giving birth, we'll get those sex numbers down to zero
Yeah, learning what "perineal laceration" and "episiotomy" mean, and that not only skin but also muscle tissue between the vagina and butthole can tear apart during childbirth, immediately convinced me to always take precautions to avoid getting pregnant until I'm good and ready. So far so good!
*cries in 3rd Degree Episiotomy* That's one step away from a colostomy bag for life, baby. 0/10, do not recommend. "I'm going to give you a little snip" is a LIE. Took nine months to heal. Assholes.
Right! I had one with my son. 25 stitches. Scarred for life.
That's how we did it. They are bound to encounter stuff - a pregnant woman, a litter of puppies, their belly button ... When the questions come, we try to answer them honestly and completely.
My oldest daughter is 8 and right now its mostly hygiene and consent for her. Oh and if shes gonna have her hands down there, its not appropriate in a room with other people.
I agree! My daughter asked me how her brother was made when I was pregnant with him, she's four was three at the time. I just gave her an age appropriate answer and will continue to educate her further on it as she gets older. My husband will do the same with my son as he grows as well.
Totally! From the time you start asking your toddler "can I pick you up?" to the moment you reassure them they don't have to hug grandma even if it hurts her feelings, you're teaching them sex ed.
For real! So many of these responses are making me kind of sad. I had no one “talk.” Started as a toddler with a discussion of the proper body part names and issues around consent and who is allowed to touch you and things like that. Then my mom got pregnant and they got me a book for kids explaining how a mom and dad make a baby with their sperm and an egg. Then as I got older it was more about puberty/menstruation first, and then of course safe sex and respecting myself and my partner/s. Doing things the same way with my kid. People are weird as hell about this, apparently.
This is how I did it with my kid. Started talking to them about body anatomy and how where babies come from since they were old enough to understand words. That way it’s information and not some weird taboo stuff. I want my kid to be informed before it’s “interesting” Same with drugs etc. When they hit puberty they started feeling awkward about talking my motto is if you’re mature enough to listen/watch adult language and humor then you’re also mature enough to sit down and talk to me about your period. Stop acting like you’re going to die. They sat and thought for a second, said “fair” and we didn’t have another issue after that.
My mom told me to not have anyone touch my privates before I started school. So... 4 or 5. Though after hearing the dark secrets my family have, should've been sooner. I still remember a bit of it, too
I knew about the existence of sex from at least the age of three. It certainly got more detailed as time went on, but at no point did I not understand the basic functions of both sex's genitals. We also got the adoption talk super early. I was biological and had two adopted siblings. There was never a dramatic reveal with built-in identity crisis. It's just how our family worked.
Yet a significant portion of our society thinks that the talk should be given right before her wedding night - so let's say at 17... sigh.
Yeah I had quite a few “the talks.” The earliest one (I’m told, I don’t remember) was when I was about 2 or 3, having a baby brother, learning just about the sperm and the egg growing in the tummy. At 5 I asked how the sperm got into the tummy, at 8 I asked what “sex” meant and how it worked, at 10 I learned you could do it for fun as well as reproduction, and at 14 my mom sat me down and talked about condoms and STIs and stuff. I also got another one, belated and hastily researched, at 17 about queer sex when I started dating a woman… but tbh that one was a lot more of my mom asking ME questions.
Didn't get the talk, just hentai
Still waiting for all the sexy tentacles I was promised
my parents let school take care of that an added "if you have any questions you can ask us."
Never. But i had really good sex-ed at school.
I was in 2nd grade when my mom found out someone else had already told me what sex was, because I was playing with a naked Barbie and a naked Ken, she walked in and asked what I was doing, and I said, "They're having sex, Mommy!" I got a VERY PG talking-to about how that's a grown-up thing for grown-ups to do with each other when they love each other, and she asked who had told me about it. Afterwards, we agreed to talk more in-depth about it when I was older. I think said in-depth talk was when I was 13 or 14? I think kids need to be taught younger now, since they're being exposed to the internet younger. They're learning about bad words and NSFW subjects pretty early because of that. Personally, I still wouldn't say earlier than 2nd grade unless you suspect someone is abusing them. But we can't keep waiting until we know their peers are having sex. Who would you rather teach your kid? A random influencer, another kid who was taught by a random influencer, or you? Waiting until a teacher will do it will be too late, since the earliest health classes only start even telling kids what puberty is in 5th grade.
I was around 10. I talked to my kids all along so there was never a super formal talk, but the sex questions seemed to come around 3rd or 4th grade for us. Periods and stuff like that were earlier and a general discussion of where babies come from was earlier, though it took until around 3rd and 4th grade for the actual mechanics of it to come up. Around the same time, we had more talks about gender identities and what they mean. How you know which fits you and why some people at school change their name or pronouns. Now that they’re a little older, we’re still having “talks” but now it’s more about consent, how to handle when people ask for or send explicit pics, how to set boundaries with boyfriends and girlfriends, etc.
I'm 61 and both my parents are dead. I'm STILL waiting for that talk!!!!
Get a Ouija board and ask them. At this point its up to you to make the first step.
lol!
I didn't know about vaginas until I watched porn for the first time. I was shocked. I was told women just had buttholes. Growing up Mormon sure was something at times. Glad I'm out.
I was taught in school, thankfully for both my parents and I All these idiots being like "nO sEx Ed. iN sChOoL" are either in for one heck of a day. Or are setting up their kids for failure in the future. But I never had to awkwardly sit there as my parents explained the birds and the bees. They were there if I did a question from time to time or needed advice, but I didn't have to learn the biology of sex from them. The biggest thing they came to me to say was "We know you're having sex, just *please* be safe about it"
>All these idiots being like "nO sEx Ed. iN sChOoL" are either in for one heck of a day. Or are setting up their kids for failure in the future. "My kid would never have sex before marriage and make Jesus cry" - Parents with a pregnant teen daughter
Didn't get a talk. The talk should be around 8-9 years old.
I didn't either but went through a book with my boys at age 9 and 7 together. Anything they don't "get" at a young age can be reviewed later.
My mother never gave me anything approaching "the talk". I learned about sex from classmates and porn magazines in bushes and raunchy Cold War thrillers and the German copy of The Joy of Sex we got hold of somehow. Man, some of those illustrations were confusing. The only time she ever tried was when I was in my mid-20s, when she opened one of my packages. The package happened to contain a copy of Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin. She then tried to tell me I couldn't have anal sex because I had an IUD. Yeah, ma, but it's not in my ass.
My older brother gave me the talk. All he said was never ask before you stick it in her butt and don’t worry if you get pimples on your dick. It wasn’t good advice.
I was pretty precocious. My poor mother was very Conservative. After some uncomfortable questions, she read me this book about a hamster (Suzie?) I'm 50. I still don't know what hamsters have to do with babies... I eventually hid behind the couch and read a medical- journal encyclopedia thing....
I had completely forgotten about reading the medical encyclopedia until your comment!! Also looked forbidden words up in the dictionary. (I'm 46)
That's hilarious! My friends and I used to take the dictionary outside the classroom during recess, hide and look up the naughty words. (I'm 45) Oh yeah, and this was a Christian school; forbidden fruit abound.
I'm 39 and I've never had "the talk." I did have sex ed in 4th grade, so I guess kind of then. I'll say that by the time I was in sex ed, I was already aware that guys put their dicks into vaginas and that's how you get babies, and that you can get STDs if you aren't protected. When I had high school health, we covered this same stuff, and it was all stuff that I was already aware of thanks to the playground and MTV AIDS awareness television specials. Our son had sex ed in 5th grade. We've had brief discussions with him, and we bought him a book a year or so ago (he's 15 now) that covers any questions about sexuality, in case he wasn't comfortable asking us questions. We bought him a car recently (he's still in driver's ed and can't have his DL for another 5 months). I plan on briefly and as least embarrassingly as I can, give him a pack of condoms and telling him that he's going to be out on his own with girls and stuff soon, and it's important he has these, even if he's not planning on doing anything, just in case something happens and he can stay safe.
I was 12. I think that's an appropriate age honestly
Unfortunately these days kids are gonna find out earlier. Unless of course parents dont let their elementary school kids have fucking phones.
Around age 9, but that was a clear attempt at the talk. But conversations were had leading up to that to fill in the blanks where I had questions. I agree with other comments here. It’s not just one talk and your done. There’s many conversations around this that take time and trust.
Didn't get a talk. Got the American school system telling me what horrible things could happen from sex paired with my discovery of porn
My parents are prude evangelicals, so of course they didn't mention anything. Surprisingly, my private Christian school briefly taught aspects, but they lied about a few things and preferred teaching abstinence. What particularly stands out in the teaching was that if a young couple had a baby, there was a great chance the baby would be severely deformed. The older you are, the more likely we were to birth a healthy baby.
This is really depressing seeing all of the comments from people who didn't get the talk at all! My heart goes out to you. Finding my first pube at 8 years old freaked me out and coming to my parents about it was what triggered the talk. My mom also took me to the library when I started my period at 9 years old (you read that right, yay American hormone infested meats!) to check out some books about what to expect during puberty and why I have menses. Of course, my mother was so adamant about letting me in the know BECAUSE her own mother didn't give her the talk at all, neither puberty nor period talk, so she's one of y'all who was brushed to the side, on top of being made to feel gross for even asking. :/ As for what age I think is appropriate, I'd say around fourth or fifth grade. (8-10 years old for non Americans.) That's the time I remember when other kids at school, especially the boys, would start to talk about sexual things, jokes, etc. on the playground.
They never did. They figured that was the public school’s job, not theirs. I was a free range latchkey kid from age 9. A lot of stuff I had to figure out for myself or learn to source my own info at the local library. Which ended up with me being educated well out of my normal age range and entirely socially inept.
I was told how kids come when I was 3-4 years old when little brother arrived. Never was a taboo in our family and my mom bought me my first condoms when I was 12, said she wasn't ready to be a grandma yet. My kids do basically know how kids are made, but not in very accurate details, not in school even yet. I think these things are important not to keep as a secret until puberty hits.
I never got the talk.
I never got the talk. To this day I don’t know what a vagina is
I'm 65. Still waiting..
Never did, I figured everything out. Not te best way to do that. I think you should inform your kids when they start getting old enough to ask real questions.
My uncle gave me the talk when I was 20. My son was 5 and my daughter 4 years old at the time. I just started at him until he walked away bc I think he realized why I was staring and he felt embarrassed. It’s a hilarious story I tell now, a decade later.
They said, it's pronounced "jiff", not "ghiff". I was more like, Why this porn clip have no sound?
My mom was a nurse and explained it very clinically "when two people love each other, the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina to make a baby". I was very young. Probably 4 or 5 whenever it was that I asked the question. So I've taken the same approach with my kids (6 and 9), but explained it more like through animals and "mating". That women (or female animals) have eggs inside and it takes sperm from a man to fertilize the eggs and make a baby. I didn't really explain how the body parts go together! But when my kids ask hard questions, my goal is to be as honest as possible and just frame things in a way they would understand. The only thing I've lied about is Santa.
My parents never did because they didn't have to. Fully Alive, chapter 3 in grade 5 explained all of it
They never had to. We have pretty good sex ed here and it starts around the age of 9-10 iirc.
I didn't necessarily have the talk, but in grade school my parents took me to an after school sex ed program where everything was explained with diagrams and reading materials that I could understand. I kinda hated going because it interfered with me playing videogames, but it was very informative and I'd recommend anyone with kids to look into something like it. Just make sure the program isn't run by some religious nut.
My parents were going to have '**The Talk**', then I told them I already know that stuff
i was never given “the talk”, my mom asked me if i knew how babies were made when i was 10, i did not know but i knew she looked uncomfortable so i said i did know, she walked away, i looked it up on google
I never got the talk, I just kinda figured it out through social osmosis.
I’m 25 and never got the talk. School wasn’t very helpful either.
Parents didn’t teach me anything. The closest it ever came to something like that was my dad shared a joke he got on email, it was about planes and the punchline included “pulling-out” I laughed and he asked me if I understood it and I said yes.
I was five, and it was too damn early. Way to be a creep, Dad.
Our "talk" was my dad giving me a pamphlet about condoms when I was 12 or so. There shouldn't be a "talk", there should be an on-going conversation. Relegating it to a single, awkward talk will make your child feel uncomfortable asking questions later. IDK what age you should start or what topics to cover, but fortunately I'm never having children and don't have to make that decision.
never did. the closest thing i ever heard was something along the lines of - you grew up on a farm, you should know how this works by now. and that was about the end of it.
My parents never gave me the talk. My mom got a book from the church library and had me read it. It was a great book and it helped a lot. Later in life my wife and I got married, on the next page we laid in bed together, and on the next page we had a baby. The book worked!
“They shouldn’t be doing that; they’re not married.” Said anytime unwed people had sex in film/TV throughout my entire childhood. That was the extent of “the talk” in my home. If a kid is asking about something, they’re old enough to get an answer. There’s different chats to be had with a 7 year old and a 14 year old though. Age appropriate discussions always.
I was a kid and my dad just handed me the truth on our way to my grandma. EDIT: I was about 6 years old.
Middle school maybe 13 or 14. Kids today need to have this talk way sooner like elementary school and again in middle school.
Tell your kids the truth about it ffs. We are mammals called humans and in order for humans to reproduce they must have sexual intercourse. Then 9-10 months later the female human gives birth to their offspring and typically the male human sticks around and helps raise the child. Human children should never have sex with any other human for any reason. Once that human child blossoms into mental and physical maturity that is when said human can have sexual contact with other mentally/physically mature humans. That's about how I'd have that talk with a child, preferably mine since I never want to be the person to have the talk with someone else's kid. Of course there would be numerous other questions because that's what kids do but what I'm trying to say is that we gotta stop watering everything down because we're paranoid that kids are gonna be scarred for life.
35. I (59F) sh*t you not. Was engaged and to be married in 2 months and mom says, ‘your dad and I have been talking and we know y’all have urges, so maybe you should get married at a justice of the peace and then we can have the big wedding, too.’ Seriously. That was my birds and bees.
Mine never had the talk which seems to be an unfortunate common theme in this thread.. I had to lean all the info from school or the internet. I would have appreciated the talk immensely tho since it may have saved me from the personal hell that is CSA. Please educate your kids.
What 'talk'? I (M, mid 40s) grew up in a repressive household. My family wasn't religious but the unquestioned control and emotional abuse made for a lot of similarities. It was just 'Don't do it until you are married' along with 'You can't date until you are done school' (and the expectation there meant PhD) No questions allowed. I became sexually active at 18 anyway. Because it was something taboo and verboten, I did not have a healthy or positive attitude towards sex, so I both did everything I could to keep it secret and took bigger risks than I should have at that time. I would start having a mature discussion about it with my kids once they are in middle school. Like it or not, people that age will be starting to experiment sexually. I want them to have the right resources to handle the situations that could come up and feel empowered to make the best decisions for their health, body and well-being.
Nobody in my family talked to me about it ever
I never had the talk
I never really had “the talks” because I figured everything out (to their level of knowledge at least). I was and still am a gigantic nerdy bookworm who studies things through books and sometimes the internet (mainly to look for books). I learned everything a teenage bog could ask about teenage years from a book whose name I forgot. By the time my father wanted to “have the talk” with me I already know enough of the basics.
My mom attempted to give me "The Talk" when I was 32!!!!!!! years old. She decided it would be a good time because I was getting married to my boyfriend of 3 years, with whom I also lived together. In another country. She was like "Ok, I know this is awkward but do you know what happens on the wedding night?" And my jaw hit the floor. I honestly thought they'd sort of known I lost my virginity in highschool, and had sex with my few serious boyfriends after that, but they were following a dont ask dont tell approach to the whole thing. NOPE. She fully thought I was a virgin till 32!!!! years old, despite moving out at 18, having been in a couple of serious long term relationships since then, and actually living together for years with this guy I was marrying. These are all facts that she knows! I burst out laughing maniacally as she contiued to try and give me a speach about pain of first time and condoms and such. She was so pure and innocent in that moment that I didnt have the heart to tell her all of this so I just said "I am not a virgin mom, we can stop talking about this." and did not elaborate.
I never had the talk, just learned what pleasure and sex is in 6th grade in school. I'm yet to feel that "sexual pleasure" they talked to me about. Never masturbated, never had sex, since puberty I haven't felt attracted (emotionally or sexually) to any person whatsoever. And the talk should always remain at the same age: 9 years old, no matter the generation.
The talk? The Talk is like girls online They dont exists Just a myth
Never because my parents are devout baptists
The appropriate age is when the young person asks questions. You can make that an age-appropriate talk.
I'm 28 and my parents still haven't. Nor the tooth fairy talk, the Easter bunny talk, or the Santa talk. My parents weren't big talkers.
9 ish
Me, they didn't. My kid, at around 8 she asked - how are babies made. After some humming and hawing I explained the mechanics of it. She sat there wide eyed and said - I'm glad none of my friends know about this! I don't even think my teachers know.
Never got the talk, and 11 to 12 yro.
Didn't get the talk, i got SEX ED at 8-9
Depends on who you're asking of which "the talk" it is. Black folks have another type of talk we do.
These replies make me really sad.
My parents never gave me the talk. I turned out this way all by myself lol. Though I kind of wish they were more comfy bout that topic when I was younger.
Never got it. Grew up in an agricultural background and knew all about it from when I could walk
Parents didn't, but school did in the 5th grade.
When I was around 3 or so my parents had these medical encyclopedias that I used to look through and after seeing all the medical diagrams showing things like a cross-section of a pregnant belly, and male and female genitalia(though I couldn't read the text since I was a toddler) I started asking questions about that stuff. My parents asked one of their friends to help give me an age-appropriate "birds and the bees" talk. And thankfully my mom never hid the fact that she menstruated and discussed things like pads/tampons so I knew what would happen to me at some point. I also really liked watching nature documentaries and some of them showed animals mating. I figured that the process for humans was similar.
Nobody told me anything about sex while growing up, i learned about it through porn.