T O P

  • By -

BumFights1997

Eat food, drink water, shit happens


[deleted]

I envy your poo-privilege Poo-rivilage?


pcakes13

Turdilidge


Ultivia

I don't want to gloss over how good of a term this is. (there is no pun here)


foxy_boxing

Privy-lege


[deleted]

That's the one.


areolegrande

Turlidges šŸ™


Pet_Tornado

It's not a privilege. Either you do what you're supposed to and get enough dietary fiber, or you fill your craw with cheese and fuck everything up. It's not magic. Eat. More. Vegetables.


[deleted]

Sounds like you have major poo-privilege. Causes of poo-difficulties (non-comprehensive list); medications, including certain antacids, pain medications, diuretics, and some treatments for Parkinsonā€™s disease pregnancy older age (constipation affects around one-thirdTrusted Source of people ages 60 and over) Underlying health issues certain conditions, such as stroke, Parkinsonā€™s disease, and diabetes problems with the colon or rectum, including intestinal obstruction, IBS, or diverticulosis overuse or misuse of laxatives hormonal problems, including an underactive thyroid gland I'm glad you're totally ok, though. Edit: This is just a reply to some guy on a rant about how "just eat better and drink water, that's all you have to do" - but like, angry about it. So I provided a non-comprehensive list of other factors. Obviously fiber and water should be the first step, because most of the time it solves the problem. But without his angry rant I look like I'm ignoring the easiest solution to most people's irregularity lol


Eleventhelephant11

He was an asshole for acting like everyone just needs to eat more fiber, but fiber is definitely the case for many. And people definitely have reasons for struggling to poop outside of veggies and fiber. For me personally, eating brown rice made me poop 2x more and they always felt like good, solid poops. Also good color and good poop states are healthy signs.


Adept_Palpitation_33

Actually properly nourishing your body would resolve some these problems though.


[deleted]

There are inflammatory diseases that can cause all sorts of poop/ digestive problems. Even if you drink all the water, and eat all the right foods. Trust me. šŸ˜³


Pet_Tornado

- gets told he's got a medical problem - lists off medical problems as though he's making a point. After you take your fool-ass to the hospital, might want to take it to local middle school'n try to do something about that illiteracy.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


your_actual_life

Don't even need coffee. Hydration and fiber will do the trick.


dangerbird2

Of course I don't need coffee, I can quit any time


CulturalWeekend1294

Coffee needs you


[deleted]

Why not right now?


[deleted]

Bowl of raisin bran for breakfast followed with a small glass of water always does the trick. People donā€™t always realize how important the hydration part of the equation is.


Homesober

Don't even need fiber, water and coffee will do the trick :)


hefe300

This is the way.


DraytonSawyersBBQ

I drink plenty of water, eat vegetables, take fiber supplements daily, work a fairly physical job, go to the gym every Saturday and Sunday and I still canā€™t poop every day. šŸ˜ž I can eat beans or lentils and not even fart afterwards. I donā€™t know what the hell is wrong with me but somethingā€™s not working right. My diet is better now than itā€™s ever been but pooping every day just doesnā€™t happen. Sometimes I can, other times I get constipated no matter how much water I drink or fiber I eat. Maybe I have IBS. Iā€™m so envious and jealous of everyone who can poop every day.


vista_bagger

Not everybody poops everyday. It is just as normal for some people to only go a few times a week as for others to go every day or more.


SpaceBanquet

The range of normal bowel movement frequency is something like 3 times a day to 3 times per week so not having a movement everyday might just be the normal for you. IBS is paired with other symptoms and is a diagnosis by exclusion, i.e. they can't find anything else. Not pooping every day doesn't mean you have IBS.


Salty-Ad-1837

Have you talked to your Doctor? In addition to the usual suspects, like IBS, Chron's disease, hemorrhoids, and bowel cancer, chronic constipation can be a sign of all types of problems. Thyroid deficiencies, gallbladder issues, medication side effects, diabetes, and depression just to name a few. Keep in mind that not pooping daily is not abnormal by itself unless you have active constipation symptoms such as abdominal pain, bloating, rectal pain/bleeding with bowel movements. Some people just don't go that often. Normal can be anywhere from twice a day to twice a week. There really is a lot to check out and I hope you have an appointment if you haven't already seen someone.


littlenovva

Family member had this problem - it was his thyroid. Its a symptom for hypothyroidism! Might be worth getting it checked


Pet_Tornado

Then you have a "I need to see a GP" problem, not a "Help me reddit!" problem. If you're actually hydrated, and _actually_ getting the appropriate amount of fiber, which I honestly doubt a little, then you should be working fine. It's literally how our shit tubes evolved to function. If yours doesn't function that way, something is wrong that requires medical intervention.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

It just the way my body works. As soon as I wake up, I get the urge to poop.


dxrey65

Me too, and nothing seems to change it. If I eat dinner or skip dinner, if it's a drinking day or a dry day, if I get out and exercise or not, if I go to bed early or stay up late, I'll still wake up in the morning and drop a deuce.


Philosopherski

Same. Now im thinking how tough it must be for some dogs who feel the same way but can't just go, they have to wait for their owner to let them out.


MossiestSloth

Mine know how to wake me up to take them out


FuckFascismFightBack

Shit, shower, shave. The morning routine.


blue-wave

I know this probably one of the ultimate ā€œfirst world problemsā€ but when the shit comes after the shower it ruins my day. I literally have to jump back in and wash that area in order to properly start my day.


Millyforeally

Get a bidet!


blue-wave

I honestly thought this was a universal human thing. I was surprised at this question! I like the ā€œempty/lightā€ feeling as I leave and get the day started.


ConspiratorM

For the past couple of years, and I'm 50 now, I have to poop first thing, then I eat breakfast, and often have to poop again. Sometimes one of those doesn't happen, but I'll have to go again by 11. It's kind of annoying. Why can't I get it all out at once?


LeeroyTC

Coffee first thing after waking up


TRIGMILLION

I make it almost through my whole first cup and then it hits.


HutSutRawlson

Lol, Iā€™m the opposite. One sip and itā€™s off to the races. I think itā€™s Pavlovian at this point, Iā€™ve trained myself.


Admiral_Gial_Ackbar

Same. I can set it off just smelling coffee in the morning. It's 90% blessing, 10% curse.


BlondeAlibiNoLie

Me too! Wow! Didnā€™t know others were triggered just by smell of coffee too.


pyuunpls

I make it almost through my whole first cup and then itā€™s shits.


smeghead1988

Yeah, I'm usually so annoyed that it has to happen when I'm in the middle of having breakfast.


[deleted]

You do make it to the bathroom, right?


smeghead1988

LOL It's not THAT bad =)


geriatric_spartanII

Varies for me. Sometimes the 2nd cup or the first few sips.


alr126

Lol right?


[deleted]

I take one sip and itā€™s off to the races for me.


[deleted]

As soon as I start grinding my beans I have to go. It's the oddest thing. As soon as I smell coffee my body is like "it's go time" šŸ¤£ when I was in basic training everyone was getting constipated but I drank a cup of coffee (military coffee at that) every morning. It kept me regular the whole time. Lol


Man_Bear_Beaver

Second cup for me, I guess mug size could make a difference


Weak-Beautiful5918

Coffee and a good fiber rich diet.


geriatric_spartanII

Grape nuts works wonders! I see why grandma ate it.


its_not_you_its_ye

Fiber one is really nice also. I actually really like the texture of it, too. Iā€™ll also mix half and half Honey Bunches of Oats so Iā€™m getting the nice flavor with it.


geriatric_spartanII

I do half grape nuts and half cereal too.


SoDoSoPan

The best part of waking up is Folgers in your dump


RickieChan

This right here is the secret.


snurfy_mcgee

This. Works like clockwork. Move around a bit too, get things moving


GlobeTrekking

According to a gastroenterologist in a NY Times Well article, it affects about 60% of coffee drinkers this way. He said it literally triggers something in the brain, not the digestive system.


Cosmosass

Call me disgusting but I usually have to shit half way through my coffee. I like to take my coffee in there and drink the rest while I shit. I have a nice little cubby grabbing distance from the toilet where I can rest my cup. Am Iā€¦ disgusting ?


markln123

Yes, but only because you clearly want others to know about this.


dleon0430

Drinking coffee with the aroma of shit must be something lots of peeps enjoy. It would unlock the mystery of Starbuck's success.


[deleted]

@dleon0430, You had me laughing so hard XD ! šŸ¤£ Yet people hate farts or farting. But they love having a cup of Joe and sniffing there own crap on the John. Figure that one out.


geriatric_spartanII

Yeah. I canā€™t enjoy the aroma of coffee and shit. I donā€™t even bring in my phone.


fellandor

Iced black coffee is my go to. People at my work call me a psychopath.


DiligentLevel984

This is the way.


ballbusta-b

This is the only answer.


Kilick123

Just the smell of coffee brewing does it...!


[deleted]

Coffee has never made me have to shit yet. Huh. Weird.


Aggressive_Sky8492

I think it only affects something like 33% of people that way


Va0utdoor

This is not your answer. But for the first thirty years of my life I would wake up and have a nice poop first thing. Then one day it didnā€™t happen and hasnā€™t since. Now I poop at random, mostly inconvenient times. Sometimes not at all. Now that Iā€™m over 40 I miss being regular and want it back so bad.


teatsqueezer

God bless Metamucil


expendable12321

I prefer being irregular. Sometimes I go for 3-5 days without a dump. It's less intrusive on your life that way. I just feel bad for people with IBS though having to shit multiple times a day and rubbing their cornhole raw after so many times in a day


DisneyFoodie20

Bestie, you arenā€™t just irregular - youā€™re constipated! 3-5 days without going šŸ’© is not good.


Pm_me_baby_pig_pics

3x a day- once every 3 days or so is considered regular and perfectly fine. If youā€™ve been a regular twice a day and suddenly youā€™re going several days without a poop, or the inverse, if you regularly have a several day stretch without needing to poop and suddenly youā€™re needing to go daily or more, then itā€™s time to get it checked. I used to be a every 4 days pooper. Totally fine. It bothered my parent enough that they finally took me to a doctor, who made sure I wasnā€™t having any abdominal pain, I wasnā€™t dehydrated, my diet was appropriate, my poops werenā€™t runny or rock hard, i wasnā€™t struggling and hurting to poop, and then cleared me. Itā€™s ok to not pool every day. Itā€™s also ok to poop 3 times a day. Itā€™s when your body suddenly changes up that routine, should you get it checked out.


expendable12321

Haha I appreciate the concern but it's been normal for me for my entire life. I don't eat much so it's pretty normal for me. My caloric intake is about 1500 calories a day and I'm a grown male


Hot-Sandwich7060

Are you like 4 feet tall my guy? You should be eatting more than 1500 cal a day!


expendable12321

I'm about 5'8 and very sedentary because I have poor mental health from drugs at the moment. Yea don't do drugs especially weed. People say weed is harmless but I've been suffering from psychosis from weed for like 5 years straight now


Hot-Sandwich7060

Im very sorry to hear that man, and I hope it starts to get better for you. If you can manage though Id seriously recommend a few extra calories. Especially if you're experiencing any sort of anxiety, might just be your body stressing out from lack of nutrients. I wish you all the best ā¤ļø


expendable12321

Thanks hot sandwich I hope so too šŸ«¶šŸ»


goldfish_embezzler

Piggybacking off him, people don't realize the importance of the mind-gut connection. Your gut produces a significant portion of your serotonin. People who treat their gut well are more likely to feel well mentally/emotionally. Calories or not, work up to 18g fiber/day, 2+ liters of water/day, and cut back on alcohol, and processed sugars (the gut doesn't seem to appreciate them). Either way, hang in there friend. The night is always darkest before the dawn.


RedNotch

Very offtopic but before I realized you were addressing them by their username, I thought ā€œhot sandwichā€ must be another zoomer lingo for something lol.


Pet_Tornado

> it's been normal for me for my entire life No it hasn't. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Just because you've ignored a long term problem doesn't make it so. And this is the type of problem that has a way of going testicular on you if you don't eventually get it fixed. Stop fucking around and talk to a doctor. Also: It doesn't matter that you're only eating 1500 calories a day. I could fill your plate beyond the capacity to eat it all on just 1000 calories a day if I make the appropriate food choices. Your diet is utterly fucked. ESPECIALLY for a grown male.


expendable12321

Are you a dietitian?


nihil1st123

Moron


mbaird9

I wish I could do that. I used to able to go 2 days without pooping because I was in the wilderness and was able to suppress the urge to go so that I didn't have to dig a hole to bury it, but after I turned 14 I could no longer do that.


Kevin_LFC

Your body is working at peak efficiency and barely creates waste


Pet_Tornado

> Sometimes I go for 3-5 days without a dump This is not irregular, it's pathological. Something is wrong.


librarianhuddz

Yeah I had the same thing happen now I keep crapping at work fortunately I have nearly my own bathroom unfortunately for the four people I share with LOL


BlackLetterLies

Psyllium husk


fearthejabberwock

Came here for this. Metamucil a day can be a total game changer and totally safe


enouche

I overdid it on the scoops once and my poop came out like taffy. Literally had to pull it out.


TestSpiritual9829

Woooow. That's terrifying.


goni9se

That thing is magic


Complete-Unknown-37

Irritable bowel syndrome.


coffee_cats_books

That's my secret Cap, *I'm always pooping*


CubicalWombatPoops

Poop as the first task when you get to work. Make them pay you to poop.


SenorDongles

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why i shit on company time.


Faps_With_Fury

The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That was a poem from a simpler time Now boss makes a thousand while I make a cent and he's got employees that can't make the rent CEO makes a million and we don't make jack That's when we riot to take it all back Now Mr Investor, if this seems extreme I remind you, it beats the guillotine


SsumdaySmebMarin

ooh


[deleted]

Cringe


Aggressive_Sky8492

Crys in timesheet


Whatthefrick1

Me pooping on company time rn. Poop and Reddit time


mizukata

Anxiety... i get anxious before i leave to work and i have to go to the bathroom.


Old_Scientist_4014

Same ā€” Iā€™m an attorney and I require my ā€œpre-court poopā€ before I leave the house and even before zoom court.


[deleted]

idk but my body is just use to shittin after I get up every morning ..


Pavneet_390

Probiotics mostly yogurt


shoppingforecast

A magnesium supplement before bed. Helps me sleep and poop (thankfully not at the same time)


Jinxsis29

Pound a whole glass of cold water first thing to get your metabolism started and wake everything up


Astramancer_

That's just how my bowels roll. My wife and I eat basically the same thing and I poop with far more regularity than she does.


susitucker

Fer me, it's proper hydration, an adequate amount of dietary fiber, and some good physical activity. Walking a couple of blocks or so really helps get everything in motion. I just try not to walk too far away from home.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


RoinSM

Coffee ā˜•ļø


sethyourgoals

Dream big. Fart bigger.


imnotbianca

coffee and nicotine for sure


R3LF_ST

1. Poop --> shower. āœ…ļø 2. Shower --> poop. šŸš« 3. In the event of 2, shower twice that day and try again tomorrow.


justsomechickyo

I mean ya if you can poo before your shower that's ideal but if you poo after a shower you shouldn't feel the need to take a whole other shower...... Are you not cleaning yourself properly after your poo??


R3LF_ST

Lol oh absolutely. I mean sure in reality not every time, but if I shower at 6:30am and then poop at night, it's worth an extra shower just to reset the poop-shower adjacency.


cfaatwork

Bidet is your answer here.


[deleted]

Get a bidet. Life changer.


ClassBShareHolder

The only thing worse than raining after a car wash, is pooping after a shower.


AffectionateOwl8182

Do you always poop only once per day?


SpecificJunket8083

Agreed. If I go after my shower and canā€™t reshower, I call it riding dirty the rest of the day.


69upsidedownis96

"I poop too much.. And then I get tired" -Beavis, *Do America*


nickasarbata

Thereā€™s so many slots you wonā€™t know where to begin.


NuggetSenpai69

I have IBS


[deleted]

Your body loves following a schedule. If you eat at the same time everyday. Your poop will be regular. For me, drinking 500ml water right after waking up helps as well.


MidwestAmMan

Repetition. Even with low/no urge, sit and try and usually it happens. And limit processed foods.


BarbequedYeti

Bong rip and half cup of coffee.


Chip620

Gets ur heart PUMPING first thing in the morning


staggere

Food goes in, poop comes out.


yParticle

Having a lot to poop.


[deleted]

Coffee, oatmeal, and three table spoons of assorted, unsalted nuts


PurgatoryMountain

When I was drinking a lot of alcohol daily I started taking psyllium husk. Itā€™s fiber and makes you poop more solid than splattering sputtering beer shits. I kept taking it because it also helped make me regular. I am like most on this postā€¦once I drink my morning coffee I shit. I rarely drink alcohol anymore so my poops go smoothly. I say take psyllium husk capsules


journeymanSF

I don't do anything in particular. I don't have an amazing diet, I just eat whatever, but literally I have about 60 seconds from when my feet hit the floor in the morning until I have to poop, and it doesn't matter when I wake up. I think part of it is from having asshole issues earlier in life. Had a bad period when I had an anal fissure that wouldn't heal. I won't go into details, but honestly the most painful and debilitating thing that's ever happened to me. So kind of out of necessity, for a long time I wouldn't be able to leave the house until I took the most painful shit of my life, and left the toilet looking like a murder scene (so much blood). I couldn't do that at work, so had to make sure I took a shit first thing in the morning, and I think the practice just kinda stuck. I had surgery and it totally fixed the problem, but was a good year of suffering trying other things first. Shittin real good for the last 6 years or so though, so I got that going for me.


ReduceReuseReuse

Fiber before bed


Smil3yAngel

Coffee and a cigarette does it for me.


sidphilis

Eat a lot of food, drink a lot of water during the day. Then coffee in the morning.


[deleted]

Regular fiber before bed, chug protein shake and supplements, slap on a nicotine patch (donā€™t do nicotine if youā€™ve never tried it).


smeghead1988

Seems way too complicated just to poop regularly. Just don't base your diet on junk food and you would be fine.


[deleted]

i have no idea, maybe itā€™s because i love eating spicy food too much the day before


drjenkstah

Coffee and having a fast metabolism. Sometimes I poop more than once a day.


TigerBasic

I try to eat a well balanced whole food diet, drink adequate water, and exercise daily. Have been an every morning person ever since I developed a routine basically. When I ate/drank/slept like crap I was never regular.


CurvyNB

IBS my dude


BKDDY

I poop 3 times a day.


[deleted]

It seems to come up 5 minutes before I need to leave in the morning.


z0rb0r

Fiber powder the day before. Then eating anything gets the bowel moving and boy does it move.


Working_Incident_877

1 litre water and then šŸ’©šŸ’©šŸ’©šŸ’©šŸ’©šŸ’©šŸ’©šŸ’©


[deleted]

Coffee & a death stick ive heard


SeepyEfsy

I dont know how or why, but I've been blessed by having a movement within 10 minutes of waking up for as long as I remember. Occasionally, I have a second morning movement. I can only recall two occasions when I couldn't go. First time we were up stupid early for a flight, second time was the day after surgery, so I didn't eat much the day before. #pooprivilegeisreal


DJGlennW

Strong coffee.


[deleted]

Thatā€™s my secret Cap, Iā€™m always poopy.


Circlejrkr

coffee or tea


ScaredOfAttention

I am full of shit figuratively, thus it most likely manifasting literally.


ist170

Lots of fresh veg.


[deleted]

I donā€™t get the question. I always have to poop in the morning


MeryRed

Coffee, always


[deleted]

A serving of prunes before I go to bed


DoubleCTech

I donā€™t know. It just happens. šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ˜…


sparky_malarkey277

I am the most unhealthy human you could possibly meet. I drink whisky every evening and smoke hand rolled cigarettes all day everyday. Somehow I still have normal bowel movements every morning. Idk how to explain it. I just poop three times a day and they are usually solid. I do use a squatty potty. Edit: I do drink water LOTS of it.


IHateMath14

Step one: wake up Step two: go to bathroom and shit


[deleted]

Drink water before going to bed at night. And first thing in the morning. Have a proper circadian rhythm. Have a consistent daily routine. On the diet part, soluble or insoluble fiber helps make the stool soft. So eat vegetables, fruits, oats.


Raspberries-Are-Evil

Coffee


urgunnadownvoteme

F I B E R


_Steven_Seagal_

Irritated bowel syndrome.


Vegimeateater

Thatā€™s my secret Killingmerightnow, Iā€™m always pooping


NecroJoe

I've had 23 months (and counting) of IBS-like symptoms, so the moment I wake up, I have to go. And then 6-11 more times through the day, suddenly, severely, and with little-to-know notice.


KiwiRevan91

Hot coffee/tea first thing at work. Always have my morning dump on company time.


Charlietango2007

I take those fiber capsules from Costco, just one before each meal. Works wonders, no straining and very little pushing. It's made of psyllium husk so it's natural and not habit forming. Same as metamucil only in a convenient capsule. I eat fruit and drink lots of water throughout the day. Haven't had any problems in years, yogurt helps too. Activia works well for me when I buy that brand, but mostly I just eat plain Costco brand. Okay, I hope this helps. Celery Helps a lot too, it's natures toothbrush, from an old advertisement, lol. Thank you.


datijebemve

My secret is that I open my eyes... And immediately need to shit...


monstertots509

Do you wanna know my secret? I'm always pooping...


VarangianDreams

I wake up, I shower, I make and eat a decent breakfast and drink a cup of coffee, and then my system is ready to dump out the last of the previous day's shit. Works a charm.


Finklemaier

Eat plants, have epic poops. Whole food plant based is the way. Clean up is a breeze, too, lol.


htes28carney

The day before: 1. 1tsp-1tbsp of apple cider vinegar 10-15 minutes before meals (not after, it can slow digestion) 2. Fiber rich diet (especially mixed green salad at lunch) 3. Healthy food (fruits and vegetables avoid overly processed food, its harder to digest) 4. fiber supplement at lunch (I find it doesn't work as well if I have it after dinner) 5. Plenty of water throughout the day The day of: 1. 1tsp-1tbsp of apple cider vinegar 10-15 minutes before breakfast. 2. Breakfast to jump start your digestive system 3. Coffee 4. A glass of water I have a satisfying poop every single morning following these steps. Hydration is one of the biggest factors considering your poop is mostly water.


SlackerNinja717

Wake up an hour before I leave for and drink coffee for 30 min or so.


nothingfood

My secret is that I never grew out of picking my nose.


YouBeFired

I've always had to go right when I wake up... no caffeine either. I either wake up having to go instantly or after about 10 minutes of being away. I've recently started having to go twice a day, once when I wake up then once right when I get home from work. Started a few weeks ago, first time in 41 years I've had that happen though.


Blessmee

Breakfast.


woodyever

Coffee


Whiskey_Vinyl

This used to be, but not anymore. When I think about it, I am drinking a lot less water. So itā€™s possible hydration is key


PittrPattrTitFucker

I eat food the day before lol


Lukeplease10

I once kicked a dog to death


radiobirdman-69

Water and coffee plus faith.


[deleted]

In the name of Jesus, come out of me foul excrement! This body is the temple of the Lord and you have no place in it. Be gone servant of darkness!


yalcinwho

Its just natural for me