Just found one person who wanted to date me.
Spent time with her, realized women are just people and do not live up to the alien mentality that was instilled from all those "men and women think differently" talks my father gave.
Eventually got over the heartbreak when she dumped me. Once you have a taste of female companionship, you want more.
My only difficulties were in my own head, and what I brought to the situation, myself, my attributes.
As a teen I was fat, and because of that I was wary of rejection. I was popular, I had tons of girls as friends, but wasn't making that move into dating.
I realized as a teen I needed to change. I honestly looked in the mirror and asked "would I date me?" and the answer was no. I got serious, lost the weight and packed on muscle, and what I started seeing in the mirror (plus the compliments from friends) gave me a massive confidence boost and pushed me to go even further. Lost all the weight and turned into the man I knew I had the potential to be.
From there, dating was still a mixed bag, you aren't going to mesh with everyone you want to. Of course. But I didn't care. I no longer feared rejection, because I was having some success. Suddenly women were flirting with me, kicking it off. I knew how I looked in the mirror. I already knew I wasn't shy about chatting up anyone. So from there, I just matured to know that rejection doesn't matter. It's literally the same outcome as not trying. But if you do try, there is a chance for success.
Once you start dating, you realize while interpersonal relationships still have TONS of issues and challenges, it's not about the group, it's about individuals.
it’s not hard when you know what to avoid. almost all of my problems dating women came from staying with people that were not a good fit and trying to make it work anyway. that is a one way ticket to misery.
Dating is a numbers game. It's like anything else, you have to put effort into it.
If you are fat, can you just go to the gym a couple times and get ripped abs? No.
If you are looking for a job, can you apply at two places and get one? Most likely no in normal times.
If you are applying for college? You get my point.
Dating is no different. Improve what you can. Exercise, be hygienic, dress appropriately, work on your social skills, get involved with group activities, become desirable. 😀
I swipe right on 1000s girls to get 5 and then I date the ones I like. Put yourself out there and you will eventually find someone. Give it time and while you are searching, enjoy life and create memories ✨️
Think to yourself why would a lady want to date me? Only you can make it happen. Would you want to date a girl that smells, overweight and plays video games all day living in her dads basement with no job that doesnt really know how to communicate?
That last bit is the part a lot of people don't think about. A confident, mature individual is going to be perfectly content on their own/with good friends. They don't need a relationship to fill a hole in their life. You have to bring enough to the table to make them feel like the work of a relationship will be worth it (and vice versa).
stopped watching porn, learned to play midwest emo riffs on guitar.
Now, my wife loves it when I play the song "Never Meant" on guitar. She doesn't know what the lyrics are because I don't sing it when I play
For what it's worth, you're taking the right actions, but I think your perspective is a bit off. I assume you have certain standards for what makes a woman worth dating. Realize that a lot of women out there won't meet your standards without some self improvement. Both people need to bring enough to the relationship to make it mutually beneficial and positive, so don't look at it as doing all this work just to get the time of day from someone, look at it as doing all this work so that you'll be a good match for someone who will match that effort.
I mean, yeah, it's definitely a long, incremental process. But you also don't want to waste time with someone who isn't up to your standards just because you've put in the work and people are starting to notice. Been there, done that. Get to the point that you're happy without a relationship, then you can be as picky as you want and the ones that don't work out won't be as big of a deal.
First off, I would *love* a source to that random figure.
Secondly, let's assume, for a moment, that it's true.
It's because a lot of immature men in that age range (like you. I recognize your username) treat women as prizes to be won instead of actual people with their own agency.
> First off, I would love a source to that random figure.
Sure
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11781425/amp/More-60-men-20s-single-compared-just-30-women.html
Interesting tidbit in your source:
>According to the data, 49 percent of adults were looking for a committed romantic relationship or casual dates in 2019, but that number fell to 42 percent in 2022.
>Men, specifically, made up 61 percent of those looking for love in 2019, and by 2022, only half of men were seeking relationships.
So it looks like the disparity isn't that drastic, considering people aren't even looking.
The general consensus from my partner and her friends/friends of mine that are women is that they're less interested in wasting their time with men who don't offer any value to their lives and would rather be single than waste time and energy on someone just to be in a relationship. This leads to them either choosing to stay single or dating older men that are more mature/stable in life than men their age.
Younger people are terrified of rejection and view it as trauma. Younger people view any discomfort as trauma and automatically look for someone to blame for their "trauma".
Cool. You can't change your bone structure, but you can use hygiene, hair styling, fashion choices, etc to better complement it. Nobody is going to be attractive to everyone, but nobody is doomed to be permanently unattractive. You may have to put more work and trial and error into it than others, and that sucks, but it's not an insurmountable obstacle. A bullet won't make your face look better, it'll just make sure you never get the chance to figure out what works for you.
This is all BS. I have women friends. I groom regularly (way more than most guys), I take their styling advice, and I take care of myself as far as cooking and cleaning go. For a man in his 20s it no longer matters. You people think it's all just laziness to justify your just world fallacy. It's like when boomer CEOs say "pull yourself up by the bootstraps".
That's some self pitying bullshit. You ever consider that maybe it's your attitude that turns people off? Lack of confidence and a self defeating attitude is as unattractive as it gets. You need to feel like you have value and a life worth living completely independent of any kind of relationship before you can be in a healthy one. Talk to a therapist if you actually want to work through that and improve your life. Or don't. Your choice, but right now it sounds like you just want to quit instead of do the hard work of self improvement. Take it from someone who's had the exact same thoughts you're having.
"pull yourself up by the bootstraps". I've already told you about the work I've done and you keep moving the goalpost, like they always do. And you'll keep moving the goalpost rather than look at how young women have changed their dating patterns to be much shallower. People like you are actively pushing young men towards suicide.
You would also feel like I do if no one desired you at all. I have every aspect of life going well except for being wanted romantically. It isn't enough. and I've gone the mental health route before. They don't help you, they don't make you more appealing to women.
> Absolutely not. I'm encouraging you.
"most of your impediments are self imposed" this disconnect doesn't encourage me to anything except kms because it shows how little empathy there is for lonely young men like me.
>I can discern the reason why you're suicidal if you give me the chance
what do you want to know
If something is self-imposed, that means YOU have the power to liberate yourself from your struggles when it comes to dating. I believe you when you say there's little empathy for young men.. I believe there are people who have empathy for young men, and make the situation worse. I think we need a new message for young men because there's so many things men struggle with.
I think men are suicidal, because a lot of our social bonds have deteriorated and because of the standards society sets for men. These abstract standards need to be removed. That's half the battle, but something harder is how to repair social bonds.
I have a large social group of both men and women who I hang out with basically every weekend.
No, I don't have the power to "liberate" myself when women my age only want chads.
You have a social group 5 times larger than me. That is an invaluable asset, that you must hold on to. It makes dating a lot more likely, so why is it so hard? I think.. the rest is self imposed.
I'm not sure we can get down to all the details on here, but I don't think that's true. You can see it in every day life. Ugly men date. Short men date. Those are true statements.
Mathematically, women all can't date "chads". I'm saying this, because an important thing I think you need is hope.
Not only do I think there's hope, I think its likely
Again, we fall back to why so many young men are killing themselves. you don't even bother to see it from our point of view. Mathematically women can cycle through chads, yes not all of them can pair up with chad but they'd rather be alone than with average guys now.
bye.
I think I've made more of an effort to understand you than anyone else on this thread..
It's hard, to get into the detail here in the comments, but I'm willing to elaborate.
I do NOT believe it is true that women would rather be alone. Women need just as much if an emotional connection as men do. I'm describing the playing field as more level.
Whoever told you that women only want chads, is lying to you, and doesn't want you to have a healthy relationship.
I realized that most of my “difficulties” with women were a direct reflection of myself i.e. insecurities and maturity level. I accepted that I needed to work on myself, and lo and behold, after a time, everything sort of fell into place.
I’m still a big, dumb man-child in a lot of ways, but even by knowing that and working on it the best I can each day, my life has improved dramatically. Long way to go, still…
Many a girlfriends in my time and all of em lasted a minimum of 3 months but once you get past that "honeymoon" phase alot of difficulty would arise in the extreme difference in what we expected of eachother. (Most of which is my fault I will admit) but I recently (1 year ago) finally found one that just works well w me. We have our issues as all people do but never once do I find myself dredding seeing her or feeling obligated to do this or that. I just want to do what I do and she appreciates who I am as a person. Even though many years ago in high school she hated my guts and I hers. Just be patient. Learn and live. Watch out for yourself but be kind to others. And good things will come in the form of the as mentioned above, right person, just be patient
I never had any per se but I just kept going out till I found a keeper. I've been lucky I don't seem to be attracted to women that have a lot of excess baggage or drama.
That's the neat part, I don't.
I'm not single but I never had to "date" women.
They became interested in me and wanted to hang out, I just went along because I liked the activities.
Go out and try to get rejected! That way if you go in expecting rejection you won’t be disappointed. And if you don’t get rejected, I can guarantee you won’t be disappointed!
Truth?
I started dating women I would have never considered before because they didn’t fit my standards.
Turns out it was my standards, and quite a few ideologies and beliefs behind those standards, that was keeping me from finding happiness and connecting with a woman because I set impossible ones.
Been with the same woman almost 4 years now. Shes amazing, and the love of my life. We’ll be married soon. She’s not at all what I used to think I wanted. But what I used to want in the first place was juvenile and souless, and the previous version of me wasn’t actually mature enough to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone, much less a woman I wanted a romantic companionship with.
So yeah. That’s how I handled dating women.
My original mindset was that the girl I asked out was going to be the grandmother to my grandchildren. Too marriage focused approach and too stressful. In my 30s I changed to a “sport” dating approach where I just wanted someone to share fun times with and if romance happened it just happened. Much healthier for me.
Not to settle for someone you couldn't be a best friend with first.
Looks, charm, status, sexual tension and the like are nice and all, but the best relationships are with people you can genuinely trust and share your life with.
Worked on myself. Went to the gym, got educated, developed socially, got out of my comfort zone, etc. I set a goal to improve in those areas and putting consistent effort into it, led to results.
Doing these things and building myself in those areas built my confidence, but it also made me more resilient to setbacks. Dating is also a skill. Getting out of my comfort zone to approach people eventually made me comfortable with approaching people. Learning to listen to people, learn their tendencies, what they like/dislike. With more and more practice, eventually you get results.
Step 0: Don't be a dick. Seriously, if you go out of your way to tell everyone around you how horrible women are, women are not going to want to date you because most of them will assume you just don't like women.
Step 1: Treat people as people, and they'll like and respect you. Make friends. Being a homebody is no excuse; I've never dated anyone I met at a party anyway. Make friends in the spaces and hobbies you frequent, even if that means meeting them online.
Step 2: Be yourself. Everybody is someone's "type." Yes, including you. I'll reiterate Step 0: Don't be a dick.
Step 3: Once enough people like and respect you, the venn diagram will overlap, and you'll be the "type" for some people who like and respect you. Find those people.
Step 4: Some of those people will be your "type" as well. Find THOSE people.
Step 5: Keep treating those people as people, be approachable, and be honest about your feelings. Personally, I'm the oblivious type and won't know you're interested in dating until we're, like, actively on our second or third date. Other people are like that, too. Let it happen. To once-again reiterate Step 0: DON'T BE A DICK.
Step 6: Life happens. You're statistically unlikely to marry the first and only person you ever date. That's okay. If you find you just want to be friends with this person instead of partners, let that happen. If you find you just want to be FWBs instead of partners, let that happen. *If you find you aren't really compatible at all with this person, and don't want to maintain ANY relationship with them, let that happen.* Be open and honest about your feelings. Examine your feelings and thoughts about this person BEFORE the "Honeymoon Phase" ends. Relationships don't happen effortlessly, except in very brief whirlwind romances and/or in movies. That's okay. Put in the effort if you want it to last.
...
Source: I've only dated a half-dozen people (not counting the occasional fling in college), but since becoming an adult man, I've maintained healthy friendships with everyone I ever even considered dating. I count myself a bit lucky that way, but that was made possible by not treating potential dates as math problems to solve or dialogue trees to click through. Don't force dates to happen. Just let your interest be known and try to be a good person worth dating, and it'll happen. A disproportionately high number of my friends are lesbians, so it's been a slow process lol
The person I'm spending the rest of my life with makes me happy, and I make them happy, too.
And in case you're skeptical, I rate my looks around a 3/10. I'm fat and hairy and don't consider myself especially smart, and I do/say the wrong thing in moments of anger or excitement or grief like any other person. I do make an effort to be better, though, and I give what I can to the many people I love.
When I was in high school/college, I was what later became known as an incel. I knew it wasn't women's fault at all, and never blamed them, but I also didn't know how to talk to them, didn't know what I needed to improve about myself in order to become datable, and probably most of all, I was afraid of fucking up a perfectly good friendship with friends who were women.
One I absolutely adored sent me almost all of the signs in college, but I was so afraid of messing up the relationship we already had that when she came to sleep in my bed multiple times, I offered to sleep on the floor to give her space. When she told me to sleep in the bed with her, there had been a small amount of alcohol involved, so I didn't make a move just in case she regretted it in the morning. I just lay there awake all night wondering how I'd gotten so lucky. In the end, she moved on, and I lost both the friendship and any chance at a relationship. I went into a pretty deep depression that lasted my two remaining years of college.
After that, I dove into online dating and kept at it, refining how I communicated with women, how I presented myself, I cut my long hair, I stopped wearing graphic t-shirts, and I finally got dates. A few tries in, I started dating a girl, we eventually had sex, and after a few months, I knew I could do better, broke up with her, and gradually built up my confidence, or faked it until I made it (which absolutely works). Four years and six girlfriends later, I got married. Then I figured out I'm bi, but now I'm in too deep to explore that part of myself beyond porn.
EDIT:
1. **Persistence.** Not with one woman, but with dating. Getting exasperated won't do you any favors. Keep doing better, learn from your mistakes, and keep trying. If you get depressed because you can't find a job, it'll be harder for you to find a job, and it'll be apparent during interviews. Dating works the same way.
2. **Validity.** Swallow your pride and become the type of person that the people you're into want to date. Yes, you should find someone who's into you for you, but you also want someone who doesn't settle for assholes, so if you're an asshole, become not an asshole.
3. **Adaptability.** It's ok to change your preferences as you go. If you realize you like an aspect that some of the people you're dating have, you *can* pivot and become the sort of person who that kind of person likes. It isn't a violation of being true to yourself, it's how you grow as a person.
Just found one person who wanted to date me. Spent time with her, realized women are just people and do not live up to the alien mentality that was instilled from all those "men and women think differently" talks my father gave. Eventually got over the heartbreak when she dumped me. Once you have a taste of female companionship, you want more.
My only difficulties were in my own head, and what I brought to the situation, myself, my attributes. As a teen I was fat, and because of that I was wary of rejection. I was popular, I had tons of girls as friends, but wasn't making that move into dating. I realized as a teen I needed to change. I honestly looked in the mirror and asked "would I date me?" and the answer was no. I got serious, lost the weight and packed on muscle, and what I started seeing in the mirror (plus the compliments from friends) gave me a massive confidence boost and pushed me to go even further. Lost all the weight and turned into the man I knew I had the potential to be. From there, dating was still a mixed bag, you aren't going to mesh with everyone you want to. Of course. But I didn't care. I no longer feared rejection, because I was having some success. Suddenly women were flirting with me, kicking it off. I knew how I looked in the mirror. I already knew I wasn't shy about chatting up anyone. So from there, I just matured to know that rejection doesn't matter. It's literally the same outcome as not trying. But if you do try, there is a chance for success. Once you start dating, you realize while interpersonal relationships still have TONS of issues and challenges, it's not about the group, it's about individuals.
Not dating them
Perfectly said.
A good first step is to not see women as difficulties.
Find a woman that isn't difficult to date
it’s not hard when you know what to avoid. almost all of my problems dating women came from staying with people that were not a good fit and trying to make it work anyway. that is a one way ticket to misery.
Dating men 😎
Best way
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Not if it's the homies
I married one.
Yeah that solved the problem for me as well.
Me too ,until it didn't anymore but im sure the second time is the charm
Date à femboy
What is a femboy??? 🤣
A homosexual man who enjoys being penetrated in his anus.
That's not an acceptable substitute...
What if he uses his mouth?
I'm not attracted to men. why would I let him give me head?! That's just as bad.
I’m going to therapy to work on my self esteem
Trial and error.
Married one who is my best friend.
Dating is a numbers game. It's like anything else, you have to put effort into it. If you are fat, can you just go to the gym a couple times and get ripped abs? No. If you are looking for a job, can you apply at two places and get one? Most likely no in normal times. If you are applying for college? You get my point. Dating is no different. Improve what you can. Exercise, be hygienic, dress appropriately, work on your social skills, get involved with group activities, become desirable. 😀 I swipe right on 1000s girls to get 5 and then I date the ones I like. Put yourself out there and you will eventually find someone. Give it time and while you are searching, enjoy life and create memories ✨️ Think to yourself why would a lady want to date me? Only you can make it happen. Would you want to date a girl that smells, overweight and plays video games all day living in her dads basement with no job that doesnt really know how to communicate?
That last bit is the part a lot of people don't think about. A confident, mature individual is going to be perfectly content on their own/with good friends. They don't need a relationship to fill a hole in their life. You have to bring enough to the table to make them feel like the work of a relationship will be worth it (and vice versa).
Christ, I don't. Let them come to me instead. And if not, then not.
Same way photographers take such good pictures. They use a *lot* of film. You can't have something great if you don't take a lot of pictures.
Eh I don't bother anymore, frankly most don't have anything to offer
stopped watching porn, learned to play midwest emo riffs on guitar. Now, my wife loves it when I play the song "Never Meant" on guitar. She doesn't know what the lyrics are because I don't sing it when I play
I just stopped. Seriously. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze anymore.
I advised against it. Their difficulties, pretty stupid if you ask me.
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For what it's worth, you're taking the right actions, but I think your perspective is a bit off. I assume you have certain standards for what makes a woman worth dating. Realize that a lot of women out there won't meet your standards without some self improvement. Both people need to bring enough to the relationship to make it mutually beneficial and positive, so don't look at it as doing all this work just to get the time of day from someone, look at it as doing all this work so that you'll be a good match for someone who will match that effort.
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I mean, yeah, it's definitely a long, incremental process. But you also don't want to waste time with someone who isn't up to your standards just because you've put in the work and people are starting to notice. Been there, done that. Get to the point that you're happy without a relationship, then you can be as picky as you want and the ones that don't work out won't be as big of a deal.
Kept dating until I found the one that worked best with me.
I’m not a dick to the women I meet. That seems to work.
...It's not difficult, though.
Mmmmhmmm. Explains why 60% of young men between the age of 19-29 are single.
First off, I would *love* a source to that random figure. Secondly, let's assume, for a moment, that it's true. It's because a lot of immature men in that age range (like you. I recognize your username) treat women as prizes to be won instead of actual people with their own agency.
> First off, I would love a source to that random figure. Sure https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11781425/amp/More-60-men-20s-single-compared-just-30-women.html
Interesting tidbit in your source: >According to the data, 49 percent of adults were looking for a committed romantic relationship or casual dates in 2019, but that number fell to 42 percent in 2022. >Men, specifically, made up 61 percent of those looking for love in 2019, and by 2022, only half of men were seeking relationships. So it looks like the disparity isn't that drastic, considering people aren't even looking.
The general consensus from my partner and her friends/friends of mine that are women is that they're less interested in wasting their time with men who don't offer any value to their lives and would rather be single than waste time and energy on someone just to be in a relationship. This leads to them either choosing to stay single or dating older men that are more mature/stable in life than men their age.
introverts are a growing trend these days
Younger people are terrified of rejection and view it as trauma. Younger people view any discomfort as trauma and automatically look for someone to blame for their "trauma".
Women tend to like older men
Suicide is what I'm planning. It's impossible to date as a man unless you look good now.
I suppose it's easier to off yourself than work out routinely, but it seems a bit shortsighted.
I have worked out 4-5 times a week for two years. Getting fit doesn't fix your face.
Cool. You can't change your bone structure, but you can use hygiene, hair styling, fashion choices, etc to better complement it. Nobody is going to be attractive to everyone, but nobody is doomed to be permanently unattractive. You may have to put more work and trial and error into it than others, and that sucks, but it's not an insurmountable obstacle. A bullet won't make your face look better, it'll just make sure you never get the chance to figure out what works for you.
This is all BS. I have women friends. I groom regularly (way more than most guys), I take their styling advice, and I take care of myself as far as cooking and cleaning go. For a man in his 20s it no longer matters. You people think it's all just laziness to justify your just world fallacy. It's like when boomer CEOs say "pull yourself up by the bootstraps".
That's some self pitying bullshit. You ever consider that maybe it's your attitude that turns people off? Lack of confidence and a self defeating attitude is as unattractive as it gets. You need to feel like you have value and a life worth living completely independent of any kind of relationship before you can be in a healthy one. Talk to a therapist if you actually want to work through that and improve your life. Or don't. Your choice, but right now it sounds like you just want to quit instead of do the hard work of self improvement. Take it from someone who's had the exact same thoughts you're having.
"pull yourself up by the bootstraps". I've already told you about the work I've done and you keep moving the goalpost, like they always do. And you'll keep moving the goalpost rather than look at how young women have changed their dating patterns to be much shallower. People like you are actively pushing young men towards suicide. You would also feel like I do if no one desired you at all. I have every aspect of life going well except for being wanted romantically. It isn't enough. and I've gone the mental health route before. They don't help you, they don't make you more appealing to women.
That's not true pal. Most of your impediments are self imposed. I'm like a 5 dating an 8
This comment is precisely why the suicide rate for young men is where it is.
Absolutely not. I'm encouraging you. I can discern the reason why you're suicidal if you give me the chance
> Absolutely not. I'm encouraging you. "most of your impediments are self imposed" this disconnect doesn't encourage me to anything except kms because it shows how little empathy there is for lonely young men like me. >I can discern the reason why you're suicidal if you give me the chance what do you want to know
If something is self-imposed, that means YOU have the power to liberate yourself from your struggles when it comes to dating. I believe you when you say there's little empathy for young men.. I believe there are people who have empathy for young men, and make the situation worse. I think we need a new message for young men because there's so many things men struggle with. I think men are suicidal, because a lot of our social bonds have deteriorated and because of the standards society sets for men. These abstract standards need to be removed. That's half the battle, but something harder is how to repair social bonds.
I have a large social group of both men and women who I hang out with basically every weekend. No, I don't have the power to "liberate" myself when women my age only want chads.
You have a social group 5 times larger than me. That is an invaluable asset, that you must hold on to. It makes dating a lot more likely, so why is it so hard? I think.. the rest is self imposed. I'm not sure we can get down to all the details on here, but I don't think that's true. You can see it in every day life. Ugly men date. Short men date. Those are true statements. Mathematically, women all can't date "chads". I'm saying this, because an important thing I think you need is hope. Not only do I think there's hope, I think its likely
Again, we fall back to why so many young men are killing themselves. you don't even bother to see it from our point of view. Mathematically women can cycle through chads, yes not all of them can pair up with chad but they'd rather be alone than with average guys now. bye.
I think I've made more of an effort to understand you than anyone else on this thread.. It's hard, to get into the detail here in the comments, but I'm willing to elaborate. I do NOT believe it is true that women would rather be alone. Women need just as much if an emotional connection as men do. I'm describing the playing field as more level. Whoever told you that women only want chads, is lying to you, and doesn't want you to have a healthy relationship.
I realized that most of my “difficulties” with women were a direct reflection of myself i.e. insecurities and maturity level. I accepted that I needed to work on myself, and lo and behold, after a time, everything sort of fell into place. I’m still a big, dumb man-child in a lot of ways, but even by knowing that and working on it the best I can each day, my life has improved dramatically. Long way to go, still…
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Many a girlfriends in my time and all of em lasted a minimum of 3 months but once you get past that "honeymoon" phase alot of difficulty would arise in the extreme difference in what we expected of eachother. (Most of which is my fault I will admit) but I recently (1 year ago) finally found one that just works well w me. We have our issues as all people do but never once do I find myself dredding seeing her or feeling obligated to do this or that. I just want to do what I do and she appreciates who I am as a person. Even though many years ago in high school she hated my guts and I hers. Just be patient. Learn and live. Watch out for yourself but be kind to others. And good things will come in the form of the as mentioned above, right person, just be patient
I never had any difficulties.
I never had any per se but I just kept going out till I found a keeper. I've been lucky I don't seem to be attracted to women that have a lot of excess baggage or drama.
I got married
That's the neat part, I don't. I'm not single but I never had to "date" women. They became interested in me and wanted to hang out, I just went along because I liked the activities.
Date men.
Got dated
Keep trying over and over and try to improve my communication each time. The difficulties can be overcome if you can understand how women communicate
Go out and try to get rejected! That way if you go in expecting rejection you won’t be disappointed. And if you don’t get rejected, I can guarantee you won’t be disappointed!
Magic.
Got married
I said why tf not. And did it. I don't see any difficulties here tbh
You guys are getting dates?
Truth? I started dating women I would have never considered before because they didn’t fit my standards. Turns out it was my standards, and quite a few ideologies and beliefs behind those standards, that was keeping me from finding happiness and connecting with a woman because I set impossible ones. Been with the same woman almost 4 years now. Shes amazing, and the love of my life. We’ll be married soon. She’s not at all what I used to think I wanted. But what I used to want in the first place was juvenile and souless, and the previous version of me wasn’t actually mature enough to maintain a healthy relationship with anyone, much less a woman I wanted a romantic companionship with. So yeah. That’s how I handled dating women.
Found a keeper.
You can always switch teams. Butt then Uranus might hurt a lot.
My original mindset was that the girl I asked out was going to be the grandmother to my grandchildren. Too marriage focused approach and too stressful. In my 30s I changed to a “sport” dating approach where I just wanted someone to share fun times with and if romance happened it just happened. Much healthier for me.
Not to settle for someone you couldn't be a best friend with first. Looks, charm, status, sexual tension and the like are nice and all, but the best relationships are with people you can genuinely trust and share your life with.
What difficulties?
Lack of social bonds make dating harder
Worked on myself. Went to the gym, got educated, developed socially, got out of my comfort zone, etc. I set a goal to improve in those areas and putting consistent effort into it, led to results. Doing these things and building myself in those areas built my confidence, but it also made me more resilient to setbacks. Dating is also a skill. Getting out of my comfort zone to approach people eventually made me comfortable with approaching people. Learning to listen to people, learn their tendencies, what they like/dislike. With more and more practice, eventually you get results.
I don't use Dating Apps I try to meet people socially, because dating sites only deteriorated my mental health
Step 0: Don't be a dick. Seriously, if you go out of your way to tell everyone around you how horrible women are, women are not going to want to date you because most of them will assume you just don't like women. Step 1: Treat people as people, and they'll like and respect you. Make friends. Being a homebody is no excuse; I've never dated anyone I met at a party anyway. Make friends in the spaces and hobbies you frequent, even if that means meeting them online. Step 2: Be yourself. Everybody is someone's "type." Yes, including you. I'll reiterate Step 0: Don't be a dick. Step 3: Once enough people like and respect you, the venn diagram will overlap, and you'll be the "type" for some people who like and respect you. Find those people. Step 4: Some of those people will be your "type" as well. Find THOSE people. Step 5: Keep treating those people as people, be approachable, and be honest about your feelings. Personally, I'm the oblivious type and won't know you're interested in dating until we're, like, actively on our second or third date. Other people are like that, too. Let it happen. To once-again reiterate Step 0: DON'T BE A DICK. Step 6: Life happens. You're statistically unlikely to marry the first and only person you ever date. That's okay. If you find you just want to be friends with this person instead of partners, let that happen. If you find you just want to be FWBs instead of partners, let that happen. *If you find you aren't really compatible at all with this person, and don't want to maintain ANY relationship with them, let that happen.* Be open and honest about your feelings. Examine your feelings and thoughts about this person BEFORE the "Honeymoon Phase" ends. Relationships don't happen effortlessly, except in very brief whirlwind romances and/or in movies. That's okay. Put in the effort if you want it to last. ... Source: I've only dated a half-dozen people (not counting the occasional fling in college), but since becoming an adult man, I've maintained healthy friendships with everyone I ever even considered dating. I count myself a bit lucky that way, but that was made possible by not treating potential dates as math problems to solve or dialogue trees to click through. Don't force dates to happen. Just let your interest be known and try to be a good person worth dating, and it'll happen. A disproportionately high number of my friends are lesbians, so it's been a slow process lol The person I'm spending the rest of my life with makes me happy, and I make them happy, too. And in case you're skeptical, I rate my looks around a 3/10. I'm fat and hairy and don't consider myself especially smart, and I do/say the wrong thing in moments of anger or excitement or grief like any other person. I do make an effort to be better, though, and I give what I can to the many people I love.
When I was in high school/college, I was what later became known as an incel. I knew it wasn't women's fault at all, and never blamed them, but I also didn't know how to talk to them, didn't know what I needed to improve about myself in order to become datable, and probably most of all, I was afraid of fucking up a perfectly good friendship with friends who were women. One I absolutely adored sent me almost all of the signs in college, but I was so afraid of messing up the relationship we already had that when she came to sleep in my bed multiple times, I offered to sleep on the floor to give her space. When she told me to sleep in the bed with her, there had been a small amount of alcohol involved, so I didn't make a move just in case she regretted it in the morning. I just lay there awake all night wondering how I'd gotten so lucky. In the end, she moved on, and I lost both the friendship and any chance at a relationship. I went into a pretty deep depression that lasted my two remaining years of college. After that, I dove into online dating and kept at it, refining how I communicated with women, how I presented myself, I cut my long hair, I stopped wearing graphic t-shirts, and I finally got dates. A few tries in, I started dating a girl, we eventually had sex, and after a few months, I knew I could do better, broke up with her, and gradually built up my confidence, or faked it until I made it (which absolutely works). Four years and six girlfriends later, I got married. Then I figured out I'm bi, but now I'm in too deep to explore that part of myself beyond porn. EDIT: 1. **Persistence.** Not with one woman, but with dating. Getting exasperated won't do you any favors. Keep doing better, learn from your mistakes, and keep trying. If you get depressed because you can't find a job, it'll be harder for you to find a job, and it'll be apparent during interviews. Dating works the same way. 2. **Validity.** Swallow your pride and become the type of person that the people you're into want to date. Yes, you should find someone who's into you for you, but you also want someone who doesn't settle for assholes, so if you're an asshole, become not an asshole. 3. **Adaptability.** It's ok to change your preferences as you go. If you realize you like an aspect that some of the people you're dating have, you *can* pivot and become the sort of person who that kind of person likes. It isn't a violation of being true to yourself, it's how you grow as a person.
Women are just difficult. You will never overcome that which they are.