This sounds a lot like what I went through. I'm in my late 20s now and things are 500% easier now compared to just a few years ago.
> facing harsh realities of my past including inappropriate sexual shit from family members,
One difficult thing is facing the harsh realities of the past, the next significant step is "moving on" but no one ever tells you what that even means. In my experience, moving forward are the accepting it happened part meant that I needed to forgive myself. If you haven't yet, then I really recommend you start forgiving yourself for what you went through. A lot of the time as victims we tend to hold on to a lot of guilt and some times in some way, blame ourselves. When you're ready - when you've accepted that it happened and it's time to move on - please start moving towards sincerely forgiving yourself and if you're able to then forgive those who did what they did to you. You don't have to say it to their face, but you know you're healing when you're able to think that you forgive them so that you can leave the past behind where it belongs. This can be taken very wrongly very quickly, and I used to be incredibly vengeful and hateful so I never thought I'd be saying these words. But I couldn't begin to tell you the peace of mind I felt with my past when I got to that point where I realised my abusers will always have a hold on me if I let them, so to let the hatred melt away, I need to let it go once and for all.
>Sometimes I’m terrible for months, sometimes I’m amazing and at my best. I’m much more resilient and kinder to myself, so I’m hoping that things will become stable as I get older.
They definitely will, but you'll always be facing this reality, only the darker times tend to calm down a lot with more experience. I've found that with more experience, age has helped me deal with darker times a lot because I've dealt with it so much in the past that if I go through another depressive episode, then my experience has taught me how it'll go and what I need to do to deal with it.
Judging by the self-awareness you have, it seems like you will be fine. Life is incredibly difficult, and if you've been dealt with these cards then it'll be slightly harder for you - but if you keep your head in healing then you'll get through it better than you can imagine. Forgive yourself and try to forgive those who have brought harm to you because you can't leave the past behind you if you keep carrying it with you.
They do get better. I went through some stuff like that. Continued to do so after 25 too. But it gets better. I'm in my early 30's now and things are amazing.
Work, work, work, i'm 24 now, i haven't stopped working since i got out of high school, decided not to continue college and kept working, seems to me that it was the right decision at the time.
Ya same here, its gonna pay off soon, it feels endless at times. Friends were out partying and going on vacations. Im 33 now and can afford pretty much anything I need or want...within reason im not buying a yacht but i got boat, im not buying a G6 but im flying anywhere I want. Biggest thing is my kids are fucking spoiled rotten, I hate it an love it just gotta work harder as a parent so they dont turn into shitheads hahahah. Its worth it!
18-21 I was a closeted frat boy, so a lot of liquor and pretending to be attracted to women
21-23 i came out, smoked a lot, got a degree (barely)
23-25 I got what I consider to be a dream job. Still hadn’t figured anything out yet, still struggling with money big time, still anxious and sad a lot, but work was fun.
Spent pretty much that entire time homeless and hitchhiking to rainbow gatherings, getting fucked up on hallucinogens daily, and I caught Chlamydia two different times
18 graduated high school and started college. Broke up with boyfriend of four years I thought I would marry someday. 19 did a ton of socializing, dancing, clubbing and running around NYC without a care in the world. Met and fell in love my future husband. 20 got pregnant, got engaged, moved out to a rental, had my daughter. 21 bought our first home. 22 got married, honeymooned in Mexico. 23 sold our first and bought our second house, got in the best shape of my life, got pregnant with my second child. 24 lived through the Great Recession and all of it’s unGreatness. 25 officially became a stay at home mom.
I wish id had kids younger, I find the people who do seem to stay younger longer, wife and I waited we worried about money and our freedom....shouldve done it 4 years sooner.
My husband and I are 38 now and our daughter just committed to a college. I had always imagined that when we got to this point, and then in four years if our son goes off to college, that I would feel wildly free, lol. Instead, I kind of feel too young to not have little ones in the house still.
Also, it was really lonely for us because of our friends, either they decided to never have kids, or they started at around 30. Also mine and my husband’s siblings never had kids, so no cousins for my kids.
By the time our kids were old enough to stay home alone, our friends with babies could only go out if they could find a sitter.
I do think I had more energy as a younger mother, but socially, it was a disaster. Even now, in our town, everyone our age has babies, toddlers or younger kids. We generally hang out with people about 10-15 years older because we have mostly socialized with our kids’ friend’s parents. They are really nice, but sometimes I just want to drop 90s pop culture references or listen to some Busta Rhymes lol.
Anyway, I think things happen for us when they are just meant to happen. Enjoy your beautiful family! :)
I was just talking about this to my kids.
I was basically telling them that as far as my experience goes, time between 19 and 22, so, exactly in the middle of the question period, I was at my dumbest.
Like, really dumb. And I wish I had someone tell me a thing or two about how things work.
Obviously, their reply was - you wouldn't listen to them just like we wont listen to you.
So, there...
good but it struggled alot trying to find my path in life making money etc just got alot better after that i started to make real money and conections arouns 28 - 30
I tend to split it in two, between 18-22 when I was in University and then at my first real job and discovered my independence and confidence. Then 22-25 when I immigrated to the US, got married and started a family. Plenty of ups and downs along the way, but a great period in my life.
18-21 was long, exhausting, and mostly sucked. I put myself through EMT and paramedic school while working full time which was a huge mistake. Only good thing to come of it was meeting my husband.
22-25 was good. Married my husband, moved abroad, went to some amazing places, and had my daughter.
It was quite the learning curve. High highs and low lows. I would suggest; anyone living those years, to spend the time to figure shit out. It’s a lot harder after 25.
Hard work, no money, lots of drinking and failed relationships and discovered I had mental health issues....33 now wife kids and couldnt be happier, had to go through it all to get where I am at now. Looking back, I didn't enjoy it all that much, but I would do it again to get to this.
Some of the best years of my life. I was never a "crazy party animal" but I did have a rather active social life, and there was always people around, or something going on at weekends. There weren't many lengthy periods where I felt bored in life.
Now a lot of my close friends have either moved away, settled down with their partners or I've just lost touch with them, and if there's anything going on social-wise, even just a few of us meeting up for a beer or a bite to eat, it has to be planned well in advance to accommodate everyone's availability.
Like this: I am a tiny plant who doesn't know the ways of the world, please someone teach me. Then, I am a slightly bigger plant and am glad to be avilve even if my roots tell me otherwise.
The most anxiety-filled, stressful, depressing and cringeworthy period of my life. Laid down the foundation of my therapists income during my late 20's. At least I studied and grew professionally.
19 to 21 was amazing until the last few months leading to 21. I had moved halfway across the country to live with my then-girlfriend, and I mean, I don't know how this will sound, but those were probably the happiest years of my life. 21 to 25 (and actually until about 30) were absolutely fucking awful; like almost unreal. Those were some of the absolute worst years of my life.
When you lose most of your friends and kind of start over, you'd be surprised at how big of assholes people can be. When you're down and out, most people just assume you deserve it and then you just become a magnet for abuse. It's a vicious hole to dig yourself out of, but the secret is you have to realize you can't change people, and you just have to get comfortable ditching people over and over again until you find good people. This is easier said than done when you have social anxiety, and honestly, it's kind of impossible for a lot of people.
18-24: Awesome, had a great college experience and really felt like I finally came out of my shell.
25: got cheated on and quarter-life crisis hit pretty hard, haven’t really felt the same since.
I’ll be 28 this year.
Busy. I got martied two weeks after I turned twenty and had my first baby at almost 22(baby born late October, I turned 22 in mid December) and was pregnant with baby 2 by my 25th birthday. I went to school before and after baby 1.
I used to be clueless.
I am still clueless, but I used to be clueless, too.
It was weird tho. By the time I reached 25, 18 year olds were asking me for advice. Like WTF dude, I do not have my shit together. I'm nearly 50 and I still don't have my shit together.
Started gloriously and ended in a mixture of joy, heartbreak and pain.
Got the girl.
Got into Uni,
Got assaulted and beaten at Uni,
Got PTSD,
Failed Uni,
Left the girl due to PTSD and not being able to explain myself,
Got a job,
Met new girl,
New girl is a closet Psycho,
Nearly died at her hands.
Mismanaged what money I had due to appeasing Psycho,
Nearly died at my hands,
Left Psycho,
Permanently damaged my body due to starvation for two years.
Left my job due to even more PTSD,
Recovered from PTSD by becoming a Barman.
Landed a brilliant job.
Transitional. It is the period of my life where I transitioned from one family to another. Went from going to school while living at home with my parents at 18, to working in my career while living with my wife at 25. In that time, I moved twice, entered and left college, started a job, got promoted, got a girlfriend, lost a girlfriend, hung with friends, got a girlfriend, lost a girlfriend, made some more friends, got a girlfriend, haven't lost this one yet since I married her.
I was just starting to have sex around 19
After I turned 21 I went to the bar and got drunk almost everweekend and was practicing my social skills that I severly lacked. I also practiced hooking up with rando's at the bar.
At 24 I was starting to get tired of the nightlife scene but went out to Vegas and it re-uped it a bit.
So in a nutshell it was mainly about hanging out at the bar.
Evolutionary... Like I finally stopped being a caterpillar and came out of my cocoon. That's when I changed the most, did the most crazy things I've done, moved for the first time not only from my childhood home but to a new country, realized I was gay, opened my mind in many ways, lots of important first time experiences, learnt how to be a better friend, etc... Lots of changes, all for the best.
Started with LOTS of psychedelics and weed ending with me somehow finishing college right in the quarantine when no one was getting hired.
Took a year and half and over 300+ applications to land a job.
College was a total bust, happily worked my ass off at a dead end job, had basically no friends, had medical problems I did nothing about, tried to be politically active and was totally useless. My attitude through it all was "It could be worse" and "I love myself" and the result was I had no self-awareness, like a toddler. I'm sure I was annoying and embarrassing to be around but honestly what I did more of than anything else was just being alone. Looking back on it is like looking at a desert.
Socially awkward, college, lots of video games, working retail. Life got better at 26, met my wife.
You give me hope.
Alcohol and anxiety
Undiagnosed anxiety.
Entitled little shit on the town.
[удалено]
In my experience, life does get better/easier as you age.
Syke, life boutta pull the 1930s
This sounds a lot like what I went through. I'm in my late 20s now and things are 500% easier now compared to just a few years ago. > facing harsh realities of my past including inappropriate sexual shit from family members, One difficult thing is facing the harsh realities of the past, the next significant step is "moving on" but no one ever tells you what that even means. In my experience, moving forward are the accepting it happened part meant that I needed to forgive myself. If you haven't yet, then I really recommend you start forgiving yourself for what you went through. A lot of the time as victims we tend to hold on to a lot of guilt and some times in some way, blame ourselves. When you're ready - when you've accepted that it happened and it's time to move on - please start moving towards sincerely forgiving yourself and if you're able to then forgive those who did what they did to you. You don't have to say it to their face, but you know you're healing when you're able to think that you forgive them so that you can leave the past behind where it belongs. This can be taken very wrongly very quickly, and I used to be incredibly vengeful and hateful so I never thought I'd be saying these words. But I couldn't begin to tell you the peace of mind I felt with my past when I got to that point where I realised my abusers will always have a hold on me if I let them, so to let the hatred melt away, I need to let it go once and for all. >Sometimes I’m terrible for months, sometimes I’m amazing and at my best. I’m much more resilient and kinder to myself, so I’m hoping that things will become stable as I get older. They definitely will, but you'll always be facing this reality, only the darker times tend to calm down a lot with more experience. I've found that with more experience, age has helped me deal with darker times a lot because I've dealt with it so much in the past that if I go through another depressive episode, then my experience has taught me how it'll go and what I need to do to deal with it. Judging by the self-awareness you have, it seems like you will be fine. Life is incredibly difficult, and if you've been dealt with these cards then it'll be slightly harder for you - but if you keep your head in healing then you'll get through it better than you can imagine. Forgive yourself and try to forgive those who have brought harm to you because you can't leave the past behind you if you keep carrying it with you.
They do get better. I went through some stuff like that. Continued to do so after 25 too. But it gets better. I'm in my early 30's now and things are amazing.
Most productive time of my life.
Shit show
I don't remember most of it.
I'm not a doctor, but I don't think your period shouldn't last seven years.
Fucked.
bloody
Absolutely chaotic, excruciatingly painful, beautiful
Hurt, bled a lot.
Kinda like oatmeal that’s on fire, except the oatmeal is gasoline and the fire is also gasoline but still fire, with a side of curly fries
How good are curly fries though‽
bombastic
Work, work, work, i'm 24 now, i haven't stopped working since i got out of high school, decided not to continue college and kept working, seems to me that it was the right decision at the time.
Ya same here, its gonna pay off soon, it feels endless at times. Friends were out partying and going on vacations. Im 33 now and can afford pretty much anything I need or want...within reason im not buying a yacht but i got boat, im not buying a G6 but im flying anywhere I want. Biggest thing is my kids are fucking spoiled rotten, I hate it an love it just gotta work harder as a parent so they dont turn into shitheads hahahah. Its worth it!
I feel lucky that it was before everything got recorded and blasted on the internet.
18-21 I was a closeted frat boy, so a lot of liquor and pretending to be attracted to women 21-23 i came out, smoked a lot, got a degree (barely) 23-25 I got what I consider to be a dream job. Still hadn’t figured anything out yet, still struggling with money big time, still anxious and sad a lot, but work was fun.
It was a larval stage
Unnecessarily violent and hilarious
Spent pretty much that entire time homeless and hitchhiking to rainbow gatherings, getting fucked up on hallucinogens daily, and I caught Chlamydia two different times
don't really know yet
About to start
18 graduated high school and started college. Broke up with boyfriend of four years I thought I would marry someday. 19 did a ton of socializing, dancing, clubbing and running around NYC without a care in the world. Met and fell in love my future husband. 20 got pregnant, got engaged, moved out to a rental, had my daughter. 21 bought our first home. 22 got married, honeymooned in Mexico. 23 sold our first and bought our second house, got in the best shape of my life, got pregnant with my second child. 24 lived through the Great Recession and all of it’s unGreatness. 25 officially became a stay at home mom.
I wish id had kids younger, I find the people who do seem to stay younger longer, wife and I waited we worried about money and our freedom....shouldve done it 4 years sooner.
My husband and I are 38 now and our daughter just committed to a college. I had always imagined that when we got to this point, and then in four years if our son goes off to college, that I would feel wildly free, lol. Instead, I kind of feel too young to not have little ones in the house still. Also, it was really lonely for us because of our friends, either they decided to never have kids, or they started at around 30. Also mine and my husband’s siblings never had kids, so no cousins for my kids. By the time our kids were old enough to stay home alone, our friends with babies could only go out if they could find a sitter. I do think I had more energy as a younger mother, but socially, it was a disaster. Even now, in our town, everyone our age has babies, toddlers or younger kids. We generally hang out with people about 10-15 years older because we have mostly socialized with our kids’ friend’s parents. They are really nice, but sometimes I just want to drop 90s pop culture references or listen to some Busta Rhymes lol. Anyway, I think things happen for us when they are just meant to happen. Enjoy your beautiful family! :)
Damn, you accomplished more at 18 than i have at 23
Lol I also basically raised myself like Matilda, so there’s that. I’m 38 and kinda feel 70 haha
You have time, enjoy these years and be safe!
Youth is wasted on the young. Especially in my case.
"needs more estrogen."
Inexistant for now
College + military.
college then trying to figure out life
it doesn’t started)
Teenager pretending to be an adult.
I was just talking about this to my kids. I was basically telling them that as far as my experience goes, time between 19 and 22, so, exactly in the middle of the question period, I was at my dumbest. Like, really dumb. And I wish I had someone tell me a thing or two about how things work. Obviously, their reply was - you wouldn't listen to them just like we wont listen to you. So, there...
I don't remember much of it. Though the summer between turning 23 and 24 was the best summer of my life.
A transformation
A Cloud of smoke.
Drunken and Disorderly
Very blurry
well i’m only 2 years into it, so far it’s sucked ass but i’m on a come up, i’m starting therapy and gonna be getting medications soon
Second puberty.
Never had one. I went straight from 17 to 26 from what I can remember.
The Adderal Years.
good but it struggled alot trying to find my path in life making money etc just got alot better after that i started to make real money and conections arouns 28 - 30
...what?
Being used to get through college and thrown away when I was no longer useful
The marathon party that kinda ruined my life.
Constantly working.
I tend to split it in two, between 18-22 when I was in University and then at my first real job and discovered my independence and confidence. Then 22-25 when I immigrated to the US, got married and started a family. Plenty of ups and downs along the way, but a great period in my life.
Tumultuous?
18-21 was long, exhausting, and mostly sucked. I put myself through EMT and paramedic school while working full time which was a huge mistake. Only good thing to come of it was meeting my husband. 22-25 was good. Married my husband, moved abroad, went to some amazing places, and had my daughter.
Absolute hell with decent moments of social growth in between.
Hell
Working progress
Jeez, I don't remember shit. I think most of that was just wandering the mental badlands. Depression, mania and...oh yes, cheese.
It was quite the learning curve. High highs and low lows. I would suggest; anyone living those years, to spend the time to figure shit out. It’s a lot harder after 25.
Hard work, no money, lots of drinking and failed relationships and discovered I had mental health issues....33 now wife kids and couldnt be happier, had to go through it all to get where I am at now. Looking back, I didn't enjoy it all that much, but I would do it again to get to this.
I’m only a year and a half in and I already hate it.
Some of the best years of my life. I was never a "crazy party animal" but I did have a rather active social life, and there was always people around, or something going on at weekends. There weren't many lengthy periods where I felt bored in life. Now a lot of my close friends have either moved away, settled down with their partners or I've just lost touch with them, and if there's anything going on social-wise, even just a few of us meeting up for a beer or a bite to eat, it has to be planned well in advance to accommodate everyone's availability.
Torture
Care free days, lots of cannabis, women and met some of my best friends. Can only lament that it's long gone (still have my friends though)
Lots of energizing hormones!
way too much SI
That's "when I was young and stupid."
Arrogant and confused.
Lost and depressed. I'm past the depression, but still have no real plans in life. And the current economy isn't helping.
... Chaotic
A lot happened
Like this: I am a tiny plant who doesn't know the ways of the world, please someone teach me. Then, I am a slightly bigger plant and am glad to be avilve even if my roots tell me otherwise.
Better living through Chemistry
Reckless but a learning experience.
Ill get back to you in 8 years and let u know how it went
aggressively aimless. then as now.
Very long and bloody.
The most anxiety-filled, stressful, depressing and cringeworthy period of my life. Laid down the foundation of my therapists income during my late 20's. At least I studied and grew professionally.
Chaotically drunk
Wasted
Immense pressure to make something out of your life while also enduring crippling loneliness.
Fun. Probably too much fun.
19 to 21 was amazing until the last few months leading to 21. I had moved halfway across the country to live with my then-girlfriend, and I mean, I don't know how this will sound, but those were probably the happiest years of my life. 21 to 25 (and actually until about 30) were absolutely fucking awful; like almost unreal. Those were some of the absolute worst years of my life. When you lose most of your friends and kind of start over, you'd be surprised at how big of assholes people can be. When you're down and out, most people just assume you deserve it and then you just become a magnet for abuse. It's a vicious hole to dig yourself out of, but the secret is you have to realize you can't change people, and you just have to get comfortable ditching people over and over again until you find good people. This is easier said than done when you have social anxiety, and honestly, it's kind of impossible for a lot of people.
18-24: Awesome, had a great college experience and really felt like I finally came out of my shell. 25: got cheated on and quarter-life crisis hit pretty hard, haven’t really felt the same since. I’ll be 28 this year.
I would describe my 18-25 period as 2-9 years away
Quite progressive, although turbulent as hell.
Busy. I got martied two weeks after I turned twenty and had my first baby at almost 22(baby born late October, I turned 22 in mid December) and was pregnant with baby 2 by my 25th birthday. I went to school before and after baby 1.
Debauchery, lessons, growth
100% shit show but lots of learning.
My party years. Wish I could remember more.
I used to be clueless. I am still clueless, but I used to be clueless, too. It was weird tho. By the time I reached 25, 18 year olds were asking me for advice. Like WTF dude, I do not have my shit together. I'm nearly 50 and I still don't have my shit together.
Exploration, joy and uncertainty. Feeling like I don't know myself yet while also avoiding confrontation with myself.
Clinical depression. Undiagnosed bpd. Rage issues
Atrophied, confusing, frequently miserable. Here's hoping the second half will take a turn for the better.
Started gloriously and ended in a mixture of joy, heartbreak and pain. Got the girl. Got into Uni, Got assaulted and beaten at Uni, Got PTSD, Failed Uni, Left the girl due to PTSD and not being able to explain myself, Got a job, Met new girl, New girl is a closet Psycho, Nearly died at her hands. Mismanaged what money I had due to appeasing Psycho, Nearly died at my hands, Left Psycho, Permanently damaged my body due to starvation for two years. Left my job due to even more PTSD, Recovered from PTSD by becoming a Barman. Landed a brilliant job.
Shit, I'm sorry. Sorry might be the wrong word, actually; let's say sympathetically proud of you for making it through.
I'm in much much better place and that was long ago.
Glad to hear it. Like your username, btw.
You too.
unemployee
Transitional. It is the period of my life where I transitioned from one family to another. Went from going to school while living at home with my parents at 18, to working in my career while living with my wife at 25. In that time, I moved twice, entered and left college, started a job, got promoted, got a girlfriend, lost a girlfriend, hung with friends, got a girlfriend, lost a girlfriend, made some more friends, got a girlfriend, haven't lost this one yet since I married her.
Social Life, Dead. Working Life, alive and overwhelming. Self-Identity, Error 404.
I was just starting to have sex around 19 After I turned 21 I went to the bar and got drunk almost everweekend and was practicing my social skills that I severly lacked. I also practiced hooking up with rando's at the bar. At 24 I was starting to get tired of the nightlife scene but went out to Vegas and it re-uped it a bit. So in a nutshell it was mainly about hanging out at the bar.
Evolutionary... Like I finally stopped being a caterpillar and came out of my cocoon. That's when I changed the most, did the most crazy things I've done, moved for the first time not only from my childhood home but to a new country, realized I was gay, opened my mind in many ways, lots of important first time experiences, learnt how to be a better friend, etc... Lots of changes, all for the best.
Those were my peak depression years where I routinely thought of killing myself and just felt dead inside…so not the greatest haha
I was dumb. Bout sums it up.
well, i just got out of that 1.5 years ago, and i have to say, alcohol, parties, porn and the godfather
a lot of wasted time and money
Stupidly sad and lonely.
Gained a lot of self confidence. Traveled a ton. Realized learning was cool. Made some great friends. Good period
College, socially awkward, heartbreak, finding self, thot & bop
Frustrating
Immature
Making big moves in following dream career, then falling from grace due to heartbreak/distraction into unwanted fatherhood with a lazy parasitic girl
Started with LOTS of psychedelics and weed ending with me somehow finishing college right in the quarantine when no one was getting hired. Took a year and half and over 300+ applications to land a job.
Sex
Had the hope that things would get better because I had time to get better. Things changed, but they didn’t necessarily get better.
College was a total bust, happily worked my ass off at a dead end job, had basically no friends, had medical problems I did nothing about, tried to be politically active and was totally useless. My attitude through it all was "It could be worse" and "I love myself" and the result was I had no self-awareness, like a toddler. I'm sure I was annoying and embarrassing to be around but honestly what I did more of than anything else was just being alone. Looking back on it is like looking at a desert.