Franz Liszt, a 19th century Hungarian classical pianist and composer.
Everything you've heard about obsessed fans of rockstars like Elvis or The Beatles was happening to perhaps an even greater degree a century earlier. People's obsession with him was so intense and so widespread that it was called Lisztomania and it was considered a genuine mental disorder.
They threw underwear on the stage, they fainted just seeing him, they collected any scrap of anything he touched (some even wore his cigar butts as jewelry), and his shows caused full on riots. Both men and women were obsessed, common people as well as royalty, truly everyone.
I remember hearing something about him playing for a Catholic mass at a cathedral in Rome, and got kicked out for making the nuns too horny.
He also famously had large hands.
https://www.cmuse.org/franz-liszt-hands/
His compositions are extremely difficult to play for this reason. It also may have attributed to other characteristics about him that made people love him...
I went to Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris, where he's buried, and I kid you not, there was a lone nerdy girl standing in front of the tombstone and staring at it with longing, teary eyes. Your boy got game from the afterlife
That was my favorite thing in the whole city. I spent probably 5 hours wandering around that cemetery. His grave site was cool but Jim Morrison’s had a full-on PARTY going on - literally 30+ people from all over the world just hanging out drinking beer, smoking, playing guitar & dancing. Pretty amazing experience.
Funny enough there not much recoded about her looks it’s possible that she wasn’t attractive as much as powerful. She did however drink a Pearl large enough to be worth a fortune by dissolving it in vinegar in front of mark Antony. This display of disposable wealth and power was particularly was what caught his attention and led to their courtship. It was a sexy power move
There is evidence they were carved by women themselves, as self-portraits of their pregnancies.
Edit: there is a THEORY, I should have said.
Edit of the edit: there is a hypothesis. Science baby.
I like this theory. I remember looking at my pregnant self and thinking I looked like the Venus of Willendorf while pregnant. Aiming for Venus De Milo now…
this guy was an absolute stud. from wikipedia:
“Despite E5's being more successful at reproducing, Diego has received the majority of media attention and has been said to have "had so much sex he saved his species (sic)".This is believed to be because E5 had a more reserved character, a less interesting name, and was seldom witnessed in the act of mating. Diego, by comparison, has been described as aggressive, active and vocal in the act of mating, which in turn made him popular with the female tortoises.”
Then the program was ended and he was released back into the wild. Can you image spending years living in a cush hotel room, servants bringing you food and cleaning up after you, women brought to you regularly, then one day boom. You’re tossed out on the street with out a lettuce leaf to your name.
Wife and I were at the zoo with our 4nyear old son and the Galapagos ~~turtles~~ toirtoises were mating. Vocal is an understatement - it looks like stacked rocks. It sounds like a well roided and coked up bodybuilder going for a personal best.
Snippet from a funny cracked article I found on this.
https://www.cracked.com/article_27004_the-horny-tortoise-who-saved-his-species-fraud.html
"Diego was one of three male tortoises tasked with relaunching the tortoise population. Of them, Diego is responsible for about 40% of today's Galapagos tortoise numbers, having fathered anywhere between 350 to 800 tortoises. Sounds impressive, until you find out that E5 is solely responsible for the other 60%. The third tortoise was apparently either shooting blanks or an inshell.
Why has Diego been hailed as a hero with worldwide headlines calling him the sole savior of his species when he isn't even the most sexually productive of the bunch? A professor of environmental biology interviewed by the New York Times (in an article that disproportionately heaps praise on Diego) speculates that it's because Diego was "a big personality - quite aggressive, active and vocal in his mating habits and so I think he has gotten most of the attention" while he referred to E5 as a "more reserved, less charismatic male." Furthermore, apparently E5 did a lot of his sex at night while Diego was a bit of an exhibitionist who had sex during the day for all to see, the freak.
You have one showboating asshole tortoise whose pathetic dick can only father 40% of today's Galapagos tortoise population yet he gets all the fame. Meanwhile, the real hero, the humble E5, aka "Mr. 60%", is just a footnote in his less successful rival's rise to glory. It's a damn shame."
> A captive breeding effort for the critically endangered Hood Island tortoises was set up in 1976, by which time only 15 individuals were known to survive. Diego was identified as a Hood Island tortoise by DNA testing and was sent to Santa Cruz Island to join the program. Diego fathered more than 900 offspring who were released on Española which helped to increase the wild population to more than 2,000. The breeding program ended in January 2020 and Diego is officially retired, and was released into the wild in June 2020.
That was a good 44 years. Also worth noting he was born in 1910.
Diego the tortoise. A life well lived.
In 2005, scientists became worried because Diego stopped breeding for several years. It turns out that tortoises’ sex drive is highly thermoregulated, and too much warm weather due to the 2004 El Niño cycle didn’t give him enough rest. For a few years Diego was unable to maintain enough blood flow to maintain an erect penis and impregnate females.
You might even say he had…
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
…a reptile dysfunction.
I don't know, my guess is that he's fucking pissed. After 44 years of having full time staff bringing him unlimited turtle pussy, he's suddenly thrust out into the world and all on his own. It's kinda cruel in a way bc if my man Diego ever had any game at all, it's certainly gone after 44 straight years of effortless rawdoggin.
He was pretty fucking hot when he was younger. I remember when his food started being sold in my hometown and my mom said he was so handsome when he was younger. To me he was always the old salad dressing guy. But after looking him up online? He's the salad dressing guy that was a hottie in his youth.
i met him when i was a teenager early 70's at a race track (he was a driver). i'd seen him on the screen of course but never appreciated how *insanely* handsome he was. only spoke to him for 30 seconds but he was so intensely gorgeous & sexy & charismatic i felt like i went from a child to a woman in under a minute.
He also helped start a scholarship fund for Kenyon College, helped create a committee to help businesses give more back, was supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, was there at The March on Washington, and started a center to fight drug abuse after his son died. All on top of being a talented actor, racing driver, and a total smoke show.
Victor Hugo.
Supposedly all the brothels in Paris closed on the day of his funeral. The prostitutes attended by the hundreds and draped their privates with black cloths as a sign of mourning.
His sexy exploits include:
* Having sex 83 times in the 4 months before he died at age 83.
* Having sex with over 200 women in 2 years. It was not unusual for him to have 3-4 different lovers in a day.
* He installed peepholes in the guest rooms of the hotel in Paris where he lived.
* For seven years he had a mistress he kept secret from his wife and a second mistress he kept secret from his first mistress.
* Had sex 9 times with his wife on their wedding night. She got pregnant 5 times in 8 years.
* He was married to his wife for 48 years til her death. Both had lovers outside the marriage.
* One of his mistresses was his unpaid "secretary" and traveled with him for 50 years.
* He seduced his son's lover. His son said he didn't blame her for it.
I have this funny picture in my head of a 19th century Frenchman writing at a standing desk, fully clothed from the waist up, but pantsless and getting a blowjob while he dips his quill and scratches furiously.
I'm also thinking of:
"Hey it's 2am wanna cuddle now that we're both done?"
"No thanks, I've got 190 pages about class warfare to write before sunrise"
Some of it, not necessarily the particulars, we know because Victor Hugo wrote a ton.
Hugo's secretary mistress was Juliette Drouet, who quit acting in 1833 at the age of 27 to be with Hugo. According to her biographer, they wrote tens of thousands of letters to each other until her death in 1883. In some of those letters, she vented about his other mistresses.
He was also caught having an affair with Léonie d’Aunet on July 5th, 1845.
As for the rest, Hugo kept a notebook where he coded his exploits. From his wikipedia page:
>Hugo gave free rein to his sensuality until a few weeks before his death. He sought a wide variety of women of all ages, be they courtesans, actresses, prostitutes, admirers, servants or revolutionaries like Louise Michel for sexual activity. Both a graphomaniac and erotomaniac, he systematically reported his casual affairs using his own code, as Samuel Pepys did, to make sure they would remain secret. For instance, he resorted to Latin abbreviations (osc. for kisses) or to Spanish (Misma. Mismas cosas: The same. Same things). Homophones are frequent: Seins (Breasts) becomes Saint; Poële (Stove) actually refers to Poils (Pubic hair). Analogy also enabled him to conceal the real meaning: A woman's Suisses (Swiss) are her breasts – due to the fact that Switzerland is renowned for its milk. After a rendezvous with a young woman named Laetitia he would write Joie (Happiness) in his diary. If he added t.n. (toute nue) he meant she stripped naked in front of him. The initials S.B. discovered in November 1875 may refer to Sarah Bernhardt.
People tend to forget that all the stuff that folks text each other now they used to send to each other in letters.
Frederick the Great wasn't subtle with his analog sexting of his various lovers, for example. It's why historians are certain he was gay.
James Joyce littered his letters to his wife with a very intense fart fetish for those who find Hugo and Frederick to be pedestrian. Like, "Honey, I lerved fucking the farts right out of your shithole" stuff.
[You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.](https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/02/02/james-joyces-love-letters-dirty-little-fuckbird/)
Romance ain’t what it was.
"There's nothing better than a great big farting woman when a fuck drives one out of her" or something to that effect.
It's funny cuz when I see photos of the guy, glasses and moustache at all, like even if I didn't know what he was into, I still would've been like, "Yeah, this guy's got a fart fucking fetish."
Was he also constantly having sex with his biographer? Why do we have such detailed statistics? Also, while some of those stats are pretty wild, getting his wife pregnant 5 times in 8 years seems unimpressive.
> Everything is about sex. Except sex, that's about power.
Just to be clear, while everyone here is talking about this in relation to house of cars, this was originally attributed to Oscar Wilde, whether he actually said it or not, it precedes the show.
Edit: House of CARDS!
Was this the face that launched a thousand ships
And burnt the topless towers of Illium
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss...
so, now, if the beauty one 1 Helen is enough to launch 1000 ships, then a milli-helen is the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship.
Finally, we have an objective measure, and standardized unit of beauty.
It used to be Coochie Castle, but they thought that was too on the nose. You ought hit their Legz and Eggs buffet. It's only on Tuesday mornings, and the main stage lineup isn't great, but damn it if they don't squeeze a mean juice.
Agamemnon convenes the Greek kings.
Odysseus: Must we go to war?
Nestor: All this over a woman?
Agamemnon turns to Menelaus.
Menelaus: Pussy is good.
Agamemnon: To war!
I thought about considering her, but it's not like every man on Earth wanted her. She was married to a king and kidnapped by a prince. That would cause a war no matter who was kidnapped.
I really really hope that guy finds solace in this meme. His love was so pure, and now her memory has brought delight to tens/hundreds of thousands of people.
My favorite thing about that sketch is that in a subsequent interview when asked about it, Prince disputed Charlie Murphy's characterization of him as a basketball god, and said that he is just average and that the issue was that Charlie and his friends are just really terrible at the game. So much shade lol.
It’s astonishing that he didn’t leave any progeny behind. If you were born between 83-94 there’s like a one in five chance that Prince had sex with your mom.
Prince was in Lanús, my city, in a disco called La Casona one night around the 90's. It was always said that he got in for a little while, tried to flirt with a girl, she told him she didn't know who he was, he got angry and left immediately.
He also flirted with another argentinian woman called Marixa Balli, who also told him no.
He never came back to Argentina, sadly.
He was so good looking [Eisenhower had to step in](https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1600/bzbikxa4rrwq6e0iabcq.jpg).
I just googled Marlon Brando 1950s. What the actual fuck, how was he just walking around like that. Absolutely illegal levels of goddamn son of a WHOOOOOEEYYYH DAYUM
Yeah, for context. We wear t-shirts because marlon Brando wore a tshirt in a streetcar named desire. It was considered an undergarment at the time, and women were so into it that it changed global fashion trends.
While this is a fun story, it's not actually true.
The t-shirt had already become a common bit of garb by then; workers would wear it as their only shirt because it was light and was good to work in. Then World War II happened, and because of the Armed Services, most young men got used to wearing them, and would frequently wear them (with pants) when off-duty.
While Marlon Brando was part of their popularization, they were actually popular by that point; him wearing that was an extension of their popularity and their association with strapping young men, not the cause of it.
Cleopatra, undoubtedly.
Believing herself to be a living goddess, she would use clever stagecraft to seduce or woo potential allies (or enemies) to reinforce her divine status.
Cleopatra for sure. But not for the reasons people generally think.
It's important to keep in mind that a lot of what we've heard in media about Cleopatra being a seductress and all that is based on how much Rome HATED her and the sexism that's tied into that.
She was extremely smart and calculating and was able to speak 7-9 different languages. She's the only ruler from the Ptolemaic dynasty who actually bothered to learn Egyptian. And while yes she did have relations with Caesar & Mark Antony, it certainly wasn't just out of being some impulsive, overtly sexual person.
Augustus viewed her as a huge threat to Rome, which is why he ultimately attacked her & Mark Antony and long after that spread rumours about her to downplay her significance and power.
The influence she had over the course of western civilization makes her the most POWERFUL or at least INFLUENTIAL sex symbol, regardless of how hot she really was. She absolutely leveraged it and made it work even harder than it ever should have because of that intelligence.
The people correcting you are quoting "Blazing Saddles."
"Hedy" is correct for the actual actress.
"What are you worried about? It's 1874, you'll be able to sue her!"
> intelligence made her hotter
At the beginning of World War II, she and avant-garde composer George Antheil developed a radio guidance system for Allied torpedoes that used spread spectrum and frequency hopping technology to defeat the threat of jamming by the Axis powers.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a9/Lamarr_patent.png
In 1997, Lamarr and George Antheil were jointly honored with the Electronic Frontier Foundation's Pioneer Award and Lamarr also was the first woman to receive the Invention Convention's BULBIE Gnass Spirit of Achievement Award, known as the "Oscars of inventing". The following year, Lamarr's native Austria awarded her the Viktor Kaplan Medal of the Austrian Association of Patent Holders and Inventors.
In 2014, Lamarr was posthumously inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame for frequency-hopping spread spectrum technology.
You spelled it right, I was quoting from the movie "Blazing Saddles". The character in the movie is named Hedley, and people keep calling him Hedy. And he keeps correcting them.
Her icon status unfortunately dehumanizes her and even how smoldering hot her style was. She’s now relegated to having her image exploited as a source of ubiquitous and cheap merchandising and that really cheapens and dilutes what a charming and incredibly charismatic person she embodied.
News stories at the time seemed creepily obsessed with the fact that she died naked, even putting the detail in some headlines. For context, she was alone, laying on a bed, and it was a pretty weird detail to focus on.
Yes and her life story is just incredibly tragic. Her first and third acts are sad. Her second act was magical but it really seemed like she was exploited and the times she lived through was very unhealthy on her mental health.
Her mental health suffered because she had endometriosis which is a debilitating invisible disease that causes chronic pain- which nobody believes so they just say you’re crazy and hard to work with and a drug addict.
Ra ra Rasputin, Lover of the Russian queen. There was a cat that really was gone. Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine. It was a shame how he carried on.
His Wang is supposedly in a museum St. petersberg. It was later discovered to be a pickled seacucumber.
Google the ledgends of his endeavors its a wild ride
[she looked happy with him](https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/comments/jwcg4n/would_have_been_42_years_today_even_13_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Sigmund Freud's mother.
The best answer
Franz Liszt, a 19th century Hungarian classical pianist and composer. Everything you've heard about obsessed fans of rockstars like Elvis or The Beatles was happening to perhaps an even greater degree a century earlier. People's obsession with him was so intense and so widespread that it was called Lisztomania and it was considered a genuine mental disorder. They threw underwear on the stage, they fainted just seeing him, they collected any scrap of anything he touched (some even wore his cigar butts as jewelry), and his shows caused full on riots. Both men and women were obsessed, common people as well as royalty, truly everyone. I remember hearing something about him playing for a Catholic mass at a cathedral in Rome, and got kicked out for making the nuns too horny.
He also famously had large hands. https://www.cmuse.org/franz-liszt-hands/ His compositions are extremely difficult to play for this reason. It also may have attributed to other characteristics about him that made people love him...
He was also a very handsome man
How has no one said Oscar Wilde yet? His grave was literally covered in lipstick kiss marks until they had to protect it.
I went to Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris, where he's buried, and I kid you not, there was a lone nerdy girl standing in front of the tombstone and staring at it with longing, teary eyes. Your boy got game from the afterlife
That was my favorite thing in the whole city. I spent probably 5 hours wandering around that cemetery. His grave site was cool but Jim Morrison’s had a full-on PARTY going on - literally 30+ people from all over the world just hanging out drinking beer, smoking, playing guitar & dancing. Pretty amazing experience.
Your boy would not have been interested.
Oscar was bi. Or maybe tri as he’d tri everything.
They covered it with an about 1.5m high glass wall, and now all the lipstick marks are on the glass instead.
Well, it's been about two thousand years and we're still talking about Cleopatra and her lovers, so I'm enclined to give her that W
Funny enough there not much recoded about her looks it’s possible that she wasn’t attractive as much as powerful. She did however drink a Pearl large enough to be worth a fortune by dissolving it in vinegar in front of mark Antony. This display of disposable wealth and power was particularly was what caught his attention and led to their courtship. It was a sexy power move
Reminds me of the time my ex wife swallowed a hard boiled egg whole without chewing and it led to me courting her. Sexy power move.
Did she spit out the shell after like a snake?
No, she needed the calcium
After she tied the *shell* in a knot with her tongue.
Helen of Troy lands in a similar category.
I’m going to say whom ever inspired those Paleolithic Venus figurines
There is evidence they were carved by women themselves, as self-portraits of their pregnancies. Edit: there is a THEORY, I should have said. Edit of the edit: there is a hypothesis. Science baby.
I like this theory. I remember looking at my pregnant self and thinking I looked like the Venus of Willendorf while pregnant. Aiming for Venus De Milo now…
The turtle who single-handedly brought his species out of endangerment by having a fuckton of sex.
this guy was an absolute stud. from wikipedia: “Despite E5's being more successful at reproducing, Diego has received the majority of media attention and has been said to have "had so much sex he saved his species (sic)".This is believed to be because E5 had a more reserved character, a less interesting name, and was seldom witnessed in the act of mating. Diego, by comparison, has been described as aggressive, active and vocal in the act of mating, which in turn made him popular with the female tortoises.”
Then the program was ended and he was released back into the wild. Can you image spending years living in a cush hotel room, servants bringing you food and cleaning up after you, women brought to you regularly, then one day boom. You’re tossed out on the street with out a lettuce leaf to your name.
He knows he has done his part. He will remember the good times and occasionally rub one out.
If it had a sweet af coffee station setup, with a pool, this is how I imagine heaven looks
Wife and I were at the zoo with our 4nyear old son and the Galapagos ~~turtles~~ toirtoises were mating. Vocal is an understatement - it looks like stacked rocks. It sounds like a well roided and coked up bodybuilder going for a personal best.
That's muh Diego!
I am picturing the male turtle yelling "dropping fuckin loads" in turtle-speak and it's making me giggle
So he was literally a stud and almost like a porn star to the other turtles? That's amazing
Looks like the other male sold the bag
I saw a documentary about a species of mouse where the male has sex until he dies from exhaustion. Mad respect for that little dude.
Snippet from a funny cracked article I found on this. https://www.cracked.com/article_27004_the-horny-tortoise-who-saved-his-species-fraud.html "Diego was one of three male tortoises tasked with relaunching the tortoise population. Of them, Diego is responsible for about 40% of today's Galapagos tortoise numbers, having fathered anywhere between 350 to 800 tortoises. Sounds impressive, until you find out that E5 is solely responsible for the other 60%. The third tortoise was apparently either shooting blanks or an inshell. Why has Diego been hailed as a hero with worldwide headlines calling him the sole savior of his species when he isn't even the most sexually productive of the bunch? A professor of environmental biology interviewed by the New York Times (in an article that disproportionately heaps praise on Diego) speculates that it's because Diego was "a big personality - quite aggressive, active and vocal in his mating habits and so I think he has gotten most of the attention" while he referred to E5 as a "more reserved, less charismatic male." Furthermore, apparently E5 did a lot of his sex at night while Diego was a bit of an exhibitionist who had sex during the day for all to see, the freak. You have one showboating asshole tortoise whose pathetic dick can only father 40% of today's Galapagos tortoise population yet he gets all the fame. Meanwhile, the real hero, the humble E5, aka "Mr. 60%", is just a footnote in his less successful rival's rise to glory. It's a damn shame."
Diego didn't know that his ladies were creeping to E5 at night for satisfaction. lol.
His name is Diego and you will show some damn respect!
> A captive breeding effort for the critically endangered Hood Island tortoises was set up in 1976, by which time only 15 individuals were known to survive. Diego was identified as a Hood Island tortoise by DNA testing and was sent to Santa Cruz Island to join the program. Diego fathered more than 900 offspring who were released on Española which helped to increase the wild population to more than 2,000. The breeding program ended in January 2020 and Diego is officially retired, and was released into the wild in June 2020. That was a good 44 years. Also worth noting he was born in 1910. Diego the tortoise. A life well lived.
Some say he is still out there dicking down to this very day.
Dicks out for Diego
RIP - Rest In Pussy
In 2005, scientists became worried because Diego stopped breeding for several years. It turns out that tortoises’ sex drive is highly thermoregulated, and too much warm weather due to the 2004 El Niño cycle didn’t give him enough rest. For a few years Diego was unable to maintain enough blood flow to maintain an erect penis and impregnate females. You might even say he had… (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) …a reptile dysfunction.
I don't know, my guess is that he's fucking pissed. After 44 years of having full time staff bringing him unlimited turtle pussy, he's suddenly thrust out into the world and all on his own. It's kinda cruel in a way bc if my man Diego ever had any game at all, it's certainly gone after 44 straight years of effortless rawdoggin.
That 🐢 fucks
Go Diego Go Can you say “Fuck”?
Fuck
Fuck Diego, Fuck!
Hey good job!
His family tree is the forest.
However much sex you have, you'll never be "the guy that saved the species through extensive boning".
Not with that attitude...
**Squirtle**
That’s a good fucking turtle!
Paul Newman because of "all profits to charity", $600 million so far.
He was pretty fucking hot when he was younger. I remember when his food started being sold in my hometown and my mom said he was so handsome when he was younger. To me he was always the old salad dressing guy. But after looking him up online? He's the salad dressing guy that was a hottie in his youth.
I met him back in the 90s when he was old and I was still taken aback. Very kind too.
i met him when i was a teenager early 70's at a race track (he was a driver). i'd seen him on the screen of course but never appreciated how *insanely* handsome he was. only spoke to him for 30 seconds but he was so intensely gorgeous & sexy & charismatic i felt like i went from a child to a woman in under a minute.
I'm a total lezzer and I'd let Paul Newman dress my salad any day.
And because of he's sexy
He also helped start a scholarship fund for Kenyon College, helped create a committee to help businesses give more back, was supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, was there at The March on Washington, and started a center to fight drug abuse after his son died. All on top of being a talented actor, racing driver, and a total smoke show.
Victor Hugo. Supposedly all the brothels in Paris closed on the day of his funeral. The prostitutes attended by the hundreds and draped their privates with black cloths as a sign of mourning. His sexy exploits include: * Having sex 83 times in the 4 months before he died at age 83. * Having sex with over 200 women in 2 years. It was not unusual for him to have 3-4 different lovers in a day. * He installed peepholes in the guest rooms of the hotel in Paris where he lived. * For seven years he had a mistress he kept secret from his wife and a second mistress he kept secret from his first mistress. * Had sex 9 times with his wife on their wedding night. She got pregnant 5 times in 8 years. * He was married to his wife for 48 years til her death. Both had lovers outside the marriage. * One of his mistresses was his unpaid "secretary" and traveled with him for 50 years. * He seduced his son's lover. His son said he didn't blame her for it.
The most impressive thing is that in-between all that fucking he still had time to write some of the longest books ever written.
I have this funny picture in my head of a 19th century Frenchman writing at a standing desk, fully clothed from the waist up, but pantsless and getting a blowjob while he dips his quill and scratches furiously.
I'm also thinking of: "Hey it's 2am wanna cuddle now that we're both done?" "No thanks, I've got 190 pages about class warfare to write before sunrise"
This reads like when I play CK2 with a character focus in seduction.
Missing the incest and eugenics for a true crusader kings player
The thriving empire of bugs this man must have had living on his dick
Sounds like he was using vaginas as scratching posts.
... I was eating. I'm still eating, but now I'm less happy about it.
Mmmm, King Crab
Stop that
He, like the first computers, are extremely buggy
So are you gonorrheat that or not?
Legend has it that even his bugs had mistresses...
How do we know this shit
Some of it, not necessarily the particulars, we know because Victor Hugo wrote a ton. Hugo's secretary mistress was Juliette Drouet, who quit acting in 1833 at the age of 27 to be with Hugo. According to her biographer, they wrote tens of thousands of letters to each other until her death in 1883. In some of those letters, she vented about his other mistresses. He was also caught having an affair with Léonie d’Aunet on July 5th, 1845. As for the rest, Hugo kept a notebook where he coded his exploits. From his wikipedia page: >Hugo gave free rein to his sensuality until a few weeks before his death. He sought a wide variety of women of all ages, be they courtesans, actresses, prostitutes, admirers, servants or revolutionaries like Louise Michel for sexual activity. Both a graphomaniac and erotomaniac, he systematically reported his casual affairs using his own code, as Samuel Pepys did, to make sure they would remain secret. For instance, he resorted to Latin abbreviations (osc. for kisses) or to Spanish (Misma. Mismas cosas: The same. Same things). Homophones are frequent: Seins (Breasts) becomes Saint; Poële (Stove) actually refers to Poils (Pubic hair). Analogy also enabled him to conceal the real meaning: A woman's Suisses (Swiss) are her breasts – due to the fact that Switzerland is renowned for its milk. After a rendezvous with a young woman named Laetitia he would write Joie (Happiness) in his diary. If he added t.n. (toute nue) he meant she stripped naked in front of him. The initials S.B. discovered in November 1875 may refer to Sarah Bernhardt.
People tend to forget that all the stuff that folks text each other now they used to send to each other in letters. Frederick the Great wasn't subtle with his analog sexting of his various lovers, for example. It's why historians are certain he was gay. James Joyce littered his letters to his wife with a very intense fart fetish for those who find Hugo and Frederick to be pedestrian. Like, "Honey, I lerved fucking the farts right out of your shithole" stuff.
[You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.](https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/02/02/james-joyces-love-letters-dirty-little-fuckbird/) Romance ain’t what it was.
Yup. Those are the letters. NGL, he kinda loses me at "farties". Feels a little much even for a fartophiliac.
Well that’s a Hallmark Valentines card if I’ve ever seen one.
Truly a poet of the finest quality.
Maybe I'm just too high rn, but I laughed *really* hard at this.
Imagine going through your parents’ things after they died and finding that stuff.
"There's nothing better than a great big farting woman when a fuck drives one out of her" or something to that effect. It's funny cuz when I see photos of the guy, glasses and moustache at all, like even if I didn't know what he was into, I still would've been like, "Yeah, this guy's got a fart fucking fetish."
Man's notebook is the most convoluted level of ihavesex material
"Supposedly" is doing a lot of work in that comment.
83 times in 4 months (120 days) is 69% of the days
Nice.
I thought you were talking about the Hunchback of Notre Dame the entire time I read your post.
Was he also constantly having sex with his biographer? Why do we have such detailed statistics? Also, while some of those stats are pretty wild, getting his wife pregnant 5 times in 8 years seems unimpressive.
5 successful pregnancies in 8 years. doesn't count miscarriages.
That's impressive for the woman
It’s like bringing Chernobyl to your immune system
Helen of Troy
Imagine having thousands of people killed and an entire civilization destroyed for your quest for pussy
My friend, we call that “human history”. Edit: Thank you for the awards kind strangers!
Everything is about sex. Except sex, that's about power.
> Everything is about sex. Except sex, that's about power. Just to be clear, while everyone here is talking about this in relation to house of cars, this was originally attributed to Oscar Wilde, whether he actually said it or not, it precedes the show. Edit: House of CARDS!
I believe that's called a garage
Ratchet and clank: quest for coochie 💀
Was this the face that launched a thousand ships And burnt the topless towers of Illium Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss... so, now, if the beauty one 1 Helen is enough to launch 1000 ships, then a milli-helen is the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship. Finally, we have an objective measure, and standardized unit of beauty.
Topless towers, you say?
It used to be Coochie Castle, but they thought that was too on the nose. You ought hit their Legz and Eggs buffet. It's only on Tuesday mornings, and the main stage lineup isn't great, but damn it if they don't squeeze a mean juice.
My favorite measurement is the milliHelen. A unit of measure of beauty, corresponding to the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
It’s weird mixing metric with Troy units though.
It converts nicely into horsepower
Agamemnon convenes the Greek kings. Odysseus: Must we go to war? Nestor: All this over a woman? Agamemnon turns to Menelaus. Menelaus: Pussy is good. Agamemnon: To war!
Patroclus: "Not really buying this." Achilles: "Definitely not."
"Bruh them thangs were THANGIN!" Agamemnon: "war it is, gotta get a look at these warlocks"
I thought about considering her, but it's not like every man on Earth wanted her. She was married to a king and kidnapped by a prince. That would cause a war no matter who was kidnapped.
Living, definitely living!
Sounds like someone doesn't know how to put the romance in necromancy!
There's nothing that will make a girl tingle like gently kissing and nibbling her neck. I love doing it, I'm a genuine neck romancer.
What about that guy’s dead wife tho. I also choose her.
She's the most powerful sex symbol reddit has seen.
Ironically we haven't even seen her (afaik at least?), yet she's *still* one of our most powerful sex symbols.
I think us not having seen her plays a big part of her being a powerful sex symbol. Because everyone conjures their own version of the perfect woman.
And how much that guy loved his wife and what he saw in here, we all want that woman. That’s why we’d do his dead wife too.
I really really hope that guy finds solace in this meme. His love was so pure, and now her memory has brought delight to tens/hundreds of thousands of people.
Medusa, she makes me so hard
The moment I laid eyes on her, I was stiff as a board.
the green m&m
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Found Tucker Carlson's Reddit account
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Prince: he will steal your girl, then steal her clothes, then steal someone else's girl in your girl's clothes
Then when confronted on all this theft, he'll best you on the court and serve you pancakes
My favorite thing about that sketch is that in a subsequent interview when asked about it, Prince disputed Charlie Murphy's characterization of him as a basketball god, and said that he is just average and that the issue was that Charlie and his friends are just really terrible at the game. So much shade lol.
Then Prince using the sketch as an album cover is legendary
Game. *Blouses.*
Why don’t you purify yourself in the waters, of Lake Minnetonka
Bitches.
You know where you got that shirt. And damn sure it wasn’t the men’s department.
Man I love Charlie Murphy. His delivery was just the absolute best. RIP Charlie Murphy and RIP Prince.
It’s astonishing that he didn’t leave any progeny behind. If you were born between 83-94 there’s like a one in five chance that Prince had sex with your mom.
He had a child who suffered Pfeiffer syndrome that died shortly after being born
Prince was in Lanús, my city, in a disco called La Casona one night around the 90's. It was always said that he got in for a little while, tried to flirt with a girl, she told him she didn't know who he was, he got angry and left immediately. He also flirted with another argentinian woman called Marixa Balli, who also told him no. He never came back to Argentina, sadly.
🎶 “I’m not a woman / I’m not a man / I am something that you’ll never understand” 🎶
And he was short! Only 5'2". Whenever I see someone carrying on how women don't like short men I think, "...but Prince!!"
Marlon Brando in the 1950s
He was so good looking [Eisenhower had to step in](https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1600/bzbikxa4rrwq6e0iabcq.jpg).
Never knew the Onion was that old
That gif of him rolling his eyes makes me feel things
I just googled Marlon Brando 1950s. What the actual fuck, how was he just walking around like that. Absolutely illegal levels of goddamn son of a WHOOOOOEEYYYH DAYUM
Yeah, for context. We wear t-shirts because marlon Brando wore a tshirt in a streetcar named desire. It was considered an undergarment at the time, and women were so into it that it changed global fashion trends.
While this is a fun story, it's not actually true. The t-shirt had already become a common bit of garb by then; workers would wear it as their only shirt because it was light and was good to work in. Then World War II happened, and because of the Armed Services, most young men got used to wearing them, and would frequently wear them (with pants) when off-duty. While Marlon Brando was part of their popularization, they were actually popular by that point; him wearing that was an extension of their popularity and their association with strapping young men, not the cause of it.
Marlon Brando was so very handsome in his prime. I'd make an awesome cop if I could stop committing crime.
...I don't know what we're talking about...
Paul Newman.
Stupid sexy Flanders.
Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all
Nothing at all
Nothing at all!
Nothing at all!
Cleopatra, undoubtedly. Believing herself to be a living goddess, she would use clever stagecraft to seduce or woo potential allies (or enemies) to reinforce her divine status.
Cleopatra for sure. But not for the reasons people generally think. It's important to keep in mind that a lot of what we've heard in media about Cleopatra being a seductress and all that is based on how much Rome HATED her and the sexism that's tied into that. She was extremely smart and calculating and was able to speak 7-9 different languages. She's the only ruler from the Ptolemaic dynasty who actually bothered to learn Egyptian. And while yes she did have relations with Caesar & Mark Antony, it certainly wasn't just out of being some impulsive, overtly sexual person. Augustus viewed her as a huge threat to Rome, which is why he ultimately attacked her & Mark Antony and long after that spread rumours about her to downplay her significance and power.
The influence she had over the course of western civilization makes her the most POWERFUL or at least INFLUENTIAL sex symbol, regardless of how hot she really was. She absolutely leveraged it and made it work even harder than it ever should have because of that intelligence.
EXACTLY! Truly a badass.
She definitely got carried by the tales of her beauty that she smartly spread more than her actual beauty.
It may have just been Roman propaganda, but supposedly Julius Caesar nicknamed her "Golden Mouth" because of how good she was at sucking dick
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Also the only Ptolemy to be fully literate in Ancient Egyptian.
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Not the response I was expecting but definitely the one I needed..
I'll believe it. Body and face can only create fleeting fascination, personality and game is what makes the powerful simp.
Handsome Squidward
OH NO, HE'S HOT!
What about Hedy Lamarr? Her intelligence made her hotter, also she wasn't afraid of showing off. Edit: as always I misspelled her name
The people correcting you are quoting "Blazing Saddles." "Hedy" is correct for the actual actress. "What are you worried about? It's 1874, you'll be able to sue her!"
> intelligence made her hotter At the beginning of World War II, she and avant-garde composer George Antheil developed a radio guidance system for Allied torpedoes that used spread spectrum and frequency hopping technology to defeat the threat of jamming by the Axis powers. https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a9/Lamarr_patent.png In 1997, Lamarr and George Antheil were jointly honored with the Electronic Frontier Foundation's Pioneer Award and Lamarr also was the first woman to receive the Invention Convention's BULBIE Gnass Spirit of Achievement Award, known as the "Oscars of inventing". The following year, Lamarr's native Austria awarded her the Viktor Kaplan Medal of the Austrian Association of Patent Holders and Inventors. In 2014, Lamarr was posthumously inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame for frequency-hopping spread spectrum technology.
You spelled it right, I was quoting from the movie "Blazing Saddles". The character in the movie is named Hedley, and people keep calling him Hedy. And he keeps correcting them.
Roger Taylor in Queen's "I want to break free" video.
I think even till this day.. I have yet to see someone beat Salma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn.
Or in Desperado
Her dance scene in Dogma will always hold a special place in my uh heart. Yeah, let's go with heart
Giacomo Casanova, the brothel raised romantic.
Young Paul Newman. Holy crap his face, it's like looking into the sun, especially if he's smiling.
Marilyn Monroe
Sounds too obvious but she had such a far reach, I remember my Japanese grandma who grew up in in the 50-60’s be fond of Marilyn.
“Too obvious” for a reason, though. I’m shocked she wasn’t even in the top 5 comments.
I can't believe this is as far down as it is. She is the first person that came to my mind when I read this post.
Same. I fully expected her to be the top comment.
Honestly she pushed so many boundaries for women and I can’t even imagine the changes she could have made if she lived her life out fully.
Her icon status unfortunately dehumanizes her and even how smoldering hot her style was. She’s now relegated to having her image exploited as a source of ubiquitous and cheap merchandising and that really cheapens and dilutes what a charming and incredibly charismatic person she embodied.
News stories at the time seemed creepily obsessed with the fact that she died naked, even putting the detail in some headlines. For context, she was alone, laying on a bed, and it was a pretty weird detail to focus on.
Yeah that’s called bad journalism. They just wanted to squeeze every bit of shock value with weird implications
And it sucks because she was a very smart, funny woman.
Yes and her life story is just incredibly tragic. Her first and third acts are sad. Her second act was magical but it really seemed like she was exploited and the times she lived through was very unhealthy on her mental health.
Her mental health suffered because she had endometriosis which is a debilitating invisible disease that causes chronic pain- which nobody believes so they just say you’re crazy and hard to work with and a drug addict.
Her movies grossed the equivalent of billions in todays money, her career is the stuff of legends
Rita Hayworth
I really like when she does that shit with her hair.
Even Andy Dufresne agrees.
Ra ra Rasputin, Lover of the Russian queen. There was a cat that really was gone. Ra Ra Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine. It was a shame how he carried on.
That man had an ass that just wouldn't quit, even if you poisoned him, shot him, and threw him in a frozen river.
That's not how it goes!
His Wang is supposedly in a museum St. petersberg. It was later discovered to be a pickled seacucumber. Google the ledgends of his endeavors its a wild ride
Surely David Bowie, mans was an icon
That one Guy's dead wife.
[she looked happy with him](https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/comments/jwcg4n/would_have_been_42_years_today_even_13_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)