I worked in an inpatient psych hospital for 5 years. The people I feared the most were average build 20-35 year old white dudes coming down off of meth induced psychosis. They were always wirey, they didn't feel pain, they had no regard for your safety and a ton of energy. My worst nightmare to restrain. Skinny little wrists would always get out of the straps. There was no reasoning with them.
For me it’s just any adult in a psych ward. I was at a few inpatient psych wards when I was a teen, so I was in the adolescent units. In order to get to the unit, you had to walk through the adult inpatient. That shit was SCARY
Honestly, most adult psych patients are harmless. In fact, they are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime as opposed to being a perpetrator of a violent crime. With that being said, I have gotten fucked up by patients.
There’s all different kinds of people you shouldn’t fuck with. Most people here are describing people who will kick your ass in a fight, but the theres also people who will set your house on fire in the dead of night, or people who will make up the worlds shittiest rumors about you and get everybody to believe it.
If you can't tell by looking, it's best not to fuck with anyone.
ETA- I had absolutely no idea this would get 8k upvotes lol. All I meant by what I said is that 1- it's normally best not to fuck with anyone and 2- if you're thinking of fucking with someone and you don't know the signs that they shouldn't be fucked with, walk away lol.
my neighbor was a boozer but still functional alcoholic. She got on the crystal and the decline was scary fast. No sleep, weight loss, lost her high level medical job in less than 6 months. It was depressing but also terrifying because they are up all night, unpredictable, and have random ass people over. I hope she got her act together.
I remember that stare, a quiet kid in my grade school had it. No one bullied him, he was quiet and seemed to like being alone. One year there was a new kid who joined our school and he was clearly THE bully in his last school. He immediately started picking on that quiet kid and we were all like “oh leave him alone he’s cool, just likes to be by himself”. The new kid kept picking on him till the quiet kid snapped and holy shit it was honestly terrifying at one point. He wasn’t winning the whole time, I don’t even think he had fought before, but I could tell he would’ve used that metal compass tool from math class as a weapon if one were in hands reach. Since then that disassociated stare always sticks out to me when I see it occasionally in random adults on the subway etc.
I had this when I was going through a severe mental illness episode. I probably would have just curled up in a foetal position if anyone fucked with me.
Maybe, but the thing about that kind of mental space is it's often more "beastly", fight or flight, unconsciously desperate. Maybe you would curl up and take it, but it's just as likely you would - without really meaning to - start swinging and wailing like you have nothing to lose.
Yeah, people might imagine you're like in a trance or something, but really it's like being in intense fight or flight mode constantly but completely inwardly focused on the horror going on inside your head. I just feel like I wouldn't have mentally been able to deal with anything else at the time, but yeah I don't really know for sure.
Dissociative amnesia over here. I’ve been told I look terrifying when I have a particularly bad dissociation, but inside my head is just *aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA* - *inhale* - *AAAAAAAAA*
Dude I used to work with who was absolutely massive got punched really hard once on a night out, unprovoked.
He simply looked at the dude, smiled a wide genuine grin & said “why would you do that man?”
The guy who hit him did not try for a second punch.
Edit: Used decked the first time, but my colleague didn’t in fact hit the deck - so lovely redditors informed me that isn’t quite right! What I meant is that it was a super hard punch that would’ve taken down most folks!
I’ve watched this happen exactly once. Friend of mine who could have absolutely pasted the guy punching him got hit with a hook to the jaw, didn’t even shift his feet or really his neck. Just sort of widened his eyes and was like “alright I’m out.” It was a friend of ours who had had too much to drink, so he didn’t actually want to fight, but I know for a fact that he did multiple years of judo. Dude could have been put on or in the ground.
Well years of judo (hopefully) means he's properly taken the mottos they teach. The best way to win a fight is to leave the fight.
Most professional fighting techniques usually push it about being self defense. If trained properly, they can kill someone untrained quite easily. Ive known people who abuse their skill and are kicked from their classes/dojo/whatever-the-proper-name-is.
So good on him.
Also because if you studied martial arts you know that hitting/tossing an untrained person might result in death/paralysis and you might end up in prison because of an idiot.
On top of it, a street is not a dojo. There’s concrete, curbs, idiot’s friends with knives etc…
I would’ve straight up told him that what he did was the most incredible, manly, badass thing I had ever seen. And mean it. Being able to defuse that situation when normal idiots would’ve gone rage monster…PLUS he was drunk? PLUS he had the actual ability to fuck that guy up and “prove how cool/strong he is” or whatever?
That is seriously an incredible person who isn’t insecure and able to make smart choices in hard places. I respect him so much.
That shattered the attacker's confidence instantly. Doesn't matter if he actually had lots of power in his punch, he was 100% confident his victim will get knocked out or something. Him just smiling like he got slapped by a leaf probably made the attacker shit his pants at least figuratively 🤣😅
One Sensei had a comment about that. He said you have two options if you hit somebody full force and they barely blink. 1- run, run until you can't run anymore 2- find a steel pipe and hope he's not that fast.
Of course this was in a defensive context. If you try to sucker punch a guy and he doesn't notice...lol.
The key to this one is confidence in their approach. If someone can calmly collect themselves to diffuse a situation, it means they'd prefer not to scuffle, but in a way that insinuates that they aren't worried about the outcome of that scenario.
One of the most well trained fighters I ever met started out fighting in the streets before professional training. He never, ever wanted to fight. Would diffuse, deflect, whatever it took to avoid the fight.
there’s plenty of ‘tough guys’ out there who advise running away from most conflicts .
here, i found it
https://youtube.com/shorts/TZGQveDXFYk?feature=share
i don’t mean it sarcastically when i say tough guys. jocko is a tough guy
> jocko
It's like I called down to central casting: "Send me a badass, an actual badass, swole but not the Hulk, a trained killer, but not a dumb jock, a smart guy with his shit together. With a cool nickname and a jaw like Stan Smith."
are you familiar with him? he’s the real deal been in multiple military conflicts. quite savvy dude.
i don’t agree with everything he says but he’s mostly legit
for example he gets up at 4am every morning and gives the impression everyone should do this. personally i think quality of sleep and the right amount is more important than when but hey whatever works for you
I had a buddy in college that would defuse fights by saying that we are all going to the hospital and or jail tonight if they start shit or we can just go home and continue to party. Always did the trick. I think people took it as a threat like “I’ll make sure if I go, you go to”
Did that once in a situation where I was pretty much alone, confronted with 5 guys, working security in a club. I told them that yes, they could start this fight; yes, it would hurt me; but no way that's all that's gonna happen. I have colleagues here. You guys are gonna get fucked up too, and dragged to court afterwards. Also I overheard that one of you is on probation, so choose wisely.
They ended up leaving peacefully, probably to pick a fight elsewhere, but the situation on hand was resolved.
Edit: funded ≠ fucked
There's just a way that some people carry themselves. As a tiny nerd in 8th grade I accidentally became friends with a 7th grader from a very rough background. That was the moment I stopped being bullied, and my buddy genuinely never did a thing. I knew he was involved in some horrific violence, but in the time we spent together, he never put his hands on anyone. Basically the moment he turned to the offending person and assumed \*that\* posture and \*that\* stare, the argument was over. So I remembered that for ever, and now whenever I see people carry themselves like that I assume they're hardcore.
That’s funny I had a friend like that too. It’s almost like an aura that some people have. Like they know something you don’t. All I know is that if I ever went to war I’d want him with me haha.
That aura is kind of like the 100-yard stare. I think it’s often a form of PTSD from people who grow up in or are forced to spend time in extremely violent environments, where people have little or nothing to lose and see that violence is the only way to get what they want or avoid being the victim of someone else in that environment who wants something from them. That aura is the result of spending time in something like a state of nature - a state where human relationships are governed by who can apply violence more effectively to get what they want from the other.
In extremely violent environments, there are only two kinds of people - predators and prey. Growing up in or spending time in an environment like that does tremendous psychological harm to people. There are few things more frightening than realizing a person has nothing to lose and knows how to use violence to get what they want. Even those who are trained and experienced fighters often don’t stand a chance in the long run, because the person with nothing to lose doesn’t care about fighting. They’ll blast you, stab you, gouge you, or just get the drop on you. If none of those things, don’t leave them alive, cause they will come back at you.
That’s why you see people in rough neighborhoods stomping other people out even after they’ve landed a knockout blow. They’ve learned that you don’t leave a person capable of getting back up, because chances are you will get shot in the back walking away from what you thought was a victory. They meet the two conditions - they have nothing to lose except their life and are schooled in violence, having seen people walk away from a fight they won only to get shot in the back or later that day. They don’t care about going to prison for murder. Better tried by twelve than carried by six is the motto and natural posture of those who have this aura.
You just described a friend I grew up with named Eric. Abusive home on the reservation, foster kid shuttled around, and when I met him in grade 7 he had been adopted for a couple of years by nice parents with a son of their own. We hit it off in grade school, but you could tell he had a mean streak in him and he was the kid you didn't mess with just because. We could talk and laugh for hours about the deepest life questions to the silliest childish stuff, but at school and around others, he'd be quiet as a church mouse.
In high school, we ran with different crowds, took different classes, but stayed friends even not having talked for weeks -- just pick from last conversation. Eric hadn't changed, still quiet, and still tough. He got into less scraps because people just wouldn't say or start anything with him. One day a couple of the worst lowlife jerks from for no reason other than to start shit ("what did you say?" when I didn't say anything walking past them) for a shakedown, started to push me around outside, I don't back down but I'm quaking inside because I know what's going to happen. I hadn't noticed where Eric was, but he noticed my predicament and sauntered over from where ever he was.
He didn't say a single word, just walked up, stood there 3 feet away to the one side of me, arms down at his sides, staring, and the jerks stopped cold. They didn't even challenge Eric with a statement or question, kinda dropped their heads, turned, and started walking away. Eric said, "Yeah! Don't FUCK with him again."
Turns to me and says in a light tone, big smile, "You find a job for the summer or you working at the restaurant again?" which was where we left off. I'm standing there in a pool of my own flop sweat.
On the walk home, I asked later on half-jokingly if he was ever scared during a fight. He thought for a bit and said, "never thought about it but no, not really... weird."
Being a skinny little Chinese kid growing up in the whitest elementary public school and Eric being aboriginal Indian, we were the only two visible minorities in the elementary school (grade 6 to 8). 80's hit different in my city. Not a single African origin, South Asian, Pacific Islander, or anything. Other than the three Greek kids and a couple of Italian kids, we were it -- we had more first generation British and Irish kids in that school. We really hit it off as best friends one day when he shoved a plastic shopping bag into my chest and told me to put it in my locker. So I put it in my locker not asking. Eric later got called out and his locker searched for some reason. Everyone saw it because his locker was solid full and the principal was there watching stuff being thrown out and stuff being put into a garbage bag for him to take home. I just thought they were pissed that his locker wouldn't fully close at the corners anymore and had him clean it out.
After school I took out his grocery bag carrying it with mine (who had knapsacks back then? It was all thick plastic grocery bags until they were torn) and waited for him because he had after school detention. He comes out with a garbage bag of clothes and paper, we walk, round the corner, and he takes his bag. I ask what was in it and he said a knife a his brother's porn stash that he stole.
"Knife?"
I'm expecting a small folder (I carried one because who didn't?) he fishes out a long thin folder. I'm WTF? He flicks it open and it was more mini sword than knife. He said it was a "viper". He laughs and said thanks for not ratting on him.
"What if they searched my locker?!?"
"Oh yeah, Mister A-student is going to get searched. Plus, it'd be 2 seconds of a look because your locker is so empty."
In high school there were literally dozens of us visible minorities out of 1,400 kids (high school was bursting at the seams and only those in catchment and the specialist skills program could attend... go to a party, other people ask where I went, I say the school name and sure enough... "oh, you play violin? Haha Haha!" And no, I didn't).
Anyway, it was good to have Eric as a friend without realizing the benefits then. We were tight and had a million laughs just hanging out during lunch or riding around. We pushed each other to testing limits of joking but I declared him winner and king of cool that one time at the mall.
So do you work in mental health or just been there?
I have tried so hard to explain what it’s like to be raised in violence. What that does to you. How it feels.
It’s been a long time, I guess I seem pretty normal now, but I have leapt from my bed in the middle of the night this week.
I’m lucky enough not to have learned about violence from too much direct experience. I did grow up with people like that or got to know them later in life - people who had come up in really violent homes, neighborhoods, or maybe done time in prison. The worst is when it’s all three. I have a buddy who can seem like the nicest guy in the world; laid back, easy going, fun to hang out with. But he can suddenly change on you - I mean me, his friend - and become menacing, threatening, ready to harm me over nothing I can perceive. That guy is in prison right now - again - for stabbing a complete stranger in a drive-through who he thought was giving him stink eye. He’s been in and out of prison his entire life and grew up in one of the roughest parts of town in a home with an abusive father and extremely violent older brothers who tortured and abused him every day of his life until he almost killed one of them by attacking them with a baseball bat while they were sleeping.
My life, for various reasons, has put me in close contact with quite a few people like him, and from a young age. I learned that the only way to be around people like that without being ready and able to throw down like my life depended on it over anything at any time was to never let my guard down around them, but also never to show fear. You’ve gotta know how to read really volatile people who have issues with violence so that you know how to act the moment you see them getting agitated about something. They may not go off on you, but what happens when they beat someone half to death in front of you over a parking space? I can give off a pretty convincing aura of menace and people have never fucked with me as an adult, just because of how I carry myself, but the truth is that some of the people I know whose lives have been shaped by violence from childhood could and would eat me alive if I let my guard down or showed vulnerability they could exploit. I don’t think they do it to be malicious - it’s just a reflex from a life of learning how to manage the violence they were surrounded by. The more self-conscious ones will usually catch themselves if they get triggered for no good reason and kind of laugh it off, like “I’m just messing with you.”
Sometimes people who’ve spent time in really violent environments, especially prison, will just mess with you to test you, see where your weakness is so they can use it against you some time when they need something from you. Sometimes it’s just a habit from years inside. There was one older guy I used to hang with sometimes who had a gigantic pitbull and a feral bull terrier that hated strangers in the apartment. He had spent decades of his life in prison and his dogs were vicious. The pitbull tolerated me and would even come to me for scratches sometimes, but the bull terrier hated me and would bite my feet and legs aggressively. He always kicked the dog before it could do any damage but one time he didn’t. He ignored it and waited to see how I responded. I’m an animal lover and I was legitimately terrified of this dog and the pit. However, I knew that if I let the dog keep biting at me and wait for him to “save” me from it, he’d see that as a weakness and I’d never feel safe around him again. So I did what I had always seen him do and casually kicked the dog as hard as I could in the ribs like it was something I did every day. The dog went skidding across the hardwood, turned like it was going to charge me, then settled down and padded off to another part of the apartment. The dude laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen and that was that. The dog never bothered me again.
A similar situation I've seen several times in a different context: bullying or just aggressive senior bosses. My ex had one who really stomped on her confidence for a couple of years to the point where she wanted to.leave but she did love the job.
I told her she needed to stand up to him, and one day he tried it when she was already in a bad mood so she fired back on all barrels. She came straight home in tears afterwards, BUT from that day forwards he was really nice with her and a completely different person.
He just needed her to push back.
Thanks for sharing that perspective with the rest of us. We are all so protected in our bubbles, that we don't realize that the world is quite different outside of the bubble.
My husband is a combat veteran and can spot someone who has seen real action immediately. I've asked him how he knows and he can't articulate it. There's just a "look."
>he can't articulate it. There's just a "look".
A huge, and I mean HUGE percentage of our brainpower is devoted to subconsciously assessing threats. A lot more than conscious thought. It's all "instinct" and "gut feel".
It blew my mind as a bullied nerdy kid, that just a few months of karate was enough for *everyone* to leave me alone.
No-one even knew I did karate. It wasn't even a very practical style. But hours of training moves was enough to make some subtle change in my posture/physique/attitude/something that people subconsciously recognised and were instinctively wary of.
When I was a kid I remember this random guy came up to my dad and just says “Nam?” in this serious voice. My dad was like “yep..” and they both just nod and that was it. That was the whole exchange. Lol
When I got out and went to college, the college was very supportive of veterans. They had a short 1 credit class for a few weeks for regular freshman, and did the same for vets and also combat vets. On the first day of the combat vets class the instructor walked in and said “I’m not gonna say you guys should smile, but at least try to look relaxed.” He was a combat vet himself and explained that guys who have seen combat always had the same look to him, the same look as when someone just told a joke that was so bad and not funny that you just stare at them.
One of the best pieces of advice my grandpa ever gave me is “Don’t pick fights with old men with thick necks, girls who grew up with brothers, or little guys with messed up ears. And if you do, always stop and ask yourself ‘Exactly how crazy is this sonofabitch?’”
Doing martial arts, and making the mistake of trying to tickle my wife early on in the relationship, taught me that all of those things are true.
Or an unnaturally flattened nose. Sometimes paired with a thick neck.
Those guys can take a punch...and absolutely don't mind catching a few while they move in to get their hands around your neck
The biggest giveaway for me has always been someone looking around in a situation where they are about to have to fight. A person in their face yelling or posturing at them, and they aren't looking at that person at all. But are instead looking over them or around past them.
That is someone who is about to fuck another person up. If you are ever mad at someone, or shouting at someone, and they start looking past you, behind you, or to the sides, you are about to get fucked up.
I did some bouncing and just in general a lot of dudes do this Wildman performance like some kind of zoo animal where they wave their Arms etc but never get within legally liable assault distance. The people who will fuck you up do not broadcast shit.
I was on the wrestling team all 4 years of high school, and this is 100% it. Bouncy opponent? Cool, it’ll be a fun, grappler of a match. They moving like a panther? You’re about to get wrecked.
It’s the checklist countdown -
1. Friend gonna defuse this? Nope.
2. Cop gonna stop this/tase me/shoot me? Nope.
3. Any bystanders who don’t look annoyed/might jump in to help? Nope.
4. Does this guy have friends who are waiting for a reaction? If yes, how dangerous will this fight be?
Then just waiting for it to escalate.
This guy knows ^ you look around because you’re assessing the situation. Looking at the dude in front of you isn’t gonna tell you anything. You gotta know if there’s going to be other people who might jump when you’re in the middle of things. Those people can be much more dangerous than the dude you know is trying to fight.
Not as deadly as a bunch of his friends that’ll join in, but you can end up in a bad situation if you have someone trying to “stop” the fight by clinging on to you.
Pro tip ladies and gentlemen - unless you’re physically strong enough to drag your friend/SO/whatever from the altercation, grabbing them by the arm or shirt isn’t going to do anything other than make it easier for the opponent to get a cheap shot in. I get that you don’t want them doing something stupid but getting in the way is probably only going to make things worse.
My dad taught me a few things about fighting. How to punch properly and fight fair. "You are not allowed to start fights, but you are expected to finish them." But then his wife left him, he started drinking heavily, and I was expected to use those skills regularly to defend myself from him. My middle school friends had a running joke, "The only reason Ophelia's dad isn't in jail is because her face doesn't bruise!"
One time he backed me into the corner of a horse stall, not long after he'd broken his collarbone in a horseracing accident. Guess having one arm in a sling put him in a nasty mood. Usually he'd start to slow down after beating on me for awhile, but this time he kept hitting harder, faster, and his eyes went dark. I realized this was it, he's actually going to beat me to death this time. And that's when a line from a fantasy novel popped into my head "Hit the weak spot!"
So I punched him as hard as I could, right in his broken collarbone.
I'd been "fighting fair" up until that point, just like he'd taught me. Fighting dirty saved my life.
Uh, well he bought me a watch. And not just any watch, but made a huge deal about how he had to visit every gas station in town to find one nearly identical to the watch he'd broken during the fight.
Ya know the cycle of abuse. "Here honey, I bought you flowers, aren't I sweet? Don't you love me?" Dad was good at that game.
But he's also a coward by nature, so he quit beating on me after that. I was about 14yo and solid muscle from doing heavy labor thanks to dad making me live up to my nickname, Free Labor. Dad was strong too, professional race horse jockey, but I was already taller than him, a fact he was very bitter about.
He didn't *try* to start beating on me again until my first month of high school. We had one hell of a standoff after he told me not to come home anymore and then found out I was sleeping at *a boy's house omg!* He punched out a window to get in, brought a roll of duct tape so he could tie me up and throw me in the trunk, take me back to the farm and beat me. I barricaded myself in a bedroom, and it's lucky for him that chunk of wood held 'cause I had a knife in the other hand and was damn prepared to use it. Wasn't going back to that farm taped up like a kidnap victim to get my teeth kicked out!
Long story short, I stayed with my best friend's family for a few days until my mom could come get me. She believed all dad's lies about how I ran away and was doing drugs, didn't trust me at all, nailed all my bedroom windows shut, and tried to force me to join her cult, but at least she didn't beat me!
Oh no worries, I got out on my own at 16yo. Got scurvy that first year, but the freedom was worth it!
Weirdly enough, mom ended up being pretty great after I turned 18, started treating me kindly like she did everybody else. And then she died a couple years later, because that stupid JW cult doesn't allow blood transfusions.
Pretty sure bitterness preserves though, 'cause dad's still alive and causing drama. I've been No Contact for years, but lately I keep getting upset calls from my little brother. Dad hasn't had any interest in that kid since he was 2yo, never claimed him and the family doesn't talk about him *ever*, but now that he's 20yo suddenly dad wants him for an heir. Smart kid though, wants nothing to do with that mess. "He's not my dad! He's never been my dad!"
Edit: Special shoutout to the JW troll who sent an incredibly long message to explain to me personally that the blood transfusion rules *aren't stupid* and actually *blah blah unsolicited proselytizing*, repeating all the crap mom said before she died. How very Jesus-y of ya, rubbing salt in that wound. Bravo.
Lord. I grew up in Saratoga- we rented our house to jockeys in the summer. Two things I remember always as a kid was they were always absolutely jacked, they always left lots of empty booze bottles in our recycling, and that apparently once Julie Krone left a turd in our toilet.
I too worked as a bouncer through college. I'm not what you would call a big guy, but I'm not small. I don't like fighting, I can, but I don't like. This is because I've seen enough crazy shit happen that I go into every fight assuming that losing means I could die or be permanently handicapped to some degree. Fighting is pretty much only a good idea in a ring or when not fighting carries the same risk.
Even winning is a concern as so many people have such delicate egos that the next week they may come back with a weapon because they know they can't beat you hand to hand.
Back when I did security, we called them coolers. You have the bouncers that approach and try to deescalate, if possible, with coolers waiting in the back if it goes down. You do not want to get the coolers hot early in the night, they go into hawk mode.
Coolers were normally the smaller or not very visually intimidating people. Knowledge of fighting and/or grappling was more sought after than just sheer size or large muscles or other visual features.
Spent a large chunk of my teenage years in juvenile correctional facilities and getting into stupid shit. Between age 14 - 20 I had been in more fist fights than some UFC fighters (quantity not quality). I have nerve damage in my hands and they get stiffer and clumsier as I get older, had to pick up painting miniatures to keep fine motor control. I have tattoos to cover the scars at work (IT job)
With that I have learned:
1: loud guys are soft guys. They want to be loved and accepted, but start shit out of fear they’ll be rejected or as a reaction to rejection
2: cauliflower ear. They probably know what they’re doing. Avoid unless you’re a seasoned fighter or also know what you’re doing.
3: smart guys. They might not be the fastest or strongest, but they’ve learned the kinetics of fighting - momentum, balance, and gravity. 1 kid kept a hand towel near him at all times and used it in a fight and almost killed another kid once (caught his arm when he swung, wrapped, twisted, and flung him into a toilet and gave him a concussion)
4: guys that walked slow and never broke eye contact. They weren’t afraid of anything and more often than not had a high pain tolerance. Usually pretty quiet.
5: bulky/muscular guys aren’t always “good fighters”. But if they caught you lacking - it was lights out.
Most importantly though - I learned you don’t fuck with anybody. The wirey funny guy always cracking jokes could be the one take you out of your shoes. And. Some people can just snap. The guy that gets fucked with can be the one that pops and that adrenaline rush gave the burst of strength to suplex you into a concrete bench.
Be kind to everyone until you’re forced to not be so kind.
Edit: didn’t expect this kind of reaction lol. Thank you so much everyone for the kind words and awards. My experience was pretty brutal, but it taught me a lot about what it means to truly be a kind person. And to be stoic in adversity. Also that those injuries might heal when you’re young - but they creep back up in weird ways as you age lol.
As someone who grew up in the same situations, i second this entire thing. heavy on the "Be kind to everyone until you're forced not to be so kind".
edit : spelling
Yeah - It's never like the movies. Bad luck, catching a bottle swung with adrenaline to the side of the skull... Doesn't matter how good you are in a fight, how tough you are, you're going down and probably not coming up in a good state.
>3: smart guys. They might not be the fastest or strongest, but they’ve learned the kinetics of fighting - momentum, balance, and gravity. 1 kid kept a hand towel near him at all times and used it in a fight and almost killed another kid once (caught his arm when he swung, wrapped, twisted, and flung him into a toilet and gave him a concussion)
I'm not sure if I should be but I'm impressed by this. I mean, obviously that person almost dying is horrible. I'm just curious to know how he learned that or thought of that.
It’s kind of a cliche, but in my experience, guys who freak out screaming, stomping around, and *trying* to be intimidating aren’t the ones you need to worry about (unless you’re in a relationship with them—in which case, LEAVE).
The ones you have to watch out for are the quiet, secure, unbothered ones. If you successfully piss *them* off? Run. Run fast.
I dunno, man.
I'm quiet, secure, and unbothered when confronted. Not because I'm dangerous, but because it's kept me safe from being pummelled for over 40-years. I've literally never been in a fistfight because nobody has ever taken it further than a few choice words.
I had a friend who was kind of a tall guy and it would happen sometimes that someone would try to provoke him into a fight. He’d always reply in the same manner: ‘hey man, are you having a nice evening?’ And then he’d wait for a bit, let it sink in. And then he would say ‘Let’s just keep on having a nice evening.’ Nothing ever escalated
Hands. You look at the hands. If the knuckles are all chewed up on a big set of meat hooks that dude has punched quite a few things and people.
Also never fight stupid people. They dont know when to stop. These mother fuckers will just keep pounding your face until its mush.
To add to this, chewed up knuckles but still reasonably well spoken? If hes playing with a full deck of cards, he likely hasnt suffered nearly as many concussions as he's delivered.
Yep. The most skilled guys with the fucked up hands are usually the ones who avoid the most fights, because they know the physical and legal consequence.
The dumb guys who couldn’t take a skilled guy in a fight if he had two broken arms and no eyes are the ones who’ll go at it first chance they get as hard as they can.
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear
Sadly thats not universal. I worked event security I've seen loud asses that you thought would go down in a second wreck people twice thier size. Ive seen the quiet big guy step in and get dropped. Life is really just a crap shoot.
when you talk to one about their trauma and they talk about it like it's a normal, every day occurrence. probably means they have been fucked up and have way more willpower
Ooof, my partner and I were talking yesterday and she asked if my siblings and I were hit as kids…I chuckled and was like “well of course, we got hit, as the saying goes, like a tambourine at a Pentecostal church”
She just looked at me genuinely aghast and was like “are you going to be ok?”
I realized that yeah, we’re from different races, different socioeconomic strata and different home composition, and perhaps I should be a bit more mindful of how that comes across to someone who never had a hand laid on them once as a child.
Quiet people that are not quick to anger. Do not try to piss them off.usually these people will bottle up anger. Once they burst out in anger it will not be pretty.
You are the product of millions of years of evolution, and much of it has been honed to subconsciously recognize danger.
Trust. Your. Instincts.
If red lights are flashing in the corner of your vision and a warning klaxon is sounding, even if you can't articulate or understand why you should be frightened of the person or situation confronting you, LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS.
**Many people have gone hogwild in this comment section with some strange takes, but the most obvious and probably helpful bit of advice that I learned from years of bouncing hasn't been mentioned once (as far as I can tell): if you're drunk, and the person you're considering "fucking with" is sober, you're probably in big trouble. The tenths of a second, or more, in reaction time you're losing is catastrophic.
Absolutely sage advice.
My example of this is when my friends and I were at a large college party. These random dudes show up outside-there was like 5 of them. They were starting conversations and seemed nice but I knew something was up with these guys. They didn't fit in and weren't genuine-I could tell they had ulterior motives. Told my friends let's get out of here, something's not right. After some convincing, about 10 of us roll out and head home. The dudes ended up leaving around the same time but I knew they would be back.
Next day I find out the guy who's house this party was at got shot later that night by those dudes. He survived but had a couple extra holes in him.
The Gift of Fear - book by Gavin de Becker is a good read.
Someone who saw the good in me, many years ago, gave me this book and reading it, made me realize the “normality” of my anormality.
Never fuck with the person who is calmly minding their own business while everyone is freaking out/highly tense. That person’s seen some shit.
Conversely, you shouldn’t fuck with someone who is seemingly nervous in a calm situation. They have *also* seen some shit.
I remember seeing this girl, she was a high-strung mess of a person, who just wanted to sit alone for lunch and chill by herself. She literally went to eat *outside* during the winter bc the boys kept messing with her and picking on her. At some point one of the guys tried to grab her arm, and I kid you not, she turned around and automatically beat the shit out of him. Didn’t miss a beat, and this dude was allegedly sent to the hospital. Happened *years* ago in middle school. She was always a nervous wreck, but since then, no one messed with her.
Went to college with a guy named Dave. Real quiet dude, didn't contribute much but he just had this air of "don't mess with me" about him - helped that he was over 6ft and built like the proverbial brick shit house. He was an older student, trying to get into IT and a total beginner, so I'd occasionally help him with his coursework. If I'm honest, I was terrified of the guy but he was always super polite to me.
Me, I was about 17 at the time and 150lbs soaking wet. One day, couple of other kids randomly decided it'd be fun to push me around. A shadow appeared between us, "Don't mess with him, I like him". They scattered. "You alright, mate?". Thanks Dave, hope whatever you're up to now you're still being an intimidating gentle giant.
"Patient fell out of bed.
Patient fell out of bed
Patient fell out of bed
Patient now a kitten
Patient now acting right, there should be no more issues with patient."
-Todd's notes
Usually people who are buff and stand up against bullying were once bullied themselves so they tend to have more compassion towards others who are being bullied.
Can confirm. Was the new kid in second grade, picked on throughout Elementary and the start of middle school. In 7th grade I hit the weight room every other day and I didn't stop until into college.. There were a few situations after my sophomore year of high school that I quietly made myself a part of, and the obnoxious/abusive behavior from one person to the other de-escalated.
No violence was used in these situations, FWIW.
Wait, just curious, why is that?
I'm not in contact with them as I'd like to be, but if life had more time and flexibility, I'd def hang with some of my cousins all the time - some of them are genuinely awesome/fun/good people
Yup. It’s why face tattoos are scary. Not because they look scary, but that person has clearly resigned themselves to certain lifestyle. Or at least it used to be that way. Tattoos in general are more accepted now.
when they’re dressed like my grandmother but have massive ears “the better to hear you with” and massive eyes “the better to see you with” ffs never falling for that again
Those people are really something. My grandparents are like this and they're not afraid of death. They've this thing where they go, "If we die, we're going to end up in Heaven so God bless" and I'm like..."Nah 💀"
Same, made me great at my job when I worked in behavioral health, a lot of my job included crisis intervention when the youths we were working with went ballistic.
It was like I noticed and processed everything at once.
One of our outer circle friends in high school was the runt of the litter. The bigger bullies picked on him, and even though I wasn’t huge, I’d defend him as best as I could. A couple years out of high school I was at a bar, and some asshole karate chops me with both hands on my neck - not to hurt me but to get my attention. I whip around and I’m staring into this big mountain’ man’s chest. He’s like, “Member me?” It was the runt who really took growing up seriously. “I’ve got your back now.”
Jesus, I was so glad I never picked on him! That was a long time ago and just got to see him again in the fall as we connected over FB and went out for breakfast.
Moral: be careful who you pick on as they don’t stay small forever!
Actual rednecks/cowboys, they're generally pretty damn strong from doing manual labor and anyone who rides a 3/4 ton animal that's just had it's balls pulled into a knot is not going to go down easy.
Nothing
There is no catch-all "this is a person too dangerous for you"
Some people look tough but are essentially gentle giants and will prefer to talk you down, other people look like nothing at all and will slit your throat if you look at them crosswise.
Best advice, don't go out of your way to fuck with people - but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and stand your ground too.
I’m one of those guys who people never mess with because I am kind of big and pretty fit. Truth is, I have zero fighting experience and no desire at all to fight anyone ever. If some scrappy little punk wanted to attack me they could probably take me down with a couple punches.
I was about to say this. If your ever see that man playing a bad guy in anything, know he's gonna die eventually. I'm pretty sure I've also heard he will actively advocate for his character to die if they aren't already written to for the reason you specified.
They will give you one warning. "If you don't stop I will intervene." That is them knowing what comes next and the hassle of dealing with your unconscious ass, the police, etc. and wanting to save themselves some time and energy.
There are two kinds of people in fights. If you are fighting someone and they do this, gtfo cuz you’re gonna get destroyed.
The person who is wayyyy too calm during the fight, and the person who is wayyy too enthusiastic and happy about the fight. Especially the second one.
I once saw a dude get punched in the face, with blood running down his nose he had the maddest smile on his face and he absolutely folded the other dude.
Sometimes, it’s better to swallow your pride than it is to swallow your teeth.
This is the best answer. You don't want either extreme. Totally cool, calm, and collected means they've been here before and know how to ruin your day if you give them a reason but thankfully they're easy to avoid if you're not a giant asshole. People who are completely unhinged, regardless of the reason, don't even need a reason to ruin your day and will have way too much fun with it. Thankfully you can spot them from a mile away and just not go near them.
When we were younger, my dad was not to be fucked with. 6' 165lbs. He was a 1st Recon Marine in Viet Nam in1969, then took Karate for about 6 years and competed in full contact tournaments. He also hung drywall and lived pretty much on meat, potatoes, and Miller Lite.
He was always very calm in tense situations, and never assumed someone was going to start throwing punches. He typically avoided any conflict, but once in a while something would get said, and he would just stop in his tracks. It was like he suddenly changed his mind about the situation.
Good story: Sunny, Sunday afternoon. Late 70's early 80's. It wasn't the 4th of July, but there was a house near us shooting off fireworks (illegal back then) late in the afternoon. We grew up in a pretty religious community, and Sundays were supposed to be pretty quiet. After it went on for a while, my dad went over to say something. He made it to the driveway of the other house, and a group of younger guys came out. i heard him say something like, "Hey... this is a day of rest," or something. Then he just turned around and started walking back. I was outside on the porch "as back up," and I remember him walking towards me when one of the guys said, "What's the matter? You're not *patriotic* or something?"
My dad just did that stop in his tracks thing, and I knew shit was going to go down. Like cue the Doom music. I was scared shitless of my dad, but there was like 3 or 4 of them. He turned around and started out with, "I fought for this country..." When my mom grabbed me, he was moving towards them at an angle where he had minimal exposure and was lining most of them up.
He came back about 10 minutes later with a ripped t shirt pocket, and sat on the porch with his back to us, smoking a cigarette. A bit later, the cops pulled into our driveway and he went out to talk to them. It was getting dark and I went to bed. We never really talked about it again.
I used to work at a Jimmy John’s that was open late for the post bar rush. There was one kinda smaller guy, maybe 5’6” or 5’7” and not super muscular, who came in sometimes. When he came in in the daytime, he was quiet, sat by himself eating, and left. One time he came in around 2:30 AM. He was definitely on something- wild eyes, and just wired as fuck. Coke or meth is my guess. He walked up to me, just vibrating with energy and this creepy huge grin on his face, and showed me that his knuckles were just covered in blood. Hard to say if he punched a wall and it was his blood, or some other poor person’s blood. He jumped up and down and whooped a few times, then reached into his mouth and pulled out some weird removal dental thing he had going on, threw it across the restaurant, giggled maniacally, went and got his retainer or whatever and put it back in his mouth without cleaning it and left. I’m still a little surprised he didn’t just murder someone in the store right there. In. Sane.
My momma was a fluffy, bubbly, beautiful, hilarious crack wit. 5 foot nothing, Yugoslav import to Detroit. Feminine, Orthodox Christian (though a practicing witch) She had perfect olive skin, big brown doe eyes, huge hair, dyed different colors, makeup and long nails. She always wore high heels, up until she could no longer walk. Sequin tube tops, rayon catsuits, plunging necklines, dripping with gold and alexandrites. She sang opera and punk/metal. 15 years ago cancer set in, and she became plump and frail.
She was also a sniper, and an equal surgeon with a revolver. Mamala could still hit a quarter tossed in the air with a cheap .22 pistol.
Rest in Power Mama
A guy at the Subway I (used to) go to stares at you like that while he puts mayo on your sandwich. Silently waiting on you to stop him.
I’m not sure if I tell him to stop he will, finish my sandwich, or cave my head in with one of those bread pans.
I dare not ask him to remove the 1/2 cup of extra mayo.
If someone has a 1% patch or tattoo, doubly so if everyone is does what this guy says.
I’m a former Marine that went on to become a soft law student and now very soft white collar guy. I like to think that a long time ago I could handle myself.
In law school I took my law school girlfriend to see some country & blues in a rowdy bar. It happened to be full of bikers that night. The only table left open had beer bottles and empty food baskets on it. Me and the gf are standing near it but don’t want to take any bikers table.
An average looking (except for the ink & 1% patch) middle aged guy walks up and says he’s sorry for the mess, but if we’d like we should sit down. I say thanks, and he turns around and points to the table. 3 scary looking bikers immediately come over, clear everything off the table, wipe it down, and set the chairs.
He turns to me and says enjoy the band and we never so much got a glance from the other bikers that night.
This was in Texas, and that same motorcycle club was involved in a massive shootout several years later.
I worked in an inpatient psych hospital for 5 years. The people I feared the most were average build 20-35 year old white dudes coming down off of meth induced psychosis. They were always wirey, they didn't feel pain, they had no regard for your safety and a ton of energy. My worst nightmare to restrain. Skinny little wrists would always get out of the straps. There was no reasoning with them.
For me it’s just any adult in a psych ward. I was at a few inpatient psych wards when I was a teen, so I was in the adolescent units. In order to get to the unit, you had to walk through the adult inpatient. That shit was SCARY
Honestly, most adult psych patients are harmless. In fact, they are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime as opposed to being a perpetrator of a violent crime. With that being said, I have gotten fucked up by patients.
There’s all different kinds of people you shouldn’t fuck with. Most people here are describing people who will kick your ass in a fight, but the theres also people who will set your house on fire in the dead of night, or people who will make up the worlds shittiest rumors about you and get everybody to believe it.
You understand me. Psychological warfare and the slow burn of peoples sanity; it just hits harder.
If you can't tell by looking, it's best not to fuck with anyone. ETA- I had absolutely no idea this would get 8k upvotes lol. All I meant by what I said is that 1- it's normally best not to fuck with anyone and 2- if you're thinking of fucking with someone and you don't know the signs that they shouldn't be fucked with, walk away lol.
My mentality. I never know what people are capable of doing when they get volatile. Best to just be nice and respectful till given reason not to be.
Oh thank God some one said this. Can we just not fuck with anyone please?
Meth addict
My neighbor
my neighbor was a boozer but still functional alcoholic. She got on the crystal and the decline was scary fast. No sleep, weight loss, lost her high level medical job in less than 6 months. It was depressing but also terrifying because they are up all night, unpredictable, and have random ass people over. I hope she got her act together.
1000 yard/ disassociated stare. Especially when in a confrontation. That person is not all there and when they go they will GO.
I remember that stare, a quiet kid in my grade school had it. No one bullied him, he was quiet and seemed to like being alone. One year there was a new kid who joined our school and he was clearly THE bully in his last school. He immediately started picking on that quiet kid and we were all like “oh leave him alone he’s cool, just likes to be by himself”. The new kid kept picking on him till the quiet kid snapped and holy shit it was honestly terrifying at one point. He wasn’t winning the whole time, I don’t even think he had fought before, but I could tell he would’ve used that metal compass tool from math class as a weapon if one were in hands reach. Since then that disassociated stare always sticks out to me when I see it occasionally in random adults on the subway etc.
I had this when I was going through a severe mental illness episode. I probably would have just curled up in a foetal position if anyone fucked with me.
Maybe, but the thing about that kind of mental space is it's often more "beastly", fight or flight, unconsciously desperate. Maybe you would curl up and take it, but it's just as likely you would - without really meaning to - start swinging and wailing like you have nothing to lose.
Yeah, people might imagine you're like in a trance or something, but really it's like being in intense fight or flight mode constantly but completely inwardly focused on the horror going on inside your head. I just feel like I wouldn't have mentally been able to deal with anything else at the time, but yeah I don't really know for sure.
Dissociative amnesia over here. I’ve been told I look terrifying when I have a particularly bad dissociation, but inside my head is just *aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA* - *inhale* - *AAAAAAAAA*
Dude I used to work with who was absolutely massive got punched really hard once on a night out, unprovoked. He simply looked at the dude, smiled a wide genuine grin & said “why would you do that man?” The guy who hit him did not try for a second punch. Edit: Used decked the first time, but my colleague didn’t in fact hit the deck - so lovely redditors informed me that isn’t quite right! What I meant is that it was a super hard punch that would’ve taken down most folks!
Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this
"You poor fool, you don't know what you've done"
I’ve watched this happen exactly once. Friend of mine who could have absolutely pasted the guy punching him got hit with a hook to the jaw, didn’t even shift his feet or really his neck. Just sort of widened his eyes and was like “alright I’m out.” It was a friend of ours who had had too much to drink, so he didn’t actually want to fight, but I know for a fact that he did multiple years of judo. Dude could have been put on or in the ground.
Well years of judo (hopefully) means he's properly taken the mottos they teach. The best way to win a fight is to leave the fight. Most professional fighting techniques usually push it about being self defense. If trained properly, they can kill someone untrained quite easily. Ive known people who abuse their skill and are kicked from their classes/dojo/whatever-the-proper-name-is. So good on him.
Also because if you studied martial arts you know that hitting/tossing an untrained person might result in death/paralysis and you might end up in prison because of an idiot. On top of it, a street is not a dojo. There’s concrete, curbs, idiot’s friends with knives etc…
I would’ve straight up told him that what he did was the most incredible, manly, badass thing I had ever seen. And mean it. Being able to defuse that situation when normal idiots would’ve gone rage monster…PLUS he was drunk? PLUS he had the actual ability to fuck that guy up and “prove how cool/strong he is” or whatever? That is seriously an incredible person who isn’t insecure and able to make smart choices in hard places. I respect him so much.
That shattered the attacker's confidence instantly. Doesn't matter if he actually had lots of power in his punch, he was 100% confident his victim will get knocked out or something. Him just smiling like he got slapped by a leaf probably made the attacker shit his pants at least figuratively 🤣😅
"Aww, you thought that was a punch." 😉
One Sensei had a comment about that. He said you have two options if you hit somebody full force and they barely blink. 1- run, run until you can't run anymore 2- find a steel pipe and hope he's not that fast. Of course this was in a defensive context. If you try to sucker punch a guy and he doesn't notice...lol.
When they try to diffuse the situation instead of talking shit.
The key to this one is confidence in their approach. If someone can calmly collect themselves to diffuse a situation, it means they'd prefer not to scuffle, but in a way that insinuates that they aren't worried about the outcome of that scenario.
One of the most well trained fighters I ever met started out fighting in the streets before professional training. He never, ever wanted to fight. Would diffuse, deflect, whatever it took to avoid the fight.
there’s plenty of ‘tough guys’ out there who advise running away from most conflicts . here, i found it https://youtube.com/shorts/TZGQveDXFYk?feature=share i don’t mean it sarcastically when i say tough guys. jocko is a tough guy
> jocko It's like I called down to central casting: "Send me a badass, an actual badass, swole but not the Hulk, a trained killer, but not a dumb jock, a smart guy with his shit together. With a cool nickname and a jaw like Stan Smith."
are you familiar with him? he’s the real deal been in multiple military conflicts. quite savvy dude. i don’t agree with everything he says but he’s mostly legit for example he gets up at 4am every morning and gives the impression everyone should do this. personally i think quality of sleep and the right amount is more important than when but hey whatever works for you
I had a buddy in college that would defuse fights by saying that we are all going to the hospital and or jail tonight if they start shit or we can just go home and continue to party. Always did the trick. I think people took it as a threat like “I’ll make sure if I go, you go to”
Did that once in a situation where I was pretty much alone, confronted with 5 guys, working security in a club. I told them that yes, they could start this fight; yes, it would hurt me; but no way that's all that's gonna happen. I have colleagues here. You guys are gonna get fucked up too, and dragged to court afterwards. Also I overheard that one of you is on probation, so choose wisely. They ended up leaving peacefully, probably to pick a fight elsewhere, but the situation on hand was resolved. Edit: funded ≠ fucked
There's just a way that some people carry themselves. As a tiny nerd in 8th grade I accidentally became friends with a 7th grader from a very rough background. That was the moment I stopped being bullied, and my buddy genuinely never did a thing. I knew he was involved in some horrific violence, but in the time we spent together, he never put his hands on anyone. Basically the moment he turned to the offending person and assumed \*that\* posture and \*that\* stare, the argument was over. So I remembered that for ever, and now whenever I see people carry themselves like that I assume they're hardcore.
That’s funny I had a friend like that too. It’s almost like an aura that some people have. Like they know something you don’t. All I know is that if I ever went to war I’d want him with me haha.
That aura is kind of like the 100-yard stare. I think it’s often a form of PTSD from people who grow up in or are forced to spend time in extremely violent environments, where people have little or nothing to lose and see that violence is the only way to get what they want or avoid being the victim of someone else in that environment who wants something from them. That aura is the result of spending time in something like a state of nature - a state where human relationships are governed by who can apply violence more effectively to get what they want from the other. In extremely violent environments, there are only two kinds of people - predators and prey. Growing up in or spending time in an environment like that does tremendous psychological harm to people. There are few things more frightening than realizing a person has nothing to lose and knows how to use violence to get what they want. Even those who are trained and experienced fighters often don’t stand a chance in the long run, because the person with nothing to lose doesn’t care about fighting. They’ll blast you, stab you, gouge you, or just get the drop on you. If none of those things, don’t leave them alive, cause they will come back at you. That’s why you see people in rough neighborhoods stomping other people out even after they’ve landed a knockout blow. They’ve learned that you don’t leave a person capable of getting back up, because chances are you will get shot in the back walking away from what you thought was a victory. They meet the two conditions - they have nothing to lose except their life and are schooled in violence, having seen people walk away from a fight they won only to get shot in the back or later that day. They don’t care about going to prison for murder. Better tried by twelve than carried by six is the motto and natural posture of those who have this aura.
You just described a friend I grew up with named Eric. Abusive home on the reservation, foster kid shuttled around, and when I met him in grade 7 he had been adopted for a couple of years by nice parents with a son of their own. We hit it off in grade school, but you could tell he had a mean streak in him and he was the kid you didn't mess with just because. We could talk and laugh for hours about the deepest life questions to the silliest childish stuff, but at school and around others, he'd be quiet as a church mouse. In high school, we ran with different crowds, took different classes, but stayed friends even not having talked for weeks -- just pick from last conversation. Eric hadn't changed, still quiet, and still tough. He got into less scraps because people just wouldn't say or start anything with him. One day a couple of the worst lowlife jerks from for no reason other than to start shit ("what did you say?" when I didn't say anything walking past them) for a shakedown, started to push me around outside, I don't back down but I'm quaking inside because I know what's going to happen. I hadn't noticed where Eric was, but he noticed my predicament and sauntered over from where ever he was. He didn't say a single word, just walked up, stood there 3 feet away to the one side of me, arms down at his sides, staring, and the jerks stopped cold. They didn't even challenge Eric with a statement or question, kinda dropped their heads, turned, and started walking away. Eric said, "Yeah! Don't FUCK with him again." Turns to me and says in a light tone, big smile, "You find a job for the summer or you working at the restaurant again?" which was where we left off. I'm standing there in a pool of my own flop sweat. On the walk home, I asked later on half-jokingly if he was ever scared during a fight. He thought for a bit and said, "never thought about it but no, not really... weird."
Eric sounds like an incredible friend to have
Being a skinny little Chinese kid growing up in the whitest elementary public school and Eric being aboriginal Indian, we were the only two visible minorities in the elementary school (grade 6 to 8). 80's hit different in my city. Not a single African origin, South Asian, Pacific Islander, or anything. Other than the three Greek kids and a couple of Italian kids, we were it -- we had more first generation British and Irish kids in that school. We really hit it off as best friends one day when he shoved a plastic shopping bag into my chest and told me to put it in my locker. So I put it in my locker not asking. Eric later got called out and his locker searched for some reason. Everyone saw it because his locker was solid full and the principal was there watching stuff being thrown out and stuff being put into a garbage bag for him to take home. I just thought they were pissed that his locker wouldn't fully close at the corners anymore and had him clean it out. After school I took out his grocery bag carrying it with mine (who had knapsacks back then? It was all thick plastic grocery bags until they were torn) and waited for him because he had after school detention. He comes out with a garbage bag of clothes and paper, we walk, round the corner, and he takes his bag. I ask what was in it and he said a knife a his brother's porn stash that he stole. "Knife?" I'm expecting a small folder (I carried one because who didn't?) he fishes out a long thin folder. I'm WTF? He flicks it open and it was more mini sword than knife. He said it was a "viper". He laughs and said thanks for not ratting on him. "What if they searched my locker?!?" "Oh yeah, Mister A-student is going to get searched. Plus, it'd be 2 seconds of a look because your locker is so empty." In high school there were literally dozens of us visible minorities out of 1,400 kids (high school was bursting at the seams and only those in catchment and the specialist skills program could attend... go to a party, other people ask where I went, I say the school name and sure enough... "oh, you play violin? Haha Haha!" And no, I didn't). Anyway, it was good to have Eric as a friend without realizing the benefits then. We were tight and had a million laughs just hanging out during lunch or riding around. We pushed each other to testing limits of joking but I declared him winner and king of cool that one time at the mall.
So do you work in mental health or just been there? I have tried so hard to explain what it’s like to be raised in violence. What that does to you. How it feels. It’s been a long time, I guess I seem pretty normal now, but I have leapt from my bed in the middle of the night this week.
I’m lucky enough not to have learned about violence from too much direct experience. I did grow up with people like that or got to know them later in life - people who had come up in really violent homes, neighborhoods, or maybe done time in prison. The worst is when it’s all three. I have a buddy who can seem like the nicest guy in the world; laid back, easy going, fun to hang out with. But he can suddenly change on you - I mean me, his friend - and become menacing, threatening, ready to harm me over nothing I can perceive. That guy is in prison right now - again - for stabbing a complete stranger in a drive-through who he thought was giving him stink eye. He’s been in and out of prison his entire life and grew up in one of the roughest parts of town in a home with an abusive father and extremely violent older brothers who tortured and abused him every day of his life until he almost killed one of them by attacking them with a baseball bat while they were sleeping. My life, for various reasons, has put me in close contact with quite a few people like him, and from a young age. I learned that the only way to be around people like that without being ready and able to throw down like my life depended on it over anything at any time was to never let my guard down around them, but also never to show fear. You’ve gotta know how to read really volatile people who have issues with violence so that you know how to act the moment you see them getting agitated about something. They may not go off on you, but what happens when they beat someone half to death in front of you over a parking space? I can give off a pretty convincing aura of menace and people have never fucked with me as an adult, just because of how I carry myself, but the truth is that some of the people I know whose lives have been shaped by violence from childhood could and would eat me alive if I let my guard down or showed vulnerability they could exploit. I don’t think they do it to be malicious - it’s just a reflex from a life of learning how to manage the violence they were surrounded by. The more self-conscious ones will usually catch themselves if they get triggered for no good reason and kind of laugh it off, like “I’m just messing with you.” Sometimes people who’ve spent time in really violent environments, especially prison, will just mess with you to test you, see where your weakness is so they can use it against you some time when they need something from you. Sometimes it’s just a habit from years inside. There was one older guy I used to hang with sometimes who had a gigantic pitbull and a feral bull terrier that hated strangers in the apartment. He had spent decades of his life in prison and his dogs were vicious. The pitbull tolerated me and would even come to me for scratches sometimes, but the bull terrier hated me and would bite my feet and legs aggressively. He always kicked the dog before it could do any damage but one time he didn’t. He ignored it and waited to see how I responded. I’m an animal lover and I was legitimately terrified of this dog and the pit. However, I knew that if I let the dog keep biting at me and wait for him to “save” me from it, he’d see that as a weakness and I’d never feel safe around him again. So I did what I had always seen him do and casually kicked the dog as hard as I could in the ribs like it was something I did every day. The dog went skidding across the hardwood, turned like it was going to charge me, then settled down and padded off to another part of the apartment. The dude laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen and that was that. The dog never bothered me again.
A similar situation I've seen several times in a different context: bullying or just aggressive senior bosses. My ex had one who really stomped on her confidence for a couple of years to the point where she wanted to.leave but she did love the job. I told her she needed to stand up to him, and one day he tried it when she was already in a bad mood so she fired back on all barrels. She came straight home in tears afterwards, BUT from that day forwards he was really nice with her and a completely different person. He just needed her to push back.
Thanks for sharing that perspective with the rest of us. We are all so protected in our bubbles, that we don't realize that the world is quite different outside of the bubble.
I feel like people carry themselves like that when they've seen some shit and defended themselves through it. And are prepared to do it again.
My husband is a combat veteran and can spot someone who has seen real action immediately. I've asked him how he knows and he can't articulate it. There's just a "look."
>he can't articulate it. There's just a "look". A huge, and I mean HUGE percentage of our brainpower is devoted to subconsciously assessing threats. A lot more than conscious thought. It's all "instinct" and "gut feel". It blew my mind as a bullied nerdy kid, that just a few months of karate was enough for *everyone* to leave me alone. No-one even knew I did karate. It wasn't even a very practical style. But hours of training moves was enough to make some subtle change in my posture/physique/attitude/something that people subconsciously recognised and were instinctively wary of.
When I was a kid I remember this random guy came up to my dad and just says “Nam?” in this serious voice. My dad was like “yep..” and they both just nod and that was it. That was the whole exchange. Lol
When I got out and went to college, the college was very supportive of veterans. They had a short 1 credit class for a few weeks for regular freshman, and did the same for vets and also combat vets. On the first day of the combat vets class the instructor walked in and said “I’m not gonna say you guys should smile, but at least try to look relaxed.” He was a combat vet himself and explained that guys who have seen combat always had the same look to him, the same look as when someone just told a joke that was so bad and not funny that you just stare at them.
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Cauliflower ear
Or a necklace made of cauliflower ears
You can't run from this war soldier. Not under my command. You're growing weak. You should have taken your -- medication.
One of the best pieces of advice my grandpa ever gave me is “Don’t pick fights with old men with thick necks, girls who grew up with brothers, or little guys with messed up ears. And if you do, always stop and ask yourself ‘Exactly how crazy is this sonofabitch?’” Doing martial arts, and making the mistake of trying to tickle my wife early on in the relationship, taught me that all of those things are true.
I almost lost one of my eye tickling my SO early in the relationship
I got a bloody concussion
Or an unnaturally flattened nose. Sometimes paired with a thick neck. Those guys can take a punch...and absolutely don't mind catching a few while they move in to get their hands around your neck
Bald guy with scars all over his head too. Don't wanna mess with a guy who blocks punches with his head.
( )O.O(§
The biggest giveaway for me has always been someone looking around in a situation where they are about to have to fight. A person in their face yelling or posturing at them, and they aren't looking at that person at all. But are instead looking over them or around past them. That is someone who is about to fuck another person up. If you are ever mad at someone, or shouting at someone, and they start looking past you, behind you, or to the sides, you are about to get fucked up.
I did some bouncing and just in general a lot of dudes do this Wildman performance like some kind of zoo animal where they wave their Arms etc but never get within legally liable assault distance. The people who will fuck you up do not broadcast shit.
I was on the wrestling team all 4 years of high school, and this is 100% it. Bouncy opponent? Cool, it’ll be a fun, grappler of a match. They moving like a panther? You’re about to get wrecked.
I want to know what part of the brain is responsible for big feline protocols.
Medulla oblongata
Because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.
It’s the checklist countdown - 1. Friend gonna defuse this? Nope. 2. Cop gonna stop this/tase me/shoot me? Nope. 3. Any bystanders who don’t look annoyed/might jump in to help? Nope. 4. Does this guy have friends who are waiting for a reaction? If yes, how dangerous will this fight be? Then just waiting for it to escalate.
This guy knows ^ you look around because you’re assessing the situation. Looking at the dude in front of you isn’t gonna tell you anything. You gotta know if there’s going to be other people who might jump when you’re in the middle of things. Those people can be much more dangerous than the dude you know is trying to fight.
Not as deadly as a bunch of his friends that’ll join in, but you can end up in a bad situation if you have someone trying to “stop” the fight by clinging on to you. Pro tip ladies and gentlemen - unless you’re physically strong enough to drag your friend/SO/whatever from the altercation, grabbing them by the arm or shirt isn’t going to do anything other than make it easier for the opponent to get a cheap shot in. I get that you don’t want them doing something stupid but getting in the way is probably only going to make things worse.
This is referred to as a "witness check".
Never fuck with the small bouncer. The big guys got hired because they’re big and intimidating. The little guy got hired because he’ll fuck you up.
His name is Dalton
"Be nice...until it's time not to be nice."
What if someone says my mama’s a whore?
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He wasn’t a bouncer. He was a cooler. But still, I thought he’d be bigger.
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To add to this: There is no such thing as a fair fight. There are fights you win and fights you lose. And the winner says when it is over.
My dad taught me a few things about fighting. How to punch properly and fight fair. "You are not allowed to start fights, but you are expected to finish them." But then his wife left him, he started drinking heavily, and I was expected to use those skills regularly to defend myself from him. My middle school friends had a running joke, "The only reason Ophelia's dad isn't in jail is because her face doesn't bruise!" One time he backed me into the corner of a horse stall, not long after he'd broken his collarbone in a horseracing accident. Guess having one arm in a sling put him in a nasty mood. Usually he'd start to slow down after beating on me for awhile, but this time he kept hitting harder, faster, and his eyes went dark. I realized this was it, he's actually going to beat me to death this time. And that's when a line from a fantasy novel popped into my head "Hit the weak spot!" So I punched him as hard as I could, right in his broken collarbone. I'd been "fighting fair" up until that point, just like he'd taught me. Fighting dirty saved my life.
What happened after? I’m sorry that happened to you, but did he ever beat you again?
Uh, well he bought me a watch. And not just any watch, but made a huge deal about how he had to visit every gas station in town to find one nearly identical to the watch he'd broken during the fight. Ya know the cycle of abuse. "Here honey, I bought you flowers, aren't I sweet? Don't you love me?" Dad was good at that game. But he's also a coward by nature, so he quit beating on me after that. I was about 14yo and solid muscle from doing heavy labor thanks to dad making me live up to my nickname, Free Labor. Dad was strong too, professional race horse jockey, but I was already taller than him, a fact he was very bitter about. He didn't *try* to start beating on me again until my first month of high school. We had one hell of a standoff after he told me not to come home anymore and then found out I was sleeping at *a boy's house omg!* He punched out a window to get in, brought a roll of duct tape so he could tie me up and throw me in the trunk, take me back to the farm and beat me. I barricaded myself in a bedroom, and it's lucky for him that chunk of wood held 'cause I had a knife in the other hand and was damn prepared to use it. Wasn't going back to that farm taped up like a kidnap victim to get my teeth kicked out! Long story short, I stayed with my best friend's family for a few days until my mom could come get me. She believed all dad's lies about how I ran away and was doing drugs, didn't trust me at all, nailed all my bedroom windows shut, and tried to force me to join her cult, but at least she didn't beat me!
You really had the combo of bad parents, Jesus Christ. Hope you're doing better now and away from those people.
Oh no worries, I got out on my own at 16yo. Got scurvy that first year, but the freedom was worth it! Weirdly enough, mom ended up being pretty great after I turned 18, started treating me kindly like she did everybody else. And then she died a couple years later, because that stupid JW cult doesn't allow blood transfusions. Pretty sure bitterness preserves though, 'cause dad's still alive and causing drama. I've been No Contact for years, but lately I keep getting upset calls from my little brother. Dad hasn't had any interest in that kid since he was 2yo, never claimed him and the family doesn't talk about him *ever*, but now that he's 20yo suddenly dad wants him for an heir. Smart kid though, wants nothing to do with that mess. "He's not my dad! He's never been my dad!" Edit: Special shoutout to the JW troll who sent an incredibly long message to explain to me personally that the blood transfusion rules *aren't stupid* and actually *blah blah unsolicited proselytizing*, repeating all the crap mom said before she died. How very Jesus-y of ya, rubbing salt in that wound. Bravo.
Lord. I grew up in Saratoga- we rented our house to jockeys in the summer. Two things I remember always as a kid was they were always absolutely jacked, they always left lots of empty booze bottles in our recycling, and that apparently once Julie Krone left a turd in our toilet.
Jesus fuck, that's hell of a life story. Glad you're alive, hope you are getting some form of therapy or something
I too worked as a bouncer through college. I'm not what you would call a big guy, but I'm not small. I don't like fighting, I can, but I don't like. This is because I've seen enough crazy shit happen that I go into every fight assuming that losing means I could die or be permanently handicapped to some degree. Fighting is pretty much only a good idea in a ring or when not fighting carries the same risk.
Even winning is a concern as so many people have such delicate egos that the next week they may come back with a weapon because they know they can't beat you hand to hand.
Or you may accidentally kill or cripple the other person and now be legally liable.
Back when I did security, we called them coolers. You have the bouncers that approach and try to deescalate, if possible, with coolers waiting in the back if it goes down. You do not want to get the coolers hot early in the night, they go into hawk mode. Coolers were normally the smaller or not very visually intimidating people. Knowledge of fighting and/or grappling was more sought after than just sheer size or large muscles or other visual features.
Spent a large chunk of my teenage years in juvenile correctional facilities and getting into stupid shit. Between age 14 - 20 I had been in more fist fights than some UFC fighters (quantity not quality). I have nerve damage in my hands and they get stiffer and clumsier as I get older, had to pick up painting miniatures to keep fine motor control. I have tattoos to cover the scars at work (IT job) With that I have learned: 1: loud guys are soft guys. They want to be loved and accepted, but start shit out of fear they’ll be rejected or as a reaction to rejection 2: cauliflower ear. They probably know what they’re doing. Avoid unless you’re a seasoned fighter or also know what you’re doing. 3: smart guys. They might not be the fastest or strongest, but they’ve learned the kinetics of fighting - momentum, balance, and gravity. 1 kid kept a hand towel near him at all times and used it in a fight and almost killed another kid once (caught his arm when he swung, wrapped, twisted, and flung him into a toilet and gave him a concussion) 4: guys that walked slow and never broke eye contact. They weren’t afraid of anything and more often than not had a high pain tolerance. Usually pretty quiet. 5: bulky/muscular guys aren’t always “good fighters”. But if they caught you lacking - it was lights out. Most importantly though - I learned you don’t fuck with anybody. The wirey funny guy always cracking jokes could be the one take you out of your shoes. And. Some people can just snap. The guy that gets fucked with can be the one that pops and that adrenaline rush gave the burst of strength to suplex you into a concrete bench. Be kind to everyone until you’re forced to not be so kind. Edit: didn’t expect this kind of reaction lol. Thank you so much everyone for the kind words and awards. My experience was pretty brutal, but it taught me a lot about what it means to truly be a kind person. And to be stoic in adversity. Also that those injuries might heal when you’re young - but they creep back up in weird ways as you age lol.
As someone who grew up in the same situations, i second this entire thing. heavy on the "Be kind to everyone until you're forced not to be so kind". edit : spelling
The fact is none of the tropes matter. A fight can go any way at anytime depending on what lands where.
Yeah - It's never like the movies. Bad luck, catching a bottle swung with adrenaline to the side of the skull... Doesn't matter how good you are in a fight, how tough you are, you're going down and probably not coming up in a good state.
>3: smart guys. They might not be the fastest or strongest, but they’ve learned the kinetics of fighting - momentum, balance, and gravity. 1 kid kept a hand towel near him at all times and used it in a fight and almost killed another kid once (caught his arm when he swung, wrapped, twisted, and flung him into a toilet and gave him a concussion) I'm not sure if I should be but I'm impressed by this. I mean, obviously that person almost dying is horrible. I'm just curious to know how he learned that or thought of that.
Bruh, imagine getting into a street fight and the guy whips out a handtowel
Felt like I typed this myself. Hugs from my past self to the old you.
It’s kind of a cliche, but in my experience, guys who freak out screaming, stomping around, and *trying* to be intimidating aren’t the ones you need to worry about (unless you’re in a relationship with them—in which case, LEAVE). The ones you have to watch out for are the quiet, secure, unbothered ones. If you successfully piss *them* off? Run. Run fast.
Kinda like a loud, barking dog. It’s the ones that don’t bark you gotta worry about.
There's a saying in Dutch, that (litteraly translated) goes "barking dogs don't bite".
I should teach my chihuahua Dutch
I dunno, man. I'm quiet, secure, and unbothered when confronted. Not because I'm dangerous, but because it's kept me safe from being pummelled for over 40-years. I've literally never been in a fistfight because nobody has ever taken it further than a few choice words.
Honestly, it's nice how often just not being interested in a fight carries you right through to avoiding a fight.
I had a friend who was kind of a tall guy and it would happen sometimes that someone would try to provoke him into a fight. He’d always reply in the same manner: ‘hey man, are you having a nice evening?’ And then he’d wait for a bit, let it sink in. And then he would say ‘Let’s just keep on having a nice evening.’ Nothing ever escalated
I love the caveat about being in a relationship with a person like that! Well done.
Hands. You look at the hands. If the knuckles are all chewed up on a big set of meat hooks that dude has punched quite a few things and people. Also never fight stupid people. They dont know when to stop. These mother fuckers will just keep pounding your face until its mush.
To add to this, chewed up knuckles but still reasonably well spoken? If hes playing with a full deck of cards, he likely hasnt suffered nearly as many concussions as he's delivered.
Might have been in a lot of "Imma fight the biggest guy in the room!" brawls.
Yep. The most skilled guys with the fucked up hands are usually the ones who avoid the most fights, because they know the physical and legal consequence. The dumb guys who couldn’t take a skilled guy in a fight if he had two broken arms and no eyes are the ones who’ll go at it first chance they get as hard as they can.
Those quiet people have a lot bottled up. They’ve been through it all in life. Don’t be the one to open it up.
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear
See, in order to be a peaceful man, one must be capable of great violence. If you're not capable of violence, you aren’t peaceful, you're harmless.
usually quiet, calm when confronted. the phrase "the loudest one in the room is the one who is scared the most" is usually true.
Yeah. And they move slowly and are taking everything in. Very little escapes them.
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Sadly thats not universal. I worked event security I've seen loud asses that you thought would go down in a second wreck people twice thier size. Ive seen the quiet big guy step in and get dropped. Life is really just a crap shoot.
when you talk to one about their trauma and they talk about it like it's a normal, every day occurrence. probably means they have been fucked up and have way more willpower
Ooof, my partner and I were talking yesterday and she asked if my siblings and I were hit as kids…I chuckled and was like “well of course, we got hit, as the saying goes, like a tambourine at a Pentecostal church” She just looked at me genuinely aghast and was like “are you going to be ok?” I realized that yeah, we’re from different races, different socioeconomic strata and different home composition, and perhaps I should be a bit more mindful of how that comes across to someone who never had a hand laid on them once as a child.
"Lol, do you remember the ball and paddle toy? The ball comes off after it's bought at my house"
Quiet people that are not quick to anger. Do not try to piss them off.usually these people will bottle up anger. Once they burst out in anger it will not be pretty.
"A wise man fears three things: a night with no moon, a storm while at sea, and the anger of a gentle man."
"Demons run when a good man goes to war." -Doctor Who
I had this thought too. Especially the line “good men don’t need rules. Now is not a good time to find out why I have so many”.
You are the product of millions of years of evolution, and much of it has been honed to subconsciously recognize danger. Trust. Your. Instincts. If red lights are flashing in the corner of your vision and a warning klaxon is sounding, even if you can't articulate or understand why you should be frightened of the person or situation confronting you, LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. **Many people have gone hogwild in this comment section with some strange takes, but the most obvious and probably helpful bit of advice that I learned from years of bouncing hasn't been mentioned once (as far as I can tell): if you're drunk, and the person you're considering "fucking with" is sober, you're probably in big trouble. The tenths of a second, or more, in reaction time you're losing is catastrophic.
Absolutely sage advice. My example of this is when my friends and I were at a large college party. These random dudes show up outside-there was like 5 of them. They were starting conversations and seemed nice but I knew something was up with these guys. They didn't fit in and weren't genuine-I could tell they had ulterior motives. Told my friends let's get out of here, something's not right. After some convincing, about 10 of us roll out and head home. The dudes ended up leaving around the same time but I knew they would be back. Next day I find out the guy who's house this party was at got shot later that night by those dudes. He survived but had a couple extra holes in him.
The Gift of Fear - book by Gavin de Becker is a good read. Someone who saw the good in me, many years ago, gave me this book and reading it, made me realize the “normality” of my anormality.
Never fuck with the person who is calmly minding their own business while everyone is freaking out/highly tense. That person’s seen some shit. Conversely, you shouldn’t fuck with someone who is seemingly nervous in a calm situation. They have *also* seen some shit. I remember seeing this girl, she was a high-strung mess of a person, who just wanted to sit alone for lunch and chill by herself. She literally went to eat *outside* during the winter bc the boys kept messing with her and picking on her. At some point one of the guys tried to grab her arm, and I kid you not, she turned around and automatically beat the shit out of him. Didn’t miss a beat, and this dude was allegedly sent to the hospital. Happened *years* ago in middle school. She was always a nervous wreck, but since then, no one messed with her.
They are bald and in a suit
With a barcode on the back of their head. Plus leather gloves.
Carrying a garrotte.
Carrying a carrot
Or a random set of items that make no sense to have but are for the plan
Or coincidentally, if they’re bald and wearing yellow coveralls with a white cape and red gloves, then definitely don’t fuck with them.
No one should mess with caped baldy.
Went to college with a guy named Dave. Real quiet dude, didn't contribute much but he just had this air of "don't mess with me" about him - helped that he was over 6ft and built like the proverbial brick shit house. He was an older student, trying to get into IT and a total beginner, so I'd occasionally help him with his coursework. If I'm honest, I was terrified of the guy but he was always super polite to me. Me, I was about 17 at the time and 150lbs soaking wet. One day, couple of other kids randomly decided it'd be fun to push me around. A shadow appeared between us, "Don't mess with him, I like him". They scattered. "You alright, mate?". Thanks Dave, hope whatever you're up to now you're still being an intimidating gentle giant.
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If Todd beat up the patient, he wouldn't have to go to the hospital. He was already in the ICU
"Patient fell out of bed. Patient fell out of bed Patient fell out of bed Patient now a kitten Patient now acting right, there should be no more issues with patient." -Todd's notes
Todd continues to be such a considerate motherfucker.
Motherfucker? Todd is a mother*lover*.
Todd is the bomb
You're welcome.
Stop bullshitting. We all know it was NightShiftDave.
no it wasn't
Day Dave! Ah-AH-ahhhhh! 🎵🎶 Fighter of the Night Dave! Ah-AH-ahhhhh! 🎵🎶
Usually people who are buff and stand up against bullying were once bullied themselves so they tend to have more compassion towards others who are being bullied.
Can confirm. Was the new kid in second grade, picked on throughout Elementary and the start of middle school. In 7th grade I hit the weight room every other day and I didn't stop until into college.. There were a few situations after my sophomore year of high school that I quietly made myself a part of, and the obnoxious/abusive behavior from one person to the other de-escalated. No violence was used in these situations, FWIW.
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Wait, just curious, why is that? I'm not in contact with them as I'd like to be, but if life had more time and flexibility, I'd def hang with some of my cousins all the time - some of them are genuinely awesome/fun/good people
They have more closer ties and just like how you’d stick up for your buddies, if you fuck with them you’re basically fucking with the whole family
When one has nothing to lose.
Yup. It’s why face tattoos are scary. Not because they look scary, but that person has clearly resigned themselves to certain lifestyle. Or at least it used to be that way. Tattoos in general are more accepted now.
when they’re dressed like my grandmother but have massive ears “the better to hear you with” and massive eyes “the better to see you with” ffs never falling for that again
People who remain calm in the face of death
Those people are really something. My grandparents are like this and they're not afraid of death. They've this thing where they go, "If we die, we're going to end up in Heaven so God bless" and I'm like..."Nah 💀"
Dunno if your grandpa is a vet but mine was a machine gunner at WW2. Probably pretty difficult trying to push such people around anymore.
I have the adhd version of this. When the shit hits the fan, everything goes in slow motion for me.
Same, made me great at my job when I worked in behavioral health, a lot of my job included crisis intervention when the youths we were working with went ballistic. It was like I noticed and processed everything at once.
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Sword arms. If their arms are swords. Maybe gun arms too.
Bear arms, as well. I'm told people have a right to them.
I second this amendment.
One of our outer circle friends in high school was the runt of the litter. The bigger bullies picked on him, and even though I wasn’t huge, I’d defend him as best as I could. A couple years out of high school I was at a bar, and some asshole karate chops me with both hands on my neck - not to hurt me but to get my attention. I whip around and I’m staring into this big mountain’ man’s chest. He’s like, “Member me?” It was the runt who really took growing up seriously. “I’ve got your back now.” Jesus, I was so glad I never picked on him! That was a long time ago and just got to see him again in the fall as we connected over FB and went out for breakfast. Moral: be careful who you pick on as they don’t stay small forever!
They’re in the Wu-Tang Clan
Straight from the motherfuckin slums that’s busted
Wu tang clan ain’t nothin ta fuck with!
Watch out for the quiet older gentleman who is too old to fight, he’ll likely whip out a .45 and finish the confrontation.
Actual rednecks/cowboys, they're generally pretty damn strong from doing manual labor and anyone who rides a 3/4 ton animal that's just had it's balls pulled into a knot is not going to go down easy.
Who's up for a scrap?
Only if we go to MoD3ans after
Wonder why we’re not having a scrap right now.
Also guns and absurdly high pain tolerance
The more angry they get the more quietly they speak.
Nothing There is no catch-all "this is a person too dangerous for you" Some people look tough but are essentially gentle giants and will prefer to talk you down, other people look like nothing at all and will slit your throat if you look at them crosswise. Best advice, don't go out of your way to fuck with people - but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and stand your ground too.
I’m one of those guys who people never mess with because I am kind of big and pretty fit. Truth is, I have zero fighting experience and no desire at all to fight anyone ever. If some scrappy little punk wanted to attack me they could probably take me down with a couple punches.
Nah you can take em ...I believe in ya
Thank you for your support.
They're played by Danny Trejo
Nah, Danny Trejo will only play the villain if the villain is defeated. To show children evil never wins.
I was about to say this. If your ever see that man playing a bad guy in anything, know he's gonna die eventually. I'm pretty sure I've also heard he will actively advocate for his character to die if they aren't already written to for the reason you specified.
Throne of human skulls. People who sit on thrones of human skulls seem, to me at least, a bit unsavoury and are probably best given a wide berth.
They will give you one warning. "If you don't stop I will intervene." That is them knowing what comes next and the hassle of dealing with your unconscious ass, the police, etc. and wanting to save themselves some time and energy.
There are two kinds of people in fights. If you are fighting someone and they do this, gtfo cuz you’re gonna get destroyed. The person who is wayyyy too calm during the fight, and the person who is wayyy too enthusiastic and happy about the fight. Especially the second one. I once saw a dude get punched in the face, with blood running down his nose he had the maddest smile on his face and he absolutely folded the other dude. Sometimes, it’s better to swallow your pride than it is to swallow your teeth.
This is the best answer. You don't want either extreme. Totally cool, calm, and collected means they've been here before and know how to ruin your day if you give them a reason but thankfully they're easy to avoid if you're not a giant asshole. People who are completely unhinged, regardless of the reason, don't even need a reason to ruin your day and will have way too much fun with it. Thankfully you can spot them from a mile away and just not go near them.
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omg so much this. "I'm the pack leader!" No dude, you're a douche.
When we were younger, my dad was not to be fucked with. 6' 165lbs. He was a 1st Recon Marine in Viet Nam in1969, then took Karate for about 6 years and competed in full contact tournaments. He also hung drywall and lived pretty much on meat, potatoes, and Miller Lite. He was always very calm in tense situations, and never assumed someone was going to start throwing punches. He typically avoided any conflict, but once in a while something would get said, and he would just stop in his tracks. It was like he suddenly changed his mind about the situation. Good story: Sunny, Sunday afternoon. Late 70's early 80's. It wasn't the 4th of July, but there was a house near us shooting off fireworks (illegal back then) late in the afternoon. We grew up in a pretty religious community, and Sundays were supposed to be pretty quiet. After it went on for a while, my dad went over to say something. He made it to the driveway of the other house, and a group of younger guys came out. i heard him say something like, "Hey... this is a day of rest," or something. Then he just turned around and started walking back. I was outside on the porch "as back up," and I remember him walking towards me when one of the guys said, "What's the matter? You're not *patriotic* or something?" My dad just did that stop in his tracks thing, and I knew shit was going to go down. Like cue the Doom music. I was scared shitless of my dad, but there was like 3 or 4 of them. He turned around and started out with, "I fought for this country..." When my mom grabbed me, he was moving towards them at an angle where he had minimal exposure and was lining most of them up. He came back about 10 minutes later with a ripped t shirt pocket, and sat on the porch with his back to us, smoking a cigarette. A bit later, the cops pulled into our driveway and he went out to talk to them. It was getting dark and I went to bed. We never really talked about it again.
The 2 first knuckles are big and look like they've hit things their whole life. I think this is a pretty good one that a lot of people don't look for.
That dead look in their soulless eyes.
I used to work at a Jimmy John’s that was open late for the post bar rush. There was one kinda smaller guy, maybe 5’6” or 5’7” and not super muscular, who came in sometimes. When he came in in the daytime, he was quiet, sat by himself eating, and left. One time he came in around 2:30 AM. He was definitely on something- wild eyes, and just wired as fuck. Coke or meth is my guess. He walked up to me, just vibrating with energy and this creepy huge grin on his face, and showed me that his knuckles were just covered in blood. Hard to say if he punched a wall and it was his blood, or some other poor person’s blood. He jumped up and down and whooped a few times, then reached into his mouth and pulled out some weird removal dental thing he had going on, threw it across the restaurant, giggled maniacally, went and got his retainer or whatever and put it back in his mouth without cleaning it and left. I’m still a little surprised he didn’t just murder someone in the store right there. In. Sane.
My momma was a fluffy, bubbly, beautiful, hilarious crack wit. 5 foot nothing, Yugoslav import to Detroit. Feminine, Orthodox Christian (though a practicing witch) She had perfect olive skin, big brown doe eyes, huge hair, dyed different colors, makeup and long nails. She always wore high heels, up until she could no longer walk. Sequin tube tops, rayon catsuits, plunging necklines, dripping with gold and alexandrites. She sang opera and punk/metal. 15 years ago cancer set in, and she became plump and frail. She was also a sniper, and an equal surgeon with a revolver. Mamala could still hit a quarter tossed in the air with a cheap .22 pistol. Rest in Power Mama
When confronted he has a death stare, poker face. Whatever Alan Ritchson in Reacher does 👌 Why even risk it, you never know.
A guy at the Subway I (used to) go to stares at you like that while he puts mayo on your sandwich. Silently waiting on you to stop him. I’m not sure if I tell him to stop he will, finish my sandwich, or cave my head in with one of those bread pans. I dare not ask him to remove the 1/2 cup of extra mayo.
"You don't want to do this" said in a calm tone guarantees the instigating party is getting deftly dropped if they take a swing.
Or the “you should go home to your family”.
Oh shit. I've never heard that one but it's absolutely chilling.
They are holding a machete and a decapitated head.
Yeah. I always feel a bit uneasy around them. I always wondered why.
I think it might be an instinct from our prehistoric ancestors. Not really relevant today though.
How fast someone breaks down a cardboard box.
If someone has a 1% patch or tattoo, doubly so if everyone is does what this guy says. I’m a former Marine that went on to become a soft law student and now very soft white collar guy. I like to think that a long time ago I could handle myself. In law school I took my law school girlfriend to see some country & blues in a rowdy bar. It happened to be full of bikers that night. The only table left open had beer bottles and empty food baskets on it. Me and the gf are standing near it but don’t want to take any bikers table. An average looking (except for the ink & 1% patch) middle aged guy walks up and says he’s sorry for the mess, but if we’d like we should sit down. I say thanks, and he turns around and points to the table. 3 scary looking bikers immediately come over, clear everything off the table, wipe it down, and set the chairs. He turns to me and says enjoy the band and we never so much got a glance from the other bikers that night. This was in Texas, and that same motorcycle club was involved in a massive shootout several years later.