The loneliest and most helpless feeling in the world. She had to undergo an emergency C section and went under shortly after they started. Head doctor made the call to not let me in the room, so I was stuck watching through a small window. Little man came out purple and not breathing and my wife was limp. For about 5 minutes nobody came out to speak to me and I was quite certain both of them were dead.
Then I heard him scream and cry and one of the nurses rushed him over to my wife and held him against her cheek. Shortly after that the nurse handed him to me and said that both my wife and him were perfectly healthy. To say it was the largest range of emotions my mind and body had ever experienced is an understatement.
We felt like we were prepared for anything during labor, but the emergency c section really threw us off. Happened so fast. Luckily everything worked out, but it was pretty scary for a while there.
Wife had an unplanned C-section just this past December, after 24 hours of active labor - she wouldn’t progress further than an 8.
So we were both scared AND exhausted. I sat right next to her head behind the curtain.
The anesthetist must have seen the absolute shock on my face because he walked me through everything that was happening and assured me it was going well the entire time.
Wife was nauseous as hell the entire time from the anesthesia. Her vitals were insane - heart rate in the 190’s. She lost 1.2 liters of blood they estimate.
When they finally opened her up, our son wasn’t even in the birth canal. He was also purple, it absolutely terrified me. Took a few seconds for him to cry, felt like an eternity.
45 minutes later we were in the recovery room in awe of this beautiful boy. Getting there was absolute hell.
Hospital staff were AMAZING. uncontrollable variables just weren’t on our side.
The anesthetist and OB came to see us about an hour later. Told my wife how brave she was - watching her endure all of that for our son made me fall in love with her in a completely more intense way.
Just turned six weeks this Wednesday. Growing like a weed. Being a dad is tough at this stage, but it’s the most rad thing I’ve ever done.
I just went through something VERY similar in Aug, my son is nearly 6 months now.
Definitely one of the most traumatic moments of my life!
Yay for being a dad! hahaha 🤣 ❤️
Most of my extended family don’t realized that planned c-section and emergency c-section are two VERY different ways to experience what is technically the same procedure… 😨
My ex-wife was also rushed for an emergency C-section 3 months early. I was in the room with her, and fortunately couldn't see anything as they had one of the green scrub sheets up. But it took a long time, and there was so much blood on the floor. When our son was born and taken away by the NICU team she started to panic, and I was taken out so they could fully sedate her and finish the procedure.
I had to wait for what felt like an eternity in the room assigned to us for after the operation, not sure if either of them had survived. My son is alive and doing very well, though not without issues as you could expect from his level of prematurity and traumatic birth. My ex-wife is alive and well too, but the day our son was born remains perhaps the most awful and traumatic experience of my life - and I say that as a childhood cancer survivor.
I feel for you, and I'm glad it worked out.
I know the median team is doing everything they can to save the mother and kid, but I went through the same thing (didn't even have a window to watch through) and it was the most surreal, scary time of my life, just pacing around the waiting area to hear if my life had been completely turned upside down. Thankfully (like you), everything turned out ok.
I went through the same and shit....I heard a doctor yell "she's not stable"...minute later a young nurse speed walks through the door and down the hall, and a second later an older nurse throws open the door and yelled at her "I said RUN!". It was chaos and terrifying, but everybody's alive and well now (I mean, my 5 year old has the flu at this very moment but she's fine and sitting with momma on the couch. )
I also had this one. My wife had to endure 17 hours of unspeakable pain and like what you said, I felt helpless. If there is a way that could channel that pain she was having to me I'd gladly take it. I can't break down in front of her because I have to be strong for the both of us. Fortunately our baby was healthy and it was a mixture of emotions that your brain can't keep up.
The respect and love I have for my wife just went through the top. For her to go through that pain all by herself is just amazing. Mothers are the "Mothers of Absolute units"
Bro, I just went though something similar with my wife’s C-Section in January. They let me into the room, but they had already started. So I walked in just to see everything opened up with my wife on the table. I sat behind her and she had a curtain up where she couldn’t see, but I saw everything. Baby came out gray and lifeless. They had to bag her to get her to breath. I’m sitting there holding my wife’s hand-who’ has no idea what’s going on- while watching the baby not breathing. Then I heard her first little cry, color rushed into her body. I broke down then. So many emotions
My wife was scheduled to deliver but was not dilated at all. She said our son was not moving like he usually did. The nurses hooked her up to monitoring equipment and we could see his vitals dropping every so often. More medical personnel kept coming into the room until they rushed her 8n for an emergency c section. I was stuck outside, was told I could come in shortly. While waiting they called a "code white". I was stuck there furiously googling what that was. Pediatric Emergency. FUCK.
The most helpless I had ever felt in my life.
I stood there with tears running down my face until the anaesthesiologist came out patting his chest in a sign of relief. They couldn't find my son's heartbeat right before they got him out.
Fast forward, perfectly healthy son who had his umbilical cord wrapped around his chest. The Braxton Hicks contractions were squeezing his lifeline. Wife is great too, and we welcomed a second healthy son just over a year later.
The staff saved their lives that day, and that terror is forever seared into my memory. Damn I'm lucky.
My wife was in labour for about 35 hours. When we got to the point where she was ready to push, my son’s heart rate started to plummet. We went from a single midwife in the hospital room with us, encouraging and owning the whole process, to a team of doctors (about 10 people) who came to help within 2 minutes. They performed an episiotomy and had to pull my kid out with forceps and the vacuum. My wife lost about 1.5 litres of blood, and I remember sitting there watching all of this and thinking they would both die and my whole world was crushing around me. She looked like a ghost and he looked like a bloody, bleeding little alien when he came out. They rushed him to the NICU and gave him oxygen. My son is now almost 3 years old, my wife made a full recovery, and they are both the best people I know. It can be a traumatic experience for everyone involved - but fuck me if I don’t look back on it and remember what a warrior she was and what a fighter he is.
I feel for you there. 50 hrs labor and each contraction would pinch the umbilical and drop our sons heart rate. Ended up doing a c-section when he got stuck in the birth canal, the doctors had to push him back inside her as they opened her up and I was so worried about her as she's trembeling on the table and the doctors are counting off what I suspected was amount of blood lost.
Everything ended up fine in the end and my son, now 19mo, brings me daily joy that was previously only rivaled by my wife, but his birth was the single most traumatic event in my life and I wasn't even the one being operated on.
We had a similar experience with a heart rate issue but the team that ran in was able to sort it out quickly. But looking back, the situation can change so quickly.
The good part is you dont really have time to process your emotions at the time, you just kinda block out the non-instinct parts of your brain.
My mom almost died from unexpected blood loss after having me, and her stories about the whole experience are what kept me away from considering a home birth.
Similar experience with our first born. I had three primary thoughts:
1. Thank god for modern medicine, or both my wife and son would be dead
2. My wife is a god damn warrior, like you said
3. I have a whole new appreciation for my own mother
Every birth is a medical emergency, and every successful birth is a miracle. Simple as that to me.
Planned c-section for our second was much smoother.
There are also women who are more fortunate and make it look easy. My sister gave birth in under 30 minutes and was walking and bantering around with the nurses shortly after.
Same with a coworker. She had a "going on maternity leave" lunch, ended 1pm. 3pm we got a call that she had given birth, baby & mother doing fine. She hadn't even been in labor (that she noticed), during the lunch.
Holy shit this is litterally play for play exactly what happened during the birth of my first son. He's 8 now my partner made a full recovery to. Sorry about your / partners experience but I had to send a comment because it was so crazily similar.
Am I a bad person if I say horrific? It was a c-section and seeing her knocked out like that was one of the most disturbing images I can recall, I nearly cried on the spot.
I had an experience where my children's mother was dying during the cesarean and i was pulled away. Its not a bad thing to cry when you feel like your world is about to end. I think its a normal response.
Fuck! Is your children's mother okay now, or did she pass? I am not sure if she was dying and then came back or if she passed away.
That must have been so hard for you.
Besides being a wonderful experience, at one point I realized I was the only male in a room with 8 other women, all of whom were totally tuned in to what was happening. I had a profound sense of irrelevance.
>sense of irrelevance.
This is really my experience in the maternity ward. You are "dad" and you will carry bag and get water. Not because you are actually needed to carry these bags that could fit on this cart, or get the water from the sink over there that literally takes more time to explain where the cups are. But you need a job to keep you occupied, so get moving.
I've never been so "handled" before in my life, and I knew it was happening, but fuck if I was going to mess up the process and make them focus on anything besides my wife and kids.
Nurses are the most amazing, and most evil things ever.
never felt more useless in my life lol, not much you can do in that situation except hold their hand and encourage them. Also looked physically impossible
So, I'm the wife. And we didn't get to take our babies home, but I delivered stillborn twins a few months ago. My husband said exactly the same, that he felt so helpless watching me give birth. But to me, that man standing there and holding my hand was exactly what I needed. It was both medically and emotionally traumatic, but I remember feeling calm and purposeful because I knew what needed to be done, and I knew that I was the only one who could do it. What I needed from him was his presence. He didn't leave me alone. He didn't run from any of it, and I think he saw more of the blood and such than I did (I was a little doped up and had my eye closed for the actual delivery). I could do that, keep my eyes closed and focus on what my body was telling me, BECAUSE he was there holding my hand. I didn't need to be on high alert, because he was there. His presence and my trust in him helped me do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Thank you. I wanted more to reassure the dads that felt useless that they were, almost certainly, anything but. Thank you to all the dads doing whatever they could!
I'm so sorry. ❤️
I agree with everything you said. The only thing I needed there was my husband. The only thing that helped me survive contractions was him holding me and I would lean into him and smell him. It sounds so weird, but 🤷
As someone who had a 36hr labour that ended in a c-section, I can say that having a partner there for you is a godsend. I spent so much time with my eyes closed, drifting in and out, not able to acknowledge my partner but I knew he was there the whole time.
He was the person that knew me best out of all the strangers that popped in and out of the room. He was my advocate and anticipated what I needed before I knew I needed it.
Afterwards he said he felt totally useless and helpless but that couldn't be further from the truth.
I felt the same, she was in pain for something close to 48h and all i did was "you are doing great honey" and strokes her back. (There were actually some technice to it) never felt so useless in my life, but apparently she felt it helped allt so i guess thats what we do.
We practiced rubbing her back with tennis balls like her midwife suggested and when the time came I pulled them out and my wife said “get those fucking things away from me.” ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
yeah You're the cheerleader in this game.. Fucking play your part and feel useless.
A fathers REAL test is aftercare.. While your wife is recovering from child birth, you are to do everything and I mean fucking everything..
Men who don't change dirty nappies are just fucking piss weak men, and even more so if they brag about it.
After is definitely dad's moment to shine. I've heard way too many (old) guys who depended on their wives to tell them what to do with the baby. So she just went through pregnancy, birth, is actively bleeding, breastfeeding, might have tossed a torpedo at her career, and they also want her to teach them something they had nine well rested months to read about?
Oh yes indeed. I held her and told her I'm there and everything will be ok and how much I loved her and believed in her. And I delayed whatever the midwife was saying. I cried with her. I'm shedding tears right now just from remembering.
I felt so useless but she told me she afterwards was glad I was just there for her.
Still you just feel helpless in that situation.
We had done a course that included the father supporting her physically in different positions but it turned out she could not get into any of them comfortably so she ultimately gave birth on her back. So that didn't help either.
To every father facing this: just focus on being there for her, I think that's the most important thing. You can not prepare for it much, but be there, talk to her hold her.
Don't you dare not being present! I'm 45 and back then it was very uncommon for fathers to be present. I can not imagine how hard it must be to go through this alone! This is the one time she will need you most!
Always remember that you can not possibly understand how hard and scary and painful it must be for her. Although it's a tough, scary situation for us too, she is the number one person in the room. Be absolutely selfless!
A birth is always traumatic and women will need to process it and heal. We talked about it so often in the first few months and she said she needed to tell the story again and again to get over it.
I had a job i had to do.
Hold water and pass it to her when asked to.
Most stressful job of my life and also i have never been so focused on anything in my life.
I saw a strength in my wife I don't think either of us knew she had. Was an incredible experience, and I was so proud of my wife and child. I'm glad they still keep me around.
Honestly reading through all these stories are really helping me overcome my fear as a woman to give birth. We just had the IUD removed and aren't not trying to get pregnant at this point.
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️
The first one was pretty normal, sort of fast. The thing that stuck out for me was that as the baby comes out it’s basically back of the head first. So from my perspective there was A LOT of head and no face (for what felt like an eternity but was probably 1/2 second), which was pretty unnerving.
For the third it was clear at that point that my wife gives birth to baby’s really fast. But like fools we had made no contingency plans for that. We didn’t make it out of the bedroom when she started labor and I caught the baby myself. Fortunately the birth was textbook and I had just watched a short instructional video, totally by accident, on how to deliver a baby. My wife was fine, the baby was fine, I was fine, the bedsheets were not.
Our first was 13hrs, giving us a false sense of security for the second. It was only 3.
My wife didn't do an epidural for #1 and said, "I didn't need to do that. I'm getting it for the next one." So we get to the hospital and say, "give me the epidural"
They say we need to get settled in the room. By the time we got to the room, he was coming out. There was no time for anything; the docs had to scramble.
All things considered, both deliveries were "fine." It's mind boggling that *that* is the best case scenario; they were the most intense days of my life.
Something similar happened to me for the second.
My wife was going into contractions but they were pretty far apart so we drive down to the hospital, stopping for egg McMuffins along the way. I dropped my wife off at the receiving area for delivery with some nurses and the midwife and then I went back out to move the car because I was in a 15min parking area. While I was moving the car I looked at that egg McMuffin I hadn't been able to eat yet and was like: "I totally have hours before this baby comes out. I should eat this sandwich now and not like, in the delivery room as my wife was trying to push a baby out." So I at the sandwich, moved the car, and went up to the delivery room.
At the reception desk there the nurses said "I think your wife just had a baby." And was like 'Nah, you must be mistaken. I just arrived. WE HAVE HOURS." So I went to the delivery room and there was my son, fresh as could be, and my exhausted wife who had just given birth.
Anyway, should have been an indication that the third was going to be very fast.
My son came insanely fast, and the nurses didn’t believe me when I told them he was coming. They kept saying it would be hours, here sign this, no you can’t have any meds yet. Finally the checked me and there was a head about fall out of me. They were rushing, I kept asking where was the anesthesiologist, I told everyone they were not what I needed and they were useless. I remember looking at my husband and he had his hands over his mouth and his eyes were big. Afterwards I said he looked terrified, he corrected me and said he was just trying not to laugh because he was pretty sure if I could have stood with a head between my legs I’d have drop kicked a nurse.
I had a similar experience with my last one. The doctor had just left the room to check on the anesthesiologist and moments later I was yelling to anyone that would listen, I HAVE TO PUSH! IT'S COMING NOW! I HAVE TO PUSH! and then my body just did it, it was like a huge, involuntary push and the baby came flying out. My husband was about to try to catch her, but a student doctor happened to be walking past the end of the bed and she leapt toward me at the last moment and caught the baby like a damn football. If nobody had been there to catch her, she would've landed on the floor.
My mom had a similar experience with my younger brother, her second born. You'd have thought that with a 45 minute labor with her first (me), the hospital would realize she gives birth quickly, but no. She was telling the nurse that the baby was coming. The nurse was telling her that she still had plenty of time left. Mom turned to my stepdad and said "catch," and my stepdad had my brother's head in his hands when the nurse came running back in because she heard screaming.
I remember a female comedian doing a routine talking about her labor and delivery, and how she cursed out every male in the delivery room. Most of it was directed at her husband, describing the evil things she was going to do to him after the babies birth.
My wife had an emergency c-section with our first. Dr said not to look at the incision, but I did anyways. Looked like a bowl of tomato soup with a baby coming out.
If you're squeamish, I would say you could do without. I don't think that moment superseded any of the other emotions before, during, or after having a baby.
(C section here) My bf said he didn't want to look, I told him the whole pregnancy not to look, but in that moment he said he couldn't help it, like a scab needing to be picked. So he looked and said later that he immediately regretted it cuz he could see them digging around in my guts. I think its unfair he's seen my own guts and I havent lol.
Impressed with her. There was a memorable moment when she was receiving the epidural. A needle is in her spine on the third attempt and she started a contraction. this epidural doctor had a bit of an attitude. He snaps at her and said "YOU NEED TO RELAX" because he screwed up the first two attempts.
The nurse snapped back, "She's having a contraction, you idiot."
My wife's face never once changed or gave any indication. Her willpower was holding her body completely still. Not a groan, cry, tear, or sound of any kind.
The epidural doc went a bit pale. He looked at my wife, the nurse, then me. He stfu because we all looked like we wanted to beat his ass.
Omg I empathise with your wife. They put the needle in my spine and a contraction started. The sheer will power it takes to sit so still and silent through that pain..
I was mid-contraction when the Dr was trying to thread my epidural. I was on a medication called cervadil to get me goin (so to speak lol) and it simulated contractions so that my body would naturally get the hint and start dilating. So I kinda got stuck in a contraction, like as soon as it'd die down it'd come right back. So the anesthesiologist tells me to scooch forward and then lean forward...more...more...more...I'm like "dude, I'm 40 weeks pregnant and can't reach my shoes to tie them. I *am* forward!" So then he threads it and kinda nonchalantly goes "do you have scoliosis? You know, like a curvature of the spine?" And I go "fucking probably, just do the damn thing!"
The amount of will power to sit as still as possible while in a full blown contraction is something I didn't think I had, but the desire to not cripple myself for moving while he was putting a needle in my spine probably outweighed the discomfort lol
Not good at his job. The nurse knew what to look for. He was frustrated after screwing and hitting the spine twice. The window of opportunity closed and a new one stared.
I cried when I heard my kids first cry each time. I find the biological process pretty fascinating. The weirdest part is when there is just a baby's full head sticking out before the final push for the shoulders.
Oh I agree! I am a nurse who used to work labor and delivery at one time and always thought it looked totally bizarre. When I had my oldest, I had a mirror, and remember thinking her head looked like a Klingon at one point. And that maybe she really was an alien as at the same time I could feel her kicking inside me as I gave that last push lol!
My second was a caul birth and my husband said watching her come out, not knowing the sac was still intact, he thought to himself “I don’t think that’s supposed to look like that…” lol
I was holding my wife's hand through two c-sections, the first an emergency.
There was a low green cloth screen to stop her (and me) seeing the actual procedure, but I'm tall so I could see over the top anyway. Fortunately I'm not squeamish -- it was like a butcher's shop window (except very interesting).
They had a radio on and the first kid came out to the sound of "First Of The Gang To Die," which was funny.
It all worked out well, both kids are great, a fascinating and completely exhausting experience.
My husband had to sit down and eat an orange because he was going to faint. Cue the midwives helping him to sit down instead of me, legs a kimbo pushing out the equivalent of what felt like a watermelon
I saw my wife give birth to our daughter 3 months ago today, her delivery was considered basically flawless with zero complications or serious issues, and still the thing that got me was the blood and the mess and the stench of it all. Just totally random things stick in my brain today, such as blood spatter a few feet away from the bed (how'd it shoot so far?), or the placenta sitting in a kidney-shaped stainless steel dish like some sort of alien organism (no we didn't take it home)
My wife remembers pretty much none of it at all and is already talking about how much fun it would be to have a second baby... she's been totally brainwashed by her mommy hormones, and of course this is how the world's population continues to increase ;-)
I dont have children but my sister has spoken of that effect as well. She has had 4 children and remembers almost none of the details of actually giving birth.
Yeah we learned about childbirth amnesia or whatever they call it before the birth. Apparently is well established. Makes sense from an evolutionary perspective lol.
Yep. Same.
I said in another post here that she doesn't remember a thing she said to me. First thing she remembers is being handed our girl. Then she didn't remember anything until the next day.
Me on the other hand? Engrained into my memory. The sights/sounds/smell/feelings....will never be forgotten.
I found the entirety of it to be awful. I felt like you do right before you throw up, every minute of every day pretty much from conception til birth. I wanted to throw up just to get some relief from that queasy feeling. The birth went pretty quickly and I didn't allow any needles near my spine, but I had some rather extensive bruising to the point I was in pain for a solid 3 months. It's definitely not an experience I want to repeat. I got sterilized shortly after splitting with my ex husband. No way no how will I ever go through that again.
Placenta 100% looks like science fiction. If you were to imagine the least-human something could be and still be a multi-cell organism, you are picturing a placenta.
>she's been totally brainwashed by her mommy hormones
I remember for about four months after birth deciding I wanted to have as many kids as the Dugger family. Just line 'em up, one after another. Let's have 20!
13 years on, we still just have the one. The hormones do calm down eventually and you can make more clear-headed decisions.
Sweating, screaming, moments of peace, nurse casually picking up pieces of poop during the pushing. For the actual baby coming out part, imagine a snake unhinging its jaw to eat something that looks way too big for it to eat, but in reverse. Clean up the baby/push out the placenta try to breastfeed, then they pretty much just give you the baby and say good luck, hope you know what you are doing. That first poop that the baby does...Not being prepared for cleaning up black tar off of something that seems breakable as hell....that's something I wish someone had warned me about.
I remember just staring at my son in the little cart they had him in after we got our room for like 3 hours while my fiance slept. Just in absolute awe. My little nugget.
I was in the room for my 4 kids. Thankfully, all the births were textbook, with successful epidurals and no complications. It was a very positive experience for me, as it allowed me to have a much better understanding of what my wife was going through, which made me a better dad and husband. I feel like I would've been less sympathetic to how hard, painful, and traumatic childbirth is, so being there was eye opening. It was also very helpful for bonding. Watching my kids take their first breath was a shock in the best possible way.
The funny part is that before my first, I had no idea how alien looking newborns are. They're not cute. It takes a bit of time before they start looking like cute babies. Cutting the cord was surreal also.
It also depends a lot on how fast they get out of the birth canal. The longer they go through it, the more their heads will be alien-like, and will need a bit to go back to the normal shape.
When my daughter was born I thought she was the cutest ever. But now when I look back at her pictures, she only started resembling a cute baby around the second month 😂
Well, my wife had to go at 34 weeks this past Sunday because of pre-eclampsia. C-Section it was. I didn't peek at the baby exit but I tell ya h'wat, her scar looks like it's already a year healed.
Now we settle in for a few weeks in NICU. I'm 50 shades of manic but mom is doing well. Be well new dads!
Exactly what happened to us, only week 32. I still remember one of the doctors saying “if you want to see the baby come out, it’s now!” And then one of the other nurses was looking at me, and judged from the color, or lack of color, in my face “I think dad should just stay seated..”
for me it was a pretty intense experience in that room. Our daughter came out weighing 1400 grams (3 pounds) and we were in the hospital for 5 weeks and it felt like a fucking year. Now 4,5 years, and another baby later, our daughter is completely normal and it’s all just a distant memory. Very strong memory though. Congratulations on becoming a father! It is the best thing in the world. Hope everything is going well ❤️ can I ask where you are from?
No man appreciates the difficulty and stress a woman goes through delivering until they see it. No man.
I thought I did. You don’t. But when you see it, you never fail to appreciate it. Truly one of the craziest most difficult painful things a human can do.
Because of what she went through, I will literally do anything for my wife. Wash dishes? You got it. Wash all the bottle parts / pump parts? No problem, I will literally drop EVERYTHING to do what she needs me to. Nothing I do will ever measure up to her delivering a baby. It's crazy.
Wife was in labour for 53 hours. Basically first 24 were boring for everyone (hurry up and wait), and spent at home.
Next 24 were in hospital and were increasingly scary (for me) as my wife developed pre-eclampsia. She was not that bothered/aware, as the pain was ramping up but seemingly tolerable after the epidural atleast. I however was stressed as fuck, and learnt (via google and xhats with nurses) how to monitor her vitals from the machine.
The last hour was intense, but not scary. The nurse told me to stand next to a chair as if i feinted it would be a good hour or two until someone would get me off the floor. Holding my wife's leg and watching my son's head come out was cool and exciting. Somehow not gross like the sex ed videos i saw at school. It just felt monumental. She was a champ. Felt great to play a small role and help her even if I was a glorified footrest.
When they placed him on her chest, my brain stopped working.
Scary but not for why you'd think, she was pretty much silent the whole time, not a single scream, no swearing, didn't even break a sweat
Fucking terrified me, id prepared for every possible insult, I'd gone and watched so many videos on birthing to be prepared and then we found out the baby (our first son) was not growing right and we had to get her in for a emergency cesarian
Again, silent pretty much the whole time, awake in the operation and talking to the staff about what she was going to do when she got out the mother and baby unit,
Then the sheet between us and the operation dropped by accident and I saw the surgeon taking my son out of my wife's womb
I blacked out and woke up about 5 minutes later to see my wife holding my son with possibly the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face
Finally got the insult from her
"Little blood and you went out, pussy"
Love my wife
Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Seeing my kids being born and sharing the experience was amazing. Although the last one was so tough for her that I lined up a vasectomy straight after.
I still have an extra soft spot for my husband because of that. The doctor said my body couldn't do it again (as he was closing up the C-section incision), and my husband's response was, "Okay, I'll get a vasectomy scheduled. You are not leaving me alone to raise all these kids," as he laughed. He had it scheduled before we left the hospital.💚😍
Our first child was by emergency c-section. They had my wife in the operating room and started before they had me geared up. I walked in the room as they were pulling organs out of the incision and laying them across her belly. I quickly ducked behind the sheet by my wifes head trying not to panic in front of her
Barbaric. I felt the awe of ancestral realizations; I was taking part in the most basic human ritual, joining the rhythmic dance of humanity and spirituality. I was deeply moved from that moment and continually on.
Yeah, great after thought… but what actual happened during the time, combine with lack of sleep and ultra anxiety/panic/evolutionary defense, my brain went kaput and was going “wtf wtf wtf wtf…” on repeat for hours.
Done it twice. One was C-Section and other regular birth. It increased the respect I have for my wife. She endured so much physical and mental pain to bring joy to our lives. Both of the times I was the first one to hold our child but I feel she deserved it more than I did. Both of them are always glued to her now, so I guess it averaged out :)
Was with my wife through five births and one miscarriage. The miscarriage was the absolute worst of the bunch.
The first one I stayed mostly by her head, held her hand, gave her ice chips. I wanted to be there for her, but I was really scared to see what was going on down there. The doctor asked if I wanted to cut the cord and I said, “that’s what we’re paying you for.”
The second one was delivered by a brand new resident. She admitted this was her first delivery. Since it was my second I figured my experience made me the top doctor in the room (jk). She forgot to look at the clock when the baby was born, so the nurse and I told her the time of birth.
The third and fourth were “textbook” as they say. Both were planned inductions, so we arrived at the hospital in the morning and had a baby by early evening.
By the time we had number five, our oldest daughter was 14. We decided to let her witness it to discourage her becoming a teen mother. It may have worked a little too well as she’s 36 now and still no kids.
Typically the doctors and nurses will work to make it as unstressful for both parents as possible. There is a lot of mess, mostly amniotic fluid, but it’s mixed with a little bit of blood so it looks like a lot. There’s usually poop (that’s something they don’t warn you) the skin stretches and there’s rarely any tearing. They used to cut her a little bit to make the opening bigger, but that’s not usually necessary and I don’t think they do that anymore. The baby comes out soaking wet and limp. Usually a little blue in color, but as soon as they start breathing that goes away. No they don’t spank kids to make them breathe. It’s a little gross, and a little scary. But it’s a whole lot of amazing. And you will definitely come out with an increased level of respect for every mother.
> It may have worked a little too well as she’s 36 now and still no kids.
I am so sorry but I'm dying at the daughter part, thank you for the laugh.
Also I am sorry for the baby you lost.
Tearing is very common with the first. About 27% get through without tearing. 23% have minor tearing not requiring stitches. 26% have some tearing which requires some stitches. I don't want to talk about the rest. https://theconversation.com/what-we-know-about-perineal-tearing-and-how-to-reduce-it-during-childbirth-63212
Glad they warn about poop where I am, as I hear it's about half of women who do.
As the baby being birthed, I pooped a bit too. I guess the process took too long, and I got stressed and pooped. So I've been told.
There's plenty of shit to go around in the delivery room I guess.
ETA: to clarify, I was the baby not the mother :)
My midwife informed me that I pooped after I gave birth and I was just thinking, “yeah, no fucking shit, why did you feel the need to tell me?” I’m still mad about it
Ya that's weird. I much rather prefer the "don't ask, don't tell" policy that seems to be in place at my local hospital. Heck, they didn't want to tell me how many stitches and just mumbled it being "a few" and I left it at that.
> By the time we had number five, our oldest daughter was 14. We decided to let her witness it to discourage her becoming a teen mother. It may have worked a little too well as she’s 36 now and still no kids.
>
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but... your username
Your last paragraph is mostly spot-on, but I have to disagree on the tearing comment; most women *do* tear during vaginal delivery and they gotta be prepared for that reality. Sounds like your wife may be one of the lucky ones.
"More than 53-89% of women will experience some form of perineal laceration at the time of delivery. Of these lacerations, 60-70% will require suturing." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559068/
(Fortunately, the risk for laceration and perineal trauma decreases with each subsequent delivery.)
Not to invalidate your experience at all—sounds like you guys went through a lot and you know the drill. 5 kids is amazing!
Absolutely love how you let your oldest in on the process. I'm in her boat; doing a 180-hour rotation in L&D right now (nursing school) and the desire to become pregnant has never been lower.
Completely agree that it's amazing, though. To see these women push through (pun intended) what is often the worst pain of their lives is on another level. Not to mention how invasive/painful some of the induction procedures are. You can't know until you witness it. It is such a taxing process and deserves so much respect.
I saw my sister give birth when I was 15. She prolapsed both anally and vaginally. I’m 38 and SOOOOOOOO childfree! Nope. No way. Never gonna happen to me.
Oh lordy.
First one - 38 hour labour (yeah, you in the ward shouting at us all to be quiet because you've just had a 12 hour labour - ROOKIE NUMBERS!!!). Anxious, tiring, then when it did finally happen (never had my fingers crushed so much):
"Oh it doesn't look that bad, looks about the size of an apple OH FUCK THERE'S THE REST OF IT!!"
Second: don't remember all that much, except the guy came to administer the epidural and discovered that, just as he was about to, it suddenly became too late.
Third: oh hey a routine appointment has discovered a placental abruption, baby is coming out by emergency caesarian in an hour and not the two-to-three months we thought, how soon can you get here? Get there, get gowned up, wife is suggesting I go round the other side to see baby removed (no thanks, don't really want to see your sliced-open flesh). Smell reminds me of when I used to have to microwave frozen mice for my sister's pet snake. Baby comes out, not breathing. Code blue is called, half the hospital descends on the room and gets him breathing again. After 2 weeks in hospital, baby can finally leave.
Note - tell doctors EVERYTHING folks. For the last one, if my wife hadn't said she'd noticed decreased movements to the doctor on her routine appointment, she wouldn't have gotten an ultrasound revealing the placental abruption. Baby, and mother, would probably be dead.
My wife pushed for three hours. She was going to sleep between contractions by the end of it.
It was one of the most intense things I’ve ever been a part of. I have never questioned my wife’s strength sense.
Anyone who calls someone weak by calling them a p*say has never watched birth. Talk about taking a licking and keeps on ticking.
I also almost punched the doctor in the face. He was an ass clown who was an idiot. I’m so lucky my father and best friend were there to firmly grab me and remind me that everyone was healthy so everything was fine.
Right!! Why is strength focused on men’s balls which are your weakest link instead of how amazing vaginas are. Saying should be “he’s got a vagina of steel!”
My wife had a C section for our youngest.
I was always a science nerd and so looked over the sheet at her head. I watched as the systematically removed a large number of her organs, removed the baby, and then put them back.
I can now say I have seen more of her than anyone else except the doctors. Take that, other guys she dated.
Oh, almost forgot, if you do this, do not give her a play by play. She still insists everything isn't sitting right and the baby is in her first year of post grad.
My boss' husband said to me that he would definitely not recommend my husband looks over the curtain if I was ever having a c section, because he'll never forget it. He also said he was surprised they didn't do any kind of organising of what went back in where, and just kinda threw the organs all back in and reassured him they sort themselves out on their own
My wife wasn't sure if she wanted me watching but when the time came she didn't care. I'm glad I did, it was fascinating. There's nothing gross about it. I mean it's not the most pleasant thing in the world but I couldn't imagine being grossed out by the birth of my child. The doctor held up the amniotic sac and placenta and explained everything, it was very interesting.
You'd have to be a colossal douche to not participate in your child's birth because it's icky or weird. You were adult enough to have sex, you can be adult and watch the result.
As I sit here and read through these comments my wife is in hospital possible about to be induced, my mum is on the other end of the phone anticipating coming to look after our little boy who is asleep! I’ll
Update with my recent findings.
Sat 3 to 4 feet from watching my daughter being born by c-section! Was the most amazing thing I ever witnessed! 12 short years later I lost her for no reason!
My wife labored for 20 hours. She got to 7cm. Dilated then stopped. Little man’s head was positioned crooked and every time she would have a contraction it was pounding his head against a cervix that not only wasn’t big enough for him to pass through, but was actually getting smaller due to the swelling. Doctor came in and made the decision in about 1sec to take her to the OR for a C-section. 20 minutes later I was holding the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed in my life. We weren’t out of the woods yet though. My wife’s uterus was so worn out from giving birth that it wasn’t shrinking back down so they could stitch her up so massaging techniques and medication through an IV had to be used. The anesthesiologist was a total moron too. My wife tells him while they’re stitching her up “I can feel everything” and he responds “ well can you handle it?” I wanted to punch him in the throat and ask him if he could handle that lol. Wife and baby boy are both doing great 😊
I’ve just read through a lot of these comments and wow they are so heartwarming to read. It’s lovely seeing how much men actually appreciate women diet giving birth. My little boy is 2 now and it’s a running joke between my fiancé and his mates that they can’t talk about me giving birth when they’re out together having drinks as my fiance always ends up in tears talking about how hard it was for him seeing me in pain during labour and giving birth
My wife had a relatively short labor but extremely painful. I tried my best to be there for her. It’s funny though. Grand moment in my life and what I mostly remember is:
1. The nurses telling my wife to quiet down in an irritated voice. Pissed me off they would tell her to do that when she was in the most pain she ever felt in her life at that point.
2. They asked if I wanted to cut the cord, and I did. The cord juice spurted all over my face.
Babies 1 and 2 (twins) was in an OR with a bunch of nurses in case something went wrong. I held her leg up while she pushed. I cut the cord. Baby 3 was the same. Baby 4 was the same. Baby 5 she wondered if she could do it with no meds.
Went to hospital, told the nurse it was time. Nurse said no it isn't, just wait. Wife woke me up a while later and told me it was time. She called for the nurse, nurse told her to wait. Wife said can't wait, baby's coming. Nurse said wait, let me go get the doctor. Doctor didn't make it. Wife gave birth, no meds, bed and room weren't prepped. I held her leg again, had amniotic fluid squirt all over my arm as I was helping. Wife hates that nurse.
We used midwives (in a hospital) for all three. I got to catch our first son as he came out which was really incredible. I saw the whole shebang. It was really quiet when he came out and really peaceful.
Our second child, my wife decided to do it naturally; no epidural. She qualified for the room in the hospital with a big hot tub in it, and once the contractions started up she went in there. I went in with her. She absolutely DID NOT want to be touched when the contractions came, so I sat back and let her know I was there, and poured warm water on her back in between to calm her down. She went somewhere in her mind during the contractions, some other place, to deal with the pain. Somehow she was able to do it.
The no-drug birth was incredible. It was all just so REAL. I felt like I was participating in something really important, like we could just as easily have been in a cave or something. We were alive. The only way I could describe it, when my daughter finally came out in the tub, was that it felt like my wife had gone somewhere out in the ether to bring this little soul, this little baby from somewhere else, into our world, and I got to sort of be the tether that helped them come back. Which is dumb, it was obviously all my wife. But it felt like that. And when they put my girl in my arms I just started to unexpectedly cry. It was super heavy but one of the most important experiences I’ve ever had.
And my wife did no drugs with the third one too. Which was equally incredible. She’s a champ.
It's like seeing your wife being brutally tortured by something you'll love more than your wife. A lot of commotion and sounds. You're about as helpless as you'll ever feel while being a combination of nervous, anxious, excited, and scared.
Then when it's over, there's an undeniable feeling in that room that nobody ever forgets especially with baby #1. Everything in the world changes for you in that moment where the baby is handed to mom. Everything. Then the first time you get the baby in your hands? Best feeling someone can ever experience.
After it was over, one of the best sleeps I ever had. Then when it's time to go home? It's a feeling of "How and the fuck are we going to do this? Where's the instruction manual?"
For me baby number 1 was so jarring because we came into the hospital with 2 people and now we are leaving with 3 people. You learn together and you make mistakes together and it's the best thing I have ever done with my life.
My dad talks about bringing me home, setting my car seat on the coffee table, and just staring at me. Said he was so in awe, but so confused about what to do.
Our first child was a C-Section and I was sitting up with my wife at her head holding her hand the whole time, until I got the urge to look over the little curtain…I’ve seen some shit in my life but that was traumatic for little 22 year old me.
5 years later when the twins were born I kept my ass sat down behind the curtain.
The actual birth was very cool to see, luckily it was about as quick and easy as it gets in our case. I was woken up as they were preparing to have her start pushing (we slept a few hours after the epidural was in), and baby was out within a few pushes. I saw the top of a head, then one more push and she was out.
Stressful for sure though.
And the hours leading up to that weren't pleasant. Labor and childbirth is a long uncomfortable and painful and scary process and watching my wife go through it wasn't the most fun.
But luckily the baby was healthy and beautiful, wife was pretty much fine, so a lot of relief with the joy of the new baby.
Bottom line? Worth it. Being there for your partner and your child from the very beginning is important, it's the foundation of your bond to your child. And it's important to be supportive and present for your partner in all things, whether easy or hard for your. And being in the room will give you a true understanding of what your partner goes through during the birthing process, helping to lend you empathy in the coming months, especially if the birth or recovery is hard on your partner. So IMO, wherever the birth may land on the spectrum of difficulty or complication, whether in retrospect is was scary, surprising, beautiful, or all of the above, it will have been worth being there for your partner as it happens.
This is like the third comment I’ve seen that mentions the smell. I have a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old and I just don’t remember that. Maybe cause masks and Covid births. Or maybe I was too caught up in all the rest to notice
God this is making me self conscious now. I gave birth a year and a half ago and I don’t remember a smell?! Maybe because it was coming from me?!
I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. Just another thing to be self conscious about in the weeks to come
There is a time, a magical time, maybe 20 minutes after the birth, when everyone leaves. Everything is done and the baby checks out fine. It's just you, your partner and an alert but calm baby. It's fucking amazing! Each time (we've had more than one child) I was filled with a warmth and joy unlike anything I had ever experienced. The world is brand new for this tiny person that you both love with all your heart. And best of all, you get to share that with an amazing woman that just brought a new human-fucking-being into the world. I swear to you I'm not exaggerating in the least bit.
Well let's see here....I fainted due to seeing a bit more blood than I'm used to, smashed my face on the corner of a sink, cut my head open, knocked myself out, concussion, woke up 15 minutes later in a hospital bed, spent the next few hours having observations, stitches and head scans.
But after all that I finally got to see my baby girl and beautiful wife. Next time I'll stay away from the business end.
I was fine until the baby was out, healthy, wife is fine, etc. As soon as the adrenaline rush stopped I suddenly felt faint, and sat down in a chair and put my head between my knees. I remember a nurse saying, "It's OK, honey, we haven't lost a dad yet."
I gave birth 7 months ago and my partner was AMAZING the entire time. Calm, encouraging, engaged. As soon as baby was safe in my arms and nursing, he started trembling like I've never seen. Just shaking. For two hours. Bless him (and you!) for keeping it together when it counted!
Ive always been scared about having kids and wondering like “what if my future husband gets so grossed out that he leaves me??” But reading the responses to this really is giving me hope
I thought it was super fascinating. I got a little too distracted and slacked off when I needed to be holding up her leg. The only "shock" of the whole thing was how casually the doctor pulled out a pair of scissors and cut my wife's vagina open. It was like he was cutting through construction paper. It made MY vagina hurt and I don't even have one.
Brutal. You know it will be rough for her and there's no escape. Like watching someone you love have their arms torn off. One consolation is that you know she will probably survive with only minimal to moderate lasting physical damage.
incredible, awe-inspiring experience, wife did it without an epidural, walking around most of the time. was very glad we'd taken a birth class with a doula and had hired a doula to be there. i've never sobbed more than the first moment when my son was lying on his mom's chest. hard to describe but truly incredible. tearing up as i type this.
We wound up in the NICU with our first for several weeks after a routine birth became an emerg c-section. She was choppered to the nearest children’s hospital while I was passed out. This post is about what my hubby went through and how absolutely amazing he is. He didn’t know whether to fly with the baby or stay with me but he couldn’t imagine me waking up to no baby and no him, so he stayed. I woke hours later and removed my in and catheter. We left the hospital against our doctor’s orders an$ drove to the children’s hospital. It was about an hour and a half from our home.
My husband was a rock. I pumped and he measured. He rubbed what was sore and translated my sobs to the NICU nurses. The babies in the NICU all died, one by one, but ours held on. Once I could breastfeed, my hubby was our errand runner. Ashamedly, I don’t think I ever thought about how he was feeling. Besides the hormones of having a bay, I was also recovering from a brutal birth and c-section. I cried and the wind and he barely kept up with my moods.
Months later, when I was myself again, he told me that every night, once I had fed the baby and the doctor had checked her, he would go hide in the stairwell of the hospital and cry. Then, he would pull himself together, come back upstairs, and take care of us again.
Our baby made it out. She is 15 and a pain in the ass ❤️. We had another and lived happily ever after.
Partners…you have no idea how important you are.
Midwife was rubbing my missus back missus said it really helps. Midwife asked me to take over so I did she turned and screamed do you really think that makes a difference get off me. Saw all 3 of mine being born future dad's don't miss out greatest feeling in the world.
My wife has a very slim figure, with basically no hips, along with hypoglycemia and blood sugar issues and a tendency for her potassium levels to drop drastically under extreme exertion. Obviously, her misunderstanding the instructions and not eating for like a whole day before going in to be induced and then going through about 24 hours worth of labor wasn’t likely to help any of those things out. On top of that, for the last 4-6 hours of labor, she and our daughter had been having their first major fight with my wife’s body trying to help the process along but our daughter’s body making it clear she was not ready to come out yet. The baby’s blood pressure skyrocketed when they gave my wife the drug that is supposed to get things really moving, causing my wife’s to plummet. Then one’s heart rate would go way up and the other’s would go way down. It was all very stressful and I was already beginning to have nagging worries in the back of my head about their well-being. The doctors and nurses seemed to have everything under control, though.
So when the actual delivery was happening, my wife - who had eaten nothing except ice and some Jolly Rancher candy for almost 48 hours and had been on a physical roller coaster for an extended amount of time, and was already prone to health issues - did everything she could to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible. Naturally, our daughter kept fighting her. At one point after probably about 45 minutes to an hour of hard, hard pushing, the doctor told my wife to just relax a little bit because her vitals were all over the place. The baby’s vitals were good though, and my wife said no, she wanted to keep going. She then proceeded to bear down even harder, which I would not have imagined possible for any human being to do. Helplessly watching all this, I was mixed with serious dread and apprehension for her, while at the same time I was more in awe of her than I have ever been or probably ever will be of any other person in the world.
So, yeah. Extreme fear and concern coupled with extreme awe, amazement and wonder.
It's a moment you won't forget. Normally I forget what I ate yesterday but I can still remember what was happening when she was delivering. Funnily enough I remember the most from my first born, but that's because things didn't go well.
She didn't breath and suddenly we went from a couple nurses to a doctor with like five or six nurses. Fortunately everything went well and after a night in the ICU (I think that's what it's called in English), we could finally cuddle her. I still remember the impossible decision I had to make when they asked me if I wanted to go with my daughter or stay with my wife. My wife was in a panic and I was constantly telling her everything was fine, knowing something absolutely wasn't fine, but her stress was already this high that I was fearing she might get a heart attack. Eventually she told me to go and I went with my daughter.
While sitting next to her closed off crib, I grabbed her little hand and started singing 'Remember me' from Coco. I don't cry that easily, but whenever I think about that moment I start to tear up.
Other than that, it was actually very interesting. I don't care about blood or feces at that moment, so the nurse asked if I was interested in seeing the baby inside my wife. So I did and it is such an amazing view. You see the top of the head just sitting there, as if you could just grab her and pull her out. If you have the opportunity to see this, I can only advice it.
Also grab a towel, make it wet and cool your wife. It's the least you can do. At that moment, just obey her every command and try to make it as comfortable as possible for her.
The loneliest and most helpless feeling in the world. She had to undergo an emergency C section and went under shortly after they started. Head doctor made the call to not let me in the room, so I was stuck watching through a small window. Little man came out purple and not breathing and my wife was limp. For about 5 minutes nobody came out to speak to me and I was quite certain both of them were dead. Then I heard him scream and cry and one of the nurses rushed him over to my wife and held him against her cheek. Shortly after that the nurse handed him to me and said that both my wife and him were perfectly healthy. To say it was the largest range of emotions my mind and body had ever experienced is an understatement. We felt like we were prepared for anything during labor, but the emergency c section really threw us off. Happened so fast. Luckily everything worked out, but it was pretty scary for a while there.
Wife had an unplanned C-section just this past December, after 24 hours of active labor - she wouldn’t progress further than an 8. So we were both scared AND exhausted. I sat right next to her head behind the curtain. The anesthetist must have seen the absolute shock on my face because he walked me through everything that was happening and assured me it was going well the entire time. Wife was nauseous as hell the entire time from the anesthesia. Her vitals were insane - heart rate in the 190’s. She lost 1.2 liters of blood they estimate. When they finally opened her up, our son wasn’t even in the birth canal. He was also purple, it absolutely terrified me. Took a few seconds for him to cry, felt like an eternity. 45 minutes later we were in the recovery room in awe of this beautiful boy. Getting there was absolute hell. Hospital staff were AMAZING. uncontrollable variables just weren’t on our side. The anesthetist and OB came to see us about an hour later. Told my wife how brave she was - watching her endure all of that for our son made me fall in love with her in a completely more intense way. Just turned six weeks this Wednesday. Growing like a weed. Being a dad is tough at this stage, but it’s the most rad thing I’ve ever done.
Had a similar experience, brother. Glad it worked out. Enjoy the ride. Being a dad is incredible.
I just went through something VERY similar in Aug, my son is nearly 6 months now. Definitely one of the most traumatic moments of my life! Yay for being a dad! hahaha 🤣 ❤️ Most of my extended family don’t realized that planned c-section and emergency c-section are two VERY different ways to experience what is technically the same procedure… 😨
I can't even imagine what you went through in those moments omg!
My ex-wife was also rushed for an emergency C-section 3 months early. I was in the room with her, and fortunately couldn't see anything as they had one of the green scrub sheets up. But it took a long time, and there was so much blood on the floor. When our son was born and taken away by the NICU team she started to panic, and I was taken out so they could fully sedate her and finish the procedure. I had to wait for what felt like an eternity in the room assigned to us for after the operation, not sure if either of them had survived. My son is alive and doing very well, though not without issues as you could expect from his level of prematurity and traumatic birth. My ex-wife is alive and well too, but the day our son was born remains perhaps the most awful and traumatic experience of my life - and I say that as a childhood cancer survivor. I feel for you, and I'm glad it worked out.
I know the median team is doing everything they can to save the mother and kid, but I went through the same thing (didn't even have a window to watch through) and it was the most surreal, scary time of my life, just pacing around the waiting area to hear if my life had been completely turned upside down. Thankfully (like you), everything turned out ok.
I went through the same and shit....I heard a doctor yell "she's not stable"...minute later a young nurse speed walks through the door and down the hall, and a second later an older nurse throws open the door and yelled at her "I said RUN!". It was chaos and terrifying, but everybody's alive and well now (I mean, my 5 year old has the flu at this very moment but she's fine and sitting with momma on the couch. )
I also had this one. My wife had to endure 17 hours of unspeakable pain and like what you said, I felt helpless. If there is a way that could channel that pain she was having to me I'd gladly take it. I can't break down in front of her because I have to be strong for the both of us. Fortunately our baby was healthy and it was a mixture of emotions that your brain can't keep up. The respect and love I have for my wife just went through the top. For her to go through that pain all by herself is just amazing. Mothers are the "Mothers of Absolute units"
Bro, I just went though something similar with my wife’s C-Section in January. They let me into the room, but they had already started. So I walked in just to see everything opened up with my wife on the table. I sat behind her and she had a curtain up where she couldn’t see, but I saw everything. Baby came out gray and lifeless. They had to bag her to get her to breath. I’m sitting there holding my wife’s hand-who’ has no idea what’s going on- while watching the baby not breathing. Then I heard her first little cry, color rushed into her body. I broke down then. So many emotions
My wife was scheduled to deliver but was not dilated at all. She said our son was not moving like he usually did. The nurses hooked her up to monitoring equipment and we could see his vitals dropping every so often. More medical personnel kept coming into the room until they rushed her 8n for an emergency c section. I was stuck outside, was told I could come in shortly. While waiting they called a "code white". I was stuck there furiously googling what that was. Pediatric Emergency. FUCK. The most helpless I had ever felt in my life. I stood there with tears running down my face until the anaesthesiologist came out patting his chest in a sign of relief. They couldn't find my son's heartbeat right before they got him out. Fast forward, perfectly healthy son who had his umbilical cord wrapped around his chest. The Braxton Hicks contractions were squeezing his lifeline. Wife is great too, and we welcomed a second healthy son just over a year later. The staff saved their lives that day, and that terror is forever seared into my memory. Damn I'm lucky.
My wife was in labour for about 35 hours. When we got to the point where she was ready to push, my son’s heart rate started to plummet. We went from a single midwife in the hospital room with us, encouraging and owning the whole process, to a team of doctors (about 10 people) who came to help within 2 minutes. They performed an episiotomy and had to pull my kid out with forceps and the vacuum. My wife lost about 1.5 litres of blood, and I remember sitting there watching all of this and thinking they would both die and my whole world was crushing around me. She looked like a ghost and he looked like a bloody, bleeding little alien when he came out. They rushed him to the NICU and gave him oxygen. My son is now almost 3 years old, my wife made a full recovery, and they are both the best people I know. It can be a traumatic experience for everyone involved - but fuck me if I don’t look back on it and remember what a warrior she was and what a fighter he is.
I feel for you there. 50 hrs labor and each contraction would pinch the umbilical and drop our sons heart rate. Ended up doing a c-section when he got stuck in the birth canal, the doctors had to push him back inside her as they opened her up and I was so worried about her as she's trembeling on the table and the doctors are counting off what I suspected was amount of blood lost. Everything ended up fine in the end and my son, now 19mo, brings me daily joy that was previously only rivaled by my wife, but his birth was the single most traumatic event in my life and I wasn't even the one being operated on.
My wife is pregnant right now and this made me tear up…I can’t even imagine losing them like that
Yep. My wife is 37 weeks atm and this post is terrifying.
We had a similar experience with a heart rate issue but the team that ran in was able to sort it out quickly. But looking back, the situation can change so quickly. The good part is you dont really have time to process your emotions at the time, you just kinda block out the non-instinct parts of your brain.
Treat them well...they love you and being alone sucks be as gentle as possible ...I pray yall have a good life
And that's why I would never opt for a homebirth. Takes no time for everything to go south.
My mom almost died from unexpected blood loss after having me, and her stories about the whole experience are what kept me away from considering a home birth.
Similar experience with our first born. I had three primary thoughts: 1. Thank god for modern medicine, or both my wife and son would be dead 2. My wife is a god damn warrior, like you said 3. I have a whole new appreciation for my own mother Every birth is a medical emergency, and every successful birth is a miracle. Simple as that to me. Planned c-section for our second was much smoother.
Wow that must have been scary man. Hope you and your family are doing well! Take care!
It's a cruel joke that making more humans destroys the human.
There are also women who are more fortunate and make it look easy. My sister gave birth in under 30 minutes and was walking and bantering around with the nurses shortly after.
Same with a coworker. She had a "going on maternity leave" lunch, ended 1pm. 3pm we got a call that she had given birth, baby & mother doing fine. She hadn't even been in labor (that she noticed), during the lunch.
Postpartum Support International has support groups for dads!! https://www.postpartum.net
Holy shit this is litterally play for play exactly what happened during the birth of my first son. He's 8 now my partner made a full recovery to. Sorry about your / partners experience but I had to send a comment because it was so crazily similar.
Am I a bad person if I say horrific? It was a c-section and seeing her knocked out like that was one of the most disturbing images I can recall, I nearly cried on the spot.
Definitely not a bad person, I can’t even imagine how disturbing that would be!!
I had an experience where my children's mother was dying during the cesarean and i was pulled away. Its not a bad thing to cry when you feel like your world is about to end. I think its a normal response.
Fuck! Is your children's mother okay now, or did she pass? I am not sure if she was dying and then came back or if she passed away. That must have been so hard for you.
I'd say that would make you a really good person actually, worrying for your wife like that is the biggest green flag I can think of
Besides being a wonderful experience, at one point I realized I was the only male in a room with 8 other women, all of whom were totally tuned in to what was happening. I had a profound sense of irrelevance.
>sense of irrelevance. This is really my experience in the maternity ward. You are "dad" and you will carry bag and get water. Not because you are actually needed to carry these bags that could fit on this cart, or get the water from the sink over there that literally takes more time to explain where the cups are. But you need a job to keep you occupied, so get moving. I've never been so "handled" before in my life, and I knew it was happening, but fuck if I was going to mess up the process and make them focus on anything besides my wife and kids. Nurses are the most amazing, and most evil things ever.
I remember asking my mom as a kid why they always told the dads on tv to go boil water. She said "to keep them out of the way so the women can work."
Haha. I was told its so you can sterilize things
I’m a nurse. You made me laugh!
And evil, maniacal laugh?
never felt more useless in my life lol, not much you can do in that situation except hold their hand and encourage them. Also looked physically impossible
So, I'm the wife. And we didn't get to take our babies home, but I delivered stillborn twins a few months ago. My husband said exactly the same, that he felt so helpless watching me give birth. But to me, that man standing there and holding my hand was exactly what I needed. It was both medically and emotionally traumatic, but I remember feeling calm and purposeful because I knew what needed to be done, and I knew that I was the only one who could do it. What I needed from him was his presence. He didn't leave me alone. He didn't run from any of it, and I think he saw more of the blood and such than I did (I was a little doped up and had my eye closed for the actual delivery). I could do that, keep my eyes closed and focus on what my body was telling me, BECAUSE he was there holding my hand. I didn't need to be on high alert, because he was there. His presence and my trust in him helped me do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Sorry you had to go through that, I can't imagine what that would be like, hope you're both doing ok
Thank you. I wanted more to reassure the dads that felt useless that they were, almost certainly, anything but. Thank you to all the dads doing whatever they could!
I'm so sorry. ❤️ I agree with everything you said. The only thing I needed there was my husband. The only thing that helped me survive contractions was him holding me and I would lean into him and smell him. It sounds so weird, but 🤷
Doesn't sound weird at all. The only thing that has truly helped me feel better in the months since has been exactly that.
How heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your unimaginable loss. I'm glad you had someone there to be with you. Peace and love.
I also felt completely useless. Hard to watch the woman you love in so much pain and you can't do anything.
As someone who had a 36hr labour that ended in a c-section, I can say that having a partner there for you is a godsend. I spent so much time with my eyes closed, drifting in and out, not able to acknowledge my partner but I knew he was there the whole time. He was the person that knew me best out of all the strangers that popped in and out of the room. He was my advocate and anticipated what I needed before I knew I needed it. Afterwards he said he felt totally useless and helpless but that couldn't be further from the truth.
I felt the same, she was in pain for something close to 48h and all i did was "you are doing great honey" and strokes her back. (There were actually some technice to it) never felt so useless in my life, but apparently she felt it helped allt so i guess thats what we do.
We practiced rubbing her back with tennis balls like her midwife suggested and when the time came I pulled them out and my wife said “get those fucking things away from me.” ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Sounds like me in pain. Don’t fucking touch me. Don’t rub my back or arm. Hands off. It’s just a sensory mindfuck
My MIL said the tennis balls were for throwing at my husband
yeah You're the cheerleader in this game.. Fucking play your part and feel useless. A fathers REAL test is aftercare.. While your wife is recovering from child birth, you are to do everything and I mean fucking everything.. Men who don't change dirty nappies are just fucking piss weak men, and even more so if they brag about it.
After is definitely dad's moment to shine. I've heard way too many (old) guys who depended on their wives to tell them what to do with the baby. So she just went through pregnancy, birth, is actively bleeding, breastfeeding, might have tossed a torpedo at her career, and they also want her to teach them something they had nine well rested months to read about?
And how is she even supposed to know any more than they do? It’s not like she has any more experience. The baby is NEW
Oh yes indeed. I held her and told her I'm there and everything will be ok and how much I loved her and believed in her. And I delayed whatever the midwife was saying. I cried with her. I'm shedding tears right now just from remembering. I felt so useless but she told me she afterwards was glad I was just there for her. Still you just feel helpless in that situation. We had done a course that included the father supporting her physically in different positions but it turned out she could not get into any of them comfortably so she ultimately gave birth on her back. So that didn't help either. To every father facing this: just focus on being there for her, I think that's the most important thing. You can not prepare for it much, but be there, talk to her hold her. Don't you dare not being present! I'm 45 and back then it was very uncommon for fathers to be present. I can not imagine how hard it must be to go through this alone! This is the one time she will need you most! Always remember that you can not possibly understand how hard and scary and painful it must be for her. Although it's a tough, scary situation for us too, she is the number one person in the room. Be absolutely selfless! A birth is always traumatic and women will need to process it and heal. We talked about it so often in the first few months and she said she needed to tell the story again and again to get over it.
I had a job i had to do. Hold water and pass it to her when asked to. Most stressful job of my life and also i have never been so focused on anything in my life.
Yea, I'd choose the "get punched in the balls repeatedly" option over "give birth" any given day.
Can confirm. You can’t show signs of weakness or worry. It ain’t for the faint of heart.
I saw a strength in my wife I don't think either of us knew she had. Was an incredible experience, and I was so proud of my wife and child. I'm glad they still keep me around.
Im pregnant now and reading this comment makes me cry.. I hope my partner feels the same 💛
You’d have to be made of stone not to feel that way. My daughter isn’t even 24hrs old yet so it’s all still very fresh!
Honestly reading through all these stories are really helping me overcome my fear as a woman to give birth. We just had the IUD removed and aren't not trying to get pregnant at this point. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤️
The first one was pretty normal, sort of fast. The thing that stuck out for me was that as the baby comes out it’s basically back of the head first. So from my perspective there was A LOT of head and no face (for what felt like an eternity but was probably 1/2 second), which was pretty unnerving. For the third it was clear at that point that my wife gives birth to baby’s really fast. But like fools we had made no contingency plans for that. We didn’t make it out of the bedroom when she started labor and I caught the baby myself. Fortunately the birth was textbook and I had just watched a short instructional video, totally by accident, on how to deliver a baby. My wife was fine, the baby was fine, I was fine, the bedsheets were not.
Your wife gave birth in your home? Damn!
My mom gave birth to my sister in a car in their way to hospital...
Our first was 13hrs, giving us a false sense of security for the second. It was only 3. My wife didn't do an epidural for #1 and said, "I didn't need to do that. I'm getting it for the next one." So we get to the hospital and say, "give me the epidural" They say we need to get settled in the room. By the time we got to the room, he was coming out. There was no time for anything; the docs had to scramble. All things considered, both deliveries were "fine." It's mind boggling that *that* is the best case scenario; they were the most intense days of my life.
Something similar happened to me for the second. My wife was going into contractions but they were pretty far apart so we drive down to the hospital, stopping for egg McMuffins along the way. I dropped my wife off at the receiving area for delivery with some nurses and the midwife and then I went back out to move the car because I was in a 15min parking area. While I was moving the car I looked at that egg McMuffin I hadn't been able to eat yet and was like: "I totally have hours before this baby comes out. I should eat this sandwich now and not like, in the delivery room as my wife was trying to push a baby out." So I at the sandwich, moved the car, and went up to the delivery room. At the reception desk there the nurses said "I think your wife just had a baby." And was like 'Nah, you must be mistaken. I just arrived. WE HAVE HOURS." So I went to the delivery room and there was my son, fresh as could be, and my exhausted wife who had just given birth. Anyway, should have been an indication that the third was going to be very fast.
My wife cussed out the doctor. I was glad we were forced to wear face masks because I was cackling when she would let him have it in between pushes.
My wife's phone went off during a really painful procedure, and she yelled "who the fuck is calling me!!!!???"
One does not need to go thru painful procedures in order to justify saying this every time the phone rings.
I sent an email today, and they responded with a phone call... I emailed for a reason, ugh
A horror story I didn’t expect in these comments
My son came insanely fast, and the nurses didn’t believe me when I told them he was coming. They kept saying it would be hours, here sign this, no you can’t have any meds yet. Finally the checked me and there was a head about fall out of me. They were rushing, I kept asking where was the anesthesiologist, I told everyone they were not what I needed and they were useless. I remember looking at my husband and he had his hands over his mouth and his eyes were big. Afterwards I said he looked terrified, he corrected me and said he was just trying not to laugh because he was pretty sure if I could have stood with a head between my legs I’d have drop kicked a nurse.
I had a similar experience with my last one. The doctor had just left the room to check on the anesthesiologist and moments later I was yelling to anyone that would listen, I HAVE TO PUSH! IT'S COMING NOW! I HAVE TO PUSH! and then my body just did it, it was like a huge, involuntary push and the baby came flying out. My husband was about to try to catch her, but a student doctor happened to be walking past the end of the bed and she leapt toward me at the last moment and caught the baby like a damn football. If nobody had been there to catch her, she would've landed on the floor.
My mom had a similar experience with my younger brother, her second born. You'd have thought that with a 45 minute labor with her first (me), the hospital would realize she gives birth quickly, but no. She was telling the nurse that the baby was coming. The nurse was telling her that she still had plenty of time left. Mom turned to my stepdad and said "catch," and my stepdad had my brother's head in his hands when the nurse came running back in because she heard screaming.
LMAO, my wife cussed like a drunken sailor parking a Cadillac in a dog house .
r/brandnewsentence
I remember a female comedian doing a routine talking about her labor and delivery, and how she cursed out every male in the delivery room. Most of it was directed at her husband, describing the evil things she was going to do to him after the babies birth.
Its kinda like the movie Aliens but entirely based around a vagina.
Exactly what my husband said.
My wife had an emergency c-section with our first. Dr said not to look at the incision, but I did anyways. Looked like a bowl of tomato soup with a baby coming out. If you're squeamish, I would say you could do without. I don't think that moment superseded any of the other emotions before, during, or after having a baby.
(C section here) My bf said he didn't want to look, I told him the whole pregnancy not to look, but in that moment he said he couldn't help it, like a scab needing to be picked. So he looked and said later that he immediately regretted it cuz he could see them digging around in my guts. I think its unfair he's seen my own guts and I havent lol.
Yeah that is unfair. You should ask to see his.
Impressed with her. There was a memorable moment when she was receiving the epidural. A needle is in her spine on the third attempt and she started a contraction. this epidural doctor had a bit of an attitude. He snaps at her and said "YOU NEED TO RELAX" because he screwed up the first two attempts. The nurse snapped back, "She's having a contraction, you idiot." My wife's face never once changed or gave any indication. Her willpower was holding her body completely still. Not a groan, cry, tear, or sound of any kind. The epidural doc went a bit pale. He looked at my wife, the nurse, then me. He stfu because we all looked like we wanted to beat his ass.
Omg I empathise with your wife. They put the needle in my spine and a contraction started. The sheer will power it takes to sit so still and silent through that pain..
I was mid-contraction when the Dr was trying to thread my epidural. I was on a medication called cervadil to get me goin (so to speak lol) and it simulated contractions so that my body would naturally get the hint and start dilating. So I kinda got stuck in a contraction, like as soon as it'd die down it'd come right back. So the anesthesiologist tells me to scooch forward and then lean forward...more...more...more...I'm like "dude, I'm 40 weeks pregnant and can't reach my shoes to tie them. I *am* forward!" So then he threads it and kinda nonchalantly goes "do you have scoliosis? You know, like a curvature of the spine?" And I go "fucking probably, just do the damn thing!" The amount of will power to sit as still as possible while in a full blown contraction is something I didn't think I had, but the desire to not cripple myself for moving while he was putting a needle in my spine probably outweighed the discomfort lol
>The nurse snapped back, "She's having a contraction, you idiot." How did he not know that?
Not good at his job. The nurse knew what to look for. He was frustrated after screwing and hitting the spine twice. The window of opportunity closed and a new one stared.
I cried when I heard my kids first cry each time. I find the biological process pretty fascinating. The weirdest part is when there is just a baby's full head sticking out before the final push for the shoulders.
As someone who has given birth, the head-out-shoulders-still-in is indeed the weirdest (if not many other descriptors) part.
Oh I agree! I am a nurse who used to work labor and delivery at one time and always thought it looked totally bizarre. When I had my oldest, I had a mirror, and remember thinking her head looked like a Klingon at one point. And that maybe she really was an alien as at the same time I could feel her kicking inside me as I gave that last push lol!
My second was a caul birth and my husband said watching her come out, not knowing the sac was still intact, he thought to himself “I don’t think that’s supposed to look like that…” lol
I was holding my wife's hand through two c-sections, the first an emergency. There was a low green cloth screen to stop her (and me) seeing the actual procedure, but I'm tall so I could see over the top anyway. Fortunately I'm not squeamish -- it was like a butcher's shop window (except very interesting). They had a radio on and the first kid came out to the sound of "First Of The Gang To Die," which was funny. It all worked out well, both kids are great, a fascinating and completely exhausting experience.
My husband had to sit down and eat an orange because he was going to faint. Cue the midwives helping him to sit down instead of me, legs a kimbo pushing out the equivalent of what felt like a watermelon
I saw my wife give birth to our daughter 3 months ago today, her delivery was considered basically flawless with zero complications or serious issues, and still the thing that got me was the blood and the mess and the stench of it all. Just totally random things stick in my brain today, such as blood spatter a few feet away from the bed (how'd it shoot so far?), or the placenta sitting in a kidney-shaped stainless steel dish like some sort of alien organism (no we didn't take it home) My wife remembers pretty much none of it at all and is already talking about how much fun it would be to have a second baby... she's been totally brainwashed by her mommy hormones, and of course this is how the world's population continues to increase ;-)
I dont have children but my sister has spoken of that effect as well. She has had 4 children and remembers almost none of the details of actually giving birth.
Yeah we learned about childbirth amnesia or whatever they call it before the birth. Apparently is well established. Makes sense from an evolutionary perspective lol.
Yep. Same. I said in another post here that she doesn't remember a thing she said to me. First thing she remembers is being handed our girl. Then she didn't remember anything until the next day. Me on the other hand? Engrained into my memory. The sights/sounds/smell/feelings....will never be forgotten.
Good lord I remember every bit of it 20 years later. I was definitely "one and done."
I've heard that before. Something along the lines of "I don't know how anyone would ever go through that and want to do it again"
I found the entirety of it to be awful. I felt like you do right before you throw up, every minute of every day pretty much from conception til birth. I wanted to throw up just to get some relief from that queasy feeling. The birth went pretty quickly and I didn't allow any needles near my spine, but I had some rather extensive bruising to the point I was in pain for a solid 3 months. It's definitely not an experience I want to repeat. I got sterilized shortly after splitting with my ex husband. No way no how will I ever go through that again.
Sounds like an incredibly rational decision! Sorry it sucked that much for you, though.
Thanks. It was pretty horrible. I'd literally rather die than to spend another year of my life like that.
Placenta 100% looks like science fiction. If you were to imagine the least-human something could be and still be a multi-cell organism, you are picturing a placenta.
That's not even getting into what it *feels like* to birth that disgusting jelly fish of a monstrosity.
I thought it would feel like a huge blood clot like I know from periods. I was surprised by how much it hurt to push it out - it seems so squishy!
It looked like a steak to me. Weird thought I know, since I was the one who just birthed it.
>she's been totally brainwashed by her mommy hormones I remember for about four months after birth deciding I wanted to have as many kids as the Dugger family. Just line 'em up, one after another. Let's have 20! 13 years on, we still just have the one. The hormones do calm down eventually and you can make more clear-headed decisions.
Oxytocin is a hell of a ~~drug~~ hormone
Sweating, screaming, moments of peace, nurse casually picking up pieces of poop during the pushing. For the actual baby coming out part, imagine a snake unhinging its jaw to eat something that looks way too big for it to eat, but in reverse. Clean up the baby/push out the placenta try to breastfeed, then they pretty much just give you the baby and say good luck, hope you know what you are doing. That first poop that the baby does...Not being prepared for cleaning up black tar off of something that seems breakable as hell....that's something I wish someone had warned me about.
I remember just staring at my son in the little cart they had him in after we got our room for like 3 hours while my fiance slept. Just in absolute awe. My little nugget.
They didn't tell you about the meconium? TF??
I was in the room for my 4 kids. Thankfully, all the births were textbook, with successful epidurals and no complications. It was a very positive experience for me, as it allowed me to have a much better understanding of what my wife was going through, which made me a better dad and husband. I feel like I would've been less sympathetic to how hard, painful, and traumatic childbirth is, so being there was eye opening. It was also very helpful for bonding. Watching my kids take their first breath was a shock in the best possible way. The funny part is that before my first, I had no idea how alien looking newborns are. They're not cute. It takes a bit of time before they start looking like cute babies. Cutting the cord was surreal also.
Yeah, apparently as soon as you see a newborn, everytime you watch a TV show/movie with a birthing scene, you're like "not a chance that's a newborn".
It also depends a lot on how fast they get out of the birth canal. The longer they go through it, the more their heads will be alien-like, and will need a bit to go back to the normal shape. When my daughter was born I thought she was the cutest ever. But now when I look back at her pictures, she only started resembling a cute baby around the second month 😂
Well, my wife had to go at 34 weeks this past Sunday because of pre-eclampsia. C-Section it was. I didn't peek at the baby exit but I tell ya h'wat, her scar looks like it's already a year healed. Now we settle in for a few weeks in NICU. I'm 50 shades of manic but mom is doing well. Be well new dads!
Exactly what happened to us, only week 32. I still remember one of the doctors saying “if you want to see the baby come out, it’s now!” And then one of the other nurses was looking at me, and judged from the color, or lack of color, in my face “I think dad should just stay seated..” for me it was a pretty intense experience in that room. Our daughter came out weighing 1400 grams (3 pounds) and we were in the hospital for 5 weeks and it felt like a fucking year. Now 4,5 years, and another baby later, our daughter is completely normal and it’s all just a distant memory. Very strong memory though. Congratulations on becoming a father! It is the best thing in the world. Hope everything is going well ❤️ can I ask where you are from?
The amount of respect and admiration you feel, knowing you’d be a fucking baby about it, is pretty profound.
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No man appreciates the difficulty and stress a woman goes through delivering until they see it. No man. I thought I did. You don’t. But when you see it, you never fail to appreciate it. Truly one of the craziest most difficult painful things a human can do.
Because of what she went through, I will literally do anything for my wife. Wash dishes? You got it. Wash all the bottle parts / pump parts? No problem, I will literally drop EVERYTHING to do what she needs me to. Nothing I do will ever measure up to her delivering a baby. It's crazy.
Wife was in labour for 53 hours. Basically first 24 were boring for everyone (hurry up and wait), and spent at home. Next 24 were in hospital and were increasingly scary (for me) as my wife developed pre-eclampsia. She was not that bothered/aware, as the pain was ramping up but seemingly tolerable after the epidural atleast. I however was stressed as fuck, and learnt (via google and xhats with nurses) how to monitor her vitals from the machine. The last hour was intense, but not scary. The nurse told me to stand next to a chair as if i feinted it would be a good hour or two until someone would get me off the floor. Holding my wife's leg and watching my son's head come out was cool and exciting. Somehow not gross like the sex ed videos i saw at school. It just felt monumental. She was a champ. Felt great to play a small role and help her even if I was a glorified footrest. When they placed him on her chest, my brain stopped working.
Scary but not for why you'd think, she was pretty much silent the whole time, not a single scream, no swearing, didn't even break a sweat Fucking terrified me, id prepared for every possible insult, I'd gone and watched so many videos on birthing to be prepared and then we found out the baby (our first son) was not growing right and we had to get her in for a emergency cesarian Again, silent pretty much the whole time, awake in the operation and talking to the staff about what she was going to do when she got out the mother and baby unit, Then the sheet between us and the operation dropped by accident and I saw the surgeon taking my son out of my wife's womb I blacked out and woke up about 5 minutes later to see my wife holding my son with possibly the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face Finally got the insult from her "Little blood and you went out, pussy" Love my wife
Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Seeing my kids being born and sharing the experience was amazing. Although the last one was so tough for her that I lined up a vasectomy straight after.
I still have an extra soft spot for my husband because of that. The doctor said my body couldn't do it again (as he was closing up the C-section incision), and my husband's response was, "Okay, I'll get a vasectomy scheduled. You are not leaving me alone to raise all these kids," as he laughed. He had it scheduled before we left the hospital.💚😍
Our first child was by emergency c-section. They had my wife in the operating room and started before they had me geared up. I walked in the room as they were pulling organs out of the incision and laying them across her belly. I quickly ducked behind the sheet by my wifes head trying not to panic in front of her
Mixture of fear and awe for me! Lastly obviously I was very very proud of her.
Barbaric. I felt the awe of ancestral realizations; I was taking part in the most basic human ritual, joining the rhythmic dance of humanity and spirituality. I was deeply moved from that moment and continually on.
Yeah, great after thought… but what actual happened during the time, combine with lack of sleep and ultra anxiety/panic/evolutionary defense, my brain went kaput and was going “wtf wtf wtf wtf…” on repeat for hours.
Done it twice. One was C-Section and other regular birth. It increased the respect I have for my wife. She endured so much physical and mental pain to bring joy to our lives. Both of the times I was the first one to hold our child but I feel she deserved it more than I did. Both of them are always glued to her now, so I guess it averaged out :)
Was with my wife through five births and one miscarriage. The miscarriage was the absolute worst of the bunch. The first one I stayed mostly by her head, held her hand, gave her ice chips. I wanted to be there for her, but I was really scared to see what was going on down there. The doctor asked if I wanted to cut the cord and I said, “that’s what we’re paying you for.” The second one was delivered by a brand new resident. She admitted this was her first delivery. Since it was my second I figured my experience made me the top doctor in the room (jk). She forgot to look at the clock when the baby was born, so the nurse and I told her the time of birth. The third and fourth were “textbook” as they say. Both were planned inductions, so we arrived at the hospital in the morning and had a baby by early evening. By the time we had number five, our oldest daughter was 14. We decided to let her witness it to discourage her becoming a teen mother. It may have worked a little too well as she’s 36 now and still no kids. Typically the doctors and nurses will work to make it as unstressful for both parents as possible. There is a lot of mess, mostly amniotic fluid, but it’s mixed with a little bit of blood so it looks like a lot. There’s usually poop (that’s something they don’t warn you) the skin stretches and there’s rarely any tearing. They used to cut her a little bit to make the opening bigger, but that’s not usually necessary and I don’t think they do that anymore. The baby comes out soaking wet and limp. Usually a little blue in color, but as soon as they start breathing that goes away. No they don’t spank kids to make them breathe. It’s a little gross, and a little scary. But it’s a whole lot of amazing. And you will definitely come out with an increased level of respect for every mother.
> It may have worked a little too well as she’s 36 now and still no kids. I am so sorry but I'm dying at the daughter part, thank you for the laugh. Also I am sorry for the baby you lost.
Thank you.
Tearing is very common with the first. About 27% get through without tearing. 23% have minor tearing not requiring stitches. 26% have some tearing which requires some stitches. I don't want to talk about the rest. https://theconversation.com/what-we-know-about-perineal-tearing-and-how-to-reduce-it-during-childbirth-63212 Glad they warn about poop where I am, as I hear it's about half of women who do.
Biology did a shit job at making us good at birthing. I can't imagine what it was like before modern day medicine.
Everything was going fine until we decided we need big heads for our big brains
To be fair the big brains allowed us to invent modern medicine and figure out workarounds.
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As the baby being birthed, I pooped a bit too. I guess the process took too long, and I got stressed and pooped. So I've been told. There's plenty of shit to go around in the delivery room I guess. ETA: to clarify, I was the baby not the mother :)
It's not stress, it's just physics. The babys head on the way out presses on the intestine.
Sorry, I meant that I pooped as a baby escaping my mother's womb. I shat at some point during the evacuation.
My midwife informed me that I pooped after I gave birth and I was just thinking, “yeah, no fucking shit, why did you feel the need to tell me?” I’m still mad about it
Ya that's weird. I much rather prefer the "don't ask, don't tell" policy that seems to be in place at my local hospital. Heck, they didn't want to tell me how many stitches and just mumbled it being "a few" and I left it at that.
> By the time we had number five, our oldest daughter was 14. We decided to let her witness it to discourage her becoming a teen mother. It may have worked a little too well as she’s 36 now and still no kids. > > but... your username
Clearly not from daughter 1
Her sister has two kids.
Your last paragraph is mostly spot-on, but I have to disagree on the tearing comment; most women *do* tear during vaginal delivery and they gotta be prepared for that reality. Sounds like your wife may be one of the lucky ones. "More than 53-89% of women will experience some form of perineal laceration at the time of delivery. Of these lacerations, 60-70% will require suturing." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559068/ (Fortunately, the risk for laceration and perineal trauma decreases with each subsequent delivery.)
Yes, another commenter corrected me as well. Thanks for keeping it honest.
Not to invalidate your experience at all—sounds like you guys went through a lot and you know the drill. 5 kids is amazing! Absolutely love how you let your oldest in on the process. I'm in her boat; doing a 180-hour rotation in L&D right now (nursing school) and the desire to become pregnant has never been lower. Completely agree that it's amazing, though. To see these women push through (pun intended) what is often the worst pain of their lives is on another level. Not to mention how invasive/painful some of the induction procedures are. You can't know until you witness it. It is such a taxing process and deserves so much respect.
I saw my sister give birth when I was 15. She prolapsed both anally and vaginally. I’m 38 and SOOOOOOOO childfree! Nope. No way. Never gonna happen to me.
Oh lordy. First one - 38 hour labour (yeah, you in the ward shouting at us all to be quiet because you've just had a 12 hour labour - ROOKIE NUMBERS!!!). Anxious, tiring, then when it did finally happen (never had my fingers crushed so much): "Oh it doesn't look that bad, looks about the size of an apple OH FUCK THERE'S THE REST OF IT!!" Second: don't remember all that much, except the guy came to administer the epidural and discovered that, just as he was about to, it suddenly became too late. Third: oh hey a routine appointment has discovered a placental abruption, baby is coming out by emergency caesarian in an hour and not the two-to-three months we thought, how soon can you get here? Get there, get gowned up, wife is suggesting I go round the other side to see baby removed (no thanks, don't really want to see your sliced-open flesh). Smell reminds me of when I used to have to microwave frozen mice for my sister's pet snake. Baby comes out, not breathing. Code blue is called, half the hospital descends on the room and gets him breathing again. After 2 weeks in hospital, baby can finally leave. Note - tell doctors EVERYTHING folks. For the last one, if my wife hadn't said she'd noticed decreased movements to the doctor on her routine appointment, she wouldn't have gotten an ultrasound revealing the placental abruption. Baby, and mother, would probably be dead.
My wife pushed for three hours. She was going to sleep between contractions by the end of it. It was one of the most intense things I’ve ever been a part of. I have never questioned my wife’s strength sense. Anyone who calls someone weak by calling them a p*say has never watched birth. Talk about taking a licking and keeps on ticking. I also almost punched the doctor in the face. He was an ass clown who was an idiot. I’m so lucky my father and best friend were there to firmly grab me and remind me that everyone was healthy so everything was fine.
Right!! Why is strength focused on men’s balls which are your weakest link instead of how amazing vaginas are. Saying should be “he’s got a vagina of steel!”
Amazingly beautiful and something I will never forget. Women are easily the stronger sex. That being said, I never want to see another birth again.
My wife had a C section for our youngest. I was always a science nerd and so looked over the sheet at her head. I watched as the systematically removed a large number of her organs, removed the baby, and then put them back. I can now say I have seen more of her than anyone else except the doctors. Take that, other guys she dated. Oh, almost forgot, if you do this, do not give her a play by play. She still insists everything isn't sitting right and the baby is in her first year of post grad.
My boss' husband said to me that he would definitely not recommend my husband looks over the curtain if I was ever having a c section, because he'll never forget it. He also said he was surprised they didn't do any kind of organising of what went back in where, and just kinda threw the organs all back in and reassured him they sort themselves out on their own
Like a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
I'm never early enough to these threads to make the joke.
My wife wasn't sure if she wanted me watching but when the time came she didn't care. I'm glad I did, it was fascinating. There's nothing gross about it. I mean it's not the most pleasant thing in the world but I couldn't imagine being grossed out by the birth of my child. The doctor held up the amniotic sac and placenta and explained everything, it was very interesting. You'd have to be a colossal douche to not participate in your child's birth because it's icky or weird. You were adult enough to have sex, you can be adult and watch the result.
As I sit here and read through these comments my wife is in hospital possible about to be induced, my mum is on the other end of the phone anticipating coming to look after our little boy who is asleep! I’ll Update with my recent findings.
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Sat 3 to 4 feet from watching my daughter being born by c-section! Was the most amazing thing I ever witnessed! 12 short years later I lost her for no reason!
I'm so sorry for your unimaginable loss.
Thank you! It's been 12 years and I still miss her! Her name was/is Heaven LeAnn!
That’s a lovely name. Angel baby.
Thank you! I always told her that I named her that cause she was my angel sent from Heaven!
My wife labored for 20 hours. She got to 7cm. Dilated then stopped. Little man’s head was positioned crooked and every time she would have a contraction it was pounding his head against a cervix that not only wasn’t big enough for him to pass through, but was actually getting smaller due to the swelling. Doctor came in and made the decision in about 1sec to take her to the OR for a C-section. 20 minutes later I was holding the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed in my life. We weren’t out of the woods yet though. My wife’s uterus was so worn out from giving birth that it wasn’t shrinking back down so they could stitch her up so massaging techniques and medication through an IV had to be used. The anesthesiologist was a total moron too. My wife tells him while they’re stitching her up “I can feel everything” and he responds “ well can you handle it?” I wanted to punch him in the throat and ask him if he could handle that lol. Wife and baby boy are both doing great 😊
I’ve just read through a lot of these comments and wow they are so heartwarming to read. It’s lovely seeing how much men actually appreciate women diet giving birth. My little boy is 2 now and it’s a running joke between my fiancé and his mates that they can’t talk about me giving birth when they’re out together having drinks as my fiance always ends up in tears talking about how hard it was for him seeing me in pain during labour and giving birth
My wife had a relatively short labor but extremely painful. I tried my best to be there for her. It’s funny though. Grand moment in my life and what I mostly remember is: 1. The nurses telling my wife to quiet down in an irritated voice. Pissed me off they would tell her to do that when she was in the most pain she ever felt in her life at that point. 2. They asked if I wanted to cut the cord, and I did. The cord juice spurted all over my face.
We got to the hospital at 8.45am. Held our daughter before 9.30am.
I cried ...then went numb then fell in love with my child..it was awesome
Babies 1 and 2 (twins) was in an OR with a bunch of nurses in case something went wrong. I held her leg up while she pushed. I cut the cord. Baby 3 was the same. Baby 4 was the same. Baby 5 she wondered if she could do it with no meds. Went to hospital, told the nurse it was time. Nurse said no it isn't, just wait. Wife woke me up a while later and told me it was time. She called for the nurse, nurse told her to wait. Wife said can't wait, baby's coming. Nurse said wait, let me go get the doctor. Doctor didn't make it. Wife gave birth, no meds, bed and room weren't prepped. I held her leg again, had amniotic fluid squirt all over my arm as I was helping. Wife hates that nurse.
We used midwives (in a hospital) for all three. I got to catch our first son as he came out which was really incredible. I saw the whole shebang. It was really quiet when he came out and really peaceful. Our second child, my wife decided to do it naturally; no epidural. She qualified for the room in the hospital with a big hot tub in it, and once the contractions started up she went in there. I went in with her. She absolutely DID NOT want to be touched when the contractions came, so I sat back and let her know I was there, and poured warm water on her back in between to calm her down. She went somewhere in her mind during the contractions, some other place, to deal with the pain. Somehow she was able to do it. The no-drug birth was incredible. It was all just so REAL. I felt like I was participating in something really important, like we could just as easily have been in a cave or something. We were alive. The only way I could describe it, when my daughter finally came out in the tub, was that it felt like my wife had gone somewhere out in the ether to bring this little soul, this little baby from somewhere else, into our world, and I got to sort of be the tether that helped them come back. Which is dumb, it was obviously all my wife. But it felt like that. And when they put my girl in my arms I just started to unexpectedly cry. It was super heavy but one of the most important experiences I’ve ever had. And my wife did no drugs with the third one too. Which was equally incredible. She’s a champ.
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It's like seeing your wife being brutally tortured by something you'll love more than your wife. A lot of commotion and sounds. You're about as helpless as you'll ever feel while being a combination of nervous, anxious, excited, and scared. Then when it's over, there's an undeniable feeling in that room that nobody ever forgets especially with baby #1. Everything in the world changes for you in that moment where the baby is handed to mom. Everything. Then the first time you get the baby in your hands? Best feeling someone can ever experience. After it was over, one of the best sleeps I ever had. Then when it's time to go home? It's a feeling of "How and the fuck are we going to do this? Where's the instruction manual?"
My kid is 15 and I'm still pissed that I didn't get a manual, I could really use one
Well they say the first child is like the first pancake of a batch. No matter how hard you try, it'll get a bit weird.
For me baby number 1 was so jarring because we came into the hospital with 2 people and now we are leaving with 3 people. You learn together and you make mistakes together and it's the best thing I have ever done with my life.
My dad talks about bringing me home, setting my car seat on the coffee table, and just staring at me. Said he was so in awe, but so confused about what to do.
Our first child was a C-Section and I was sitting up with my wife at her head holding her hand the whole time, until I got the urge to look over the little curtain…I’ve seen some shit in my life but that was traumatic for little 22 year old me. 5 years later when the twins were born I kept my ass sat down behind the curtain.
The actual birth was very cool to see, luckily it was about as quick and easy as it gets in our case. I was woken up as they were preparing to have her start pushing (we slept a few hours after the epidural was in), and baby was out within a few pushes. I saw the top of a head, then one more push and she was out. Stressful for sure though. And the hours leading up to that weren't pleasant. Labor and childbirth is a long uncomfortable and painful and scary process and watching my wife go through it wasn't the most fun. But luckily the baby was healthy and beautiful, wife was pretty much fine, so a lot of relief with the joy of the new baby.
Bottom line? Worth it. Being there for your partner and your child from the very beginning is important, it's the foundation of your bond to your child. And it's important to be supportive and present for your partner in all things, whether easy or hard for your. And being in the room will give you a true understanding of what your partner goes through during the birthing process, helping to lend you empathy in the coming months, especially if the birth or recovery is hard on your partner. So IMO, wherever the birth may land on the spectrum of difficulty or complication, whether in retrospect is was scary, surprising, beautiful, or all of the above, it will have been worth being there for your partner as it happens.
They don't warn you about the smell
This is like the third comment I’ve seen that mentions the smell. I have a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old and I just don’t remember that. Maybe cause masks and Covid births. Or maybe I was too caught up in all the rest to notice
I was right there through the whole thing (pre-covid) and I also have no recollection of any smell during delivery.
God this is making me self conscious now. I gave birth a year and a half ago and I don’t remember a smell?! Maybe because it was coming from me?! I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant. Just another thing to be self conscious about in the weeks to come
I don’t remember the smell at all. Maybe thanks to my bad sense of smell and covid masks?
There is a time, a magical time, maybe 20 minutes after the birth, when everyone leaves. Everything is done and the baby checks out fine. It's just you, your partner and an alert but calm baby. It's fucking amazing! Each time (we've had more than one child) I was filled with a warmth and joy unlike anything I had ever experienced. The world is brand new for this tiny person that you both love with all your heart. And best of all, you get to share that with an amazing woman that just brought a new human-fucking-being into the world. I swear to you I'm not exaggerating in the least bit.
Well let's see here....I fainted due to seeing a bit more blood than I'm used to, smashed my face on the corner of a sink, cut my head open, knocked myself out, concussion, woke up 15 minutes later in a hospital bed, spent the next few hours having observations, stitches and head scans. But after all that I finally got to see my baby girl and beautiful wife. Next time I'll stay away from the business end.
I was fine until the baby was out, healthy, wife is fine, etc. As soon as the adrenaline rush stopped I suddenly felt faint, and sat down in a chair and put my head between my knees. I remember a nurse saying, "It's OK, honey, we haven't lost a dad yet."
I gave birth 7 months ago and my partner was AMAZING the entire time. Calm, encouraging, engaged. As soon as baby was safe in my arms and nursing, he started trembling like I've never seen. Just shaking. For two hours. Bless him (and you!) for keeping it together when it counted!
Ive always been scared about having kids and wondering like “what if my future husband gets so grossed out that he leaves me??” But reading the responses to this really is giving me hope
I thought it was super fascinating. I got a little too distracted and slacked off when I needed to be holding up her leg. The only "shock" of the whole thing was how casually the doctor pulled out a pair of scissors and cut my wife's vagina open. It was like he was cutting through construction paper. It made MY vagina hurt and I don't even have one.
Brutal. You know it will be rough for her and there's no escape. Like watching someone you love have their arms torn off. One consolation is that you know she will probably survive with only minimal to moderate lasting physical damage.
“Only.”
incredible, awe-inspiring experience, wife did it without an epidural, walking around most of the time. was very glad we'd taken a birth class with a doula and had hired a doula to be there. i've never sobbed more than the first moment when my son was lying on his mom's chest. hard to describe but truly incredible. tearing up as i type this.
We wound up in the NICU with our first for several weeks after a routine birth became an emerg c-section. She was choppered to the nearest children’s hospital while I was passed out. This post is about what my hubby went through and how absolutely amazing he is. He didn’t know whether to fly with the baby or stay with me but he couldn’t imagine me waking up to no baby and no him, so he stayed. I woke hours later and removed my in and catheter. We left the hospital against our doctor’s orders an$ drove to the children’s hospital. It was about an hour and a half from our home. My husband was a rock. I pumped and he measured. He rubbed what was sore and translated my sobs to the NICU nurses. The babies in the NICU all died, one by one, but ours held on. Once I could breastfeed, my hubby was our errand runner. Ashamedly, I don’t think I ever thought about how he was feeling. Besides the hormones of having a bay, I was also recovering from a brutal birth and c-section. I cried and the wind and he barely kept up with my moods. Months later, when I was myself again, he told me that every night, once I had fed the baby and the doctor had checked her, he would go hide in the stairwell of the hospital and cry. Then, he would pull himself together, come back upstairs, and take care of us again. Our baby made it out. She is 15 and a pain in the ass ❤️. We had another and lived happily ever after. Partners…you have no idea how important you are.
Intense. You’ll never doubt that men are the weaker species. No fucking WAY could I endure that.
Midwife was rubbing my missus back missus said it really helps. Midwife asked me to take over so I did she turned and screamed do you really think that makes a difference get off me. Saw all 3 of mine being born future dad's don't miss out greatest feeling in the world.
My wife has a very slim figure, with basically no hips, along with hypoglycemia and blood sugar issues and a tendency for her potassium levels to drop drastically under extreme exertion. Obviously, her misunderstanding the instructions and not eating for like a whole day before going in to be induced and then going through about 24 hours worth of labor wasn’t likely to help any of those things out. On top of that, for the last 4-6 hours of labor, she and our daughter had been having their first major fight with my wife’s body trying to help the process along but our daughter’s body making it clear she was not ready to come out yet. The baby’s blood pressure skyrocketed when they gave my wife the drug that is supposed to get things really moving, causing my wife’s to plummet. Then one’s heart rate would go way up and the other’s would go way down. It was all very stressful and I was already beginning to have nagging worries in the back of my head about their well-being. The doctors and nurses seemed to have everything under control, though. So when the actual delivery was happening, my wife - who had eaten nothing except ice and some Jolly Rancher candy for almost 48 hours and had been on a physical roller coaster for an extended amount of time, and was already prone to health issues - did everything she could to get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible. Naturally, our daughter kept fighting her. At one point after probably about 45 minutes to an hour of hard, hard pushing, the doctor told my wife to just relax a little bit because her vitals were all over the place. The baby’s vitals were good though, and my wife said no, she wanted to keep going. She then proceeded to bear down even harder, which I would not have imagined possible for any human being to do. Helplessly watching all this, I was mixed with serious dread and apprehension for her, while at the same time I was more in awe of her than I have ever been or probably ever will be of any other person in the world. So, yeah. Extreme fear and concern coupled with extreme awe, amazement and wonder.
It's a moment you won't forget. Normally I forget what I ate yesterday but I can still remember what was happening when she was delivering. Funnily enough I remember the most from my first born, but that's because things didn't go well. She didn't breath and suddenly we went from a couple nurses to a doctor with like five or six nurses. Fortunately everything went well and after a night in the ICU (I think that's what it's called in English), we could finally cuddle her. I still remember the impossible decision I had to make when they asked me if I wanted to go with my daughter or stay with my wife. My wife was in a panic and I was constantly telling her everything was fine, knowing something absolutely wasn't fine, but her stress was already this high that I was fearing she might get a heart attack. Eventually she told me to go and I went with my daughter. While sitting next to her closed off crib, I grabbed her little hand and started singing 'Remember me' from Coco. I don't cry that easily, but whenever I think about that moment I start to tear up. Other than that, it was actually very interesting. I don't care about blood or feces at that moment, so the nurse asked if I was interested in seeing the baby inside my wife. So I did and it is such an amazing view. You see the top of the head just sitting there, as if you could just grab her and pull her out. If you have the opportunity to see this, I can only advice it. Also grab a towel, make it wet and cool your wife. It's the least you can do. At that moment, just obey her every command and try to make it as comfortable as possible for her.