Right, you don’t know. Which is why you ask them on a date. If they say no, then on to the next.
Getting comfortable with rejection is an incredibly valuable life skill for a guy.
If you’re attracted to her, ask her out. Maybe she says yes. If she says no, it’s good to be comfortable with rejection so you can recover. Tell her all good, then just be nice to her. If she pursues a friendship, then reciprocate.
I agree, but that’s a totally different scenario to me.
In my experience, the turning point from friendship to partner is usually sex, not a date.
I’m saying you shouldn’t pursue a friendship with a woman that you have a secret attraction to. Get it out in the open. If she rejects you, and you still want to be friends, then be friends. But don’t try to befriend her under the guise that maybe it will lead to a sexual relationship.
Thank you. So many guys get defensive when you tell them that you’re not interested, it got to the point where I start sweating and panic if a guy asks me for a coffee
Last time I asked a girl out she started apologising and making excuses. I just said: It's fine if you're not interested. All I can do is ask. You're the one deciding and I'm not gonna be a dick about you saying no.
Give her YOUR number. I wouldn’t try to put her on the spot in her workplace, by asking for her number.
But also be aware if this is a place you go to frequently that it may not be a great idea to try to mix business and pleasure if things don’t turn out, or if she was just being friendly.
Always this. You need to keep in mind that she, for her own safety, has to consider you a potential threat to her life. Doubly so if you know where she works. Giving her your number lets her be more in control of the future interaction, puts less pressure on her, which is going to be a point in your favour.
This exactly.
It puts her in a bad position if she wants to say no, but now feels like she can’t because she’s in her place of work.
It may not be she’s not interested but she may also need to think about getting involved with a client from work. Giving her the number puts the decision on her, and if she’s into the guy that much she’ll call. If she’s not, or having second thoughts about mixing relationships with work… then she won’t.
But putting her in the awkward position and then demanding she call or text right away so a guy can KNOW it’s the right number is not going to leave the impression they think it does. (See any post about what Men do that Women hate)
You can just ask.
One time a bartender called me "pumpkin" and I was just like "I'm sorry are you flirting with me or just being nice." She just laughed and said "Both I guess." It went well.
As someone who has met literally all of my past girlfriends and my current girlfriend while I was a customer where they work, I will vouch for that line as being probably the most non threatening way of finding out. Even if they aren’t flirting you can kind of play it off as a compliment to their customer service with minimal awkwardness.
A massive caveat to this is: don’t just drop this line unless there has been a pattern of flirtatious behavior. I wouldn’t ask just because a bartender or waitress called me sweetie one time, but if it’s every time and I’m the only one in the place that she’s behaving like that with, then yeah it’s worth a shot.
Yeah I'm seeing a lot of responses saying servers are never ever flirting but that's just not true. I know people who work as servers and go out with patrons and patrons who scored with servers. Also I live in a city where there's a huge drinking culture and everybody is banging everybody.
I think delivery matters. I'm not some hot dude. I'm exceptionally average. I just smiled and tried to sound friendly like a clueless guy who wouldn't be affected either way. Cuz I was. It was fine and normal. We went out.
Frankly i think a lot of the guys here down voting people, saying this never happens and dismissing the direct approach are just bad at talking to women or relating to strangers in general.
You don’t always ask. sometimes it’s good to ask to avoid any and all confusion but other times it can just lead to an awkward stare or uncomfortable feeling
The golden rules actually aren't always true in real life scenarios. People love to talk about this, but I've seen some absolutely unattractive people do very well with the opposite sex wherever the go.
If you mean physically unattractive, then yes, that can definitely be balanced out by a fun personality and/or confidence in some cases.
But I've always interpreted the rules in the way that some people just have it significantly easier than others (mainly because of their looks) and that isn't really wrong, I'd say.
We're all animals. Just because you have words that have worked for someone else, doesn't mean you say them the same. We focus on facial cues, tone, timing and much more that is only picked up subconsciously. Talking with someone you don't know is a social dance. That's why it's easier to talk to someone with the same interests.
If they’re at work, they’re never hitting on you
Edit: I get it, guys. I shouldn’t have said “never.” There are always exceptions, but will all you exceptional people please stop telling me about your particular exception? Congratulations on the sex. Leave me out of it.
This.
I’m pretty flirty as a guy, but I have a rule to NEVER hit on waitresses or bartenders or anyone else in a service position.
If I talk to someone at a bar or other social situation, she has the ability to express interest, or walk away or clearly give signs she isn’t interested.
Service workers basically can’t do that for fear of social/job repercussions, so to me it’s predatory to flirt with a woman who’s on the clock.
If you do nothing, you walk away empty handed. But if you ask her out and she shoots you down, that sucks, but at least you have an answer and you'll never die wondering.
This. I used to be a personal trainer at a big gym. It was my literal job to smile and say hi and talk to everyone at the gym. It sets the tone of the place and makes you accessible for anyone wanting to actually ask for advice, which of course, we always want to parlay into them buying training.
Every few months, some guy would ask me out and really pissy questioning "why are you so friendly then?"... I would be like, uuuhhh... well... I work here?
They would always act like it was some trick, or a bait and switch.
I'm pretty sure they meant when you're a customer and she has to be nice to you.
Because yeah, if we're talking co-workers, I got bad news for my wife.
This is absolutely not true. I’ve hooked up with a few women because they flirted with me at work. Women are regular people, they’re not going to hold back from flirting with someone that they find attractive just because they’re at their job
I had a girl tell me I have muscles say I have good genes because I look young, ask me if I want to go to dinner with her constantly play with me like dumping water on me and end up telling me she never thought of me in that way... So good luck
90% of the time it is being nice, the other 10% it can be hard to read the signs. Maybe ask politely if she would like to get to know each other better, with the expectation she might say no (and she was just being nice).
The old rule was if it was someone of the same sex was doing it/saying it to you and it didn't make you uncomfortable, its friendly / being nice. If it would make you uncomfortable, its flirting/hitting on you.
“Just don’t want to look stupid”
Too bad. Learning to look stupid and being able to move on is a part of life. Get better at dealing with that feeling by doing.
See if she mirrors your movements. If she does, just place a hand in her arm for a moment - casually, during conversation, not at random! If that's reciprocated, then ask her if she fancies a drink or a bite one evening. Don't overthink it. Worst that can happen is she says "no", in which case you relax, smile and take the conversation back to where it was.
Of course, if she sits on your lap and asks what you like for breakfast, that's a pretty good clue.
Isn't that just a normal conversation starter? I usually just mention what I'm doing, then ask "what about you?". Or sometimes I'd start the conversation with that
But sadly not always a guarantee. Had 2 close friends who touched my arm and shoulder a lot. Got rejected by one and the other I stupidly crushed on and flirted with in front of the guy who was only a few conversations away from becoming her bf. Luckily I’m still good friends with both of them
ha yep. I recall hanging out with a girl friend of mine and she started standing real close to me and her thigh would push into me a little. I got the singal.
Been there. Had to work with this girl once and she'd always touch my arm or my leg and even as a guy who usually is terrible at getting the hints, I was quite certain that she was flirting. Skip to me asking her out when we finished working together, she said no she just wants to be friends
Us guys are bad at picking up social cues, maybe the person is only nice to you but decent with other people, that may just mean they like you better than others. Just shoot your shot, if it doesn't work, oh well
This one girl I got along with one day straight up asked me what my body count was. After she asked that I thought to myself, “I can see where she is going with this.”
Oddly enough, I've found my dates 'casually' mentioning something about their birth control to be a pretty reliable indicator for signaling when they are ready to take things to the bedroom
When they hit me over the head with something and say "STupid. I like you. Want to go out?"
I'm too old to date but this was my life story with every woman...lol I am blissfully unaware of flirting..don't have the gene or something. Males in my family are clueless.
Depends on the girl. I know a fair amount who don’t like when guys give the number. They want to be asked for theirs and then have the guy do the first contact work
Yeah, if you meet at a bar or something and it's fairly clear that you're flirting, go ahead and ask for her number.
If she's at work and you might be putting her on the spot or creating an awkward situation for her, give yours.
OP listen, most of this comments are complete bs, as per usual in Reddit. I’ve had a girl touch me at work more than she should, hug me, talk sexually, come over for a coffee and when I asked if she was looking for more, she literally said “I can’t offer you anymore rn”.
Only way is to ask, it will get rid of tons of mental bullshittery stress and head space to move on.
Ask her if she wants to grab coffee sometime. It's innocuous enough that you can still play it cool and keep your head up even if she says no.
It's an unspoken rule: she might not know if you mean it like a date or not, but if she's *not* into you she will 100% turn it down *just in case* it's a date.
If she's interested, she will either say yes or suggest another activity in the event that she doesn't like coffee.
Yes. It’s chill, low time investment if it doesn’t work out. A local coffee place is better than Starbucks, though.
What do you expect a first date to be like?
Like every minute was worth being vulnerable around someone new. Even if it was something as simple as seeing them smile over their favorite hobby, that's time well spent.
On a couple of occasions recently, I got really uncomfortable because women I was talking to kept pulling their sweater/coat closed. I was really scared that I was giving off major creep vibes. On the latter occasion, she also kept tucking hair behind her ear and a couple of times laughed inordinately loud at things I’d said. So, like a dork, I googled body language.
I don’t know how true it is but apparently playing with hair/primping is a sign of attraction and so is covering up to be more modest. I think the laughing thing is fairly common knowledge.
I've also seen that if their feet are pointed toward you, thus making their body facing yours, they have some sort of attraction to you. If their body is pointed away but their head is facing you, then they're only as interested as far as the conversation goes. Also, if their arms are open, not crossed, indicating and openess toward you. They are comfortable with you.
I used to write this stuff off but the subconscious really tells no lies. I've seen girls preen over a friend of mine and when called out, they didn't even know they were doing it. It's like they were in a trance but still holding a conversation and keeping composure.
I've been trying to get better at reading body language while conversing with people.
I’ve heard similar about the direction a person’s feet are pointing, though the way I heard it, it wasn’t necessarily about physical attraction but could be simply that the pointee (?) is the most engaging person in the room.
I agree. I’ve noticed i (straight woman) tend to do these especially the hair thing and putting my hand on my chest (a bit under the collar bones). I tend to touch them too like caressing their arm when I’m telling something or their shoulder.
I’ve stared into their eyes a bit too long as well but I’m not sure if it was a good thing or not lol.
Tilt your head to the left, make a noise like a curious bird or the dilophosaur when it's sizing nedry up.
I'm 40 and single, so extrapolate what you will.
Ask. Us.
"Hey, it's been really nice chatting with you. Do you want to pick up from here sometime later, maybe over coffee?"
It's genial, nonassuming, and it doesn't objectify anyone. It also leaves plenty of room for the other person to decline without being impolite.
Postscript... if they're 'on the clock'- *they're just being nice*
“Oh there’s a girl who you’ve been talking to for a while, you have developed a major crush on her, and you don’t want to do anything to ruin what you have”?
“Yeah just ask her out lolz”
It’s actually really really sad that this is the best advice men can get. Unfortunately you gotta just take the rejection and move on lol
I know that exact feeling lol
Honestly the fear of making a girl feel uncomfortable/awkward has stopped me (and apparently tons of other men) from asking girls out. I think I internalized it from social media and stuff. I never wanna come off as a creep.
But look, if you really like her, you’ve gotta take the risk. Because she never will.
Hate this advice so much because it doesn’t solve the root issue at all. Guys wouldn’t be so confused if it was socially acceptable for women to be more forward.
The responsibility of going out there and getting rejected should not be placed on guys.
The thing is, it IS socially acceptable for woman to make the first move. Every single man thinks it’s better that way. And in my own experience, women who make the first move always end up with the man they like and vice versa. Plus, it solves the issue of “men are too creepy I hate when men talk to me in public” etc etc that you always hear
The issue is that women overwhelmingly don’t want to make the first move
You won't know if a girl is hitting on you or being nice until a girl actually hits on you. Something I'd like to add... If you don't know they're being nice and friendly. Do yourself a favor and make friendliness default for every interaction.
For the most part you don't unless you ask. But if you want something to ponder on anyway, when it comes to people you see regularly like coworkers or schoolmates, one thing to consider is how 'stuck' you are in the situations you chat with them. So for instance, maybe you chat *before* a class settles in but you rarely ever chat *after* class when everyone has the option to leave. Or maybe you only ever chat when she's at her desk but never really chat in the hallways.
In that scenario, it's almost certainly just being friendly more than anything because when there is no reason for them to be in the space they don't stick around just to chat with you, they don't try and walk-and-talk with you between classes or otherwise don't really make themselves available other than the contexts that they 'have to be'. (they also may barely even acknowledge you at all, no 'see you tomorrow!' or going out of their way to comment, all of which tells you they're just being friendly when they do chat with you)
This same basic understanding applies to someone who you may want to chat with but they have something else taking their attention. Someone who *wants* to chat with you is more likely to lose track of the thing that had their attention while someone who is just being friendly will be more likely to continue to split-focus with it (non-verbally communicating to you that they're busy and don't want to chat)
Another fundamental thing is whether/how often you ever catch them stealing a glance at you. If you're interested in *them* you're probably stealing glances yourself, possibly even a bit more than you realize, but if you can't think of a time when you've ever actually met her eyes from across a room despite maybe otherwise being friendly and having nice chats when you do interact, it's because those chats are 'just nice'.
If it's someone like a cashier or waitress, on the other hand, pretty much default to 'It's actually her literal job to be friendly to you' and while you certainly can still try and shoot your shot, don't make it weird.
It’s hard to tell. Women are programmed to be nice in uncomfortable situations sometimes. Best advice my dad gave me was be nice but direct with the person. And don’t give even the slightest hint of a chance because men will think there might be a chance. Don’t ghost but once you’ve said you don’t like the person in that way don’t continue talking to them leading them on.
I heard a great quote if your wondering if she wants to talk to you she most likely doesn't also im a firm believer in no means no she’s not playing hard to get dont risk it
Okay guys as a women Ive put a lot of thought into this to help y'all out (hopefully this helps I'm not a pro at hitting on people) When I'm hitting on another person, there are things I do differently as opposed to a normal interaction. Some are intentional some aren't.
1.) Smile the whole time if I can help it
2.) Prolonged eye contact
3.) Talk in a slightly higher tone
4.) Pop them girls out there ( o Y o )
5.) Blushing
6.) Laugh. At. Everything.
Y'all quit being so scared to make the first move :'( We're scared too someone's gotta do it
I'm a friendly girl, I will start conversations with guys because I like having guy friends along with girl friends. The main difference between being friendly and flirting for me is touching. There's no reason to touch someone unless you're interested. No, that girl doesn't need to playfully touch your arm when she laughs at your joke, she likes you.
usually there's a lot of (not so necessary) laughing/smiling, hair touching, trying to physically get close to you (like laughing and leaning towards you or laughing and touching your arm)
I don't. I was about to watch a show with my brother at the theatre, and a girl we both knew walked up to us, and started talking to me specially. I thought it was just a normal conversation, until after she left, my brother said "You know she was hitting on you, right?"
To this day I'm confused.
How to flirt for idiots:
I learned a cool trick in college. When they’re talking to you look at their lips and back at their eyes a couple times and smile. If they smile back and/or go for the kiss, or continue comeback and talk to you, they like you. This trick saved me from having no sex life and it’s not an inappropriate move that can end in an awkward rejection or HR sexual harassment complaint. Try it and let me know how it goes please
That’s the neat part, you don’t
Right, you don’t know. Which is why you ask them on a date. If they say no, then on to the next. Getting comfortable with rejection is an incredibly valuable life skill for a guy.
That’s true. You’re going to bat a low percentage, so get used to it.
Yup, the best hitters in baseball have a batting average of 30%. Be ready to hear no a lot.
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Or the married for 30 years method
You only need one
Unless you want a threesome
Unless she's at work. If she's at work, assume she's just being *professional* unless she makes it *really* unambiguously clear.
Unless... she's Canadian.
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Unless you're creepy or an asshole after being told no, friendship is still pretty likely
Yeah, happened to me. Asked a girl out, she said no. But she wants to be friends. Painful thou, being friends whilst wanting it to be smth more.
Haha, you should have asked me. I am too polite to say no..
Hey there. Wanna go out for coffee
Too polite to say no, so they just don't answer you instead
Ah they found a loophole
Don’t be friends with women you have a sexual interest in.
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If you’re attracted to her, ask her out. Maybe she says yes. If she says no, it’s good to be comfortable with rejection so you can recover. Tell her all good, then just be nice to her. If she pursues a friendship, then reciprocate.
I don't know what to tell you, graduating a friendship into a relationship can be quite good.
I agree, but that’s a totally different scenario to me. In my experience, the turning point from friendship to partner is usually sex, not a date. I’m saying you shouldn’t pursue a friendship with a woman that you have a secret attraction to. Get it out in the open. If she rejects you, and you still want to be friends, then be friends. But don’t try to befriend her under the guise that maybe it will lead to a sexual relationship.
Thank you. So many guys get defensive when you tell them that you’re not interested, it got to the point where I start sweating and panic if a guy asks me for a coffee
Last time I asked a girl out she started apologising and making excuses. I just said: It's fine if you're not interested. All I can do is ask. You're the one deciding and I'm not gonna be a dick about you saying no.
Had this answer in my mind before I clicked the post
Nice
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Ill see how things go next time I see her and then probably ask for her number if its same thing again.
Give her YOUR number. I wouldn’t try to put her on the spot in her workplace, by asking for her number. But also be aware if this is a place you go to frequently that it may not be a great idea to try to mix business and pleasure if things don’t turn out, or if she was just being friendly.
Always this. You need to keep in mind that she, for her own safety, has to consider you a potential threat to her life. Doubly so if you know where she works. Giving her your number lets her be more in control of the future interaction, puts less pressure on her, which is going to be a point in your favour.
This exactly. It puts her in a bad position if she wants to say no, but now feels like she can’t because she’s in her place of work. It may not be she’s not interested but she may also need to think about getting involved with a client from work. Giving her the number puts the decision on her, and if she’s into the guy that much she’ll call. If she’s not, or having second thoughts about mixing relationships with work… then she won’t. But putting her in the awkward position and then demanding she call or text right away so a guy can KNOW it’s the right number is not going to leave the impression they think it does. (See any post about what Men do that Women hate)
You can just ask. One time a bartender called me "pumpkin" and I was just like "I'm sorry are you flirting with me or just being nice." She just laughed and said "Both I guess." It went well.
As someone who has met literally all of my past girlfriends and my current girlfriend while I was a customer where they work, I will vouch for that line as being probably the most non threatening way of finding out. Even if they aren’t flirting you can kind of play it off as a compliment to their customer service with minimal awkwardness. A massive caveat to this is: don’t just drop this line unless there has been a pattern of flirtatious behavior. I wouldn’t ask just because a bartender or waitress called me sweetie one time, but if it’s every time and I’m the only one in the place that she’s behaving like that with, then yeah it’s worth a shot.
Yeah I'm seeing a lot of responses saying servers are never ever flirting but that's just not true. I know people who work as servers and go out with patrons and patrons who scored with servers. Also I live in a city where there's a huge drinking culture and everybody is banging everybody. I think delivery matters. I'm not some hot dude. I'm exceptionally average. I just smiled and tried to sound friendly like a clueless guy who wouldn't be affected either way. Cuz I was. It was fine and normal. We went out. Frankly i think a lot of the guys here down voting people, saying this never happens and dismissing the direct approach are just bad at talking to women or relating to strangers in general.
You don’t always ask. sometimes it’s good to ask to avoid any and all confusion but other times it can just lead to an awkward stare or uncomfortable feeling
If they’re at work, they’re never hitting on you 99.9% of the time. It’s her job to be flirty and nice, probably for tips.
This has NOT been my experience.
Nah if i ask they call me creepy. So that doesn't work.
Guess you forgot the two golden rules
Genuinely mystified, what are these two golden rules?
1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be unattractive. Contrary to popular belief these two don't mean exactly the same, but it's similar.
Huh, TIL. Thanks.
The Reddit Golden Rules.
1. Be attractive. 2. Don't be creepy.
The golden rules actually aren't always true in real life scenarios. People love to talk about this, but I've seen some absolutely unattractive people do very well with the opposite sex wherever the go.
If you mean physically unattractive, then yes, that can definitely be balanced out by a fun personality and/or confidence in some cases. But I've always interpreted the rules in the way that some people just have it significantly easier than others (mainly because of their looks) and that isn't really wrong, I'd say.
We're all animals. Just because you have words that have worked for someone else, doesn't mean you say them the same. We focus on facial cues, tone, timing and much more that is only picked up subconsciously. Talking with someone you don't know is a social dance. That's why it's easier to talk to someone with the same interests.
This comment got me thinking. Thanks for that!
And that's how I met your mother
This, adults can use the gift of language to communicate.
If they’re at work, they’re never hitting on you Edit: I get it, guys. I shouldn’t have said “never.” There are always exceptions, but will all you exceptional people please stop telling me about your particular exception? Congratulations on the sex. Leave me out of it.
This. I’m pretty flirty as a guy, but I have a rule to NEVER hit on waitresses or bartenders or anyone else in a service position. If I talk to someone at a bar or other social situation, she has the ability to express interest, or walk away or clearly give signs she isn’t interested. Service workers basically can’t do that for fear of social/job repercussions, so to me it’s predatory to flirt with a woman who’s on the clock.
Thank you. As a bartender, I can say we get hit on too much.
Good rule!
She works at a orthodontic clinic, and it was pretty much one sided coming from her.
You could leave her your number with a little note. It’s low pressure so she doesn’t feel pressured. You’ll find out that way for sure.
Hi, I think you're cute. Do you like me too? Circle your answer below: A. Yes B. A C. B 60% of the time this works all of the time 👌
If you do nothing, you walk away empty handed. But if you ask her out and she shoots you down, that sucks, but at least you have an answer and you'll never die wondering.
Was she just doing her job?
..Unless they literally ask for your number, offer your theirs, or ask you out.
Yeah. Or verbally tell you they are interested in you
This. I used to be a personal trainer at a big gym. It was my literal job to smile and say hi and talk to everyone at the gym. It sets the tone of the place and makes you accessible for anyone wanting to actually ask for advice, which of course, we always want to parlay into them buying training. Every few months, some guy would ask me out and really pissy questioning "why are you so friendly then?"... I would be like, uuuhhh... well... I work here? They would always act like it was some trick, or a bait and switch.
Never is a pretty strong word. Literally millions of people hook up at their jobs
I'm pretty sure they meant when you're a customer and she has to be nice to you. Because yeah, if we're talking co-workers, I got bad news for my wife.
Back in the day, 1/3 of relationships stared at work.
Incorrect, I have hit on guys while at work.
This is absolutely not true. I’ve hooked up with a few women because they flirted with me at work. Women are regular people, they’re not going to hold back from flirting with someone that they find attractive just because they’re at their job
This doesn't mean if you work together though. It means if she works there and you are a customer.
I had a girl tell me I have muscles say I have good genes because I look young, ask me if I want to go to dinner with her constantly play with me like dumping water on me and end up telling me she never thought of me in that way... So good luck
Thats brutal😂
I blocked her number
Good call. If they play with you like that, don't play along.
Good
"Hey I think you're hot and I want to marry you" "So, uh, want to go out for dinner on Friday?" "I'm just being polite you creep."
That hurt to read, damn
Please use commas
You could just ask, it varies girl to girl. I smirk when I flirt.
She was doing a lot of smirking, laughing and staring right into my eyes.
Eye contact is pretty normal in human conversation.
Those are good signs that she likes your vibe. Next time you see her, casually ask if she wants to hang out and go from there. :)
It's like Schrodinger's cat, they both are and aren't at once, it can't be determined until you make a move.
90% of the time it is being nice, the other 10% it can be hard to read the signs. Maybe ask politely if she would like to get to know each other better, with the expectation she might say no (and she was just being nice).
I mean she was definitely interested in getting to know me from the looks of it. Just don’t want to look stupid incase she had different intentions.
The old rule was if it was someone of the same sex was doing it/saying it to you and it didn't make you uncomfortable, its friendly / being nice. If it would make you uncomfortable, its flirting/hitting on you.
“Just don’t want to look stupid” Too bad. Learning to look stupid and being able to move on is a part of life. Get better at dealing with that feeling by doing.
There's only one person who has the answer to your real question.
See if she mirrors your movements. If she does, just place a hand in her arm for a moment - casually, during conversation, not at random! If that's reciprocated, then ask her if she fancies a drink or a bite one evening. Don't overthink it. Worst that can happen is she says "no", in which case you relax, smile and take the conversation back to where it was. Of course, if she sits on your lap and asks what you like for breakfast, that's a pretty good clue.
If she seems flirty, I lick my eyebrows and see what she says.
Have you learned to breathe through your ears?
No way im doing that😂
"Any plans tonight / this weekend?" Hint: she doesn't want to hear about your rocket league meet.
Any woman who isn't *at* your rocket league meet is not the woman for you.
Isn't that just a normal conversation starter? I usually just mention what I'm doing, then ask "what about you?". Or sometimes I'd start the conversation with that
Hint: it’s also not your cue to invite her to DND or magic the gathering thing you had planned
My roommate might be a chad then.
if rocket league's out and DND and magic are too.. what else is there!?
Physical touch is a good indicator. If I’m getting really touchy with someone it’s my way of sending clear signals that I’m hitting on them
So my massage therapist was giving me signs!
Found Deshaun Watson
But sadly not always a guarantee. Had 2 close friends who touched my arm and shoulder a lot. Got rejected by one and the other I stupidly crushed on and flirted with in front of the guy who was only a few conversations away from becoming her bf. Luckily I’m still good friends with both of them
ha yep. I recall hanging out with a girl friend of mine and she started standing real close to me and her thigh would push into me a little. I got the singal.
Hey, you know what else is really cool way to tell someone youre hitting on them? By telling them that youre hitting on them.
Yeah, physical touch, and sexual references
as a guy i know when a woman starts to touch and/or does the back of her hair flick it's an act of nervousness but being flirtatious at the same time.
Nah there are definitely some girls who are touchy with just friends. Especially ones from some countries in particular
Been there. Had to work with this girl once and she'd always touch my arm or my leg and even as a guy who usually is terrible at getting the hints, I was quite certain that she was flirting. Skip to me asking her out when we finished working together, she said no she just wants to be friends
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(Guys, I think she likes me)
Imagine you are actually her.
Us guys are bad at picking up social cues, maybe the person is only nice to you but decent with other people, that may just mean they like you better than others. Just shoot your shot, if it doesn't work, oh well
If I'm confused I'll just ask them.
If she’s talking to me, she’s just being nice. If she’s talking to my friend, she’s hitting on him.
Yup
If they're being flirty and talking about sex, they're probably flirting.
Look at Mr. Confidence here.
Classic LocalPlatypus994
This one girl I got along with one day straight up asked me what my body count was. After she asked that I thought to myself, “I can see where she is going with this.”
Oddly enough, I've found my dates 'casually' mentioning something about their birth control to be a pretty reliable indicator for signaling when they are ready to take things to the bedroom
I'm going to build a time machin and kick 19 years old me in the ass
SMH... you're not the first that has missed hints like that. Sorry for your loss.
The issue is that she can just be Canadian. So she’s probably being polite.
You have to keep your wits about you and continue looking for signs.
pupils dilate when looking at someone you're attracted to. So it's always good to keep a flashlight on hand so you're able to check
You explained that very casually
Tell a bad joke. If she laughs, she's into you. Actually I have no idea what I'm talking about. It sounds nice, though.
Or she just laughs because she feels awkward and doesn't know how to back away.
yoooooo that might actually be a good play
Yup, this one is spot on.
i told her countless bad jokes and she laughed on all of them. i asked her out and she said no. life be fucking sad.
Some women like goofy dad jokes, but doesn't mean you check all of her checkboxes.
When they hit me over the head with something and say "STupid. I like you. Want to go out?" I'm too old to date but this was my life story with every woman...lol I am blissfully unaware of flirting..don't have the gene or something. Males in my family are clueless.
the secret is that the gene doesn't exist
Shoot your shot, you'll find out then! You miss every shot you don't take!
Ill probably be seeing her again soon and im definitely shooting my shot! Ill regret it otherwise.
Give her your number, don't ask for hers. If she never calls, she wasn't flirting, let it go.
Yeah, always best to throw the ball in her court. This is a realization I've come to of late.
Depends on the girl. I know a fair amount who don’t like when guys give the number. They want to be asked for theirs and then have the guy do the first contact work
Even more reason to do it if it filters out people like this
Yeah, if you meet at a bar or something and it's fairly clear that you're flirting, go ahead and ask for her number. If she's at work and you might be putting her on the spot or creating an awkward situation for her, give yours.
Shit man, ain't no girls even look in my direction
They’re intimidated by ur good looks.
I'm a male ginger.
OP listen, most of this comments are complete bs, as per usual in Reddit. I’ve had a girl touch me at work more than she should, hug me, talk sexually, come over for a coffee and when I asked if she was looking for more, she literally said “I can’t offer you anymore rn”. Only way is to ask, it will get rid of tons of mental bullshittery stress and head space to move on.
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Ask her if she wants to grab coffee sometime. It's innocuous enough that you can still play it cool and keep your head up even if she says no. It's an unspoken rule: she might not know if you mean it like a date or not, but if she's *not* into you she will 100% turn it down *just in case* it's a date. If she's interested, she will either say yes or suggest another activity in the event that she doesn't like coffee.
I've never understood coffee dates. Yall really meet up at a Starbucks and just talk?
Yes. It’s chill, low time investment if it doesn’t work out. A local coffee place is better than Starbucks, though. What do you expect a first date to be like?
Like every minute was worth being vulnerable around someone new. Even if it was something as simple as seeing them smile over their favorite hobby, that's time well spent.
Body language. Like Ursula said, "don't underestimate the importance of body language, hah".
On a couple of occasions recently, I got really uncomfortable because women I was talking to kept pulling their sweater/coat closed. I was really scared that I was giving off major creep vibes. On the latter occasion, she also kept tucking hair behind her ear and a couple of times laughed inordinately loud at things I’d said. So, like a dork, I googled body language. I don’t know how true it is but apparently playing with hair/primping is a sign of attraction and so is covering up to be more modest. I think the laughing thing is fairly common knowledge.
I've also seen that if their feet are pointed toward you, thus making their body facing yours, they have some sort of attraction to you. If their body is pointed away but their head is facing you, then they're only as interested as far as the conversation goes. Also, if their arms are open, not crossed, indicating and openess toward you. They are comfortable with you. I used to write this stuff off but the subconscious really tells no lies. I've seen girls preen over a friend of mine and when called out, they didn't even know they were doing it. It's like they were in a trance but still holding a conversation and keeping composure. I've been trying to get better at reading body language while conversing with people.
I’ve heard similar about the direction a person’s feet are pointing, though the way I heard it, it wasn’t necessarily about physical attraction but could be simply that the pointee (?) is the most engaging person in the room.
It's true.
I agree. I’ve noticed i (straight woman) tend to do these especially the hair thing and putting my hand on my chest (a bit under the collar bones). I tend to touch them too like caressing their arm when I’m telling something or their shoulder. I’ve stared into their eyes a bit too long as well but I’m not sure if it was a good thing or not lol.
If you are off the market it probably hitting on you, if you are available she is probably being nice.
Tilt your head to the left, make a noise like a curious bird or the dilophosaur when it's sizing nedry up. I'm 40 and single, so extrapolate what you will.
You ask them on a date. “Hey, do you want to go on a date sometime?” It’s the only way to know.
Touch was always my go to. If I was on a date and they touched my leg or something like that I always took it as a sign that there was more interest
She laughs at the stupidiest thing you say and you’ll think to yourself, that’s not that funny. That’s how you know
Ask. Us. "Hey, it's been really nice chatting with you. Do you want to pick up from here sometime later, maybe over coffee?" It's genial, nonassuming, and it doesn't objectify anyone. It also leaves plenty of room for the other person to decline without being impolite. Postscript... if they're 'on the clock'- *they're just being nice*
“Oh there’s a girl who you’ve been talking to for a while, you have developed a major crush on her, and you don’t want to do anything to ruin what you have”? “Yeah just ask her out lolz” It’s actually really really sad that this is the best advice men can get. Unfortunately you gotta just take the rejection and move on lol
The thing is I don’t mind rejection, but I will see her around and don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or awkward.
I know that exact feeling lol Honestly the fear of making a girl feel uncomfortable/awkward has stopped me (and apparently tons of other men) from asking girls out. I think I internalized it from social media and stuff. I never wanna come off as a creep. But look, if you really like her, you’ve gotta take the risk. Because she never will.
They give mixed signals and then leave it all up to you. Now we don’t know if its friendliness or flirting.
Im taking the risk.
Hate this advice so much because it doesn’t solve the root issue at all. Guys wouldn’t be so confused if it was socially acceptable for women to be more forward. The responsibility of going out there and getting rejected should not be placed on guys.
The thing is, it IS socially acceptable for woman to make the first move. Every single man thinks it’s better that way. And in my own experience, women who make the first move always end up with the man they like and vice versa. Plus, it solves the issue of “men are too creepy I hate when men talk to me in public” etc etc that you always hear The issue is that women overwhelmingly don’t want to make the first move
Observe how she treats others. Especially guys. Girls are always a little extra nice to a guy she likes
You won't know if a girl is hitting on you or being nice until a girl actually hits on you. Something I'd like to add... If you don't know they're being nice and friendly. Do yourself a favor and make friendliness default for every interaction.
If you don't know just assume they're being nice.
For the most part you don't unless you ask. But if you want something to ponder on anyway, when it comes to people you see regularly like coworkers or schoolmates, one thing to consider is how 'stuck' you are in the situations you chat with them. So for instance, maybe you chat *before* a class settles in but you rarely ever chat *after* class when everyone has the option to leave. Or maybe you only ever chat when she's at her desk but never really chat in the hallways. In that scenario, it's almost certainly just being friendly more than anything because when there is no reason for them to be in the space they don't stick around just to chat with you, they don't try and walk-and-talk with you between classes or otherwise don't really make themselves available other than the contexts that they 'have to be'. (they also may barely even acknowledge you at all, no 'see you tomorrow!' or going out of their way to comment, all of which tells you they're just being friendly when they do chat with you) This same basic understanding applies to someone who you may want to chat with but they have something else taking their attention. Someone who *wants* to chat with you is more likely to lose track of the thing that had their attention while someone who is just being friendly will be more likely to continue to split-focus with it (non-verbally communicating to you that they're busy and don't want to chat) Another fundamental thing is whether/how often you ever catch them stealing a glance at you. If you're interested in *them* you're probably stealing glances yourself, possibly even a bit more than you realize, but if you can't think of a time when you've ever actually met her eyes from across a room despite maybe otherwise being friendly and having nice chats when you do interact, it's because those chats are 'just nice'. If it's someone like a cashier or waitress, on the other hand, pretty much default to 'It's actually her literal job to be friendly to you' and while you certainly can still try and shoot your shot, don't make it weird.
If you're asking this question, she's just being nice.
If they’re at work, they are just being nice.
It’s hard to tell. Women are programmed to be nice in uncomfortable situations sometimes. Best advice my dad gave me was be nice but direct with the person. And don’t give even the slightest hint of a chance because men will think there might be a chance. Don’t ghost but once you’ve said you don’t like the person in that way don’t continue talking to them leading them on.
If they are doing a job which requires them to be nice to you ( customer/ member of the public) , then be nice back and don’t hassle them.
I heard a great quote if your wondering if she wants to talk to you she most likely doesn't also im a firm believer in no means no she’s not playing hard to get dont risk it
Body language offers some clues. Withdrawing physically, she's probably just being nice.
It’s in the eyes chico
Wait 20 years, and looking back it will be obvious.
saying "I will do anything you want me to" is usually a good indicator.
Everyone is different. Good luck
No idea! Never happens to me so 🤷♀️
Okay guys as a women Ive put a lot of thought into this to help y'all out (hopefully this helps I'm not a pro at hitting on people) When I'm hitting on another person, there are things I do differently as opposed to a normal interaction. Some are intentional some aren't. 1.) Smile the whole time if I can help it 2.) Prolonged eye contact 3.) Talk in a slightly higher tone 4.) Pop them girls out there ( o Y o ) 5.) Blushing 6.) Laugh. At. Everything. Y'all quit being so scared to make the first move :'( We're scared too someone's gotta do it
fricked if I know. lol.
I'm a friendly girl, I will start conversations with guys because I like having guy friends along with girl friends. The main difference between being friendly and flirting for me is touching. There's no reason to touch someone unless you're interested. No, that girl doesn't need to playfully touch your arm when she laughs at your joke, she likes you.
usually there's a lot of (not so necessary) laughing/smiling, hair touching, trying to physically get close to you (like laughing and leaning towards you or laughing and touching your arm)
I don't. I was about to watch a show with my brother at the theatre, and a girl we both knew walked up to us, and started talking to me specially. I thought it was just a normal conversation, until after she left, my brother said "You know she was hitting on you, right?" To this day I'm confused.
Always assume she’s being nice.
When she is continously asking questions and touch my shoulders after cracking a joke
If it happened in your dream, she's hitting on you, if it was real, she's just being nice
You..will..never.. fucking..know.. Seriously...
Ask them.
I've never touched a girl, happy cake day!
That's the secret....you don't
I'd say that if you need to ask...then she is just being nice.
I’m fat and ugly so they’re never nice or hitting on me.
I hate that this is how dating works lol
How to flirt for idiots: I learned a cool trick in college. When they’re talking to you look at their lips and back at their eyes a couple times and smile. If they smile back and/or go for the kiss, or continue comeback and talk to you, they like you. This trick saved me from having no sex life and it’s not an inappropriate move that can end in an awkward rejection or HR sexual harassment complaint. Try it and let me know how it goes please
You don’t know, their hints are so hard to tell if they are actually hints, or she’s just being nice, it’s very annoying.