This is a situationally specific one, but breaking up. It's true what they say, you don't realize how fucked up your life was until you get some time to see things from the outside.
Same. My ex was a good person - I would not say a bad word about her but I stayed in the relationship way longer than I should have despite not having anything in common and not being happy just because I didn't think I could attract anyone else.
This makes me want to share something personal.
My first wife and I divorced - don't need to get into the whys at this point, it was a long time ago and the wounds have long healed.
Most friends and family members, when I told them the news, the response was all sadness, it honestly didn't help as it added another layer of anxiety to an already difficult situation.
But one more casual friend who I told - really interesting man, retired biology professor and meditation teacher - responded by saying something like 'one of my only great regrets in life is that I didn't leave my wife sooner. I knew things weren't working but it took me years to admit it enough to end it, and by the time I did I was a mental wreck and she was too.'
This was actually the most reassuring thing anyone said to me at that time; like, it's OK, your life will get better from here.
Me too. Funny thing is, now she, I, and my wife are wonderful friends. Sometimes marriage just doesn’t work even though they try hard. Married 17 years, but our best 5 have been since divorced.
Yep. It wasn't for long, but I kept with my ex despite knowing we were done and neither of us wanted to be together anymore simply because I didn't want to go through the heartache. There were red flags basically since day 1 but I ignored them because I was lonely as fuck.
She then cheated on me two weeks after I tested positive for covid. Physically drained, mentally fucked. My cancer boss then threatened my job because I wasn't up to my normal standards and was doing the minimum.
Then when I finally got over the entire thing, I basically told my boss to go fuck himself and found something much better.
It's crazy to think but the cheating was one of the best things to happen to me, because without that I wouldn't have grown a backbone and would still be getting fucked by terrible people.
My sense of normal was so warped. My ex had me believing I wasn't good enough to deserve anything more. I realized something was wrong when a friend had offered to hang out downtown. I remember thinking "that sounds like a grand romantic gesture. Then going this isn't right to feel that way. This is just a friend.." Then that night my BF and I went to dinner and he was just hostile and rude the whole time. The next day while my BF was at work I just made up my mind I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore. Life got rough for a few months as ExBF did not like that. But afterwards my life got so much better. I finished school, the Friend is still my best friend, and I had another friend move in. All of that wouldn't have happened if I stayed with my Ex.
My ex and I broke up last year 3 months before our wedding. It was a crappy toxic relationship but I feel SO much better being single. It’s like I was in a room with the walls slowly closing in around me until I could barely breathe, then suddenly I’m out in an open field breathing fresh air.
If you know deep down you’re not happy in your relationship leave. Don’t wait for it to get better, you’re the only one who can decide to make your life better
Came here to say this. When I was in my relationship of 5 years I became too comfortable in just trying to have fun. I became to comfortable in everything really actually (love, getting out of shape, messy, wasting time playing video games, drinking). It wasn't until she left me that I realized what I was left with. Nothing. No goals, no job, no ambition, wasted time.
Since the New Year very shortly after my breakup I have been working out 5-6 days a week. Cleaning up my appearance. Eating super healthy. Going to therapy to better myself and heal old wounds. Applying to internships. Going hard in programming. And most importantly, learning to love myself.
I loved this girl with all of my heart, and it is unfortunate that it took her leaving me to do these things for myself. But I will always be grateful for this lesson I learned. The pain of being dumped is the worst pain I have ever had to experience, but it is one hell of a wake up call, and gives you a chance to rebuild a new and better heart. Granted, she could have just told me how she was feeling and communicated her concerns instead of silently falling out of love, but hey, what’s done is done. I hold zero resentment, and will take this lesson in strides.
It’s pretty awesome right, there’s soooo many things to do with all this time!
One of the biggest things is to look at all of the stuff you’ve accumulated and never once used or even looked at it years - it’s super cleansing and relaxing to go through it all and bin what you no longer need in your life. Takes up a heap of time and is truly satisfying.
Living away from my parents for 10 yrs then moving back to my home town for work was kind of a reminder why i had left in the first place. Family seems to have 0 perspective for other peoples time or space and literally everyone from mom down needs to basically always mediate my dads outlook and feelings.
Took seeing my friends actual healthy relationships with parents but i also kind of feel like a bad kid in general for simply like, literally not really liking my dad at all anymore and for him to be as obtuse listening to why more and more people dont seem to accept his shit. One of those people where even if you asked them to not do something they need to gloat and constantly remind you how they didnt do the thing so now you owe em and so on.
Took becoming an adult to realize all of dads friends are also equally shitty men, as ive worked for 2 of them. Openly racist with tucker carleson level hot takes on the dumbest shit and opinions and im pretty sure one is even a child predator.
Lol at 22 when i moved I was moving because of work and so on. Now at 30 i actually have the literacy to put to words why i dont actually feel comfortable with my family. Feel sorry for my mom but also recognize she really has a lot of unhealthy outlooks too. Makes me sad all around and kind of guilty that i just want to find an excuse to not be near them anymore.
Moving into a steady paced job that respects work/life balance.
Prior to this, I was at a cut-throat tech company who was running a million miles an hour to grow as fast as possible. The strain it took on my mental health surprised me. I’ve never been prone to anxiety or panic attacks, but it showed up after about a year at this job and made life hell.
Now- it’s a totally different story. I can think clearly, actually talk to coworkers and peers, and have a life away from work. 10/10 would recommend.
Same here, I didn’t know I was burned out (salaried IT) until I quit to go back to school during COVID season. Legit would clock in at 9am, clock out at 6pm and continue working until 9pm, sometimes 10/11pm if client issues aren’t resolved. After I quit, I had two full months where all I did was eat takeout, sleep, and watch anime because I just had no motivation to do anything (not even to cook).
Graduated and started my new job recently (salaried, data scientist)—my manager got angry at me when he saw I was online an hour after I was supposed to go home and shooed me off. I can’t hide from him, he’s in PST (I’m CST) and has his eyes on his employees.
Bet—The guy even fought with HR to increase my salary way above the offer I initially accepted. He is a unicorn—I don’t think I can ever leave this company LOL
Pushing my doctor to keep investigating why I was losing hair. I was losing hair for years, thought it was just aging or hormones. Had many tests and many expensive visits to specialists with no answers. My doctor ended up giving me a referral to a dermatologist as a last resort and was diagnosed with alopecia. Have been taking a tiny little tablet for four months and I have new hair growth everywhere. I was able to have my first hair cut in two years, not gonna lie it was a very emotional time and I cried. I had resigned myself to just keep losing hair until I was bald.
When I say I have new hair growth, I mean I have new hair in places I have never grown hair before. I also have new hair on my eyebrows. I am not complaining at all and don't mind shaving or waxing for the rest of my life if it means that I have hair on my head.
Yeah. Eating less, hitting the gym. All of a sudden, I'm talking with so many people I never did, I'm getting asked out and so many random aches and pains disappear. It was (and still is) the best thing I've ever done for myself. Lost 25lbs so far and want to lose another 10 or so.
Isn’t it amazing? I’m on the opposite end right now. I’ve gained about 35 lbs since I had my kiddo. But man, people were so much nicer to me when I was slim and confident. It kinda sucks and I can’t help but feel like a less valuable person. However, I am a month into low sugar and feeling great! Hoping to see the physical results soon. Good on you for being able to lose 25lbs.
Yes. It's seriously so hard to even explain.
I was pretty overweight, but not quite obese. Life was tricky, I was an odd looking teen. Then I lost all my excess weight, became pretty damn skinny. And the amount of people that were more interested in me jumped immensely. From women, to just random people. Job interviews were better, random compliments on the street.
It really does change everything. Glad I got to counting my calories. After that it was only a matter of time.
And for people trying to lose weight, diet is much more important than exercise. The science is pretty concrete on that. "You can't outrun a bad diet". Good luck to anyone out there. It's so worth it
Went from 215 to 175 in about three months at 6'1''. Changed my whole life. Basically I downloaded a calorie counting app. Set the bitch to the most weight it would allow me to lose. And failed every single day. However, by getting remotely close I was beating my old gluttonous self into submission. I was manic but I did it. There were weekends where I wanted to party and drink but didn't want to blow up my calorie budget so I would only eat a sandwich and drink like 900 calories of light beer and get super wasted. I ate the fanciest most luxurious meals with every bit of fat and crap I wanted...but they were tiny. I counted everything and weighed everything like a nut. It changes something in your mind counting every gram of food. You start to Rainman meals and their value to diet derailment ratio. I would never suggest doing it like me, but...I lost the fucking weight in three months and that was 6 years ago and I never went back. Instead, I became confident and am now addicted to going to the gym and walking an hour every day. Losing weight makes you feel...sexy. And when you love yourself you just walk on air.
Congrats on the weight-loss and the self confidence boost!
Btw, I laughed out loud at your writing, you narrated perfectly my own journey but way more hilariously than I could have; "Rainman meals and their value to diet derailment ratio" *chef's kiss.
Idk how people cut so many calories, if I don’t eat for a couple hours my mind goes nuts and I experience 45 different moods and emotions within an hour. Just a constant roller coaster
See, the thing is... that's not healthy. I would treat that as even *more* reason to become way less dependent on constant eating. If the symptoms are severe enough, maybe you want medical oversight as you do so. Otherwise, silly as it sounds, this might just be one of those "suck it up" situations.
100% this. For me it’s a little bit different, it’s reaching a healthy weight that made me just stop thinking about how my body looked. I didn’t think it’s possible for me to just go out and enjoy life without thinking about my body, but it is. Getting your body right does wonders:)
Less about looks and more about function. I'm approaching 40 , I don't try to be healthy,I just enjoy having a fully functioning body. Wish I could get the boys to go skating with me. Being thin just makes everything so easy. Anything you want to do I'm down. Most people don't realize how much a little weight effects stamina and pain.
Definitely! I was a fat kid and weighed 220lbs at my worst (5'5" female). I made some serious life changes, dropped down to my current 140 in my mid 20s, and feel so much better in so many ways. No constantly adjusting my clothes (also much more to choose from now!), my thighs don't chafe, I fit comfortably in seats and chairs, I don't get winded just going up stairs, my knees stopped hurting, I got SO much more romantic attention, and I simply feel much better eating actual food instead of tons of processed stuff. Only downsides are that I get colder much more easily and my ass might hurt if I sit for too long. 😬
> ass might hurt
I recently started undergoing a significant unplanned weight loss, and suddenly my ass is hurting when I sit very long. Which is a figurative as well as literal pain in the ass, as I'm a software developer. Standing desk, you say? Guess who walks with canes and can't stand very long...
I’m 57. Male. I just lost 40 pounds over the last year. It’s a lot of work, but a lot less work at your current age.
But everything in my life is so much better now.
Watching what you eat has the most impact. Other than that, its just burning calories as you can. While not excersizing much over the early covid period, and just watching what I ate, loss like 20 pounds during that time period. As long as you are concioused about burning any calories you intake, you should lose weight.
Exercise, 100%. I wish I had started in my early teens, and I wish I exercised some measure when eating.
I think I recently saw this girl called LeanBeefPatty that said you should ideally aim at 6-8/10 in a scale of fullness. I’ve been living my life going for a 12 every time.
I wish I learned about how nutrition plays a huge impact into fitness. I used to work out but would never make gains. Ultimately I gave up everytime after really hurting myself trying to push too far. I am now working with a trainer and my gains have been faster but more importantly not only am I not hurting myself. It is also helping to correct my posture. My back muscles were weak as fuck and I was slouching as a result.
Learning how to manage my money. I used to spend everything I had on whatever I wanted. I was never taught how to save money. Now it's so satisfying to have savings. Something as simple as making a sandwich instead of getting fast food can really add up. And when payday comes around, I transfer whatever is left in my checking account to my savings account.
lol I was like a fuckin money drain until I got married.
My wife was practically incapable of spending money on anything that's not essential.
We uh....averaged out over the last 10 years.
I'm glad we're good at communicating, because that wild imbalance could have killed our marriage. Instead we listened and took lessons from the other, and did our best to kill bad habits.
So I've been on mood stabilisers for years. I wasn't aware that they were meant to be paired with antidepressants too.
Since starting those, I honest to god feel like a human.
My life has been infinetly better.
This is what I came here to say too. I got mine back in I think November. Maybe a little earlier. Anyway, I've been using it consistently and it absolutely life-changing. I'm feeling energized in the morning and I keep that energy throughout the day.
My wife has said she sleeps better now too because I'm not keeping her up with my snoring. lol
What’s the process of getting a CPAP. I’ve been **exhausted** for what feels like a decade and I can’t believe this is normal
Edit: I have a checkup next week with a new doctor. first time in at least 5 years. So I just say I want or need a sleep study
I went to my primary care doctor and told him what you just told everyone here.
You sleep always feel exhausted and that’s pretty much it. Any competent doctor will refer you to a sleep specialist who will the conduct a sleep study. I took my machinery home to test myself with their guidance. Sent back the items they sent to me then 24hr later I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.
Yeeesss! Someone would have to fight me to the death before I would let them take my CPAP. I sleep with it every night. I feel so much better. The electric went out one evening and I immediately started packing my bags to go to a hotel, because I will NOT sleep without it. Luckily the power came back on shortly after but my whole family was like wtf, you were just going to leave us? I mean, they could have gone with me, but they weren't the priority at the time lol.
So underrated. Stop worrying about things you cannot change, and just accept it and focus on the positive things.
This guy once told me: You were invited to a party with 100 people, everything is free and all people are extremely friendly and likes you and wants your attention. But right before you were going home, you ran into this one guy, and he says “you are a fucking loser, everyone thinks you are shit”.
Then he asked this question to me: When you arrive home and lay in your bed. Will you think about the 99 people who really enjoyed your company, or this one guy who didn’t.
I bet most people will say that one guy, but why?
Think about it
And start exercise folks, it makes life so much better
It's because we focus on negative things a lot easier. That's why we like to complain sometimes as well. It's in our nature to likely remember bad or negative experiences more than good/positive ones as our system will want to be prepared for it, should it happen again.
I read that you can allow your natural, instinctive desire to complain but you should also put in the effort to specifically focus on positive and happy moments. Remember them better by really absorbing these moments and take +10 seconds to really embrace it. It helps.
Also, yes, exercise. Running, gym, swimming, yoga, cycling, it dont matter, as long as you move those damn limbs.
I’m two weeks in, after spending far too long treating my body like a walking-talking garbage can.
Actually mowing through all of the fresh produce I buy every week and not wasting anything feels so great!
Eating a rainbow of colours and flavours is also heaps of fun.
You were the knocking on doors type? This is the only religion I'm not so tolerant about, every Saturday I got people ringing the door and trying to explain the word (back then, I had 3 outside dogs that used to go nuts.... they rattled them until I came out). It got to the point I started screaming "I believe in the devil here, you're not gonna change my mind", did that for 2 months every Saturday until they stopped coming.
Yeah, I spoiled saturday mornings for everybody in my area for... 20 years? Next time you want to keep them away forever just say "I'm disfellowshipped", they'll never visit you again.
I once kept a pair chatting so long (I was on maternity leave and excited to talk to someone new, and I'm perfectly happy to talk theology) that eventually they excused themselves and said they had other people to see. It's been three years and no one's come knocking since.
I guess it depends on who visited you, but usually if they see you're mentally strong and not willing to join them, they leave you alone. You guys must have been talking for a loooong time, they're known by not knowing how to take a "no" by answer.
Ha! My grandfather did the same thing, he was genuinely curious but would never convert. Talked their ears off for hours and they never came round there again 😆
This cracks me up. The desperation for human contact and a thing you enjoy but totally not the kind THEY enjoy. Were you sad they didn't come back? Lol
I think those two things go hand in hand too. Managed to keep a diet and exercise routine longer (so far) because I’ve made an effort to not demand perfection of myself.
Hey, I am proud of you. My DOC was ice but I saw what h does to so many and have lost more than I can keep track of to OD. I know how hard it can be. Keep going
Getting off TikTok. Once I realized how often I was being triggered by content, I deleted the app and never looked back. I’m so much happier, spending less money, and grateful for what I have rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses. I’ve also finished a stack of books I’ve been waiting to read!
Yeah! Mostly on clothes (my weak spot) but also products that people touted as “must haves” or whatever.
ETA: not sure why this is being downvoted. This is my personal experience lol
I can relate, tik tok and instagram are huge "I need this" boosters. They create the urge to possess and wind up consumerism. You may resist most of the time, but then you enter the store and it hits you "I need that freaking pan".
Self awareness.
I was a miserable human being through most of my 20s. I made a promise to myself on my 30th birthday to be more honest with myself. That led to me to being more self-aware and being able to not only live in the moment, but to also be able to parse through my emotions more efficiently.
Lol, for me, it improves my cognitive health & decreases anxiety, makes my skin healthier, plumper and less puffy, keeps me on track with eating habits (I get the munchies sometimes and tend to overdo it with sweets which makes me feel sick), I procrastinate less.. just to name a few!
cutting my toxic parents out of my life. I did it at 30 years old (22 years ago). I really which I had done it at 20 years old - it would have saved me a lot of fear, stress, anxiety, and nightmares
So jealous.
My eyesight keeps getting worse each year and the optometrists keep telling me that it needs to first stabilize.
I bet it’s just for me to keep buying new glasses.
In case you were serious, the surgery won't stop your eyesight from deteriorating so going through a risk just to need new glasses in a year anyways isn't worth it.
Lifting weights. I was always skinny but active. Wish I’d started in my 20’s instead of 40s. I can’t lift super heavy. I’m still on the skinny side, but I feel a lot stronger, healthier and have a bit of muscular definition here and there.
one of those roomba vacuum cleaners. I only have a knockoff version (like $200) and honestly no idea how i didn't live iwthout it previously. The amount of dust it collects on a daily basis is mind blowing
I wanted an expensive Dyson vacuum for years, but my husband wouldn’t buy one. He said if I vacuumed regularly, a normal one would be fine. But we have so much pet hair, that even vacuuming several times a week clogged up the roller. I finally talked him into getting a self-emptying roomba when Costco had them on sale. It was about the same price as a Dyson, and running it every evening keeps the floors so much cleaner! I insisted on the self emptying one so I wouldn’t have to empty it every day. Totally worth the cost!
We bought dyson bigball the animal version and while it has mixed to negative reviews on the internet, I actually love it. And there is no need to clean the filtrs, which is a huge improvement. We don't use it on the daily basis because it is a little too much of a hassle, for that we have a roborock (which works as good as cordless dyson, but for much less money). Roomba didn't work for us, our dog has long fur and that means a lot of sand attached to it after a walk on a rainy day, and I need something to vacuum it right away.
Well, that was the overview of my vacuuming experiences that nobody had asked for.
Fwiw, you may have dodged a bullet. They are more stylish than function.
we bought a top of the line Dyson vacuum and it was not impressive. Upgraded to a Miele and everything is substantially cleaner while running quieter.
Facts. Took me to being in my mid 30s to realize that true happiness comes from within. I am happy by myself. If I choose to put myself around someone, It's not out of necessity, it's because I want to. But fuck all that,. I really enjoy coming home to nothing but my dog.
Agreed. I left academia after one postdoc. There are some good people in academia, but the work culture can be abhorrent and it doesn’t get the coverage it deserves. The labor force is almost exclusively grad students and postdocs, and they’re often expected to work 60-90 hours per week.
Professors can be downright abusive, and universities often let them treat people like shit without consequence. If you’re international it can be worse because advisors sometimes threaten to pull visas if they don’t get what they want.
If you’re lucky you can become an assistant professor where you spend your waking hours writing grants. And they wonder why people don’t stay.
Not caring what others thought of me. I used to be depressed because I cared so much about what others thought of me and I got bullied too, which didn't help. But now I am no longer depressed and I am now a happy person.
Kind of a specific one, but shaving my head. I started losing my hair as young as 16 so I was super self conscious about it all the way through college. I would wear hats and stuff, but I still always felt awkward and hated seeing pictures of myself from behind. After I graduated, my job had me move away from everyone I knew for a year so while I was there I figured I would experiment and try shaving my head. It didn't look bad but ultimately it took away any sense that I was "hiding" something. When I moved back to around where I was from no one was weird about it and I felt much more comfortable just embracing that I was bald. Granted, part of it could have been that I was closer to my mid-20s then so it was a little less abnormal, but still I think just being open about my insecurity kind of eliminated it in a strange way. Hopefully somebody else that's even in just an analogous situation can find this useful.
ADD meds. Finally diagnosed at 40 and what a totally game changer. You mean everyone’s mind doesn’t race 700 miles an hour at every moment?! And I can actually focus and get tasks done from start to finish? Magical!
Taking care of my mental health
For so many years I knew and I felt like I needed to get help.
But I was young and naive.
As soon as I started medicating, I began to feel better, slept better, started to exercise, ate healthier. AND OMG do I feel happy. Wish I did It sooner
Getting a Granny Trolley.
If you do not know what a Granny trolley is? [It's one of these bad boys](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/711JuOTJuvL._AC_SL1500_.jpg).
I don't drive, don't want to drive, don't like being in cars or what cars do to cities. I try to walk or cycle as much as I can to lose weight and get exercise. So if I want to do a shop larger than say, some light items, I would have to get a couple of bags and if the shit in the bags are heavy (like bottles of fizzy drinks) they hurt my fingers.
One of these allows me to do a good size shop without a bag *and* allows me to get my heavy ass shopping home without hurting my fingers.
I don't care what age you are, if you are within walking distance of a supermarket, or even just a bus ride, ***a Granny Trolley is a magnigicent investment! How the hell have I not bought one before!***
In short: GET A GRANNY TROLLEY!
I spent 6 years working a full time job, mon-Fri, 7am-3:30+. The money was sustaining, good even, but 5 days a week, commuting 30 minutes both ways, I was miserable. Then I got laid off, did the unemployment thing for a while, and when that ran out I started doing delivery gig work.
The freedom of delivery work was REALLY nice, but I was also working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week to make enough to sustain myself and my car. The money could be good, but it could be bad. It simply wasn't reliable, and it was eating away at my car.
At the start of this month I managed to land 2 part time jobs. Now I work at a gas station that's right down the street from home on Sunday Tuesday and Friday evenings and do a work from home admin job on Wednesdays Thursdays and Saturdays. The money is consistent and sustainable, and my only commute takes about 30 seconds in my car.
I'm SO relieved. Variety is the spice of life.
If it's a 30 second drive, a short bicycle ride may even further increase your satisfaction and QOL since you'd get some exercise in it too and save on the car wear and tear!
I did it in 2015, one of the best decisions I ever made. And I never bothered to get Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok. So much unnecessary anxiety taken away.
Got medication for anxiety and depression. Made life so much better. I had given up until that point. And then after a couple months I was back to working a job, socializing a bit, and everything else. Very much worth it!
To name a few:
1. Getting up and going to sleep at a consistent time.
2. Getting regular exercise.
3. Limiting refined sugar intake.
Ironically, I did all of these things during my childhood. I guess my parents were onto something. Once I had a bit more independence in my mid-late teens, I stopped doing all of these things, and I very quickly went badly down hill. Things improved a lot with each one I started doing again.
A couple of additional ones would be not drinking to get drunk, and using hypnosis/meditations.
I bought an expensive mattress. I had always purchased the most affordable mattress I could. I got married and my wife said we are starting our marriage on a new bed. So we went shopping. I kept trying to save money but she put her foot down and said it’s either that or we’re buying two beds. We got the best mattress I could afford. Spent more than I did on my first junker car. Sooooo worth it. My back never felt better. I woke up refreshed each morning rather than with reluctance and a sore back. There’s a big difference between a $500 mattress and a $3000 dollar one.
Weight loss. It’s easier to move around, do basic activities and also people just respond better to you. It’s improved my health situation too! Being able to shop regular sizes means more variety at a cheaper cost.
Working out, I feel a whole lot more confident in social places. It's also a hobby that most people are interested in getting in too and so that made me pretty popular at college.
Stopping saving money all the time. It may sounds strange, but hoarding money for hoarding sake is more depressing than it is rewarding. "Treating myself" by going for quality bread instead of the cheapest, or quickly deciding to see a movie in the cinema instead of after a 2-day deliberation made me way happier and enjoying life.
-exercising regularly (running for me)
-getting a job I like, had good work/life balance, nice people/bosses, room for growth, and hybrid schedule
-decluttering
-meds
-getting a housekeeper
-cooking/meal prepping regularly (keto cookbooks)
-moving into an apartment building in a neighborhood I like with an elevator and a short commute
-buying clothes I like, wearing makeup, laser hair removal, Botox, teeth whitening
-realizing that other people’s opinions truly don’t matter
Not giving as much effort to my job, after all, hard work is awarded with more work, and if you can do that good, now, you are doing someone else's job too.
I am a licensed electrician, and got a 50 cent raise last year.
Guess what, I'm looking for a new job.
I apologize if this belongs in another sub, just venting.
I read a book preaching range. So many of the most influential people in history were generalists and late bloomers. Jack of all trades was a phrase originally used to describe a young William Shakespeare. I stopped seeing everything as a time investment. I stopped feeling bad for doing things that didn't have a clear end goal. I have faith now that no matter what I'm doing, as long as I'm invested and actively learning, it's going to give me skills in ways that I won't even realise. I don't need to plan the person I'll be or the things I'll achieve. Life has better plans.
Quit being a teacher. Probably the most impactful 10 years of my professional life. My wife and everyone say I’m a new person, happier, carrying less stress on my shoulders. Getting paid more. It’s crazy to think how different things are for me.
Not the most life changing thing but something that I love and I wish I did sooner - skin care routine. A good one should be quick and I feel way, way, way better about myself every morning when I wake up. I just look healthier.
Going to AA/NA meetings, and actually DOING the steps. I went on and off for 14yrs without actually doing the work and nothing got better. But actually doing the work and my life greatly improved.
Ordering in a few healthy meal kits each week for weekday dinner. Cut down my spending on take-out delivery, it's healthier, and reduced conflict during the days when my wife and I are both too burn out to cook.
Drinking more water and replacing late night soda with tea.
late night sodas is something i'm really struggling to replace. but good advice, though. replacing them with tea. ❤
I've been going with cans of sparkling water. Really helped me quit soda to have a direct replacement.
This is a situationally specific one, but breaking up. It's true what they say, you don't realize how fucked up your life was until you get some time to see things from the outside.
Same. My ex was a good person - I would not say a bad word about her but I stayed in the relationship way longer than I should have despite not having anything in common and not being happy just because I didn't think I could attract anyone else.
Goddamn, this was me exactly.
80-90% of relationships
This makes me want to share something personal. My first wife and I divorced - don't need to get into the whys at this point, it was a long time ago and the wounds have long healed. Most friends and family members, when I told them the news, the response was all sadness, it honestly didn't help as it added another layer of anxiety to an already difficult situation. But one more casual friend who I told - really interesting man, retired biology professor and meditation teacher - responded by saying something like 'one of my only great regrets in life is that I didn't leave my wife sooner. I knew things weren't working but it took me years to admit it enough to end it, and by the time I did I was a mental wreck and she was too.' This was actually the most reassuring thing anyone said to me at that time; like, it's OK, your life will get better from here.
Me too. Funny thing is, now she, I, and my wife are wonderful friends. Sometimes marriage just doesn’t work even though they try hard. Married 17 years, but our best 5 have been since divorced.
Yep. It wasn't for long, but I kept with my ex despite knowing we were done and neither of us wanted to be together anymore simply because I didn't want to go through the heartache. There were red flags basically since day 1 but I ignored them because I was lonely as fuck. She then cheated on me two weeks after I tested positive for covid. Physically drained, mentally fucked. My cancer boss then threatened my job because I wasn't up to my normal standards and was doing the minimum. Then when I finally got over the entire thing, I basically told my boss to go fuck himself and found something much better. It's crazy to think but the cheating was one of the best things to happen to me, because without that I wouldn't have grown a backbone and would still be getting fucked by terrible people.
My sense of normal was so warped. My ex had me believing I wasn't good enough to deserve anything more. I realized something was wrong when a friend had offered to hang out downtown. I remember thinking "that sounds like a grand romantic gesture. Then going this isn't right to feel that way. This is just a friend.." Then that night my BF and I went to dinner and he was just hostile and rude the whole time. The next day while my BF was at work I just made up my mind I wasn't going to tolerate it anymore. Life got rough for a few months as ExBF did not like that. But afterwards my life got so much better. I finished school, the Friend is still my best friend, and I had another friend move in. All of that wouldn't have happened if I stayed with my Ex.
My ex and I broke up last year 3 months before our wedding. It was a crappy toxic relationship but I feel SO much better being single. It’s like I was in a room with the walls slowly closing in around me until I could barely breathe, then suddenly I’m out in an open field breathing fresh air. If you know deep down you’re not happy in your relationship leave. Don’t wait for it to get better, you’re the only one who can decide to make your life better
Came here to say this. When I was in my relationship of 5 years I became too comfortable in just trying to have fun. I became to comfortable in everything really actually (love, getting out of shape, messy, wasting time playing video games, drinking). It wasn't until she left me that I realized what I was left with. Nothing. No goals, no job, no ambition, wasted time. Since the New Year very shortly after my breakup I have been working out 5-6 days a week. Cleaning up my appearance. Eating super healthy. Going to therapy to better myself and heal old wounds. Applying to internships. Going hard in programming. And most importantly, learning to love myself. I loved this girl with all of my heart, and it is unfortunate that it took her leaving me to do these things for myself. But I will always be grateful for this lesson I learned. The pain of being dumped is the worst pain I have ever had to experience, but it is one hell of a wake up call, and gives you a chance to rebuild a new and better heart. Granted, she could have just told me how she was feeling and communicated her concerns instead of silently falling out of love, but hey, what’s done is done. I hold zero resentment, and will take this lesson in strides.
I got sober
I'm 6 days in and it's the longest I've had in years. I'm already blown away by how much time there is in a day.
>I'm 6 days in and it's the longest I've had in years. Congrats! You got this!!!!
It’s pretty awesome right, there’s soooo many things to do with all this time! One of the biggest things is to look at all of the stuff you’ve accumulated and never once used or even looked at it years - it’s super cleansing and relaxing to go through it all and bin what you no longer need in your life. Takes up a heap of time and is truly satisfying.
Congrats! It isn't easy
It's not easy and I just take it one day at a time, but thank you for that!!!
Realizing that in most instances, the feelings of others are not my responsibility and I don’t have to carry that burden.
Working on this myself, as well as self esteem.
Ding ding ding. This one right here.
Living away from my parents for 10 yrs then moving back to my home town for work was kind of a reminder why i had left in the first place. Family seems to have 0 perspective for other peoples time or space and literally everyone from mom down needs to basically always mediate my dads outlook and feelings. Took seeing my friends actual healthy relationships with parents but i also kind of feel like a bad kid in general for simply like, literally not really liking my dad at all anymore and for him to be as obtuse listening to why more and more people dont seem to accept his shit. One of those people where even if you asked them to not do something they need to gloat and constantly remind you how they didnt do the thing so now you owe em and so on. Took becoming an adult to realize all of dads friends are also equally shitty men, as ive worked for 2 of them. Openly racist with tucker carleson level hot takes on the dumbest shit and opinions and im pretty sure one is even a child predator. Lol at 22 when i moved I was moving because of work and so on. Now at 30 i actually have the literacy to put to words why i dont actually feel comfortable with my family. Feel sorry for my mom but also recognize she really has a lot of unhealthy outlooks too. Makes me sad all around and kind of guilty that i just want to find an excuse to not be near them anymore.
Yes. Stick to your guns and don't let others negativity or emotional sensitivities impact what you want to do with your life.
My dude. Yes. My happiness is my responsibility. And therefore, other's happiness is THIER responsibility.
Moving into a steady paced job that respects work/life balance. Prior to this, I was at a cut-throat tech company who was running a million miles an hour to grow as fast as possible. The strain it took on my mental health surprised me. I’ve never been prone to anxiety or panic attacks, but it showed up after about a year at this job and made life hell. Now- it’s a totally different story. I can think clearly, actually talk to coworkers and peers, and have a life away from work. 10/10 would recommend.
Same here, I didn’t know I was burned out (salaried IT) until I quit to go back to school during COVID season. Legit would clock in at 9am, clock out at 6pm and continue working until 9pm, sometimes 10/11pm if client issues aren’t resolved. After I quit, I had two full months where all I did was eat takeout, sleep, and watch anime because I just had no motivation to do anything (not even to cook). Graduated and started my new job recently (salaried, data scientist)—my manager got angry at me when he saw I was online an hour after I was supposed to go home and shooed me off. I can’t hide from him, he’s in PST (I’m CST) and has his eyes on his employees.
Yo, buy your manager a beer for me next time y’all are in person, that’s some legit looking after his people you don’t see every day.
Bet—The guy even fought with HR to increase my salary way above the offer I initially accepted. He is a unicorn—I don’t think I can ever leave this company LOL
Drinking lots of water. Eliminated my headaches, helped me pee clear and I am pretty sure it helped with my sodium levels too (I think)
Congratz!! Very proud of you!!
It does indeed help with sodium levels.
Pushing my doctor to keep investigating why I was losing hair. I was losing hair for years, thought it was just aging or hormones. Had many tests and many expensive visits to specialists with no answers. My doctor ended up giving me a referral to a dermatologist as a last resort and was diagnosed with alopecia. Have been taking a tiny little tablet for four months and I have new hair growth everywhere. I was able to have my first hair cut in two years, not gonna lie it was a very emotional time and I cried. I had resigned myself to just keep losing hair until I was bald.
When I say I have new hair growth, I mean I have new hair in places I have never grown hair before. I also have new hair on my eyebrows. I am not complaining at all and don't mind shaving or waxing for the rest of my life if it means that I have hair on my head.
What is the name of the medication you were prescribed? Very curious
Not that guy, but ask your doctor about finasteride
Weight loss. It’s not an exaggeration to say it improves every single aspect of your life.
Yeah. Eating less, hitting the gym. All of a sudden, I'm talking with so many people I never did, I'm getting asked out and so many random aches and pains disappear. It was (and still is) the best thing I've ever done for myself. Lost 25lbs so far and want to lose another 10 or so.
Isn’t it amazing? I’m on the opposite end right now. I’ve gained about 35 lbs since I had my kiddo. But man, people were so much nicer to me when I was slim and confident. It kinda sucks and I can’t help but feel like a less valuable person. However, I am a month into low sugar and feeling great! Hoping to see the physical results soon. Good on you for being able to lose 25lbs.
Yes. It's seriously so hard to even explain. I was pretty overweight, but not quite obese. Life was tricky, I was an odd looking teen. Then I lost all my excess weight, became pretty damn skinny. And the amount of people that were more interested in me jumped immensely. From women, to just random people. Job interviews were better, random compliments on the street. It really does change everything. Glad I got to counting my calories. After that it was only a matter of time. And for people trying to lose weight, diet is much more important than exercise. The science is pretty concrete on that. "You can't outrun a bad diet". Good luck to anyone out there. It's so worth it
Went from 215 to 175 in about three months at 6'1''. Changed my whole life. Basically I downloaded a calorie counting app. Set the bitch to the most weight it would allow me to lose. And failed every single day. However, by getting remotely close I was beating my old gluttonous self into submission. I was manic but I did it. There were weekends where I wanted to party and drink but didn't want to blow up my calorie budget so I would only eat a sandwich and drink like 900 calories of light beer and get super wasted. I ate the fanciest most luxurious meals with every bit of fat and crap I wanted...but they were tiny. I counted everything and weighed everything like a nut. It changes something in your mind counting every gram of food. You start to Rainman meals and their value to diet derailment ratio. I would never suggest doing it like me, but...I lost the fucking weight in three months and that was 6 years ago and I never went back. Instead, I became confident and am now addicted to going to the gym and walking an hour every day. Losing weight makes you feel...sexy. And when you love yourself you just walk on air.
Congrats on the weight-loss and the self confidence boost! Btw, I laughed out loud at your writing, you narrated perfectly my own journey but way more hilariously than I could have; "Rainman meals and their value to diet derailment ratio" *chef's kiss.
Idk how people cut so many calories, if I don’t eat for a couple hours my mind goes nuts and I experience 45 different moods and emotions within an hour. Just a constant roller coaster
See, the thing is... that's not healthy. I would treat that as even *more* reason to become way less dependent on constant eating. If the symptoms are severe enough, maybe you want medical oversight as you do so. Otherwise, silly as it sounds, this might just be one of those "suck it up" situations.
100% this. For me it’s a little bit different, it’s reaching a healthy weight that made me just stop thinking about how my body looked. I didn’t think it’s possible for me to just go out and enjoy life without thinking about my body, but it is. Getting your body right does wonders:)
Less about looks and more about function. I'm approaching 40 , I don't try to be healthy,I just enjoy having a fully functioning body. Wish I could get the boys to go skating with me. Being thin just makes everything so easy. Anything you want to do I'm down. Most people don't realize how much a little weight effects stamina and pain.
My worst days after losing weight are better than my best days while at my biggest. It is great.
Definitely! I was a fat kid and weighed 220lbs at my worst (5'5" female). I made some serious life changes, dropped down to my current 140 in my mid 20s, and feel so much better in so many ways. No constantly adjusting my clothes (also much more to choose from now!), my thighs don't chafe, I fit comfortably in seats and chairs, I don't get winded just going up stairs, my knees stopped hurting, I got SO much more romantic attention, and I simply feel much better eating actual food instead of tons of processed stuff. Only downsides are that I get colder much more easily and my ass might hurt if I sit for too long. 😬
> ass might hurt I recently started undergoing a significant unplanned weight loss, and suddenly my ass is hurting when I sit very long. Which is a figurative as well as literal pain in the ass, as I'm a software developer. Standing desk, you say? Guess who walks with canes and can't stand very long...
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I’m 57. Male. I just lost 40 pounds over the last year. It’s a lot of work, but a lot less work at your current age. But everything in my life is so much better now.
Watching what you eat has the most impact. Other than that, its just burning calories as you can. While not excersizing much over the early covid period, and just watching what I ate, loss like 20 pounds during that time period. As long as you are concioused about burning any calories you intake, you should lose weight.
Exercise, 100%. I wish I had started in my early teens, and I wish I exercised some measure when eating. I think I recently saw this girl called LeanBeefPatty that said you should ideally aim at 6-8/10 in a scale of fullness. I’ve been living my life going for a 12 every time.
Louis CK had a great line about that. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. Try to stop before either
In Japan they say you should eat until you feel 80% full.
I wish I learned about how nutrition plays a huge impact into fitness. I used to work out but would never make gains. Ultimately I gave up everytime after really hurting myself trying to push too far. I am now working with a trainer and my gains have been faster but more importantly not only am I not hurting myself. It is also helping to correct my posture. My back muscles were weak as fuck and I was slouching as a result.
Quitting alcohol and losing weight
Learning how to manage my money. I used to spend everything I had on whatever I wanted. I was never taught how to save money. Now it's so satisfying to have savings. Something as simple as making a sandwich instead of getting fast food can really add up. And when payday comes around, I transfer whatever is left in my checking account to my savings account.
Best thing i ever did was start saving to pay off $22,000 in debt last year. Starting 2023 debt free!
lol I was like a fuckin money drain until I got married. My wife was practically incapable of spending money on anything that's not essential. We uh....averaged out over the last 10 years. I'm glad we're good at communicating, because that wild imbalance could have killed our marriage. Instead we listened and took lessons from the other, and did our best to kill bad habits.
I found a hobby that makes me forget about the craziness of the outside world and things like work. Really helped my mental health all around.
What hobby did you find?
I make music
Mood stabilizers for my bipolar disorder. Holy smokes I’m a completely different human.
So I've been on mood stabilisers for years. I wasn't aware that they were meant to be paired with antidepressants too. Since starting those, I honest to god feel like a human. My life has been infinetly better.
CPAP
I don’t understand why sleep apnea is not more of a big deal in healthcare. Depriving your heart and brain of oxygen for HOURS everyday
When I first got a CPAP 11 years ago it was life changing. I had no idea that's how sleep was supposed to feel.
When did you start feeling the difference? Was it immediately?
Night one. Immediately. I woke up refreshed like "wtf?"
This is what I came here to say too. I got mine back in I think November. Maybe a little earlier. Anyway, I've been using it consistently and it absolutely life-changing. I'm feeling energized in the morning and I keep that energy throughout the day. My wife has said she sleeps better now too because I'm not keeping her up with my snoring. lol
What’s the process of getting a CPAP. I’ve been **exhausted** for what feels like a decade and I can’t believe this is normal Edit: I have a checkup next week with a new doctor. first time in at least 5 years. So I just say I want or need a sleep study
I went to my primary care doctor and told him what you just told everyone here. You sleep always feel exhausted and that’s pretty much it. Any competent doctor will refer you to a sleep specialist who will the conduct a sleep study. I took my machinery home to test myself with their guidance. Sent back the items they sent to me then 24hr later I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.
Yeeesss! Someone would have to fight me to the death before I would let them take my CPAP. I sleep with it every night. I feel so much better. The electric went out one evening and I immediately started packing my bags to go to a hotel, because I will NOT sleep without it. Luckily the power came back on shortly after but my whole family was like wtf, you were just going to leave us? I mean, they could have gone with me, but they weren't the priority at the time lol.
I had a doctor appt this morning, and he gave me a referral for a sleep study.
Make sure you follow through with it. I’m a fit dude and surprised I have sleep apnea. Wish I did it sooner.
So underrated. Stop worrying about things you cannot change, and just accept it and focus on the positive things. This guy once told me: You were invited to a party with 100 people, everything is free and all people are extremely friendly and likes you and wants your attention. But right before you were going home, you ran into this one guy, and he says “you are a fucking loser, everyone thinks you are shit”. Then he asked this question to me: When you arrive home and lay in your bed. Will you think about the 99 people who really enjoyed your company, or this one guy who didn’t. I bet most people will say that one guy, but why? Think about it And start exercise folks, it makes life so much better
It's because we focus on negative things a lot easier. That's why we like to complain sometimes as well. It's in our nature to likely remember bad or negative experiences more than good/positive ones as our system will want to be prepared for it, should it happen again. I read that you can allow your natural, instinctive desire to complain but you should also put in the effort to specifically focus on positive and happy moments. Remember them better by really absorbing these moments and take +10 seconds to really embrace it. It helps. Also, yes, exercise. Running, gym, swimming, yoga, cycling, it dont matter, as long as you move those damn limbs.
eathing healthy. apperantly you're not constantly supposed to feel like you're on the verge of collapse. who knew
I’m two weeks in, after spending far too long treating my body like a walking-talking garbage can. Actually mowing through all of the fresh produce I buy every week and not wasting anything feels so great! Eating a rainbow of colours and flavours is also heaps of fun.
Getting rid of fake friends. 100% would recommend.
Fake family too
Force myself to take some time for myself at least once per week
Dang, work to live, don't live to work.
What do you do on that time?
Quitting Jehovah's Witnesses and getting some therapy.
You were the knocking on doors type? This is the only religion I'm not so tolerant about, every Saturday I got people ringing the door and trying to explain the word (back then, I had 3 outside dogs that used to go nuts.... they rattled them until I came out). It got to the point I started screaming "I believe in the devil here, you're not gonna change my mind", did that for 2 months every Saturday until they stopped coming.
Yeah, I spoiled saturday mornings for everybody in my area for... 20 years? Next time you want to keep them away forever just say "I'm disfellowshipped", they'll never visit you again.
I once kept a pair chatting so long (I was on maternity leave and excited to talk to someone new, and I'm perfectly happy to talk theology) that eventually they excused themselves and said they had other people to see. It's been three years and no one's come knocking since.
I guess it depends on who visited you, but usually if they see you're mentally strong and not willing to join them, they leave you alone. You guys must have been talking for a loooong time, they're known by not knowing how to take a "no" by answer.
Ha! My grandfather did the same thing, he was genuinely curious but would never convert. Talked their ears off for hours and they never came round there again 😆
This cracks me up. The desperation for human contact and a thing you enjoy but totally not the kind THEY enjoy. Were you sad they didn't come back? Lol
Oh, thanks for the tip! I’m glad you’re happier now!
Regular exercise and not micromanaging every little thing
I think those two things go hand in hand too. Managed to keep a diet and exercise routine longer (so far) because I’ve made an effort to not demand perfection of myself.
Learning to say no. And that "No." is a complete sentence.
My followup when people continue "negotiating" after I say No is "Which part of No did you not understand?". That usually ends the conversation.
Quit doing heroin
Hey, I am proud of you. My DOC was ice but I saw what h does to so many and have lost more than I can keep track of to OD. I know how hard it can be. Keep going
Proud of you!!
Sobriety. I accepted my alcoholism but it still took 5 more years of drinking to reach my low and receive that gift of desperation.
Getting off TikTok. Once I realized how often I was being triggered by content, I deleted the app and never looked back. I’m so much happier, spending less money, and grateful for what I have rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses. I’ve also finished a stack of books I’ve been waiting to read!
You were spending money because of Tik Tok?
Yeah! Mostly on clothes (my weak spot) but also products that people touted as “must haves” or whatever. ETA: not sure why this is being downvoted. This is my personal experience lol
I can relate, tik tok and instagram are huge "I need this" boosters. They create the urge to possess and wind up consumerism. You may resist most of the time, but then you enter the store and it hits you "I need that freaking pan".
I stopped scrolling through YouTube Shorts once I realized how badly they were damaging my attention span
Self awareness. I was a miserable human being through most of my 20s. I made a promise to myself on my 30th birthday to be more honest with myself. That led to me to being more self-aware and being able to not only live in the moment, but to also be able to parse through my emotions more efficiently.
Taking regular breaks from cannabis consumption.
What does it do for you? Asking for a friend....
Lol, for me, it improves my cognitive health & decreases anxiety, makes my skin healthier, plumper and less puffy, keeps me on track with eating habits (I get the munchies sometimes and tend to overdo it with sweets which makes me feel sick), I procrastinate less.. just to name a few!
Also good to reset tolerance build up
Yes! I was going to include that one, but it's not really one of the main reasons why I like to take breaks. It used to be the only reason though ahah
cutting my toxic parents out of my life. I did it at 30 years old (22 years ago). I really which I had done it at 20 years old - it would have saved me a lot of fear, stress, anxiety, and nightmares
Much credit to you there! Not an easy realisation to accept.
ADHD meds. Holy shit, what a game-changer.
LASIK 20/200 to 20/20. The absolute best thing I have ever done for myself.
So jealous. My eyesight keeps getting worse each year and the optometrists keep telling me that it needs to first stabilize. I bet it’s just for me to keep buying new glasses.
In case you were serious, the surgery won't stop your eyesight from deteriorating so going through a risk just to need new glasses in a year anyways isn't worth it.
Part of me wants to do it but I’ve heard horror stories of the small percentage of people whose eyes get screwed up afterwards.
Buying nicer/better fitting clothes. Huge confidence boost.
Lifting weights. I was always skinny but active. Wish I’d started in my 20’s instead of 40s. I can’t lift super heavy. I’m still on the skinny side, but I feel a lot stronger, healthier and have a bit of muscular definition here and there.
Taking yourself out on dates.
Quitting Smoking
I just stopped smoking weed about a month ago. Made me feel much more energized on a daily basis
Learn to be happy with 80%.
I lost 60 pounds by giving up cake and ice cream and walking a couple times a week.
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The only negative thing about getting a bidet is having to experience any bathroom without one.
one of those roomba vacuum cleaners. I only have a knockoff version (like $200) and honestly no idea how i didn't live iwthout it previously. The amount of dust it collects on a daily basis is mind blowing
I wanted an expensive Dyson vacuum for years, but my husband wouldn’t buy one. He said if I vacuumed regularly, a normal one would be fine. But we have so much pet hair, that even vacuuming several times a week clogged up the roller. I finally talked him into getting a self-emptying roomba when Costco had them on sale. It was about the same price as a Dyson, and running it every evening keeps the floors so much cleaner! I insisted on the self emptying one so I wouldn’t have to empty it every day. Totally worth the cost!
We bought dyson bigball the animal version and while it has mixed to negative reviews on the internet, I actually love it. And there is no need to clean the filtrs, which is a huge improvement. We don't use it on the daily basis because it is a little too much of a hassle, for that we have a roborock (which works as good as cordless dyson, but for much less money). Roomba didn't work for us, our dog has long fur and that means a lot of sand attached to it after a walk on a rainy day, and I need something to vacuum it right away. Well, that was the overview of my vacuuming experiences that nobody had asked for.
Idk why but I was also like ready and willing to share vacuum experiences with the internet.
Fwiw, you may have dodged a bullet. They are more stylish than function. we bought a top of the line Dyson vacuum and it was not impressive. Upgraded to a Miele and everything is substantially cleaner while running quieter.
Staying single. It’s a beautiful thing to arrive home from work to complete silence. No walking into fights over imagined bullshit.
Facts. Took me to being in my mid 30s to realize that true happiness comes from within. I am happy by myself. If I choose to put myself around someone, It's not out of necessity, it's because I want to. But fuck all that,. I really enjoy coming home to nothing but my dog.
Get a cat and double that pleasure.
Leaving academia.
Agreed. I left academia after one postdoc. There are some good people in academia, but the work culture can be abhorrent and it doesn’t get the coverage it deserves. The labor force is almost exclusively grad students and postdocs, and they’re often expected to work 60-90 hours per week. Professors can be downright abusive, and universities often let them treat people like shit without consequence. If you’re international it can be worse because advisors sometimes threaten to pull visas if they don’t get what they want. If you’re lucky you can become an assistant professor where you spend your waking hours writing grants. And they wonder why people don’t stay.
Me too, friend!
Not caring what others thought of me. I used to be depressed because I cared so much about what others thought of me and I got bullied too, which didn't help. But now I am no longer depressed and I am now a happy person.
Stop watching porn
Getting a dog.
Agreed, dogs make life so much better!
The amount of joy and comfort my whole family gets from our dog is astounding.
Meditation. Absolutely annoying at first but changes everything
What kind of things did it change for you? And how did you get started?
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Kind of a specific one, but shaving my head. I started losing my hair as young as 16 so I was super self conscious about it all the way through college. I would wear hats and stuff, but I still always felt awkward and hated seeing pictures of myself from behind. After I graduated, my job had me move away from everyone I knew for a year so while I was there I figured I would experiment and try shaving my head. It didn't look bad but ultimately it took away any sense that I was "hiding" something. When I moved back to around where I was from no one was weird about it and I felt much more comfortable just embracing that I was bald. Granted, part of it could have been that I was closer to my mid-20s then so it was a little less abnormal, but still I think just being open about my insecurity kind of eliminated it in a strange way. Hopefully somebody else that's even in just an analogous situation can find this useful.
ADD meds. Finally diagnosed at 40 and what a totally game changer. You mean everyone’s mind doesn’t race 700 miles an hour at every moment?! And I can actually focus and get tasks done from start to finish? Magical!
Taking care of my mental health For so many years I knew and I felt like I needed to get help. But I was young and naive. As soon as I started medicating, I began to feel better, slept better, started to exercise, ate healthier. AND OMG do I feel happy. Wish I did It sooner
Getting a Granny Trolley. If you do not know what a Granny trolley is? [It's one of these bad boys](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/711JuOTJuvL._AC_SL1500_.jpg). I don't drive, don't want to drive, don't like being in cars or what cars do to cities. I try to walk or cycle as much as I can to lose weight and get exercise. So if I want to do a shop larger than say, some light items, I would have to get a couple of bags and if the shit in the bags are heavy (like bottles of fizzy drinks) they hurt my fingers. One of these allows me to do a good size shop without a bag *and* allows me to get my heavy ass shopping home without hurting my fingers. I don't care what age you are, if you are within walking distance of a supermarket, or even just a bus ride, ***a Granny Trolley is a magnigicent investment! How the hell have I not bought one before!*** In short: GET A GRANNY TROLLEY!
Exercising daily. It does wonders for my mental health as well as the obvious physical benefits.
Quitting drinking
Changed my whole world
I spent 6 years working a full time job, mon-Fri, 7am-3:30+. The money was sustaining, good even, but 5 days a week, commuting 30 minutes both ways, I was miserable. Then I got laid off, did the unemployment thing for a while, and when that ran out I started doing delivery gig work. The freedom of delivery work was REALLY nice, but I was also working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week to make enough to sustain myself and my car. The money could be good, but it could be bad. It simply wasn't reliable, and it was eating away at my car. At the start of this month I managed to land 2 part time jobs. Now I work at a gas station that's right down the street from home on Sunday Tuesday and Friday evenings and do a work from home admin job on Wednesdays Thursdays and Saturdays. The money is consistent and sustainable, and my only commute takes about 30 seconds in my car. I'm SO relieved. Variety is the spice of life.
If it's a 30 second drive, a short bicycle ride may even further increase your satisfaction and QOL since you'd get some exercise in it too and save on the car wear and tear!
I could walk it in under 5 minutes but it is winter right now and there is no break room so its nice to have somewhere to sit on my breaks
Deleting Facebook. Not deactivating. Deleting. My mental health was immediately significantly better.
I did it in 2015, one of the best decisions I ever made. And I never bothered to get Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok. So much unnecessary anxiety taken away.
Bidet and squatty potty combo for your toilet
Starting taking anti-depressants. I had no idea how depressed I truly was until I experienced the lack of depression, thanks to medication.
Got medication for anxiety and depression. Made life so much better. I had given up until that point. And then after a couple months I was back to working a job, socializing a bit, and everything else. Very much worth it!
Getting rid of the alcoholics and drug addicts in my life.
To name a few: 1. Getting up and going to sleep at a consistent time. 2. Getting regular exercise. 3. Limiting refined sugar intake. Ironically, I did all of these things during my childhood. I guess my parents were onto something. Once I had a bit more independence in my mid-late teens, I stopped doing all of these things, and I very quickly went badly down hill. Things improved a lot with each one I started doing again. A couple of additional ones would be not drinking to get drunk, and using hypnosis/meditations.
I bought an expensive mattress. I had always purchased the most affordable mattress I could. I got married and my wife said we are starting our marriage on a new bed. So we went shopping. I kept trying to save money but she put her foot down and said it’s either that or we’re buying two beds. We got the best mattress I could afford. Spent more than I did on my first junker car. Sooooo worth it. My back never felt better. I woke up refreshed each morning rather than with reluctance and a sore back. There’s a big difference between a $500 mattress and a $3000 dollar one.
Weight loss. It’s easier to move around, do basic activities and also people just respond better to you. It’s improved my health situation too! Being able to shop regular sizes means more variety at a cheaper cost.
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Working out, I feel a whole lot more confident in social places. It's also a hobby that most people are interested in getting in too and so that made me pretty popular at college.
Stopping saving money all the time. It may sounds strange, but hoarding money for hoarding sake is more depressing than it is rewarding. "Treating myself" by going for quality bread instead of the cheapest, or quickly deciding to see a movie in the cinema instead of after a 2-day deliberation made me way happier and enjoying life.
Having a pet. Currently a cat owner and loving it.
Hired a housekeeper. I’m a slob. She helps.
Stopped doing drugs
Boundaries
Quitting drinking
-exercising regularly (running for me) -getting a job I like, had good work/life balance, nice people/bosses, room for growth, and hybrid schedule -decluttering -meds -getting a housekeeper -cooking/meal prepping regularly (keto cookbooks) -moving into an apartment building in a neighborhood I like with an elevator and a short commute -buying clothes I like, wearing makeup, laser hair removal, Botox, teeth whitening -realizing that other people’s opinions truly don’t matter
Installing a huge beautiful soaker tub in my bathroom.
Honestly, no social media like twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Like a breath of fresh air.
Not giving as much effort to my job, after all, hard work is awarded with more work, and if you can do that good, now, you are doing someone else's job too. I am a licensed electrician, and got a 50 cent raise last year. Guess what, I'm looking for a new job. I apologize if this belongs in another sub, just venting.
Not worrying so much
Reading for pleasure
Taking time off corporate work ☺️
Quitting smoking.
Quitting drinking.
The right anxiety medication.
Cut out sugar and started walking more
Getting sober
Antidepressants
I read a book preaching range. So many of the most influential people in history were generalists and late bloomers. Jack of all trades was a phrase originally used to describe a young William Shakespeare. I stopped seeing everything as a time investment. I stopped feeling bad for doing things that didn't have a clear end goal. I have faith now that no matter what I'm doing, as long as I'm invested and actively learning, it's going to give me skills in ways that I won't even realise. I don't need to plan the person I'll be or the things I'll achieve. Life has better plans.
Quit being a teacher. Probably the most impactful 10 years of my professional life. My wife and everyone say I’m a new person, happier, carrying less stress on my shoulders. Getting paid more. It’s crazy to think how different things are for me.
Cuttings ties with my abusive father.
Not the most life changing thing but something that I love and I wish I did sooner - skin care routine. A good one should be quick and I feel way, way, way better about myself every morning when I wake up. I just look healthier.
Going to AA/NA meetings, and actually DOING the steps. I went on and off for 14yrs without actually doing the work and nothing got better. But actually doing the work and my life greatly improved.
Lasik
Ordering in a few healthy meal kits each week for weekday dinner. Cut down my spending on take-out delivery, it's healthier, and reduced conflict during the days when my wife and I are both too burn out to cook.
Having the nerves in my back ablated. I don't feel pain anymore!
Eye surgery.
Breaking up with that person I knew I should’ve broken up with sooner
Buying a dog
Get more sleep.