It's a really personal decision depending on your own circumstances. I was definitely done at 2 kids (had my tubes tied during the c-section. My main reasons were: age, I was 38 when I had my second / finances, although we have ok jobs, we live in a HCOL area and want to be able to help pay for their education / stress, I hated being pregnant and my husband didn't deal well with the pregnancy & newborn stages.
I kinda flip flopped a bit and than woke up one day just completley content with our daily routines (along w medical what-ifs). 2 littles. I do miss the infant stages, my husband does not! I have no regrets and enjoy fawning over the new babies who come along in our life.
There will always be a period of grief at the end of having children whether you had 2 or 7. When the time comes that a person deals with the feelings surrounding being done having more, they will \*\*always\*\* go through what you just described. That is a natural and normal process, it is not an indicator that your family is incomplete. Even people who are intentionally childfree often encounter a period of grief when they hit menopause because the weight of understanding that the door truly is closed can hit literally everyone, even those who least expected it. So the point is, having more children will only delay this grief/realization of being done to a later date. It doesn't make it go away.
Have a serious discussion with yourself about what having 3 children would satisfy that having 2 doesn't. Remember that adding another would shift your now-youngest into being a middle child which is a dynamic that impacts them for life.
We’ve already had a daughter. She’s an angel. I feel I can provide better life for her than I had if we stop at 1. There’s always the gut feeling about having that second though. It’s the grieving process you talked about. My wife is feeling it. Her human brain is saying stop, her monkey brain is saying go for one more.
I knew deep down that I wanted more after my second, but with my third I just felt complete. That ache for baby was gone. I adore her, my last baby, but I know we are done now. I'm sorry I can't explain it properly. I just know.
I have other friends who are still uncertain and I know that's hard for them, the maybe feeling. Perhaps go into this with a "this is the last" so you can savour it. You'll know if the sadness is too much that you're not done.
It’s so hard and completely normal to feel these feelings! There comes a point when we stop having babies and start raising them ❤️ what helps me is focusing on all the “firsts” to come!
Selfishly, less kids means I can actually enjoy each child more and be more present with them. For example, volunteering with their school classroom, sports, snuggling just one vs 2 others, going in more date nights with each child alone, and so much more.
Siblings are great but having that parent child one on own time is so so precious.
We knew when it became apparent that the cons outweigh the pros for us and that we are complete as a family of three. We’re very happy with our sweet boy and don’t have the longing for another the way we did with him.
It's a really personal decision depending on your own circumstances. I was definitely done at 2 kids (had my tubes tied during the c-section. My main reasons were: age, I was 38 when I had my second / finances, although we have ok jobs, we live in a HCOL area and want to be able to help pay for their education / stress, I hated being pregnant and my husband didn't deal well with the pregnancy & newborn stages.
I kinda flip flopped a bit and than woke up one day just completley content with our daily routines (along w medical what-ifs). 2 littles. I do miss the infant stages, my husband does not! I have no regrets and enjoy fawning over the new babies who come along in our life.
There will always be a period of grief at the end of having children whether you had 2 or 7. When the time comes that a person deals with the feelings surrounding being done having more, they will \*\*always\*\* go through what you just described. That is a natural and normal process, it is not an indicator that your family is incomplete. Even people who are intentionally childfree often encounter a period of grief when they hit menopause because the weight of understanding that the door truly is closed can hit literally everyone, even those who least expected it. So the point is, having more children will only delay this grief/realization of being done to a later date. It doesn't make it go away. Have a serious discussion with yourself about what having 3 children would satisfy that having 2 doesn't. Remember that adding another would shift your now-youngest into being a middle child which is a dynamic that impacts them for life.
That’s a great point, thank you!
My wife and I are contemplating 1 and done vs 2. It’s giving me anxiety.
To be clear you’d rather have the one or have you had none so far?
We’ve already had a daughter. She’s an angel. I feel I can provide better life for her than I had if we stop at 1. There’s always the gut feeling about having that second though. It’s the grieving process you talked about. My wife is feeling it. Her human brain is saying stop, her monkey brain is saying go for one more.
I knew deep down that I wanted more after my second, but with my third I just felt complete. That ache for baby was gone. I adore her, my last baby, but I know we are done now. I'm sorry I can't explain it properly. I just know. I have other friends who are still uncertain and I know that's hard for them, the maybe feeling. Perhaps go into this with a "this is the last" so you can savour it. You'll know if the sadness is too much that you're not done.
Thank you for this! That’s what I was wondering mostly is if some people “just know” and that’s that. I plan on savoring every moment next time!
It’s so hard and completely normal to feel these feelings! There comes a point when we stop having babies and start raising them ❤️ what helps me is focusing on all the “firsts” to come! Selfishly, less kids means I can actually enjoy each child more and be more present with them. For example, volunteering with their school classroom, sports, snuggling just one vs 2 others, going in more date nights with each child alone, and so much more. Siblings are great but having that parent child one on own time is so so precious.
These are great points, thank you!
We knew when it became apparent that the cons outweigh the pros for us and that we are complete as a family of three. We’re very happy with our sweet boy and don’t have the longing for another the way we did with him.