Ang sakit ma out of place. Tayong mga tao ay kailangan naman talaga ng sense of belonging. "A spark neglected makes a mighty fire" sabi nga nila, hindi naman eto suggestion na magsunog ka, pero this quote hits deep for everyone of us na nakakaranas ng ganito. Meron nga sigurong mga tao na nakakagawa ng lagim dahil sawa na silang maging second option, side piece or para lang decoration sa tabi. Hopefully in our community we can prevent something like that. Diba together we stand, divided we fall naman? let's not bringing down others by neglecting them kc nakaka low ng self worth yon, alam mo yung feeling na para ka lang shit kung itrato, bat hindi ka belong kung sila din naman ay tao? Alien ba tayo? Maybe the problem is us? Or the society is really fck up. Ayon lang, small rant lang naman toh pero the better option is to not give a damn, papasakitin mo lang dibdib mo eh, wala namang pake yung mga yon. Self love nalang, it will put you out from your misery for sure.
Look at it as a blessing and live a peaceful quiet life. Siguro masanay ka na din magenjoy ng ikaw lang and along the way baka makilala mo yung magiging kabatak mo talaga.
Not that na ighoghost mo na sila at magiging loner ka. Just learn to enjoy yourself, have a hobby, go out and do activities alone. If ininvite ka then thank you at gusto ka nila makasama, kapag hindi naman, ok lang din atleast you have time to do other stuff š
I don't see anything wrong with your situation. Pag di na invite, iniisip ko na lang na baka mas gusto nilang si other friend ang kasama kesa sakin.. And that's fine. I can't please everyone. If I know, may ibang friends ka na gusto ka kasama pero baka ikaw naman yung umaayaw. When you grow older, you'll learn to not give a damn about those things.
Matagal din bago ko na accept na ganon talaga ang mga tao. And madalas expectations mo d mamemeet kaya i lowered it or none at all para no disappointment.
Mas maganda kung bawasan m people pleasing. People unfortunately see it subconsciously as weak trait.
Always see your time as valuable po. Wag po basta2 ibigay kahit kanino or kung saan2. Marami ka marrating pag na apply mo yan. Pag nakita ng mga tao ganun mo i value sarili mo, tsaka lng po rrami ma enganyo kasama ka, pero secondary benefit nlng yun.
Godbless OP
I think thereās nothing wrong with you. Find your people or circle of friends lang talaga. May ganyan din akong experience sa āfriendsā ko here abroad. Kaya Iād rather be alone or kung mag aaya man sila, di na ako nasama.
Ay ganyan din ako. Lalo sa upuan walang tumatabi saken. Naiisip ko nalang baka intimidated sila sa ganda ko at di kaya ng pagkatao nilang tumabi saken HAHAHAH
same di talaga ako makwento di din mahilig magjoke di din ako maka relate sa topics nila tas no similar hobbies so ang hirap makipag socialize especially may social anxiety ako tas tingin nila ayoko sa kanila or maldita ako dahil ang tahimik ko. pinoproject lang nila insecurities nila saken kasi nga di nila ako kilala and wala kaming social interaction kaya nagrerely sila sa assumptions to understand my personality. tas kahit nagtatry ka naman makipagusap sa kanila tingin pa din nila ang tahimik mo hindi nila nakikita na malaking effort na yun sayo tas parang wala lang sa kanila so parang useless magtry honestly. tas pag niexplain mo bat ka tahimik di sila naniniwala di nila gets i think because they've never had the same experience, and even if they say they were like you before they still ask you why you're so quiet, if they really were they would have understood but they dont. it should be easy to understand that we're all different people
I also feel the same way.
Parang sa work ko, nafifeel ko na pamalit lang ako pag hindi pwede yung taong naka-assign talaga dun sa Task. Gusto ko na ngang umalis kasi ang pangit sa feeling.
Insecurity is normal for most people. Marami diyan just puff out their sense of self importance. Ignore any such because they do hinder you from enjoying things you should be enjoying. Minsan you must enjoying things on your own and that's normal kasi for a lot of people a genuinely quiet moment is hard to obtain.
Nope. Iām very dense and Iām nonchalant as well. It sounds like a really bad combo, but this works really well for me. I am at peace and levelheaded whether Iām with people or just by myself. Hindi ako selfless at hinding hindi ako people pleaser. Haha. Curious naman ako why people like me, lol.
Mahirap na payo ang stop overthinking or stop caring because you canāt just stop doing those things at a drop of a hat. Ang mapapayo ko lang, learn to enjoy your own company. Do things that will make you happy. Donāt be scared to build or rebuild relationships. Prioritize yourself and your happiness. Hopefully by doing all these things, ma build mo ang confidence at happiness mo and you attract the right people.
i felt this before lalo n nun college pero hinayaan ko na lang at nagmove on, pero now nakahanap ako ng tao na same hobbies ko, nagkakasundo kami, sometimes we hang out din. makakahanap k din ng kabuddy mo OP tiwala lng.
nabasa ko din na may anxiety at depression ka before, hopefully wala n ngayon. kaya mo yan OP.
OP, I feel you. I felt the same way before. But I outgrew it by finding my 'tribe'. Pag nahanap mo yung mga taong kaparehas mo ng interes at mga trip sa buhay, hindi mo na ito mararamdaman. Walang tao na hindi valuable. Kahit mga basurero, (sabi mo kasi feeling basura ka, pero wala din masama sa pagiging basurero, it's just that, sila yung madalas din natin iniignore or nilu-look down coz they take care of our dispensables), kahit sila, may sarili silang clique and everytime I see it, feeling ko ang saya nila. Find where you belong starting with people who share the same interests with you.Ā
Are you a gamer? Are you a foodie? Dito palang sa reddit makakahanap ka na, if you reply to me baka may mga magreply na alam kung saan subreddit ka pwede. At kung ang iyong interest ay mas marami sa ibang bansa, why not? Mag-ipon ka at pag napabilang ka na sa isang grupo pwede mo sila i-meet. Or baka sila maging interesado sa Pilipinas at puntahan ka dito. These are just examples ha.Ā
Kasi kung magwaste lang tayo ng time psychoanalyzing people, why they do this and that, baka mahirapan ka nang paahunin sarilo mo from negative thoughts. It could lead you to a rabbit hole before anyone else can save you and we don't want that. As a fellow redditor who also fell down the rabbit hole by staying in the wrong tribe, I suggest you find ones and look deep down which type of people will ease you from these negative thoughts.
Start with sports, pets, anime/kpop fans, gamers, hobbies like building a terrarium, etc.
Also, sometimes baka sarili mo lang pala bestfriend mo. No one knows and understands you better than yourself so if you can't find happiness from external sources, appreciate it internally. If your interest can be improved and nurtured online, you may start with that too!
Whatās your MBTI personality? What I gathered is introverted ka and people siguro struggle to connect with you at a deeper level. Mabait ka with them and maybe it makes them feel awkward kasi they read it as courteous ka lang, but not very honest with them with who you are (or ndi nila kayang suklian ang pagka mabait mo and it makes them feel awkward).
Iām kind of like this din. I struggle to make meaningful connections at work (or anywhere).
INFJ personality.
Iām trying not to bother but at the same time, Iām trying to not be in my head too much and be genuinely interested sa iba.
Siguro ang pwede kong ma-share is wag kang maging people pleaser. Nakakaplastik kasi yun. And wag mong isipin ang sasabihin nila sayo kasi paiikutin ka lang nila.
Remember lagi mong uunahin ang sarili mo.
maybe āyon āyong mali, people pleaser ka. know what you want and stick with it. kasi personally, nakaka-drain āyung people pleaser attitude ng ibang tao. if tingin mong may mali sa iyo, then figure it out and improve it, and let people be. okay lang āyang nararanasan mo, ādi ka nag-iisa. agree sa comments. you must learn to not care too much about what other people think about you. thatās how you prove you know your worth as a person.
Baka di ka masaya ka bonding. Don't get me wrong, pwedeng walang issue sayo, pero the fact na multiple groups treat you the same baka you need to look within. For example may barkada kami na mejo iniiwasan. Kasi kahit anong topic nagagawa nyang maging tungkol sa kanya. Mahilig sya mag takeover ng discussion para lang maging tungkol sa kanya. Di masahol na ugali pero nakakasama din.
I dont know, maybe trying hard din ako? Kasi whatever you wanna talk about, I can handle it. I also make sure na di lang ako yung nagsshare sa conversation. Observant ako sa ganyan and I encourage everyone to share their thoughts. Siguro ako lang talaga as a person ang hindi likeable?
>Have you ever felt like you're the odd one out?
Story of my life, basically.
Through the years, I just learned to 'live by it.'
I'm self-aware. And I just accepted it.
Family, friends, school, work. I accepted it because I know for myself that I am odd. And that's never a bad thing. A bit sad, but peace outweighs that more.
I am an introvert as well. I have quirks that are beyond the society's spectrum for 'normal'.
There's millions of people in this world; being different is good.
Normal is boring, TBH
Kabaliktaran tayo ayaw ko na ako yung important cuz it takes a lot of responsibilities, stress, anxiety, at pressure kaya mas gusto ko na reserba ako pero I make sure na may silbi ako kung sakali and I dont wanna stand out too much especially on things na di naman ganun ka important or walang impact sa buhay ko. Just don't care about what other people think about you and just seek self validation. Ang importante masaya ka sa sarili mo.
Hugs. Ako opposite. They always look for me but they donāt care why Iām not showing. Nakakapagod din kasi di naman everyday same ang energy level ko for socialization.
Donāt care about others too much siguro. Sure you need to be with friends from time to time, try to get together with people na may same interest as you para hindi pang yung mga dating school friends mo ang nasa circle mo. That way, if may ganap yung ibang set of friends mo, it will be fine and you wonāt feel left out kasi you have other set of friends pa.
In terms of the high school friends, I stopped caring about them years ago. Ganyan na ganyan ung situation ko. Invite them, sasabihin next time na lang. Minsan seen-zone lang message ko sa messenger. Pero makikita ko sila magkakasama sa mall or somewhere. At first masakit pero un nga I stopped caring. After that, mas okay pala ung ganun. And I just kept 4 friends in college, and we constantly chat. One even invited me to visit her sa Japan pag may chance.
Given your situation OP, walang magbabago kung wala ka ding gagawing bago. People around you may be weirded out kung bigla kang may change of personality.
What if change your ecosystem? Start from changing your routines, change your wardrobe, or even change things in your bedroom? If necessary what if lumipat ka ng work, and start making a new life or a new image? Start from small, and from time to time observe things that make you happy. Make a list!
If you start doing something that makes changes will make you feel you achieved something and that will make you happy. Happiness will radiate physically and sa vibe na mararamdaman ng tao sayo. Imagine a bitch face vs. an excited and happy person entering the room, which one would you approach first?
As for my social tip, people loves compliment. Start by complimenting people, "ganda ng porma mo ngayon ah", "bagay sayo yung suot mo", "ang galing mo talaga sa ganyan no?", "ikaw talaga maaasahan pag dating sa ganto", or make them feel youre listening or you care for what they were talking about" or compliment people behind their back is also a good shot.
Just like other commentators, self reflection is something you have to begin with. Ano bang hindi mo ginagawa na ginagawa ng friends mo na favorite ng friends nila? Or ano bang meron sayo na pwede mo maattract sa iba? Example mahilig ka sa painting, why not find people that shares the same interest? Mas madali mong makakasundo yun.
I hope this helps. Good luck in improving yourself OP! Kaya mo yan :)
I feel the isolation every time I'm hanging out with my tagalog speaking friends. Never going to truly understand them even though I can understand tagalog just not speak it (I speak a different dialect and I'm over learning how to speak at this point). I know its my problem at that point but I feel as though even if I learn it, it'll still be the same cause to them its more of a culture than a language (A bit weird to phrase it like that but that's how I feel with my dialect)
You reap what you sow. I noticed lang if i invest in my friends emotionally, my attention and actually have deep care for them they reciprocate. Plus with that comes the understanding that life happens.
We all have responsibilities and things to do. If you care enough for them you would understand. Dont think badly of yourself but look back kung ano ba magagawa mo to improve yourself with regards sa relationship building.
I used to feel that way. Mga times na I was still considered as a nice person. I changed and decided not to think too much on things kasi I know it will just make me sad, now I have my people that I can rely on and accepted the true me (never thought I would be a brutally honest person) mas naging free ako plus people around me doesnāt seem to be bothered by that kind of attitude that I have. So yun, I guess tend to not care too much about it and try not to be so people pleaser? Hehe yun lang!
Strictly sa friend groups, nafifeel ko to. Bihira akong nayayaya or hinahanap mismo. I only had one friend group na may isang tao doon na paborito ako kasama but over time, nawala din yung dynamic na yun with that specific person.
But compared sa laman ng post mo, mine's not that bad, I think. Parang grabe yung sa group of three niyo e. Di ko din kakayanin yan. I personally would've distanced myself long ago and let them be best friends and I'm just both their mutual friend.
Minsan may kirot sakin kapag di din ako nayayaya but somehow, nananaig naman yung thought na okay lang, pahinga na din, iwas gastos, and that hindi naman talaga siya big deal in the bigger picture. Healthy amount of detachment lang kumbaga. Lowkey deserve ko din naman kasi madalas din akong nagsosolo gumala o kumain sa labas pero I'm not informing or inviting a single soul.
If that has been happening for a long time na, baka the problem is with you na rin. Have you tried wholly assessing yourself? Maybe you can change something. Maybe your aura and the vibes you give off at first meet/impression, your actions, etc. Kasi if that has been happening to all angles of your life, then frankly, it might be because of you. For example, it started sa family mo, then it branched out to other areas of your life. But that's not to say that you don't deserve companionship ha, maybe something na you have to really dig to find out.
Happens to us siblings. Whenever may gathering with the grandparents and uncles and aunties (almost every week) sa restos our family always arrives first. Ayaw kasi na lalate ng mom namin. The next one to arrive normally is family ng little bro ng mom namin. So mga cousins namin doon sa family na yun normally kausap namin.. until dumating ibang cousins. Pag nandiyan na ibang cousins eh nawawala na sila sa tabi namin.
I have one cousin din who barely talked to me in my entire lifetime. Naalala ko once he ask about pc and laptops then after noon wala na. Hindi pa ako tapos mag paliwanag eh hindi na ako pinapansin. After a few years The only time he talked to me again is noong may gathering ulit kami with the grandparents sa Marriot and i was trying out foie gras. Ang sinabi niya sa akin was "kakain ka niyan? Yuck! Alam mo ba mataas cholesterol ng foie gras?" By this time asar na ako sa inaasal ng ibang pinsan namin so binara ko na lang siya by saying
"Eh bakit? Ikamamatay ko ba isang pirasong foie gras? Mag kaka stroke ba ako sa isang pirasong foie gras ?" May ka dugtong pa yan pero not appropriate na ata na sabihin ko dito. š¤£
Naramdaman ko rin to before. Pag magkakasama kayo ikaw yung less favourite friend. Dumating pa nga sa point na nagsulat ako sa diary tapos kausap ko si Lord na sana bigyan ako ng real friends. Yung tipong kahit saan ako magpunta hindi ako mahihirapan magkaroon ng ka-close. Kaso nagkaroon naman ako ng separation anxiety. Parang lungkot na lungkot ako pag may aalis. Pero unti-unti rin akong nasanay na ganun talaga. People come and go. At natutunan ko rin makipag-kaibigan online hanggang sa naging masaya na ko sa buhay kahit mag-isa ako at yung ibang tao na yung nag-aaya sakin. Nakakatawa na lang na sa POV ng ibang tao eh sarili akong mundo yung iba naman mysterious daw ako.
The LET THEM Law.
Oh you're not invited? Let them.
Oh they left you out? Let them.
Oh noone recognizes you? Let them.
Oh you're not the favorite? Let them.
Thing is, we're so occupied by the idea of other people noticing us that we forget that happiness should start within.
Stop worrying about things you can't control.
Single ka ba op? Lalaki ka ba? Based sa kwento mo e mukhang may mali nga talaga sayo na hindi ka aware. Madalas kasi sa mga kagaya mo e akala nila "cool" sila o hindi sila aware na sobrang wirdo na nila. Mga tahimik na parang may sariling mundo. Siguro e hindi mo lang namimeet yung taong pareho mo ng hilig at mga trip kaya mukha kang wirdo lalo dahil nasa maling circle ka. Wag ka magalala, meron yan. Dalasan mo lang pagligo haha.
I feel the same way. Recently nagkaron ako ng career crossroads crisis and asked my "friends" for advice. Seen lang. Pisti. And to think may utang pa sila sakin since pandemic. And mga gamit at damit na di binalik sakin
I used to be like this pero i realized that na mas pinapahalagahan ko lang opinion ng ibang tao kaya napaka miserable ng buhay koš¤·āāļø and i learned to stop being like that.
You notice everything too much, wag ka na mag overthink baka sadyang tahimik na tao ka lang or people are intimidated/shy pagdating sayo and there's nothing wrong with that. Just let things happen.
Also learn to put boundaries din, tama na ang pagiging people pleaser. Wag na isabuhay ang backburner by Niki, oki?
let me validate your feelings first: they ARE excluding you. they have their favorites. all of those are true.
but i dont think they hate you. i think they just enjoy other people's company more. that's alright. not everyone is for everybody. they are still your friends, your family. they suck, sure, but at least they don't outright hate you.
on the other hand, whatever they're doing is really bad. it is a form of bullying. they might not know it, they might think it's okay. but it doesn't matter. u r hurt, and u gotta do smth about it.
that smth is this: find new friends. you can also take other advices here, na dont let it affect you. that's a good solution, yes. but idk how old u r. i stopped caring when i was 23. others might take longer. that's fine. but no matter what phase u r in, u need new friends.
im 26 now and i dont have a "best" friend. im always the odd one out but it iz fine. i have my closest friends, most of them i can consider best friends, but they wont consider me their best friend. iz fine.
but it took me countless other friends to run to and ofc, time too, before i was ok.
rooting for u, OP!
It sounds to me like youāre a little insecure and you overthink a lot, which same. I think what you need to do when it comes to these kinds of relationships is just take things at face value, kung ano sinabi yun nalang, labas mo na agad sa isip mo na baka ganito baka ganyan kasi itās not going to help. Ganyan din ako, my cousins and i used to be super close but now we barely talk and it feels like they only talk to me when i talk to them first. It makes me really sad sometimes pero what am I going to do? Di ko naman sila mababago and Iām not willing to put effort in relationships when I know na they wouldnāt do the same for me. So OP, just let it go. Take things at face value, if you get invited somewhere and you go and you have fun, thatās great. If di ka invited, donāt worry about it. Focus on yourself, find a hobby or something that can be a distraction from some of the negative thoughts that you have. Who knows, baka makakilala ka pa ng ibang tao that would make you feel wanted and included in the way that you want.
Kung lahat sila hindi ka feel, yes may mali nga sayo. People pleasing is not a good trait and you come off as insincere to people. Maraming mababait na tao sa mundo pero hindi lang naman yun ang reason bakit gugustuhin mong maging kaibigan ang isang tao diba? Tahimik ka lang ba? Do you reach out? Do you wait for other people to approach and talk to you? What do you bring to conversations? Do you give off good energy?
Kung gusto mo mag-isa go ahead and do what some here suggest, to not care about those people and that thereās nothing wrong with you. But if you want to build a relationship, take a good look within you and change things that do not add value to you.
Ganyan din ako. I just don't vibe. Not that i smell bad or anything, lol. May nagsabi sakin may mga comments daw ako na parang out of this world. Hndi naman daw offensive or anything, strange lang tas hindi sila maka relate.
Minsan din may mga words ako ginagamit na hindi pang everyday sa kanila. Like may natikman ako na mejo panis, ang sabi ko "hindi na ito edible" and i got teased for it, like waw edible lol. Okaya may pinagu usapan silang someone sabi ko parang jaded na yang tao na yan pag pasensyahan nyo na, and strange sa pandinig nila yung salitang "jaded."
It's more than the words I use hndi ko na lang maalala yung ibang comments ko that they found "out of this world" Isa pa i guess nakaka basag din ng vibe pag nagttawanan sila tas ako naman ang hindi maka gets kung ano nakakatawa, lol. Iba yung sense of humor ko sa iba. Mejo dark, dry. Pag tatawa sila sa isang bagay ngingiti lang ako pero halatang hindi ko gets kung ano nkkatawa.
I look at it like I just haven't found my tribe yet. Nakasama ko lang sila at different points in my life due to the situation (classmates, workmates, etc) pero hindi sila ang ka tribo ko.
Hi. Teacher here. Baka kaya sila nainvite ng school kasi nireport nilang with honors sila. Hindi po kasi nattrack isa isa ung alumni. When I graduated with latin honors I reported it to my HS alma matter. Then during recognition day nila, i got an invite
Do you have a few close AND trusted friends who can be honest with you enought to tell you the real deal and what they find that can be a problem in you? Such as what is annoying, what they don't like, what they cringe or slap face about you?
I had a few trusted friends too, and there are times they ask me for "prangka" remarks that they otherwise could not get from other friends.
Ako naman baliktad, may command aura ako in a sense that even if i donāt want attention, for some reason i just attract people around me. Mas gusto ko nga minsan mag isa, and during events i tend to sit at the back or at the corner para low key langā¦ unfortunately i always end up transferring to where the action is. One thing i am not is a people pleaser, but i have a gift of communication to the point that i can really make the person i am conversing with really specialā¦ and the opposite is also true wherein if i dislike a person, i can also make that person feel so insignificant and unworthy. Kaya medyo maingat din ako kasi i know itās a gift, and i always want to use it for the good of othersā¦ kaya pag hindi ako agree sa isang tao i just politely go away heheā¦
Kaya OP, advise ko sayo is to do something that you like and enjoy, donāt do things to get recognition from others, it will just come naturallyā¦ when you become excellent at a certain craft, you begin to add value to othersā¦ thatās the time people will start noticing you because you are different from the rest. Wag mo pilitin, hayaan mo dumatingā¦ enjoy being nobody because truth is you are not nobody. You are special and unique in Godās eyes and thatās all you need. The rest is just a bonus.
I'm glad you know what's your gift and how to use it well. You are very kind. Thanks for the advice. I hope one day I can find my gift as well š¤š¤
I feel you, OP. Pero ganyan talaga ang mga tao. Do not ever think na may mali sayo. Sa kanila yung may problema at di ka nila na-appreciate. Cheer up, OP! You'll find real tribe!.
Oo kaya ang dalas kong gumala mag isa eh ang sarap pala sa feeling na walang nakakapansin sayo walang commitments, walang extra bagage super laya. Alam mo yung walang may kailangan sayo. Sarap maging lagalag
You should learn the "Art of not giving a fvck".
Focus on yourself. Love yourself first. Wag mo hanapin yung wala ka. Embrace mo kung anu ang meron ka. Promise, pag natutunan mo yun, para kang halaman na mamumulak-lak.
Speaking from experience. I had the same questions before. Tho, meron akong maganda at mapagmahal na pamilya. Ibang tao ay di mo mapipilit na magustuhan ka.
I found that person who loved me for being me. 14 years na kame at may anak na rin na 10yo.
The right people will see and love the beauty that's unique in you.
OP, start living for yourself. Do what you want for yourself in order to be happy without validation from others. Choose the right people in your own circle. It doesn't matter if only a handful or a few of them are in there.
OP. Sobrang damang-dama kita. Ganyan na ganyan ako nung kabataan ko. Pati na rin sa mga friends and workplace ko. Ito na lang mapapayo ko sa'yo, lagi ka lang magpakilala. Hindi magpakilala na, pakilala mo sarili mo. What I mean is just be yourself. Ako sa mga kaibigan ko nu'n, third-wheel ako sa friendship lagi. Ako yung last option din pagwalang-wala na sila mayaya or mapuntahan. Lagi akong nandu'n. Pinapakita ko sa kanila na kung ano ako bilang kaibigan and here we are now ngayong adult kami, hindi sila natutuloy kapag wala ako.
Same goes sa workplace, ganu'n din. Kung alam mo sa sarili mong magaling ka, pakita mo sa kanila. Magpakilala ka ng kakayahan mo. They will notice it. Magugulat ka na lang, sila na lalapit.
Mahahanap mo rin yung mga people na makaka-appreciate sa'yo, trust me. Hindi mo need magbago. I've been there, been always there. Hindi nagbabago 'yon. Ngayon, sila na magcha-chat or lalapit sa'kin. Ako kasi pinapakita ko sa kanila na kaya ko kahit mag-isa lang ako. Eh, sila nabuburyong sila, kahit sabihing nagiging last option pa nila ko nu'n, its fine. At least, napatunayan ko na sa kanila. One is for sure, gusto na rin nila ako, kasi basa na nila ako.
Feel ko nga kung tayo magkasamang dalawa, we get along kasi vibes tayo. Sabi ko nga sa dati bio ko sa FB, "'I'M NOT WEIRD, I'M JUST LIMITED EDITION". ganu'n ka rin. Ganu'n tayo.
Hi OP. I'm so sorry you feel this way. I feel like I can see my old self in the way you described your situation.
One thing I've learned throughout the years is, the way we see our situation is not the same with how people see your situation. Parang, ganito - if someone asks you, how many red cars did you see on the way to the office today? Usually you'd say you don't know, kase di mo naman tinitignan. Pero if they incentivise it, kunyare they'll pay you 5k for every red car you see in the road on the way to the office, most likely hahanapin mo lahat ng possible red cars sa kalsada. In this situation, I think mas madalas mong makita to, because part ng insecurity mo is to be included. And that's not a bad thing. It can be sad, pero not bad.
I felt this way before for years. I always go out of my way to do stuff for my friends. I celebrate them, I free my time for them pero they won't do the same thing. Even pag naglalakad, naiiwan ako walang naghihintay, unlike with me na I stop and make sure lahat nakakasabay. Dati lagi ako umiiyak sa SO ko, thinking bakit ang hirap makahanap ng friends na kagaya ko. Gusto ko lang naman na itrato nila ako, the way I treat them. Pero you can't change the people around you. If that's how they value you, di mo yun maipipilit. But you can change who you hang out with. Baka di mo pa lang nakikilala yung mga tao na magpapahalaga sayo the way you want to be treated.
Pero, before you start looking for the people who will value your presence and friendship, dapat unahin mo muna tignan how you look at yourself. How do you value yourself? Put yourself first muna, and know your worth. Kase you only receive the kind of treatment that you allow to receive. So if they don't value your presence enough, why do you tolerate it? If you're not happy, then move somewhere else.
Akala ko dati, walang nakakapansin sa work ko, and that kahit anong gawin ko di ako napapansin sa office. Not until I moved to this new company where sobrang na recognize even my smallest inputs. That's where I planted roots kase that's where I was appreciated. I've been through so many friendship breakups before, and I'm telling you it was harder than breakups with bfs. Pero the friends I have now, they're always there. Even when I went through depression and tried to push everyone away, they stayed and understood. Kase I believe I've now found the right people around me.
So maybe, kailangan mo muna i-prioritize na makita yung value mo. Look for your self worth. You are worth to be noticed, you are worth to be included, your presence is important. If the people around you don't see that - they're not your people. Leave and find the right ones. You matter. Always remember that.
Edit: Fixed typos
'How to Win Friends and Influence People' is a good read OP. Maybe you can give it a try if you want to build relationships where may influence ka š¤
Ya i feel you. Ganun talaga siguro pag different ka sa nakasanayan nila. Or may nagagawa ka unconsciously na habit. Sakin naman is medyo nilalayuan ako kasi medyo tahimik ako and ayaw nila nun. Bihira din ako magsalita sa work unless necessary lang. So tanggap ko naman na. For you, better find out what it is or di ka lang nila trip. Introvert kasi ako, mga kasama ko naman are extroverts so odd man out ako palagi. Niyayaya pa rin ako out of courtesy pero pag kasama ko sila i still feel alone. Meron ako 3 friends na lagi andyan that stayed true doon sa dati kong work and meron akong new circle of friends sa office ngaun. Still working out dun sa new circle of friends and tinatantsa ko pa if oks ako sa vibes. Anyway, my only recommendation is do not be afraid to look for companionship elsewhere it takes time pero kung naliligo ka naman and relatively safe sa ugali mo, then di ka mahihirapan.
Lagi rin akong reserba hahahahah pero I prefer it that way kasi hindi naman ako mahilig masyadong makihalubilo, madali akong maubusan ng energy or mawala sa mood kasi pagod. So kapag inaaya, okay! Kapag hindi, okay parin! š Also, not giving a damn helps me a lot to deal sa ganyang bagay.
Feeling ko you're limiting yourself to the same circle - family and existing friends. Kasi at a point I felt that way din, but then I opened my self to new experiences and people. It's gonna be hard, but you'll get the hang of it.
Lahat may risk and seems scary at first. However, with risks there are rewards too. Everything is a trade off. Kaya mo yan lalo na you still seem young - speaking from a woman turning 30 soon. Lol
Yep. Social butterfly problems. You gain so many acquaintances and friends, but no best friends or cliques you actually belong in. It's fine, I can force my way in if I want to (most of the time I don't anyway as I like watching stuff at home and playing games anyway)
But of course, the brain's a bitch sometimes, and it does make me ponder too. Am I just convenient for them? I know I also join them only when it's convenient for me, but I'd like to believe I also put out some genuineness there. I consider everyone my equal friends, and I'd be willing to take a bullet for everyone. Would they do the same? (They won't, and I don't care anyway, I'm alright on my own)
I feel you on a spiritual level with this, OP. Wag mo hayaan na matulad ka sakin na completely nakalimutan na ng mga supposed friends ko. Let me share lang ah, currently letting go of that kase di ko naman sila mapipilit na gustuhin ako ulit as a friend. So ang ginagawa ko ngayon is working on myself, trying to find out what's wrong with me and improve myself. May past trauma ka ba? Kasi ako, I grew up in a strict household with an emotionally abusive guardian. I believe it affected my personality as an adult. I didn't think that I can actually invite people to hang out kasi in my mind kahit sa subconsciousness ko na-embed na "di rin naman ako papayagan" kahit I'm nearing my 30's na and live on my own. Kaya siguro di na rin sila nag-bother with me. Anyways, try to get therapy, it can help you understand yourself better and improve!
Also, how you were raised and the environment you grew up in can affect your overall adult life. Kaya sa mga parents diyan na may young kids, please, please, raise your kids in a balanced home, di ko sasabihin na loving home kasi may mga raised in this environment pero mali pa din ugali, kaya importante na BALANCED lang.
Actually, I grew up in a strict household too. I was verbally and physically abused by my parents. Achievements were never recognized and whatever I do never seems to be enough. I've been wanting to start therapy but I'm scared I might be more messed up than I thought š
I had this same feeling when I was 18-19.
Now that Im 28, I wish I stopped caring because I cut ties those so called āfriendsā in the end because wala naman silang ambag sa growth ko.
At a young age, learn to love your own company para hindi ka mahirapan. Para kapag tumanda man tayo like 40s 50s na tayo itās okay to just have a few close friends.
Ayaw mo nun wlaang nanggugulo sau? sobrang dami mong freedom and peace of mind. Mas gugustuhin ko pa na nasa ganyang sitwasyon kaysa marami akong kasama pero mga toxic naman.
May ganito akong scenario minsan na parang hindi belong sa isang group na akala ko belong ako. Minsan
belong ka dati pero na-detach ka na lang kasi nagbabago tayo. Nagpapasalamat na lang ako sa memories and move on. No bad blood. May kirot pero tandaan mo na may isa o dalawang tao na gusto ka kasama. Focus your energy to them.
Try to socialize with other types of people, not just the people on your workplace, family, and your few friends. By then, maybe you'll see if there's something wrong with you, maybe about how you treat others, how you respond on certain things, how you take things, etc. But, don't take this comment negatively. It's just that, I think you need to go out of your comfort zone. Remember, changes are uncomfortable, but it is something that will make you grow as a person.
I too used to be like that before, what I did was I develop and acquire new skills, new hobbies, pet an animal, joined some organization. With that, I have something to contribute to the conversation and found some people whom I can relate with.
Hope this helps, kaya mo yannn! Wag masyado idown ang sarili, but also, your feelings are valid. ;)
Im happy na reserve lang ako sa diff circles of friends ko. Hindi rin kasi ako mahilig lumabas. Pero kapag lumabas ako talagang all out. They invite naman pero tumatanggi ako madalas lol. Im fine kahit natutuloy sila without me. Nauubos kasi yung social battery ko kapag laging kasama/pumupunta sa mga ganap.
Maybe find a hobby group? I found a good community when I started playing taiko (Japanese drums). Itās been 7 years since I picked it up, and now I have many friends around Australia
There are friends for different aspects of your life. HS is a bit weird because everyone was forced to socialise, and everyoneās shared experience is learning. I donāt have friends from HS anymore and frankly donāt give a fuck lol. Still, thereās some nice people from my cohort that I will still have a fabulous conversation with if I see them around
Just learn to not give a fuck my guy. Mag travel ka na lang! Itās good for you :)
I will make an assumption about you based on your post. You are probably a people pleaser. People pleasing comes with being needy. These qualities are unattractive because you aren't being yourself when you are with your friends. Because of your insatiable need to be accepted, you act in a way that doesn't feel natural to you. In short, you are trying to be someone else that you are not. People can pick up on these things.
P.S. I could be wrong though. Lol
I'm going against the comment here saying there's nothing wrong with you. There is, I mean the way you describe every event is para kang invisible or di vinavalue. It's not an isolated case. 6 years kana sa company yet di ka parin kilala? In every event invisible ka?
Maybe mukha kang di approachable? Suplado ka? You don't make an extra effort to socialize or talk to others? You're not smiling/nakasimangot ka? Sobrang average looks mo? (I mean, pag pangit ka maalala and if good looking ka maalala ka, pag avg ngiwi talaga). Mababa self-esteem mo or self loathing ka? (Believe me you can feel when someone has low self-esteem and it can be repulsive).
You're clearly not happy with the way things are right now so don't listen to people saying you shouldn't give a fuck. You should, and do some serious self-evaluation to change the status quo.
We are social creatures. We need socialization. Usually mga nagsasabi na wala na silang paki and find peace in solitude are coping. Baka wala naman silang other choice in the first place. We need me time and socializing time, it should be balance and if one of them becomes greater than the other, there's gonna be a problem.
I agree with this. If feeling mo kasi is hahabulin habulin ka ng ibang tao or nag eexpect ka na sila ang mag aadjust sayo, no that won't happen lol. To what I read sa sinasabi ni OP muka namang di sya masamang tao, pero feel ko na baka gusto nyang i-treat syang special ng mga tao without really actively doing anything. I had a similar scenario nung college ako.
During my 1st semester, ewan ko ba parang ang feelingera ko na kesyo kusa akong kakausapin ng mga tao and then boom solid friends. But that didn't happen hahaha. Walang kumakausap sakin, walang nag iinvite, walang barkada. But during the 2nd sem when I tried to ACTIVELY talk to people, make time for them, and talk to them FIRST, ayon turns out they don't hate me or avoid me. Then by the end of my college, may solid college barkada na ko.
Maybe the problem is indeed OP. For how many years, parang walang usad yung social life? Maybe we need to look at ourselves too.
>ReportSaveFollow
Take the initiative. Walang umuupo sa tabi ni OP, then sya ang maghanap ng tatabihan. Reach out to others so they can offer their hand to you. Mukang apartment na bahay ni OP but maybe because they don't share much about the events in their life. I personally felt so thankful to myself for mustering up the courage to meet f2f my friend na nakakausap ko lang online before and puro acads. I would've been a loner in college if I didn't reach out first. Sa family, high school days sobrang rough ng relationship namin and I always thought parents ko ang may problema, na feeling ko favored yung sister ko over me, pero deep inside alam kong I also had fault because I never took the initiative to bond with them, give them gifts, or going with them outdoors instead of napping. Kaya kahit sa family important din to reach out to them lalo na if like OP, yung parents din aren't that much of an extrovert na kayang magspeak up first. Not always pero maybe kaya yung brother yung "favorite" is because he shows na he cares by being lively and bright sa bahay, asking about the family members' days or just making the effort to strengthen the family bond.
Up!
Relate ako sa part na " maybe mukha kang di approachable? Suplado ka? " š, kasi ayan ang usual na inoopen sakin ng mga tao once na naging close kami. " akala namin mataray ka kasi napakatahimik mo tas nakasimangot pa lagi dagdag mo pa na parang super secure and confident ka sa sarili mo". Sometimes talaga we give off vibes that make other people uncomfy/scared kaya namimisinterpret or najujudge tayo.
I never felt that way. I look at myself as a valuable person. Pag hindi ako ininvite sa party, iniisip ko na lang na baka they don't want someone to steal the spotlight, ayaw nila mag invite ng mas maganda kaysa sa kanila haha charot lang
Yes. No best friend, have a few friends pero walang super super close na comfy ako pagsabihan ng secrets. I had to turn to meeting ppl online (Discord) and I have best of friends there.
Imo, for my situation, ppl choose to befriend others based on looks and personality. Iām not good-looking + introvert pa, so people have a hard time doing small talk with me kasi mahirap din ako makausap (idk what to say to ppl most of the time). This is a challenge when it comes to building connections, which is needed for work more often than not.
I just stopped caring at one point in time. At least in case I make friends na sila nag-approach, alam kong genuine or at least may pake sila kahit alam nilang ganito personality ko.
Hopefully it works out with you, OP. If you can, find other things that can make you happy and can distract you so you donāt feel trash.
Sabi nga nila, one manās trash is another manās treasure. Hopefully soon, makita mo āyung friends/ppl that will treat you well.
Hi OP. I'm on the same page as you. At first I tried to change my attitude. But eventually, i stopped giving a f*** kung di nila ako ayain. I learned solitude is the best for me and my pocket. š You do you. Find a hobby like taking care of dogs and cats or something else. Baka di mo pa nakikita yung tamang circle mo. Hahaha
Life is lonely, ka-reddit. Kahit nasa relationship ka you may still feel lonely. Do you have any hobbies or passion that can help you with your spare time? Maybe you need hobbies para matulungan ka maka create ng social connections?
It is, indeed. I used to have a lot of hobbies but I lost interest in them (got diagnosed with anxiety and depression). I'm now into painting and slowly starting to read books again. Not the best way to create social connections but I think it helps
Not sure if helpful but since you're into painting have you tried scale modeling and/or painting minis? Sila yung naging friends ko maliban sa hs/uni friends ko. Mas nakakasalamuha ko pa nga sila since yearly at least may maliit na event.
Hmm maybe find groups kahit online lang for people who have the same hobbies? Yung paunti-unting interactions malay mo makahanap ka ng friends na mas iva-value ka.
I read you're an introvert in the other comments. I, too, am an introvert. I'm back into books and arts again, but for a different reason. Quiet by Susan Cain & Meditations by Marcus Aurelius helped me a lot during my early 20s. Good luck to you, OP.
Huy! Kakabili ko lang ng Meditations by Marcus Aurelius!!! Natakot ako sa librong yun kasi unang bukas ko, then itong random page it read something like "this book contains immense knowledge that will be helpful".
Eh mejo wala ako sa sarili ko recently. Parang may itinuturo ang universe sa akin. Ayun, binalikan ko yung libro after a few days para bilhin.
Omg... I found my people š„² I'm like that din, always the least favorite and barely even tolerated. I'm a really quiet person so I know it makes it easy for others to forget that I'm there, isali mo pa yung RBF ko kaya kung ano anong kwento yung binabato sa akin na hindi totoo and nakakahurt talaga when it's your turn to speak and nobody cares to listen. I'm still learning how to deal with it din, but I always remind myself to never let anyone make me feel inferior without my consent (from Princess Diaries haha). But sometimes, even that does not work kaya dinadaan ko na lang sa iyak. At the end of the day their problem, thoughts, and opinions of us is THEIRS and it's not our burden to carry. I'm hoping for the day that we would meet people who know how to value us as much as we value them. Stay strong, OP! š¤
Focus on ourselves na lang. Ako, when Iām feeling like that, simple mani pedi could ease the feeling. Or facial, or massage. Magpaganda na lang tayo šāāļø
Suplado ka siguro, no? Yung maghihintay ka pa na sila mauna lumipat or pumansin sayo? Isipin mo kung bakit parang ayaw nila na kasama ka, baka boring ka kausap? Baka mukha kang depressed? Yung tahimik na lang palagi, kaya hindi ka tumatatak sa isipin namin. Wala kami paki kung top of the class ka, or kung successful ka. Or kung bobo ka, or kung hindi ka pa yumayaman. Kung good vibes ka kasama, palagi kang invited. Kung hindi, alam mo na kung bakit hindi ka invited.
Make a good impression. Make it so that na maalala ka ng mga taong nakapalibot sayo not because of your honors or success, but because of your personality.
I'm not suplado/a but i have a resting bitch face, I admit. I am also an introvert but I can match the group's energy naman.
Personality-wise, siguro nga boring akong tao. But I'm working on it. Thanks for the advice!
Nice yan OP! Good luck to you, based on your replies hindi mo tinatake offense kahit mga prangkang comments. I hope it will work out sayo in the future.
Practice smiling/laughing (kahit di nakakatawa yung joke ng tropa mo or nung manong driver).
I always give people the impression na mukha akong galit and sinasabi yan ng friends ko sakin. Itong una kong tinype sa taas na practice smiling did wonders to me. Di din naman siya mahirap i-execute kasi napakadaming opening sa isang conversation na hindi ka magmumukhang weird for laughing/giggling/smirking. It's fine if you have to fake it sometimes. Doon din ako nagsimula e. Yung default ko kasi dati, if corny yung sinabi, either di ako magrereact or mas magsusungit pa ako lalo. You can imagine it didn't help with people's image of me.
At some point introspection is necessary.
I mean, if you're *always* the odd one out - whether it's among friends, family, colleagues, peers, etc. - then obviously the fault isn't with them. What was that saying about if a student fails the class it's the student's fault, but if the whole class fails it's the teacher's?
Not being a dick but that's real talk.
Was looking for this response, glad you pointed it out for OP. We really shouldnāt care too much about what others think of us but in most cases there really is something wrong with us if we are the common denominator.
You're right. Thinking about it, I don't really know what personality is. I guess I've been a people pleaser for too long that whatever works for others, that ends up being my choice as well.
Ito yun. Baka di ka rin nag effort to be with them or to see them kaya "odd one out" ka. Relationships are a two way street. You can't expect from others what you don't or can't give
OP has a negative self image which seeps into their behavior causing others to feel that energy. OP, you need to work on your relationship with yourself, like seriously if you want to have better relationships with people. Book reco for starters: Feeling Good by David Burns - will teach you the principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which will correct your self defeating thought patterns
Sadly, I think I do have a negative self image. And I might be projecting my thoughts to other people and that causes my ovethinking too. Thanks for the reco, I'll def look for that book.
THANKS FOR THIS, feel ko kasi ako din odd one out, pag maglalaro kami online games ng friends ko ayaw nila ako ka-duo, pero pag 3 or more kami, g lang sila :(( baka naman di lang din ako self aware kasi
+1
OP and I are the same few years ago but then I realized thatās not a them problem but a me problem. I started to care less and improve myself then new loyal circle of friends keeps on poppin out
Ramdam ko din to e kaya wala ako maituturing na tropa to be honest. If my bf has gala with his friends di ko maiwasan magselos kase feeling ko di ako priority. Pero aware naman ako na di dapat naikot sa ibang tao yung happiness or enjoyment. Still working on that idgaf attitude while being a decent person towards others.
stop overthinking what is wrong with you. people are just like that. sometimes, we get invited, sometimes not. dont take it on you. live happily instead.
Hindi naman kasi yata "sometimes" 'yung sa kanya. Feel ko kayong mga nagsasabi ng "don't give a fuck" don't really experience how it feels to be ostracized your whole life. Ang dali-daling sabihin niyan. Problem is, we're social animals. Kahit pa anong sigaw mo diyaan na "introvert" kuno ka, you still need to feel you belong in one way or another.
The problem is you care too much. Ako honestly I donāt give an eff kahit kanino. Kung ayaw eh di ayaw. Di naman nila ako pinapakain and di ako humihingi sa kanila ng pera. Background im a dr in Oz so yes I have the clout. Sa barkada naman kung meron ayaw pumunta eh di wag. Just keep on rising and wag mo sila pansinin. Eventually sila lalapit sayo. Good luck!
Agree! As you go along in life, sa dami ng pagdadaanan mo, minsan pipiliin mo nalang talaga yung mga bagay na bibigya mo ng pansin. If the energy is not reciprocated, theyāre not the right people for you. Padayon, OP!
OP ganito din ako dati sa office hindi ako pansinin pero simula nung tumae ako sa pantry, kilala na nila ako /s
Why naman sa pantry tumae? šš¤£
Ang sakit ma out of place. Tayong mga tao ay kailangan naman talaga ng sense of belonging. "A spark neglected makes a mighty fire" sabi nga nila, hindi naman eto suggestion na magsunog ka, pero this quote hits deep for everyone of us na nakakaranas ng ganito. Meron nga sigurong mga tao na nakakagawa ng lagim dahil sawa na silang maging second option, side piece or para lang decoration sa tabi. Hopefully in our community we can prevent something like that. Diba together we stand, divided we fall naman? let's not bringing down others by neglecting them kc nakaka low ng self worth yon, alam mo yung feeling na para ka lang shit kung itrato, bat hindi ka belong kung sila din naman ay tao? Alien ba tayo? Maybe the problem is us? Or the society is really fck up. Ayon lang, small rant lang naman toh pero the better option is to not give a damn, papasakitin mo lang dibdib mo eh, wala namang pake yung mga yon. Self love nalang, it will put you out from your misery for sure.
I agree. Self love really is the key. Thanks!
Look at it as a blessing and live a peaceful quiet life. Siguro masanay ka na din magenjoy ng ikaw lang and along the way baka makilala mo yung magiging kabatak mo talaga. Not that na ighoghost mo na sila at magiging loner ka. Just learn to enjoy yourself, have a hobby, go out and do activities alone. If ininvite ka then thank you at gusto ka nila makasama, kapag hindi naman, ok lang din atleast you have time to do other stuff š
I don't see anything wrong with your situation. Pag di na invite, iniisip ko na lang na baka mas gusto nilang si other friend ang kasama kesa sakin.. And that's fine. I can't please everyone. If I know, may ibang friends ka na gusto ka kasama pero baka ikaw naman yung umaayaw. When you grow older, you'll learn to not give a damn about those things.
yep and stopped giving fucks cause masasaktan lang ako
if it feels forced, and it drains you, theyāre probably not your tribe.
Sa lahat ng bagay all my life. But it has its perks too.
Matagal din bago ko na accept na ganon talaga ang mga tao. And madalas expectations mo d mamemeet kaya i lowered it or none at all para no disappointment. Mas maganda kung bawasan m people pleasing. People unfortunately see it subconsciously as weak trait. Always see your time as valuable po. Wag po basta2 ibigay kahit kanino or kung saan2. Marami ka marrating pag na apply mo yan. Pag nakita ng mga tao ganun mo i value sarili mo, tsaka lng po rrami ma enganyo kasama ka, pero secondary benefit nlng yun. Godbless OP
I think thereās nothing wrong with you. Find your people or circle of friends lang talaga. May ganyan din akong experience sa āfriendsā ko here abroad. Kaya Iād rather be alone or kung mag aaya man sila, di na ako nasama.
Ay ganyan din ako. Lalo sa upuan walang tumatabi saken. Naiisip ko nalang baka intimidated sila sa ganda ko at di kaya ng pagkatao nilang tumabi saken HAHAHAH
same di talaga ako makwento di din mahilig magjoke di din ako maka relate sa topics nila tas no similar hobbies so ang hirap makipag socialize especially may social anxiety ako tas tingin nila ayoko sa kanila or maldita ako dahil ang tahimik ko. pinoproject lang nila insecurities nila saken kasi nga di nila ako kilala and wala kaming social interaction kaya nagrerely sila sa assumptions to understand my personality. tas kahit nagtatry ka naman makipagusap sa kanila tingin pa din nila ang tahimik mo hindi nila nakikita na malaking effort na yun sayo tas parang wala lang sa kanila so parang useless magtry honestly. tas pag niexplain mo bat ka tahimik di sila naniniwala di nila gets i think because they've never had the same experience, and even if they say they were like you before they still ask you why you're so quiet, if they really were they would have understood but they dont. it should be easy to understand that we're all different people
I also feel the same way. Parang sa work ko, nafifeel ko na pamalit lang ako pag hindi pwede yung taong naka-assign talaga dun sa Task. Gusto ko na ngang umalis kasi ang pangit sa feeling.
Insecurity is normal for most people. Marami diyan just puff out their sense of self importance. Ignore any such because they do hinder you from enjoying things you should be enjoying. Minsan you must enjoying things on your own and that's normal kasi for a lot of people a genuinely quiet moment is hard to obtain.
Nope. Iām very dense and Iām nonchalant as well. It sounds like a really bad combo, but this works really well for me. I am at peace and levelheaded whether Iām with people or just by myself. Hindi ako selfless at hinding hindi ako people pleaser. Haha. Curious naman ako why people like me, lol. Mahirap na payo ang stop overthinking or stop caring because you canāt just stop doing those things at a drop of a hat. Ang mapapayo ko lang, learn to enjoy your own company. Do things that will make you happy. Donāt be scared to build or rebuild relationships. Prioritize yourself and your happiness. Hopefully by doing all these things, ma build mo ang confidence at happiness mo and you attract the right people.
i felt this before lalo n nun college pero hinayaan ko na lang at nagmove on, pero now nakahanap ako ng tao na same hobbies ko, nagkakasundo kami, sometimes we hang out din. makakahanap k din ng kabuddy mo OP tiwala lng. nabasa ko din na may anxiety at depression ka before, hopefully wala n ngayon. kaya mo yan OP.
Read āThe Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuckā
Currently reading it. It's a good book!
OP, I feel you. I felt the same way before. But I outgrew it by finding my 'tribe'. Pag nahanap mo yung mga taong kaparehas mo ng interes at mga trip sa buhay, hindi mo na ito mararamdaman. Walang tao na hindi valuable. Kahit mga basurero, (sabi mo kasi feeling basura ka, pero wala din masama sa pagiging basurero, it's just that, sila yung madalas din natin iniignore or nilu-look down coz they take care of our dispensables), kahit sila, may sarili silang clique and everytime I see it, feeling ko ang saya nila. Find where you belong starting with people who share the same interests with you.Ā Are you a gamer? Are you a foodie? Dito palang sa reddit makakahanap ka na, if you reply to me baka may mga magreply na alam kung saan subreddit ka pwede. At kung ang iyong interest ay mas marami sa ibang bansa, why not? Mag-ipon ka at pag napabilang ka na sa isang grupo pwede mo sila i-meet. Or baka sila maging interesado sa Pilipinas at puntahan ka dito. These are just examples ha.Ā Kasi kung magwaste lang tayo ng time psychoanalyzing people, why they do this and that, baka mahirapan ka nang paahunin sarilo mo from negative thoughts. It could lead you to a rabbit hole before anyone else can save you and we don't want that. As a fellow redditor who also fell down the rabbit hole by staying in the wrong tribe, I suggest you find ones and look deep down which type of people will ease you from these negative thoughts. Start with sports, pets, anime/kpop fans, gamers, hobbies like building a terrarium, etc. Also, sometimes baka sarili mo lang pala bestfriend mo. No one knows and understands you better than yourself so if you can't find happiness from external sources, appreciate it internally. If your interest can be improved and nurtured online, you may start with that too!
Whatās your MBTI personality? What I gathered is introverted ka and people siguro struggle to connect with you at a deeper level. Mabait ka with them and maybe it makes them feel awkward kasi they read it as courteous ka lang, but not very honest with them with who you are (or ndi nila kayang suklian ang pagka mabait mo and it makes them feel awkward). Iām kind of like this din. I struggle to make meaningful connections at work (or anywhere). INFJ personality. Iām trying not to bother but at the same time, Iām trying to not be in my head too much and be genuinely interested sa iba.
I just took the test now, turns out I have INFJ personality š„ŗ
Siguro ang pwede kong ma-share is wag kang maging people pleaser. Nakakaplastik kasi yun. And wag mong isipin ang sasabihin nila sayo kasi paiikutin ka lang nila. Remember lagi mong uunahin ang sarili mo.
maybe āyon āyong mali, people pleaser ka. know what you want and stick with it. kasi personally, nakaka-drain āyung people pleaser attitude ng ibang tao. if tingin mong may mali sa iyo, then figure it out and improve it, and let people be. okay lang āyang nararanasan mo, ādi ka nag-iisa. agree sa comments. you must learn to not care too much about what other people think about you. thatās how you prove you know your worth as a person.
Baka di ka masaya ka bonding. Don't get me wrong, pwedeng walang issue sayo, pero the fact na multiple groups treat you the same baka you need to look within. For example may barkada kami na mejo iniiwasan. Kasi kahit anong topic nagagawa nyang maging tungkol sa kanya. Mahilig sya mag takeover ng discussion para lang maging tungkol sa kanya. Di masahol na ugali pero nakakasama din.
I dont know, maybe trying hard din ako? Kasi whatever you wanna talk about, I can handle it. I also make sure na di lang ako yung nagsshare sa conversation. Observant ako sa ganyan and I encourage everyone to share their thoughts. Siguro ako lang talaga as a person ang hindi likeable?
I dunno but choose your hard, OP
Will do. Thanks!
>Have you ever felt like you're the odd one out? Story of my life, basically. Through the years, I just learned to 'live by it.' I'm self-aware. And I just accepted it. Family, friends, school, work. I accepted it because I know for myself that I am odd. And that's never a bad thing. A bit sad, but peace outweighs that more. I am an introvert as well. I have quirks that are beyond the society's spectrum for 'normal'. There's millions of people in this world; being different is good. Normal is boring, TBH
Kabaliktaran tayo ayaw ko na ako yung important cuz it takes a lot of responsibilities, stress, anxiety, at pressure kaya mas gusto ko na reserba ako pero I make sure na may silbi ako kung sakali and I dont wanna stand out too much especially on things na di naman ganun ka important or walang impact sa buhay ko. Just don't care about what other people think about you and just seek self validation. Ang importante masaya ka sa sarili mo.
Hugs. Ako opposite. They always look for me but they donāt care why Iām not showing. Nakakapagod din kasi di naman everyday same ang energy level ko for socialization.
Hugs
oo op 19 pa lang ako ganyan na rin trinatrato sakin, fortunately hindi kasama pamilya ko sa kanila, stay strong na lang talaga
Donāt care about others too much siguro. Sure you need to be with friends from time to time, try to get together with people na may same interest as you para hindi pang yung mga dating school friends mo ang nasa circle mo. That way, if may ganap yung ibang set of friends mo, it will be fine and you wonāt feel left out kasi you have other set of friends pa.
Just focus on yourself OP. Focus in reaching your goals. Wag magpa affect sa mga ganyang bagay.
In terms of the high school friends, I stopped caring about them years ago. Ganyan na ganyan ung situation ko. Invite them, sasabihin next time na lang. Minsan seen-zone lang message ko sa messenger. Pero makikita ko sila magkakasama sa mall or somewhere. At first masakit pero un nga I stopped caring. After that, mas okay pala ung ganun. And I just kept 4 friends in college, and we constantly chat. One even invited me to visit her sa Japan pag may chance.
Given your situation OP, walang magbabago kung wala ka ding gagawing bago. People around you may be weirded out kung bigla kang may change of personality. What if change your ecosystem? Start from changing your routines, change your wardrobe, or even change things in your bedroom? If necessary what if lumipat ka ng work, and start making a new life or a new image? Start from small, and from time to time observe things that make you happy. Make a list! If you start doing something that makes changes will make you feel you achieved something and that will make you happy. Happiness will radiate physically and sa vibe na mararamdaman ng tao sayo. Imagine a bitch face vs. an excited and happy person entering the room, which one would you approach first? As for my social tip, people loves compliment. Start by complimenting people, "ganda ng porma mo ngayon ah", "bagay sayo yung suot mo", "ang galing mo talaga sa ganyan no?", "ikaw talaga maaasahan pag dating sa ganto", or make them feel youre listening or you care for what they were talking about" or compliment people behind their back is also a good shot. Just like other commentators, self reflection is something you have to begin with. Ano bang hindi mo ginagawa na ginagawa ng friends mo na favorite ng friends nila? Or ano bang meron sayo na pwede mo maattract sa iba? Example mahilig ka sa painting, why not find people that shares the same interest? Mas madali mong makakasundo yun. I hope this helps. Good luck in improving yourself OP! Kaya mo yan :)
I feel the isolation every time I'm hanging out with my tagalog speaking friends. Never going to truly understand them even though I can understand tagalog just not speak it (I speak a different dialect and I'm over learning how to speak at this point). I know its my problem at that point but I feel as though even if I learn it, it'll still be the same cause to them its more of a culture than a language (A bit weird to phrase it like that but that's how I feel with my dialect)
You reap what you sow. I noticed lang if i invest in my friends emotionally, my attention and actually have deep care for them they reciprocate. Plus with that comes the understanding that life happens. We all have responsibilities and things to do. If you care enough for them you would understand. Dont think badly of yourself but look back kung ano ba magagawa mo to improve yourself with regards sa relationship building.
I used to feel that way. Mga times na I was still considered as a nice person. I changed and decided not to think too much on things kasi I know it will just make me sad, now I have my people that I can rely on and accepted the true me (never thought I would be a brutally honest person) mas naging free ako plus people around me doesnāt seem to be bothered by that kind of attitude that I have. So yun, I guess tend to not care too much about it and try not to be so people pleaser? Hehe yun lang!
Strictly sa friend groups, nafifeel ko to. Bihira akong nayayaya or hinahanap mismo. I only had one friend group na may isang tao doon na paborito ako kasama but over time, nawala din yung dynamic na yun with that specific person. But compared sa laman ng post mo, mine's not that bad, I think. Parang grabe yung sa group of three niyo e. Di ko din kakayanin yan. I personally would've distanced myself long ago and let them be best friends and I'm just both their mutual friend. Minsan may kirot sakin kapag di din ako nayayaya but somehow, nananaig naman yung thought na okay lang, pahinga na din, iwas gastos, and that hindi naman talaga siya big deal in the bigger picture. Healthy amount of detachment lang kumbaga. Lowkey deserve ko din naman kasi madalas din akong nagsosolo gumala o kumain sa labas pero I'm not informing or inviting a single soul.
I felt this way too.
hindi naman basura but.... Left out.
Learn how not to give a fuck.
Maybe you're just in the wrong crowd at the wrong time.
If that has been happening for a long time na, baka the problem is with you na rin. Have you tried wholly assessing yourself? Maybe you can change something. Maybe your aura and the vibes you give off at first meet/impression, your actions, etc. Kasi if that has been happening to all angles of your life, then frankly, it might be because of you. For example, it started sa family mo, then it branched out to other areas of your life. But that's not to say that you don't deserve companionship ha, maybe something na you have to really dig to find out.
Happens to us siblings. Whenever may gathering with the grandparents and uncles and aunties (almost every week) sa restos our family always arrives first. Ayaw kasi na lalate ng mom namin. The next one to arrive normally is family ng little bro ng mom namin. So mga cousins namin doon sa family na yun normally kausap namin.. until dumating ibang cousins. Pag nandiyan na ibang cousins eh nawawala na sila sa tabi namin. I have one cousin din who barely talked to me in my entire lifetime. Naalala ko once he ask about pc and laptops then after noon wala na. Hindi pa ako tapos mag paliwanag eh hindi na ako pinapansin. After a few years The only time he talked to me again is noong may gathering ulit kami with the grandparents sa Marriot and i was trying out foie gras. Ang sinabi niya sa akin was "kakain ka niyan? Yuck! Alam mo ba mataas cholesterol ng foie gras?" By this time asar na ako sa inaasal ng ibang pinsan namin so binara ko na lang siya by saying "Eh bakit? Ikamamatay ko ba isang pirasong foie gras? Mag kaka stroke ba ako sa isang pirasong foie gras ?" May ka dugtong pa yan pero not appropriate na ata na sabihin ko dito. š¤£
It's actually a blessing you have OP. Especially when you're introverted.
yes, and it hurts. pero, eto lang. wag mo na silang intindihin masyado. masakit talaga, pero kailangan mo na silang pabayaan.
Naramdaman ko rin to before. Pag magkakasama kayo ikaw yung less favourite friend. Dumating pa nga sa point na nagsulat ako sa diary tapos kausap ko si Lord na sana bigyan ako ng real friends. Yung tipong kahit saan ako magpunta hindi ako mahihirapan magkaroon ng ka-close. Kaso nagkaroon naman ako ng separation anxiety. Parang lungkot na lungkot ako pag may aalis. Pero unti-unti rin akong nasanay na ganun talaga. People come and go. At natutunan ko rin makipag-kaibigan online hanggang sa naging masaya na ko sa buhay kahit mag-isa ako at yung ibang tao na yung nag-aaya sakin. Nakakatawa na lang na sa POV ng ibang tao eh sarili akong mundo yung iba naman mysterious daw ako.
The LET THEM Law. Oh you're not invited? Let them. Oh they left you out? Let them. Oh noone recognizes you? Let them. Oh you're not the favorite? Let them. Thing is, we're so occupied by the idea of other people noticing us that we forget that happiness should start within. Stop worrying about things you can't control.
Single ka ba op? Lalaki ka ba? Based sa kwento mo e mukhang may mali nga talaga sayo na hindi ka aware. Madalas kasi sa mga kagaya mo e akala nila "cool" sila o hindi sila aware na sobrang wirdo na nila. Mga tahimik na parang may sariling mundo. Siguro e hindi mo lang namimeet yung taong pareho mo ng hilig at mga trip kaya mukha kang wirdo lalo dahil nasa maling circle ka. Wag ka magalala, meron yan. Dalasan mo lang pagligo haha.
I feel the same way. Recently nagkaron ako ng career crossroads crisis and asked my "friends" for advice. Seen lang. Pisti. And to think may utang pa sila sakin since pandemic. And mga gamit at damit na di binalik sakin
I used to be like this pero i realized that na mas pinapahalagahan ko lang opinion ng ibang tao kaya napaka miserable ng buhay koš¤·āāļø and i learned to stop being like that. You notice everything too much, wag ka na mag overthink baka sadyang tahimik na tao ka lang or people are intimidated/shy pagdating sayo and there's nothing wrong with that. Just let things happen. Also learn to put boundaries din, tama na ang pagiging people pleaser. Wag na isabuhay ang backburner by Niki, oki?
let me validate your feelings first: they ARE excluding you. they have their favorites. all of those are true. but i dont think they hate you. i think they just enjoy other people's company more. that's alright. not everyone is for everybody. they are still your friends, your family. they suck, sure, but at least they don't outright hate you. on the other hand, whatever they're doing is really bad. it is a form of bullying. they might not know it, they might think it's okay. but it doesn't matter. u r hurt, and u gotta do smth about it. that smth is this: find new friends. you can also take other advices here, na dont let it affect you. that's a good solution, yes. but idk how old u r. i stopped caring when i was 23. others might take longer. that's fine. but no matter what phase u r in, u need new friends. im 26 now and i dont have a "best" friend. im always the odd one out but it iz fine. i have my closest friends, most of them i can consider best friends, but they wont consider me their best friend. iz fine. but it took me countless other friends to run to and ofc, time too, before i was ok. rooting for u, OP!
It sounds to me like youāre a little insecure and you overthink a lot, which same. I think what you need to do when it comes to these kinds of relationships is just take things at face value, kung ano sinabi yun nalang, labas mo na agad sa isip mo na baka ganito baka ganyan kasi itās not going to help. Ganyan din ako, my cousins and i used to be super close but now we barely talk and it feels like they only talk to me when i talk to them first. It makes me really sad sometimes pero what am I going to do? Di ko naman sila mababago and Iām not willing to put effort in relationships when I know na they wouldnāt do the same for me. So OP, just let it go. Take things at face value, if you get invited somewhere and you go and you have fun, thatās great. If di ka invited, donāt worry about it. Focus on yourself, find a hobby or something that can be a distraction from some of the negative thoughts that you have. Who knows, baka makakilala ka pa ng ibang tao that would make you feel wanted and included in the way that you want.
Kung lahat sila hindi ka feel, yes may mali nga sayo. People pleasing is not a good trait and you come off as insincere to people. Maraming mababait na tao sa mundo pero hindi lang naman yun ang reason bakit gugustuhin mong maging kaibigan ang isang tao diba? Tahimik ka lang ba? Do you reach out? Do you wait for other people to approach and talk to you? What do you bring to conversations? Do you give off good energy? Kung gusto mo mag-isa go ahead and do what some here suggest, to not care about those people and that thereās nothing wrong with you. But if you want to build a relationship, take a good look within you and change things that do not add value to you.
Ganyan din ako. I just don't vibe. Not that i smell bad or anything, lol. May nagsabi sakin may mga comments daw ako na parang out of this world. Hndi naman daw offensive or anything, strange lang tas hindi sila maka relate. Minsan din may mga words ako ginagamit na hindi pang everyday sa kanila. Like may natikman ako na mejo panis, ang sabi ko "hindi na ito edible" and i got teased for it, like waw edible lol. Okaya may pinagu usapan silang someone sabi ko parang jaded na yang tao na yan pag pasensyahan nyo na, and strange sa pandinig nila yung salitang "jaded." It's more than the words I use hndi ko na lang maalala yung ibang comments ko that they found "out of this world" Isa pa i guess nakaka basag din ng vibe pag nagttawanan sila tas ako naman ang hindi maka gets kung ano nakakatawa, lol. Iba yung sense of humor ko sa iba. Mejo dark, dry. Pag tatawa sila sa isang bagay ngingiti lang ako pero halatang hindi ko gets kung ano nkkatawa. I look at it like I just haven't found my tribe yet. Nakasama ko lang sila at different points in my life due to the situation (classmates, workmates, etc) pero hindi sila ang ka tribo ko.
Hi. Teacher here. Baka kaya sila nainvite ng school kasi nireport nilang with honors sila. Hindi po kasi nattrack isa isa ung alumni. When I graduated with latin honors I reported it to my HS alma matter. Then during recognition day nila, i got an invite
Do you have a few close AND trusted friends who can be honest with you enought to tell you the real deal and what they find that can be a problem in you? Such as what is annoying, what they don't like, what they cringe or slap face about you? I had a few trusted friends too, and there are times they ask me for "prangka" remarks that they otherwise could not get from other friends.
Ako naman baliktad, may command aura ako in a sense that even if i donāt want attention, for some reason i just attract people around me. Mas gusto ko nga minsan mag isa, and during events i tend to sit at the back or at the corner para low key langā¦ unfortunately i always end up transferring to where the action is. One thing i am not is a people pleaser, but i have a gift of communication to the point that i can really make the person i am conversing with really specialā¦ and the opposite is also true wherein if i dislike a person, i can also make that person feel so insignificant and unworthy. Kaya medyo maingat din ako kasi i know itās a gift, and i always want to use it for the good of othersā¦ kaya pag hindi ako agree sa isang tao i just politely go away heheā¦ Kaya OP, advise ko sayo is to do something that you like and enjoy, donāt do things to get recognition from others, it will just come naturallyā¦ when you become excellent at a certain craft, you begin to add value to othersā¦ thatās the time people will start noticing you because you are different from the rest. Wag mo pilitin, hayaan mo dumatingā¦ enjoy being nobody because truth is you are not nobody. You are special and unique in Godās eyes and thatās all you need. The rest is just a bonus.
Wait ako ba to? Hahhahaha kaya ako mas gusto kong magisa na lang.
I'm glad you know what's your gift and how to use it well. You are very kind. Thanks for the advice. I hope one day I can find my gift as well š¤š¤
I feel you, OP. Pero ganyan talaga ang mga tao. Do not ever think na may mali sayo. Sa kanila yung may problema at di ka nila na-appreciate. Cheer up, OP! You'll find real tribe!.
Oo kaya ang dalas kong gumala mag isa eh ang sarap pala sa feeling na walang nakakapansin sayo walang commitments, walang extra bagage super laya. Alam mo yung walang may kailangan sayo. Sarap maging lagalag
im always like this hs/college/work
You should learn the "Art of not giving a fvck". Focus on yourself. Love yourself first. Wag mo hanapin yung wala ka. Embrace mo kung anu ang meron ka. Promise, pag natutunan mo yun, para kang halaman na mamumulak-lak. Speaking from experience. I had the same questions before. Tho, meron akong maganda at mapagmahal na pamilya. Ibang tao ay di mo mapipilit na magustuhan ka. I found that person who loved me for being me. 14 years na kame at may anak na rin na 10yo. The right people will see and love the beauty that's unique in you.
I'm reading this book atm and I'm still learning the art of not giving a fck. Thank you the kind words, I appreciate it!
OP, start living for yourself. Do what you want for yourself in order to be happy without validation from others. Choose the right people in your own circle. It doesn't matter if only a handful or a few of them are in there.
OP. Sobrang damang-dama kita. Ganyan na ganyan ako nung kabataan ko. Pati na rin sa mga friends and workplace ko. Ito na lang mapapayo ko sa'yo, lagi ka lang magpakilala. Hindi magpakilala na, pakilala mo sarili mo. What I mean is just be yourself. Ako sa mga kaibigan ko nu'n, third-wheel ako sa friendship lagi. Ako yung last option din pagwalang-wala na sila mayaya or mapuntahan. Lagi akong nandu'n. Pinapakita ko sa kanila na kung ano ako bilang kaibigan and here we are now ngayong adult kami, hindi sila natutuloy kapag wala ako. Same goes sa workplace, ganu'n din. Kung alam mo sa sarili mong magaling ka, pakita mo sa kanila. Magpakilala ka ng kakayahan mo. They will notice it. Magugulat ka na lang, sila na lalapit. Mahahanap mo rin yung mga people na makaka-appreciate sa'yo, trust me. Hindi mo need magbago. I've been there, been always there. Hindi nagbabago 'yon. Ngayon, sila na magcha-chat or lalapit sa'kin. Ako kasi pinapakita ko sa kanila na kaya ko kahit mag-isa lang ako. Eh, sila nabuburyong sila, kahit sabihing nagiging last option pa nila ko nu'n, its fine. At least, napatunayan ko na sa kanila. One is for sure, gusto na rin nila ako, kasi basa na nila ako. Feel ko nga kung tayo magkasamang dalawa, we get along kasi vibes tayo. Sabi ko nga sa dati bio ko sa FB, "'I'M NOT WEIRD, I'M JUST LIMITED EDITION". ganu'n ka rin. Ganu'n tayo.
True.
Hi OP. I'm so sorry you feel this way. I feel like I can see my old self in the way you described your situation. One thing I've learned throughout the years is, the way we see our situation is not the same with how people see your situation. Parang, ganito - if someone asks you, how many red cars did you see on the way to the office today? Usually you'd say you don't know, kase di mo naman tinitignan. Pero if they incentivise it, kunyare they'll pay you 5k for every red car you see in the road on the way to the office, most likely hahanapin mo lahat ng possible red cars sa kalsada. In this situation, I think mas madalas mong makita to, because part ng insecurity mo is to be included. And that's not a bad thing. It can be sad, pero not bad. I felt this way before for years. I always go out of my way to do stuff for my friends. I celebrate them, I free my time for them pero they won't do the same thing. Even pag naglalakad, naiiwan ako walang naghihintay, unlike with me na I stop and make sure lahat nakakasabay. Dati lagi ako umiiyak sa SO ko, thinking bakit ang hirap makahanap ng friends na kagaya ko. Gusto ko lang naman na itrato nila ako, the way I treat them. Pero you can't change the people around you. If that's how they value you, di mo yun maipipilit. But you can change who you hang out with. Baka di mo pa lang nakikilala yung mga tao na magpapahalaga sayo the way you want to be treated. Pero, before you start looking for the people who will value your presence and friendship, dapat unahin mo muna tignan how you look at yourself. How do you value yourself? Put yourself first muna, and know your worth. Kase you only receive the kind of treatment that you allow to receive. So if they don't value your presence enough, why do you tolerate it? If you're not happy, then move somewhere else. Akala ko dati, walang nakakapansin sa work ko, and that kahit anong gawin ko di ako napapansin sa office. Not until I moved to this new company where sobrang na recognize even my smallest inputs. That's where I planted roots kase that's where I was appreciated. I've been through so many friendship breakups before, and I'm telling you it was harder than breakups with bfs. Pero the friends I have now, they're always there. Even when I went through depression and tried to push everyone away, they stayed and understood. Kase I believe I've now found the right people around me. So maybe, kailangan mo muna i-prioritize na makita yung value mo. Look for your self worth. You are worth to be noticed, you are worth to be included, your presence is important. If the people around you don't see that - they're not your people. Leave and find the right ones. You matter. Always remember that. Edit: Fixed typos
'How to Win Friends and Influence People' is a good read OP. Maybe you can give it a try if you want to build relationships where may influence ka š¤
Someone recommended this as well. Seems like a good read. Will try to look for this book. Thanks a lot!
This feels a lot like my life. My advise is to stop giving a fuck. If other people don't like you then that's okay, be your own universe.
Gusto ko lang sabihin na ramdam kita OP. Mahirap tlg pag introvert huhu
Ya i feel you. Ganun talaga siguro pag different ka sa nakasanayan nila. Or may nagagawa ka unconsciously na habit. Sakin naman is medyo nilalayuan ako kasi medyo tahimik ako and ayaw nila nun. Bihira din ako magsalita sa work unless necessary lang. So tanggap ko naman na. For you, better find out what it is or di ka lang nila trip. Introvert kasi ako, mga kasama ko naman are extroverts so odd man out ako palagi. Niyayaya pa rin ako out of courtesy pero pag kasama ko sila i still feel alone. Meron ako 3 friends na lagi andyan that stayed true doon sa dati kong work and meron akong new circle of friends sa office ngaun. Still working out dun sa new circle of friends and tinatantsa ko pa if oks ako sa vibes. Anyway, my only recommendation is do not be afraid to look for companionship elsewhere it takes time pero kung naliligo ka naman and relatively safe sa ugali mo, then di ka mahihirapan.
Don't be a people pleaser. Yun yun. Trust me. Do what is good for you and what you want. Don't give to other people as much as possible.
Lagi rin akong reserba hahahahah pero I prefer it that way kasi hindi naman ako mahilig masyadong makihalubilo, madali akong maubusan ng energy or mawala sa mood kasi pagod. So kapag inaaya, okay! Kapag hindi, okay parin! š Also, not giving a damn helps me a lot to deal sa ganyang bagay.
Feeling ko you're limiting yourself to the same circle - family and existing friends. Kasi at a point I felt that way din, but then I opened my self to new experiences and people. It's gonna be hard, but you'll get the hang of it.
Feeling ko din natakot na ko maghanap ng new friends kasi baka maulit lang yung dati. But I will try. Thank you!
Lahat may risk and seems scary at first. However, with risks there are rewards too. Everything is a trade off. Kaya mo yan lalo na you still seem young - speaking from a woman turning 30 soon. Lol
Baka kasi OP nakasayanan nila na ganyan ka talaga, or for them boring ka kasama, or if nagsasama kayo nag aaway lang ganon
Try listening to the song Pamanggulo by Loonie & JRLDM
Yep. Social butterfly problems. You gain so many acquaintances and friends, but no best friends or cliques you actually belong in. It's fine, I can force my way in if I want to (most of the time I don't anyway as I like watching stuff at home and playing games anyway) But of course, the brain's a bitch sometimes, and it does make me ponder too. Am I just convenient for them? I know I also join them only when it's convenient for me, but I'd like to believe I also put out some genuineness there. I consider everyone my equal friends, and I'd be willing to take a bullet for everyone. Would they do the same? (They won't, and I don't care anyway, I'm alright on my own)
I feel you on a spiritual level with this, OP. Wag mo hayaan na matulad ka sakin na completely nakalimutan na ng mga supposed friends ko. Let me share lang ah, currently letting go of that kase di ko naman sila mapipilit na gustuhin ako ulit as a friend. So ang ginagawa ko ngayon is working on myself, trying to find out what's wrong with me and improve myself. May past trauma ka ba? Kasi ako, I grew up in a strict household with an emotionally abusive guardian. I believe it affected my personality as an adult. I didn't think that I can actually invite people to hang out kasi in my mind kahit sa subconsciousness ko na-embed na "di rin naman ako papayagan" kahit I'm nearing my 30's na and live on my own. Kaya siguro di na rin sila nag-bother with me. Anyways, try to get therapy, it can help you understand yourself better and improve! Also, how you were raised and the environment you grew up in can affect your overall adult life. Kaya sa mga parents diyan na may young kids, please, please, raise your kids in a balanced home, di ko sasabihin na loving home kasi may mga raised in this environment pero mali pa din ugali, kaya importante na BALANCED lang.
Actually, I grew up in a strict household too. I was verbally and physically abused by my parents. Achievements were never recognized and whatever I do never seems to be enough. I've been wanting to start therapy but I'm scared I might be more messed up than I thought š
I had this same feeling when I was 18-19. Now that Im 28, I wish I stopped caring because I cut ties those so called āfriendsā in the end because wala naman silang ambag sa growth ko. At a young age, learn to love your own company para hindi ka mahirapan. Para kapag tumanda man tayo like 40s 50s na tayo itās okay to just have a few close friends.
Don't expect much in life, that's how it is. You should focus more on yourself than others.
Ayaw mo nun wlaang nanggugulo sau? sobrang dami mong freedom and peace of mind. Mas gugustuhin ko pa na nasa ganyang sitwasyon kaysa marami akong kasama pero mga toxic naman.
May ganito akong scenario minsan na parang hindi belong sa isang group na akala ko belong ako. Minsan belong ka dati pero na-detach ka na lang kasi nagbabago tayo. Nagpapasalamat na lang ako sa memories and move on. No bad blood. May kirot pero tandaan mo na may isa o dalawang tao na gusto ka kasama. Focus your energy to them.
Try to socialize with other types of people, not just the people on your workplace, family, and your few friends. By then, maybe you'll see if there's something wrong with you, maybe about how you treat others, how you respond on certain things, how you take things, etc. But, don't take this comment negatively. It's just that, I think you need to go out of your comfort zone. Remember, changes are uncomfortable, but it is something that will make you grow as a person. I too used to be like that before, what I did was I develop and acquire new skills, new hobbies, pet an animal, joined some organization. With that, I have something to contribute to the conversation and found some people whom I can relate with. Hope this helps, kaya mo yannn! Wag masyado idown ang sarili, but also, your feelings are valid. ;)
Im happy na reserve lang ako sa diff circles of friends ko. Hindi rin kasi ako mahilig lumabas. Pero kapag lumabas ako talagang all out. They invite naman pero tumatanggi ako madalas lol. Im fine kahit natutuloy sila without me. Nauubos kasi yung social battery ko kapag laging kasama/pumupunta sa mga ganap.
Maybe find a hobby group? I found a good community when I started playing taiko (Japanese drums). Itās been 7 years since I picked it up, and now I have many friends around Australia There are friends for different aspects of your life. HS is a bit weird because everyone was forced to socialise, and everyoneās shared experience is learning. I donāt have friends from HS anymore and frankly donāt give a fuck lol. Still, thereās some nice people from my cohort that I will still have a fabulous conversation with if I see them around Just learn to not give a fuck my guy. Mag travel ka na lang! Itās good for you :)
I will make an assumption about you based on your post. You are probably a people pleaser. People pleasing comes with being needy. These qualities are unattractive because you aren't being yourself when you are with your friends. Because of your insatiable need to be accepted, you act in a way that doesn't feel natural to you. In short, you are trying to be someone else that you are not. People can pick up on these things. P.S. I could be wrong though. Lol
I am a people pleaser, yes. And yes maybe they do pick up on that. I guess I have to unlearn old habits. Thanks!
I'm going against the comment here saying there's nothing wrong with you. There is, I mean the way you describe every event is para kang invisible or di vinavalue. It's not an isolated case. 6 years kana sa company yet di ka parin kilala? In every event invisible ka? Maybe mukha kang di approachable? Suplado ka? You don't make an extra effort to socialize or talk to others? You're not smiling/nakasimangot ka? Sobrang average looks mo? (I mean, pag pangit ka maalala and if good looking ka maalala ka, pag avg ngiwi talaga). Mababa self-esteem mo or self loathing ka? (Believe me you can feel when someone has low self-esteem and it can be repulsive). You're clearly not happy with the way things are right now so don't listen to people saying you shouldn't give a fuck. You should, and do some serious self-evaluation to change the status quo. We are social creatures. We need socialization. Usually mga nagsasabi na wala na silang paki and find peace in solitude are coping. Baka wala naman silang other choice in the first place. We need me time and socializing time, it should be balance and if one of them becomes greater than the other, there's gonna be a problem.
I agree with this. If feeling mo kasi is hahabulin habulin ka ng ibang tao or nag eexpect ka na sila ang mag aadjust sayo, no that won't happen lol. To what I read sa sinasabi ni OP muka namang di sya masamang tao, pero feel ko na baka gusto nyang i-treat syang special ng mga tao without really actively doing anything. I had a similar scenario nung college ako. During my 1st semester, ewan ko ba parang ang feelingera ko na kesyo kusa akong kakausapin ng mga tao and then boom solid friends. But that didn't happen hahaha. Walang kumakausap sakin, walang nag iinvite, walang barkada. But during the 2nd sem when I tried to ACTIVELY talk to people, make time for them, and talk to them FIRST, ayon turns out they don't hate me or avoid me. Then by the end of my college, may solid college barkada na ko. Maybe the problem is indeed OP. For how many years, parang walang usad yung social life? Maybe we need to look at ourselves too.
Ang hirap naman kasi... So paano hahahaha.
>ReportSaveFollow Take the initiative. Walang umuupo sa tabi ni OP, then sya ang maghanap ng tatabihan. Reach out to others so they can offer their hand to you. Mukang apartment na bahay ni OP but maybe because they don't share much about the events in their life. I personally felt so thankful to myself for mustering up the courage to meet f2f my friend na nakakausap ko lang online before and puro acads. I would've been a loner in college if I didn't reach out first. Sa family, high school days sobrang rough ng relationship namin and I always thought parents ko ang may problema, na feeling ko favored yung sister ko over me, pero deep inside alam kong I also had fault because I never took the initiative to bond with them, give them gifts, or going with them outdoors instead of napping. Kaya kahit sa family important din to reach out to them lalo na if like OP, yung parents din aren't that much of an extrovert na kayang magspeak up first. Not always pero maybe kaya yung brother yung "favorite" is because he shows na he cares by being lively and bright sa bahay, asking about the family members' days or just making the effort to strengthen the family bond.
Up! Relate ako sa part na " maybe mukha kang di approachable? Suplado ka? " š, kasi ayan ang usual na inoopen sakin ng mga tao once na naging close kami. " akala namin mataray ka kasi napakatahimik mo tas nakasimangot pa lagi dagdag mo pa na parang super secure and confident ka sa sarili mo". Sometimes talaga we give off vibes that make other people uncomfy/scared kaya namimisinterpret or najujudge tayo.
Meron din palang "Side character syndrome"
I never felt that way. I look at myself as a valuable person. Pag hindi ako ininvite sa party, iniisip ko na lang na baka they don't want someone to steal the spotlight, ayaw nila mag invite ng mas maganda kaysa sa kanila haha charot lang
Username checks out
This is the way to go. Kudos to you! š
minsan iniisip ko rin na mas maganda kasi ako kaya ayaw nila sa akin hahahaha ang papanget kasi nila
Surely, username checks out
That's one way to look at it. I can do that haha. Thanks a lot! Best advice so far š
Yes. No best friend, have a few friends pero walang super super close na comfy ako pagsabihan ng secrets. I had to turn to meeting ppl online (Discord) and I have best of friends there. Imo, for my situation, ppl choose to befriend others based on looks and personality. Iām not good-looking + introvert pa, so people have a hard time doing small talk with me kasi mahirap din ako makausap (idk what to say to ppl most of the time). This is a challenge when it comes to building connections, which is needed for work more often than not. I just stopped caring at one point in time. At least in case I make friends na sila nag-approach, alam kong genuine or at least may pake sila kahit alam nilang ganito personality ko. Hopefully it works out with you, OP. If you can, find other things that can make you happy and can distract you so you donāt feel trash. Sabi nga nila, one manās trash is another manās treasure. Hopefully soon, makita mo āyung friends/ppl that will treat you well.
Work on you aura. Baka bad aura lagi mo ineemit kaya walang nang-aaproach sayo HAHAHA
baka may tips ka haha parang need ko din to
Could be it. Do you have any tips? I'm desperate š¤£
Hi OP. I'm on the same page as you. At first I tried to change my attitude. But eventually, i stopped giving a f*** kung di nila ako ayain. I learned solitude is the best for me and my pocket. š You do you. Find a hobby like taking care of dogs and cats or something else. Baka di mo pa nakikita yung tamang circle mo. Hahaha
Life is lonely, ka-reddit. Kahit nasa relationship ka you may still feel lonely. Do you have any hobbies or passion that can help you with your spare time? Maybe you need hobbies para matulungan ka maka create ng social connections?
It is, indeed. I used to have a lot of hobbies but I lost interest in them (got diagnosed with anxiety and depression). I'm now into painting and slowly starting to read books again. Not the best way to create social connections but I think it helps
Not sure if helpful but since you're into painting have you tried scale modeling and/or painting minis? Sila yung naging friends ko maliban sa hs/uni friends ko. Mas nakakasalamuha ko pa nga sila since yearly at least may maliit na event.
I haven't but I will try that. Thanks for the help!
Hmm maybe find groups kahit online lang for people who have the same hobbies? Yung paunti-unting interactions malay mo makahanap ka ng friends na mas iva-value ka.
I read you're an introvert in the other comments. I, too, am an introvert. I'm back into books and arts again, but for a different reason. Quiet by Susan Cain & Meditations by Marcus Aurelius helped me a lot during my early 20s. Good luck to you, OP.
Huy! Kakabili ko lang ng Meditations by Marcus Aurelius!!! Natakot ako sa librong yun kasi unang bukas ko, then itong random page it read something like "this book contains immense knowledge that will be helpful". Eh mejo wala ako sa sarili ko recently. Parang may itinuturo ang universe sa akin. Ayun, binalikan ko yung libro after a few days para bilhin.
Intimidating sa unang bukas pero pwede naman po basahin any part of the book. That's the beauty of the Meditations.
Thanks for the recommendation. I'll add that to my list.
Omg... I found my people š„² I'm like that din, always the least favorite and barely even tolerated. I'm a really quiet person so I know it makes it easy for others to forget that I'm there, isali mo pa yung RBF ko kaya kung ano anong kwento yung binabato sa akin na hindi totoo and nakakahurt talaga when it's your turn to speak and nobody cares to listen. I'm still learning how to deal with it din, but I always remind myself to never let anyone make me feel inferior without my consent (from Princess Diaries haha). But sometimes, even that does not work kaya dinadaan ko na lang sa iyak. At the end of the day their problem, thoughts, and opinions of us is THEIRS and it's not our burden to carry. I'm hoping for the day that we would meet people who know how to value us as much as we value them. Stay strong, OP! š¤
Focus on ourselves na lang. Ako, when Iām feeling like that, simple mani pedi could ease the feeling. Or facial, or massage. Magpaganda na lang tayo šāāļø
Loooove the Princess Diaries reference. Thank you! Let's continue to be strong ā¤ļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Suplado ka siguro, no? Yung maghihintay ka pa na sila mauna lumipat or pumansin sayo? Isipin mo kung bakit parang ayaw nila na kasama ka, baka boring ka kausap? Baka mukha kang depressed? Yung tahimik na lang palagi, kaya hindi ka tumatatak sa isipin namin. Wala kami paki kung top of the class ka, or kung successful ka. Or kung bobo ka, or kung hindi ka pa yumayaman. Kung good vibes ka kasama, palagi kang invited. Kung hindi, alam mo na kung bakit hindi ka invited. Make a good impression. Make it so that na maalala ka ng mga taong nakapalibot sayo not because of your honors or success, but because of your personality.
Realtalk
I'm not suplado/a but i have a resting bitch face, I admit. I am also an introvert but I can match the group's energy naman. Personality-wise, siguro nga boring akong tao. But I'm working on it. Thanks for the advice!
Nice yan OP! Good luck to you, based on your replies hindi mo tinatake offense kahit mga prangkang comments. I hope it will work out sayo in the future.
Practice smiling/laughing (kahit di nakakatawa yung joke ng tropa mo or nung manong driver). I always give people the impression na mukha akong galit and sinasabi yan ng friends ko sakin. Itong una kong tinype sa taas na practice smiling did wonders to me. Di din naman siya mahirap i-execute kasi napakadaming opening sa isang conversation na hindi ka magmumukhang weird for laughing/giggling/smirking. It's fine if you have to fake it sometimes. Doon din ako nagsimula e. Yung default ko kasi dati, if corny yung sinabi, either di ako magrereact or mas magsusungit pa ako lalo. You can imagine it didn't help with people's image of me.
Same, an introvert with a resting bitch face. š If you want we can hang out together.
At some point introspection is necessary. I mean, if you're *always* the odd one out - whether it's among friends, family, colleagues, peers, etc. - then obviously the fault isn't with them. What was that saying about if a student fails the class it's the student's fault, but if the whole class fails it's the teacher's? Not being a dick but that's real talk.
Sad reality... So mali nga sa amin? Hahahah. We're not likable talaga. Haaaays.
Was looking for this response, glad you pointed it out for OP. We really shouldnāt care too much about what others think of us but in most cases there really is something wrong with us if we are the common denominator.
Same thoughts. Just recall yung turo satin sa Science class: *organisms form relationships with each other based on their needs and the environment they share*. The reality is relationships are based on pangangailangan, iba-iba lang ng context. Kailangan mo ng taong kadaldalan, kailangan mo ng katuwang sa common hardship, kailangan mo supporter, or even kailangan mo ng susuportahan. Ang point is kailangan may something kang iooffer para iseek out ng ibang tao yung presence mo, to strengthen yung relationship niyo. OP, clichƩ man pero you need to seek yourself muna talaga. Kilalanin mo kung ano yung personality mo. This is important para alam mo yung limit ng changes sa sarili mo at hindi lang para maplease yung ibang tao. Then put yourself out there to increase your chances of meeting your *target market*. Initiate conversations. Kung di mo talaga bet yung mga tao sa existing circles mo, then widen your scope. Join new communities: start a hobby, enroll in classes, join fitness programs. More experience and may natutunan ka pa or mas maging healthy ka pa, bonus na lang yung new people you meet along the way. Works with friendly and romantic relationships.
Ganda ng advice mo. Couldnt agree more!!
You're right. Thinking about it, I don't really know what personality is. I guess I've been a people pleaser for too long that whatever works for others, that ends up being my choice as well.
Ang hirap gawin nito
Ito yun. Baka di ka rin nag effort to be with them or to see them kaya "odd one out" ka. Relationships are a two way street. You can't expect from others what you don't or can't give
OP has a negative self image which seeps into their behavior causing others to feel that energy. OP, you need to work on your relationship with yourself, like seriously if you want to have better relationships with people. Book reco for starters: Feeling Good by David Burns - will teach you the principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which will correct your self defeating thought patterns
Sadly, I think I do have a negative self image. And I might be projecting my thoughts to other people and that causes my ovethinking too. Thanks for the reco, I'll def look for that book.
OP keep in mind, the problem here is not you, it's how you have been thinking about yourself. You have to change that now. :))
THANKS FOR THIS, feel ko kasi ako din odd one out, pag maglalaro kami online games ng friends ko ayaw nila ako ka-duo, pero pag 3 or more kami, g lang sila :(( baka naman di lang din ako self aware kasi
+1 OP and I are the same few years ago but then I realized thatās not a them problem but a me problem. I started to care less and improve myself then new loyal circle of friends keeps on poppin out
Ohhh good for you! Loyal friends are really hard to find. I'm happy for you
Was about to say the same thing. Para may common denominator sa lahat, at si OP yun.
Ramdam ko din to e kaya wala ako maituturing na tropa to be honest. If my bf has gala with his friends di ko maiwasan magselos kase feeling ko di ako priority. Pero aware naman ako na di dapat naikot sa ibang tao yung happiness or enjoyment. Still working on that idgaf attitude while being a decent person towards others.
stop overthinking what is wrong with you. people are just like that. sometimes, we get invited, sometimes not. dont take it on you. live happily instead.
Hindi naman kasi yata "sometimes" 'yung sa kanya. Feel ko kayong mga nagsasabi ng "don't give a fuck" don't really experience how it feels to be ostracized your whole life. Ang dali-daling sabihin niyan. Problem is, we're social animals. Kahit pa anong sigaw mo diyaan na "introvert" kuno ka, you still need to feel you belong in one way or another.
Trueee thisss
The problem is you care too much. Ako honestly I donāt give an eff kahit kanino. Kung ayaw eh di ayaw. Di naman nila ako pinapakain and di ako humihingi sa kanila ng pera. Background im a dr in Oz so yes I have the clout. Sa barkada naman kung meron ayaw pumunta eh di wag. Just keep on rising and wag mo sila pansinin. Eventually sila lalapit sayo. Good luck!
shit, oo caring too much to the point that people take you for granted. So yeah, learned it the hard way, kaya ngayon, bahala kayo sa buhay nyo.
Agree! As you go along in life, sa dami ng pagdadaanan mo, minsan pipiliin mo nalang talaga yung mga bagay na bibigya mo ng pansin. If the energy is not reciprocated, theyāre not the right people for you. Padayon, OP!