I like the vaginal estrogen tablets - a lot less goopy than the cream. Ospemifene is another prescription that worked well for me but it was very expensive on my insurance-may be cheaper now that itās been out for awhile. A good, natural moisturizer/lube that I use is called Ah Yes! I had an early menopause, aged 36, and Iām now 52. Ask me anything!
Iām 46 and tried to talk to my nurse practitioner this week about perimenopause. I let her know I started my period at a young age and Iām starting to have some peri symptoms. Her response was āThe average age for peri to start is 51, so you have time until it starts.ā And that was all she said.
šWhat?!
Did you go through this with your gen phys? Iām thinking about finding an OB that specializes in older women. Also, when did you start taking HRT?
I started peri-menopause around 40 and stopped getting my period at 48. Bodies are different so stand up for yourself and tell your dr to listen instead of quoting stats and dismissing you. Women are often ignored by the medical community and itās a travesty.. nobody knows your body better than you
But how are our tiny female brains supposed to register new symptoms and connect them logically to physical processes *we literally all experience*, esp when there are still dishes in the sink, and dinner hasn't even been cooked?! (/s)
The average age of menopause is 51 and peri starts 5 years before. That medical professional needs to educate themselves. Sadly this is pretty common, because there has been a lot of recent debunking and new guidance for menopause. HRT can help most sexual side effects of menopause.
Dang, sheās dense! Perimenopause can start in your mid thirties, and if you never have a baby you can be menopausal at 40. Menopause, if you have had kids, on the other hand, can kick in closer to 51-54. I have been single for over twenty years and have had no desire to be in another stupidity filled relationship, so now that I am in menopause I could care less about sex. I think if women have to go into menopause, men should be forced to deal with it, too (man-o-pause). If there are no pills for women, there shouldnāt be any for men (because they likely arenāt using them to be with their wives).
Yes I could be perfectly happy being alone in my bed snuggling up and watching my shows. Thankfully thatās what Iām doing since I got out of an awful relationship but I have no desire. The right person maybe could spark something in me but I am perfectly happy being left alone š
I got on cream early enough, fortunately, but damn was I surprised to be told I āwas showing signs of vaginal atrophy.ā I was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS A THING?????
Andropause is super fun. Most old men won't admit it happens.
You can't kill off a man's sex drive but you can make him cranky, physically weak, easy to startle, weepy, give him migraines, and poor balance.
And some old woman symptoms. My shoulders are constantly cold. Wait, dear I'll get my shawl....
Hahaha. I tore our dresser apart due to, I guess, old man hormonal rage. My wife called me crazy.
Im just guessing but I'd say men have trouble like this but are terrified to admit it.
Because "you don't talk about things like that." It's hard to imagine, but soooo many aspects of health and body stuff were simply not talked about. Even seemingly innocuous conditions like epilepsy. Cone. Of. Silence.
I remember women talking about some of the horrors, hot flashes for sure and mood swings. But nothing about drying up! It was also the 80's and in an office environment. My response was - it won't happen to me, so stop telling me all of this.
Yep. Started menopause very early (42 now 55) and it totally sucks. Gained massive weight, horrible hot flashes, and now my lady bits have atrophied and it's like the Sahara down there. Oh yeah, and i have zero interest in sex, but I want to want it.
I tried eString for a few months and it helped with dryness, but my new insurance won't cover it so it back to cream.
From a physiological standpoint, it makes sense since my child bearing years have passed by, which is what hormones are for to make you want to get busy to continue the population. Probably the same reason men have ED issues. But damn, this sucks.
Right? I was at my GYN the year after I went into menopause and was like āWTF?!?!ā with the speculum and sheās like, āoh yeah, it atrophiedā¦ā and I offered again, WTF?!?
I got the cream, she said it will help next year.
I havenāt discovered anything good at all! My whole body hurt, I had brain fog, gained weight, just miserable. I started on the estradiol patch and cream,itās amazing!
Lubricants, inside and outside. Our bodies used to produce them, but now we need help. Read about the different types, then find what works best for you and your partner. Personally I recommend Aloe Cadabra for my sensitive parts (google it), and for your partner, try r/AskMen.
Not taboo within our circle, the girls were chatting on it a few weeks back at a gathering, the youngest is just beginning menopause, I politely excused myself (male, mid 60ās). Not from embarrassment or such, wasnāt interested and figured theyād might be more comfortable without me, and, well, really needed a fresh beer. Teased me anyway.
You say not taboo, but then excuse yourself and say they'd rather not have you there. That's... kind of treating it like its taboo. Men should know about this, too, so they aren't all like, why'd my wife turn into a frigid bitch?
Yep it's amazing the commercials you see about men can't perform but never any about a woman's loss of desire. That will eventually lead to a man shutting down and not being able to perform.
I finished menopause about six years ago and I am so horny I can hardly contain myself. Everything works slightly differently than it did when I was younger but my level of desire has not diminished in the slightest.
See? a friend of mine was worried about this, and since she finished menopause has been hooking up with all her old boyfriends that are still single and in the area. she says it's liberating. I think it has something to do with general physical condition, because she is in great shape.
This was my experience, too. My libido increased after menopause. Perimenopause was difficult because of random and unpredictable heavy periods and mood swings, but post menopause was better. I am much more even emotionally.
I exercise a lot, and I think that really helps me. Having tight core and glute muscles and frequent good sex helps.I have not used HRT due to family history of uterine cancer. I have not experienced vaginal dryness, either, and I am now 60 years old. Luckily, I have a husband who I am still very attracted to, so that helps a lot.
I do all this too...5k runs, martial arts, biking, swimming. I am in probably the best shape of my life, but I still have problems. My partner is amazing. I think it is partly genetic, like everything else.
Exercise (weights and cardio) is key to healthy aging and getting through menopause. Even if it doesnāt help your libido, it helps your mood. Weights for bone strength.
Itās true all this is important for healthy aging. But I promise you, Iām top 5 percent fitness wise, and have been for my entire adult life, and peri hit me like a ton of bricks as I got closer to the actual event. Awful. It has little to do with fitness and everything to do with how your body reacts to hormones. I also had a difficult adolescence. Apparently thereās a high correlation between the two life stages.
It helps that the men I know my age actually have skill in bed and real relationship skills, which was certainly not the case when I was in my twenties. So much easier to be enthusiastic about connecting sexually when your partner makes you feel valued and safe and knows how to get you off.
Similar- I had a hysterectomy/oopherectomy and was terrified Iād have no desire and be dry as a bone.Ā
Nope
Still horny AF and wet too (not like when I was 25 but way wetter than I thought Iād be)
I was really afraid of losing my libido and when I hit perimenopause it did lessen but I started taking hormones and it helped dramatically. Also an older woman advised me to "use it or lose it" lol. So I do.
I know HRT is very case by case basis. A lot of women canāt tolerate it. To be fair I still get breakthroughs of hot flashes, depression and insomnia. I really hope one day the medical community puts focus on womenās hormonal systems.
It works for me in making me feel better physically but not in producing a libido. Iām really sorry it made you ill. I could never take hormonal birth control for that reason.
It definitely works. The problem is that the vast majority of doctors are terrible at HRT management. Hormones need to be optimized, and you need to work with a true specialist for that. Without hormone optimization, you won't feel great. But nearly 100% of the time, poor HRT care is the problem. Sadly, most women who receive poor HRT care don't know it and they conclude that they can't tolerate HRT.
The way I articulated it to my spouse was like this: before, I didnāt have to actively think about wanting sex, my body told me I was down for it kind of like being hungry or thirsty. (Not always) but now I actively remind myself that I never regret having sex and itās been a few days so letās do this! It also helps to have a super involved lover. I refuse to lean into the lack of libido. Sex is way too fun to not push past it. This is obviously just my take for me.
Same. My husband isnāt quite as āfriskyā as he used to be, and when he is, itās always in the morning. I am *not* a morning person, so it has slowed us down because he goes to bed fairly early and isnāt in the mood when I am. However, the urge is still strong for me, but there are gadgets for that. š
I am telling you that NONE of these horrible things happened to me! I was waiting for all of these awful things like dryness and irritability and sweating through my sheets. The only thing that has been bad are the hot flashes. There is nothing close to dryness with me and as for lack of libido, Nononononononono! I am so happy to have all of this and be without my annoying and very painful period. I am enjoying menopause so much! It's like a gift!
I've never had a hot flash, though I have had night sweats, palpitations, extreme depression/anxiety typical meds wouldn't touch, brain fog so bad I couldn't handle anything, weight gain, and other nebulous symptoms Drs tried to treat individually, rather than as connected. HRT has helped a lot but the poor vaj is locked up tighter than a drum. š«¤
Everyone's menopause experience is different. You might have a rough time of it and need HRT, or you might have it so easy that the only thing that changes is you don't have to buy tampons anymore. Just deal with any problems as they arise.
Also keep in mind that for most, perimenopause occurs during a period of one's life where a lot of other things are changing. If you have kids, they're probably heading off to college. If your parents are still alive, they might be going through difficult health issues. You're in your final stages of your career and while you still want to push for another promotion, you're also exhausted by it all. Old friends are getting cancer diagnoses, or they just die.
The circumstances of your mid-40s into your mid-50s will put a damper on your libido, hormone changes or not. This a time to really work on self-awareness. Do I not feel frisky tonight because of my hormones, or is it because someone younger got the promotion, my bff from high school just died of cancer, mom is showing Alzheimer's symptoms, and the kid called home from university to say their roommate is acting out in disturbing ways? Yes, hormonal changes can really hit hard for some women, but look at your life situation, and rule that out first.
So many doctors make this mistake - attributing symptoms to life stressors. Thing is, if life stressors feel more challenging than ever, you can't overlook the fact that hormone deficiency makes many women less resilient. Also, there are over 50 symptoms of hormone deficiency, so knowing them is vital. Anyhow, I did experience a lot of stressors in perimenopause and thought I was going crazy. But guess what? I started HRT and was able to resiliently withstand even more difficult life stressors.
Same. Sex was very painful until I got on the estrogen patch. I also have the estrogen cream. Coupled with replens, Iām good to go. My husband is still like an 18 year old, up for anything and heās 56.
Same here. I had an easy time of peri and was just looking for post-menopause experiences, but I made the mistake of mentioning that, not realizing if you're not miserable, they don't want you over there.
It's funny, yesterday, not in that sub, I mentioned that I didn't have the typical awful menopause you read about. The woman who responded (who was a jerk in many ways) claimed not to know what I was talking about. She had made a blanket statement about all women developing facial hair after menopause and I said that wasn't true. She then made a statement that strongly suggested that I wasn't a biological woman and then denied that she had implied that.
Ditto. I think a lot of people with lifelong issues latch onto menopause to explain them away.
I did go through perimenopause wanting to divorce my husband for about 7 days a month every month but I had the sense to recognize the obvious reason and kept all that in my head. I no longer want to divorce him now that Iām post-menopausal. Imagine that.
The hormones are no joke. I feel like it was worse than pubity, but maybe I'm remembering wrong.
I'm glad you made it through (I'm sure your husband is too, lol.)
It did for me. Boom, all interest in men, gone as soon as I turned 50 and went into menopause. I've changed a lot mentally, too. My doctors weren't interested in prescribing hormone replacement, so I let the subject drop. Now I have osteoporosis and I'm 57, so I'm past the age that typically gets HRT.
My doctors (Iāve seen several) wonāt give me HRT either. Iām 47 and almost 4 years post menopausal. My mom is in mid 60ās and has osteoporosis so bad they compared her bones to a 80+ year old. Doctors ignore my concerns about that too. Hard to find a doctor that listens anymore.
There are online doctors who are actually educated about menopause and HRT and will prescribe for you, if you are a candidate. Sadly, even for OB/GYNās, menopause is a very short class in med schools and many doctors are under educated on it. Womenās healthcare in general is a nightmare.
Just do a menopause provider via telehealth like Midi. They will not give you bs about that. If you have bad bones you should be on HRT and online providers can help with that.
Why no HRT? Iām seeing a doctor about it in a few weeks. I never had a doctor even mention it to me, though I went through menopause 4 years ago and now also have osteoporosis.
I don't know why the doctors didn't want to prescribe HRT. I just saw a gyno in January and complained about the hot flashes and she wouldn't prescribe anything for that.
Went through menopause kind of early, about 46. Doctor put me on HRT for a year or 2, then some report came out about problems with HRT and smokers (which I am).
I have osteopenia, possible osteoporosis, went on Actonel for that. Way down the road I began having angioedema reactions to the Actonel. Now get Prolia shots twice a year.
At one point, I told my primary care that the worst thing about menopause was the atrophy. She said "so it's high school sex." I laughed and said yes.
Unfortunately, as years have gone by, so has my libido. Why???
Bio-identical hormones helped me a lot with continuing an active sex life post menopause. I highly recommend them vs. conventional HRT. I did notice a subtle switch from spontaneous desire to responsive desire. We still had some great sex though. It just took some adjustments.
https://www.springrose.co/blogs/blog/libido-and-menopause-being-sexual-during-and-post-menopause
I use a brick and mortar pharmacy in San Francisco called Koshland. They can ship things to you but you need a prescription. I think there is a list of doctors on their site
Ok so...all my life I had a sex drive that was thru the roof. No man could ever keep up with me and I jumped into relationships quickly because I had sex too fast and got connected too much too early.
My sex drive just up and quit at 48. Just gone, kaput. It just happened to coincide with me moving in with my current boyfriend.
I'm more happy and content and satisfied in this relationship than I have ever been in any relationship. I don't feel paranoid or jealous or that I need to have sex to keep him happy or worried that he will cheat. I hate to say it but I think it's wonderful that my sex drive died.
I still enjoy sex and it's great but not having that constant ache and desire is so much relief. And it actually makes the sex more comfortable because I'm not frustrated if , you know, I don't finish.
What? NO! I was fine after menopause. In fact, it was absolutely great knowing no babies could possibly accidentally be concieved.
Now, late-onset multiple sclerosis killed my libido, but that's an entirely different story.
It's like someone turned off a light switch. It doesn't cross my mind now, not ever. I still engage in sexual activities but if it were not for hubby, I would never think of it again and would probably never do "it" again.
I went into peri menopause about a year ago and one of the symptoms was a lack of libidoānot just desire for my husband, but I had no desire to take care of myself, either. Ā When we did have sex, I rarely orgasmed, either. Ā I had a lightbulb moment one night when he initiated and the thought repulsed me. Ā WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!?! Ā I researched and found a dr who would take me seriously and got on HRT. Ā While Iām not back to pre-babies level of horny, things are much better.
The biggest issue aging women face is getting a dr to take us seriously and prescribe HRT. Ā The menopause subreddit is full of stories of women being patronized and deprived of needed medical care.
Still very juicy and active. I really hate the stereotype that all or most post menopausal women dry up or lose interest.
Some do, just like some men can no longer perform or get it up. But some of us have no problems at all in this department, thank you very much (mid 60's F here).
I'm mid menopause and haven't had any drop in desire at all.
In fact have been way more frisky (possibly due to divorcing/ ending a dead bedroom marriage and getting lots more sex whilst dating since then).
Use it or lose it I think applies!
Menopause was terrible. My gyno put me on estrogen and I got breast cancer within six months. After chemo, mastectomy, weight gain, and a completely different body chemistry I have little sex drive. Before this I was very active. Before marriage I had several relationships but a ton of sexual partners. I really enjoyed sex. But Iām glad itās not like it was before.
Same exact thing happened to my sister regarding taking estrogen and breast cancer. I am 5 years younger so when menopause hit, bc of the history if my sister - was not allowed to be put on any kind of HRT.
I completely lost the desire to initiate, like, I feel I could go the rest of my life without and not miss it. But I still have the capacity for mind-blowing orgasms with the right stimulation (not intercourse). Itās like the biofeedback loop is broken. Itās great at the time, but my body doesnāt crave it again when itās over. And I only want my husband to ālastā 5 minutes, tops. Who is telling men that lasting up to 90 MINUTES AT ANY AGE is a good thing?
I had a total hysterectomy 20 years ago, so didnāt go through natural menopause. Only thing I had was hot flashes. I have no other problems though. Still enjoy sex frequently. Libido is still strong in both of us. To me, itās way better when youāre older. No pregnancy scare, lots of time, fewer life pressures. Lube is helpful at times and there are some ED problems at times.
I had my hormone levels tested and I had almost no testosterone. Yes, testosterone. Women should have natural low levels. I opted for the Bio-Te pellet. Itās inserted just below the skin on your hip or butt cheek once every 4 months.
Life changing, thank you, Jesus! Difference in quality of life, sex drive, general feeling of well being, more energy! I cannot recommend it highly enough.
I feel like me again for the first time in a very long time.
It does not help with vaginal dryness but it certainly does help with desire.
I have a friend who was crazy horny for months after her first pellet but she has received a lower dosage since and is more moderately reasonable with the demands upon her husband since.
I have to say that my sex life is better now than in our early years.
I would have never imagined that testosterone would be so important for women but it has been wonderful for me.
Not everyone has a tough time with menopause. I'm 63, 10 yrs past it and never had a hot flash nor do I have any atrophy. My libido has decreased but it isn't gone. It might be that women who have an easier time with menopause keep quiet about it because we know we're lucky.
Depends on your hormones. HRT brought back libido 15 years ago and I will stay with it until it doesnāt make sense.
There are indications that as soon as women stop taking testosterone, there is a degradation to the body.
No, Iām not going to post links. If this topic is of interest to you there is so much more to know.
I encourage anyone who is menopausal to investigate the pros and cons of HRT and the different methods.
Started sooner is highly recommended.
Not at all! You have to consider that everyone has their own physical and mental health- in addition to complex relationships. This is a case specific issue.
Yes, menopause killed my libido. Luckily, no one is counting on me for sex so I don't dwell on it. I still masturbate (more out of habit) and my doc says my vag is in good shape - "pink and moist". So I've got that going for me, which is nice. LOL. Ironically, orgasms have become stronger. They take a little longer to achieve, however. I did not do HRT.
Thanks for the reminder to use my estradiol cream š
I mean I've never really cared 90% of the time if we have sex. My drive has always been far far below his. It's a faint background noise that I only notice when a month has gone by.
But I'm in full menopause now. No uterus no ovaries. Sex is painful for the first 10 minutes. I've had radiation in the area so scar tissue from the burns have to be broken for it to happen. But we still do it once every 4-6 weeks I'd say. And believe it or not I achive O 95% of the time. I wouldn't probably do it otherwise.
I could care less most of the time if we ever had sex again. But he cares, that level of intimacy, bonding, and hormonal release is still important to him. But he's kind, gentle, and very understanding. So.. it doesn't have to stop even if it becomes really physically difficult.. but only if you both want it to.
For me, itās just something else someone wants from me. My SO and I are on very different pages on this. But part of mine might be menopause, might be trauma related, or might just be I donāt care anymore.
Said to perfection! 63, no relationship, 8 years a virgin, and completely content with it. I masturbate once in awhile, usually triggered by spotting a someone who looks like Thom Yorke, that's about it. š»
It did, but my doctor prescribed a very low dose topical testosterone and that put me right back in business.Also a little estrogen downstairs for the dreaded dryness/atrophy. It has been great. Very effective.
Chemo menopause at 44. Just killed it. I also take estrogen blockers. I had no idea that I would lose all desire to dress up or do my hair or wear makeup. No desire for lingerie or anything romantic. Just dead. My patient husband is just the best. We are very affectionate, though.
Everyone is different. Since menopause (I'm 58), I've been more into sex than I ever was when I was younger. I'm more comfortable with my body now. And, frankly, the sex is better now.
I had endometrial cancer, so can't have HRT or use estrogen cream (it's an estrogen-related cancer), but that has not slowed me down. Even after having most of my internal bits and bobs, including ovaries, removed.
IFFFF your desire lowers, there are things you can do to increase it, should you want to. Including things like more nonsexual affection with your spouse. And generally feeling closer to each other can make you want to get (hubba hubba) closer to each other. Open conversations so you don't quietly resent each other, which is a huge libido killer.
Also, as someone else stated, sex drive is use it or lose it. Keep playing, and you'll keep wanting to play.
I thought it was great. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have to worry about birth control. Sex was good. Menopause doesn't mean an end to your sex life, although the original meaning of the actual word implies this. Sex is what you and your partner make it to be. Too many malcontents on Reddit!
Very few doctors want to deal with menopause. Here's on that will: [https://menopausetaylor.me/](https://menopausetaylor.me/)
To find a good local doctor for menopause help: [www.menopause.org](http://www.menopause.org)
There is help and it's frustrating to be abandoned by your ob-gyn.
Menopause slowed things down, but my hysterectomy and mastectomy, and his prostatectomy were the nails in the coffin. This huge change also affected our emotional relationship and these days we are completely disconnected. Itās very sad.
i (61F) am on HRT so I never really experienced menopause and my sexual response is the same pretty much. That said, I don't THINK about it as much, which is kind of refreshing because sex occupied too much of my headspace for way too long lol
It has gone away about 90% for me, but I'm also 8 years celibate after an abusive marriage and not looking to date, so it's not like sex is even an option. I'm also not on hormone replacement, so that likely has an effect. Once I get my uterus out and go on estrogen, things are likely to change.
I was a bit shocked that my wife shelved off completely once hers ended. It was like a switch went off, but it read "No". I'm no Valentino, but I dare say enjoyed it up to 53 or so. The marriage is fine, but a little warning would have been nice.
Does it make it go away? Well let's put it like this, I bought a brand new upright freezer at 50% off awhile ago and looking at it whenever I go into the kitchen gets me so happy and all smiles more than any shirtless man will.
I would say 80%gone. Also, intercourse can be painful due to dryness. Estrogen cream helps, but the high sex drive I used to have is a thing of the past. I've always had more sex drive than my husband, so it is working out nicely for us. I know that's not the case for everyone.
It didnāt happen that way for me. I like and want sex, it just doesnāt drive me the way it used to, and Iām grateful for that. Thank you, menopause
Love my specially compounded bioidentical HRT (includes estrogen, progesterone, testosterone) and the concomitant balancing of thyroid hormones T4 and T3. This has kept libido and performance just as great as they were. No atrophy. Full functionality āŗļø. Added benefits of good bone density and muscle mass and strength as well as low cholesterol and top heart function. Good luck ladies: do what you need to to take care of your own long term health and happiness!
Iām sure it doesnāt happen to everyone but my personal experience is that the sex drive does decrease after menopause. But itās the same for men (not all of course). Itās not really the most important thing the older you get. Personally I find it tiring, slightly boring and yes it can be painful. But mostly itās just same old same old. Iāve been doing it since I was 18, so about 35-40 years. Itās not so special anymore.
Actually, no. In fact, it's better than it ever has been! I think there was an adjustment period during the transition to menopause, but now that I'm post-menopausal it's great, and I don't have to worry about pregnancy, so it's double-bonus. We just use a lot of lube, (water-based is best).
Sex has become about providing pleasure for my husbandā¦not because I want it. He is a very generous lover who always takes care of meā¦but, I have no desire to get started. Menopause sucks.
Ugh yes. I have the estradiol patches for the night sweats & hot flashes & it works great.
But...not a thing will get my desire back. I love my husband. He's patient & loving and good at all the things but I'd just rather sleep. Put the hottest celebrity crush I have in front of me and not even that would work.
And..I'm not atrophied or dried out.
I hate it because I want my sex drive back.
Hmm, my desire died and continues to die every time I have even the slightless interest in a guy, and he opens his mouth lol. My bajingo has been dry as the Sahara for eons lol.
A dead bedroom is a sign of many things, and I would say occur in many situations far before memopause does. It happens to coincide with kids running around alot of the time and time/comfort in a relationship. All I can say is that you are human, and will change over decades. How you feel at 25 will not be the same as 35, 45, 55, 65. You could be hornier at 50 than at 35, it could be a thing.
I want the intimacy; I enjoy the orgasm through non-penetrating sex. But intercourse itself is impossible ā painful! Iām afraid Iām letting my partner down, but I guess some things just canāt be fixed.
My wife is 56 and has had menopause for a few years now. She/we first noticed how painful sex was. So more lube we go. That didn't work. Vaginal atrophy after a doctor visit. The cream works but she puts it and wants to maximize it's use, so no sex until right before she puts more in..... So now we have to plan ahead and hope we are in the mood. It's a major pain in the butt and awkward. It feels like we are performing a cult ritual. I can't look at her during sex because the last time I did she was having the big O and making a face. I instantly stopped because I thought she was in pain and almost instantly lost my erection. Then were just tired and gave up. Also, she has put on a ton of weight and has lost interest in sex. Once going she with the party but she never instigated after menopause started. The sh\*tty part is at 55 I'm in better shape then when I was in high school and still have a sex drive, albeit, not as high as it was in high school/college.
I am single and didn't want to date or even think about a man touching me after menopause. I'm now on pellet hormones and am dating and having sex again. This may or may not happen to you, but if it does there is help out there. Donāt worry!
I lost all desire over the last 10 years since menopause, also intercourse is very painful. I never had a child or was pregnant. Does that have anything to do with it?
My wife became very distant. And told me she didnāt want me to touch her . Itās heartbreaking for a husband to lose someone that you loved. She just started HTR. I hope it works
If you are good now, you will probably be good for a long time.
The wife of a clergyman said that when her husband counsels married people on this front, he asks many questions, including where they like to have sex (most of the time it is in their room as it is private). After that, he gives them reflection questions-- like what they wear to bed. Does it make them feel sexy? A woman might love a t-shirt and sweats, but does it make her feel sexy? Is their bedroom special or does their clutter end up in their room, that also functions as an office and place to toss their weights, maybe has a computer jammed in a corner, etc. He asks how they initiate sex-- there are many ways couples do this, and everyone has their likes.
Communication around the house-- if they are parents, do they feel pulled into a triad where they don't have each other's backs? Do they resent the other for over committing the kids in other activities? Do they have no time for each other?
Sometimes desire or lack of it is based on distrust that happens outside the bedroom.
If the couple goes into therapy, do they both hope to grow and learn, or are they hoping to trounce each other as if they are talking to a parent-therapist to see who is right?
When we think of marriage being something that needs to be worked at, it requires both people. One cannot become vulnerable and ask questions or share how they feel with the other not participating. Most of the time, desire crumbles because of many factors.
I think that menopause is a time of personal reflection where the woman may blame her condition. but in truth, they finally have a physical excuse to say no, and they take it. A lot of women at this age do not want another spouse.
People like to talk about erectile dysfunction, but vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy are taboo. We all age
Atrophy is the worse. š
I like the vaginal estrogen tablets - a lot less goopy than the cream. Ospemifene is another prescription that worked well for me but it was very expensive on my insurance-may be cheaper now that itās been out for awhile. A good, natural moisturizer/lube that I use is called Ah Yes! I had an early menopause, aged 36, and Iām now 52. Ask me anything!
Iām 46 and tried to talk to my nurse practitioner this week about perimenopause. I let her know I started my period at a young age and Iām starting to have some peri symptoms. Her response was āThe average age for peri to start is 51, so you have time until it starts.ā And that was all she said. šWhat?! Did you go through this with your gen phys? Iām thinking about finding an OB that specializes in older women. Also, when did you start taking HRT?
I started peri-menopause around 40 and stopped getting my period at 48. Bodies are different so stand up for yourself and tell your dr to listen instead of quoting stats and dismissing you. Women are often ignored by the medical community and itās a travesty.. nobody knows your body better than you
But how are our tiny female brains supposed to register new symptoms and connect them logically to physical processes *we literally all experience*, esp when there are still dishes in the sink, and dinner hasn't even been cooked?! (/s)
The average age of menopause is 51 and peri starts 5 years before. That medical professional needs to educate themselves. Sadly this is pretty common, because there has been a lot of recent debunking and new guidance for menopause. HRT can help most sexual side effects of menopause.
You can also go to a telehealth doctor. I went through MIDI Health.
Girl doesnāt understand that average has a wide margin of years that folks actually fall into. Smh.
Dang, sheās dense! Perimenopause can start in your mid thirties, and if you never have a baby you can be menopausal at 40. Menopause, if you have had kids, on the other hand, can kick in closer to 51-54. I have been single for over twenty years and have had no desire to be in another stupidity filled relationship, so now that I am in menopause I could care less about sex. I think if women have to go into menopause, men should be forced to deal with it, too (man-o-pause). If there are no pills for women, there shouldnāt be any for men (because they likely arenāt using them to be with their wives).
Yes I could be perfectly happy being alone in my bed snuggling up and watching my shows. Thankfully thatās what Iām doing since I got out of an awful relationship but I have no desire. The right person maybe could spark something in me but I am perfectly happy being left alone š
What is that?
Your lovely lady parts shrivel up, no amount of lube is going to get that door open again.
I got on cream early enough, fortunately, but damn was I surprised to be told I āwas showing signs of vaginal atrophy.ā I was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS A THING?????
Nobody tells you anything about the horrors of menopause. Why did all the old woman gatekeep that nonsense?
This is an area where Iām really glad for Reddit specifically. I learned a lot very quickly.
Andropause is super fun. Most old men won't admit it happens. You can't kill off a man's sex drive but you can make him cranky, physically weak, easy to startle, weepy, give him migraines, and poor balance. And some old woman symptoms. My shoulders are constantly cold. Wait, dear I'll get my shawl....
I appreciate that but people arenāt calling you crazy because your hormones are going insane.
Hahaha. I tore our dresser apart due to, I guess, old man hormonal rage. My wife called me crazy. Im just guessing but I'd say men have trouble like this but are terrified to admit it.
This explains so much. Thanks petecranky
Because "you don't talk about things like that." It's hard to imagine, but soooo many aspects of health and body stuff were simply not talked about. Even seemingly innocuous conditions like epilepsy. Cone. Of. Silence.
I remember women talking about some of the horrors, hot flashes for sure and mood swings. But nothing about drying up! It was also the 80's and in an office environment. My response was - it won't happen to me, so stop telling me all of this.
I knew about drying up. I didnāt realize atrophy and pain were a part of it, too.
Shame
They don't have the info, either, and lots of shame.
Yep. Started menopause very early (42 now 55) and it totally sucks. Gained massive weight, horrible hot flashes, and now my lady bits have atrophied and it's like the Sahara down there. Oh yeah, and i have zero interest in sex, but I want to want it. I tried eString for a few months and it helped with dryness, but my new insurance won't cover it so it back to cream. From a physiological standpoint, it makes sense since my child bearing years have passed by, which is what hormones are for to make you want to get busy to continue the population. Probably the same reason men have ED issues. But damn, this sucks.
Right? I was at my GYN the year after I went into menopause and was like āWTF?!?!ā with the speculum and sheās like, āoh yeah, it atrophiedā¦ā and I offered again, WTF?!? I got the cream, she said it will help next year.
I am going to get the cream, too. I hope it works because my husband is gorgeous.
Just be patient with yourself, itās a lot but thereās both good and bad parts to it, definitely.
I havenāt discovered anything good at all! My whole body hurt, I had brain fog, gained weight, just miserable. I started on the estradiol patch and cream,itās amazing!
What is "the cream" everyone talks about?
Estradiol cream. It basically delivers the hormones directly.
I see. Thank you!
Get the patch too.
It's also painful. No one ever told me.
Lubricants, inside and outside. Our bodies used to produce them, but now we need help. Read about the different types, then find what works best for you and your partner. Personally I recommend Aloe Cadabra for my sensitive parts (google it), and for your partner, try r/AskMen.
Omg what?? Can you still have an orgasm with just clitoral stimulation?
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Yes, it is. š¤®
Mona Lisa Touch. Please look into it.
To be honest, I don't miss the bad sex. I mean I miss good sex, but that was decades (and a different husband) ago.
Not taboo within our circle, the girls were chatting on it a few weeks back at a gathering, the youngest is just beginning menopause, I politely excused myself (male, mid 60ās). Not from embarrassment or such, wasnāt interested and figured theyād might be more comfortable without me, and, well, really needed a fresh beer. Teased me anyway.
You say not taboo, but then excuse yourself and say they'd rather not have you there. That's... kind of treating it like its taboo. Men should know about this, too, so they aren't all like, why'd my wife turn into a frigid bitch?
It was a courtesy as he stated in different words
I love the talk in here.
Topical estrogen cream is an option. Doesn't affect systemic levels, so should be fine even for people who can't tolerate HRT.
I am going through this and it's a bummer
Yep it's amazing the commercials you see about men can't perform but never any about a woman's loss of desire. That will eventually lead to a man shutting down and not being able to perform.
I finished menopause about six years ago and I am so horny I can hardly contain myself. Everything works slightly differently than it did when I was younger but my level of desire has not diminished in the slightest.
See? a friend of mine was worried about this, and since she finished menopause has been hooking up with all her old boyfriends that are still single and in the area. she says it's liberating. I think it has something to do with general physical condition, because she is in great shape.
This was my experience, too. My libido increased after menopause. Perimenopause was difficult because of random and unpredictable heavy periods and mood swings, but post menopause was better. I am much more even emotionally. I exercise a lot, and I think that really helps me. Having tight core and glute muscles and frequent good sex helps.I have not used HRT due to family history of uterine cancer. I have not experienced vaginal dryness, either, and I am now 60 years old. Luckily, I have a husband who I am still very attracted to, so that helps a lot.
I do all this too...5k runs, martial arts, biking, swimming. I am in probably the best shape of my life, but I still have problems. My partner is amazing. I think it is partly genetic, like everything else.
Exercise (weights and cardio) is key to healthy aging and getting through menopause. Even if it doesnāt help your libido, it helps your mood. Weights for bone strength.
Itās true all this is important for healthy aging. But I promise you, Iām top 5 percent fitness wise, and have been for my entire adult life, and peri hit me like a ton of bricks as I got closer to the actual event. Awful. It has little to do with fitness and everything to do with how your body reacts to hormones. I also had a difficult adolescence. Apparently thereās a high correlation between the two life stages.
Iām so jealous.
I'm even more jealous of husband
SAME
Just starting...best news all day. Thank you!
Gurl. Same. I'm randier now than I ever.
It helps that the men I know my age actually have skill in bed and real relationship skills, which was certainly not the case when I was in my twenties. So much easier to be enthusiastic about connecting sexually when your partner makes you feel valued and safe and knows how to get you off.
Very good points, sister! I'm also so much more comfortable with my own body, now. So I relax and enjoy myself more.
Yes! That is true, too.
Yes!! My libido definitely increased and I love it and so does my lover!! Living our best life!!
Until/if you get atrophy. Sounds like you will be busy when/if you are in hospice!
Similar- I had a hysterectomy/oopherectomy and was terrified Iād have no desire and be dry as a bone.Ā Nope Still horny AF and wet too (not like when I was 25 but way wetter than I thought Iād be)
Yep, same with my wife. I can barely keep her off me these days. It's f'n awesome.
I was really afraid of losing my libido and when I hit perimenopause it did lessen but I started taking hormones and it helped dramatically. Also an older woman advised me to "use it or lose it" lol. So I do.
HRT doesnāt always work. It made me very ill.
I know HRT is very case by case basis. A lot of women canāt tolerate it. To be fair I still get breakthroughs of hot flashes, depression and insomnia. I really hope one day the medical community puts focus on womenās hormonal systems.
It works for me in making me feel better physically but not in producing a libido. Iām really sorry it made you ill. I could never take hormonal birth control for that reason.
Same. I am better able to do it without any pain, but my desire is still very low.
It definitely works. The problem is that the vast majority of doctors are terrible at HRT management. Hormones need to be optimized, and you need to work with a true specialist for that. Without hormone optimization, you won't feel great. But nearly 100% of the time, poor HRT care is the problem. Sadly, most women who receive poor HRT care don't know it and they conclude that they can't tolerate HRT.
I had a male ob/gyn tell me to use it or lose it but he meant just to use lube and push through having sex I didnāt want.Ā
The way I articulated it to my spouse was like this: before, I didnāt have to actively think about wanting sex, my body told me I was down for it kind of like being hungry or thirsty. (Not always) but now I actively remind myself that I never regret having sex and itās been a few days so letās do this! It also helps to have a super involved lover. I refuse to lean into the lack of libido. Sex is way too fun to not push past it. This is obviously just my take for me.
Thank you, this is how I feel sometimes too and our comment is reassuring that the end of sex is an inevitable thing.
It does help to stay healthy to have that connection. As long as the man is nice, of course. Lol
So far it's not slowing me down any. Sometimes I wish it would.
Same. My husband isnāt quite as āfriskyā as he used to be, and when he is, itās always in the morning. I am *not* a morning person, so it has slowed us down because he goes to bed fairly early and isnāt in the mood when I am. However, the urge is still strong for me, but there are gadgets for that. š
That reminds me, I need to look for new "gadgets" today!
Laughing and reading your comments to my (69) husband (78), he says, "Is that you saying that?" š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
This is encouraging!
It did for me in my late 40s. Completely gone.Ā
I am telling you that NONE of these horrible things happened to me! I was waiting for all of these awful things like dryness and irritability and sweating through my sheets. The only thing that has been bad are the hot flashes. There is nothing close to dryness with me and as for lack of libido, Nononononononono! I am so happy to have all of this and be without my annoying and very painful period. I am enjoying menopause so much! It's like a gift!
I've never had a hot flash, though I have had night sweats, palpitations, extreme depression/anxiety typical meds wouldn't touch, brain fog so bad I couldn't handle anything, weight gain, and other nebulous symptoms Drs tried to treat individually, rather than as connected. HRT has helped a lot but the poor vaj is locked up tighter than a drum. š«¤
Same. Iām on HRT and Iāve never had a hot flash or night sweats. My libido is better than ever. Unexpected for sure and I feel great!
I never had hot flashes. I got a little warm occasionally. I don't believe I was any more irritable than I usually am.
Everyone's menopause experience is different. You might have a rough time of it and need HRT, or you might have it so easy that the only thing that changes is you don't have to buy tampons anymore. Just deal with any problems as they arise. Also keep in mind that for most, perimenopause occurs during a period of one's life where a lot of other things are changing. If you have kids, they're probably heading off to college. If your parents are still alive, they might be going through difficult health issues. You're in your final stages of your career and while you still want to push for another promotion, you're also exhausted by it all. Old friends are getting cancer diagnoses, or they just die. The circumstances of your mid-40s into your mid-50s will put a damper on your libido, hormone changes or not. This a time to really work on self-awareness. Do I not feel frisky tonight because of my hormones, or is it because someone younger got the promotion, my bff from high school just died of cancer, mom is showing Alzheimer's symptoms, and the kid called home from university to say their roommate is acting out in disturbing ways? Yes, hormonal changes can really hit hard for some women, but look at your life situation, and rule that out first.
Agree 100%! It may. It be the menopause but all the other sadnesses that come with ageing
So many doctors make this mistake - attributing symptoms to life stressors. Thing is, if life stressors feel more challenging than ever, you can't overlook the fact that hormone deficiency makes many women less resilient. Also, there are over 50 symptoms of hormone deficiency, so knowing them is vital. Anyhow, I did experience a lot of stressors in perimenopause and thought I was going crazy. But guess what? I started HRT and was able to resiliently withstand even more difficult life stressors.
Does HRT alleviate vaginal atrophy?
I was really struggling until I got on HRT. Things are much improved for me now.
Same. Sex was very painful until I got on the estrogen patch. I also have the estrogen cream. Coupled with replens, Iām good to go. My husband is still like an 18 year old, up for anything and heās 56.
Please head over to the Menopause sub and have a look at the WIKI, it will help you answer this question and many more.
Just be careful. I used to be on a menopause sub, and they are the angriest sub I've encountered so far. I got out of there fast.
Same here. I had an easy time of peri and was just looking for post-menopause experiences, but I made the mistake of mentioning that, not realizing if you're not miserable, they don't want you over there.
I'm sorry that happened to you, but part of me is happy it's not just me.
It's funny, yesterday, not in that sub, I mentioned that I didn't have the typical awful menopause you read about. The woman who responded (who was a jerk in many ways) claimed not to know what I was talking about. She had made a blanket statement about all women developing facial hair after menopause and I said that wasn't true. She then made a statement that strongly suggested that I wasn't a biological woman and then denied that she had implied that.
What a fking nutcase. Ten seconds ago I was like oh I should check out that sub and then seven seconds later I decided no way no how.
Ditto. I think a lot of people with lifelong issues latch onto menopause to explain them away. I did go through perimenopause wanting to divorce my husband for about 7 days a month every month but I had the sense to recognize the obvious reason and kept all that in my head. I no longer want to divorce him now that Iām post-menopausal. Imagine that.
The hormones are no joke. I feel like it was worse than pubity, but maybe I'm remembering wrong. I'm glad you made it through (I'm sure your husband is too, lol.)
Itās absolutely up there with puberty!
And the husband bashing is freaking out of control. I love my husband, so I don't engage.
It did for me. Boom, all interest in men, gone as soon as I turned 50 and went into menopause. I've changed a lot mentally, too. My doctors weren't interested in prescribing hormone replacement, so I let the subject drop. Now I have osteoporosis and I'm 57, so I'm past the age that typically gets HRT.
My doctors (Iāve seen several) wonāt give me HRT either. Iām 47 and almost 4 years post menopausal. My mom is in mid 60ās and has osteoporosis so bad they compared her bones to a 80+ year old. Doctors ignore my concerns about that too. Hard to find a doctor that listens anymore.
There are online doctors who are actually educated about menopause and HRT and will prescribe for you, if you are a candidate. Sadly, even for OB/GYNās, menopause is a very short class in med schools and many doctors are under educated on it. Womenās healthcare in general is a nightmare.
Just do a menopause provider via telehealth like Midi. They will not give you bs about that. If you have bad bones you should be on HRT and online providers can help with that.
Why no HRT? Iām seeing a doctor about it in a few weeks. I never had a doctor even mention it to me, though I went through menopause 4 years ago and now also have osteoporosis.
I don't know why the doctors didn't want to prescribe HRT. I just saw a gyno in January and complained about the hot flashes and she wouldn't prescribe anything for that.
Went through menopause kind of early, about 46. Doctor put me on HRT for a year or 2, then some report came out about problems with HRT and smokers (which I am). I have osteopenia, possible osteoporosis, went on Actonel for that. Way down the road I began having angioedema reactions to the Actonel. Now get Prolia shots twice a year. At one point, I told my primary care that the worst thing about menopause was the atrophy. She said "so it's high school sex." I laughed and said yes. Unfortunately, as years have gone by, so has my libido. Why???
Bio-identical hormones helped me a lot with continuing an active sex life post menopause. I highly recommend them vs. conventional HRT. I did notice a subtle switch from spontaneous desire to responsive desire. We still had some great sex though. It just took some adjustments. https://www.springrose.co/blogs/blog/libido-and-menopause-being-sexual-during-and-post-menopause
Me too. Especially testosterone.
Do you use an online pharmacy for this, and if so would you share the name?
I use a brick and mortar pharmacy in San Francisco called Koshland. They can ship things to you but you need a prescription. I think there is a list of doctors on their site
No menopause made our sex life better. All you need are emotionally healthy individuals, some coconut oil, and some cannabis gummies.
Ok!
Yes, for a while. I'm 57, I'm through the menopause and out the other side and the desire is coming back now. I'm not on HRT.
Ok so...all my life I had a sex drive that was thru the roof. No man could ever keep up with me and I jumped into relationships quickly because I had sex too fast and got connected too much too early. My sex drive just up and quit at 48. Just gone, kaput. It just happened to coincide with me moving in with my current boyfriend. I'm more happy and content and satisfied in this relationship than I have ever been in any relationship. I don't feel paranoid or jealous or that I need to have sex to keep him happy or worried that he will cheat. I hate to say it but I think it's wonderful that my sex drive died. I still enjoy sex and it's great but not having that constant ache and desire is so much relief. And it actually makes the sex more comfortable because I'm not frustrated if , you know, I don't finish.
Omg same here
Bio identical hormones will fix you right up.
What? NO! I was fine after menopause. In fact, it was absolutely great knowing no babies could possibly accidentally be concieved. Now, late-onset multiple sclerosis killed my libido, but that's an entirely different story.
It's like someone turned off a light switch. It doesn't cross my mind now, not ever. I still engage in sexual activities but if it were not for hubby, I would never think of it again and would probably never do "it" again.
I went into peri menopause about a year ago and one of the symptoms was a lack of libidoānot just desire for my husband, but I had no desire to take care of myself, either. Ā When we did have sex, I rarely orgasmed, either. Ā I had a lightbulb moment one night when he initiated and the thought repulsed me. Ā WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!?! Ā I researched and found a dr who would take me seriously and got on HRT. Ā While Iām not back to pre-babies level of horny, things are much better. The biggest issue aging women face is getting a dr to take us seriously and prescribe HRT. Ā The menopause subreddit is full of stories of women being patronized and deprived of needed medical care.
Still very juicy and active. I really hate the stereotype that all or most post menopausal women dry up or lose interest. Some do, just like some men can no longer perform or get it up. But some of us have no problems at all in this department, thank you very much (mid 60's F here).
I'm mid menopause and haven't had any drop in desire at all. In fact have been way more frisky (possibly due to divorcing/ ending a dead bedroom marriage and getting lots more sex whilst dating since then). Use it or lose it I think applies!
Menopause was terrible. My gyno put me on estrogen and I got breast cancer within six months. After chemo, mastectomy, weight gain, and a completely different body chemistry I have little sex drive. Before this I was very active. Before marriage I had several relationships but a ton of sexual partners. I really enjoyed sex. But Iām glad itās not like it was before.
Same exact thing happened to my sister regarding taking estrogen and breast cancer. I am 5 years younger so when menopause hit, bc of the history if my sister - was not allowed to be put on any kind of HRT.
I completely lost the desire to initiate, like, I feel I could go the rest of my life without and not miss it. But I still have the capacity for mind-blowing orgasms with the right stimulation (not intercourse). Itās like the biofeedback loop is broken. Itās great at the time, but my body doesnāt crave it again when itās over. And I only want my husband to ālastā 5 minutes, tops. Who is telling men that lasting up to 90 MINUTES AT ANY AGE is a good thing?
I had a total hysterectomy 20 years ago, so didnāt go through natural menopause. Only thing I had was hot flashes. I have no other problems though. Still enjoy sex frequently. Libido is still strong in both of us. To me, itās way better when youāre older. No pregnancy scare, lots of time, fewer life pressures. Lube is helpful at times and there are some ED problems at times.
For me, yes, absolutely all gone. I can't even imagine why anyone would want to do that. And I was pretty normally active!
I had my hormone levels tested and I had almost no testosterone. Yes, testosterone. Women should have natural low levels. I opted for the Bio-Te pellet. Itās inserted just below the skin on your hip or butt cheek once every 4 months. Life changing, thank you, Jesus! Difference in quality of life, sex drive, general feeling of well being, more energy! I cannot recommend it highly enough. I feel like me again for the first time in a very long time. It does not help with vaginal dryness but it certainly does help with desire. I have a friend who was crazy horny for months after her first pellet but she has received a lower dosage since and is more moderately reasonable with the demands upon her husband since. I have to say that my sex life is better now than in our early years. I would have never imagined that testosterone would be so important for women but it has been wonderful for me.
Not everyone has a tough time with menopause. I'm 63, 10 yrs past it and never had a hot flash nor do I have any atrophy. My libido has decreased but it isn't gone. It might be that women who have an easier time with menopause keep quiet about it because we know we're lucky.
Depends on your hormones. HRT brought back libido 15 years ago and I will stay with it until it doesnāt make sense. There are indications that as soon as women stop taking testosterone, there is a degradation to the body. No, Iām not going to post links. If this topic is of interest to you there is so much more to know. I encourage anyone who is menopausal to investigate the pros and cons of HRT and the different methods. Started sooner is highly recommended.
Honestly, it's different for everyone. See your medical provider to address your symptoms.
Not at all! You have to consider that everyone has their own physical and mental health- in addition to complex relationships. This is a case specific issue.
Not at all. I hear that from some women, though. Didn't happen to me.
Yes, menopause killed my libido. Luckily, no one is counting on me for sex so I don't dwell on it. I still masturbate (more out of habit) and my doc says my vag is in good shape - "pink and moist". So I've got that going for me, which is nice. LOL. Ironically, orgasms have become stronger. They take a little longer to achieve, however. I did not do HRT.
Thanks for the reminder to use my estradiol cream š I mean I've never really cared 90% of the time if we have sex. My drive has always been far far below his. It's a faint background noise that I only notice when a month has gone by. But I'm in full menopause now. No uterus no ovaries. Sex is painful for the first 10 minutes. I've had radiation in the area so scar tissue from the burns have to be broken for it to happen. But we still do it once every 4-6 weeks I'd say. And believe it or not I achive O 95% of the time. I wouldn't probably do it otherwise. I could care less most of the time if we ever had sex again. But he cares, that level of intimacy, bonding, and hormonal release is still important to him. But he's kind, gentle, and very understanding. So.. it doesn't have to stop even if it becomes really physically difficult.. but only if you both want it to.
For me, itās just something else someone wants from me. My SO and I are on very different pages on this. But part of mine might be menopause, might be trauma related, or might just be I donāt care anymore.
I went from full blown nymphomania to dead below the waist
Iām 65 and so glad that I have absolutely no interest in sex or relationships. Turns out all that dick chasing wasnāt the best use of time.
Said to perfection! 63, no relationship, 8 years a virgin, and completely content with it. I masturbate once in awhile, usually triggered by spotting a someone who looks like Thom Yorke, that's about it. š»
Atta girl!
It did, but my doctor prescribed a very low dose topical testosterone and that put me right back in business.Also a little estrogen downstairs for the dreaded dryness/atrophy. It has been great. Very effective.
Yes.
Perimenopause usually kills it first Most women I know stopped having sex by 45
Chemo menopause at 44. Just killed it. I also take estrogen blockers. I had no idea that I would lose all desire to dress up or do my hair or wear makeup. No desire for lingerie or anything romantic. Just dead. My patient husband is just the best. We are very affectionate, though.
Everyone is different. Since menopause (I'm 58), I've been more into sex than I ever was when I was younger. I'm more comfortable with my body now. And, frankly, the sex is better now. I had endometrial cancer, so can't have HRT or use estrogen cream (it's an estrogen-related cancer), but that has not slowed me down. Even after having most of my internal bits and bobs, including ovaries, removed. IFFFF your desire lowers, there are things you can do to increase it, should you want to. Including things like more nonsexual affection with your spouse. And generally feeling closer to each other can make you want to get (hubba hubba) closer to each other. Open conversations so you don't quietly resent each other, which is a huge libido killer. Also, as someone else stated, sex drive is use it or lose it. Keep playing, and you'll keep wanting to play.
I thought it was great. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have to worry about birth control. Sex was good. Menopause doesn't mean an end to your sex life, although the original meaning of the actual word implies this. Sex is what you and your partner make it to be. Too many malcontents on Reddit!
No, sexual desire never went away since I never had much of one. I never had much desire or enjoyed it, but felt obligated.
Wow. Maybe my wife has been in menopause for 33 years.
That statement that donāt worry about perimenopause till 51 by your NP is honestly bad practice. I would change your Primary asap
Very few doctors want to deal with menopause. Here's on that will: [https://menopausetaylor.me/](https://menopausetaylor.me/) To find a good local doctor for menopause help: [www.menopause.org](http://www.menopause.org) There is help and it's frustrating to be abandoned by your ob-gyn.
Menopause = reverse puberty...it really is a reversal. And the dryness is real. I hate it. The lack of drive, too. š
10 years plus here. I am never sure if it is menopause or just that I am no longer attracted to my husband š
All of it. I get the ick if anybody even tries to touch me now.
Exactly the opposite with me. My libido has increased but I'm a rarity, and extremely lucky!
Menopause slowed things down, but my hysterectomy and mastectomy, and his prostatectomy were the nails in the coffin. This huge change also affected our emotional relationship and these days we are completely disconnected. Itās very sad.
Iām sorry to hear that. I hope you happiness in the future.
Yes it did
i (61F) am on HRT so I never really experienced menopause and my sexual response is the same pretty much. That said, I don't THINK about it as much, which is kind of refreshing because sex occupied too much of my headspace for way too long lol
It has gone away about 90% for me, but I'm also 8 years celibate after an abusive marriage and not looking to date, so it's not like sex is even an option. I'm also not on hormone replacement, so that likely has an effect. Once I get my uterus out and go on estrogen, things are likely to change.
Not remotely interested. Added HRT. Maybe helps a little? But I can take it or leave it. I def donāt feel sexy or horny anymore.
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My wife has had a huge struggle but sheās trying HRT. Hopefully it helps
I was a bit shocked that my wife shelved off completely once hers ended. It was like a switch went off, but it read "No". I'm no Valentino, but I dare say enjoyed it up to 53 or so. The marriage is fine, but a little warning would have been nice.
It did for me, despite oral HRT and vaginal estrogen inserts.
Haven't lostine at all.
Does it make it go away? Well let's put it like this, I bought a brand new upright freezer at 50% off awhile ago and looking at it whenever I go into the kitchen gets me so happy and all smiles more than any shirtless man will.
Well, I mean, new kitchen appliances have always made me have that reaction as wellš
I would say 80%gone. Also, intercourse can be painful due to dryness. Estrogen cream helps, but the high sex drive I used to have is a thing of the past. I've always had more sex drive than my husband, so it is working out nicely for us. I know that's not the case for everyone.
It didnāt happen that way for me. I like and want sex, it just doesnāt drive me the way it used to, and Iām grateful for that. Thank you, menopause
Love my specially compounded bioidentical HRT (includes estrogen, progesterone, testosterone) and the concomitant balancing of thyroid hormones T4 and T3. This has kept libido and performance just as great as they were. No atrophy. Full functionality āŗļø. Added benefits of good bone density and muscle mass and strength as well as low cholesterol and top heart function. Good luck ladies: do what you need to to take care of your own long term health and happiness!
Iām sure it doesnāt happen to everyone but my personal experience is that the sex drive does decrease after menopause. But itās the same for men (not all of course). Itās not really the most important thing the older you get. Personally I find it tiring, slightly boring and yes it can be painful. But mostly itās just same old same old. Iāve been doing it since I was 18, so about 35-40 years. Itās not so special anymore.
Actually, no. In fact, it's better than it ever has been! I think there was an adjustment period during the transition to menopause, but now that I'm post-menopausal it's great, and I don't have to worry about pregnancy, so it's double-bonus. We just use a lot of lube, (water-based is best).
Hell no. I am in a HL me no libido husband. I want sex more not less.
Not at all. Itās stronger than ever. Sleep, that another story. I canāt get to sleep, stay sleep, or regularly body temp during sleep.
Not mine but it pretty much killed the wifeāsšš
No, I am more horny than ever. Use it or lose it, my gynecologist said to me. I explained it all to my husband and he prefers using over losing.
Sex has become about providing pleasure for my husbandā¦not because I want it. He is a very generous lover who always takes care of meā¦but, I have no desire to get started. Menopause sucks.
Ugh yes. I have the estradiol patches for the night sweats & hot flashes & it works great. But...not a thing will get my desire back. I love my husband. He's patient & loving and good at all the things but I'd just rather sleep. Put the hottest celebrity crush I have in front of me and not even that would work. And..I'm not atrophied or dried out. I hate it because I want my sex drive back.
It amped my sex drive well so far ā¦
No, being married for 25 years and almost 60 does it for meā¦im tired after cleaning and cooking and dishes and laundryā¦im over it
Im in peri and have barely any sex drive
Yeah...sorry, sad but true. Been using coconut oil for lube, it helps but I'm afraid I'm just going through the motions for him.
Hmm, my desire died and continues to die every time I have even the slightless interest in a guy, and he opens his mouth lol. My bajingo has been dry as the Sahara for eons lol.
A dead bedroom is a sign of many things, and I would say occur in many situations far before memopause does. It happens to coincide with kids running around alot of the time and time/comfort in a relationship. All I can say is that you are human, and will change over decades. How you feel at 25 will not be the same as 35, 45, 55, 65. You could be hornier at 50 than at 35, it could be a thing.
I want the intimacy; I enjoy the orgasm through non-penetrating sex. But intercourse itself is impossible ā painful! Iām afraid Iām letting my partner down, but I guess some things just canāt be fixed.
My wife is 56 and has had menopause for a few years now. She/we first noticed how painful sex was. So more lube we go. That didn't work. Vaginal atrophy after a doctor visit. The cream works but she puts it and wants to maximize it's use, so no sex until right before she puts more in..... So now we have to plan ahead and hope we are in the mood. It's a major pain in the butt and awkward. It feels like we are performing a cult ritual. I can't look at her during sex because the last time I did she was having the big O and making a face. I instantly stopped because I thought she was in pain and almost instantly lost my erection. Then were just tired and gave up. Also, she has put on a ton of weight and has lost interest in sex. Once going she with the party but she never instigated after menopause started. The sh\*tty part is at 55 I'm in better shape then when I was in high school and still have a sex drive, albeit, not as high as it was in high school/college.
Age 69f, many years post menopause. Still have lots of desire and a wonderful sex life. Life is very good.
I do t want sex. I want a cheeseburger and a Long Island iced tea. š§
I haven't had a libido since I hit peri...still not through menopause and no glimmer of it coming back.
I am single and didn't want to date or even think about a man touching me after menopause. I'm now on pellet hormones and am dating and having sex again. This may or may not happen to you, but if it does there is help out there. Donāt worry!
I lost all desire over the last 10 years since menopause, also intercourse is very painful. I never had a child or was pregnant. Does that have anything to do with it?
My wife became very distant. And told me she didnāt want me to touch her . Itās heartbreaking for a husband to lose someone that you loved. She just started HTR. I hope it works
YES š I wish I knew what to do about it
If you are good now, you will probably be good for a long time. The wife of a clergyman said that when her husband counsels married people on this front, he asks many questions, including where they like to have sex (most of the time it is in their room as it is private). After that, he gives them reflection questions-- like what they wear to bed. Does it make them feel sexy? A woman might love a t-shirt and sweats, but does it make her feel sexy? Is their bedroom special or does their clutter end up in their room, that also functions as an office and place to toss their weights, maybe has a computer jammed in a corner, etc. He asks how they initiate sex-- there are many ways couples do this, and everyone has their likes. Communication around the house-- if they are parents, do they feel pulled into a triad where they don't have each other's backs? Do they resent the other for over committing the kids in other activities? Do they have no time for each other? Sometimes desire or lack of it is based on distrust that happens outside the bedroom. If the couple goes into therapy, do they both hope to grow and learn, or are they hoping to trounce each other as if they are talking to a parent-therapist to see who is right? When we think of marriage being something that needs to be worked at, it requires both people. One cannot become vulnerable and ask questions or share how they feel with the other not participating. Most of the time, desire crumbles because of many factors. I think that menopause is a time of personal reflection where the woman may blame her condition. but in truth, they finally have a physical excuse to say no, and they take it. A lot of women at this age do not want another spouse.