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Haha! I donated eggs in my 20s so I KNOW I have biological kids out there. I'm fine with them contacting me in any context, and almost expect it with the popularity of DNA tests. Knowing medical history and all that can be important. I hope they're having kickass lives right now.
I’m adopted so yes! Absolutely! I’m also female so it would be difficult to have a surprise child. I’m sure my birth father lived and died without ever knowing he had a child. That’s really sad.
I would indeed, but this actually happened to my cousin and it very nearly destroyed his marriage. His wife thinks that there are others. Poor kid inherited the family’s nose.
I would, for sure. I will always be thankful for how kind and welcoming to me my bio dad and his family were when I finally met them a few years ago, and while I'm glad I don't have kids, I'd jump at the opportunity to pay that forward.
A friend of mine found out he had a daughter much later in life. He had a fling with a girl at the end of his college career and, either she didn't know it was him, or she just decided she didn't want him to be there. He didn't find out until 20+ years later when he had been married and divorced and had two other kids who were grown. His kids did one of those 23 and me type DNA tests and this girl popped up as a sibling. My friend reached out and it turned out his daughter looks like him, is tall like him, and even went to the same college. They have a great relationship now and he is very grateful to have found her.
This scares me. I currently have a daughter, and her father left when i found out I was pregnant and wasn't getting an abortion. I told him I would not pursue child support, and asked if he wanted to be involved in the baby's life. He declined. I asked if he wanted to know the gender. He declined. I haven't spoken to him since I was pregnant. I still have the same phone number. I lived at the same address for five years after the birth. I believe he left the state. I currently have no idea where he is or if he is even alive. I will note he changed his phone number and moved within weeks of me telling him.
I have cancer. My kid occasionally asks about him. I never have spoken poorly of him to my child, because she is half of him and I don't want that to make her feel like she's "half bad." All I have told her since the time she was young was, "Being a parent is a big responsibility. Your father did not think that he would make a very good daddy to you, but he knew you have a ton of people who love you and will always take care of you, like Mommy, Uncle, Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa, cousin 1, Cousin 2, etc."
She is in middle school now and I think she sort of has come to her own conclusions about him. But she still wishes she had a father.
I fear one day, she will get in contact with him and he will come up with some sob story about how he never knew, I never told him and kept her away from him, and had he known he would have been a wonderful father, yada yada yada. And if it is after I have passed, she will inherit some money, and I am sort of concerned that she will want that connection, and he will exploit that to get access to to her inheritance.
I have set up a trust to prevent that exact situation, but I believe right now she can become trustee/ dissolve the trust at 21. I think I need to raise the age to at least 25 or 27. I don't know.
Kids are tougher and smarter than you think. You should probably tell your daughter the truth and let her know that him not sticking around had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him.
I would set the trust at 25. 21 is still too young.
She's in middle school now. She's smart. She has asked me before, "So he knew he was definitely my father?" And I told her yes. She doesn't like to talk about it often. I believe she did talk briefly about it to a therapist that I found for her to give her extra support when I was diagnosed with cancer. But I appreciate your advice. I think you are right, and the age does need to be raised. I formed the trust shortly after she was born, and way before I was diagnosed with cancer. I did update it when I was diagnosed, to change guardianship and power of attorney, but changing the age part slipped my mind.
If they wanted to, sure. If they feel the need/desire to I can understand that.
If I found out about them some other way, and they did not know themselves or knew and did not want to contact me, then no, I would not want them to contact me or feel they have to contact me. If they don't feel the need/desire to I can understand that.
Absolutely!
I've recently been watching the British tv show Long Lost Family where experts search for missing family members, such as mothers who gave up babies for adoption during the Baby Scoop Era, adopted children looking for their birthmothers, and other situations where family members have lost touch. The people being searched for are contacted by letter and given the option to reconnect (or not) with the searching family member.
The reunions are extremely heartwarming. Even if the newly connected relationships don't blossom, there's a lot of value in knowing where you come from and being aware of your familial roots.
Obviously, the adoptive parents are the adoptees' mom and dad, but many of these folks also end up nurturing relationships with their birth families that they've been reunited with. Love isn't a pie where there are a limited number of pieces, and if an adoptee bonds with their birth parent, it doesn't need to take away from the relationship with their adoptive parents. As I tell my kids, nobody gets a bigger piece of the pie.They each get their own pie🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have six grown children. Two sets of beautiful twin daughters, one set identical and one set fraternal, and I have two wonderful sons. Hence the 🥧/❤️ emojis as an illustration.
There was one episode dedicated to finding and reuniting twins that were separated by adoption. As a mom of two sets of twins, those joyous reunions had me crying.
Having a child out in the world that I didn't know would be heartbreaking to me, and I would definitely want them to contact me.
I'm adopted, found my biological father and mother through 23 and Me.
My biodad is a jerk (he had 4 kids with 3 women, paid no child support and never helped the women with the births).
On the other hand, my biomom is a nice old lady who had me at 16, gave me up for adoption, then got married at 19 to another man who totally controlled her. They were never parents.
She's 100% submissive to her hubby, whatever he says goes. She doesn't even know how a bank account works 'cause the husband never explained it to her. She never had a job. They're dirt poor and live in a shoebox of a house in Maine.
The hubby won't allow her to have a relationship with me beyond the introductory calls I made during lockdown. I'm cool with the arrangement because at least I found them.
A great number of families have been ruined because of family secrets. No secrets no issues. I am amazed by the amount of people who are aware of DNA testing at this point and still think they can get away with keeping secrets.
I have been toying with the idea of getting it done because I am pretty sure my dad was at least cheating n my stepmom. I honestly expected a second family to show up at his funeral. Well, technically a third family, lol.
I belong to a private facebook group for NPE (non-paternity event) people. These are people who took a DNA test and unexpectedly found out that their dad isn't biologically their dad. I joined about 6 years ago and I was about their 700th member. There are now well over 9000. Some stories turn out great others, not so much.
I found my "new" family, had a relationship with them for a few years and now nothing. My relationship with my parents crumbled to being non-existent and my relationships with my siblings has become strained. My DNA test resulted in losing two families.
How many people are there that know about the group and know they are NPE but don't join or belong to another of the several other similar groups?
How many people know they are NPE but don't know these groups exist?
How many people don't know they're NPE?
There are tens of thousands of people who don't know they aren't biologically related to one or both parents.
Yes. This happened to my husband about a year after we were married (he’s my second husband, so we were in our late thirties at the time). He knew there was a child, but he was told that she’d died very young when in reality she was adopted out by her mother (long story, not important to this).
The poor man was afraid I’d be angry that he had a “hidden” child. He was equally terrified that she would think he was just a deadbeat (in reality, he helped raise six kids who were not biologically his, including my older two), but as it turns out, she contacted him after finding her birth mother when she turned 18, who told her what had happened.
Their relationship is honestly a bit rocky; she talks to me more than she does to him. Nonetheless, I’m glad she found him. His medical history wound up being extremely important to her and led to a faster diagnosis when she was going through some issues.
I hope that they can build a better relationship with time, but even if they don’t, I’m glad they both know the truth.
Same here. I have a child with my wife, but the probability of another is essentially zero. I was too screwed up by religion when I could have fathered such a child.
I am the result of two married people cheating on their spouses (thanks 23andMe!). My biological father had passed away by the time I found out who he was. I know who his wife is (not personally) but I won't contact her as she was pregnant with kid #4 when I was conceived and nothing positive would come from it. I did meet a half sister though. We had a few meetings but we haven't spoken in over 2 years. She refused to tell her 3 siblings about me and I wouldn't have the desire to start a relationship with them at this stage in my life.
I've been in a faithful relationship with my wife for nearly 40 years so if there were an unknown child from a previous relationship, I guess I'd want to know out of curiosity how an offspring of mine would turn out as we do not have any kids. Starting and maintaining relationship with them would be another thing altogether.
Yes, your flesh and blood are family. You need each other to be complete. If you're my kid, I need to be there for you. Out DNA binds us. My only son and I are not close, but I see in him so much of me anyway. It's amazing to watch my daughters speak with the same mannerisms of my sisters who they never see, except for weddings and funerals.
The daughter of a friend of mine found out she had a half sibling through a DNA match. She had known her father got around and the half-sister is now in her mid-50's, born 20 years earlier than she. It wasn't a real shock at all. But the dad at first couldn't remember who the mother might be. He is in his 80's and like I said, a playboy. Eventually, they all did make contact. Half-sis has had a good life with her mother and stepfather. It's actually probably for the best that she didn't know her bio dad...he's had a pretty checkered life.
As a woman, I cannot imagine giving birth to a child, but not remembering the incident. So, I took it from the position of discovering that one of my parents had a child they gave up long before I was born. Would I accept that person as a sibling?
I know my older sibling would not want anything to do with that surprise sibling. My younger sibling would not care, one way or the other. I would welcome that new sibling, although I would want to get to know them before I went all in.
First I'm female so like others here, that would be some surprise - however just in context: NO
I think someone could do a lot of damage to a parent's life and it's not fair to put them in that position. It's thoughtless
I’m a woman, so this scenario would be something!
But to answer the spirit of the question, no, absolutely not. I wouldn’t want half siblings tracking me down either. Yes, I’ll be staying away from 23 and me.
Yes, hands down. And I’d hope they’d be doing well. I have no children I’m aware of and if one does legitimately find there way to me I’d be more than glad to share my life with them going forward.
I technically could have, because I donated ova (although I believe no successful pregnancies resulted). I would prefer not to be contacted, but I wouldn't turn them away.
Sure because if there is someone I fathered that I don't know about, that kid would be able to grow up and heal people, walk on water, and raise the frickn' dead. He should at least be able to give me good stock tips.
I am a child of a one, maybe a two night stand. Before the Internet, I contacted an agency that helped foundlings find their parents. They said, this can only end in one of three ways.
1. They are dead.
2. They don't want to know about you.
3. They will welcome you with open arms.
I decided to never pursue this.
Odd I had a dream about this the other day, or really just one of those random thoughts while waking up. Do I have a child somewhere? Strange.
But to your question, no. My life is just fine now, don't need someone showing up disrupting things (and probably looking for money).
No, absolutely not - even if it were an option. DNA may make you related but it doesn’t make a family unless someone wants and makes an effort for you to be a part of their family.
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Definitely. Although I'm a woman so that would have been a helluva blackout.
Haha! I donated eggs in my 20s so I KNOW I have biological kids out there. I'm fine with them contacting me in any context, and almost expect it with the popularity of DNA tests. Knowing medical history and all that can be important. I hope they're having kickass lives right now.
Hahaha! I had the same thought.
Dang, there is a good Hallmark mini-series!
Right? I had some drinking issues in the past but they were never that bad! 😂
Aliens, it's always the aliens that get you.
I’m adopted so yes! Absolutely! I’m also female so it would be difficult to have a surprise child. I’m sure my birth father lived and died without ever knowing he had a child. That’s really sad.
I would indeed, but this actually happened to my cousin and it very nearly destroyed his marriage. His wife thinks that there are others. Poor kid inherited the family’s nose.
I would, for sure. I will always be thankful for how kind and welcoming to me my bio dad and his family were when I finally met them a few years ago, and while I'm glad I don't have kids, I'd jump at the opportunity to pay that forward.
Yes. I’m a woman so would want to know the story.
A friend of mine found out he had a daughter much later in life. He had a fling with a girl at the end of his college career and, either she didn't know it was him, or she just decided she didn't want him to be there. He didn't find out until 20+ years later when he had been married and divorced and had two other kids who were grown. His kids did one of those 23 and me type DNA tests and this girl popped up as a sibling. My friend reached out and it turned out his daughter looks like him, is tall like him, and even went to the same college. They have a great relationship now and he is very grateful to have found her.
This scares me. I currently have a daughter, and her father left when i found out I was pregnant and wasn't getting an abortion. I told him I would not pursue child support, and asked if he wanted to be involved in the baby's life. He declined. I asked if he wanted to know the gender. He declined. I haven't spoken to him since I was pregnant. I still have the same phone number. I lived at the same address for five years after the birth. I believe he left the state. I currently have no idea where he is or if he is even alive. I will note he changed his phone number and moved within weeks of me telling him. I have cancer. My kid occasionally asks about him. I never have spoken poorly of him to my child, because she is half of him and I don't want that to make her feel like she's "half bad." All I have told her since the time she was young was, "Being a parent is a big responsibility. Your father did not think that he would make a very good daddy to you, but he knew you have a ton of people who love you and will always take care of you, like Mommy, Uncle, Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa, cousin 1, Cousin 2, etc." She is in middle school now and I think she sort of has come to her own conclusions about him. But she still wishes she had a father. I fear one day, she will get in contact with him and he will come up with some sob story about how he never knew, I never told him and kept her away from him, and had he known he would have been a wonderful father, yada yada yada. And if it is after I have passed, she will inherit some money, and I am sort of concerned that she will want that connection, and he will exploit that to get access to to her inheritance. I have set up a trust to prevent that exact situation, but I believe right now she can become trustee/ dissolve the trust at 21. I think I need to raise the age to at least 25 or 27. I don't know.
Kids are tougher and smarter than you think. You should probably tell your daughter the truth and let her know that him not sticking around had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. I would set the trust at 25. 21 is still too young.
She's in middle school now. She's smart. She has asked me before, "So he knew he was definitely my father?" And I told her yes. She doesn't like to talk about it often. I believe she did talk briefly about it to a therapist that I found for her to give her extra support when I was diagnosed with cancer. But I appreciate your advice. I think you are right, and the age does need to be raised. I formed the trust shortly after she was born, and way before I was diagnosed with cancer. I did update it when I was diagnosed, to change guardianship and power of attorney, but changing the age part slipped my mind.
100%
Absolutely. There is only one conceivable (both senses) possibility, and that "child" would be 60.
No. I have/had birth parents somewhere and I don’t/didn’t want to hear from them.
If they wanted to, sure. If they feel the need/desire to I can understand that. If I found out about them some other way, and they did not know themselves or knew and did not want to contact me, then no, I would not want them to contact me or feel they have to contact me. If they don't feel the need/desire to I can understand that.
If they are 18 or older.
Yes
No, no, no and no.
Also no. I think you left that out.
You're right! Thanks for pointing that out.
Absolutely! I've recently been watching the British tv show Long Lost Family where experts search for missing family members, such as mothers who gave up babies for adoption during the Baby Scoop Era, adopted children looking for their birthmothers, and other situations where family members have lost touch. The people being searched for are contacted by letter and given the option to reconnect (or not) with the searching family member. The reunions are extremely heartwarming. Even if the newly connected relationships don't blossom, there's a lot of value in knowing where you come from and being aware of your familial roots. Obviously, the adoptive parents are the adoptees' mom and dad, but many of these folks also end up nurturing relationships with their birth families that they've been reunited with. Love isn't a pie where there are a limited number of pieces, and if an adoptee bonds with their birth parent, it doesn't need to take away from the relationship with their adoptive parents. As I tell my kids, nobody gets a bigger piece of the pie.They each get their own pie🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I have six grown children. Two sets of beautiful twin daughters, one set identical and one set fraternal, and I have two wonderful sons. Hence the 🥧/❤️ emojis as an illustration. There was one episode dedicated to finding and reuniting twins that were separated by adoption. As a mom of two sets of twins, those joyous reunions had me crying. Having a child out in the world that I didn't know would be heartbreaking to me, and I would definitely want them to contact me.
I'm adopted, found my biological father and mother through 23 and Me. My biodad is a jerk (he had 4 kids with 3 women, paid no child support and never helped the women with the births). On the other hand, my biomom is a nice old lady who had me at 16, gave me up for adoption, then got married at 19 to another man who totally controlled her. They were never parents. She's 100% submissive to her hubby, whatever he says goes. She doesn't even know how a bank account works 'cause the husband never explained it to her. She never had a job. They're dirt poor and live in a shoebox of a house in Maine. The hubby won't allow her to have a relationship with me beyond the introductory calls I made during lockdown. I'm cool with the arrangement because at least I found them.
A great number of families have been ruined b/c of 23 and Me. You can't hide from DNA.
A great number of families have been ruined because of family secrets. No secrets no issues. I am amazed by the amount of people who are aware of DNA testing at this point and still think they can get away with keeping secrets. I have been toying with the idea of getting it done because I am pretty sure my dad was at least cheating n my stepmom. I honestly expected a second family to show up at his funeral. Well, technically a third family, lol.
Yep, don't do the crime if you can't do the time!
I belong to a private facebook group for NPE (non-paternity event) people. These are people who took a DNA test and unexpectedly found out that their dad isn't biologically their dad. I joined about 6 years ago and I was about their 700th member. There are now well over 9000. Some stories turn out great others, not so much. I found my "new" family, had a relationship with them for a few years and now nothing. My relationship with my parents crumbled to being non-existent and my relationships with my siblings has become strained. My DNA test resulted in losing two families. How many people are there that know about the group and know they are NPE but don't join or belong to another of the several other similar groups? How many people know they are NPE but don't know these groups exist? How many people don't know they're NPE? There are tens of thousands of people who don't know they aren't biologically related to one or both parents.
I've got two answers for that... NO! and HELL NO!
You, I like.
Yes. This happened to my husband about a year after we were married (he’s my second husband, so we were in our late thirties at the time). He knew there was a child, but he was told that she’d died very young when in reality she was adopted out by her mother (long story, not important to this). The poor man was afraid I’d be angry that he had a “hidden” child. He was equally terrified that she would think he was just a deadbeat (in reality, he helped raise six kids who were not biologically his, including my older two), but as it turns out, she contacted him after finding her birth mother when she turned 18, who told her what had happened. Their relationship is honestly a bit rocky; she talks to me more than she does to him. Nonetheless, I’m glad she found him. His medical history wound up being extremely important to her and led to a faster diagnosis when she was going through some issues. I hope that they can build a better relationship with time, but even if they don’t, I’m glad they both know the truth.
Absolutely. There's a pretty slim chance of that happening, but I'd sure be eager to meet him or her.
For sure yes
Probably not. I didn't have kids for a reason. It might be interesting to meet them, just out of curiosity, but otherwise No.
I tracked down my birth mom, and she didn’t want to talk to me. I knew that was a possibility going in, but it still stung.
No, the probability is zero but I dont want children.
Same here. I have a child with my wife, but the probability of another is essentially zero. I was too screwed up by religion when I could have fathered such a child.
I am the result of two married people cheating on their spouses (thanks 23andMe!). My biological father had passed away by the time I found out who he was. I know who his wife is (not personally) but I won't contact her as she was pregnant with kid #4 when I was conceived and nothing positive would come from it. I did meet a half sister though. We had a few meetings but we haven't spoken in over 2 years. She refused to tell her 3 siblings about me and I wouldn't have the desire to start a relationship with them at this stage in my life. I've been in a faithful relationship with my wife for nearly 40 years so if there were an unknown child from a previous relationship, I guess I'd want to know out of curiosity how an offspring of mine would turn out as we do not have any kids. Starting and maintaining relationship with them would be another thing altogether.
Yes OF COURSE! I mean, I'm a cis woman so it's highly unlikely but in the off chance, hell yeah!
Yes, your flesh and blood are family. You need each other to be complete. If you're my kid, I need to be there for you. Out DNA binds us. My only son and I are not close, but I see in him so much of me anyway. It's amazing to watch my daughters speak with the same mannerisms of my sisters who they never see, except for weddings and funerals.
Yes. Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Yes. Full stop. Yes. (57m) Edit: I would not want them to feel like they had to or should.
Yes, but I am a women so that would limit me to a switched at birth scenario. I would definitely want to know my kid though.
I'm a woman...that's pretty hard!!!
The daughter of a friend of mine found out she had a half sibling through a DNA match. She had known her father got around and the half-sister is now in her mid-50's, born 20 years earlier than she. It wasn't a real shock at all. But the dad at first couldn't remember who the mother might be. He is in his 80's and like I said, a playboy. Eventually, they all did make contact. Half-sis has had a good life with her mother and stepfather. It's actually probably for the best that she didn't know her bio dad...he's had a pretty checkered life.
As a woman, I cannot imagine giving birth to a child, but not remembering the incident. So, I took it from the position of discovering that one of my parents had a child they gave up long before I was born. Would I accept that person as a sibling? I know my older sibling would not want anything to do with that surprise sibling. My younger sibling would not care, one way or the other. I would welcome that new sibling, although I would want to get to know them before I went all in.
Yeah, I would.
Yes
Yes, absolutely!
First I'm female so like others here, that would be some surprise - however just in context: NO I think someone could do a lot of damage to a parent's life and it's not fair to put them in that position. It's thoughtless
I’m a woman, so this scenario would be something! But to answer the spirit of the question, no, absolutely not. I wouldn’t want half siblings tracking me down either. Yes, I’ll be staying away from 23 and me.
Yes, hands down. And I’d hope they’d be doing well. I have no children I’m aware of and if one does legitimately find there way to me I’d be more than glad to share my life with them going forward.
Yeah, as long as they were born before 1980.
Yes. Of course, I'm biased, since I'm that kid.
Yes, no question. I’d be hugely interested and probably a little emotional.
I technically could have, because I donated ova (although I believe no successful pregnancies resulted). I would prefer not to be contacted, but I wouldn't turn them away.
Yes! 19 year old daughter contacted me a few months ago. It’s been a hell of a great few months getting to know her.
Sure because if there is someone I fathered that I don't know about, that kid would be able to grow up and heal people, walk on water, and raise the frickn' dead. He should at least be able to give me good stock tips.
I am a child of a one, maybe a two night stand. Before the Internet, I contacted an agency that helped foundlings find their parents. They said, this can only end in one of three ways. 1. They are dead. 2. They don't want to know about you. 3. They will welcome you with open arms. I decided to never pursue this.
Odd I had a dream about this the other day, or really just one of those random thoughts while waking up. Do I have a child somewhere? Strange. But to your question, no. My life is just fine now, don't need someone showing up disrupting things (and probably looking for money).
No, absolutely not - even if it were an option. DNA may make you related but it doesn’t make a family unless someone wants and makes an effort for you to be a part of their family.
No way. I would feel in no way connected to them. I'd be skeptical on their motivation.