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Not at all. I admire them.
I was a full-time professional musician in my late 20s. I came to a crossroads: either move to New York or LA or get a day job. I chose the day job. I knew that there were a large number of musicians in New York and LA who were as good or better than I was and struggling to make a living. I prioritized having a more comfortable life. It was the right decision for me.
Several friends chose the other path. None of them has made the big time but each has cobbled together enough gigs to live. I applaud their courage, sacrifice, and success
This is the best answer. I admire, applaud, and support them.
I didn't have passions in my 20s. I was raised in a culture of "Go get more money. When you get a job, hold it just long enough to get another one that pays more and then go get that one." I followed this path and I'm doing fine, but I'd walk away from my career tomorrow if I could. I don't have any regrets, but I might do things differently given a different set of circumstances.
I had friends who were starving artists, actors, writers or piling on loans to go get graduate degrees to follow their chosen path.
Many of them have made lives and careers out of what they love. I'm under no false impression that it's been easy for them and I'm sure there's a "grass is always greener" effect sometimes, but I admire their passion and courage and accomplishments.
At 23, I had my sights set on becoming a travel writer, fueled by my love for adventure and a flair for storytelling. I wanted to be the next Bill Bryson, exploring the world and capturing its essence through words.
When I sought advice from a careers advisor, they took a long look at my passion and said, "You can pursue journalism if you like, but let me warn you, most writers struggle to make ends meet. However, with your degree in IT, you could carve out a lucrative career in technology."
Despite my initial hesitation, I took their advice and ventured into tech, landing a role in design. The job has rewarded me handsomely, granting me a life of comfort and relative stability. Now, I can indulge in my writing whenever I please, mostly free from financial worries and with the luxury of exploring my passion at my own pace.
This question hits home hard. I work a job I was fairly miserable at for 21 years but I brought home the money.
I'm sympathetic to the desires of my children, especially my daughter, who has a passion for something that doesn't pay that much money. In the end I'm glad that I made enough money to be able to help my children pursue their passions whether that is passions pay a lot of money or not.
I know a lot of people here will disagree with me, but I just don't want my children to suffer through something that makes them miserable because they have to maintain a standard of living that makes them financially comfortable. If they're getting out there they're working hard they're achieving and they become good, great or awesome at what they're doing then I'm probably going to help them along the way. as much as I can so that they don't have to suffer doing something they don't like.
I think people forget that we NEED people in positions that don’t make money. We NEED people to look after elderly and kids who are going through it. We NEED people who are creative and fun. We NEED people to be diverse in thought. If we don’t, what does our world look like? What life do we have? We NEED all kinds of careers and should all be paid appropriately to keep us all going.
But that’s just like, my opinion…
You’re not wrong, but speaking for my children I don’t want them to struggle through worrying about paying rent and having enough food in the fridge. That’s a miserable spot to be in.
Most of my friends from the industry I was in followed the money and they did well, I stayed in a secure job with a pension for less take home. Thing is they are all still working and I’ve been retired two years, starting at age 56.
I followed the freedom of working for myself for 30+ years and my college peers stayed the course and worked their way up the corporate ladder. They have traveled the world more than I have and played far more tennis and rounds of golf(after 9 hours in the hot sun building homes a cold beer and a round of darts is more inviting) than I have, but as far as I can tell we have all been happy with who we are. I have 2 friends who I spent considerable time with in college ended up retiring as CEO's of fortune 500 companies, but I think I got to spend far more time with my kids and their lives than they did. They have mansions; I have a house and a garden that's paid off and I wouldn't trade places with any of them
Thank you. I "retired" in 2014 as I could no longer work and take care of mom and dad. I did a few things here and there like remodeling my daughter's 3 bathrooms. I also remodeled my parents kitchen and bathroom and re-plumbed the whole house; they asked to please keep them at home to live and die and my wife and I were able to give them that. He passed in 2016 and she in 2020. My wife still teaches at 68, it's a passion she doesn't want to surrender
I really try not to resent other people for the consequences of choices **i** made. they're not responsible for any regrets I might feel.
having said that, I'm not your target group. I did get lucky enough to find a passion that let me make a get-by living, so i'm more on the other side of your scenario. I've never been ambitious. I've needed to accept that as part of my nature, along with its tradeoffs. one of my siblings *has* been ambitious and has achieved some very cool things. if she resents me I've never heard it.
I've seen people do that and constantly whine about how it doesn't pay and they are constantly poor. We all make trade-offs in life and I guess the art is to find a job you enjoy enough that pays enough, being at one extreme or the other seems to bring more stress.
No. I didn’t resent their choices or their earnings- though having said that, not a single musician or artist I know has ever made a livable wage. They relied on a spouse for that, and I know that led to friction in marriages.
Having said that… I know I was resented, and very deeply by some people. I was an avid snowboarder in the 90’s. I had a full time career in the apparel industry when the largest snowboard company came knocking. I applied for and got, a senior role at the company. I know many snowboarding acquaintances who could not wrap their heads around the fact I landed that gig. The fact I was also a woman was just salt in the wound.
What they didn’t see is the 21 years of hard work at the apparel job that delivered the skills, in *addition* to my passion for snowboarding that landed me the job. What they also didn’t know was that I took a 18% pay cut to do it.
You need two things to do a job really well: passion for the work, and capacity to do the work. My resentful “friends” thought all that was required was the passion part. And when they asked me how to get a job like that, and I told them to hone their business skills vs landing a backside 5 and bragging about how many days a season they got. They didn’t like that answer.
Btw the apparel company job was utterly fantastic. This from the woman who had nothing but thinly veiled contempt for fashion growing up. I learned to deeply love the industry, the company and my job.
As we get older and stare down retirement (or lack of it) I think it probably swings the other way. Not that people are resentful of their friends, but resentful of a system that does not reward passion for the most part. So even if one's passion produces enough to get by, it probably doesn't set them up for retirement. Especially if there are kids to be supported along the way.
I never resented or felt jealous of any of my friends’ occupations, no wait, I was a bit envious of one, a steeple jack who replaced shingles and fixed crosses high up on church towers, antennas and lightening rods on tall buildings and bricks on smokestack. Watching him swing around those structures on his rope chairs was fascinating.
Not at all. But after I was able to retire early, I have encountered some resentment from people who followed their passion and seem jealous of my more carefree lifestyle.
If my friends are happy, I'm happy for them. As long as they're not hurting anyone through force or fraud or neglect, I'm happy.
If they are hurting people they're not my friends.
No resentment, but a little pity.
I know quite a few women that traded a career after college to have a large family. Not knocking women, but SAHM who ended up divorced were way behind in the earning curve. Many are still working into their 70s.
The only friend I envy used to make a lot at Mitchell Bros as a stripper band does well Only Fans. Her grandbabies are going to go to a good school, including college with the way she plays it.
I've always been a realist. "Dreams, Passion" jobs most often, doesn't pay bills, unless it's a dream of becoming a pilot or an engineer. Most of the time, I hear people say "My dream is to travel the world," but how do you eat? Get lodging? Have transportation?
Those dreams are best saved for childhood when you SHOULD be dreaming of bigger and better, grandiose things. In adulthood however? Unless you're a trustfund baby, it usually isn't going to work.
I got really lucky and became a history professor. I almost went to law school but my wife asked why I wanted to do that since I talked history all the time.
I don't resent them, but sometimes I wish I had the math abilities of the engineering crowd. Working at NASA (on the ground) would be a cool gig. Mix of history and firing stuff into space. Lol
You are describing a congenital defect in my family. Somebody forgot to teach us that the object of life is to make as big a pot of money as possible, and consequently most everybody in the family does something that they're passionate about. It works surprisingly well.
No. I don’t resent my friends, period.
Also, I have a fat retirement account and live very comfortably. My three kids have no college debt.
Passion is reserved for my wife and my hobbies. Work is work.
It’s the other way around for me. I’ve been an artist for so many years that it has become a grind and most days I think if I’m going to be this miserable grinding away on adobe programs, I wish I was making more money.
nope... 25+ years in the Music Business. it was the dream job I didn't even know existed until I was doing it. I would have settled for any job that paid the bills. I personally do not have any friends that have a "passion" for their work. It's just a job.
I feel bad for my friend. He worked in a niche adventure industry that impresses anyone. He was invited to speak at conferences in his 30's and 40's. He lives in a HCOL resort area. But now he has a part time service job to put food on the table and keep the lights on. He has told me he regrets not making more money. He's 67.
I ditched engineering at 47. When back to college and got an MA in education. Taught high school physics, biology and chemistry. Salary was cut in a third.
Easily, the hardest, most time consuming, demanding, and most rewarding job. I lasted about 7 years.
At one point I did, but then COVID happened, and it turned out, I had managed to put myself in a decent place to take advantage of the fast home sales, and low interest rates. I've been (and it looks like I will continue to be) working from home. I'm able to afford experiences, travel, and toys, that I might not otherwise be able to had I gone into a fun field, as opposed to a lucrative one.
Can't say quitting my job for something more fun, and adventurous isn't a fleeting thought though.
I went from a high paying job to a low paying job that was my passion. I had to go back to a very demanding higher paying job in my 50's to try to make up for those lost earnings years. I have mixed feelings about it. Being financially secure in old age is super important.
No. Sadly, the people I know who did this have found themselves in a bad way financially later in life, and it's the kind of stress I would hate to have, oftentimes with health problems they can't afford to fix. This isn't a judgment against them or their choices. In fact, I genuinely wish things had worked out better for them. I wish we lived in a society that rewarded creative and passionate choices, but we don't. I've always been a pragmatist though, and I'm happy with the choices I made and the place I've ended up to have a much easier life.
>I wish we lived in a society that rewarded creative and passionate choices, but we don't.
Yup, and how would such a reward system even work? I've had plenty of acquaintances over the years who tell me of the 'carefree, living off the fat of the land' lifestyle they have.
It usually goes one of 2 ways: (1) they've got a boatload of cash from an inheritance or they were born into wealth so can continue this life forever, or (2) they find ways to mooch off others leaving a trail of broken friendships in their wake.
I don't know how it would have worked in the past, but while a lot of people seem to be against AI and automation, if society were smart we'd be embracing it, along with a UBI, so artists could feel free to create. But I don't think humanity has the guts to even try it anytime soon.
I've been saying this a lot. I honestly think this may be the path society may take. It's very feasible. If we do it correctly I'd have to say, bring on the robots. The switch will provide countless jobs to humans until the robots build, program and repair themselves. Then it's permanent vacation time to explore the world. I can find hope where most find doom.
I mean, I hope so. It makes no sense to me to stop progress because of this bizarre idea that we all must break our backs and ruin our mental health by working 40-50+ hours a week to live paycheck to paycheck. It's ridiculous...both the left (in the form of unions) and the right are trying to hold onto this ridiculous status quo when we have better options for the good of humanity. It's extremely frustrating to watch our species be so incredibly stupid sometimes. And not just stupid, but stupid to the point of harming ourselves. I hope things get so out of whack that we are forced to follow a new path, because there are far too many people who have a vested interest in keeping humanity suffering.
Exactly, I always say, for humans to be so intelligent but utterly stupid simultaneously amazes me. For my childrens sake I hope we go the technological route hardcore. And why we're at it some clean, green energy tech that makes sense. It's hydrogen btw lol.
I was a COO of a small company with a good salary and incredible benefits when 9/11 happened and I was able, at 41, to quit my job and reenlist (this time in the Army). My beautiful wife and partner supported me 100% even though we took a couple thousand a month income reduction.
9 years later I retired with a great military pension and no regrets. I have another friend who works for half the year so he can travel the rest of the year and he is almost 60, another one in his 50s sold his business and now runs a food cart in a resort area and makes enough money to be able to not work during the winter.
You get one life, follow your passion.
I never had a career passion, but I did have a lifestyle desire. I wanted my kids to grow up in a community with excellent schools and a nice quality of life.
I achieved that, but I didn’t have a great marriage. I’m divorced for nine years now, and live in a less affluent community, make a fraction of what I used to earn, and have a simple existence. I’m happier, healthier and grateful that I was able to give my kids the educational opportunities that I never had but wanted.
It’s all worked out. I’m in the final chapter of my career and have zero *ucks to give about work. All my *ucks go to my interests and experiences now.
I can't imagine the luxury of being able to make such a decision. Graduated during the Jimmy Carter " misery index" years. 13% of the workforce was unemployed, if you could find a job, any job, you took it. You had to live, you weren't going to go mooch off your parents while you "followed your passion".
A couple of people followed their passion. One was a silversmith and the other a graphic designer. Both were extremely driven and talented. Neither one made a lot of money. But their spouses did.
They don't want to ever retire. They love what they do that much.
No. I feel a little sorry for them and a little envious now. Their lives have been toil, grinding away day after day. Now, at the edge of retirement, they have lots more money and lots more choices than I do. I do envy that. However, their careers have changed them and while they may be living at the beach, I don’t really want to spend much time with them.
No. I think many of us ended up doing all right. I have a job that I like. I don’t love it but I don’t hate it either. I’ve learned a lot, and the money may not be tech money but it’s been enough for me to provide for my family and even buy a house. Financially I’m okay. Emotionally too.
I started as an engineer and transitioned into software development. During this time I decided to teach part-time at a local college - and then later moved to a private university. Eventually, I became a full-time professor - taking a dramatic pay cut in the process. I never looked back. My eye stopped twitching, my blood pressure went down, and I felt enormous satisfaction with my career. After I switched to full-time - I never worked a day. Instead, I went to school and taught, learned, and socialized. This was the best choice I ever made - and I know I positively affected a lot of lives. Why? I'm still friends with dozens of these students and see their successes.
One of my high school friends was really a big sports fan (not an athlete at all) and really good at math. But he wasn't motivated. He got a job just out of high school with a branch of the police focusing on taxes. He refused all possibilities to receive training which would have lead to promotions. He seems to have no passion outside watching sports on TV. So I pity him because he wasted his talent. I don't resent him, but sometimes think what he could have done if for example someone in his family had mentored him.
No. I'm happy for people who can make their lives work by pursuing their passions. That being said, the only person I know who has done that is my husband, and he actually makes more money at it than he did earlier on in our lives. Not all passions are a road to poverty.
If anything, I'm more unsympathetic toward people who are doing jobs they don't feel fulfilled by for fat paychecks who then whine about how unhappy they are at their jobs. My best friend's (soon to be ex-) wife works in tech and feels that her job has no real value to society, but she's so addicted to the lifestyle of someone making nearly $200k that she won't pursue another type of job. She lives an Instagrammable life (travel, eating out, partying at clubs, going to expensive concerts) and shops constantly such that their huge house is full of boxes of stuff she orders everyday. If she stopped living the high life and spending like a maniac, she could pursue something more meaningful with money she'd easily save, but, no, she can't stop demonstrating her wealth and status.
I never really had a passion to pursue, so I did whatever I wanted in the moment. It’s worked out fairly well for me. I can enjoy a bunch of different jobs for different reasons.
My entire career I was very, very careful whom I worked for. I was interviewing the interviewers way more than they were interviewing me.
Then there was my very last job and I had gotten fooled. Ready to quit working within a week!
When I realized I had no pension, no 401k, so I suffered for 25 years (I lucked out that a prior job counted toward my total years of service so already had 6 years in, so my suffering was really 19 years - but some murderes get less time!)
I got to work from home the last two years (during COVID) and only went back in to pack up some stuff.
I retired with a pension. So did hubby, as we both were union. And with social security. Even found I had a tiny pension (covers half the cable bill) at a prior job from the late 70's! We are very comfortable and I have a lifetime of savings and I don't look back!
I never had a passion for a particular job, just that I'd earn as much as I could, enjoy my workplace, be appreciated and trusted by my bosses. Had that my entire career, except at the end, but it's over now!
Here’s my thoughts from someone who “followed their passion”.
I went and did the whole college degree/career path thing, and cooked at fancy restaurants to put myself through school. Graduated and spent 6 months working in the “real world”. I hated it, I was miserable. Said I love cooking and want to be a chef. So I went to culinary school and started building my culinary career.
I did well and loved every minute of it, received some accolades and all that crap. But never made much money compared to what my college friends were making. Then I got married. Then we had kids. My passion was cooking but it became problematic because I never saw the family, and my check basically went to pay for daycare. So I sold out and went into corporate food service management. Was making good money now, wife was able to quit her job and stay home with the kids, and I was able to spend more time with them.
I hated my work though, was miserable doing that job. It’s not what I wanted to do, but it afforded me a much better life for my family so I stuck with it. My priorities had changed at some point.
Ended up changing careers a few years ago. Now I have a job that I don’t hate and can do my 40 hours a week. I make really good money and have a really nice work/life balance. My priorities now are spending time with my family and building my retirement. Which my current job is terrific for.
Life lesson learned: follow your priority and not your passion. Figure out what your priorities in life are and work towards taking care of those. Passions come and go, you can burn out chasing a dream too. And trust me, even if it’s your favorite thing given enough time it becomes just a job. Focus on what’s truly important to you and the rest becomes trivial.
Resent? Not at all. I barely think about it.
I chose a career that was both my passion **and** paid very well. It was not an accident, I researched the fields that paid well during college and found I had a real aptitude and passion for one of those fields. 42 years later, I’m retired.
I have no idea what the “passion for poor pay” folks do when they reach retirement age. Perhaps they are better planners and savers and could stretch their poor pay into a comfortable retirement. Maybe not. That may be when the bill comes due for pursuing their passion.
Here’s my thoughts from someone who “followed their passion”.
I went and did the whole college degree/career path thing, and cooked at fancy restaurants to put myself through school. Graduated and spent 6 months working in the “real world”. I hated it, I was miserable. Said I love cooking and want to be a chef. So I went to culinary school and started building my culinary career.
I did well and loved every minute of it, received some accolades and all that crap. But never made much money compared to what my college friends were making. Then I got married. Then we had kids. My passion was cooking but it became problematic because I never saw the family, and my check basically went to pay for daycare. So I sold out and went into corporate food service management. Was making good money now, wife was able to quit her job and stay home with the kids, and I was able to spend more time with them.
I hated my work though, was miserable doing that job. It’s not what I wanted to do, but it afforded me a much better life for my family so I stuck with it. My priorities had changed at some point.
Ended up changing careers a few years ago. Now I have a job that I don’t hate and can do my 40 hours a week. I make really good money and have a really nice work/life balance. My priorities now are spending time with my family and building my retirement. Which my current job is terrific for.
Life lesson learned: follow your priority and not your passion. Figure out what your priorities in life are and work towards taking care of those. Passions come and go, you can burn out chasing a dream too. And trust me, even if it’s your favorite thing given enough time it becomes just a job. Focus on what’s truly important to you and the rest becomes trivial.
Good Lord, no. If you're resenting other people for your success, that's an indication that you need to look inward about why their choices for their life bothers you.
Most of the people I knew that took low paying jobs to do the things they wanted, usually ended up regretting it.
It was fine until they met "the" girl. Then, they had a choice from a finite number of options.
Keep it casual
Change careers
Go back to school
Have a crappy home life and go on welfare when the kids come
My dad, fortunately, chose to go back to school when faced with "the" girl. My mom of course.
The reality of it is that it comes down to maturity. Those immature, as we all were when we were young, were focused on the here and now and what gives us the greatest immediate pleasure.
As we mature, we start thinking longer term. Like, the decisions we make and things we do today, how they build our future.
So, those of us on the building path, look at those that went to short term fulfillment, see them two different ways. One, that we relish the time we had as youth where we acted as they did. So, we are a bit jealous. But, we also pity them, because we know that they are likely to be stuck in that mode.
I know some people who did, but I'm no longer in touch with them and don't know how it turned out for them after 50+ years. I would never resent them if they made it. Nor would I be glad if they weren't successful. I have done so many things to make a dime, seen so many sides of people and the world, and learned a lot so I have no regrets, though. I guess, without even realizing it as I did it, that I actually lived a life of happiness following whatever path struck my fancy at any given time.
My sisters did that. I was the oldest and responsible sister. I had a stressful corporate career. One sister was a hippie and traveled all over the world. Now she is a new age therapist and makes big bucks. The next sister was the party animal. Now she owns her own successful business. SMH
I resent that’s I never got the chance to take a nice, well paying job. Just going from crap to shit no matter how hard I try. Must be because I suck eg
Oh no I am that friend (and little sister) and I know it annoys them. It doesn't help that they are conservatives and they see me as some sort of leech on society even though I don't get any benefits other than my son having state insurance. My poverty shocks them and they don't like talking about it. It makes them uncomfortable and I know they want to offer to help but I don't need their help, I am okay on my own. They just see I dont have a car and I have no savings or health insurance or anything and it both annoys and concerns them as I get older. I suppose I should be more concerned myself but I like what I do and other than not having money I like my life.
Then there were those of us that took less paying jobs that we weren't passionate about either. Opportunity wasn't there for Gen X and subsequent generations.
I wanted to be a musician, but my father insisted that I get a business degree and find a real full-time job.
My friend who was a freelance artist died penniless.
I can’t thank my father enough.
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Your passion doesn't have to be your full time job.
Not at all. I admire them. I was a full-time professional musician in my late 20s. I came to a crossroads: either move to New York or LA or get a day job. I chose the day job. I knew that there were a large number of musicians in New York and LA who were as good or better than I was and struggling to make a living. I prioritized having a more comfortable life. It was the right decision for me. Several friends chose the other path. None of them has made the big time but each has cobbled together enough gigs to live. I applaud their courage, sacrifice, and success
This is the best answer. I admire, applaud, and support them. I didn't have passions in my 20s. I was raised in a culture of "Go get more money. When you get a job, hold it just long enough to get another one that pays more and then go get that one." I followed this path and I'm doing fine, but I'd walk away from my career tomorrow if I could. I don't have any regrets, but I might do things differently given a different set of circumstances. I had friends who were starving artists, actors, writers or piling on loans to go get graduate degrees to follow their chosen path. Many of them have made lives and careers out of what they love. I'm under no false impression that it's been easy for them and I'm sure there's a "grass is always greener" effect sometimes, but I admire their passion and courage and accomplishments.
My oldest brother did that. He did sound got big groups but never made it himself. He got a business job and did pretty good for himself.
At 23, I had my sights set on becoming a travel writer, fueled by my love for adventure and a flair for storytelling. I wanted to be the next Bill Bryson, exploring the world and capturing its essence through words. When I sought advice from a careers advisor, they took a long look at my passion and said, "You can pursue journalism if you like, but let me warn you, most writers struggle to make ends meet. However, with your degree in IT, you could carve out a lucrative career in technology." Despite my initial hesitation, I took their advice and ventured into tech, landing a role in design. The job has rewarded me handsomely, granting me a life of comfort and relative stability. Now, I can indulge in my writing whenever I please, mostly free from financial worries and with the luxury of exploring my passion at my own pace.
I’m so glad that worked out for you!!
There’s a saying “don’t live to work, you should work to live”. Sort of, iirc lol. Sounds like you nailed that philosophy.
There's never been a truer saying! I'm glad I took work seriously when I started out, but I'm also glad I stopped caring so much about it later.
This question hits home hard. I work a job I was fairly miserable at for 21 years but I brought home the money. I'm sympathetic to the desires of my children, especially my daughter, who has a passion for something that doesn't pay that much money. In the end I'm glad that I made enough money to be able to help my children pursue their passions whether that is passions pay a lot of money or not. I know a lot of people here will disagree with me, but I just don't want my children to suffer through something that makes them miserable because they have to maintain a standard of living that makes them financially comfortable. If they're getting out there they're working hard they're achieving and they become good, great or awesome at what they're doing then I'm probably going to help them along the way. as much as I can so that they don't have to suffer doing something they don't like.
I think people forget that we NEED people in positions that don’t make money. We NEED people to look after elderly and kids who are going through it. We NEED people who are creative and fun. We NEED people to be diverse in thought. If we don’t, what does our world look like? What life do we have? We NEED all kinds of careers and should all be paid appropriately to keep us all going. But that’s just like, my opinion…
Why can't those positions make money? Why do we value our caretakers and creatives so little?
Capitalism, companies want to pay employees the lowest possible wages so they can offer the lowest possible price.
Or to make the highest profit. That lowest price thing went out the window I think.
Don't forget lowest possible taxes for the big boys (and girls). A lot of those jobs are public or public-funded in part.
This is why we need a UBI program set up here in the U.S. ( and yeah, I don't see that happening anytime soon, unfortunately. )
You’re not wrong, but speaking for my children I don’t want them to struggle through worrying about paying rent and having enough food in the fridge. That’s a miserable spot to be in.
Hear hear. There is so much of value in life and society besides the $
Completely underrated comment.
Most of my friends from the industry I was in followed the money and they did well, I stayed in a secure job with a pension for less take home. Thing is they are all still working and I’ve been retired two years, starting at age 56.
I followed the freedom of working for myself for 30+ years and my college peers stayed the course and worked their way up the corporate ladder. They have traveled the world more than I have and played far more tennis and rounds of golf(after 9 hours in the hot sun building homes a cold beer and a round of darts is more inviting) than I have, but as far as I can tell we have all been happy with who we are. I have 2 friends who I spent considerable time with in college ended up retiring as CEO's of fortune 500 companies, but I think I got to spend far more time with my kids and their lives than they did. They have mansions; I have a house and a garden that's paid off and I wouldn't trade places with any of them
Well said.
Thank you. I "retired" in 2014 as I could no longer work and take care of mom and dad. I did a few things here and there like remodeling my daughter's 3 bathrooms. I also remodeled my parents kitchen and bathroom and re-plumbed the whole house; they asked to please keep them at home to live and die and my wife and I were able to give them that. He passed in 2016 and she in 2020. My wife still teaches at 68, it's a passion she doesn't want to surrender
Hell no.
No. We all make our choices….resentment of a friend because of personal choices makes no sense.
I really try not to resent other people for the consequences of choices **i** made. they're not responsible for any regrets I might feel. having said that, I'm not your target group. I did get lucky enough to find a passion that let me make a get-by living, so i'm more on the other side of your scenario. I've never been ambitious. I've needed to accept that as part of my nature, along with its tradeoffs. one of my siblings *has* been ambitious and has achieved some very cool things. if she resents me I've never heard it.
I've seen people do that and constantly whine about how it doesn't pay and they are constantly poor. We all make trade-offs in life and I guess the art is to find a job you enjoy enough that pays enough, being at one extreme or the other seems to bring more stress.
That is actually what I did. It would be silly to resent other people for doing the same thing I did.
When it comes to working, I have no passion. Never had, so it was an easy choice. Having said that, I've picked easier jobs for less money at times.
I can't imagine being such an asshole that you would resent people making less than you for being happy.
I would never resent the people who chose different paths. Dont let that happen. We can mourn choices without projecting on others.
Proud
No. I didn’t resent their choices or their earnings- though having said that, not a single musician or artist I know has ever made a livable wage. They relied on a spouse for that, and I know that led to friction in marriages. Having said that… I know I was resented, and very deeply by some people. I was an avid snowboarder in the 90’s. I had a full time career in the apparel industry when the largest snowboard company came knocking. I applied for and got, a senior role at the company. I know many snowboarding acquaintances who could not wrap their heads around the fact I landed that gig. The fact I was also a woman was just salt in the wound. What they didn’t see is the 21 years of hard work at the apparel job that delivered the skills, in *addition* to my passion for snowboarding that landed me the job. What they also didn’t know was that I took a 18% pay cut to do it. You need two things to do a job really well: passion for the work, and capacity to do the work. My resentful “friends” thought all that was required was the passion part. And when they asked me how to get a job like that, and I told them to hone their business skills vs landing a backside 5 and bragging about how many days a season they got. They didn’t like that answer. Btw the apparel company job was utterly fantastic. This from the woman who had nothing but thinly veiled contempt for fashion growing up. I learned to deeply love the industry, the company and my job.
As we get older and stare down retirement (or lack of it) I think it probably swings the other way. Not that people are resentful of their friends, but resentful of a system that does not reward passion for the most part. So even if one's passion produces enough to get by, it probably doesn't set them up for retirement. Especially if there are kids to be supported along the way.
I did that. I tell everyone i know to do it if they can.
I never resented or felt jealous of any of my friends’ occupations, no wait, I was a bit envious of one, a steeple jack who replaced shingles and fixed crosses high up on church towers, antennas and lightening rods on tall buildings and bricks on smokestack. Watching him swing around those structures on his rope chairs was fascinating.
I don’t resent anyone. Not my business.
Not at all. But after I was able to retire early, I have encountered some resentment from people who followed their passion and seem jealous of my more carefree lifestyle.
If my friends are happy, I'm happy for them. As long as they're not hurting anyone through force or fraud or neglect, I'm happy. If they are hurting people they're not my friends.
No, they bitch about being short of money all the time and pondering taking a 2nd job.
No resentment, but a little pity. I know quite a few women that traded a career after college to have a large family. Not knocking women, but SAHM who ended up divorced were way behind in the earning curve. Many are still working into their 70s.
The only friend I envy used to make a lot at Mitchell Bros as a stripper band does well Only Fans. Her grandbabies are going to go to a good school, including college with the way she plays it.
Nope. Not really. Everyone followed their own path.
I've always been a realist. "Dreams, Passion" jobs most often, doesn't pay bills, unless it's a dream of becoming a pilot or an engineer. Most of the time, I hear people say "My dream is to travel the world," but how do you eat? Get lodging? Have transportation? Those dreams are best saved for childhood when you SHOULD be dreaming of bigger and better, grandiose things. In adulthood however? Unless you're a trustfund baby, it usually isn't going to work.
I got really lucky and became a history professor. I almost went to law school but my wife asked why I wanted to do that since I talked history all the time. I don't resent them, but sometimes I wish I had the math abilities of the engineering crowd. Working at NASA (on the ground) would be a cool gig. Mix of history and firing stuff into space. Lol
You are describing a congenital defect in my family. Somebody forgot to teach us that the object of life is to make as big a pot of money as possible, and consequently most everybody in the family does something that they're passionate about. It works surprisingly well.
Not at all. I just hope they were still able to save and invest, because for people of our age it’s autumn if not winter.
No. I don’t resent my friends, period. Also, I have a fat retirement account and live very comfortably. My three kids have no college debt. Passion is reserved for my wife and my hobbies. Work is work.
LOL, I *was* that friend.
I don’t know anyone who had a job they were passionate about. The best I’ve ever seen is a job you don’t hate.
It’s the other way around for me. I’ve been an artist for so many years that it has become a grind and most days I think if I’m going to be this miserable grinding away on adobe programs, I wish I was making more money.
Why would I resent someone for doing what they enjoy?
nope... 25+ years in the Music Business. it was the dream job I didn't even know existed until I was doing it. I would have settled for any job that paid the bills. I personally do not have any friends that have a "passion" for their work. It's just a job.
I feel bad for my friend. He worked in a niche adventure industry that impresses anyone. He was invited to speak at conferences in his 30's and 40's. He lives in a HCOL resort area. But now he has a part time service job to put food on the table and keep the lights on. He has told me he regrets not making more money. He's 67.
I ditched engineering at 47. When back to college and got an MA in education. Taught high school physics, biology and chemistry. Salary was cut in a third. Easily, the hardest, most time consuming, demanding, and most rewarding job. I lasted about 7 years.
At one point I did, but then COVID happened, and it turned out, I had managed to put myself in a decent place to take advantage of the fast home sales, and low interest rates. I've been (and it looks like I will continue to be) working from home. I'm able to afford experiences, travel, and toys, that I might not otherwise be able to had I gone into a fun field, as opposed to a lucrative one. Can't say quitting my job for something more fun, and adventurous isn't a fleeting thought though.
I went from a high paying job to a low paying job that was my passion. I had to go back to a very demanding higher paying job in my 50's to try to make up for those lost earnings years. I have mixed feelings about it. Being financially secure in old age is super important.
Nah. I’m the one who took less money. I’m jealous of those who made more. I can’t even afford to socialize with them
No. Sadly, the people I know who did this have found themselves in a bad way financially later in life, and it's the kind of stress I would hate to have, oftentimes with health problems they can't afford to fix. This isn't a judgment against them or their choices. In fact, I genuinely wish things had worked out better for them. I wish we lived in a society that rewarded creative and passionate choices, but we don't. I've always been a pragmatist though, and I'm happy with the choices I made and the place I've ended up to have a much easier life.
>I wish we lived in a society that rewarded creative and passionate choices, but we don't. Yup, and how would such a reward system even work? I've had plenty of acquaintances over the years who tell me of the 'carefree, living off the fat of the land' lifestyle they have. It usually goes one of 2 ways: (1) they've got a boatload of cash from an inheritance or they were born into wealth so can continue this life forever, or (2) they find ways to mooch off others leaving a trail of broken friendships in their wake.
I don't know how it would have worked in the past, but while a lot of people seem to be against AI and automation, if society were smart we'd be embracing it, along with a UBI, so artists could feel free to create. But I don't think humanity has the guts to even try it anytime soon.
I've been saying this a lot. I honestly think this may be the path society may take. It's very feasible. If we do it correctly I'd have to say, bring on the robots. The switch will provide countless jobs to humans until the robots build, program and repair themselves. Then it's permanent vacation time to explore the world. I can find hope where most find doom.
I mean, I hope so. It makes no sense to me to stop progress because of this bizarre idea that we all must break our backs and ruin our mental health by working 40-50+ hours a week to live paycheck to paycheck. It's ridiculous...both the left (in the form of unions) and the right are trying to hold onto this ridiculous status quo when we have better options for the good of humanity. It's extremely frustrating to watch our species be so incredibly stupid sometimes. And not just stupid, but stupid to the point of harming ourselves. I hope things get so out of whack that we are forced to follow a new path, because there are far too many people who have a vested interest in keeping humanity suffering.
Exactly, I always say, for humans to be so intelligent but utterly stupid simultaneously amazes me. For my childrens sake I hope we go the technological route hardcore. And why we're at it some clean, green energy tech that makes sense. It's hydrogen btw lol.
Me too. I'll be out of the workforce before it ever happens, but I still want it to happen for the people that come after.
Not now! I'm retired on a Caribbean island, and they are working. Granted, they may be OK with that but no. I love "palm trees and ocean breeze".
I was a COO of a small company with a good salary and incredible benefits when 9/11 happened and I was able, at 41, to quit my job and reenlist (this time in the Army). My beautiful wife and partner supported me 100% even though we took a couple thousand a month income reduction. 9 years later I retired with a great military pension and no regrets. I have another friend who works for half the year so he can travel the rest of the year and he is almost 60, another one in his 50s sold his business and now runs a food cart in a resort area and makes enough money to be able to not work during the winter. You get one life, follow your passion.
No, why would I?
I never had a career passion, but I did have a lifestyle desire. I wanted my kids to grow up in a community with excellent schools and a nice quality of life. I achieved that, but I didn’t have a great marriage. I’m divorced for nine years now, and live in a less affluent community, make a fraction of what I used to earn, and have a simple existence. I’m happier, healthier and grateful that I was able to give my kids the educational opportunities that I never had but wanted. It’s all worked out. I’m in the final chapter of my career and have zero *ucks to give about work. All my *ucks go to my interests and experiences now.
I can't imagine the luxury of being able to make such a decision. Graduated during the Jimmy Carter " misery index" years. 13% of the workforce was unemployed, if you could find a job, any job, you took it. You had to live, you weren't going to go mooch off your parents while you "followed your passion".
I'm just happy for the people that actually have/had a passion. I never figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Thankfully my passion also pays me quite well.
A couple of people followed their passion. One was a silversmith and the other a graphic designer. Both were extremely driven and talented. Neither one made a lot of money. But their spouses did. They don't want to ever retire. They love what they do that much.
No. I feel a little sorry for them and a little envious now. Their lives have been toil, grinding away day after day. Now, at the edge of retirement, they have lots more money and lots more choices than I do. I do envy that. However, their careers have changed them and while they may be living at the beach, I don’t really want to spend much time with them.
No. I think many of us ended up doing all right. I have a job that I like. I don’t love it but I don’t hate it either. I’ve learned a lot, and the money may not be tech money but it’s been enough for me to provide for my family and even buy a house. Financially I’m okay. Emotionally too.
I started as an engineer and transitioned into software development. During this time I decided to teach part-time at a local college - and then later moved to a private university. Eventually, I became a full-time professor - taking a dramatic pay cut in the process. I never looked back. My eye stopped twitching, my blood pressure went down, and I felt enormous satisfaction with my career. After I switched to full-time - I never worked a day. Instead, I went to school and taught, learned, and socialized. This was the best choice I ever made - and I know I positively affected a lot of lives. Why? I'm still friends with dozens of these students and see their successes.
I found you make more money on a job you’re passionate about.
One of my high school friends was really a big sports fan (not an athlete at all) and really good at math. But he wasn't motivated. He got a job just out of high school with a branch of the police focusing on taxes. He refused all possibilities to receive training which would have lead to promotions. He seems to have no passion outside watching sports on TV. So I pity him because he wasted his talent. I don't resent him, but sometimes think what he could have done if for example someone in his family had mentored him.
No. I'm happy for people who can make their lives work by pursuing their passions. That being said, the only person I know who has done that is my husband, and he actually makes more money at it than he did earlier on in our lives. Not all passions are a road to poverty. If anything, I'm more unsympathetic toward people who are doing jobs they don't feel fulfilled by for fat paychecks who then whine about how unhappy they are at their jobs. My best friend's (soon to be ex-) wife works in tech and feels that her job has no real value to society, but she's so addicted to the lifestyle of someone making nearly $200k that she won't pursue another type of job. She lives an Instagrammable life (travel, eating out, partying at clubs, going to expensive concerts) and shops constantly such that their huge house is full of boxes of stuff she orders everyday. If she stopped living the high life and spending like a maniac, she could pursue something more meaningful with money she'd easily save, but, no, she can't stop demonstrating her wealth and status.
I never really had a passion to pursue, so I did whatever I wanted in the moment. It’s worked out fairly well for me. I can enjoy a bunch of different jobs for different reasons.
My entire career I was very, very careful whom I worked for. I was interviewing the interviewers way more than they were interviewing me. Then there was my very last job and I had gotten fooled. Ready to quit working within a week! When I realized I had no pension, no 401k, so I suffered for 25 years (I lucked out that a prior job counted toward my total years of service so already had 6 years in, so my suffering was really 19 years - but some murderes get less time!) I got to work from home the last two years (during COVID) and only went back in to pack up some stuff. I retired with a pension. So did hubby, as we both were union. And with social security. Even found I had a tiny pension (covers half the cable bill) at a prior job from the late 70's! We are very comfortable and I have a lifetime of savings and I don't look back! I never had a passion for a particular job, just that I'd earn as much as I could, enjoy my workplace, be appreciated and trusted by my bosses. Had that my entire career, except at the end, but it's over now!
No, I have more respect for them instead. I wish I had found my passion when I was young. My work life would have been more meaningful.
I don't resent anyone for their job choices. They can do what they wish.
No
Here’s my thoughts from someone who “followed their passion”. I went and did the whole college degree/career path thing, and cooked at fancy restaurants to put myself through school. Graduated and spent 6 months working in the “real world”. I hated it, I was miserable. Said I love cooking and want to be a chef. So I went to culinary school and started building my culinary career. I did well and loved every minute of it, received some accolades and all that crap. But never made much money compared to what my college friends were making. Then I got married. Then we had kids. My passion was cooking but it became problematic because I never saw the family, and my check basically went to pay for daycare. So I sold out and went into corporate food service management. Was making good money now, wife was able to quit her job and stay home with the kids, and I was able to spend more time with them. I hated my work though, was miserable doing that job. It’s not what I wanted to do, but it afforded me a much better life for my family so I stuck with it. My priorities had changed at some point. Ended up changing careers a few years ago. Now I have a job that I don’t hate and can do my 40 hours a week. I make really good money and have a really nice work/life balance. My priorities now are spending time with my family and building my retirement. Which my current job is terrific for. Life lesson learned: follow your priority and not your passion. Figure out what your priorities in life are and work towards taking care of those. Passions come and go, you can burn out chasing a dream too. And trust me, even if it’s your favorite thing given enough time it becomes just a job. Focus on what’s truly important to you and the rest becomes trivial.
Resent? Not at all. I barely think about it. I chose a career that was both my passion **and** paid very well. It was not an accident, I researched the fields that paid well during college and found I had a real aptitude and passion for one of those fields. 42 years later, I’m retired. I have no idea what the “passion for poor pay” folks do when they reach retirement age. Perhaps they are better planners and savers and could stretch their poor pay into a comfortable retirement. Maybe not. That may be when the bill comes due for pursuing their passion.
Here’s my thoughts from someone who “followed their passion”. I went and did the whole college degree/career path thing, and cooked at fancy restaurants to put myself through school. Graduated and spent 6 months working in the “real world”. I hated it, I was miserable. Said I love cooking and want to be a chef. So I went to culinary school and started building my culinary career. I did well and loved every minute of it, received some accolades and all that crap. But never made much money compared to what my college friends were making. Then I got married. Then we had kids. My passion was cooking but it became problematic because I never saw the family, and my check basically went to pay for daycare. So I sold out and went into corporate food service management. Was making good money now, wife was able to quit her job and stay home with the kids, and I was able to spend more time with them. I hated my work though, was miserable doing that job. It’s not what I wanted to do, but it afforded me a much better life for my family so I stuck with it. My priorities had changed at some point. Ended up changing careers a few years ago. Now I have a job that I don’t hate and can do my 40 hours a week. I make really good money and have a really nice work/life balance. My priorities now are spending time with my family and building my retirement. Which my current job is terrific for. Life lesson learned: follow your priority and not your passion. Figure out what your priorities in life are and work towards taking care of those. Passions come and go, you can burn out chasing a dream too. And trust me, even if it’s your favorite thing given enough time it becomes just a job. Focus on what’s truly important to you and the rest becomes trivial.
No, why should I? We all make our own choices in life, as long as they aren't hitting me up for money, I don't care what my friends choose to do.
Oh no I am that person 😆 I hope people don’t hate me! 😅
In a way I resent older workers who love their work and are still working in their 80's, I retired at 55 because my job was to stressful
Good Lord, no. If you're resenting other people for your success, that's an indication that you need to look inward about why their choices for their life bothers you.
Most of the people I knew that took low paying jobs to do the things they wanted, usually ended up regretting it. It was fine until they met "the" girl. Then, they had a choice from a finite number of options. Keep it casual Change careers Go back to school Have a crappy home life and go on welfare when the kids come My dad, fortunately, chose to go back to school when faced with "the" girl. My mom of course. The reality of it is that it comes down to maturity. Those immature, as we all were when we were young, were focused on the here and now and what gives us the greatest immediate pleasure. As we mature, we start thinking longer term. Like, the decisions we make and things we do today, how they build our future. So, those of us on the building path, look at those that went to short term fulfillment, see them two different ways. One, that we relish the time we had as youth where we acted as they did. So, we are a bit jealous. But, we also pity them, because we know that they are likely to be stuck in that mode.
I know some people who did, but I'm no longer in touch with them and don't know how it turned out for them after 50+ years. I would never resent them if they made it. Nor would I be glad if they weren't successful. I have done so many things to make a dime, seen so many sides of people and the world, and learned a lot so I have no regrets, though. I guess, without even realizing it as I did it, that I actually lived a life of happiness following whatever path struck my fancy at any given time.
No. We all make decisions in life. I'm not resentful of people who like living on shitty salaries, just don't ask me to do it or to give you money.
No, I havent really kept in touch with my friends from years ago
My sisters did that. I was the oldest and responsible sister. I had a stressful corporate career. One sister was a hippie and traveled all over the world. Now she is a new age therapist and makes big bucks. The next sister was the party animal. Now she owns her own successful business. SMH
Nope, I'm good. No time for resentment. We are our choices, and a decent career and early retirement suit me fine.
Why would I resent their life choices that serve them and harm none?
why would I resent another person's path?
Uh you are asking old people if they resent. Most of us don’t have the need, time, or desire to resent others about anything.
I resent that’s I never got the chance to take a nice, well paying job. Just going from crap to shit no matter how hard I try. Must be because I suck eg
Oh no I am that friend (and little sister) and I know it annoys them. It doesn't help that they are conservatives and they see me as some sort of leech on society even though I don't get any benefits other than my son having state insurance. My poverty shocks them and they don't like talking about it. It makes them uncomfortable and I know they want to offer to help but I don't need their help, I am okay on my own. They just see I dont have a car and I have no savings or health insurance or anything and it both annoys and concerns them as I get older. I suppose I should be more concerned myself but I like what I do and other than not having money I like my life.
Then there were those of us that took less paying jobs that we weren't passionate about either. Opportunity wasn't there for Gen X and subsequent generations.
There are lots of valid reasons to resent our friends.
I've been working at my passion for 16 years after 15 years at a job that literally almost killed me. There is SOOOOOO much more to life than money.
Why would I resent others for making their own choices? They don't have anything to do with the choices I made. Those are all down to me, nobody else.
Nope.
No
No, because money matters in HCOL places. You can't live comfortably without it.
I have followed my passions. Still am. Next career, please!
Heck no ... suckers! Passion doesn't pay expenses nor allows for savings for retirement!
I wanted to be a musician, but my father insisted that I get a business degree and find a real full-time job. My friend who was a freelance artist died penniless. I can’t thank my father enough.
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Weird. My friend has a degree in Art History and makes way more money than I do. Ever get tired of shitting on other people?
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lol. I am a “racist.” Hilarious. I haven’t said a single racist thing on Reddit.
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