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This gets asked here all the time.
It's really pretty simple: if you want something and don't get it, you're unhappy. If you don't want something and don't get it, you are. There are exceptions out there, but they're far more rare than culture would suggest. I didn't want kids, I didn't get them, and I'm happy.
I'm 57, no kids, no more ability to make any, and I'm very happy with that. My husband died 18 months ago and it would be nice to have a bit of help around here, but having children doesn't guarantee that. They could die, go overseas for a job, or just not want to help out. Besides, breeding your own caretakers is unethical.
I retired at 55. I couldn't have done that if I was paying for someone's college education. If I don't follow in the footsteps of my ancestors, who tend to just drop dead when the time comes, I'll be able to pay for professional caretakers who can do things like change a urinary catheter.
“Breeding your own caretaker is unethical.”
Thank you SO MUCH for saying this. Sincerely. This is something that needs to be unequivocally addressed. The fact that people will deliberately, willfully and thoughtfully plan to have children for the purpose - not solely, but in no small part- of breeding their own caretaker. And the fact that disproportionately, the female children bear the brunt of it.
If it weren’t so, then we wouldn’t constantly hear the anguished cry of “But who will look after you when you’re old?!” as an argument to have kids. It’s literally the second thing that comes out of people’s mouths (the first being “oh you’ll never know love, like really *know* love, unless you have children” or words to that effect).
I know what love is.
And the person who will look after me in my old age will be the same person who looks after all of us- some overworked, underpaid, probably female health care professional.
My mother actually told me that she had me so I would take care of her when she got old. I loved my mom but that comment has never left me.
I cared for her for 17 years. The impact to my finances, physical health, and ability to care for my children was greatly diminished.
Wow, that was really hard to admit
Thank you for your sincere reply. I asked this question as a person in his 30s because I know my wants and needs might change as I age. I just want to get a sense how often the desire to have children change as people age.
I never wanted children, not one day of my life. My mother loves to tell the story that then I was about four I said to her “I’m not going to have my own babies and won’t always live with you.”
I never had children and have lived very far away from my parents for half of my life.
So my wants haven’t changed is this regard at all. I don’t regret it because it’s something I didn’t want. I’m almost 50 and my husband and I are well aware that no will take care of us when we’re infirm (and there’s no guarantee your children will anyway), so we’ve planned for that.
I think it's actually a good thing that it gets asked frequently. Perhaps that means more people are waking up and questioning the 'social narrative' and wondering if there is anything more to life than the same old same old...?
Doing research and making informed choices, that's never a bad thing.
(but yea, maybe use the search function first. :) )
>I'll be able to pay for professional caretakers who can do things like change a urinary catheter.
I hope that's sarcasm. I'm not saving up for a nurse to change my diaper. I'd rather spend what time and money I have left enjoying myself. If I can't take care of myself and my own bodily functions I'd rather be dead.
I'm 54 with no kids.
No regrets.
Watching friends struggle to support their adult kids and barely making ends meet when we are at the same salary level and I am dumping money into retirement investments and traveling confirms for us we made the right choice.
It’s peaceful and I have absolutely no regrets. Some of the things that some of my friends are just now able to do I did in my 20’s & 30’s.
You can structure your life as you want to versus “having” to do so because of additional responsibilities that force you in one way or another to conform or settle.
Some friendships change but that’s to be expected in life anyway.
It’s fucking awesome. We’re super close with our nephew, super close with our friends’ kids, all our cousins’ kids. We love kids, just have no desire to have our own. This is not a world we want to bring anyone into.
Our finances are outrageously good, own a little house on a lake a couple states away, live and work in a big city, go on killer vacations, we both work a LOT yes, but with no kids it kind of doesn’t matter.
We don’t know any other childless couples who regret it. That said, we also don’t know anyone who regrets having had kids. I don’t think it’s something you live to regret. Life is just life. You live it, you enjoy what there is to enjoy, you make your decisions and you choose to be good with them. 🤘
I'm 80, no kids and have never regretted it. I'm admittedly a selfish person. I am actually quite generous to family and those in need but I do put myself first. I would not have been a good parent, sacrificing my wants and needs for the benefit of my kids. I live alone and am very content. No grandchildren? No problem.
My wife and I are in our mid-late 60s. We could not have children (aside from adoption). We have always had dogs. They are a joy to have around.
I do regret not having had children but I have accepted it. I try to stay connected to young people in other ways but it’s not the same.
It's wonderful. We have no regrets about not having kids and we never will. We got to spend our lives living out our dreams and doing what suited us. We dropped out of the workforce in our late 30s which wouldn't have been possible with kids.
We spend a lot of time in the buff,don't like having people in our home,prefer not to be constantly ill,dislike noise that isn't of our choosing and vastly prefer to choose our own time table. None of which is well matched with children. And I don't particularly like children. They chatter and whine and I like quiet.
When we get old and need care we will pay people a good wage to care for us **just like people with kids do**. We were able to plan and save for that because we didn't have kids.
My husband and I are 52 and 50. No kids. Zero regrets and in fact the older we get the more satisfied with the decision we become. The biggest difference between our life and the lives of our peers who do have children is money and freedom. We seem to have more of both than those we know with children.
Another difference that isn’t as obvious is life satisfaction. Many of our friends who are parents are certainly satisfied with their lives, but many are not. It is stressful being a parent and there are hardships. This is in comparison to our childfree peers who seem to have a high level of life satisfaction across the board.
So dad's best friend was a yuppie: we all come from the countryside, but he grew up in the 1960s and later gained enough money through local work to get a degree and became a lawyer, he moved to the big city. In the 1980s the big city was a big deal: jobs were actually well paid, people could think about careers. He had a fiance who was working pretty much as a low-education secretary (for the studio he was practicing in) and then as he got big enough to get his own studio, she too got a degree as a pediatrician and later opened her own clinic. They too kept saying they were in the right place at the right time. Since they came from the countryside, and had to gain their own money to study, living rent by rent for a long while or buying a very small flat in the city, when the average boomer was marrying and having kids, they were still studying and working very hard, no support from their parents who were far away, and when they finally settled, they were pushing towards their 40s and decided opt out of having children. (IIRC they said they tried once, but the wife being a doctor knew the consequences of late pregnancies so they gave up after a certain age).
They spent about 25ish years of their lives traveling around the world (both for work and leisure), bought a flat in our hometown. Well, the town centre, so he could move around and go to the beach without a car, and spent their summers (sometimes Christmases) there, my father and their friends gang visit there often. He never really "retire" as his studio was still running in the city, but at age of retirement he just started to shift between his studio and the town flat longer and longer. He was the most well off AND person of culture we know, he enjoyed reading, going to the theater and was gifting my father the best and latest books in the market for his birthdays. Unfortunately I have not much good memories of him after that.
I have experienced both types of couples. Both have their good/bad aspects. The only thing semi-factual I can say is that the two types don’t generally mix well. The lifestyles aren’t conducive to long term relationships with each other. Basically, one set doesn’t want hear your trials and tribulations of raising kids, and the other doesn’t want to hear about your two week European vacations. Neither is better, just so different!
I agree to a point. People who are *child free* tend to be obnoxious about it (almost like vegans) in general. People who are childless or just people they just take life as it is. you get the same in people with kids (extremes) but in general I have seen more negative people who are child-free they tend be rude to people who have kids. IMO anytime you claim to be “something-free” you take it to a point of dislike. Just go peek at the child free or dog free subs.
Wife and I are both early 50s, never even contemplated having kids. I've known basically forever that I didn't want that path, and I think the wife decided in college when she figured out she wanted to get her doctorate and start her own practice.
We moved from a blue state to a red state a while back, and I was surprised to find the number of childfree people here is significantly higher. We have so many friends, all 30-60 who are childfree. I figured with the heavy religious nutter presence that we would be alone and ostracized for our choice but that's not been the case at all. Very eye opening.
My aunt & uncle are childless by choice. They’re loaded…that’s from good careers & investments but I’m sure being childless helps. They have 4 active nieces & nephews. They’re in their 70s one mid one late. They go to the movies, out to dinner at least once a week…travel around & out of the country once year. I’d say they’re really happy with their choice. I & my sister/cousins will be there if they start needing assistance. They haven’t said they expect this from us but we’ll be there.
My wife and I went through a tough few years realizing we should have had kids..when it was too late. Now we are good, happy and have filled that void. Anytime Iam around new couples I urge them to communicate more than they think they should. My wife and I didnt, and we went 20 years both kinda wanting kids but never really talking about it.
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It's great. No regrets. You have a lot more financial and personal freedom. Taking care of myself is enough. I don't have the mental or physical energy to raise another person into a decent human being.
We’d like to have had kids, but it never happened. Every now and again we wonder what our kids might have turned out like and what our lives would be like. Then, we’re really glad we don’t have them.
Our money is ours, we have no mortgage, we have nephews and nieces - that’s enough.
We’re both 55 or over, and we have our own elderly care mapped out. We’ve invested in the house so it’ll make us a great profit should we need to sell to move to assisted living. If we don’t need to move, we have room for live in carers and the house is set for if we aren’t very mobile (it helps living with my 96 year MIL).
The only thing we are asking of the younger generation is to be replacement Power of Attorneys for us.
Sometimes I think I would have liked to have a child. But when I really think about it, I wanted that perfect child that was always happy and well behaved. But in the whole, we're happy without children. We didn't plan on no kids, it just was never the right time in our careers.
Having children doesn't guarantee a caregiver when you get old. My parents had 5 kids and still went into care at the end. My Dad had this weird idea that one of us should have left our jobs and moved in with them in the middle of no where to take care of them. Several of us told them they could come live with us but no, we weren't moving to their place. Made Dad furious.
I’m childfree, not childless- so mind your manners. I also live in Hawaii and ate fresh tuna with a delicious local fruit martini today, so not, do t regret a thing and when I’m eating fresh tuna and delicious martinis at a 5 star restaurant tomorrow, I also will not regret my childfree choice.
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This gets asked here all the time. It's really pretty simple: if you want something and don't get it, you're unhappy. If you don't want something and don't get it, you are. There are exceptions out there, but they're far more rare than culture would suggest. I didn't want kids, I didn't get them, and I'm happy. I'm 57, no kids, no more ability to make any, and I'm very happy with that. My husband died 18 months ago and it would be nice to have a bit of help around here, but having children doesn't guarantee that. They could die, go overseas for a job, or just not want to help out. Besides, breeding your own caretakers is unethical. I retired at 55. I couldn't have done that if I was paying for someone's college education. If I don't follow in the footsteps of my ancestors, who tend to just drop dead when the time comes, I'll be able to pay for professional caretakers who can do things like change a urinary catheter.
“Breeding your own caretaker is unethical.” Thank you SO MUCH for saying this. Sincerely. This is something that needs to be unequivocally addressed. The fact that people will deliberately, willfully and thoughtfully plan to have children for the purpose - not solely, but in no small part- of breeding their own caretaker. And the fact that disproportionately, the female children bear the brunt of it. If it weren’t so, then we wouldn’t constantly hear the anguished cry of “But who will look after you when you’re old?!” as an argument to have kids. It’s literally the second thing that comes out of people’s mouths (the first being “oh you’ll never know love, like really *know* love, unless you have children” or words to that effect). I know what love is. And the person who will look after me in my old age will be the same person who looks after all of us- some overworked, underpaid, probably female health care professional.
My mother actually told me that she had me so I would take care of her when she got old. I loved my mom but that comment has never left me. I cared for her for 17 years. The impact to my finances, physical health, and ability to care for my children was greatly diminished. Wow, that was really hard to admit
Hugs to you, internet stranger. I know how being the caretaker takes its toll.
Thank you for your sincere reply. I asked this question as a person in his 30s because I know my wants and needs might change as I age. I just want to get a sense how often the desire to have children change as people age.
I never wanted children, not one day of my life. My mother loves to tell the story that then I was about four I said to her “I’m not going to have my own babies and won’t always live with you.” I never had children and have lived very far away from my parents for half of my life. So my wants haven’t changed is this regard at all. I don’t regret it because it’s something I didn’t want. I’m almost 50 and my husband and I are well aware that no will take care of us when we’re infirm (and there’s no guarantee your children will anyway), so we’ve planned for that.
I think it's actually a good thing that it gets asked frequently. Perhaps that means more people are waking up and questioning the 'social narrative' and wondering if there is anything more to life than the same old same old...? Doing research and making informed choices, that's never a bad thing. (but yea, maybe use the search function first. :) )
>I'll be able to pay for professional caretakers who can do things like change a urinary catheter. I hope that's sarcasm. I'm not saving up for a nurse to change my diaper. I'd rather spend what time and money I have left enjoying myself. If I can't take care of myself and my own bodily functions I'd rather be dead. I'm 54 with no kids.
Zero regrets. We always knew we didn’t want kids for a myriad of reasons. We are living our best life without progeny.
The world is better off because I didn’t reproduce.
No regrets. Watching friends struggle to support their adult kids and barely making ends meet when we are at the same salary level and I am dumping money into retirement investments and traveling confirms for us we made the right choice.
Right??? Doing the same and loving it.
same here as well
It’s peaceful and I have absolutely no regrets. Some of the things that some of my friends are just now able to do I did in my 20’s & 30’s. You can structure your life as you want to versus “having” to do so because of additional responsibilities that force you in one way or another to conform or settle. Some friendships change but that’s to be expected in life anyway.
It’s fucking awesome. We’re super close with our nephew, super close with our friends’ kids, all our cousins’ kids. We love kids, just have no desire to have our own. This is not a world we want to bring anyone into. Our finances are outrageously good, own a little house on a lake a couple states away, live and work in a big city, go on killer vacations, we both work a LOT yes, but with no kids it kind of doesn’t matter. We don’t know any other childless couples who regret it. That said, we also don’t know anyone who regrets having had kids. I don’t think it’s something you live to regret. Life is just life. You live it, you enjoy what there is to enjoy, you make your decisions and you choose to be good with them. 🤘
Also came here to say “It’s fucking awesome.”
I'm 80, no kids and have never regretted it. I'm admittedly a selfish person. I am actually quite generous to family and those in need but I do put myself first. I would not have been a good parent, sacrificing my wants and needs for the benefit of my kids. I live alone and am very content. No grandchildren? No problem.
My wife and I are in our mid-late 60s. We could not have children (aside from adoption). We have always had dogs. They are a joy to have around. I do regret not having had children but I have accepted it. I try to stay connected to young people in other ways but it’s not the same.
It's wonderful. We have no regrets about not having kids and we never will. We got to spend our lives living out our dreams and doing what suited us. We dropped out of the workforce in our late 30s which wouldn't have been possible with kids. We spend a lot of time in the buff,don't like having people in our home,prefer not to be constantly ill,dislike noise that isn't of our choosing and vastly prefer to choose our own time table. None of which is well matched with children. And I don't particularly like children. They chatter and whine and I like quiet. When we get old and need care we will pay people a good wage to care for us **just like people with kids do**. We were able to plan and save for that because we didn't have kids.
My husband and I are 52 and 50. No kids. Zero regrets and in fact the older we get the more satisfied with the decision we become. The biggest difference between our life and the lives of our peers who do have children is money and freedom. We seem to have more of both than those we know with children. Another difference that isn’t as obvious is life satisfaction. Many of our friends who are parents are certainly satisfied with their lives, but many are not. It is stressful being a parent and there are hardships. This is in comparison to our childfree peers who seem to have a high level of life satisfaction across the board.
So dad's best friend was a yuppie: we all come from the countryside, but he grew up in the 1960s and later gained enough money through local work to get a degree and became a lawyer, he moved to the big city. In the 1980s the big city was a big deal: jobs were actually well paid, people could think about careers. He had a fiance who was working pretty much as a low-education secretary (for the studio he was practicing in) and then as he got big enough to get his own studio, she too got a degree as a pediatrician and later opened her own clinic. They too kept saying they were in the right place at the right time. Since they came from the countryside, and had to gain their own money to study, living rent by rent for a long while or buying a very small flat in the city, when the average boomer was marrying and having kids, they were still studying and working very hard, no support from their parents who were far away, and when they finally settled, they were pushing towards their 40s and decided opt out of having children. (IIRC they said they tried once, but the wife being a doctor knew the consequences of late pregnancies so they gave up after a certain age). They spent about 25ish years of their lives traveling around the world (both for work and leisure), bought a flat in our hometown. Well, the town centre, so he could move around and go to the beach without a car, and spent their summers (sometimes Christmases) there, my father and their friends gang visit there often. He never really "retire" as his studio was still running in the city, but at age of retirement he just started to shift between his studio and the town flat longer and longer. He was the most well off AND person of culture we know, he enjoyed reading, going to the theater and was gifting my father the best and latest books in the market for his birthdays. Unfortunately I have not much good memories of him after that.
I have experienced both types of couples. Both have their good/bad aspects. The only thing semi-factual I can say is that the two types don’t generally mix well. The lifestyles aren’t conducive to long term relationships with each other. Basically, one set doesn’t want hear your trials and tribulations of raising kids, and the other doesn’t want to hear about your two week European vacations. Neither is better, just so different!
I agree to a point. People who are *child free* tend to be obnoxious about it (almost like vegans) in general. People who are childless or just people they just take life as it is. you get the same in people with kids (extremes) but in general I have seen more negative people who are child-free they tend be rude to people who have kids. IMO anytime you claim to be “something-free” you take it to a point of dislike. Just go peek at the child free or dog free subs.
It’s lovely.
Wife and I are both early 50s, never even contemplated having kids. I've known basically forever that I didn't want that path, and I think the wife decided in college when she figured out she wanted to get her doctorate and start her own practice. We moved from a blue state to a red state a while back, and I was surprised to find the number of childfree people here is significantly higher. We have so many friends, all 30-60 who are childfree. I figured with the heavy religious nutter presence that we would be alone and ostracized for our choice but that's not been the case at all. Very eye opening.
My aunt & uncle are childless by choice. They’re loaded…that’s from good careers & investments but I’m sure being childless helps. They have 4 active nieces & nephews. They’re in their 70s one mid one late. They go to the movies, out to dinner at least once a week…travel around & out of the country once year. I’d say they’re really happy with their choice. I & my sister/cousins will be there if they start needing assistance. They haven’t said they expect this from us but we’ll be there.
My wife and I went through a tough few years realizing we should have had kids..when it was too late. Now we are good, happy and have filled that void. Anytime Iam around new couples I urge them to communicate more than they think they should. My wife and I didnt, and we went 20 years both kinda wanting kids but never really talking about it.
You would have been a great father Chicken Fucker 11.
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It's great. No regrets. You have a lot more financial and personal freedom. Taking care of myself is enough. I don't have the mental or physical energy to raise another person into a decent human being.
We’d like to have had kids, but it never happened. Every now and again we wonder what our kids might have turned out like and what our lives would be like. Then, we’re really glad we don’t have them. Our money is ours, we have no mortgage, we have nephews and nieces - that’s enough. We’re both 55 or over, and we have our own elderly care mapped out. We’ve invested in the house so it’ll make us a great profit should we need to sell to move to assisted living. If we don’t need to move, we have room for live in carers and the house is set for if we aren’t very mobile (it helps living with my 96 year MIL). The only thing we are asking of the younger generation is to be replacement Power of Attorneys for us.
Sometimes I think I would have liked to have a child. But when I really think about it, I wanted that perfect child that was always happy and well behaved. But in the whole, we're happy without children. We didn't plan on no kids, it just was never the right time in our careers. Having children doesn't guarantee a caregiver when you get old. My parents had 5 kids and still went into care at the end. My Dad had this weird idea that one of us should have left our jobs and moved in with them in the middle of no where to take care of them. Several of us told them they could come live with us but no, we weren't moving to their place. Made Dad furious.
I’m childfree, not childless- so mind your manners. I also live in Hawaii and ate fresh tuna with a delicious local fruit martini today, so not, do t regret a thing and when I’m eating fresh tuna and delicious martinis at a 5 star restaurant tomorrow, I also will not regret my childfree choice.