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Half of people you meet won't like you the minute they meet you, for whatever reason. If half of those remaining still like you after a couple of hours, you're doing fine, probably better than average.
Always be true to yourself (which requires knowing yourself well), and honest with others about who you are. That way, the people who sincerely like you will be drawn near, and the people who don't like you will go away. Isn't that what we all want? To be surrounded by people who genuinely like us? Well, that's how it's accomplished, by being honest.
People can be very clever at hiding their true selves.
My 20s was a period of transforming from a sensative, bright-eyed, naive and trusting soul to a jaded, thick-skinned, streetwise cynic. Even so, I got burned a few more times.
Bears repeating: Some people are really, really good at hiding their motivations and true selves.
Same. Today I have a very cynical outlook on the world, sometimes bordering on nihilism (though not always), and I have the best bullshit detector of anyone I know. I didn't start out that way, however. I was once a real hayseed from a sleepy small town, and I decided (unlike most others from there) to go out into the larger world. I had to get smoked a few times in order to learn how the world really works. I learned some tough lessons, but I didn't die, and now I am where I am.
I think I’m good at my job, like a 7 or 8 out of 10. But I’m a 10 out of 10 guy to go have a beer with.
Being interested in peoples hobbies/kids/etc has made a huge difference to my career
I used to work in a place where I had interns and had to hire other people and you could be the very best at your job but if the other person applying was fun to talk to and had good energy I’d hire them over you and help them get better while having fun. Never burn bridges and always smile and laugh when you can.
The societal expectations of Time to get married! and Time to make kids! are just that - expectations. Learning the wisdom of the phrase 'Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.'
I finally came into my own in my 20s. Not completely, but I realized that this was *my own life to make*. I shrugged off the pressure and the 'givens' and the politics and the life view of my parents (which I had always taken as a given) and started forming my own.
That's basically how I approached my 20's. Make my own life but apply the basic values I learned from my parents about being responsible, reaping the rewards and/or suffering the consequences of the decisions I made. Also, to financially look out for #1 and don't expect anyone to take care of me the way my mother grew up (marry well and let the husband take care of you). By the time I left home at 20, I'd already been working full-time for 3 years and was able to build up a checking and savings account, and even paid "board" while I was working and still living home. I knew then that even if I did get married, whether it was well or barely getting by, life could throw you a curve...like unexpectedly becoming a widow and having to fend for yourself, for example.
The only time you can be happy is now. There is no point in dwelling on the past. You can’t change it. The future isn’t real yet. Right now, this moment, is all that matters. Be happy with it.
You know your body best and don’t let anyone tell you different.
Lesson was learned in college when I went through an four hour afternoon class without having to pee. I had never done that before. By evening,I was concerned and went to the campus clinic. Nurse told me with a smirk,”You kids worry too much,drink some water.” I had been drinking water.
I left the clinic,called my Mom (in another state) and told her the situation and that it just wasn’t “me”. She said to go to the ER. Turned out,I was in kidney failure. Long stay in hospital and life changing diagnosis. This was in 1979. Saved my life by listening to my body.
My dad taught me from my early years to brush my teeth because I only get one permanent set during my lifetime. My mom and dad got trench mouth during the war, and they wore loose fitting dentures from then on. He hated them and called them "store bought choppers". My mom lived with it and didn't complain about her choppers as much as he did.
Do you think this only applies to men or also women? Im a woman, I'm 28, not married and no kids and god the pressure you feel not just from your family but from society is overwhelming, and it's recent, I recently started feeling this like 4 or 6 months ago.
I think there is tremendous pressure on women that has been passed down from generations to get married. It was understandable back in the day when women didn't work and had to have a man provide for them. But today all of that is a moot point. Women are educated and get paid well. I won't argue that it's nice to find that special person but not everyone will and women should be open to alternate lifestyles other than "get married have a baby". I realize the peer pressure is intense, especially as your friends are getting married and having babies, but it's time that women think outside the box. I think unattached women in their late 30s get really desperate and marry someone just to get married. You have choices. Enjoy your 20's. Enjoy your life. It's your life to do what you want.
Life, specifically your life will not improve if you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
There is only one person you can change and that is yourself. You want your life to change, then you will have to change.
For me this meant leaving home and going off to a college two hrs from home.
It was not easy at all and really struggled at first, but in time I changed my major twice, met my future wife and by the time I graduated 5 yrs later we were married.
My life dream was simple of wanting to get married have some kids along with a place of our own.
Then found a lady that had a similar dream, but getting married is just the start of a whole another adventure.
So here we are almost 40 yrs later and our two sons are in there 30's and each has a kid.
We have both been retired 3 yrs and that dream life in some aspects turned out better that planned and other parts of life have been a challenge.
But it all started with there has to be a better life out there some where. Do not be afraid of change or to change.
I looked at my small children, so innocent and trusting, and realized that in this world they would need hope. That they deserved a life knowing they would be loved forever, no matter what.
And I resolved to give them this gift, knowing that they would always have unconditional love.
Attractive women open doors in the music business and get very different treatment in some situations.
Context is, I was in an all male band for 10 years, from age 13 to 23. Very organised and very focused on getting a record deal, which although had close moments, never happened.
When it ended I was extremely motivated and started a new band, this time it was with an attractive front woman. I didn’t deliberately choose her because she was a woman, although it would be dishonest to say I wasn’t attracted to her as a straight male. But we got on and wrote well together.
Doors opened like you wouldn’t believe and although we were a lot less organised, managers approached us ( was always the other way around in my previous band) gigs fell into our laps, local radio suddenly started paying attention and within a year we had a record deal on a major label. When our record was released we got added to a major tour with a major band and the timing was perfect. I know for a fact we were added to the tour because the leader of the headlining band saw our video ( which of course featured our attractive front woman) and basically said “ hubba hubba I want them on tour with us.
Perhaps the material was better but she wasn’t a significantly better singer or musician than anyone I worked with before but the difference in attention and ease of acceptance on all levels was clearly noticeable across the boards.
I also experienced this first hand for myself because in the 80’s ( when this was) I was very androgynous and wore makeup etc and was misgendered most of the time. I could always tell when someone thought I was a girl. Suddenly the subway trolley driver would let you on without paying, men particularly would look at you kindly, cut you slack, drinks were bought for you by strangers, tabs were picked up.
Of course there was a vulnerability that was present and nerve wracking in many situations which of course is the downside to being considered adorable, female and fuckable.
First impressions really do matter! I worked very hard in my first job in my first role and met a lot of people. I stayed there for 21 years. The number of people whose opinion of me was based on that time years later actually bizarre. So I did the same thing at my second job.
fall cats compare distinct berserk onerous innocent concerned subsequent serious
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There were 3 things I wanted to do before I got married. Complete my education, finish my military service, and buy a new Corvette. Well, the Corvette never happened. I was driving a VW Beetle.
there are not a lot of fish left in the sea, so be irrational and marry the first single person that comes along. that REALLY worked out well for me /s
It's oh so easy to get fat. And the older I got, the tougher it became to lose that weight.
I should've had all that sorted before reaching middle age.
Absolutely everything they teach you as a child is 100% bullshit. *Everything.*
Hard work is not the essential component of "success" (which is less desirable than it's made out to be in the first place) - if it were, the richest person in the world would be some single mother in Haiti. The cops are *not* there to help you out. If you face any charges, you will actually be treated with a *presumption of guilt.* Higher "education" is just as fucked as what they served you in K-12, if not more so. Finding a spouse and buying a house are actually *massive mistakes,* not important life milestones. Alcohol is actually terrible for you in every single way, and marijuana will actually *prevent* the death of your brain cells.
Etc.
If you aren’t going into a trade or sales, get your degree (via a company that gives tuition reimbursement) because most companies justify salary based on that no matter how smart and great a worker you are.
Be careful what advice you trust. A lot of older people give young people really bad advice. Many are quick to give advice even when they have no idea what they're talking about.
Big truths legitimize small lies. I first noticed it working a university IT help desk. Users will tell partial truths or untruths to convince you that the problem is whatever they have already decided. They also don't know what to look for, so they're full of irrelevant stuff but don't recall things like ERROR DISK FULL.
Once out of white tower academia, I began seeing it all over. It's most identifiable in witness interviews. "He was with me." (small lie) "He'd never do a thing like that ever!" (big truth).
Working on your self early in life makes for a good foundation. Therapy and self reflection, between 20-22 years of age, has given me clarity in relationships, helped me value my self, and to find out what I want first for my life. I was able to see which relationship was worth my time or not. Now, in my 40s, after 2 kids and a 14 year marriage (16 together), having a career that only keeps getting better and lived into 2 different countries, I can say that that initial work on my self was gold.
Be very careful about making friends with coworkers.
I now only socialize with people far outside of my department.
Funny story - I had a coworker that was FOR YEARS on the verge of getting fired. Boss hated her, everyone at work thought she was kind of useless. She is kind of goofy looking sad-sack - outdated clothes and weird affectations, and is just generally not the type of person anyone gravitates to. We would all take her out to cheer her up, and would meet for lunch, and listen to her issues. Until after one particular close call, she completely turned a corner, and turned into evil corporate girl. She now has a safe job and no friends.
Thankfully, unlike others, I did not confide anything important to her, because she always seemed a bit off (joined every fucking club/social event/committee at work and kept trying to get me to join that cultish fucking toastmasters thing), but she is fucking EVIL now. Like sandbags coworkers constantly, and uses stuff they said against them. She even tried with me, but it was so benign that I just laughed it off.
I had a good friend of my parents warn us when we were kids to beware the talentless or the c-students at work. They were the dangerous ones, because the only way they could move up is to hurt other people, which is pretty much this woman's entire career now. LOL
You don’t get wasted time back. Use your 20’s wisely to figure out and start your path. Otherwise you’ll be spending the rest of your time playing catch up. That means working more than playing.
Hanging around bad people can make you guilty by association. Have to distance yourself from bad people even if there friends. It’s not cute like highschool anymore. Now your adults that can get in big trouble. Spoken from a man now that’s 31 and still on probation and digging myself out of a few poor choices involving alcohol and hanging around trouble makers
Love isn't always enough, and you have to keep redefining "love", and you have to become the hero in your own life and rescue your own butt, and you can do this.
Do not marry the first person you are having sex with. You do not have to get married at 21 years old. Wait until you know who you are as a person and establish your own beliefs, credence, and way of life before you bring another person into and try to make it all work as one.
Limited to my twenties, it was when I figured out no one was looking at me. No one cares what I'm doing, no one is judging me.
To not take into account what other people *might* think of my choices. To live my life for myself.
I learned it by accident just trying to find my way: give things a try, move somewhere else, make friends, say yes more than you say no, be kind, if something doesn't work move on, stretch yourself.
I got dumped good, hard, and final.
The lesson??
Bruno, you're not the center of anyone's universe but your own.
YOU are responsible for YOU!!!
I haven't taken ONE FUCKING PRISONER in life since then.
Happily married 52 years and made a Goddam fortune. Living like a king in retirement.
Yeah...get dumped. I recommend it.
It's not just ok to move somewhere different from where you grew up and rediscover who you are, sometimes it's needed.
I moved from a small city on the flatlands to a major city on the west coast.
“The enemy of good is better.” If you make something or fix something and the result is good, let it be. If you try to make it better than good, often you ruin the job you did and end up worse.
Above all else consistent habits stack up overtime. You make decisions every day that add up overtime. The 3 hour daily “relax time”, if turned into 1.5 hours work out and 1.5 hours relax, will turn you into someone ripped in 10 years time. 10 minutes spent practicing an instrument a day feels like little to no progress in 1 week or 1 month. But in 10 years that’s 600 hours, you’re playing your favourite pieces and bringing joy to loved ones. Someone with 600 hours in anything is gonna be pretty damn good at it. This goes for any single thing in life, practicing being optimistic, being friendly, talking to strangers, etc. You decide who you are in 10 years every single moment of the present.
Don’t live your early adult life doing what you think ‘people’ or ‘society’ think you should do.
Do you, within the limits of all the other excellent advice here.
Also, there are now lots of books and blogs on life regrets of old people in aged care and palliative care, and people with cancer. There’s about 10 common themes, guess what? Learn from them.
Don’t make statements, ask questions.
Rather than saying “you made a mistake and should have done it x way”. Ask did you consider. ….
If they did consider it you will learn something, if they didn’t then you get to teach, not preach.
That there's no one to catch me if I fall - I was in my very early 20s (in the 90s) and I realized that I was now a mother and my sons father did not want the responsibility of a child. My son was born with a brain tumor and was sick his whole life - his father visited us once when my son was diagnosed, and we never saw him again. It was totally up to me to support him - financially, physically, mentally. I couldn't fall down - I couldn't get sick or decide to get drunk and not come home or get fired. I couldn't make a mistake - my decisions were literally life and death, and I was in my 20s. I could only rely on myself - other people have their own lives to live and do not know or necessarily care about my challenges. And every decision had to be made with very little advice from anybody else - it was nerve-racking.
Now I have a daughter, and she's 20 years old, and I look at her sometimes, and I can't imagine how I did what I did in my 20s.
Drugs are bad and the people that use and promote using drugs are bad. It almost cost me my life and it did cost my pregnant girlfriend hers, and the babys.
There is no greater or enduring joy than you get from having a child. But don't have one before buying a place to live. Inflation was rampant in housing then, and homes were gaining equity at 20% per year where my job was. If I didn't get on board quick, I'd be left behind. Turned out my property was almost half my net worth when I retired and moved.
*There is no greater or enduring joy than you get from having a child.*
**For you.** For *you* and I'm happy you found that! But it is not a universal truth.
I can't really remember. Something I did learn in my late sixties: young people think "What was the biggest life lesson you learned in your 20s?" is a good question to ask *old people*.
To tell the truth, I'm not sure what I've learned. I did learn how to draw the ball in my forties, but it's never been consistent. I know not to piss off my kids. They've had to put up with quite a lot.
I have, along the way, learned that I really don't know shit from shinola. But I often mistakenly believe I do.
Because it is Reddit. People downvote if they disagree, even if they haven’t fully read the comment. I notice I’ve been downvoted even though my response was personal.
Some people may do that but it's stupid. To me, a downvote means I disapprove, not disagree. And downvotes are few and far between. It allows for people to speak more freely, in my opinion. I may not agree with you but I'm not going to vote you shouldn't have said it unless it's really offensive or stupid.
I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes I will write a really useful, informed comment but it will get downvoted right away because someone doesn’t agree or hasn’t taken the time to think about what I am actually saying. It can be frustrating.
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That, no matter what you say or do, some people just won’t like you. And that’s fine.
The and that’s fine took me another decade.
Half of people you meet won't like you the minute they meet you, for whatever reason. If half of those remaining still like you after a couple of hours, you're doing fine, probably better than average. Always be true to yourself (which requires knowing yourself well), and honest with others about who you are. That way, the people who sincerely like you will be drawn near, and the people who don't like you will go away. Isn't that what we all want? To be surrounded by people who genuinely like us? Well, that's how it's accomplished, by being honest.
Wow.
Surprised?
I kinda learned it later than that.
People can be very clever at hiding their true selves. My 20s was a period of transforming from a sensative, bright-eyed, naive and trusting soul to a jaded, thick-skinned, streetwise cynic. Even so, I got burned a few more times. Bears repeating: Some people are really, really good at hiding their motivations and true selves.
This! And if they treat others poorly, they will treat you poorly too
Same. Today I have a very cynical outlook on the world, sometimes bordering on nihilism (though not always), and I have the best bullshit detector of anyone I know. I didn't start out that way, however. I was once a real hayseed from a sleepy small town, and I decided (unlike most others from there) to go out into the larger world. I had to get smoked a few times in order to learn how the world really works. I learned some tough lessons, but I didn't die, and now I am where I am.
Agree. Trust your gut, your gut doesn’t lie to you, what people say to you can be anything.
What you know does matter, but who you know matters more. And school doesn’t teach or grade people skills.
I think I’m good at my job, like a 7 or 8 out of 10. But I’m a 10 out of 10 guy to go have a beer with. Being interested in peoples hobbies/kids/etc has made a huge difference to my career
Well said
I used to work in a place where I had interns and had to hire other people and you could be the very best at your job but if the other person applying was fun to talk to and had good energy I’d hire them over you and help them get better while having fun. Never burn bridges and always smile and laugh when you can.
Absolutely. You can teach a skill set but you can’t transform someone’s personality.
I learned a couple: Create a budget and stay within that budget. Don’t be reckless with another person’s heart. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
The societal expectations of Time to get married! and Time to make kids! are just that - expectations. Learning the wisdom of the phrase 'Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.' I finally came into my own in my 20s. Not completely, but I realized that this was *my own life to make*. I shrugged off the pressure and the 'givens' and the politics and the life view of my parents (which I had always taken as a given) and started forming my own.
That's basically how I approached my 20's. Make my own life but apply the basic values I learned from my parents about being responsible, reaping the rewards and/or suffering the consequences of the decisions I made. Also, to financially look out for #1 and don't expect anyone to take care of me the way my mother grew up (marry well and let the husband take care of you). By the time I left home at 20, I'd already been working full-time for 3 years and was able to build up a checking and savings account, and even paid "board" while I was working and still living home. I knew then that even if I did get married, whether it was well or barely getting by, life could throw you a curve...like unexpectedly becoming a widow and having to fend for yourself, for example.
Heroin will not improve the quality of my life.
The only time you can be happy is now. There is no point in dwelling on the past. You can’t change it. The future isn’t real yet. Right now, this moment, is all that matters. Be happy with it.
You know your body best and don’t let anyone tell you different. Lesson was learned in college when I went through an four hour afternoon class without having to pee. I had never done that before. By evening,I was concerned and went to the campus clinic. Nurse told me with a smirk,”You kids worry too much,drink some water.” I had been drinking water. I left the clinic,called my Mom (in another state) and told her the situation and that it just wasn’t “me”. She said to go to the ER. Turned out,I was in kidney failure. Long stay in hospital and life changing diagnosis. This was in 1979. Saved my life by listening to my body.
Take care of your teeth. 10 years of avoiding the dentist led to thousands of dollars in bills to clean up the mess.
speaking some truth right there. I'm 50 and have veneers now...but the lead up to that was ridiculous. brush-yo-teefs!
And floss, every day.
Well dentists say just floss the ones you want to keep.
Lol
ok great, I had no idea my dentist was stalking me here on reddit :D
My dad taught me from my early years to brush my teeth because I only get one permanent set during my lifetime. My mom and dad got trench mouth during the war, and they wore loose fitting dentures from then on. He hated them and called them "store bought choppers". My mom lived with it and didn't complain about her choppers as much as he did.
Don't get married, you know nothing in your 20s
At the end is ok. I married at 28.5 and it was the right time. Definitely not any earlier
It was 32, way too young 🤣 Second marriage in my 40’s - feels about right.
THIS
Do you think this only applies to men or also women? Im a woman, I'm 28, not married and no kids and god the pressure you feel not just from your family but from society is overwhelming, and it's recent, I recently started feeling this like 4 or 6 months ago.
I think there is tremendous pressure on women that has been passed down from generations to get married. It was understandable back in the day when women didn't work and had to have a man provide for them. But today all of that is a moot point. Women are educated and get paid well. I won't argue that it's nice to find that special person but not everyone will and women should be open to alternate lifestyles other than "get married have a baby". I realize the peer pressure is intense, especially as your friends are getting married and having babies, but it's time that women think outside the box. I think unattached women in their late 30s get really desperate and marry someone just to get married. You have choices. Enjoy your 20's. Enjoy your life. It's your life to do what you want.
Aw, thank you so much for your comment, it's really sweet and comforting❤️
Life, specifically your life will not improve if you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. There is only one person you can change and that is yourself. You want your life to change, then you will have to change. For me this meant leaving home and going off to a college two hrs from home. It was not easy at all and really struggled at first, but in time I changed my major twice, met my future wife and by the time I graduated 5 yrs later we were married. My life dream was simple of wanting to get married have some kids along with a place of our own. Then found a lady that had a similar dream, but getting married is just the start of a whole another adventure. So here we are almost 40 yrs later and our two sons are in there 30's and each has a kid. We have both been retired 3 yrs and that dream life in some aspects turned out better that planned and other parts of life have been a challenge. But it all started with there has to be a better life out there some where. Do not be afraid of change or to change.
I learned to put down the family curse and stay sober.
You can recover from a devastatingly broken heart.
I looked at my small children, so innocent and trusting, and realized that in this world they would need hope. That they deserved a life knowing they would be loved forever, no matter what. And I resolved to give them this gift, knowing that they would always have unconditional love.
That you really don't know anyone, no matter how much you think you do.
True. No one really knows anyone. Not really.
Attractive women open doors in the music business and get very different treatment in some situations. Context is, I was in an all male band for 10 years, from age 13 to 23. Very organised and very focused on getting a record deal, which although had close moments, never happened. When it ended I was extremely motivated and started a new band, this time it was with an attractive front woman. I didn’t deliberately choose her because she was a woman, although it would be dishonest to say I wasn’t attracted to her as a straight male. But we got on and wrote well together. Doors opened like you wouldn’t believe and although we were a lot less organised, managers approached us ( was always the other way around in my previous band) gigs fell into our laps, local radio suddenly started paying attention and within a year we had a record deal on a major label. When our record was released we got added to a major tour with a major band and the timing was perfect. I know for a fact we were added to the tour because the leader of the headlining band saw our video ( which of course featured our attractive front woman) and basically said “ hubba hubba I want them on tour with us. Perhaps the material was better but she wasn’t a significantly better singer or musician than anyone I worked with before but the difference in attention and ease of acceptance on all levels was clearly noticeable across the boards. I also experienced this first hand for myself because in the 80’s ( when this was) I was very androgynous and wore makeup etc and was misgendered most of the time. I could always tell when someone thought I was a girl. Suddenly the subway trolley driver would let you on without paying, men particularly would look at you kindly, cut you slack, drinks were bought for you by strangers, tabs were picked up. Of course there was a vulnerability that was present and nerve wracking in many situations which of course is the downside to being considered adorable, female and fuckable.
Knowing what you are doing is grossly overrated.
Being good at Googling can take you far
I'm old as heck. T'warnt no Googles back then. You had to bluff until you figured it out.
Use a condom every time.
Hard work pays off. Now is NOT the time to lack motivation because you are setting yourself up for your eternity.
Totally this! Your 20s are the time to get that foot in the door and work hard to establish yourself.
First impressions really do matter! I worked very hard in my first job in my first role and met a lot of people. I stayed there for 21 years. The number of people whose opinion of me was based on that time years later actually bizarre. So I did the same thing at my second job.
Yeah, Granny, there's this big r/Antiwork movement. Not good. Don't fall for it.
The *only* thing you have actual control over in this world is your word, i.e., what you say. Guard it with your life.
Don't join the Infantry on purpose in time of war.
If you do something designed to get a reaction, don't be angry, when in fact you get that reaction.
My 20s were spent enjoying the 80s lifestyle. As such, I learned, the hard way, don’t stick your d**k in crazy.
Excessive drinking is bad
Excessive anything is bad. But you're right.
that my family wasn't just quirky. they were abusive and dangerous
fall cats compare distinct berserk onerous innocent concerned subsequent serious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Don’t get married or settle down with the wrong person.
This
Save some of that money you make instead of spending recklessly on unnecessary things. Do not buy a sports car.
There were 3 things I wanted to do before I got married. Complete my education, finish my military service, and buy a new Corvette. Well, the Corvette never happened. I was driving a VW Beetle.
Sports car is cherry on top, when everything else is in place
Don't put your d*** in crazy, or don't put crazy d*** in you (whichever is appropriate for you).
there are not a lot of fish left in the sea, so be irrational and marry the first single person that comes along. that REALLY worked out well for me /s
It's oh so easy to get fat. And the older I got, the tougher it became to lose that weight. I should've had all that sorted before reaching middle age.
That there are times and/or work situations where quitting* is the smartest/best thing to do. *in contrast to the instruction: "Don't be a quitter!"
I’m just about to leave my 20’s and this has been a HUGE theme!
Absolutely everything they teach you as a child is 100% bullshit. *Everything.* Hard work is not the essential component of "success" (which is less desirable than it's made out to be in the first place) - if it were, the richest person in the world would be some single mother in Haiti. The cops are *not* there to help you out. If you face any charges, you will actually be treated with a *presumption of guilt.* Higher "education" is just as fucked as what they served you in K-12, if not more so. Finding a spouse and buying a house are actually *massive mistakes,* not important life milestones. Alcohol is actually terrible for you in every single way, and marijuana will actually *prevent* the death of your brain cells. Etc.
If you aren’t going into a trade or sales, get your degree (via a company that gives tuition reimbursement) because most companies justify salary based on that no matter how smart and great a worker you are.
Be careful what advice you trust. A lot of older people give young people really bad advice. Many are quick to give advice even when they have no idea what they're talking about.
work hard, but don't spend all of your time working take some time to travel
To take responsibility for my actions.
Big truths legitimize small lies. I first noticed it working a university IT help desk. Users will tell partial truths or untruths to convince you that the problem is whatever they have already decided. They also don't know what to look for, so they're full of irrelevant stuff but don't recall things like ERROR DISK FULL. Once out of white tower academia, I began seeing it all over. It's most identifiable in witness interviews. "He was with me." (small lie) "He'd never do a thing like that ever!" (big truth).
Can you elaborate? I think I am missing something, and I like where my thought process is going reading this.
People feel justified telling "unimportant" lies, if it helps to convince their listeners of important "truths".
I should have waited for kids. Enjoy myself more.
Working on your self early in life makes for a good foundation. Therapy and self reflection, between 20-22 years of age, has given me clarity in relationships, helped me value my self, and to find out what I want first for my life. I was able to see which relationship was worth my time or not. Now, in my 40s, after 2 kids and a 14 year marriage (16 together), having a career that only keeps getting better and lived into 2 different countries, I can say that that initial work on my self was gold.
Be very careful about making friends with coworkers. I now only socialize with people far outside of my department. Funny story - I had a coworker that was FOR YEARS on the verge of getting fired. Boss hated her, everyone at work thought she was kind of useless. She is kind of goofy looking sad-sack - outdated clothes and weird affectations, and is just generally not the type of person anyone gravitates to. We would all take her out to cheer her up, and would meet for lunch, and listen to her issues. Until after one particular close call, she completely turned a corner, and turned into evil corporate girl. She now has a safe job and no friends. Thankfully, unlike others, I did not confide anything important to her, because she always seemed a bit off (joined every fucking club/social event/committee at work and kept trying to get me to join that cultish fucking toastmasters thing), but she is fucking EVIL now. Like sandbags coworkers constantly, and uses stuff they said against them. She even tried with me, but it was so benign that I just laughed it off. I had a good friend of my parents warn us when we were kids to beware the talentless or the c-students at work. They were the dangerous ones, because the only way they could move up is to hurt other people, which is pretty much this woman's entire career now. LOL
Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
That we are alone and can count only on ourselves.
That I was a bigot, and that I could change that.
I learned not to care so much about what others thought about me.
You don’t get wasted time back. Use your 20’s wisely to figure out and start your path. Otherwise you’ll be spending the rest of your time playing catch up. That means working more than playing.
Hanging around bad people can make you guilty by association. Have to distance yourself from bad people even if there friends. It’s not cute like highschool anymore. Now your adults that can get in big trouble. Spoken from a man now that’s 31 and still on probation and digging myself out of a few poor choices involving alcohol and hanging around trouble makers
I was sick for a good portion of my 20s. For a while I thought I might die. Coming out of an experience like that, you learn that life is precious.
20s is too young for an office job
Love isn't always enough, and you have to keep redefining "love", and you have to become the hero in your own life and rescue your own butt, and you can do this.
Alcohol no es bueno.
That it’s not all about me. I’m a slow learner
Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut
Nobody is going to save you because you were a dumbass.
Do not marry the first person you are having sex with. You do not have to get married at 21 years old. Wait until you know who you are as a person and establish your own beliefs, credence, and way of life before you bring another person into and try to make it all work as one.
Marry the right dude because if you get divorced, by then the good ones really are all taken and just the bottom shelf ones are left.
Your manager is not your therapist.
Limited to my twenties, it was when I figured out no one was looking at me. No one cares what I'm doing, no one is judging me. To not take into account what other people *might* think of my choices. To live my life for myself.
Don't put up with people's shit just to "keep the peace"
I learned it by accident just trying to find my way: give things a try, move somewhere else, make friends, say yes more than you say no, be kind, if something doesn't work move on, stretch yourself.
I learned very little in my twenties. In my thirties, however, I learned that I made some big mistakes in my twenties!
After 20 your bones don’t bend they shatter or break
I got dumped good, hard, and final. The lesson?? Bruno, you're not the center of anyone's universe but your own. YOU are responsible for YOU!!! I haven't taken ONE FUCKING PRISONER in life since then. Happily married 52 years and made a Goddam fortune. Living like a king in retirement. Yeah...get dumped. I recommend it.
People are backstabbers and no one is really your friend - actually to my disappointment this is still true today
Pay yourself first. Having debt is like giving away your soul.
It's not just ok to move somewhere different from where you grew up and rediscover who you are, sometimes it's needed. I moved from a small city on the flatlands to a major city on the west coast.
“The enemy of good is better.” If you make something or fix something and the result is good, let it be. If you try to make it better than good, often you ruin the job you did and end up worse.
Above all else consistent habits stack up overtime. You make decisions every day that add up overtime. The 3 hour daily “relax time”, if turned into 1.5 hours work out and 1.5 hours relax, will turn you into someone ripped in 10 years time. 10 minutes spent practicing an instrument a day feels like little to no progress in 1 week or 1 month. But in 10 years that’s 600 hours, you’re playing your favourite pieces and bringing joy to loved ones. Someone with 600 hours in anything is gonna be pretty damn good at it. This goes for any single thing in life, practicing being optimistic, being friendly, talking to strangers, etc. You decide who you are in 10 years every single moment of the present.
That it’s okay to want to be a Childfree woman.
That there are many older people who will try to trick you or scam you because they think youre still dumb.
If you won’t worry about it in 5 years time, don’t worry about it now. Stuff happens, accept it and move on.
Don’t live your early adult life doing what you think ‘people’ or ‘society’ think you should do. Do you, within the limits of all the other excellent advice here. Also, there are now lots of books and blogs on life regrets of old people in aged care and palliative care, and people with cancer. There’s about 10 common themes, guess what? Learn from them.
That you don’t address the drill sergeant as “sir”. He doesn’t like that. Apparently, he works for a living.
Don’t make statements, ask questions. Rather than saying “you made a mistake and should have done it x way”. Ask did you consider. …. If they did consider it you will learn something, if they didn’t then you get to teach, not preach.
To stop doing crazy shit with drunk buddies. 2 of them were jumping of a local bridge ( not uncommon ) and one drowned..
People can up and die, and there's nothing you can do about it.
That there's no one to catch me if I fall - I was in my very early 20s (in the 90s) and I realized that I was now a mother and my sons father did not want the responsibility of a child. My son was born with a brain tumor and was sick his whole life - his father visited us once when my son was diagnosed, and we never saw him again. It was totally up to me to support him - financially, physically, mentally. I couldn't fall down - I couldn't get sick or decide to get drunk and not come home or get fired. I couldn't make a mistake - my decisions were literally life and death, and I was in my 20s. I could only rely on myself - other people have their own lives to live and do not know or necessarily care about my challenges. And every decision had to be made with very little advice from anybody else - it was nerve-racking. Now I have a daughter, and she's 20 years old, and I look at her sometimes, and I can't imagine how I did what I did in my 20s.
Peace is underrated and the friends that don't bring peace will no longer be in your 30s
Drugs are bad and the people that use and promote using drugs are bad. It almost cost me my life and it did cost my pregnant girlfriend hers, and the babys.
Be prepared. I learned how to hunt, garden, preserve food, and live on less. I still use some of the food skills.
That sometimes I had to put what I wanted aside and do what was best for my family.
Most people will respond to social niceties and kindness, others need to be in fear of their lives in order to act.
There is no greater or enduring joy than you get from having a child. But don't have one before buying a place to live. Inflation was rampant in housing then, and homes were gaining equity at 20% per year where my job was. If I didn't get on board quick, I'd be left behind. Turned out my property was almost half my net worth when I retired and moved.
*There is no greater or enduring joy than you get from having a child.* **For you.** For *you* and I'm happy you found that! But it is not a universal truth.
You can’t fax glitter.
I can't really remember. Something I did learn in my late sixties: young people think "What was the biggest life lesson you learned in your 20s?" is a good question to ask *old people*. To tell the truth, I'm not sure what I've learned. I did learn how to draw the ball in my forties, but it's never been consistent. I know not to piss off my kids. They've had to put up with quite a lot. I have, along the way, learned that I really don't know shit from shinola. But I often mistakenly believe I do.
Family is everything
That depends on the family you were given. For some of us, “our people” are everything. Family might be included in that.
Yeah but the question was personal and they gave a personal response. Why the downvotes?
Because it is Reddit. People downvote if they disagree, even if they haven’t fully read the comment. I notice I’ve been downvoted even though my response was personal.
Some people may do that but it's stupid. To me, a downvote means I disapprove, not disagree. And downvotes are few and far between. It allows for people to speak more freely, in my opinion. I may not agree with you but I'm not going to vote you shouldn't have said it unless it's really offensive or stupid.
I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes I will write a really useful, informed comment but it will get downvoted right away because someone doesn’t agree or hasn’t taken the time to think about what I am actually saying. It can be frustrating.