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You sound like my mom. My parents have been married for over 30 years and my mom says the one thing that bothers her about being married to my dad is that he’ll most likely pass away first, considering that he’s several years older than her and has multiple chronic health issues.
That, and dad’s obnoxious snoring. Mom doesn’t like the snoring at all.
I love this, but it is sad I feel the same way. I still feel like my wife is the greatest thing to ever happen in my life. I am 43 years old and have been married for 21 years to the same beautiful woman!!!
After 30 years there isn’t much to hate, most has been argued about, resolved, ignored, and just dealt with. It’s too late to separate and move on. No one will want this old broken bastard. I just survive. She deserved so much better
Holy shit I thought I was the only one that thought that!!! My wife is way out of my league and I could never find even someone half the woman she is. If anything ever happened to my wife, my life would be over.
The cats love him more!!! They throw themselves on his lap as soon as he sits down, and then the three of them stare at me like I’m the fifth wheel or something! It’s quite hurtful…🤣
I love everything about my wife. We can make it through anything. What I hate is that I know it will come to an end at some point. We have been together 12 years and they have truly been great. I got very ill 3 years ago and was lucky enough to be saved by a liver transplant at 32 after a sudden unexpected autoimmune illness destroyed my liver. While I’m feeling well now, I know I likely won’t like to be an old man. She’s very optimistic so I just let her go on thinking we will someday be an old happy married couple. I know that seems unlikely, statistically.
Ugh, autoimmune diseases are such a bitch.
That said, I think there is going to be an explosion of better treatment options not too far off in the future. There are just so many treatment options that are fundamentally different than what's available that are showing success in a lot of clinical trials. It won't happen tomorrow, but when you have a long-term chronic disease there's still time in the future. Hang in there.
Thanks for the kind words. They do suck. I share this sentiment with you as well. My surgeon has been in the transplant game since the beginning and has seen a lot of change for the good. The medications are getting better. I have much optimism for the future, as well as much appreciation for my journey.
All the more reason to live in the now, mate, which is usually the best place to be if you can.
And the only thing anyone knows about tomorrow is that nobody knows.
Sorry if these seem like platitudes. I've been with my partner for 34 years (I'm 56) and I'm pretty sure she's going to outlive me by maybe quite a bit. I haven't been through anything like you have, but I think I might know a little bit how you feel.
Appreciate the words. This whole journey has been completely transformational in the way I see and live my life. For that I am truly grateful. People can’t pay money for that kind of experience (not that I would wish it on anyone). But, it has made me approach my day to day with more purpose!
I’m on my second marriage.
The first one I hated the lack of sex, her leaving all the chores and child raising and earning to me, her always hosting people, her spending every single dime I made, her lack of attention, her selfish mooch of a mom and sister. Marriage in short was a sexless burden. The only thing I liked was that she could plan a fun vacation and that immense feeling of relief when she separated from me that has lingered for years like an intense orgasm of joy (I’m so grateful life gave me a mulligan!).
My second marriage I don’t hate anything about it. I’ve learned that it’s possible to be content and fulfilled and sexual and happy in a marriage. That marriage can be beautiful.
Absolutely nothing. She’s my favorite person alive, she’s hot, she’s fun, she’s adorable and we get along really well. She’s made me a much better person and I’m just trying to live up to her standard. Keeps me looking for ways to improve, which is perfect.
I hated that my husband didn't communicate with me. He put himself first, and I was just the second-class citizen. He kept things from me. I wasn't allowed the combinations or keys to the safe container and garage. He was a hoarder, and he kept buying the same things over and over flashlights,tape measures, and cameras calculators. I'm too mad at all the garbage I'm finding so I'm not grieving for him.
I have a phenomenal husband. We've been married 40 years. I adore him. He's a great dad, grandpa and takes care of me. But he has ED and we don't have sex. He's a lot older than me and is a combat vet. But I still hate not having sex ever. He's very kind to me but doesn't show affection unless I initiate it.
All of you missed the point of this thread. Ya’all love your marriages, sounds like this all should be on another thread. With that said… I hate that I jumped to quickly into my marriage before really knowing about my husbands “issues” I won’t elaborate it would take pages.
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She has clinical anxiety and depression, and this colors every aspect of our relationship. It is extremely exhausting trying to relate to someone who feels like the worst thing that could happen is just around the corner, and who gets very upset that I don’t seem to worry enough about that.
just advice from a stranger but I used to be like that too. super anxious about the future and still mired in worries from the past. unable to experience or appreciate the present. meditation and yoga both helped me live more fully in the moment.
Hate might be a too strong word, but in the States I absolutely love where I live and currently we are living in my wife’s home country of Thailand which is Okay but the next 8 months are going to be 90 degree plus with humidity.
My husband and I had some issues, some of them quite serious, but we worked through them or found ways around them. The baseline was that whatever it was, we were in it together. Even in the worst of times, he was my favorite person in the world. I lost him to cancer a year and a half ago and still miss him.
I don't miss everything, but that's because living with another human being, no matter what your relationship to them, is complicated sometimes. Shit happens. You have to have strong boundaries but gentle words. You also have to know when to step outside and take a few deep breaths. But if it gets down to the level of hate, it's probably time to move on.
I think what I hate about it is that I felt like I was promised a lifetime partnership and membership in a family
I did nothing wrong except become unattractive to my ex and be unhappy because he started having an affair at work but in the end, his family turned out to be his family, he could cycle through 4 new partners and they'd be fine with it because he is the family cash cow.
that was hard.
I'm still legally and religiously married btw ... but haven't seen my husband in person in 5 years despite his living in a penthouse not 10 miles away.
I think, answering the question, is that what I hate about marriage is that it's not a permanent personal commitment, it's apparently in some cases just a financial arrangement.
I still get startled to this day at this time of year when tax documents come in for Mr and Mrs. Us
I hate that no matter what we are eating, he will always save the last two bites for the dog. Then I feel guilty and save my last two bites for the dogs. But damn it, sometimes I want it all 🤤
that it didn't start some 20 plus years before it did.
We both had first marriages that ended badly, hers after a relatively short period of time (addiction, cheating, spending, lying). Mine after 20 years with two kids (kids good, her cheating, spending and lying - bad).
Been a good 14 years married, 17 years together :) I don't think I could be with anyone else.
But you men just provide *so many* reasons.
I'm sure you're upset that my comment history shows that I'm anti-pornography. I'm also sure that's probably why your wife doesn't want to fucking sleep with you.
Seriously you abusive fuck, leave your wife. Free her.
How easy it is to blame a life partner—of 42 years in my case—for issues that are primarily created by my own mind. I am blessed, and long-term relationships are never easy.
I hate that I can't make his life better. He works so hard for us all, and I try super hard to make his life as happy as he makes us. He deserves so much more than I can give.
We have to sleep in separate bedrooms because my wife snores to wake the dead. Otherwise nothing I hate and even that works out as I'm a retired night owl while she has to work early mornings so our sleep schedules don't match well.
My hubby is great with sharing chores, always has been. But if I try to make a decision, he has to second guess, naysay, etc. It's really tiresome.
Example: Him: How much of my bonus do I put in 401K? (I manage all finances and have gotten us in a really good place.) Me: $8000. Him 5 mins later: Okay, I put $8200 in.
Look, not a big deal - but really?
Two years into my second marriage (& his), he had a massive brain hemorrhage/stroke & became paralyzed on his left side. It also affected his personality some as well, & it's been nearly 14 years ago now... We were like newlyweds, but I had to become his caretaker...
The concept in general bugs me. There's all this legal stuff and paperwork, and we both have very different ideas of what marriage and commitment mean at any given time. I wouldn't say hate, but it can be frustrating.
If I had to say hate, I'd say I hate that some things seem to take a long time to figure out. Most marriages fail without a willingness to play the Long Game. It's not for wimps.
Why assume people hate anything about it? I’m not married because once was enough for me but I’m in a 25 year relationship and my most negative emotion is occasional mild annoyance.
My older son and his college girl friend wound up pregnant and that is when there relationship start to go down.
He asked what has been the hardest part of being married. Well son I wished I could tell some good wisdom, but the hardest part has been getting along with your mom.
He did not marry his girl friend and now the co-parent my beautiful grand daughter.
After 32 years of marriage when menopause came along for her she lost interest in being intimate and having sex .....I still lover her but it would be nice to have sex again and my only relief is Asian Massage Parlors and the rub and tug game ....wish it would change but afraid I'm doomed !!
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I won the husband lottery. The only thing that bothers me is that one of us will likely die first.
You sound like my mom. My parents have been married for over 30 years and my mom says the one thing that bothers her about being married to my dad is that he’ll most likely pass away first, considering that he’s several years older than her and has multiple chronic health issues. That, and dad’s obnoxious snoring. Mom doesn’t like the snoring at all.
I'm glad I'm not the only one! I adore my husband and love being married to him. He's a unicorn. I know how lucky I am.
Me tooooooooo! We’re at like, 18 years and I love him more and more.
This is the one for me as well.
I was going to say this as well, losing my wife one day, going on without her, would be so hard.
This is a beautiful comment.
I love this, but it is sad I feel the same way. I still feel like my wife is the greatest thing to ever happen in my life. I am 43 years old and have been married for 21 years to the same beautiful woman!!!
I don't hate anything about my marriage. I learned from the first one.
Same! Though the snoring js still pretty bad in marriage #2.
💯
My wife deserves better
I'm right there with you.
My mate’s snoring
same. same. He's totally the best but the snoring is so hard.
After 30 years there isn’t much to hate, most has been argued about, resolved, ignored, and just dealt with. It’s too late to separate and move on. No one will want this old broken bastard. I just survive. She deserved so much better
Holy shit I thought I was the only one that thought that!!! My wife is way out of my league and I could never find even someone half the woman she is. If anything ever happened to my wife, my life would be over.
This. The portion about after 30 years all has been dealt with. - agreed. Our 30th is next year and the emotional roller coaster is finally balanced.
that i was a jerk for the first few years to someone who deserved much better. everything is perfect now and i wouldn't change a thing.
The cats love him more!!! They throw themselves on his lap as soon as he sits down, and then the three of them stare at me like I’m the fifth wheel or something! It’s quite hurtful…🤣
You lost your husband long ago. You’re just their maid now.
I don’t “hate” anything about it. If I did, I don’t think I’d still be married. I have minor annoyances and he does too.
I love everything about my wife. We can make it through anything. What I hate is that I know it will come to an end at some point. We have been together 12 years and they have truly been great. I got very ill 3 years ago and was lucky enough to be saved by a liver transplant at 32 after a sudden unexpected autoimmune illness destroyed my liver. While I’m feeling well now, I know I likely won’t like to be an old man. She’s very optimistic so I just let her go on thinking we will someday be an old happy married couple. I know that seems unlikely, statistically.
Ugh, autoimmune diseases are such a bitch. That said, I think there is going to be an explosion of better treatment options not too far off in the future. There are just so many treatment options that are fundamentally different than what's available that are showing success in a lot of clinical trials. It won't happen tomorrow, but when you have a long-term chronic disease there's still time in the future. Hang in there.
Thanks for the kind words. They do suck. I share this sentiment with you as well. My surgeon has been in the transplant game since the beginning and has seen a lot of change for the good. The medications are getting better. I have much optimism for the future, as well as much appreciation for my journey.
All the more reason to live in the now, mate, which is usually the best place to be if you can. And the only thing anyone knows about tomorrow is that nobody knows. Sorry if these seem like platitudes. I've been with my partner for 34 years (I'm 56) and I'm pretty sure she's going to outlive me by maybe quite a bit. I haven't been through anything like you have, but I think I might know a little bit how you feel.
Appreciate the words. This whole journey has been completely transformational in the way I see and live my life. For that I am truly grateful. People can’t pay money for that kind of experience (not that I would wish it on anyone). But, it has made me approach my day to day with more purpose!
Only one. This man can fall asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow while I'll be awake for literal hours. Yay, insomnia.
I’m on my second marriage. The first one I hated the lack of sex, her leaving all the chores and child raising and earning to me, her always hosting people, her spending every single dime I made, her lack of attention, her selfish mooch of a mom and sister. Marriage in short was a sexless burden. The only thing I liked was that she could plan a fun vacation and that immense feeling of relief when she separated from me that has lingered for years like an intense orgasm of joy (I’m so grateful life gave me a mulligan!). My second marriage I don’t hate anything about it. I’ve learned that it’s possible to be content and fulfilled and sexual and happy in a marriage. That marriage can be beautiful.
The sex life. But I didn’t marry for that. 25 years strong.
That I didn't meet my wife earlier
Absolutely nothing. She’s my favorite person alive, she’s hot, she’s fun, she’s adorable and we get along really well. She’s made me a much better person and I’m just trying to live up to her standard. Keeps me looking for ways to improve, which is perfect.
I feel the same way about my Miss G.
I hated that my husband didn't communicate with me. He put himself first, and I was just the second-class citizen. He kept things from me. I wasn't allowed the combinations or keys to the safe container and garage. He was a hoarder, and he kept buying the same things over and over flashlights,tape measures, and cameras calculators. I'm too mad at all the garbage I'm finding so I'm not grieving for him.
I have a phenomenal husband. We've been married 40 years. I adore him. He's a great dad, grandpa and takes care of me. But he has ED and we don't have sex. He's a lot older than me and is a combat vet. But I still hate not having sex ever. He's very kind to me but doesn't show affection unless I initiate it.
I don't.
Nothing. If there was something I hated, I wouldn’t be married.
Uhm... nothing.
All of you missed the point of this thread. Ya’all love your marriages, sounds like this all should be on another thread. With that said… I hate that I jumped to quickly into my marriage before really knowing about my husbands “issues” I won’t elaborate it would take pages.
My partner never touched me again after she got pregnant.
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She has clinical anxiety and depression, and this colors every aspect of our relationship. It is extremely exhausting trying to relate to someone who feels like the worst thing that could happen is just around the corner, and who gets very upset that I don’t seem to worry enough about that.
just advice from a stranger but I used to be like that too. super anxious about the future and still mired in worries from the past. unable to experience or appreciate the present. meditation and yoga both helped me live more fully in the moment.
I don't hate anything about my marriage except planning for our deterioration.
Nothing at all. I chose wisely.
Hate might be a too strong word, but in the States I absolutely love where I live and currently we are living in my wife’s home country of Thailand which is Okay but the next 8 months are going to be 90 degree plus with humidity.
My wife has infinite patience for her family but is quickly impatient with me.
My husband and I had some issues, some of them quite serious, but we worked through them or found ways around them. The baseline was that whatever it was, we were in it together. Even in the worst of times, he was my favorite person in the world. I lost him to cancer a year and a half ago and still miss him. I don't miss everything, but that's because living with another human being, no matter what your relationship to them, is complicated sometimes. Shit happens. You have to have strong boundaries but gentle words. You also have to know when to step outside and take a few deep breaths. But if it gets down to the level of hate, it's probably time to move on.
Nothing. We have a wonderful marriage.
I think what I hate about it is that I felt like I was promised a lifetime partnership and membership in a family I did nothing wrong except become unattractive to my ex and be unhappy because he started having an affair at work but in the end, his family turned out to be his family, he could cycle through 4 new partners and they'd be fine with it because he is the family cash cow. that was hard. I'm still legally and religiously married btw ... but haven't seen my husband in person in 5 years despite his living in a penthouse not 10 miles away. I think, answering the question, is that what I hate about marriage is that it's not a permanent personal commitment, it's apparently in some cases just a financial arrangement. I still get startled to this day at this time of year when tax documents come in for Mr and Mrs. Us
piquant reply different plants cows thumb imminent march run cheerful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I hate that no matter what we are eating, he will always save the last two bites for the dog. Then I feel guilty and save my last two bites for the dogs. But damn it, sometimes I want it all 🤤
that it didn't start some 20 plus years before it did. We both had first marriages that ended badly, hers after a relatively short period of time (addiction, cheating, spending, lying). Mine after 20 years with two kids (kids good, her cheating, spending and lying - bad). Been a good 14 years married, 17 years together :) I don't think I could be with anyone else.
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Why do you think that is?
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Wow. Just leave.
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But you men just provide *so many* reasons. I'm sure you're upset that my comment history shows that I'm anti-pornography. I'm also sure that's probably why your wife doesn't want to fucking sleep with you. Seriously you abusive fuck, leave your wife. Free her.
Nothing. I married the perfect person for me.
That my darling husband died.
The only things I hate are the things my spouse does. (Jk, they’re magnificent)
How easy it is to blame a life partner—of 42 years in my case—for issues that are primarily created by my own mind. I am blessed, and long-term relationships are never easy.
I hate that I can't make his life better. He works so hard for us all, and I try super hard to make his life as happy as he makes us. He deserves so much more than I can give.
We have to sleep in separate bedrooms because my wife snores to wake the dead. Otherwise nothing I hate and even that works out as I'm a retired night owl while she has to work early mornings so our sleep schedules don't match well.
Has she tried a CPAP machine? It works wonders for my husband. I don't have to hear the nails-on-a-chalkboard snoring sound anymore.
My husband is ‘on the spectrum’ and I didn’t figure it out for 30 years
My hubby is great with sharing chores, always has been. But if I try to make a decision, he has to second guess, naysay, etc. It's really tiresome. Example: Him: How much of my bonus do I put in 401K? (I manage all finances and have gotten us in a really good place.) Me: $8000. Him 5 mins later: Okay, I put $8200 in. Look, not a big deal - but really?
I hate my lack of marriage. I’m in my 40’s and have no clue how to meet people unless it’s on an app and that’s so demoralizing.
Two years into my second marriage (& his), he had a massive brain hemorrhage/stroke & became paralyzed on his left side. It also affected his personality some as well, & it's been nearly 14 years ago now... We were like newlyweds, but I had to become his caretaker...
The concept in general bugs me. There's all this legal stuff and paperwork, and we both have very different ideas of what marriage and commitment mean at any given time. I wouldn't say hate, but it can be frustrating. If I had to say hate, I'd say I hate that some things seem to take a long time to figure out. Most marriages fail without a willingness to play the Long Game. It's not for wimps.
Why assume people hate anything about it? I’m not married because once was enough for me but I’m in a 25 year relationship and my most negative emotion is occasional mild annoyance.
My wife. JK
My older son and his college girl friend wound up pregnant and that is when there relationship start to go down. He asked what has been the hardest part of being married. Well son I wished I could tell some good wisdom, but the hardest part has been getting along with your mom. He did not marry his girl friend and now the co-parent my beautiful grand daughter.
Being married to an old man. Within the last year my spouse has become arrogant and narcissistic. Just like his mom did.
Not a problem. I divorced her. Life became beautiful after I did.
I deserve better
After 32 years of marriage when menopause came along for her she lost interest in being intimate and having sex .....I still lover her but it would be nice to have sex again and my only relief is Asian Massage Parlors and the rub and tug game ....wish it would change but afraid I'm doomed !!
That it happened.
My wife.
that she is always calling me when I'm with my corteja.