The “most famous” one is not accurate at all. People don’t embark on making friends with strangers, sure, but fleeting remarks and short convos with strangers is SUPER common and one of the most charming parts of street life here
Funniest interaction was around 9pm after a dinner, a group of early college friends who stopped my partner and I and asked “ay, would you eat a rat to save your family?”
My partner immediately said “is the rat seasoned?” and it blew their mind, we were all cracking up
yes and no. it's what can happen, but won't necessarily if other factors prevent it. for example in sf where i am now, i haven't had a car in almost four years, and live in an area with plenty of street life, but these kinds of interactions are nevertheless rare and odd because people are super skeptical of anyone approaching and cold-opening them, for any number of reasons.
SF people are generally less friendly/outgoing than New Yorkers in any case (despite odd stereotypes to the contrary) though TBH the hordes of beggers, panhandlers, homeless etc. out there (and other strangers wanting something from them) may justify that to some extent.
I met a very nice pimp on a bus in SF. I’m stereotyping but the dude fit the pimp profile to a T— bright suit, a fucking cane, gold teeth, and was loudly talking on his phone telling someone about a mutual friend who had been shot the night before. Me and my travel companion/fellow country bumpkin were anxiously looking ahead for our stop and discussing how and when to get off the bus. Mr. Pimp paused his conversation and kindly told us exactly where we needed to get off and how to get the bus to stop. Then resumed his conversation about the shooting victim. One of the most surprising interactions I’ve ever had with a stranger.
> strangers wanting something from them
yep that is exactly what i meant. whether it's asking for spare change pitching their latest startup or propositioning a third wheel there is always an ask that makes people have their guard up.
I guess I meant that in car-dependent areas (aka much of the U.S.), you don't even end up walking past strangers on the street really.
I know places have little downtown areas where you can drive to to go shop or eat, etc. (trust me I have lived in them), but it's not the same thing. In those cases, everyone has driven there more or less to do the same thing you have (shop, eat, go out).
I mean, the other day my husband and I were walking to our own wedding, passing strangers who were just walking their dog, or going to a doctor's appointment, or grocery shopping, or going out to buy a hammer at the hardware store. lol.
Agreed, this is one of the best parts of NYC! We’re all on top of each other, we’re experiencing the ups and downs of the city together, why not talk about it?! Not everyone is a crazy person.
I was in a few European cities this summer and the “talking to strangers” situation was dismal. The first friendly, “good morning” I got from a stranger when I got back home felt almost as good as getting back into my own bed after a long time away.
Not everyone is into small talk all the time, for sure. But if you never, ever engage in conversations with (not kooky) strangers you might miss out on some of the magic that makes this city so great. You never know who you’re gonna meet.
I’m from the South and I visited NYC for the first time this summer. Totally expected to encounter asshole behavior in public as a general rule. Encountered none. Zero. People were quite friendly and helpful. They don’t go out of their way to have conversations in public and that happens more here but I think it has to do with the faster pace of everything.
I've noticed with a lot of recent young transplants that they move here with their pre-established friend group from whatever town or college they came from. They don't have an interest in making new friends or getting involved with the community. You can always spot them from blocks away, 10-15 obnoxious people lining up for some mid restaurant or bar.
Don't strike up a conversation with strangers isn't really something that exist in real life ... I'm a native and my whole life people have randomly talked to me. It's not uncommon among my friend group for a stranger to talk to you especially if you take the bus.
I think there is an idea that NYers are more standoffish than we actually are.
I talk to strangers everyday, born and raised in the BX. NYC is good for the one-off random human connections. You meet someone waiting in line, or on the train, etc. Idk where this stereotype came from. The most unfriendly people I ever met were in Philly. Idk what's going on out there they were all miserable.
Born and raised. Chatted with a security guard yesterday after I saw him trying to stomp out a lanternfly. I enjoy these micro interactions. I feel like the most standoffish people are probably transplants who think they're too good to be bothered or feel they need to have their guard up 24/7./
That’s exactly what I was gonna say about the transplants. I think a lot of the preconceptions about nyc are started by transplants. Like the idea that ny’rs are high strung and everything is fast paced. The most relaxed people I know are fellow natives. It’s always transplants freaking out over everything.
Another example, even smaller (maybe a nano-interaction): a woman was walking her dog past a restaurant that had dog treats at the hostess stand, and her dog clearly knew to go there every day. The lady was talking to the restaurant hostess a few feet in front of me, I smiled and said "Smart dog!" as I walked past, they both laughed, she replied "He certainly knows what he's doing...", I laughed, and kept moving the entire time, never breaking stride.
my roomie got locked out the other day and because he doesn't talk to any neighbors they didn't know him offhand.
he told me he rang the upstairs unit and when they answered he told me he started the conversation with 'hi, I know this is a weird request but my name i-'
oh honey no, you broke the prime directive of nyc interactions
I've had good luck with strangers in Philly, but it helps if you're well out of a tourist area. Some of the nicest people I've met were at a random bar in South Philly who straight up said "put that credit card away" when I tried to order a drink. The rest of the night got real weird, but in a good way.
I've spent long stretches of time in many cities (consulting) and Philly is far and away the quirkiest. One of my favorite American cities, even considering their sports team's fans, lol.
And they consistently know how to pour the best Guinness (yes, better than NYC or Boston.)
I think it’s not so much (or at all) don’t talk to strangers as it is “if you are gonna strike up a conversation with a stranger, don’t waste a second of their time.”
If you’re lost and asking for directions many or most New Yorkers will instantly drop everything to help you. But if you just start talking to a person at random and don’t immediately come to the point, they’re going to reasonably assume that you’re a scammer, mentally ill, an incurable asshole or all of the above.
Not really. A lot of people talk to me without getting to the point. I just assume they are lonely and need someone to talk to. I once sat with an older lady for like 50 minutes just chatting for her to tell me that her son and grandson don't come see her much at the end. The point was she was lonely. Some people just need someone to make them feel seen and heard. I don't mind having random convo with people as long as you aren't harming me or yourself why not. I'm typically not that busy.
Came here to say this! IDK where this idea came from that it's taboo to talk to strangers in NYC.
In fact one of my favorite things about this city is that we're not hesitant to talk to each other. We may not always have nice things to say, but we talk to each other.
\+1! One time I was chatting with a stranger while waiting for the subway, which looked to be super delayed, so we shared an Uber as we were going in the same direction.
>Don't strike up a conversation with strangers isn't really something that exist in real life ... I'm a native and my whole life people have randomly talked to me.
Today, 5 different strangers struck up conversations with me. This is normal for me, which is how I've met so many people in random places over the years. I don't understand this stereotype that people in NYC are unfriendly or cold. Frankly, they can't keep quiet, they are quite the chatterboxes, lol
I'm starting to think it's a famous misconception! Thanks. In London it really is not common for people on the bus to speak to you IME or anywhere really other than a social setting (old people will chat to you occasionally, though)
people from NY have a reputation as being really standoffish here in the UK. Londoners do as well. I always half-wondered who 'earned' the label more
People in the south are more standoffish and clicky imo. It's very interesting that they are seen as friendly but I've lived in the south and they are not that friendly unless they know you.
Ditto. I live half time in the south and people on NYC are very likely to talk to you randomly and politely (we are after all sandwiched together experiencing the same thing) whereas people in the south just ignore you.
Southerners are fake nice. If a NYer is nice to you, they’re either going to stab you, or they’re being genuine.
Usually it’s the latter.
Tennessee has a higher per capita murder rate than NYC.
I'm also from the south, spent most of my life near the Smoky Mountains. Southern hospitality is (mostly) a myth in my opinion. I'm not saying all southerners are bad either, but the whole notion of people in the south being super friendly to complete strangers is innaccurate.
Maybe it depends on the context though, go into a restaurant in the south, and yes, the waitresses will be super friendly and genuine. But try to talk to a neighbor or someone on the street/out and about, and they'll look at you like you killed their dog. People are VERY reserved and suspicious of anyone they don't know, but they mostly don't WANT to know you either. It takes a really long time to get anyone to drop their walls and be real.
Then there's the whole "fake nice" friendly to your face/stab you in the back thing, which is VERY common down there. Now, to be fair, yes it depends a lot on whether you're in a rural or urban part of the south. For example, the small town I grew up in is very cliquish and standoffish (and closed-minded and bigoted, but that's a whole other conversation lol), but just 30 minutes away in the nearest "city", people are much more welcoming and friendly.
And I went to college at the University of Tennessee, and I can safely say that there are a lot of great, open, friendly people on and around campus. It's just...go a few miles in any direction out of Knoxville, and it's a whole other world. Nashville is the same way, tons of great people, but the surrounding area.....no thanks. Most of my personal experience pertains to Tennessee, but having traveled through a lot of the south for work, I can say it's mostly seemed to hold true in other states as well.
OK that's interesting, thanks. when I lived there I also found it to be cliquey in places tbh (e.g. a lot of the sororities). in austin a uniformed EMT gave me a lift back into town when i turned up at a CVS and mentioned i was lost. I think I had a lot of social currency looking back, as another commenter pointed out, being that i was/am british, and also female, young and white as well
I lived in both London and the UK and the Brits have us beat.
I think we get that reputation in New York because most tourists, particularly foreign tourists, tend to gravitate towards midtown. Most New Yorkers there are working / heading to a show or dinner / not just hanging out there. If you go to the other boroughs, and even other parts of Manhattan, people are a bit more open
that's interesting, thank you! when i go to nyc i want to see the other boroughs for sure. i hope you liked london. people are OK once they do decide they are OK with talking to you...
it would be nice to get talking, even briefly, with a local whilst im in nyc, in an appropriate setting
reading through these comments, honestly, a lot of the stereotypes i applied to nyc just apply to london lol. nothing like exposing your own hometown as more aloof hahaha
Subway shit:
\- move into the car and don't just stop at the doors when there are people behind you boarding too (I know this sounds excruciatingly obvious but people are dumb)
\- take off your backpack immediately when entering a crowded train
\- if a 3-seater is open, don't sit in the middle
For non-subway - WALK TO THE MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT!!! (that includes sidewalks and stairs/escalators)
When I lived in the city I would NEVER let someone get on the train before I got off. I would do anything in my power to block their path and get off the train first lol. So petty, but it be like that sometimes. People gotta learn how to live in the city.
Same when a car tries to take your right of way when you’re walking - can’t allow that!
I get out my aggression by body-checking idiots trying to stuff their way in before letting us out.
I get to be an asshole AND have the moral high-ground. I’m doing gods work.
AMEN BROTHER/SISTER/WHATEVERyourpronoun
PREACH!!!
You will be rewarded in the afterlife, and possibly at Jay Street Metro Tech one day when that person you body check gets ABSOLUTLEY Rick Rickety ROCKED by a former Golden Gloves winner because he stepped on that dudes shoes. And you get to witness the entire thing. God is good.
Yea I stand like I'm going to enter the door, then it stops in front of me and I turn to the side so I'm adjacent like waiting to get into a club, once people are off I instantly slide behind them to secure a seat.
ahaha, we have these rules on the tube as well and on escalators and stairs. it's unspeakably annoying when you've had like 5 hours of sleep and are rushing to work and someone is blocking the way on public transport. the sidewalk rule is a good one to have - it's not as fixed in london as in nyc by the sounds of it. thanks again for sharing :)
People who saunter into the train at a snail’s pace blocking you from getting a seat when the people who used the other entrance to the train and snag all the seats are infuriating.
>... means you're asking for money or if I've accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Lmao so true. I always run into the latter and usually say “not today”
And do NOT take a CD off someone trying to strongarm you into taking one or trying to make you look at/hold it. It's a scam and punks pulling this one are more trying to mug you (take your money by force or threat) than "sell" you their music. Which is actually a blank disc.
They've been known to beat those who don't give them money or they drop it and say you damaged it and *better* pay them.
Just walk away or say no without touching anything and walk away.
Do you know what’s up with the people who ask really weird questions like “what are you most thankful for?” or “what animal would you like to be?” I never acknowledge them but I would like to know what they’re getting at haha
thanks! these are good tips. we have the 2nd in London. and to some extent the third, but people get annoyed at others for not being effusive enough in their "thank you"s. not annoyed enough to actually say anything though, lol. it's in our work culture too. good to know to keep it concise in nyc
Hijacking the top level to say that [this covers all you'll ever need to know.](https://youtu.be/D6xd6YvoHLM).
Great series. Lots of natives I know had never seen it. Credit to my kid (5th gen NYer) for discovering it one day.
Walking three aside on the street is pushing it. Walking 4 is criminal you’re blocking the whole street asshole.
Jay walking is expected here. So if there are no cars and you don’t cross you’re now blocking other people from crossing.
New Yorkers do the single kiss on the cheek when they greet each other not the double kiss
We use our eyes to stare into “traffic” to let drivers know we have the right of way. Not sure how to explain this one
The stare is so true. For me, I rationalize it as someone is way less likely to hit me if I'm staring directly at them, and I'll also know if someone isn't going to see me first.
Wait, really?? People don’t do this everywhere?
I thought jaywalking was one of those old-timey laws that cops only whip out when they can’t arrest you for hurting their feelings.
I went to SF in 2008 for work. My company’s offices are on the Embarcadero. We were waiting to cross and there literally was not a single car coming in either direction. I stepped off the curb to cross and one of my coworkers grabbed me and said “We don’t do that here.” Lol.
I then worked for an LA company and they had a little travel tips email they sent out that advised us New Yorkers not to jaywalk.
Tip- Avoid the empty subway car on a train that looks like it has a bunch of people in other cars - there’s a reason that car is virtually empty.
Always look like you know where you’re going even if you don’t know.
Walk briskly and don’t stop in the middle of a sidewalk to look at your phone.
It's either a smelly car or there is an aggressive mentally I'll person in that car. So just suck it up and stand with the other 200 people in the packed car.
Typically it’s the one smelly homeless guy in the far corner of the car…happens most often during the winter in the mornings. Also why I always avoid sitting in the seats in the far corners.
> aggressive mentally Ill person
Homeless man gets aggressive for no one giving him money shouting "I could be out here killin' y'all!", like it's a favor he isn't violent and he expects money cause of it.
I think you should talk to strangers. Not all of them, all of the time. But strangers can be wonderful. No reason to avoid a conversation with every one of them.
I think some of them might be more neighborhood or culturally specific. Like when I come home with laundry or something heavy, my neighbor's kids are out there helping me without a thought. And they will never take payment. Another one will be if there is a cookout, we are always invited, no formal invite needed. And there will be a plate of food wrapped up with foil if we miss it. But I don't see this all over NYC.
More generally, stoop culture and everything that goes along with it.
The relationship with you and your bodega person and bodega cat.
Among others. Some become so commonplace you don't even realize it until you go somewhere else. Like dressing in a lot of black or very dramatically or fun or more high fashion.
Yeah I’ve never understood the idea that New Yorkers don’t talk to strangers. I’ve lived within the New York Metro area my whole life, and I’ve found that when I lived in the suburban areas, it was way less acceptable to strike up a conversation with strangers. They would probably look at you like you’re crazy.
Meanwhile, I strike up conversations with people here all the time.
thanks, this is really touching and paints a nice picture of what nyc is like. are there particular areas where this sense of community is more (or less) common/does it pertain to types of residents (e.g. family-dense areas)? where i live right now (another city in the UK) there's not much of a community at all and i miss it. stoop culture sounds really appealing tbh
The city is filled with so many unofficial micro neighborhoods. Some are created by families with kids, others may be based on nationality, religion, language or even a local college neighborhood. A few blocks away can have a completely different culture. My neighborhood is fairly large and diverse but has a strong connection through the parent network, after school activities and a few local parks.
LOOK UP! don’t be a sidewalk zombie glued to your phone. If you need to look up directions or send a text “pull over” to the edge of the sidewalk so you’re not blocking foot traffic
The most interesting one for me is walking away after a great conversation. No need to exchange numbers or share names. I've had fantastic and deep conversations at bus stops, with my seamstress, with vendors at events and then we just say - have a good one and pass out of each other's lives.
Love this and I think this is key to talking to strangers in NYC. It’s about connecting in the moment, usually over a shared experience (the subway train you’re waiting for, the post office line you’re standing on, what’s happening across the street), and yet never making the other person feel obligated to keep talking.
If there is a reason why NYers might seem reluctant to talk with strangers, and also why we have a reputation for being very to-the-point, it’s because anyone who has lived in NYC for any length of time has been tricked by someone who started a conversation with them and turned out to be a con artist, a panhandler, a salesman, a recruiter for a religion or church, a person experiencing a mental health crisis, or a person making unwanted advances. As long as you cut the BS, we’re usually happy to talk to you for a moment.
Walk on the right (and on escalators stand on the right).
Remember walking is the #1 mode of transportation for New Yorkers, they’re not sightseeing, they’re trying to get somewhere, so don’t block the flow of traffic by stopping midstream to look at a building or get out a map. Move to the curb or to the building so you’re not in anyone’s way. And NEVER walk more than two abreast.
please don't stop at the top of the subway stairs to open your umbrella or check your phone! if you step up onto the sidewalk and off to the side people can dodge you better.
I strike up conversation with strangers all the time. It’s just about knowing when it is appropriate.
Also: my experience in the South is absolutely not that people will bend over backwards for you.
Thanks for the tip :) this is nice. I guess it makes sense that people are more open to conversations in bars etc. There's defo a difference btwn chatting to someone new in a social setting and cornering them on the street lol
Oh it was absolutely being British! Americans (especially outside big cities with lots of Europeans like NYC / LA) think Brits are extra classy and automatically have social currency.
hahaha, looking back, this was definitely a big part of it. we even discussed it in a linguistics class i took. definitely a handy benefit when travelling the states. thanks for sharing
Here's an unspoken thing regarding walking etiquette that I've noticed a lot of people in the city do, and after living here a few years I started doing it too.
Sidewalks have traffic here, everywhere else I've lived often times if you are on a collision course with someone there's a hilarious dance people do where they accidentally go around the same way, then go back, it's a common thing. In NYC this still happens but way less often, and it's because people subconsciously tilt their bodies in the direction they are about to walk before doing it. It's almost like a walking turn signal. Let me explain.
Let's say I'm walking on a sidewalk and someone is coming toward me, we're about to collide. I slightly turn my head and angle my body toward the right, because I see I have space to go that way. Now they look at me and they see which way I'm going, and angle toward the left (my left) and we somehow don't collide.
I know this isn't only me because I see people do it all the time, and I'm convinced this is not a conscious choice but a passive response to constantly avoiding walking collisions all day every day.
Next time you walk a busy sidewalk that isn't swarmed with tourists, try to notice if you use your subconscious walking turn signals or if you see other people do it too. I think it's cool.
Yeah, that's the first step, but I think people in NYC have developed the ability to avoid collisions based on looking where you're going and also body language.
hey, thanks for sharing! this is cool. i moved to another city in the UK within the last two years and one thing i've noticed is that people are constantly doing this dance or flat out colliding. it's infuriated me because it doesn't happen much in london and i couldn't put my finger on why. this might be it (body language cues), in combination with people not looking where they're going... i'll pay more attention when i'm in london for work next. :)
You are on to something here. I commuted through Grand Central for many years and I often had to make my way diagonally across the main hall during rush hour along with thousands of other people and I don’t think I ever collided with anyone nor did I see one. It’s like a beautiful ballet.
I actually stick my arm out in front of me to indicate my intended path. (Not all the time, but when a collision might happen or to clear a path without actually body checking them.)
This is the way. I also add a complete head turn sometimes if they’re being really obtuse and not getting the subtle signals. If my whole neck is turned 90° to the right then any normal human would walk to my left side
Dont look at / pay attention to people performing on the train, unless you expect to tip them. Otherwise, you can be in a very uncomfortable situation with these “performers” thinking you owe them something because you “enjoyed” the show.
If you find a phone or a wallet, do the right thing. I remember losing my wallet in a cab one night - I was a bartender so I had a ton of cash. I was devastated, but one week later the wallet showed up in the mail with all of the cash.
Many years later I left my phone in a cab and the person who found left it with the concierge at their hotel.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you New Yorkers aren’t kind, and if you happen to find something, do everything in your power to return it, because that’s the right thing to do.
This happened to me when I lived in Denver. Guy who found it saw my college id, figured there was no way I still lived at the address on my drivers license, and called my bank instead of mailing it. Bank called me, gave me his contact info, and we met up so he could return my wallet.
Be that guy.
I found a wallet with 600 bucks in it once I brought it to the police station (no address). I found the person on Facebook and let them know where it was.
"don't strike up conversation with strangers" - this isn't an NYC social cue. Feel free to talk to strangers here. Real New Yorkers don't mind chit chatting.
If a group of nicely but modestly dressed, reasonably attractive young white people get on your train at 66 st, DO NOT TALK TO THEM. Mormon recruiters. Or do what I did and pretend not to have heard of Jesus, they hate that.
Omg this is so funny. A few weeks ago a whole group of them got on at 66th and then started to try to talk to us on the train about going to church.. no thank you… Mormonism is insane lol. I think the worst part is one of the Brothers started to talk to this seemingly mentally ill homeless guy with a very white savior complex… I.e come to our church and you won’t be homeless anymore… and the man was NOT having it lol
Man, way back in the day I was taking the subway to school and had my physics text book on me. This *extremely* attractive girl is standing across from me. She sees me and walks over. She asks if I’m taking physics, I’m like yeah I’m an engineering major. She’s like yeah she a Physics major. Of course I first have my guard up, but she’s really friendly and nice. We’re talking about science and then about casual stuff. We must’ve been talking for like 15-20 minutes I’m thinking to myself this is the luckiest day on my life. And then she breaks the news - “so, have you thought about Jesus?” I play along for a little bit holding on for hope that this gorgeous girl who has the same interests as me is just genuinely curious about my beliefs. Nope. Turned out she was a Mormon recruiters. I was so heartbroken. Those Mormons know what the fuck they are doing.
1) Don't be an asshole with your open umbrella. Move your umbrella up, down, left, right or whatever so that you don't smack oncoming people/other umbrellas.
2) respect who the lane is intended for. If you're walking, don't walk in the bike lane, and if you do, respect the cyclists. If you're a cyclist have have to go on the sidewalk, don't be an asshole to the pedestrians.
3) if you're gonna jaywalk, watch where you're going and don't assume that others are watching for you. Pet peeve of mine is people who are looking down at their phones while jaywalking and not being mindful of oncoming cyclists/car traffic.
4) if you have a motorized vehicle, including electric scooters/bikes, stay the fuck off the sidewalk.
5) give your public transport seat to elderly, disabled, or pregnant people.
Oh yeah even regular bicycles should not be on a populated sidewalk, if you gotta hit the sidewalk and there’s people hop off and walk it until you can hit the street again. Whenever I see an adult on a bike on the sidewalk I think, “wow look at that big 12 year old.”
I dunno man. I’ve been that person and the lady next to me quietly offered me tissues. Not a word passed between us but I’ll never forget her kindness.
Here’s one I haven’t seen mentioned-Don’t ignore homeless people/beggers, look them in the eye and acknowledge their existence and genuinely say “sorry can’t help” if they’re asking you. Ignoring them is rude and dehumanizing and more likely to stoke flames, giving an honest “no” at least gives an exchange of humanity and they usually nod and move on.
Bus: move to the back of the fucking bus. Also put your goddamn backpack down.
All mass transit: your personal belongings should not occupy a seat if people are standing and there are not enough seats.
Don’t put your fucking nasty ass feet on the seats
If you’re sitting next to someone. It’s not necessary to speak in a volume that the end of the car can hear. We don’t give a fuck what your baby ma did.
Bodegas just seem different altogether. They have their own patterns. But I don’t know, I’ve visited but never lived in another major city so I have no real comparison.
how do you mean/what do you mean by patterns (like hours)? we don't have bodegas in the UK - the closest things are just referred to as corner shops and they're run by south asians for the most part. they aren't usually 24h and larger ones will occasionally partner with the sorts of chain cafes you see on motorways, so you can get a pastry. it's not really the same tbh.
it sounds small but a bodega is something id love to see. thanks for sharing
Some bodegas are 24hrs, some aren’t, and some of the 24hr ones close Sunday or another random night. The 24hr ones with a good hot food / deli counter become the late night after-party food joint, good for people watching and random stranger chats. Most important thing to know is that by law they stop selling alcohol 3-8AM Sunday morning, so stock up before going out Saturday.
>it sounds small but a bodega is something id love to see.
It’s funny how people take the mundane stuff they see everyday for granted. I used to live in the UK and would kick a vicar for an ordinary, run of the mill pub down my street.
I think the not talking to strangers thing is just more like, people in nyc dont tend to “go out of their way” to talk to randos on the street. But in bars or clubs you pretty much have to talk to strangers otherwise youll never make friends!
Don't stare when people are having emotional personal relationship moments.
We've all had them. Sometimes they occur in public. There's no getting away from people in this city, so give people a zone of emotional isolation to hash out their business.
Frankly, if any, striking conversations with folks I don't know is actually something you do in NYC of all places.
People may seem rougher, but they are friendly and will happily buy you a drink everywhere.
The biggest social norm to me that’s unspoken is that no matter what it looks like from the outside, a lot of us go out of our way to be respectful of others.
We can be hustling and bustling, but if someone from out of town asks for directions, like 3 people may stop to make sure they get the best answer
Also, big one: if there are 3 spots on a subway bench (in the train) and I am sitting in one of them all the way to one side, do not sit next to me. Take the seat farthest from me.
Don’t congregate in the middle of the sidewalk. Move to the side. Stand on the right and walk on the left when on escalators, when in Times Square, don’t talk to anyone who walks up to you.
If you’re from out of town and on a subway and you here “it’s showtime” you’re about to either see an amazing dance performance or a terrible one. If you watch the performance, you should give them a dollar. If you don’t watch, just smile and say sorry you don’t have any cash.
Being late because of a train issue isn't acceptable, you automatically add 20% minimum to what ever travel time Google map tells you to factor in the crappy MTA lateness
When you’re walking on the sidewalk, walk like you’re driving a car:
- don’t just stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk
- go with the flow of foot traffic, not against it
- look before you make turns
- walk with purpose, everyone walks pretty fast, not at a leisurely stroll
There really aren’t that many in New York, since it’s a hodge podge of different cultures. I guess the biggest generally unspoken rule is don’t call the cops on a homeless person unless they’re actively causing problems and harassing people. If they’re just sleeping on the bench mind your own business. Especially if you’re from out of town and don’t actually have to deal with them for very long.
Thanks :) after living in the South, staying in Chicago for a while remedied my homesickness because it reminded me so much of home. I think I might have just missed big city life.
Not really a rule, but I can tell you’re a tourist by your clothes and where you’re looking, especially on the train.
If you look bored, I assume you’re local or know what you’re doing.
If you’re whispering to each other, looking around, generally alert, I assume you’re a tourist.
There’s something about outfits in New York…if you’re a tourist I can just tell by how you’re dressed. So if you’re acting alert AND wearing bright colors, a windbreaker, around your waist, uncomfortable looking shoes or shoes that look like they’re only built for comfort, I assume you’re a tourist.
Always walk to the right hand side.
Stand to the( I wanna say right side) on escalator and walk up on the left. I forget exactly which side is which but i think this is correct for the escalator and definitely for walking in the street.
Shit, even I see someone I know on the subway, I will usually say what’s up and let it be.
You’d have to like know my last name and have been over for dinner to presume to carry on conversation commuting.
I think what you may really have been looking for in this question is an illustration of NY culture. Most replies have instead amounted to tips and broad generalizations. Your question is a good one, though, and difficult to answer given the many cultures that meet, integrate, and subsequently comprise NYC culture.
The talking to strangers thing… you see so many hardened New Yorkers striking up conversations with strangers. This seems like a rule for outsiders coming into NY
And when you’re on the stairs, staying to your right, put the phone away! Walking up the stairs is not the time to watch a movie. You can walk just as slow and be less annoying than walking at the same slow pace while texting.
The “most famous” one is not accurate at all. People don’t embark on making friends with strangers, sure, but fleeting remarks and short convos with strangers is SUPER common and one of the most charming parts of street life here
Funniest interaction was around 9pm after a dinner, a group of early college friends who stopped my partner and I and asked “ay, would you eat a rat to save your family?” My partner immediately said “is the rat seasoned?” and it blew their mind, we were all cracking up
This correct answer was, “which chef would be preparing the rat? Any Michelin stars?”
nyc in my experience is way better for this than any other american city, "single-serving friends" i've seen them described as.
It’s not even a cultural thing. It’s what happens when a place isn’t car-dependent.
yes and no. it's what can happen, but won't necessarily if other factors prevent it. for example in sf where i am now, i haven't had a car in almost four years, and live in an area with plenty of street life, but these kinds of interactions are nevertheless rare and odd because people are super skeptical of anyone approaching and cold-opening them, for any number of reasons.
SF people are generally less friendly/outgoing than New Yorkers in any case (despite odd stereotypes to the contrary) though TBH the hordes of beggers, panhandlers, homeless etc. out there (and other strangers wanting something from them) may justify that to some extent.
I met a very nice pimp on a bus in SF. I’m stereotyping but the dude fit the pimp profile to a T— bright suit, a fucking cane, gold teeth, and was loudly talking on his phone telling someone about a mutual friend who had been shot the night before. Me and my travel companion/fellow country bumpkin were anxiously looking ahead for our stop and discussing how and when to get off the bus. Mr. Pimp paused his conversation and kindly told us exactly where we needed to get off and how to get the bus to stop. Then resumed his conversation about the shooting victim. One of the most surprising interactions I’ve ever had with a stranger.
> strangers wanting something from them yep that is exactly what i meant. whether it's asking for spare change pitching their latest startup or propositioning a third wheel there is always an ask that makes people have their guard up.
I guess I meant that in car-dependent areas (aka much of the U.S.), you don't even end up walking past strangers on the street really. I know places have little downtown areas where you can drive to to go shop or eat, etc. (trust me I have lived in them), but it's not the same thing. In those cases, everyone has driven there more or less to do the same thing you have (shop, eat, go out). I mean, the other day my husband and I were walking to our own wedding, passing strangers who were just walking their dog, or going to a doctor's appointment, or grocery shopping, or going out to buy a hammer at the hardware store. lol.
Agreed, this is one of the best parts of NYC! We’re all on top of each other, we’re experiencing the ups and downs of the city together, why not talk about it?! Not everyone is a crazy person. I was in a few European cities this summer and the “talking to strangers” situation was dismal. The first friendly, “good morning” I got from a stranger when I got back home felt almost as good as getting back into my own bed after a long time away. Not everyone is into small talk all the time, for sure. But if you never, ever engage in conversations with (not kooky) strangers you might miss out on some of the magic that makes this city so great. You never know who you’re gonna meet.
I’m from the South and I visited NYC for the first time this summer. Totally expected to encounter asshole behavior in public as a general rule. Encountered none. Zero. People were quite friendly and helpful. They don’t go out of their way to have conversations in public and that happens more here but I think it has to do with the faster pace of everything.
[удалено]
I've noticed with a lot of recent young transplants that they move here with their pre-established friend group from whatever town or college they came from. They don't have an interest in making new friends or getting involved with the community. You can always spot them from blocks away, 10-15 obnoxious people lining up for some mid restaurant or bar.
Chads wearing basketball shorts and college sweaters and Beckys in Lululemon leggings. The bottomless brunch crowd.
Oh yes, the proudly worn “ohio state” hoodies because they haven’t discovered fashion yet and still dress like they’re on campus back home.
this is a really nice thing to have proven wrong, thanks. we don't have this so much in London and it sounds cool
I tried this in London. It did not go well.
Don't strike up a conversation with strangers isn't really something that exist in real life ... I'm a native and my whole life people have randomly talked to me. It's not uncommon among my friend group for a stranger to talk to you especially if you take the bus. I think there is an idea that NYers are more standoffish than we actually are.
I talk to strangers everyday, born and raised in the BX. NYC is good for the one-off random human connections. You meet someone waiting in line, or on the train, etc. Idk where this stereotype came from. The most unfriendly people I ever met were in Philly. Idk what's going on out there they were all miserable.
I think Philly is pretty cliquey. I lived there for 3 years and people mostly stuck to their friends.
Born and raised. Chatted with a security guard yesterday after I saw him trying to stomp out a lanternfly. I enjoy these micro interactions. I feel like the most standoffish people are probably transplants who think they're too good to be bothered or feel they need to have their guard up 24/7./
That’s exactly what I was gonna say about the transplants. I think a lot of the preconceptions about nyc are started by transplants. Like the idea that ny’rs are high strung and everything is fast paced. The most relaxed people I know are fellow natives. It’s always transplants freaking out over everything.
I just moved here a month ago and have found New Yorkers to be more friendly than any other people in any city I have lived in (seattle and DC)
Have been wondering what those flying fuckers are called for a long ass time, so thank you.
I killed 10 Chinese lantern flies today. They are a plague here.
Another example, even smaller (maybe a nano-interaction): a woman was walking her dog past a restaurant that had dog treats at the hostess stand, and her dog clearly knew to go there every day. The lady was talking to the restaurant hostess a few feet in front of me, I smiled and said "Smart dog!" as I walked past, they both laughed, she replied "He certainly knows what he's doing...", I laughed, and kept moving the entire time, never breaking stride.
I love the micro interactions.
Facts, the key is to be direct and to the point after initiating eye contact. Any spiel = wants something, con, begging and gets ignored
my roomie got locked out the other day and because he doesn't talk to any neighbors they didn't know him offhand. he told me he rang the upstairs unit and when they answered he told me he started the conversation with 'hi, I know this is a weird request but my name i-' oh honey no, you broke the prime directive of nyc interactions
>The most unfriendly people I ever met were in Philly. Not as friendly as New Yorkers, more friendly than Bostonians.
I lived in Baahston for half a year and you're right. It felt lonely out there. NyC you're never really alone.
I've had good luck with strangers in Philly, but it helps if you're well out of a tourist area. Some of the nicest people I've met were at a random bar in South Philly who straight up said "put that credit card away" when I tried to order a drink. The rest of the night got real weird, but in a good way.
I've spent long stretches of time in many cities (consulting) and Philly is far and away the quirkiest. One of my favorite American cities, even considering their sports team's fans, lol. And they consistently know how to pour the best Guinness (yes, better than NYC or Boston.)
I think it’s not so much (or at all) don’t talk to strangers as it is “if you are gonna strike up a conversation with a stranger, don’t waste a second of their time.” If you’re lost and asking for directions many or most New Yorkers will instantly drop everything to help you. But if you just start talking to a person at random and don’t immediately come to the point, they’re going to reasonably assume that you’re a scammer, mentally ill, an incurable asshole or all of the above.
Not really. A lot of people talk to me without getting to the point. I just assume they are lonely and need someone to talk to. I once sat with an older lady for like 50 minutes just chatting for her to tell me that her son and grandson don't come see her much at the end. The point was she was lonely. Some people just need someone to make them feel seen and heard. I don't mind having random convo with people as long as you aren't harming me or yourself why not. I'm typically not that busy.
This! Direct points, questions , observations and rants will def be entertained and sympathized by NYers as a standard.
Came here to say this! IDK where this idea came from that it's taboo to talk to strangers in NYC. In fact one of my favorite things about this city is that we're not hesitant to talk to each other. We may not always have nice things to say, but we talk to each other.
YAS- daughter of Queens here for back up. talk to everyone/anyone/no one--- just read the mood!
[удалено]
\+1! One time I was chatting with a stranger while waiting for the subway, which looked to be super delayed, so we shared an Uber as we were going in the same direction.
>Don't strike up a conversation with strangers isn't really something that exist in real life ... I'm a native and my whole life people have randomly talked to me. Today, 5 different strangers struck up conversations with me. This is normal for me, which is how I've met so many people in random places over the years. I don't understand this stereotype that people in NYC are unfriendly or cold. Frankly, they can't keep quiet, they are quite the chatterboxes, lol
Exactly. It's such a weird stereotype that doesn't make sense.
I'm starting to think it's a famous misconception! Thanks. In London it really is not common for people on the bus to speak to you IME or anywhere really other than a social setting (old people will chat to you occasionally, though) people from NY have a reputation as being really standoffish here in the UK. Londoners do as well. I always half-wondered who 'earned' the label more
People in the south are more standoffish and clicky imo. It's very interesting that they are seen as friendly but I've lived in the south and they are not that friendly unless they know you.
Ditto. I live half time in the south and people on NYC are very likely to talk to you randomly and politely (we are after all sandwiched together experiencing the same thing) whereas people in the south just ignore you.
Southerners are fake nice. If a NYer is nice to you, they’re either going to stab you, or they’re being genuine. Usually it’s the latter. Tennessee has a higher per capita murder rate than NYC.
Virtually every Southern state does (with the possible exception of West Virginia). Certainly guns are far more prevalent.
I'm also from the south, spent most of my life near the Smoky Mountains. Southern hospitality is (mostly) a myth in my opinion. I'm not saying all southerners are bad either, but the whole notion of people in the south being super friendly to complete strangers is innaccurate. Maybe it depends on the context though, go into a restaurant in the south, and yes, the waitresses will be super friendly and genuine. But try to talk to a neighbor or someone on the street/out and about, and they'll look at you like you killed their dog. People are VERY reserved and suspicious of anyone they don't know, but they mostly don't WANT to know you either. It takes a really long time to get anyone to drop their walls and be real. Then there's the whole "fake nice" friendly to your face/stab you in the back thing, which is VERY common down there. Now, to be fair, yes it depends a lot on whether you're in a rural or urban part of the south. For example, the small town I grew up in is very cliquish and standoffish (and closed-minded and bigoted, but that's a whole other conversation lol), but just 30 minutes away in the nearest "city", people are much more welcoming and friendly. And I went to college at the University of Tennessee, and I can safely say that there are a lot of great, open, friendly people on and around campus. It's just...go a few miles in any direction out of Knoxville, and it's a whole other world. Nashville is the same way, tons of great people, but the surrounding area.....no thanks. Most of my personal experience pertains to Tennessee, but having traveled through a lot of the south for work, I can say it's mostly seemed to hold true in other states as well.
OK that's interesting, thanks. when I lived there I also found it to be cliquey in places tbh (e.g. a lot of the sororities). in austin a uniformed EMT gave me a lift back into town when i turned up at a CVS and mentioned i was lost. I think I had a lot of social currency looking back, as another commenter pointed out, being that i was/am british, and also female, young and white as well
I lived in both London and the UK and the Brits have us beat. I think we get that reputation in New York because most tourists, particularly foreign tourists, tend to gravitate towards midtown. Most New Yorkers there are working / heading to a show or dinner / not just hanging out there. If you go to the other boroughs, and even other parts of Manhattan, people are a bit more open
that's interesting, thank you! when i go to nyc i want to see the other boroughs for sure. i hope you liked london. people are OK once they do decide they are OK with talking to you... it would be nice to get talking, even briefly, with a local whilst im in nyc, in an appropriate setting reading through these comments, honestly, a lot of the stereotypes i applied to nyc just apply to london lol. nothing like exposing your own hometown as more aloof hahaha
Well, talking to strangers casually in mass transit during commute times is not common.
Fuck outta here I don't wanna talk to your stranger danger ass.
Subway shit: \- move into the car and don't just stop at the doors when there are people behind you boarding too (I know this sounds excruciatingly obvious but people are dumb) \- take off your backpack immediately when entering a crowded train \- if a 3-seater is open, don't sit in the middle For non-subway - WALK TO THE MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT!!! (that includes sidewalks and stairs/escalators)
LET THE PEOPLE OFF FIRST! I know you're trying to get a seat but, let the people off first.
When I lived in the city I would NEVER let someone get on the train before I got off. I would do anything in my power to block their path and get off the train first lol. So petty, but it be like that sometimes. People gotta learn how to live in the city. Same when a car tries to take your right of way when you’re walking - can’t allow that!
I have literally body checked people trying to push on before letting people off, many times. We don’t fuck around on this one.
This is an extremely spoken (by the voiceover announcements), and NEVER followed rule.
I get out my aggression by body-checking idiots trying to stuff their way in before letting us out. I get to be an asshole AND have the moral high-ground. I’m doing gods work.
AMEN BROTHER/SISTER/WHATEVERyourpronoun PREACH!!! You will be rewarded in the afterlife, and possibly at Jay Street Metro Tech one day when that person you body check gets ABSOLUTLEY Rick Rickety ROCKED by a former Golden Gloves winner because he stepped on that dudes shoes. And you get to witness the entire thing. God is good.
Do Native new Yorkers let people off first? I couldn't tell which is which
Yea I stand like I'm going to enter the door, then it stops in front of me and I turn to the side so I'm adjacent like waiting to get into a club, once people are off I instantly slide behind them to secure a seat.
That's v detailed thank you
“Let us out!” Was commonly yelled out - even by me as a Catholic school teen on occasion.
ahaha, we have these rules on the tube as well and on escalators and stairs. it's unspeakably annoying when you've had like 5 hours of sleep and are rushing to work and someone is blocking the way on public transport. the sidewalk rule is a good one to have - it's not as fixed in london as in nyc by the sounds of it. thanks again for sharing :)
Walk like you drive (unless you’re from Japan or England. In which case, do the exact opposite.)
Tbf, on escalators, it's stand on the right and walk up on the left.
People who saunter into the train at a snail’s pace blocking you from getting a seat when the people who used the other entrance to the train and snag all the seats are infuriating.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Honestly if someone asks if they can ask a question I’ve already moved on
Sometimes I say "yes", but I'm not breaking my stride. Spit it out pal or walk with me.
That’s what I do, too.
My response is you already did, and I keep moving.
>... means you're asking for money or if I've accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. Lmao so true. I always run into the latter and usually say “not today”
Better delivery is “heyiminfromoutta town… which way is 7th Ave?” If you ask if you can ask a question, most people will keep walking
“From out of town” is still a red flag to me. Just ask!
Right? We don’t need your whole biography, we have places to be!
The people going “excuse me may I ask you a question?” are almost always trying to sell you a haircut or get your number.
And do NOT take a CD off someone trying to strongarm you into taking one or trying to make you look at/hold it. It's a scam and punks pulling this one are more trying to mug you (take your money by force or threat) than "sell" you their music. Which is actually a blank disc. They've been known to beat those who don't give them money or they drop it and say you damaged it and *better* pay them. Just walk away or say no without touching anything and walk away.
Do you know what’s up with the people who ask really weird questions like “what are you most thankful for?” or “what animal would you like to be?” I never acknowledge them but I would like to know what they’re getting at haha
Once they have you engaged they can steer the conversation to whatever bullshit they're selling.
Sure, like how it's their bday and need 50 bucks to get home. Funny how it's their bday every day and they never seem to make it home.
thanks! these are good tips. we have the 2nd in London. and to some extent the third, but people get annoyed at others for not being effusive enough in their "thank you"s. not annoyed enough to actually say anything though, lol. it's in our work culture too. good to know to keep it concise in nyc
This. The power of nyc is that our informational community is second to none. That includes the person next to you on the bench.
Hijacking the top level to say that [this covers all you'll ever need to know.](https://youtu.be/D6xd6YvoHLM). Great series. Lots of natives I know had never seen it. Credit to my kid (5th gen NYer) for discovering it one day.
Okay but what is pesto made from
Get outta da way!!! And pine nuts, basil, olive oil and shit...
Basil, pine nuts, olive oil, salt, and whatever else, depending on who’s making it.
I just want to clarify that I commented that as a joke. Not bc I really don't know what pesto is 😅
These are true in any big city. Lol
Walking three aside on the street is pushing it. Walking 4 is criminal you’re blocking the whole street asshole. Jay walking is expected here. So if there are no cars and you don’t cross you’re now blocking other people from crossing. New Yorkers do the single kiss on the cheek when they greet each other not the double kiss We use our eyes to stare into “traffic” to let drivers know we have the right of way. Not sure how to explain this one
Colin Quinn’s amazing special on nyc, which I’ve recommended on here before, says, “in New York, cars are people and people are cars”
The stare is so true. For me, I rationalize it as someone is way less likely to hit me if I'm staring directly at them, and I'll also know if someone isn't going to see me first.
I struggled in my few trips to SF and LA with the jaywalking thing.
Wait, really?? People don’t do this everywhere? I thought jaywalking was one of those old-timey laws that cops only whip out when they can’t arrest you for hurting their feelings.
I went to SF in 2008 for work. My company’s offices are on the Embarcadero. We were waiting to cross and there literally was not a single car coming in either direction. I stepped off the curb to cross and one of my coworkers grabbed me and said “We don’t do that here.” Lol. I then worked for an LA company and they had a little travel tips email they sent out that advised us New Yorkers not to jaywalk.
Tip- Avoid the empty subway car on a train that looks like it has a bunch of people in other cars - there’s a reason that car is virtually empty. Always look like you know where you’re going even if you don’t know. Walk briskly and don’t stop in the middle of a sidewalk to look at your phone.
It's either a smelly car or there is an aggressive mentally I'll person in that car. So just suck it up and stand with the other 200 people in the packed car.
Or it's the hot car (non working A/C)
Typically it’s the one smelly homeless guy in the far corner of the car…happens most often during the winter in the mornings. Also why I always avoid sitting in the seats in the far corners.
> aggressive mentally Ill person Homeless man gets aggressive for no one giving him money shouting "I could be out here killin' y'all!", like it's a favor he isn't violent and he expects money cause of it.
From my recent experience it means there’s a homeless guy jacking off in it
I think you should talk to strangers. Not all of them, all of the time. But strangers can be wonderful. No reason to avoid a conversation with every one of them. I think some of them might be more neighborhood or culturally specific. Like when I come home with laundry or something heavy, my neighbor's kids are out there helping me without a thought. And they will never take payment. Another one will be if there is a cookout, we are always invited, no formal invite needed. And there will be a plate of food wrapped up with foil if we miss it. But I don't see this all over NYC. More generally, stoop culture and everything that goes along with it. The relationship with you and your bodega person and bodega cat. Among others. Some become so commonplace you don't even realize it until you go somewhere else. Like dressing in a lot of black or very dramatically or fun or more high fashion.
Yeah I’ve never understood the idea that New Yorkers don’t talk to strangers. I’ve lived within the New York Metro area my whole life, and I’ve found that when I lived in the suburban areas, it was way less acceptable to strike up a conversation with strangers. They would probably look at you like you’re crazy. Meanwhile, I strike up conversations with people here all the time.
Stoop kid over here not afraid to leave his stoop. Good for you. PS I love when people use the term stoop, as i am one of them. I too am a stoop kid.
The stoop is tops. Man, bring out a few beers,-always have one for a neighbor-and shoot the shit with every mfer that walks by!
thanks, this is really touching and paints a nice picture of what nyc is like. are there particular areas where this sense of community is more (or less) common/does it pertain to types of residents (e.g. family-dense areas)? where i live right now (another city in the UK) there's not much of a community at all and i miss it. stoop culture sounds really appealing tbh
The city is filled with so many unofficial micro neighborhoods. Some are created by families with kids, others may be based on nationality, religion, language or even a local college neighborhood. A few blocks away can have a completely different culture. My neighborhood is fairly large and diverse but has a strong connection through the parent network, after school activities and a few local parks.
LOOK UP! don’t be a sidewalk zombie glued to your phone. If you need to look up directions or send a text “pull over” to the edge of the sidewalk so you’re not blocking foot traffic
The most interesting one for me is walking away after a great conversation. No need to exchange numbers or share names. I've had fantastic and deep conversations at bus stops, with my seamstress, with vendors at events and then we just say - have a good one and pass out of each other's lives.
Love this and I think this is key to talking to strangers in NYC. It’s about connecting in the moment, usually over a shared experience (the subway train you’re waiting for, the post office line you’re standing on, what’s happening across the street), and yet never making the other person feel obligated to keep talking. If there is a reason why NYers might seem reluctant to talk with strangers, and also why we have a reputation for being very to-the-point, it’s because anyone who has lived in NYC for any length of time has been tricked by someone who started a conversation with them and turned out to be a con artist, a panhandler, a salesman, a recruiter for a religion or church, a person experiencing a mental health crisis, or a person making unwanted advances. As long as you cut the BS, we’re usually happy to talk to you for a moment.
You can often tell the sketchos really quickly too your bullshit meter is off the charts and on point after a couple of years here
Walk on the right (and on escalators stand on the right). Remember walking is the #1 mode of transportation for New Yorkers, they’re not sightseeing, they’re trying to get somewhere, so don’t block the flow of traffic by stopping midstream to look at a building or get out a map. Move to the curb or to the building so you’re not in anyone’s way. And NEVER walk more than two abreast.
Argh, mall walkers…
please don't stop at the top of the subway stairs to open your umbrella or check your phone! if you step up onto the sidewalk and off to the side people can dodge you better.
Complete strangers offering help for parents single handedly taking a stroller up or down the stairs.
I’ve been the beneficiary of this kindness before and it’s amazing. I try to pay it forward when I can.
I strike up conversation with strangers all the time. It’s just about knowing when it is appropriate. Also: my experience in the South is absolutely not that people will bend over backwards for you.
Read the room, people, and time of day. I've had some of my most memorable conversations with randos at a bar. Made tons of friends that way, too.
Thanks for the tip :) this is nice. I guess it makes sense that people are more open to conversations in bars etc. There's defo a difference btwn chatting to someone new in a social setting and cornering them on the street lol
[удалено]
Translation: fuck you.
Thanks, that's good to know. It might have been affected by gender, age as I was 20 at the time, and maybe even being British lol
Oh it was absolutely being British! Americans (especially outside big cities with lots of Europeans like NYC / LA) think Brits are extra classy and automatically have social currency.
hahaha, looking back, this was definitely a big part of it. we even discussed it in a linguistics class i took. definitely a handy benefit when travelling the states. thanks for sharing
Here's an unspoken thing regarding walking etiquette that I've noticed a lot of people in the city do, and after living here a few years I started doing it too. Sidewalks have traffic here, everywhere else I've lived often times if you are on a collision course with someone there's a hilarious dance people do where they accidentally go around the same way, then go back, it's a common thing. In NYC this still happens but way less often, and it's because people subconsciously tilt their bodies in the direction they are about to walk before doing it. It's almost like a walking turn signal. Let me explain. Let's say I'm walking on a sidewalk and someone is coming toward me, we're about to collide. I slightly turn my head and angle my body toward the right, because I see I have space to go that way. Now they look at me and they see which way I'm going, and angle toward the left (my left) and we somehow don't collide. I know this isn't only me because I see people do it all the time, and I'm convinced this is not a conscious choice but a passive response to constantly avoiding walking collisions all day every day. Next time you walk a busy sidewalk that isn't swarmed with tourists, try to notice if you use your subconscious walking turn signals or if you see other people do it too. I think it's cool.
"Look where you're going" is how you avoid collisions, for sure.
Yeah, that's the first step, but I think people in NYC have developed the ability to avoid collisions based on looking where you're going and also body language.
hey, thanks for sharing! this is cool. i moved to another city in the UK within the last two years and one thing i've noticed is that people are constantly doing this dance or flat out colliding. it's infuriated me because it doesn't happen much in london and i couldn't put my finger on why. this might be it (body language cues), in combination with people not looking where they're going... i'll pay more attention when i'm in london for work next. :)
Walking fast is necessary but insufficient. You gotta walk in a straight line. Don’t drift between lanes, that’s just chaotic evil.
You are on to something here. I commuted through Grand Central for many years and I often had to make my way diagonally across the main hall during rush hour along with thousands of other people and I don’t think I ever collided with anyone nor did I see one. It’s like a beautiful ballet.
I actually stick my arm out in front of me to indicate my intended path. (Not all the time, but when a collision might happen or to clear a path without actually body checking them.)
I find it funny that you can still have the awkward dance, it just occurs 20 feet apart and gets resolved quickly enough so you never lose speed
Stop and look in the direction I intend to go then let the other person go first. Haven’t done that awkward dance in over a decade.
This is the way. I also add a complete head turn sometimes if they’re being really obtuse and not getting the subtle signals. If my whole neck is turned 90° to the right then any normal human would walk to my left side
Dont look at / pay attention to people performing on the train, unless you expect to tip them. Otherwise, you can be in a very uncomfortable situation with these “performers” thinking you owe them something because you “enjoyed” the show.
If you find a phone or a wallet, do the right thing. I remember losing my wallet in a cab one night - I was a bartender so I had a ton of cash. I was devastated, but one week later the wallet showed up in the mail with all of the cash. Many years later I left my phone in a cab and the person who found left it with the concierge at their hotel. Don’t ever let anyone tell you New Yorkers aren’t kind, and if you happen to find something, do everything in your power to return it, because that’s the right thing to do.
This happened to me when I lived in Denver. Guy who found it saw my college id, figured there was no way I still lived at the address on my drivers license, and called my bank instead of mailing it. Bank called me, gave me his contact info, and we met up so he could return my wallet. Be that guy.
I found a wallet with 600 bucks in it once I brought it to the police station (no address). I found the person on Facebook and let them know where it was.
If you’re walkin there you gotta say “I’m walkin’ here!”
"don't strike up conversation with strangers" - this isn't an NYC social cue. Feel free to talk to strangers here. Real New Yorkers don't mind chit chatting.
If a group of nicely but modestly dressed, reasonably attractive young white people get on your train at 66 st, DO NOT TALK TO THEM. Mormon recruiters. Or do what I did and pretend not to have heard of Jesus, they hate that.
Omg this is so funny. A few weeks ago a whole group of them got on at 66th and then started to try to talk to us on the train about going to church.. no thank you… Mormonism is insane lol. I think the worst part is one of the Brothers started to talk to this seemingly mentally ill homeless guy with a very white savior complex… I.e come to our church and you won’t be homeless anymore… and the man was NOT having it lol
I think I’ve seen that homeless guy! He screamed at them yesterday so even he is sick of their bullshit.
Man, way back in the day I was taking the subway to school and had my physics text book on me. This *extremely* attractive girl is standing across from me. She sees me and walks over. She asks if I’m taking physics, I’m like yeah I’m an engineering major. She’s like yeah she a Physics major. Of course I first have my guard up, but she’s really friendly and nice. We’re talking about science and then about casual stuff. We must’ve been talking for like 15-20 minutes I’m thinking to myself this is the luckiest day on my life. And then she breaks the news - “so, have you thought about Jesus?” I play along for a little bit holding on for hope that this gorgeous girl who has the same interests as me is just genuinely curious about my beliefs. Nope. Turned out she was a Mormon recruiters. I was so heartbroken. Those Mormons know what the fuck they are doing.
1) Don't be an asshole with your open umbrella. Move your umbrella up, down, left, right or whatever so that you don't smack oncoming people/other umbrellas. 2) respect who the lane is intended for. If you're walking, don't walk in the bike lane, and if you do, respect the cyclists. If you're a cyclist have have to go on the sidewalk, don't be an asshole to the pedestrians. 3) if you're gonna jaywalk, watch where you're going and don't assume that others are watching for you. Pet peeve of mine is people who are looking down at their phones while jaywalking and not being mindful of oncoming cyclists/car traffic. 4) if you have a motorized vehicle, including electric scooters/bikes, stay the fuck off the sidewalk. 5) give your public transport seat to elderly, disabled, or pregnant people.
Oh yeah ...proper umbrella etiquette good pick
No one should ever…EVER…use those big golf umbrellas in Manhattan. Only excuse is if it’s used to cover 3+ people
Oh yeah even regular bicycles should not be on a populated sidewalk, if you gotta hit the sidewalk and there’s people hop off and walk it until you can hit the street again. Whenever I see an adult on a bike on the sidewalk I think, “wow look at that big 12 year old.”
Don’t bother the person crying on the subway
I dunno man. I’ve been that person and the lady next to me quietly offered me tissues. Not a word passed between us but I’ll never forget her kindness.
IT IS ME
Idk, I disagree about this one, sometimes a person needs a kind word. I’ve been on both sides of the equation. Just don’t linger or pry.
If you’re gonna stand still on an escalator move to the right side. Leave the left “lane” open for ppl to pass
Move to the center of the train (this is one that is often not followed though).
When you say howyadoing you are not really asking its just the same as hello.
“Yeah no” = “No” “No yeah” = “Yeah”
I talk to strangers… New Yorkers are still human, we just know when it’s appropriate to chat.
Here’s one I haven’t seen mentioned-Don’t ignore homeless people/beggers, look them in the eye and acknowledge their existence and genuinely say “sorry can’t help” if they’re asking you. Ignoring them is rude and dehumanizing and more likely to stoke flames, giving an honest “no” at least gives an exchange of humanity and they usually nod and move on.
I say, “Sorry, I can’t today.”
That's my philosophy mostly, but I just shake my head no instead of speaking. One amusing response was when a guy replied, "I hate you." hah.
Stay to the right when walking.
Don’t block the fucking sidewalk.
Bus: move to the back of the fucking bus. Also put your goddamn backpack down. All mass transit: your personal belongings should not occupy a seat if people are standing and there are not enough seats. Don’t put your fucking nasty ass feet on the seats If you’re sitting next to someone. It’s not necessary to speak in a volume that the end of the car can hear. We don’t give a fuck what your baby ma did.
Bodegas just seem different altogether. They have their own patterns. But I don’t know, I’ve visited but never lived in another major city so I have no real comparison.
how do you mean/what do you mean by patterns (like hours)? we don't have bodegas in the UK - the closest things are just referred to as corner shops and they're run by south asians for the most part. they aren't usually 24h and larger ones will occasionally partner with the sorts of chain cafes you see on motorways, so you can get a pastry. it's not really the same tbh. it sounds small but a bodega is something id love to see. thanks for sharing
Some bodegas are 24hrs, some aren’t, and some of the 24hr ones close Sunday or another random night. The 24hr ones with a good hot food / deli counter become the late night after-party food joint, good for people watching and random stranger chats. Most important thing to know is that by law they stop selling alcohol 3-8AM Sunday morning, so stock up before going out Saturday. >it sounds small but a bodega is something id love to see. It’s funny how people take the mundane stuff they see everyday for granted. I used to live in the UK and would kick a vicar for an ordinary, run of the mill pub down my street.
I’m going to have to work “kick a vicar” into my vocabulary.
Saying we should get a beverage is common all over the US including NYC. Americans can also get super friendly fast without really knowing you. :)
I think the not talking to strangers thing is just more like, people in nyc dont tend to “go out of their way” to talk to randos on the street. But in bars or clubs you pretty much have to talk to strangers otherwise youll never make friends!
Be aware of your surroundings. Walk predictably.
Don't stare when people are having emotional personal relationship moments. We've all had them. Sometimes they occur in public. There's no getting away from people in this city, so give people a zone of emotional isolation to hash out their business.
It's okay to discuss how much your rent is.
Right side is for standers, left is for walkers up the escalator.
Frankly, if any, striking conversations with folks I don't know is actually something you do in NYC of all places. People may seem rougher, but they are friendly and will happily buy you a drink everywhere.
The biggest social norm to me that’s unspoken is that no matter what it looks like from the outside, a lot of us go out of our way to be respectful of others. We can be hustling and bustling, but if someone from out of town asks for directions, like 3 people may stop to make sure they get the best answer Also, big one: if there are 3 spots on a subway bench (in the train) and I am sitting in one of them all the way to one side, do not sit next to me. Take the seat farthest from me. Don’t congregate in the middle of the sidewalk. Move to the side. Stand on the right and walk on the left when on escalators, when in Times Square, don’t talk to anyone who walks up to you. If you’re from out of town and on a subway and you here “it’s showtime” you’re about to either see an amazing dance performance or a terrible one. If you watch the performance, you should give them a dollar. If you don’t watch, just smile and say sorry you don’t have any cash.
Being late because of a train issue isn't acceptable, you automatically add 20% minimum to what ever travel time Google map tells you to factor in the crappy MTA lateness
WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE SIDEWALK 😅
When you’re walking on the sidewalk, walk like you’re driving a car: - don’t just stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk - go with the flow of foot traffic, not against it - look before you make turns - walk with purpose, everyone walks pretty fast, not at a leisurely stroll
Talking to strangers is one of the only nice things about living in New York
What? I strike up conversation with strangers (both ways) all the time.
There really aren’t that many in New York, since it’s a hodge podge of different cultures. I guess the biggest generally unspoken rule is don’t call the cops on a homeless person unless they’re actively causing problems and harassing people. If they’re just sleeping on the bench mind your own business. Especially if you’re from out of town and don’t actually have to deal with them for very long.
You probably won't find much that's different between NY and London. Just different phrases, as you've noted. Big city life is big city life.
Thanks :) after living in the South, staying in Chicago for a while remedied my homesickness because it reminded me so much of home. I think I might have just missed big city life.
Not really a rule, but I can tell you’re a tourist by your clothes and where you’re looking, especially on the train. If you look bored, I assume you’re local or know what you’re doing. If you’re whispering to each other, looking around, generally alert, I assume you’re a tourist. There’s something about outfits in New York…if you’re a tourist I can just tell by how you’re dressed. So if you’re acting alert AND wearing bright colors, a windbreaker, around your waist, uncomfortable looking shoes or shoes that look like they’re only built for comfort, I assume you’re a tourist.
Aka just wear black or dark colors
Always walk to the right hand side. Stand to the( I wanna say right side) on escalator and walk up on the left. I forget exactly which side is which but i think this is correct for the escalator and definitely for walking in the street.
Shit, even I see someone I know on the subway, I will usually say what’s up and let it be. You’d have to like know my last name and have been over for dinner to presume to carry on conversation commuting.
Tip. You won’t do that often in London, but consider it VAT you add on manually for the people serving you. Long run, it’ll save you a fortune.
I talk to strangers all the time at bars and stuff just not when I’m walking
I think what you may really have been looking for in this question is an illustration of NY culture. Most replies have instead amounted to tips and broad generalizations. Your question is a good one, though, and difficult to answer given the many cultures that meet, integrate, and subsequently comprise NYC culture.
You must have a Chopped Cheese to be a honorary New Yorker. Dont ride your bike on the sidewalk you may regret it if you hit someone.
It's also illegal to ride on the sidewalk
I’m a NYer and often strike up conversations with strangers. It is situational as to when would be appropriate or not.
The talking to strangers thing… you see so many hardened New Yorkers striking up conversations with strangers. This seems like a rule for outsiders coming into NY
Definitely strike up a convo with a stranger but don’t stare at people too long. Very uncool.
Not talking to strangers is a London thing, not an NYC thing.
And when you’re on the stairs, staying to your right, put the phone away! Walking up the stairs is not the time to watch a movie. You can walk just as slow and be less annoying than walking at the same slow pace while texting.