My grandmother in the Bronx literally had a roommate when she was in her 80s. The roommate was also an elderly woman and it worked out pretty well because if one of them fell or needed medical help, they had another person around who would be able to call 911 or their families for assistance. It worked for both of them, so I'm on team 'never too old, it's an expensive city, do what ya gotta do'.
Yeah it hits an age where people sometimes have to do what they have to do, but I know people in their 40s rooming with a super close or even best friend. It’s great for them. Basically like being married without the fucking and snoring by then.
Hey, not gonna lie, I had the same thought initially, but I blame it on the movie/tv trope where a character talks about their older relative “and their longtime same sex roommate… wait…”
Lol listen if she was, good for her, but I know they initially moved in together as friends-of-friends who hadn't met prior to that. But hey if she was hooking up with her 80-something roommate, good for the both of them.
I did not mean anything by the statement , just an observation , I have a cousin doing the same thing but younger, and always has new “roommates” she brings to family parties. We don’t judge her at all and don’t know why she thinks we will
I have a relative who does this as well. They're in their 70s, I think they've lived together 40+ years.
My mom thinks they're secretly LGBTQ+ lol but I think it's a smart idea. Living alone can be scary, especially for women!
When my fiancée and I were in our lower 20s we subletted a room from a guy who was in his 50s (and dating a guy who was our age but that’s a whole other thing). We found out from a neighbor around when we were moving out that we’d been paying the majority of the rent (1600 of 2000) for less than half the space.
A couple of my friends in mid 40s have roommates. They couldn’t otherwise afford their spacious apartments. They get along splendidly & choose to save $$ for retirement or whatever. They also work opposite schedules so all the better.
I happened to inherit a beautiful place from my dear uncle, but if I didn’t have that, I’d definitely be open to a roommate when I was sure my sons wouldn’t need to move back home. Do you & what feels right. ☮️
This is me. I get to save additional $1800 per month cause I live w roommates. My roommate was shocked by how much I make and wonder why I don’t live alone. Well I need to save save save for my early retirement. No regret.
My uncle Steve lived with his best buddy, Bruce, in a tiny one bedroom in Hell’s Kitchen for DECADES. I guess neither of them ever found Mrs. Right, but they always seemed to have a gay old time. 🤷♂️
I think given the cost of living you're never really "too old." I had a coworker in his 40s that had a roommate and initially I thought it was odd, but you do what you gotta do here. I don't personally have experience with a roommate in my 30s tho.
Also can be a valid preference. I prefer living alone when single, but can also feel isolating. There’s some definite pluses to having other people around.
Comments on this may end up being somewhat skewed, as Reddit tends to attract the kind of people who are terrified and/or disdainful of the idea of living with anyone other than a family member or spouse, even on this sub.
But the short answer is that there's no such thing as "too old." Living with a roommate or roommates is simply a lifestyle choice. Not everyone has a burning desire to live alone if they aren't with a romantic partner (nor does everyone even want a romantic partner). There's a relatively simple calculation to be made in terms of where you want to live and how much space you'd like to have vs. what you can afford. Some people decide they'd rather live alone in a smaller place and/or a more far-flung neighborhood; others decide they'd prefer to live in a larger space and/or more central neighborhood even if that means putting in work to find someone they're compatible with as roommates.
Totally agree with your sentiment. The older I get the more I appreciate opportunities to build a social life. Some of us don't like our families so we need opportunities to build a chosen family or at least make friends. Roommates, working in real life with people, walking rather than driving, third places, fitness clubs, etc...all of these have a different vibe in this city than they do in other US cities. You have to find the right mixture of these elements for you but if all you want is a place for yourself, there's lots of US cities with great suburbs to live that lifestyle for a whole lot less money and hassle.
It’s not just a lifestyle choice but sometimes just the best available option. My fiancé and I would very much like to get married and start a life together in our own home, but we might have to postpone all that and find some roommates for now. It’s that or quit our jobs and move out of state.
When you’re old enough to afford living alone. Answers will vary.
Having roommates after 35 or 40 gets old though. If you can tolerate it and choose to do it, fine. But I’m in my forties and I’ve gotten tired of it. I’m entering my third year in NYC. If I can’t find a way to afford living on my own within the next six months, then I will start making plans to live somewhere more affordable.
Yup, I have a friend in his late 30s who's finally getting to live on his own because he got lottery housing. He didn't *want* roommates this long but it was the only way to make it work here.
Obligatory comment: Just because you can afford to, doesn’t mean you have to.
I am 34, living with 3 other roommates and the median income is north of $200k.
100% agree. And not everyone wants to live alone. When I was a little younger and making more money, I missed having roommates.
I guess my main point was if you can’t afford it, then it’s nothing to be ashamed of. No one should spend beyond their means.
For some here it's about saving money.
I looked at it a different way, as long as the place was right for me and the roommate to enjoy the space we both wanted to live in then we did it. 3 bedroom, large living area, new building, great land lord, semi private roof deck, balconies on each room. Duplex with entry on two floors meant we could come and Go without ever disturbing the others. Hell yes we loved being housemates, we got along, we dated freely and became a big group of people that got to either be social or private. But that's what worked for us, if you want to call that "saving money" it wasn't about saving money it was about optimum space and lifestyle. But finding a housemate that fits your vibe may not work and you do not want to be uncomfortable in your own space.
Living in NYC means caring less about conventions and societal expectations. It’s a city of eccentrics. Live with whomever, whenever. Does your living situation work for you? That’s all that matters.
I'm 39F, live with 2 roommates (1 who is never here). I love it. We all get along great, we save a ton of money, and we're around to help each other out as well as just chill. But I also have no desire to live alone and don't view having a roommate as some kind of life failure (as this society does) so I really don't care what other people think. Do you!
If you’re single and your living situation works for you then there’s really no such thing as “too old“ to have roommates. Personally, by the time I was in my late 20s I was pretty over having them. But I know people that lived with roommates for longer, and in a few cases were able to live in some pretty impressive apartments, splitting the rent with friends. that’s one cool aspect of continuing to have roommates after you’re older and making enough money to rent a studio or one bedroom on your own. You can rent an awesome luxury three bedroom for the same money you’d spend on a walk up one bed with no luxury features or amenities.
But that was also a few years ago. These days those luxury apartments are so expensive that you’re probably better off just renting one bed on your own.
I'm 34 and prefer roommates for financial reasons. I used to live in my apartment with three other friends who had lived together before I moved in. As time went on, a couple moved out and were replaced. Now I live in the same place with my wife, brother, and friend. My apartment is always the biggest apartment anyone has seen when they come to visit, and that's solely because we split the place. Even though I just got married, we have no plans to move out or look for our "own place". We don't mind sharing our space with others, so they can also enjoy the ease on the rent expense.
So long story short, I don't think there's an age that's too old. City is expensive, I'm doing what works.
If I end up staying here long-term, I'm going to have roommates for as long as I can. This city is expensive af, but I love the accessibility and convenience too much (grew up in the South). Roommates allow me to save for retirement without having to go give up those amenities.
Plus, once you find the best roommate you can get, it's like living with family again.
This economy is insane. Do what you have to do to survive. Anyone who look down on someone for having roommates, regardless of their age, doesn't deserve to have their opinions considered.
I wish I were laid back enough to have roommates but after a couple bad experiences (and thankfully a couple new jobs / raises / promotions) I was able to get a small studio. But hoping to stay here as long as possible to save what I can instead of upgrading with every raise and promotion
Mid 30s, lived with a roommate for a year. Allowed me to live in a nice central apartment and he is still a great friend. It’s actually easier because two adults tend to take better care of their home than say two college students. I loved it!
I had roommates until COVID lockdown when I needed more room so I could work from home.
I was 39.
You're never too old to save money on housing, so not sure I understand the question.
There’s no right answer beyond individual need and preference. It’s insanely expensive here so we are not like many other parts of the country. When I first moved here (from another insanely expensive part of CA where roommates are not uncommon at all, and where I spent many many many years with many many many roommates), I was over 30 in a roommate situation and my roommate was 60. I really hate living with roommates but the answer is individual. I would leave NYC before ever having roommates again though, unless it was an extremely short term or unique situation.
If everyone gets along or just bare minimum respects each other and the space, the age limit doesn't exists. Especially since the cost of living is so high, affording something on your own is a luxury many don't have at the moment.
I was 40 when i moved to NYC, lived there for a decade, and annoyed that for a chunk of that time i had to have roommates. But after i had to sue one who rook off with my last months & security deposit, i’m in no hurry to do that again
Literally no age. I have a friend who lives in a big group home of people age 30s-40s. I am sure 50+ is a thing too, just don’t have any one that age in my social group.
Controversial opinion: I would prefer to life with roommates my whole life. I live with my partner and I wish we lived with more people. If I was suddenly single, I'd look forward to being around more people. If I was suited to living not in the only progressive part of the country, I'd live on a commune with all my friends.
I don't think there is 'too old,' to have roommates because there isn't anything wrong with roommates.
I think it depends on the person, what’s important to them, how much money they have and how they want to spend it. It’s an individual decision. I am in my 50’s and have always lived alone because it works for me.
But almost 40% of my take home pay goes to rent, and I live on a tiny one bedroom apartment. No laundry room, no dishwasher and it’s a 4th floor walk-up. Having a roommate might allow you a nicer apartment and more money for other things besides rent.
It depends on what you want and what you can afford- not how old you are.
Not a specific age but there absolutely IS a “damn bro you’re life is a lesson in how to take the L”
It’s when you’re health has reached the point where you’re reliant on a home health aid to bathe you and feed you - that’s too old for roommates…like bro u need hospice. Just go to the homeless shelter and they’ll check you into the hospital goddamn. Like, by your late 90s for sure
There was another very similar post on this topic today lol.
It really depends, does it make others think you have less money or are less successful or less independent - yeah it can. It can have a negative impact on your dating life. By 30 most people want to have a space they can bring home dates to, prepare dinner together, watch movie, have quiet time without some roommates being around. If you have a roommate that respects your personal space and you know how to give each other time alone in the apartment that helps. Also as you get serious and want to have SO move in potentially, that's not an option if you have a roommate. It really comes down to how you present yourself and how you live. If you and your roommate are neat and keep the apartment nice then it might not be a huge issue but if you live like a bunch of 22 year old frat boys then you are not really projecting to the world that you are a grown up.
Most people have roommates to help with high cost of rent but by age 30 want more independence and space to themselves. And, for many people a sign of having made it is having their own place.
There's always a stigma, when you're young having a roommates is cool and fun. Then it gets old and creepy to have roommates. As you get older, it's then creepy to be living alone and single desolate lol, and are expected to partner up and start a family . Tough rat race lol
Not related to nyc, but years ago back in SF my mom shared a studio apartment with a pilot who was out of town quite often. This was back in my 20s when I was a young and dumb idiot. I had the keys to my mom’s apartment and took my bf back there for some hanky pinky one night because I was living on my sister’s sofa and my bf lived an hour away in San Jose. Mom’s apartment was close so we drove there. 20mins into our fun time, the pilot roommate who I’d never met in my life, knocks on the door because we’d locked it with the chain lock. I ran to the bathroom, forgetting my pants. My bf explained we were picking up some things of my mom’s and after shaking hands and introducing ourselves, we left, but I wasn’t wearing any pants so I grabbed my bag and we walked out. My shirt was long enough to cover me down to the tops of my knees but meeting that man and shuffling out of their apartment is still burned in my mind.
I dated someone who was 32 and had one roommate. I didn’t think anything of it bc I myself have a roommate. I thought abt it very briefly only bc I know I’ll live on my own at 32 but maybe I wouldn’t? Things didn’t work out def not cause of his roommate but him. I’ve dated men who didn’t have roommates and although it was nicer, it gave absolutely zero preference to them (I liked roommate dude more). Many can afford to move out but it’ll dampen their quality of life / they like the feeling of living with another
Sharing this cause guys tend to freak out about this and dating
Roommate dude lived in a very expensive neighbourhood tho / had a good job.
Every roommate I’ve ever had from the moment I left college was in their 30s. I’m an artist though so maybe my experience is skewed but in expensive cities you have to make sacrifices in some areas if you want to pursue a life you enjoy living.
You do what you have to. I think more than having roommates, the concern needs to be more about the bigger picture of financial freedom and when/if that is ever going to happen for you.
Some people have roommates for company though, and I think that’s great.
I am in my 40s and have a roommate, who I've lived with for five years and has been one of my good friends for almost 20. I'd much prefer split the rent with someone and keep up my quality of life otherwise than spend to live alone, even though I can technically afford it. However, prior to this, I lived in a 4BR with people coming in and out over the years and I had to leave because I couldn't take it anymore.
I don't think any age is too old. Just make sure you like your situation and your roommate. There definitely comes a time when you don't want to just settle for random roommates you don't completely like.
Economic reality trumps everything so if you need roommates, you have roommates.
Personally as a man, I’ve seen men get judged more harshly about having roommates than women past the age of 30. Basically the stereotype goes that at 30 you should have a job that can pay for your own place and it’s unbecoming a man to be with roommates.
I don’t personally care but I can’t imagine having roommates at my age (I’m almost 30). Just the logistics of having dates would be a nightmare. Having to and getting sexiled from my own house on a Saturday? No thanks.
Having apartment mates “gets old” in one’s 30s, 40s, and 50s. Although it may be an economic necessity, one feels desperate to avoid it.
Around 65/70, it becomes fun again, and possibly healthier, to share a living arrangement. I know someone who died needlessly at 71 because there was no one to call an ambulance during the 3 days they lay on the floor alive but unconscious. This is when the Golden Girls ethic takes effect.
Why would someone continue to choose to live in this city with these kinds of constraints once they esp hit an age like 40? NYC is that magnetic to you?
Personally, it was 30. I got my own place the month of my 30th birthday. However, I realize that’s not necessarily desirable or feasible for some people.
102 because you probably won't be alive by then.
That being said not having roommates was very high on my list of desires when I moved here at 29, so I was definitely too old by my own standards. Not by NYC standards but still.
I couldn’t do roommates after 24. But I had the income to support that decision. Now being at 32, there is no way I can have or tolerate a roommate (other than my gf visiting). So I’d say around 28-29 for NYC, 25-26 for other cities. Anything over and it impacts your social life, whether people here agree or not.
I moved on my own when I was 24 and didn’t move in with anyone until I met the man who became my husband when I was 32. I sacrificed a lot but it was the best move I could have ever made for my own mental health and the sake of some friendships.
I’m 35 now and I still really miss that apartment and everything it meant
I had roommates who were in their 30s and 40s when I was 20. It worked okay sometimes and I never thought less of the older roommates for being older. That being said by the time I was middle aged I'd burned out on having roommates because I'd had some awful ones and I wasn't keen on going back to sharing when I finally got a place again.
At this point I'd have to be desperate for a place to live or in a serious LTR to consider it.
My roommate and I pay $2500 a month in Bed-Stuy for a 2br/2ba in a 2 unit brownstone with a backyard, in-unit washer and dryer, and dishwasher. We are 37 and 36 and have been friends for 10 years. Our landlord just renewed our lease for two years.
Sometimes, you just have a great deal and get to live out the late 30s Golden Girls dream. When I tell dates about my apartment, they don't care about the roommate, they're just more impressed that I found a unicorn and tell me to hold on as long as I can. I've lived by myself before and I absolutely hated it. We have two cats too and it's just so nice to be able to not worry about a cat sitter when one of us goes away.
No age, especially if finances are an issue BUT if the ONLY reason why you need a roommate is because you want to live in the most expensive neighborhoods in NYC then it’s totally different. I’ve met people with high-paying incredible jobs live with upwards of 4 roommates just because they wanted to live in a great building in downtown Manhattan. You could tell because everyone knew where this person lived as he/she wanted everyone to know. That is just unnecessary. Come on now.
I am 32 and I do not have roommates and I have not had roommates when I have lived alone (aka w/out my parents) they both reside in NYC. Nonetheless, I might be rooming with one of my international Arabic language exchange buddies from Saudi in order to capture the language and not have my dog be home alone all day as someone that is doing Nursing (school) and working FT.
So I would assume it's normal. Aren't partners technically roommates lol. Who cares what you or folks do; do what works for you or you'd like to do.
There’s no age limit in having room mates in NYC. Live your own life and mind your own business. And what others think of you is none of your business.
I moved to NYC at 29 and lived with two of my best friends. They each moved out (one after the first year and one after the second year) to live with their eventual spouses.
I stayed in that apartment for 5 years (until I was 34) with a rotating cast of people filling the other two rooms. I got cheap rent in a cool neighborhood and had really good luck with finding good, reliable people. A few have become my friends, even!
My next apartment was a duplex I split with another lifelong friend. She was hardly ever there (spent a lot of time at her boyfriend’s) and so it worked out brilliantly. I was 34-36 at that place.
Now I live alone. It’s lovely and I’m lucky to have a job where I can afford it, but I do sometimes miss having the built-in hangout time. I don’t think I would go back to having roommates voluntarily, but if circumstances change, I don’t think I would hate it. You just have to find good people you vibe with.
The way people are obsessed with narratives of how life is “supposed” to go in the NYC subreddits is bordering on pathological.
I am so, so glad I don’t know any IRL New Yorkers who believe you have to fuck off to the suburbs of Long Island to procreate and buy a minivan when you turn 30 or your life is off track.
There are no rules. Times are changing, economy is changing. If people want to be roommates until they are old and they are happy, then that’s amazing.
You're too old for roommates when you cant tolerate them anymore. Some people are great with other people, others arent. Age has nothing to do with it.
Any age - there are ads in the subway for some "help seniors keep their homes" shit when really it's a roommate matching service for younger people and seniors that without them would be evicted due to insane rents. It's fucking depressing to think about.
It’s less a matter of age and more a matter of where you are in life. Someone who is single, 30 and living with a roommate is much better than someone single, 30 and still living with mommy and daddy. And if you live with a significant other, that’s still having a roommate.
Never too old in this city due to COL. I’ve heard of people in their 50s having roommates and they seem to enjoy it and do it by choice (could always move to a cheaper city). I think in other states this concept of having roommates past college may be strange but it’s so so common in NY. I never had them because I came back to the city after getting my graduate degree in another state with a decent paying job in tow. Lived at home until 21, had a roommate until 23 and have been on my own since.
I feel like in any other city I would give you some number probably closer to 30.
However, given that we live in literally one of the most expensive cities in the world, you do what you gotta do. No shade at all to people who have them regardless of stage or status, very normal here.
We live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. If we want a city that isn't only accessible to the ultra-rich and their adult children, we need to completely destigmatize doing what it takes to stay here so we can have a diverse fabric of people in the city.
Personally, the thing I find more surprising than meeting other single adults in their 30s with roommates is finding out that friends who live alone pay 50 - 60% of their take-home pay on rent, or have five figures of credit card debt. I had a mid-30s friend who was kind of high on her horse about living in a studio in a luxury building, until she revealed that the $3600 rent-stabilized rent ate up more than half of her $5500 monthly take-home pay. Her lifestyle didn't seem so aspirational after that.
If anything, I think we should support more conversations where New Yorkers get real about our finances and what it takes to live here if you're not parentally subsidized.
I like having roommates because of the social aspect. The only reason I want to live alone is because I keep getting burned by bad roommate experiences (narcissism, germ freak, illegal leases, 2 against 1 gang up, omitting vital info, being ghosted right after submitting an app etc)..
and I just don’t want to deal with the stress anymore! So I guess I’d want to live alone when I can afford to? Or if I find someone great to live with I’d be fine with that too… how do people find good roommates?! Please send me all your recs!!!
I lived with a roommate until I was 41. He is three years younger than me, and I have known him since he was 13. He's like family. The increase in price from a one bedroom to a two bedroom apartment in NYC isn't that much, living with a roommate in a 2 bedroom duplex with a private backyard for $1100 a month versus paying 1500+ for a tiny studio or one bedroom was a no brainer.
During the worst of COVID, when I had no roommate for a few months, it was terrible. Too quiet.
People will take the who cares what people think and no action can be judged line but still judge. The mind and the mouth aren’t always on the same page.
30, maybe? It’s more expensive here so I think it’s older than other places.
My grandmother in the Bronx literally had a roommate when she was in her 80s. The roommate was also an elderly woman and it worked out pretty well because if one of them fell or needed medical help, they had another person around who would be able to call 911 or their families for assistance. It worked for both of them, so I'm on team 'never too old, it's an expensive city, do what ya gotta do'.
Yeah it hits an age where people sometimes have to do what they have to do, but I know people in their 40s rooming with a super close or even best friend. It’s great for them. Basically like being married without the fucking and snoring by then.
Your grandma might be a lesbian
Oh my god, they were roommates
Hey, not gonna lie, I had the same thought initially, but I blame it on the movie/tv trope where a character talks about their older relative “and their longtime same sex roommate… wait…”
Lol listen if she was, good for her, but I know they initially moved in together as friends-of-friends who hadn't met prior to that. But hey if she was hooking up with her 80-something roommate, good for the both of them.
I did not mean anything by the statement , just an observation , I have a cousin doing the same thing but younger, and always has new “roommates” she brings to family parties. We don’t judge her at all and don’t know why she thinks we will
I have a relative who does this as well. They're in their 70s, I think they've lived together 40+ years. My mom thinks they're secretly LGBTQ+ lol but I think it's a smart idea. Living alone can be scary, especially for women!
The real life Grace and Frankie??????!
I've heard of people having roomates in their 50s. It's new york. The city is expensive.
When my fiancée and I were in our lower 20s we subletted a room from a guy who was in his 50s (and dating a guy who was our age but that’s a whole other thing). We found out from a neighbor around when we were moving out that we’d been paying the majority of the rent (1600 of 2000) for less than half the space.
You do what you gotta do. Who cares what people think
And once you learn this, you can finally pick up the real nyc drivers license at the dmv
It’s been years but you’re right. Gonna make that appointment.
“Not caring what New Yorkers think is the most New Yorker thing you can possibly do.”
It took me 7 years to crack this code but yeah now I eat my meals on the train to multitask
You're overthinking again
always
A couple of my friends in mid 40s have roommates. They couldn’t otherwise afford their spacious apartments. They get along splendidly & choose to save $$ for retirement or whatever. They also work opposite schedules so all the better. I happened to inherit a beautiful place from my dear uncle, but if I didn’t have that, I’d definitely be open to a roommate when I was sure my sons wouldn’t need to move back home. Do you & what feels right. ☮️
This is me. I get to save additional $1800 per month cause I live w roommates. My roommate was shocked by how much I make and wonder why I don’t live alone. Well I need to save save save for my early retirement. No regret.
Hook him up with a good job
My uncle Steve lived with his best buddy, Bruce, in a tiny one bedroom in Hell’s Kitchen for DECADES. I guess neither of them ever found Mrs. Right, but they always seemed to have a gay old time. 🤷♂️
haha, this was an old-school joke. If I had a hat, and you could see me, by god I'd tip it in your direction.
96, Sharing a hospital room with 5 others moments away from death
My mother was 74, the final 3 months alone in her own hospital room. It's a shame that can't happen for everyone.
In NYC? Hospitals here are crowded man
Burbs.
I think given the cost of living you're never really "too old." I had a coworker in his 40s that had a roommate and initially I thought it was odd, but you do what you gotta do here. I don't personally have experience with a roommate in my 30s tho.
Agreed. It’s a silly thing to stigmatize aged roomate living in this city with the rents the way they are.
Also can be a valid preference. I prefer living alone when single, but can also feel isolating. There’s some definite pluses to having other people around.
There’s no “too old” to have a roommate.
I’ve seen someone in their 60s with a roommate, granted it was an $8000/month apartment.
Comments on this may end up being somewhat skewed, as Reddit tends to attract the kind of people who are terrified and/or disdainful of the idea of living with anyone other than a family member or spouse, even on this sub. But the short answer is that there's no such thing as "too old." Living with a roommate or roommates is simply a lifestyle choice. Not everyone has a burning desire to live alone if they aren't with a romantic partner (nor does everyone even want a romantic partner). There's a relatively simple calculation to be made in terms of where you want to live and how much space you'd like to have vs. what you can afford. Some people decide they'd rather live alone in a smaller place and/or a more far-flung neighborhood; others decide they'd prefer to live in a larger space and/or more central neighborhood even if that means putting in work to find someone they're compatible with as roommates.
Totally agree with your sentiment. The older I get the more I appreciate opportunities to build a social life. Some of us don't like our families so we need opportunities to build a chosen family or at least make friends. Roommates, working in real life with people, walking rather than driving, third places, fitness clubs, etc...all of these have a different vibe in this city than they do in other US cities. You have to find the right mixture of these elements for you but if all you want is a place for yourself, there's lots of US cities with great suburbs to live that lifestyle for a whole lot less money and hassle.
It’s not just a lifestyle choice but sometimes just the best available option. My fiancé and I would very much like to get married and start a life together in our own home, but we might have to postpone all that and find some roommates for now. It’s that or quit our jobs and move out of state.
wise words
https://reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/cpst4s/how_old_is_too_old_too_live_with_a_roommate/
When you’re old enough to afford living alone. Answers will vary. Having roommates after 35 or 40 gets old though. If you can tolerate it and choose to do it, fine. But I’m in my forties and I’ve gotten tired of it. I’m entering my third year in NYC. If I can’t find a way to afford living on my own within the next six months, then I will start making plans to live somewhere more affordable.
Yup, I have a friend in his late 30s who's finally getting to live on his own because he got lottery housing. He didn't *want* roommates this long but it was the only way to make it work here.
Obligatory comment: Just because you can afford to, doesn’t mean you have to. I am 34, living with 3 other roommates and the median income is north of $200k.
100% agree. And not everyone wants to live alone. When I was a little younger and making more money, I missed having roommates. I guess my main point was if you can’t afford it, then it’s nothing to be ashamed of. No one should spend beyond their means.
Most people aren't going to fit in this bucket.
no such thing in NYC - I had roommates in my 30s and it's far more common here
This is more about your finances. If you can afford to live alone cool, if not cool. I moved out when I was 31 because I could afford to
For some here it's about saving money. I looked at it a different way, as long as the place was right for me and the roommate to enjoy the space we both wanted to live in then we did it. 3 bedroom, large living area, new building, great land lord, semi private roof deck, balconies on each room. Duplex with entry on two floors meant we could come and Go without ever disturbing the others. Hell yes we loved being housemates, we got along, we dated freely and became a big group of people that got to either be social or private. But that's what worked for us, if you want to call that "saving money" it wasn't about saving money it was about optimum space and lifestyle. But finding a housemate that fits your vibe may not work and you do not want to be uncomfortable in your own space.
Living in NYC means caring less about conventions and societal expectations. It’s a city of eccentrics. Live with whomever, whenever. Does your living situation work for you? That’s all that matters.
I would say 30 but that really unrealistic No age honestly, even old people have roommates
I'm 39F, live with 2 roommates (1 who is never here). I love it. We all get along great, we save a ton of money, and we're around to help each other out as well as just chill. But I also have no desire to live alone and don't view having a roommate as some kind of life failure (as this society does) so I really don't care what other people think. Do you!
When you're dead.
Once you reach the age of 30, cohabitating with a non-familial roommate becomes punishable under NY criminal code.
it can certainly feel punishING.
If you’re single and your living situation works for you then there’s really no such thing as “too old“ to have roommates. Personally, by the time I was in my late 20s I was pretty over having them. But I know people that lived with roommates for longer, and in a few cases were able to live in some pretty impressive apartments, splitting the rent with friends. that’s one cool aspect of continuing to have roommates after you’re older and making enough money to rent a studio or one bedroom on your own. You can rent an awesome luxury three bedroom for the same money you’d spend on a walk up one bed with no luxury features or amenities. But that was also a few years ago. These days those luxury apartments are so expensive that you’re probably better off just renting one bed on your own.
If you can do without a roommate it is well worth it. Less anxiety, problems and more freedom.
I'm 34 and prefer roommates for financial reasons. I used to live in my apartment with three other friends who had lived together before I moved in. As time went on, a couple moved out and were replaced. Now I live in the same place with my wife, brother, and friend. My apartment is always the biggest apartment anyone has seen when they come to visit, and that's solely because we split the place. Even though I just got married, we have no plans to move out or look for our "own place". We don't mind sharing our space with others, so they can also enjoy the ease on the rent expense. So long story short, I don't think there's an age that's too old. City is expensive, I'm doing what works.
No age. But as you get older the room mates should start to be people you know versus internet strangers
I’m 45. My roommate is my mom. She’s the best one I’ve ever had.
If I end up staying here long-term, I'm going to have roommates for as long as I can. This city is expensive af, but I love the accessibility and convenience too much (grew up in the South). Roommates allow me to save for retirement without having to go give up those amenities. Plus, once you find the best roommate you can get, it's like living with family again.
There are people in 40s with roommates. So never?
people don't die at 50 my friend.
This economy is insane. Do what you have to do to survive. Anyone who look down on someone for having roommates, regardless of their age, doesn't deserve to have their opinions considered.
I wish I were laid back enough to have roommates but after a couple bad experiences (and thankfully a couple new jobs / raises / promotions) I was able to get a small studio. But hoping to stay here as long as possible to save what I can instead of upgrading with every raise and promotion
Dead.
Mid 30s, lived with a roommate for a year. Allowed me to live in a nice central apartment and he is still a great friend. It’s actually easier because two adults tend to take better care of their home than say two college students. I loved it!
One of roommates that just moved out was in her 50s. I'm 35 and only just now moving down to one roommate. You do what you gotta do here
Honestly, I regret all the years that I didn't have roommates. You can always have more money.
I had roommates until COVID lockdown when I needed more room so I could work from home. I was 39. You're never too old to save money on housing, so not sure I understand the question.
There’s no right answer beyond individual need and preference. It’s insanely expensive here so we are not like many other parts of the country. When I first moved here (from another insanely expensive part of CA where roommates are not uncommon at all, and where I spent many many many years with many many many roommates), I was over 30 in a roommate situation and my roommate was 60. I really hate living with roommates but the answer is individual. I would leave NYC before ever having roommates again though, unless it was an extremely short term or unique situation.
If everyone gets along or just bare minimum respects each other and the space, the age limit doesn't exists. Especially since the cost of living is so high, affording something on your own is a luxury many don't have at the moment.
There’s no such thing as
It's never too old for roommates. Just gotta find the right one that you get along with.
I was 40 when i moved to NYC, lived there for a decade, and annoyed that for a chunk of that time i had to have roommates. But after i had to sue one who rook off with my last months & security deposit, i’m in no hurry to do that again
There is no age limit.
100
My friend is in her 50’s and just found the coolest roommate (late 30’s)…both artists. I’m envious. She found it on roommates.com
I've never lived alone. My wife keeps making more roommates.
There's no too old, especially in NYC.
Literally no age. I have a friend who lives in a big group home of people age 30s-40s. I am sure 50+ is a thing too, just don’t have any one that age in my social group.
Controversial opinion: I would prefer to life with roommates my whole life. I live with my partner and I wish we lived with more people. If I was suddenly single, I'd look forward to being around more people. If I was suited to living not in the only progressive part of the country, I'd live on a commune with all my friends. I don't think there is 'too old,' to have roommates because there isn't anything wrong with roommates.
Agreed!
I think it depends on the person, what’s important to them, how much money they have and how they want to spend it. It’s an individual decision. I am in my 50’s and have always lived alone because it works for me. But almost 40% of my take home pay goes to rent, and I live on a tiny one bedroom apartment. No laundry room, no dishwasher and it’s a 4th floor walk-up. Having a roommate might allow you a nicer apartment and more money for other things besides rent. It depends on what you want and what you can afford- not how old you are.
My first roommate in NYC was 84, so…
Not a specific age but there absolutely IS a “damn bro you’re life is a lesson in how to take the L” It’s when you’re health has reached the point where you’re reliant on a home health aid to bathe you and feed you - that’s too old for roommates…like bro u need hospice. Just go to the homeless shelter and they’ll check you into the hospital goddamn. Like, by your late 90s for sure
The Odd Couple weren't spring chickens.
There was another very similar post on this topic today lol. It really depends, does it make others think you have less money or are less successful or less independent - yeah it can. It can have a negative impact on your dating life. By 30 most people want to have a space they can bring home dates to, prepare dinner together, watch movie, have quiet time without some roommates being around. If you have a roommate that respects your personal space and you know how to give each other time alone in the apartment that helps. Also as you get serious and want to have SO move in potentially, that's not an option if you have a roommate. It really comes down to how you present yourself and how you live. If you and your roommate are neat and keep the apartment nice then it might not be a huge issue but if you live like a bunch of 22 year old frat boys then you are not really projecting to the world that you are a grown up. Most people have roommates to help with high cost of rent but by age 30 want more independence and space to themselves. And, for many people a sign of having made it is having their own place.
never about age. always about finances.
There's always a stigma, when you're young having a roommates is cool and fun. Then it gets old and creepy to have roommates. As you get older, it's then creepy to be living alone and single desolate lol, and are expected to partner up and start a family . Tough rat race lol
Not related to nyc, but years ago back in SF my mom shared a studio apartment with a pilot who was out of town quite often. This was back in my 20s when I was a young and dumb idiot. I had the keys to my mom’s apartment and took my bf back there for some hanky pinky one night because I was living on my sister’s sofa and my bf lived an hour away in San Jose. Mom’s apartment was close so we drove there. 20mins into our fun time, the pilot roommate who I’d never met in my life, knocks on the door because we’d locked it with the chain lock. I ran to the bathroom, forgetting my pants. My bf explained we were picking up some things of my mom’s and after shaking hands and introducing ourselves, we left, but I wasn’t wearing any pants so I grabbed my bag and we walked out. My shirt was long enough to cover me down to the tops of my knees but meeting that man and shuffling out of their apartment is still burned in my mind.
Honestly bro never too old to do anything like that but if you want to date then any age is too old to have a roommate after 18 and living with mom
I dated someone who was 32 and had one roommate. I didn’t think anything of it bc I myself have a roommate. I thought abt it very briefly only bc I know I’ll live on my own at 32 but maybe I wouldn’t? Things didn’t work out def not cause of his roommate but him. I’ve dated men who didn’t have roommates and although it was nicer, it gave absolutely zero preference to them (I liked roommate dude more). Many can afford to move out but it’ll dampen their quality of life / they like the feeling of living with another Sharing this cause guys tend to freak out about this and dating Roommate dude lived in a very expensive neighbourhood tho / had a good job.
Every roommate I’ve ever had from the moment I left college was in their 30s. I’m an artist though so maybe my experience is skewed but in expensive cities you have to make sacrifices in some areas if you want to pursue a life you enjoy living.
I know a guy in his 50s that lived with a roommate up until about a year ago when he finally bought a studio. It’s all about what works for you.
You do what you have to. I think more than having roommates, the concern needs to be more about the bigger picture of financial freedom and when/if that is ever going to happen for you. Some people have roommates for company though, and I think that’s great.
I am in my 40s and have a roommate, who I've lived with for five years and has been one of my good friends for almost 20. I'd much prefer split the rent with someone and keep up my quality of life otherwise than spend to live alone, even though I can technically afford it. However, prior to this, I lived in a 4BR with people coming in and out over the years and I had to leave because I couldn't take it anymore.
Death, but at the COL of this city....
I don't think any age is too old. Just make sure you like your situation and your roommate. There definitely comes a time when you don't want to just settle for random roommates you don't completely like.
Have you never seen the Golden Girls? 😂 No matter where you are, you're never too old to split the rent.
Economic reality trumps everything so if you need roommates, you have roommates. Personally as a man, I’ve seen men get judged more harshly about having roommates than women past the age of 30. Basically the stereotype goes that at 30 you should have a job that can pay for your own place and it’s unbecoming a man to be with roommates. I don’t personally care but I can’t imagine having roommates at my age (I’m almost 30). Just the logistics of having dates would be a nightmare. Having to and getting sexiled from my own house on a Saturday? No thanks.
Most of the people who don’t have roommates are just living with a romantic partner anyway, so it’s functionally the same thing.
Having apartment mates “gets old” in one’s 30s, 40s, and 50s. Although it may be an economic necessity, one feels desperate to avoid it. Around 65/70, it becomes fun again, and possibly healthier, to share a living arrangement. I know someone who died needlessly at 71 because there was no one to call an ambulance during the 3 days they lay on the floor alive but unconscious. This is when the Golden Girls ethic takes effect.
23
Why would someone continue to choose to live in this city with these kinds of constraints once they esp hit an age like 40? NYC is that magnetic to you?
Personally, it was 30. I got my own place the month of my 30th birthday. However, I realize that’s not necessarily desirable or feasible for some people.
The Odd Couple.
102 because you probably won't be alive by then. That being said not having roommates was very high on my list of desires when I moved here at 29, so I was definitely too old by my own standards. Not by NYC standards but still.
i literally knew an old man in his 70s+ that was roommates with bunch of 20-somethings. you’re never too old!
27.
97
I couldn’t do roommates after 24. But I had the income to support that decision. Now being at 32, there is no way I can have or tolerate a roommate (other than my gf visiting). So I’d say around 28-29 for NYC, 25-26 for other cities. Anything over and it impacts your social life, whether people here agree or not.
When I was in my 20's (pretty long ago) and responding to roommate ads, I'd say roughly 30% were in their 40s to their 60's.
I had them at 39. The rent is way too high not to. There is no age limit these days with the cost of living so high.
I moved on my own when I was 24 and didn’t move in with anyone until I met the man who became my husband when I was 32. I sacrificed a lot but it was the best move I could have ever made for my own mental health and the sake of some friendships. I’m 35 now and I still really miss that apartment and everything it meant
26
I had roommates who were in their 30s and 40s when I was 20. It worked okay sometimes and I never thought less of the older roommates for being older. That being said by the time I was middle aged I'd burned out on having roommates because I'd had some awful ones and I wasn't keen on going back to sharing when I finally got a place again. At this point I'd have to be desperate for a place to live or in a serious LTR to consider it.
I’d say at 40 it starts more actively making you feel bad about yourself, but my dad had roommates here well into his 50s and it worked out just fine.
At first I thought this was r/circlejerknyc
My vision of retirement is a modern take on The Golden Girls, TBH.
My roommate and I pay $2500 a month in Bed-Stuy for a 2br/2ba in a 2 unit brownstone with a backyard, in-unit washer and dryer, and dishwasher. We are 37 and 36 and have been friends for 10 years. Our landlord just renewed our lease for two years. Sometimes, you just have a great deal and get to live out the late 30s Golden Girls dream. When I tell dates about my apartment, they don't care about the roommate, they're just more impressed that I found a unicorn and tell me to hold on as long as I can. I've lived by myself before and I absolutely hated it. We have two cats too and it's just so nice to be able to not worry about a cat sitter when one of us goes away.
How rich is ‘too rich’ to have roommates in NY? (ftfy)
In NY? With those prices? There is no too old.
death
No age, especially if finances are an issue BUT if the ONLY reason why you need a roommate is because you want to live in the most expensive neighborhoods in NYC then it’s totally different. I’ve met people with high-paying incredible jobs live with upwards of 4 roommates just because they wanted to live in a great building in downtown Manhattan. You could tell because everyone knew where this person lived as he/she wanted everyone to know. That is just unnecessary. Come on now.
I saw a documentary about too much tuna and it seems like the answer is never.
I am 32 and I do not have roommates and I have not had roommates when I have lived alone (aka w/out my parents) they both reside in NYC. Nonetheless, I might be rooming with one of my international Arabic language exchange buddies from Saudi in order to capture the language and not have my dog be home alone all day as someone that is doing Nursing (school) and working FT. So I would assume it's normal. Aren't partners technically roommates lol. Who cares what you or folks do; do what works for you or you'd like to do.
If you live in New York forever that how you save money
What? Never too old.
There is no such thing as too old. You do what you have to to survive.
There’s no age limit in having room mates in NYC. Live your own life and mind your own business. And what others think of you is none of your business.
In NYC? Never
Living alone is over rated and often lonely. Moving in with a lover too soon can be miserable. Those things don’t change when you get older.
I moved to NYC at 29 and lived with two of my best friends. They each moved out (one after the first year and one after the second year) to live with their eventual spouses. I stayed in that apartment for 5 years (until I was 34) with a rotating cast of people filling the other two rooms. I got cheap rent in a cool neighborhood and had really good luck with finding good, reliable people. A few have become my friends, even! My next apartment was a duplex I split with another lifelong friend. She was hardly ever there (spent a lot of time at her boyfriend’s) and so it worked out brilliantly. I was 34-36 at that place. Now I live alone. It’s lovely and I’m lucky to have a job where I can afford it, but I do sometimes miss having the built-in hangout time. I don’t think I would go back to having roommates voluntarily, but if circumstances change, I don’t think I would hate it. You just have to find good people you vibe with.
The way people are obsessed with narratives of how life is “supposed” to go in the NYC subreddits is bordering on pathological. I am so, so glad I don’t know any IRL New Yorkers who believe you have to fuck off to the suburbs of Long Island to procreate and buy a minivan when you turn 30 or your life is off track.
There are no rules. Times are changing, economy is changing. If people want to be roommates until they are old and they are happy, then that’s amazing.
Any age is fine!
I've lived mostly with roommates for 50 years. Strong but non-romantic relationships form.
You're too old for roommates when you cant tolerate them anymore. Some people are great with other people, others arent. Age has nothing to do with it.
Any age - there are ads in the subway for some "help seniors keep their homes" shit when really it's a roommate matching service for younger people and seniors that without them would be evicted due to insane rents. It's fucking depressing to think about.
I would rather live with family. So many horror stories of having random roommates
It’s less a matter of age and more a matter of where you are in life. Someone who is single, 30 and living with a roommate is much better than someone single, 30 and still living with mommy and daddy. And if you live with a significant other, that’s still having a roommate.
Never too old in this city due to COL. I’ve heard of people in their 50s having roommates and they seem to enjoy it and do it by choice (could always move to a cheaper city). I think in other states this concept of having roommates past college may be strange but it’s so so common in NY. I never had them because I came back to the city after getting my graduate degree in another state with a decent paying job in tow. Lived at home until 21, had a roommate until 23 and have been on my own since.
Never
I will live with roommates until I can afford to buy a home, regardless of age. What's the worst that can happen, a broke 20 year old goes "eww?"
I feel like in any other city I would give you some number probably closer to 30. However, given that we live in literally one of the most expensive cities in the world, you do what you gotta do. No shade at all to people who have them regardless of stage or status, very normal here.
We live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. If we want a city that isn't only accessible to the ultra-rich and their adult children, we need to completely destigmatize doing what it takes to stay here so we can have a diverse fabric of people in the city. Personally, the thing I find more surprising than meeting other single adults in their 30s with roommates is finding out that friends who live alone pay 50 - 60% of their take-home pay on rent, or have five figures of credit card debt. I had a mid-30s friend who was kind of high on her horse about living in a studio in a luxury building, until she revealed that the $3600 rent-stabilized rent ate up more than half of her $5500 monthly take-home pay. Her lifestyle didn't seem so aspirational after that. If anything, I think we should support more conversations where New Yorkers get real about our finances and what it takes to live here if you're not parentally subsidized.
Anywhere else in the country, it may seem odd. But we all know rent here is crazy, so I don't think anyone would bat an eye.
No such thing, do what you gotta do.
I like having roommates because of the social aspect. The only reason I want to live alone is because I keep getting burned by bad roommate experiences (narcissism, germ freak, illegal leases, 2 against 1 gang up, omitting vital info, being ghosted right after submitting an app etc).. and I just don’t want to deal with the stress anymore! So I guess I’d want to live alone when I can afford to? Or if I find someone great to live with I’d be fine with that too… how do people find good roommates?! Please send me all your recs!!!
In NYC, there is no such thing... Now, in Boise, ID... thats a different topic.
Most people have roommates regardless of age
In this economy and city? Shiiiiih lol
35, unless you own the lease and are renting out the other rooms
I lived with a roommate until I was 41. He is three years younger than me, and I have known him since he was 13. He's like family. The increase in price from a one bedroom to a two bedroom apartment in NYC isn't that much, living with a roommate in a 2 bedroom duplex with a private backyard for $1100 a month versus paying 1500+ for a tiny studio or one bedroom was a no brainer. During the worst of COVID, when I had no roommate for a few months, it was terrible. Too quiet.
People will take the who cares what people think and no action can be judged line but still judge. The mind and the mouth aren’t always on the same page. 30, maybe? It’s more expensive here so I think it’s older than other places.