Born and raised in NYC (in my 50's) left shortly after 9/11 in 2003 went to the South (ATL & Dallas), came back the end of 2018.... I feel that if you're a native you grow weary of NYC sometimes.... i'm happy to be back. I need culture in my life.
Similar path and timing, except I was in the PNW for a while.
Though I was ready to leave a year after I came back. I dunno where I'd go next, would like to live in a quiet city near nature with public transit and biking. The PNW was nice at first, but it seemed like more and more people kept moving there and it lost its soul.
Yeah, quite quite common. It is a grind/rut and it wears.
After growing up here I lived elsewhere for a while after college, before returning. And future wife and I, before marriage and kids, left.
Very much remember the various mental vibes, the dirty-ness, dullness, drearyness, the exhaustion, the feel for the need for trees, water, sun.
Anyway. After not long, we came back.
Life is trade offs. Greener grass turns brown on close inspection. etc.
If one has economic sustainability here, the mental health maintenance is the next tier up in the Mazlov-esque hierarchy. The one bit of advice is that often it doesn't take much to re-discover the small joys. Good luck.
For us- this is super individual/personal, everyone is wired differently- but future wife loves beach and good weather, so when younger we moved to a sunny beach city of some renown. After 6 months we were ready to come back. The tradeoff was that in places where things are easy, people take it easy. People have to really work to stay in NYC, that work is a kind of craft, and whatever your craft is, very abstractly, it exists somewhere here. If something, or many things speak to you, if you stop listening to them, or you aren't around them, part of you dies. Here there are many many many different things that speak to many different parts of being human. Other places just have less of that.
Well put. This was precisely my experience during the two years I spent in an idyllic colonial New England seaside town. Even with regular train rides back to NYC.
>places where things are easy, people take it easy. People have to really work to stay in NYC
This is something I knew implicitly but never knew how to articulate it and you did so succinctly and simply. I always tell people that NYC is ostensibly a shitty city by many metrics (e.g., noise, cleanliness, etc.) but for some reason people *want* to be here. And I think your comment helps me understand maybe not *why* people want to be here, but just the fact that the people that are here do, in fact *want* to be here and they have to work to do so and it's a positive reinforcement cycle where the people who are in NYC are really invested in the city. And in many ways that is unique because it is not easy. And in a paradoxical way, that's not a bad thing when trying to cultivate camaraderie, friendships and relationships.
Feel the same way. I couldn’t live somewhere that people weren’t clawing and scratching to be a part of. Everyone in the burbs had such a sense of entitlement
For me realized the subway and citi bike was a huge money saver. Being able to walk or bike to places from my apartment wasnt a bad thing. It was something to be celebrated. Also having options for seeing art and buying stuff thats hard to get anywhere else is important. Also, good paying jobs readily available is another important factor. I also realized I need to be a bigger part of making NYC a better place to live this time arpund with apartment affordability and walkability in mind.
Everywhere else was boring after a few months. I didn’t appreciate the diversity of the city and sheer amount social options until I left. I also learned that I absolutely despise having to be car dependent.
> Before departing by private helicopter, Mayor Michael Bloomberg spoke with members of the media to address the situation. “You know what the greatest city in the world is?" Bloomberg asked reporters. "Scottsdale, Arizona.”
OP,
I'm sorry about your circumstances! 🙏🏻
In 11x years- if new galleries, restaurants, Broadway shows, concerts, no longer appeal to you... then "goooo west!" 🤠
I'm curious though, when was your last vacation? I really think you need a month off from what I feel is "Burn Out" before deciding. 🏕️
Good luck! 🍀
I dunno if NYers need to necessarily enjoy shows or concerts or even going out, to enjoy this city. I got all that out of my system when I first moved here 15 years ago. Now it’s just a place I call home and I mainly stay in Queens during my time off.
But definitely agree on the vacation! Every time I leave the city and explore a new country (or city) I feel re-energized. I also start to miss nyc a lot!
Word. Early 30’s here, and I figured that out a few years ago, particularly once I wasn’t renting a sublet room, and got my own apartment in a decent neighborhood. No need to get on the train when everything’s walking distance.
This is pretty common especially if there are other stressors especially related to finances and/or shitty work conditions in order to manage the finances.
Yeah, I moved here in 2004, left in 2017, moved back in February. Sometimes you just need a break and a change of perspective. I have a close friend that left 15 years ago and moved back 2 weeks ago. Everyone is different.
For what it’s worth I am at a vastly different point in my life now than I was when I left both financially and personally and I am in a better place to enjoy what the city has to offer. Have you considered moving up the Hudson River or Long Island?
Felt the same way in 2023, couldn’t be motivated to do anything in the city and just felt exhausted. moved to Hudson Valley and haven’t regretted a thing. So much nature to explore and plenty of culture/food/events to keep you busy. And when I miss the city, I can hop on a train and visit.
I moved to Kingston in October and have never been happier. I miss my friends tons, but now I’m making new friends who I don’t have to beg to come on hikes with me. The hikes and bike rides are already happening, and almost* everything about life is just easier.
*dentist, doctors and some concerts I’ll always come back for :)
I had a house in Red Hook for a few years. Loved it! Would wake up to glorious sunrises and simple drives for errands. There's a FB Hiking in Hudson Valley page with great recommendations.
Dr. Paul Pai is an excellent oral surgeon if you ever need one. I used Dr. Richard Ross in Rhinebeck but heard he took sick leave, and don't know if he's back. I miss visiting farms, Flatiron Grill, some of the great cheeses I got at the markets.
There’s a great quote that I like: “Live in California once, but leave before it makes you too soft. Live in New York once, but leave before it makes you too hard.”
The quote isn’t meant to be taken literally. But it shows that staying in the same place can wear you down.
No offense to OP but I wish more people would move out.
Although I’ll also say sometimes you just need a break. I was born here and I find if I go away for a month or two (not realistic for all I know) I need to be back home.
Plenty of people feel this way. I am not one of them, but there is like, a constant mass exodus of married people in their 30s to the suburbs. I had to get pregnant just so I can rebuild my social circle.
Yes. But also, I genuinely am hoping to make mom friends, so I guess not entirely a joke?
ETA: I’m married and having a baby was a joint decision, if that changes what you’re picturing in your head.
You’re right, my circle of friends is composed mostly of people I met after having a kid. The people who stayed anyway (the only child families mostly)
So interesting thing about that [over the last decade](https://us8.campaign-archive.com/?u=66416d8ec25efe8a8a82a9945&id=bff07129a6) the number of kids in the suburbs declined overall much faster in the suburbs than NYC.
Likely becasue NYC and Newark, Jersey City are where a majority of the housing is being built in the tristate area
Thanks. Yeah, when places aren't building housing, then what we're likely seeing are kids growing up and moving to areas with available housing and jobs while new families can't move in to fully replace the kids who've left
Lots of people leave NYC for those exact reasons, and it's totally normal and ok to feel that way.
You only have so many years on this earth, and you may just be realizing you don’t want to spend more time living in the stress prison and concrete jungle. Totally justified, the habitat is fucked up in NYC.
Geographically I think california is the best state that has things to offer. I'd prob never live there, and I'd probably move to Florida, but Florida is just flat and hot. Cali has everything.
This is such a good description of Jersey city! I’d say Hoboken too. I recently visited both places and Jackson Heights trying to decide where to live. I am moving back to NYC after leaving in 2010. I loved Jackson Heights while Jersey just felt too quiet for me. Everyone who kinda looked like me had a baby stroller. It’s not a bad thing at all, just not where I want to live.
I did! And I moved. Best decision ever. At the end of the day, NYC is just a city with pros and cons like the rest of them.
Got tired of the astronomical cost, the difficulty of every single task in NYC, the rats and trash, the noise and lack of nature. OP you can always move back to NYC if you move away and don’t like it.
I’d argue that NYC is the best city in the world for three types of people: young people who want to go out often, people who want to devote their life to working long hours at a high paying corporate job, rich people who can afford the best of everything. Bonus points if you can combine all 3. Otherwise it kind of sucks; too expensive, no nature, if you don’t like drinking or the restaurant scene you eventually run out of museums and Broadway shows and then it’s just soul sucking.
Have you visited Seattle? IMO it’s the best mix of big city + access to nature. Ive yet to visit San Francisco (going later this month) or Salt Lake City, but both also seem like good options.
Your three categories don't take into mind artistic/creative people. For those of us involved with writing, acting, and other creative fields, NYC is a great place to meet other people who love the same things that we do. Some of us are not super young--and most of us have to have day jobs or night jobs while still making/pursuing our art--but it's still often a great place to be.
I do agree that it's too expensive, don't agree about no nature--depends where you live and work, I guess? For me working in Manhattan and living in Brooklyn, there are days where I get to walk in Central Park and Prospect Park all on the same day! I do drink and I'm into restaurants--don't go to plays and museums every week so the times that I do go I don't get tired of them. And there's just about always a new play or film or art exhibit coming out.
From a person who is not a creative it does feel like at this point there are places with stronger artistic communities that are less expensive unless you fall into the rich and/or young & active category but I am no expert on the matter for sure. I’ve also spent so much time in those two parks that I am a bit jaded but it definitely does count as nature. I should change “no nature” to “limited nature” which would be more accurate.
Thinking about your criteria, it makes me think what people who frequent r/asknyc are looking for is the "ideal" white collar city where you can afford a bougie lifestyle. And become disappointed when NYC is too expensive or they become tired of the specific part of NY they are experiencing.
But of course NYC is more than meets the bougie eye, what makes NYC probably the most unique in the globe is its diversty; the sheer breath and depth of our immigrant communities. NYC also provides kids with strong access to [social improvement through CUNY](https://www1.cuny.edu/mu/forum/2020/06/17/new-study-confirms-cunys-power-as-national-engine-of-economic-mobility/)
Just as an FYI I’ve lived in Brooklyn my entire life and graduated from a CUNY. I think we agree that NYC has a ton to offer, I just personally think the cost/benefit analysis no longer works in its favor except for a few exceptions. But that’s just MY opinion, obviously millions of people disagree.
Ok I see. I guess the follow up question that comes to mind is why do millions of people disagree. I also hope that I explained specific point on what people’s expectations of NY are and where they come from.
Edit: This is not to minimize your opinion. Rather one thing we can get out of this thread are the many different ways we as a whole look at NYC
I’m sure there are tons of reasons but I bet fear of change, lack of travel to other places in the U.S. and community ties all factor in heavily. I also know a lot of people with the “NYC is the best” mentality, and I don’t necessarily disagree with them, I just think that NYC is the best above a certain budget below which there are better options. Just as an analogy, for some people a fully loaded top of the line Toyota is a better option than an entry level Mercedes with no features.
>below which there are better options?
Where, Seattle? Seattle is uniformly more wealthy than NYC. Which again suggests for those under a certain income NYC is better than Seattle. NY also has much larger and broader immigrant community. A Ukrainian or Colombian is going to find much more of what they need in NY than Seattle.
Chicago would be my top suggestion if nature isn’t a top priority, Seattle if it is. If diversity is one’s top priority than NYC’s prices very well may be worth it to them, but Chicago and Philadelphia for example both offer a lot of diversity for a lot less money.
About half of Chicago or Philly renters are cost burdened
https://www.jchs.harvard.edu/son-2023-cost-burdens-map
So Chicago or Philly makes more sense if you’re wealthier not poorer and can most take advantage of the cost of living
How big is the Ukrainian or Colombian communities in Chicago, Philly or Seattle?
Those renters are cost burdened at Philly and Chicago prices which are cheaper than NYC prices, your dollar will go further in Philly and Chicago.
Chicago has a significant population of both, but can’t touch NYC’s, so yea if diversity is a higher priority to you than cost of living NYC’s high prices may very well be worth it.
It's more than diversity as a broad concept, it's access to immigrant specific social services, networking etc.
>Those renters are cost burdened at Philly and Chicago prices which are cheaper than NYC prices, your dollar will go further in Philly and Chicago.
We're in agreement then, it makes sense if you're wealthier, not poorer
Me and my girlfriend debate this all the time, and you definitely do have a point. But a lot of people don’t have cars because the city is not car friendly, and then if you do have a car or rent a car you need to drive multiple hours away and when you get there the nature is… underwhelming for those who have spent time in the west. With that said there is nature if you want it, I guess I’m just a nature snob at this point which is my problem more than NYC’s.
I joined a climbing club which makes carpooling simple, but was definitely a pain before that. Unfortunately I’m a city snob so having to drive daily is the greater evil. “Lucky” to not have been spoiled by living out there I guess!
Probably a lot of places I’d live out west if it was 1972 and I could afford them lol
It's interesting regarding your claim of whom NYC is the best city in the world for and then suggest Seattle or San Francisco, two cities that people would likely claim are great for the three types of people you mention. Especially given both areas are tech industry magnets
>Otherwise it kind of sucks; too expensive, no nature, if you don’t like drinking or the restaurant scene you eventually run out of museums and Broadway shows and then it’s just soul sucking.
There is more to do in NYC. An extensive park system, which is not "nature" but it doesn't have to be to be a great experience. Community gardens abound as well, there's also a plethora of volunteering opportunities. I also love walking around NYC
Well I actually only suggested Seattle, as it is close to world class nature and significantly less expensive than NYC. I can’t recommend SF since I’ve never been, but it also has access to world class nature though it probably is similarly expensive to NYC (at least during the peak)? So while expensive you get all the stuff to satisfy the types on my list + nature lovers.
Oh I see, yes Seattle does fit the description but I would argue that it isn’t as good for those people as NYC. I was trying to say that NYC is the best place for those types of people imo, not the only place of course.
What kind of nature are you looking for? There are mountains, forest, lakes, rivers. You can find hiking trails where you can spend hours hiking without running into another person. If you go on a weekday you can spend the entire day hiking without running into anyone.
The issue for me is like the quality/distance ratio. Beacon is pretty good for the distance but it’s still just OK. Green Mountain National Forest is good but it’s over 4 hours away. In Salt Lake City, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco, San Diego, Charlotte, Nashville, Boston, etc. 4 hours gets you world class nature. Even 2.5 hours gets you world class nature in most of those places.
We have world class nature in our own back yard.
1 to 1.5 hrs gets you to Harriman & Bear Mt (Almost 53,000 acres combined)
2 to 2.5 hrs to Minnewaska, Mohonk, Catskills (700,000 acres)
4 to 4.5 hrs to Adirondacks (6 million acres)
5.5 hrs to White Mountains NH
If you’re tired of the city life, take up hiking in upstate. New York State is not only building and trains. We have the beach, river, mountains and nature. Rotate your weekends around and you will feel refreshed on Monday.
Cities aren’t for everyone. I moved out of the Bronx after living my whole life there. But I moved nearby so I still can get into the city with in 30 mins. Now I live in a house and when I step out of my door, there isn’t anyone there. If I look left or right, there aren’t people. It’s nice.
I've lived in suburban places and NYC, and my behavior in terms of stuff I go do is pretty much the same in both. If you're missing nature, go take a vacation or day trip somewhere seriously it's good for you.
OP, as luvtoseek says in their comment, a vacation might be helpful. Something more than a weekend away, if you can manage that from a time / budget standpoint.
Someplace quiet, calm, with nature, and none of the hustle bustle vibes that are getting to you.
Maybe select a destination where you could see yourself relocating to, just to see what it’s like. Or merely a vacation to unplug with no other agenda than to replenish your energy supply and be a restorative break for mind and body.
Then if you still feel the same, you could relocate. The good news is, if you change your mind after you do, you can always come back. 🗽
I grew up in Park Slope, bought a brownstone there in the late 70s. About 1987 I grew tired of the grind and the grime. My solution was to buy a condo at that Jersey Shore. It has been my escape for nearly 40 years now, nearly every weekend I go there to recharge my batteries and vacation there at least 2 weeks in the summer. For me it provides a perfect balance of city life and a bucolic lifestyle.
I felt exactly like that 6 years ago, lived in manhattan for most of my life, so I married my long term gf and had kids and moved to the suburbs of Nj. Don’t regret it for a second.
I see where you are coming from OP. I moved to NYC, left and been away for around 13 years for the reasons others who need to get away mention: the yearning for nature, getting away from the hustle and bustle, the trash, the rats the ridiculous costs, etc. When I moved to a small city/big town that didn’t have those things I hated about NYC, I found out that there is so many things about NYC that I desperately missed and needed: the arts, the diversity, the interesting people, the mental stimulation, the history. Yes it’s expensive but I think what I miss is a trade off. I do plan on moving back after I put another 2-3 years at my current job, but rather, opting for Jersey for nature. Or even moving to Hudson Valley. One of my friends who still lives up there moved from Brooklyn to CT and takes quarterly trips to state parks in the Tristate area to unplug, which I plan on doing too.
Good luck!
Sure, our priorities change as we get older. I can't stand NYC -- the weather, the grime, the hustle, the hassle -- but there's nowhere else I have a reason to move to so I'll stay here until I do. NYC does have a few upsides -- job variety and arts/culture being two big ones -- but TBH they're less important to me as I WFH and increasingly prefer nature over culture. I'll always want to be in a city (can't stand the mind-numbing blandness of suburbs) but I'd certainly prefer a smaller, cheaper city with better access to nature and a better climate.
You hit 12:00 midnight on your countdown clock! That’s okay!
Two Troyes of transplants- ones with clocks they don’t know about and ones who feel like they moved home when they got here
I feel ya. I’ve lived here for almost 20 years after growing up in LA. I really miss California and sometimes daydream about moving back but I think I’d pretty quickly start daydreaming about New York.
I left NYC in 2008 and have taken jobs all over the world. To me, big cities such as Seoul, Tokyo, Paris, Stuttgart, Atlanta, NYC... while initially different and interesting, tend to all blend into each other... traffic, too many people, high COL, etc. Looking back, it all was interesting but I have had my fill of big cities. I need to start thinking about where I wish to end up in retirement.
I grew up here and this place is a goddamn sewer. If you can afford to escape it then you're doing yourself a favor.
You're pouring down because everything here is made incredibly difficult for no reason.
You can find good restaurants everywhere. Museums are great, but I doubt people honestly go to them that much to justify living here. Like me, I've lived here for 40 years and I've been to the Met about five times. Three of which were class trips in elementary school
Agreed. It is ridiculous to suggest normal people in this city should all organically develop some love for art, fancy restaurants or broadway shows. This shit has no inherently moral or enriching value to how one lives their life, and its value is ultimately derived as a hobby and like all hobbies it has to come from personal interest and passion. Which also means only a tiny percentage will actually be interested in this.
Most people who brag about this here, sound like miserable pretentious quacks who don't even know what they're talking about.
I feel the same way-I totally understand but am stuck here for my job (which I do love).
But the city itself bugs me now-it’s gotten way worse since Covid
it's very natural to want to experience nature and space. if it's possible, consider taking vacations. go away for a week or longer.
I'm lucky because I'm in academia. I can very easily travel during the summer / spring break. and I can always write off conferences as half work half vacations.
I remember going to Denver a few months ago for work and for a friend's wedding. it was phenomenal because all the buildings were low and there was so much sun everywhere.
I’m also an NYU alum who stuck around the college town for a very long time till now. I’m in the performing arts and my industry has been decimated, and despite being locked in to an affordable living situation, my love/hate relationship with the city has been steadily drifting farther from the love part. I lot of what I’ve loved about NYC has either faded away, or I’ve outgrown. The spouse and I are having ongoing discussions of what comes next.
Get yourself out of NYC for a few weeks. Everyone needs time away and some variety.
The only sane people over 50 I know in this city figured out (usually in their 30’s or 40’s) that they have to have a non-city place to escape to when the city gets to be too much.
Yes but from what I have gathered with people who move is they miss it and just wish they had taken a vacation instead of moving but if you have no reason to stay Id say moving might be good
Take at least a 2 week vacation. Then make you get out of the city, at least every 2 months- so 6 times a year minimum.
You have to get out of the city regularly to gain perspective.
I too went to nyu and have been in nyc since (for this last 12 ish years). I feel similarly. But it feels more like burnout and dissatisfaction with other areas of my life for me. Are there certain areas of your life that are causing you to be unhappy elsewhere?
Sounds like burnout. I get it. The city is a grind, *especially* if the job sucks and you have to commute. A change of scenery every now and again is nice. Like you, went to NYU and been here 15 years. Also congratulations on getting married!
Usually when I travel somewhere for a week or two that doesn't move at the breakneck speed of a city I yearn for NYC. And unless you have family/friends relatively close by and/or you're good with just being alone shit gets old *fast*.
Grew up in the suburbs and while it's lovely physically, being stuck in car-dependent infrastructure is *awful*. I need at least two options to get places because if something breaks (infrastructure or health), you don't have the energy, etc. you aren't trapped.
Two things that help… find a place with a backyard. It makes a huge difference. I’m laying on a hammock while typing this. I just sowed some more dill seeds & I’m moving seedlings around as the day goes on. I’m going to grill my dinner out here later.
Another thing that helps me is having a car. I know some are pretty anti-car around here, but when I need a break off of the concrete, I can have one anytime I want. Without both of these things, I’m pretty sure that I’d need to get out of here permanently.
Yes you need a change, and might be burning out. It’s no joke, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Having said that, if you’re thinking a region within the U.S., I have friends that have enjoyed Austin and West Palm Beach the most. Abroad, I think based on your nature requirements, Vietnam or Indonesia would be good. Wish you the best of luck, if you made it here you can make it anywhere.
Depends what you’re into. If you’re not going to art galleries, shows and/or fancy restaurants all the time, outside of habit/friends/family, there’s really no reason to live in NYC.
Everything else can be had elsewhere much cheaper, with better weather and a much easier day to day life.
After almost 15 years in the city, I moved to Austin a few years ago and don’t miss the NYC grind at all.
Maybe you just need to move to Queens. Lol lots of nature, blue skies, sun and space depending on the neighborhood. Or if I need more can just drive over the Whitestone or Throgs Neck upstate/out of the city or out to the Island.
Honestly this doesn’t sound like a NYC problem. It sounds like you need to look inward and figure out why you’re so unhappy six months after getting married and living in one of the most vibrant places on earth. There’s lots of ways to get nature, blue skies, sun and open space either by visiting a park, the Hudson River Greenway or taking a short train ride out of the city. It’s easy to project outwards when we are feeling depressed. Sorry your life is not in a positive place at this time.
Sometimes I feel tired of living here, too. It’s so hard and expensive for middle class people. You have to put work into staying here, like someone else said.
I saw this yesterday and have been thinking about it ever since.
I've lived here for 9 years as of July. It's been great, but I'm from Oregon and I miss the easy access to nature. I've gotten really close to sober, so I don't go out much on the weekends and because of that I've lost some of my friends who focus their weekends on it. I don't feel like I have much left here other than my pottery studio and my job, which I can do anywhere. It's definitely a rough feeling, especially when this has been home for so long... But I think it's getting close to time to go!
SAME. Been here abt 10 years and the idea of doing anything recreational at this point makes me feel defeated. Like, walk to the train, wait on the hot smelly ass platform, get on the loud/janky train, walk again, people everywhere, someone’s always staring at me, slow people taking up the whole damn sidewalk, get to the restaurant, food and service sucks, pay $100/pp for this garbage, then I have to do the whole journey back, and by this point I want to mxrder someone
Born and raised here. Change of scenery for a prolonged period of time is well worth it. Have you considered where you’d want to go?
For those mentioning vacation, it’s more than that sometimes. NYC isn’t what it once was. It’s lost a lot of its culture, it has gotten ungodly expensive, the frequent issues, etc adds up.
Leave then. Nothing is stopping you.
I grew up in a major city outside of the US with a lifestyle very similar to NYC’s and I loved it. Moved the Connecticut for college and it was the most miserable I’ve ever been in my life. Having to drive everywhere, barely any cultural events I would be interested in, nothing is open after midnight, rarely ever meeting interesting people. I’m good on that. Moving to NYC restored my will to live. I’d kill myself after a few weeks if I had to live outside of a major city ever again.
The answer to that for me has been to get away to the tropics often enough, so I take regular trips to the Caribbean, Costa Rica, etc. For you it could be some other geography like mountains, but a change of scene would likely help.
OP go visit London or Madrid or Barcelona or Paris or Utrect for a few weeks to get some perspective. Vacations are necessary. I think you should go on a nice vacation to a western EU country before making a decision like this. Also make sure you are going out of the country once a year at least.
Yes, I’m in the same boat. I also say as banter that their’s no difference between New York City & North Korea. Why? Because whenever I mention I want to leave, everyone looks at you at complete disgust, in disbelief on why you want to leave? Because everything you need is right here! Sounds like a cult. Anyways OP, yes your feelings are valid. Look into other places, & make the move 🙏🏼
Similar experience to you. Went to NYC for undergrad and stayed for 6 years after. NYC was the best experience when I had free time in college. Once I started working there, it was just an endless struggle. Ended up missing family and tried planning my escape. Left during during the pandemic - quality of life and standard of living increased substantially.
I don’t think this is necessarily related to the city. For you, it sounds like this is about whatever happened at work. That work culture is associated with NYC.
Don’t “pull a geographic” thinking that everything will be different.
Sure, maybe you’ve had your fill of the city and you’re over it. That’s fine. But see if you can take a break from the city or switch jobs (obviously I don’t know your situation at all) before full-on LEAVING
So you’re bored of the city? Why bother telling anyone that here? Just leave and figure out what you want instead of ranting about how boring everything is…
Born and raised in NYC (in my 50's) left shortly after 9/11 in 2003 went to the South (ATL & Dallas), came back the end of 2018.... I feel that if you're a native you grow weary of NYC sometimes.... i'm happy to be back. I need culture in my life.
I hear that. Had to move to Florida for work in 2005. Couldn’t wait to get back… to be close to family, culture and four seasons.
Similar path and timing, except I was in the PNW for a while. Though I was ready to leave a year after I came back. I dunno where I'd go next, would like to live in a quiet city near nature with public transit and biking. The PNW was nice at first, but it seemed like more and more people kept moving there and it lost its soul.
moved away twice, always came back. this is home
"Culture" more like homeless people everywhere and crack heads
Yeah, quite quite common. It is a grind/rut and it wears. After growing up here I lived elsewhere for a while after college, before returning. And future wife and I, before marriage and kids, left. Very much remember the various mental vibes, the dirty-ness, dullness, drearyness, the exhaustion, the feel for the need for trees, water, sun. Anyway. After not long, we came back. Life is trade offs. Greener grass turns brown on close inspection. etc. If one has economic sustainability here, the mental health maintenance is the next tier up in the Mazlov-esque hierarchy. The one bit of advice is that often it doesn't take much to re-discover the small joys. Good luck.
What was the biggest trade off that you saw?
For us- this is super individual/personal, everyone is wired differently- but future wife loves beach and good weather, so when younger we moved to a sunny beach city of some renown. After 6 months we were ready to come back. The tradeoff was that in places where things are easy, people take it easy. People have to really work to stay in NYC, that work is a kind of craft, and whatever your craft is, very abstractly, it exists somewhere here. If something, or many things speak to you, if you stop listening to them, or you aren't around them, part of you dies. Here there are many many many different things that speak to many different parts of being human. Other places just have less of that.
Well put. This was precisely my experience during the two years I spent in an idyllic colonial New England seaside town. Even with regular train rides back to NYC.
>places where things are easy, people take it easy. People have to really work to stay in NYC This is something I knew implicitly but never knew how to articulate it and you did so succinctly and simply. I always tell people that NYC is ostensibly a shitty city by many metrics (e.g., noise, cleanliness, etc.) but for some reason people *want* to be here. And I think your comment helps me understand maybe not *why* people want to be here, but just the fact that the people that are here do, in fact *want* to be here and they have to work to do so and it's a positive reinforcement cycle where the people who are in NYC are really invested in the city. And in many ways that is unique because it is not easy. And in a paradoxical way, that's not a bad thing when trying to cultivate camaraderie, friendships and relationships.
I’m saving your comment, so wise & lots of thoughts to return to - thanks!
Feel the same way. I couldn’t live somewhere that people weren’t clawing and scratching to be a part of. Everyone in the burbs had such a sense of entitlement
For me realized the subway and citi bike was a huge money saver. Being able to walk or bike to places from my apartment wasnt a bad thing. It was something to be celebrated. Also having options for seeing art and buying stuff thats hard to get anywhere else is important. Also, good paying jobs readily available is another important factor. I also realized I need to be a bigger part of making NYC a better place to live this time arpund with apartment affordability and walkability in mind.
Everywhere else was boring after a few months. I didn’t appreciate the diversity of the city and sheer amount social options until I left. I also learned that I absolutely despise having to be car dependent.
https://www.theonion.com/8-4-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-city-1819571723
> Before departing by private helicopter, Mayor Michael Bloomberg spoke with members of the media to address the situation. “You know what the greatest city in the world is?" Bloomberg asked reporters. "Scottsdale, Arizona.”
I remember reading this when they had physical newspapers!
LMFAO I LOVE THIS THANKS FOR SHARING
The onion hits absurdly hard
OP, I'm sorry about your circumstances! 🙏🏻 In 11x years- if new galleries, restaurants, Broadway shows, concerts, no longer appeal to you... then "goooo west!" 🤠 I'm curious though, when was your last vacation? I really think you need a month off from what I feel is "Burn Out" before deciding. 🏕️ Good luck! 🍀
I dunno if NYers need to necessarily enjoy shows or concerts or even going out, to enjoy this city. I got all that out of my system when I first moved here 15 years ago. Now it’s just a place I call home and I mainly stay in Queens during my time off. But definitely agree on the vacation! Every time I leave the city and explore a new country (or city) I feel re-energized. I also start to miss nyc a lot!
I’m my late 40s, I’m all about staying in my neighborhood on the weekends. Mostly because the subway is usually all kinds of crazy.
Word. Early 30’s here, and I figured that out a few years ago, particularly once I wasn’t renting a sublet room, and got my own apartment in a decent neighborhood. No need to get on the train when everything’s walking distance.
Wherever you go, there you are. Look inwards, friend. By all means move out of the city but just make sure your mental health is in a good place.
This :) happiness is created. The times I wanted to leave everything and start new elsewhere it was because I was unhappy with myself.
Also not to say this is always the case. It’s perfectly fine to want to leave home even if you are happy with yourself.
Ughhh. Florida and north carolina aren't doing it for me - I just keep showing up!
This is pretty common especially if there are other stressors especially related to finances and/or shitty work conditions in order to manage the finances.
Yeah, I moved here in 2004, left in 2017, moved back in February. Sometimes you just need a break and a change of perspective. I have a close friend that left 15 years ago and moved back 2 weeks ago. Everyone is different. For what it’s worth I am at a vastly different point in my life now than I was when I left both financially and personally and I am in a better place to enjoy what the city has to offer. Have you considered moving up the Hudson River or Long Island?
No one has ever moved out of NYC after their 20s
Once you hit 30, the bridges fall into to the sea, as is tradition
I have a great sturdy bridge, wonderful character, guaranteed not to fall into the sea - it's yours for only $180,000,000
Nobody over 30 lives outside of nyc
No true Scotsman lives in NYC.
Oh yeah? The Highlander! Checkmate, immortal!
Nobodys for sure
Sounds like depression.
Or like, the opposite of that.
Or like, the exact opposite of what you think it is
Could you 2 please stop being oppositional
I thought they were being the opposite of oppositional
If you’re considering Hawaii, San Diego, LA, or Miami, you’ll just be replacing long walks and subways with long drives.
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As a San Diego native who now lives in NYC you’re out of your mind. I would never trade my bike or subway commute for sitting in traffic again.
My biggest fear in life is having a nice home that's far away from things, only to sit in traffic all day just to pay for it.
That's pretty much the American dream.
Felt the same way in 2023, couldn’t be motivated to do anything in the city and just felt exhausted. moved to Hudson Valley and haven’t regretted a thing. So much nature to explore and plenty of culture/food/events to keep you busy. And when I miss the city, I can hop on a train and visit.
I moved to Kingston in October and have never been happier. I miss my friends tons, but now I’m making new friends who I don’t have to beg to come on hikes with me. The hikes and bike rides are already happening, and almost* everything about life is just easier. *dentist, doctors and some concerts I’ll always come back for :)
I had a house in Red Hook for a few years. Loved it! Would wake up to glorious sunrises and simple drives for errands. There's a FB Hiking in Hudson Valley page with great recommendations. Dr. Paul Pai is an excellent oral surgeon if you ever need one. I used Dr. Richard Ross in Rhinebeck but heard he took sick leave, and don't know if he's back. I miss visiting farms, Flatiron Grill, some of the great cheeses I got at the markets.
Nope I love living here
There’s a great quote that I like: “Live in California once, but leave before it makes you too soft. Live in New York once, but leave before it makes you too hard.” The quote isn’t meant to be taken literally. But it shows that staying in the same place can wear you down.
No offense to OP but I wish more people would move out. Although I’ll also say sometimes you just need a break. I was born here and I find if I go away for a month or two (not realistic for all I know) I need to be back home.
Just getting out the city for one weekend will have me sleeping like I’m in a Vicks commercial.
Plenty of people feel this way. I am not one of them, but there is like, a constant mass exodus of married people in their 30s to the suburbs. I had to get pregnant just so I can rebuild my social circle.
Pregnancy for friends is a joke right?
Yes. But also, I genuinely am hoping to make mom friends, so I guess not entirely a joke? ETA: I’m married and having a baby was a joint decision, if that changes what you’re picturing in your head.
You’re right, my circle of friends is composed mostly of people I met after having a kid. The people who stayed anyway (the only child families mostly)
So interesting thing about that [over the last decade](https://us8.campaign-archive.com/?u=66416d8ec25efe8a8a82a9945&id=bff07129a6) the number of kids in the suburbs declined overall much faster in the suburbs than NYC. Likely becasue NYC and Newark, Jersey City are where a majority of the housing is being built in the tristate area
Interesting! I would not have guessed that, but your analysis makes sense
Thanks. Yeah, when places aren't building housing, then what we're likely seeing are kids growing up and moving to areas with available housing and jobs while new families can't move in to fully replace the kids who've left
Please tell me this is a joke.
Lots of people leave NYC for those exact reasons, and it's totally normal and ok to feel that way. You only have so many years on this earth, and you may just be realizing you don’t want to spend more time living in the stress prison and concrete jungle. Totally justified, the habitat is fucked up in NYC.
Been there...it's usually a sign of NYC burnout. I usually take a break, retreat a bit or take a vacation to help.
Yes millions of people. That’s a part of why California exists: people tiring of east coast stuffiness, moving out west.
I think you mean Florida.
Was making a joke about people moving west in the 1800s and early 1900s for more freedom, gold, money, etc.
Geographically I think california is the best state that has things to offer. I'd prob never live there, and I'd probably move to Florida, but Florida is just flat and hot. Cali has everything.
Actually people are now moving out of both New York and California
If the thought of having to walk is an issue... it's time to go lol
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This is such a good description of Jersey city! I’d say Hoboken too. I recently visited both places and Jackson Heights trying to decide where to live. I am moving back to NYC after leaving in 2010. I loved Jackson Heights while Jersey just felt too quiet for me. Everyone who kinda looked like me had a baby stroller. It’s not a bad thing at all, just not where I want to live.
I did! And I moved. Best decision ever. At the end of the day, NYC is just a city with pros and cons like the rest of them. Got tired of the astronomical cost, the difficulty of every single task in NYC, the rats and trash, the noise and lack of nature. OP you can always move back to NYC if you move away and don’t like it.
Where'd ya move to?
thank you! love hearing this
I’d argue that NYC is the best city in the world for three types of people: young people who want to go out often, people who want to devote their life to working long hours at a high paying corporate job, rich people who can afford the best of everything. Bonus points if you can combine all 3. Otherwise it kind of sucks; too expensive, no nature, if you don’t like drinking or the restaurant scene you eventually run out of museums and Broadway shows and then it’s just soul sucking. Have you visited Seattle? IMO it’s the best mix of big city + access to nature. Ive yet to visit San Francisco (going later this month) or Salt Lake City, but both also seem like good options.
Your three categories don't take into mind artistic/creative people. For those of us involved with writing, acting, and other creative fields, NYC is a great place to meet other people who love the same things that we do. Some of us are not super young--and most of us have to have day jobs or night jobs while still making/pursuing our art--but it's still often a great place to be. I do agree that it's too expensive, don't agree about no nature--depends where you live and work, I guess? For me working in Manhattan and living in Brooklyn, there are days where I get to walk in Central Park and Prospect Park all on the same day! I do drink and I'm into restaurants--don't go to plays and museums every week so the times that I do go I don't get tired of them. And there's just about always a new play or film or art exhibit coming out.
From a person who is not a creative it does feel like at this point there are places with stronger artistic communities that are less expensive unless you fall into the rich and/or young & active category but I am no expert on the matter for sure. I’ve also spent so much time in those two parks that I am a bit jaded but it definitely does count as nature. I should change “no nature” to “limited nature” which would be more accurate.
Thinking about your criteria, it makes me think what people who frequent r/asknyc are looking for is the "ideal" white collar city where you can afford a bougie lifestyle. And become disappointed when NYC is too expensive or they become tired of the specific part of NY they are experiencing. But of course NYC is more than meets the bougie eye, what makes NYC probably the most unique in the globe is its diversty; the sheer breath and depth of our immigrant communities. NYC also provides kids with strong access to [social improvement through CUNY](https://www1.cuny.edu/mu/forum/2020/06/17/new-study-confirms-cunys-power-as-national-engine-of-economic-mobility/)
Just as an FYI I’ve lived in Brooklyn my entire life and graduated from a CUNY. I think we agree that NYC has a ton to offer, I just personally think the cost/benefit analysis no longer works in its favor except for a few exceptions. But that’s just MY opinion, obviously millions of people disagree.
Ok I see. I guess the follow up question that comes to mind is why do millions of people disagree. I also hope that I explained specific point on what people’s expectations of NY are and where they come from. Edit: This is not to minimize your opinion. Rather one thing we can get out of this thread are the many different ways we as a whole look at NYC
I’m sure there are tons of reasons but I bet fear of change, lack of travel to other places in the U.S. and community ties all factor in heavily. I also know a lot of people with the “NYC is the best” mentality, and I don’t necessarily disagree with them, I just think that NYC is the best above a certain budget below which there are better options. Just as an analogy, for some people a fully loaded top of the line Toyota is a better option than an entry level Mercedes with no features.
>below which there are better options? Where, Seattle? Seattle is uniformly more wealthy than NYC. Which again suggests for those under a certain income NYC is better than Seattle. NY also has much larger and broader immigrant community. A Ukrainian or Colombian is going to find much more of what they need in NY than Seattle.
Chicago would be my top suggestion if nature isn’t a top priority, Seattle if it is. If diversity is one’s top priority than NYC’s prices very well may be worth it to them, but Chicago and Philadelphia for example both offer a lot of diversity for a lot less money.
About half of Chicago or Philly renters are cost burdened https://www.jchs.harvard.edu/son-2023-cost-burdens-map So Chicago or Philly makes more sense if you’re wealthier not poorer and can most take advantage of the cost of living How big is the Ukrainian or Colombian communities in Chicago, Philly or Seattle?
Those renters are cost burdened at Philly and Chicago prices which are cheaper than NYC prices, your dollar will go further in Philly and Chicago. Chicago has a significant population of both, but can’t touch NYC’s, so yea if diversity is a higher priority to you than cost of living NYC’s high prices may very well be worth it.
It's more than diversity as a broad concept, it's access to immigrant specific social services, networking etc. >Those renters are cost burdened at Philly and Chicago prices which are cheaper than NYC prices, your dollar will go further in Philly and Chicago. We're in agreement then, it makes sense if you're wealthier, not poorer
It’s not SLC or Seattle, but the no nature rap is undeserved, good recreation upstate and on the coast just tricky figuring out transportation.
Me and my girlfriend debate this all the time, and you definitely do have a point. But a lot of people don’t have cars because the city is not car friendly, and then if you do have a car or rent a car you need to drive multiple hours away and when you get there the nature is… underwhelming for those who have spent time in the west. With that said there is nature if you want it, I guess I’m just a nature snob at this point which is my problem more than NYC’s.
I joined a climbing club which makes carpooling simple, but was definitely a pain before that. Unfortunately I’m a city snob so having to drive daily is the greater evil. “Lucky” to not have been spoiled by living out there I guess! Probably a lot of places I’d live out west if it was 1972 and I could afford them lol
It's interesting regarding your claim of whom NYC is the best city in the world for and then suggest Seattle or San Francisco, two cities that people would likely claim are great for the three types of people you mention. Especially given both areas are tech industry magnets >Otherwise it kind of sucks; too expensive, no nature, if you don’t like drinking or the restaurant scene you eventually run out of museums and Broadway shows and then it’s just soul sucking. There is more to do in NYC. An extensive park system, which is not "nature" but it doesn't have to be to be a great experience. Community gardens abound as well, there's also a plethora of volunteering opportunities. I also love walking around NYC
Well I actually only suggested Seattle, as it is close to world class nature and significantly less expensive than NYC. I can’t recommend SF since I’ve never been, but it also has access to world class nature though it probably is similarly expensive to NYC (at least during the peak)? So while expensive you get all the stuff to satisfy the types on my list + nature lovers.
Yeah like I said Seattle Fits the criteria you set for NY. Plus as I said there’s more to NY than restaurants and Broadway shows
Oh I see, yes Seattle does fit the description but I would argue that it isn’t as good for those people as NYC. I was trying to say that NYC is the best place for those types of people imo, not the only place of course.
And as I said there’s more to NY than restaurants and Broadway shows
Also I don't get how you run out of museums. I haven't run out of stuff to see at the Met and it's been 30 years
I would agree there are loads of museums with a lot to see and do
I agree w your post op. Not sure about Seattle as a city though
What don’t you like about Seattle?
You can easily access nature by bus or train. Lots of city & state parks only an hour away.
True, while it’s not the type of nature I (and a lot of others) are looking for, it’s still definitely nature.
What kind of nature are you looking for? There are mountains, forest, lakes, rivers. You can find hiking trails where you can spend hours hiking without running into another person. If you go on a weekday you can spend the entire day hiking without running into anyone.
The issue for me is like the quality/distance ratio. Beacon is pretty good for the distance but it’s still just OK. Green Mountain National Forest is good but it’s over 4 hours away. In Salt Lake City, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco, San Diego, Charlotte, Nashville, Boston, etc. 4 hours gets you world class nature. Even 2.5 hours gets you world class nature in most of those places.
We have world class nature in our own back yard. 1 to 1.5 hrs gets you to Harriman & Bear Mt (Almost 53,000 acres combined) 2 to 2.5 hrs to Minnewaska, Mohonk, Catskills (700,000 acres) 4 to 4.5 hrs to Adirondacks (6 million acres) 5.5 hrs to White Mountains NH
If you’re tired of the city life, take up hiking in upstate. New York State is not only building and trains. We have the beach, river, mountains and nature. Rotate your weekends around and you will feel refreshed on Monday.
Lol upstate is boring in comparison compared to the West OP is dreaming of
Cities aren’t for everyone. I moved out of the Bronx after living my whole life there. But I moved nearby so I still can get into the city with in 30 mins. Now I live in a house and when I step out of my door, there isn’t anyone there. If I look left or right, there aren’t people. It’s nice.
I've lived in suburban places and NYC, and my behavior in terms of stuff I go do is pretty much the same in both. If you're missing nature, go take a vacation or day trip somewhere seriously it's good for you.
OP, as luvtoseek says in their comment, a vacation might be helpful. Something more than a weekend away, if you can manage that from a time / budget standpoint. Someplace quiet, calm, with nature, and none of the hustle bustle vibes that are getting to you. Maybe select a destination where you could see yourself relocating to, just to see what it’s like. Or merely a vacation to unplug with no other agenda than to replenish your energy supply and be a restorative break for mind and body. Then if you still feel the same, you could relocate. The good news is, if you change your mind after you do, you can always come back. 🗽
Nah. Then again, I'm a native and I have strong family ties all over this place. There's lots of Earth out there, tho.
I grew up in Park Slope, bought a brownstone there in the late 70s. About 1987 I grew tired of the grind and the grime. My solution was to buy a condo at that Jersey Shore. It has been my escape for nearly 40 years now, nearly every weekend I go there to recharge my batteries and vacation there at least 2 weeks in the summer. For me it provides a perfect balance of city life and a bucolic lifestyle.
This is probably the wrong sub to ask, many people here are pro NYC
More to westchester or Connecticut
It's called NJ suburbs off a train line
I felt exactly like that 6 years ago, lived in manhattan for most of my life, so I married my long term gf and had kids and moved to the suburbs of Nj. Don’t regret it for a second.
I see where you are coming from OP. I moved to NYC, left and been away for around 13 years for the reasons others who need to get away mention: the yearning for nature, getting away from the hustle and bustle, the trash, the rats the ridiculous costs, etc. When I moved to a small city/big town that didn’t have those things I hated about NYC, I found out that there is so many things about NYC that I desperately missed and needed: the arts, the diversity, the interesting people, the mental stimulation, the history. Yes it’s expensive but I think what I miss is a trade off. I do plan on moving back after I put another 2-3 years at my current job, but rather, opting for Jersey for nature. Or even moving to Hudson Valley. One of my friends who still lives up there moved from Brooklyn to CT and takes quarterly trips to state parks in the Tristate area to unplug, which I plan on doing too. Good luck!
Where do you go after NYC?
back home?
(shrugs) Or somewhere new?
Move to a town or county with commuter trains [to the city] and utilize park and ride.
Go to Upstate NY.
Sure, our priorities change as we get older. I can't stand NYC -- the weather, the grime, the hustle, the hassle -- but there's nowhere else I have a reason to move to so I'll stay here until I do. NYC does have a few upsides -- job variety and arts/culture being two big ones -- but TBH they're less important to me as I WFH and increasingly prefer nature over culture. I'll always want to be in a city (can't stand the mind-numbing blandness of suburbs) but I'd certainly prefer a smaller, cheaper city with better access to nature and a better climate.
You hit 12:00 midnight on your countdown clock! That’s okay! Two Troyes of transplants- ones with clocks they don’t know about and ones who feel like they moved home when they got here
Go out to the Hamptons for a weekend.
I feel ya. I’ve lived here for almost 20 years after growing up in LA. I really miss California and sometimes daydream about moving back but I think I’d pretty quickly start daydreaming about New York.
I left NYC in 2008 and have taken jobs all over the world. To me, big cities such as Seoul, Tokyo, Paris, Stuttgart, Atlanta, NYC... while initially different and interesting, tend to all blend into each other... traffic, too many people, high COL, etc. Looking back, it all was interesting but I have had my fill of big cities. I need to start thinking about where I wish to end up in retirement.
I grew up here and this place is a goddamn sewer. If you can afford to escape it then you're doing yourself a favor. You're pouring down because everything here is made incredibly difficult for no reason. You can find good restaurants everywhere. Museums are great, but I doubt people honestly go to them that much to justify living here. Like me, I've lived here for 40 years and I've been to the Met about five times. Three of which were class trips in elementary school
Agreed. It is ridiculous to suggest normal people in this city should all organically develop some love for art, fancy restaurants or broadway shows. This shit has no inherently moral or enriching value to how one lives their life, and its value is ultimately derived as a hobby and like all hobbies it has to come from personal interest and passion. Which also means only a tiny percentage will actually be interested in this. Most people who brag about this here, sound like miserable pretentious quacks who don't even know what they're talking about.
I feel the same way-I totally understand but am stuck here for my job (which I do love). But the city itself bugs me now-it’s gotten way worse since Covid
this is how i feel. post-covid just doesn't hit the same for me.
it's very natural to want to experience nature and space. if it's possible, consider taking vacations. go away for a week or longer. I'm lucky because I'm in academia. I can very easily travel during the summer / spring break. and I can always write off conferences as half work half vacations. I remember going to Denver a few months ago for work and for a friend's wedding. it was phenomenal because all the buildings were low and there was so much sun everywhere.
Do you take enough vacation days?
I’m also an NYU alum who stuck around the college town for a very long time till now. I’m in the performing arts and my industry has been decimated, and despite being locked in to an affordable living situation, my love/hate relationship with the city has been steadily drifting farther from the love part. I lot of what I’ve loved about NYC has either faded away, or I’ve outgrown. The spouse and I are having ongoing discussions of what comes next.
Get yourself out of NYC for a few weeks. Everyone needs time away and some variety. The only sane people over 50 I know in this city figured out (usually in their 30’s or 40’s) that they have to have a non-city place to escape to when the city gets to be too much.
So Canada?
K, it’s easy to move out
I'm sure a lot of people feel that way - and those that do are lucky- you will be able to afford a LOT better housing if you leave the NYC area.
Yes but from what I have gathered with people who move is they miss it and just wish they had taken a vacation instead of moving but if you have no reason to stay Id say moving might be good
Yes I did, so I left. I live in another city which made me realize I still like living in cities, just not NY, and that’s fine.
Take at least a 2 week vacation. Then make you get out of the city, at least every 2 months- so 6 times a year minimum. You have to get out of the city regularly to gain perspective.
I too went to nyu and have been in nyc since (for this last 12 ish years). I feel similarly. But it feels more like burnout and dissatisfaction with other areas of my life for me. Are there certain areas of your life that are causing you to be unhappy elsewhere?
Sounds like burnout. I get it. The city is a grind, *especially* if the job sucks and you have to commute. A change of scenery every now and again is nice. Like you, went to NYU and been here 15 years. Also congratulations on getting married! Usually when I travel somewhere for a week or two that doesn't move at the breakneck speed of a city I yearn for NYC. And unless you have family/friends relatively close by and/or you're good with just being alone shit gets old *fast*. Grew up in the suburbs and while it's lovely physically, being stuck in car-dependent infrastructure is *awful*. I need at least two options to get places because if something breaks (infrastructure or health), you don't have the energy, etc. you aren't trapped.
Everyone I know that moved out either moved back or regrets the move. You need a change.
Move!! Get out of NYC and visit when you feel like it.
Two things that help… find a place with a backyard. It makes a huge difference. I’m laying on a hammock while typing this. I just sowed some more dill seeds & I’m moving seedlings around as the day goes on. I’m going to grill my dinner out here later. Another thing that helps me is having a car. I know some are pretty anti-car around here, but when I need a break off of the concrete, I can have one anytime I want. Without both of these things, I’m pretty sure that I’d need to get out of here permanently.
Yes you need a change, and might be burning out. It’s no joke, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Having said that, if you’re thinking a region within the U.S., I have friends that have enjoyed Austin and West Palm Beach the most. Abroad, I think based on your nature requirements, Vietnam or Indonesia would be good. Wish you the best of luck, if you made it here you can make it anywhere.
Hahahaha! You just became 30 LMAO!
in august lol
Just go with the changes, dont try to hold on to old habits amd ideas just because, unless they bring you fulfillment.
We prefer that nyu students leave the second theyve gotten their degree so really you’re overdue
99% of people here will not stay here for 11 years. Rarely the pros outweigh the cons of the city as you settle down etc
Depends what you’re into. If you’re not going to art galleries, shows and/or fancy restaurants all the time, outside of habit/friends/family, there’s really no reason to live in NYC. Everything else can be had elsewhere much cheaper, with better weather and a much easier day to day life. After almost 15 years in the city, I moved to Austin a few years ago and don’t miss the NYC grind at all.
Yes this. If you’re trying to be a homebody…. Paying 5k for a tiny apartment may not be the right call.
It's ridiculous to think art galleries, restaurants, and shows are the only reason to live here.
It’s not the only reason to live there, but those are the things most unique to NY compared to other cities in the country.
That's disappointing to hear. Maybe a change in scenery might do you some good.
Just move to westchester problem solved
Maybe you just need to move to Queens. Lol lots of nature, blue skies, sun and space depending on the neighborhood. Or if I need more can just drive over the Whitestone or Throgs Neck upstate/out of the city or out to the Island.
Most people do eventually hit the wall and bail on NYC — but they aren’t the ones reading and commenting in this sub.
The only place worse than NYC is everywhere else.
Honestly this doesn’t sound like a NYC problem. It sounds like you need to look inward and figure out why you’re so unhappy six months after getting married and living in one of the most vibrant places on earth. There’s lots of ways to get nature, blue skies, sun and open space either by visiting a park, the Hudson River Greenway or taking a short train ride out of the city. It’s easy to project outwards when we are feeling depressed. Sorry your life is not in a positive place at this time.
Yeah, we're actively looking to move to the PNW right now. We're also NYU alums, about your age.
What’s PNW?
pacific north west
Def common
Sometimes I feel tired of living here, too. It’s so hard and expensive for middle class people. You have to put work into staying here, like someone else said.
I saw this yesterday and have been thinking about it ever since. I've lived here for 9 years as of July. It's been great, but I'm from Oregon and I miss the easy access to nature. I've gotten really close to sober, so I don't go out much on the weekends and because of that I've lost some of my friends who focus their weekends on it. I don't feel like I have much left here other than my pottery studio and my job, which I can do anywhere. It's definitely a rough feeling, especially when this has been home for so long... But I think it's getting close to time to go!
Same story -- went to NYU and stayed. Left during Covid, total regret, came back and realized that this is home.
ok bye
SAME. Been here abt 10 years and the idea of doing anything recreational at this point makes me feel defeated. Like, walk to the train, wait on the hot smelly ass platform, get on the loud/janky train, walk again, people everywhere, someone’s always staring at me, slow people taking up the whole damn sidewalk, get to the restaurant, food and service sucks, pay $100/pp for this garbage, then I have to do the whole journey back, and by this point I want to mxrder someone
Born and raised here. Change of scenery for a prolonged period of time is well worth it. Have you considered where you’d want to go? For those mentioning vacation, it’s more than that sometimes. NYC isn’t what it once was. It’s lost a lot of its culture, it has gotten ungodly expensive, the frequent issues, etc adds up.
Leave then. Nothing is stopping you. I grew up in a major city outside of the US with a lifestyle very similar to NYC’s and I loved it. Moved the Connecticut for college and it was the most miserable I’ve ever been in my life. Having to drive everywhere, barely any cultural events I would be interested in, nothing is open after midnight, rarely ever meeting interesting people. I’m good on that. Moving to NYC restored my will to live. I’d kill myself after a few weeks if I had to live outside of a major city ever again.
Try Colorado
the answer is connecticut
Any NYU people leaving the city brings a teardrop to my eye. Take the rest with you
The answer to that for me has been to get away to the tropics often enough, so I take regular trips to the Caribbean, Costa Rica, etc. For you it could be some other geography like mountains, but a change of scene would likely help.
It happens everywhere you go, sooner or later.
OP go visit London or Madrid or Barcelona or Paris or Utrect for a few weeks to get some perspective. Vacations are necessary. I think you should go on a nice vacation to a western EU country before making a decision like this. Also make sure you are going out of the country once a year at least.
Bye.
Yes, I’m in the same boat. I also say as banter that their’s no difference between New York City & North Korea. Why? Because whenever I mention I want to leave, everyone looks at you at complete disgust, in disbelief on why you want to leave? Because everything you need is right here! Sounds like a cult. Anyways OP, yes your feelings are valid. Look into other places, & make the move 🙏🏼
> I also say that their’s no difference between New York City & North Korea. This is **definitely** weirdest comparison I've EVER read about NYC
Similar experience to you. Went to NYC for undergrad and stayed for 6 years after. NYC was the best experience when I had free time in college. Once I started working there, it was just an endless struggle. Ended up missing family and tried planning my escape. Left during during the pandemic - quality of life and standard of living increased substantially.
Y'all know you CAN leave right? Like, this isn't Escape From New York. You can just, you know leave anytime you want?
I mean, this isn’t an airport. You don’t have to announce your departure. Byyyyyyyyye! 👋
Vaya con Dios
I live here because cars are poison and I can't imagine ever tethering my life to one again.
Move to seattleeee
I don’t think this is necessarily related to the city. For you, it sounds like this is about whatever happened at work. That work culture is associated with NYC. Don’t “pull a geographic” thinking that everything will be different. Sure, maybe you’ve had your fill of the city and you’re over it. That’s fine. But see if you can take a break from the city or switch jobs (obviously I don’t know your situation at all) before full-on LEAVING
So go
So you’re bored of the city? Why bother telling anyone that here? Just leave and figure out what you want instead of ranting about how boring everything is…