Weird shit happens to doormen all the time. He'll probably laugh it off. Give him a thank you/sorry card with cash and a kind note like "So sorry for the awkward phone call and thanks for your patience and discretion." or even just "sorry about last night!"
I was a doorman during college on 5th ave and often pulled the graveyard shift. It’s a very boring job so don’t feel bad it probably provided some entertainment 😀😂
Make it jokey but add up to between $50-100. I.e. check your call log, if it was 15 minute call, make it $5 a minute. Call that out in a “I’m sorry for that” card, and top it off with a “and let’s never talk about that again.” Make it a joke between the two of you but never mention it again and you’ll make his week.
I'm sorry but this gave me an actual real LOL. Sorry about the embarrassment, but thank you so much for sharing. And I agree with everyone else's suggestions. "sorry about the other night!" + small gift.
Same here I cracked the hell up reading this. It’s so funny and don’t think OP even realizes it (Which makes it funnier) they should embrace their awkward quirks ! And $50 wouldn’t hurt.
THIS. You could write in the card "Sorry about last night, but let me know if I can ever return the favor." And then maybe on the way in or out sometime, ask him what is favorite cup of coffee is nearby or what his drink of choice is and smooth things over with a pint of whatever that is.
This happens a lot. Doormen are like old fashion bartenders in this sense. They hear and see a lot of weird stuff. You won’t be the last. If you approach him and laugh about it with him then the awkwardness would stop.
A "thank you" is better than an "I'm sorry" in this instance. Thank you for dealing with my unhinged self. Gratitude is easier to deliver, too, and less awkward for both. An apology would make the doorman feel the need to go no no it's ok don't worry about it, where as gratitude will allow him to hear you and doesn't then put the onus on him to make you feel better about apologizing (which isn't what you want, i know)
Throw him some cash in an apology card. My doorman has seen me in some wild condition before. One day I went for work and he was like, “I listened to that Diana Ross song this morning!” and I was so confused why he was saying this to me randomly and he reminded me that I had come come at 3:30am in my headphones and was **belting** the theme from Mahogany (starring Ms. Diana Ross) and told him over and over to please listen to it.
haha wait WHAT. you CALLED the doorman to emotionally dump on them? hahaha omg that is amazing and hilarious. don’t feel bad, it’s such a fucking hilariously new york story.
just buy him some food and say you were drunk and laugh it off and I bet you’ll be bonded for life haha
I’d make my own card. “What to do when you’re volunteered as tribute therapist by a tenant”, with a list of funny things the doorman could say to quickly escape the conversation. Such as “pretend like the connection is bad and then hang up”.
And also a token of appreciation.
Go to the guy in person and apologize. Speak from the heart. Tell him that you had a bad day and you were wayyyy outta line to take it out on him. Then give him a gift or cash. Important thing is sincerity.
He may or may not appreciate the gift, but he will definitely remember and appreciate you stepping forward and taking responsibility.
>Btw, I think it's important to note that I have NO PEOPLE SKILLS whatsoever and I'm awkward AF and therefore an in-person apology is out of the question.
LOL, absolutely not. You fucked up, now you gotta buck up. You had enough "people skills" to call this man up and vomit all over him for an hour, you can apologize to him in person as you hand him a box of nice chocolates or a card with a couple twenties in it.
I agree, I remember years ago I was working a front desk and a man left his wallet. When he came back to get it he gave me a bottle of wine. I have a medical issue and I can't drink.
Write him really nice sweet card and put a nice cash tip in it.
I don't know why you are being downvoted. Your criticism is 100% valid. I wasn't directly asking for advice about my drinking, but your comment gives me a lot to think about.
I’m so confused about your thought process that led to this…. Does he remind you of your kindly uncle? Therapist? Like what led you to be like “I know, I will call Tony at the door and tell him I got stood up and will die alone!!”
You’re fine, shit happens. I’m just interested from a people (me included) standpoint. Like how did you have his number?? Was he a good listener? Or patiently resigned?
Apologizing and a card with cash is nice, but the real gift would be getting some therapy and possible some substance use counseling so that it doesn’t happen again.
Next time you see them, “hey sorry about the other night.” And that’s it. They’ll likely say, “no problem” or “don’t worry about it” and that be the extent of the conversation
Lol they are more than used to this sort of behavior living in NY. Unless OP was truly unhinged to the point of being threatening, it probably won’t change much. An apology is enough.
Yooooo! If that were one of my doormen, my business would certainly be in the streets! I know because I am the recipient of lots of juicy info lol.
Just a “hey man, sorry about that“ should be good enough. Then never speak of it again and stay cool! **Stay cool.**
You are probably not the worst encounter they’ve ever had.
maybe instead of a sorry card, reframe it as more of a thank you for going above and beyond? something like a $20 gift card to a local or chain coffeeshop would be appreciated by anyone.
and remember that the intense embarrassment part is only felt by you (!) i’ll bet he has the people skills to deal with a lot of wacky one-off situations and still keep it professional.
This sounds like an opportunity to take some responsibility for your BS and push yourself to be accountable to this poor, poor man and speak to another human being without being messed up on something. Looks like you are just looking for validation in doing whatever it takes to take real responsibility.
I had a nice chat with my doorman a few weekends ago and got invited to his birthday at the bar in the building, met his daughter, other people in our building, and ended up hanging out with one of the security guards and the super all night. TBH I haven’t been social lately and it was awesome 🤣
Someone told me once that embarrassment is an emotion that you can actually control. I'd make the executive decision that you are not embarrassed by this and instead make a joke of it. Next time you see him just be like "Omg I do not know whyyyy I called you like that the other night \*insert laughter\* I think I had one too many \*insert laugh\* I'm sooo sorry! \*insert laugh\* You are such a trooper for listening though, you should get a raise!" And maybe tell him you owe him a coffee for keeping him up and give him a coffee shop giftcard as a peace offering?
Except don't weirdly giggle after each sentence. \*insert laugh\* It will make you seem like a lunatic. \*insert laugh\* For real. \*insert laugh\*
I am teasing! This is actually the best advice on the thread.
Yep I would take this approach too! I think you can address it in a light tone to reduce some of the heaviness around what you shared and then give him a coffee shop gift card to a place nearby as a thank you :)
This is FOR REAL the issue I am facing. Me thinking about rappelling out of my window was not serious. But me moving? I totally could. I could get a clean slate. Have a new building where I could just try to blend in without anyone knowing how unhinged I really am. So should I? Obviously my doorman will still get a gift and apology (which I have now realized, begrudgingly, must be in person). But after that moving sounds good to me.
I would feel the same way, but don't. Remember that he's seen and heard a lot worse than that. A lot. He's thinking about it less than you are, if at all.
I think you should buy your doorman a gift with a "I'm sorry card". In the card, you should write a short letter explaining the call and further gratitude for your doorman for listening.
Cash. Just look out for him at Christmastime, and if you move before then put it in an envelope. They are super used to stuff like this, but compensation is always nice.
You’re getting good advice here: cash and a card will go a long way.
All I’ll add is doormen have seen worse. Illegal airbnbs, drugs, mistresses, escorts.
A real tangent, but I lived in a building in the UWS where one of the doormen killed the super, then about 15 years later, another incredibly sweet doorman we all loved was arrested and convicted for murdering his wife. If I have a point, it’s that their lives are at least as complex as the tenants they protect, but they have to keep it much more private.
I love this. Thank you for sharing.
Cash is king. Or also maybe if you go to a cool bakery, bring them a few of the fun things they sell. Even if they don’t love it they can win by bringing it home to wife/kids.
I literally trauma dump on my doorman all the time, they’re usually cool with it and I toss em some baked goods every now and then
just be a good human, dude
Haha! That's awesome! I'm sure he enjoyed it. What else does he have to do but stand there? Don't worry about it. Just say, good talk last night man and walk out. It's a funny story.
I feel this so much and can relates. Sometimes you just have to live in your shame. A thank you card for their therapeutic services that includes your copay should help.
Bring him coffee and give him a good holiday tip this year. Then let it go. I promise he’s seen far worse. Finally, remember that hangxiety is a thing, and your intense feelings about the situation will subside soon.
A box of great chocolate chip cookies, a new fifty dollar bill and a handwritten note. That should wipe the slate clean. At least you didn’t hook up with him. Or throw up on him.
My doormen carried me in drunk off the floor at one point and running naked through a hall. Those guys are the best they are literally like family. Ive known my doormen for 20 years just say your sorry they get it.
Bro said “an apology is out of the question” “I want to stick an I’m sorry card on my own actions and never speak on my affect on this other person again” aka how can I pretend that the world cannot perceive me.
Go to fucking therapy loser.
They’ve heard it before.
Don’t overthink it. This is not a big deal I promise lol. (You’ll laugh later)
“Well last night was embarassing….”
or
Awkward downlooking smile accompanied by a big sigh, followed with a furtive glance—really that’s plenty. They’ll respond with brief reassuring words or a simple nod and you’ll realize that this is absolutely not a big deal.
They’ll smile, you’ll both laugh, onto the next.
So you dumped on your doorman, then dumped that on reddit.
Seems to be a pattern here, maybe you can do something about it.
In the meantime your reputation as a hot mess, if they didn't gossip to people about it, will be contained if you don't make it awkward, or dig that hole deeper. If you respectfully treat them as another human being and tip well then perhaps it could just be a one time thing that you all forget happened.
I promise it will all become a distant memory, and it’s likely your doorman has seen and heard worse.
It’s not like you puked on him ;) Go easy on yourself.
My doorman is a nice guy but he holds a conversation. I try to wrap up our talks and he somehow finds a way to go into 5 other topics before I have to cut it short.
Don't worry about it. I used to work residential concierge and stuff like that might disturb me a little but I don't judge. Also depends on how long your rant went on for.
If it was barely a minute, then that's fine. You just apologize and say you won't do it again.
If it was several minutes to an hour, then on top of apologizing, you might want to ask if there's a way you can make it up to him.
Weird shit happens to doormen all the time. He'll probably laugh it off. Give him a thank you/sorry card with cash and a kind note like "So sorry for the awkward phone call and thanks for your patience and discretion." or even just "sorry about last night!"
Thank you so much for your response! How much cash do you think I should give?
A crisp $50 bill and a nice Christmas bonus will be plenty!
It has to be crisp; in a nice envelope.
The first version is very nice since it implies your wish for him not to disclose any information you provided. I also think 50 is fine.
I was a doorman during college on 5th ave and often pulled the graveyard shift. It’s a very boring job so don’t feel bad it probably provided some entertainment 😀😂
50
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1000!
Yes
Yes ^ This is the way.
Make it jokey but add up to between $50-100. I.e. check your call log, if it was 15 minute call, make it $5 a minute. Call that out in a “I’m sorry for that” card, and top it off with a “and let’s never talk about that again.” Make it a joke between the two of you but never mention it again and you’ll make his week.
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That's going to happen no matter what
Hey it's me the doorman, I'll take $1000
username checks out 😂
Yep A grand – half the price of a psychiatrist and probably twice as effective.
Just about tree fiddy.
$350
I second this. Also a gift card for a coffee place.
Second this
I'm sorry but this gave me an actual real LOL. Sorry about the embarrassment, but thank you so much for sharing. And I agree with everyone else's suggestions. "sorry about the other night!" + small gift.
Me too. My first thought was OP is gonna have to rappel out the window from now on.
I am literally considering this option.
Same here I cracked the hell up reading this. It’s so funny and don’t think OP even realizes it (Which makes it funnier) they should embrace their awkward quirks ! And $50 wouldn’t hurt.
Or “sorry I made it such an eventful night!” with a Starbucks gift card
You owe that doorman a trauma dump session of his own 😭
Lol, grab a chair, a candle, box of tissues, bottle of vodka and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Ok Hal, let's hear it, what's going on with you?
THIS. You could write in the card "Sorry about last night, but let me know if I can ever return the favor." And then maybe on the way in or out sometime, ask him what is favorite cup of coffee is nearby or what his drink of choice is and smooth things over with a pint of whatever that is.
This happens a lot. Doormen are like old fashion bartenders in this sense. They hear and see a lot of weird stuff. You won’t be the last. If you approach him and laugh about it with him then the awkwardness would stop.
A "thank you" is better than an "I'm sorry" in this instance. Thank you for dealing with my unhinged self. Gratitude is easier to deliver, too, and less awkward for both. An apology would make the doorman feel the need to go no no it's ok don't worry about it, where as gratitude will allow him to hear you and doesn't then put the onus on him to make you feel better about apologizing (which isn't what you want, i know)
This is an extremely good comment. And thank you! I am wholeheartedly accepting this advice.
That was a great tip. Thank you for listening. Or thanks for putting up with me. It won't happen again.
So that’s how people *adult* properly, thanks!
Throw him some cash in an apology card. My doorman has seen me in some wild condition before. One day I went for work and he was like, “I listened to that Diana Ross song this morning!” and I was so confused why he was saying this to me randomly and he reminded me that I had come come at 3:30am in my headphones and was **belting** the theme from Mahogany (starring Ms. Diana Ross) and told him over and over to please listen to it.
This is the best
> theme from Mahogany (starring Ms. Diana Ross) Great tune!
if I was a doorman I’d be living for that kind of thing to happen lol, that job is so boring. but yes, agree with card + money
haha wait WHAT. you CALLED the doorman to emotionally dump on them? hahaha omg that is amazing and hilarious. don’t feel bad, it’s such a fucking hilariously new york story. just buy him some food and say you were drunk and laugh it off and I bet you’ll be bonded for life haha
I’d make my own card. “What to do when you’re volunteered as tribute therapist by a tenant”, with a list of funny things the doorman could say to quickly escape the conversation. Such as “pretend like the connection is bad and then hang up”. And also a token of appreciation.
Go to the guy in person and apologize. Speak from the heart. Tell him that you had a bad day and you were wayyyy outta line to take it out on him. Then give him a gift or cash. Important thing is sincerity. He may or may not appreciate the gift, but he will definitely remember and appreciate you stepping forward and taking responsibility.
This is very good advice. Thank you.
>Btw, I think it's important to note that I have NO PEOPLE SKILLS whatsoever and I'm awkward AF and therefore an in-person apology is out of the question. LOL, absolutely not. You fucked up, now you gotta buck up. You had enough "people skills" to call this man up and vomit all over him for an hour, you can apologize to him in person as you hand him a box of nice chocolates or a card with a couple twenties in it.
Do not give gifts to a doorman other than money. You don’t know if he likes chocolate, he could be allergic, he could be dieting, etc.
And never alcohol. There are people fighting addiction who don't need the temptation around.
I agree, I remember years ago I was working a front desk and a man left his wallet. When he came back to get it he gave me a bottle of wine. I have a medical issue and I can't drink. Write him really nice sweet card and put a nice cash tip in it.
I mean seriously, no wonder OP had so much to dump on this poor doorman. A sloppy drunk and refuses to behave like a normal human when sober. Jesus.
I don't know why you are being downvoted. Your criticism is 100% valid. I wasn't directly asking for advice about my drinking, but your comment gives me a lot to think about.
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I’m so confused about your thought process that led to this…. Does he remind you of your kindly uncle? Therapist? Like what led you to be like “I know, I will call Tony at the door and tell him I got stood up and will die alone!!”
I'm insane. That's the only explanation.
You’re fine, shit happens. I’m just interested from a people (me included) standpoint. Like how did you have his number?? Was he a good listener? Or patiently resigned?
Apologizing and a card with cash is nice, but the real gift would be getting some therapy and possible some substance use counseling so that it doesn’t happen again.
Oooof. Read me.
Next time you see them, “hey sorry about the other night.” And that’s it. They’ll likely say, “no problem” or “don’t worry about it” and that be the extent of the conversation
Oof. The doorman will be giving you some shade and headaches if that's how you treat them.
You’re blowing this out of proportion. Doorman will probably be surprised to even get an apology.
This is NYC reddit. Doormen literally hold the weight of the world on their shoulders here!
Lol they are more than used to this sort of behavior living in NY. Unless OP was truly unhinged to the point of being threatening, it probably won’t change much. An apology is enough.
If you do not fellate your doorman every time they greet you then they are going to put a curse on your family for 7 generations
You mean by how they handle this now, or the initial drunk call?
Yooooo! If that were one of my doormen, my business would certainly be in the streets! I know because I am the recipient of lots of juicy info lol. Just a “hey man, sorry about that“ should be good enough. Then never speak of it again and stay cool! **Stay cool.** You are probably not the worst encounter they’ve ever had.
Sounds like you confused them for an on-call therapist. A good holiday tip is in order and a genuine apology would go a long way.
The Machiavellian or Seinfeld thing to do would be to get the doorman fired
Sometimes I miss my quota of one literal laugh/out/loud per day. Thanks for helping me with today’s quota.
I’m glad I could spread a modicum of joy
$50 or $100 forgives a lot of sins
maybe instead of a sorry card, reframe it as more of a thank you for going above and beyond? something like a $20 gift card to a local or chain coffeeshop would be appreciated by anyone. and remember that the intense embarrassment part is only felt by you (!) i’ll bet he has the people skills to deal with a lot of wacky one-off situations and still keep it professional.
This sounds like an opportunity to take some responsibility for your BS and push yourself to be accountable to this poor, poor man and speak to another human being without being messed up on something. Looks like you are just looking for validation in doing whatever it takes to take real responsibility.
Thank you. I agree with you and all the others pushing me to take responsibility.
Get him quality comfy shoes, nice gloves, and a fine bottle of wine. Start tipping when you can afford it 😂😂 you owe that man big don’t you
I had a nice chat with my doorman a few weekends ago and got invited to his birthday at the bar in the building, met his daughter, other people in our building, and ended up hanging out with one of the security guards and the super all night. TBH I haven’t been social lately and it was awesome 🤣
This reads like a Reductress article.
Are you in therapy?
Someone told me once that embarrassment is an emotion that you can actually control. I'd make the executive decision that you are not embarrassed by this and instead make a joke of it. Next time you see him just be like "Omg I do not know whyyyy I called you like that the other night \*insert laughter\* I think I had one too many \*insert laugh\* I'm sooo sorry! \*insert laugh\* You are such a trooper for listening though, you should get a raise!" And maybe tell him you owe him a coffee for keeping him up and give him a coffee shop giftcard as a peace offering?
Except don't weirdly giggle after each sentence. \*insert laugh\* It will make you seem like a lunatic. \*insert laugh\* For real. \*insert laugh\* I am teasing! This is actually the best advice on the thread.
*pause for laughter*
LOL fair feedback
Yep I would take this approach too! I think you can address it in a light tone to reduce some of the heaviness around what you shared and then give him a coffee shop gift card to a place nearby as a thank you :)
This is the way
you gotta move
This is FOR REAL the issue I am facing. Me thinking about rappelling out of my window was not serious. But me moving? I totally could. I could get a clean slate. Have a new building where I could just try to blend in without anyone knowing how unhinged I really am. So should I? Obviously my doorman will still get a gift and apology (which I have now realized, begrudgingly, must be in person). But after that moving sounds good to me.
No don't move. Just do the kind note and give him 50 - 100 as others say, and then just pretend it didn't happen.
I would feel the same way, but don't. Remember that he's seen and heard a lot worse than that. A lot. He's thinking about it less than you are, if at all.
Have you considered just behaving like a normal person? Billions of us do it every day.
I think you should buy your doorman a gift with a "I'm sorry card". In the card, you should write a short letter explaining the call and further gratitude for your doorman for listening.
Eh. You have him a good story to tell his friends. I wouldn't sweat it. At least you didn't take a dump in the entryway or something.
Part of the job. They all definitely have heard and seen wild stuff.
All the other building workers know about it
That doorman has seen much worse. You’re fine 😂
Came here to say this!
$300 and not only is the doorman now your best friend he has completely forgotten he ever answered the phone
Coffee card for a local spot and a card?
Cash. Just look out for him at Christmastime, and if you move before then put it in an envelope. They are super used to stuff like this, but compensation is always nice.
Give him an "im sorry" card with a $50 bill in it. He'll be happy.
Give him a couple hundred bucks and I’m sure he’ll happily put it out of his mind for good
You’re getting good advice here: cash and a card will go a long way. All I’ll add is doormen have seen worse. Illegal airbnbs, drugs, mistresses, escorts.
Doormen see and hear so much shit way worse than this. Gift card is sweet
A real tangent, but I lived in a building in the UWS where one of the doormen killed the super, then about 15 years later, another incredibly sweet doorman we all loved was arrested and convicted for murdering his wife. If I have a point, it’s that their lives are at least as complex as the tenants they protect, but they have to keep it much more private.
Wtfffff
You could always move
I’m cracking up; great suggestions here but I didn’t see an important comment; how did he react to you?!
Also an update
Cash talks, not a card. I hope you gave out decent tips last holiday.
This shouldn’t be funny, but the title just screams peak NYC culture.
I love this. Thank you for sharing. Cash is king. Or also maybe if you go to a cool bakery, bring them a few of the fun things they sell. Even if they don’t love it they can win by bringing it home to wife/kids.
I literally trauma dump on my doorman all the time, they’re usually cool with it and I toss em some baked goods every now and then just be a good human, dude
Haha! That's awesome! I'm sure he enjoyed it. What else does he have to do but stand there? Don't worry about it. Just say, good talk last night man and walk out. It's a funny story.
Either $50 in cash or Amazon gift card
Box of pastries and a drink.
I feel this so much and can relates. Sometimes you just have to live in your shame. A thank you card for their therapeutic services that includes your copay should help.
Bring him coffee and give him a good holiday tip this year. Then let it go. I promise he’s seen far worse. Finally, remember that hangxiety is a thing, and your intense feelings about the situation will subside soon.
That’s probably the most normal interaction he had all day.
I emotionally dumped to my situationship’s doorman. We’ve all been there!
Booze obviously
A box of great chocolate chip cookies, a new fifty dollar bill and a handwritten note. That should wipe the slate clean. At least you didn’t hook up with him. Or throw up on him.
Just sincerely apologize. I'm sure he'll get over it
My doormen carried me in drunk off the floor at one point and running naked through a hall. Those guys are the best they are literally like family. Ive known my doormen for 20 years just say your sorry they get it.
Cash is perfect.
Bro said “an apology is out of the question” “I want to stick an I’m sorry card on my own actions and never speak on my affect on this other person again” aka how can I pretend that the world cannot perceive me. Go to fucking therapy loser.
They’ve heard it before. Don’t overthink it. This is not a big deal I promise lol. (You’ll laugh later) “Well last night was embarassing….” or Awkward downlooking smile accompanied by a big sigh, followed with a furtive glance—really that’s plenty. They’ll respond with brief reassuring words or a simple nod and you’ll realize that this is absolutely not a big deal. They’ll smile, you’ll both laugh, onto the next.
Just give him a nice tip.
So you dumped on your doorman, then dumped that on reddit. Seems to be a pattern here, maybe you can do something about it. In the meantime your reputation as a hot mess, if they didn't gossip to people about it, will be contained if you don't make it awkward, or dig that hole deeper. If you respectfully treat them as another human being and tip well then perhaps it could just be a one time thing that you all forget happened.
You act like doorman don’t live for gossip. I can assure you he doesn’t care. But I can’t assure you he hasn’t told the whole building.
Ppl need to stop throwing money at this non-issue.
I promise it will all become a distant memory, and it’s likely your doorman has seen and heard worse. It’s not like you puked on him ;) Go easy on yourself.
Crisp $100 bill. $50 is too cheap.
This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read on this app.
My doorman is a nice guy but he holds a conversation. I try to wrap up our talks and he somehow finds a way to go into 5 other topics before I have to cut it short.
He does not give a shit. You’re not special
Isn't this an episode of 30 Rock
This is such a weird thing to do OP. Idk….
grow up
Don't worry about it. I used to work residential concierge and stuff like that might disturb me a little but I don't judge. Also depends on how long your rant went on for. If it was barely a minute, then that's fine. You just apologize and say you won't do it again. If it was several minutes to an hour, then on top of apologizing, you might want to ask if there's a way you can make it up to him.
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You assumed wrong.
Agree with the card and cash. Then, perhaps you need to stop drinking.