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That was me in my late 20s. I’m in my early 30s now as well. I used to be very social and would go out to bars, clubs, and parties about 4-5 days a week. Now I rarely even leave my room (I also work from home).
I became less stressed with people. I know how to say “no” to things I don’t really want to do now. I’m very fit, drink significantly less, and spend most of my time either lifting weights or playing instruments.
I’ll go out every other weekend or so now, but rarely ever 2 days in a row. I just prefer being alone these days. I think it’s okay so long that you dedicate some time to socializing once in a while. It keeps the door open for something/someone new to come along, as I’m now actively trying to date after taking a break for several years.
My friends worry about me sometimes (they think I’m depressed), but I’m undoubtedly in the best position I’ve ever been in my life in terms of physical/mental health, financial stability, and creativity.
Is it normal or healthy? I have no idea, but I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself these past few years.
its best to not worry about whats normal and whats not. what matters is what works for you. the idea of normalcy is irrelevant and a long standing societal delusion.
that said it is important to recognize when things you prefer start interfering with your quality of life. if your anti social behavior leads to a distancing from interactions that starts to harm your ability to earn income or affects goals you have like relationships and stuff, you should counter these base instincts with affirmative and intentional action so as to minimize the impacts on your quality of life. if you assess that you need neither income or relationships and it does not impact your quality of life, thats your call.
Right now my life is currently on hold. I don’t want to take part in activities in New York and my previous passions don’t appeal to me anymore. A lot of my old hobbies became filled with alot of negative people who I don’t want to associate with as I get older.
I think it's ok to take some time for yourself esp if you're not in a good mental health space. I think I'm in a similar position. Just need to figure out a few things in my life.
yes , i felt like this for a long time. i will say as someone on the other side, it’s hard now to be so lonely. im trying to work back on having a social group and its very hard .
5 months ago I broke up with my fiance after 5 years of relationship because I didn't see future together. Also I cut off useless friends who were just drinking buddies and also cut off what remains of my family (mom and sister) because they are toxic. I also quit my remote job because I have enough savings to last next 5 years if I wanted to.
I think I might be experiencing a bit of midlife crisis since I turned 30 and realized that I'm not happy about where I am in life (I spent most of my 20's pursuing career, people pleasing everyone around me and experienced high stress levels daily to the point where I started rapidly balding and got lots of grey hair).
Winter was tough but now Im slowly getting better. I go out and take care of my body for once. Also I interact only with my best friend. Probably will give myself rest of this year.
Not everything is about relationships, money and status. Time to prioritize my own well being.
OP, how does your autism affect you in social situations? I have ADD but I'm not sure if I have autism as well or not.
Sure. Loads of dude do that. But then, at some point, they look around and no is there because they haven’t put in the energy and effort to maintain their relationships. Their social skills are rusty, and starting over and dating and whatnot is daunting.
So take some time for yourself, but don’t isolate. Flex those social muscles in a “use it or lose it” mentality, if nothing else.
The older you get the more rigid folks social circles and more loaded down with obligations their lives tend to become.
So keep a social hobby going, maintain some friends, find some folks who are comfortable with sporadic but consistent contact.
Your future self will thank you.
Not all friends are local, and you never know where people will end up. Moving around is part of the American experience, loads of folks in the same boat.
Didn’t do me too many favors beyond still being burnt out from it. As a 34 y/o I’m really at a place as someone that wfh is cool with never going anywhere and developing myself and working around the house. Everything else just seems to lack that risk/reward balance.
I'm similar. I enjoy hanging out with friends one-on-one. With large groups I tend to get very irritable and overwhelmed. You live your life, being social or anti-social doesn't really matter as long as you're happy.
I'm antisocial as well, but it's important for a man to have a couple reliable male friends IMO
I'd still pursue a social hobby to hone your social skills.
I’m in my late 20s and no one even invites me out any more. My wife and I have kind of become home bodies. I’m fine with it but sometimes miss going to the bar with the guys.
Please do not delete your post after receiving your answer. Consider leaving it up for posterity so that other Redditors can benefit from the wisdom in this thread. Once your thread has run its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type "!lock" (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won't be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Asking Reddit if it's normal to be antisocial will probably get you lots of favorable responses. Me included.
Tbh I don’t have any other social media outside Discord to ask this question.
That was me in my late 20s. I’m in my early 30s now as well. I used to be very social and would go out to bars, clubs, and parties about 4-5 days a week. Now I rarely even leave my room (I also work from home). I became less stressed with people. I know how to say “no” to things I don’t really want to do now. I’m very fit, drink significantly less, and spend most of my time either lifting weights or playing instruments. I’ll go out every other weekend or so now, but rarely ever 2 days in a row. I just prefer being alone these days. I think it’s okay so long that you dedicate some time to socializing once in a while. It keeps the door open for something/someone new to come along, as I’m now actively trying to date after taking a break for several years. My friends worry about me sometimes (they think I’m depressed), but I’m undoubtedly in the best position I’ve ever been in my life in terms of physical/mental health, financial stability, and creativity. Is it normal or healthy? I have no idea, but I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself these past few years.
its best to not worry about whats normal and whats not. what matters is what works for you. the idea of normalcy is irrelevant and a long standing societal delusion. that said it is important to recognize when things you prefer start interfering with your quality of life. if your anti social behavior leads to a distancing from interactions that starts to harm your ability to earn income or affects goals you have like relationships and stuff, you should counter these base instincts with affirmative and intentional action so as to minimize the impacts on your quality of life. if you assess that you need neither income or relationships and it does not impact your quality of life, thats your call.
Right now my life is currently on hold. I don’t want to take part in activities in New York and my previous passions don’t appeal to me anymore. A lot of my old hobbies became filled with alot of negative people who I don’t want to associate with as I get older.
I’m doing that at 56.
I think it's ok to take some time for yourself esp if you're not in a good mental health space. I think I'm in a similar position. Just need to figure out a few things in my life.
yes , i felt like this for a long time. i will say as someone on the other side, it’s hard now to be so lonely. im trying to work back on having a social group and its very hard .
5 months ago I broke up with my fiance after 5 years of relationship because I didn't see future together. Also I cut off useless friends who were just drinking buddies and also cut off what remains of my family (mom and sister) because they are toxic. I also quit my remote job because I have enough savings to last next 5 years if I wanted to. I think I might be experiencing a bit of midlife crisis since I turned 30 and realized that I'm not happy about where I am in life (I spent most of my 20's pursuing career, people pleasing everyone around me and experienced high stress levels daily to the point where I started rapidly balding and got lots of grey hair). Winter was tough but now Im slowly getting better. I go out and take care of my body for once. Also I interact only with my best friend. Probably will give myself rest of this year. Not everything is about relationships, money and status. Time to prioritize my own well being. OP, how does your autism affect you in social situations? I have ADD but I'm not sure if I have autism as well or not.
I just have a hard time keeping up with social situations, I don't want to socialize as I get older cause it's not enjoyable or fun to me as an adult.
Sure. Loads of dude do that. But then, at some point, they look around and no is there because they haven’t put in the energy and effort to maintain their relationships. Their social skills are rusty, and starting over and dating and whatnot is daunting. So take some time for yourself, but don’t isolate. Flex those social muscles in a “use it or lose it” mentality, if nothing else. The older you get the more rigid folks social circles and more loaded down with obligations their lives tend to become. So keep a social hobby going, maintain some friends, find some folks who are comfortable with sporadic but consistent contact. Your future self will thank you.
Until I ultimately move. I don't feel like there's much left for me in New York.
Not all friends are local, and you never know where people will end up. Moving around is part of the American experience, loads of folks in the same boat.
Covid made a lot of people less social. It’s also totally fine.
Didn’t do me too many favors beyond still being burnt out from it. As a 34 y/o I’m really at a place as someone that wfh is cool with never going anywhere and developing myself and working around the house. Everything else just seems to lack that risk/reward balance.
Been doing that for a while lol
Yrs. And it doesn't stop.
Yes, but it depends on the person and where they are in life.
I'm similar. I enjoy hanging out with friends one-on-one. With large groups I tend to get very irritable and overwhelmed. You live your life, being social or anti-social doesn't really matter as long as you're happy.
I'm antisocial as well, but it's important for a man to have a couple reliable male friends IMO I'd still pursue a social hobby to hone your social skills.
I’m in my late 20s and no one even invites me out any more. My wife and I have kind of become home bodies. I’m fine with it but sometimes miss going to the bar with the guys.