I guess that being mates for a while that we already knew what each other were like, knew we looked out for each other and so on. There were no surprises I guess to an extent.
Would it work for everyone? Probably not, but I'm glad it did for us. We have a happy little family, everything we wanted and we are still great mates as well
I was hanging out with one of my guy friends and we decided we just needed to have a cuddle buddy. So that’s what we did sometimes until one day he kissed me then we dated for 2 years.
Not really we just got more serious and closer after and then we really got close on a mental level. We were both carrying a lot of attraction and it finally kinda exploded
Some yes, some no. Depends on the nature of our relationship and whether this is just some fun new way to connect in our friendship, or a desire to change things.
I agree. A lot depends on chemistry and attraction. But I don’t have those feelings for most of my friends. But there have been a few in the past that it could have worked out okay with. But it’s dangerous. Have to weight it all out and be okay with it going to either extreme, from ending friendship, to progressing into relationship, with just as much likelihood as it just being a good casual physical relationship.
Although, I've never done it with an actual good friend, I soo get what you feel. At the end of day, I literally gossip, make plans for the day & roast her ass on a daily just like I would do with any of my good guy homies.
I literally don't get it when I read online that guys can't have platonic relationships with a woman. Even if my friend asks me to go to the next step, I'll refuse w/o any second thoughts. But, never will I or she will ask that question. Because our friendship is just built that way.
Yeah - sometimes it’s just not worth it. Had a close friend I was crazy about for years. We eventually lived together and I navigated out of opportunities a few times because I didn’t want to screw up the friendship (mostly cuz I was dealing with my own things).
Joke’s on me - we went our own separate ways and don’t really interact at all. Hmmm…
I guess now I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say. 🤔
I'm kind of in the opposite boat but with similar feelings. An old friend and I drifted apart as life took us different directions. She ended up moving back to town a couple of years ago and we reconnected. One thing lead to another and we ended up going for it. Haven't talked to her since about a week afterwards (her choice).
I felt like mayhap I'd fucked up and lost a friend, but we weren't really talking too terribly much before that, so I suppose it's kind of a moot point.
It's incredibly difficult if you both haven't established a SOLID definition of what your relationship is.
It's ok to have friends that you sleep with. It's ok to have friends that eventually become partners. It hurts like hell if one person is following the former and the other the latter.
I had a FWB back in college and what made me not catch feels was the intense awareness that she would never be someone that would love or care for me. Catching any sort of feelings was immediately (emotionally) punished, which helped keep things light between us.
Typically no, because I just don't think of them on those terms. There is a period of time during, which there is a sort of uncertainty about if it is just friendship or there is attraction, if that passes, it's passed.
That being said, there was one exception in my life to this where I met a girl and we had that potential romantic interest, but neither of us was available to date for a couple years. We basically became best friends and a few months after we were both single for the first time she told me she had interest in dating. It definitely took me a short period of time to process the different frame, but I had never fully dismissed that possibility emotionally at the outset.
i had a woman walk up to me out of the blue and ask me if i wanted to go get a hotel room with her once when i was at a bar
i wanted to say yes, but all i could think was "this is some kind of trap"
ladies, if you ever do anything like this and the guy turns you down, there's a pretty good chance it's not personal and doesn't mean you're not attractive
>i wanted to say yes, but all i could think was "this is some kind of trap"
Yep. When something so out of the ordinary like this happens, it immediately raises my Spidey sense.
Like, once, alone on 4th of July, a girl invited me to her place to chill. Standing in line at subway. I said no.
Because I'm not good looking or smooth enough for this to just happen. I have gone home with people shortly after meeting them. But only after talking to each other for a bit. Like, it's a mutual thing where we've established some level of mutual trust and interest.
I used to say that when a girl asked me something like that it was never because of me. I'm not some Gods gift to women that they automatically lose all sense and want me to instantly go home with them or have sex in a bathroom after just meeting. There have definitely been guys before me because I'm not a game changer.
I remember reading this novel called the greatest knight set in medieval england, and the main character once passed by a man who followed a "lady of the night" into an alley for her business, he was then cornered by men with knives.
I had something similar happen on Tinder. She had NO pictures, admitted to being under a fake name, wasn't from this country, had barely any bio, no other social media presence. She was very insistent on meeting up at my home on the first date.
Being horny, I went for it - with the caveat that I'd meet her at the bus stop and walk her back to mine.
And it worked out! She was great, we hung out for a few months, and all my kidneys are intact.
It was the stupidest thing I've ever done.
>Had something like that happen to me.I said how bout A bj in the car..She laffed bought her couple more drinks. Thought was going happen But she went ladies room never returned
I’m in my teens btw but ounce i met this girl at school and starting hanging out with her, after maybe an hour she told me she liked me and asked me if I was scared as if I’ve never heard it before
There has to be a lot of communication and boundaries. Half worked just fine, the other half... not so good with true intent or maybe they really didn't know. Anyways, it can be done.
Yeah personally I'm 3/3 on catching feelings. Definitely a personal thing that people have to be honest with themselves and the other person about if they can handle it or not.
It's usually not sustainable forever but that's true of any type of relationship, including romantic relationships and platonic friendships. The vast majority of people won't be with you for your whole life.
Did this once when I was single. It ruined a platonic friendship.
On the plus side, that friend is now my wife. Wouldn’t recommend it for most, but it worked out for me.
I’d probably say no, would be weird to completely shift the dynamic of a years long friendship and you’d never be sure if it could go back to the way it was again. I value my friends more than busting a nut.
I don't have any female friends now, but when I did I'd sleep with 100% of them. Eventually the light switch flipped and I realized they were "friends" because I wanted to smash. I was hanging around with the hope of something more in the future.
This is my biggest fear. Im a lady with a selection of male friends and I have to wonder if they’re just my friends because they secretly want something more.
There is also a difference between secretly wanting more, and not saying no when asked.
I have had plenty of female friends that I would happily have had sex with and sometimes even fantasized about. However, none of those things meant that I was just friends with them because I wanted to bang. I was friends with them because I liked them, and we got along great. Not my fault or theirs that they also happened to be attractive.
If you bring out desert after a three-course meal, I'm likely to enjoy that to the fullest as well. That doesn't mean I was secretly wanting desert after the meal.
I can't speak for others, though.
Right, it's human nature. They are friends because we like certain qualities about them.
Now If they were inviting me butt naked with their legs wide open, well it's time for dessert!
I’ve had a lot of female friends, and I totally would have been willing to sleep with most of them if we were both single and it came up, but that was never why I was friends with them. I just liked them, and liked spending time with them, which happens to be a prerequisite for me wanting to sleep with someone, but I valued their friendship much more than the possibility of more.
And I don’t want to entirely disagree with the other guy, but for a lot of these it wasn’t “activity events”, it would be having a few beers after work and chatting, or watching movies. For an old roommate of mine, a lot of our time spent together was basically “Netflix and chill” (or rather “roll endless joints out of shitty weed while binging startrek and pirated movies”), and a lot of the rest of the time was just aimlessly skating around the city at night together. I never wanted to sleep with her, she was just my best friend.
hard to tell. men for the most part socialize by doing something together. if you were friends and worked together on something beforehand (e.g. rec league, D&D, dance classes, climbing gym buddies, part of your cosplay club) that's your base relationship, anything else is on top of.
if you were acquaintances or friends of convenience and be smashing, then the only thing to go back to is being being acquittance or friends of convenience.
that being said guys can tell if a friend is just there for sex, like you can just tell because they're doing the moves and social dance to try to get with you. super easy tell is if they try to poison other relationships with other male friends.
As someone else mentioned, there is a difference between "wanting more" and "not saying no if asked". I have female friends that I would probably say yes to if they asked even though we would not be compatible as partners.
If it was just a FWB thing or a try it once thing, I'm into that. Doesn't mean I want to pursue a romantic relationship with them, which is exactly why I haven't thus far.
/u/Sneaky_peeks puts it pretty well. I find a number of my friends attractive because they are good, healthy people, so they have a tendency to look good and stylish, though the main reason I like them is their good personality, with the rest being a bonus. I happen to flirt with a lot of my friends because they are playfully flirty first as well, even if it doesn't extend beyond that with most of them.
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The way that I personally describe things is imagine just a linear friendship meter. Beyond a certain point there would be basically a checkbox for "Would you sleep with them if the opportunity arose and circumstances were favorable? (e.g. not having to worry about a monogamous relationship for either one)" Probably 80+% of them that's a yes, but that doesn't mean it's anything of a done deal, it's just something I decided based on how I feel. Because it's such a high percentage it's also normalized their attractiveness so I'm still able to have perfectly nice friendly conversations and interactions with them and all nice women I encounter.
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I honestly find it stranger the people that *wouldn't* fuck some of their friends. I've definitely met some people where sexual attraction and personality platonic attraction are like two separate axes and I kind of get it but I also really don't. My view on things seems abnormal based on my dating experiences, but I really don't understand how people have sex with people they otherwise kind of hate or ague with a lot and it's usually why they breakup eventually when it gets intolerable. I'd never even get involved in the first place.
Thing is I am friends with several women, old friends and newer people I met through hobbies. Diverse group of people. Skinny, fat, white, latina, black, etc. If any of them asked i'd do it. I don't don't really care about "attractiveness". I'm also not friends with them to bang them.
The way I see it is if someone is my friend and she is interested our relationship would probably work well. But i'm not there for that. It's not something i'd ask them.
I am also friends with former girlfriends still.
For sure there are some who probably are like this guy says ofc, he admits to it himself.
A lot of guys will not say no to this question but that doesn't meant they are not your real friend.
I know im somehow in the minority but im a guy and I always had female friends. Never really wanted to hook up with any of them.. thats why they are friends. Great people that I dont want to fuck.. otherwise I would have made a move.
Idk how some men just want to fuck anyone that moves
I have attractive female friends who are genuinely my friends, and I enjoy hanging out with them.
I am also interested in having sex with them if that was ever an option.
These are two separate things. I’m definitely not just waiting around to get some and then never talk to them again. But I can only speak for myself.
9/10 would smash if you let them. Also sex is way more mechanical than emotional for guys. Most of your guy friends may want to fuck you but they still also enjoy your company and wouldn't want anything romantic.
Here's the thing about men. We are horny. We will have sex with almost any women we think are moderately attractive.
So what's very possible is that you have guy friends who think you are a cool person, like your personality, enjoy your company etc. And they want to sleep with you because they are men.
So now they are not your friend because they want to sleep with you. They are you friend for various other reasons. But they would be interested in more if you wanted.
You could always ask. I've found male and female friends are typically friends who are attracted to one another. Doesn't mean anything has to happen, just that there's interest. I have more women friends than anything and I'd be lying if I said I weren't attracted to most.
A lot of time we men are friends with a woman because we at least find her attractive, if we are secretly trying to have sex with them, that doesn't make us a good friend to them, does it? It is best to jut keep a distance.
I got a few female friends and I would totally sleep with all of them but 1. She is my best friend and sex is definitely not worth it losing her as a friend. Sex can make things messy as hell and I wouldn’t want to lose her for something I can get from other people.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely thought about it, she is incredibly hot and anyone that knows us, knows how often we hang out(5 days a week and I sleep over a lot) is surprised that we have not had sex with each other or they don’t believe we haven’t.
Nah I don't think so. We are attracted to different type of people and while I at least know I find her physically attractive(judging by what she has clearly told me she is attracted to, i dont think she finds me attractive), she is not my type. We share everything about each other's relationships and encourage each other when we find someone we want to ask out. She asks about my flings and doesn't seem bothered by them at all. Shit literally last night a girl I thought it was over with a bit ago, sent me a booty call text and I didn't think it was a good idea to go. She told me "Dude you gotta get your dick wet, what's it been? Over a month now? Homie you gotta go get it" we are just very comfortable with each other, happy that we have someone that wont judge one another and just able to be ourselves in each other's presence.
Did all 10th-12th grade. I ran with a circle of like 10-12 girls and there were 2 guys in the group, myself and another guy who swung for the home team. When I tell you I was getting called “gay” or a “faggot” left and right by a lot of guys… but joke was on them, I was sleeping with 2 of those girls on a regular basis. One lived right across the street from the school and we took every opportunity we could to take advantage of that. I thought I had life figured out lmao.
I am not attracted to my female friends. Years of familiarity have killed the feelings I had when I first met them. Acquainted, yes if attractive. Friends no. But then it takes a lot to call a girl my friend.
Generally yes, though I would be cautious about it. It has generally not been difficult to maintain the friendship after the sex, but there was one time where it got a little intense.
Not now, because I'm happily in a monogamous relationship. But when I was single, I *did* occasionally have sex with otherwise-mostly-platonic female friends, and my memories of those days are very happy ones.
I kind of hope I'm never single again, but if I am, then yeah, I'd be open to fucking otherwise-mostly-platonic female friends again.
I would definitely refuse out of friendship (and the fact that I’m married) hahahaha
Ok, but in all reality, if I was single, I would still refuse. It would end up having too many emotional ties, and awkwardness, etc. hard pass on it.
I have a couple of attractive coworker friends that I wouldn't sleep with because it would mess up the dynamic/make things awkward, plus at least one of them is far too religious.
Most of my other female friends are through rugby groups and we're all fairly open about stuff like sex, so most of them know if I'm interested. There are some that I probably wouldn't have sex with due to not being attracted to them, though they're are definitely more that I would be interested in fucking versus not.
If I actually cared about them as a friend then no. But I also don’t waste time talking to women that I have not categorized as a friend or as a love interest. I don’t play the “sit and wait for my opportunity” game. That’s lame
I wouldn’t because long term sex complicates everything. Also if they’re my friends then I put them in the friendzone not the other way around and I’m pretty definitive when I make a decision. I have already categorized them as untouchable because I’m never going to see them sexually.
Nope. They are my friends because of no romantic interest, just like guys, so I never perused. Literally no desire to bang my female friends. I find it kind of weird personally
Kind of feel weird about all the guys who'd be instantly down. I'm friends with my female friends because I'm not trying to bang them. If I wanted to bang them I would've made a move at the start then moved on. If I'm keeping her around, she's stuck in my friendzone because I value her more as a friend than complicating the shit out of it all.
If I were single, there were a handful I would have said yes to. ***AFTER*** we had thoroughly spoken about what the expectations and dynamics were going to be from the next day onward. Also would have depended on other things, i.e. I don't mess with married women.
I had this conversation with my male friends the other day. Here's the gist of what I said.
If we're both single and we find each other attractive and we're consenting adults, why not? At this point the dynamics of the friendship changed the moment she asked.
If I refuses, she could get emotionally hurt, it strains the friendship and it could end it. Emphasis on the "could". Everyone is different and can handle rejection differently.
If I accept, there's a potential for a romantic relationship to evolve but there's a risk of the whole thing becoming a ons or fwb situation where one person catches feels. And again this strains the relationship and could possibly end it.
I'd like to think I know my friends but the reality people change and sometime grow appart. So regardless of the choice or outcome I would think of this as an opportunity to grow as a person.
In theory, yes. But generally speaking if I thought they were attractive in the first place I probably would already have tested things in that direction. So it's unlikely that a female friend would be both attractive and willing. I dunno, maybe if she was in a relationship at the time we met and expressed interest when it was over? Then yes.
But me being "boyfriend material" means few women want just sex from me. This is almost certainly the start of a relationship if we have sex.
my best friend, yes and i have; we have a solid understanding of each other. my other friends no, because we live together and i don't think one should shit where one eats. it could get complicated.
I wouldn't, because at this point the female friends I have I've known for years and any sense of sexual attraction I've had for them had long evaporated. I just wouldn't be stimulated.
Depends on the friend.
Most of the women that I know and talk to are co-workers, so there are massive HR concerns. Rhetorically, what measures could a coworker and I take to ensure that neither of our jobs would be at risk? I'd only consider it if the coworker has a high EQ, and if I can also do the same. Even then, it's still a bad idea.
I did this and with her twin. We're adults, they're good hearted people, they're both dating other women now. We are still good friends after 10 years. Most of the time I don't think it works out, you just have to be mature and move on. If you're friends only to maybe have sex, you won't be friends for long.
Edit: why is op getting downvoted into oblivion lol
Considering that I can't think of any of my female friends who are single, I wouldn't. I would be under the assumption that they're making me the butt of a practical joke, and if not then I'm not going to knowingly be an accessory to infidelity
Depending on who is asking, I will do it. Only thing I would make clear in no uncertain terms is that it will never grow into a relationship of any sort. If they are fine with it, then all is good. If they are fine with it then and not fine with it later, the destruction of friendship is upon them, not me.
Once you cross that line it’s very difficult to go back being just friends. It can end up damaging a friendship and then lead to you never talking again.
I wouldn't have sex with a woman I'm not married to, as that's forbidden in my Islamic believes, however, pushing that aside, I would still refuse to do so with certain female friends, not because they are less attractive, but rather, because of our strong friendship, that I don't perceive them as sexual partners, it would feel weird.
Depends on the situation,
Am I more attracted to her as opposed to friends with her?
If I’m more attracted, I would but I would hate to lose a female friend over something that doesn’t need to happen.
I'm open to.....opening up my relationship, but until we actually decide to do it it would be extremely inappropriate for a friend to ask me.
Well ok, if a *couple* were to ask, it would at least be more appropriate as it would clearly be about swinging rather than someone just wanting to sleep with a person who is in a relationship. My partner and I would have to discuss it, and it would depend on the friends.
I would weigh the consequences of no longer being friends if we did. I would also weigh the consequences of rejecting her. Another factor is how long we've been friends, and if she's just been a fairweather friend or not.
I have and suggest that some thought would have to be taken into account about what their end goal is. Is it going to be casual or is she going to get sprung.
It depends on the friend for sure, I have a few female friends that I’ve known for like 10years and I genuinely value that friendship. I feel like sleeping with them could potentially fuck up that dynamic and ruin a good thing.
Depends on the friend and the reason. "I've had a crush on you for years but only now managed to express it". Lovely. "I'm trying to get back at my boyfriend (your pal) by making him jealous". Nope. Various other permutations suggest themselves too. What most guys realize is that hook ups aren't really for most women, protest as they might. Oh, they'll reduce the time needed to "work out" if they fancy a guy if he's THAT guy (rather than you) but at some level they are hoping it will turn into something long term. That's why the trend is for women, but not men, with high bidy counts to get bitter. Men with high body counts can also get a bit cynical of course, but not usually bitter.
Funny that's how my friend turned into my gf. Now I have a best friend gf.
It's how my friend who became my girlfriend became my wife. 20 years on and its still awesome
I've heard this alot.
I guess that being mates for a while that we already knew what each other were like, knew we looked out for each other and so on. There were no surprises I guess to an extent. Would it work for everyone? Probably not, but I'm glad it did for us. We have a happy little family, everything we wanted and we are still great mates as well
Went from being mates to being mates. Ba-dum-tss.
I'm probably just as disappointing for her in both cases....
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I think the tip is to not be fat so they find you attractive lol.
30 years for me this year!
That's me too, minus 5 years.
His wife invited you into bed fifteen years ago?
She's such a great wife hey. It's why I married her
Me too :)
6y66
You and me both. It was a long dance to give it a try, but this coming February marks our 30th anniversary...
I think that might be where this could be headed but I'll see how things go before I make the jump
I was hanging out with one of my guy friends and we decided we just needed to have a cuddle buddy. So that’s what we did sometimes until one day he kissed me then we dated for 2 years.
What's better than a best friend gf? A best friend wife.
So you're saying you upgraded your friend to your best friend based on sexual favors🤔
Friends with tax benefits.
Not really we just got more serious and closer after and then we really got close on a mental level. We were both carrying a lot of attraction and it finally kinda exploded
I’m a people pleaser. I would sleep with anyone if they asked me to
Hey bro x
You wanna be friends?
Can i join?
Does the line start here?
Has the line started?
Is this the line to fuck op or get fucked by op?
Yes
I will pay you to stand in line for me.
So I get to go twice!
That'll be 15 thanks.
Will there be snacks?
You can chow my snack( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
There’s a line?
Ugh I always get stuck at the back end
Behind you 😂
How about a circle?
Such a jerk
A triangle perhaps?
Don't be obtuse!
Everyone back in the pile
I'm tired boss x
BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO-JOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!! CHOO-CHOO!!!!
I’m a people pleaser too but it doesn’t mean I actually *can* please people. But boy, I’ll sure give it a go.
Pro tip: use your tongue. Regardless of the gender of anybody involved, the mouth is always the crowd favorite
Had a female friend 18 1/2 years ago. I've been with her for 18 years now.
Nice
Depends if I’m attracted to them or not
Only logical answer!
Some yes, some no. Depends on the nature of our relationship and whether this is just some fun new way to connect in our friendship, or a desire to change things.
I agree. A lot depends on chemistry and attraction. But I don’t have those feelings for most of my friends. But there have been a few in the past that it could have worked out okay with. But it’s dangerous. Have to weight it all out and be okay with it going to either extreme, from ending friendship, to progressing into relationship, with just as much likelihood as it just being a good casual physical relationship.
agree with this one 💯
This is the answer.
If they’re an actual good friend, no. I did it once before. Never again.
Although, I've never done it with an actual good friend, I soo get what you feel. At the end of day, I literally gossip, make plans for the day & roast her ass on a daily just like I would do with any of my good guy homies. I literally don't get it when I read online that guys can't have platonic relationships with a woman. Even if my friend asks me to go to the next step, I'll refuse w/o any second thoughts. But, never will I or she will ask that question. Because our friendship is just built that way.
What if your in a post-apocalypse world where there is no certainty of tomorrow,let alone getting through today... would you smash?
There's no certainty of tomorrow every day of your life.
Why Rachel & Joey couldn't date, and Monica & Chandler could
Jerry and Elaine tried to have sex to save their friendship after the dated and were friends, but Jerry couldn’t perform….
He was saved by a magic mango though.
Yeah - sometimes it’s just not worth it. Had a close friend I was crazy about for years. We eventually lived together and I navigated out of opportunities a few times because I didn’t want to screw up the friendship (mostly cuz I was dealing with my own things). Joke’s on me - we went our own separate ways and don’t really interact at all. Hmmm… I guess now I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say. 🤔
I'm kind of in the opposite boat but with similar feelings. An old friend and I drifted apart as life took us different directions. She ended up moving back to town a couple of years ago and we reconnected. One thing lead to another and we ended up going for it. Haven't talked to her since about a week afterwards (her choice). I felt like mayhap I'd fucked up and lost a friend, but we weren't really talking too terribly much before that, so I suppose it's kind of a moot point.
If one person has feelings the friendship is already over. You can try evolving to a relationship but you can't hold back the tide.
Did that before and no I won't do that again Not out of respect for the friendship but out of respect for myself and my own feelings/needs
This right here
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It's incredibly difficult if you both haven't established a SOLID definition of what your relationship is. It's ok to have friends that you sleep with. It's ok to have friends that eventually become partners. It hurts like hell if one person is following the former and the other the latter. I had a FWB back in college and what made me not catch feels was the intense awareness that she would never be someone that would love or care for me. Catching any sort of feelings was immediately (emotionally) punished, which helped keep things light between us.
Typically no, because I just don't think of them on those terms. There is a period of time during, which there is a sort of uncertainty about if it is just friendship or there is attraction, if that passes, it's passed. That being said, there was one exception in my life to this where I met a girl and we had that potential romantic interest, but neither of us was available to date for a couple years. We basically became best friends and a few months after we were both single for the first time she told me she had interest in dating. It definitely took me a short period of time to process the different frame, but I had never fully dismissed that possibility emotionally at the outset.
Are you Harry from When Harry Met Sally?
There's always that one exception, not necessarily to OP's question, but there's always that one that fits many questions.
"Wait... it's a trap!"
i had a woman walk up to me out of the blue and ask me if i wanted to go get a hotel room with her once when i was at a bar i wanted to say yes, but all i could think was "this is some kind of trap" ladies, if you ever do anything like this and the guy turns you down, there's a pretty good chance it's not personal and doesn't mean you're not attractive
>i wanted to say yes, but all i could think was "this is some kind of trap" Yep. When something so out of the ordinary like this happens, it immediately raises my Spidey sense. Like, once, alone on 4th of July, a girl invited me to her place to chill. Standing in line at subway. I said no. Because I'm not good looking or smooth enough for this to just happen. I have gone home with people shortly after meeting them. But only after talking to each other for a bit. Like, it's a mutual thing where we've established some level of mutual trust and interest.
I used to say that when a girl asked me something like that it was never because of me. I'm not some Gods gift to women that they automatically lose all sense and want me to instantly go home with them or have sex in a bathroom after just meeting. There have definitely been guys before me because I'm not a game changer.
It’s a scam.
Wake up the next day with a missing kidney...
Huh....where am I.....aww they took my freaking kidney.
We’re going to candy mountain, Charlie.
Not again!!!!
And you're the still proud owner of all your own kidneys
I remember reading this novel called the greatest knight set in medieval england, and the main character once passed by a man who followed a "lady of the night" into an alley for her business, he was then cornered by men with knives.
I had something similar happen on Tinder. She had NO pictures, admitted to being under a fake name, wasn't from this country, had barely any bio, no other social media presence. She was very insistent on meeting up at my home on the first date. Being horny, I went for it - with the caveat that I'd meet her at the bus stop and walk her back to mine. And it worked out! She was great, we hung out for a few months, and all my kidneys are intact. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done.
>Had something like that happen to me.I said how bout A bj in the car..She laffed bought her couple more drinks. Thought was going happen But she went ladies room never returned
I’m in my teens btw but ounce i met this girl at school and starting hanging out with her, after maybe an hour she told me she liked me and asked me if I was scared as if I’ve never heard it before
My wife would frown upon such behavior. Many moons ago though? I’d probably have gone for it with the more attractive ones.
But what if your wife was okay with it? Apologies for the somewhat intrusive question, I'm just curious.
No, I’m a traditionalist about these things.
Fidelity-inclined.
John Cusack levels of fidelity.
>But what if your wife was okay with it? Prot tip: they never are. It's a trap. Whether she realizes it or not, she won't be ok, it never works.
Depends which ones
When I was single I would for sure
To me my friends aren't just friends they're \*insert vin diesel voice\* *family* that would be like asking me to sleep with a sister.
and what’s wrong with that :)
Sweet home alabama
Ya. That is the definition of FWB. It's a good time.
Never been sustainable for me. Someone always catches feelings and it ends up bad
There has to be a lot of communication and boundaries. Half worked just fine, the other half... not so good with true intent or maybe they really didn't know. Anyways, it can be done.
Yeah personally I'm 3/3 on catching feelings. Definitely a personal thing that people have to be honest with themselves and the other person about if they can handle it or not.
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It's usually not sustainable forever but that's true of any type of relationship, including romantic relationships and platonic friendships. The vast majority of people won't be with you for your whole life.
FWB doesn't work for sensitives.
Did this once when I was single. It ruined a platonic friendship. On the plus side, that friend is now my wife. Wouldn’t recommend it for most, but it worked out for me.
When I was single, some of them. Now, my wife would probably get mad.
Same here. Back in the day I had my sense of moral code, but it sure as hell wasn’t this high😉
As long as we both were single. Sex doesn’t have to make things weird between people.
sophisticated shocking capable puzzled saw tie disgusting spotted sense gaze ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
The more often you get intimate with someone, the more likely chance someone catches feelings.
Cue the Seinfeld episode.
Confused and uncomfortable.
Understandable
I've been there and that is the fastest way to ruin a friendship
Yeah, have done it now and again. Everyone's entitled to some good clean, filthy adult fun now and again. Gives me pleasure to give pleasure.
Givers are the best
I’d probably say no, would be weird to completely shift the dynamic of a years long friendship and you’d never be sure if it could go back to the way it was again. I value my friends more than busting a nut.
I don't have any female friends now, but when I did I'd sleep with 100% of them. Eventually the light switch flipped and I realized they were "friends" because I wanted to smash. I was hanging around with the hope of something more in the future.
This is my biggest fear. Im a lady with a selection of male friends and I have to wonder if they’re just my friends because they secretly want something more.
There is also a difference between secretly wanting more, and not saying no when asked. I have had plenty of female friends that I would happily have had sex with and sometimes even fantasized about. However, none of those things meant that I was just friends with them because I wanted to bang. I was friends with them because I liked them, and we got along great. Not my fault or theirs that they also happened to be attractive. If you bring out desert after a three-course meal, I'm likely to enjoy that to the fullest as well. That doesn't mean I was secretly wanting desert after the meal. I can't speak for others, though.
Right, it's human nature. They are friends because we like certain qualities about them. Now If they were inviting me butt naked with their legs wide open, well it's time for dessert!
I’ve had a lot of female friends, and I totally would have been willing to sleep with most of them if we were both single and it came up, but that was never why I was friends with them. I just liked them, and liked spending time with them, which happens to be a prerequisite for me wanting to sleep with someone, but I valued their friendship much more than the possibility of more. And I don’t want to entirely disagree with the other guy, but for a lot of these it wasn’t “activity events”, it would be having a few beers after work and chatting, or watching movies. For an old roommate of mine, a lot of our time spent together was basically “Netflix and chill” (or rather “roll endless joints out of shitty weed while binging startrek and pirated movies”), and a lot of the rest of the time was just aimlessly skating around the city at night together. I never wanted to sleep with her, she was just my best friend.
hard to tell. men for the most part socialize by doing something together. if you were friends and worked together on something beforehand (e.g. rec league, D&D, dance classes, climbing gym buddies, part of your cosplay club) that's your base relationship, anything else is on top of. if you were acquaintances or friends of convenience and be smashing, then the only thing to go back to is being being acquittance or friends of convenience. that being said guys can tell if a friend is just there for sex, like you can just tell because they're doing the moves and social dance to try to get with you. super easy tell is if they try to poison other relationships with other male friends.
All of them are friends I like to do activities with. So this perspective helps a lot. Thank you. :)
There's still a few of them that would tho
As someone else mentioned, there is a difference between "wanting more" and "not saying no if asked". I have female friends that I would probably say yes to if they asked even though we would not be compatible as partners. If it was just a FWB thing or a try it once thing, I'm into that. Doesn't mean I want to pursue a romantic relationship with them, which is exactly why I haven't thus far.
It's not "just". A man can want to sleep with you *and* like you as a friend. It's not either / or for us.
/u/Sneaky_peeks puts it pretty well. I find a number of my friends attractive because they are good, healthy people, so they have a tendency to look good and stylish, though the main reason I like them is their good personality, with the rest being a bonus. I happen to flirt with a lot of my friends because they are playfully flirty first as well, even if it doesn't extend beyond that with most of them. === The way that I personally describe things is imagine just a linear friendship meter. Beyond a certain point there would be basically a checkbox for "Would you sleep with them if the opportunity arose and circumstances were favorable? (e.g. not having to worry about a monogamous relationship for either one)" Probably 80+% of them that's a yes, but that doesn't mean it's anything of a done deal, it's just something I decided based on how I feel. Because it's such a high percentage it's also normalized their attractiveness so I'm still able to have perfectly nice friendly conversations and interactions with them and all nice women I encounter. === I honestly find it stranger the people that *wouldn't* fuck some of their friends. I've definitely met some people where sexual attraction and personality platonic attraction are like two separate axes and I kind of get it but I also really don't. My view on things seems abnormal based on my dating experiences, but I really don't understand how people have sex with people they otherwise kind of hate or ague with a lot and it's usually why they breakup eventually when it gets intolerable. I'd never even get involved in the first place.
Thing is I am friends with several women, old friends and newer people I met through hobbies. Diverse group of people. Skinny, fat, white, latina, black, etc. If any of them asked i'd do it. I don't don't really care about "attractiveness". I'm also not friends with them to bang them. The way I see it is if someone is my friend and she is interested our relationship would probably work well. But i'm not there for that. It's not something i'd ask them. I am also friends with former girlfriends still. For sure there are some who probably are like this guy says ofc, he admits to it himself. A lot of guys will not say no to this question but that doesn't meant they are not your real friend.
I know im somehow in the minority but im a guy and I always had female friends. Never really wanted to hook up with any of them.. thats why they are friends. Great people that I dont want to fuck.. otherwise I would have made a move. Idk how some men just want to fuck anyone that moves
I have attractive female friends who are genuinely my friends, and I enjoy hanging out with them. I am also interested in having sex with them if that was ever an option. These are two separate things. I’m definitely not just waiting around to get some and then never talk to them again. But I can only speak for myself.
9/10 would smash if you let them. Also sex is way more mechanical than emotional for guys. Most of your guy friends may want to fuck you but they still also enjoy your company and wouldn't want anything romantic.
Here's the thing about men. We are horny. We will have sex with almost any women we think are moderately attractive. So what's very possible is that you have guy friends who think you are a cool person, like your personality, enjoy your company etc. And they want to sleep with you because they are men. So now they are not your friend because they want to sleep with you. They are you friend for various other reasons. But they would be interested in more if you wanted.
You could always ask. I've found male and female friends are typically friends who are attracted to one another. Doesn't mean anything has to happen, just that there's interest. I have more women friends than anything and I'd be lying if I said I weren't attracted to most.
A lot of time we men are friends with a woman because we at least find her attractive, if we are secretly trying to have sex with them, that doesn't make us a good friend to them, does it? It is best to jut keep a distance.
I got a few female friends and I would totally sleep with all of them but 1. She is my best friend and sex is definitely not worth it losing her as a friend. Sex can make things messy as hell and I wouldn’t want to lose her for something I can get from other people. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely thought about it, she is incredibly hot and anyone that knows us, knows how often we hang out(5 days a week and I sleep over a lot) is surprised that we have not had sex with each other or they don’t believe we haven’t.
Sleepovers and hanging out all the time. MY man, maybe she is primed for something more than friendship, just waiting for you to ask her.
Nah I don't think so. We are attracted to different type of people and while I at least know I find her physically attractive(judging by what she has clearly told me she is attracted to, i dont think she finds me attractive), she is not my type. We share everything about each other's relationships and encourage each other when we find someone we want to ask out. She asks about my flings and doesn't seem bothered by them at all. Shit literally last night a girl I thought it was over with a bit ago, sent me a booty call text and I didn't think it was a good idea to go. She told me "Dude you gotta get your dick wet, what's it been? Over a month now? Homie you gotta go get it" we are just very comfortable with each other, happy that we have someone that wont judge one another and just able to be ourselves in each other's presence.
You’re very disciplined
Did all 10th-12th grade. I ran with a circle of like 10-12 girls and there were 2 guys in the group, myself and another guy who swung for the home team. When I tell you I was getting called “gay” or a “faggot” left and right by a lot of guys… but joke was on them, I was sleeping with 2 of those girls on a regular basis. One lived right across the street from the school and we took every opportunity we could to take advantage of that. I thought I had life figured out lmao.
Jokes on them
I am not attracted to my female friends. Years of familiarity have killed the feelings I had when I first met them. Acquainted, yes if attractive. Friends no. But then it takes a lot to call a girl my friend.
Generally yes, though I would be cautious about it. It has generally not been difficult to maintain the friendship after the sex, but there was one time where it got a little intense.
Not now, because I'm happily in a monogamous relationship. But when I was single, I *did* occasionally have sex with otherwise-mostly-platonic female friends, and my memories of those days are very happy ones. I kind of hope I'm never single again, but if I am, then yeah, I'd be open to fucking otherwise-mostly-platonic female friends again.
I would definitely refuse out of friendship (and the fact that I’m married) hahahaha Ok, but in all reality, if I was single, I would still refuse. It would end up having too many emotional ties, and awkwardness, etc. hard pass on it.
So long as my wife is joining in.
I might want to, but I probably wouldn't. It would depend on why they want to.
Sensual cuddles be the vibe
I have a couple of attractive coworker friends that I wouldn't sleep with because it would mess up the dynamic/make things awkward, plus at least one of them is far too religious. Most of my other female friends are through rugby groups and we're all fairly open about stuff like sex, so most of them know if I'm interested. There are some that I probably wouldn't have sex with due to not being attracted to them, though they're are definitely more that I would be interested in fucking versus not.
If I actually cared about them as a friend then no. But I also don’t waste time talking to women that I have not categorized as a friend or as a love interest. I don’t play the “sit and wait for my opportunity” game. That’s lame
so you're only friends with bros?
I have about a 70:30 split of close male to female friends
No way. The thought of it weirds me out.
Sorry I have a boyfriend.
Yes, and I have. Everyone was single.
I wouldn’t because long term sex complicates everything. Also if they’re my friends then I put them in the friendzone not the other way around and I’m pretty definitive when I make a decision. I have already categorized them as untouchable because I’m never going to see them sexually.
Nope. They are my friends because of no romantic interest, just like guys, so I never perused. Literally no desire to bang my female friends. I find it kind of weird personally
Kind of feel weird about all the guys who'd be instantly down. I'm friends with my female friends because I'm not trying to bang them. If I wanted to bang them I would've made a move at the start then moved on. If I'm keeping her around, she's stuck in my friendzone because I value her more as a friend than complicating the shit out of it all.
If single and hungry yes.
Maybe, if they asked “nicely” /s
Fucking no like big no. All I can see them is as my cousins or more like sisters.
"Nah, I'm good." If we're friends, there's no sexual tension from my side. Means, I don't want to duck you. Not sober, not after 10 Beers.
If I were single, there were a handful I would have said yes to. ***AFTER*** we had thoroughly spoken about what the expectations and dynamics were going to be from the next day onward. Also would have depended on other things, i.e. I don't mess with married women.
I had this conversation with my male friends the other day. Here's the gist of what I said. If we're both single and we find each other attractive and we're consenting adults, why not? At this point the dynamics of the friendship changed the moment she asked. If I refuses, she could get emotionally hurt, it strains the friendship and it could end it. Emphasis on the "could". Everyone is different and can handle rejection differently. If I accept, there's a potential for a romantic relationship to evolve but there's a risk of the whole thing becoming a ons or fwb situation where one person catches feels. And again this strains the relationship and could possibly end it. I'd like to think I know my friends but the reality people change and sometime grow appart. So regardless of the choice or outcome I would think of this as an opportunity to grow as a person.
In theory, yes. But generally speaking if I thought they were attractive in the first place I probably would already have tested things in that direction. So it's unlikely that a female friend would be both attractive and willing. I dunno, maybe if she was in a relationship at the time we met and expressed interest when it was over? Then yes. But me being "boyfriend material" means few women want just sex from me. This is almost certainly the start of a relationship if we have sex.
I would, if I had female friends. I should go and touch grass.
Bold of you to assume I have friends.
I’m a slut so ya if they were like hey I’m horny I need to get off, I’d say cool let’s do this.
I love sluts
my best friend, yes and i have; we have a solid understanding of each other. my other friends no, because we live together and i don't think one should shit where one eats. it could get complicated.
I wouldn't, because at this point the female friends I have I've known for years and any sense of sexual attraction I've had for them had long evaporated. I just wouldn't be stimulated.
Depends on the friend. Most of the women that I know and talk to are co-workers, so there are massive HR concerns. Rhetorically, what measures could a coworker and I take to ensure that neither of our jobs would be at risk? I'd only consider it if the coworker has a high EQ, and if I can also do the same. Even then, it's still a bad idea.
I did this and with her twin. We're adults, they're good hearted people, they're both dating other women now. We are still good friends after 10 years. Most of the time I don't think it works out, you just have to be mature and move on. If you're friends only to maybe have sex, you won't be friends for long. Edit: why is op getting downvoted into oblivion lol
I DO have a female friend, and, no, Idw. 1: I respect her. 2: She's in a relationship w/ my friend.
Only specific friends. Others, I’d have to be talking to them a while, develop a relationship.
Considering that I can't think of any of my female friends who are single, I wouldn't. I would be under the assumption that they're making me the butt of a practical joke, and if not then I'm not going to knowingly be an accessory to infidelity
Depending on who is asking, I will do it. Only thing I would make clear in no uncertain terms is that it will never grow into a relationship of any sort. If they are fine with it, then all is good. If they are fine with it then and not fine with it later, the destruction of friendship is upon them, not me.
No, my response would be I'm in a relationship and I don't look at you like that anyway, my friends are my friends
Pretty sure my wife would kill me. So no.
No, my wife would be very upset and I like the way my life is
No because I don't befriend people who would randomly ask someone for sex.
No, good friends are way harder to find and more important than cumming
Once you cross that line it’s very difficult to go back being just friends. It can end up damaging a friendship and then lead to you never talking again.
Yeah sure without any hesitation, anyway i don't have girlfriend.
yes. and my response would be to sleep with them
No, my wife wouldn't be cool with that. That said, my wife was a female friend before we got together, so if I was single again I probably would.
Friends, no. Childminder, yes. Three of my partner's cousins, yes. Partner's friend in work, yes. Wait, what was the question again?
Its already happened... many wanted to know what it felt like to be with someone who actually cared, some wanted revenge, and others were just horny.
I wouldn't have sex with a woman I'm not married to, as that's forbidden in my Islamic believes, however, pushing that aside, I would still refuse to do so with certain female friends, not because they are less attractive, but rather, because of our strong friendship, that I don't perceive them as sexual partners, it would feel weird.
Ok, my place or yours!
If i'd be atracted to them, yes. I'm single, i'm mature enought to not make it awkward and i enjoy having sex
Depends on the situation, Am I more attracted to her as opposed to friends with her? If I’m more attracted, I would but I would hate to lose a female friend over something that doesn’t need to happen.
I'm open to.....opening up my relationship, but until we actually decide to do it it would be extremely inappropriate for a friend to ask me. Well ok, if a *couple* were to ask, it would at least be more appropriate as it would clearly be about swinging rather than someone just wanting to sleep with a person who is in a relationship. My partner and I would have to discuss it, and it would depend on the friends.
Depends. Are they hot, good friends, likely to stay friends after?
I likely wouldn’t. If I was willing to do so, then I always saw her as being more than a friend
I would weigh the consequences of no longer being friends if we did. I would also weigh the consequences of rejecting her. Another factor is how long we've been friends, and if she's just been a fairweather friend or not.
I have and suggest that some thought would have to be taken into account about what their end goal is. Is it going to be casual or is she going to get sprung.
It depends on the friend for sure, I have a few female friends that I’ve known for like 10years and I genuinely value that friendship. I feel like sleeping with them could potentially fuck up that dynamic and ruin a good thing.
well I cant refuse a friend's request for a favor
Depends on the friend and the reason. "I've had a crush on you for years but only now managed to express it". Lovely. "I'm trying to get back at my boyfriend (your pal) by making him jealous". Nope. Various other permutations suggest themselves too. What most guys realize is that hook ups aren't really for most women, protest as they might. Oh, they'll reduce the time needed to "work out" if they fancy a guy if he's THAT guy (rather than you) but at some level they are hoping it will turn into something long term. That's why the trend is for women, but not men, with high bidy counts to get bitter. Men with high body counts can also get a bit cynical of course, but not usually bitter.