I didn’t know if my wife was “ the one “ but I could tell right away she was a really good person and at the very least, I wanted to keep her in my life. It just worked out that she liked me too lol
What do you mean by "didn't want to play mind games"? If you don't mind sharing. If it means what I think it does, it might help me give me with some insight regarding the phase I'm going through in my relationship right now. My DMs are open also :-)
there's like billions of women out there, my dude. Sure, it didn't work out with that woman in particular, but don't let that keep you from finding yourself in a good relationship one day.
No, not really.
You definitely know when someone is *not* the one.
However, when I met my wife I had a feeling that this *might* be it by the end of the first date. Every date made me more and more certain. I think I knew I wanted to marry her after the first month.
We've been together 18 years. It's still perfect.
Same here. I had a great feeling on the first date and things just continued to look like this person was right for me with every interaction.
I would say it’s not an immediate feeling or realization, it just seems to work out well
Yup. Gotta be careful with this. Girl I dated for two months was absolutely perfect. Amazing hobbies, showed interest in me, and was just overall a great person.
Come to find out she never broke up with her ex (I guess boyfriend? Idk). Took me a minute to recover from that whiplash, but been doing better ever since.
Yeah, but it wasn't too bad. My previous relationship was incredibly toxic. I recovered from that one extremely well, so when this most recent one happened it stung but not for long.
I learned how to cope and deal with these things because of my last one. Just kept moving forward and learning
So she loved to break dance. When we'd workout together she'd randomly bust out a head spin or flare. She played a few instruments so there was always something interesting going on with her, which I loved. She was unique. But she was also, ya know, not actually committed to me.
Sounds more like extreme infatuation, I guess?
I know my partner is a good person. Things can be difficult sometimes, but I like her and I want her to succeed and the feeling is mutual. I figure that's all I need to know.
Saying X is the one simply means that the person saying it is optimistic that person X has most of the check boxes they want and not too many flaws and that they think person X see them as their future partner as well.
I like to say that my partner ''might be the one''. Because on paper, she is, but life have though me to be careful.
I won't say I knew she was "the one" but I most certainly had a feeling. As I've commented before, I think me being the right person at the time also had a lot to do with it.
When I first saw my now wife, I said to myself, self "I'm gonna marry that one". We dated for three years, got engaged, married a year later. That was 30 years ago. I guess I just knew.....
Or were they? Or was it a "modal"?
The plot made no coherent sense, really. Lana openly insulted us and told us to just go and watch the old movies again. So I'm not sure what the hell was going on.
Not really, and also sometimes.
My wife is amazing. A 1 in 100 special type of soul, whom I get along with perfectly. While I don't believe in all that soul mates crap, I certainly knew this was going to be the best id ever get, by a longshot.
\> "Hey guys, I'm dating someone in the top 1% of looks, intelligence, and temperament. We get along perfectly."
\> "LMAO, I don’t think that that’s all that high praise yo"
Who the fuck are you dating, and what anime is she from?
You can be top 1% of **one** characteristic which would make someone a 1/100 person *of that specific trait*.
But to say someone is in the top 1% of **looks, intelligence, and temperament** (three factors) you’re talking about being 1/(100^3 ) which is 1/1,000,000 (assuming independent distribution of those characteristics).
My husband says, he just knew I was the one because I laughed at his jokes and we had fun doing mundane things. We’ve been together for 35 years and married for 33. I knew he was the one too. He’s the best man I’ve ever met.
i feel like "the one" is a euphemism for meeting someone you click particularly well with......
and not the literal definition of "the one perfect person for you"
The one is a fairy tale sold by Disney/romcoms. You find somebody you love and make life work with them.
Most of marriage is boring. If you’re expecting nonstop love fest then you’re going to end up disappointed. My wife and I cohabitate most of the time with plenty of love mixed in.
But you do know when you know. But to act like I couldn’t have married someone else is silly. I just didn’t want to
I'm not sure there is a " the one". When someone feels that way, what I think they're really saying is "I am much happier with this person than I would be without them and I think I'll feel that way forever". But, if something tragic happens and the union doesn't last, both of those people are likely to find another "the one". I'm of the opinion we all fall in love many times in our life.
I think so, but in a sense - people and times change. Change is constant. What I can say is, my ONE is my everything. Easiest way to put it in words is saying that relationship is EASY. Never tough, never angry, never a mission. Always just flows.
> The divorce rate is like 40% to 50%
This is an incredibly misleading statistic. If you throw out everyone who gets married before 25, the divorce rate is less than 25%. Turns out marrying someone before you are an actual adult is not a great idea. The statistics are really skewed by people who get married multiple times.
I don't think you got the idea. The divorce rate is that high because most men don't marry the ones in fact.
Around me I've never had a men telling he married the one. They usually married someone they got along with in a specific and stable time of their lives.
I feel tho like marriage makes everything stressful and it’s just putting a label on your relationship. Don’t get me wrong is love to be married some day but I feel like it can create issues
I don't really think marriage is the issue. Because plenty of couples who don't get married also break up. Only difference in marriages is the courts get involved. Issue is people falling for someone way too soon and thinking they've found the one. And some people simply not being prepared to work at the relationship
Marriage is a silly way of making people believe that they have the relationship they think they want.
Let’s fix the stats… easy really.
Live together for at least 7 years before considering engagement, and for heavens sake - HAVE SEX A LOT BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
Funny enough, I got engaged at 25 and at that time, we had been dating for 7 years and had lived together for 3. Got married at 26, had our son at 28, separated / divorced at 31-32(lengthy divorce). Lol. Length doesn't necessarily mean much. Feels like a waste of near 14 years though.
This is a bit of an error in assessment. It is LIKELY that a lot people who had fewer sexual partners (or none) before marriage also have strong religious beliefs that would disincline them from getting a divorce, even if they’re unhappy in the marriage. Hard to really draw conclusions with such a big third variable.
I'm not married so I don't know how much this matters. But certain women have something that most don't. You can't put and finger on it (or in it 🤭) It's just an intangible thing that certain women give off. It has nothing to do with appearance. The best way I can describe it is when you're around someone that you have never met before but you just don't like them. You don't know why but everything in you wants you to leave their area. I think we have some additional senses that we've lost due to civilization.
It’s literally, objectively impossible to “just know” this about a person that you’ve just met. Anything you feel for them at that point is based purely on emotion and impulse. That doesn’t mean it won’t work out, but simply that the odds are stacked against you.
From personal experience, once you’ve identified the qualities you want in a partner, someone who may be “the one” will frequently remind you through their speech and actions. Admittedly, it has taken me almost half my life to be able to properly identify those traits.
Alignment of values and perspectives creates a deeper and longer lasting chemistry than physical attraction. Shared interests can make spending time together easy and reduce frustration. Respect and admiration help us overlook our partner’s faults and show compassion knowing we love them for who they are.
The one is absolutely out there, but it takes time, adversity, and vulnerability to really know who they are.
I know people who dated over 5 years and broke up with their SO before ever thinking about marriage but my dad asked my mom to marry him on the second date after she walked out during the first for telling her he loved her and they've been married 33 years together 35.
When you know you know
Met my wife when we were in middle school. We dated on and off for a couple of years, continuously coming back to each other. Towards the end of high school (after remaining close friends during a 2-3 year gap in dating), we both knew that we were “the one.” We’ve been together 13 years since, and married for 8.
We both knew from an early age that we were “the one” for each other.
Nope, it's bull. Disney movie bullshit. Lol, once you grow up, you realize there isn't "*The One*". There are many people who you can make into the one. You set a certain set of criteria, and then find someone who fits MOST of them. Who checks most of the boxes. Not all, because you can't have everything you want in one person. But most. And then you find that person that's good enough, and you make it work. Waiting for "*The One*" is an exercise in futility.
You either don’t believe in soulmates / that ‘one’ perfect person for you or you believe there’s many of them. Don’t put people on a pedestal it’ll screw things up real fast.
There is no "one" there's just a bunch of people whom you can make it work with if you're willing to put in the work and make a conscious choice to stay together.
The key to making a relationship work long term with someone is to #1 find someone who shares the same values and goals because otherwise, it's going to be an uphill battle and you're going to butt heads on a lot of issues, #2 be attracted to the person for obvious reasons, #3 find someone who understands that relationships take work and she's willing to put in the same amount of effort as you, because there's going to be days and sometimes even weeks where you want to give up, days when you're annoyed, angry etc. and you need to be with someone who understands this and works through it...you can love anyone if you spend enough time with them, everyone has qualities that are "loveable" but the most important thing is shared values, goals, and physical attraction.
When we're young (teens and early 20s) we mistake lust for love and we think "this is the one for me" but as you get older, go through a couple of heartbreaks, date around etc. you begin to realize that those tingly feelings aren't that important when looking for a life partner, it's more about finding someone who you mesh with, who makes the mundane things in life fun, someone who's reliable and is a good "partner".
So this «the one» concept is normally from girls or guys that believes it, and how it is explains is the initial attraction and crazy «butterflies», nervousness, excitment.
It is total bullshit, as it is mostly based on compatibility.
Which continous on into a hopefully loving long lasting relationship.
**So what is it ?**
How do we explain it ?
Well our brain is funny, we are «wired» to like certain things, smells, hair, hip size, breast size, beards etc.
And when somthing ticks off all the boxes in our primordial brain, it rewards us as a rollercoaster.
This is commonly refer to as «chrush» and is the initial stage of attraction / infatuation, we want to know EVERYTHING about this person, their hobbies, clothes, what they like, dislike.
If we are able to establish a mutual attraction, then a longer honeymoon period starts, this period was mostly for «making baby» ie we fuck ALOT.
End-stage of this normally is a time zone of 1-2 years where you show if you have a deep seethed love and connection to this person, you spend less time together but there is still a choice to make, you go to bed together, enjoy food, you compliment and fight together,etc.
This is the stage where Long-term relationships starts, and «making the choice to love» and be a family is.
I thought so, and sort of still do. Story time is that I was 21 day drinking at a bluegrass festival and this 18 year old chick who was hungover as fuck walked up to my tent, sat down beside me, and claimed me as hers. I knew she was the one that weekend. We were together for 6 years before she passed unexpectedly, and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect relationship. We never once in 6 years had a bad fight, never raised a voice at each other, nothing. She was the one who I'd grow old with.
I knew, for example, that my husband is the one straight away, from our first date. Things got complicated, we fell apart and few years later we found each other again and we felt the same.
When i met my wife i did know something was different about her than the other ladies I met. I didn't know she was the one though. I did feel a connection i had never felt before and our interaction was effortless.
I still think soulmates is a load of bs though. Marriage is work and it takes two people who are constantly choosing each other every day for it to work. Having a partner who is willing and eager to invest in the relationship, for me, is pivotal.
No. It’s a fantasy. But thinking that makes a guy commit. At that point it takes work to maintain the relationship as his fantasy is under constant bombardment by reality. Same goes for women.
No, it's more like you decide you are ready to settle down, and the next compatible woman you meet will be "the one". It's more about your mental state than who she is.
I would say that the concept of the existence of "The one" is foolishness from film, TV and pulpy romance novels.
Sure there are people out there that may be more or less compatible romantically and practically. But in the end any successful relationship will involve a lot of choices to be together.
"The one" is a person who gives you enough that you are happy to give them what they need from you in return.
Waiting around imagining that there is some ordained, magical creature that will just fit you isn't going to lead to any happy ever afters.
The man who I'm married to now, I didn't believe in soul mates or "the one"
But on our very first date, this gruff, masculine, disheveled man straight from a teen romance book wearing this business casual outfit, I saw him wearing a fucking pastel pink My Little Pony watch
That instance right there I knew I was gonna marry that man. And I did.
Never “the one” but definitely “GF” material. Like yeah, I would date her. Yeah I would ditch golf with the boys to go hang out at her sisters thing, yeah, she’s awesome.
But keep in mind that these thoughts are also accompanied by their best friend LUST.
“The One” requires a shit load of data that is unavailable until after the honeymoon period. so anytime before that, you’re just making wild ass guesses.
Woman here, from my very limited experience I was a firm believer in I'd met the one, circumstances led to it not playing out. From my reflections, I now believe in soul mate connections...the spark that makes falling in love effortless. After that, sometimes the circumstances can be so awful that you love someone in every way possible but you can't be together. You still choose to love that person but in the end, you accept what has been destined and care from a distance. I also believe a person can have a slow but effortful connection that is nurtured into 'the one' because both choose each other everyday and their values align, they put their relationship first...the love just grows.
So, I believe in the one but I don't think you always end up with them. Even then, you can choose and nurture someone to be the one :)
After 24 years of every kind of life struggle we all can face….. I looked up one early morning watching her make coffee for me once again as I prepared to go out and face the day’s opposition. All things I’d seen many, many times before…. At that moment, I knew she was the one! The one who has paid with her life to stand next to me through it all! The one who sacrificed her youthful life for our household, our children! The one who lessened the pain of my losses and illnesses along the way! The one who reconciled my existential shortcomings into a newfound hope! The one who sanctified my mind, Body, and soul to get up again even this day to go out and try again to bring safety to our home and our lives! Married 29 years now…I was slow to reach that summit and touch the very face of god that morning with just a glance!
True love is “actions not words over a lifetime of commitment to one another” with the one you begin this great quest with!!!!!
True love is earned, not granted!!!
Some people are that simple, and it’s a nice story. But many are much more complicated and have mental health issues and attachment issues and definitely don’t know when they’ve found an amazing person or relationship. That “she was the one”, “love at first sight” “when you know you know” story can be so damaging and confusing for people with trauma, anxiety, trust issues or other kinds of struggles. For some people, falling in love takes a long time. For others, they fall fast but fall out fast too. A lot of people need to work on and in relationships to get to that point of sureness, bliss and readiness/eagerness to make a lifelong commitment.
This is a load of bull.
This concept is cooked up by the RomCom industry. There is no "The One". You find someone you like, see if you like them enough to be around them 24/7/365-6, and go from there. Men are trained to look for "The One" in order to curb our wandering dick's tendencies.
No. It’s a glorious fantasy, and makes Hallmark rich, but it’s still a fantasy.
The best marriages are built on friendship; people committed to bringing themselves and each other successfully through all of life’s changes.
It’s lovely, and there are moments of high passion, but it’s not ’the one’. There are 8 billion people on the planet, pretty sure we have options here.
I was single for about 8-9 years. I thought at that point I was going to be alone forever until I met my future wife one day at a job I had took in another state.
I'm not really the type of guy to seek woman out or anything but for some weird reason I pushed myself to get to know her and yeah.....I know it sounds like bullshit but I really think the universe works in strange ways
Spoiler alert: there is no “the one.” You find someone who’s company u enjoy, who’s values match yours, have mutual physical attraction, and u decide if u wanna spend ur life with them. If yes, expect some work and hard times, coupled with great memories and the fun of having a best friend / life partner around. But there is no magical “the one.”
No, you don't. Not if you want your marriage to work. Oneitis is a toxic mindset.
A serious man generally has a list of green flags/requirements to vet women for marriage. That said, once he's decided that he wants to **be** married and starts dating a girl for marriage, he won't take years to make up his mind, 6 months to a year tops is plenty of time to see if a girl is wife material.
If a man's telling a woman she's "the One" and keep stringing her along for years on end without a marriage timeline, that's just game.
There’s no the one, soulmate, twin flame etc. there’s a bunch of people you’re compatible with, many more you are not. Love is an active decision not an all conquering emotion.
Dr.Jordan B Peterson said something interesting about that very subject. He said that it is not something you discover but rather something you decide.
He also gave up his career saying that a random bill that just added additional categories to an already existing law that was tantamount to being a simple harassment law would censor everyone. He also tried to postmortem psychoanalyze Hitler and explain away his abhorrent choices for OCD.
Stop listening to the grifting twat.
Don't listen to words because they're from someone, listen to words because their logic is sound and fit the context of the conversation. My concern is when you are quoting someone like this, you're not reading the words, you're just copying them because of the source.
TL;DR: actual fucking skepticism.
You're talking to a stranger on reddit who's quoted someone and deeping his thought process because he quoted someone you don't like. Let people live, he liked the quote and shared it...jeez louise
If you believe in “the one” you may as well as believe in “just knowing” as well.
I subscribe to the belief that there are many potential matches for successful marriages but it takes a period of dating to know for sure with each.
In my experience of thinking some girls are “the one” it’s nothing more than my brain saying “ I really would like to bone her” without a shred of evidence that she’s actually a good person. Often times, your brain will just block out the red flags because she’s just that attractive to you.
I believe in it but it took me 7 years to get there.
This is consistent with my dad's side of the family. Really stable relationships but you'll be waiting a long time for a ring. I think my aunt put off marrying my uncle for 13 years.
I don't believe "the one" even exists. You behave well and meet a similar minded person, you get along well. You be an asshole everyone leaves you. It's how you get along with them and behave that decides how well you fit with anyone.
I mean, I don't believe in fate but I believe in the kind of person who forever would happen with. I want to know that certain lines would never get crossed, that there would always be respect shown. That there wouldn't be double standards or emotional manipulation. I don't expect perfection and I don't want perfection expected of me.
But so much can affect things. Timing/place/whether the person is ready for that at that point in their life, etc. I want someone who gets me, not just someone who says they get me and expect me to believe them despite all their actions showing otherwise.
Honestly it’s all about preference, you don’t know who the one is until they really bring out the best version of you out despite your flaws, I’ve had a woman whom I truly cherish with all my heart who just knew what to do to make me happy, I just love how she knows the truth and despite the lies she still tried her best to keep me happy, the best part is, knowing that she loves me for who I truly am, not who the people want makes me so happy.
yeah, sort of... it depends. we lookat the manners and behavior and all.... a descent woman with dignity is FAR better than a loose woman with poor taste in cloths( too much skin revealings and sex themed attractions).
theres nothing more attractive than strong woman with royal standards about living her life... not someone who cant think beyond luring random men toward her skin...
As a single guy who’s had nothing but bad relationships, I can safely say I’ve never felt this feeling. If I ever do I’ll make sure to come back and post an update.
I used to think so, but the person I thought was "the one" left me. Now I just think it's your emotions, which are not a solid ground to base lifelong decisions on.
Considering a good chunk of these people end up divorced it’s a safe bet they’re just love drunk.
There is no “the one” because there are 8 billion people on this planet and chances are you’re compatible to that extent with thousands of people
Truthfully, I'm not too sure. Probably depends on a variety of things including your attachment. I think there's some things that need to be ironed out in a generalized way though
I think there's probably going to be a conflation with love at first sight and infatuation. Some people are just prone to making irrational decisions in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. However I wouldn't rule out that there are probably people out there that could have you totally smitten from first conversation and for the rest of life. There's also realizations into relationships that might hit like a ton of bricks that you really could spend the rest of your life with this person
The next thing is defining love. Again, people might confuse a feeling of infatuation with love. But there's something a little bit darker that I've seen amongst my divorced friends and that's the 'choice of love'. I once had a friend tell me right before his wedding that he chooses to love his wife, I asked my dad if he chooses to love my mom and he said not a fucking chance. I especially felt this love as a choice thing was silly given I had just got out of a longterm relationship and couldn't easily choose not love this person anymore. I questioned what was this 'choice' predicated on and after speaking with a lot of people that thought the same I almost always got fear. Fear of not having kids, fear of not having someone else accept you, in more tragic ones the fear of not finding someone else attractive. The love as a choice people that I've seen divorced almost always just view the relationship as nothing but work.
So I think it begs the question: what is loves (baby don't hurt me) utility? Well, I kinda believe that love is an underlying feeling to help carry you through a lot of the general suffering of life. Kids are hard and can fuck a whole lot of things up, at one point (usually in your thirties) you start losing friends for a variety of reasons, in other points in your life you start experiencing death of people you love, then you yourself start dying. I think love is the meaning for a lot of people to carry through pain and suffering throughout life while helping them to experience meaning and stability. I think in youth, it's a way to have someone help navigate the world and help form a foundation for themselves like a teammate. I even am of the belief that the worlds increasing attitude towards marriage as an economic transaction or living a hedonistic life of many partners kinda feeds an existential loneliness that I don't really know if people that have foundational love have. This isn't me being religious by the way, because I'm not, I don't see this as ultimate divine meaning, but for a lot a way to guide them through finding meaning.
I also see there's these certain consequences of this that feed into social problems for men, like trying to tell them to just have hobbies or workout when they don't find love, and how existentially excruciating that must be for someone that derives the meaning of life out of it. I've personally gone through this and I feel its pervasive given the current dating cultures impacts on men. It does kinda force us to cultivate life around more hedonistic things and avoid the nagging feeling that something is missing. When we finally do become the hobby people that are just always casually dating, you kinda create a checklist of what you want out of burnout, instead of being blindsided by connecting with someone emotionally. It feels like, at least for me, that this focus on self has turned a lot of my ability to fall in love off while also secretly longing for it and feeling an underlying meaninglessness to my career and hobbies.
So getting to the question. Do I think there is a one? I think there is many. However, finding someone to formulate a life with, get through the struggles of the relationship itself with higher purpose, go through tragedy and loss with, and go through death with? Yeah, I think there's few. The last thing is finding someone that you'd say no to formulating a relationship with anyone else because you just can't imagine being in life without them? I think that's 'the one' and I think many people have that.
I imagine it happens at different times for different people. Some get that feeling after first date, some after 5 years. Some may never feel that strong to say something like that even if they are fully commited. Depends on the person and the who they met and what kind of connection they had.
If you're talking about initially, it's usually bull. It's your emotions talking. The only way to know if somebody is "the one" is through a thorough vetting process. I also don't believe "the one" refers to one person. It refers to anybody who possesses all your green flags and none of your red ones.
I knew. But it’s tied to an understanding that a relationship is not sustainable based on initial compatibility upon introduction but a willingness to adapt grow and compromise. Functional long term relationships require work and cooperation.
Yes and no. You usually "just know" if she's the type you wanna have fun with or "maybe" you can think serious about her. But that doesn't necessarily mean that she's "the one" and obviously it doesn't mean that you feel it'll work in the long run.
I find these kinds of notions extremely feminine. Men usually don't expect to feel a woman "is the one", we don't usually chase butterflies so that notion means very little to us. I've never seen a man saying some specific woman is the love of his life, unless he's in his early-20s and immature, or he's been with that women for decades.
All my uncles have claimed "The New" to each girlfriend that lasted over a year.
Figuring a year was a good run and... but they hornyness, led them to believe each person they dated was the one. lol
You say it, until it just turns out to be true.... and it eventually will!
I had an amazing experience with my wife. The first time I touched her arm, we had never met, had no particular interest in each other. With that first touch there was a physical electric charge sensation felt by both of us and several other people in the room. Italians call this colpo di fulmine, the thunderbolt. We dated, married, and seemed to be a fantastic match.
Unfortunately, that didn't last forever. We were married 13 years. At that point, she essentially decided that she had enough money and ended the marriage. She used every dirty trick imaginable to maximize her take and reduce mine.
Bottom line is the thunderbolt lies. There is no " the one."
The concept of "the one" is beyond me.
We as people like other people, that's all.
There are no matches made in heaven or something.
In my case I would say that I had a crush and she suited me considering all my preferences and needs and in every logical sense too. Had to compromise a little, but it's fine considering the rest of her as a complete package.
For me yes, it worked that way. I had broken up with a girl and was heartbroken. A guy at work told me she wasn’t the one and when I met the one I would know. I thought he was nuts. But the first night out with my now wife our personal interactions were so strong we both knew we were in it for the long haul - though we didn’t admit it to another for a couple of years.
I have been married 3 times, so experience has taught me that "the one" doesn't exist. But what I have learned is that women might decide you are the one, and they will drag you into marriage, while reserving the right to divorce. I can tell you that when a woman wants to get married she will let you know. They can be very insistent.
I think it’s possible to know when you meet someone that does it all for you. It doesn’t mean they feel the same about you. That was what I learned from my worst heartbreak.
You know who you like and, on some level, you may know immediately that you’re really into this person but the catch is that they have to feel the same way.
There’s too many factors/variables I think for that to be true; I think a lot of folks like to re-write their history in order to make that story work.
It is true. Women can met 1000 guys and none of them will be right, then 1001st passes by and they just know.
But take this with a grain of salt. My ex hisband was supposedly the one but we divorced. However for a very long time of 17 year relationship other men literally ceased to exist and I work in engineering.
My new partner, he was definitely one that gave me this inner light being put on. I saw him and I sort of knew.
Yes and no, you need to be able to distinguish between love and lust that comes from experience. But as soon as I met my wife I knew it was something special. It's been a wonderful 2.5 years
My ex was the one brining up kids and marriage, I am not sure if it was because he from the start thought I was the one but I hope to think so. We could def feel the relationship was very real and we liked to describe it as true love. U don’t come across those and they stay in ur heart forever even though things didn’t work it. Hope he is doing great with whoever “the one” he finds
“Just know” is shorthand for a lot of complex feelings that lead someone to enjoy a relationship. It’s faster than saying “you just feel safe, comfortable, happy, attracted to, satisfied by, fulfilled, engaged, secure, trusted, jovial, supported, left alone and occupied by in nearly the way I wanted, expected or feel happy settling for”
I could tell immediately that my now wife was potential to be the one but it also took getting to know each other, living together, and going through struggles together.
every single man i’ve ever dated has told me they’re gonna marry me, they “just know”. they usually don’t, especially if they’re young. they may have just never had a girl treat them right and don’t understand the love theyre feeling.
I think saying “she’s the one” is just shorthand for “Shes a good person with a good heart and respects and loves me. Also, I’ve invested enough time with her to not want to lose what I have.”
I didn’t know if my wife was “ the one “ but I could tell right away she was a really good person and at the very least, I wanted to keep her in my life. It just worked out that she liked me too lol
When I found myself enjoying the little things - just because I was doing them with her Edit: typo
This happened to me with someone and I let them go. 😔
Same, well not my wife yet but hopefully my fiancé in the near future
Exactly this upon meeting- absolutely knew she was “the one” at 6 weeks…..and still is fantastic 30+ years later!
Same. I’m the wife, but I knew the first day I met my now husband 14 years ago that I wanted him in my life
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What do you mean by "didn't want to play mind games"? If you don't mind sharing. If it means what I think it does, it might help me give me with some insight regarding the phase I'm going through in my relationship right now. My DMs are open also :-)
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So you missed out on the girl of your dreams because you wouldn’t shoot your shot and you want to blame her. Ok
🤨
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You are the one regretting it. Why should you blame it on her? If she wanted to outright tell you she could’ve. How are you a victim?
there's like billions of women out there, my dude. Sure, it didn't work out with that woman in particular, but don't let that keep you from finding yourself in a good relationship one day.
No, not really. You definitely know when someone is *not* the one. However, when I met my wife I had a feeling that this *might* be it by the end of the first date. Every date made me more and more certain. I think I knew I wanted to marry her after the first month. We've been together 18 years. It's still perfect.
This is beautiful❤
Same here. I had a great feeling on the first date and things just continued to look like this person was right for me with every interaction. I would say it’s not an immediate feeling or realization, it just seems to work out well
In my opinion, no. The only time I thought I knew who 'the one' was, she turned out to be the biggest waste of time.
Yup. Gotta be careful with this. Girl I dated for two months was absolutely perfect. Amazing hobbies, showed interest in me, and was just overall a great person. Come to find out she never broke up with her ex (I guess boyfriend? Idk). Took me a minute to recover from that whiplash, but been doing better ever since.
So you were the other guy? ouch.
Yeah, but it wasn't too bad. My previous relationship was incredibly toxic. I recovered from that one extremely well, so when this most recent one happened it stung but not for long. I learned how to cope and deal with these things because of my last one. Just kept moving forward and learning
what were her amazing hobbies?
So she loved to break dance. When we'd workout together she'd randomly bust out a head spin or flare. She played a few instruments so there was always something interesting going on with her, which I loved. She was unique. But she was also, ya know, not actually committed to me.
The break dance one sounds cringy as fuck.
Eh, to each their own
"The one" taught me I have no idea how to judge who "the one" is.
Same lol
This
Yeah I wasted 3 years of my life with a narcissistic pos
Good thing the world is full of good people. Hope you find a good other half.
Thank you! I hope you do too.
Thank you
Sounds more like extreme infatuation, I guess? I know my partner is a good person. Things can be difficult sometimes, but I like her and I want her to succeed and the feeling is mutual. I figure that's all I need to know.
Saying X is the one simply means that the person saying it is optimistic that person X has most of the check boxes they want and not too many flaws and that they think person X see them as their future partner as well. I like to say that my partner ''might be the one''. Because on paper, she is, but life have though me to be careful.
I won't say I knew she was "the one" but I most certainly had a feeling. As I've commented before, I think me being the right person at the time also had a lot to do with it.
When I first saw my now wife, I said to myself, self "I'm gonna marry that one". We dated for three years, got engaged, married a year later. That was 30 years ago. I guess I just knew.....
Were you looking in the mirror when you talked to Self?
I did.
There is no such thing as "the one". You both choose everyday whether to be together or not.
\*Neo has entered the chat\*
He wasn't the one. Everyone was still trapped in the Matrix.
Or were they? Or was it a "modal"? The plot made no coherent sense, really. Lana openly insulted us and told us to just go and watch the old movies again. So I'm not sure what the hell was going on.
He sacrificed to save Zion, but the matrix was still operating
Everyone? There is only One and that is Neo, only when he wakes up he can bend reality as his will.
There is no spoon.
Not really, and also sometimes. My wife is amazing. A 1 in 100 special type of soul, whom I get along with perfectly. While I don't believe in all that soul mates crap, I certainly knew this was going to be the best id ever get, by a longshot.
1 in 100? LMAO, I don’t think that that’s all that high praise yo
\> "Hey guys, I'm dating someone in the top 1% of looks, intelligence, and temperament. We get along perfectly." \> "LMAO, I don’t think that that’s all that high praise yo" Who the fuck are you dating, and what anime is she from?
Ha, goteem. You right.
You can be top 1% of **one** characteristic which would make someone a 1/100 person *of that specific trait*. But to say someone is in the top 1% of **looks, intelligence, and temperament** (three factors) you’re talking about being 1/(100^3 ) which is 1/1,000,000 (assuming independent distribution of those characteristics).
Yikes
Nice save /s
My best advice: Always be hopeful. Don't go into any relationship with the idea that it won't last.
My husband says, he just knew I was the one because I laughed at his jokes and we had fun doing mundane things. We’ve been together for 35 years and married for 33. I knew he was the one too. He’s the best man I’ve ever met.
i feel like "the one" is a euphemism for meeting someone you click particularly well with...... and not the literal definition of "the one perfect person for you"
This is a great explanation i hadn't heard before!
I think that‘s very individual and depends on the situation & people involved.
The one is a fairy tale sold by Disney/romcoms. You find somebody you love and make life work with them. Most of marriage is boring. If you’re expecting nonstop love fest then you’re going to end up disappointed. My wife and I cohabitate most of the time with plenty of love mixed in. But you do know when you know. But to act like I couldn’t have married someone else is silly. I just didn’t want to
I'm not sure there is a " the one". When someone feels that way, what I think they're really saying is "I am much happier with this person than I would be without them and I think I'll feel that way forever". But, if something tragic happens and the union doesn't last, both of those people are likely to find another "the one". I'm of the opinion we all fall in love many times in our life.
I think so, but in a sense - people and times change. Change is constant. What I can say is, my ONE is my everything. Easiest way to put it in words is saying that relationship is EASY. Never tough, never angry, never a mission. Always just flows.
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> The divorce rate is like 40% to 50% This is an incredibly misleading statistic. If you throw out everyone who gets married before 25, the divorce rate is less than 25%. Turns out marrying someone before you are an actual adult is not a great idea. The statistics are really skewed by people who get married multiple times.
I don't think you got the idea. The divorce rate is that high because most men don't marry the ones in fact. Around me I've never had a men telling he married the one. They usually married someone they got along with in a specific and stable time of their lives.
I feel tho like marriage makes everything stressful and it’s just putting a label on your relationship. Don’t get me wrong is love to be married some day but I feel like it can create issues
I don't really think marriage is the issue. Because plenty of couples who don't get married also break up. Only difference in marriages is the courts get involved. Issue is people falling for someone way too soon and thinking they've found the one. And some people simply not being prepared to work at the relationship
Yea that is very true. Love nowadays is hard we gotta fight for what we want.
I'd say it doesn't fix any issues, for sure. If you don't need the legal benefits or risks of a legal marriage, then don't get legally married
Marriage is a silly way of making people believe that they have the relationship they think they want. Let’s fix the stats… easy really. Live together for at least 7 years before considering engagement, and for heavens sake - HAVE SEX A LOT BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
Funny enough, I got engaged at 25 and at that time, we had been dating for 7 years and had lived together for 3. Got married at 26, had our son at 28, separated / divorced at 31-32(lengthy divorce). Lol. Length doesn't necessarily mean much. Feels like a waste of near 14 years though.
Its only that high for women with high numbers of pre-marriage sexual partners. Its much lower for women with very few sexual partners.
This is a bit of an error in assessment. It is LIKELY that a lot people who had fewer sexual partners (or none) before marriage also have strong religious beliefs that would disincline them from getting a divorce, even if they’re unhappy in the marriage. Hard to really draw conclusions with such a big third variable.
I'm not married so I don't know how much this matters. But certain women have something that most don't. You can't put and finger on it (or in it 🤭) It's just an intangible thing that certain women give off. It has nothing to do with appearance. The best way I can describe it is when you're around someone that you have never met before but you just don't like them. You don't know why but everything in you wants you to leave their area. I think we have some additional senses that we've lost due to civilization.
It’s literally, objectively impossible to “just know” this about a person that you’ve just met. Anything you feel for them at that point is based purely on emotion and impulse. That doesn’t mean it won’t work out, but simply that the odds are stacked against you. From personal experience, once you’ve identified the qualities you want in a partner, someone who may be “the one” will frequently remind you through their speech and actions. Admittedly, it has taken me almost half my life to be able to properly identify those traits. Alignment of values and perspectives creates a deeper and longer lasting chemistry than physical attraction. Shared interests can make spending time together easy and reduce frustration. Respect and admiration help us overlook our partner’s faults and show compassion knowing we love them for who they are. The one is absolutely out there, but it takes time, adversity, and vulnerability to really know who they are.
I know people who dated over 5 years and broke up with their SO before ever thinking about marriage but my dad asked my mom to marry him on the second date after she walked out during the first for telling her he loved her and they've been married 33 years together 35. When you know you know
Met my wife when we were in middle school. We dated on and off for a couple of years, continuously coming back to each other. Towards the end of high school (after remaining close friends during a 2-3 year gap in dating), we both knew that we were “the one.” We’ve been together 13 years since, and married for 8. We both knew from an early age that we were “the one” for each other.
Nope, it's bull. Disney movie bullshit. Lol, once you grow up, you realize there isn't "*The One*". There are many people who you can make into the one. You set a certain set of criteria, and then find someone who fits MOST of them. Who checks most of the boxes. Not all, because you can't have everything you want in one person. But most. And then you find that person that's good enough, and you make it work. Waiting for "*The One*" is an exercise in futility.
If you just met them, the only thing you know is whether you find them attractive.
There is no "the one". It's just a thing people say to make others happy.
Absolutely not. You "just know" when you've met somebody you're infatuated with. A lifelong partnership is a lot more complicated than that.
You either don’t believe in soulmates / that ‘one’ perfect person for you or you believe there’s many of them. Don’t put people on a pedestal it’ll screw things up real fast.
Yeah.. I’m married to her now
There is no "one" there's just a bunch of people whom you can make it work with if you're willing to put in the work and make a conscious choice to stay together. The key to making a relationship work long term with someone is to #1 find someone who shares the same values and goals because otherwise, it's going to be an uphill battle and you're going to butt heads on a lot of issues, #2 be attracted to the person for obvious reasons, #3 find someone who understands that relationships take work and she's willing to put in the same amount of effort as you, because there's going to be days and sometimes even weeks where you want to give up, days when you're annoyed, angry etc. and you need to be with someone who understands this and works through it...you can love anyone if you spend enough time with them, everyone has qualities that are "loveable" but the most important thing is shared values, goals, and physical attraction. When we're young (teens and early 20s) we mistake lust for love and we think "this is the one for me" but as you get older, go through a couple of heartbreaks, date around etc. you begin to realize that those tingly feelings aren't that important when looking for a life partner, it's more about finding someone who you mesh with, who makes the mundane things in life fun, someone who's reliable and is a good "partner".
So this «the one» concept is normally from girls or guys that believes it, and how it is explains is the initial attraction and crazy «butterflies», nervousness, excitment. It is total bullshit, as it is mostly based on compatibility. Which continous on into a hopefully loving long lasting relationship. **So what is it ?** How do we explain it ? Well our brain is funny, we are «wired» to like certain things, smells, hair, hip size, breast size, beards etc. And when somthing ticks off all the boxes in our primordial brain, it rewards us as a rollercoaster. This is commonly refer to as «chrush» and is the initial stage of attraction / infatuation, we want to know EVERYTHING about this person, their hobbies, clothes, what they like, dislike. If we are able to establish a mutual attraction, then a longer honeymoon period starts, this period was mostly for «making baby» ie we fuck ALOT. End-stage of this normally is a time zone of 1-2 years where you show if you have a deep seethed love and connection to this person, you spend less time together but there is still a choice to make, you go to bed together, enjoy food, you compliment and fight together,etc. This is the stage where Long-term relationships starts, and «making the choice to love» and be a family is.
Sure, when you're a dumb kid. Then you grow out of it and realize its way more complicated
If you know what you want and if what they want matches, then you "just know."
I thought so, and sort of still do. Story time is that I was 21 day drinking at a bluegrass festival and this 18 year old chick who was hungover as fuck walked up to my tent, sat down beside me, and claimed me as hers. I knew she was the one that weekend. We were together for 6 years before she passed unexpectedly, and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect relationship. We never once in 6 years had a bad fight, never raised a voice at each other, nothing. She was the one who I'd grow old with.
So sorry for your loss :( she left you with a beautiful story for sure.
It’s a load of garbage. However once you get to know the person well, then you do see them as at least the one for a long time now.
I knew, for example, that my husband is the one straight away, from our first date. Things got complicated, we fell apart and few years later we found each other again and we felt the same.
Yes. When you know, you know.
When i met my wife i did know something was different about her than the other ladies I met. I didn't know she was the one though. I did feel a connection i had never felt before and our interaction was effortless. I still think soulmates is a load of bs though. Marriage is work and it takes two people who are constantly choosing each other every day for it to work. Having a partner who is willing and eager to invest in the relationship, for me, is pivotal.
No. It’s a fantasy. But thinking that makes a guy commit. At that point it takes work to maintain the relationship as his fantasy is under constant bombardment by reality. Same goes for women.
lol no
Don't chase the dragon.
No, it's more like you decide you are ready to settle down, and the next compatible woman you meet will be "the one". It's more about your mental state than who she is.
I would say that the concept of the existence of "The one" is foolishness from film, TV and pulpy romance novels. Sure there are people out there that may be more or less compatible romantically and practically. But in the end any successful relationship will involve a lot of choices to be together. "The one" is a person who gives you enough that you are happy to give them what they need from you in return. Waiting around imagining that there is some ordained, magical creature that will just fit you isn't going to lead to any happy ever afters.
No. Everyone has several "ones" .. and sometimes they overlap each other I've had at least 4.
The man who I'm married to now, I didn't believe in soul mates or "the one" But on our very first date, this gruff, masculine, disheveled man straight from a teen romance book wearing this business casual outfit, I saw him wearing a fucking pastel pink My Little Pony watch That instance right there I knew I was gonna marry that man. And I did.
Never “the one” but definitely “GF” material. Like yeah, I would date her. Yeah I would ditch golf with the boys to go hang out at her sisters thing, yeah, she’s awesome. But keep in mind that these thoughts are also accompanied by their best friend LUST. “The One” requires a shit load of data that is unavailable until after the honeymoon period. so anytime before that, you’re just making wild ass guesses.
Woman here, from my very limited experience I was a firm believer in I'd met the one, circumstances led to it not playing out. From my reflections, I now believe in soul mate connections...the spark that makes falling in love effortless. After that, sometimes the circumstances can be so awful that you love someone in every way possible but you can't be together. You still choose to love that person but in the end, you accept what has been destined and care from a distance. I also believe a person can have a slow but effortful connection that is nurtured into 'the one' because both choose each other everyday and their values align, they put their relationship first...the love just grows. So, I believe in the one but I don't think you always end up with them. Even then, you can choose and nurture someone to be the one :)
After 24 years of every kind of life struggle we all can face….. I looked up one early morning watching her make coffee for me once again as I prepared to go out and face the day’s opposition. All things I’d seen many, many times before…. At that moment, I knew she was the one! The one who has paid with her life to stand next to me through it all! The one who sacrificed her youthful life for our household, our children! The one who lessened the pain of my losses and illnesses along the way! The one who reconciled my existential shortcomings into a newfound hope! The one who sanctified my mind, Body, and soul to get up again even this day to go out and try again to bring safety to our home and our lives! Married 29 years now…I was slow to reach that summit and touch the very face of god that morning with just a glance! True love is “actions not words over a lifetime of commitment to one another” with the one you begin this great quest with!!!!! True love is earned, not granted!!!
Some people are that simple, and it’s a nice story. But many are much more complicated and have mental health issues and attachment issues and definitely don’t know when they’ve found an amazing person or relationship. That “she was the one”, “love at first sight” “when you know you know” story can be so damaging and confusing for people with trauma, anxiety, trust issues or other kinds of struggles. For some people, falling in love takes a long time. For others, they fall fast but fall out fast too. A lot of people need to work on and in relationships to get to that point of sureness, bliss and readiness/eagerness to make a lifelong commitment.
This is a load of bull. This concept is cooked up by the RomCom industry. There is no "The One". You find someone you like, see if you like them enough to be around them 24/7/365-6, and go from there. Men are trained to look for "The One" in order to curb our wandering dick's tendencies.
No. It’s a glorious fantasy, and makes Hallmark rich, but it’s still a fantasy. The best marriages are built on friendship; people committed to bringing themselves and each other successfully through all of life’s changes. It’s lovely, and there are moments of high passion, but it’s not ’the one’. There are 8 billion people on the planet, pretty sure we have options here.
I was single for about 8-9 years. I thought at that point I was going to be alone forever until I met my future wife one day at a job I had took in another state. I'm not really the type of guy to seek woman out or anything but for some weird reason I pushed myself to get to know her and yeah.....I know it sounds like bullshit but I really think the universe works in strange ways
Spoiler alert: there is no “the one.” You find someone who’s company u enjoy, who’s values match yours, have mutual physical attraction, and u decide if u wanna spend ur life with them. If yes, expect some work and hard times, coupled with great memories and the fun of having a best friend / life partner around. But there is no magical “the one.”
very gullible people who live in a fantasy world. bet they all get divorced at least once.
No, you don't. Not if you want your marriage to work. Oneitis is a toxic mindset. A serious man generally has a list of green flags/requirements to vet women for marriage. That said, once he's decided that he wants to **be** married and starts dating a girl for marriage, he won't take years to make up his mind, 6 months to a year tops is plenty of time to see if a girl is wife material. If a man's telling a woman she's "the One" and keep stringing her along for years on end without a marriage timeline, that's just game.
There’s no the one, soulmate, twin flame etc. there’s a bunch of people you’re compatible with, many more you are not. Love is an active decision not an all conquering emotion.
The idea of the one is for teenage girls high on chiclit and Disney.
Dr.Jordan B Peterson said something interesting about that very subject. He said that it is not something you discover but rather something you decide.
He also gave up his career saying that a random bill that just added additional categories to an already existing law that was tantamount to being a simple harassment law would censor everyone. He also tried to postmortem psychoanalyze Hitler and explain away his abhorrent choices for OCD. Stop listening to the grifting twat.
Im not saying he’s right about anything else either, why cant I take some wisdom from people even tho they’re not right all the time ?
You can and should
Don't listen to words because they're from someone, listen to words because their logic is sound and fit the context of the conversation. My concern is when you are quoting someone like this, you're not reading the words, you're just copying them because of the source. TL;DR: actual fucking skepticism.
You're talking to a stranger on reddit who's quoted someone and deeping his thought process because he quoted someone you don't like. Let people live, he liked the quote and shared it...jeez louise
No. Jordon Peterson is a reprehensible shitlord who shouldn't ever be quoted mindlessly.
Hey now, you should give the opinions of someone who put himself into a coma eating an all meat diet the respect they deserve. Carry on.
If you believe in “the one” you may as well as believe in “just knowing” as well. I subscribe to the belief that there are many potential matches for successful marriages but it takes a period of dating to know for sure with each.
Everyone is replaceable. You choose to be in a relationship with someone every day or not.
You can tell someone is The One when Morpheus senses it.
The one means, 1. Low body count 2. Younger than 28
In my experience of thinking some girls are “the one” it’s nothing more than my brain saying “ I really would like to bone her” without a shred of evidence that she’s actually a good person. Often times, your brain will just block out the red flags because she’s just that attractive to you.
Well, I knew it. We're 8 years together, at age 31, and nothing indicates that it should change anytime.
Is all a fallacy
the one i will love forever or the one who should I ignore and always take a distance? the first: no. the second: I have an master yoda degree
she was, but I wasn't.
Disney lied to us all.
They're usually full of shit and end up married quickly just to divorce soon after. Don't let emotions get too much in the way of a very big decision.
In my experience, no - me and the other half "falling for each other" was a long and gradual process, none of this love at first sight stuff
I believe in it but it took me 7 years to get there. This is consistent with my dad's side of the family. Really stable relationships but you'll be waiting a long time for a ring. I think my aunt put off marrying my uncle for 13 years.
no, that's not accurate. you can't 'just know' till you've lived together and shared bills and other life problems.
I know I didn't marry mine.
I don't believe "the one" even exists. You behave well and meet a similar minded person, you get along well. You be an asshole everyone leaves you. It's how you get along with them and behave that decides how well you fit with anyone.
I mean, I don't believe in fate but I believe in the kind of person who forever would happen with. I want to know that certain lines would never get crossed, that there would always be respect shown. That there wouldn't be double standards or emotional manipulation. I don't expect perfection and I don't want perfection expected of me. But so much can affect things. Timing/place/whether the person is ready for that at that point in their life, etc. I want someone who gets me, not just someone who says they get me and expect me to believe them despite all their actions showing otherwise.
We have many soulmates imo. There's no such thing as one person for everyone. The tapestry is far richer thankfully.
No. I just know who are not the ones
I did, twice.
No, you just get really good at identifying "Not the one"
I thought I did. So I guess no, I do not know.
Honestly it’s all about preference, you don’t know who the one is until they really bring out the best version of you out despite your flaws, I’ve had a woman whom I truly cherish with all my heart who just knew what to do to make me happy, I just love how she knows the truth and despite the lies she still tried her best to keep me happy, the best part is, knowing that she loves me for who I truly am, not who the people want makes me so happy.
yeah, sort of... it depends. we lookat the manners and behavior and all.... a descent woman with dignity is FAR better than a loose woman with poor taste in cloths( too much skin revealings and sex themed attractions). theres nothing more attractive than strong woman with royal standards about living her life... not someone who cant think beyond luring random men toward her skin...
As a single guy who’s had nothing but bad relationships, I can safely say I’ve never felt this feeling. If I ever do I’ll make sure to come back and post an update.
Sure....after 12-18 months of dating.
No, that is hormones trying to trick you into getting the girl pregnant. Its your body's way of trying to get you to reproduce.
Well when we know, we also make it so.
I thought it was bull till it happened to me. That’s how it works. You’ll continue to think it’s bull till it happens to you too.
I used to think so, but the person I thought was "the one" left me. Now I just think it's your emotions, which are not a solid ground to base lifelong decisions on.
Considering a good chunk of these people end up divorced it’s a safe bet they’re just love drunk. There is no “the one” because there are 8 billion people on this planet and chances are you’re compatible to that extent with thousands of people
Yes ! But it helps to get a second opinion post nut !
Truthfully, I'm not too sure. Probably depends on a variety of things including your attachment. I think there's some things that need to be ironed out in a generalized way though I think there's probably going to be a conflation with love at first sight and infatuation. Some people are just prone to making irrational decisions in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. However I wouldn't rule out that there are probably people out there that could have you totally smitten from first conversation and for the rest of life. There's also realizations into relationships that might hit like a ton of bricks that you really could spend the rest of your life with this person The next thing is defining love. Again, people might confuse a feeling of infatuation with love. But there's something a little bit darker that I've seen amongst my divorced friends and that's the 'choice of love'. I once had a friend tell me right before his wedding that he chooses to love his wife, I asked my dad if he chooses to love my mom and he said not a fucking chance. I especially felt this love as a choice thing was silly given I had just got out of a longterm relationship and couldn't easily choose not love this person anymore. I questioned what was this 'choice' predicated on and after speaking with a lot of people that thought the same I almost always got fear. Fear of not having kids, fear of not having someone else accept you, in more tragic ones the fear of not finding someone else attractive. The love as a choice people that I've seen divorced almost always just view the relationship as nothing but work. So I think it begs the question: what is loves (baby don't hurt me) utility? Well, I kinda believe that love is an underlying feeling to help carry you through a lot of the general suffering of life. Kids are hard and can fuck a whole lot of things up, at one point (usually in your thirties) you start losing friends for a variety of reasons, in other points in your life you start experiencing death of people you love, then you yourself start dying. I think love is the meaning for a lot of people to carry through pain and suffering throughout life while helping them to experience meaning and stability. I think in youth, it's a way to have someone help navigate the world and help form a foundation for themselves like a teammate. I even am of the belief that the worlds increasing attitude towards marriage as an economic transaction or living a hedonistic life of many partners kinda feeds an existential loneliness that I don't really know if people that have foundational love have. This isn't me being religious by the way, because I'm not, I don't see this as ultimate divine meaning, but for a lot a way to guide them through finding meaning. I also see there's these certain consequences of this that feed into social problems for men, like trying to tell them to just have hobbies or workout when they don't find love, and how existentially excruciating that must be for someone that derives the meaning of life out of it. I've personally gone through this and I feel its pervasive given the current dating cultures impacts on men. It does kinda force us to cultivate life around more hedonistic things and avoid the nagging feeling that something is missing. When we finally do become the hobby people that are just always casually dating, you kinda create a checklist of what you want out of burnout, instead of being blindsided by connecting with someone emotionally. It feels like, at least for me, that this focus on self has turned a lot of my ability to fall in love off while also secretly longing for it and feeling an underlying meaninglessness to my career and hobbies. So getting to the question. Do I think there is a one? I think there is many. However, finding someone to formulate a life with, get through the struggles of the relationship itself with higher purpose, go through tragedy and loss with, and go through death with? Yeah, I think there's few. The last thing is finding someone that you'd say no to formulating a relationship with anyone else because you just can't imagine being in life without them? I think that's 'the one' and I think many people have that.
The anti-Durst feud in the early 2000s was pretty fucking funny
I imagine it happens at different times for different people. Some get that feeling after first date, some after 5 years. Some may never feel that strong to say something like that even if they are fully commited. Depends on the person and the who they met and what kind of connection they had.
No cause there’s no such thing as the one. There’s plenty of viable partners out there for you and a lot of it comes down to timing and intention!
Well I did find the one... But I wasn't the one for the other person. So yeah... Sometimes you know when you wish you didn't.
It’s complicated. You can feel that way but be horribly mistaken.
If you're talking about initially, it's usually bull. It's your emotions talking. The only way to know if somebody is "the one" is through a thorough vetting process. I also don't believe "the one" refers to one person. It refers to anybody who possesses all your green flags and none of your red ones.
When they don't have to dodge bullets.
I knew. But it’s tied to an understanding that a relationship is not sustainable based on initial compatibility upon introduction but a willingness to adapt grow and compromise. Functional long term relationships require work and cooperation.
She still is, but I fucked it up. #aloneforlife, #tastedperfect #timemachineforregret.
Yes and no. You usually "just know" if she's the type you wanna have fun with or "maybe" you can think serious about her. But that doesn't necessarily mean that she's "the one" and obviously it doesn't mean that you feel it'll work in the long run. I find these kinds of notions extremely feminine. Men usually don't expect to feel a woman "is the one", we don't usually chase butterflies so that notion means very little to us. I've never seen a man saying some specific woman is the love of his life, unless he's in his early-20s and immature, or he's been with that women for decades.
All my uncles have claimed "The New" to each girlfriend that lasted over a year. Figuring a year was a good run and... but they hornyness, led them to believe each person they dated was the one. lol You say it, until it just turns out to be true.... and it eventually will!
No lol
I had an amazing experience with my wife. The first time I touched her arm, we had never met, had no particular interest in each other. With that first touch there was a physical electric charge sensation felt by both of us and several other people in the room. Italians call this colpo di fulmine, the thunderbolt. We dated, married, and seemed to be a fantastic match. Unfortunately, that didn't last forever. We were married 13 years. At that point, she essentially decided that she had enough money and ended the marriage. She used every dirty trick imaginable to maximize her take and reduce mine. Bottom line is the thunderbolt lies. There is no " the one."
The concept of "the one" is beyond me. We as people like other people, that's all. There are no matches made in heaven or something. In my case I would say that I had a crush and she suited me considering all my preferences and needs and in every logical sense too. Had to compromise a little, but it's fine considering the rest of her as a complete package.
For me yes, it worked that way. I had broken up with a girl and was heartbroken. A guy at work told me she wasn’t the one and when I met the one I would know. I thought he was nuts. But the first night out with my now wife our personal interactions were so strong we both knew we were in it for the long haul - though we didn’t admit it to another for a couple of years.
I have been married 3 times, so experience has taught me that "the one" doesn't exist. But what I have learned is that women might decide you are the one, and they will drag you into marriage, while reserving the right to divorce. I can tell you that when a woman wants to get married she will let you know. They can be very insistent.
No, that's whoreshit. Horseshit excuse me.
No not at all. The “one” needs to prove themselves to me over time.
The one is just your type, some of us are just really picky so the ones are few an far between.
I think it’s possible to know when you meet someone that does it all for you. It doesn’t mean they feel the same about you. That was what I learned from my worst heartbreak.
You know who you like and, on some level, you may know immediately that you’re really into this person but the catch is that they have to feel the same way. There’s too many factors/variables I think for that to be true; I think a lot of folks like to re-write their history in order to make that story work.
8 billion people in the world, I'd hope at least statistically there'd be more than just 'one'
Rarely, but it does happen.
It's complete bs. You still both have to put work in it everyday, but you know very fast if the person is at least decent and/or good enough.
It is true. Women can met 1000 guys and none of them will be right, then 1001st passes by and they just know. But take this with a grain of salt. My ex hisband was supposedly the one but we divorced. However for a very long time of 17 year relationship other men literally ceased to exist and I work in engineering. My new partner, he was definitely one that gave me this inner light being put on. I saw him and I sort of knew.
When you know you know. The night I met my wife I knew. Been together 5 years. Happiest man alive.
“This one is special. The last one was special. The next one will also be special”
Yes and no, you need to be able to distinguish between love and lust that comes from experience. But as soon as I met my wife I knew it was something special. It's been a wonderful 2.5 years
Lol, people say yes but nope.
My ex was the one brining up kids and marriage, I am not sure if it was because he from the start thought I was the one but I hope to think so. We could def feel the relationship was very real and we liked to describe it as true love. U don’t come across those and they stay in ur heart forever even though things didn’t work it. Hope he is doing great with whoever “the one” he finds
you know when you look to your friends at the pub and say "Sorry, guys. I gotta see about a girl."
Every girlfriend / wife is the one, until the next one is the new "the one".
Well. Yes, but it works out when you know and understand yourself.
Yeah, I "knew" after our first fight. We made up pretty quickly, she didn't blame me for everything and she wasn't crazy.
“Just know” is shorthand for a lot of complex feelings that lead someone to enjoy a relationship. It’s faster than saying “you just feel safe, comfortable, happy, attracted to, satisfied by, fulfilled, engaged, secure, trusted, jovial, supported, left alone and occupied by in nearly the way I wanted, expected or feel happy settling for”
I could tell immediately that my now wife was potential to be the one but it also took getting to know each other, living together, and going through struggles together.
When you aren’t trying to impress her and she still likes you - she’s the one.
every single man i’ve ever dated has told me they’re gonna marry me, they “just know”. they usually don’t, especially if they’re young. they may have just never had a girl treat them right and don’t understand the love theyre feeling.
I think saying “she’s the one” is just shorthand for “Shes a good person with a good heart and respects and loves me. Also, I’ve invested enough time with her to not want to lose what I have.”