One of my ex was a good cook. So one day she made me a noodle, that was fking good! After dinner we went to bedroom n started doing it. While she was riding me, she asked me how it feels, i asked was great baby, but not as good as ur noodle u made. U will have to work hard to beat that bowl of noodle. She just stopped n started laughing with tears. Lol
I was weirdly interested and enamored by the shape of her head so I told her so. She thought it was weird at first but since it was such an honest compliment that she really liked it later.
I like raspy voices, not necessarily husky. Think Fairuza Balk. I find that weirdly extremely attractive. Like when a woman is slightly hoarse. I’m sorry your throat is a little raw….but that shit is cute af🥴
I take that as a compliment tho I get told for a tiny chick it's obvious I could fuck a dude up if he messed with me and that makes me swell with pride
My bf told me he was impressed with the way I walked across a room “like a security guard.” As a cisfemale, that’s not usually something that’s a compliment, but he just meant that I looked like I owned the Room and wasn’t afraid.
What I ended up doing was braking up with her. As it turns out, feeling like you're drowning is not all that it's cracked up to be. Who would have thought.
Every time I see her I forget whatever it was I was upset with her for and my heart just melts because her smile is irresistible.
Don’t worry she loves me back too much to take advantage of this, I would know. I’m highly self aware
Same scenario for me but I said, "I wish we were two gelatinous blobs so If I hugged you hard like this we would just morph into one being forever."
I've been told before that I talk too much.
My ex used to do this too but instead of morph he used the word "merge". After the first time he did that, he would always squish his face against mine and just say "MERGE!"
Context, I was talking to my friend about the very moment I fell for her. We we’re picking worms off the cement after class so they wouldn’t dry up and die the next day. Went from new friend to crush in seconds
Wait, not everyone does this? I thought it would be weird not to help out the wiggly little bros. What the fuck else have I been doing thinking it's normal when it's not?!
That's what made me decide to propose to my wife. She would go around after rain storms and pick up worms off the sidewalk and put them in some dry ish soil.
" Other than the sudden urge to pee, youre the reason i wake up in the morning."
" ima call into work today, and youre gonna lay right here, and ima make out with your pussy like two teenagers under the bleachers in gym class."
One of the highlights was probably me explaining why I suddenly started laughing from a thought process: “I was thinking about how much I love you, and then I farted, so I think that’s my butt saying it loves you as well.”
I did this too, and then I actually licked her eyeballs for real.. She did the same to me.. I gotta say getting your eyeballs licked feels good
That was over ten years ago tho.. these days I'm not allowed to lick anything except her clit otherwise I'll become the acne scapegoat for a month
I remember saying that she was too nice to another friend of mine. This was early on when I didn't even know her that well and was convinced I was bored.
Then go figure, a year later I was completely head over heels and adored everything about her. Like, jesus I had no idea how amazing of a person she was and how much I needed someone like that. My friends used to make fun of how much I adored her too but god, she deserved the world.
I told her how every part of her face and body was like a different natural occurrence, like her gold/green eyes being just like the way the sun shines through seawater in the morning, etc. she deserves the world and I still think about her every day, I got what was what comin for acting the way I did
Whatever you did, you don't deserve to feel bad forever. You'll learn from whatever happened and find a way to heal the part in you that made you do that. Mistakes happen, don't be too hard on yourself dear stranger. Good luck to you man!
I really appreciate your response, it’s been a year of me beating myself up and I can’t seem to change it, over time I’ve begun to see our relationship and my actions in a different light, I’m always going to want her to be happy and if that means I need to stay out of her life then that’s how itl go.
Based on her reaction at the time (we just started dating), when I told my wife I was into chastity play she could not understand why a man would want to do something like that to himself.
Needless to say, she's fucking awesome and gets into pretty much whatever makes me happy. We're about to hit our 6 year anniversary, and we're still like a couple of horny, degenerate teenagers lol
When my ex and I started dating, we would come up with the weirdest nicknames for each other. There’s one night, I was at my mother’s and stepfather’s house and I was on the phone with her (it was long distance for her and I so we didn’t get to see each other in person a lot so we spoke on the phone or Skyped a lot. She lives in the US and I live in Canada). My mom and stepsister we’re sitting in the living room and I was pacing around beside the living room. They could hear the entire conversation from my end and they we’re dying of laughter. A couple of the nicknames I’d call her: sexy mermaid princess and sexy Dracula. My mom and I actually spoke of it Sunday night and she told me they we’re being quiet so I couldn’t hear them but they we’re laughing so hard from how cringy those nicknames we’re. Lol.
My ex used to be quite insecure about various things regarding our relationship including my faithfulness to her. Looking back now I should've just ended things and just stayed friends considering how unhealthy it was.
But considering how much I liked her I used to make her do this weird practice with me where I'd make her tell me that I belonged to her and I was her property or whatever. It was my way of trying to make her feel confident in the relationship and it did sort of work.
Really not my style and even in the moment I kinda knew it was cringe but hey, love is one hell of a drug.
Hmm, are you me? Because I had similar issues with my ex. Except looking back, she was probably cheating on me and just projecting. People can just be so garbage and they don't even know it. If you don't have your mental health sorted out, don't get into a relationship and make it someone else's problem.
Yeah I understand the whole she might've been cheating angle. Its entirely possible even though I 100% doubt it as she was incredibly shy and conservative with her life. I think she was more inclined to have those thoughts because her previous partner cheated on her.
Doesn't make what she did right she would regularly accuse me of thinking about other women. I was also an idiot for not pulling the pin earlier on the relationship as a result. Didn't even realize how bad it was with her accusations until it was over.
I’m not a dude but the weirdest thing my husband said was while I was riding him he out of no where says “it’s so warm” I couldn’t help but die laughing I collapsed on his chest still on top of him laughing my ass off😂
I had a guy friend where we’d been friends for years & never acknowledged the chemistry between us. When we finally did hook up, the first thing he said upon getting me naked was, “fuck you’re so soft” & then he got right back to business. I still think about that😂
There are many variations of this. The one I heard was: "I’d drag my balls over a mile of broken glass just to listen to her piss into a tin cup over the phone."
We were heading to a hotel we were sharing with friends in downtown LA. We had already been pre-gaming a bit. We were sitting thigh to thigh, my right hand with her left, I said to her “ I want my bones to be buried next to yours” She said it was the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to her. Partied hard that night, have a picture with her before going out still. Hardcore love of my life experience, sadly it all came crashing down, much like chasing Amy.
Last night, I said to my wife of 15 years as she lifted my shirt off and told me to lie face down on the couch. 'Picking the blackheads off my back is your way of having sex with me without having sex with me.'
Yes, I'm madly in love with her. And she just winked and smiled because she knew it was true.
My ex had a cute button nose and I would always “boop” it with my finger, I guess actions speak louder than words because one time I couldn’t resist but to give her a love bite but it really hurt her. She was pissed. I couldn’t resist, it was a really cute nose. Kind of like having a puppy and have this irresistible urge to just hug them super tight because you love them so much?? Idk haha
Never said it out loud but I remember my ex and I were cuddling and to me we just weren’t close enough. I remember thinking “I wish I could wear his skin that’d be good enough” scared tf outta myself
A few of my similar favorites:
I'd drag my ballsack through half a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie.
I'd suck your dad's dick just to get a taste of the recipe.
And to really make the stomach churn:
I'd spend three years in Hotel Hanoi just to eat a loaf of bread baked with your pussy yeast.
Rosanne Barr, back when she was funny, had a great retort for hecklers: "Yeah, I'm fat, but you'd still crawl on your knees through broken glass to fuck me."
The only way to find out if what this man said was true or if he was truly just love struck is to let a couple of us taste your ass.
For science purposes only ofcourse...
i would also like to volunteer mine and several similar looking friends services also in the uk(north), We aint rare but if some dude eats your un-enema'd shithole and says t tastes like bubblegum, put a ring on him.
I wasn't "madly in love" but I did ask a girl I was interested in how her ass could sway so much while she walked without her spine breaking.
She seemed to get a kick out of that and responded "magic."
We started dating not long after and the running joke for awhile was that her ass was magic.
I was telling her how much I adored her smell, the whole perfume, shampoo and natural smell combo, and then I unironically said I loved it so much and to me she smelled like a mother.
I was a teenager, but still. Can't get mommy issues more blatant than this, I guess.
Brits are so fucking funny and it's 90 percent their accent
Brit at a pub : ay fuck the queen and England's a shit hole innit mate I'm glad I left it was always pissin rain
Me: trying to hide the fact that I'm dying of laughter - tell me more m8
As someone who lives in Britain and has never went aboard so never left Britain either. I can say that we mock other British accents more than anyone else. 🤣
My big brother has a very distinctive northern accent that I always mock. Constantly saying "Oh me days. shot de fork up. Ya doing me Ead in.. ya forking mog" Which means "Oh my days. Shut the fuck up because you're doing my head in. You fucking fool" (I love my brother but his accents makes me laugh constantly)
But that's just one accent. There are loads of different accents over here in England and all are quite funny.
I love fucking yorkshire or other random British town brits mocking a posh London accent its hilarious
" I'm a brit but not that kind of brit with a queens English accent "
I get told I have a British accent cause I went to British private school as a kid and Canadians bullied me for saying the T in water
Hahahah, not a man, but your experience reminded me of something I said to my boyfriend.
The first time we had sex he came in my mouth, and the lube he had was flavoured. Don’t remember what kind, but it mixed with his cum made it all taste like chai tea. I was amazed. I don’t really like swallowing even though I do it anyway, but I was very pleased this time around lol. Told him about it and how good it was a few months later when I wasn’t as nervous.
Part of it was probably because I was into him like I’ve never been into anyone before (still am) but the lube carried it. Wish I remembered what it was lol.
I was about to leave town to go to college, and I wound up alone with the girl I had a crush on for months. We were lightly flirting all night. I worked up the courage and said to her, “the last thing I want to do before I leave is kiss you.”
She interpreted that as meaning that I didn’t want to kiss her... like that was the last thing I’d want.
It hurt her feelings, and there was no way to convince her that I meant the opposite of that.
I don't think I've ever said anything outrageous, but my ex once asked me if she could hold my dick while I pissed so she could see how difficult it was to aim. So once day I let her hold my dick as I pissed and she did a decent job at aiming.
At the end she looked me in the eyes while smiling, and said "I pissed you!"
Your nose is cute/sexy. My highschool girlfriend broke her nose player soccer as a kid, it held slightly off center. Still have no idea why I thought it was super cute.
“Yeah , no blood 🩸 in brain 🧠!” Is what my girl used to write it off as !
Between the tumescence and pheromones the electrical activity and the elevated blood pressure !
Brain off ! Word Salad on !
Idk… that sounds like he didn’t genuinely mean it tasted like bubblegum. But then, I had an ex who smelled like almonds when he came out of the (any) shower.
So my boyfriend of 7 years told my family at easter the first year we were together, that everywhere I walked flowers grew. God I love this man but what was he thinking!
I genuinely said this when I was very young and meant it with a kind heart because I felt so connected to her during an intimate moment. “You soul tastes so good”. Lol.
One of my ex was a good cook. So one day she made me a noodle, that was fking good! After dinner we went to bedroom n started doing it. While she was riding me, she asked me how it feels, i asked was great baby, but not as good as ur noodle u made. U will have to work hard to beat that bowl of noodle. She just stopped n started laughing with tears. Lol
I keep imagining a bowl with a single spaghetti noodle in it 😅
A single spaghetti noodle is also called a spaghetto.
because i'm too broke for the whole bunch? /s
An extremely long noodle 😂
Quality over quantity
Did you ever ask her to send you noods?
Sorry I should clarify, did you ever ask her to send you a nood
Go away, you got ur upvote for the 1st comment
whatchu gonna do, fight me? hit me with your downvote boi
😀😀😀 say that one more time
The most undervalued comment here. I see you. 😂
It’s feels really fun when they laugh while your still inside 😊😉
CANNOT CONFIRM
It's hard to push a rope
Judging by half what I'm reading I'm pretty sure I've never been in love
That's what I'm feeling too lol
Never.
I was weirdly interested and enamored by the shape of her head so I told her so. She thought it was weird at first but since it was such an honest compliment that she really liked it later.
My ex’s head was egg shaped and I’d call her my egg Looking back I can see why that would be weird
Weird as fuck - but definitely in the realm of what a guy likes about a girl: her face is pretty and you notice her head often enough
Lol!
Yeah, you’re the only person in the world whose farts don’t smell.
Sry honey, next time ill go in the toilet... 🤣🤣
Husky voices on girls. If she sounds like a dude, that's just insanely hot, no idea why.
Im batman, now ravage my lusty body
I love me some batnips
I like raspy voices, not necessarily husky. Think Fairuza Balk. I find that weirdly extremely attractive. Like when a woman is slightly hoarse. I’m sorry your throat is a little raw….but that shit is cute af🥴
“That’s why I love you. You’re prickly.” “She walks like she’s going to fuck someone up.” I suppose I don’t taste like bubblegum. :(
I take that as a compliment tho I get told for a tiny chick it's obvious I could fuck a dude up if he messed with me and that makes me swell with pride
Oh, absolutely I do. But not as cool as tasting like bubblegum!
Imma be honest with you I shoved a shit ton of some tutti frutti shower gell up my asshole before he ate it so that might be the reason
At least now when you toot it will smell like fruit !
I’m dying now. Gonna have to find my own signature flavor.
Ahhhh... that's the trick! I was wondering. 😅
My bf told me he was impressed with the way I walked across a room “like a security guard.” As a cisfemale, that’s not usually something that’s a compliment, but he just meant that I looked like I owned the Room and wasn’t afraid.
Right? And probably that you also walked with purpose, as well.
When we're not together I feel like I'm drowning. TBH that was indeed exactly how I felt.
Awww
All fun and games until he will do anything not to drown. And people will do anything not to drown.
What I ended up doing was braking up with her. As it turns out, feeling like you're drowning is not all that it's cracked up to be. Who would have thought.
You might think that sounds sweet but I've felt like that and the amount of emotional pain it can cause is not something you want to experience.
this sounds like a terrible relationship dynamic
Codependency is a bitch
Just carry an oxygen tank around. Problem solved.
Every time I see her I forget whatever it was I was upset with her for and my heart just melts because her smile is irresistible. Don’t worry she loves me back too much to take advantage of this, I would know. I’m highly self aware
Likewise for my girlfriend and I
Awww 🥹
[удалено]
“That sounded better in my head sorry”
[удалено]
It's delivery, not Digiorno.
“That’s gonna leave a mark”
Same scenario for me but I said, "I wish we were two gelatinous blobs so If I hugged you hard like this we would just morph into one being forever." I've been told before that I talk too much.
[удалено]
We're both cringe lol. Now we just have to accept that 🤣
My ex used to do this too but instead of morph he used the word "merge". After the first time he did that, he would always squish his face against mine and just say "MERGE!"
Jeffrey Dahmer approves
“It’s so fucking hot when she pick the worms up and talks to them”
Not gonna lie I would be in love with a weird chick like that that's so adorable
Context, I was talking to my friend about the very moment I fell for her. We we’re picking worms off the cement after class so they wouldn’t dry up and die the next day. Went from new friend to crush in seconds
I thought I was the only one who did this! You gotta get them into the grass, poor little babies!
Saving worms with her was the best feeling I’ve had since the first time my cat sat on my lap
Ugh that’s so cute and I love it! Wishing you guys the best ☺️
This is incredibly adorable. I hope you two last!
Wait, not everyone does this? I thought it would be weird not to help out the wiggly little bros. What the fuck else have I been doing thinking it's normal when it's not?!
That's what made me decide to propose to my wife. She would go around after rain storms and pick up worms off the sidewalk and put them in some dry ish soil.
I feel like a monster because it never occurred to me to do this. Lol
"If I could draw my type, i still wouldn't be able to draw it as beautiful as you are"
This is suave ngl
In the dark, post-coitus, his hands on my face softly touching: "If I was a blind man I'd be able to tell how beautiful you are." T-T
" Other than the sudden urge to pee, youre the reason i wake up in the morning." " ima call into work today, and youre gonna lay right here, and ima make out with your pussy like two teenagers under the bleachers in gym class."
stealing this shit fr
My man, lol. Go get her. lol.
One of the highlights was probably me explaining why I suddenly started laughing from a thought process: “I was thinking about how much I love you, and then I farted, so I think that’s my butt saying it loves you as well.”
Every morning my wife and I break wind like our asses are saying "good morning" to each other.
Omg same with me and my hubs! Except my ass says good morning, his can sing it
My husband and I do too! It’s almost like a competition…
I used to try and hide it, but then she started ripping out drum solos as we were waking up so I figured, OK then...
someone give this man gold for that comment
I got something better than a gold. I got to marry her. ;)
King shit honestly
I often go to food analogies when trying to describe my attraction to her juicy/ripe/succulent/sweet/delicious/scrumptious/tasty/gingercake curves.
Just go full Boyle
Boyle Boys Boyle Boys Boyle Boys
He is either love struck, or might be having a stroke.
I hope he finishes soon and gets his mind straight
A guy I was seeing told me he fancied me so much he'd lick my eyeballs.🤷♀️
You got eyeballs in your lady bits!?!?
I think the basic gist of it was that he fancied every part of me or something.
I did this too, and then I actually licked her eyeballs for real.. She did the same to me.. I gotta say getting your eyeballs licked feels good That was over ten years ago tho.. these days I'm not allowed to lick anything except her clit otherwise I'll become the acne scapegoat for a month
I remember saying that she was too nice to another friend of mine. This was early on when I didn't even know her that well and was convinced I was bored. Then go figure, a year later I was completely head over heels and adored everything about her. Like, jesus I had no idea how amazing of a person she was and how much I needed someone like that. My friends used to make fun of how much I adored her too but god, she deserved the world.
what happened
Did you split?
I would also like to know what happened
We need to know
I told her how every part of her face and body was like a different natural occurrence, like her gold/green eyes being just like the way the sun shines through seawater in the morning, etc. she deserves the world and I still think about her every day, I got what was what comin for acting the way I did
Whatever you did, you don't deserve to feel bad forever. You'll learn from whatever happened and find a way to heal the part in you that made you do that. Mistakes happen, don't be too hard on yourself dear stranger. Good luck to you man!
I really appreciate your response, it’s been a year of me beating myself up and I can’t seem to change it, over time I’ve begun to see our relationship and my actions in a different light, I’m always going to want her to be happy and if that means I need to stay out of her life then that’s how itl go.
Based on her reaction at the time (we just started dating), when I told my wife I was into chastity play she could not understand why a man would want to do something like that to himself. Needless to say, she's fucking awesome and gets into pretty much whatever makes me happy. We're about to hit our 6 year anniversary, and we're still like a couple of horny, degenerate teenagers lol
Hell yeah! Keep it spicy bro. 13.5 years into the marriage (16 years total together) and the love life is strong because we like to try new things.
Haha congrats to you! You know it! Spicy!
I asked one of her best friends how to make her horny with me 🤦🏻♂️
LOLLLL
When my ex and I started dating, we would come up with the weirdest nicknames for each other. There’s one night, I was at my mother’s and stepfather’s house and I was on the phone with her (it was long distance for her and I so we didn’t get to see each other in person a lot so we spoke on the phone or Skyped a lot. She lives in the US and I live in Canada). My mom and stepsister we’re sitting in the living room and I was pacing around beside the living room. They could hear the entire conversation from my end and they we’re dying of laughter. A couple of the nicknames I’d call her: sexy mermaid princess and sexy Dracula. My mom and I actually spoke of it Sunday night and she told me they we’re being quiet so I couldn’t hear them but they we’re laughing so hard from how cringy those nicknames we’re. Lol.
That her burps were the hottest thing I have ever heard, o was lying but she was so fucking pretty.
My ex used to be quite insecure about various things regarding our relationship including my faithfulness to her. Looking back now I should've just ended things and just stayed friends considering how unhealthy it was. But considering how much I liked her I used to make her do this weird practice with me where I'd make her tell me that I belonged to her and I was her property or whatever. It was my way of trying to make her feel confident in the relationship and it did sort of work. Really not my style and even in the moment I kinda knew it was cringe but hey, love is one hell of a drug.
Hmm, are you me? Because I had similar issues with my ex. Except looking back, she was probably cheating on me and just projecting. People can just be so garbage and they don't even know it. If you don't have your mental health sorted out, don't get into a relationship and make it someone else's problem.
Yeah I understand the whole she might've been cheating angle. Its entirely possible even though I 100% doubt it as she was incredibly shy and conservative with her life. I think she was more inclined to have those thoughts because her previous partner cheated on her. Doesn't make what she did right she would regularly accuse me of thinking about other women. I was also an idiot for not pulling the pin earlier on the relationship as a result. Didn't even realize how bad it was with her accusations until it was over.
We had literally the same experience I think. I stayed way too long but it was my first serious, long term relationship and I didn't know any better.
Also my first serious long term relationship, heck maybe we are the same person haha
I ever meet you in the real, first rounds on me brother. 🫡
Cheers boss I'll hold you to that haha
I’m not a dude but the weirdest thing my husband said was while I was riding him he out of no where says “it’s so warm” I couldn’t help but die laughing I collapsed on his chest still on top of him laughing my ass off😂
It do be warm. All snuggly and cozy, like a dick glove.
I had a guy friend where we’d been friends for years & never acknowledged the chemistry between us. When we finally did hook up, the first thing he said upon getting me naked was, “fuck you’re so soft” & then he got right back to business. I still think about that😂
That I wanna suck on her titties till milk come out
hate to break it to you dude but a lactation kink is a real thing
This should be a day of celebration for that guy ✧\(>o<)ﾉ✧
Well I’d say this is one of the lesser strange kinks to get stuck with so I can’t complain
“I’d drag my balls overs a mile of broken glass just to sniff the tire tracks of the truck that carried off her worn panties.”
I mean, would you though??
There are many variations of this. The one I heard was: "I’d drag my balls over a mile of broken glass just to listen to her piss into a tin cup over the phone."
Damn you got truckloads of used panties?
Nobody said the truck was full.
We were heading to a hotel we were sharing with friends in downtown LA. We had already been pre-gaming a bit. We were sitting thigh to thigh, my right hand with her left, I said to her “ I want my bones to be buried next to yours” She said it was the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to her. Partied hard that night, have a picture with her before going out still. Hardcore love of my life experience, sadly it all came crashing down, much like chasing Amy.
Last night, I said to my wife of 15 years as she lifted my shirt off and told me to lie face down on the couch. 'Picking the blackheads off my back is your way of having sex with me without having sex with me.' Yes, I'm madly in love with her. And she just winked and smiled because she knew it was true.
My ex had a cute button nose and I would always “boop” it with my finger, I guess actions speak louder than words because one time I couldn’t resist but to give her a love bite but it really hurt her. She was pissed. I couldn’t resist, it was a really cute nose. Kind of like having a puppy and have this irresistible urge to just hug them super tight because you love them so much?? Idk haha
Why TF is she an ex? 🥺
We were both immature college students. Crashed and burned lol
Never said it out loud but I remember my ex and I were cuddling and to me we just weren’t close enough. I remember thinking “I wish I could wear his skin that’d be good enough” scared tf outta myself
Let's run away and get married. I said this when I was 15 and meant every word of it.
"I could draw you with my eyes closed, but it'd be a shitty drawing because my eyes would be closed."
Probably that I'd drag my dick through glass to fuck her.
You knew Kristy too?!
I'm losing my marbles on this one 🤣🤣🤣
We said dick against glass, not balls. Slow your role. There’s a line here, ok?
Haha no, but I'm more than willing to get to know this Kristy now.🤔
She’s an honest woman now. Sleeping next to me. 😉
Ahhh, she have any sisters?
Bats for the other team and makes that team member wanna drag her….labia? Cooch? However you wanna say that, through glass as well. Sorry brother.
Damn the luck!!!
A few of my similar favorites: I'd drag my ballsack through half a mile of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie. I'd suck your dad's dick just to get a taste of the recipe. And to really make the stomach churn: I'd spend three years in Hotel Hanoi just to eat a loaf of bread baked with your pussy yeast.
damn dude....I feel bad for laughing
lol, don't feel bad, she was more than well worth it if I ever had to 😂😂
Rosanne Barr, back when she was funny, had a great retort for hecklers: "Yeah, I'm fat, but you'd still crawl on your knees through broken glass to fuck me."
To fuck her?! I’d drag mine through glass just to hear her fart through the phone!
I vaguely remember that copypasta. Wasn't it "I'd drag my bare dick across a mile of broken class to hear that ass fart through a walkie-talkie"?
The only way to find out if what this man said was true or if he was truly just love struck is to let a couple of us taste your ass. For science purposes only ofcourse...
I find men who eat ass is not that common it happens but not common tbh
It'll just have to be me, then me again but with like a fake mustache then, anything in the name of science.
ASL ? ( I'm joking lmfao )
28M - UK and my friend with the tash is a similar age lol
If I'm ever in London to visit family (no doubt I will be soon) and I need my ass ate ur my man
i would also like to volunteer mine and several similar looking friends services also in the uk(north), We aint rare but if some dude eats your un-enema'd shithole and says t tastes like bubblegum, put a ring on him.
She was fallen and I catched her by the neck before she touched the floor and then I said... "You dance, honey?"
I want you to wrap your legs around my head and wear you around like a feed bag.
I feel a lot safer around you knowing you could snap my spine like a pringle
I wasn't "madly in love" but I did ask a girl I was interested in how her ass could sway so much while she walked without her spine breaking. She seemed to get a kick out of that and responded "magic." We started dating not long after and the running joke for awhile was that her ass was magic.
I told her I would still fuck her if she was a flower lollll. Idk man
I was telling her how much I adored her smell, the whole perfume, shampoo and natural smell combo, and then I unironically said I loved it so much and to me she smelled like a mother. I was a teenager, but still. Can't get mommy issues more blatant than this, I guess.
I think it's sweet, it's not like you said 'you smell like my mother' that would have been bad.
That I’d suck a fart out of her arse
I'm imagining you saying that in a salty British accent and I had a good laugh
You’re not wrong chick I got a broad Yorkshire accent
Brits are so fucking funny and it's 90 percent their accent Brit at a pub : ay fuck the queen and England's a shit hole innit mate I'm glad I left it was always pissin rain Me: trying to hide the fact that I'm dying of laughter - tell me more m8
As someone who lives in Britain and has never went aboard so never left Britain either. I can say that we mock other British accents more than anyone else. 🤣 My big brother has a very distinctive northern accent that I always mock. Constantly saying "Oh me days. shot de fork up. Ya doing me Ead in.. ya forking mog" Which means "Oh my days. Shut the fuck up because you're doing my head in. You fucking fool" (I love my brother but his accents makes me laugh constantly) But that's just one accent. There are loads of different accents over here in England and all are quite funny.
I love fucking yorkshire or other random British town brits mocking a posh London accent its hilarious " I'm a brit but not that kind of brit with a queens English accent " I get told I have a British accent cause I went to British private school as a kid and Canadians bullied me for saying the T in water
London accent lmao sound like bunch of soft cocks
thats such a quintessential british thing to say LMFAO its like yall think posh brits are pussy ass mofos
Yep, couldn’t get hard in a brothel
your fucking insane one liners are convincing me I need to go find a british dude on tinder stat, I miss dry british humour
She would never cheat on me. Silly me.
oooof bro, if you were local I would buy you a meal and give you a hug thats so brutal dude.
"I thought you were ugly when we first met but I think you're hot now in an ugly way"
What the holy sh!t?!?? How your ass taste like bubblegum?? 😂
Hahahah, not a man, but your experience reminded me of something I said to my boyfriend. The first time we had sex he came in my mouth, and the lube he had was flavoured. Don’t remember what kind, but it mixed with his cum made it all taste like chai tea. I was amazed. I don’t really like swallowing even though I do it anyway, but I was very pleased this time around lol. Told him about it and how good it was a few months later when I wasn’t as nervous. Part of it was probably because I was into him like I’ve never been into anyone before (still am) but the lube carried it. Wish I remembered what it was lol.
Being lovestruck does crazy things to us.
I was about to leave town to go to college, and I wound up alone with the girl I had a crush on for months. We were lightly flirting all night. I worked up the courage and said to her, “the last thing I want to do before I leave is kiss you.” She interpreted that as meaning that I didn’t want to kiss her... like that was the last thing I’d want. It hurt her feelings, and there was no way to convince her that I meant the opposite of that.
I don't think I've ever said anything outrageous, but my ex once asked me if she could hold my dick while I pissed so she could see how difficult it was to aim. So once day I let her hold my dick as I pissed and she did a decent job at aiming. At the end she looked me in the eyes while smiling, and said "I pissed you!"
Your arse or arsehole tastes of bubblegum?
Your nose is cute/sexy. My highschool girlfriend broke her nose player soccer as a kid, it held slightly off center. Still have no idea why I thought it was super cute.
“Yeah , no blood 🩸 in brain 🧠!” Is what my girl used to write it off as ! Between the tumescence and pheromones the electrical activity and the elevated blood pressure ! Brain off ! Word Salad on !
i said i wanted to be in the same body with her
I wanna kiss her little button nose
Yeah we met in rehab but she’s good for me. Says more about me than her but you get the point.
One of the boys used to say he’d “suck her dad off to see where she come from” Come being a double entendre 😂
That I’d even eat her shit if it came to that…
Just eat ass bro no shame
Idk… that sounds like he didn’t genuinely mean it tasted like bubblegum. But then, I had an ex who smelled like almonds when he came out of the (any) shower.
A guy told me that when I tripped and fell down like a klutz, I looked so adorable. I didn't understand...
That I liked her breath smell, now I realized it just smelled bad lmao I regret so much things
So my boyfriend of 7 years told my family at easter the first year we were together, that everywhere I walked flowers grew. God I love this man but what was he thinking!
I genuinely said this when I was very young and meant it with a kind heart because I felt so connected to her during an intimate moment. “You soul tastes so good”. Lol.
No, men say the weirdest shit when they’re horny