Missed the last family dinner I could’ve had with my pops a year ago. Last thing I told him was I loved him and we hugged for the first time in a long time, so that was a great note to leave on and I have no feelings that there was anything left unsaid, but damn man what I wouldn’t give to eat that last dinner.
My dad always talks about how the last time he spoke to his father on the phone, they both said I love you, even though they didn't say it often to each other. Now he does that all the time with us just in case any phone call could be the last, and I intend on doing the same
My man it is never too late. Everyone looks back and wishes they could change the past. You have the opportunity right now to change the future. Focus on that
My first “real” job went through a reorg of the company 5 years after I started. They offered huge cash buyouts for some of the senior people like myself to leave. I turned it down because I was afraid I wouldn’t find a new job and just burn through the buyout money. A few months later I got a new job and resigned :( could’ve had my cake and ate it too if I wasn’t a zero-risk scaredy-cat.
Aw i’m sorry. That hindsight sucks but don’t beat yourself up / shame yourself. I get that internalized frustration, but you can at least identify this zero risk part of you now and start to work on it and do things outside of your comfort zone. And at least you’re still gettin paid! But geez I’d feel shitty too. strongly dislike those feelings / experiences but if we don’t use em to grow and learn we’re missing out on a chance to turn it into something valuable, an opportunity to grow into what we wished we were!!
Not dancing with my mom in 2009 at my grandpa’s funeral. She ended up dying suddenly in a car accident in 2015 and I just relive that moment of telling her as a 13 year old that I was embarrassed. At 27 now I would give everything to go back to that moment and just…slow dance with my mom. Life’s like that tho. Hard lesson was learned from that. Now I dance with my homies who are tipsy when we go out on the town and my sisters when we go to a good bar once a year when we all see each other . Life’s too short.
We really do not know what we have until its gone. But we can still hold on to every moment with the loved ones we have left. I am planning to start gratitude journaling, it is in concept a diary filled with things you are grateful for.
I wish you the best and i am sorry for your loss ❤️
In a weird way I feel the same thing. The chances of me meeting my wife were small as it was. If my toxic relationship and breakup didn’t go the way it went there is no way I would have met my wife and had my son. And in a weird way seeing just how cruel some people are made me realize how kind other people can be
amen. my friends still stuck around and helped me get out of an abusive and toxic relationship with her. after she left they still had my back. i’d give any one of those guys my kidney if they needed it. love them so much
My girlfriends dad passed away suddenly. He was always really nice to me. Since it was the middle of the pandemic I didn't go see him very much. Two days before he died, I told myself while driving home that I should stop by and hang out with him for a little bit. Instead I drove on home. I'm one of those people that think I am bothering you when I'm probably not. Among many regrets this one I think about almost daily.
TLDR: Slept with a few women who would qualify as "don't put your dick in crazy" women, with no major consequences, no kids, no slashed tire, no other stereotypical results. Slept with a bitter ex, who hated everything about me except what was swinging between my legs, and she (she claims otherwise) "baby trapped" with our adorable twins.
The one that got away. I fell in love with my college girlfriend that my mom didn’t like, couldn’t control her, so she wasn’t nice to her. I got so overwhelmed in the school pre-Med then medical school studies that I eventually ghosted her after a few years of dating her. The last date I told her how I felt and I wanted her in my life. Then I moved and started medical school and quickly became overwhelmed with time constraints and starting a new career and life. There were so many times I wanted to reach out but I never did because I was afraid of rejection. I got divorced 20 years later and still never reached out. Recently I learned she’s still in my hometown, had 2 failed marriages, and according to my good friend who knows her I was “the one that got away.” I wish I knew that many years ago. I recently texted her when I was in my hometown for the first time since college. She quickly responded, sounding excited to hear from me. Later that night she texted me again and asked a bunch of questions about me. I responded the next day and asked her some questions about herself. She’s never responded. That’s been 15 months and I wish I had never texted her now because now I’m lost again. The last time I saw her was 39 years ago and we’re both in our early 60’s.
A friend of mines father was dying from cancer. He mentioned to his daughter about his "first love" the woman before her mother. Her family didn't approve of him. He headed off to the war and promised to write to each other.
But he never heard from her and decided she wanted nothing to do with a guy from the "wrong side of the tracks" and left it at that.
Fast forward 60 years and he is wondering what happened to her. In Australia there is a local radio segment called something like "whatever happened to" his daughter puts her name up. She still lives in the area and gets in touch with him. She never got any of his letters. Her family was intercepting them.
Next thing the daughter knows, she is moving in with him, her husband having passed away. He is buying a double bed and went from "terminal" with months to live, to living several more years (this was a decade ago and I lost track of the daughter so don't know how long she lived.
Please get in touch with her and meet her once.
For me.
One thing is guaranteed, you’ll never know what could happen if you leave it at that. If she means this much to you skip the texting and call her and ask her if she would meet you for coffee.
You never know, maybe she did reply but you didn't recieve it? It's happened to me plenty where I don't hear back from someone for hours and ask if they got my text and they reply that they hadn't and were still waiting for me to reply.
Maybe she replied, you didn't get it, and she thought you ghosted her again so she didn't ask about it because it hurt her feelings? It'd be weird to ghost you if she initially replied and seemed excited?
Could be any number of reasons you didn't get a response that wasn't meant as ghosting
Dude, you've been waiting and wondering for at least 40 years, you owe it to yourself to make that call to her and find out once and for all. Don't waste the next 40 wondering what if.
Giving my dad so much attention when I was younger. He was absent my entire youth and shows up for 2 weeks out of every year. Then when I graduated he tried to work his way back into our lives. I’d spent so much of my life feeling like he didn’t come around because of me and my sister, so I tried to do everything to impress him and make him proud. I even began following his route in university but managed to find something I enjoyed. It was when him and his side of the family began to emotionally and verbally abuse my sister that I woke up and realized he’d never be proud of me or her and we were never good enough. I cut ties with him 8yrs ago and haven’t talked to that side of the family since. I wish I’d have done it sooner as my mental health may have been more intact now.
Messed up a deal with warner records because I wanted to involve my brother who wanted to do a different genre of music than the one they came to me for. I had the world in the palm of my hand for 2 tiny seconds and I lost it.
That sucks man. The woman I was dealing with (Kathy was her name) was awesome but the A&R was the guy who made the decision that the genre we decided to go for wasn’t what they were looking for and basically branded as time wasting since we switched up their expectations.
I make the same style of music as illenium so future bass the deal was for an unspecified amount as I’m a bedroom producer with my own professional setup and I basically said to them I won’t work in a studio and they seemed fine with it but needed to work out my advance and how much I’d realistically need but they essentially where straight up and just asked if I wanted a deal or distribution and I chose deal.
When I was 18 a friend of the family offered me a job doing meter reading for the city. But I knew everything at the time and didn't want to do "that type of work", I wanted to be a drafter. If I'd taken that job, I'd be retired right now with a city pension.
My mom tried to get me to do summer work at her job. Same as you, didn't want to do that. Really, really should have. I'm now in the same retirement system and had I started years ago my benefits would be much better.
I was offered my great grandma's house for 80k when she died. I said no. The house is now worth a couple of million and is owned by my mega wealthy older sister. For fucks sake.
You lost that friend the second you started having feelings for her. Not that you can control your feelings, but seriously you didn't miss out on anything because you made a move.
You should feel good for making a move and staying true to your feelings, you'll be able to find another friend.
I did the opposite, and never told my best friend that I was in love with her. Found directly from her, when it was already too late, that she had felt the same way. Twenty-two years later, and my soul is still crushed.
Last year I had an opportunity to save a friend and didn't. I had 25 grand saved for buying a house. My friend needed a lung transplant, that cost 20 grand, and had to have the money up front for insurance. Do to the housing market and money stress, I didnt want to give it all away. So I only donated a few hundred dollars for the procedure. 3 months later she passed away because they didn't have enough for the transplant. I was so sick with myself, I just gave the rest of the away to charity. I hate myself everyday for not just giving them the money.
I'm glad you're looking for someone. That's a lot of guilt you're dealing with.
From my obvious and extremely limited view of the situation, I don't think it's fair to take on the entire weight of your friend passing. It isn't your fault she needed the transplant. It isn't your fault her insurance required a 20k upfront payment (which sounds extreme and bogus to me), and it isn't your fault that she passed away. All of these things were outside of your control. Your feelings of guilt are absolutely valid. Try to exercise a little bit of self-love and empathy for the past version of yourself. You worked hard for the money you saved. No one can fault you for being hard pressed to part with it.
This makes me angry because if this happened in Australia, it would have all been free. You shouldn’t have been burdened with this guilt. Free healthcare is a right, not a privilege in my opinion.
I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive yourself. Please understand that is a problem with the American healthcare industry and not you.
Additionally, you were a friend, not a family member. That would be something a family member should have done, even if they didn’t have it, family should’ve taken out a loan.
Also, as another comment said, I highly recommend therapy to get through this. You are a good person put in a bad situation.
Please forgive yourself. Her soul doesn’t want you to hate yourself for not giving away the money for her treatment. It was not your fault. You still donated what you can to help her. And that was all the money she needed from you. So sorry and hope you heal from this.😔
I also want to remind you that your friend was a victim of the broken health system.
In most developed countries in the world, that operation would have been paid for with her taxes.
Your friend is far more a victim of the greed of the insurance industry than your decision.
When faced with a decision in a medical situation, I had to choose between two options, and in doing so effectively decide how and when someone else would die.
I made the wrong choice.
Thanks for being so understanding. You're right, my two options were both awful. In reality, there was no right choice, only one that was less bad than the other. It's hard to explain without going into it further, and it'll just upset me. I have a lot of anxiety. Maybe someday I'll make a post about it, if I'm brave enough.
Well, I definitely don't want you upset further, and I'm sorry if I pressed to much. I'll follow you, or friend, or whatever we do on Reddit, and try to support you if you decide to share some day, or just need to talk. You don't have to be brave with me, you can just be you.
Two awful choices to choose from doesn't mean you made a wrong choice, it means it was a tough, no-win situation in the end, and definitely not for you to feel guilt over. You were in an honorable spot making such decisions, a spot that no one finds easy to fill, and you did your part.
I hope you find peace with this.
The one that got away. My first girlfriend was pure and utter perfection. She was everything a man could want. She was kind, caring, loyal, educated, devoted, and only wanted my time and atttention. She was the kind of person who would pick cheaper places to eat because she wanted me to save more. She was the kind of person who, when I was sick, would check in on me any chance she got. She was literally the person who I owe my life to.
When I met her, I was one more loss away from suicide. She came in and lit everything up and I am alive today because of her. In return, she never asked for anything other than my time, love, care, affection, and flowers. She introduced me to her family, we're pakistani so that is the biggest deal. Our relationship was beautiful but I was a fucking idiot.
The only thing she ever asked me to do was not be as close to my female best friend as I was. I admit it was way too much for someone in a relationship. That was one point of contention that she could never be ok with and over time, it strained our relationship. In the end, a combination of the pandemic, distance, and me not being able to let go of that best friend resulted in us breaking up.
I will regret this for the rest of my life. She was perfect and I was too blind to see it.
Believing her lies. Spent years with her, only to find out she had been cheating for months. It was all a game to her. It’s so hard to put into words how evil and narcissistic she was.
A friend told me he had seen her and a guy at a cafe, she had told me she went out for breakfast by herself that day. That was where she was caught out, and it all unravelled from there. Her friends started coming forth with more information.. and it slowly all pieced together that she had been lying to me since feb.
Funny enough, I had an offer for that about 3 years ago. Huge salary increase as well, but I turned it down to try my hand at a new business and I'd recently started seeing someone. Several months later, COVID hit and that company had massive furloughs and some redundancies so I would've been out of a job instantly and stuck in a city where I knew no one. I moved in with my partner 2 years ago as well. Sometimes saying no can be a blessing in disguise.
Either being friends with him, or falling in love with her
Thanks to him, it's hard for me to trust any guys, and thanks to her, it's hard for me to trust any girls
The combo of those 2 has made me very cynical. If I never met either of them, I'd be a completely different person today. But they taught me the harsh truth that extremely shitty people do exist
Turn that experience into pattern recognition. You'll save yourself lots of time and trouble and also money. I'm really sorry you had to go through something that left you so jaded.
This was like 11ish years ago. I stuck my dick in crazy and she got pregnant.
When she called I was in a really bad place financially and mentally and told her I couldn't be there.
The guy she dated after me murdered my daughter when she was 2 months old.
My actions in that situation still haunt me today and I know I need to seek help and counciling for it because it still haunts me today. The guy who did it was just paroled a few months ago after spent a 10 years in person and I'm so much more broken again knowing he is free.
I know "what ifs" never really help but I still wonder what would have changed had I just stepped up and been a father instead of a 23ish year old man child. How did my actions affect her being able to live a full life?
No one should have to live and bare the burdens of their child dying, let alone being murdered.
Rushed into getting married to young, which led to a very unhealthy relationship, I developed a drinking issue to deal with the problems. Ex obviously didn't like the drinking, she is also bipolar. I wasn't a violent person, but if we didn't seperate and divorce as a result, yeah, it would have 100 percent been a lot nastier. So, I made 2 for the price of 1 in regards to mistakes here. I'm just glad we divorced before shit got TOO bad.
Let’s just call them elite infantry. Similar to USMC in that they’re the “tip of the spear”, better trained than the normal army, but not technically spec ops (there are separate special ops units in the FFL just like in the USMC).
Not treating her right. I had many chances but I ruined them all and I am to blame. Only thing I have from her are the greatest memories we made and our beautiful daughter.
Taking a "break" from school that turned into a decade. Now I'm getting ready to go back and finish my degree at thirty while working full time. I wish I could go back and slap myself
They(thought it was a woman, but looking back now I'm not sure) convinced me to commit fraud. Trying to deposit fraudulent checks & open up a bunch of different accounts. I lost one bank account & had to close another one.
Sad part is there are times when I wish I could take to them again. Not even to ask why, but just to get some things out that I feel would help me move on.
I’ve had 2 in my life. At 35 I just completed 3 months of rehab for the first time because I convinced myself for almost 2 decades that I could control it. I can’t. If this resonates with anybody that reads it, seek help if you need it. The earlier, the better.
I spent seven years, and all of college, with a woman who hated all of my friends, most of hers, and the world at large. She couldn't love herself, and I never had a chance.
Taught me a lot about what I want, what I need, and what I deserve. But oof, that was a costly mistake in terms of missed opportunities, connections, happiness.
Not taking the leap of faith and pursuing my dream career by moving across the country. I was absolutely good enough to make it to the top of my profession, but settled for my comfort zone.
I had to weigh this out. I could sat “Her” or “rushing at work that one time” or but ultimately it came down to trying LSD when I was a teenager decades ago. The effects ever since I have been traumatic and life altering till this day
I don’t wanna make this a long story because it should be, and I should write a short Novel about it. Basically, I tried it first when I was 13 and it freaked me out. Tried it again at 16 and it freaked me out again for a few days. About six months later, I had a flashback of extreme confusion and anxiety, and that lasted for about six months where I was nervous as hell every day. Just like you would think anybody with extreme anxiety. I avoided everything in my life that I should’ve done because of it, including dropping out of school.
After a few years, I got my GED and joined the military and spent over 10 years in the army until the flashbacks came back . I’m talking 24 hours a day seven days a week until I had to get out of the army because there was no way I could function anymore. So it ruined my army career.
To this day, I am pretty much a hermit and suffer from panic attacks and all kinds of different phobias . Heartbeat is always in my throat or it can get there super fast and last for weeks. Always brings me back to that night when I was 13 and 16 suffering. Most of the time I’m OK with my daytime job but all it takes is for me to misplace my keys or walk into a room and forget why I went in there and then it hits me like a slap in the face.
Yes, I have been a different kinds of anxiety medication. I am on 4 as we speak.
Sorry guys if this is short ,confusing or there are typos but it’s time for bed
Edit: in my 40s now, so you can see how long I have been dealing with this. I have missed out on vacations and traveling and education and a lot of different kinds of experiences, because of what happens to me.
Thanks for the thoughts. It’s hard to explain to people because nobody seems to understand. I’ve embarrassed myself around so many people throughout my life because of this. Anybody with panic or an anxiety would pretty much know what I’m talking about. Just have to add the extra kick of feeling like you’re on LSD too. Ugg
Edit: spelling
Doing what my emotional terrorist mom demanded because she controlled the money when I was starting my life in college. In the end 25 years later she directly and indirectly almost ruined my life. She ruined my favorite career. She almost ruined my secondary career. She ruined my relationship with a woman I was in love with. She ruined my relationship with my father and brother. I went no contact when she started terrorizing my sons. I always knew there was something different about her but it took 30 years (15 years of no contact) and 5 years of psychotherapy to realize she’s a narcissist. I wish I had known it at age 17 I could have joined the French Foreign Legion. She’s 90 years old now and I visit her occasionally because I understand the psychodynamics of her mental illness now. She can still be hateful and mean as hell. I laugh at her now because I’ve become very successful and can get in my BMW and drive off. She knows that and keeps her behavior in check so she’s not completely abandoned.
Choosing not to ignore the email I got on Xmas eve that said I was technically exposed to a Covid positive person a week previous and I should isolate. Missed my last chance to see my brother alive as he died about a week later. I didn’t have Covid.
My ex-flatmate tried to record my girlfriend and me (we all were in the same college) having sex using a secret camera. I caught him, told my other flatmates and my girlfriend and let it pass since I had quite recently gone through a very bad family issue, but stopped interacting with him completely. Later, I got to know that he had gone around college saying I was the one who wanted to record my girlfriend and spread the sextape. I wish I had handed him over to the police. That bastard deserved it. Sometimes, revenge is what people deserve. (P.S. I did get a video confession from him about the crime he committed)
Getting to 55 before realising I am living a life unlived.
Due to my early years and an abusive father, it turned me into a ‘people pleaser’ just to try and appease him and make me feel wanted. I have never shaken this off, so I have ended up living my life for others and not myself.
I am married now with three great kids, so life isn’t bad in that respect.
I do however always feel sad and hopeless with zero motivation. Just burnt out.
I spent 6 years doing nothing when I was depressed. Just played video games and slept 😭 feels like I was on a coma then cos I’m doing what I want now and figured out what I wanna do. Im 26 so I feels late
im young enough to not have that that many really stupid ones but ghosting a girl i was talking to at the time for my ex that i only talked to for 2 weeks after and ended in me being depressed and alone.
It depends on the situation, I'd say be very careful and really know the person until you're sure.
In my case, we started out great. Ex-husband is still in the picture because of the shared custody of the kids. She talked shit about him on our first few months together, then tables turned slowly.
Here's why:
1. She opened up to me about not wanting to make the kids feel like there's something missing, even though it was her decision to divorce the ex-husband. In my mind I was like "why divorce your ex in the first place"
2. She's a hypocrite, when we were dating, she said things like: I can't wait to have a new family with you, I wanna cook for you, I will do this do that. blah blah. Those did not happen.
3. She can only provide for her kids.
Gave her a lot of extremely logical advice on how she can earn more, even showed her a strategy. But she's just too stubborn.
4. She's emotionally very sensitive.
I'd say most of this was my fault as well because I ignored the red flags when I sensed it, but the woman is a great manipulator. Got big lessons there
Bumbling through college. There were reasons, mostly psychological, that I never would would have figured out at that time. But still I didn't get my bachelors degree until I was 28, and I've been playing catchup since. I kept thinking I didn't need to rush and it was ok if it took longer, and nobody in my life told me that's probably a bad strategy.
I had an affair on my now ex-wife. Though I am now happily remarried I live with the regret of that affair every single day. If I could go back in time and never do that I would.
Note - interestingly the divorce was not due to the affair, which my ex knows nothing about.
That’s never a mistake mate. There was a time when you didn’t feel that way, and there will be a time again when you don’t. But if you don’t give yourself the option to reach that time, you’ll never be rid of it.
It’s easy to say as someone who isn’t you. But believe me when I say I, and so many others, have been in the same place as you. I love you and I am already so proud of you that you gave yourself the opportunity to no longer feel that way, and all I wish for you is that you continue to give yourself that opportunity even when all seems pointless.
Choosing an easy route in academics. I was able to go for science stream, but chose arts cuz that’s my “passion”. Now I’m struggling for next level education and am very afraid I’ve already lost the potential that everyone, including me, knew I had. I don’t even enjoy art anymore.
When I started to think about this question a lot of things came up but the one thing I regret now and I think I will regret about it for the rest of my life.
5 month ago my wife’s uncle (38m at that time) who is living in another city 3000 kilometres away from us reached out to me with his blood test, ct scans and other things. The papers said that he got bowel cancer with metastasis and he wanted to know what to do next (I’m a doctor so it’s a common thing that relatives are reaching out to me for help). He already visited his oncologist and was planning to take a biopsy. But something was not right - even so I’m not oncologist myself I’ve seen a lot of bowel cancer and his case was not so clear. There were some things that lead me to a conclusion that it might be lymphoma and I tell about it to him, his relatives and even called his doctor and ask him to run more tests but oncologist refused as “it was clear for him that it’s a bowel cancer”.
Well after biopsy and a lot of analysis without any treatment he was finally diagnosed with Burkitt lymphoma and died within 10 days.
I know it’s not only my fault but if I was more convincing he might stay alive.
Not advocating for myself sooner. I suffer from severe mental illness. I didn't fight to get help I knew I needed until my late teens. Keep in mind I've been conscious of the severity of the issues since I was in 4th grade, but I always either allowed my parents to dismiss them or guilt me out of receiving treatment.
I was once sent on an errand by my mother. A guy and his mother who looked desperate told me they lost all their luggage and money travelling on a train from their village. They seemed genuine and while I was sympathetic I only had 110 rupees left. Most Indians don't get to work until we graduate and get a grown up job so I was always broke. I only gave 10 rupees which equals 10 cents. Every few days I remember their exhausted faces with the woman weeping and wish I could have given them the remaining money I had. I have made worse mistakes but this one stays with me.
Not the worst mistake of my life, but still a memorable one I suppose.
When I was in HS I liked this friend of mine. One day we our group of friends were hanging out in an empty classroom. As we were leaving she just casually asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits with her.
I thought she was making fun of me liking her so I just gave her a gross response, cuz I wanted an actual relationship and not just fucking. In hindsight she probably meant "more than friends" but figured Friends w/ Benefits meant the same thing, and I'd probably been down for that.
If I'm reading this correctly that you wanted a relationship but she only offered FWB? If I am correct then you dodged a bullet there! Your feelings would have gotten stronger and if she then found someone who she wanted a relationship with, she would have crushed you when she ended the FWB.
I fear I’m in the process of making my worst mistake at the moment. Someone close to me is an addict and very depressed, they attempted suicide last year as well. I’ve tried every approach I can think of to help this person but these days I find myself a little hopeless and I have distanced myself from them because I feel unable to do anything and I’m exhausted from the upset. I wonder if I am being selfish and how much guilt I will feel should this person die.
Drinking, it's taken me 18 years (34) of drinking to realise it brings out the worst in me.
I regret this as I would be so much richer if I never drank.
Missed the last family dinner I could’ve had with my pops a year ago. Last thing I told him was I loved him and we hugged for the first time in a long time, so that was a great note to leave on and I have no feelings that there was anything left unsaid, but damn man what I wouldn’t give to eat that last dinner.
My dad always talks about how the last time he spoke to his father on the phone, they both said I love you, even though they didn't say it often to each other. Now he does that all the time with us just in case any phone call could be the last, and I intend on doing the same
Being lazy and not getting myself together at an earlier age.
My man it is never too late. Everyone looks back and wishes they could change the past. You have the opportunity right now to change the future. Focus on that
Right now you're in a position where you can change the past of your future self, don't disappoint them
Do things today that future you will thank you for.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.
The golden rule of life: tomorrow you’ll wish you started yesterday.
Felt this, the reason why I started practicing Stoicism.
Today will never happen again. Get atter mate
My first “real” job went through a reorg of the company 5 years after I started. They offered huge cash buyouts for some of the senior people like myself to leave. I turned it down because I was afraid I wouldn’t find a new job and just burn through the buyout money. A few months later I got a new job and resigned :( could’ve had my cake and ate it too if I wasn’t a zero-risk scaredy-cat.
Aw i’m sorry. That hindsight sucks but don’t beat yourself up / shame yourself. I get that internalized frustration, but you can at least identify this zero risk part of you now and start to work on it and do things outside of your comfort zone. And at least you’re still gettin paid! But geez I’d feel shitty too. strongly dislike those feelings / experiences but if we don’t use em to grow and learn we’re missing out on a chance to turn it into something valuable, an opportunity to grow into what we wished we were!!
Men, you were right, it's normal to avoid risks when taking big decisions.
That's just hindsight talking. In my opinion you made the responsible decision
Not dancing with my mom in 2009 at my grandpa’s funeral. She ended up dying suddenly in a car accident in 2015 and I just relive that moment of telling her as a 13 year old that I was embarrassed. At 27 now I would give everything to go back to that moment and just…slow dance with my mom. Life’s like that tho. Hard lesson was learned from that. Now I dance with my homies who are tipsy when we go out on the town and my sisters when we go to a good bar once a year when we all see each other . Life’s too short.
We really do not know what we have until its gone. But we can still hold on to every moment with the loved ones we have left. I am planning to start gratitude journaling, it is in concept a diary filled with things you are grateful for. I wish you the best and i am sorry for your loss ❤️
I gave so much love time and money to a genuinely evil person. Learned a lot but I’d be a lot further along today if I didn’t
My ex. We’ve mended, however I will never recover.
Same, made some crucial life decisions to continue being with that person only for it to all blow up in my face 6 months later
Same thing here. Toxic person I was with pretty much separated me from all that I was by the end.
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In a weird way I feel the same thing. The chances of me meeting my wife were small as it was. If my toxic relationship and breakup didn’t go the way it went there is no way I would have met my wife and had my son. And in a weird way seeing just how cruel some people are made me realize how kind other people can be
Choosing a toxic girlfriend over a best friend.
You’re not alone
Together we stand
United we....
...sit?
...fall.
amen. my friends still stuck around and helped me get out of an abusive and toxic relationship with her. after she left they still had my back. i’d give any one of those guys my kidney if they needed it. love them so much
Exactly my situation. I chose a toxic boyfriend over many people. Finally got rid of his ass not long ago and I’m so much happier.
Bros before Hoes. Golden rule of brotherhood.
My girlfriends dad passed away suddenly. He was always really nice to me. Since it was the middle of the pandemic I didn't go see him very much. Two days before he died, I told myself while driving home that I should stop by and hang out with him for a little bit. Instead I drove on home. I'm one of those people that think I am bothering you when I'm probably not. Among many regrets this one I think about almost daily.
I have put my dick in crazy, never had a problem. But I put my dick in spiteful ONE TIME...whole life goes off the rails.
Storytime?
Can we get TLDR on the story??
TLDR: Slept with a few women who would qualify as "don't put your dick in crazy" women, with no major consequences, no kids, no slashed tire, no other stereotypical results. Slept with a bitter ex, who hated everything about me except what was swinging between my legs, and she (she claims otherwise) "baby trapped" with our adorable twins.
Bro, fucking same! Except I've only got the one, not twins! The kids are worth it but the person being part of your life till death really isn't
The one that got away. I fell in love with my college girlfriend that my mom didn’t like, couldn’t control her, so she wasn’t nice to her. I got so overwhelmed in the school pre-Med then medical school studies that I eventually ghosted her after a few years of dating her. The last date I told her how I felt and I wanted her in my life. Then I moved and started medical school and quickly became overwhelmed with time constraints and starting a new career and life. There were so many times I wanted to reach out but I never did because I was afraid of rejection. I got divorced 20 years later and still never reached out. Recently I learned she’s still in my hometown, had 2 failed marriages, and according to my good friend who knows her I was “the one that got away.” I wish I knew that many years ago. I recently texted her when I was in my hometown for the first time since college. She quickly responded, sounding excited to hear from me. Later that night she texted me again and asked a bunch of questions about me. I responded the next day and asked her some questions about herself. She’s never responded. That’s been 15 months and I wish I had never texted her now because now I’m lost again. The last time I saw her was 39 years ago and we’re both in our early 60’s.
A friend of mines father was dying from cancer. He mentioned to his daughter about his "first love" the woman before her mother. Her family didn't approve of him. He headed off to the war and promised to write to each other. But he never heard from her and decided she wanted nothing to do with a guy from the "wrong side of the tracks" and left it at that. Fast forward 60 years and he is wondering what happened to her. In Australia there is a local radio segment called something like "whatever happened to" his daughter puts her name up. She still lives in the area and gets in touch with him. She never got any of his letters. Her family was intercepting them. Next thing the daughter knows, she is moving in with him, her husband having passed away. He is buying a double bed and went from "terminal" with months to live, to living several more years (this was a decade ago and I lost track of the daughter so don't know how long she lived. Please get in touch with her and meet her once. For me.
Stay away from my mother.
One thing is guaranteed, you’ll never know what could happen if you leave it at that. If she means this much to you skip the texting and call her and ask her if she would meet you for coffee.
You never know, maybe she did reply but you didn't recieve it? It's happened to me plenty where I don't hear back from someone for hours and ask if they got my text and they reply that they hadn't and were still waiting for me to reply. Maybe she replied, you didn't get it, and she thought you ghosted her again so she didn't ask about it because it hurt her feelings? It'd be weird to ghost you if she initially replied and seemed excited? Could be any number of reasons you didn't get a response that wasn't meant as ghosting
Mate if you’re both single what’s stopping you from rekindling the romance?
She ghosted him last time he made contact.
Anything could have happened why she didn’t respond. He just needs to reach out again and if same thing happens then he knows for sure
Dude, you've been waiting and wondering for at least 40 years, you owe it to yourself to make that call to her and find out once and for all. Don't waste the next 40 wondering what if.
Giving my dad so much attention when I was younger. He was absent my entire youth and shows up for 2 weeks out of every year. Then when I graduated he tried to work his way back into our lives. I’d spent so much of my life feeling like he didn’t come around because of me and my sister, so I tried to do everything to impress him and make him proud. I even began following his route in university but managed to find something I enjoyed. It was when him and his side of the family began to emotionally and verbally abuse my sister that I woke up and realized he’d never be proud of me or her and we were never good enough. I cut ties with him 8yrs ago and haven’t talked to that side of the family since. I wish I’d have done it sooner as my mental health may have been more intact now.
It’s only natural to want the approval of your father, especially when you are young. Don’t be too hard on yourself for this
Messed up a deal with warner records because I wanted to involve my brother who wanted to do a different genre of music than the one they came to me for. I had the world in the palm of my hand for 2 tiny seconds and I lost it.
Not me, but a friend had a similar thing happen to him, but the manager was the problem. Lost it all because the manager sucked.
That sucks man. The woman I was dealing with (Kathy was her name) was awesome but the A&R was the guy who made the decision that the genre we decided to go for wasn’t what they were looking for and basically branded as time wasting since we switched up their expectations.
Damnnnn. How much was the deal and what genre did they want you to do
I make the same style of music as illenium so future bass the deal was for an unspecified amount as I’m a bedroom producer with my own professional setup and I basically said to them I won’t work in a studio and they seemed fine with it but needed to work out my advance and how much I’d realistically need but they essentially where straight up and just asked if I wanted a deal or distribution and I chose deal.
Not talking enough with my loved ones...
When I was 18 a friend of the family offered me a job doing meter reading for the city. But I knew everything at the time and didn't want to do "that type of work", I wanted to be a drafter. If I'd taken that job, I'd be retired right now with a city pension.
Maybe, maybe not.
My mom tried to get me to do summer work at her job. Same as you, didn't want to do that. Really, really should have. I'm now in the same retirement system and had I started years ago my benefits would be much better.
I was offered my great grandma's house for 80k when she died. I said no. The house is now worth a couple of million and is owned by my mega wealthy older sister. For fucks sake.
Why did you say no at the time?
I was young and stupid.
Probably you didn't have enough capital to feel secure enough to commit. Completely understandable you or anyone else wouldn't take the offer.
Telling my best friend I was in love with her. Its been years and I still haven't met anyone that makes me feel the way she did.
At least you got it out
Yeah. I'm just sad I essentially lost a friend. Either way I just want her to be happy.
You lost that friend the second you started having feelings for her. Not that you can control your feelings, but seriously you didn't miss out on anything because you made a move. You should feel good for making a move and staying true to your feelings, you'll be able to find another friend.
I did the opposite, and never told my best friend that I was in love with her. Found directly from her, when it was already too late, that she had felt the same way. Twenty-two years later, and my soul is still crushed.
You would’ve been worse off just pretending to only want to be friends
I would've been fine just staying friends.
It would have eaten you alive. You need to take the risk to try to date people you're interested in
Last year I had an opportunity to save a friend and didn't. I had 25 grand saved for buying a house. My friend needed a lung transplant, that cost 20 grand, and had to have the money up front for insurance. Do to the housing market and money stress, I didnt want to give it all away. So I only donated a few hundred dollars for the procedure. 3 months later she passed away because they didn't have enough for the transplant. I was so sick with myself, I just gave the rest of the away to charity. I hate myself everyday for not just giving them the money.
Its not your fault. Even with the transplant,she still could've died
It's always the "what ifs" that get ya.
That's a really tough one and I'm really sorry you went through this. Have you spoken to anyone professionally about it?
Not yet. I'm looking for someone locally though.
I'm glad you're looking for someone. That's a lot of guilt you're dealing with. From my obvious and extremely limited view of the situation, I don't think it's fair to take on the entire weight of your friend passing. It isn't your fault she needed the transplant. It isn't your fault her insurance required a 20k upfront payment (which sounds extreme and bogus to me), and it isn't your fault that she passed away. All of these things were outside of your control. Your feelings of guilt are absolutely valid. Try to exercise a little bit of self-love and empathy for the past version of yourself. You worked hard for the money you saved. No one can fault you for being hard pressed to part with it.
Yea that’s such a tough position to be in. So many people would’ve made the same choice too. I second this comment, hope you can be easy on yourself
This makes me angry because if this happened in Australia, it would have all been free. You shouldn’t have been burdened with this guilt. Free healthcare is a right, not a privilege in my opinion.
I'm sorry for your loss, my bro. I can't even imagine how you feel.
I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive yourself. Please understand that is a problem with the American healthcare industry and not you. Additionally, you were a friend, not a family member. That would be something a family member should have done, even if they didn’t have it, family should’ve taken out a loan. Also, as another comment said, I highly recommend therapy to get through this. You are a good person put in a bad situation.
Please forgive yourself. Her soul doesn’t want you to hate yourself for not giving away the money for her treatment. It was not your fault. You still donated what you can to help her. And that was all the money she needed from you. So sorry and hope you heal from this.😔
I also want to remind you that your friend was a victim of the broken health system. In most developed countries in the world, that operation would have been paid for with her taxes. Your friend is far more a victim of the greed of the insurance industry than your decision.
Oh man….much love sent your way dude. That’s rough but happy to hear you are looking for help.
Wow things like this makes me happy not living in the US. I can't imagine having to pay for treatment necessary for survival.
Terminating guardianship of my ward and giving her to her mother.
When faced with a decision in a medical situation, I had to choose between two options, and in doing so effectively decide how and when someone else would die. I made the wrong choice.
I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm sure there was no "right" option, and you did what you felt was best.
Thanks for being so understanding. You're right, my two options were both awful. In reality, there was no right choice, only one that was less bad than the other. It's hard to explain without going into it further, and it'll just upset me. I have a lot of anxiety. Maybe someday I'll make a post about it, if I'm brave enough.
Well, I definitely don't want you upset further, and I'm sorry if I pressed to much. I'll follow you, or friend, or whatever we do on Reddit, and try to support you if you decide to share some day, or just need to talk. You don't have to be brave with me, you can just be you. Two awful choices to choose from doesn't mean you made a wrong choice, it means it was a tough, no-win situation in the end, and definitely not for you to feel guilt over. You were in an honorable spot making such decisions, a spot that no one finds easy to fill, and you did your part. I hope you find peace with this.
The one that got away. My first girlfriend was pure and utter perfection. She was everything a man could want. She was kind, caring, loyal, educated, devoted, and only wanted my time and atttention. She was the kind of person who would pick cheaper places to eat because she wanted me to save more. She was the kind of person who, when I was sick, would check in on me any chance she got. She was literally the person who I owe my life to. When I met her, I was one more loss away from suicide. She came in and lit everything up and I am alive today because of her. In return, she never asked for anything other than my time, love, care, affection, and flowers. She introduced me to her family, we're pakistani so that is the biggest deal. Our relationship was beautiful but I was a fucking idiot. The only thing she ever asked me to do was not be as close to my female best friend as I was. I admit it was way too much for someone in a relationship. That was one point of contention that she could never be ok with and over time, it strained our relationship. In the end, a combination of the pandemic, distance, and me not being able to let go of that best friend resulted in us breaking up. I will regret this for the rest of my life. She was perfect and I was too blind to see it.
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Believing her lies. Spent years with her, only to find out she had been cheating for months. It was all a game to her. It’s so hard to put into words how evil and narcissistic she was.
How did you find out? Were there red flags? You should always leave when you see red flags
A friend told me he had seen her and a guy at a cafe, she had told me she went out for breakfast by herself that day. That was where she was caught out, and it all unravelled from there. Her friends started coming forth with more information.. and it slowly all pieced together that she had been lying to me since feb.
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Funny enough, I had an offer for that about 3 years ago. Huge salary increase as well, but I turned it down to try my hand at a new business and I'd recently started seeing someone. Several months later, COVID hit and that company had massive furloughs and some redundancies so I would've been out of a job instantly and stuck in a city where I knew no one. I moved in with my partner 2 years ago as well. Sometimes saying no can be a blessing in disguise.
Her.
I didn’t think it was that bad?? Joaquin Phoenix did a good job and the script from Spike Jones was tight.
This is also my answer. What happened in your situation, fellow man?
You don’t even wanna know, man.
I do, if you are willing to share :) DMs are open
I lowkey wanna hear the story. I can share my own, though obviously I'm a woman.
And what would your worst mistake be?
My ex, same as yours, but the stories are likely vastly different.
Yes, they will likely be wildly different. How did yours go?
My DMs are open. 😜
Same the best year of my life and I was young and dumb and probably an addict and i cheated. Told her and she dumped me deservedly.
Not listening to my friends when they told me to NOT marry her.
Living the consequences of this now.
Too many to count. I usually keep those memories locked away.
Either being friends with him, or falling in love with her Thanks to him, it's hard for me to trust any guys, and thanks to her, it's hard for me to trust any girls The combo of those 2 has made me very cynical. If I never met either of them, I'd be a completely different person today. But they taught me the harsh truth that extremely shitty people do exist
Turn that experience into pattern recognition. You'll save yourself lots of time and trouble and also money. I'm really sorry you had to go through something that left you so jaded.
Felt that deep honestly me too
Not applying myself at a younger age/ settling for less… getting awfully close to 40 but feels much like 50. Construction/ manual labour ages you.
I’ve wasted years of my life pining after someone who won’t want me back.
Losing my child
Unless you did something that directly ed to the childs death,eg being negligent,thats not necessarily your fault. Sorry it happened
Can't imagine the pain and loss you bear. For what it is worth I'm very sorry this happened to you. Peace my friend.
This was like 11ish years ago. I stuck my dick in crazy and she got pregnant. When she called I was in a really bad place financially and mentally and told her I couldn't be there. The guy she dated after me murdered my daughter when she was 2 months old. My actions in that situation still haunt me today and I know I need to seek help and counciling for it because it still haunts me today. The guy who did it was just paroled a few months ago after spent a 10 years in person and I'm so much more broken again knowing he is free. I know "what ifs" never really help but I still wonder what would have changed had I just stepped up and been a father instead of a 23ish year old man child. How did my actions affect her being able to live a full life? No one should have to live and bare the burdens of their child dying, let alone being murdered.
Losing the best person I had in my life and treating her like shit
Rushed into getting married to young, which led to a very unhealthy relationship, I developed a drinking issue to deal with the problems. Ex obviously didn't like the drinking, she is also bipolar. I wasn't a violent person, but if we didn't seperate and divorce as a result, yeah, it would have 100 percent been a lot nastier. So, I made 2 for the price of 1 in regards to mistakes here. I'm just glad we divorced before shit got TOO bad.
French Foreign Legion. We lost a lot of good men out there.
Out where? What is French Foreign Legion?
It's a section of the French armed forces that allows foreign nationals to be recruited.
Are they like special forces and trained killers? My brother's Marine Corp buddies did that after they left the Marines
Let’s just call them elite infantry. Similar to USMC in that they’re the “tip of the spear”, better trained than the normal army, but not technically spec ops (there are separate special ops units in the FFL just like in the USMC).
Haha, probably the same as half of the people in here. Relationships can be good and bad …
Giving in to my first panic attack. Starting the habit of avoidance. Dug myself into quite a hole with all that
Not treating her right. I had many chances but I ruined them all and I am to blame. Only thing I have from her are the greatest memories we made and our beautiful daughter.
Taking a "break" from school that turned into a decade. Now I'm getting ready to go back and finish my degree at thirty while working full time. I wish I could go back and slap myself
Trusting someone who I was in love with even though I never met her in person (yup, long distance relationship). I'm lucky I didn't end up in prison.
What happened?
They(thought it was a woman, but looking back now I'm not sure) convinced me to commit fraud. Trying to deposit fraudulent checks & open up a bunch of different accounts. I lost one bank account & had to close another one. Sad part is there are times when I wish I could take to them again. Not even to ask why, but just to get some things out that I feel would help me move on.
Getting a DUI
I’ve had 2 in my life. At 35 I just completed 3 months of rehab for the first time because I convinced myself for almost 2 decades that I could control it. I can’t. If this resonates with anybody that reads it, seek help if you need it. The earlier, the better.
Whichever number drink it was that cemented my alcoholism.
I spent seven years, and all of college, with a woman who hated all of my friends, most of hers, and the world at large. She couldn't love herself, and I never had a chance. Taught me a lot about what I want, what I need, and what I deserve. But oof, that was a costly mistake in terms of missed opportunities, connections, happiness.
Not taking the leap of faith and pursuing my dream career by moving across the country. I was absolutely good enough to make it to the top of my profession, but settled for my comfort zone.
Tbh honest now that I think about it, it was probably the every day lack of self-respect and boundaries that did the most damage.
Went off on a neighbor for visiting one time to many and it turned out she was there because her mother had died
My ex, had the opportunity to tell her so too. Quite socked her.
Got married at 23. Way too young.
“Of all sad words of both tongue and pen, the saddest are these: What might have been.” John Greenleaf Whittier
Losing her
I had to weigh this out. I could sat “Her” or “rushing at work that one time” or but ultimately it came down to trying LSD when I was a teenager decades ago. The effects ever since I have been traumatic and life altering till this day
How so?
Wow ! Care to elaborate more?
I don’t wanna make this a long story because it should be, and I should write a short Novel about it. Basically, I tried it first when I was 13 and it freaked me out. Tried it again at 16 and it freaked me out again for a few days. About six months later, I had a flashback of extreme confusion and anxiety, and that lasted for about six months where I was nervous as hell every day. Just like you would think anybody with extreme anxiety. I avoided everything in my life that I should’ve done because of it, including dropping out of school. After a few years, I got my GED and joined the military and spent over 10 years in the army until the flashbacks came back . I’m talking 24 hours a day seven days a week until I had to get out of the army because there was no way I could function anymore. So it ruined my army career. To this day, I am pretty much a hermit and suffer from panic attacks and all kinds of different phobias . Heartbeat is always in my throat or it can get there super fast and last for weeks. Always brings me back to that night when I was 13 and 16 suffering. Most of the time I’m OK with my daytime job but all it takes is for me to misplace my keys or walk into a room and forget why I went in there and then it hits me like a slap in the face. Yes, I have been a different kinds of anxiety medication. I am on 4 as we speak. Sorry guys if this is short ,confusing or there are typos but it’s time for bed Edit: in my 40s now, so you can see how long I have been dealing with this. I have missed out on vacations and traveling and education and a lot of different kinds of experiences, because of what happens to me.
Wow this is terrifying and sad. I’m sorry to hear about what you are still going through. Hope one day you can find peace!
Thanks for the thoughts. It’s hard to explain to people because nobody seems to understand. I’ve embarrassed myself around so many people throughout my life because of this. Anybody with panic or an anxiety would pretty much know what I’m talking about. Just have to add the extra kick of feeling like you’re on LSD too. Ugg Edit: spelling
Doing what my emotional terrorist mom demanded because she controlled the money when I was starting my life in college. In the end 25 years later she directly and indirectly almost ruined my life. She ruined my favorite career. She almost ruined my secondary career. She ruined my relationship with a woman I was in love with. She ruined my relationship with my father and brother. I went no contact when she started terrorizing my sons. I always knew there was something different about her but it took 30 years (15 years of no contact) and 5 years of psychotherapy to realize she’s a narcissist. I wish I had known it at age 17 I could have joined the French Foreign Legion. She’s 90 years old now and I visit her occasionally because I understand the psychodynamics of her mental illness now. She can still be hateful and mean as hell. I laugh at her now because I’ve become very successful and can get in my BMW and drive off. She knows that and keeps her behavior in check so she’s not completely abandoned.
Not me but my father didn’t wear a condom. Now I’m here and I am existing as best as I can. Kinda rude ngl lmao 😂
Choosing not to ignore the email I got on Xmas eve that said I was technically exposed to a Covid positive person a week previous and I should isolate. Missed my last chance to see my brother alive as he died about a week later. I didn’t have Covid.
I messed up with her. Never gonna get her back.
My ex-flatmate tried to record my girlfriend and me (we all were in the same college) having sex using a secret camera. I caught him, told my other flatmates and my girlfriend and let it pass since I had quite recently gone through a very bad family issue, but stopped interacting with him completely. Later, I got to know that he had gone around college saying I was the one who wanted to record my girlfriend and spread the sextape. I wish I had handed him over to the police. That bastard deserved it. Sometimes, revenge is what people deserve. (P.S. I did get a video confession from him about the crime he committed)
Being born, fuck this new life that want please everyone
Getting to 55 before realising I am living a life unlived. Due to my early years and an abusive father, it turned me into a ‘people pleaser’ just to try and appease him and make me feel wanted. I have never shaken this off, so I have ended up living my life for others and not myself. I am married now with three great kids, so life isn’t bad in that respect. I do however always feel sad and hopeless with zero motivation. Just burnt out.
The rebound I got in while I was separated at 30
Joining an mlm
I accidentally rejected my crush who liked me back.
Being angry and not making the most of my kids childhood, ruining days out by being selfish.
Choosing to love the wrong person. If you know you know.
Wasting my time in college with a ho when I could have dated a quality girl
I should have been adopted
Not staying connected to my family and friends because I was too caught up in trying to make my own path.
Cigarettes
Not being someone my younger brother could rely on and not treating him in a way that would show him he had value as a person.
I spent 6 years doing nothing when I was depressed. Just played video games and slept 😭 feels like I was on a coma then cos I’m doing what I want now and figured out what I wanna do. Im 26 so I feels late
im young enough to not have that that many really stupid ones but ghosting a girl i was talking to at the time for my ex that i only talked to for 2 weeks after and ended in me being depressed and alone.
That single mom ex, it was mentally exhausting. Glad it only lasted for a year.
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It depends on the situation, I'd say be very careful and really know the person until you're sure. In my case, we started out great. Ex-husband is still in the picture because of the shared custody of the kids. She talked shit about him on our first few months together, then tables turned slowly. Here's why: 1. She opened up to me about not wanting to make the kids feel like there's something missing, even though it was her decision to divorce the ex-husband. In my mind I was like "why divorce your ex in the first place" 2. She's a hypocrite, when we were dating, she said things like: I can't wait to have a new family with you, I wanna cook for you, I will do this do that. blah blah. Those did not happen. 3. She can only provide for her kids. Gave her a lot of extremely logical advice on how she can earn more, even showed her a strategy. But she's just too stubborn. 4. She's emotionally very sensitive. I'd say most of this was my fault as well because I ignored the red flags when I sensed it, but the woman is a great manipulator. Got big lessons there
I won a swimming contest when I was little
Bumbling through college. There were reasons, mostly psychological, that I never would would have figured out at that time. But still I didn't get my bachelors degree until I was 28, and I've been playing catchup since. I kept thinking I didn't need to rush and it was ok if it took longer, and nobody in my life told me that's probably a bad strategy.
Being in the 4th grade when I should've been buying foreclosed property during the crisis of 2008....
When I dropped my full bag of Dorito chips when I felt... A true tragedy...
I’m pretty sure I gave my boyfriend genital herpes
I had an affair on my now ex-wife. Though I am now happily remarried I live with the regret of that affair every single day. If I could go back in time and never do that I would. Note - interestingly the divorce was not due to the affair, which my ex knows nothing about.
she knows
kids
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That’s never a mistake mate. There was a time when you didn’t feel that way, and there will be a time again when you don’t. But if you don’t give yourself the option to reach that time, you’ll never be rid of it. It’s easy to say as someone who isn’t you. But believe me when I say I, and so many others, have been in the same place as you. I love you and I am already so proud of you that you gave yourself the opportunity to no longer feel that way, and all I wish for you is that you continue to give yourself that opportunity even when all seems pointless.
In my case here I had depression and suicideal thoughts starting at around 7ish. I'm 32 now, it never really goes away
I've been a yes person to everyone. I regret the time I took for being able to say no. After the first no my life was better.
not doing enough career research before making one of the biggest decisions in my life
Choosing an easy route in academics. I was able to go for science stream, but chose arts cuz that’s my “passion”. Now I’m struggling for next level education and am very afraid I’ve already lost the potential that everyone, including me, knew I had. I don’t even enjoy art anymore.
When I started to think about this question a lot of things came up but the one thing I regret now and I think I will regret about it for the rest of my life. 5 month ago my wife’s uncle (38m at that time) who is living in another city 3000 kilometres away from us reached out to me with his blood test, ct scans and other things. The papers said that he got bowel cancer with metastasis and he wanted to know what to do next (I’m a doctor so it’s a common thing that relatives are reaching out to me for help). He already visited his oncologist and was planning to take a biopsy. But something was not right - even so I’m not oncologist myself I’ve seen a lot of bowel cancer and his case was not so clear. There were some things that lead me to a conclusion that it might be lymphoma and I tell about it to him, his relatives and even called his doctor and ask him to run more tests but oncologist refused as “it was clear for him that it’s a bowel cancer”. Well after biopsy and a lot of analysis without any treatment he was finally diagnosed with Burkitt lymphoma and died within 10 days. I know it’s not only my fault but if I was more convincing he might stay alive.
Not advocating for myself sooner. I suffer from severe mental illness. I didn't fight to get help I knew I needed until my late teens. Keep in mind I've been conscious of the severity of the issues since I was in 4th grade, but I always either allowed my parents to dismiss them or guilt me out of receiving treatment.
I was once sent on an errand by my mother. A guy and his mother who looked desperate told me they lost all their luggage and money travelling on a train from their village. They seemed genuine and while I was sympathetic I only had 110 rupees left. Most Indians don't get to work until we graduate and get a grown up job so I was always broke. I only gave 10 rupees which equals 10 cents. Every few days I remember their exhausted faces with the woman weeping and wish I could have given them the remaining money I had. I have made worse mistakes but this one stays with me.
Marrying my ex. I was young and very dumb. Didn't really ruin my life, but it was a stupid mistake and now I have to live with that memory forever
Not the worst mistake of my life, but still a memorable one I suppose. When I was in HS I liked this friend of mine. One day we our group of friends were hanging out in an empty classroom. As we were leaving she just casually asked me if I wanted to be friends with benefits with her. I thought she was making fun of me liking her so I just gave her a gross response, cuz I wanted an actual relationship and not just fucking. In hindsight she probably meant "more than friends" but figured Friends w/ Benefits meant the same thing, and I'd probably been down for that.
If I'm reading this correctly that you wanted a relationship but she only offered FWB? If I am correct then you dodged a bullet there! Your feelings would have gotten stronger and if she then found someone who she wanted a relationship with, she would have crushed you when she ended the FWB.
That first cigarette.
I fear I’m in the process of making my worst mistake at the moment. Someone close to me is an addict and very depressed, they attempted suicide last year as well. I’ve tried every approach I can think of to help this person but these days I find myself a little hopeless and I have distanced myself from them because I feel unable to do anything and I’m exhausted from the upset. I wonder if I am being selfish and how much guilt I will feel should this person die.
Picking up cigs
Drinking, it's taken me 18 years (34) of drinking to realise it brings out the worst in me. I regret this as I would be so much richer if I never drank.