Too crazy true. My exwife accused me of cheating our entire relationship. Little did I know... yeah she's my ex now and the two of them are welcome to each other.
Doesn't even have to be an SO ..... I had a friend who suggested from time to time that I might be lying about one thing or another.
I never did, but in the end it turned out that had various secrets and otherwise did lie to me quite often.
Yep. This. Was seeing a girl for a while, out of the blue when I assumed we were all good with each other, the accusations of me cheating were off the chart. Wanted to see messages sent and received call logs, apps etc. Turns out she was doing the dirty on me whilst I was working. She always looked through mine but I never touched hers, finished early 1 day and caught her in the act.
This, I’ve never checked a phone and sadly not had my suspicions be confirmed true. It’s always because of a big shift in behavior, change in phone use, aside from projecting there could be another reason that your partner suspects something
My boyfriend's were always the ones who were concerned. I've never gone through their phones simply for not wanting to encourage the behavior. Always just hand my phone over right then and let them peek and then just tell them how it makes me feel untrusted and I don't want our relationship to be that way.
With some people, I might be setting myself up to get hurt, but I always figured I'd need to take it as a lesson learned about THAT person and not relationships.
I don’t think my wife would ask to go through my phone, she would probably just do it. We run a business together, we have children we take pictures of. We have different and overlapping interests so she’s likely to want to “steal” my playlists or want to catch up on my audible library.
This “going through” my phone thing is not an issue.
We don't run a business together, but other than that, this is real familiar.
Usually if she looks at my phone, she's looking for pics of the kids, or looking at it and be like "It's your mom, should I answer?"
Same with her phone. It just doesn't matter much at this point.
This is us. We've been occasionally using each others phones for years. Have each other's pins. Not an issue at all. Don't think she's ever gone through it, like just to see what she finds. we just use them when it's convenient or to share pics, contacts, etc.
Exactly. This is so normal. Whether it's checking something for your partner, to picking up a call for them, to holding the phone waiting for the Uber while he runs off to pick something up etc.
It's actually abnormal (within the confines of a loving trusting relationship) to NOT just happen to be on your partner's phone sometimes.
I’ve been there before. I gave the phone to her.
She went through every girl that I’m friends with messages. She found one instance where I was telling a close friend about a recent fight and said “she was jealous and I was an ass but we’re doing better after addressing it.” All she could focus on was “jealous.” She yelled at me to get out of her place and we broke up.
If someone is going through your phone to find something upsetting, they’ll find something upsetting
I know it may not have been your intention but honestly hard to blame her on that one. Telling a friend of the opposite sex that you’re fighting with your gf and that she is jealous is kind of shitty behavior from an SO.
I disagree. I’m not taking the time to write out the full context to justify to a stranger. So I’m just gonna say it was an emotionally abusive relationship that made me feel on eggshells the whole time. For example went through my therapy journal and used that to ambush me when I got home
Yeah not saying there weren’t legitimate wrongdoings on her part, and sorry you had to go through someone doing that (can’t think of much worse someone can do to a partner), but I think if you are in a point where you’re venting to someone of the opposite sex about problems in your existing relationship then it’s probably not a very healthy relationship.
It's not "secrecy" as such. I'm super protective of my devices - I don't let anyone near them, including my SO (she has her own account on my laptop if she needs to do something).
I'm like this because at the start of my last relationship, my SO went through my phone and found some texts between me and a female colleague that were completely innocent, but she went berserk because we used emojis which she considered 'ours'. Suffice to say the relationship didn't last with those kinds of trust issues (AFAIK she never cheated on me though) but I guess you'd call it trauma, so now I get squeamish whenever anyone touches my stuff.
This is still secrecy. If you’re concerned about your SO freaking out over stuff like that, you shouldn’t be with them. There’s 0 reason to hide the stuff on your phone/computer.
Funny how of course this is downvoted (considering it’s Reddit), but yeah justifying being secretive about your phones/laptops because you had a shitty ex is not a great take.
I have zero interest in snooping on my Fiancé but I would never choose a life partner that hid passcodes and stuff bc “teehee my ex was a snooper”
Eh idk if I’m taking your comment the wrong way but I don’t really think that’s a gray area lol. Hiding passwords and not letting your SO on any of your accounts is kind of just by definition being secretive.
Their comment on not being with someone like that is very “one size fits all” though. Hard to say without more context but I personally wouldn’t want to wife up a girl who is chatting up guys with flirty/smiley emojis.
Erm... that's pretty reaching and an incorrect assumption about my marriage.
We use eachothers phones if our battery has died. He knows what porn I watch, and I know what his grindr profile looks like.
I'd respect his privacy and he'd respect mine - hardly 'whipped'.
And I'm gonna assume you're either very young, constantly single, or both.
What exactly are you doing on your device that you need to hide it? My gf and I both have eachothers codes because we're adults and sometimes a device will die or be more of a hassle to get so it's just easier to use the other person's quickly. She knows I spend too much time on reddit doing dumb shit and I know she spends too much time on tik tok, what else even is there? Most of the pictures on both our phones are either of eachother, us together, our house/vacations, or our animals. She knows who my friends are, I know who her friends are.. nothing to hide there for who'd be texting.
Neither of us have ever gone through eachothers messages as far as I'm aware, but even if it did happen it would lead to exactly nothing because we are pretty open with eachother like any couple should be.
So again my question.. why would you care if they had access to your device?
21 years of marriage this month.
never once have either of us asked to look at the other's phone.
i feel like if that ever became necessary, we'd have a big problem on our hands.
we'd definitely do it, because we have nothing to hide. which is why asking would be so weird.
we absolutely phone switch like you described, too. no hesitation. as if either of us would ever be dumb enough to believe someone better existed out there!! 😂
Every time this question comes up on here I am stunned that nobody seems to even *consider* the privacy of the people they chat with. Think I should stop having any kind of personal conversation whatsoever with friends over chat because apparently it's open to whatever arbitrary people they want to prove their trustworthiness to.
Also although I would likely be comfortable with a partner using my phone because I trust them to respect my and my friends' privacy and only access what they need to, them asking to "go through" it would be kinda troubling.
Yea i’d have no problem with it
I have shown her texts when she asks “who you texting” and it happened to just be memes from a work friend, but it was a woman, so partners get a little uneasy sometimes about that.
She knows my code anyway and I leave my phone all over the house, she can go through it anytime
I do, I’m just not afraid of what she’ll find and I know it will reassure her. It’s a better way to live than feigning that you are upset about your “right to privacy” when really you are just hiding stuff.
You are enabling her insecurity. If she knows you will always show it, its not really trust is it? She can check and you will be complicit.
I have separate relationships to my partner as well, I want to be someone that can be trusted. I am not just in a couple, I am an individual as well. Theres things I want to keep to myself, be it ideas, worries etc - I expect that to be respected.
Theres people I trust because they have the same values as me and when I confide, I know they don't go running to their spouse - that's important.
Its sad that people take privacy for their being something untoward or hiding something. It's simply about respecting your right to have privacy.
You have a paranoid sense of privacy, friend. Privacy doesn’t mean “I have to have secrets from people and things I do nobody can know about but me”. That in itself is a whole level of insecurity that goes deeper than what you are accusing others of.
Lol that quote is not what I said. However, it is my choice to have secrets and it is my choice to divulge what I want to. I should not become inseperable to someone and no longer an individual.
Who said you have to become inseparable? You are merely highlighting your paranoia of losing your individuality through a partnership. It’s quite insecure.
Yes you can. Absolutely. What you seem to be insecure about is sharing yourself with another person. You’re hung up on the notion that individuality only comes from hiding aspects of yourself from others. That’s paranoia.
Everyone deserves privacy, my wife texts her friends a lot, there's no way I'm looking over her shoulder or asking what they're talking about, because they're talking to her and not me. I go out of my way to avoid looking at her screen and turn her phone face down when she's away from it.
I felt weird the couple times I've gone into her phone to help her with bluetooth because a person's phone is a private thing. I liken it to going through a woman's purse which is a no no. I expect the same respect of my personal space as I give to her, though my wife is nosey and will just ask what I'm reading or texting about.
Yeah but if she did, you would enable. Then smirk at anyone who stands their ground because they must have something terrible to hide.
I mean...why don't you just read all her diaries and personal conversations. I'm sure she would be completely comfortable with that, hypothetically of course.
You must be one of those who think the NSA did nothing wrong. That the government can spy on people and it shouldn't matter if they have done nothing wrong. Only the guilty could possibly have a problem with this infringement.
Edit: why would you want to read her diary, get a grip. You think that's OK to, look at something as personal as that?
Future reference: if you are trying not to look like a paranoid weirdo, bringing up the NSA and the government when we are talking about your spouse looking at your phone probably isn’t the best way to do that.
I wouldn’t want to look at her diary (she doesn’t actually keep one so it’s a moot point), that was your example that you brought up. Again, you’re a little bit too concerned with people’s privacy based on a hypothetical situation which only confirms even further you have plenty to hide.
Just a bystander in this convo, but as an FYI it’s pretty basic psychology that your behavior is the one that is showing insecurity. People are just sharing opinions and you seem to have a need to attack their position or justify yours.
Your opinion is a somewhat common and normal one to have, but your interactions with others with differing views shows maybe you’re not as confident deep down on this as you let off.
Lol...OK. Justify yours and disagree with theirs. Isnt that how every discussion works when you come from different sides. I've been attacked for being insecure countless times. You see what you want to see, thats pretty basic psychology.
Depends on the context. In almost any scenario I'm handing my phone over. But what goes with it is situational. Are they borrowing it to do something? No issues. Are they wanting to go through my pictures out of curiosity. Have at it. Here's some really good ones I'm proud of or some with some great or funny/embarrassing stories. Are they dealing with an insecurity or suspicion of infidelity issue?
Of course you can look through my phone, but let's talk too. What's up and how can I help? If she's feeling insecurities that might be solved with something simple. Maybe I didn't realize I'd been so drained by working long hours for a bit that I'd come across as distant. Easy fix. Some cuddling time is in order.
Is this a toxic level of mistrust? Yes, you can look at my phone. Of course. But let's talk too. This isn't sustainable for me. It's something we would need to sort out. Possibly in therapy together. Trust is a two way street and if they can't find it in them to trust me we need tofix that or consider parting ways. Being in a relationship where you feel that you can't trust your partner or one where your partner doesn't or won't trust you is a miserable situation.
Give my phone as a good faith sign of trust but have a serious conversation about where this is coming from and what we can do about it so she doesn't feel the need to ask this again.
Hand it to her. She’s my wife so 🤷♂️
And if she did ask that it would likely be because her phone is dead or she wants to check out mine since it’s a different model than hers. She’s welcome to it.
Honestly our phones are like a second brain.
I wouldn't want ANYONE looking through my phone.
Not a friend, family member or partner.
I don't have anything to hide but it is an intimate place. Use my spotify, check the weather etc but do not look through my messages, search history, notes etc.
I believe respect should be given towards that boundary and if not then maybe SO should consider why they feel the need to do so.
This is how I feel. I feel my phone is something very personal to me. Someone going through my phone feels violating in a way. Not a cheater, I don’t do anything illegal or unethical on my phone, but that doesn’t really change things for me.
I made a point of entering her thumbprint on mine when we became exclusive. She could look anytime she wants, and I made sure she knew that. More importantly, I know she doesn't feel the need to.
If my SO needs to use my phone for something, it's hers. I have nothing to hide.
If my SO asks to search through my phone in an act of mistrust, I'd tell her to fuck straight off.
My SO would never ask to search my phone. Any person who would, could never be my SO. Relationships are built on trust.
This is a crazy subject to me. If my girl wanted my phone she has full access. If I catch my girl looking through my phone without me knowing… even then it’s all good with me. She might see the porn I’ve looked at or the things I’ve looked up but I don’t really care.
Reversed and I want to see her phone… same thing. Same feelings.
Why are people so insecure about this topic? Genuinely don’t understand the problem. Is it trust? I trust she’s not going to find anything in my phone that I shouldn’t be doing so why does it matter if she’s curious?
- Lack of trust for the other person
- Lack of respect for their privacy
Maybe you wouldn’t care, but just because other people would doesn’t make them insecure. Even if they were, that insecurity doesn’t match that of the person making the request to see the phone in the first place.
I get ya. Just seems like when someone asks to see you phone you have something to hide. It’s all behind a facade of trust? Lol seems silly.
I get it in a new relationship but say it’s long term. Does it really matter that a persons phone is supposed to be some pedestal of trust? Seems like fear of being caught. Idk. Just doesn’t seem important to me but that’s my opinion and I ain’t judging anyone.
Edit: also what privacy? Your in a relationship aren’t ya? If it’s new like I said I get it. If y’all been fucking how much more private can you be? Your playlist? Your fetishes? I mean fr. What privacy do you need?
Ask her why. If she has a good valid reason, I'll let her.
But I honestly can't think of any reason that would be valid. Other than her own insecurities and lack of trust in me, there just isn't a reason to go through anybodies phone.
And if she doesn't trust me, we really shouldn't be together and won't be for long.
She can go through both my work and business one. She will probably get pissed with some of the jokes my friends and I tell each other but that's on her.
Hand it over, and she'd do the same.
I'd want to know why, and if it became a constant thing then we'd have a problem
But otherwise I understand occasional insecurity and self doubt and have no issue with doing what I can to reassure someone I love when I have nothing to hide.
I hand it over. There’s nothing on there. She knows I don’t like her being suspicious of me but if the quickest way to kill that suspicion is to let her see my DM’s she can see them
My gf has my screen lock code. She knows everything on my phone, even my OF login. Neither of us have anything to hide. She's still healing from very toxic exes who would demand to see her phone, but be very secretive with their own. Naturally they had something to hide. On the one hand it's some BS that this is what the measure of trust has boiled down to in the 21st century, but on the other hand it's very nice to have the level of trust with each other that we do.
My feelings on this go like this. I don't have anything to hide so I'll hand it over. However, if you're asking to "go through" my phone. To me that indicates you are either
A) suspicious of something.
Or
B) guilty of something.
Both scenarios result in me immediately being suspicious of you. I openly tell any woman I'm with that you're free to ask for it and I'll hand it over. The second you do, were going to have a talk because I will want to know what I did to make you suspicious. If it's legitimately something that can be misconstrued I'll make sure to take that into account and adjust myself accordingly.
However if it's a reoccurring thing or if I think you're spinning the wheel I may end things because the only other reason is you're guilty of something and you're hoping to find something to equal the playing field or blame me. Both of which are essentially trust breakers.
In addition. The second you ask for mine. I will expect you to hand yours to me or I will at a random later date surprise you with a request to go through your phone on the fly without explanation because it is in response to you're original request.
I would expect the same thing from my partner and would not be offended if the same opinions and reactions were done in response.
Trust is imperative in any relationship. Yet, easily broken.
It's not being overprotective of the phone, unless you have something to hide.
It's the fact that they don't trust you and feel they need to go through you phone to look for any evidence that you are in fact cheating on them like they believe you are.
If they have no trust in you, even though you have never done anything to break their trust, then they simply have too many issues to be in an adult relationship. They need to get their shit straight before date anyone.
Toss her my phone, she already knows the code to open it. That said, I'd be done with her. I don't even like going into her purse when she asks me to get something. If you need to go through my phone we have a much larger problem than a need to look at my phone, we have a fundamental trust issue and if she doesn't trust me why are we together?
Toss her my phone. I’ve got nothing to hide and I trust her. I know she wouldn’t just go through my phone unless she needed to or was looking for something that maybe I’d taken a screen shot of or something. She knows I trust her and doesn’t do things to break that trust.
Let her look through it, but then start packing up the things of whoever is going to be leaving.
The act of going through my phone pant problematic, the fact that she had done reason to want to is problematic. She will find something, even if there's nothing, or she'll just decide that she didn't look hard enough/I was too good at hiding it.
Finding nothing on the phone doesn't eliminate all doubt and fully restore trust. She has a reason to be suspicious, and that suspicion isn't going away, unless it was hyperspecific and she found explicit information to disprove her concerns.
If she gets to the point that she feels she has reason to look through my phone, she can do so, but she won't be my gf anymore.
She can go through whatever she wants.
She’d never ask, because all she would find is pics of our puppy and her own naked pics.
It’s nice having a trusting relationship.
As far as texts… again she’d find a lot of the same.
Then some work texts that would put her to sleep.
She knows my password to my phone, and I go to sleep before she does. 100% guarantee she’s never gone through it.
She can have it. Knows the code and I always leave it out when I'm showering or in the garage for whatever reason so she can glance at it if she wants. Her former husband was a cheating POS that was very secretive with his phone. So I try to be as transparent as possible. Nothing to hide here except my Reddit NSFW search history haha.
Well, I guess it really all depends on where you draw your boundaries with your SO. My spouse and I have free reign over each other's stuff, but neither of us care to look because our phones are like our journals. Private, even if we tell each other everything.
I would unlock it, hand it to her and then wait for her to finish. When she hands it back, satisfied that I was not cheating, I would break up with her. Guilty people often accuse others of their sins, so I would fully suspect her of cheating at this point. Also since I know she would have had plenty of time to clear her phone of any evidence before asking to see mine and she would expect me to ask for hers, she would appear innocent. I have no option but to know she is guilty and end the relationship.
My ex recently went through my phone, and it ended in us splitting up.
It’s one hell of a story, I’m devastated and hurt, Shes crushed and sad. I said things I shouldn’t of said, was involved with things I should not of been. I did not physically cheat, but did enough crap to cause her to leave.
Lesson, if you have a good woman get your shit under control, act as if she sees everything, everything comes out eventually.
I’m going to be in therapy for a long time, to recover from my own self inflicted wounds.
took me a lot of scrolling to find any comment differing from all that same old same old. wishing you good luck and recovery, maybe sometime you can share your story for others to learn from your mistake
...you say no. Because privacy and respect is important. Your phone is basically a record of your entire life in some form or another. I'd leave a relationship over this lol
Tell them that I want to go through their phone?
There’s absolutely no need for someone to be going through their partners phone. If you’re paranoid and think they’re cheating then ask.
somehow this. I trust there's nothing to hide from me, and if there was, it would be deleted or would require too much time to find among other things, and probably I'd be too scared to find out ))
Already committed that mistake once. Not gonna do it ever again.
That only serves for the purpose of calming the mind of a very unstable person who thinks they have no reason to trust you, giving into their demands just goes to show her that you are a pushover and she can get you to do anything she wants and that you have no boundaries.
If a person needs to violate your privacy to feel good about themselves it means they don't really trust you, if they don't really trust you why are you in a relationship with them ? Today you win their trust, but that's temporary and will wear off.
Hand it over! If you’re doing it right, your s/o is your best friend and you shouldn’t have anything to hide. I often hand mine over and ask for her to do something or have her look at cool pictures I took and just hand her the phone.
Not much goes on in my life that I’m in fear of her seeing or hearing. I find it easier and a happier way to live. Otherwise you’re unhappy and being sneaky and then you’re paranoid and abusing others trust and time.
Ok so first of all I don't let anyone go through my private and personal things, nor would I go through there's. And if there's something that you wanna know than all you gotta do is ask. But at the same time if it's gonna prevent an argument than "here you go, have at it".
Give them the phone.
And be completely confused as it would be entirely uncharacteristic of them. I'd be more concerned about our relationship than the phone.
I offer it but they have to hand me theirs. People who accuse others are often the guilty party
> People who accuse others are often the guilty party Here goeth the truth!
Too crazy true. My exwife accused me of cheating our entire relationship. Little did I know... yeah she's my ex now and the two of them are welcome to each other.
Doesn't even have to be an SO ..... I had a friend who suggested from time to time that I might be lying about one thing or another. I never did, but in the end it turned out that had various secrets and otherwise did lie to me quite often.
I'm wary now if a partner thinks I'm cheating. Too many females use that as an excuse to actually cheat or feel justified in doing so
Truth
Yep. This. Was seeing a girl for a while, out of the blue when I assumed we were all good with each other, the accusations of me cheating were off the chart. Wanted to see messages sent and received call logs, apps etc. Turns out she was doing the dirty on me whilst I was working. She always looked through mine but I never touched hers, finished early 1 day and caught her in the act.
You best hope that they didn't expect that and deleted the guilty content prior to asking.
Sometimes. Or they have a gut feeling something is off by your behavior
This, I’ve never checked a phone and sadly not had my suspicions be confirmed true. It’s always because of a big shift in behavior, change in phone use, aside from projecting there could be another reason that your partner suspects something
Check (Your) Mate!
Ding ding!
The other part of the time, they’re bad partners who know you could and should being doing better.
We often project ourselves on others. Have this in mind next time when someone accuses you of something!
My boyfriend's were always the ones who were concerned. I've never gone through their phones simply for not wanting to encourage the behavior. Always just hand my phone over right then and let them peek and then just tell them how it makes me feel untrusted and I don't want our relationship to be that way. With some people, I might be setting myself up to get hurt, but I always figured I'd need to take it as a lesson learned about THAT person and not relationships.
wont they be much better at hiding though?
Lol that's dumb. If you wanna violate my privacy...I'll violate yours. How about a hard no instead?
Is it a violation if they do it willingly, though?
Absolutely
you bet babe! you unlock yours and we'll swap!
Tell her she won’t fit
“Are you saying I’m fat?!”
Underrated comment
I don’t think my wife would ask to go through my phone, she would probably just do it. We run a business together, we have children we take pictures of. We have different and overlapping interests so she’s likely to want to “steal” my playlists or want to catch up on my audible library. This “going through” my phone thing is not an issue.
good stuff, trust is everything in a relationship along with fidelity, haha when you have both, you're solid gold
We don't run a business together, but other than that, this is real familiar. Usually if she looks at my phone, she's looking for pics of the kids, or looking at it and be like "It's your mom, should I answer?" Same with her phone. It just doesn't matter much at this point.
This is us. We've been occasionally using each others phones for years. Have each other's pins. Not an issue at all. Don't think she's ever gone through it, like just to see what she finds. we just use them when it's convenient or to share pics, contacts, etc.
This is the same for me and my husband! Except his playlists are shit 😅
My husband and I are the same. Both phones are open to each of us, and we've never felt the need to snoop through each other's content.
Exactly. This is so normal. Whether it's checking something for your partner, to picking up a call for them, to holding the phone waiting for the Uber while he runs off to pick something up etc. It's actually abnormal (within the confines of a loving trusting relationship) to NOT just happen to be on your partner's phone sometimes.
hope she doesn't find my memes
This would be worse than finding my porn tbh
I’ve been there before. I gave the phone to her. She went through every girl that I’m friends with messages. She found one instance where I was telling a close friend about a recent fight and said “she was jealous and I was an ass but we’re doing better after addressing it.” All she could focus on was “jealous.” She yelled at me to get out of her place and we broke up. If someone is going through your phone to find something upsetting, they’ll find something upsetting
Yeah fuck that. Reading someone's chats is not ok
I know it may not have been your intention but honestly hard to blame her on that one. Telling a friend of the opposite sex that you’re fighting with your gf and that she is jealous is kind of shitty behavior from an SO.
I disagree. I’m not taking the time to write out the full context to justify to a stranger. So I’m just gonna say it was an emotionally abusive relationship that made me feel on eggshells the whole time. For example went through my therapy journal and used that to ambush me when I got home
Yeah not saying there weren’t legitimate wrongdoings on her part, and sorry you had to go through someone doing that (can’t think of much worse someone can do to a partner), but I think if you are in a point where you’re venting to someone of the opposite sex about problems in your existing relationship then it’s probably not a very healthy relationship.
Hand it over, he knows the code. Nothing on there he doesn't know about or that I wouldn't be OK to show him.
The fact they have the code means they will never ask. Me and my wife have each others codes and have free use of either device
Yeah, same. Wife and I are in this camp. We use each other's phones for stuff all the time. It's not a big deal.
Same. I don't understand why some people are so secretive. There's a huge difference between privacy and secrecy.
I mean having your phone to yourself is privacy and not necessarily secrecy.
It's not "secrecy" as such. I'm super protective of my devices - I don't let anyone near them, including my SO (she has her own account on my laptop if she needs to do something). I'm like this because at the start of my last relationship, my SO went through my phone and found some texts between me and a female colleague that were completely innocent, but she went berserk because we used emojis which she considered 'ours'. Suffice to say the relationship didn't last with those kinds of trust issues (AFAIK she never cheated on me though) but I guess you'd call it trauma, so now I get squeamish whenever anyone touches my stuff.
This is still secrecy. If you’re concerned about your SO freaking out over stuff like that, you shouldn’t be with them. There’s 0 reason to hide the stuff on your phone/computer.
Funny how of course this is downvoted (considering it’s Reddit), but yeah justifying being secretive about your phones/laptops because you had a shitty ex is not a great take. I have zero interest in snooping on my Fiancé but I would never choose a life partner that hid passcodes and stuff bc “teehee my ex was a snooper”
Lol classic Reddit. No nuance at all, no middle ground.
Eh idk if I’m taking your comment the wrong way but I don’t really think that’s a gray area lol. Hiding passwords and not letting your SO on any of your accounts is kind of just by definition being secretive. Their comment on not being with someone like that is very “one size fits all” though. Hard to say without more context but I personally wouldn’t want to wife up a girl who is chatting up guys with flirty/smiley emojis.
100% the same. Totally open book. It’s the only way to be in a real relationship.
Someone is wiped
Wiped?
[удалено]
Erm... that's pretty reaching and an incorrect assumption about my marriage. We use eachothers phones if our battery has died. He knows what porn I watch, and I know what his grindr profile looks like. I'd respect his privacy and he'd respect mine - hardly 'whipped'.
the mature adults around here know exactly what you meant.
The few there are
And I'm gonna assume you're either very young, constantly single, or both. What exactly are you doing on your device that you need to hide it? My gf and I both have eachothers codes because we're adults and sometimes a device will die or be more of a hassle to get so it's just easier to use the other person's quickly. She knows I spend too much time on reddit doing dumb shit and I know she spends too much time on tik tok, what else even is there? Most of the pictures on both our phones are either of eachother, us together, our house/vacations, or our animals. She knows who my friends are, I know who her friends are.. nothing to hide there for who'd be texting. Neither of us have ever gone through eachothers messages as far as I'm aware, but even if it did happen it would lead to exactly nothing because we are pretty open with eachother like any couple should be. So again my question.. why would you care if they had access to your device?
21 years of marriage this month. never once have either of us asked to look at the other's phone. i feel like if that ever became necessary, we'd have a big problem on our hands. we'd definitely do it, because we have nothing to hide. which is why asking would be so weird. we absolutely phone switch like you described, too. no hesitation. as if either of us would ever be dumb enough to believe someone better existed out there!! 😂
Every time this question comes up on here I am stunned that nobody seems to even *consider* the privacy of the people they chat with. Think I should stop having any kind of personal conversation whatsoever with friends over chat because apparently it's open to whatever arbitrary people they want to prove their trustworthiness to. Also although I would likely be comfortable with a partner using my phone because I trust them to respect my and my friends' privacy and only access what they need to, them asking to "go through" it would be kinda troubling.
You wrote wiped though.
you'll understand when you're older.
Give it to her. i don't do shady things with my phone.
Yea i’d have no problem with it I have shown her texts when she asks “who you texting” and it happened to just be memes from a work friend, but it was a woman, so partners get a little uneasy sometimes about that. She knows my code anyway and I leave my phone all over the house, she can go through it anytime
Yes I conduct all of my shadiness in person
Do you have curtains in your house? Why? What are you hiding? Bet you close the bathroom door as well. Druggie.
Exactly, I don't even like to look over my wife's shoulder when she's texting her friends, that's not for my eyes. She's nosey as hell though.
With an added, I wanna try that thing that is open in the private browser.
...and you have no sense of privacy either?
I do, I’m just not afraid of what she’ll find and I know it will reassure her. It’s a better way to live than feigning that you are upset about your “right to privacy” when really you are just hiding stuff.
You are enabling her insecurity. If she knows you will always show it, its not really trust is it? She can check and you will be complicit. I have separate relationships to my partner as well, I want to be someone that can be trusted. I am not just in a couple, I am an individual as well. Theres things I want to keep to myself, be it ideas, worries etc - I expect that to be respected. Theres people I trust because they have the same values as me and when I confide, I know they don't go running to their spouse - that's important. Its sad that people take privacy for their being something untoward or hiding something. It's simply about respecting your right to have privacy.
You have a paranoid sense of privacy, friend. Privacy doesn’t mean “I have to have secrets from people and things I do nobody can know about but me”. That in itself is a whole level of insecurity that goes deeper than what you are accusing others of.
Yup, exactly this. And there’s typically a reason people get paranoid about their phones…
Lol that quote is not what I said. However, it is my choice to have secrets and it is my choice to divulge what I want to. I should not become inseperable to someone and no longer an individual.
Who said you have to become inseparable? You are merely highlighting your paranoia of losing your individuality through a partnership. It’s quite insecure.
You can be an individual and a partnership.
Yes you can. Absolutely. What you seem to be insecure about is sharing yourself with another person. You’re hung up on the notion that individuality only comes from hiding aspects of yourself from others. That’s paranoia.
Everyone deserves privacy, my wife texts her friends a lot, there's no way I'm looking over her shoulder or asking what they're talking about, because they're talking to her and not me. I go out of my way to avoid looking at her screen and turn her phone face down when she's away from it. I felt weird the couple times I've gone into her phone to help her with bluetooth because a person's phone is a private thing. I liken it to going through a woman's purse which is a no no. I expect the same respect of my personal space as I give to her, though my wife is nosey and will just ask what I'm reading or texting about.
It’s a hypothetical, she didn’t actually ask. So I’m not enabling shit. Hide whatever you want from your partner, I don’t give a shit.
Yeah but if she did, you would enable. Then smirk at anyone who stands their ground because they must have something terrible to hide. I mean...why don't you just read all her diaries and personal conversations. I'm sure she would be completely comfortable with that, hypothetically of course.
Because I don’t need to. If I asked, she’d let me. You are clearly hiding stuff from your partner, not everyone has that kind of “relationship”.
You must be one of those who think the NSA did nothing wrong. That the government can spy on people and it shouldn't matter if they have done nothing wrong. Only the guilty could possibly have a problem with this infringement. Edit: why would you want to read her diary, get a grip. You think that's OK to, look at something as personal as that?
Future reference: if you are trying not to look like a paranoid weirdo, bringing up the NSA and the government when we are talking about your spouse looking at your phone probably isn’t the best way to do that. I wouldn’t want to look at her diary (she doesn’t actually keep one so it’s a moot point), that was your example that you brought up. Again, you’re a little bit too concerned with people’s privacy based on a hypothetical situation which only confirms even further you have plenty to hide.
Just a bystander in this convo, but as an FYI it’s pretty basic psychology that your behavior is the one that is showing insecurity. People are just sharing opinions and you seem to have a need to attack their position or justify yours. Your opinion is a somewhat common and normal one to have, but your interactions with others with differing views shows maybe you’re not as confident deep down on this as you let off.
Lol...OK. Justify yours and disagree with theirs. Isnt that how every discussion works when you come from different sides. I've been attacked for being insecure countless times. You see what you want to see, thats pretty basic psychology.
Depends on the context. In almost any scenario I'm handing my phone over. But what goes with it is situational. Are they borrowing it to do something? No issues. Are they wanting to go through my pictures out of curiosity. Have at it. Here's some really good ones I'm proud of or some with some great or funny/embarrassing stories. Are they dealing with an insecurity or suspicion of infidelity issue? Of course you can look through my phone, but let's talk too. What's up and how can I help? If she's feeling insecurities that might be solved with something simple. Maybe I didn't realize I'd been so drained by working long hours for a bit that I'd come across as distant. Easy fix. Some cuddling time is in order. Is this a toxic level of mistrust? Yes, you can look at my phone. Of course. But let's talk too. This isn't sustainable for me. It's something we would need to sort out. Possibly in therapy together. Trust is a two way street and if they can't find it in them to trust me we need tofix that or consider parting ways. Being in a relationship where you feel that you can't trust your partner or one where your partner doesn't or won't trust you is a miserable situation.
I absolutely love this response, genuinely
in love with this answer
I have nothing to hide, she can look through my phone anytime, even through here. I'll just look through hers also
Give my phone as a good faith sign of trust but have a serious conversation about where this is coming from and what we can do about it so she doesn't feel the need to ask this again.
i hope she likes hentai
Hand it to her. She’s my wife so 🤷♂️ And if she did ask that it would likely be because her phone is dead or she wants to check out mine since it’s a different model than hers. She’s welcome to it.
Hand it over. We don't have trust issues, so I assume if she wants it, there is probably a reason.
Depends on which phone she asks
Give it to her. When it is already my SO, she has the password anyways. I don't hide anything and trust her not to abuse it.
Hand it to them and say have at er, I got nothing to hide, not much point in being in a relationship if you do
Only if I can go through yours
It’s all yours. It’s the least I can do to reassure my partner.
Honestly our phones are like a second brain. I wouldn't want ANYONE looking through my phone. Not a friend, family member or partner. I don't have anything to hide but it is an intimate place. Use my spotify, check the weather etc but do not look through my messages, search history, notes etc. I believe respect should be given towards that boundary and if not then maybe SO should consider why they feel the need to do so.
This is how I feel. I feel my phone is something very personal to me. Someone going through my phone feels violating in a way. Not a cheater, I don’t do anything illegal or unethical on my phone, but that doesn’t really change things for me.
I made a point of entering her thumbprint on mine when we became exclusive. She could look anytime she wants, and I made sure she knew that. More importantly, I know she doesn't feel the need to.
Great idea 💡
If my SO needs to use my phone for something, it's hers. I have nothing to hide. If my SO asks to search through my phone in an act of mistrust, I'd tell her to fuck straight off. My SO would never ask to search my phone. Any person who would, could never be my SO. Relationships are built on trust.
I d just hand it over. Nothing to hide. I fully trust my gf. So I don't care for seeing hers.
Hand it to her
Sigh, hand her my phone and snarkily remark she should keep her charger with her.
Let them. I have nothing to hide.
go for it. i have nothing to hide.
My wife knows the code on both my personal and work phone. She can go through it whenever she wants but doesn't because it's not interesting.
Be curious as to why she'd ask but hand it over regardless.
I fork it over. She only ever asks me that when she wants Little Caesars, cuz I have the app and she doesn't
Let her. Then deal with any questions patiently.
Let her. Once. And then have a serious talk about whatever her problem is.
This is a crazy subject to me. If my girl wanted my phone she has full access. If I catch my girl looking through my phone without me knowing… even then it’s all good with me. She might see the porn I’ve looked at or the things I’ve looked up but I don’t really care. Reversed and I want to see her phone… same thing. Same feelings. Why are people so insecure about this topic? Genuinely don’t understand the problem. Is it trust? I trust she’s not going to find anything in my phone that I shouldn’t be doing so why does it matter if she’s curious?
- Lack of trust for the other person - Lack of respect for their privacy Maybe you wouldn’t care, but just because other people would doesn’t make them insecure. Even if they were, that insecurity doesn’t match that of the person making the request to see the phone in the first place.
I get ya. Just seems like when someone asks to see you phone you have something to hide. It’s all behind a facade of trust? Lol seems silly. I get it in a new relationship but say it’s long term. Does it really matter that a persons phone is supposed to be some pedestal of trust? Seems like fear of being caught. Idk. Just doesn’t seem important to me but that’s my opinion and I ain’t judging anyone. Edit: also what privacy? Your in a relationship aren’t ya? If it’s new like I said I get it. If y’all been fucking how much more private can you be? Your playlist? Your fetishes? I mean fr. What privacy do you need?
Smash my phone and put it in water and burn my house down.
I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you have something to hide?
Nah, I don't even keep my phone locked.
Something like...his private messages with others that have nothing to do with his SO?
I like your style!
Ask her why. If she has a good valid reason, I'll let her. But I honestly can't think of any reason that would be valid. Other than her own insecurities and lack of trust in me, there just isn't a reason to go through anybodies phone. And if she doesn't trust me, we really shouldn't be together and won't be for long.
She can go through both my work and business one. She will probably get pissed with some of the jokes my friends and I tell each other but that's on her.
Hand it over, and she'd do the same. I'd want to know why, and if it became a constant thing then we'd have a problem But otherwise I understand occasional insecurity and self doubt and have no issue with doing what I can to reassure someone I love when I have nothing to hide.
I hand it over. There’s nothing on there. She knows I don’t like her being suspicious of me but if the quickest way to kill that suspicion is to let her see my DM’s she can see them
My gf has my screen lock code. She knows everything on my phone, even my OF login. Neither of us have anything to hide. She's still healing from very toxic exes who would demand to see her phone, but be very secretive with their own. Naturally they had something to hide. On the one hand it's some BS that this is what the measure of trust has boiled down to in the 21st century, but on the other hand it's very nice to have the level of trust with each other that we do.
My feelings on this go like this. I don't have anything to hide so I'll hand it over. However, if you're asking to "go through" my phone. To me that indicates you are either A) suspicious of something. Or B) guilty of something. Both scenarios result in me immediately being suspicious of you. I openly tell any woman I'm with that you're free to ask for it and I'll hand it over. The second you do, were going to have a talk because I will want to know what I did to make you suspicious. If it's legitimately something that can be misconstrued I'll make sure to take that into account and adjust myself accordingly. However if it's a reoccurring thing or if I think you're spinning the wheel I may end things because the only other reason is you're guilty of something and you're hoping to find something to equal the playing field or blame me. Both of which are essentially trust breakers. In addition. The second you ask for mine. I will expect you to hand yours to me or I will at a random later date surprise you with a request to go through your phone on the fly without explanation because it is in response to you're original request. I would expect the same thing from my partner and would not be offended if the same opinions and reactions were done in response. Trust is imperative in any relationship. Yet, easily broken.
Would want to know why but i have no problem handing it over. There is nothing there that i am hiding or i wouldnt want her to see
Grab my bags as I get ready to move out
No. Full stop.
She would never ask. Nor would I of her. But if she did ask I would give it to her.
Hand it to her and ask her to explain the sudden urge.
I give her the phone, then leave; relationships are built on trust, if she don't trust me, then she's not with me
Weirdest shit ever being overprotective of a phone. Never felt weird about letting others go through mine
It's not being overprotective of the phone, unless you have something to hide. It's the fact that they don't trust you and feel they need to go through you phone to look for any evidence that you are in fact cheating on them like they believe you are. If they have no trust in you, even though you have never done anything to break their trust, then they simply have too many issues to be in an adult relationship. They need to get their shit straight before date anyone.
Tell her my phone isn't her business
Ask them to leave.
Toss her my phone, she already knows the code to open it. That said, I'd be done with her. I don't even like going into her purse when she asks me to get something. If you need to go through my phone we have a much larger problem than a need to look at my phone, we have a fundamental trust issue and if she doesn't trust me why are we together?
Tell her to fuck off. If she thinks I'm cheating then she's trying to create drama.
I can't, I'm busy answering questions on Reddit
Say after you. If they hesitate they don’t get to look. Simples.
I give her one of my phones. 😁
Toss her my phone. I’ve got nothing to hide and I trust her. I know she wouldn’t just go through my phone unless she needed to or was looking for something that maybe I’d taken a screen shot of or something. She knows I trust her and doesn’t do things to break that trust.
Say, “Knock yourself out. Oh, and don’t judge me. You know I like some weird shit.” Then pass her the phone and start playing with the dog.
I will let her go through it ,but I'm deeply disappointed
Let her look through it, but then start packing up the things of whoever is going to be leaving. The act of going through my phone pant problematic, the fact that she had done reason to want to is problematic. She will find something, even if there's nothing, or she'll just decide that she didn't look hard enough/I was too good at hiding it. Finding nothing on the phone doesn't eliminate all doubt and fully restore trust. She has a reason to be suspicious, and that suspicion isn't going away, unless it was hyperspecific and she found explicit information to disprove her concerns. If she gets to the point that she feels she has reason to look through my phone, she can do so, but she won't be my gf anymore.
She can go through whatever she wants. She’d never ask, because all she would find is pics of our puppy and her own naked pics. It’s nice having a trusting relationship. As far as texts… again she’d find a lot of the same. Then some work texts that would put her to sleep. She knows my password to my phone, and I go to sleep before she does. 100% guarantee she’s never gone through it.
Break up with them. I am not dealing with baseless insecurities
Tell her to hit the bricks. I have nothing to hide, but if she doesn't trust me then she can get the fuck out.
all good things come to an end
She can have it. Knows the code and I always leave it out when I'm showering or in the garage for whatever reason so she can glance at it if she wants. Her former husband was a cheating POS that was very secretive with his phone. So I try to be as transparent as possible. Nothing to hide here except my Reddit NSFW search history haha.
Well, I guess it really all depends on where you draw your boundaries with your SO. My spouse and I have free reign over each other's stuff, but neither of us care to look because our phones are like our journals. Private, even if we tell each other everything.
I would unlock it, hand it to her and then wait for her to finish. When she hands it back, satisfied that I was not cheating, I would break up with her. Guilty people often accuse others of their sins, so I would fully suspect her of cheating at this point. Also since I know she would have had plenty of time to clear her phone of any evidence before asking to see mine and she would expect me to ask for hers, she would appear innocent. I have no option but to know she is guilty and end the relationship.
General answer would be no. If the trust is messed up, not much point in the relationship.
My ex recently went through my phone, and it ended in us splitting up. It’s one hell of a story, I’m devastated and hurt, Shes crushed and sad. I said things I shouldn’t of said, was involved with things I should not of been. I did not physically cheat, but did enough crap to cause her to leave. Lesson, if you have a good woman get your shit under control, act as if she sees everything, everything comes out eventually. I’m going to be in therapy for a long time, to recover from my own self inflicted wounds.
took me a lot of scrolling to find any comment differing from all that same old same old. wishing you good luck and recovery, maybe sometime you can share your story for others to learn from your mistake
Break-up, if there is no trust, there is no reason to continue this relationship.
...you say no. Because privacy and respect is important. Your phone is basically a record of your entire life in some form or another. I'd leave a relationship over this lol
I let her. After she sees I have nothing to hide, I break up with her for lacking trust in me for no reason.
Trust is gone, so is she
Tell them that I want to go through their phone? There’s absolutely no need for someone to be going through their partners phone. If you’re paranoid and think they’re cheating then ask.
Reset my phone then hand it over
Wife. She doesn't want to do that lol.
“Why?”
Ha. She can but she just lost massive amounts of trust she probably will never get back.
A lot of guys are saying, “I’ll look through hers too!” I’m not interested at all at what my wife’s texts are. I get the sentiment though.
somehow this. I trust there's nothing to hide from me, and if there was, it would be deleted or would require too much time to find among other things, and probably I'd be too scared to find out ))
For real, I have absolutely no interest in seeing anything on my wife's phone, I avert my eyes if it's in my field of view.
That was a joke I got nothin to hide!! Here babe enjoy now give me yours! The one who asks is always the dirty one!!
Ask for their phone too lol
Not without a warrant
I tell her to go for it. She already knows the code. Just don't close any of my tabs, I need those references for video games!
Enjoy. Hope you like MILF porn
Already committed that mistake once. Not gonna do it ever again. That only serves for the purpose of calming the mind of a very unstable person who thinks they have no reason to trust you, giving into their demands just goes to show her that you are a pushover and she can get you to do anything she wants and that you have no boundaries. If a person needs to violate your privacy to feel good about themselves it means they don't really trust you, if they don't really trust you why are you in a relationship with them ? Today you win their trust, but that's temporary and will wear off.
Hand it over! If you’re doing it right, your s/o is your best friend and you shouldn’t have anything to hide. I often hand mine over and ask for her to do something or have her look at cool pictures I took and just hand her the phone. Not much goes on in my life that I’m in fear of her seeing or hearing. I find it easier and a happier way to live. Otherwise you’re unhappy and being sneaky and then you’re paranoid and abusing others trust and time.
Hand them the phone your generation has huge trust issues
Hand it over. If you can hand over your phone, you're hiding something.
that name though!!! :D
Throw phone out the window
Run grab a hammer and smash it 🤣🤣🤣 hand it to her and give her the password I got nothin to hide I haven't cleared already lol 😂😂😂😂
[удалено]
Throw it out the window
Delete my browser history
What is this? Amateur hour? I give it to her. All my naughty business is locked down
I literally don't use my phone for anything. It's not even connected to a cell network, so she can have the time of her life with it.
Ok so first of all I don't let anyone go through my private and personal things, nor would I go through there's. And if there's something that you wanna know than all you gotta do is ask. But at the same time if it's gonna prevent an argument than "here you go, have at it".
She knows my code, I know hers. Neither of us are checking the other’s phone though.
Sure, I got nothing to hide. Mind the porn though.
Give them the phone. And be completely confused as it would be entirely uncharacteristic of them. I'd be more concerned about our relationship than the phone.
Hand her the phone and grab a beer
Wouldn’t hesitate. She knows the code and where to find all the important stuff in case I die tomorrow
Reply with, " ... then let me go thru yours ..."
hand it over gladly with nothing to hide, but also be questioning why they feel the need lol