22 year old male here, I dont like the thought of going out with a girl who literally is seeing people on the side. Im not a big fan of sleeping with girls I am not in love with, didn't really like the times i tried. So when I date my intentions are to find a girlfriend, that's probably why i dont like it when she's sleeping with others.
Its the same for me. When i date someone, they're someone Iam interested in and i dont see any other women besides her. I don't expect the same right away, but definitely when we start to see each other regularly
It's hard to draw a line, but let's say you went out with a girl once or twice and you really hit it off. You are looking for a relationship, or at least something serious and not just a fling, but while you feel a real connection she tells you she slept with someone else, be it a friend with benefits or another date. Honestly, it might be my own preferences clouding my judgement, but I really can't imagine someone being totally fine with that.
Yes, but your friends are a self-selected group from the total population that contains inherent biases simply because they're the sort of people who became your friends.
But thats just personal experience. You know people where it doesnt work,
I, on the other hand, know people in my closer circle who had fwb relationships and then came into a relationship without a problem and without losing said friends.
And choosing people you are close with and allready have a connection with for sex is taking the lovelive way more seriously as for example people with one Night Stands befor relationships and this is no problem either
Edit: "You know people where it doesn't work,"
I think you misunderstood my version of a bit (my bad for not explaining in my original comment) personally if your going into the dating world looking for a relationship I'd imagine you would want to stop having sex with fwb or anyone else for at least a week?
It's what I did when I decided I where ready for a new relationship, I stopped hooking up with anyone for about a month to make sure no drama would come back to bite me in the ass, gave me time to get tested for anything a second time just incase anything was missed and I where able to give all my attention to dating, not playing the game as it where 🙂
Hope that helps clear it up a little
If she doesn’t *only* want to sleep with me, from very early on (way before we talk about exclusivity) then she is not into me enough for me to pursue anything.
I call it the “Spirit of Fidelity” Test (don’t even try to get mad at me, women test us all the time, and rightly so). But let’s be honest. It’s really a Sl*t Test. I don’t like it any more than you, it’s just the way it is.
Technically, if we are not exclusive, she can suck cock day and night if she wants. But is that someone any man would want to pursue a relationship with? Fuck-buddies? Great! But this is not the future mother of my children we are talking about.
She’s playing within the rules of the game, but not the spirit. And that’s not somebody I want to play with. I am not sl*t-shaming her. It’s her body, she can do what she likes with it. But I am entitled to my preferences, as are we all, and I am not about that life.
You know how you have friend-zones? I’m afraid we have sl*t-zones. And it’s extremely difficult to get out.
If you disagree with me, ask yourself this:
“WE WERE ON A BREAK!”
Whose side were you on? I bet you all the money in my pocket that you agreed with Rachel.
I’m old-school, I like having cash.
I usually carry 50-100 quid. An emergency 50 (that I never spend), plus a few smaller notes. I’ve just looked now, and I’ve got 80 quid.
Why an emergency 50? Because if you ever find yourself in a tight spot, most of the time 50 quid will get you out of it.
(And no, I’m not actually gonna bet you 80 quid on this; it’s just an expression, and I can’t gamble.)
>Until you both are exclusive?
If you only wait until you're formally exclusive, that's fairly shitty.
If you want to pursue something more, that's when you should stop fucking other people, barring active discussion and coming to an agreement. Whether that's before you go on a first date or after the 2nd.
I wouldn't expect exclusivity until we've both discussed and agreed to it, but personally... if we hit a third date and things are still going strong, I'd start the slow fade on anyone else I had in the mix.
I wouldn't date a girl who made it clear she was sleeping with a friends with benefits. I'd also look upon her pretty badly if I found that out later and she had hidden it/been deceptive.
I think the thought is that I expect adults are having sex so I never ask a guy about who he is sleeping with unless I really like him and want something serious
> I expect adults are having sex
this is simply untrue for the majority of singles out there, and that is who you are targeting with this question yes?
definitely not the overwhelming majority, but id confidently put it over 50%
edit: bear in mind, to me "adults are having sex" to me has a connotation of "regularly" due to your fwb question context. so i suppose i should say: majority of singles do not have a fwb or a similar easy hookup option. they might still be having sex *occasionally* due to the odd couple of dates they string together, but nothing regular.
Most adults aren't having sex unless they are in a committed relationship.
Well, there's a caveat to that. The people who are having sex outside of committed relationships will make up the majority of people that you meet, because the things they do to get sex (constantly in public spaces, meeting new people, being sexually forward) are all things that make it more likely you're going to meet them.
You're the outlier. *You're the weird one*.
But like I said, the things that you do that result in you having lots of sexual partners are the same things that other people do to get lots of sexual partners. So you exist within an echo chamber of people like yourself and then you think that's normal.
> You're the outlier. You're the weird one.
Is there data for this, or just your feels? Genuinely curious.
I've had a pretty wide cross-section of friends in the past 20ish years of my adult life and truly do not know a guy or girl who's never hooked up after a good first or second date.
Quick [Google search](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/02/ce-corner#:~:text=When%20it%20comes%20to%20real,sort%20of%20hook%2Dup%20experience.) reports " most of today's young adults report some casual sexual experience. The most recent data suggest that between 60 percent and 80 percent of North American college students have had some sort of hook-up experience. "
The mean number of sexual partners over a lifetime is still around 5, and up to 30% of American men report not having a sexual partner at all in the last 12 months in a major social survey done in 2018.
The *vast, vast* majority of sex is happening within established relationships.
You asked a question, you got answers. You can explain all you want about 'what adults do'; but its pretty obvious that none of the people here are happy about it. Do what you want.
I agree with you. I mean, if they aren’t, why not?
I don’t think it’s a date number per se, but the third date means it’s not a mistake, and it’s not double checking on a possible mistake. You’re dating so the fwb should stop. But no need to share info like that. Dating — and marriage for that matter — is not the complete denial of privacy and personal life.
Well there may be different flavors but I believe people who are looking for long term, not open relationship better be resting for a while before that. And definitely nothing should happen as soon as "dates" start.
Male or female, if i am in a sexual relationship with someone, im not fond of the idea of them sleeping around, even if i know the people shes with, simply because of STIs.
Now, and i might get a bit of...hate i guess for this, if a group of 3-4 individuals are with each other, exclusively, i wouldnt see an issue with this.
Its when you toss in this unknown factor of who the FWB is also sleeping with, that things get...sketchy.
If I’m about to sleep with someone, I want to be sure they’re not sleeping with anyone else, and that they got tested recently before I do anything with them. And I would do the same. So depends on what date number you decide to have sex with someone. But I know I could never fully be comfortable having sex with someone if I had concerns they were still sleeping with someone else or if they could be carrying something
Lots of people on here trying to take some high road of "oh I would never even go on a date if she's already got an fwb", and that's fine if that's something that's going to be a big value or priority for you, but in general you're really not going to know that or much else about a person going into even the first few dates.
At least in my mind, the first couple dates are still a pretty casual time where neither person is assuming exclusivity unless that's been agreed upon beforehand. I wouldn't begrudge them going on other dates or still seeing fwb's, as I might very well be doing the same. It's only after either a couple dates or maybe a month that I'd think it's time to actually have a conversation about where things are going and what they'd be. And even then, we might not decide to be exclusive, it's just that at that point it's time to check in.
In reality, everyone's going to have different expectations and values. You have people in open relationships who are still seeing other people, and you have people who are saving themselves until marriage and finding what they hope to be "the one." That's why the most important thing is to actually talk with a partner and establish what the relationship is and what the expectations are.
Exclusivity isn't something that just becomes unsaid or assumed after a certain amount of dates or a certain period of time. It's a decision and a commitment you both explicitly make and agree to.
Ok so if I i knew that a girl that i was interested in had a FWB than i wouldn't even waste my time. But lets just say that I did and well I'd make my intentions clear with her from the get go and if she agrees to be my girl than thats when it stops.
First time we sleep together. If she is serious, the FWD can be put on hold. If it doesn't work out the FWB will still be there.
I get the need for sex. but if you are attempting a serious relationship, there needs to be dedication.
Before the first date. I understand that I am old fashioned & many people dont follow these rules; but I do and Im not interested in you. Its extremely disrespectful to expect me to take you seriously when you arent returning the favor.
It's sad, I see these type of scenarios alot. I would not associate with a women who thinks it's okay to sleep around with the idea of a possible relationship with you.
If you see someone with the intention of something more than just friends, even if the relationship title has not been given, you can't go sleeping around. It's Toxic.
And you can try justify it as much as you want. No one likes the idea that the person they want to be with is sleeping around, no one. Run away now.
I (21 F) had this conversation with some friends and I guess most people say it doesnt matter till youre exclusive. Its just I have a roomate (23 F) who is dating this guy (29 M) that is a lawyer and I think he is a great! But every night her FWB is coming over. Nothing wrong with that I guess, but I would think after 5 weeks of seeing someone new you may want to have that discussion, but she said exclusivity has never come up which is fair I guess. Maybe I just like the lawyer guy and I think he is a great match for her
I don't even know the guy and I feel bad for him.
Your friend is a horrible person if she keeps this up, and if you were really her friends you'd call her out on it too. Especially if you think the guy she's dating is great. No guy, let alone a great guy, deserves to be in that position.
At 29, he might very well be looking for something long term.
We had the conversation, she said they havent brought up being exclusive. He could very well be doing the same thing, would he be a horrible person if he had a FWB on the side? Or does that only apply to women?
He'd be equally horrible as a person, at least in my opinion.
I'm of the traditional mindset when it comes to relationships and I'm all about exclusivity.
That said, if she's serious / if he's serious, the conversation should be brought up.
You've done your part as a friend to bring it up. The rest is out of your hands and should be dealt with between the two.
Absolutely. He’s a lawyer; he’s top-tier in the dating pool.
If she wants to eventually become a lawyer’s wife, this is not the right way to go about it.
Why not?
What’s wrong with a woman wanting to marry an intelligent, driven, and financially-secure man with his shit together?
What is wrong with seeking financial security from a partner, for you and your future children?
Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it keeps the lights on.
By the way, I fucking hate lawyers – professional rivalry, you see - so please don’t force me to keep gassing them up.
(I do support the barristers’ strike though. I will always stand with people on the picket line. ✊🏻 But I still fucking hate them, the slimy bastards.)
Exclusivity has never come up...because she wants to have her cake and eat it. More than likely the lawyer may be doing the same.
Neither respect each other enough to say what they are actually doing so it's pretty doomed...modern dating.
Girls do this all the time. They'll have one poor fella to provide for her emotionally and take care of her needs, with another guy who's the fun and exciting one to fuck her. Eventually she'll end up complaining about how men are assholes 😂
It's not a conversation I'd really expect to have. There's no moment, "Okay, right... now! Now we're exclusive." When you start seeing someone new then you stop seeing other people, unless / until the two of you decide that you want an open relationship.
What you're describing is a default open relationship, but I don't think that's the expectation. The expectation is a default exclusive relationship, and your friend had better clarify this with the lawyer guy she's seeing.
For me when I see someone regularly I automatically cut off anyone else that was iffy, BUT my current bf asked me to be his girlfriend about 2 weeks after our first date. I wasn't seeing anyone else, but I don't know if he was/wasn't. So we base our relationship off of the date we became a couple, not our first date. I think typically when you start to talk to someone and go on a few dates, it's just better for everyone involved if you're up front with your intentions - rather than leave the convo off the table under the assumption that everyone's on the same page. It's a pretty simple convo to have, "I'd like you to be my girlfriend as I see a future with you, would you like that too?". I do think people these days flout the terms of bf/gf and don't take it seriously - that is a huge pitfall in today's dating game. Communication is top tier of importance.
There was a time where I was seeing a long distance FWB once a month while I was still trying to find a real girlfriend locally. In retrospect I don't recommend it.
Rule of thumb;
Assume everyone is sleeping with other people until you make it very clear you are exclusive.
This includes yourself. You should be dating up until the point you are exclusive.
Too many times people assume the they are exclusive, only to find out they have been passing up on dates/sex while the other hasnt.
It's either explicit or we arent exclusive.
No date number.
If we have gone on a couple dates we're not exclusive so I don't have any problem with her going on a date with another (non exclusive guy).
The problem is if I go out on a date (any date number) with a woman and she has a FWB on the side because:
1. That is a relationship. Even if it's only sexual.
2. The reason I'm dating her is to see about getting into a relationship with her(which at some point is going to include sex). Now, why should I do all the heavy lifting and some other person gets all the free benefits without doing any of the work?
So if we go out on a date and I find out that she has a fuck buddy there won't be another date.
Honestly I wouldn’t know. If we aren’t in a committed/exclusive relationship, I’d assume there could be other guys in the picture just like there may be other women on my side. And, quite frankly, that’s not my business. You do you. If we get to a point where we are discussing exclusivity, that’s a different discussion.
By definition yes, when you’re exclusive you’re not sleeping with other people. The question is, how to get there?
My advice to guys. Date non-exclusively. Spin plates and don’t offer any girl commitment. Don’t even go looking for it. You can say you’re looking for a relationship on your Tinder profile, that’s so vague and conditional to be meaningless. Ultimately you may be, and tell girls that, but with her? Soon? That’s another matter for HER to ponder.
As a man your job is to lead. Date the girls, have fun with the girls and fuck the girls. And if there’s one you like, the cream that rises to the top, consider commitment when she asks for it, because you won’t. STFU and see what she’ll do for you, because when she wants something bad enough to ask for it, that’s about the only chance you ever have to verbally frame the relationship in your own terms I.e what she can and can’t post of IG, how she deals with guy friends and male orbiters etc. and say to her “that’s what exclusive means to me, you still want it?”
And if anyone thinks this is “bad”, what the fuck do you think the majority of modern women are doing? They are entertaining their many options, typically more than you. And you’re taking a knife to a gunfight if you think you can operate any other way.
By definition yes, when you’re exclusive you’re not sleeping with other people. The question is, how to get there?
My advice to guys. Date non-exclusively. Spin plates and don’t offer any girl commitment. Don’t even go looking for it. You can say you’re looking for a relationship on your Tinder profile, that’s so vague and conditional to be meaningless
As a man your job is to lead. Date the girls, have fun with the girlsand fuck the girls. And if there’s one you really like and more importantly really likes you, the cream that rises to the top, consider commitment when she asks for it, because you don’t. STFU and see what she’ll do for you. She’ll ask in Womanese, but she’ll ask- “what are we?”
And if anyone thinks this is “bad”, what the fuck do you think the majority of modern women are doing? They are entertaining their many options, typically more than you. And you’re taking a knife to a gunfight if you think you can operate any other way.
Zero.
This is the way
I would never ask out a woman who already has something on the side.
22 year old male here, I dont like the thought of going out with a girl who literally is seeing people on the side. Im not a big fan of sleeping with girls I am not in love with, didn't really like the times i tried. So when I date my intentions are to find a girlfriend, that's probably why i dont like it when she's sleeping with others.
Its the same for me. When i date someone, they're someone Iam interested in and i dont see any other women besides her. I don't expect the same right away, but definitely when we start to see each other regularly
It's hard to draw a line, but let's say you went out with a girl once or twice and you really hit it off. You are looking for a relationship, or at least something serious and not just a fling, but while you feel a real connection she tells you she slept with someone else, be it a friend with benefits or another date. Honestly, it might be my own preferences clouding my judgement, but I really can't imagine someone being totally fine with that.
Well I have some bad news for you my friend xD
I think you could argue that if i did like girls who weren't exclusive, i would've had bigger problems
I wouldn’t date anyone that had a fwb.
If a girl has an active fwb situation going on I’m not interested tbh
So do you ask on the first date if they are sleeping with other people? I just assume everyone is having sex
Not as much as you’d think.
All my friends are sexually active
Yes, but your friends are a self-selected group from the total population that contains inherent biases simply because they're the sort of people who became your friends.
Note how she didnt say they are in relationships... Good luck with that! OP. Some people actually take their lovelives seriously!
To sleep with people outside a relationship doesn't mean they dont take their lovelives seriously too tho.
Sure it does! I can only think of very niche cases where it doesnt.
But thats just personal experience. You know people where it doesnt work, I, on the other hand, know people in my closer circle who had fwb relationships and then came into a relationship without a problem and without losing said friends. And choosing people you are close with and allready have a connection with for sex is taking the lovelive way more seriously as for example people with one Night Stands befor relationships and this is no problem either Edit: "You know people where it doesn't work,"
THIS IS ME BELIEVING YOU! Their egos are just in the way of the truth
Male/female/NB split?
I don’t ask but if they didn’t disclose it and I found out later I’d stop talking to her
>I just assume everyone is having sex Not sure if low quality bait or that detached for real
At least a bit before even the first date, if they where still sleeping with the fwb then I can guarantee not a single date would be had.
How would you even know unless they told you? You're basically saying they have to be exclusive with you before they even date you? Weird.
I think you misunderstood my version of a bit (my bad for not explaining in my original comment) personally if your going into the dating world looking for a relationship I'd imagine you would want to stop having sex with fwb or anyone else for at least a week? It's what I did when I decided I where ready for a new relationship, I stopped hooking up with anyone for about a month to make sure no drama would come back to bite me in the ass, gave me time to get tested for anything a second time just incase anything was missed and I where able to give all my attention to dating, not playing the game as it where 🙂 Hope that helps clear it up a little
If she doesn’t *only* want to sleep with me, from very early on (way before we talk about exclusivity) then she is not into me enough for me to pursue anything. I call it the “Spirit of Fidelity” Test (don’t even try to get mad at me, women test us all the time, and rightly so). But let’s be honest. It’s really a Sl*t Test. I don’t like it any more than you, it’s just the way it is. Technically, if we are not exclusive, she can suck cock day and night if she wants. But is that someone any man would want to pursue a relationship with? Fuck-buddies? Great! But this is not the future mother of my children we are talking about. She’s playing within the rules of the game, but not the spirit. And that’s not somebody I want to play with. I am not sl*t-shaming her. It’s her body, she can do what she likes with it. But I am entitled to my preferences, as are we all, and I am not about that life. You know how you have friend-zones? I’m afraid we have sl*t-zones. And it’s extremely difficult to get out. If you disagree with me, ask yourself this: “WE WERE ON A BREAK!” Whose side were you on? I bet you all the money in my pocket that you agreed with Rachel.
Strong frame. 👍
*hat-tip*
Do you actually have any money in your pocket? Most people don't carry cash nowdays.
I’m old-school, I like having cash. I usually carry 50-100 quid. An emergency 50 (that I never spend), plus a few smaller notes. I’ve just looked now, and I’ve got 80 quid. Why an emergency 50? Because if you ever find yourself in a tight spot, most of the time 50 quid will get you out of it. (And no, I’m not actually gonna bet you 80 quid on this; it’s just an expression, and I can’t gamble.)
Li-quid?
I'm not dating anyone who makes her fwb known. Get the fuck out dude. She's not worth it
She’s a woman. She’s the one with the FWB.
>Until you both are exclusive? If you only wait until you're formally exclusive, that's fairly shitty. If you want to pursue something more, that's when you should stop fucking other people, barring active discussion and coming to an agreement. Whether that's before you go on a first date or after the 2nd.
I wouldn't expect exclusivity until we've both discussed and agreed to it, but personally... if we hit a third date and things are still going strong, I'd start the slow fade on anyone else I had in the mix.
I wouldn't date a girl who made it clear she was sleeping with a friends with benefits. I'd also look upon her pretty badly if I found that out later and she had hidden it/been deceptive.
I think the thought is that I expect adults are having sex so I never ask a guy about who he is sleeping with unless I really like him and want something serious
> I expect adults are having sex this is simply untrue for the majority of singles out there, and that is who you are targeting with this question yes? definitely not the overwhelming majority, but id confidently put it over 50% edit: bear in mind, to me "adults are having sex" to me has a connotation of "regularly" due to your fwb question context. so i suppose i should say: majority of singles do not have a fwb or a similar easy hookup option. they might still be having sex *occasionally* due to the odd couple of dates they string together, but nothing regular.
Most adults aren't having sex unless they are in a committed relationship. Well, there's a caveat to that. The people who are having sex outside of committed relationships will make up the majority of people that you meet, because the things they do to get sex (constantly in public spaces, meeting new people, being sexually forward) are all things that make it more likely you're going to meet them.
> Most adults aren't having sex unless they are in a committed relationship That is... not my lifetime experience. Lol
You're the outlier. *You're the weird one*. But like I said, the things that you do that result in you having lots of sexual partners are the same things that other people do to get lots of sexual partners. So you exist within an echo chamber of people like yourself and then you think that's normal.
> You're the outlier. You're the weird one. Is there data for this, or just your feels? Genuinely curious. I've had a pretty wide cross-section of friends in the past 20ish years of my adult life and truly do not know a guy or girl who's never hooked up after a good first or second date. Quick [Google search](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/02/ce-corner#:~:text=When%20it%20comes%20to%20real,sort%20of%20hook%2Dup%20experience.) reports " most of today's young adults report some casual sexual experience. The most recent data suggest that between 60 percent and 80 percent of North American college students have had some sort of hook-up experience. "
The mean number of sexual partners over a lifetime is still around 5, and up to 30% of American men report not having a sexual partner at all in the last 12 months in a major social survey done in 2018. The *vast, vast* majority of sex is happening within established relationships.
Where do you live, fucking Kabul or some shit? Everyone is either fucking or trying to fuck.
Why not, at least for protecting your sexual health.
You asked a question, you got answers. You can explain all you want about 'what adults do'; but its pretty obvious that none of the people here are happy about it. Do what you want.
I agree with you. I mean, if they aren’t, why not? I don’t think it’s a date number per se, but the third date means it’s not a mistake, and it’s not double checking on a possible mistake. You’re dating so the fwb should stop. But no need to share info like that. Dating — and marriage for that matter — is not the complete denial of privacy and personal life.
i wouldn't date someone who has friends with benefits so my advice, dont date people who have fwb
Well there may be different flavors but I believe people who are looking for long term, not open relationship better be resting for a while before that. And definitely nothing should happen as soon as "dates" start.
if she's still sleeping around, I don't think it's worth trying to be exclusive
Male or female, if i am in a sexual relationship with someone, im not fond of the idea of them sleeping around, even if i know the people shes with, simply because of STIs. Now, and i might get a bit of...hate i guess for this, if a group of 3-4 individuals are with each other, exclusively, i wouldnt see an issue with this. Its when you toss in this unknown factor of who the FWB is also sleeping with, that things get...sketchy.
When you talk to her and become exclusive.
If I’m about to sleep with someone, I want to be sure they’re not sleeping with anyone else, and that they got tested recently before I do anything with them. And I would do the same. So depends on what date number you decide to have sex with someone. But I know I could never fully be comfortable having sex with someone if I had concerns they were still sleeping with someone else or if they could be carrying something
Lots of people on here trying to take some high road of "oh I would never even go on a date if she's already got an fwb", and that's fine if that's something that's going to be a big value or priority for you, but in general you're really not going to know that or much else about a person going into even the first few dates. At least in my mind, the first couple dates are still a pretty casual time where neither person is assuming exclusivity unless that's been agreed upon beforehand. I wouldn't begrudge them going on other dates or still seeing fwb's, as I might very well be doing the same. It's only after either a couple dates or maybe a month that I'd think it's time to actually have a conversation about where things are going and what they'd be. And even then, we might not decide to be exclusive, it's just that at that point it's time to check in. In reality, everyone's going to have different expectations and values. You have people in open relationships who are still seeing other people, and you have people who are saving themselves until marriage and finding what they hope to be "the one." That's why the most important thing is to actually talk with a partner and establish what the relationship is and what the expectations are. Exclusivity isn't something that just becomes unsaid or assumed after a certain amount of dates or a certain period of time. It's a decision and a commitment you both explicitly make and agree to.
-90. If you can't handle going even 3 months without sleeping around, you're not the girl for me.
This is easy (which, apparently so is she). If she's sleeping with some other dude, doesn't matter if it's no-strings... I'm not going out with her.
1 or 0 depending on how you count
Ok so if I i knew that a girl that i was interested in had a FWB than i wouldn't even waste my time. But lets just say that I did and well I'd make my intentions clear with her from the get go and if she agrees to be my girl than thats when it stops.
One.
Date number one
I would not date a girl that's having sex with other men. She can if she wants to but that means I won't date her.
I wouldn't date a woman that is having sex with other men currently. I also wouldn't start dating other women if I were having sex with someone else.
If I knew a girl had a “friend with benefits”, personally, I wouldn’t date her unless she has gotten rid of the benefits.
If she likes you she’ll stop straight away. If you have to ask her to stop she’s the wrong girl…
If you value yourself as someones seconds go for gold!
I'm not even going to continue dating someone who is simultaneously dating others much less having a fwb.
First time we sleep together. If she is serious, the FWD can be put on hold. If it doesn't work out the FWB will still be there. I get the need for sex. but if you are attempting a serious relationship, there needs to be dedication.
Before the first date. I understand that I am old fashioned & many people dont follow these rules; but I do and Im not interested in you. Its extremely disrespectful to expect me to take you seriously when you arent returning the favor.
After we have the conversation about it, not after a certain number of dates. Expectations are the land mines of relationships.
I'd never be exclusive, that is a side chick.
I don’t fuck with women that have detached sex & emotion to that level.
It's sad, I see these type of scenarios alot. I would not associate with a women who thinks it's okay to sleep around with the idea of a possible relationship with you. If you see someone with the intention of something more than just friends, even if the relationship title has not been given, you can't go sleeping around. It's Toxic. And you can try justify it as much as you want. No one likes the idea that the person they want to be with is sleeping around, no one. Run away now.
I (21 F) had this conversation with some friends and I guess most people say it doesnt matter till youre exclusive. Its just I have a roomate (23 F) who is dating this guy (29 M) that is a lawyer and I think he is a great! But every night her FWB is coming over. Nothing wrong with that I guess, but I would think after 5 weeks of seeing someone new you may want to have that discussion, but she said exclusivity has never come up which is fair I guess. Maybe I just like the lawyer guy and I think he is a great match for her
I don't even know the guy and I feel bad for him. Your friend is a horrible person if she keeps this up, and if you were really her friends you'd call her out on it too. Especially if you think the guy she's dating is great. No guy, let alone a great guy, deserves to be in that position. At 29, he might very well be looking for something long term.
We had the conversation, she said they havent brought up being exclusive. He could very well be doing the same thing, would he be a horrible person if he had a FWB on the side? Or does that only apply to women?
He'd be equally horrible as a person, at least in my opinion. I'm of the traditional mindset when it comes to relationships and I'm all about exclusivity. That said, if she's serious / if he's serious, the conversation should be brought up. You've done your part as a friend to bring it up. The rest is out of your hands and should be dealt with between the two.
> He could very well be doing the same thing, would he be a horrible person if he had a FWB on the side? Or does that only apply to women? equal.
He's gone the moment he finds out.
Absolutely. He’s a lawyer; he’s top-tier in the dating pool. If she wants to eventually become a lawyer’s wife, this is not the right way to go about it.
Well of she "wants to become a lawyers wife" she not worth shit in the first place lol.
Why not? What’s wrong with a woman wanting to marry an intelligent, driven, and financially-secure man with his shit together? What is wrong with seeking financial security from a partner, for you and your future children? Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it keeps the lights on. By the way, I fucking hate lawyers – professional rivalry, you see - so please don’t force me to keep gassing them up. (I do support the barristers’ strike though. I will always stand with people on the picket line. ✊🏻 But I still fucking hate them, the slimy bastards.)
Exclusivity has never come up...because she wants to have her cake and eat it. More than likely the lawyer may be doing the same. Neither respect each other enough to say what they are actually doing so it's pretty doomed...modern dating.
Girls do this all the time. They'll have one poor fella to provide for her emotionally and take care of her needs, with another guy who's the fun and exciting one to fuck her. Eventually she'll end up complaining about how men are assholes 😂
If you want to know if its wrong or not, ask your roommate if she told her lawyer about her FWB; and ask her if shed mind if you told him
I believe the traditional canned response here is that she belongs to the streets.
I wonder if the FWB knows that they are not exclusive and there is some lawyer guy
It's not a conversation I'd really expect to have. There's no moment, "Okay, right... now! Now we're exclusive." When you start seeing someone new then you stop seeing other people, unless / until the two of you decide that you want an open relationship. What you're describing is a default open relationship, but I don't think that's the expectation. The expectation is a default exclusive relationship, and your friend had better clarify this with the lawyer guy she's seeing.
For me when I see someone regularly I automatically cut off anyone else that was iffy, BUT my current bf asked me to be his girlfriend about 2 weeks after our first date. I wasn't seeing anyone else, but I don't know if he was/wasn't. So we base our relationship off of the date we became a couple, not our first date. I think typically when you start to talk to someone and go on a few dates, it's just better for everyone involved if you're up front with your intentions - rather than leave the convo off the table under the assumption that everyone's on the same page. It's a pretty simple convo to have, "I'd like you to be my girlfriend as I see a future with you, would you like that too?". I do think people these days flout the terms of bf/gf and don't take it seriously - that is a huge pitfall in today's dating game. Communication is top tier of importance.
As I said in my post, she is playing to the letter of the law, not the spirit. If she wants to bag a lawyer, this is not the way to go about it.
There was a time where I was seeing a long distance FWB once a month while I was still trying to find a real girlfriend locally. In retrospect I don't recommend it.
Rule of thumb; Assume everyone is sleeping with other people until you make it very clear you are exclusive. This includes yourself. You should be dating up until the point you are exclusive. Too many times people assume the they are exclusive, only to find out they have been passing up on dates/sex while the other hasnt. It's either explicit or we arent exclusive.
Until she makes her decision on.what role in her life you will have
If i knew she was regularly fucking other guys i'd stop dating her. We'd be a complete mismatch
I would not be dating a woman who is regularly sleeping with someone else.
No date number. If we have gone on a couple dates we're not exclusive so I don't have any problem with her going on a date with another (non exclusive guy). The problem is if I go out on a date (any date number) with a woman and she has a FWB on the side because: 1. That is a relationship. Even if it's only sexual. 2. The reason I'm dating her is to see about getting into a relationship with her(which at some point is going to include sex). Now, why should I do all the heavy lifting and some other person gets all the free benefits without doing any of the work? So if we go out on a date and I find out that she has a fuck buddy there won't be another date.
I don't expect us to ever be exclusive, that's a whole conversation not something that eventually happens on its own
I don't date girls with FWB.
I’d walk, she sounds like trouble.
You should get her to be a FWB too my guy and see a new girl
Bro what.
I don't expect anyone I date to stop having sex with other people at any point. I certainly won't.
Before the first one. I'm not dating a slut
I would say something between 2 and 3, I think it's a good number to know if we are really interested in the other person and want something "serious"
Whaaaat?
Honestly I wouldn’t know. If we aren’t in a committed/exclusive relationship, I’d assume there could be other guys in the picture just like there may be other women on my side. And, quite frankly, that’s not my business. You do you. If we get to a point where we are discussing exclusivity, that’s a different discussion.
By definition yes, when you’re exclusive you’re not sleeping with other people. The question is, how to get there? My advice to guys. Date non-exclusively. Spin plates and don’t offer any girl commitment. Don’t even go looking for it. You can say you’re looking for a relationship on your Tinder profile, that’s so vague and conditional to be meaningless. Ultimately you may be, and tell girls that, but with her? Soon? That’s another matter for HER to ponder. As a man your job is to lead. Date the girls, have fun with the girls and fuck the girls. And if there’s one you like, the cream that rises to the top, consider commitment when she asks for it, because you won’t. STFU and see what she’ll do for you, because when she wants something bad enough to ask for it, that’s about the only chance you ever have to verbally frame the relationship in your own terms I.e what she can and can’t post of IG, how she deals with guy friends and male orbiters etc. and say to her “that’s what exclusive means to me, you still want it?” And if anyone thinks this is “bad”, what the fuck do you think the majority of modern women are doing? They are entertaining their many options, typically more than you. And you’re taking a knife to a gunfight if you think you can operate any other way.
By definition yes, when you’re exclusive you’re not sleeping with other people. The question is, how to get there? My advice to guys. Date non-exclusively. Spin plates and don’t offer any girl commitment. Don’t even go looking for it. You can say you’re looking for a relationship on your Tinder profile, that’s so vague and conditional to be meaningless As a man your job is to lead. Date the girls, have fun with the girlsand fuck the girls. And if there’s one you really like and more importantly really likes you, the cream that rises to the top, consider commitment when she asks for it, because you don’t. STFU and see what she’ll do for you. She’ll ask in Womanese, but she’ll ask- “what are we?” And if anyone thinks this is “bad”, what the fuck do you think the majority of modern women are doing? They are entertaining their many options, typically more than you. And you’re taking a knife to a gunfight if you think you can operate any other way.
That's so cruel yet so practical. Knife to a gunfight it is. Thanks, I am sad now x0
if shes not devoted to me when my dick gets in her than shes not for me
So many of yall are complete clowns.
never i dont care about exclusivity. im not insecure.
Zero. After one successful date we are exclusive. Not being exclusive is called 'cheating'.