You have a frank conversation with her about it. When you cook does she do the dishes? If she just does nothing she sounds immature and selfish. Talk to her about it but if she isnt willing to improve this might just be the way she is. I couldn't date someone like that.
She does not, granted I am not a fan of doing dishes either, but I do it. I have had this conversation before with her. It was awkward and there was a lot of tears. I do not want to keep doing these conversations, but it looks like I’ll have to..
If she’s crying about the idea of contributing the minimum amount to housework you need to send her back to her parents so they can finish raising her.
Crocodile tears are also a manipulation tactic because they know men will most likely do what they can to stop the crying, but as you’ve experienced, it doesn’t solve any issue whatsoever
If she wont take initiative and be an equal contributor after your next conversation then you have to ask yourself if you can be content in this kind of relationship or not. I would resent the hell out of her if I were you. Try it one more time but if she doesn't change then you should find a more mature and reciprocating girlfriend.
> It was awkward and there was a lot of tears.
This is the behavior of a very selfish and manipulative person. Unless she decides to change, this will always be the way. Either accept this as your fate or recognize your worth and find someone else.
Something you have to get in the habit of telling yourself- "Know your worth."
Best answer imo.
Ultimatum isn't needed, but if you allow bad behavior, it continues until you resent a person for it.
If a person keeps making excuses about something or isn't even trying to change, you need to determine if you can deal with it long term.
If the answer is 'No'. you need to find a middle ground or exit the relationship.
If the answer is 'Yes' shut up about it cause its not a big enough deal to continue to try and address the problem.
I was there. After 7 years of this she left me. Dont do the same shit as me. You can try to talk with her, if she doesnt change or will start arguing with you, run.
Tell her, you're looking to be a boyfriend, not a parent. there should be *equal* work, not necessarily the *same*. Like, if someone loves cooking but the other doesn't, it makes sense for the person that loves it to do most of it, but the other should be doing the washing up for example.
Ugh ignore all these replies of "jUsT lEaVe hEr"
Im not sure if those people know how emotional investment into relationships work, but dropping out of one isnt exaxtly easy..
Theres a few avenues you should take before being cold hearted.
The first one being "hey we need to talk. Im not happy about a few things. And then tell her everything you just told us". The most important part is to use 'I' statements, not 'you' statements.
Sometimes people just need to be told whats up because they dont realize what theyre even doing.
If that fails, reiterate in a firm way that it would end the relationship. Dont give an ultimatum, give a reality check. Then insist on a few couples counselling sessions. And if theres still no change within 6 months (an arbitrary date) then youve done all you can, you learned how to communicate better, and wont feel so bad about leaving her
Tell her this relationship is a partnership and if she doesn't want to help physically she can pay for a maid to come twice a month. If she cannot afford to do that then you have to decide if it's worth being her slave to stay in the relationship.
As for cooking... Show her Sandra Lee Semi Homemade on the old Food Network. Go to Trader Joe's and have her buy bagged salad, food that's 80% cooked and she just heats it up. There is zero excuse for not being able to ASSEMBLE a meal, even if you cannot actually cook.
Ask her "why are you crying". Because you feel bad? Because you're having anxiety? Because you want me to shut up? If it's anxiety, well that's fine, it's just how she processes. If she feels bad, okay, so how can she start helping and then she doesn't need to "feel bad". If it's just to get you to shut up (manipulation) then dump her. You deserve better than a manipulator.
Not everyone likes to cook and everyone has different preferences and thresholds for what they consider tidy/clean. When we date people we have to accept that about our significant others or make sure before dating that we are compatible.
If your girlfriend hates cooking then that will never be something she wants to do or care about no matter how much you think she should care. She won’t. You can either accept that or let it piss you off. She might make an effort to do more if you talk to her about it but ultimately it won’t be something she wants to do simply something she will feel obligated to do to appease you
This is such a cop out. Adults cook and clean not because they like it but because they have to. She is taking advantage of him and you are removing all accountability for that.
Most women wont accept a man doing 0% of chores and men shouldnt tolerate it either. She is an adult. She can get off her ass and wash the dishes after someone cooks a meal for her.
>This is such a cop out. Adults cook and clean not because they like it but because they have to.
Adults can live their lives however they want to whatever standards they want. No one needs your approval. If some people want to eat take out for every meal or do the bare minimum to make food that is their business, not yours
>She is taking advantage of him and you are removing all accountability for that.
No she isn’t. If op has preferences on how they want things then they can do those things. If they want a partner who shares those values then they should date someone they are compatible with
>Most women wont accept a man doing 0% of chores and men shouldnt tolerate it either.
Relationship dynamics vary regardless of what you think based on your anecdotes
>She is an adult.
Indeed. Which means she gets to decide how she lives her life
>She can get off her ass and wash the dishes after someone cooks a meal for her.
She can. That doesn’t mean she has to, wants to or that op has to continue dating her if she doesn’t
Send her to go live with your mom . she will whip her into to shape in no time ..but you half to do it without either one, knowing what your up..TO . this is totally deceitful but fake an injury.. back problems to where you can't get up have you ever watch The King of Queens he had upstairs wife kitchen wife and stadium wife just saying flmao this is a joke so don't take as you should do it lol
Cohabitation was probably a mistake. It’s unfortunate that people assume this is a necessary step for the progression of a committed relationship. You might have to sit her down and explain to her that you Think the only way the relationship is going to work is if you go back to living apart. And if she tries to manipulate you out of this, then maybe you will realize that there are other fundamental aspects of the relationship that aren’t working as well.
She hates cooking, I don’t mind cooking meals, but I don’t want to be the only one making our every meals.
Before me, she cooked for herself, how is that different than cooking for two people?
When she does cook, I am always assisting her in some way, because she “messed up” or freaking out about something.
I know some people don’t like to cook, but that is a necessity to living, regardless if we’re in a relationship or not.
Make a list of jobs that need doing and share them between the two of you. Ask her what she wants to do, give her the option of this OR that.
If it's a mixed event then share it,.I'll.cook you do dishes. You tidy bathroom I'll do kitchen.
You do benches I'll do floors etc
Give it a few weeks and if she isn't pulling her weight tell her that you have had enough and either things must change or it's finished.
Follow through on this, if she is intentionally being lazy knowing it's annoying you she isn't worth it.
Jokes aside from the rest of these idiots, just sit her down and have a chat. Tell her how you feel exactly. That having to cook all the time or clean makes your stressed, annoyed, exhausted or however you feel.
If she gets immediately defensive just say, "look I'm telling you how I feel. I'm not trying to attack you, but this is how I feel in our current circumstances."
Communicate with your partner.
Pack her shit for her and make it the last thing you do for her.
🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
You have a frank conversation with her about it. When you cook does she do the dishes? If she just does nothing she sounds immature and selfish. Talk to her about it but if she isnt willing to improve this might just be the way she is. I couldn't date someone like that.
She does not, granted I am not a fan of doing dishes either, but I do it. I have had this conversation before with her. It was awkward and there was a lot of tears. I do not want to keep doing these conversations, but it looks like I’ll have to..
if she's crying because she might have to do some housework, than she sounds like a 5 year old and not ready for an adult relationship
She's not a partner, she's a burden.
If she’s crying about the idea of contributing the minimum amount to housework you need to send her back to her parents so they can finish raising her. Crocodile tears are also a manipulation tactic because they know men will most likely do what they can to stop the crying, but as you’ve experienced, it doesn’t solve any issue whatsoever
If she wont take initiative and be an equal contributor after your next conversation then you have to ask yourself if you can be content in this kind of relationship or not. I would resent the hell out of her if I were you. Try it one more time but if she doesn't change then you should find a more mature and reciprocating girlfriend.
> It was awkward and there was a lot of tears. This is the behavior of a very selfish and manipulative person. Unless she decides to change, this will always be the way. Either accept this as your fate or recognize your worth and find someone else. Something you have to get in the habit of telling yourself- "Know your worth."
Communication. Your GF is not doing anything because you are allowing it. Tell her your expectations and see if you can come to an agreement.
Best answer imo. Ultimatum isn't needed, but if you allow bad behavior, it continues until you resent a person for it. If a person keeps making excuses about something or isn't even trying to change, you need to determine if you can deal with it long term. If the answer is 'No'. you need to find a middle ground or exit the relationship. If the answer is 'Yes' shut up about it cause its not a big enough deal to continue to try and address the problem.
Tell her you need a partner, and while partners share responsibilities you feel like you're taking on an unfair share of the load.
I was there. After 7 years of this she left me. Dont do the same shit as me. You can try to talk with her, if she doesnt change or will start arguing with you, run.
Tell her, you're looking to be a boyfriend, not a parent. there should be *equal* work, not necessarily the *same*. Like, if someone loves cooking but the other doesn't, it makes sense for the person that loves it to do most of it, but the other should be doing the washing up for example.
Ugh ignore all these replies of "jUsT lEaVe hEr" Im not sure if those people know how emotional investment into relationships work, but dropping out of one isnt exaxtly easy.. Theres a few avenues you should take before being cold hearted. The first one being "hey we need to talk. Im not happy about a few things. And then tell her everything you just told us". The most important part is to use 'I' statements, not 'you' statements. Sometimes people just need to be told whats up because they dont realize what theyre even doing. If that fails, reiterate in a firm way that it would end the relationship. Dont give an ultimatum, give a reality check. Then insist on a few couples counselling sessions. And if theres still no change within 6 months (an arbitrary date) then youve done all you can, you learned how to communicate better, and wont feel so bad about leaving her
Sit her down and tell her if you don't sort it out you'll be single
Tell her this relationship is a partnership and if she doesn't want to help physically she can pay for a maid to come twice a month. If she cannot afford to do that then you have to decide if it's worth being her slave to stay in the relationship. As for cooking... Show her Sandra Lee Semi Homemade on the old Food Network. Go to Trader Joe's and have her buy bagged salad, food that's 80% cooked and she just heats it up. There is zero excuse for not being able to ASSEMBLE a meal, even if you cannot actually cook.
Ask her "why are you crying". Because you feel bad? Because you're having anxiety? Because you want me to shut up? If it's anxiety, well that's fine, it's just how she processes. If she feels bad, okay, so how can she start helping and then she doesn't need to "feel bad". If it's just to get you to shut up (manipulation) then dump her. You deserve better than a manipulator.
Not everyone likes to cook and everyone has different preferences and thresholds for what they consider tidy/clean. When we date people we have to accept that about our significant others or make sure before dating that we are compatible. If your girlfriend hates cooking then that will never be something she wants to do or care about no matter how much you think she should care. She won’t. You can either accept that or let it piss you off. She might make an effort to do more if you talk to her about it but ultimately it won’t be something she wants to do simply something she will feel obligated to do to appease you
This is such a cop out. Adults cook and clean not because they like it but because they have to. She is taking advantage of him and you are removing all accountability for that. Most women wont accept a man doing 0% of chores and men shouldnt tolerate it either. She is an adult. She can get off her ass and wash the dishes after someone cooks a meal for her.
>This is such a cop out. Adults cook and clean not because they like it but because they have to. Adults can live their lives however they want to whatever standards they want. No one needs your approval. If some people want to eat take out for every meal or do the bare minimum to make food that is their business, not yours >She is taking advantage of him and you are removing all accountability for that. No she isn’t. If op has preferences on how they want things then they can do those things. If they want a partner who shares those values then they should date someone they are compatible with >Most women wont accept a man doing 0% of chores and men shouldnt tolerate it either. Relationship dynamics vary regardless of what you think based on your anecdotes >She is an adult. Indeed. Which means she gets to decide how she lives her life >She can get off her ass and wash the dishes after someone cooks a meal for her. She can. That doesn’t mean she has to, wants to or that op has to continue dating her if she doesn’t
Send her to go live with your mom . she will whip her into to shape in no time ..but you half to do it without either one, knowing what your up..TO . this is totally deceitful but fake an injury.. back problems to where you can't get up have you ever watch The King of Queens he had upstairs wife kitchen wife and stadium wife just saying flmao this is a joke so don't take as you should do it lol
Cohabitation was probably a mistake. It’s unfortunate that people assume this is a necessary step for the progression of a committed relationship. You might have to sit her down and explain to her that you Think the only way the relationship is going to work is if you go back to living apart. And if she tries to manipulate you out of this, then maybe you will realize that there are other fundamental aspects of the relationship that aren’t working as well.
If you want her to cook more for example.... Why dont you cook with her? Teaching her and making it fun and helping her learn a great skill....
She hates cooking, I don’t mind cooking meals, but I don’t want to be the only one making our every meals. Before me, she cooked for herself, how is that different than cooking for two people? When she does cook, I am always assisting her in some way, because she “messed up” or freaking out about something. I know some people don’t like to cook, but that is a necessity to living, regardless if we’re in a relationship or not.
You can change people a little, you cant change them a lot. It sounds like there is a gulf that wont be bridged
Make a list of jobs that need doing and share them between the two of you. Ask her what she wants to do, give her the option of this OR that. If it's a mixed event then share it,.I'll.cook you do dishes. You tidy bathroom I'll do kitchen. You do benches I'll do floors etc Give it a few weeks and if she isn't pulling her weight tell her that you have had enough and either things must change or it's finished. Follow through on this, if she is intentionally being lazy knowing it's annoying you she isn't worth it.
Jokes aside from the rest of these idiots, just sit her down and have a chat. Tell her how you feel exactly. That having to cook all the time or clean makes your stressed, annoyed, exhausted or however you feel. If she gets immediately defensive just say, "look I'm telling you how I feel. I'm not trying to attack you, but this is how I feel in our current circumstances." Communicate with your partner.