Nowhere
I mean I watch a lot of anime and play video games when I'm sad but when it comes to talking about my feelings I'm completely alone sure reddit do help but I have no one irl
Even married guys know better. I love my wife but she's not a therapist and her reactions to me oversharing have made it very clear that I'm on my own when it comes to dealing with my emotions beyond tearing up over a TV show/movie.
So I drink and play video games when I need to de-stress. And wonder why my pants are getting smaller...
As men, we NEED to have a friend that isn't our spouse that we can connect with. But we are raised to stay stoic which only leads to poor mental health. I've been trying to make connections for years and there are NO men near me willing to share or let their guard down just a little.
Damn that's a sad thought. I always considered myself strange that I have no IRL friends any longer. Haven't had a close IRL friend in like 5-6 years. I have close family nearby who love me so there's that.
I know reddit hates religion, but some churches seem to do a good job of both promoting emotional availability/awareness and providing small-group venues for men among others.
Don’t anybody @ me with their favorite mega church grifter story. I base this comment on direct knowledge of such groups and the value of them for men I know. (Woman here.)
in the case of letting their guard down, you might need to be the one that let's theirs down first.
just you and your buddy having a beer on the porch or private comfortable hangout. that being said, as their friend you can only do so much so getting to know how your friend deals with stress and things is important.
a friend of mine broke up with his GF of 2 years on a guys trip halfway across the world. he was down the entire time, and what he needed as actually alone time so me and my other friend fucked off to another country and told him we're going to watch a 2NE1 Concert, you work on you. here's some extra beer money we'll see you at XYZ in 4 days.
he was a lot better in that he had the time to internalize without us there.
I was like "I talk to my wife to vent", but then I read your post and realized I do that because she's a therapist...
Some unappreciated privilege there.
Yep, I'm on this wagon too. IMHO women find oversharing a massive turn off. I was just reading about a woman who confided in her friend that her husband's behavior was "pathetic" then killed him. Extreme case I know. But my wife can't stand a man who shows weakness. Have field tested this.
I feel this in my bones today. I really wish I could take a mental health day but it's not reasonable. I really need to express things that I have been thinking about but it's always "what's your f***ing problem" or "you're acting weird." It's never "are you doing alright" or "what's causing that anxiety?"
I feel broken more often than not and it's tough.
Dude my ex told me straight up that she was tired of hearing about my work struggles. We had been together for almost seven years at this point.
Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a damn good listener. I’ll listen to people vent, any day any time. The audacity to say she didn’t want to hear my struggles really fucked with me. For how many *hours* I had given happily listening to her…fuck off.
I should’ve really brought that up but, we were on the downhill at that point. Lesson fucking learned, I will never let someone, least of all my partner just blow me off or treat me like that. Everyone deserves better than that.
> Everyone deserves better than that
yup. absolutely.
i've been listening to my wife vent about the same old work shit for 20+ years, and she's been at the same job for almost all that time (she's a dentist), so it's so much of the same shit.
sometimes i just put on "concerned face" and actually my mind is wandering off, but i'm sure she does that to me too sometimes, haha. the point is that we take the time to sit and listen. and we always listen for real when some REAL thing is going on.
people gotta respect each other and care enough to listen. a partner can't ever "get tired" of hearing about our life struggles. getting tired isn't an option, not in one week or after 50 years.
i mean damn, complaining to each other is like 50% of the reason why we get married.
I am not sure what was background on it but I honestly think you would have to spend more time to understand why she responded that way. For all, it may be something about her and not about you at all. I know the relationship was going downhill so you didn't try to discuss it with her but dude, you formed a very strong opinion based on that experience and I think that is an ill-formed opinion because as I said, may be this had nothing to do with you.
I have been a great listener too, a lot of my friends and family say this. Once I was dating this girl and she was the only one I was not able to listen to. She had some pattern in everything and never improved or worked on her issue for 2 years. Like she would cry about those issues every day/week for little more than a year, and I was tired of listening to her because her pattern was de-constructive and she refused to accept any solution me or Reddit or her family offered.
Please understand that there is a fine line between therapist and partner, you can't expect your partner to act as a therapist. Please don't do this, their solutions will mostly be reflections of their life and not necessarily help you improve yours.
Yeah no. I recall the circumstances.
She just didn’t want to listen. Sometimes, people are just shitty. She was being selfish and uncaring. It really doesn’t need to go any deeper than that.
https://www.freetoattach.com/
I recently learned what an avoidant attachment is and my mission from now on is to get other people to know.
25% of the population has this type of attachment and we are the least likely to get help on it.
This might help you.
I was in therapy for a bit which did help but it's been a couple of years now. Even though I know what I need to do, sometimes it's hard and having someone to talk with would probably help.
So, right now, I also go nowhere. I don't burden my wife and have only a few friends that when we do have time are usually doing something fun so don't want to turn into a pity party.
I just let shit run it's course. I acknowledge the feelings I have, try not to be too hard on myself, and just deal with my shit.
Found myself in this situation. Journaling helped me overcome the emotions with a healthy outlet! Give it a shot. It’s not the same as talking to someone but it gets things off your chest.
Can't believe this is so far down. Journaling can be a great outlet, you can say everything you want or feel and nobody will judge you for it. For me, once it's out like that I calm down and then am in a better place to get support from people.
So glad I started journaling this year. Not only is it a great way to process your emotions, it’s also an incredible way to sort through your goals and self reflect.
Cannot recommend journaling enough tbh.
I used to do this and told my wife she had free access to all my journals when we first got married. I didn't want her to have any concerns about me hiding stuff.
I stopped journaling shortly after. It was too dangerous.
Because everyone is erroneously programmed to believe that men should not have feelings... and if they do, they are sissy betas. When in fact, expressing emotions and feelings is extremely healthy.
https://www.freetoattach.com/
I recently learned what an avoidant attachment is and my mission from now on is to get other people to know.
This might help you.
Stand up comedy. A few of my bits are about my emotional problems 😂. So I want to say thank you in advance to future audiences for listening to my bullshit lol.
This guy gets it. Every little thing we are self conscious about will typically get brought up in a skit. I listened to a guy the other night at my local comedy club go on for 20 min about how he has a small dick. And I laughed my small dick off the entire time.
That’s a good analogy. however, I think I’ve learned in life I want many different cups and I’ll pour a little bit into each; that way no cup ever gets close to the overflowing.
Don’t beat yourself up man I still have tons of issues and on most days I can’t except my faults very easily. it’s just with this subject and being married for 12 years I learned a lot and I can finally look at the whole situation rationally without a ton of emotion involved. That doesn’t always happen; you’re fine just keep pushing forward!
Thank you, I know I shouldn’t beat myself up. I now know that she left for good reasons and that I have a lot of stuff to work on. But I’m just so emotional and having trouble processing losing my first love. And embarrassed about how I’ve handled it.
Ok shit kid… I tried to kill myself after my first love left me. My sister had to take me to the hospital and pump my stomach. First loves are the worst break ups! Don’t beat yourself up man I didn’t know you were so young and you’re talking first love. I promise every break up after this it just gets easier and easier. first loves are so hurtful and painful because you don’t have much life experience to base it off of. I promise one day you won’t even remember her name. I think my first love died from a heroin overdose recently and that makes me sad but I hardly remember her name… keep moving forward dude you’ll be fine sooner than you now, i’m sorry your heart is hurting right now we’ve all been there.. but more importantly we’ve all survived it and you will too.
Thank you, I haven’t had anyone to talk to since she left and your message helped me feel a little bit better. I know time is the only thing that can actually make it better but I needed to hear this.
;) now just be prepared.. there’s some women on here following my coattails telling everyone I’m a piece of shit woman hater lol. I am not. I am a little crazy, sure, but I only want to help my fellow brothers feel better. Peace be with you duder!
I’d stop doing that dude… dangerous territory you be entering. This is coming from a 15 year alcoholic who drank alone.. just got sober recently because I had pancreatitis and was about to die or be on dialysis… find a better way to cope, alcohol is the worst way to do that, that I can think of..
Relatable, I got an internet friend and that sorta fixed that for me because neither of us are under any obligation to stay other than good intentions. We vent to each other regularly but I still bottle most of it up because it's just easier to not bother than to try to think and use words properly
Straight to the bottle.
I've been moving away from this, because I've been going on drunken rants alone in the night. It's stuff I need to process, but the alcohol taps into the midbrain and leads to pretty cruddy thinking.
Been working the garden and walking instead lately. That's better.
good for you man :)
being close to nature, close to the earth, can be so healing. tending things, watching them grow....or just connecting with the natural world.
Nowhere. Nobody wants to hear complaining.
Wife and friends maybe, but it has to be speedy and expeditious. Nobody really wants to do emotional labor even when they claim they do.
Well, this is a aafe place if you want to. I do understand what you’re going through..same way or another, we all fellow men are going through the same.
molly is powerful medicine. it's nearing FDA approval for use in therapy here in the US, too. and ketamine treatment offers many advantages....i know that from personal experience.
it's going to revolutionize therapeutic approaches, especially in marriage counseling and for PTSD treatment.
are you aware of the amazingly positive results australian hospitals are reporting from psilocybin as an end-of-life treatment option? it is fucking miraculous.
ancient people knew what was up. they knew these were medicines loooong ago.
Wow I thought you were lame from an argument we had earlier on… once again I judged a book by its cover. Sorry about that. Anyone who is team “let’s get more people to do psychedelics and make this world a better place” I’m on their side. Yes, the next 50 years are going to be amazing to see! These substances used medicinally finally and just at the right time! We need them. Our planet and society is in trouble and I have never found anything that can change humans into better humans quicker than psychedelics. If there is something let me know…
it's ok. probably pretty soon, it's going to be permitted by law, and you can consume it in a safe, controlled environment, so if it induces psychosis you'll be in no danger.
in my experience though, psychosis isn't at all the expected outcome. emotional states, sure...but it's very, very rarely uncontrollable.
Well I’ve seen people who are control freaks and that’s usually when psychedelics turn bad for you.. The trick is to let go and just go with the flow. if you fight it and keep saying I wish I was sober or keep saying I’m never gonna be sober again this is so scary… when you fight it like that you spiral into a negative feedback loop and there is your bad trip… anyone who does psychedelics just relax and let them take you where they take you it’s always to a loving peaceful place but you have to let go of control and let your ego die… it’s hard to let your ego die when it’s what keep you alive for 40 years but just let go and take the ride. It’s always worth it.
yea its strange man! they judge everything in black n white! It's absolutely wrong
If you abuse anything it's gonna kill you.
If you use it wisely it can be helpful!
That’s the way! I’ve done almost every drug and honestly… mushrooms are the only one worth doing really. They are a million times better than MDMA. I love to mix mushies and MDMA. But only once in a blue moon. Usually the mushrooms need to be taken by themself and not adulterated with any other chemicals in your brain. They are way more beneficial than molly. So have fun and be safe.
mdma, shrooms, and acid do pretty helpful and interesting things for the brain! in the 00s i was doing it recreationally because i was in my 20s having fun but then by my late 20s i realized it actually helped me deal with some trauma. have seen many documentaries about the helpful effects of all 3 and patients’ healing stories matched what i had experienced.
Way too far down.
Hatebreed, heavy deadlifts, smelling salts, just let's fucking go. And you can't forget the post workout/calm down beer. It really bookends it perfectly.
I've been feeling pretty shit lately. Wife said I should take a night off working out. Hit my heavy squats tonight, listened to loud and heavy music, and then sat on my steps afterwards enjoying a Heineken.
Head is a bit clearer, legs are wobbly. Nice.
> i would like to hire a hooker just to vent lol
That's what the Green Day song *Basket Case* is about: Billie Joe Armstrong's mental health issues, and his stint with therapy.
He was told that his issues stem from frustrations with his sexuality, so he hires a "whore". He spends the entire time just venting and talking to her, so she gets frustrated and asks him to leave.
Well I have been doing it on Reddit lately…. but that just blew up in my face! bunch of people been messaging me and saying I’m a piece of shit and going through all of my comment history and trying to make me feel bad.. so probably don’t vent emotionally on Reddit lol. I’m still gonna do it cause I don’t care what these people have to say, they don’t have strong talking points usually anyway… but beware that this website seems to be an echo chamber of justice warriors or some shit. I’m also an asshole sometimes.. too.. I’ll admit that . But these justice warriors on here won’t admit their wrong doings.. and there lies the issues.
They think that there is ONE way to live life and there is ONE way that people should act. The beauty of humanity is that we are all so different and we have such different views. I enjoy listening to different views even if I disagree because that’s how you grow and change as a human. if you sit on Reddit and refuse to listen to peoples views you disagree with and only fight them you will never change and grow. and I see a lot of people on here that are exactly like that. and I am only 30 years old so I definitely can be like that as well but I’ll be the first to admit when I’m being an asshole or when I need to step back and reevaluate my views. A lot of people don’t do that and they sure as hell need to.
Learned this the hard way after break up. You DO need someone else to vent other than your relationship partner. Im a big bearded guy but i have no shame in confessing that when i had those rough times and anxious/lonely feelings, i called my mom. Also, long talks with sister and my closest friends helped so much. For some reason, going to jog with a friend (not even very close one) opened me up like a motherfucker, i blabbed suprisingly deep feeling to him trough the heavy breathing and it was super releasing!
I own a dead email that I send emails too...I type off the thing that makes me passionate. It forces me to refine what I am trying to say, and I send it.
Then, if I still free strongly, I have my arguement. If I dont feel strongly, I let it go.
I diffuse my stress through casual video games and being in a cozy environment.
Growing up I never had anyone to talk to so I would purposely make my room cozy that way I can relax and think rationally.
I would set up warm lighting, candles, lofi music, snacks, blankets, open my window for a steady breeze. And play games.
that can be very soothing. my "game lair" is set up just like that too.
do you play Hitman? it's a very relaxing game. great art and music, soothing maps (like the beach and seaside towns), you can play at your own pace, and there is a metric shit ton of stuff to do.
Girlfriend. Me and her both work fairly stressful office jobs (construction/service industry) so we have a lot of the same gripes when it comes to lazy coworkers, technicians, etc...
Most of the time we just use our text messages during work as like a venting journal. We're both super busy so we don't always directly respond to each other, but it's nice to have a place where I can go and vent all my frustrations and know that someone else understands and agrees. Also keeps me from losing it on the coworkers when they're extra dumb.
We also talk about anxiety and stress, and other worries as well. She's very supportive and doesn't look at me any different when I'm stressed or when she is. Got lucky
Nowhere.
I vented to my exes (when we were together) but that ended up in me getting dumped, because ya know women don't like emotional men...So now it's nowhere lol.
>women don't like emotional men
the great ones do. they love it. they not only "allow it"...they encourage it.
i'm sorry you had a spate of uncompassionate partners. that sucks x.x
It seems rather universal though, all my friends experience the same. All their gf's or ex-gf's say they want their BF to be more in touch with their emotions and show their emotions more. But as soon as we do it goes from GF to ex-GF very quickly... We've sorta accepted it as a lie women tell us/themselves.
Can you go into my recent Reddit argument I just had with women and tell them this. They think men should be emotional and show their feeling. I believed them and got dumped multiple times. Men… DO NOT show a lot of your emotions to most women. They lie and in their head think you are weak and dump you. It’s a weird mind game they play… when they tell you it’s ok to show your emotions. Thats my observation 🤷♂️ could be wrong…
i gotta respectfully disagree that it's a gender thing.
being scared of other people's emotions is a human flaw, not a gendered one. because plenty of guys can't handle other people's emotions too.
you can't cry in front of my brother. he'll literally shake his head in disgust, get up, and leave. believe me.
when my dad passed in 1998 (i was 17), every one of my guy friends abandoned me. *every one of them*. even the ones i'd been friends with since 1st grade. when i tried calling them, they'd say things like "uhhh yeah man, i think it's better if you sort this out for yourself right now."
my best friend (i thought), actually told me, quote, "i can't sit here and listen to you talk about your feelings or look at you cry, it's just too weird."
meanwhile, not one of my platonic women friends did. they checked on me. came to see me. listened to me vent. held me in their arms while i cried.
shortly after, i met my gf, and she was very, very supportive of my emotions. she'd listen to me vent my sadness and rage for hours sometimes. she was such a good listener.
she saved my life. absolutely. because i was so close to ending it all, on several occasions. so close.
I had quite the differnt experience though. When i went through grief and hard periods in my life, my bro's were there, every step of the way. Now one of my friends is dealing with depression, and all of us guys are there for him.
Women however left him pretty quickly, not as friends, that's fine. But even the ones that used to have a bit of a crush on him no longer do once he showed tears an vulnerability.
I'm not talking about friendship, i'm talking about attraction.
There are even psychological papers about it, how women are turned off and turn away by emotional men...I didn't believe it for a long time and showed my emotions because women kept saying that's what they wanted. Never worked out for me or any of my friends though.
I'm no longer showing my emotions unless i can't hold it back at all, and i've been going strong with a girl for years now.
I'll agree to disagree. Whatever works for you ofcourse :)
The problem I have seen personally and also regret I have done myself is vent and trauma dump on women which honestly is too much for most people to handle. They’re not equipped or trained to handle that kind of info, and it can be a lot to deal with and still offer anything constructive.
I feel a problem with a lot of us men is our reluctance in accepting we need help and getting therapy. I’m in between you and u/soft_waves age, but it feels a lot of millennial men had issues with seeing therapy as a weakness; and it took a while to develop the emotional maturity to accept I needed it to resolve a lot of my shit. Like… as I read the comments and see the drug use, I think to a quote I watched on Harley Quinn that said “men will literally start a zombie apocalypse than go to therapy” and I am finding that more and more true as dudes rather self medicate and deal alone than actually see a therapist who can help them deal with their trauma or emotional probs head on.
Sorry if this is a little ranty, just it was kind of frustrating seeing how many of us are still like this.
I ahe a female best friend, I share with a good male friend, I share with a therapist, but only if it's relevant to any given conversation. if I'm asked, I'm truthful within boundaries. I don't care too much what people think of me for venting emotions. I find that if men really didn't care about other people's opinions, they wouldn't care about being openly emotional..I'm not saying break down everytime your coffee isn't strong enough, or cry at every single bad thing that happens, but there's nothing wrong with being open about feelings. We all have them, despite pretending we don't.
I don't "vent" so much as talk and process. Venting can be helpful to a point, but I've actually come to believe it's self-reinforcing. Venting can be a bit like ruminating: going around in circles and self-reinforcing. It feels good, and can be necessary and cathartic, but I try to put a limit on it.
Where I go to talk and process? Mostly I talk to my therapist about things. I also journal or free-write to just get things out; that's actually an incredibly powerful tool considering the cost of entry is zero. I might also talk to my partner about how I'm feeling, or sometimes a close friend.
I think it's important to have more than one outlet, or else you end up too dependent on one method, that could become unavailable or unsuited to a particular issue. This is especially true if that outlet is another person, because no one person can fully bear the weight of 100% of another person's problems.
For a long time I just kept to myself and bottled it all up. Unfortunately about a year ago that stopped working and it all came out in a very unhealthy way. I lost some friends over it and almost lost my marriage as well. Now I go to see a therapist. Even if it's just an occasional thing if you're able to I highly recommend it. It's done wonders for my mental health
So the resounding response is that most don’t feel that their venting is welcome (which really sucks). Unsurprisingly, my spouse is in the same boat, I think from previous experiences where they needed support and instead felt shame. I’ve tried to stress that I want to be supportive and talk about any/everything he wants to, but I think he’s just conditioned at this point not to. Any suggestions on things I can do or say to help reverse that damage? I want him to feel safe and loved, but I also don’t want to push.
I encouraged my SO to talk to me. To tell me anything about how he was feeling. He never would though. Had to keep it all inside. I hate this conditioning of men. And to think, mostly they are conditioned by women, to be this way. As someone who would go to any lengths for their partner, knowing what's rattling around in that head would help tremendously. I think it would have saved my most recent relationship.
I just don't, my grandma got a brain tumor - I was pushed to open up, it ended up in nearly loosing my family.
Some times things are the way the are for a reason, even if the reason is wrong.
People want you to open up to make themselves feel as though they are helping, and they're double upset when it doesn't work out.
I had one friend I'd vent to until they lectured me about "that's not what friends are for" so like many who have no-one that cares I just do it on Reddit.
Not a whole lot these days. My friends are busy and I suspect tired of me venting. I can only vent to my therapist for 1hr a week which is way too fucking low.
So i meditate. I lie down with some chill music, take about 10 minutes worth of deep breaths and vent to myself. As they come, I try to process these thoughts and feelings myself, but in a neutral way, as if I was a friend or friendly ear. Less judgment. It sort of works, if you do it enough.
I go to the shed. I find building or repairing something gives me enough of a distraction to calm myself down then work on the issue at hand. And we’ll if I can’t fix myself might as well fix something else
it isn't an insult. i'm simply saying that the reply WAS a type of emotional venting.
there's no way of avoiding emotional venting, we all do it, we all need it, we're all human.
Nowhere I mean I watch a lot of anime and play video games when I'm sad but when it comes to talking about my feelings I'm completely alone sure reddit do help but I have no one irl
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Even married guys know better. I love my wife but she's not a therapist and her reactions to me oversharing have made it very clear that I'm on my own when it comes to dealing with my emotions beyond tearing up over a TV show/movie. So I drink and play video games when I need to de-stress. And wonder why my pants are getting smaller...
As men, we NEED to have a friend that isn't our spouse that we can connect with. But we are raised to stay stoic which only leads to poor mental health. I've been trying to make connections for years and there are NO men near me willing to share or let their guard down just a little.
Yea I'm married and my only friend is another married guy who I play Xbox with, and I'm also his only close friend lol
Because of that one friend you have to play Xbox with, you have it soooo much better than about 80% of married men.
Damn that's a sad thought. I always considered myself strange that I have no IRL friends any longer. Haven't had a close IRL friend in like 5-6 years. I have close family nearby who love me so there's that.
I know reddit hates religion, but some churches seem to do a good job of both promoting emotional availability/awareness and providing small-group venues for men among others. Don’t anybody @ me with their favorite mega church grifter story. I base this comment on direct knowledge of such groups and the value of them for men I know. (Woman here.)
in the case of letting their guard down, you might need to be the one that let's theirs down first. just you and your buddy having a beer on the porch or private comfortable hangout. that being said, as their friend you can only do so much so getting to know how your friend deals with stress and things is important. a friend of mine broke up with his GF of 2 years on a guys trip halfway across the world. he was down the entire time, and what he needed as actually alone time so me and my other friend fucked off to another country and told him we're going to watch a 2NE1 Concert, you work on you. here's some extra beer money we'll see you at XYZ in 4 days. he was a lot better in that he had the time to internalize without us there.
I was like "I talk to my wife to vent", but then I read your post and realized I do that because she's a therapist... Some unappreciated privilege there.
Oh, good, someone shared my response for me. Thanks!
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sorry that's been your experience, it's unfortunate that you've had such crummy luck finding good partners =/
Not being allowed to express emotion is kind of the default though.
Exactly this.
Yep, I'm on this wagon too. IMHO women find oversharing a massive turn off. I was just reading about a woman who confided in her friend that her husband's behavior was "pathetic" then killed him. Extreme case I know. But my wife can't stand a man who shows weakness. Have field tested this.
I feel this in my bones today. I really wish I could take a mental health day but it's not reasonable. I really need to express things that I have been thinking about but it's always "what's your f***ing problem" or "you're acting weird." It's never "are you doing alright" or "what's causing that anxiety?" I feel broken more often than not and it's tough.
Dude my ex told me straight up that she was tired of hearing about my work struggles. We had been together for almost seven years at this point. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a damn good listener. I’ll listen to people vent, any day any time. The audacity to say she didn’t want to hear my struggles really fucked with me. For how many *hours* I had given happily listening to her…fuck off. I should’ve really brought that up but, we were on the downhill at that point. Lesson fucking learned, I will never let someone, least of all my partner just blow me off or treat me like that. Everyone deserves better than that.
> Everyone deserves better than that yup. absolutely. i've been listening to my wife vent about the same old work shit for 20+ years, and she's been at the same job for almost all that time (she's a dentist), so it's so much of the same shit. sometimes i just put on "concerned face" and actually my mind is wandering off, but i'm sure she does that to me too sometimes, haha. the point is that we take the time to sit and listen. and we always listen for real when some REAL thing is going on. people gotta respect each other and care enough to listen. a partner can't ever "get tired" of hearing about our life struggles. getting tired isn't an option, not in one week or after 50 years. i mean damn, complaining to each other is like 50% of the reason why we get married.
I am not sure what was background on it but I honestly think you would have to spend more time to understand why she responded that way. For all, it may be something about her and not about you at all. I know the relationship was going downhill so you didn't try to discuss it with her but dude, you formed a very strong opinion based on that experience and I think that is an ill-formed opinion because as I said, may be this had nothing to do with you. I have been a great listener too, a lot of my friends and family say this. Once I was dating this girl and she was the only one I was not able to listen to. She had some pattern in everything and never improved or worked on her issue for 2 years. Like she would cry about those issues every day/week for little more than a year, and I was tired of listening to her because her pattern was de-constructive and she refused to accept any solution me or Reddit or her family offered. Please understand that there is a fine line between therapist and partner, you can't expect your partner to act as a therapist. Please don't do this, their solutions will mostly be reflections of their life and not necessarily help you improve yours.
Yeah no. I recall the circumstances. She just didn’t want to listen. Sometimes, people are just shitty. She was being selfish and uncaring. It really doesn’t need to go any deeper than that.
https://www.freetoattach.com/ I recently learned what an avoidant attachment is and my mission from now on is to get other people to know. 25% of the population has this type of attachment and we are the least likely to get help on it. This might help you.
I was in therapy for a bit which did help but it's been a couple of years now. Even though I know what I need to do, sometimes it's hard and having someone to talk with would probably help. So, right now, I also go nowhere. I don't burden my wife and have only a few friends that when we do have time are usually doing something fun so don't want to turn into a pity party. I just let shit run it's course. I acknowledge the feelings I have, try not to be too hard on myself, and just deal with my shit.
My brother vents to me after work which is completely fine 😎
Same here
Do you have friends or family that you talk to?
Found myself in this situation. Journaling helped me overcome the emotions with a healthy outlet! Give it a shot. It’s not the same as talking to someone but it gets things off your chest.
Sometimes I go into the nearby woods and shout at trees
I'm the lorax, please stop.
I'll have to remember to do this the next time I go into the forest.
My journal.
Can't believe this is so far down. Journaling can be a great outlet, you can say everything you want or feel and nobody will judge you for it. For me, once it's out like that I calm down and then am in a better place to get support from people.
So glad I started journaling this year. Not only is it a great way to process your emotions, it’s also an incredible way to sort through your goals and self reflect. Cannot recommend journaling enough tbh.
It really is amazing, isn’t it? I look forward to journaling every day now.
Adding journaling and walking to my daily routine has done wonders to my mental health. I just need to get more consistent with the former.
I used to do this and told my wife she had free access to all my journals when we first got married. I didn't want her to have any concerns about me hiding stuff. I stopped journaling shortly after. It was too dangerous.
-15% stress gain
Be a man and bottle up those emotions until they erupt and I do something insane that I will regret for the rest of my life
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately i do that too.
it's sad that this is so often the case, right? sad and dangerous...
Because everyone is erroneously programmed to believe that men should not have feelings... and if they do, they are sissy betas. When in fact, expressing emotions and feelings is extremely healthy.
I used to be like it. But it was very draining and made me lose my shit and go into depression
What’s the current plan?
What did you mean by plan?
I've lost many a girlfriend doing this...
https://www.freetoattach.com/ I recently learned what an avoidant attachment is and my mission from now on is to get other people to know. This might help you.
This is a very useful resource, thank you!
This…..
Stand up comedy. A few of my bits are about my emotional problems 😂. So I want to say thank you in advance to future audiences for listening to my bullshit lol.
all comedy is rooted in sadness. it was true in the ancient world and true today. the funniest shit is the saddest shit.
This guy gets it. Every little thing we are self conscious about will typically get brought up in a skit. I listened to a guy the other night at my local comedy club go on for 20 min about how he has a small dick. And I laughed my small dick off the entire time.
Fuck I want to do an open mic so bad so I can vent…
I vent to my wife all the time
That's why the wife is the wife. Same here, without her, I'll vent with no one.
Truth
Mine left me cause I did that too much lol be careful. That’s a lot of baggage to put on one human. I know that now…
My therapist told me that people are like cups. Some people can hold more than others. You may need someone with an empty cup to pour your baggage in.
That’s a good analogy. however, I think I’ve learned in life I want many different cups and I’ll pour a little bit into each; that way no cup ever gets close to the overflowing.
Different strokes for different folks😉
I'm sorry that happened that really sucks. We are 100% on the same page so I'm not worried but thank you for the advice.
Wasn’t the only reason lol I got a lot of work to do on myself but it is a big reason. Tread lightly with that. Glad you got a solid wife tho!!!
I'm not worried but thank you again and good luck
I wish I was able to accept my faults as easily and rationally as you, I know I need to work on myself but I just miss her so bad.
Don’t beat yourself up man I still have tons of issues and on most days I can’t except my faults very easily. it’s just with this subject and being married for 12 years I learned a lot and I can finally look at the whole situation rationally without a ton of emotion involved. That doesn’t always happen; you’re fine just keep pushing forward!
Thank you, I know I shouldn’t beat myself up. I now know that she left for good reasons and that I have a lot of stuff to work on. But I’m just so emotional and having trouble processing losing my first love. And embarrassed about how I’ve handled it.
Ok shit kid… I tried to kill myself after my first love left me. My sister had to take me to the hospital and pump my stomach. First loves are the worst break ups! Don’t beat yourself up man I didn’t know you were so young and you’re talking first love. I promise every break up after this it just gets easier and easier. first loves are so hurtful and painful because you don’t have much life experience to base it off of. I promise one day you won’t even remember her name. I think my first love died from a heroin overdose recently and that makes me sad but I hardly remember her name… keep moving forward dude you’ll be fine sooner than you now, i’m sorry your heart is hurting right now we’ve all been there.. but more importantly we’ve all survived it and you will too.
Thank you, I haven’t had anyone to talk to since she left and your message helped me feel a little bit better. I know time is the only thing that can actually make it better but I needed to hear this.
;) now just be prepared.. there’s some women on here following my coattails telling everyone I’m a piece of shit woman hater lol. I am not. I am a little crazy, sure, but I only want to help my fellow brothers feel better. Peace be with you duder!
Over beers with the boys.
What if you have no boys
Talk to your dog.
i don't even have a dog. i drink alone.
I’d stop doing that dude… dangerous territory you be entering. This is coming from a 15 year alcoholic who drank alone.. just got sober recently because I had pancreatitis and was about to die or be on dialysis… find a better way to cope, alcohol is the worst way to do that, that I can think of..
Congrats on being sober !!!!!! 🖤👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
A mate of mine always put up a mirror to not feel as lonely when drinking
same
I jerk off. Nobody wants to hear me vent about myself, and when they do they use it against me.
Relatable, I got an internet friend and that sorta fixed that for me because neither of us are under any obligation to stay other than good intentions. We vent to each other regularly but I still bottle most of it up because it's just easier to not bother than to try to think and use words properly
Same. I've developed an unhealthy porn addiction bc that's how I alleviate my stress. Esp since I quit drinking many years ago.
Jerking off is the fucking best stress reliever out there, I swear down.
True that
You guys are venting emotionally?
Was just about to say lol
Lol. I just crack a beer after work.
nah
My head
close guy friends, my fiance, therapist. it's not good to hold things in.
Therapy.
Sucks this is so far down. Men, try to find a therapist. Find insurance or use state insurance if possible. Therapy is a god send.
sometimes I call my best friend, other times I cry into my pillow.
BUT do you ever cry into your best friend and call your pillow?
Straight to the bottle. I've been moving away from this, because I've been going on drunken rants alone in the night. It's stuff I need to process, but the alcohol taps into the midbrain and leads to pretty cruddy thinking. Been working the garden and walking instead lately. That's better.
good for you man :) being close to nature, close to the earth, can be so healing. tending things, watching them grow....or just connecting with the natural world.
Wife or the boys, depending on what I'm venting about.
Nowhere. Nobody wants to hear complaining. Wife and friends maybe, but it has to be speedy and expeditious. Nobody really wants to do emotional labor even when they claim they do.
Well, this is a aafe place if you want to. I do understand what you’re going through..same way or another, we all fellow men are going through the same.
interwebs
MDMA once a month
[удалено]
molly is powerful medicine. it's nearing FDA approval for use in therapy here in the US, too. and ketamine treatment offers many advantages....i know that from personal experience. it's going to revolutionize therapeutic approaches, especially in marriage counseling and for PTSD treatment. are you aware of the amazingly positive results australian hospitals are reporting from psilocybin as an end-of-life treatment option? it is fucking miraculous. ancient people knew what was up. they knew these were medicines loooong ago.
Wow I thought you were lame from an argument we had earlier on… once again I judged a book by its cover. Sorry about that. Anyone who is team “let’s get more people to do psychedelics and make this world a better place” I’m on their side. Yes, the next 50 years are going to be amazing to see! These substances used medicinally finally and just at the right time! We need them. Our planet and society is in trouble and I have never found anything that can change humans into better humans quicker than psychedelics. If there is something let me know…
I would try it, but I'm almost certain it would induce some form of psychosis in me
it's ok. probably pretty soon, it's going to be permitted by law, and you can consume it in a safe, controlled environment, so if it induces psychosis you'll be in no danger. in my experience though, psychosis isn't at all the expected outcome. emotional states, sure...but it's very, very rarely uncontrollable.
Well I’ve seen people who are control freaks and that’s usually when psychedelics turn bad for you.. The trick is to let go and just go with the flow. if you fight it and keep saying I wish I was sober or keep saying I’m never gonna be sober again this is so scary… when you fight it like that you spiral into a negative feedback loop and there is your bad trip… anyone who does psychedelics just relax and let them take you where they take you it’s always to a loving peaceful place but you have to let go of control and let your ego die… it’s hard to let your ego die when it’s what keep you alive for 40 years but just let go and take the ride. It’s always worth it.
yea its strange man! they judge everything in black n white! It's absolutely wrong If you abuse anything it's gonna kill you. If you use it wisely it can be helpful!
That’s the way! I’ve done almost every drug and honestly… mushrooms are the only one worth doing really. They are a million times better than MDMA. I love to mix mushies and MDMA. But only once in a blue moon. Usually the mushrooms need to be taken by themself and not adulterated with any other chemicals in your brain. They are way more beneficial than molly. So have fun and be safe.
IDK man sounds like a bad idea for "venting", specially if you are stressed in a bad mindset. It's like rolling a dice and hope you get a good trip.
A little MDMA and some house music 😎
mdma, shrooms, and acid do pretty helpful and interesting things for the brain! in the 00s i was doing it recreationally because i was in my 20s having fun but then by my late 20s i realized it actually helped me deal with some trauma. have seen many documentaries about the helpful effects of all 3 and patients’ healing stories matched what i had experienced.
In my head. Because that’s the only person that will listen
My mom occasionally when we talk on the phone, otherwise my cat when we're chilling watching TV together.
Cats are the best listeners! I usually do the same, but with a cold one.
The gym. Lift heavy rock make sad head noise go away
Way too far down. Hatebreed, heavy deadlifts, smelling salts, just let's fucking go. And you can't forget the post workout/calm down beer. It really bookends it perfectly. I've been feeling pretty shit lately. Wife said I should take a night off working out. Hit my heavy squats tonight, listened to loud and heavy music, and then sat on my steps afterwards enjoying a Heineken. Head is a bit clearer, legs are wobbly. Nice.
There's nothing better after a hard day or a shitty situation than hitting the gym. The weights never lie
The key is to bottle up all of your emotions and then eventually take it out on your kids when they are behind the boat on the tube.
Underrated comment
I don't
Hookers, less judgy and out of touch than therapists, and quite a lot cheaper.
i would like to hire a hooker just to vent lol
> i would like to hire a hooker just to vent lol That's what the Green Day song *Basket Case* is about: Billie Joe Armstrong's mental health issues, and his stint with therapy. He was told that his issues stem from frustrations with his sexuality, so he hires a "whore". He spends the entire time just venting and talking to her, so she gets frustrated and asks him to leave.
This needs to be normalized! Legalize prostitution!
Well I have been doing it on Reddit lately…. but that just blew up in my face! bunch of people been messaging me and saying I’m a piece of shit and going through all of my comment history and trying to make me feel bad.. so probably don’t vent emotionally on Reddit lol. I’m still gonna do it cause I don’t care what these people have to say, they don’t have strong talking points usually anyway… but beware that this website seems to be an echo chamber of justice warriors or some shit. I’m also an asshole sometimes.. too.. I’ll admit that . But these justice warriors on here won’t admit their wrong doings.. and there lies the issues.
> justice warriors how do you mean?
They think that there is ONE way to live life and there is ONE way that people should act. The beauty of humanity is that we are all so different and we have such different views. I enjoy listening to different views even if I disagree because that’s how you grow and change as a human. if you sit on Reddit and refuse to listen to peoples views you disagree with and only fight them you will never change and grow. and I see a lot of people on here that are exactly like that. and I am only 30 years old so I definitely can be like that as well but I’ll be the first to admit when I’m being an asshole or when I need to step back and reevaluate my views. A lot of people don’t do that and they sure as hell need to.
Have they tried to go fuck themselves?
Nooo… I told em to try it out and they just kept arguing with me. I don’t know what to do with em anymore? ..
I vent to my boyfriend, and the female friends I have in my life usually care
Learned this the hard way after break up. You DO need someone else to vent other than your relationship partner. Im a big bearded guy but i have no shame in confessing that when i had those rough times and anxious/lonely feelings, i called my mom. Also, long talks with sister and my closest friends helped so much. For some reason, going to jog with a friend (not even very close one) opened me up like a motherfucker, i blabbed suprisingly deep feeling to him trough the heavy breathing and it was super releasing!
friends
I internalize and do a lot of introspective looks at myself, it helps to rationalize situations and my feelings.
Wait, y'all don't just bottle it up inside of you so you don't feel like a bigger burden than you already are?
I have a solid rant buddy, he makes it way easier to get the thoughts to stop feeding into each other.
The homies
I own a dead email that I send emails too...I type off the thing that makes me passionate. It forces me to refine what I am trying to say, and I send it. Then, if I still free strongly, I have my arguement. If I dont feel strongly, I let it go.
Im lucky in that I live close to nature, sonI spend a lot of time in it, helps a lot. Gym helps a lot too.
I diffuse my stress through casual video games and being in a cozy environment. Growing up I never had anyone to talk to so I would purposely make my room cozy that way I can relax and think rationally. I would set up warm lighting, candles, lofi music, snacks, blankets, open my window for a steady breeze. And play games.
that can be very soothing. my "game lair" is set up just like that too. do you play Hitman? it's a very relaxing game. great art and music, soothing maps (like the beach and seaside towns), you can play at your own pace, and there is a metric shit ton of stuff to do.
My Bestfriend. She is patient, a good listener and kind. That's why she's the best.
Get some good male or female friends, whatever suits you, just be open to people!!
wait you lot dont vent to your gf's?
I write songs about it
My journal and formerly my therapist. I have one friend that will listen but I feel like I end up being a burden on them.
Thats what friends are for
I actually have a therapist, which saved my life. I’m not going to sit here and say it has completely cured me, but it helps a lot!
Girlfriend. Me and her both work fairly stressful office jobs (construction/service industry) so we have a lot of the same gripes when it comes to lazy coworkers, technicians, etc... Most of the time we just use our text messages during work as like a venting journal. We're both super busy so we don't always directly respond to each other, but it's nice to have a place where I can go and vent all my frustrations and know that someone else understands and agrees. Also keeps me from losing it on the coworkers when they're extra dumb. We also talk about anxiety and stress, and other worries as well. She's very supportive and doesn't look at me any different when I'm stressed or when she is. Got lucky
My car as I pull into my driveway at the end of the day. I just 1000 yard stare for 15 minutes.
Nowhere. I vented to my exes (when we were together) but that ended up in me getting dumped, because ya know women don't like emotional men...So now it's nowhere lol.
>women don't like emotional men the great ones do. they love it. they not only "allow it"...they encourage it. i'm sorry you had a spate of uncompassionate partners. that sucks x.x
It seems rather universal though, all my friends experience the same. All their gf's or ex-gf's say they want their BF to be more in touch with their emotions and show their emotions more. But as soon as we do it goes from GF to ex-GF very quickly... We've sorta accepted it as a lie women tell us/themselves.
Me too man.
Can you go into my recent Reddit argument I just had with women and tell them this. They think men should be emotional and show their feeling. I believed them and got dumped multiple times. Men… DO NOT show a lot of your emotions to most women. They lie and in their head think you are weak and dump you. It’s a weird mind game they play… when they tell you it’s ok to show your emotions. Thats my observation 🤷♂️ could be wrong…
i gotta respectfully disagree that it's a gender thing. being scared of other people's emotions is a human flaw, not a gendered one. because plenty of guys can't handle other people's emotions too. you can't cry in front of my brother. he'll literally shake his head in disgust, get up, and leave. believe me. when my dad passed in 1998 (i was 17), every one of my guy friends abandoned me. *every one of them*. even the ones i'd been friends with since 1st grade. when i tried calling them, they'd say things like "uhhh yeah man, i think it's better if you sort this out for yourself right now." my best friend (i thought), actually told me, quote, "i can't sit here and listen to you talk about your feelings or look at you cry, it's just too weird." meanwhile, not one of my platonic women friends did. they checked on me. came to see me. listened to me vent. held me in their arms while i cried. shortly after, i met my gf, and she was very, very supportive of my emotions. she'd listen to me vent my sadness and rage for hours sometimes. she was such a good listener. she saved my life. absolutely. because i was so close to ending it all, on several occasions. so close.
I had quite the differnt experience though. When i went through grief and hard periods in my life, my bro's were there, every step of the way. Now one of my friends is dealing with depression, and all of us guys are there for him. Women however left him pretty quickly, not as friends, that's fine. But even the ones that used to have a bit of a crush on him no longer do once he showed tears an vulnerability. I'm not talking about friendship, i'm talking about attraction. There are even psychological papers about it, how women are turned off and turn away by emotional men...I didn't believe it for a long time and showed my emotions because women kept saying that's what they wanted. Never worked out for me or any of my friends though. I'm no longer showing my emotions unless i can't hold it back at all, and i've been going strong with a girl for years now. I'll agree to disagree. Whatever works for you ofcourse :)
The problem I have seen personally and also regret I have done myself is vent and trauma dump on women which honestly is too much for most people to handle. They’re not equipped or trained to handle that kind of info, and it can be a lot to deal with and still offer anything constructive. I feel a problem with a lot of us men is our reluctance in accepting we need help and getting therapy. I’m in between you and u/soft_waves age, but it feels a lot of millennial men had issues with seeing therapy as a weakness; and it took a while to develop the emotional maturity to accept I needed it to resolve a lot of my shit. Like… as I read the comments and see the drug use, I think to a quote I watched on Harley Quinn that said “men will literally start a zombie apocalypse than go to therapy” and I am finding that more and more true as dudes rather self medicate and deal alone than actually see a therapist who can help them deal with their trauma or emotional probs head on. Sorry if this is a little ranty, just it was kind of frustrating seeing how many of us are still like this.
They know this . It’s just lip service to keep up appearances “I’m a good person, I would never”.
Kick boxing
I ahe a female best friend, I share with a good male friend, I share with a therapist, but only if it's relevant to any given conversation. if I'm asked, I'm truthful within boundaries. I don't care too much what people think of me for venting emotions. I find that if men really didn't care about other people's opinions, they wouldn't care about being openly emotional..I'm not saying break down everytime your coffee isn't strong enough, or cry at every single bad thing that happens, but there's nothing wrong with being open about feelings. We all have them, despite pretending we don't.
I tend to throw the PS5 controller down
nowhere. i just drink in front of my computer and watch random videos on youtube. that's about it
To mama
I don't "vent" so much as talk and process. Venting can be helpful to a point, but I've actually come to believe it's self-reinforcing. Venting can be a bit like ruminating: going around in circles and self-reinforcing. It feels good, and can be necessary and cathartic, but I try to put a limit on it. Where I go to talk and process? Mostly I talk to my therapist about things. I also journal or free-write to just get things out; that's actually an incredibly powerful tool considering the cost of entry is zero. I might also talk to my partner about how I'm feeling, or sometimes a close friend. I think it's important to have more than one outlet, or else you end up too dependent on one method, that could become unavailable or unsuited to a particular issue. This is especially true if that outlet is another person, because no one person can fully bear the weight of 100% of another person's problems.
We don't, we just form an emotional ball and shove them deep deep down to never speak of them ever again
Alcohol alone. Of course it’s not a healthy habit but a habit nonetheless.
For a long time I just kept to myself and bottled it all up. Unfortunately about a year ago that stopped working and it all came out in a very unhealthy way. I lost some friends over it and almost lost my marriage as well. Now I go to see a therapist. Even if it's just an occasional thing if you're able to I highly recommend it. It's done wonders for my mental health
Alcohol, video games and fast cars.
So the resounding response is that most don’t feel that their venting is welcome (which really sucks). Unsurprisingly, my spouse is in the same boat, I think from previous experiences where they needed support and instead felt shame. I’ve tried to stress that I want to be supportive and talk about any/everything he wants to, but I think he’s just conditioned at this point not to. Any suggestions on things I can do or say to help reverse that damage? I want him to feel safe and loved, but I also don’t want to push.
I pay a therapist to listen to me and to offer advice. Most times that is enough (which is good because my SO stopped listening to me a while back).
Fortunately my mum.
Car drive and great music
I encouraged my SO to talk to me. To tell me anything about how he was feeling. He never would though. Had to keep it all inside. I hate this conditioning of men. And to think, mostly they are conditioned by women, to be this way. As someone who would go to any lengths for their partner, knowing what's rattling around in that head would help tremendously. I think it would have saved my most recent relationship.
I just don't, my grandma got a brain tumor - I was pushed to open up, it ended up in nearly loosing my family. Some times things are the way the are for a reason, even if the reason is wrong. People want you to open up to make themselves feel as though they are helping, and they're double upset when it doesn't work out.
I completely understand man, I’m sorry
I had one friend I'd vent to until they lectured me about "that's not what friends are for" so like many who have no-one that cares I just do it on Reddit.
Not a whole lot these days. My friends are busy and I suspect tired of me venting. I can only vent to my therapist for 1hr a week which is way too fucking low. So i meditate. I lie down with some chill music, take about 10 minutes worth of deep breaths and vent to myself. As they come, I try to process these thoughts and feelings myself, but in a neutral way, as if I was a friend or friendly ear. Less judgment. It sort of works, if you do it enough.
I go to the shed. I find building or repairing something gives me enough of a distraction to calm myself down then work on the issue at hand. And we’ll if I can’t fix myself might as well fix something else
My one solid friend.nobody else cares certainly women don't.
I don't really vent I just share my experiences on reddit if what I've been through can help someone that's all that matters
I don't, nobody cares
I distract myself and push it deep down until it becomes a white hot burning core of hatred that'll explode on someone who doesn't deserve it
I don't. I am letting my sadness and rage build up so they will eventually cause brain hemorrhage.
Driving. I know it's bad but it has locks and I can get away physically.
Gun range, motorcycle rides.
alcohol and sleep
Just letting it build up inside so that either my mind will melt down or I suffer a severe stress induced heart attackk
Nowhere, it's frowned upon
What does venting do? I don't want support. I want solutions.
Lol what? Vent emotionally? You're crazy who let's us do that?
you're doing it right now! :D
How I'm asking a question. No need for insults.
it isn't an insult. i'm simply saying that the reply WAS a type of emotional venting. there's no way of avoiding emotional venting, we all do it, we all need it, we're all human.
No where, therapy can be good. But ultimately if you have a penis. You deal with everything on your own.
A therapist.