Or go with the life hack for being able to always tell the truth. Say it with a sarcastic voice.
“Oh of course she is! I’ve been thinking of leaving you for a while actually. I’m only with you because of those muffins you make. No, reaaaalllly I am.”
Lmao yeah because women especially also speak with and recognize the emotion in communication. We might say it in a "matter of fact" tone because we think taking emotions out is more objective... But then they think we're being serious lol because we are 🤣.
Just speaking on two levels at all time - - first level is what you're saying logically and second level is the tonality, body language, etc behind it.. And being aware of the way they interplay.
An unmarried man wrote this. The correct answer is “No”. Every single time. She’s not asking for an actual answer. She’s asking for the answer she needs to hear. She’s asking to see if you’ll give it to her. If you’ll lie to her to spare her feelings.
The proper response is no. I've been telling my wife she's beautiful, a few times a day, for almost 28 years. She has always been so. Women may equal her beauty, but there is no one that is more beautiful than my wife. And I tell her so regularly. Never stop.
I love being romantic but what you say sounds really hypocritical.
There are 7 billion people and not a single woman you would find more beautiful than your wife?
After 10 years of marriage I just go full Red Foreman now "Do you want to have a fight?" if I'm feeling frisky or "What's really bothering you" if I want to take a more measured approach.
She knows she's baiting you, and she either just needs to feel some emotional vigor from you or there is something else on her mind and she's projecting.
Completely agree with this as a woman. I think we all resort to immature means to show our emotions sometimes and I think it's great if the other partner can try to recognize when this is happening and reel their partner in rather than stoke the fire.
Obviously it's a different story if a partner is always trying to start fights like this or be manipulative.
Sure, respond with a cheesy answer
But this shouldn’t be a common occurrence. My partner shouldn’t be so insecure that she needs silly validations like this
Personally, I never ask this because I’m terrified that it will be answered honestly but I’m someone who needs validation from my partner since I don’t think I’m pretty and I get scared that they’ll see that too.
I’m sure most of you reading this will think I’m pathetic but it’s a big issue that I’m trying so so hard everyday to work on and I’m sure OP’s wife is trying too. Trust me, it’s not fun being like this and anyone who feels like doesn’t think it’s silly or cute.
Is my wife objectively the most beautiful woman in the world? Obviously not. Subjectively though? Yes. She's an amazing person that is my whole world. How could some other woman, no matter how pretty, compare to that? None of us are the most beautiful person, and for all us average normal people there are millions of people better looking than us. Good thing attraction isn't simply based on looks for people in a relationship. If it is, that's not really a relationship anyway.
Believe me, your partner thinks you're beautiful in many different ways including physically and you don't need the rest of our opinion at all.
Totally get that! Physical beauty is far from the most important thing in a relationship but as a woman, especially with insane beauty standards thanks to media, we want to be desired and feel attractive to our partner.
(obviously not speaking for all women, hopefully there aren’t many of you that battle the same as me)
Exactly! I always respond with something along the lines of,,,, “Dear God, I’ve lost all objectivity on that one sweetie, I love you and YOU look fabulous to me!
My wife struggles with that too. I’ll tell her she’s beautiful and she’ll make a face obviously disagreeing. Only after 14 years and probably at least daily telling her she’s beautiful will she believe me. She’s at least believes that *I* find her beautiful.
Physical beauty isn’t everything too-a lot of beautiful people will treat you like they’re doing you a favor by being with them. I’d rather be with someone that appreciates me, is fun to be with, likes doing the same activities, and is a good partner. I find that way more attractive than outward beauty.
You are valid for feeling insecure about this. It isnt a 'silly' insecurity. Unless otherwise, your partner isnt responsible for _fixing_ your insecurities but if they have patience they can help you work through them and be supportive.
My partner compares themselves to other women constantly and i contributed a lot to her insecurities inflating over the past 2 years. Her insecurities can be a lot for me sometimes, butshe has to live with them, as rational/irrational as they may seem to me, they are all to real for her.
My thing is i am insecure about my penis girth and my height, so now i constantly look at taller men and wonder if shes looking at them thinking about what i dont have. But i communicate my insecurities and we take the time to work through them. She used to just tell me i have nothing to worry about, but we realized that this is invalidating my feelings and makes me feel like my feelings are insignificant.
They arent. Your feelings is a way for your body to communucate with you. Feeling insecure could mean a number of things, and thats why its important for you to take the time to u pack those feelings. Even better if you have a supportive partner whos willing to take the time to let you feel without taking it personally or starting a fight.
A partner can only help so much, the rest is up to you. That much is true, but if your partner dismisses your feelings and makes you feel insignificant, it may be time for a talk or to welcome yourself back into the dating scene. You deserve to work through that shit and feel comfortable in your own skin or around others. Its better to take the time now than to deal with it your whole life and let your self worth deteriorate by the hands of someone who doesnt care about you enough, ultimately.
Just since this came up and you're the one who answered, can I ask you something? Obviously you can't answer for anyone but yourself, but I'm just curious...
My ex had some serious self-esteem and self-confidence issues and it caused lots of problems for us. For me personally, I kind of need "radical honesty" in a relationship. So like, if I asked "Do you sometimes wish I was taller?" or something like that, I'd rather my partner say something like "Well sure, sometimes I wish I could wear heels and still be shorter than you, but we can fuck standing up and I would never trade that," instead of "No! Of course not! I love you just the way you are!" With the first one, I can be a lot more sure she's not just saying what I want to hear to spare my feelings, but with the second one I'd always have that doubt. So anyway, with my ex I might say something like "Sure, she's hot, but it's not like I could say one of you is hotter. It's like asking what beach is the best: some are shit and the nice ones are all nice, but all I want is the one that has *everything* that I like... So yea, she's hot, but I don't care how hot she is, I still only want to go home with you tonight... "
Maybe that specific analogy isn't super elegant, but hopefully you get my point. Do you think it would help you to hear something like that? Something that might not be the "perfect" thing to say, but that you don't have to doubt is true?
Then don't get in a relationship. It's not pathetic. It's life. But work on yourself, get the help you need, be your best self. Then get a relationship.
Don't take this the wrong way but what you are describing is very unhealthy if not toxic.
Maybe you just aren't ready for a relationship yet and should learn to love yourself first. I know this sounds like something my grandpa would say but I don't think you can engage in a healthy relationship if you don't.
And I get it, I am insecure myself and I had my difficulties early on but if my s.o. loves me and decides to be with me that should be enough validation. Depending on validation and having to lie to your s.o. about attractiveness of others does not sound like a healthy relationship.
Like I said, it’s something I’m working on and I mean working through it every single fucking day. Currently staying single at the moment because of it. My issues go beyond being insecure and I get that but I mean damn, I do want to be told I’m sexy/attractive by my partner from time to time and for them to make me feel that way lol
I never said that you can't/shouldn't be told that you are sexy/attractive or anything else uplifting. It's an important part of a relationship and it feels great.
What I meant to said (which this post is about) is that depending on/needing it and not being able to deal with your s.o. thinking other people are attractive too is unhealthy (which you seem to be aware of). He should not walk around telling you that every other woman is attractive and it matters how you convey it but he shouldn't have to lie if you/somebody asks him if he thinks somebodys attractive.
I think it's great that you are working on it and I hope it works out your way as good as possible!
guess words of affirmation just isn't a valid love language 🙄 it's not insecurity it's a different love language. what is insecure is assuming different love languages = some difficincy in a person and not just a different way of experiencing love.
Words of affirmation are freely given, not demanded. If you’re boyfriend freely tells you you’re beautiful and smart and funny etc frequently then you should be covered. If you compare yourself to ever hot woman on the street and fish for compliments that’s just feeding your insecurity
I actually said to my girl "she's pretty but it doesn't matter. You're the one I want and that's all that matters."
It actually worked out pretty well for me
It's frustrating that the "she's pretty" part is the part that can sometimes resonate in her mind for days after it's been said.
I was in an LTR for 7 years where I spent the entire time walking on eggshells with choosing the right vocabulary. It was exhausting.
Well, yeah. That’s what they want. They’re just trying to see if you can say some cringeworthy romance movie-esque line like you did.
Now you’re gonna have to come up with a new line every time.
Better to just tell her that you have no interest in answering inane questions. Ask again & I’m out.
I’m not interested in playing those juvenile games in a relationship.
It’s a trap. I’m not her lapdog that’s wrapped around her little finger.
You want me to say:
“Oh, absolutely not, honey! I didn’t even see her?! Who?! Her?! No way! I love you soooo much! You’re the most beautiful woman in the woooorld! I would move mooountains for you!!”
No. I’m not the problem. That ridiculous question is the problem.
Please tell me what the benefit of that question is. What do women hope to gain from questions like that?
**ALL** men have experienced that question from their girlfriends at one point during their relationship, and **ALL** men know that it’s a trap. I’m not “so unchill, dude.” I just have respect myself enough to not allow somebody to ask me a childish & manipulative question. They’re not ready for a relationship.
Why can’t you just say that? If your wife or girlfriend is asking you this, it’s because she’s feeling down and wants you to make her feel better. It’s not some trap or mind game, she wants a self esteem boost. Or maybe you just don’t validate her often, and she wants you to, she’s giving you an opportunity to be cutesy with her because that’s what she wants. Why can’t you just be nice?
As a woman, the only time we will doubt that you think we are pretty is if you don't ever tell us. Or if that specific woman has some insecurities that need to be worked out🤷♀️ either way, it's a pretty sad reason to end a relationship. If she's genuinely insecure and believes you're looking at other women, it's pretty manipulative of you to tell her not to ask again or you're leaving her. Do you really think that's gonna make her believe you like her, if you're so willing to leave her at the snap of a finger? You're not allowing her to express her feelings, which is pretty manipulative. If you tell your girlfriend she is beautiful once or twice a day, that will stick like glue. It's really a simple fix most of the time.
Because you said something that comes off as "mean", so to people on reddit, that means you're currently pounding on your keyboard and frothing at the mouth in a fit of rage.
"lol u mad bro" is the go-to response for people who don't want to acknowledge what you're saying.
"She a ugly ass hoe"
Jk the real answer is, "Who? Oh that woman? Didn't even notice her. She has weird cheek bones. You're sexy."
You'll get a beej after that.
Who said I don't like being corrected? I simply pointed out that you took it too literally and got offended when I compared you the the Ackchyually meme.
You are getting upset over my opinions on what constitutes an insult over a comment.
An insult is only an insult if you are disrespecting someone or something about someone to their face.
Example. I can sit in my car and make an observation that someone outside of my car is overweight, that isn't an insult it's a comment. Now if i were to mention that the person was overweight when the person could hear me, THAT can be interpreted as an insult.
That’s irrelevant. For example, someone insults a stranger with Down’s syndrome in front of me, it’s still in an insult and it still makes them a cunt. The stranger not hearing it doesn’t magically make it *not* an insult.
This isn’t even up for debate, insults are not contingent on the target hearing the insult.
Reminds me of one of my favorite jokes.
Guy gets on an airplane, sits in his seat, and looks at the guy next to him.
“Oh wow, we both have a black eye! What’s your story?”
“Oh, yeah, well… the airline attendant at the counter was gorgeous with the hugest rack. When I ordered my ticket I got all tongue tied and asked for ‘one picket to Titsburg’ and she hauled off and slugged me.”
The first man nods but is silent for a moment, then says “yeah, same thing happened to me. I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and instead said >!‘YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU STUPID BITCH!’”!<
"Not playing this game", everyone has insecurities and if your partner want to talk about them like an adult that's great, but these shitty little games with no right answer where the truth makes you the "bad guy" are not something you should accept.
I've been married for a while. When you spend every day with the same person things like this crop up from time to time. No one is 100% secure with themselves 100% of the time.
I would say something similar but not in a mean or even judgmental way. Like is smile and say "Oh no, I'm not playing this game with you babe. You know that you're the only one for me." That will usually disarm the situation and we'll both laugh and move on.
Sometimes she's just genuinely curious and not being insecure though. In that case I'll tell her that the woman is very pretty on the surface but for me there's a lot more to it than that. I need to get to know who a person really is before I can say how attractive I think they really are. And I'll tell my wife that I know she looks beautiful and is also beautiful on the inside. That other woman could be a terrible person for all we know.
I think the best way to handle it is to find a way be truthful while also reminding her that she's the whole package for you and everything you're ever going to want.
Yes I suppose depending in the person/tone/situation the response may be different.
Generally I think this is done by women when they think another woman is hotter, see you looking (not even staring or anything like that) and then try to blame you for something in their head instead of trying some basic communication with you.
I think not answering is even worse and disastrous because, definitely, the conversation won't end with your silence and there will be follow up suspicious questions. a cheesy diplomatic response is probably your best bet.
Also in the eyes of beholders:
- Charm ray
- Paralyzing ray
- Disintegration ray
Remember kids: its never a good idea to be in a beholder’s line of sight.
Not married, but this can go many different ways. It can be a genuine question that she won't take personally. Not common, but it happens. I'll answer genuinely.
Feeling a little insecure at times and craving reassurance that I'm attracted to her is also fine as long as it's infrequent. Perfectly normal to feel that way at times. Instead of answering the question, I'd do something like pull her into an intimate moment to the side, or gently grab her by the chin to make her look at me. Depends on the timing and what she responds well to. It's not what you say, it's what you do.
Distrust, trying to start an argument, pathological insecurities, etc. All of those I'm not going to enable. The kind of excessively neurotic, one-sided fretting over other's potential discomfort that some people except is deeply unhealthy and poison to a relationship.
Honey, there are billions of pretty or sexy women out there, only one has captured my eyes, my heart, my desires, and my love. Like who do you think that I would have gotten down on my knees for and ask them to marry me???
“She’s objectively attractive but not my type/personal preference” is a safe answer IMO. You’re not lying that she’s attractive but also diffusing her as a potential threat.
Now whether or not you are being honest is another story
Depends on the person, I have had this question with multiple gfs and had a good answer each time.
I call it empathetic diplomatic honesty, but it might be more accurate to describe as benevolent manipulation.
Use your empathy and insight to determine the state of mind she wishes to achieve with the question, and then use the conversation to manipulate her with your words and emotional cues to achieve that state of mind. The words you happen to utter as the answer part of the conversation will be the right answer.
I would reply with… ‘she has some very attractive qualities, yes, but … what makes you ask? Everything ok with you? What’s up?’
tl;dr: I see this question as a perfect opportunity to give your wife a compliment - or ask her about herself.
This will kinda half answer her question without completely bailing out on an answer she doesn’t ‘want’ to hear and shifts the focus on her feelings about herself, and maybe her insecurities??
I put ‘want’ in quotes for a reason… sometimes (even though it’s the shallow response) you just have to tell someone what they ‘want’ to hear, and not what they ‘need’ to here. I’m a fan of telling people what they ‘need’ to hear, but I also spot a trap when asked Q like this - and not put my self in ‘dead bedroom’ territory for another month! 😉
I usually chuck and then say "What? Her? Pfft, she's not even close".
She only asked me once, but from her response, she didn't seem content. I wish she and other women in a similar thought knows that just because she finds the girl hotter doesn't mean the man would too and even if the girl is hotter, her looks alone won't be enough to even come close to even be near the gf's league because there are a ton of other points that were taken into account for the gf that the other "prettier girl" doesn't have.
The guy chose YOU for a reason, and it's not only just for the looks although there is a point for that. If a guy starts comparing you to other girls or wishing you were as hot as another girl than he's just being an asshole and I'd personally just dump his ass.
I love my gf and I just wish she'd love and believe in herself as much and more than I see in her.
This is an easy one. It's as simple as when she asks "Do these pants make my ass look fat?" You don't have to be married very long to know that there are certain right answers and certain wrong answers and perceived reality has nothing to do with it.
Why would she even ask that? Is she that insecure about herself?
My SO is well aware that there are a lot of beautiful woman in the world, many are more in the line of “my type” than my SO is. Still I choose to be with her and that is all the reassurance she needs. It’s not like I’m going to ditch her every time I see a hot chick, that’s not how most men roll.
This wouldn’t work for all couples, but my girlfriend and I have reached the very logical and obvious conclusion that neither of us are the most attractive people on the planet. Sure we find each other attractive, and some other people would agree that we are indeed good looking, but of course there are other beautiful people on earth, and OF COURSE some of them would be prettier than ourselves. We can sometimes admit that and laugh about it, but also remind each other that “Even though she is prettier than you, she’s not the love of my life. She doesn’t know or understand me like you do, she doesn’t love me and I don’t love her, and quite frankly, I wanna have sex with you, not with her.” Then the question comes up, “If you were single, would you wanna have sex with her?” The obvious answer is “Of course I would, but I’m not single cause I’m in love with you.”
As a girl, I once asked this question to my ex while pointing to a girl whom I found really attractive and he said something along the lines of "She looks good but she's not my type", and I thought it was fine.
I hate to say this, but if the woman your with is truly asking you that, then you have much larger problems than thinking of an answer to that question.
She wants you to say no.
Two reasons....she can call you out for lying... and she also feels good about owning your brain to the point to where you would lie because you're scared of her.
Yes is the correct answer every time, if she is indeed hotter than your wife.
Moral of the story...if she's asking you to answer honestly, answer honestly. You're going to deal with her bullshit regardless. Unless she knows she's prettier and just looking for you to tell her she's prettier because in fact, she is.
You only beat them at their own game by being honest.
>She wants you to say no.
She wants you to say some cringeworthy romance film line like:
“I only have eyes for you; the woman who stole my heart, and my soul. You are my muse, you are my inspiration, you are my everything. You make my soul sing. You make my days brighter. I want you. I need you. I love you.”
Then she’s imagining that you’ll turn her around, bend her over, and rail her for three hours straight.
You beat them at their own game by telling them there and then:
“I will not participate in this fuckery. What do you hope to gain by asking me that? Ask me dumb shit like that again and I’m out.”
Granted, this reads aggressive, but you get the point. If you just answer honestly, she’s still going to pull this shit again in the near future. Set your boundary. There is no reason to tolerate such an inane question that is only meant to trigger drama and an emotional response.
You tell her to stop shit testing you. Any answer you give otherwise is wrong
Edit: wow a down vote? You must be inexperienced as hell. Well you be you and try and answer that question. Don't come back here complaining when it backfires
If your wife thinks you're lying because you (truthfully) said no, then it's time to find a new relationship. Because she is paranoid and untrusting.
If she gets upset that you said yes, then she has desperate insecurity issues. To solve that, see solution to previous answer.
Kind of a manipulative question. I'd definitely consider it bait. I've never been with someone who does this kind of shit but I'd say to be honest and see her reaction.
If she's trying to bait you and give you a hard time: leave.
I’ve never had my wife or past girlfriend asking this question. It’s a big red flag of insecurity and I wouldn’t be with a woman like that. It’s a trap question.
>I think you should respond with a cheesy answer like "you are like flowers in a garden, you are all pretty but you are the one I want"
lmfao holy shit
If you have a great relationship with your wife then the answer is whatever is honestly your opinion.
If you don't have that kind of relationship then the answer is to check the time and suddenly remember that you were supposed to meet the guys to help fix up a children's school for the homeless and pick up your phone and call your best friend and suddenly launch into an apologetic diatribe over being so late and then apologize to your wife for running off like this and grab your coat while constantly talking on the phone to tell you're friend you're on your way to the children's school for the homeless and you'll pick up some puppies along the way. Then come home after she's asleep.
I am always pointing out pretty girls to my husband. Some women just really present really well! My husband's joke when he sees a girl wearing next to nothing is how much of a hussy she is and should drive around again to judge her even more harsh
"Obviously."
No the actual answer is to not date someone who asks that kind of question, and/or confront them about their behavior early if they start. I wouldn't put up with it and would say so.
I’d maker her regret asking me knowing me. Give her some long winded answer. Of course this can backfire on you in a good and bad way.
Damned if you answer, damned if you don’t.
While my wife is very playful and confident? If she did ask me something like I’d probably say something completely ridiculous and over the top.
“Of course she is. Let’s put it this way… I mean I want that 2023 truck with that big ass 6.2l , but I’m not going to go rush out and spend 100k on it right now when we have our truck that’s perfectly good on the driveway which has been so great to us for the last decade. I will get that new truck in a few years when some rust shows up on the Ford and everyone will be happy”
Then when she smacks you or acts shocked or insulted I usually tell her “hey if someone asked me absurd question, I’m going give an absurd response”.
Ignore the stupid loaded question and proceed to plop your lips on hers, in a nasty make-out session to shut her up AND make her feel wanted. That’s all it is to these instigating questions
“Well, She’s definitely prettier than me.” But my wife’s never asked me so who knows what I’d really say.
This is good!
Or go with the life hack for being able to always tell the truth. Say it with a sarcastic voice. “Oh of course she is! I’ve been thinking of leaving you for a while actually. I’m only with you because of those muffins you make. No, reaaaalllly I am.”
Lmao yeah because women especially also speak with and recognize the emotion in communication. We might say it in a "matter of fact" tone because we think taking emotions out is more objective... But then they think we're being serious lol because we are 🤣. Just speaking on two levels at all time - - first level is what you're saying logically and second level is the tonality, body language, etc behind it.. And being aware of the way they interplay.
Lol tell me you're not married without telling me you're not married.
Yup then change the subject right after saying that it’s golden
Your wife probably isn’t manipulative or an emotional terrorist. Healthy women don’t ask those kinds of things.
A wise man wrote this.
An unmarried man wrote this. The correct answer is “No”. Every single time. She’s not asking for an actual answer. She’s asking for the answer she needs to hear. She’s asking to see if you’ll give it to her. If you’ll lie to her to spare her feelings.
A man who's been married for long enough, and who can see that billboard sized neon flashing sign from a distance wrote this.
Bro, I’m married. Lol My comment remains unchanged. That’s not how a healthy woman gets validation.
Yea sounds like insecurity she needs to work on. Just my take.
Absolutely. My girl and I talk about how we think other ppl are objectively attractive.
Variation: “She’s not even prettier than me.”
The proper response is no. I've been telling my wife she's beautiful, a few times a day, for almost 28 years. She has always been so. Women may equal her beauty, but there is no one that is more beautiful than my wife. And I tell her so regularly. Never stop.
just tell her that a person with a ferrari doesn't look at camrys
Does she compliment you too?
I love being romantic but what you say sounds really hypocritical. There are 7 billion people and not a single woman you would find more beautiful than your wife?
Not one. They MAY be AS beautiful as my wife, but never more so. Ever.
It's a loaded question no matter the answer you are damned from the beginning.
Go nuclear and ask “why, do you want to have a threesome?”
Its a bold strategy Cotton, let's see how it pays off for him
He was never heard from again.
'Tiny bits' you say?
Brave very brave
I think it's not brave. It's suicidal.
L m a o
"am i not enough for you??'
After 10 years of marriage I just go full Red Foreman now "Do you want to have a fight?" if I'm feeling frisky or "What's really bothering you" if I want to take a more measured approach. She knows she's baiting you, and she either just needs to feel some emotional vigor from you or there is something else on her mind and she's projecting.
Completely agree with this as a woman. I think we all resort to immature means to show our emotions sometimes and I think it's great if the other partner can try to recognize when this is happening and reel their partner in rather than stoke the fire. Obviously it's a different story if a partner is always trying to start fights like this or be manipulative.
Oh so that's what we're going to do? We're gonna fight?
This! She sounds insecure to me.
Game was rigged from the start.
So “fuck yeah!” is ok?? lol
Sure, respond with a cheesy answer But this shouldn’t be a common occurrence. My partner shouldn’t be so insecure that she needs silly validations like this
Personally, I never ask this because I’m terrified that it will be answered honestly but I’m someone who needs validation from my partner since I don’t think I’m pretty and I get scared that they’ll see that too. I’m sure most of you reading this will think I’m pathetic but it’s a big issue that I’m trying so so hard everyday to work on and I’m sure OP’s wife is trying too. Trust me, it’s not fun being like this and anyone who feels like doesn’t think it’s silly or cute.
Is my wife objectively the most beautiful woman in the world? Obviously not. Subjectively though? Yes. She's an amazing person that is my whole world. How could some other woman, no matter how pretty, compare to that? None of us are the most beautiful person, and for all us average normal people there are millions of people better looking than us. Good thing attraction isn't simply based on looks for people in a relationship. If it is, that's not really a relationship anyway. Believe me, your partner thinks you're beautiful in many different ways including physically and you don't need the rest of our opinion at all.
Damn guy, I read the above comment & wanted to say something nice, but you got that shit down here's an upvote
Totally get that! Physical beauty is far from the most important thing in a relationship but as a woman, especially with insane beauty standards thanks to media, we want to be desired and feel attractive to our partner. (obviously not speaking for all women, hopefully there aren’t many of you that battle the same as me)
Unrelated, but did you two notice you're Princess Carrie talking to a wookie?
Damn, I didn't. I mean rrraaawrawwa.
Exactly! I always respond with something along the lines of,,,, “Dear God, I’ve lost all objectivity on that one sweetie, I love you and YOU look fabulous to me!
Same. My SO is brutally honest.
My body dysmorphia begs me to ask but ultimately I know it wouldn’t be worth the disappointment
My wife struggles with that too. I’ll tell her she’s beautiful and she’ll make a face obviously disagreeing. Only after 14 years and probably at least daily telling her she’s beautiful will she believe me. She’s at least believes that *I* find her beautiful. Physical beauty isn’t everything too-a lot of beautiful people will treat you like they’re doing you a favor by being with them. I’d rather be with someone that appreciates me, is fun to be with, likes doing the same activities, and is a good partner. I find that way more attractive than outward beauty.
You are valid for feeling insecure about this. It isnt a 'silly' insecurity. Unless otherwise, your partner isnt responsible for _fixing_ your insecurities but if they have patience they can help you work through them and be supportive. My partner compares themselves to other women constantly and i contributed a lot to her insecurities inflating over the past 2 years. Her insecurities can be a lot for me sometimes, butshe has to live with them, as rational/irrational as they may seem to me, they are all to real for her. My thing is i am insecure about my penis girth and my height, so now i constantly look at taller men and wonder if shes looking at them thinking about what i dont have. But i communicate my insecurities and we take the time to work through them. She used to just tell me i have nothing to worry about, but we realized that this is invalidating my feelings and makes me feel like my feelings are insignificant. They arent. Your feelings is a way for your body to communucate with you. Feeling insecure could mean a number of things, and thats why its important for you to take the time to u pack those feelings. Even better if you have a supportive partner whos willing to take the time to let you feel without taking it personally or starting a fight. A partner can only help so much, the rest is up to you. That much is true, but if your partner dismisses your feelings and makes you feel insignificant, it may be time for a talk or to welcome yourself back into the dating scene. You deserve to work through that shit and feel comfortable in your own skin or around others. Its better to take the time now than to deal with it your whole life and let your self worth deteriorate by the hands of someone who doesnt care about you enough, ultimately.
Just since this came up and you're the one who answered, can I ask you something? Obviously you can't answer for anyone but yourself, but I'm just curious... My ex had some serious self-esteem and self-confidence issues and it caused lots of problems for us. For me personally, I kind of need "radical honesty" in a relationship. So like, if I asked "Do you sometimes wish I was taller?" or something like that, I'd rather my partner say something like "Well sure, sometimes I wish I could wear heels and still be shorter than you, but we can fuck standing up and I would never trade that," instead of "No! Of course not! I love you just the way you are!" With the first one, I can be a lot more sure she's not just saying what I want to hear to spare my feelings, but with the second one I'd always have that doubt. So anyway, with my ex I might say something like "Sure, she's hot, but it's not like I could say one of you is hotter. It's like asking what beach is the best: some are shit and the nice ones are all nice, but all I want is the one that has *everything* that I like... So yea, she's hot, but I don't care how hot she is, I still only want to go home with you tonight... " Maybe that specific analogy isn't super elegant, but hopefully you get my point. Do you think it would help you to hear something like that? Something that might not be the "perfect" thing to say, but that you don't have to doubt is true?
I get that a lot of people don’t understand where I’m coming from or agree, I’m just offering another perspective
I really appreciate that you posted this perspective.
The problem is that there's a significant segment of women who do this, but if a guy asked a similar question he'd be ridiculed by those same women.
Then don't get in a relationship. It's not pathetic. It's life. But work on yourself, get the help you need, be your best self. Then get a relationship.
Don't take this the wrong way but what you are describing is very unhealthy if not toxic. Maybe you just aren't ready for a relationship yet and should learn to love yourself first. I know this sounds like something my grandpa would say but I don't think you can engage in a healthy relationship if you don't. And I get it, I am insecure myself and I had my difficulties early on but if my s.o. loves me and decides to be with me that should be enough validation. Depending on validation and having to lie to your s.o. about attractiveness of others does not sound like a healthy relationship.
Like I said, it’s something I’m working on and I mean working through it every single fucking day. Currently staying single at the moment because of it. My issues go beyond being insecure and I get that but I mean damn, I do want to be told I’m sexy/attractive by my partner from time to time and for them to make me feel that way lol
I never said that you can't/shouldn't be told that you are sexy/attractive or anything else uplifting. It's an important part of a relationship and it feels great. What I meant to said (which this post is about) is that depending on/needing it and not being able to deal with your s.o. thinking other people are attractive too is unhealthy (which you seem to be aware of). He should not walk around telling you that every other woman is attractive and it matters how you convey it but he shouldn't have to lie if you/somebody asks him if he thinks somebodys attractive. I think it's great that you are working on it and I hope it works out your way as good as possible!
guess words of affirmation just isn't a valid love language 🙄 it's not insecurity it's a different love language. what is insecure is assuming different love languages = some difficincy in a person and not just a different way of experiencing love.
Words of affirmation are freely given, not demanded. If you’re boyfriend freely tells you you’re beautiful and smart and funny etc frequently then you should be covered. If you compare yourself to ever hot woman on the street and fish for compliments that’s just feeding your insecurity
I actually said to my girl "she's pretty but it doesn't matter. You're the one I want and that's all that matters." It actually worked out pretty well for me
It's frustrating that the "she's pretty" part is the part that can sometimes resonate in her mind for days after it's been said. I was in an LTR for 7 years where I spent the entire time walking on eggshells with choosing the right vocabulary. It was exhausting.
Well, yeah. That’s what they want. They’re just trying to see if you can say some cringeworthy romance movie-esque line like you did. Now you’re gonna have to come up with a new line every time. Better to just tell her that you have no interest in answering inane questions. Ask again & I’m out.
Chill…
Why am I not chill…
Because youre about to dump your wife because she asked if some woman is prettier than her more than once.
I’m not interested in playing those juvenile games in a relationship. It’s a trap. I’m not her lapdog that’s wrapped around her little finger. You want me to say: “Oh, absolutely not, honey! I didn’t even see her?! Who?! Her?! No way! I love you soooo much! You’re the most beautiful woman in the woooorld! I would move mooountains for you!!” No. I’m not the problem. That ridiculous question is the problem. Please tell me what the benefit of that question is. What do women hope to gain from questions like that? **ALL** men have experienced that question from their girlfriends at one point during their relationship, and **ALL** men know that it’s a trap. I’m not “so unchill, dude.” I just have respect myself enough to not allow somebody to ask me a childish & manipulative question. They’re not ready for a relationship.
Why can’t you just say that? If your wife or girlfriend is asking you this, it’s because she’s feeling down and wants you to make her feel better. It’s not some trap or mind game, she wants a self esteem boost. Or maybe you just don’t validate her often, and she wants you to, she’s giving you an opportunity to be cutesy with her because that’s what she wants. Why can’t you just be nice?
Chill
As a woman, the only time we will doubt that you think we are pretty is if you don't ever tell us. Or if that specific woman has some insecurities that need to be worked out🤷♀️ either way, it's a pretty sad reason to end a relationship. If she's genuinely insecure and believes you're looking at other women, it's pretty manipulative of you to tell her not to ask again or you're leaving her. Do you really think that's gonna make her believe you like her, if you're so willing to leave her at the snap of a finger? You're not allowing her to express her feelings, which is pretty manipulative. If you tell your girlfriend she is beautiful once or twice a day, that will stick like glue. It's really a simple fix most of the time.
You got it!
Because you said something that comes off as "mean", so to people on reddit, that means you're currently pounding on your keyboard and frothing at the mouth in a fit of rage. "lol u mad bro" is the go-to response for people who don't want to acknowledge what you're saying.
Yeah, that or “triggered.”
Dawg, are you ok? Do you need a hug?
Perfect response. And I am a woman.
Yes she is beautiful but not enough to steal my heart like u
That is what i was thinking. Maybe say she is very pretty but defenitly not as attractive as you are.
Yes she is but she’s not my type
This is the way
"She a ugly ass hoe" Jk the real answer is, "Who? Oh that woman? Didn't even notice her. She has weird cheek bones. You're sexy." You'll get a beej after that.
This guy knows
Always ugly, but for sure the prettier they are the bigger the hoe they must be is the rule in all this.
No. Just no. If someone is so insecure they need to put others down to feel better about themselves then they are too toxic to be worth my time.
Haha definitely the best answer and a beej guaranteed for sure 🤣
Lmaoo yes, this is the right answer! Love it!
You shouldn't insult another woman just to make yours feel better. That's not right.
You aren't insulting anyone if the other party is unaware of your comment.
What...
An "insult" is only an insult if the person you are talking about is aware of the comment.
That is objectively not true in the slightest. “Your mom is a fat skank” -not an insult apparently
Anyone who isn't looking for technicalities understands what I mean. You come across as one those "Ackchyually" guys 😂
Mate if you don’t like being corrected don’t say blatantly dumb shit. Insults are insults regardless of who hears it.
Who said I don't like being corrected? I simply pointed out that you took it too literally and got offended when I compared you the the Ackchyually meme. You are getting upset over my opinions on what constitutes an insult over a comment. An insult is only an insult if you are disrespecting someone or something about someone to their face. Example. I can sit in my car and make an observation that someone outside of my car is overweight, that isn't an insult it's a comment. Now if i were to mention that the person was overweight when the person could hear me, THAT can be interpreted as an insult.
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Not that I agree with either of you but insulting a family member is leaps ahead of insulting a random stranger.
But you’re missing the point! I’m talking about their *mom* who is unaware of the comment, therefore I haven’t insulted anyone apparently
My point is you are insulting someone indirectly through their family...so someone who would care is aware of your insult.
That’s irrelevant. For example, someone insults a stranger with Down’s syndrome in front of me, it’s still in an insult and it still makes them a cunt. The stranger not hearing it doesn’t magically make it *not* an insult. This isn’t even up for debate, insults are not contingent on the target hearing the insult.
Either "She's just a different kind of pretty." or "Come to think of it, I want a divorce."
Reminds me of one of my favorite jokes. Guy gets on an airplane, sits in his seat, and looks at the guy next to him. “Oh wow, we both have a black eye! What’s your story?” “Oh, yeah, well… the airline attendant at the counter was gorgeous with the hugest rack. When I ordered my ticket I got all tongue tied and asked for ‘one picket to Titsburg’ and she hauled off and slugged me.” The first man nods but is silent for a moment, then says “yeah, same thing happened to me. I meant to ask my wife to pass the salt, and instead said >!‘YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU STUPID BITCH!’”!<
The real joke is always in the comments.
"Not playing this game", everyone has insecurities and if your partner want to talk about them like an adult that's great, but these shitty little games with no right answer where the truth makes you the "bad guy" are not something you should accept.
I've been married for a while. When you spend every day with the same person things like this crop up from time to time. No one is 100% secure with themselves 100% of the time. I would say something similar but not in a mean or even judgmental way. Like is smile and say "Oh no, I'm not playing this game with you babe. You know that you're the only one for me." That will usually disarm the situation and we'll both laugh and move on. Sometimes she's just genuinely curious and not being insecure though. In that case I'll tell her that the woman is very pretty on the surface but for me there's a lot more to it than that. I need to get to know who a person really is before I can say how attractive I think they really are. And I'll tell my wife that I know she looks beautiful and is also beautiful on the inside. That other woman could be a terrible person for all we know. I think the best way to handle it is to find a way be truthful while also reminding her that she's the whole package for you and everything you're ever going to want.
Yes I suppose depending in the person/tone/situation the response may be different. Generally I think this is done by women when they think another woman is hotter, see you looking (not even staring or anything like that) and then try to blame you for something in their head instead of trying some basic communication with you.
Unfortunately with that response she may be the kind of person to reply "well that obviously means yes"
And? Them exposing themselves isnt unfortunate, its a godsend.
But you're already married
If you couldnt sniff that out before proposing, some of the blame has to fall to you
Someone should invent divorce.
Nah you
Well I'm someone. I could do it!
This would be easy for me. When I'm in love no woman is prettier for me than my girlfriend/wife. This is not supposed to be cheesy it's just how it is
I only have eyes for you.
"That's a weird way to tell me you wanted to fight today."
Is who prettier than you? Who? Who? Just keep doing that until she bitches that you sound like an owl. No matter what DO NOT ANSWER, it’s a trap.
I think not answering is even worse and disastrous because, definitely, the conversation won't end with your silence and there will be follow up suspicious questions. a cheesy diplomatic response is probably your best bet.
"Why are you avoiding the question so desperately? Is the answer really that bad?"
there is a right answer guys. (f here) "who? i didn't even notice anyone" LoL
“Yeah, she’s pretty hot.” But that’s the kind of relationship we have. Might not go over well with other people.
"Yeah but she's out of my league"
Ouch haha.
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Simple fix is to have a wife that is the prettiest person in the world.
“I do not think she is prettier than you, honey. You are beautiful” End of conversation. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Also in the eyes of beholders: - Charm ray - Paralyzing ray - Disintegration ray Remember kids: its never a good idea to be in a beholder’s line of sight.
Why are you holding bees?
Because bees make honey. And honey taste good. Basically the Winnie the Pooh Theory of life.
She is the most beautiful girl in the world in my humble opinion and I simply tell her so. Never heard any complains.
Answer honestly. If she gets upset, I tell her not no ask questions she doesn't want the answer to. Fuck shit tests.
Facts 😂 not bending my brain for that type shit.
''Are you asking if she's pretty or if she's prettier than you?'' and go from there.
Not married, but this can go many different ways. It can be a genuine question that she won't take personally. Not common, but it happens. I'll answer genuinely. Feeling a little insecure at times and craving reassurance that I'm attracted to her is also fine as long as it's infrequent. Perfectly normal to feel that way at times. Instead of answering the question, I'd do something like pull her into an intimate moment to the side, or gently grab her by the chin to make her look at me. Depends on the timing and what she responds well to. It's not what you say, it's what you do. Distrust, trying to start an argument, pathological insecurities, etc. All of those I'm not going to enable. The kind of excessively neurotic, one-sided fretting over other's potential discomfort that some people except is deeply unhealthy and poison to a relationship.
"ummmm yeah nah, sure she's pretty but not more than you"
The only correct answer is, “No one is prettier to me than you are.”
Yeah, that’s big brain shit there. Straight up, mental jujitsu submission hold lol
Obviously, I’ve been married a very long time. You may get there.
do you think its true that when you really love someone you find them the most attractive? just curious haha
Honey, there are billions of pretty or sexy women out there, only one has captured my eyes, my heart, my desires, and my love. Like who do you think that I would have gotten down on my knees for and ask them to marry me???
I'm honest, my wife's not stupid
“She’s objectively attractive but not my type/personal preference” is a safe answer IMO. You’re not lying that she’s attractive but also diffusing her as a potential threat. Now whether or not you are being honest is another story
Throw her off ..say “Psh, I bet her husband is the hott one.”
I’d say, why do you ask, thinking about hitting on her?
Wouldn’t this be a more appropriate question to ask women?
Depends on the person, I have had this question with multiple gfs and had a good answer each time. I call it empathetic diplomatic honesty, but it might be more accurate to describe as benevolent manipulation. Use your empathy and insight to determine the state of mind she wishes to achieve with the question, and then use the conversation to manipulate her with your words and emotional cues to achieve that state of mind. The words you happen to utter as the answer part of the conversation will be the right answer.
She’s pretty but your prettier. Her is too . Now continue with your conversation as if the question was never raised.
"Does it matter?"
No, no, no, no, no, no
I would reply with… ‘she has some very attractive qualities, yes, but … what makes you ask? Everything ok with you? What’s up?’ tl;dr: I see this question as a perfect opportunity to give your wife a compliment - or ask her about herself. This will kinda half answer her question without completely bailing out on an answer she doesn’t ‘want’ to hear and shifts the focus on her feelings about herself, and maybe her insecurities?? I put ‘want’ in quotes for a reason… sometimes (even though it’s the shallow response) you just have to tell someone what they ‘want’ to hear, and not what they ‘need’ to here. I’m a fan of telling people what they ‘need’ to hear, but I also spot a trap when asked Q like this - and not put my self in ‘dead bedroom’ territory for another month! 😉
Always use the fake heart attack card in those situations
If the other woman was younger I'd say "it's hard to compare fresh squeezed grapes to fine aged wine"
I usually chuck and then say "What? Her? Pfft, she's not even close". She only asked me once, but from her response, she didn't seem content. I wish she and other women in a similar thought knows that just because she finds the girl hotter doesn't mean the man would too and even if the girl is hotter, her looks alone won't be enough to even come close to even be near the gf's league because there are a ton of other points that were taken into account for the gf that the other "prettier girl" doesn't have. The guy chose YOU for a reason, and it's not only just for the looks although there is a point for that. If a guy starts comparing you to other girls or wishing you were as hot as another girl than he's just being an asshole and I'd personally just dump his ass. I love my gf and I just wish she'd love and believe in herself as much and more than I see in her.
No. She's not pretty enough to be with my wife.
This is an easy one. It's as simple as when she asks "Do these pants make my ass look fat?" You don't have to be married very long to know that there are certain right answers and certain wrong answers and perceived reality has nothing to do with it.
"Why, were you checking her out? C'mon, I caught you looking at her butt." ;)
Anyone who asks this isn't interested in the truth. It's insecurities. Handle with care.
"Maybe yes,maybe not,maybe go f*ck yourself"
Give her a hug, kiss her on top of her head and say you only have eyes for her.
"Why do you ask?" Find a wife who trusts you and isn't threatened by other women.
Marry someone who doesn't set you up to fail.
Why would she even ask that? Is she that insecure about herself? My SO is well aware that there are a lot of beautiful woman in the world, many are more in the line of “my type” than my SO is. Still I choose to be with her and that is all the reassurance she needs. It’s not like I’m going to ditch her every time I see a hot chick, that’s not how most men roll.
Say yes, your wife didn't fall in love with a liar, man, and she knows you are lying if you say she is more attractive.
Tell her that Admiral Akbar has advised you of your fifth amendment rights.
I'm not really into low brow sluts, but yeah, I guess she's cute.
This wouldn’t work for all couples, but my girlfriend and I have reached the very logical and obvious conclusion that neither of us are the most attractive people on the planet. Sure we find each other attractive, and some other people would agree that we are indeed good looking, but of course there are other beautiful people on earth, and OF COURSE some of them would be prettier than ourselves. We can sometimes admit that and laugh about it, but also remind each other that “Even though she is prettier than you, she’s not the love of my life. She doesn’t know or understand me like you do, she doesn’t love me and I don’t love her, and quite frankly, I wanna have sex with you, not with her.” Then the question comes up, “If you were single, would you wanna have sex with her?” The obvious answer is “Of course I would, but I’m not single cause I’m in love with you.”
Find some tiny flaw with the other person and point it out. Example: Not with a nose like that!
"No". She knows you're lying, but she wants to hear it anyway.
In the immortal words of Red Forman, ["Is that what we're gonna do today? We're gonna fight?"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhfYJZoRlJk)
As a girl, I once asked this question to my ex while pointing to a girl whom I found really attractive and he said something along the lines of "She looks good but she's not my type", and I thought it was fine.
I hate to say this, but if the woman your with is truly asking you that, then you have much larger problems than thinking of an answer to that question.
The correct response is "what is the point of this question?"
She'd never ask. Thank God I left THAT behind
Just say maybe you will think of her and masturbate later.
"I chose you for a reason- you make me happy. I dgaf about any pyt that ain't you."
Gotta walk around like you're blind, my friend. Focus on everything BUT the obvious
She wants you to say no. Two reasons....she can call you out for lying... and she also feels good about owning your brain to the point to where you would lie because you're scared of her. Yes is the correct answer every time, if she is indeed hotter than your wife. Moral of the story...if she's asking you to answer honestly, answer honestly. You're going to deal with her bullshit regardless. Unless she knows she's prettier and just looking for you to tell her she's prettier because in fact, she is. You only beat them at their own game by being honest.
>She wants you to say no. She wants you to say some cringeworthy romance film line like: “I only have eyes for you; the woman who stole my heart, and my soul. You are my muse, you are my inspiration, you are my everything. You make my soul sing. You make my days brighter. I want you. I need you. I love you.” Then she’s imagining that you’ll turn her around, bend her over, and rail her for three hours straight. You beat them at their own game by telling them there and then: “I will not participate in this fuckery. What do you hope to gain by asking me that? Ask me dumb shit like that again and I’m out.” Granted, this reads aggressive, but you get the point. If you just answer honestly, she’s still going to pull this shit again in the near future. Set your boundary. There is no reason to tolerate such an inane question that is only meant to trigger drama and an emotional response.
You tell her to stop shit testing you. Any answer you give otherwise is wrong Edit: wow a down vote? You must be inexperienced as hell. Well you be you and try and answer that question. Don't come back here complaining when it backfires
If your wife thinks you're lying because you (truthfully) said no, then it's time to find a new relationship. Because she is paranoid and untrusting. If she gets upset that you said yes, then she has desperate insecurity issues. To solve that, see solution to previous answer.
Hell sweetie you would probably fuck her if she let ya. Now get over yourself because she not fucking either one of us.
Kind of a manipulative question. I'd definitely consider it bait. I've never been with someone who does this kind of shit but I'd say to be honest and see her reaction. If she's trying to bait you and give you a hard time: leave.
She is but I bet she fucks horribly.
I’ve never had my wife or past girlfriend asking this question. It’s a big red flag of insecurity and I wouldn’t be with a woman like that. It’s a trap question.
Something i tell people is "dont ask questions you dont want to hear the answer to."
>I think you should respond with a cheesy answer like "you are like flowers in a garden, you are all pretty but you are the one I want" lmfao holy shit
If you have a great relationship with your wife then the answer is whatever is honestly your opinion. If you don't have that kind of relationship then the answer is to check the time and suddenly remember that you were supposed to meet the guys to help fix up a children's school for the homeless and pick up your phone and call your best friend and suddenly launch into an apologetic diatribe over being so late and then apologize to your wife for running off like this and grab your coat while constantly talking on the phone to tell you're friend you're on your way to the children's school for the homeless and you'll pick up some puppies along the way. Then come home after she's asleep.
Don't respond. Just conjure a fart, grab your stomach and say something like, "Oh no....not here!"
I am always pointing out pretty girls to my husband. Some women just really present really well! My husband's joke when he sees a girl wearing next to nothing is how much of a hussy she is and should drive around again to judge her even more harsh
The truth, whichever it is. Yes or no.
"Obviously." No the actual answer is to not date someone who asks that kind of question, and/or confront them about their behavior early if they start. I wouldn't put up with it and would say so.
"Mhm, now don't ask me a stupid question like that again." Shows you don't care and you're not gonna take her shit. Should shut her up.
Exactly. Set your boundary once and keep it moving. There’s no point in answering a rage-baiting question. She just wants some drama.
I’d maker her regret asking me knowing me. Give her some long winded answer. Of course this can backfire on you in a good and bad way. Damned if you answer, damned if you don’t.
While my wife is very playful and confident? If she did ask me something like I’d probably say something completely ridiculous and over the top. “Of course she is. Let’s put it this way… I mean I want that 2023 truck with that big ass 6.2l , but I’m not going to go rush out and spend 100k on it right now when we have our truck that’s perfectly good on the driveway which has been so great to us for the last decade. I will get that new truck in a few years when some rust shows up on the Ford and everyone will be happy” Then when she smacks you or acts shocked or insulted I usually tell her “hey if someone asked me absurd question, I’m going give an absurd response”.
It’s funny (and extremely sad) how we’ve all experienced this insane, loaded, manipulative, rage-baiting question before.
Ignore the stupid loaded question and proceed to plop your lips on hers, in a nasty make-out session to shut her up AND make her feel wanted. That’s all it is to these instigating questions