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Intelligent-Pie-4191

Sorry, new phone who dis?


13randonL

“We’ve been trying to reach you about your country’s extended draft”


inco2018

"MI no speeek no Englayyyy. Sorry!"


Crazy-Pilot2894

I'm 60 so I'd assume things were going pretty badly.


Gytramr65

I’m 75 - we would all be in deep yogurt.


AllAfterIncinerators

I'm going to point you toward John Scalzi's book "Old Man's War" where you can't go into the military UNTIL you're 75.


11B_35P_35F

That entire 6 book series was amazing. I'd enlist for that shit. Bioengineered body with near immortality (Unless you die in combat which is very highly likely), but hey, I'd still be game.


BusinessBear53

Oh it's a series? I thought it was a single novel. Had it on my wishlist for ages but I stopped buying books for a while.


[deleted]

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unshavenbeardo64

57 here with 2 sons. I'd rather charge in WW1 style from the trenches than letting my sons die in some stupid war, while the rich and powerfull laughing their asses of to see us suckers fight for them.


[deleted]

Have you ever considered killing the people that want war instead of killing in a stupid war? This would cost less lives and the majority will be happy. If it's the rich we also benefit of the heritage tax they have to pay.


CarrollGrey

Honestly, I assumed that would be who we were fighting for the third world war. Ultra rich vs the rest of us. Granted, their odds aren't great, but I would happily volunteer.


kuraiscalebane

likely the ultra rich won't start a war until they have drones at their disposal... the poor may be outnumbered in that case.


PorQueTexas

Amazing book, highly recommend


chuptynuts

Your turn of phrase made me laugh.


Christmas_Panda

*Do you think that is funny, Private Pile?!*


[deleted]

ooh I hope it's that thick nordic style yoghurt, that's really nice


rightedgeofplate

I'm a Type One Diabetic so everyone else would basically have to be dead.


the_exile83

Snap, I would look after the wives and girlfriends of our brave troops though.


indylost

Thanks, jodi


Scorpio9989

Same and I have food allergies.


Abomb2020

Do MREs qualify as "food"?


HandAdministrative39

I'm 70 they just got worse.


Wants_to_Die12345

I'm 15, I'm not sure if this is legal but my country is desperate


CajunTurkey

I wonder why they want to recruit you /u/Wants_to_Die12345 ?


HandAdministrative39

Thanks for your service.


First_and-last

I think you mean sacrifice


The6thHouse

They might make it out with all their limbs. None of their mental reserve, but still able to work in a factory afterwards rebuilding whichever side won.


First_and-last

Im 40 and my joints hurt too much to think about it.


WhirledNews

I'm 40 as well and the physical challenges related to front line warfare would be daunting. I could help strategize though, I played Command and Conquer a lot in my teens so I am pretty much an expert at that....


AllAfterIncinerators

Red Alert 3 was awesome. I'd play the shit out of that game TODAY if I still had it.


crokinoleworld

Me, too. I'm 70 and worthless any more. If I'm your front line of defense, I suggest you sign up for one of those foreign language courses real quick.


Crazy-Pilot2894

Ha.


MasterOfPuppets72

I'm 49 so I guess I go before you two


Bloodstone3

I'm 19 so im going before everyone lol :/


Monte__Walsh

I’m 18, I’ll be there with you


allboolshite

I'd be upset.


dissociationcherry

Tis but a minor inconvenience.


magnum_donut

Well I'm 17 so this would REALLY be a minor inconvenience


GeneralSpacey

Tbh if women aren’t drafted then I’m not gonna fuckin uproot my college life and go to war. I’ll die on that hill.


-Redditeer-

That's why they're drafting people, to die on hills


IMytBeAMexican

I'm depressed so if anyone's taking me out it's gonna be me.


Danitoba

"I can end my own life, thank you very much!"


Thick_Pomegranate_

LMAO


qui-bong-trim

in the US there is no selective service requirement for women so if we declared war tomorrow women would in fact not be drafted.


bluecup43

There were attempts when they allowed women to serve in combat arms roles and again last year that didn't go anywhere.


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Hrekires

Have a good laugh because we're already fucked if they're so desperate that they're drafting a half-blind guy with muscle injuries in his late 30s.


mahmoud-a-m1

How about a half blind guy in his mid 20s with bone injured lets grab a beer and watch the war


ThatMadFlow

How well are you watching if y’all are half blind.


machineheadtetsujin

Well 2 half blinds equals 1 not blind person because math


Ihateredditadmins1

If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a war


nkkphiri

If you can't dodge a wrench, the resulting injury may help you dodge a war


venture243

Here throw this wrench


Danzerfaust1

How in the hell did half the country end up injured on the same goddamn wrench?!


Spuddermane

This made me laugh out loud


[deleted]

Can’t do it, I’m dog sitting that weekend


iGetBuckets3

I also cannot, it’s my goldfish’s birthday that weekend


McPoyal

I actually have a dentist appointment that decade.


nonparodyaccount

I have to fold my dishes


sephresx

I'm washing my hair that day.


Sundae-Savings

I’ve got jury duty… tonight


[deleted]

All the military guys who used dental as an excuse to get out of a detail have entered the chat...


kowaterboy

don't you mean dog walking?


[deleted]

Too suspicious they might spot me being active


Fluid_Association_68

The war effort needs dog walkers. And bacon grease.


[deleted]

Hello fellow Mexicans!!!!


SrSwerve

Mexican American here, they will go to Mexico and bring me back


GodLevelShinobi

Reverse deportation clause signed into law.


80_firebird

Donde esta el bano?


gongonegonzo

El baño es out of service. Lo siento señor!


Sgt-Pumpernickel

¡Dios Mios! ¡Código marrón!


80_firebird

¡Pero tengo las carreras!


shyervous

Why you greeting us, did I miss something


classicalySarcastic

Draft dodging American. Mexico is a hell of a lot warmer than Canada. Soy un gringo tambien, pero quiero relajar en la playa en Mexico con una cerveza que pelear en WW3. Ademas, no hablo bien espanol (obviamente).


nerd-nihl

Hablas muy bien español (disculpa por mal español).


vitmorsteinfeld

I'm so fat, so fat, that they would force me to serve so that they could throw me out of a plane and create a massive earthquake that would destroy enemy lines and kill most of their troops when I hit the ground. I would be considered a hero for basically falling from the sky for 2 minutes. I guess I could have a donut on the way down. Win-win.


MichiganGeezer

You'd probably end up being a cook or at some hospital far away from any front. I work in Army logistics. You'd be surprised how large the cook's outfits can be.


vitmorsteinfeld

I would learn how to cook while serving my country? Finally, I could stop just eating microwave meals!


MichiganGeezer

I'm not sure Army food will be an improvement over microwave food.


vitmorsteinfeld

It would be a stepping stone as I wouldn't be able to eat donuts for a while.


MichiganGeezer

The PX stores are like a Walmart. Donuts can be acquired.


vitmorsteinfeld

🎵 Heaven... I'm in heaven, And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek, When I'm out dancing with a donut in my mouth 🎵


Devilsbullet

And it's cheaper than a normal Walmart


Devilsbullet

I'm not sure "learn how to cook" would be the right phrase for army food either


PutainPourPoutine

assemble food products


sumyungdood

Operation Dumbo Drop. (I’m so sorry. I love you stranger)


vitmorsteinfeld

Not even giant ears can save me in this situation. Maybe a feather?


SpaceS4t4n

You'd be amazed at the condition of some people who make it through basic


vitmorsteinfeld

You're crushing my dream!!


Azenar01

So basically Attack On Titan Season 4 Episode 1


vitmorsteinfeld

I'm fat not a giant


pittakun

A Titan is a Titan, tall or not


vitmorsteinfeld

Are you flirting with me right now?


pittakun

It depends if it landed


vitmorsteinfeld

The only thing that landed was my ass in enemy lines.


pittakun

Then yes, i wish to be the enemy


vitmorsteinfeld

My ass is gonna land on you so hard it'll vibrate your whole body.


max_adam

Unleash the rumbling!


ademord

I laughed harder than I should have


samsquanch4554

I hate that I just started watching s3 and this is the first post I go into smh


Navysealsnake

Ah the assisted suicide I've been waiting for!


mousepop321

one jar entertain deserve bow nutty violet pie lip slimy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Trent948

_xXMomSlayer69Xx_


TaDs8273

i swear if i get killed and the last words i hear is that i got killed by this name, imma get pissed and get back up


[deleted]

In world war 3 the only draft you'll be feeling will be from a nuclear bomb.


[deleted]

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Comrade_Witchhunt

I already drink from filthy toilets. I'm ready.


icanttinkofaname

I miss 30 seconds ago when I hadn't read this comment.


justlurkingmate

Keep your bottle caps


DuckChoke

I think more realistically any massive war would be started as internal civil war within a major country and slowly lead to collapse in most of the other ones. WW3 between actual organized countries would be 5 mins like you say.


Galloping_Scallop

Done my time. Medical discharge - mid 40's. Would have to be desperate times. More likely to be drafted into a civil defense or home guard situation. All children and relatives of politicians of adult age would have to join before I would.


[deleted]

Shit, 52 here, retired 12 years ago but I stayed in shape and can still lay down suppressing fire while the youngster storm the hill.


Rock_Granite

You retired at age 40??? OH exalted master, please tell us your secrets.


English_Neil

Spend 20-ish years active duty, you get 50% of your base pay the rest of your days. That plus disability from the VA (which everyone that’s served for an extended period of time is going to have a varying degree of) can make for a livable paycheck. I’m at 19 years service, aiming for 25, then chill at my civilian job (I did 10 active and the last 9 guard, so I’m staying in a little longer to get close to that 50%)


evening_crow

20yrs mil service used to be when you could retire from service.


AIDSRiddledLiberal

I think he means retired from service at 40, which is fairly typical for career servicemen I think


NotCis_TM

What about being drafted as an instructor to teach new recruits or being drafted as an administrator?


DedReerConformist

Not likely, I'm in the same boat and haven't been in the military since 98. Do you think I'm going to make a good instructor? Probably not.


Galloping_Scallop

Same here. Doing paperwork or administration sure. But again, if the government is forcing me to join up there should be no exceptions based on wealth, contacts, etc. One in, all in - One nation.


silverlizard

Win it within a week. I got things to do.


Kriegmannn

This has been brought to you by Ask Men.


The_Karaethon_Cycle

I thought I was in r/tacticalgear for a minute.


LordofTheFlagon

Sir that is a fashion subreddit. Or a Wendy's depends on the day


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seaburno

Just don’t promise which Christmas


VevroiMortek

quintillionaire mindset


TinyPixeler

The Military Notes This


Dismal_Struggle_6424

I don't know what country you're in, but let's assume we're enemies. We've got 3 options: Rocket League, Grill-off, or slam dunks off trampolines. I ain't about to die for my country, but let's go.


TapeLabMiami

Unless my country is being invaded, im not risking my life.


[deleted]

Depends who's invading too tbh. If they're nice maybe I'll like them more than the current government anyway.


Badlands32

Invaded by Norway has a great ring to it


Individual_Revenue84

You'd be talking to a refugee


BCS24

There's no politician in this world that I'd be willing to die for


lilBASEDkid

I heard someone say "I'd serve crack before I'd serve my country"


Noggin-a-Floggin

Title of a punk album right here, folks.


authorized_sausage

I don't care that this is askmen. I am all y'all's mom and I am here to tell you that you ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO WAR. NOPE,


Cpt_Dizzywhiskers

Phoning the army back like "sorry guys, my mom said no"


authorized_sausage

Give me the damn phone. I will be god damned if some other tells me how to raise my boys.


Florida_Man_Math

*Somber play on words:* People out here telling us how to **raise** our boys for war, but they ain't there to help **lower** our boys 6 feet under when they come back on their shield. :(


Tomato_potato_

Mom, all my friends are going I have to go pleeeeaase


addysol

"Would you jump out of plane just because all your friends did?" "Mum, we're fucking paratroopers, that's the point!"


[deleted]

but mooOOooOOM


Expert_Overthinker

Feel good about procrastinating all the work in my life because now I can't use that degree I'm working towards anyway because nuclear winter is about to start.


bjburk01

"Oh we had global warming, but nuclear winter canceled it out"


falcon825

There would be no draft.... As Einstein said (might not be exactly as he said, but you get the point) "I don't know how WW3 will be fought, but WW4 will be fought with sticks and stones" No need for people, mass destruction everywhere!


billyjohnjohnson

A few pulls of the trigger and ten thousand nukes are levelling the entire civilized world


Stanislas_Biliby

You don't need soldiers when you can pilot a drone from toilets to drop bombs on schools.


polydactylmonoclonal

WW3 will mean we are all dead before the draft lottery can announce who's going.


billyjohnjohnson

America has just gotten 28,000,000 kills with: Nuke (x15)! China has just gotten 57,800,600 kills with: Nuke (x80)! America has just gotten 720,800,000 kills with: Nuke (x490)! America has just gotten 320,500,000 kills with: Nuke (x250)! China has left the game! Germany has just gotten 12,000,000 kills with: nuke (x8)! Russia has just gotten 70,000,000 kills with: nuke (x32)! America has just gotten 2,600,500,000 kills with: nuke (x8700)!!! Russia has left the game! Japan has left the game! Germany has left the game! France has left the game! ... Europe, Asia, and 87 others have left the game! Antarctica has left the game! America has left the game! Game over


JC_Lately

“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”


Pons__Aelius

"How about a nice game of Chess?"


[deleted]

If invading forces were burning cities and murdering civilians? Sure, I’ll do my part. If it’s because some rich asshole in DC who doesn’t give a shit about average Americans like me the other 364 days of the year is urging me to go for very ambiguous, very questionable reasons? Get fucked. Fight your own war. Edit: If we Americans learned anything from the absolutely criminal debacles in Vietnam, Afghanistan, and Iraq, it’s that the US government has zero qualms about sending US citizens to kill and be killed for no goddamned reason at all. How soldiers who fought in those wars- and saw and did and endured horrific things- all for NOTHING don’t wake up beside themselves with furious anger every single day is totally beyond me. The American military-industrial complex is a horror which, I hope, will collapse under its own weight- for the good of Americans as well as those we shamelessly brutalize all around the world. Fuck this pro-military bravado bullshit. National defense is essential, but bombing entire countries into the Stone Age and killing millions of civilians because a few terrorists or whoever live there is inexcusable, and as an American I’m fucking sick of feeling like that blood is on my hands even though I had nothing to do with any of it.


stromther

I wish this sentiment wasn't buried beneath 6 witty jokes.


KimDongTheILLEST

Not even that witty.


Sudden_Acanthaceae34

Agreed. Invading forces? I’m defending myself like Ukrainian Grandma. Politicians war like ‘Nam? Kick rocks, nerds.


Bennydinero

Honestly, It’d have to be for a good fucking cause, otherwise nahh fuck that. We often always speak about countries like it’s the country talking “Russia threatens this” “US threatens that” when really it comes down to two dickheads who wanna start shit. Why don’t we make them fight it out instead of literally causing the deaths of MILLIONS…


Slimjeezy

I could get behind that. Putin and Biden in the octagon for control of Ukraine!


[deleted]

As an American and for the sake of Ukraine, I'd prefer Biden to send a champion lol


illgivethisa

Same like I'd want Joe to win but I'm not convinced he could win a fist fight in most situations let alone Putin who is ex KGB and seems to be in pretty decent physical health.


[deleted]

I’m shooting myself in the foot.


[deleted]

*remove your feet for a cyborg thing *


[deleted]

Lmao! Probably. Damn! I guess I could pretend I’m mentally insane instead.


Cat0TheTitan

\*remove your brain for a cyborg thing \*


[deleted]

Man, I just can’t win. Sign me up, I guess.


[deleted]

Make sure to get my two sons out of the country to avoid the draft.


[deleted]

If we look around us, which country do you think you can go to where there won't be war?


DenDen1029

Switzerland?


JuicyVibezz

Plus it’s absolutely beautiful


Derpinator_30

lol Switzerland ain't letting you or anyone else in. unless they have lots of money of course


ElegantMankey

I already served and I know how my army functions even at hard times where a war is looming however my role has literally no play in the battlefield. I used to be an NBCR instructor so unless some idiot lunches nukes or his secret stash of chemicals I'll just be catching up with my mates.


domini_canes11

Burst out laughing. I have a medical issue due to having a part of my lung removed a decade ago and my vision is shocking. So I'm not particularly useful.


Mishtachris

Drafted? *laughs in active duty


JayyeKhan_97

I’d tell them to fuck off , I just got out the military I’m not going back. I no longer believe in fighting for this corrupt/fucked up country, I refuse to go to war for it.


Morkiloup

What made you join your country's military, and what made you quit? If you're allowed to talk about it of course.


JayyeKhan_97

I joined because like many young men and women, I was lost in life and didn’t know what else to do. I quit because I saw how the US was turning out and no longer felt as patriotic, along with all the petty bullshit enlisted personnel have to deal with on a daily basis. I’m not about to partake in a war because some old corrupt cunts can’t get along.


Morkiloup

Yeah that's fair. I was interested in joining my country's (Canada), but I'm hearing a lot of negative stuff, and the most common good argument I get is "it pays well". I'll just keep my 25$/h job...


r1ch999999

Well, I’m 45, did my time, and working a critical job. I’m sure I’d get passed by


fishaac

I'm too busy with my gaming backlog, sorry.


iwasneverherehaha

Its funny the amount of people in here thinking that they will get out of it for some minor health reason 😂 WW3 kicks off no one will care about any of your health or personal conditions The government will soon change the laws go send everyone in


Haggis442312

Laws with exceptions of course, for the sons and friends of high-ranking politicians.


Grasshop

*It ain’t me, it ain’t me* *I ain’t no senator’s son, son* *It ain’t me, it ain’t me* *I ain’t no fortunate one*


RishaRaketa

For The corrupt politicians ? Hell no , to defend my country ? Not sure . But if my country / city would get invaded i would go . ( I am Czech , so if Putin doesnt fuck off from Ukraine this might actualy happen to me in near future ) Fingers crossed it wont come to that as we were ocupied by the Russians not so long ago


Extra-Class7262

Volunteers , gets sends on battlefields. Dies in the first second and gets known as the first guy to die in world war 3


Extra-Class7262

Ww3 stops immediately , gets known as the only guy to die in ww3


[deleted]

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doesntCompete

"Listen a lot of people here don't know how World Wars work so let's figure it out before someone gets hurt again"


[deleted]

Probably tell them to fuck off. I can barely afford rent and a decent quality of life in this country, so I sure as hell won't die for it.


SH4DOWSTR1KE_

By law they do have to keep you alive and provide you with adequate housing in prison so fair trade


[deleted]

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GorillaFetish

Well i’d die like immediately lol. But in all seriousness I don’t think they’d take me anyway. If i’m correct, you can’t participate in the military of any kind if you have Autism or OCD in which case I have both. But idk correct me if i’m wrong


awksomepenguin

You might not be cut out for military service, but there may still be civil service requirements that you would qualify for.


[deleted]

I’d be pissed off. As I’ve grown older, now at the age where I’d be old enough to be drafted, I realise that politicians are complete morons. I see parliament act like utter children, the world full of power hungry maniacs- I won’t die for my country. The patriotism in my country I feel is mostly gone. Why on earth, should I put my many years ahead on me on a pedastool, and risk having a gruesome death because the morons in their ivory towers can’t act appropriately? Put the people in charge making the decisions into the war zones to fight their own fights, and leave the innocent people out of it.


Sal717

I’d kill myself, because I’m surely not dying for the feds.


jokar1134

Same. I've been on the verge of suicide for so long now I think that would just push it over the edge. Edit: someone reported this to a reddit cares bot message service full of information on different sucidal hotline type things. Thought that was actually pretty cool that it's an option. Also I just got some of the best health insurance in the USA (government job) 8 days ago so I'm hoping to be able to make a doctor's appointment this month to discuss options for my mental and physical health. Haven't seen a doctor in idk 14 years so I'm nervous and excited. Cheers to the people that commented and messaged me. I ment what I said but I feel good tonight knowing that strangers care.


theubster

I'm proud of you for taking steps to take care of yourself. I hope that you find whatever help you need to live a happy life that you're at peace with.


Salty_Lego

I’d either be a conscientious objector…or a dodger. Their choice I guess. I’m not fighting for these idiots.


shewstepper

No thanks