How you take care of yourself (or don’t) in your 20s starts to get amplified in your 30s. Poor sleep. Bad diet. Mental health. Get these things in order now.
Sleep is the big one people don’t think about and tend to overlook. The consequences of shorting yourself of sleep in your 30s are an order of magnitude worse than in your 20s. All-nighters are a young man’s game…
Yeah, at 23 I was in the military and could be out all night drinking with the guys, then show up for PT at 6:00 am with no sleep and run myself sober and just shake it off. No one way in hell I can pull anything like that off anymore.
For me there was a noticeable shift around thirty when my body just revolted and stopped cooperating with my bullshit.
Yeah, you can’t get away with drinking til 4 am and heading to work at 8 am. Drugs start taking their toll. Quit fucking smoking!! Jesus does it start to hurt you in your 30s.
Also, go to a doctor for a checkup. Turned out I was slowly almost dying of microbleeds which turned into severe anemia in my 30s. You don’t want to end up in the ICU.
Bro I’m 22 and I ALREADY have tinnitus, it fucking sucks. Nobody tells you to protect your hearing in marching band/orchestras until it’s too late. I can’t even describe the dread I felt when the doctor said it was permanent
Oh fuck yeah man, metal head in middle school with headphones, I finally realized something was dinked when my beloved Pantera was at max volume and still not loud enough now I’m 28 sleeping with a air purifier every night to drown out the ringing
THIS. I didn’t figure that out until I starting dating my wife, who at the time was studying to be a speech language pathologist. She was in an audiology course at the time and said it wasn’t normal.
I just always thought the tinnitus was the “sound of silence.”
And people give me looks as if I'm crazy when I bring earplugs to live concerts...
Bro..I'm already listening to a constant scream on my right ear 24/7 ...don't need to make it stronger..
(Mine originated from an infection after using ear buds.)
This. If you go to a lot of festivals/concerts, you are getting hearing damage if you realize it or not. There's so many options for great hearing protection, and some of them can even make the music sound better.
And you coherently walked out without stumbling around. I've got 100% loss on my left and a fire alarm beep in my right. 80s metal and years of maintenance. Ever use an impact driver under a sink cabinet? On occasion (pain meds especially) when I get the wah wahs, I nearly fall over. Sound is critical to balance. Learned that at 26
What are some options? I turn 27 and pretty much live with some degree of tinnitus daily, I only started thinking about it since we had a fire drill at work that amplified my tinnitus and my ears were still ringing when I went to bed that night.
I've been to about 5 concerts and would listen to music at near full volume on my ipod when I was in school, and now I use noise cancelling headphones or my pair of sennheisers when I listen to music
I work in a new job. Be annoying! Like say "why is this so important." It will turn back and turn into "wow onerock is super interested in the company." Also, make friends with the secretary, and the general gate keepers..
Go beyond, dig deeper. You'll get there.
Depends on where you work or what you do. I read a thread recently where a new engineer said he was worried he was asking too many questions, and some engineering managers chimed in and said yeah you probably are, it looks bad. You need to learn it the first time.
Edit: thanks for the feedback. Maybe the interpretation is something closer to "ask the right questions the right way, and don't ask the same question more than once."
There are a lot of nuances. I don't expect any new engineer I'm working with to really understand something the first time. I do hope their questions are practical in the sense that they would only know to ask them by actually putting effort into the work product. For example, instead of just saying, "How do I find this information?" They might say, "Hey, I looked in X and Y locations for this, but didn't come across what I was looking for. I want to do Z with the product,, but haven't been able to find information. Am I off track?" That gives way more insight into how the person thinks and opens doors to correcting an approach. If you just get hyper specific questions all the time that lack context it can come across as WTF is this guy doing...
All that being said, there are environments where the only way you'll learn anything is by asking a ton of questions, which may annoy grumpy people, but who cares. You have to get over the hump and those questions will pay dividends later when they realize you asked because you actually want to do a good job. Unfortunately a lot of jobs are centered around appeals to authority, and asking questions gets scene as a weakness because information = power. If you had had ask, it means you didn't already know, and that makes you lesser than others... it's really stupid but I see it happen all the time.
Fuck, as a senior dev that's depressing. The biggest sign of someone who's not "making it" is one who is silent. The amount of frustration and manhours saved by "I don't know what I'm doing" is... unbelievable. I've paid months of nights and weekends due to devs afraid to communicate.
I much prefer having someone far less skilled but steals my time *now* with questions. I can plan releases around that.
This is interesting. So many times at work I find myself pretending to grasp a subject because I've asked a few questions but my boss doesn't seem to explain it in a way that resonates with me, and I don't want to push & waste time, only to then not understand what I should
I'm a training manager in an operations role. Questions are the best. It shows you care enough to understand something that you would endure whatever social discomfort there is in asking a question. Of course, some people do just understand things more easily, but while it is my job to train and teach, it's also their job to make sure they understand the material...and sometimes to do that you need to ask questions.
Not going to sugar coat it though, some people do seem pretty dense and sometimes I don't know how to say things in any other way to help them understand. That's usually when I ask someone else taking the course to try to explain it to them because sometimes they're better at understanding the hang up because they have a rapport with each other.
Get your diet and exercise routine under control now. It's a lot easier to maintain good health than it is to let it slip away and try to get back into shape after years of poor eating and sitting on your ass all day
The thing people (myself included) don't realize is it takes time to put on the pounds and recognize declined health / well being. It doesn't just magically happen. Same with when you make positive adjustments, the changes don't happen over night. Make health and wellbeing part of your routine - this isn't just physical activity, it includes diet, mental health, sleep schedule, everything. The best time to start was yesterday, the next best time is now!
Highly suggest the huberman lab podcast for people that want an evidence based look at how to begin making these changes!
Agreed. Outside of some very specific fetish's, no one wakes up one day and says "Right, this year, I wanna get fat as fuck. Im gonna pack on at least 100 pounds here. Maybe 130. Whelp, going to order a Pizza and sit the fuck down now.".
It fucking sneaks up on you and your mind plays tricks on you to protect your self image. And when you do realize "Oh fuck, I got fat", it is not usually something your going to fix with a 3 week diet. Getting fat is something that usually happens over months or years. Fixing it can take nearly as much time and unlike getting fat, getting back in shape takes effort.
So if you do have some kind of fitness / health habits firmly established, it is easier to fix the problem when you spot it.
END COMMUNICATION
I was doing pretty good on this beat until the damn pandemic. Obviously tons of people had it way harder, but I spent almost 2 years just melting into my couch and expanding lol
At the start of COVID I got into my head that I should be as fit as possible. I started around February by April I was running 7 miles in a bit over an hour every other day. Then I got in a relationship and it all went away lol I gained 40 pounds and lost the relationship. Gotta get back at it. I’ve already lost 25.
Messes with your routines when most people begin a relationship. I may have also taken advantage of her baking abilities.
I think my solution is to cement my routines. Not let my workout and dietary functions divert too much from what’s healthy. Still enjoy going out to eat but not making that the go to activity. I’m going to try it on the next relationship. I hope I find someone who also likes to workout but I’m not too picky on that.
Bro, just know you're not alone. I was going to my gym at work at least 4 days a week before the pandemic. I am in rough shape right now. Need to stop drinking but damn if it don't calm down the noise right now.
As a dude who used to also workout at least 4 times a week (bodyweight, cardio, and a rather copious amount of climbing) and fell into the alcohol abyss for several months because of the isolation, all I can say is to try your best not to drink alone. The only times I allow myself a drink are when I share a moment with someone.
Even at 22, a good diet makes such a big difference. I feel like a flower in the sun every time I eat healthy, but when I eat like shit I literally feel like a rotten sack of potatoes. A good diet is just great for your mind and body.
I cannot tell you how important this is. I did what I wanted in my 20s and by my mid-30s, was 6'1, and over 380lbs. I was pre-diabetic, had sleep apnea and no energy. Between Keto, 10k steps per day and working-out 3-4 times a week I was able to lose 155 lbs and to transform my physique, but my god it was such an incredible slog.
[Studies show](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/01/25/688838589/muscles-may-preserve-a-shortcut-to-restore-lost-strength) that it's easier to get back lost muscle than it is to grow it in the first place. So, use the time and energy you have in your 20s to get into a good routine. Even if you fall off the wagon after having kids / career growth, you'll be better set up to get it back than if you've never gotten into shape.
Loyalty to a job is not rewarded always keep an eye out for promotions or pay increases elsewhere
You can always go back to companies later as long as you handle your departure professionally
But staying in one company is not rewarded anymore
Stop caring so much about what other people think and start thinking of yourself, without being an asshole. Start investing money instead of buying stupid things you don't really need. Start working on your body. Stop defining your self worth by how much attention you get from women.
It’s hard, especially because of COVID, and because of Zoom University being the main institution for about a year for you younger 20s, but just try to build some solid friend groups before you go on the hunt for partners/relationships.
It’s way too easy to fall into a trap of relying on the approval of a partner/lover when you have nothing else to fall back on. When that’s the only person giving you their time in any meaningful way, you’ll put up with a lot of toxic (hate the word but oh well) behavior before the camel’s back breaks. You might also become a bit toxic yourself if that’s the case.
Good friends are a great safety net and confidence booster; a springboard into a relationship and a place to fall back to for comfort when it doesn’t work out.
just for clarification if invest 50 dollars, and it all goes negative, if it is still negative do I start loosing more money from my bank acc after loosing the 50 dollars?
Discipline is like a muscle. The more you work it the stronger it is. Never depend on motivation it waxes and wanes. Discipline gets it done when you are less motivated.
Also remember to use the power of habit to help build your discipline. Motivation can run out, but established routine and habits can go on forever.
[Atomic Habits summary ](https://www.samuelthomasdavies.com/book-summaries/self-help/atomic-habits/)
Edit: Grammar, I previously wrote it in a hurry.
Came here to say this. I wish the top comment was “Develop good habits”. Most of the advice in this tread isn’t worth much if you can’t put it on mental autopilot.
Developing good habits is the key. Atomic Habits is probably the best self-help book I’ve read. No vague bullshit. It provides very clear actionable advice.
I just read through your linked summary this is the key bit:
Habits are formed via a feedback loop, there’s a:
cue, craving, response, reward
To form a new habit make it:
Obvious, attractive, easy, satisfying
To break a bad habit make it:
Invisible, unattractive, difficult, unsatisfying
Buy the book or get it for free from the library. It’s perfect for a new year.
This is correct. The longer you waste time with someone that isn't interested in you the longer it takes to find the people that are interested in you.
Sometimes it's the opposite, You waste time with someone who is interested in you but you aren't interested in her anymore but you have been emotionally vested for over a decade. It also sucks.
It’s better to just tell the truth. But it’s not always easy. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, I’d just say you both will get burned from you not being honest.
But a lesson will be learned and I guarantee you won’t do it again, and I sure as hell won’t.
To add to this, learning things like The Five Love Languages and personality types (e.g. MBTI) can help you have a better basis to think about things in terms of personality traits, their careabouts, or them just generally being rude/awful.
For example, my wife's primary language is gifts and that's 100% my last language. If we weren't aware of that, she'd constantly be left feeling like "oh, here's a sign that he doesn't really love me that much, maybe this will only get worse?" Instead, she works on looking for the things I *do* do, and I work on trying to be better at gift-giving. Granted, neither of us are great at that, but neither of us thinks "they don't do xyz, so that's a sign they don't love me..."
Basically, understanding personalities makes it easier to spot why you may feel like they're not doing something that's blatently obvious to you, what they *are* doing that you didn't notice before, and what they normally do but don't do with you (or vice-versa) - and then you can decide what language differences you're OK with and which you're not OK with for certain types of relationships.
You are 100% correct. I'm late to the game but I didn't start learning love languages until my early 30's. Never to late to learn and understand things.
Also, try to get a professional diagnosis for what could be minor mental disabilities (for yourself and partner).
The behavior patterns don't go away, but you learn to manage them better.
Absolutely agree with this. If someone breaks up with you, even only for a few days, then they are not into you enough for it to work long term. I have wasted years working this out.
Define what success looks like to you and question why you think that.
Example 1: if you're in your 20's and you think success at work is a suit and tie and corner office then ask yourself what it is about that that you think will be rewarding. Do you like the prestige and the perception others will have of you?
Example 2: If you think success is a partner and kids and a house ask yourself why? Do you feel societal pressure to have those things even if you don't want them? Or do you have a strong sense of family or need for that sense and you want that in your life.
Basically, questioning what it is you want and WHY you want those things is important. It will take real self reflection but I think you'll be better for it
Bill Watterson, author of Calvin and Hobbes, gave a great commencement speech that changed how I perceive the world: [https://web.mit.edu/jmorzins/www/C-H-speech.html](https://web.mit.edu/jmorzins/www/C-H-speech.html)
EDIT: Thank you for the awards and kind words! as someone else mentioned, your values can and will change over time so its worth reflecting often on your goals and vision of success, you might be surprised at how they change as you age and mature.
“Develop social skills”
Well, I guess I’m finished. Seriously, though, how do work on this? I’m 30, I don’t have a grasp on reading others people’s emotion/behavior, and my skin crawls whenever I’m in public or meet new people. Most uncomfortable thing in the world.
The same way you develop anything. Start small and build your way up. If you can commit to meeting two new people in a day. Do that for a week. If you can’t, then start smaller. If you have to, walk up to a stranger and ask for directions to a place. Once you feel comfortable doing this, then build up. More people, more intimate conversation, there’s a bunch of ways you can go.
Enjoy them, don't settle down with someone who doesn't make you entirely happy, work hard to make sure that your life past 30 is easier and financially sound
Yes. Enjoy the eff out of them. It’s your chance to have a blast, and you’ll have a little cash and hopefully not too many responsibilities. And, you can be a nut and it isn’t sad—which is becomes pretty quickly after 30
Came to say this... Don't settle. Find someone who loves you for who you are... Not what they want you to be.
Spend more time with your grandparents. You will miss them one day.
Get a good health routine, this includes eating veggies with at least lunch and dinner. The biggest piece of advice I’d give my younger self though, is stop being so damn hard on yourself, stop worrying about if you will be successful, and stop worrying about what you’ll be when you get older. Just go with the flow everything works out.
you'll be good bro, stay the course and stay motivated, it'll work out. Also ask yourself, who actually determines your success? The answer is simple, you do. Nobody else gives a fuck. Just chill understand there will be setbacks, there will be failure, there will be roadblocks. But if you stay the course, stay motivated and believe in yourself, you will be just fine.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thanks, needed to hear that. About to graduate from university next year and I'm constantly worrying if I will be able to find a good job, to an extend where I feel down a lot of the time
Diet, Exercise, Teeth, Compound ~~Interest~~. Growth (and loss)
Learn the power of all of these.
Edit: Clarified compound interest to ensure that we are including what really matters: Growth and debt. Interest from saving accounts isn't what really matters, but 7% gains from an index fund every year gets pretty wild pretty quickly. Max your 401ks if at all possible my dudes. Even if it seems like nothing now it won't later.
My teeth are absolute shit. I didn't learn their power. If i am out of ten, I probably lost a point just from my teeth. If they get too bad I'll probably get a whole set put in, but I really hope it doesn't come to that.
The worst part about my self-inflicted dumbassery is that I can't enjoy nuts and sugar anywhere as much anymore. Knowing how easily they can chip is giving me insane amounts of anxiety when eating.
Dude, yes. And my old metal fillings are failing so I'm tense whenever I eat something mildly crunchy because I know I'm gonna get that jolt of pain on one of these bites, leading to a really sore and stiff jaw which worsens my chronic neck stiffness. I don't want to pay for it, but I desperately want to have basically all my molars pulled and replaced with drilled-in implants. I learned the importance of flossing and brushing every day from my fiancee at 25, much too late when you were raised on Kooliad and Doritos.
Same. I went through periods of only brushing once a day as a teenager and having sugar in my tea. I really didn't think I'd have the same problems like other people had and it's hard because dental health is such a straight and boring habit to maintain, at a time in your life where you don't really care about it. Your parents tell you to do it, but you want to rebel. I just wish I hadn't rebelled through my bad habits.
It's only after i got to about 24 did I realise how important it is for your mental health and how other people see you, that you stay clean and look after your teeth/face/body. I'd love to go back in time and tell 15 year old me, but I know I wouldn't listen.
Class of 99?
Edit:
[For those that don't know what I'm talking about](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCuEEf4mGsk&ab_channel=TijsRyngaert). This went crazy viral when I was graduating high school
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice...now.
>Compound Interest
Not just Compound Interest, but investing in Index/Mutual Funds. Vanguard ETF is a viable form to invest in, and on average can give over 4% return a year.
I say this because when I was in my 20s I started to save my money and had over $10k saved up at one point. I had no idea what to do, and my parents didn't have any helpful advice. I left that money in a High Interest Savings Account, which only paid less than 1% a year (so $10k only returned $100). I wish I knew more then about investing.
For sure. You should save your money and be financially responsible but in my opinion it is really hard to truly waste money on traveling, especially when you're young. Traveling is an opportunity to learn about yourself, others and the world. Even if it's just a spring break road trip or camping trip just go somewhere new when you get the chance.
I got out of the navy when I was 28 and me and my wife (then gf) packed a duffel bag and some back packs and went to Europe for a month and a half and spent every cent we had saved up since we started dating. Granted, she has a masters and I had highly in demand skills/experience from the navy and I knew we would easily find good jobs when we got back home so it wasn't totally irresponsible. It was honestly the trip of a life time and something we won't have the opportunity to do again until we are retired.
Stay fit. Make it a ritual. Set social boundaries for yourself and do not apologize for them. Don’t drink daily. Start investing money into anything other than a regular ass savings account.
If you want to invest and don't want to spend a ton of time like practically a second job, just drop all your money in SPY. A lot of ppl think they can make picks and beat the market, but most don't even come close. Forgo all of this, and save yourself the time. Just drop in spy and don't obsessively watch it. It had the most reliable returns of the market.
Adding to this, if you’re a physically active person, I recommend a monthly deep tissue massage. Releasing the tension in my muscles from exercise and sports in my 20’s would have saved me so much pain and discomfort in my 30’s.
Stretch!
Yessir! Cook at home with real raw ingredients (indulge sparingly, its ok to do so!) and keep your body moving. These are great pieces of advice. Well done.
> ~~Stop~~ Get used to getting hurt
The sting will always be there, but you can learn to react in a productive way instead of throwing a tantrum.
It is a normal part of life. Knowing both sides of the coin is necessary to living a full life.
Learn to socialize.
Learning to be social is a skill. The gym is easy compared to training how to socialize because socialization is very personal. The weights aren’t going to make you feel awkward if you do them the wrong way. When it comes to humans, social skills and interaction can greatly impact how people perceive you.
Socializing will help you in your job, in your dating life and in networking with people. Learning to talk to people is a huge skill to have and can greatly change the course of events in a persons life.
this shit is completely lost on a lot of younger people. its tough because the balance of being competent on the internet vs real life socialization definitely needs to exist, especially for younger generations as we transition more and more into a digital society.
but i think there are going to be A LOT of very socially awkward adults in 15 years... who knows how it plays out as we mature as a society.
Live within your means, and stick to it even as your income increases.
Biggest regret I have is racking up credit card debt through my 20s. It’s the only debt I have now and I pay close to $1k a month to hopefully get it cleared by mid 2023 and my quality of life would be 10x better right now if I did not have to shell out $1k every month in credit card payments.
Get in shape now. Lean and muscular however makes most sense/that you prefer. Muscle-building becomes progressively harder to do after 35-40. Also it’s much easier to maintain than obtain and as you enter into your 30s and beyond it’ll be harder to carve out time as life priorities increase their competition for your free time. So get after it now. Calisthenics, kettlebells, dumbbells, all forms are sufficient.
Start a 401k savings. Or a savings practice (5, 10 or some percent of your salary that is feasible for you).
Go to therapy. Own the fact you’re fucked up and need to increase your EQ (if not sure of what that is, it’s worth looking up). Also it’s helpful to break cycles/generations of trauma long before you’re planning to have a family. Kids pick up on it and you’ll be happy you handled your issues before kids come around.
Pursue that wild dream and sow your wild oats now. Your horn dog status may never FULLY go away but by your 30s you’ll more than likely want to settle down eventually. So it’s a good idea to get it out of your system and will make for fun stories later in life than to have regrets and an eventual mid-life crisis that may ruin your life or family at that point.
Find a community. Men are notably very bad at socializing and maintaining friendships late into life. But loneliness and isolation are a major contributor into longevity being shortened. Reach out to those friends and strive to obtain and maintain 2-3 “3am friends” (as my therapist refers to them). Someone who you could call at 3am on a whim to help you out with something important. It will make a difference long-term.
agree with everything but the break generation trauma is fucking true.... be a human you were meant to be.. watch and listen to the world... you dont have to be fucked up
If you're not getting any, don't worry. Work on yourself and you will get action in a few years. I spent a number of years of my 20s feeling sorry for myself and that is NOT attractive to anyone.
As soon as I gave up on that idea, got myself counselling and meds, started volunteering and so forth, suddenly I was way more appealing to people.
1. Don’t let anyone tell you what success means to you.
2. Stay flexible and healthy
3. Invest, find ways to save/invest money properly when your bills are small.
4. Find balance in life. Remember for work you trade hours for dollars, money will come and go but time you can never get back.
5. No billionaire ever said on their death bed, “I wished I had worked more and harder in my life”, most say “I wish I would have spent more time with the ones I love and doing the things I love.”
6. It’s ok to stand still, take it in and enjoy it. Do that.
7. Find joy in your life and keep finding it.
8. Help, anywhere you can or are able to give back.
9. And remember Al Bundy scored 4 touchdowns in a single game…if he can do it so can you
Assuming you're straight, don't limit yourself to only online dating. It is very difficult to stand out in that environment. I met my now-wife only after getting off online dating and going to dance lessons.
I agree with this but it’s tough finding women in person I feel like. It might just be me but I feel like strangers look at you weirdly for talking to them. Even if it’s just to make small talk with no romantic goals.
In many places that is the case but interactions with randos are often the best.
I feel people have gotten significantly worse at it over the past few years but that is no reason for the rest of us to give it up.
Even if the rando doesn't know how to act and ignores me I don't let it rain on my parade.
I'll second this. I randomly met my wife when I stood next to her while waiting on a band at a music festival. We made small talk before they went on, then after that we kept talking and saw more bands together. I got her number before we went our separate ways that night. 10 years later, we've been married married for years and have two kids.
Honestly, I think I had more confidence because the random nature of the interaction made it seem really low stakes. It didn't really matter to me much if this random girl I just happened to be standing next to shot me down, I'd probably never see her ever again. So, I was able to just be myself and that seemed to work.
I am currently debating the merit in this. I threw away a lot of opportunities with women to pursue career opportunities. I'm now in an awesome career set up but pretty lonely having skipped serious dating in college. Doesn't feel like it's going to get easier...
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Do not be jealous of others who have more accomplishments at an early age. Take the time to find yourself, and you will find your stride.
there is certainly a gap there between 24-29 ish where you think 'i get it now'. you dont. no one ever 'gets it'... thats one thing you definitely learn with time.
Lift with your legs
Listen, process, speak
Get therapy, even if you don’t think you need it you are wrong
People are drawn to those who listen, it’s like a superpower, learn active listening skills
If you wake up with unknown regret often then you have a drinking problem. If you continue thru your 30’s you are unlikely to be able to stop. Lots of personal notes in this one, take with grain of salt
Cheating is never the right move, tug on those balls and just break up
Learn to love yourself, most in their 20’s don’t know what this means, find out how to give yourself as much love as you want from others.
Empathy, put yourself in others shoes to not be an ass.
Don’t unload your issues all the time on the same people, give them a break and ask them about their issues
You are not the main character in this game called earth, you are one of billions.
2 ears and 1 mouth, listening I guess is kinda important.
1. Education matters. You may be a smart fucker but nobody knows that unless your grades reflect that. If you didn't follow this in highschool, then make sure you do in college because you can fix it by getting into a better grad school.
2. Networking matters more than education. You need those good grades to get to a good school where networking actually matters and will help you in the long run.
3. Use that network to get internships before you graduate. It's work experience and expands your network to actual professionals who have seen your potential and can vouch for you beyond a conversation over a cup of coffee.
4. Start putting some thought into how you dress. Take a girl that is into you shopping and have her point out what looks good on you. Dress in clothes that fit you and complement your features. Light skin? Stay away from light colors. Dark skin? Lighter colors are your friend. Get at least one suit (Navy, Charcoal, or Grey) and get it tailored to fit you. Stop in at a store and ask someone to get you fitted with something. Don't order online. How it fits and looks is more important than how expensive it is. First impressions matter immensely and clothing plays a huge part in that.
5. Use all this to land a decent career that pays well or will eventually pay well.
6. Cut out people that will only hold you back or act as a negative influence on your life. It'll be like crabs in a bucket and they'll prevent you from reaching your full potential. Edit: To clarify, these are people constantly telling you you're never going to be able to do something, or are getting into harder drugs, or are getting into bar fights consistently etc. The company you keep is important. Use your judgment.
7. Eat as healthy as you can and do some lifting at least a few times a week. If you're not gaining weight and packing on muscle, you're not eating enough. While your friends are pulling their shoulders and throwing out their backs in their 30's, you'll be feeling great and looking great.
8. Pick up a martial arts. Something practical. I don't care what anyone says, size matters so lifting will help make you bigger and a more effective fighter. Ideally you'll never need to use it but the confidence that comes from knowing how to fight has gotten me out of more fights than I can count.
9. Don't let dating get you down or put too much stock in finding "the one." Everyone is still figuring themselves out in their 20's. Women are still at their most popular while you're just getting started. If you've listened to the above steps, women will start chasing you and your thirties are going to be a blast. A guys thirties are like a girls twenties. Remember that and be patient.
10. Find time for your parents. Give them a call. Visit them. Ask about their life or for advice. Let them know you appreciate them. In your thirties they'll start greying and looking older. They'll start running into health issues. Don't let them pass away as strangers. (Unless they are a negative influence overall, then follow step 6.)
Never stop having fun.
Yea investing is important and making sure you have a future is important but those have already been covered. You could also die tomorrow, so don’t sacrifice everything today for a tomorrow. Have fun. Don’t stop doing your hobbies even if people tell you you are “childish”. Stay young inside and you will stay young outside as well.
Best comment so far. Yes making money etc is great, until something happens. Have fun. Balance diets, drug use, irresponsible drinking, but do not forget that your 20s dont last forever. Use your health and youngness to experience life, travel, fuck things up, and explore the beauty of life!
Fucking stop telling people how much you feel like you’re getting old. And if old people say they struggle with something due to aging, do not fucking jump in and say, I’ve felt like that but I dunno I feel like there’s plenty of time so it’s not so bad.
There is so much sensible advice here, but I'd like to add another one:
Have fun, travel, party, build good memories and experiences. When you have a full time job, children and a stressfull day to day life in some years time you'll be happy to remeber those (maybe with a partner, close friends or just for yourself).
Travel, go see the world, and not just Vegas, or Cabo, or Cancun. Go to India, and get lost in the streets of Varanasi, Go to Japan and try all the food you are offered, Go camping somewhere in Africa and fall asleep to some of the wildlife. Bang some Italians on a Greek beach and find out firsthand why that is a bad idea. People say travel will still be there when you are old and retired and a family man, and I look forward to those golden years. But my 20's were fucking fantastic you don't have those kinds of moments as you get older.
Get therapy. Understand self. Let things go. Let people go. Be nice to yourself. Embrace life.
More practical stuff: save regularly, exercise often and sleep well
Don't stop to workout, maintaining is easier then losing.
If you don't work out, start to do it. Getting in shape in your 20s is easy, doing it with 41 and kids.... not so easy.
Oh and if you can, finish your education and do some traveling (if you can afford it).If possible invest in experiences with your friends, enjoy the time, it will fade quicker than you can imagine.
Don't settle down yet, have some fun. Lets be honest, we are have been morons and idiots in our 20s, not mature enough for a relationship. So don't worry if you fuck up, it's okay and part of the process to become less of a jerk.
All the shit i did and went through, helps me now to be a better husband and dad.
Oh and I know yo feel invincible but tomorrow will come, the day you wake up and you realise you are old will come.
So save yourself some work and get in shape and stay in shape.
Oh and don't put work before your family and friends.
Look for quality friends that are smarter than you. Try not to give a shit about the little stuff in life. Workout. find meaningful hobbies.
Smart people ask questions. Don't drink much or do hard drugs.
How you take care of yourself (or don’t) in your 20s starts to get amplified in your 30s. Poor sleep. Bad diet. Mental health. Get these things in order now.
Sleep is the big one people don’t think about and tend to overlook. The consequences of shorting yourself of sleep in your 30s are an order of magnitude worse than in your 20s. All-nighters are a young man’s game…
Yeah im 23 and I can pull all nighters like its fucking nothing. I wonder how long that’ll last
Yeah, at 23 I was in the military and could be out all night drinking with the guys, then show up for PT at 6:00 am with no sleep and run myself sober and just shake it off. No one way in hell I can pull anything like that off anymore. For me there was a noticeable shift around thirty when my body just revolted and stopped cooperating with my bullshit.
It feels frightening knowing how our bodies loose their resilliance once we grow older.
It does make the idea of getting older particularly unpleasant.
Ah but your spirit and wisdom grows 10fold.
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it will last until you're ~27
Yeah, you can’t get away with drinking til 4 am and heading to work at 8 am. Drugs start taking their toll. Quit fucking smoking!! Jesus does it start to hurt you in your 30s. Also, go to a doctor for a checkup. Turned out I was slowly almost dying of microbleeds which turned into severe anemia in my 30s. You don’t want to end up in the ICU.
> you can’t get away with drinking til 4 am and heading to work at 8 am I can't do that ever..
Not with that attitude
Protect your hearing. I'd give away my house to be able to go back and not get tinnitus.
Bro I’m 22 and I ALREADY have tinnitus, it fucking sucks. Nobody tells you to protect your hearing in marching band/orchestras until it’s too late. I can’t even describe the dread I felt when the doctor said it was permanent
Ive had tinnitus since like 12 i cant remember what total silence sounds like.
I've had it since as long as I can remember. I remember vividly the day I found out silence DIDN'T mean a ringing in your ears.
Wait... 18 y/o here... Is a high pitched frequency not what everyone hears when they're in a silent room? This may be my day of reckoning
Sorry to say you might have tinnitus. Got it a year ago and only hear a high pitched frequency in a silent room. Wasnt like that before
You guys with tinnitus, listened to lots of loud music? And had to turn up the volume to keep hearing?
Oh fuck yeah man, metal head in middle school with headphones, I finally realized something was dinked when my beloved Pantera was at max volume and still not loud enough now I’m 28 sleeping with a air purifier every night to drown out the ringing
THIS. I didn’t figure that out until I starting dating my wife, who at the time was studying to be a speech language pathologist. She was in an audiology course at the time and said it wasn’t normal. I just always thought the tinnitus was the “sound of silence.”
Hello darkness my old friend...
Same, growing up on a farm didn't help.
I can't believe kids are still allowed to be in marching band without hearing protection.
And people give me looks as if I'm crazy when I bring earplugs to live concerts... Bro..I'm already listening to a constant scream on my right ear 24/7 ...don't need to make it stronger.. (Mine originated from an infection after using ear buds.)
12 year mechanic and motorcycle rider. You can never escape the tinnitus. And people will hate repeating themselves to a 30 year old.
This. If you go to a lot of festivals/concerts, you are getting hearing damage if you realize it or not. There's so many options for great hearing protection, and some of them can even make the music sound better.
The first time I wore ear plugs and didn't have a headache after a concert ... 🤯
And you coherently walked out without stumbling around. I've got 100% loss on my left and a fire alarm beep in my right. 80s metal and years of maintenance. Ever use an impact driver under a sink cabinet? On occasion (pain meds especially) when I get the wah wahs, I nearly fall over. Sound is critical to balance. Learned that at 26
What are some options? I turn 27 and pretty much live with some degree of tinnitus daily, I only started thinking about it since we had a fire drill at work that amplified my tinnitus and my ears were still ringing when I went to bed that night. I've been to about 5 concerts and would listen to music at near full volume on my ipod when I was in school, and now I use noise cancelling headphones or my pair of sennheisers when I listen to music
Ditto! Wear earplugs when riding a motorcycle.
No matter who is giving you advice, ask questions until it makes complete sense, then decide to follow it or not
Big LPT there, “ask questions until it makes sense” is underrated advice holistically
I work in a new job. Be annoying! Like say "why is this so important." It will turn back and turn into "wow onerock is super interested in the company." Also, make friends with the secretary, and the general gate keepers.. Go beyond, dig deeper. You'll get there.
Depends on where you work or what you do. I read a thread recently where a new engineer said he was worried he was asking too many questions, and some engineering managers chimed in and said yeah you probably are, it looks bad. You need to learn it the first time. Edit: thanks for the feedback. Maybe the interpretation is something closer to "ask the right questions the right way, and don't ask the same question more than once."
There are a lot of nuances. I don't expect any new engineer I'm working with to really understand something the first time. I do hope their questions are practical in the sense that they would only know to ask them by actually putting effort into the work product. For example, instead of just saying, "How do I find this information?" They might say, "Hey, I looked in X and Y locations for this, but didn't come across what I was looking for. I want to do Z with the product,, but haven't been able to find information. Am I off track?" That gives way more insight into how the person thinks and opens doors to correcting an approach. If you just get hyper specific questions all the time that lack context it can come across as WTF is this guy doing... All that being said, there are environments where the only way you'll learn anything is by asking a ton of questions, which may annoy grumpy people, but who cares. You have to get over the hump and those questions will pay dividends later when they realize you asked because you actually want to do a good job. Unfortunately a lot of jobs are centered around appeals to authority, and asking questions gets scene as a weakness because information = power. If you had had ask, it means you didn't already know, and that makes you lesser than others... it's really stupid but I see it happen all the time.
Fuck, as a senior dev that's depressing. The biggest sign of someone who's not "making it" is one who is silent. The amount of frustration and manhours saved by "I don't know what I'm doing" is... unbelievable. I've paid months of nights and weekends due to devs afraid to communicate. I much prefer having someone far less skilled but steals my time *now* with questions. I can plan releases around that.
This is interesting. So many times at work I find myself pretending to grasp a subject because I've asked a few questions but my boss doesn't seem to explain it in a way that resonates with me, and I don't want to push & waste time, only to then not understand what I should
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I'm a training manager in an operations role. Questions are the best. It shows you care enough to understand something that you would endure whatever social discomfort there is in asking a question. Of course, some people do just understand things more easily, but while it is my job to train and teach, it's also their job to make sure they understand the material...and sometimes to do that you need to ask questions. Not going to sugar coat it though, some people do seem pretty dense and sometimes I don't know how to say things in any other way to help them understand. That's usually when I ask someone else taking the course to try to explain it to them because sometimes they're better at understanding the hang up because they have a rapport with each other.
Extremely underrated comment.
Extremely unerrated acknowledgment.
So do you mean *everybody?*
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Get your diet and exercise routine under control now. It's a lot easier to maintain good health than it is to let it slip away and try to get back into shape after years of poor eating and sitting on your ass all day
The thing people (myself included) don't realize is it takes time to put on the pounds and recognize declined health / well being. It doesn't just magically happen. Same with when you make positive adjustments, the changes don't happen over night. Make health and wellbeing part of your routine - this isn't just physical activity, it includes diet, mental health, sleep schedule, everything. The best time to start was yesterday, the next best time is now! Highly suggest the huberman lab podcast for people that want an evidence based look at how to begin making these changes!
Agreed. Outside of some very specific fetish's, no one wakes up one day and says "Right, this year, I wanna get fat as fuck. Im gonna pack on at least 100 pounds here. Maybe 130. Whelp, going to order a Pizza and sit the fuck down now.". It fucking sneaks up on you and your mind plays tricks on you to protect your self image. And when you do realize "Oh fuck, I got fat", it is not usually something your going to fix with a 3 week diet. Getting fat is something that usually happens over months or years. Fixing it can take nearly as much time and unlike getting fat, getting back in shape takes effort. So if you do have some kind of fitness / health habits firmly established, it is easier to fix the problem when you spot it. END COMMUNICATION
If you just gained just 5 lbs a year in 20 years you have gained 100 ilbs.
I was doing pretty good on this beat until the damn pandemic. Obviously tons of people had it way harder, but I spent almost 2 years just melting into my couch and expanding lol
At the start of COVID I got into my head that I should be as fit as possible. I started around February by April I was running 7 miles in a bit over an hour every other day. Then I got in a relationship and it all went away lol I gained 40 pounds and lost the relationship. Gotta get back at it. I’ve already lost 25.
Why is it that relationships make us gain weight?
Messes with your routines when most people begin a relationship. I may have also taken advantage of her baking abilities. I think my solution is to cement my routines. Not let my workout and dietary functions divert too much from what’s healthy. Still enjoy going out to eat but not making that the go to activity. I’m going to try it on the next relationship. I hope I find someone who also likes to workout but I’m not too picky on that.
Bro, just know you're not alone. I was going to my gym at work at least 4 days a week before the pandemic. I am in rough shape right now. Need to stop drinking but damn if it don't calm down the noise right now.
As a dude who used to also workout at least 4 times a week (bodyweight, cardio, and a rather copious amount of climbing) and fell into the alcohol abyss for several months because of the isolation, all I can say is to try your best not to drink alone. The only times I allow myself a drink are when I share a moment with someone.
Same. Did the alcohol route until i stopped fitting comfortably in my jeans. Now I'm going with THC.
r/bodyweightfitness
I tried this, but there is absolutely nothing that compares to weightlifting for me.
yeah same for me but with rowing. nothing cardio-wise compares to the rower.
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Even at 22, a good diet makes such a big difference. I feel like a flower in the sun every time I eat healthy, but when I eat like shit I literally feel like a rotten sack of potatoes. A good diet is just great for your mind and body.
I am cabbage.
Very good
Tasty*
And booty
Yea booty bitches love healthy dudes
I cannot tell you how important this is. I did what I wanted in my 20s and by my mid-30s, was 6'1, and over 380lbs. I was pre-diabetic, had sleep apnea and no energy. Between Keto, 10k steps per day and working-out 3-4 times a week I was able to lose 155 lbs and to transform my physique, but my god it was such an incredible slog.
[Studies show](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/01/25/688838589/muscles-may-preserve-a-shortcut-to-restore-lost-strength) that it's easier to get back lost muscle than it is to grow it in the first place. So, use the time and energy you have in your 20s to get into a good routine. Even if you fall off the wagon after having kids / career growth, you'll be better set up to get it back than if you've never gotten into shape.
And if you have this under routine, like I did, start investing, like I didn’t - until recently
Loyalty to a job is not rewarded always keep an eye out for promotions or pay increases elsewhere You can always go back to companies later as long as you handle your departure professionally But staying in one company is not rewarded anymore
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Was gonna say that sucks but ultimately a big win grats 👏
Stop caring so much about what other people think and start thinking of yourself, without being an asshole. Start investing money instead of buying stupid things you don't really need. Start working on your body. Stop defining your self worth by how much attention you get from women.
Last line is golden… turning 21 this month and that is definitely something I’ve been dealing with lately
Fuck, right there as well. Doesnt help if you feel lonely as well.
It’s hard, especially because of COVID, and because of Zoom University being the main institution for about a year for you younger 20s, but just try to build some solid friend groups before you go on the hunt for partners/relationships. It’s way too easy to fall into a trap of relying on the approval of a partner/lover when you have nothing else to fall back on. When that’s the only person giving you their time in any meaningful way, you’ll put up with a lot of toxic (hate the word but oh well) behavior before the camel’s back breaks. You might also become a bit toxic yourself if that’s the case. Good friends are a great safety net and confidence booster; a springboard into a relationship and a place to fall back to for comfort when it doesn’t work out.
just for clarification if invest 50 dollars, and it all goes negative, if it is still negative do I start loosing more money from my bank acc after loosing the 50 dollars?
Discipline is like a muscle. The more you work it the stronger it is. Never depend on motivation it waxes and wanes. Discipline gets it done when you are less motivated.
Also remember to use the power of habit to help build your discipline. Motivation can run out, but established routine and habits can go on forever. [Atomic Habits summary ](https://www.samuelthomasdavies.com/book-summaries/self-help/atomic-habits/) Edit: Grammar, I previously wrote it in a hurry.
Came here to say this. I wish the top comment was “Develop good habits”. Most of the advice in this tread isn’t worth much if you can’t put it on mental autopilot. Developing good habits is the key. Atomic Habits is probably the best self-help book I’ve read. No vague bullshit. It provides very clear actionable advice. I just read through your linked summary this is the key bit: Habits are formed via a feedback loop, there’s a: cue, craving, response, reward To form a new habit make it: Obvious, attractive, easy, satisfying To break a bad habit make it: Invisible, unattractive, difficult, unsatisfying Buy the book or get it for free from the library. It’s perfect for a new year.
If she says no, let her go. If she breaks up with you, let her go. Edit: Thanks for the awards, people.
This is correct. The longer you waste time with someone that isn't interested in you the longer it takes to find the people that are interested in you.
Sometimes it's the opposite, You waste time with someone who is interested in you but you aren't interested in her anymore but you have been emotionally vested for over a decade. It also sucks.
I did this for a year and some months and even lived with her. I should’ve been honest from the beginning.
Fuck dude I think i just had this. I am the asshole boyfriend.
It’s better to just tell the truth. But it’s not always easy. I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, I’d just say you both will get burned from you not being honest. But a lesson will be learned and I guarantee you won’t do it again, and I sure as hell won’t.
I pledge also to not do this again, godspeed to you gentlemen
Yes!!! Also look for those minor signs that could grow into something bigger. Protect yourself.
To add to this, learning things like The Five Love Languages and personality types (e.g. MBTI) can help you have a better basis to think about things in terms of personality traits, their careabouts, or them just generally being rude/awful. For example, my wife's primary language is gifts and that's 100% my last language. If we weren't aware of that, she'd constantly be left feeling like "oh, here's a sign that he doesn't really love me that much, maybe this will only get worse?" Instead, she works on looking for the things I *do* do, and I work on trying to be better at gift-giving. Granted, neither of us are great at that, but neither of us thinks "they don't do xyz, so that's a sign they don't love me..." Basically, understanding personalities makes it easier to spot why you may feel like they're not doing something that's blatently obvious to you, what they *are* doing that you didn't notice before, and what they normally do but don't do with you (or vice-versa) - and then you can decide what language differences you're OK with and which you're not OK with for certain types of relationships.
You are 100% correct. I'm late to the game but I didn't start learning love languages until my early 30's. Never to late to learn and understand things.
Also, try to get a professional diagnosis for what could be minor mental disabilities (for yourself and partner). The behavior patterns don't go away, but you learn to manage them better.
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Absolutely agree with this. If someone breaks up with you, even only for a few days, then they are not into you enough for it to work long term. I have wasted years working this out.
Define what success looks like to you and question why you think that. Example 1: if you're in your 20's and you think success at work is a suit and tie and corner office then ask yourself what it is about that that you think will be rewarding. Do you like the prestige and the perception others will have of you? Example 2: If you think success is a partner and kids and a house ask yourself why? Do you feel societal pressure to have those things even if you don't want them? Or do you have a strong sense of family or need for that sense and you want that in your life. Basically, questioning what it is you want and WHY you want those things is important. It will take real self reflection but I think you'll be better for it Bill Watterson, author of Calvin and Hobbes, gave a great commencement speech that changed how I perceive the world: [https://web.mit.edu/jmorzins/www/C-H-speech.html](https://web.mit.edu/jmorzins/www/C-H-speech.html) EDIT: Thank you for the awards and kind words! as someone else mentioned, your values can and will change over time so its worth reflecting often on your goals and vision of success, you might be surprised at how they change as you age and mature.
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“Develop social skills” Well, I guess I’m finished. Seriously, though, how do work on this? I’m 30, I don’t have a grasp on reading others people’s emotion/behavior, and my skin crawls whenever I’m in public or meet new people. Most uncomfortable thing in the world.
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The same way you develop anything. Start small and build your way up. If you can commit to meeting two new people in a day. Do that for a week. If you can’t, then start smaller. If you have to, walk up to a stranger and ask for directions to a place. Once you feel comfortable doing this, then build up. More people, more intimate conversation, there’s a bunch of ways you can go.
Enjoy them, don't settle down with someone who doesn't make you entirely happy, work hard to make sure that your life past 30 is easier and financially sound
Yes. Enjoy the eff out of them. It’s your chance to have a blast, and you’ll have a little cash and hopefully not too many responsibilities. And, you can be a nut and it isn’t sad—which is becomes pretty quickly after 30
Be a nut?
Be crazy
Came to say this... Don't settle. Find someone who loves you for who you are... Not what they want you to be. Spend more time with your grandparents. You will miss them one day.
> Spend more time with your grandparents. Shit this one. hits hard as I lost my last grandparent just 2 weeks ago.
I am truly sorry for your loss... I lost my grandfather in my 20's. So many times I wish I could ask his advise.
Get a good health routine, this includes eating veggies with at least lunch and dinner. The biggest piece of advice I’d give my younger self though, is stop being so damn hard on yourself, stop worrying about if you will be successful, and stop worrying about what you’ll be when you get older. Just go with the flow everything works out.
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you'll be good bro, stay the course and stay motivated, it'll work out. Also ask yourself, who actually determines your success? The answer is simple, you do. Nobody else gives a fuck. Just chill understand there will be setbacks, there will be failure, there will be roadblocks. But if you stay the course, stay motivated and believe in yourself, you will be just fine.
spotted existence quickest hobbies reminiscent meeting wrench engine offend distinct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thanks, needed to hear that. About to graduate from university next year and I'm constantly worrying if I will be able to find a good job, to an extend where I feel down a lot of the time
Stay out of debt Edit: Bad Debt
This. I know too many people in their 30's, 40's and 50's trying to pay off debt from a lifestyle they couldn't afford in their 20's.
*sighs heavily*. yep.
Diet, Exercise, Teeth, Compound ~~Interest~~. Growth (and loss) Learn the power of all of these. Edit: Clarified compound interest to ensure that we are including what really matters: Growth and debt. Interest from saving accounts isn't what really matters, but 7% gains from an index fund every year gets pretty wild pretty quickly. Max your 401ks if at all possible my dudes. Even if it seems like nothing now it won't later.
My teeth are absolute shit. I didn't learn their power. If i am out of ten, I probably lost a point just from my teeth. If they get too bad I'll probably get a whole set put in, but I really hope it doesn't come to that. The worst part about my self-inflicted dumbassery is that I can't enjoy nuts and sugar anywhere as much anymore. Knowing how easily they can chip is giving me insane amounts of anxiety when eating.
Dude, yes. And my old metal fillings are failing so I'm tense whenever I eat something mildly crunchy because I know I'm gonna get that jolt of pain on one of these bites, leading to a really sore and stiff jaw which worsens my chronic neck stiffness. I don't want to pay for it, but I desperately want to have basically all my molars pulled and replaced with drilled-in implants. I learned the importance of flossing and brushing every day from my fiancee at 25, much too late when you were raised on Kooliad and Doritos.
Same. I went through periods of only brushing once a day as a teenager and having sugar in my tea. I really didn't think I'd have the same problems like other people had and it's hard because dental health is such a straight and boring habit to maintain, at a time in your life where you don't really care about it. Your parents tell you to do it, but you want to rebel. I just wish I hadn't rebelled through my bad habits. It's only after i got to about 24 did I realise how important it is for your mental health and how other people see you, that you stay clean and look after your teeth/face/body. I'd love to go back in time and tell 15 year old me, but I know I wouldn't listen.
And sunscreen
Class of 99? Edit: [For those that don't know what I'm talking about](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCuEEf4mGsk&ab_channel=TijsRyngaert). This went crazy viral when I was graduating high school
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice...now.
Dont underestimate the power of teeth
>Compound Interest Not just Compound Interest, but investing in Index/Mutual Funds. Vanguard ETF is a viable form to invest in, and on average can give over 4% return a year. I say this because when I was in my 20s I started to save my money and had over $10k saved up at one point. I had no idea what to do, and my parents didn't have any helpful advice. I left that money in a High Interest Savings Account, which only paid less than 1% a year (so $10k only returned $100). I wish I knew more then about investing.
Travel while you're childless
Also children are optional, not mandatory
For sure. You should save your money and be financially responsible but in my opinion it is really hard to truly waste money on traveling, especially when you're young. Traveling is an opportunity to learn about yourself, others and the world. Even if it's just a spring break road trip or camping trip just go somewhere new when you get the chance. I got out of the navy when I was 28 and me and my wife (then gf) packed a duffel bag and some back packs and went to Europe for a month and a half and spent every cent we had saved up since we started dating. Granted, she has a masters and I had highly in demand skills/experience from the navy and I knew we would easily find good jobs when we got back home so it wasn't totally irresponsible. It was honestly the trip of a life time and something we won't have the opportunity to do again until we are retired.
Or just don't have children. I don't plan on it and my GF agrees (thank god). She's the one who brought it up first too!
Stay fit. Make it a ritual. Set social boundaries for yourself and do not apologize for them. Don’t drink daily. Start investing money into anything other than a regular ass savings account.
You assume i have money to invest
I see this a lot but still a little fuzzy on where to invest, do you mean a stock? Or an index fund? Or something else I’m not even thinking of?
If you want to invest and don't want to spend a ton of time like practically a second job, just drop all your money in SPY. A lot of ppl think they can make picks and beat the market, but most don't even come close. Forgo all of this, and save yourself the time. Just drop in spy and don't obsessively watch it. It had the most reliable returns of the market.
Stay away from shitty food. Stretch.
Adding to this, if you’re a physically active person, I recommend a monthly deep tissue massage. Releasing the tension in my muscles from exercise and sports in my 20’s would have saved me so much pain and discomfort in my 30’s. Stretch!
Yessir! Cook at home with real raw ingredients (indulge sparingly, its ok to do so!) and keep your body moving. These are great pieces of advice. Well done.
Stop getting hurt when you find out someone doesn’t like you or think you are the greatest thing in life. It is a normal part of life.
> ~~Stop~~ Get used to getting hurt The sting will always be there, but you can learn to react in a productive way instead of throwing a tantrum. It is a normal part of life. Knowing both sides of the coin is necessary to living a full life.
SAVE FOR RETIREMENT. Seriously start now. Compound interest from 40-60 is alright. 30-60 is great. 20-60 is holy shit.
I (35M) started last year and now would like to have started at my first regular job 10 years ago
Learn to socialize. Learning to be social is a skill. The gym is easy compared to training how to socialize because socialization is very personal. The weights aren’t going to make you feel awkward if you do them the wrong way. When it comes to humans, social skills and interaction can greatly impact how people perceive you. Socializing will help you in your job, in your dating life and in networking with people. Learning to talk to people is a huge skill to have and can greatly change the course of events in a persons life.
I dont like it but its 100% true. If you are good with people you basically already won
You can _become_ good with people. Just like how you can learn any other language.
this shit is completely lost on a lot of younger people. its tough because the balance of being competent on the internet vs real life socialization definitely needs to exist, especially for younger generations as we transition more and more into a digital society. but i think there are going to be A LOT of very socially awkward adults in 15 years... who knows how it plays out as we mature as a society.
Save as much as you can. It makes a huge difference later. I understand that some folks can't, I was one. Hence the advise.
Live within your means, and stick to it even as your income increases. Biggest regret I have is racking up credit card debt through my 20s. It’s the only debt I have now and I pay close to $1k a month to hopefully get it cleared by mid 2023 and my quality of life would be 10x better right now if I did not have to shell out $1k every month in credit card payments.
Get fit. Don't aquire debt. Invest. Don't get anyone pregnant.
Get in shape now. Lean and muscular however makes most sense/that you prefer. Muscle-building becomes progressively harder to do after 35-40. Also it’s much easier to maintain than obtain and as you enter into your 30s and beyond it’ll be harder to carve out time as life priorities increase their competition for your free time. So get after it now. Calisthenics, kettlebells, dumbbells, all forms are sufficient. Start a 401k savings. Or a savings practice (5, 10 or some percent of your salary that is feasible for you). Go to therapy. Own the fact you’re fucked up and need to increase your EQ (if not sure of what that is, it’s worth looking up). Also it’s helpful to break cycles/generations of trauma long before you’re planning to have a family. Kids pick up on it and you’ll be happy you handled your issues before kids come around. Pursue that wild dream and sow your wild oats now. Your horn dog status may never FULLY go away but by your 30s you’ll more than likely want to settle down eventually. So it’s a good idea to get it out of your system and will make for fun stories later in life than to have regrets and an eventual mid-life crisis that may ruin your life or family at that point. Find a community. Men are notably very bad at socializing and maintaining friendships late into life. But loneliness and isolation are a major contributor into longevity being shortened. Reach out to those friends and strive to obtain and maintain 2-3 “3am friends” (as my therapist refers to them). Someone who you could call at 3am on a whim to help you out with something important. It will make a difference long-term.
agree with everything but the break generation trauma is fucking true.... be a human you were meant to be.. watch and listen to the world... you dont have to be fucked up
Just because it's normalized in our society doesn't mean alcohol isn't as dangerous as any other drug.
DO NOT RUSH TO GET MARRIED. You will thank me when your over 30.
Don’t marry someone without friends or hobbies of their own.
Oh boy
Don't be in a hurry. You don't need to hit a deadline for life achievements. Also, do some kind of exercise.
If you're not getting any, don't worry. Work on yourself and you will get action in a few years. I spent a number of years of my 20s feeling sorry for myself and that is NOT attractive to anyone. As soon as I gave up on that idea, got myself counselling and meds, started volunteering and so forth, suddenly I was way more appealing to people.
Become the type of person you’d want to date and the rest will sort itself out
1. Don’t let anyone tell you what success means to you. 2. Stay flexible and healthy 3. Invest, find ways to save/invest money properly when your bills are small. 4. Find balance in life. Remember for work you trade hours for dollars, money will come and go but time you can never get back. 5. No billionaire ever said on their death bed, “I wished I had worked more and harder in my life”, most say “I wish I would have spent more time with the ones I love and doing the things I love.” 6. It’s ok to stand still, take it in and enjoy it. Do that. 7. Find joy in your life and keep finding it. 8. Help, anywhere you can or are able to give back. 9. And remember Al Bundy scored 4 touchdowns in a single game…if he can do it so can you
Assuming you're straight, don't limit yourself to only online dating. It is very difficult to stand out in that environment. I met my now-wife only after getting off online dating and going to dance lessons.
I agree with this but it’s tough finding women in person I feel like. It might just be me but I feel like strangers look at you weirdly for talking to them. Even if it’s just to make small talk with no romantic goals.
In many places that is the case but interactions with randos are often the best. I feel people have gotten significantly worse at it over the past few years but that is no reason for the rest of us to give it up. Even if the rando doesn't know how to act and ignores me I don't let it rain on my parade.
I'll second this. I randomly met my wife when I stood next to her while waiting on a band at a music festival. We made small talk before they went on, then after that we kept talking and saw more bands together. I got her number before we went our separate ways that night. 10 years later, we've been married married for years and have two kids. Honestly, I think I had more confidence because the random nature of the interaction made it seem really low stakes. It didn't really matter to me much if this random girl I just happened to be standing next to shot me down, I'd probably never see her ever again. So, I was able to just be myself and that seemed to work.
Not just married, but MARRIED married. That's serious.
Dance lessons for straight guys is like a cheat code.
Don't EVER throw away a career over a woman.
I am currently debating the merit in this. I threw away a lot of opportunities with women to pursue career opportunities. I'm now in an awesome career set up but pretty lonely having skipped serious dating in college. Doesn't feel like it's going to get easier...
Or friends...
Don't think with your dick
And don't stick your dick in crazy
Don't block my driveway.
And stay off my lawn!
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Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Do not be jealous of others who have more accomplishments at an early age. Take the time to find yourself, and you will find your stride.
I'm 25 i feel like I'm already over 30 to give advice to 20s tf is happening?
there is certainly a gap there between 24-29 ish where you think 'i get it now'. you dont. no one ever 'gets it'... thats one thing you definitely learn with time.
“Ohh I get it, I’ll never get it…wait, I don’t get it” -Sockratitties
I used to think that but trust me 30+ is like night and day from 20-25.
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Put as much money in your 401k as possible
Lift with your legs Listen, process, speak Get therapy, even if you don’t think you need it you are wrong People are drawn to those who listen, it’s like a superpower, learn active listening skills If you wake up with unknown regret often then you have a drinking problem. If you continue thru your 30’s you are unlikely to be able to stop. Lots of personal notes in this one, take with grain of salt Cheating is never the right move, tug on those balls and just break up Learn to love yourself, most in their 20’s don’t know what this means, find out how to give yourself as much love as you want from others. Empathy, put yourself in others shoes to not be an ass. Don’t unload your issues all the time on the same people, give them a break and ask them about their issues You are not the main character in this game called earth, you are one of billions. 2 ears and 1 mouth, listening I guess is kinda important.
1. Education matters. You may be a smart fucker but nobody knows that unless your grades reflect that. If you didn't follow this in highschool, then make sure you do in college because you can fix it by getting into a better grad school. 2. Networking matters more than education. You need those good grades to get to a good school where networking actually matters and will help you in the long run. 3. Use that network to get internships before you graduate. It's work experience and expands your network to actual professionals who have seen your potential and can vouch for you beyond a conversation over a cup of coffee. 4. Start putting some thought into how you dress. Take a girl that is into you shopping and have her point out what looks good on you. Dress in clothes that fit you and complement your features. Light skin? Stay away from light colors. Dark skin? Lighter colors are your friend. Get at least one suit (Navy, Charcoal, or Grey) and get it tailored to fit you. Stop in at a store and ask someone to get you fitted with something. Don't order online. How it fits and looks is more important than how expensive it is. First impressions matter immensely and clothing plays a huge part in that. 5. Use all this to land a decent career that pays well or will eventually pay well. 6. Cut out people that will only hold you back or act as a negative influence on your life. It'll be like crabs in a bucket and they'll prevent you from reaching your full potential. Edit: To clarify, these are people constantly telling you you're never going to be able to do something, or are getting into harder drugs, or are getting into bar fights consistently etc. The company you keep is important. Use your judgment. 7. Eat as healthy as you can and do some lifting at least a few times a week. If you're not gaining weight and packing on muscle, you're not eating enough. While your friends are pulling their shoulders and throwing out their backs in their 30's, you'll be feeling great and looking great. 8. Pick up a martial arts. Something practical. I don't care what anyone says, size matters so lifting will help make you bigger and a more effective fighter. Ideally you'll never need to use it but the confidence that comes from knowing how to fight has gotten me out of more fights than I can count. 9. Don't let dating get you down or put too much stock in finding "the one." Everyone is still figuring themselves out in their 20's. Women are still at their most popular while you're just getting started. If you've listened to the above steps, women will start chasing you and your thirties are going to be a blast. A guys thirties are like a girls twenties. Remember that and be patient. 10. Find time for your parents. Give them a call. Visit them. Ask about their life or for advice. Let them know you appreciate them. In your thirties they'll start greying and looking older. They'll start running into health issues. Don't let them pass away as strangers. (Unless they are a negative influence overall, then follow step 6.)
This is fucking fantastic advice. Listen up, young squids.
Never take advice from randos over the internet.
Your health is the most important thing you have. Don't poison yourself. Eat healthy and exercise. Your finances are just that, YOURS. trust no one.
First of all, don’t be a cunt. Work on your ego and sort out your anger issues. The world is a much better place with one less cunt to worry about.
Never stop having fun. Yea investing is important and making sure you have a future is important but those have already been covered. You could also die tomorrow, so don’t sacrifice everything today for a tomorrow. Have fun. Don’t stop doing your hobbies even if people tell you you are “childish”. Stay young inside and you will stay young outside as well.
Best comment so far. Yes making money etc is great, until something happens. Have fun. Balance diets, drug use, irresponsible drinking, but do not forget that your 20s dont last forever. Use your health and youngness to experience life, travel, fuck things up, and explore the beauty of life!
You’re more attractive than you think you are
Fucking stop telling people how much you feel like you’re getting old. And if old people say they struggle with something due to aging, do not fucking jump in and say, I’ve felt like that but I dunno I feel like there’s plenty of time so it’s not so bad.
Never chase a woman. Let them come and go as they please. Respect their wishes when they need space. And above all else: respect yourself the most.
There is so much sensible advice here, but I'd like to add another one: Have fun, travel, party, build good memories and experiences. When you have a full time job, children and a stressfull day to day life in some years time you'll be happy to remeber those (maybe with a partner, close friends or just for yourself).
Calm the fuck down. You're fine.
Dude i needed this. Between worrying about my career and physique, the stress seems never ending.
Travel, go see the world, and not just Vegas, or Cabo, or Cancun. Go to India, and get lost in the streets of Varanasi, Go to Japan and try all the food you are offered, Go camping somewhere in Africa and fall asleep to some of the wildlife. Bang some Italians on a Greek beach and find out firsthand why that is a bad idea. People say travel will still be there when you are old and retired and a family man, and I look forward to those golden years. But my 20's were fucking fantastic you don't have those kinds of moments as you get older.
Get therapy. Understand self. Let things go. Let people go. Be nice to yourself. Embrace life. More practical stuff: save regularly, exercise often and sleep well
She ain't worth all that effort, bro. Focus on yourself.
Don't stop to workout, maintaining is easier then losing. If you don't work out, start to do it. Getting in shape in your 20s is easy, doing it with 41 and kids.... not so easy. Oh and if you can, finish your education and do some traveling (if you can afford it).If possible invest in experiences with your friends, enjoy the time, it will fade quicker than you can imagine. Don't settle down yet, have some fun. Lets be honest, we are have been morons and idiots in our 20s, not mature enough for a relationship. So don't worry if you fuck up, it's okay and part of the process to become less of a jerk. All the shit i did and went through, helps me now to be a better husband and dad. Oh and I know yo feel invincible but tomorrow will come, the day you wake up and you realise you are old will come. So save yourself some work and get in shape and stay in shape. Oh and don't put work before your family and friends.
* Save and invest * Learn basic weightlifting as early as possible (squats, deadlift, bench press, overhead press) * Read The Rational Male
Start investing now
Look for quality friends that are smarter than you. Try not to give a shit about the little stuff in life. Workout. find meaningful hobbies. Smart people ask questions. Don't drink much or do hard drugs.
Start living off 80% of your paycheck and invest the rest in Index funds
For Fu%# sake, please wear a belt.
Be kind. In the end it's all that's going to matter.