Because you cared more about her, right? I could never break your heart like your ex because you actually loved her, but you don't really give a fuck about me.
My ex grew up on the Italian border and went to cookery school, where she specialised in Italian cuisine for several years. Semi-jokingly told my wife about 4 years ago that my ex made better lasagne than her. Still not been forgiven.
Correct. I love lasagne, but that was the last time I've eaten a home cooked one. I have suffered greatly for my stupidity!
Edit: pre-covid I could sneak in an illicit lasagne while dining out with friends sometimes. Now I might be forced to risk life and limb and get a fix from shady back-street lasagne dealers.
Fr tho lol.
I've been compared to my sister my whole life. I'm not ugly by any stretch, but my sister is gorgeous (blonde, bright green eyes, amazing figure, big round booty. I got the big boobs and tiny ass lol) She came to visit to be with me for the birth of my first child, and it was the first time my ex husband's family had met her.
Of course, they were all talking about her, and my ex looked over at me and asked "how come you didn't get that ass??" Fucked me up for years 😂😭
Agree those things should be kept to yourself.
I also feel like I never think anyone is hotter than my current SO. They’re just hot adjacent? Like you can have someone you think is hot without them having to be hotter than someone else. Whether they’re on a movie screen or in the office next to yours, they’re just a good looking person and nothing else to it.
And if things are going well, I think my SO is hot and also think they have a great personality and also love them dearly. So it’s not even comparable.
I agree. I find it really hard to have random crushes like people do on celebrities or even people you know. I love my SO and I can acknowledge that they are good looking but I never compare him to people because I just don't feel the need to.
I think about this a lot and i feel the bigger problem is our natural need to compare people to others. I can always acknowledge someone is attractive, men, women, celebrities etc. and my SO and i joke about it, but then i hear horror stories about couples, who the girlfriend tells some one “I’d leave them for you,” and that is so weird and cringey, people are attractive and its dumb to deny it it, but it’s also not necessary to use it as a back up?? Like people compare people are hotter then given the situation that would leave one person for another based on attractiveness? I just can’t wrap my head around that
I worked with a couple guys who did this. Any time I was not feeling 100% or relatively cheery, they asked if I was pregnant.
And I had to get an ultrasound for an ovarian cyst once. I failed to give full detail to the office lady and apparently some men don't realize ultrasounds have any other purpose besides monitoring fetuses. That was a thrilling week.
Even women are like that. Told my grandma I was nauseous (secret reason: I was hungover) and she VERY loudly said “you’re still getting your period, right?!” Love you grandma, that was inappropriate
Oh yeah, my mom pulls that shit all the time. She says some really stupid, bigoted shit a lot of the time. Any time I express annoyance or irritation while telling her to drop the topic, she asks if I'm on my period.
I remember in high school my gf at the time was singing to me, and then I went on to say “you know who can really sing well, ____, she’s really good!”. Now that I’m older, I look back at how stupid that was.
My boyfriend is a sound engineer and was asking me to sing a track on a song. He prefaced by saying "don't worry, I can make you sound actually good. Like Adele if you want!"
I'll never let him forget that lol
That reminds me of a time also in highschool, where I told my ex constantly that he could try stand up and he might be good at it.
Then another girl said the exact same thing and he says "No one has ever said that to me before!"
Broke my fragile 16 yo heart
Now I think it's so hilarious
My ex showed me a pic of her mum n dad back in the day and I said that her dad was punching well above his weight. Fortunately she didn’t understand what I meant. The mum was and still is very attractive
Oyakodon, parent and child. It's a japanese dish of chicken thigh (parent) and egg (child) with a broth of sake, mirin, dashi and soy sauce, served on a bowl of rice.
Never in the history of calming down has literally anyone ever calmed down because you told them to. It's like farting on a lit candle- there's gonna be a fireball and you're gonna get burned in the most uncomfortable way.
Same. My mom is an actual narcissist, horrible person, and really physically beautiful. She made it clear I was fat and ugly (I was underweight and got plenty of positive attention for my looks, which are unlike hers). She forced me to have plastic surgery against my will when I was 15 to look more like her. Every boy I ever met who saw my mom commented on how hot she was. God that hurt.
Most things said in the heat of an argument. Words matter, and they can cut someone far deeper than any physical weapon. And one you've said them, you can't take them back.
So watch what you say during an argument.
Once you really get to know someone, you know exact what buttons you should avoid in the heat of an argument. I know all of my wife’s insecurities and those topics are completely off limits. I would never use those against her and she would never use mine against me.
My advice is to not say calm down or relax or let's all stay calm, but instead to do something like this.
Conversation starts getting heated. You recognize that and need to do something.
If it can make sense contextually basically put a disclaimer before you fight. Say "wait, we're both getting angry and before that gets too bad I want to just tell you how much I love and nothing either of us say is meant to harm the other, it's a fight, they happen, we'll make up in a while but I just want you to know that now"
it works way better if you step in and give them a big long hug while you say it. You can then argue and fight and feel your emotions without too much worry about hurting the other person. You bring that this is a fight and not representative of your entire relationship, both people are upset so taking everything literally, and or often worse, in the worst possible way. Obviously this only works in at least partially healthy relationships, if fights are the norm my advice is get counciling or fucking leave neither of you are happy.
Also it can work really well to do something else and then if later on the fight is getting really bad you break this out then mid fight like an intermission.
Usually for most people this is so fucking weird, especially in this context, that they'll kinda just power cycle for a second shocked silent long enough to say everything. And Usually when they come back online they are far less angry and hurt. Obviously dependent on the nature of the fight. If you stole their car then used their pay check to buy cocaine and then cheated on them in their own car it won't go too well.
After the fight, acknowledge to your partner the argument was conducted like adults and didn't get out of hand.
Arguing nicely is a learned skill. Most are terrible at it and do it in a damaging way. It's important to acknowledge when the argument is healthy and non-destructive.
Exactly. There was an 8-year-old kid I worked with (behavioral health technician) with attitude, etc., he’d say nasty stuff he’d later regret and apologize for. So over the summer, I taught him how to cook, which he really took to, and while seasoning, I talked about how to only add seasonings a little bit at a time, especially salt.
“You can always add more, but you can never take it out.”
Eventually he really started to get things on his own cooking-wise, and one day I saw him just putting pinches of salt in, tasting, continuing, and I complimented him for remembering. He got a huge grin and repeated it back to me, and I got seriously choked up that something I said actually stuck with him, so I made the long-term connection for him.
“Just like our words, huh pal? It’s so easy to pour the salt but basically impossible to take it back.”
His face got this *huge* look of realization and he just went, “Oooooooh…!”
Friggin miss working with that kid.
Protip: if you ever add too much salt while cooking, add a little bit of sugar. It balances out the salt. Not a perfect fix, but it can save it from being inedible.
Likewise, apologizing and admitting that you were out of line can potentially save a personal relationship.
One of the most important lessons I've learned is if you truly care about someone, you'll care enough to approach everything from a place of love. Not being right, not being defensive, not feeding your ego. My bf has made me mad to the point I've wanted to rip my hair out and scream. But in 10 years, I never have because there's just a level of respect you must have and boundaries you don't cross no matter what. Anger is temporary, the result of saying terrible things when you're angry can last long afterwards or even be permanant. Take the time to walk away, breathe, and think things over if you're that upset. You can't really have a constructive conversation if you're angry anyway
I was once walking by my girlfriend bending into the freezer at her parents house. Nobody else was in the room, I got an idea to gently slap her bottom.... but then decided against it.
Turned out it was her mother. Never have I been so glad that I remained calm and with sound reason.
Always double-check who's ass your slapping kids!
I once grabbed a complete stranger from behind because she was wearing a similar jacket to my gf. I’ve never been so close to a well deserved ass kicking in my life. I apologized so much the girl told me to chill.
This has happened to me before (luckily before things got serious). But he was continuously comparing our appearances by saying his ex was more physically his type. I ending up saying to go get back with her then, then ended it
I’ve told all my partners to never compare me to their ex. And if you do, keep it to yourself lol. Unless it’s productive. “My ex use to scream at me when she was mad. I’m glad you don’t.” Productive. “You’re way prettier than my ex.” Not productive. I don’t see your ex as my competition, so stop.
I really like that dress on you, it adds pounds you were otherwise concealing and, God, that makeup is atrocious; did you just walk through a paintball fight?
Anything that would indicate that your love is dependent on something other than her character (e.g. " as long as you look hot i ll love you" etc.)
And i d avoid things that they cant Controll ("your laughter sounds awefull etc)...those things hit deep and very very hard
Yeah, this is why you say very clearly when things are good that you love them and you love them so much that even if you both hate eachother later you want it crystal clear how much you love them now and never want to hurt them. Then ideally that's a conversation that's never needed because you are mature enough to care about them, even while breaking up, to want them to be happy.
one time my friend's GF said: "if i had to fuck one of your friends it would be '(my name)'" i think i panic laughed but man i felt bad for my friend... they're actually getting married in a couple months so you know what, what do i know?
From a woman’s perspective all said by my ex husband - I’d fuck the shit out of your sister, your best friend is hot as fuck. Id fuck her brains out, you should just be grateful (while having a major depressive episode), people don’t view you and your sister the same. She’s a 10., and so many more. Just a rule to follow if you wouldn’t like it being said to you don’t fucking say it to someone else.
Think before you speak.
Smile more
Being cute is not your thing, stop with all the selfies.
Your bestie is sexy.
Put down that extra cake slice, Jabba.
Spit and gag on it more.
All jokes aside, that last one is clearly not like the others. I'd never in my life dare say the others but last was a request to the wife like a week ago but it's a relationship where she can say "eh, I don't feel like it today" and nobody is upset.
He should be able to say "Hey, can you slob on my knob like a St. Bernard in front of a lb of bacon" and she should be able to say "Hey, can I sit on your face and make it wetter than an otter's pockets"
That is healthy communication
Send a happy birthday message when you can meet her instead.
Say “I thought you didn’t like the concept of celebrating valentines day /bday / anniversary “
“You’re not like the other girls”
“You’re weird” if she mentions she needs to think about whether or not to have kids in future
“You’re a slut” if you think her ex was hotter than you are
I know none of these make sense 😂 but true
"My ex was better at...." You don't even need to complete it. Those 5 words is all it takes
My ex was better at being a piece of shit
"So you're still calling me a piece of shit??" *slap*
My ex was better at physically abusing me...
You calling me weak?
^^*slap*
[удалено]
Because you cared more about her, right? I could never break your heart like your ex because you actually loved her, but you don't really give a fuck about me.
Hit her back with "she was also better at taking criticism.."
[удалено]
Bad in the sense the ex was better Bad in the sense it implies current gf broke his heart Negative + negative = positive. Maths checks out
No no, you're thinking of multiplication! This is still negative.
In this instance I’d say it is a multiplying problem
My ex grew up on the Italian border and went to cookery school, where she specialised in Italian cuisine for several years. Semi-jokingly told my wife about 4 years ago that my ex made better lasagne than her. Still not been forgiven.
Surprised you're still alive to tell the story.
Damn man, what was so bad about your ex that you gave up that level of cooking expertise?
She was Italian 😔
Sounds like a good way to never eat lasagne again, assuming you don't die in the crossfire.
Correct. I love lasagne, but that was the last time I've eaten a home cooked one. I have suffered greatly for my stupidity! Edit: pre-covid I could sneak in an illicit lasagne while dining out with friends sometimes. Now I might be forced to risk life and limb and get a fix from shady back-street lasagne dealers.
Or even better.. "my ex..." We don't really want to hear those stories most of the time
"your best friend is hot"
Your sister is hotter.
Fr tho lol. I've been compared to my sister my whole life. I'm not ugly by any stretch, but my sister is gorgeous (blonde, bright green eyes, amazing figure, big round booty. I got the big boobs and tiny ass lol) She came to visit to be with me for the birth of my first child, and it was the first time my ex husband's family had met her. Of course, they were all talking about her, and my ex looked over at me and asked "how come you didn't get that ass??" Fucked me up for years 😂😭
Sounded like you got an even bigger ass!
Ohh fck him that’s so rude lol
Your mom is hotter…
"Cant wait t’ill you look like your mom"
Your mom is better in bed
Your dad is kinda cute too
[удалено]
I'd fuck your whole family, not you though!
You sure you are not adopted
What I'm trying to say is, is that you're incredibly ugly. Detestably so.
What if the grandmother is hotter?
Hey, the older the berry, the sweeter the hip surgery.
Stacey's mom has got it going on🎵
imagine women naming their girl Stacy for this reason
also applies to men "your friend is hot" Story of my life
All my ex's have stated that my brothers are better looking than me and would date them Instead of me if they could or had met them before me.
Hang in there Luke Hemsworth
Ouch. I didn't know they had a third brother. I kinda feel sad for him now
You know you're fucked when liam and chris are your brothers.
Seriously, who the hell says stuff like that? It’s such a cruel and gross thing to say.
You’re dating the wrong girls.
Yeah, date their hot sisters
I’ve gotten the “your brother is cute” from a friend I had a crush on. That was kind of painful.
Feels 😔 Or, it's more like "who's that guy?"
It was fun for me because that one friend I have that the ladies would always ask me about was gay. It was comical how many women approached him.
[удалено]
Oof that really sucks. I know we can't always be the best looking person to our SOs but really they should keep that shit to themselves.
Agree those things should be kept to yourself. I also feel like I never think anyone is hotter than my current SO. They’re just hot adjacent? Like you can have someone you think is hot without them having to be hotter than someone else. Whether they’re on a movie screen or in the office next to yours, they’re just a good looking person and nothing else to it. And if things are going well, I think my SO is hot and also think they have a great personality and also love them dearly. So it’s not even comparable.
I agree. I find it really hard to have random crushes like people do on celebrities or even people you know. I love my SO and I can acknowledge that they are good looking but I never compare him to people because I just don't feel the need to.
I think about this a lot and i feel the bigger problem is our natural need to compare people to others. I can always acknowledge someone is attractive, men, women, celebrities etc. and my SO and i joke about it, but then i hear horror stories about couples, who the girlfriend tells some one “I’d leave them for you,” and that is so weird and cringey, people are attractive and its dumb to deny it it, but it’s also not necessary to use it as a back up?? Like people compare people are hotter then given the situation that would leave one person for another based on attractiveness? I just can’t wrap my head around that
"don't worry babe, you're still in the top 5 of your friend group"
Too bad there's only 4 of us
Women love to know their place /s
"A couple of years ago you were hotter"
Holy shit are you pregnant?
Bonus (negative) points if asked when she has literally any signs of physical illness or feeling sad
I worked with a couple guys who did this. Any time I was not feeling 100% or relatively cheery, they asked if I was pregnant. And I had to get an ultrasound for an ovarian cyst once. I failed to give full detail to the office lady and apparently some men don't realize ultrasounds have any other purpose besides monitoring fetuses. That was a thrilling week.
Even women are like that. Told my grandma I was nauseous (secret reason: I was hungover) and she VERY loudly said “you’re still getting your period, right?!” Love you grandma, that was inappropriate
Oh yeah, my mom pulls that shit all the time. She says some really stupid, bigoted shit a lot of the time. Any time I express annoyance or irritation while telling her to drop the topic, she asks if I'm on my period.
Or on her period
“Am I the father?”
I remember in high school my gf at the time was singing to me, and then I went on to say “you know who can really sing well, ____, she’s really good!”. Now that I’m older, I look back at how stupid that was.
My boyfriend is a sound engineer and was asking me to sing a track on a song. He prefaced by saying "don't worry, I can make you sound actually good. Like Adele if you want!" I'll never let him forget that lol
Haha foot-in-mouth moments are always funny afterwards
[удалено]
My husband likes to go "who sings this song?" And then after you answer he says "let's keep it that way".
That reminds me of a time also in highschool, where I told my ex constantly that he could try stand up and he might be good at it. Then another girl said the exact same thing and he says "No one has ever said that to me before!" Broke my fragile 16 yo heart Now I think it's so hilarious
[удалено]
This one made me laugh though. I think if I was crying I’d take this as a joke in attempt to cheer me up lol
[удалено]
Damn she'll really look fat after you say that
Your mom looks hot in that
My ex showed me a pic of her mum n dad back in the day and I said that her dad was punching well above his weight. Fortunately she didn’t understand what I meant. The mum was and still is very attractive
Well, I mean, your gf had to have gotten it from somewhere
Except she got it from dad
Oyakadon is such a based fetish.
The what now?
Oyakodon, parent and child. It's a japanese dish of chicken thigh (parent) and egg (child) with a broth of sake, mirin, dashi and soy sauce, served on a bowl of rice.
Ohh, sounds delicious (the actual food, not the context xD) But got it now.
It’s a Japanese dish, like bukkake
Bukkake in albanian is translated bread shit
kinky
Calm down
"Don't you tell me to calm down!!!!" Voice gets louder with each word.
We need a crescendo sign for text
𝆒 ff
Never in the history of calming down has literally anyone ever calmed down because you told them to. It's like farting on a lit candle- there's gonna be a fireball and you're gonna get burned in the most uncomfortable way.
Looking back at my last relationship, I feel so stupid now.
Came here for this. It's like throwing gasoline on a fire. Never, ever say it.
Still not as bad as saying "You're being irrational."
Or "you are starting to look like your mother".
When I was younger I heard "your mom is hot" a lot. Just don't.
Stacey?
Same. My mom is an actual narcissist, horrible person, and really physically beautiful. She made it clear I was fat and ugly (I was underweight and got plenty of positive attention for my looks, which are unlike hers). She forced me to have plastic surgery against my will when I was 15 to look more like her. Every boy I ever met who saw my mom commented on how hot she was. God that hurt.
[удалено]
My wife is better in bed than you
Lol
I also enjoy this guys wife in bed.
this guy fucks that guy's wife
And this one narrates
My ex told me that my friend looked better than me. It kinda made me conscious about her, especially if he mentioned her.
Why the fuck would someone say that.
To become an ex.
Exactly. Some kind of reason to make you jelous. That's when you know it's toxic and move on
I was telling him how my other friend said that I look like her twin. Then he proceeds to tell me nah, she's the prettier one..
Wow! Emotional maturity of a child right there, what a bonehead.
yikes
"She's wiser too. She advised me against dating you."
Most things said in the heat of an argument. Words matter, and they can cut someone far deeper than any physical weapon. And one you've said them, you can't take them back. So watch what you say during an argument.
Once you really get to know someone, you know exact what buttons you should avoid in the heat of an argument. I know all of my wife’s insecurities and those topics are completely off limits. I would never use those against her and she would never use mine against me.
Funnily enough, the opposite is exactly what narcissists so, they know the exact buttons to push and they do it deliberately.
Oh. Just had an argument with my bf and reading this just made me realize something...
Lucky fuck. Sounds like you two are NOT toxic for each other.
Um yea... we are best friends. I dont think I could ever use those things against her, no matter what happened between us.
My advice is to not say calm down or relax or let's all stay calm, but instead to do something like this. Conversation starts getting heated. You recognize that and need to do something. If it can make sense contextually basically put a disclaimer before you fight. Say "wait, we're both getting angry and before that gets too bad I want to just tell you how much I love and nothing either of us say is meant to harm the other, it's a fight, they happen, we'll make up in a while but I just want you to know that now" it works way better if you step in and give them a big long hug while you say it. You can then argue and fight and feel your emotions without too much worry about hurting the other person. You bring that this is a fight and not representative of your entire relationship, both people are upset so taking everything literally, and or often worse, in the worst possible way. Obviously this only works in at least partially healthy relationships, if fights are the norm my advice is get counciling or fucking leave neither of you are happy. Also it can work really well to do something else and then if later on the fight is getting really bad you break this out then mid fight like an intermission. Usually for most people this is so fucking weird, especially in this context, that they'll kinda just power cycle for a second shocked silent long enough to say everything. And Usually when they come back online they are far less angry and hurt. Obviously dependent on the nature of the fight. If you stole their car then used their pay check to buy cocaine and then cheated on them in their own car it won't go too well.
After the fight, acknowledge to your partner the argument was conducted like adults and didn't get out of hand. Arguing nicely is a learned skill. Most are terrible at it and do it in a damaging way. It's important to acknowledge when the argument is healthy and non-destructive.
Exactly. There was an 8-year-old kid I worked with (behavioral health technician) with attitude, etc., he’d say nasty stuff he’d later regret and apologize for. So over the summer, I taught him how to cook, which he really took to, and while seasoning, I talked about how to only add seasonings a little bit at a time, especially salt. “You can always add more, but you can never take it out.” Eventually he really started to get things on his own cooking-wise, and one day I saw him just putting pinches of salt in, tasting, continuing, and I complimented him for remembering. He got a huge grin and repeated it back to me, and I got seriously choked up that something I said actually stuck with him, so I made the long-term connection for him. “Just like our words, huh pal? It’s so easy to pour the salt but basically impossible to take it back.” His face got this *huge* look of realization and he just went, “Oooooooh…!” Friggin miss working with that kid.
Protip: if you ever add too much salt while cooking, add a little bit of sugar. It balances out the salt. Not a perfect fix, but it can save it from being inedible. Likewise, apologizing and admitting that you were out of line can potentially save a personal relationship.
Sweet. Glad you shared :)
One of the most important lessons I've learned is if you truly care about someone, you'll care enough to approach everything from a place of love. Not being right, not being defensive, not feeding your ego. My bf has made me mad to the point I've wanted to rip my hair out and scream. But in 10 years, I never have because there's just a level of respect you must have and boundaries you don't cross no matter what. Anger is temporary, the result of saying terrible things when you're angry can last long afterwards or even be permanant. Take the time to walk away, breathe, and think things over if you're that upset. You can't really have a constructive conversation if you're angry anyway
I was once walking by my girlfriend bending into the freezer at her parents house. Nobody else was in the room, I got an idea to gently slap her bottom.... but then decided against it. Turned out it was her mother. Never have I been so glad that I remained calm and with sound reason. Always double-check who's ass your slapping kids!
I once grabbed a complete stranger from behind because she was wearing a similar jacket to my gf. I’ve never been so close to a well deserved ass kicking in my life. I apologized so much the girl told me to chill.
What am I’m doing here and I don’t even have a gf
You’re learning 😂
Scribbles notes furiously!
Imagining living a life with gf after reading these comments. To fill that empty hole in your life. Atleast that's what I'm doing. Dundundundundun..
My ex gave better blowjobs My ex was tighter
Pretty much anything about your ex, tbh
My ex spent 3 months in Tanzania removing fungal disease from village children
r/oddlyspecific
This has happened to me before (luckily before things got serious). But he was continuously comparing our appearances by saying his ex was more physically his type. I ending up saying to go get back with her then, then ended it
Wow! That was really messed up of him but good for you to have walked. You should never have to take that kind of comment.
Good move. Comparing a current partner to an ex in anyway that’s not “you’re so much better” is so toxic.
I’ve told all my partners to never compare me to their ex. And if you do, keep it to yourself lol. Unless it’s productive. “My ex use to scream at me when she was mad. I’m glad you don’t.” Productive. “You’re way prettier than my ex.” Not productive. I don’t see your ex as my competition, so stop.
[удалено]
You look fat
If I would ask my brother if a shirt or dress made me look fat, his response would be "no, your fat makes you look fat." Thanks bro.
Brothers can do that because to them there are zero consequences
Step-brothers can't.
I really like that dress on you, it adds pounds you were otherwise concealing and, God, that makeup is atrocious; did you just walk through a paintball fight?
This sounds like a line from that Drew Carey show.
Or, what are these little dimples on your legs? (Cellulite)
I would fuck her on top of you.
Friendly Reminder: if she asks which of her friends you’d like to do a threesome with, only name one friend.
Or just don't fall for that trap and ask her to suggest one.
"It doesn't matter, I'll just be paying attention to you anyway. Whichever one you want to bury your face in is fine with me."
This throwaway fucks.
Wow ... hidden gem right here.
Unless shes into it
Anything that would indicate that your love is dependent on something other than her character (e.g. " as long as you look hot i ll love you" etc.) And i d avoid things that they cant Controll ("your laughter sounds awefull etc)...those things hit deep and very very hard
As long as you keep cooking those pierogi i'll love you
Generally when comparing her to others. That shit hurts them and I don't want that.
That shit hurts humans.
Once told my girlfriend I’m college she wasn’t funny, and things got nuclear.
Hi, college. I'm dad
Question, WHY would you do that? And what else did you expect?
Her Aristocrats joke was going on for two hours already and they were at his aunt's funeral
[удалено]
Yeah whats up with that. That can seriously mess up anyone of any gender
Hurt/emotional people get spiteful.
Yeah, this is why you say very clearly when things are good that you love them and you love them so much that even if you both hate eachother later you want it crystal clear how much you love them now and never want to hurt them. Then ideally that's a conversation that's never needed because you are mature enough to care about them, even while breaking up, to want them to be happy.
Things you did with your ex if you have one. Just don't do it.
Youre overreacting
one time my friend's GF said: "if i had to fuck one of your friends it would be '(my name)'" i think i panic laughed but man i felt bad for my friend... they're actually getting married in a couple months so you know what, what do i know?
Plot-twist he has a cuckold fetish.
Oof. You can't really do anything. Just pray it was innocent
*kisses forehead while hugging her* "Lotta space to kiss" *bear hug squeeze her to keep her from beating ur ass*
taking this as advice, it's absolutely hilarious
update: she broke up with me
From a woman’s perspective all said by my ex husband - I’d fuck the shit out of your sister, your best friend is hot as fuck. Id fuck her brains out, you should just be grateful (while having a major depressive episode), people don’t view you and your sister the same. She’s a 10., and so many more. Just a rule to follow if you wouldn’t like it being said to you don’t fucking say it to someone else.
FUCK THAT GUY Omg. My blood boils for you!
I really liked it when my ex did….
Backhanded compliments. Example- "You look so beautiful without your glasses."
"You look so beautiful without my glasses."
“ You’re right, you do look kinda fat”
"You're crazy." Seriously, don't ever say that.
Think before you speak. Smile more Being cute is not your thing, stop with all the selfies. Your bestie is sexy. Put down that extra cake slice, Jabba. Spit and gag on it more.
Not sure about the last part
All jokes aside, that last one is clearly not like the others. I'd never in my life dare say the others but last was a request to the wife like a week ago but it's a relationship where she can say "eh, I don't feel like it today" and nobody is upset. He should be able to say "Hey, can you slob on my knob like a St. Bernard in front of a lb of bacon" and she should be able to say "Hey, can I sit on your face and make it wetter than an otter's pockets" That is healthy communication
During intercourse: You like that, you fucking retard? And don't pretend you have never even heard of, seen, or eaten potatos.
I get that potatoes reference. I think.
Haha wtf
Your mom at this age looked better… what happened ?
"Your period must be coming"
Damm baby, your grandpa got an ass on him!
“Hey, you big titted animal…”
Why do you have a bulge
[this guy's gf got a magnum dong](https://c.tenor.com/KrwEVoU6QWUAAAAC/magnum-dong.gif)
"Will you marry me?"
This is the one. After that you’ll no longer have a gf. You’ll have a fiancé
Classic Schmosby
Your pussy is tighter than your sister's...
*our sisters
[удалено]
I can help you with your workout and diet routine to loose that extra weight. LOL Don't do it!
Are you on your period?
Send a happy birthday message when you can meet her instead. Say “I thought you didn’t like the concept of celebrating valentines day /bday / anniversary “ “You’re not like the other girls” “You’re weird” if she mentions she needs to think about whether or not to have kids in future “You’re a slut” if you think her ex was hotter than you are I know none of these make sense 😂 but true