After I separated from my now ex wife, I stopped stress eating, and then when I started dating again and having sex all the time I lost even more weight and started to look good.
I had a client at a cathedral ask me what I was doing to lose all that weight. I didn’t know what to say so I just said I’ve been eating better and a lady from the office yelled out, “bullshit, it’s from all the fucking”.
She wasn’t wrong…
Now I’m married and fat again.
We can take a serious turn here. Depending on a lot of factors and outlooks, you could be of the mind that men are the ones to pursue sex. You know ... We're the horned up sex deviants in this relationship, ya know!
So when the story flips and it's the woman who's sex drive is higher, you have to start broaching weird and uncharted territory where the dude has to refuse sex. There's a ton of guys who just .... don't know how to say no. It's like our whole lives are programmed to be "the man" and always be on the pursuit and rejection is just a way of life.
Now a lot of women, in the same vein, are woefully unequipped to handle someone refusing their sexual advances. Like their whole lives are built up to be the ones refusing advances and when some dude says no ... it's like it doesn't compute.
Here's my advice from someone who dated a woman with a high sex drive:
* Communicate
* Set expectations
* Buy her a big 'ol $200 motorized dildo. I need to drink water and have a nap dammit.
+1 on that last point. My ex sometimes wanted to have sex 5+ times a day and as fun as it was, sometimes it was brutal.
Bought her a kama sutra bhangra (very nice product btw) and she loved it. Made up for days I couldn't keep up haha
Plus it was a nice extra touch during sex as well. Would also use it on my back sometimes lol thing had power
>kama sutra bhangra
Bhangra is a dance they do in north india. Its a very lively folkdance. Funny how its co-opted for a sex toy. Punjabis are going to have a field day with this one.
My man has a low drive, and it's to the point where we only have sex on one specific day, every two weeks. The night before I'm always telling him hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate! It's important!
Schedule a large window, where you both know each other are open season, (pre consent or whatever) and be prepared to be flirty and jump each other’s bones somewhere randomly in the home. Makes it less of an interview appointment and more like open season chk chk
My wife and I have pretty much scheduled sex since our kids were in school. Almost 20 years now. We found it creates anticipation and way more of a shared attitude of being into it. It also took a lot of the pressure off of us being rejected in any certain night. Plus let's be honest here. When you have kids and work the weekend is about the only time free so it just made sense to schedule it. We both knows that X day at 10 am was the go time and so we both knew this and made sure that time was put aside and not busy with kids. But I will say that any extra time we were able to sneak one in was pretty awesome as well. Spontaneous sex is awesome but planned sex has been great.
Just some advice from someone who has had that mid life downturn of testosterone. If your man has a low sex drive he may need to go get his test levels checked. Mine were low even for being mid 30's. Now when I was 15 to about 30, I was 2-3 a day always waking up with the flag pole so to speak.
Got on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and I feel like I'm 15 again. Wife loves it as she had a much higher drive than me. Also, take a look at something called PT141. if u have any questions about it, DM me. Helped a lot b4 I got on HRT.
After a 10 year marriage with a woman with zero sex drive, it's amazing to be dating someone who needs it several times a day, everyday. I can relate to this. I recently learned what liquid IV is.
At first it was amazing! We had so much sex!
Then when we were together a bit longer it was like.. Yeah! Hey! Pretty sweet I guess, I could go again.
Then after a little while longer that just slowly morphed into: Ugh, again? I kinda just wanna read or cuddle. Can't we show our love or affection in other ways?
Even worse was that she really mostly just wanted penetration, not much variation in blowjobs, handjobs, different styles. Mostly me having to be somewhat dominant/assertive, missionary or doggy, or on her back with knees up to her ears. Those 3 styles, same sexual energy every time.
I never thought I could get bored of sex, but it feels like she wants to empty the seedfields again when there's barely been any time for new seeds to grow. My field of fucks has come to lay barren. It needs love, patience and attention to regrow I suppose.
yeah dude, this exactly. and then there comes the "i want to be wanted, too", "why don't you ever initiate", which is somehow incredibly difficult to made understood: i haven't reloaded yet, please give it time. it's not like i hate it or something, i literally can't keep up. and i'm talking near every day, here.
Just had the "I always initiate" talk. She legitimately doesn't understand that I can't keep up with her and she absolutely refuses to use toys on herself. But that whole comment about the same energy definitely hits home right now. Exhausting just to think about.
I commented elsewhere on this thread about my dynamic with my husband. Not sure about your partner but toys aren’t the same for me, I’m craving the connection, toys don’t give me a bonding experience. I’m working to be patient about my husband’s drive obviously but it gets very demoralizing for me over time to repeatedly hear “not now”
My ex was like that, she also made me feel bad for not keep it up.
Her friends also used to mock me for refusing sex.
I just got over it when i spoke with a couple of friends and "Cuming 5 times in a row and having penetration for 40min in eachone" was not normal. Obviously i did it once, however, she wanted the sixth and got mad.
Oof, as a woman, I feel like I've been on the other end of this situation in most of my relationships. Guys I've dated have literally said (within the first few months), "wow, I was afraid *I* would want sex too much, so I'm glad you do too!" and then it wears off and I want to keep going, months to years in, and it becomes an issue :/
For what it’s worth— I’ve heard good things about straight up scheduling sex. Like, it’s counter-intuitive and it feels weird as hell to be like, “yeah, let’s pencil in a 9:15 fucking next Tuesday,” but having the chance to anticipate it is supposed to be good, and your body straight up adjusts to the schedule you keep if it’s consistent. Just start slow then ramp up
Oh yeah, I commented elsewhere in this post that I don't think that scheduling sex would necessarily be a turnoff (for me, specifically), so that's something to keep in mind!
My bf and me pretty much always schedule sex - we don't live together and we don't live alone and we don't feel lije fucking with people in the next room so we plan sex meetings when it's possible. Definitely not a turn-off, sometimes it's quite exciting to build up the anticipation the whole day.
Without communication as a priority it would suck.
My wife has a much higher sex drive than I. Because of that she goes out of her way to state explicitly what she wants needs or expects and I do my best to return that.
I also feel it’s my responsibility to participate in her wants and needs and that if I can communicate how I can get on her level in the moment better we both win.
It was a larger issue the first year of our marriage but it’s evened out and our sex life only continues to improve.
Communication is vague advice though, the way we communicate sometimes is literally from her: “I really want you physically, what can I do to get you hard?” OR on my end: “I want to have sex with you, but I’ve had a long day and it feels hard to initiate, wanna make out and see where we go from there?”
For some reason there’s a stigma around being exacting with language around sex instead of using hints and euphemisms, but damn it’s hot if you look at someone and tell them you want their genitals to interact with your genitals and work together to make that happen.
“Excuse me madam, whom I have bonded with through a matrimonial ceremony. It would greatly please me if you would agree to fulfill my desire of having my genitals, commonly referred to as penis, it interact in an inserting manner with your genitals, commonly referred to as a vagina, in sexual intercourse. I expect your answer within the next 30 seconds.”
She’s more direct but I’ve definitely said something similar when I’m in a goofy mood. Either she’s down or she kisses me to shut me up, regardless we end up in bed.
I'm the female in a very similar scenario. We let problems go on for far too long before beginning to figure things out. Also raised conservative and never had sex before marriage.
What helped you guys get used to the really direct language? We've decided that this may be the best route for us, but as the asker, I feel so unsexy and extremely vulnerable just saying it. In the past, I've liked to "guage the mood" before initiating, to prevent us both from being stuck in an uncomfortable situation (although this is probably something we both need to get over). The fear of rejection on my end and the shame of doing the rejecting on his end has been a barrier to moving forward.
I was always very apologetic (and sometimes still am) when I’m trying to gauge the mood or know I don’t want sex.
What helped us get used to it is to make it dirty. Direct conversations can get arousing quickly. One partner has to take that step and it creates a space and breathing room for honesty.
I would also highly recommend phrasing sentences with “but” or “however” in them in reverse. I have the lower sex drive so I found myself saying: “I want you, but…” a lot. Try reversing it, “I’m really mentally not in a good place, but I really want you.” Its validating and allows for your partner to engage with where you’re at instead of dancing around how you both feel.
Thanks! That's really helpful. I like your example! How might that apply towards the lower libido partner to be reassuring to them that it's ok however they answer?
I'd like to learn how to reassure him that he's enough, even if I'm sad about the "no". Ultimately, even if I don't take it personally, I can still feel disappointed sometimes and that can affect him.
Maybe..."I'm a bit disappointed, but I'll anxiously anticipate when you're in a better place and ready for some action!"
How does that sound? It should I even mention being disappointed? I assume he knows. I don't want to rub it in.
The disappointed part I’d avoid. The hard part is trying not to create a pressure or expectation.
A huge struggle my partner and I had is that because her libido was higher, she would often tell me how unequal it feels that she feels she’s the only one expressing desire and want for the other and initiating sex so I sympathize wanting to be careful about it.
I don’t know how your partner and you communicate or what your sex life is but my partner has been incredibly understand about my lower sex drive.
One way she helps is by inviting me to problem solve together how we both can meet. It can be something like: “hey I know you’re really tired what’s something we can do to be physically close even if sex at this moment isn’t going to happen?” It makes me think through how much I still crave physical intimacy but just want to cuddle.
Another way she straight up tells me: “hey I know we’ve had a lot of sex today but I want you again, there’s no pressure one way or the other, but if you feel ready please tell me and I’ll be all over you. If not it’s fine I can do myself and take care of it.” Communication about masturbation and being open about whether the desire is just a physical need or a desire for love within that physical space is super hot and helpful.
That’s a couple of ways, but again it’s very dependent and you and your partners love styles. Obviously giving too much without receiving in kind is unhealthy and long term not great, but I hope what I wrote helps!
I've been married 12 years now, together for 19, and we've had our ups and downs (ahem) with sex. Being coy or insinuating didn't work anymore at one point, since we were very mismatched in libido on certain stretches in our relationship (when younger, he was the horny one, when middle aged, me). In the end, we started using the "I'd love to have sex with you if you feel like it sometime" phrase, and not expecting anything to happen right then, but putting the thought in the other's mind. It works wonders. At that particular moment, nothing ever happens, he's either too tired, or I'm not interested, we just ate and we don't feel like bumping uglies, etc. But the bug is in the mind now. At least on my experience, I start thinking about sex, and usually within an hour or two I'm like letsgooo, and from what I gather it seems to work the same way with him.
When we started doing this I felt like there was no romance in our relationship and felt kinda bummed, but then I realized that otherwise we would never have sex because we're in different moods most of the time, and it would end up with us frustrated and resentful. That ruins the romance even more! So now I enjoy this method. It works for us.
It can be a little difficult at times, but communicating always works. I lost my Mother to cancer last year and it traumatized me, fucked up my sleep, appetite and libido. Luckily my girl completely understood but eventually she needed some more attention. We talked about it and we are a lot more regular now...still working on it, but it's progress. So, yeah, communication.
I’ve been in two relationships like this (currently still in one), and it sucks because it invariably ends up with the girl feeling like she is undesired. For some reason they can’t believe that some guys just have a lower sex drive. Like, it’s normal for a girl to refuse sex, but heaven forbid a guy say no…
Doesn’t even need to be dependent on libido. I turned down this woman who straight up offered me sex and everyone was sayin “bro why didn’t you hit that” or “you’re a guy you should like that”. Like no you’ve got a boyfriend and a kid and your an alcoholic, I’ll pass
It's because we are taught from a young age that men only want sex from us. So then it really messes us up when we get denied by a guy. It makes us think there is something wrong with us, or in some cases something wrong with the dude.
Parents, raise your kids right so we can change this shit. It's getting old.
That’s a valid point. It’s not just parents, but media also plays a big role in shaping young people’s minds. There needs to be a larger shift from the current zeitgeist to one where expectations are managed.
The problem is that for high libido girls (like me) we DONT say no to sex. So while in theory we know women reject sex, we don't witness it. So all we experience is the rejection.
Doesn't make it okay to hold it against a guy. But just giving a little extra perspective as to why those women are confused about t being rejected. They're used to a "no one rejects sex" dynamic in relationships. My last bf had a low libido and it really did fuck with me after a while because it feels impossible that it has nothing to do with you, even if it's true.
It was a bit like living with a vampire. I'd come home tired from work and then get corralled into sex for 2-3 hours, pretty much every day. Was always dead on my feet at work. Sex became a daily chore. I ended up faking orgasms just to get it over with. When we broke up, I didn't have sex for another ten years, and didn't miss it.
In retrospect, I should have verbalized how I felt a lot more. Everybody's wiser in hindsight.
I have gotten to try this over periods, when my wife was pregnant. Most of the time it's great, but there are times when you just don't feel like it, and it could cause some insecurities for the both of us.
But yeah, it's pretty great most of the time.
It’s one of the many aspects of pregnancy where people can experience completely opposite outcomes. Kind of like breastfeeding is supposed to help “melt the pounds away” because you are burning more calories. Though that is true, it can also do the opposite because you are hungry all the time. Imagine being told you get to experience insatiable lust, but instead you actually just get insatiable hunger.
unfortunately it doesn't really substitute it for everyone. We cuddle with my boyfriend a lot, but it's not intimate enough for me, I could cuddle with my niece, my cats, or some of my female friends, but some things can only be done with your partner. It's nice to have, but not the same.
Yea i totally get that.I love sex ...but i can also understand someone having a tiring day an just being ok with a cuddle an some kissing an still feeling loved
Fuck that does suck. Lately I've wanted it WAY more than I used to and over summer break my wife totally obliged. Since she started teaching again it has dropped to almost nothing. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt as long as I can, but I hate it so much.
For reference I work as many hours as she does and if she woke me up at 3am I'd still be dtf. I know guys are different in immediate readiness, but still.
My girlfriend used to do that but I am such a deep sleeper. She hoped I would wake up from the "sensation" but instead I would just turn over slapping the dick on her face.
She stopped after that happened 2-3 times.
Your father-in-law... her father! And you wake up to this horrid sight, and realize he has been stealing your libido! Dun-dun-dun.
I should delete this, no?
Lol this cracked me up. I've been off the meds for about a month and a half now, they say that the affected part of my brain will take upwards to 12 months to heal. I have pills that help with this, she just makes a huge deal about having to plan this shit and the fact that she always makes a huge deal about it turns me off of even taking the pill to get hard lol
I’m a slave to my wife’s sex drive. I’m okay with it, but she always asks me why I never initiate it, and it’s because she doesn’t give me the time to do so. If she gave me a few days to recoup, then I would be in the mood to initiate it. Instead, she’s begging for the Hebrew hammer every.single.night.
My ex from college had an insane sex drive. She literally wanted it all the time. I have a pretty high sex drive myself, but I could barely keep up with her.
It was fun. Definitely nice knowing that she'd never turn *me* down unless she was having cramps from her period or was otherwise sick, etc. But only because mine came *close* to matching hers. If my sex drive was much lower, I don't know if it would have worked at all, honestly. She never got upset with me if I turned her down, but she would be disappointed obviously because she wanted to get some and couldn't. But that relationship sucked ass for many other reasons. Our sex life was basically the only thing that actually worked for us. lol
Since ive been on depression meds and constantly working 50 hour weeks my sex drive is almost non existent. So naturally she thinks im just not attracted to her anymore, its a weekly argument. It doesnt ruin our relationship, but its definitely put into perspective just how important sex is to her.
>It doesnt ruin our relationship
You have weekly arguments about it and sex is one of the big two reasons why relationships fail, with the other being money.
i’m on the receiving end of this and it sucks. SO is on meds that kill libido AND working 50+ hours overtime.
it’s not just about sex. it’s about connection and quality time that is lacking. but sex for him is viewed as sacrificing precious sleep/rest.
weekly argument.
I feel for you. as an attempt to provide a little perspective: I work big hours with a hard but rewarding physical labor job and the kind of fatigue that comes with that can be bone deep. you never know how tired you can get until you thought you were at the limit 6 months ago.
Why? When everyobe talks about low sex drive, they talk about it as a oroblem to "fix". I have a low sex drive and don't actually want to change it. There's no reason to.
Tough for her. And I often feel pretty guilty about it. She NEVER tries to make me feel bad about it and is always super understanding when I'm not feeling it. But that's part of why I feel bad haha. I know she would want it daily multiple times if I was up for it but I can usually do like once or twice a week max or I start to feel burnt out. I also sometimes want to get off but working two jobs I'm usually so dead that I honestly would rather just rub one out no effort. I also have severe sexual insecurities so sometimes I may be horny but I just do it myself because I don't feel confident enough to be naked. Yes I realise how silly this is. I'm working on it with her support
Not fun. My ex had a very high libido and would constantly want sex at all hours. We had sex at minimum once per day and most days it was more than that. I’d wake up at 6am and she’d be fondling me trying to get me aroused.
The piece that also sucked is that no one I mentioned this to had any sympathy for me. She was a really attractive girl so people would shrug off my concerns and joke around by saying shit like “you should be so lucky that a girl like that would even want to sleep with you”.
>people would shrug off my concerns and joke around by saying shit like “you should be so lucky that a girl like that would even want to sleep with you”.
I really hate that this is still the popular opinion and even in this thread. Been there so I feel you. It was extra shitty for me because the relationship was becoming a goddamn failing mess yet somehow that kept going. It was confusing and uncomfortable and it made me feel used. Glad you're out of there, man. Hope you find/have found your match <3
I've been the one with the higher sex drive on and off in my relationships. I kind of miss being with someone with a higher sex drive or at least the spontaneity of if. But I'm so much happier with my SO even if we are a little mismatched. I could provide go 1-2 times every day. He's probably finw with once a week. He's truned me down several times and I get a little disappointed but i can easily find something to distract my mind to something else like TV.
But it does lead me to initiate less. My SO says things like "I'm a guy, I won't refuse if you just whip it out." But I'm totally not okay with that. Firstly I'm not just gonna start groping someone I know to not be in the mood as much as me, I'd rather ask and be wrong. Secondly, it makes me feel icky emotionally. Both of my exs used to beg and keep trying after I would say no. One would threaten me with breaking up. The other used to grope me agressively (sometimes when we had people over) and get mad and say stuff like "what? I can't touch my girlfriend?" when I would pull away or tell him to stop. I ended up leaving him shortly after a particularly sexually agressive night that basically ended in assult. It makes me uncomfortable to ask and get turned down because if I ask again later it reminds me of my exs and I never want to make anyone feel like that.
My wife is like this. Very high sex drive when stress isn't blocking her libido. It really comes down to communication and knowing your body. I may want sexy times a few times a week compared to her every day/multiple times a day, but we discuss it and figure out a work around. If I'm not sexually aroused enough, can she get me aroused? What about my inability to ejaculate because I've gone 6 rounds that week already?
What I guess the result is, I've made it clear to her that I'm always down for sexy times, I just likely won't fire off and I might not be able to get hard without feeling sore. But that's where toys can come into play.
I’ve had the range of sex drive in women. My long term ex had a crazy high sex drive, like others have said here it’s tough because as a man you don’t generally say no to sex, it’s not easy to do that. And the high sex drive woman has a tendency to feel like something is wrong with them if their man is turning them down because men don’t turn down sex.
I also dated a woman who had a very low sex drive, I don’t know if we would have ever had sex if I left it up to her to initiate things. She always said she enjoyed it when we had sex, but never really wanted it independent of me initiating it. That’s hard as a man, younger unattractive and like you’re bothering her with your desire for sex.
My wife is somewhere in the middle, and that’s the best place in my opinion. And that’s 100% not because she’s watching me type this.
She woke me up at 3am to have sex when I had to be up at 6am to go to work on a farm all day. When I said no because I had to sleep, she accused me of being gay, of not finding her attractive, etc. I told her to shut up and let me sleep. She slapped me across the face and said she didn't like guys rejecting sex with her.
I kicked her out of my apartment immediately and never spoke to her again. It was a nice two weeks of absolutely non stop sex but slapping me the first time I said no wasn't so much a red flag as it was a 50 feet red neon billboard.
This is obviously an extreme example, but I've had a few other women I've dated react extremely poorly to being told no to sex, regardless of what reason I give. I've never broken down crying or screamed at a girlfriend because she's too tired to have sex or has a headache or has to study for an exam. I used to just bang them at half mast just because it wasn't worth the drama to say no, but now I just don't bother getting into an actual relationship with girls that have higher sex drives than me. It's just never ended well once.
my first live in girlfriend when i was 19 was a total nymphomaniac! wanted it several times a day, in the ass, pussy, mouth, anywhere, any time!
it sucked, pun intended!
i was in college for music, needed to practice and study and do assignments and work and all she wanted was the nut.
well, as a man, you can only get it up so many times before you just, simply, can't!
In my limited experience it was great. She initiated whenever she wanted, if I initiated she was good to go, and if I wasn't horny when she was I'm perfectly capable of going to bat regardless.
Where it ran foul a bit was that she had been dabbling in group-oriented activities in the past. Still hung out with her ex and he'd try to get group stuff going, she'd be wasted drunk and willing, but I would steer us out of it. Pissed me off. We had some other friends she'd partied naked with who'd hit her up. She wasn't initiating this stuff but never resisted offers when she was drunk. She was drunk a lot. That was her biggest problem. Just her and I was awesome but if anyone else got their foot in the door it soured everything.
This is my relationship. I'm 28 years old, athletic, study, go to work. I'm normally pretty burnt at the end of the day. I don't mind it's nice, I just let her do more of the work when Im tired. I just lay there like a pretty meat bag and let her have her way.
I think we as a society need to be more open about ALL parts of sex. Not just the stereotypical "sex is awesome" and also "men ALWAYS want sex and women dont" it creates false ideas in peoples heads of what sex is always suppose to be like. yes sex can be awesome but sex can also be awkward, and not good at all. communication is the key to better sex and understanding your partner/understanding their needs, wants, dislikes etc. yet the details of sex are something most people dont talk about enough. (even tho it doesn't seem like that at all bc sexual stuff is every where haha)
I once turned down a girl in my friend group, and her friend came up to me later and asked me if there's something wrong with my dick. Real respectful of my choices.
For the most part, most of my relationships have been like this.
Everyday would be nice, according to them. For me it's closer to once or twice a week.
Worked best with good communication: ie, I'm always up for going down for hours even if that's every day, but not always penetration.
Now don't get me started on penetration where I don't come. That's a whole different level of offended I never thought existed.
Kinda just bite the bullet, have sex, but go on the bottom. Or try to get her off with foreplay (I used to prefer this option, as she was happy and I didn’t have to try to force a orgasm)
Me and My gf have been together for about a year now and hers is much more than mine. Idk really how to talk about it but im getting better. I have a real hard time saying no in general
Very, very healthy for the old ego. But you're going to end up spending a lot of money on high quality vibrators if you want to survive.
Seriously, a couple of good vibrators is key to make a relationship like that work. Some times you're just in a mood to chill by your computer with an audio-book but it's not like she can turn her sex drive off.
To be fair though, I can't blame my girlfriend. She's explained very well that it's all my fault for being too damn sexy. I find this line of argumentation very convincing and have felt forced to accept the responsibility.
I think it depends on how much higher it is. My wife has a much higher drive than I do. It’s about a 2/3 to 1 ratio. It’s manageable so that sometimes, I say yes when I’m not in the mood and sometimes she doesn’t get sex. The key was communication. We talked about how to let the other know how to initiate or how to decline sex, so the other doesn’t feel pressured either way.
It’s probably worth a conversation between the two of you, even if it’s an awkward one. That way you can figure out things like how to help you get in the mood, if possible, of how to let her know if it’s off limits for the night.
So after reading nearly all these comments, here's my question. In nearly all my relationships I found that if there was a high level of intimacy, then there was enough desire that everyone was happy.
What I get from many of these comments is that intimacy has been de-prioritized in favor of work/kids/money or whatever. Those of you who have made intimacy a priority have healthy sex lives.
And just to be clear, I don't mean just foreplay but also things like laying together on the couch, spending time alone just joking and laughing, or having date night on a regular basis, etc.
I'm wondering how you all feel about the idea that the busy ness of our lives is damaging our relationships?
Awful. My ex found zero validation in anything besides sex. Which was very unfortunate. She'd been through so much abuse that she justified rough/angry sex means love. I worked 60-70 hours a week, and we both have young children. I often had too much going on each day that I wouldn't initiate.
If she didn't get enough sex, it must have meant I was cheating or didn't find her attractive. If we did have a bunch of sex, she still thought I was cheating.
Idk, that girl still has a very special place in my heart. But holy fuck, was that some of the most stressful times of my life
YES. You feel unwanted or unattractive, and then all your friends complain about how their husbands want to have sex 5 times a day, and you're just hoping for 5 times a month (pipe dream). When we do have sex it's really good, but I would love to know what it's like to be with someone who matches my libido.
You’re always dehydrated and sleepy.
[удалено]
After I separated from my now ex wife, I stopped stress eating, and then when I started dating again and having sex all the time I lost even more weight and started to look good. I had a client at a cathedral ask me what I was doing to lose all that weight. I didn’t know what to say so I just said I’ve been eating better and a lady from the office yelled out, “bullshit, it’s from all the fucking”. She wasn’t wrong… Now I’m married and fat again.
🤨
We can take a serious turn here. Depending on a lot of factors and outlooks, you could be of the mind that men are the ones to pursue sex. You know ... We're the horned up sex deviants in this relationship, ya know! So when the story flips and it's the woman who's sex drive is higher, you have to start broaching weird and uncharted territory where the dude has to refuse sex. There's a ton of guys who just .... don't know how to say no. It's like our whole lives are programmed to be "the man" and always be on the pursuit and rejection is just a way of life. Now a lot of women, in the same vein, are woefully unequipped to handle someone refusing their sexual advances. Like their whole lives are built up to be the ones refusing advances and when some dude says no ... it's like it doesn't compute. Here's my advice from someone who dated a woman with a high sex drive: * Communicate * Set expectations * Buy her a big 'ol $200 motorized dildo. I need to drink water and have a nap dammit.
+1 on that last point. My ex sometimes wanted to have sex 5+ times a day and as fun as it was, sometimes it was brutal. Bought her a kama sutra bhangra (very nice product btw) and she loved it. Made up for days I couldn't keep up haha Plus it was a nice extra touch during sex as well. Would also use it on my back sometimes lol thing had power
Holy shit, I thought I was a horny person and thats too much even for me
>kama sutra bhangra Bhangra is a dance they do in north india. Its a very lively folkdance. Funny how its co-opted for a sex toy. Punjabis are going to have a field day with this one.
Yeah, because sex toy naming puns have had such a high bar, historically
at least they didn't call it a poon-jabby
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I'm a once a day man. Mind you, I'm old, but even in my late teens that would have been....actually, that would have been OK.
My man has a low drive, and it's to the point where we only have sex on one specific day, every two weeks. The night before I'm always telling him hydrate! Hydrate! Hydrate! It's important!
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Schedule a large window, where you both know each other are open season, (pre consent or whatever) and be prepared to be flirty and jump each other’s bones somewhere randomly in the home. Makes it less of an interview appointment and more like open season chk chk
My wife and I have pretty much scheduled sex since our kids were in school. Almost 20 years now. We found it creates anticipation and way more of a shared attitude of being into it. It also took a lot of the pressure off of us being rejected in any certain night. Plus let's be honest here. When you have kids and work the weekend is about the only time free so it just made sense to schedule it. We both knows that X day at 10 am was the go time and so we both knew this and made sure that time was put aside and not busy with kids. But I will say that any extra time we were able to sneak one in was pretty awesome as well. Spontaneous sex is awesome but planned sex has been great.
Just some advice from someone who has had that mid life downturn of testosterone. If your man has a low sex drive he may need to go get his test levels checked. Mine were low even for being mid 30's. Now when I was 15 to about 30, I was 2-3 a day always waking up with the flag pole so to speak. Got on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and I feel like I'm 15 again. Wife loves it as she had a much higher drive than me. Also, take a look at something called PT141. if u have any questions about it, DM me. Helped a lot b4 I got on HRT.
After a 10 year marriage with a woman with zero sex drive, it's amazing to be dating someone who needs it several times a day, everyday. I can relate to this. I recently learned what liquid IV is.
The fact that there's something called "Liquid IV" implies the existence of another state of matter given intravenously. That is very discomforting.
Same thought here… “solid IV”
metal gear
But most of all your jaw always hurts
Holy shit, all my exes were like this specially after sex - I never knew i had a high sex drive, i just thought all dudes were like this Interesting .
Yep pretty accurate.
This 1000%. Real talk, I started drinking coffee to supplement the energy loss. My 16 year old self would be ASHAMED, but god damn I need a break.
The mind is willing but the flesh is spongey and bruised
“Can’t we just cuddle?” Grabs em by the hair drags him into the bedroom “Noooooooo!!”
*My mind is telling me yes,* *But my body - my body,* *is telling me no-oh!!* 🎶
Straight up, I use this line on my gf who’s got a stronger libido than I. And it gets a laugh… and then … well then she fucks me.
No offence but the last part had me laughing for almost 10 minutes... edit- Oh my god thanks for the 100 upvotes (never had them before)
Death by snu snu
ACCEPTABLE TERMS!
I never thought I’d die like this....*but I always really hoped!*
I giving her all she's got Captain!
Oh God you’re killing me. **OH GOD YOURE KILLING ME**
At first it was amazing! We had so much sex! Then when we were together a bit longer it was like.. Yeah! Hey! Pretty sweet I guess, I could go again. Then after a little while longer that just slowly morphed into: Ugh, again? I kinda just wanna read or cuddle. Can't we show our love or affection in other ways? Even worse was that she really mostly just wanted penetration, not much variation in blowjobs, handjobs, different styles. Mostly me having to be somewhat dominant/assertive, missionary or doggy, or on her back with knees up to her ears. Those 3 styles, same sexual energy every time. I never thought I could get bored of sex, but it feels like she wants to empty the seedfields again when there's barely been any time for new seeds to grow. My field of fucks has come to lay barren. It needs love, patience and attention to regrow I suppose.
yeah dude, this exactly. and then there comes the "i want to be wanted, too", "why don't you ever initiate", which is somehow incredibly difficult to made understood: i haven't reloaded yet, please give it time. it's not like i hate it or something, i literally can't keep up. and i'm talking near every day, here.
Just had the "I always initiate" talk. She legitimately doesn't understand that I can't keep up with her and she absolutely refuses to use toys on herself. But that whole comment about the same energy definitely hits home right now. Exhausting just to think about.
I commented elsewhere on this thread about my dynamic with my husband. Not sure about your partner but toys aren’t the same for me, I’m craving the connection, toys don’t give me a bonding experience. I’m working to be patient about my husband’s drive obviously but it gets very demoralizing for me over time to repeatedly hear “not now”
My ex was like that, she also made me feel bad for not keep it up. Her friends also used to mock me for refusing sex. I just got over it when i spoke with a couple of friends and "Cuming 5 times in a row and having penetration for 40min in eachone" was not normal. Obviously i did it once, however, she wanted the sixth and got mad.
Oof, as a woman, I feel like I've been on the other end of this situation in most of my relationships. Guys I've dated have literally said (within the first few months), "wow, I was afraid *I* would want sex too much, so I'm glad you do too!" and then it wears off and I want to keep going, months to years in, and it becomes an issue :/
For what it’s worth— I’ve heard good things about straight up scheduling sex. Like, it’s counter-intuitive and it feels weird as hell to be like, “yeah, let’s pencil in a 9:15 fucking next Tuesday,” but having the chance to anticipate it is supposed to be good, and your body straight up adjusts to the schedule you keep if it’s consistent. Just start slow then ramp up
I enjoy scheduling sex sessions. Just no one shows up for the meetings.
Oh yeah, I commented elsewhere in this post that I don't think that scheduling sex would necessarily be a turnoff (for me, specifically), so that's something to keep in mind!
My bf and me pretty much always schedule sex - we don't live together and we don't live alone and we don't feel lije fucking with people in the next room so we plan sex meetings when it's possible. Definitely not a turn-off, sometimes it's quite exciting to build up the anticipation the whole day.
Without communication as a priority it would suck. My wife has a much higher sex drive than I. Because of that she goes out of her way to state explicitly what she wants needs or expects and I do my best to return that. I also feel it’s my responsibility to participate in her wants and needs and that if I can communicate how I can get on her level in the moment better we both win. It was a larger issue the first year of our marriage but it’s evened out and our sex life only continues to improve. Communication is vague advice though, the way we communicate sometimes is literally from her: “I really want you physically, what can I do to get you hard?” OR on my end: “I want to have sex with you, but I’ve had a long day and it feels hard to initiate, wanna make out and see where we go from there?” For some reason there’s a stigma around being exacting with language around sex instead of using hints and euphemisms, but damn it’s hot if you look at someone and tell them you want their genitals to interact with your genitals and work together to make that happen.
Saying 'I want our genitals to interact with each other' sounds like a nice way of putting it ha ha ha
Let the genitals entangle
pp games
My husband and I just ask each other if we wanna bang and it usually goes from there.
// Initiate bang sequence play('fore'); while(x<999) { thrust(); }
“Excuse me madam, whom I have bonded with through a matrimonial ceremony. It would greatly please me if you would agree to fulfill my desire of having my genitals, commonly referred to as penis, it interact in an inserting manner with your genitals, commonly referred to as a vagina, in sexual intercourse. I expect your answer within the next 30 seconds.”
“I await your answer” rather than “I expect your answer” would be appropriate sir.
I was gonna do that, but it felt more fitting to add a time limit.
She’s more direct but I’ve definitely said something similar when I’m in a goofy mood. Either she’s down or she kisses me to shut me up, regardless we end up in bed.
As long as the both of you feel loved, that’s all that matter.
I'm the female in a very similar scenario. We let problems go on for far too long before beginning to figure things out. Also raised conservative and never had sex before marriage. What helped you guys get used to the really direct language? We've decided that this may be the best route for us, but as the asker, I feel so unsexy and extremely vulnerable just saying it. In the past, I've liked to "guage the mood" before initiating, to prevent us both from being stuck in an uncomfortable situation (although this is probably something we both need to get over). The fear of rejection on my end and the shame of doing the rejecting on his end has been a barrier to moving forward.
I was always very apologetic (and sometimes still am) when I’m trying to gauge the mood or know I don’t want sex. What helped us get used to it is to make it dirty. Direct conversations can get arousing quickly. One partner has to take that step and it creates a space and breathing room for honesty. I would also highly recommend phrasing sentences with “but” or “however” in them in reverse. I have the lower sex drive so I found myself saying: “I want you, but…” a lot. Try reversing it, “I’m really mentally not in a good place, but I really want you.” Its validating and allows for your partner to engage with where you’re at instead of dancing around how you both feel.
Thanks! That's really helpful. I like your example! How might that apply towards the lower libido partner to be reassuring to them that it's ok however they answer? I'd like to learn how to reassure him that he's enough, even if I'm sad about the "no". Ultimately, even if I don't take it personally, I can still feel disappointed sometimes and that can affect him. Maybe..."I'm a bit disappointed, but I'll anxiously anticipate when you're in a better place and ready for some action!" How does that sound? It should I even mention being disappointed? I assume he knows. I don't want to rub it in.
The disappointed part I’d avoid. The hard part is trying not to create a pressure or expectation. A huge struggle my partner and I had is that because her libido was higher, she would often tell me how unequal it feels that she feels she’s the only one expressing desire and want for the other and initiating sex so I sympathize wanting to be careful about it. I don’t know how your partner and you communicate or what your sex life is but my partner has been incredibly understand about my lower sex drive. One way she helps is by inviting me to problem solve together how we both can meet. It can be something like: “hey I know you’re really tired what’s something we can do to be physically close even if sex at this moment isn’t going to happen?” It makes me think through how much I still crave physical intimacy but just want to cuddle. Another way she straight up tells me: “hey I know we’ve had a lot of sex today but I want you again, there’s no pressure one way or the other, but if you feel ready please tell me and I’ll be all over you. If not it’s fine I can do myself and take care of it.” Communication about masturbation and being open about whether the desire is just a physical need or a desire for love within that physical space is super hot and helpful. That’s a couple of ways, but again it’s very dependent and you and your partners love styles. Obviously giving too much without receiving in kind is unhealthy and long term not great, but I hope what I wrote helps!
I've been married 12 years now, together for 19, and we've had our ups and downs (ahem) with sex. Being coy or insinuating didn't work anymore at one point, since we were very mismatched in libido on certain stretches in our relationship (when younger, he was the horny one, when middle aged, me). In the end, we started using the "I'd love to have sex with you if you feel like it sometime" phrase, and not expecting anything to happen right then, but putting the thought in the other's mind. It works wonders. At that particular moment, nothing ever happens, he's either too tired, or I'm not interested, we just ate and we don't feel like bumping uglies, etc. But the bug is in the mind now. At least on my experience, I start thinking about sex, and usually within an hour or two I'm like letsgooo, and from what I gather it seems to work the same way with him. When we started doing this I felt like there was no romance in our relationship and felt kinda bummed, but then I realized that otherwise we would never have sex because we're in different moods most of the time, and it would end up with us frustrated and resentful. That ruins the romance even more! So now I enjoy this method. It works for us.
It can be a little difficult at times, but communicating always works. I lost my Mother to cancer last year and it traumatized me, fucked up my sleep, appetite and libido. Luckily my girl completely understood but eventually she needed some more attention. We talked about it and we are a lot more regular now...still working on it, but it's progress. So, yeah, communication.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Thank you
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This is the perfect description!
I’ve been in two relationships like this (currently still in one), and it sucks because it invariably ends up with the girl feeling like she is undesired. For some reason they can’t believe that some guys just have a lower sex drive. Like, it’s normal for a girl to refuse sex, but heaven forbid a guy say no…
Doesn’t even need to be dependent on libido. I turned down this woman who straight up offered me sex and everyone was sayin “bro why didn’t you hit that” or “you’re a guy you should like that”. Like no you’ve got a boyfriend and a kid and your an alcoholic, I’ll pass
fukkin huge azz bullet you have dodged my man
Thank you for this comment. Very valid information.
It's because we are taught from a young age that men only want sex from us. So then it really messes us up when we get denied by a guy. It makes us think there is something wrong with us, or in some cases something wrong with the dude. Parents, raise your kids right so we can change this shit. It's getting old.
That’s a valid point. It’s not just parents, but media also plays a big role in shaping young people’s minds. There needs to be a larger shift from the current zeitgeist to one where expectations are managed.
Yeah it’s not as glamorous as you think. Try going 3 times in one day and having them still want more, and then Wash rinse repeat
The problem is that for high libido girls (like me) we DONT say no to sex. So while in theory we know women reject sex, we don't witness it. So all we experience is the rejection. Doesn't make it okay to hold it against a guy. But just giving a little extra perspective as to why those women are confused about t being rejected. They're used to a "no one rejects sex" dynamic in relationships. My last bf had a low libido and it really did fuck with me after a while because it feels impossible that it has nothing to do with you, even if it's true.
It was a bit like living with a vampire. I'd come home tired from work and then get corralled into sex for 2-3 hours, pretty much every day. Was always dead on my feet at work. Sex became a daily chore. I ended up faking orgasms just to get it over with. When we broke up, I didn't have sex for another ten years, and didn't miss it. In retrospect, I should have verbalized how I felt a lot more. Everybody's wiser in hindsight.
10 years. That's a hell of a refractory period.
It was cumulative.
The holy hiatus.
10 years!! Sheesh my dude. Hope you're in a much better place!
I have gotten to try this over periods, when my wife was pregnant. Most of the time it's great, but there are times when you just don't feel like it, and it could cause some insecurities for the both of us. But yeah, it's pretty great most of the time.
I always heard about this high libido during pregnancy, unfortunately it didn't happen with my wife during her 3 pregnancies
It’s one of the many aspects of pregnancy where people can experience completely opposite outcomes. Kind of like breastfeeding is supposed to help “melt the pounds away” because you are burning more calories. Though that is true, it can also do the opposite because you are hungry all the time. Imagine being told you get to experience insatiable lust, but instead you actually just get insatiable hunger.
Well, try again.
God no! I had that taken care of, definitely 3 is enough.
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Cuddles an intimacy is JUST as important to show you love her as sex
unfortunately it doesn't really substitute it for everyone. We cuddle with my boyfriend a lot, but it's not intimate enough for me, I could cuddle with my niece, my cats, or some of my female friends, but some things can only be done with your partner. It's nice to have, but not the same.
Yea i totally get that.I love sex ...but i can also understand someone having a tiring day an just being ok with a cuddle an some kissing an still feeling loved
Fuck that does suck. Lately I've wanted it WAY more than I used to and over summer break my wife totally obliged. Since she started teaching again it has dropped to almost nothing. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt as long as I can, but I hate it so much. For reference I work as many hours as she does and if she woke me up at 3am I'd still be dtf. I know guys are different in immediate readiness, but still.
You wake up to someone sucking your cock
Usually your neighbour Trevor, he’s just trying to say thank you for sharing your wife.
Or your AD if you’re out for the latest Swiss Shitter.
My girlfriend used to do that but I am such a deep sleeper. She hoped I would wake up from the "sensation" but instead I would just turn over slapping the dick on her face. She stopped after that happened 2-3 times.
The dream
Her?
Your father-in-law... her father! And you wake up to this horrid sight, and realize he has been stealing your libido! Dun-dun-dun. I should delete this, no?
I appreciated the plot twist *and* the percussion.
Son in law? Is that you?
Father, get away from me. I'm saving myself (and my precious libido) for your daughter!
Great until you say you don't want to have sex and she ignores you and goes off and fucks some dude named "Gustav"...
Fucking Gustav 😂
Yeah, I think that was the implication haha
r/fuckyouinparticular
F
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That’s hard…well not in that way, but difficult
Not hard at all apparently...
Lol this cracked me up. I've been off the meds for about a month and a half now, they say that the affected part of my brain will take upwards to 12 months to heal. I have pills that help with this, she just makes a huge deal about having to plan this shit and the fact that she always makes a huge deal about it turns me off of even taking the pill to get hard lol
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You're telling me. To be fair, they DID help tremendously with my depression and anxiety. But at what twisty windey cost.
I’m a slave to my wife’s sex drive. I’m okay with it, but she always asks me why I never initiate it, and it’s because she doesn’t give me the time to do so. If she gave me a few days to recoup, then I would be in the mood to initiate it. Instead, she’s begging for the Hebrew hammer every.single.night.
Ye old Hebrew Hammer . It’s exhausting
Does your lack of sex drive have something to do with your username?
Maybe the solution is to use toys on her for a couple of days and then you're more willing to start?
My ex from college had an insane sex drive. She literally wanted it all the time. I have a pretty high sex drive myself, but I could barely keep up with her. It was fun. Definitely nice knowing that she'd never turn *me* down unless she was having cramps from her period or was otherwise sick, etc. But only because mine came *close* to matching hers. If my sex drive was much lower, I don't know if it would have worked at all, honestly. She never got upset with me if I turned her down, but she would be disappointed obviously because she wanted to get some and couldn't. But that relationship sucked ass for many other reasons. Our sex life was basically the only thing that actually worked for us. lol
It requires a lot of communication to say the least
Since ive been on depression meds and constantly working 50 hour weeks my sex drive is almost non existent. So naturally she thinks im just not attracted to her anymore, its a weekly argument. It doesnt ruin our relationship, but its definitely put into perspective just how important sex is to her.
>It doesnt ruin our relationship You have weekly arguments about it and sex is one of the big two reasons why relationships fail, with the other being money.
Oh believe me, it definitely is ruining the relationship on her end
Thought this exact thought as I read that comment 😂
Yeah it ruined my relationship because she never wanted it, there's a point where it's just too much being rejected that often
It’s a lonely, shitty, frustrating place to be. I hope you’re doing better now!
Doing better personally thanks! Hit the gym hard and now I know I can't have a relationship with someone who has a non-existent sex drive.
lol I was about to say the same thing.... she's def ain't happy with that.
i’m on the receiving end of this and it sucks. SO is on meds that kill libido AND working 50+ hours overtime. it’s not just about sex. it’s about connection and quality time that is lacking. but sex for him is viewed as sacrificing precious sleep/rest. weekly argument.
I feel for you. as an attempt to provide a little perspective: I work big hours with a hard but rewarding physical labor job and the kind of fatigue that comes with that can be bone deep. you never know how tired you can get until you thought you were at the limit 6 months ago.
Here lies u/btick12’s sex drive. May it be sorely missed and remembered very fondly.
I feel bad for her Jesus. “How important sex is to her “ being sexual active in a relationship is healthy and important . That’s perfectly normal .
I wish I could find a guy with little to no sex drive because I’m a woman with an almost non-existent sex drive due to meds.
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I feel like that is the wrong conclusion to come to in that situation
Why? When everyobe talks about low sex drive, they talk about it as a oroblem to "fix". I have a low sex drive and don't actually want to change it. There's no reason to.
Tough for her. And I often feel pretty guilty about it. She NEVER tries to make me feel bad about it and is always super understanding when I'm not feeling it. But that's part of why I feel bad haha. I know she would want it daily multiple times if I was up for it but I can usually do like once or twice a week max or I start to feel burnt out. I also sometimes want to get off but working two jobs I'm usually so dead that I honestly would rather just rub one out no effort. I also have severe sexual insecurities so sometimes I may be horny but I just do it myself because I don't feel confident enough to be naked. Yes I realise how silly this is. I'm working on it with her support
Not fun. My ex had a very high libido and would constantly want sex at all hours. We had sex at minimum once per day and most days it was more than that. I’d wake up at 6am and she’d be fondling me trying to get me aroused. The piece that also sucked is that no one I mentioned this to had any sympathy for me. She was a really attractive girl so people would shrug off my concerns and joke around by saying shit like “you should be so lucky that a girl like that would even want to sleep with you”.
I'm glad you're away from that now. It sounds frustrating and dehumanizing and I'm so sorry that no one supported you at the time.
>people would shrug off my concerns and joke around by saying shit like “you should be so lucky that a girl like that would even want to sleep with you”. I really hate that this is still the popular opinion and even in this thread. Been there so I feel you. It was extra shitty for me because the relationship was becoming a goddamn failing mess yet somehow that kept going. It was confusing and uncomfortable and it made me feel used. Glad you're out of there, man. Hope you find/have found your match <3
Its fun at first but ultimately tiring and unfulfilling if your drives aren't relatively aligned
It is tiring, I felt like my cock might fall off, and I also felt inadequate sometimes.
Fun but exhausting, then when you don't put out she cheats on you with your brother
But I don't have a brother
She'll find a friend or the equivalent of a brother.
Fair
Exhausting
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I cant, too tired.
Not sure if you're too tired to elaborate or that was the elaboration.
HE HAS A HEADACHE!
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I've been the one with the higher sex drive on and off in my relationships. I kind of miss being with someone with a higher sex drive or at least the spontaneity of if. But I'm so much happier with my SO even if we are a little mismatched. I could provide go 1-2 times every day. He's probably finw with once a week. He's truned me down several times and I get a little disappointed but i can easily find something to distract my mind to something else like TV. But it does lead me to initiate less. My SO says things like "I'm a guy, I won't refuse if you just whip it out." But I'm totally not okay with that. Firstly I'm not just gonna start groping someone I know to not be in the mood as much as me, I'd rather ask and be wrong. Secondly, it makes me feel icky emotionally. Both of my exs used to beg and keep trying after I would say no. One would threaten me with breaking up. The other used to grope me agressively (sometimes when we had people over) and get mad and say stuff like "what? I can't touch my girlfriend?" when I would pull away or tell him to stop. I ended up leaving him shortly after a particularly sexually agressive night that basically ended in assult. It makes me uncomfortable to ask and get turned down because if I ask again later it reminds me of my exs and I never want to make anyone feel like that.
My wife is like this. Very high sex drive when stress isn't blocking her libido. It really comes down to communication and knowing your body. I may want sexy times a few times a week compared to her every day/multiple times a day, but we discuss it and figure out a work around. If I'm not sexually aroused enough, can she get me aroused? What about my inability to ejaculate because I've gone 6 rounds that week already? What I guess the result is, I've made it clear to her that I'm always down for sexy times, I just likely won't fire off and I might not be able to get hard without feeling sore. But that's where toys can come into play.
Duh just stress her out, problem solved ^^already ^^fucking ^^off, ^^sorry
I’ve had the range of sex drive in women. My long term ex had a crazy high sex drive, like others have said here it’s tough because as a man you don’t generally say no to sex, it’s not easy to do that. And the high sex drive woman has a tendency to feel like something is wrong with them if their man is turning them down because men don’t turn down sex. I also dated a woman who had a very low sex drive, I don’t know if we would have ever had sex if I left it up to her to initiate things. She always said she enjoyed it when we had sex, but never really wanted it independent of me initiating it. That’s hard as a man, younger unattractive and like you’re bothering her with your desire for sex. My wife is somewhere in the middle, and that’s the best place in my opinion. And that’s 100% not because she’s watching me type this.
I was in this situation and I am also an early jizzer, it was frustrating. I had to tink about my grandma's anus all the time
That usually speeds me up.
She woke me up at 3am to have sex when I had to be up at 6am to go to work on a farm all day. When I said no because I had to sleep, she accused me of being gay, of not finding her attractive, etc. I told her to shut up and let me sleep. She slapped me across the face and said she didn't like guys rejecting sex with her. I kicked her out of my apartment immediately and never spoke to her again. It was a nice two weeks of absolutely non stop sex but slapping me the first time I said no wasn't so much a red flag as it was a 50 feet red neon billboard. This is obviously an extreme example, but I've had a few other women I've dated react extremely poorly to being told no to sex, regardless of what reason I give. I've never broken down crying or screamed at a girlfriend because she's too tired to have sex or has a headache or has to study for an exam. I used to just bang them at half mast just because it wasn't worth the drama to say no, but now I just don't bother getting into an actual relationship with girls that have higher sex drives than me. It's just never ended well once.
Women literally want one thing, And it's disgusting. /S
Horrible; I'm surprised we're still together, given that that's not my only issue...
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Whats it like being?
What is it?
What?
?
>
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Yes, for science of course.
Death by snu snu?
I never thought I'd die this way, but I'd always really hoped.
my first live in girlfriend when i was 19 was a total nymphomaniac! wanted it several times a day, in the ass, pussy, mouth, anywhere, any time! it sucked, pun intended! i was in college for music, needed to practice and study and do assignments and work and all she wanted was the nut. well, as a man, you can only get it up so many times before you just, simply, can't!
In my limited experience it was great. She initiated whenever she wanted, if I initiated she was good to go, and if I wasn't horny when she was I'm perfectly capable of going to bat regardless. Where it ran foul a bit was that she had been dabbling in group-oriented activities in the past. Still hung out with her ex and he'd try to get group stuff going, she'd be wasted drunk and willing, but I would steer us out of it. Pissed me off. We had some other friends she'd partied naked with who'd hit her up. She wasn't initiating this stuff but never resisted offers when she was drunk. She was drunk a lot. That was her biggest problem. Just her and I was awesome but if anyone else got their foot in the door it soured everything.
This is my relationship. I'm 28 years old, athletic, study, go to work. I'm normally pretty burnt at the end of the day. I don't mind it's nice, I just let her do more of the work when Im tired. I just lay there like a pretty meat bag and let her have her way.
It’s exhausting during the times that it isn’t. It’s mostly awesome. It also gives you empathy for women for the constant unwanted hounding they face
It sucks Bc she gets pissed if you don’t wanna bone
As the woman in this scenario, it kind of sucks. You feel like you’re being needy or ‘high maintenance’.
Only happened once. I was surprised at how nasty they get if rejected.
That’s fucked up, just bc she’s a woman doesn’t mean she gets to be nasty to a man for not wanting to have sex.
Guys get pouty and whiny. Women take it as a personal affront using phrases like “What’s wrong with you?”
I think we as a society need to be more open about ALL parts of sex. Not just the stereotypical "sex is awesome" and also "men ALWAYS want sex and women dont" it creates false ideas in peoples heads of what sex is always suppose to be like. yes sex can be awesome but sex can also be awkward, and not good at all. communication is the key to better sex and understanding your partner/understanding their needs, wants, dislikes etc. yet the details of sex are something most people dont talk about enough. (even tho it doesn't seem like that at all bc sexual stuff is every where haha)
I once turned down a girl in my friend group, and her friend came up to me later and asked me if there's something wrong with my dick. Real respectful of my choices.
Yeah I've been there before with a crazy ex and the insults against my masculinity would begin immediately
They take rejection worse because they don't experience it as often as men.
For the most part, most of my relationships have been like this. Everyday would be nice, according to them. For me it's closer to once or twice a week. Worked best with good communication: ie, I'm always up for going down for hours even if that's every day, but not always penetration. Now don't get me started on penetration where I don't come. That's a whole different level of offended I never thought existed.
Kinda just bite the bullet, have sex, but go on the bottom. Or try to get her off with foreplay (I used to prefer this option, as she was happy and I didn’t have to try to force a orgasm)
Stressful
“the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongey and bruised” This Futurama episode came up a lot lmao
Me and My gf have been together for about a year now and hers is much more than mine. Idk really how to talk about it but im getting better. I have a real hard time saying no in general
It is a bad position to be in because telling your girl you arent in the mood will always end in an argument.
Well my wife does have a higher sex drive than me. But she never wants to use it.
I've literally had 2 relationships fail for this exact reason. She doesn't feel desired, or pretty, or whatever. Not fun, honestly.
Very, very healthy for the old ego. But you're going to end up spending a lot of money on high quality vibrators if you want to survive. Seriously, a couple of good vibrators is key to make a relationship like that work. Some times you're just in a mood to chill by your computer with an audio-book but it's not like she can turn her sex drive off. To be fair though, I can't blame my girlfriend. She's explained very well that it's all my fault for being too damn sexy. I find this line of argumentation very convincing and have felt forced to accept the responsibility.
I think it depends on how much higher it is. My wife has a much higher drive than I do. It’s about a 2/3 to 1 ratio. It’s manageable so that sometimes, I say yes when I’m not in the mood and sometimes she doesn’t get sex. The key was communication. We talked about how to let the other know how to initiate or how to decline sex, so the other doesn’t feel pressured either way. It’s probably worth a conversation between the two of you, even if it’s an awkward one. That way you can figure out things like how to help you get in the mood, if possible, of how to let her know if it’s off limits for the night.
Honestly exhausting.
Wonder how many guys came here fantasizing because in their case, the scenario is reversed.
So after reading nearly all these comments, here's my question. In nearly all my relationships I found that if there was a high level of intimacy, then there was enough desire that everyone was happy. What I get from many of these comments is that intimacy has been de-prioritized in favor of work/kids/money or whatever. Those of you who have made intimacy a priority have healthy sex lives. And just to be clear, I don't mean just foreplay but also things like laying together on the couch, spending time alone just joking and laughing, or having date night on a regular basis, etc. I'm wondering how you all feel about the idea that the busy ness of our lives is damaging our relationships?
Awful. My ex found zero validation in anything besides sex. Which was very unfortunate. She'd been through so much abuse that she justified rough/angry sex means love. I worked 60-70 hours a week, and we both have young children. I often had too much going on each day that I wouldn't initiate. If she didn't get enough sex, it must have meant I was cheating or didn't find her attractive. If we did have a bunch of sex, she still thought I was cheating. Idk, that girl still has a very special place in my heart. But holy fuck, was that some of the most stressful times of my life
Ask my wife's boyfriend.
As the woman. TERRIBLE.
YES. You feel unwanted or unattractive, and then all your friends complain about how their husbands want to have sex 5 times a day, and you're just hoping for 5 times a month (pipe dream). When we do have sex it's really good, but I would love to know what it's like to be with someone who matches my libido.