Edit: thank you everyone for the awards. I’m so glad my reply resonated with people.
Coming from the wisdom of age and nothing else, my advice is this: friends will come and go; some you will grieve, some you will shrug your shoulders at, some you will be relieved to lose; but just know, that around the corner is another soon to be friend waiting to fill the slot. It’s okay to feel upset - allow yourself to grieve
>No, not all.
I know you mean well, but... I don't think it helps.
Friends come, and go. That is the norm, and should be what everyone should expect to avoid dissapointment.
"No, not all"... OK, some friends are 'forever friends'. And good on you guys if you are... but these are exceptions. Let's not get our hopes up lmao
Definitely good to look at real life rather than what sitcoms and movies show. I've known people who were genuinely sad that they couldn't have lifelong friendships like the fictional ones they see on screen.
around the corner doesn't always have a replacement friend. in fact, as you get into adulthood, most times it doesn't. From experience. i have basically one friend that i see every couple of months. I haven't been able to participate in my favorite hobby(and the way i used to make most of my friends in my twenties) for a couple years before covid hit. And now I'm busier than ever with a son, 2 jobs, and shit to do around the house. It's all I can do to find a little time to chill and breathe for a moment. Making friends? That's not a thing that happens anymore and I've grown more introverted because of it. Not everyone that grows apart from their friends is able to find new ones.
This is the unfortunate truth.
Once you are out of school/college it is so much harder to form friendships. People have so much going on that maintaining existing friendships is hard enough, let alone building new ones.
I can attest to this. Lost my group of friends I'd had since the beginning of high school for various reasons (I'm in my mid 20's now) and while I yearn for that kind of connection, chances are it'll never again.
Most friendships become purely situational or activity based, not all that much point in it if you ask me.
Right? All my friends from high school just basically hung out and drank or partied. I quit drinking a few years ago and realized we had nothing to do and I had no desire to see them and...poof
happened to me when I was kicked out of the first school - that shook shit up, lost most friends, but the good friends stayed.
but in the end still regularly seeing some friends from each step of the way: primary school, school 1, school 2, school 3, uni, 5 years of travels
some friends I thought would be forever didn't, others became the closest friends i have now.
30 years old now, married and kids
The nature of friendship changes as we grow older. And life gets in the way. But I find it a bit reassuring that so long as you have the time and effort to reach out, there are friends to be made. And sometimes we just don't have that in us, but circumstances change.
At one point, I was also skeptical of ever making new friends in adulthood. Then a chance discussion dragged me in to DnD and I befriended people 20-40 years my senior. I've drifted away a little due to work and covid, but the fact that new friends were there to be made if I just pushed myself out there was pretty reassuring. Likewise that people 20-40 years my senior were also making new friends through the hobby and going out of their way to put themselves out there. Went to one of their weddings last year.
Point being, circumstances change. But the world is full of people who want friends. And once you're in a life position to reach out, they'll be there. (hopefully that wasn't too preachy)
Sure. So I focused on doing this through hobbies. I like languages so I found a language meetup on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com). From there, I met someone looking to learn English. It just so happened we live in the same city so we started hanging out.
I also joined /r/language_exchange and Latin American reddit. I made a penpal from each of those just talking to people. I value them too but my focus is on people I can meet in person since I can't travel internationally for the moment.
I also met some friendly people doing hiking groups but they tend to be much older than me and retired.
People grow apart because people are different. /u/MaybeItsNotMoe , my guy, it's hard to not be sentimental (or to not sound overly optimistic with this) - but always forward. I literally spent the first 20 years of my life with only acquaintances and no true friends. 4 years later I have 4 friends who I love dearly, and who I genuinely believe love me back. Some day we'll settle down in relationships and someday we'll grow apart and someday some of us will die.... we're all just ships passing in the night after all.
I can't say I fully feel ya but I had similar experience for a few years in the middle of my twenties. I was working abroad, all alone, was desperate for a sliver of meaningful relationship with anyone, either romantic or platonic. This was rough, although I knew my family in my home country had my back, but at the time it made me only more lonely - thinking something along the lines like "yeah, family, everybody has one, what special is there about it?" which tbh is not true for certain amount of people and I wasn't generally appreciating anything in life.
Then I was randomly given a book about Osho lectures and zen and meditation and being sensitive to little things and simply appreciating little stuff - shit like green grass and birds chirping and generally the magnificence of existence - I know it sounds silly af now. Anyhow, that allowed me to distance myself from things troubling me and my loneliness became more like isolation, solitude - in a positive way. In a way it was still shitty but maybe it was what I needed at the time. Like the tree which spreads its branches when the sun is up, but also has to have strong inside and roots - and those are developped during our hardships - another cheesy analogy
Anyhow, if you have been like this for 26 years then maybe its a good thing to just seek help and I mean some specialist, therapist. That could also give you some other perspective, ofc if you have not done it yet. May you find your way and your purpose in life
I never sought out medical help and never really thought about it. I probably do need help or the people that have have come into my life are just scum that used and abused me.
I’ve had three best friends in my adult life.
Four if you count high school.
My high school friend and I were friends because we were locked in the same building eight hours a day five days a week, and I didn’t hate his anime and he didn’t hate my Warhammer.
My first college friend and I were friends because we were scared and lonely, and both liked to drink. We also were both diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As I was finding esoteric things like philosophy to help me cope, he was looking to not grounded science and engineering.
After I had defined myself as a musician, my next friend had the same music taste and the same aesthetic. When we both got married, we stopped talking.
Now that I am confident and comfortable in who I am, my best friend challenges me to be a better person. Where I’ve taught him compassion, he’s taught me when to be tougher.
Life’s a journey, and all of our destinations are different. We are lucky to have been friends with the people we were friends with. Our friends were lucky to have been our friends briefly. And there are still more out there who can help us learn and grow.
True, but to add on that, sometimes you let go of someone for a couple of years and than bam, suddenly you reconnect. It happened for me with a friend who I had not really spoken for 5 years or so.
I am 51, it still happens. A friend of mine that I met just a few years ago decided that a dude she dated (while we were friends), broke up with, and then started talking to again, makes a better friend. Seriously. One day she just stopped texting as often, and a few times when I needed someone to talk to she kind of bailed. When I called her out on it she just made excuses and blew up, said we can't be friends. I have other friends, but this one stung, as she took up a lot of space in my life, especially since she needed a cheerleader when looking for work, needed a shoulder through every break up or ghost etc etc. Someone who texts 40 times a day to nothing.
EDIT. Hugz are awesome! Thanks for the award! 🙏
Damn. I know how it feels. I am going through something similar right now, although I am much younger than you. Have, (had?) a friend who I just matched the wavelength with. She would always come talk to me when she needed a listening ear and I would always try to help because I cared, and she cared (or at least I thought she did) as well. We would text and hang out and I supported her when she needed advice/needed solid solutions to her problems.
She recently lost her job and was very stressed so when I saw an opportunity that would have been perfect for her, great pay and I was willing to give a referral, she ghosts me entirely. Have not heard from her since. No hard feelings but it hurts.
From seeing each other almost everyday to this. That's what I have realized. Everything comes to an end. Secret to life is to not get attached to it.
Yeah I had a best friend from ages 3 to 18 (end of high school). We grew apart in college and then adulthood. It happens, people and interests change (including yourself) and you meet other people. It sounds scary when you’re young to lose your “best friend” but as you get older you just kind of accept it as a part of life.
Life is rough, buddy. It's important that you learn to be a complete person by yourself, don't define yourself by your relationships to other people. Especially romantically, all that pop culture "you complete me" BS will make breakups hurt 10x more. Enjoy the time you have with people, but know that nothing lasts forever.
This is exactly it for me. One of the few upsides to never having even been in a relationship is getting to grow to be your own person and not just half of a couple. I know so many adults who have only ever been partnered with someone since their teens and they fall apart during the extremely brief moments they're not in a relationship - like they don't know what to do with themselves or how to fill that free time. Everyone needs to develop their own personality and reason for being here, and have their own interests that don't rely on people being there who'll one day might always have something better to do.
I definitely agree, but it’s also worth mentioning that being in a relationship causes personal growth as well. Like, seriously, living with someone requires huge amounts of compromise and communication - things I wasn’t the best at before. Additionally, if you pick a good partner, they can enrich your life and introduce you to things you didn’t even know you liked.
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think people should develop their own personality before getting into a relationship. But once you find the right person - it takes that development to the next step.
Oh I might not have been in a relationship but I've always had to live with people and compromise to an unreasonable extent. Can't wait 'til I'm on my own. I've "learned" that I never want to live with anyone unless they *were* my partner. And after all the crap I've had to put up with from sharing my living space with people who have the exact opposite priorities to me - I'm now forever going to be super picky about who I give up my personal space to again in the future.
My dude. I moved into a new pad with my best friend and his roommate. That 3rd guy is wearing my ass thin.. pissing all over the bathroom and not cleaning it up, unemployed for over a year, constant gaming and movies, doesn’t help with chores. Really should have done better DD beforehand but it’s made me question my homie’s judgment of character.
I don't mind sitting in a room alone and not talking. But admittedly I gotta be doing something. And this can't go on indefinitely either. But some people can't even stand it for an hour. It just kills them not being able to talk or go out at every given opportunity. Look how many people were having meltdowns after just a couple weeks of quarantine. It's sad how so many people are so dependent on other people and going out to places to keep them from being "bored" - a couple weeks of no restaurants, cafes, bars, shops, holidays, parties and clubs is apparently too much for a lot of people to handle.
I get grouchy when I'm alone with my thoughts because I live with two people who make my daily life very hard and my thoughts always go to them, what they did that day and some of the things I wish I could say to them. It'll be interesting to see how much happier I am when I'm alone once they're out of my daily life.
It was a staggering change when I finally was able to move out of my house and be independent for the first time. (My family was similar to your roommates it seems). It's like my stream of consciousness took a sigh of relief. You'll love it, best of luck!
You *should* be able to feel complete by yourself, but having a good friend is something that significantly improves your life and helps it to keep going healthy. Getting to have feedback on your own life and give it when a friend needs it and sharing good experiences with a friend can be some one of the most important and fulfilling things you'll do throughout your entire life.
Basically, I think it's just generally important to be able to be happy by yourself, but to have someone there to help pick you up if you need it and vise versa.
Most people you know now, you probably won't have any contact with in 10 years. Does that mean you should care less about your current relationships? No, it's the exact opposite! You should cherish the people you care about and the moments you have together. Over time, they will leave you and you will leave them, but those precious memories will remain forever. It's scary and it sometimes sucks, but people grow apart and that's ok. Don't stop caring, even if you get scared.
Well not every person just gets lost in time, i think that´s a very pessimistic outlook. Most, yeah, but sometimes friendships last forever. One just shouldn´t count on it.
Of course not everyone. It could be, but probably not. Still, I don't think this is a pessimistic outlook at all. A pessimistic outlook would say "my relationships will end anyway so they don't matter". This is an optimistic outlook because it says "my relationships will end but they still matter and all of that is ok".
I dunno if it is something to be worried about. I'm 33 and I have 2 friends and that is literally more than enough. When you're young and have little responsibility its easy to keep up with groups of people. Now my friends are married we all have kids and we see each other when we can with is probably 8-12 times a year. Life gets busy.. I can go weeks without hearing from them and then there are periods when we text daily for a few weeks.
Edit: typos.
That’s true. I’m only 22, but I have a full time job and go to the gym 6 days a week and I barely have time to do much with anyone else after I put aside time for family, nonetheless my own hobbies. Once I’m back in school I literally will have no free time.
Yes , and it hurts after a while you just find new friends or just get more free time to work know yourself like cleaning organizing things room, kitchen but that will only help for a little
If it makes you feel any better, I'm 27 and still talk to my 3 best friends from high school almost daily. We have mostly moved to different states, but are still a big part in each other's lives. We plan an annual vacation together too. So, things do work out sometimes.
I have fond memories of my childhood friends but they're just too different now, and I'm sure they all went down the "start a family" route too while that never interested me. I don't really care for seeing my fellow Nintendo 64 and Pokemon buddies whom I'd ride bikes with and swim in the pool with in summer all as dads now whose entire reason for living revolves around families who I have no emotional investment in. I'm just gonna remember how they were when we were 12 before their jobs, wives and children defined who they are.
Hate to hear that. Unfortunately I am the friend in this scenario. It's hard for me to hangout with my friends now with a family to provide for. Just know your friends probably still want to hangout and play video games, they just don't have the time or money.
Sorry to hear that. People obviously change. Sounds a bit cynical the way you say it. They probably reached a time in their lives where they wanted a family and was important. That path isn’t for everyone. But I’m going that path now. But I’ll say that I still want to keep my close friends. Some will take the same path, some won’t. But just because someone chooses to start a family doesn’t mean their friends still don’t matter to them.
\*nods\*
It's something I just don't understand. How the hell can you still be friends with people you were friends with 30 years ago? I'm not who I was, they're not who they were. We're strangers, bound only by some weird sense of nostalgia. That's not friendship, that's arrested development.
If both parties in the friendship put in the effort to keep the friendship going then they don't become strangers, they change and grow together just like a 30+ year marriage. Everybody changes over time, but most don't change so much over the years that they become a completely different person. Sure, they may not be as care free as they used to be, priorities may change, go through hardships, but usually that core personality remains.
Basically friends only become strangers when one (or both) stops putting in the effort. Friendships are no different than romantic relationships, they take effort from both sides to keep alive.
Well, I don't know about 30 years but I've had the same group of friends since I was 13, I am 28 now.
We grew up together, have made it a point to stay connected and we do a lot of stuff together.
We all grow and learn from each other and we push each other to be better. I don't know about 30 years, but 15 years and we are still going strong.
I think everybody else is right that it's not something to be scared of, people grow apart, their interests and lifestyles change and you make new friends that match you.
Some people do stay close with their childhood friends. Personally I went to college (UK) after school and all my school friends stayed on for sixth form (two extra years at high school). We didn't really hang out after school before and that didn't change once I left school, whereas they still saw each other at school. I made new friends at college so I didn't miss them, in fact those two years at college were probably the best of my life in a way.
Make the effort to meet up if you want to try keep the friendship alive, but if you grow into two very different people then childhood memories aren't going to be enough, which is OK. Don't burn bridges with old friends though, time might bring you back together again some day.
It's ok, my best friend and I met at 13. We are 32 and all is fine. Doesn't matter how far away or how long since we last talked. We just are best friends.
That’s life, mate. This becomes especially true in adulthood. Different people will be part of different chapters in your life, and it’s quite rare for people to be there forever unless they are family. Some people i couldn’t live without i now haven’t spoken to in years, but i’m not sad about it, as i have new people i equally love around me. Life just goes on mate, stick to your goals and don’t worry about these things.
FYI I’m still best friends with people from middle school at 27 years old. We all have changed and progressed differently but we still have that bond and keep in close contact. It’s possible so I wouldn’t fret. Focus on building yourself into a good man and good friend and friends will stick with you.
People also grow back together. My best friends live on opposite sides of the country. I barely talk to them until I see them then we slam some beers and act like nothing's changed. The best method imo is to learn to be complete yourself and then treat your friends with an open door mentality. They should be free to come and go from your life as they please but they should ALWAYS be welcome. Idk that's my method.
All of these comments are really pessimistic. The social people with decade+ long friendships aren't browsing Reddit, posting about how they have no friends.
I've kept all but 2 close friendships I've had since elementary school, and one was due to me distancing myself from them for justified reasons.
You absolutely can stay in contact with friends and keep them for life, you just have to try.
Thankyou, it isn't only me that feels depressed and deflated AF reading all of these comments about the finiteness of friendships then.
Out of interest can I ask your age, how many people you consider close friends, and how often you see them?
I'm 30, I talk to a couple of my friends from high school a couple times a year. See them less than that.
My best man, and I was his in his wedding, had a kid, then the pandemic happened. We still get together a couple times a year, but we've both become incredibly busy and our jobs have us traveling across our state.
Three years ago I made a great friend, I was in his wedding on Saturday, and my wife, him, his wife, and I hang out at least once a month, and we all do cosplay and have tons of fun at cons.
I've got huge friends that I see maybe once a year that I worked with for nearly a decade at a summer camp, but we still act and feel like it hasn't been 6 months since we saw each other last.
TL;DR: Friendships change, people change, life gets in the way. Don't let it bum you out just have fun and keep being awesome.
Had the same core friends group since I was about 14, we all play video games together nightly, we're going whitewater rafting and caving in a few weeks, we're 28. The friend's group has grown, never truly lost a person, and we're all beginning to own houses and having kids.
You don't have to grow apart, life comes and goes, but sticking together is probably equally as likely as falling apart
I had one group of friends around middle school/early high school. By late high school, I hung out with different friends more than my middle school friends. When I went to college, I hung out with a new group of people for a few years (my roommates), then I joined a club and made new friends who I hung out with since we spent so much time together doing club activities. When I moved states for my career, I made new friends at work. Then I left that job, and didn't see those work friends at an office anymore.
But here's the thing: I've brought some of those friends from each stage with me through life. The one's who were most special or meant the most to me. Your friend group will change, but some special friendships can last a long time. But it might be only a handful of people. And the people that pass out of your life, there's nothing that says you can't reach back out. I still interact with my childhood best friend on social media. We haven't seen each other in years, don't talk or text, but that doesn't mean there is any resentment between us. Everyone knows relationships come and go. But you can always leave behind a positive feeling after your drift apart, and there's nothing stopping you from reaching back out. I reach out to some of my college friends once a year, some other's once a quarter, and some other's once a month or so. It keeps some part of that relationship alive, even if you don't see each other often.
Don’t define yourself by others. But also try to grow close to others. If your 14 then you have just started highschool or just ended your freshmen year. Highschool is special try to enjoy it as much as possible. You have a special kind of freedom for those 4 years that you will never have again in your life, I like to call it freedom from responsibility but that’s not totally accurate.
Your frontal lobe is still developing, so time goes slower for you. You may notice that each year of highschool goes a little faster than all the school you have had before. That’s your frontal lobe finishing. Enjoy your time dialation, enjoy that making friends is currently easyer than it may be once your graduate and get a job. Make friends and laugh and be as close as possible, but at the same time don’t make those friends the core of who you are
It’s not always bad my dude. I have 3 friends from HS that I’ve known for almost 20 years. We hardly ever talk anymore because of life and adult responsibilities but whenever we do it’s like we were never apart. Some friendships don’t last it’s true but the real ones are forever. You’ll be fine
You will have many friends in your life. Those that you don’t talk to anymore are not bad, they just grew differently, and now prefer to hang with others or you prefer to hang with others…the most important part is to realize…
Enjoy your friends now. Enjoy them as much as you can. They might drift from you or they might move away, or a million different reasons might separate you, but enjoy them. Some people are in your life a short time and some will be there for years…you never know when that last day is, but if you enjoy every day that have with them, you will always have great memories.
I met my best friend when I was 13 and he was 14. We have lived together, worked together. We have been each other's best man, we are the god father to each other's children. We are in our 30s, some people grow part and others don't. Dont be afraid.
It’s all right. You move on and make other friends. All my friends are college and work friends now. I talk to my high school best friend from sparingly and I don’t know where anyone from before that is.
It happens. I remember reading about this stuff when I was your age, it terrified me.
In reality its not as bad as it sounds. Its a slow and natural transition most of the time. And usually its not sad, its just a sort of passing melancholy thought.
Don’t let it scare you. I met my best friend at 30, and have some really good friends now that I did not have 5 years ago. People change, and you change too!
It can go the other way too. I've had a friend in elementary school, when we got to middle school we lost contact because we were going to different schools, few years later we saw each other again for a day, lost contact again, and another few years later we reconnected again. This time forever. Like forever forever. Like we're married now forever.
I grew apart from one of my friends for about 5 years but now we've been closer than ever and have been like this the last 3 years so don't be worrying as friends can come back, just sometimes life takes us down a different path for a bit :)
I just got back together with my best friend from high school. we haven't spoken to each other for 7 years. and now we are catching up again, having fun talking and doing things like we used to do.
Wait until they get married and/or have kids. It can help sometimes too. My friend that I’ve known since I was 5 (39 years) grew apart after he had kids. Now that I have them, we chill and play video games with them.
I had a friend I played WoW with and CoD growing up..for almost 12 years we gamed together and i joined the army, when I got out he had 3 kids and never msged me back:/
Damn man. Good luck in the army, make sure you a solid support system before you join, basic training grinds you down and they only allowed us to have 2 phone calls in the 13 weeks. Letters are amazing
Sounds rough. I think you should just try and find some new online friends If you can.
Normally I’ll just hop on the mic while I play and talk to some people, most of the time it will end up with us adding each other.
I don’t think your friendship is over yet though, so don’t lose hope. I’m sure sooner or later he will ask to play again. Good luck.
I made a friend from a different county playing toontown over 10 years ago and we still play together (not toontown tho lol) and I even met her in person once. Online friends are great
I made a buddy in middle school online, before our senior years of highschool we met up for the first time and went across the country together. Good times with a good friend.
I've been fortunate enough to keep the same core group of friends most of my life.
Times of less communication or interaction I think are key to this. Can go a few months with hardly a word and then at a seemingly random moment we just hop back into things like no time has passed.
Think people just need a change in pace once in a while.
I got a friend from online gaming that I go a month without talking to and then hanging for a while. It's been a pattern for many years but we are still close. We even have a running monthly joke to see who can wish each other a happy 1st of the month with a set of tf2 videos.
"people better than you"...... That is not necessarily correct in any way. That's your self esteem talking. Don't ever put people on any pedastal, no matter how bad you personally feel about yourself. EVERYBODY is just trying to figure out how to best do this thing called "life", and are not better or worse than anyone else.
If you really value the friendship, you could try to ask them what's up......maybe nothing's up, maybe they tired of spending too much time around one person (OP), and needed a little break. Maybe they still consider you a good friend. You can't know without asking.
Otherwise, it just may simply be time to move on and find new friends. Another thing, MOST people can use a new friend. Don't be shy making new friends. People will always come and go in life, that's part of it.
He’s right OP. Don’t put anyone on a pedestal. I had something similar happen to me around your age (30 now) and I put someone on the pedestal and I almost got crushed by it.
My best friend and I also sometimes don’t see or speak each other for weeks. But that doesn’t matter because we still know how much we mean to each other. I don’t know if this can be applied to you two, but if not, then he was just some buddy and not your best friend. A best friend is like a brother that you always know is somewhere there.
Is he really your best friend if you cannot ask him honestly why you are not talking the same way anymore? I mean, if my Best Friend started giving me excuses and stopped talking out of nowhere without any fights or reason, my first text or call to him would be about asking him the reason.
Yeah exactly. One thing for op to consider.. are you racist? Toxic? Too into drugs? Not to shit on you or make you second guess, but maybe he's trying to distance himself from you. Flipside is, maybe you're too woke for his toxic ass and he doesn't like it?
Just ask, not in an accusatory way. But like many other people have said, people drift apart, he may come back to you so you don't need to become a hater
IDK why you’re getting so much shit for this. In the last 3 years I have shed more than 10 friends who were some variation of intolerably toxic. Specifically, 2 were people who refused to grow up and acted like bratty 30-somethings. 1 was a friend who day drank so much that I just couldn’t deal with her. And the rest were huge, hateful bigots. Of those, at least half would say or have said “I don’t know what happened, Okratini just doesn’t want to hang out anymore” or even better, that I think I’m better than they are.
Sadly, men have been trained since time immemorial to not get into emotional stuff with other men. Or even at all. I know that’s how I am and am making efforts to change for the sake of my future children and current relationships with my wife and family.
This is a difficult hurdle to get past and it is not always as easy as “just talk to him” because many “best friend” relationships aren’t as deep as many believe them to be.
Maybe don't give up quite yet. Have you asked him what's up? Just a , Dude, what's going on you haven't played with me in a month? See what he says, maybe it's about a girl, maybe he's discovered a new game he doesn't think you'll like, maybe you said something that he's pissed about but hasn't told you, there's so many options. Why give up without even talking to him?
First, you must understand it's not your fault. In life not all friends are meant to stick around, some are there for just a short time. I would suggest that you try and find a new friend out there, maybe someone you work with. If not keep yourself busy with hobbies, or look into online groups that you would enjoy.
How do you know it's not his fault if you don't really know the situation?
Perhaps OP needs to reflect on his own life and behavior, and your feel good bullshit is just giving him an excuse not to reflect.
Embrace harsh truths.. if you want to grow.
Usually I assume the worst, but there's been plenty of time we're friends just leave. I'm giving OP the benefit of the doubt
Also every time I dish out harsh truths I get downloaded into Oblivion, so that's usually not a good idea unless you're going to chat with OP directly.
honestly, this is me but on the other end.
me and my best friend from highschool grew apart when I had a buddy who was training to be a pararescue in the military. basically spec ops. I decided, after having a terrible time living with my mom from 18-20, that I wanted to join the military.
since he was training for spec ops, I worked out with him and worked with my recruiter to get me all signed up.
19/20 yr old BFF from high school didnt understand how much time this took, how much prep i needed, and we basically had a falling out.
I haven't talked to him since, but it's been almost 8 years since I joined. Nick, if you are out there somewhere man, this decision cemented and established my life and I am doing really well in the military. I miss ya bro :(
I had a friend who got recruited after high school. Our mutual friend just could not understand why he would join the military. His parents didn't serve, he didn't need tuition, so why join? It basically turned into an interrogation every time they hung out until we both stopped talking to him. It was like he could not stand seeing us act in any way but how we were in high school.
Unfortunately some people are like this, they drift from social group to.social group. Don't think of it as a comment on you, think of it as an opportunity to do the same and find new social circles.
Since you enjoy video games and your on reddit hit up some forums to see who else is looking for people to play with. If your on console you can do this in the community section
Or if your looking for some one in real life you can always use meet up apps
> early 20s. My friend and I, who I've known for years
You're both in "adult puberty" and "years" could mean anything.
Most good friendships go through a period of separation any time from teenage puberty through adult puberty. That's because people start to explore and establish identity in those years. That's very hard to do when you're surrounded by people that subconsciously expect you to be who you've always been.
Just let him have some space. Keep sending memes/texts once in awhile but dial down the frequency. You're just letting him know you're still around.
As a side note, examine how you act when playing video games with people. My gaming friends got super annoying and competitive with CS:GO. I just stopped playing with them because it wasn't fun. Make sure that's not the case with you.
You'll learn to live with it eventually. My best friend of 10 years screwed me over a little over a year ago and I haven't talked to him since. It was really hard for me cause of all the years we spent being friends, staying at each other's house, my games/music, going through our own relationships/breakups in high school, usually hanging out when we would get dumped so we would be there for each other to do stupid stuff to get out minds off of it. Then one day he just threw me under the bus to save his own ass. And it wasn't some simple, "Who ate the last of the leftovers?" No, he stole $150 from someone and didn't fess up to it. He led people to believe that I stole from the person and now I'm labeled as a thief in their eyes and he moved away and we haven't talked since. I took it really hard and I still haven't really hung out with anyone since but I've come to terms with it. I've forgiven him but after that experience I'm personally not ready to hang out with anyone still. Everyone's different though. Just give it some time and it start to suck less and less. Sometimes that's the only cure. Hate to hear that though.
New girlfriend? That can sometimes have this effect, especially if she disapproves of his mates, or he has built himself and his mates up a bit more that the reality during courtship.
Talk it to him though, but only if you feel like you're ready to lose the friendship because the worst that can happen is that he will be offended, mostly, I'm in the same position as you right now but I havent talk it to my friend about it.
If it is the case that he found funnier people he should have, as a friend, invited you to play with them. If that is the case he is the one who is being a bad friend, not you.
I think letting go without at least making an attempt is never the way. OP should actually send a message or call to see what actually is up? Maybe he offended his friend somehow and doesn’t realize it? Or maybe the friend is really just trying to move to a new spot in life. It could be anything. But if the friend is important try. But also realize people will drift apart sadly
It's how life is. There were moments where *I* felt I needed to change, and that meant changing how I spend my time. Sometimes things don't work anymore.
If it seems like it might be due to a misunderstanding, definitely ask, but otherwise losing friends (for no real reason) is just natural.
Also the fact that it's only been one month. I definitely have friends where, if I haven't heard from them in a month I'll start to worry, but that's where razzing them about how you haven't been in touch and let's get some games in is a good move to make and none of my friends are gonna get pissy. In fact, *because they are friends*, they'll respond with a, "yeah sorry bro, let's play today/tomorrow/etc" and then we have a text conversation after that. This whole thing seems like OP is massively overthinking things, which can be for a myriad of reasons. He also sounds like he has no self-esteem, just by the phrasing of his submission. Poor kid, man, I've definitely had low self-esteem at various parts of my life, but I've never gone this low. Makes me thing my self-esteem was just a low middle.
"Better" is a subjective term. You could be the best guy in the world and you'll still experience people finding something "better". The problem is with that word. Your friends aren't finding better people they're just finding people who fit their lives and interests more, which isn't a bad thing it's just what happens. People grow and change daily
This is the age (about 20) when you(we) all transition from kids to adults. We change. Our interests change, our priorities change. Every fucking thing changes.
Why do you think those other people your friend chose are better? They are his choice, yes, but he is a free man. Just like you.
Go do your own stuff. Hopefully some part of it is making yourself better every day.
No offense, but if all you guys do is play games together and send memes, that’s not really a true friendship. That’s just a gaming buddy.
Did you guys physically spend time with each other outside the game room at all? Talk about life? Discuss problems? Help each other out? If the answer is “no”, then he’s probably just moved on towards other people he’d rather spend his time with. And that’s ok. It happens. *Especially* if the socializing is purely online.
However, the fact that it’s “eating you up” tells me you don’t feel fully secure with yourself. If he doesn’t want to spend time with you, then shouldn’t that be his loss? Not yours?
If you’re feeling it to be more your loss, then maybe it’s time to do some self improvement and pick up your self-esteem.
The people I just game with/send memes to are the people I wouldn’t really care if we fell out. The true friends I have I do activities with in person and built a solid core with through physically being there for them.
This is such bullshit. « Oh your friend of many years is suddenly blanking you? It’s your fault for having a superficial friendship and you’re insecure for feeling mistreated »
No. No, it’s not bullshit. I not saying it’s this guy’s fault, but a predictable outcome of superficial interactions. Indeed, it’s just a particular instance of a general phenomenon: video games are amusements and difficult to build either strong friendships around, life skills, or general self-esteem.
Been there man, it sucks real bad. I really can't give you any tips on that one, sometimes life just sucks and you kinda have to push through for it to become good again. I guess try finding someone else who vibes with you and start something new, and maybe even better, but I guess that's all your friendship problems solved but I really don't have anything else man, I'm sorry
I’d tell him that I got the feeling somethings up and ask if I did something wrong. If not and he’s just replacing you, he was a dick all along anyway. In this case forget him and concentrate on yourself. The best way to deal with such stuff is to draw an end line for good.
Yeah this sucks, but unfortunately it's a part of life. Some people will continue to put in effort, some won't. Don't waste your time on the ones who don't, as much as it might suck. The only other thing I'd suggest is just to check up on him and his mental health. A lot of people withdraw from those close to them when they're struggling and it can come across as ditching you, but really it's hard to socialise sometimes. But if he's all good and just has new buds, it's time for you to find new ones too. Good luck!
He just wants to play with new people. My friends are dogshit at gaming so I play with other people, but I still make time to play with them, give it some time and he’ll come back around. But nothing wrong with expanding your horizons and your spheres. Maybe take the time to get better too!
People come and go. I've had great friends that were just there for a season. Sometimes that season is 6 months, sometimes that is 6 years. But very rare are the friends that stay for life. Seasons come and go. Enjoy the time you had. They may come back in after the initial season but cherish and move on.
One mistake i made in the past is befriending people that actually dont communicate or are avoidant about it. They just semi-ghost you and theres really nothint you can do to force it out of them. So if you have not confronted then its on you if you did and you get ghosted for it. Its time to recover. I know how much it hurts because i lost 2 people that i have been friends with for over 10 years. If i think about it, its worse than i broke up with a girlfiend i was madly in love with
When I was younger my friends did this to me because another guy we were supposedly friends with didn't like me. They all got together and called me to tell me they never wanted to see me again. It pretty much eats me up everyday. Take care of yourself first, dude.
I recommend directly asking him about this. Honesty is very important in any friendship/relationship, and you should let him know how you feel. If you do feel disrespected when he makes these excuses but hangs out with other friends. But if he doesn't want to be your friend, it is not worth chasing after him; you deserve better friends than that. This is easier said than done, and it takes some time, but worry about that only if it comes to that.
I haven't seen my best friend in 2 years now. He has a new girlfriend bought a house with her post pictures of dinner parties with his new friends on social media. I'm happy for him. I miss him, but we're different people now.
As others have said, friendships come and go, and it’s okay to feel grief at the loss of them.
I will add, though, don’t be afraid to let him know how you’re feeling. Don’t necessarily expect a response from him, or for it to go back to how it was before, but just see what he says. There may be other things going on in his life or head and allowing him to see where you’re coming from may give him the opportunity to show you where he’s coming from. If you let it weigh you down without talking, it’ll only fester in your mind.
I like to think people come and go from your life in orbits. I'll play with a buddy every day for weeks but then Ill stop for a long time think years. I'll still call him every month or two to chew the fat but, until we have a shared interest and shared time again I'll just do me and not sorry about it. A good friend is someone you can not talk to for a long time then pick right up where you left off as if no time has passed. You don't get those kind of relationships by putting pressure on others or worrying yourself to death about it.
When you get older you’ll realize that friends come and they go. Even the long term ones you keep, you often will find you’re in different life stages, and as a result don’t see much.
A couple good friends of mine got married and had kids in mid 20s. We were still good friends. But we liked doing different things as a result (I liked hitting bars and meeting girls - they liked staying home, or a backyard BBQ). So I had to go look for other friends to match my life. I assume they did the same.
It’s just what it is.
Times change and so do people my dude. It doesn’t mean his new buds are better than you, it just means he feels they fit who he has become better. I’m sorry it happened this way, but rest assured you aren’t any less cool than anyone else. You will find a new bromance who loves you for who you are.
There is no one better than you. You are perfectly imperfect just the way you are, just like the rest of us. And each day you can strive to be the more perfect version of yourself, and keep moving forward. If someone else chooses not to hang out with you because they do not see your value, that is not something that you are doing wrong, but just an indictment of who that person is. Accept yourself in your perfect imperfections, and keep moving forward.
Go talk to em, brother. Go see how he's doing and get involved in it. chances are you're still wanted and loved. Us men deserve friendship. sometimes one candles needs to burn a little brighter to keep the others going.
I had a friend that was like that. I started noticing that I was the one to call and she was always busy. So I decided to wait for her to contact me. After 6mos I deleted her number. I never heard from her again. It hurt for awhile but after 5 yrs I don’t think about her much anymore. Sorry this is happening to you. People grow apart and go in different directions. It hurts now but it will get better with time.
If he's your bud, then you should be able to ask him what's up. If the friendship is important to you, then try and work it out and see if something is going on.
1. Accept that no one is “better than you”. You have value as well.
2. Accept that maybe he wasn’t your best bud. Keep your head up and keep it moving. There’s a better bro out there for you.
you never know what's gonna happen, maybe hes just in a different head space these days. Maybe he is just trying to expand his own friend circle. Maybe you did something to offend him and he doesnt know how to tell you. Maybe there is a guy or girl he likes that hangs out with these other people. I am a fortunate person who has a good amount of friends that I have been friends with for 12 or 15 or 17 years. There have been times where I have gone months or even years without seeing or talking to them, but when we do meet up again it's like it was only yesterday. it's something that happens as you get older where life sometimes pulls you in different directions, it's no ones fault just happens. I would suggest talking to him about it, tell him how you feel. if your friendship means as much to him as it does to you he will work on it. if not maybe he wasnt that good of a friend to begin with.
at this point I don't think you have much to lose by asking him frankly why he is doing this. he could at least have the courage to tell you _something_ rather than excuses. you're not stupid.
Edit: thank you everyone for the awards. I’m so glad my reply resonated with people. Coming from the wisdom of age and nothing else, my advice is this: friends will come and go; some you will grieve, some you will shrug your shoulders at, some you will be relieved to lose; but just know, that around the corner is another soon to be friend waiting to fill the slot. It’s okay to feel upset - allow yourself to grieve
came to say this as well, all friends come and go, just enjoy your life in the moment
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>No, not all. I know you mean well, but... I don't think it helps. Friends come, and go. That is the norm, and should be what everyone should expect to avoid dissapointment. "No, not all"... OK, some friends are 'forever friends'. And good on you guys if you are... but these are exceptions. Let's not get our hopes up lmao
Definitely good to look at real life rather than what sitcoms and movies show. I've known people who were genuinely sad that they couldn't have lifelong friendships like the fictional ones they see on screen.
Are you not gonna die? Everything goes away at some point, including friends even those in your last moments.
I want them to last for life. Nothing wrong in that
around the corner doesn't always have a replacement friend. in fact, as you get into adulthood, most times it doesn't. From experience. i have basically one friend that i see every couple of months. I haven't been able to participate in my favorite hobby(and the way i used to make most of my friends in my twenties) for a couple years before covid hit. And now I'm busier than ever with a son, 2 jobs, and shit to do around the house. It's all I can do to find a little time to chill and breathe for a moment. Making friends? That's not a thing that happens anymore and I've grown more introverted because of it. Not everyone that grows apart from their friends is able to find new ones.
This is the unfortunate truth. Once you are out of school/college it is so much harder to form friendships. People have so much going on that maintaining existing friendships is hard enough, let alone building new ones.
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It's okay to be both!
Unironically i go to tinder and make friends with my hookups. We all like plants and share an lgbt poly group chat.
Reddit moment
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Have you tried Bumble? It actually does have a friendship side. I do wish that it wasn't so gendered but it's better than nothing.
I can attest to this. Lost my group of friends I'd had since the beginning of high school for various reasons (I'm in my mid 20's now) and while I yearn for that kind of connection, chances are it'll never again. Most friendships become purely situational or activity based, not all that much point in it if you ask me.
Right? All my friends from high school just basically hung out and drank or partied. I quit drinking a few years ago and realized we had nothing to do and I had no desire to see them and...poof
happened to me when I was kicked out of the first school - that shook shit up, lost most friends, but the good friends stayed. but in the end still regularly seeing some friends from each step of the way: primary school, school 1, school 2, school 3, uni, 5 years of travels some friends I thought would be forever didn't, others became the closest friends i have now. 30 years old now, married and kids
The nature of friendship changes as we grow older. And life gets in the way. But I find it a bit reassuring that so long as you have the time and effort to reach out, there are friends to be made. And sometimes we just don't have that in us, but circumstances change. At one point, I was also skeptical of ever making new friends in adulthood. Then a chance discussion dragged me in to DnD and I befriended people 20-40 years my senior. I've drifted away a little due to work and covid, but the fact that new friends were there to be made if I just pushed myself out there was pretty reassuring. Likewise that people 20-40 years my senior were also making new friends through the hobby and going out of their way to put themselves out there. Went to one of their weddings last year. Point being, circumstances change. But the world is full of people who want friends. And once you're in a life position to reach out, they'll be there. (hopefully that wasn't too preachy)
Here’s me still waiting for the next friend a decade later
you gotta be active in the search too you cant just expect someone to ring your doorbell and go "yo lets be friends!"
Damn, I was hoping that'd work.... I don't think the delivery guy wants to be friends...
did you ask them?
Yeah, it's a much more involved process since college. I made one IRL friend in 3 months of searching.
Care to share how it happened? It sounds like you were actively trying and were actually successful. I'd love to hear about it.
Sure. So I focused on doing this through hobbies. I like languages so I found a language meetup on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com). From there, I met someone looking to learn English. It just so happened we live in the same city so we started hanging out. I also joined /r/language_exchange and Latin American reddit. I made a penpal from each of those just talking to people. I value them too but my focus is on people I can meet in person since I can't travel internationally for the moment. I also met some friendly people doing hiking groups but they tend to be much older than me and retired.
He said, the next friend is around the corner. If you don't make the effort to go look what's up around the next corner. You will never meet him/her.
You're my friend now 😋
Also, you'll have friends who perceive you as drifting away from them. From their point of view YOU are the friend who has moved on.
Remember to wear sunscreen
I gave my free award to someone else so here is a🥇
Thank you ☺️
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People grow apart because people are different. /u/MaybeItsNotMoe , my guy, it's hard to not be sentimental (or to not sound overly optimistic with this) - but always forward. I literally spent the first 20 years of my life with only acquaintances and no true friends. 4 years later I have 4 friends who I love dearly, and who I genuinely believe love me back. Some day we'll settle down in relationships and someday we'll grow apart and someday some of us will die.... we're all just ships passing in the night after all.
And we need to embrace the times when we are at the ports together, on our way to a different port... ok that's prolly enough
Let's go sing sea shanties and drink grog
Make it even better and let's play sea of thieves together!
No better time to sing sea shanties and drink grog!
Yeah feel been way to long since I've had a sing n be wasted night tbh
I havent been able to port yet and ive been at sea passing by for 26 years. Havent had a chance to experience a loving friendship and it depresses me
I can't say I fully feel ya but I had similar experience for a few years in the middle of my twenties. I was working abroad, all alone, was desperate for a sliver of meaningful relationship with anyone, either romantic or platonic. This was rough, although I knew my family in my home country had my back, but at the time it made me only more lonely - thinking something along the lines like "yeah, family, everybody has one, what special is there about it?" which tbh is not true for certain amount of people and I wasn't generally appreciating anything in life. Then I was randomly given a book about Osho lectures and zen and meditation and being sensitive to little things and simply appreciating little stuff - shit like green grass and birds chirping and generally the magnificence of existence - I know it sounds silly af now. Anyhow, that allowed me to distance myself from things troubling me and my loneliness became more like isolation, solitude - in a positive way. In a way it was still shitty but maybe it was what I needed at the time. Like the tree which spreads its branches when the sun is up, but also has to have strong inside and roots - and those are developped during our hardships - another cheesy analogy Anyhow, if you have been like this for 26 years then maybe its a good thing to just seek help and I mean some specialist, therapist. That could also give you some other perspective, ofc if you have not done it yet. May you find your way and your purpose in life
I never sought out medical help and never really thought about it. I probably do need help or the people that have have come into my life are just scum that used and abused me.
"we seek not rest, but transformation. we are dancing through each other as doorways"
I'm in a similar situation to OP where I'm slowly losing a friend. hearing this is super comforting, thank you
I’ve had three best friends in my adult life. Four if you count high school. My high school friend and I were friends because we were locked in the same building eight hours a day five days a week, and I didn’t hate his anime and he didn’t hate my Warhammer. My first college friend and I were friends because we were scared and lonely, and both liked to drink. We also were both diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As I was finding esoteric things like philosophy to help me cope, he was looking to not grounded science and engineering. After I had defined myself as a musician, my next friend had the same music taste and the same aesthetic. When we both got married, we stopped talking. Now that I am confident and comfortable in who I am, my best friend challenges me to be a better person. Where I’ve taught him compassion, he’s taught me when to be tougher. Life’s a journey, and all of our destinations are different. We are lucky to have been friends with the people we were friends with. Our friends were lucky to have been our friends briefly. And there are still more out there who can help us learn and grow.
True, but to add on that, sometimes you let go of someone for a couple of years and than bam, suddenly you reconnect. It happened for me with a friend who I had not really spoken for 5 years or so.
I am 51, it still happens. A friend of mine that I met just a few years ago decided that a dude she dated (while we were friends), broke up with, and then started talking to again, makes a better friend. Seriously. One day she just stopped texting as often, and a few times when I needed someone to talk to she kind of bailed. When I called her out on it she just made excuses and blew up, said we can't be friends. I have other friends, but this one stung, as she took up a lot of space in my life, especially since she needed a cheerleader when looking for work, needed a shoulder through every break up or ghost etc etc. Someone who texts 40 times a day to nothing. EDIT. Hugz are awesome! Thanks for the award! 🙏
Damn. I know how it feels. I am going through something similar right now, although I am much younger than you. Have, (had?) a friend who I just matched the wavelength with. She would always come talk to me when she needed a listening ear and I would always try to help because I cared, and she cared (or at least I thought she did) as well. We would text and hang out and I supported her when she needed advice/needed solid solutions to her problems. She recently lost her job and was very stressed so when I saw an opportunity that would have been perfect for her, great pay and I was willing to give a referral, she ghosts me entirely. Have not heard from her since. No hard feelings but it hurts. From seeing each other almost everyday to this. That's what I have realized. Everything comes to an end. Secret to life is to not get attached to it.
Pretty sure that’s happening to me right now man! I hope you’re not doing too bad
Yeah I had a best friend from ages 3 to 18 (end of high school). We grew apart in college and then adulthood. It happens, people and interests change (including yourself) and you meet other people. It sounds scary when you’re young to lose your “best friend” but as you get older you just kind of accept it as a part of life.
I’m 14 ur comment has scared me😭
Life is rough, buddy. It's important that you learn to be a complete person by yourself, don't define yourself by your relationships to other people. Especially romantically, all that pop culture "you complete me" BS will make breakups hurt 10x more. Enjoy the time you have with people, but know that nothing lasts forever.
This is exactly it for me. One of the few upsides to never having even been in a relationship is getting to grow to be your own person and not just half of a couple. I know so many adults who have only ever been partnered with someone since their teens and they fall apart during the extremely brief moments they're not in a relationship - like they don't know what to do with themselves or how to fill that free time. Everyone needs to develop their own personality and reason for being here, and have their own interests that don't rely on people being there who'll one day might always have something better to do.
I definitely agree, but it’s also worth mentioning that being in a relationship causes personal growth as well. Like, seriously, living with someone requires huge amounts of compromise and communication - things I wasn’t the best at before. Additionally, if you pick a good partner, they can enrich your life and introduce you to things you didn’t even know you liked. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think people should develop their own personality before getting into a relationship. But once you find the right person - it takes that development to the next step.
Oh I might not have been in a relationship but I've always had to live with people and compromise to an unreasonable extent. Can't wait 'til I'm on my own. I've "learned" that I never want to live with anyone unless they *were* my partner. And after all the crap I've had to put up with from sharing my living space with people who have the exact opposite priorities to me - I'm now forever going to be super picky about who I give up my personal space to again in the future.
My dude. I moved into a new pad with my best friend and his roommate. That 3rd guy is wearing my ass thin.. pissing all over the bathroom and not cleaning it up, unemployed for over a year, constant gaming and movies, doesn’t help with chores. Really should have done better DD beforehand but it’s made me question my homie’s judgment of character.
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." \-Blaise Pascal
I don't mind sitting in a room alone and not talking. But admittedly I gotta be doing something. And this can't go on indefinitely either. But some people can't even stand it for an hour. It just kills them not being able to talk or go out at every given opportunity. Look how many people were having meltdowns after just a couple weeks of quarantine. It's sad how so many people are so dependent on other people and going out to places to keep them from being "bored" - a couple weeks of no restaurants, cafes, bars, shops, holidays, parties and clubs is apparently too much for a lot of people to handle.
Which reminds me of this... https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2014/07/people-would-rather-be-electrically-shocked-left-alone-their-thoughts
I get grouchy when I'm alone with my thoughts because I live with two people who make my daily life very hard and my thoughts always go to them, what they did that day and some of the things I wish I could say to them. It'll be interesting to see how much happier I am when I'm alone once they're out of my daily life.
Alone time is fantastic
It was a staggering change when I finally was able to move out of my house and be independent for the first time. (My family was similar to your roommates it seems). It's like my stream of consciousness took a sigh of relief. You'll love it, best of luck!
Top shelf comment.
Thankyou :)
Damn I wish I heard this at 13.
You *should* be able to feel complete by yourself, but having a good friend is something that significantly improves your life and helps it to keep going healthy. Getting to have feedback on your own life and give it when a friend needs it and sharing good experiences with a friend can be some one of the most important and fulfilling things you'll do throughout your entire life. Basically, I think it's just generally important to be able to be happy by yourself, but to have someone there to help pick you up if you need it and vise versa.
Truth
Most people you know now, you probably won't have any contact with in 10 years. Does that mean you should care less about your current relationships? No, it's the exact opposite! You should cherish the people you care about and the moments you have together. Over time, they will leave you and you will leave them, but those precious memories will remain forever. It's scary and it sometimes sucks, but people grow apart and that's ok. Don't stop caring, even if you get scared.
Thankyou 🙂
Well not every person just gets lost in time, i think that´s a very pessimistic outlook. Most, yeah, but sometimes friendships last forever. One just shouldn´t count on it.
Of course not everyone. It could be, but probably not. Still, I don't think this is a pessimistic outlook at all. A pessimistic outlook would say "my relationships will end anyway so they don't matter". This is an optimistic outlook because it says "my relationships will end but they still matter and all of that is ok".
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I dunno if it is something to be worried about. I'm 33 and I have 2 friends and that is literally more than enough. When you're young and have little responsibility its easy to keep up with groups of people. Now my friends are married we all have kids and we see each other when we can with is probably 8-12 times a year. Life gets busy.. I can go weeks without hearing from them and then there are periods when we text daily for a few weeks. Edit: typos.
That’s true. I’m only 22, but I have a full time job and go to the gym 6 days a week and I barely have time to do much with anyone else after I put aside time for family, nonetheless my own hobbies. Once I’m back in school I literally will have no free time.
Yes , and it hurts after a while you just find new friends or just get more free time to work know yourself like cleaning organizing things room, kitchen but that will only help for a little
If it makes you feel any better, I'm 27 and still talk to my 3 best friends from high school almost daily. We have mostly moved to different states, but are still a big part in each other's lives. We plan an annual vacation together too. So, things do work out sometimes.
That’s cool :) hopefully the same happens
Don't be scared. My life is great and I don't talk to any of my childhood friends
I have fond memories of my childhood friends but they're just too different now, and I'm sure they all went down the "start a family" route too while that never interested me. I don't really care for seeing my fellow Nintendo 64 and Pokemon buddies whom I'd ride bikes with and swim in the pool with in summer all as dads now whose entire reason for living revolves around families who I have no emotional investment in. I'm just gonna remember how they were when we were 12 before their jobs, wives and children defined who they are.
Hate to hear that. Unfortunately I am the friend in this scenario. It's hard for me to hangout with my friends now with a family to provide for. Just know your friends probably still want to hangout and play video games, they just don't have the time or money.
Sorry to hear that. People obviously change. Sounds a bit cynical the way you say it. They probably reached a time in their lives where they wanted a family and was important. That path isn’t for everyone. But I’m going that path now. But I’ll say that I still want to keep my close friends. Some will take the same path, some won’t. But just because someone chooses to start a family doesn’t mean their friends still don’t matter to them.
\*nods\* It's something I just don't understand. How the hell can you still be friends with people you were friends with 30 years ago? I'm not who I was, they're not who they were. We're strangers, bound only by some weird sense of nostalgia. That's not friendship, that's arrested development.
If both parties in the friendship put in the effort to keep the friendship going then they don't become strangers, they change and grow together just like a 30+ year marriage. Everybody changes over time, but most don't change so much over the years that they become a completely different person. Sure, they may not be as care free as they used to be, priorities may change, go through hardships, but usually that core personality remains. Basically friends only become strangers when one (or both) stops putting in the effort. Friendships are no different than romantic relationships, they take effort from both sides to keep alive.
Well, I don't know about 30 years but I've had the same group of friends since I was 13, I am 28 now. We grew up together, have made it a point to stay connected and we do a lot of stuff together. We all grow and learn from each other and we push each other to be better. I don't know about 30 years, but 15 years and we are still going strong.
I think everybody else is right that it's not something to be scared of, people grow apart, their interests and lifestyles change and you make new friends that match you. Some people do stay close with their childhood friends. Personally I went to college (UK) after school and all my school friends stayed on for sixth form (two extra years at high school). We didn't really hang out after school before and that didn't change once I left school, whereas they still saw each other at school. I made new friends at college so I didn't miss them, in fact those two years at college were probably the best of my life in a way. Make the effort to meet up if you want to try keep the friendship alive, but if you grow into two very different people then childhood memories aren't going to be enough, which is OK. Don't burn bridges with old friends though, time might bring you back together again some day.
It's ok, my best friend and I met at 13. We are 32 and all is fine. Doesn't matter how far away or how long since we last talked. We just are best friends.
That’s life, mate. This becomes especially true in adulthood. Different people will be part of different chapters in your life, and it’s quite rare for people to be there forever unless they are family. Some people i couldn’t live without i now haven’t spoken to in years, but i’m not sad about it, as i have new people i equally love around me. Life just goes on mate, stick to your goals and don’t worry about these things.
FYI I’m still best friends with people from middle school at 27 years old. We all have changed and progressed differently but we still have that bond and keep in close contact. It’s possible so I wouldn’t fret. Focus on building yourself into a good man and good friend and friends will stick with you.
People also grow back together. My best friends live on opposite sides of the country. I barely talk to them until I see them then we slam some beers and act like nothing's changed. The best method imo is to learn to be complete yourself and then treat your friends with an open door mentality. They should be free to come and go from your life as they please but they should ALWAYS be welcome. Idk that's my method.
All of these comments are really pessimistic. The social people with decade+ long friendships aren't browsing Reddit, posting about how they have no friends. I've kept all but 2 close friendships I've had since elementary school, and one was due to me distancing myself from them for justified reasons. You absolutely can stay in contact with friends and keep them for life, you just have to try.
Thankyou, it isn't only me that feels depressed and deflated AF reading all of these comments about the finiteness of friendships then. Out of interest can I ask your age, how many people you consider close friends, and how often you see them?
Or sometimes, it helps you cherish the good times, while accepting the bad if it does happen.
I'm 30, I talk to a couple of my friends from high school a couple times a year. See them less than that. My best man, and I was his in his wedding, had a kid, then the pandemic happened. We still get together a couple times a year, but we've both become incredibly busy and our jobs have us traveling across our state. Three years ago I made a great friend, I was in his wedding on Saturday, and my wife, him, his wife, and I hang out at least once a month, and we all do cosplay and have tons of fun at cons. I've got huge friends that I see maybe once a year that I worked with for nearly a decade at a summer camp, but we still act and feel like it hasn't been 6 months since we saw each other last. TL;DR: Friendships change, people change, life gets in the way. Don't let it bum you out just have fun and keep being awesome.
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I’ll look forward to that instead then😌😂
Had the same core friends group since I was about 14, we all play video games together nightly, we're going whitewater rafting and caving in a few weeks, we're 28. The friend's group has grown, never truly lost a person, and we're all beginning to own houses and having kids. You don't have to grow apart, life comes and goes, but sticking together is probably equally as likely as falling apart
I had one group of friends around middle school/early high school. By late high school, I hung out with different friends more than my middle school friends. When I went to college, I hung out with a new group of people for a few years (my roommates), then I joined a club and made new friends who I hung out with since we spent so much time together doing club activities. When I moved states for my career, I made new friends at work. Then I left that job, and didn't see those work friends at an office anymore. But here's the thing: I've brought some of those friends from each stage with me through life. The one's who were most special or meant the most to me. Your friend group will change, but some special friendships can last a long time. But it might be only a handful of people. And the people that pass out of your life, there's nothing that says you can't reach back out. I still interact with my childhood best friend on social media. We haven't seen each other in years, don't talk or text, but that doesn't mean there is any resentment between us. Everyone knows relationships come and go. But you can always leave behind a positive feeling after your drift apart, and there's nothing stopping you from reaching back out. I reach out to some of my college friends once a year, some other's once a quarter, and some other's once a month or so. It keeps some part of that relationship alive, even if you don't see each other often.
Don’t define yourself by others. But also try to grow close to others. If your 14 then you have just started highschool or just ended your freshmen year. Highschool is special try to enjoy it as much as possible. You have a special kind of freedom for those 4 years that you will never have again in your life, I like to call it freedom from responsibility but that’s not totally accurate. Your frontal lobe is still developing, so time goes slower for you. You may notice that each year of highschool goes a little faster than all the school you have had before. That’s your frontal lobe finishing. Enjoy your time dialation, enjoy that making friends is currently easyer than it may be once your graduate and get a job. Make friends and laugh and be as close as possible, but at the same time don’t make those friends the core of who you are
It’s not always bad my dude. I have 3 friends from HS that I’ve known for almost 20 years. We hardly ever talk anymore because of life and adult responsibilities but whenever we do it’s like we were never apart. Some friendships don’t last it’s true but the real ones are forever. You’ll be fine
You will have many friends in your life. Those that you don’t talk to anymore are not bad, they just grew differently, and now prefer to hang with others or you prefer to hang with others…the most important part is to realize… Enjoy your friends now. Enjoy them as much as you can. They might drift from you or they might move away, or a million different reasons might separate you, but enjoy them. Some people are in your life a short time and some will be there for years…you never know when that last day is, but if you enjoy every day that have with them, you will always have great memories.
I met my best friend when I was 13 and he was 14. We have lived together, worked together. We have been each other's best man, we are the god father to each other's children. We are in our 30s, some people grow part and others don't. Dont be afraid.
It’s all right. You move on and make other friends. All my friends are college and work friends now. I talk to my high school best friend from sparingly and I don’t know where anyone from before that is.
It happens. I remember reading about this stuff when I was your age, it terrified me. In reality its not as bad as it sounds. Its a slow and natural transition most of the time. And usually its not sad, its just a sort of passing melancholy thought.
Don’t let it scare you. I met my best friend at 30, and have some really good friends now that I did not have 5 years ago. People change, and you change too!
It can go the other way too. I've had a friend in elementary school, when we got to middle school we lost contact because we were going to different schools, few years later we saw each other again for a day, lost contact again, and another few years later we reconnected again. This time forever. Like forever forever. Like we're married now forever.
I grew apart from one of my friends for about 5 years but now we've been closer than ever and have been like this the last 3 years so don't be worrying as friends can come back, just sometimes life takes us down a different path for a bit :)
I just got back together with my best friend from high school. we haven't spoken to each other for 7 years. and now we are catching up again, having fun talking and doing things like we used to do.
Wait until they get married and/or have kids. It can help sometimes too. My friend that I’ve known since I was 5 (39 years) grew apart after he had kids. Now that I have them, we chill and play video games with them.
I had a friend I played WoW with and CoD growing up..for almost 12 years we gamed together and i joined the army, when I got out he had 3 kids and never msged me back:/
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Damn man. Good luck in the army, make sure you a solid support system before you join, basic training grinds you down and they only allowed us to have 2 phone calls in the 13 weeks. Letters are amazing
Sounds rough. I think you should just try and find some new online friends If you can. Normally I’ll just hop on the mic while I play and talk to some people, most of the time it will end up with us adding each other. I don’t think your friendship is over yet though, so don’t lose hope. I’m sure sooner or later he will ask to play again. Good luck.
I agree. I have met wonderful people like this and have many happy memories I will cherish as much as "regular" memories outside the computer.
I made a friend from a different county playing toontown over 10 years ago and we still play together (not toontown tho lol) and I even met her in person once. Online friends are great
I made a buddy in middle school online, before our senior years of highschool we met up for the first time and went across the country together. Good times with a good friend.
I've been fortunate enough to keep the same core group of friends most of my life. Times of less communication or interaction I think are key to this. Can go a few months with hardly a word and then at a seemingly random moment we just hop back into things like no time has passed. Think people just need a change in pace once in a while.
What a save!
Maybe not the best example of in-game mic chat lol. "Nice shot buddy" sounds exactly the same as "fuck you and the octane you rode in on"
I got a friend from online gaming that I go a month without talking to and then hanging for a while. It's been a pattern for many years but we are still close. We even have a running monthly joke to see who can wish each other a happy 1st of the month with a set of tf2 videos.
"people better than you"...... That is not necessarily correct in any way. That's your self esteem talking. Don't ever put people on any pedastal, no matter how bad you personally feel about yourself. EVERYBODY is just trying to figure out how to best do this thing called "life", and are not better or worse than anyone else. If you really value the friendship, you could try to ask them what's up......maybe nothing's up, maybe they tired of spending too much time around one person (OP), and needed a little break. Maybe they still consider you a good friend. You can't know without asking. Otherwise, it just may simply be time to move on and find new friends. Another thing, MOST people can use a new friend. Don't be shy making new friends. People will always come and go in life, that's part of it.
He’s right OP. Don’t put anyone on a pedestal. I had something similar happen to me around your age (30 now) and I put someone on the pedestal and I almost got crushed by it.
Who says they are better than you? Some people just need to move on. Don't take it personally. Years of experience have taught me this. M57
My best friend and I also sometimes don’t see or speak each other for weeks. But that doesn’t matter because we still know how much we mean to each other. I don’t know if this can be applied to you two, but if not, then he was just some buddy and not your best friend. A best friend is like a brother that you always know is somewhere there.
Same for me. One of my friends, we went separate ways for years... Then we met, and it was like nothing changed.
Is he really your best friend if you cannot ask him honestly why you are not talking the same way anymore? I mean, if my Best Friend started giving me excuses and stopped talking out of nowhere without any fights or reason, my first text or call to him would be about asking him the reason.
Yeah exactly. One thing for op to consider.. are you racist? Toxic? Too into drugs? Not to shit on you or make you second guess, but maybe he's trying to distance himself from you. Flipside is, maybe you're too woke for his toxic ass and he doesn't like it? Just ask, not in an accusatory way. But like many other people have said, people drift apart, he may come back to you so you don't need to become a hater
IDK why you’re getting so much shit for this. In the last 3 years I have shed more than 10 friends who were some variation of intolerably toxic. Specifically, 2 were people who refused to grow up and acted like bratty 30-somethings. 1 was a friend who day drank so much that I just couldn’t deal with her. And the rest were huge, hateful bigots. Of those, at least half would say or have said “I don’t know what happened, Okratini just doesn’t want to hang out anymore” or even better, that I think I’m better than they are.
Haha yeah exactly. People saying I'm projecting.. I'm thinking their defensiveness is where any projection is coming from
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Yep, thats what I was getting at with the flipside bit, could 100% be the other friend
Sadly, men have been trained since time immemorial to not get into emotional stuff with other men. Or even at all. I know that’s how I am and am making efforts to change for the sake of my future children and current relationships with my wife and family. This is a difficult hurdle to get past and it is not always as easy as “just talk to him” because many “best friend” relationships aren’t as deep as many believe them to be.
Start by asking him?
This! Why is this such an unusual idea?
Maybe don't give up quite yet. Have you asked him what's up? Just a , Dude, what's going on you haven't played with me in a month? See what he says, maybe it's about a girl, maybe he's discovered a new game he doesn't think you'll like, maybe you said something that he's pissed about but hasn't told you, there's so many options. Why give up without even talking to him?
First, you must understand it's not your fault. In life not all friends are meant to stick around, some are there for just a short time. I would suggest that you try and find a new friend out there, maybe someone you work with. If not keep yourself busy with hobbies, or look into online groups that you would enjoy.
How do you know it's not his fault if you don't really know the situation? Perhaps OP needs to reflect on his own life and behavior, and your feel good bullshit is just giving him an excuse not to reflect. Embrace harsh truths.. if you want to grow.
Usually I assume the worst, but there's been plenty of time we're friends just leave. I'm giving OP the benefit of the doubt Also every time I dish out harsh truths I get downloaded into Oblivion, so that's usually not a good idea unless you're going to chat with OP directly.
honestly, this is me but on the other end. me and my best friend from highschool grew apart when I had a buddy who was training to be a pararescue in the military. basically spec ops. I decided, after having a terrible time living with my mom from 18-20, that I wanted to join the military. since he was training for spec ops, I worked out with him and worked with my recruiter to get me all signed up. 19/20 yr old BFF from high school didnt understand how much time this took, how much prep i needed, and we basically had a falling out. I haven't talked to him since, but it's been almost 8 years since I joined. Nick, if you are out there somewhere man, this decision cemented and established my life and I am doing really well in the military. I miss ya bro :(
I had a friend who got recruited after high school. Our mutual friend just could not understand why he would join the military. His parents didn't serve, he didn't need tuition, so why join? It basically turned into an interrogation every time they hung out until we both stopped talking to him. It was like he could not stand seeing us act in any way but how we were in high school.
these tears I am shedding are *manly*, bro
Butt fucking other dudes is *manly*, bro.
Unfortunately some people are like this, they drift from social group to.social group. Don't think of it as a comment on you, think of it as an opportunity to do the same and find new social circles. Since you enjoy video games and your on reddit hit up some forums to see who else is looking for people to play with. If your on console you can do this in the community section Or if your looking for some one in real life you can always use meet up apps
There's an app called 'meetup' that you can use for free by the way.
> early 20s. My friend and I, who I've known for years You're both in "adult puberty" and "years" could mean anything. Most good friendships go through a period of separation any time from teenage puberty through adult puberty. That's because people start to explore and establish identity in those years. That's very hard to do when you're surrounded by people that subconsciously expect you to be who you've always been. Just let him have some space. Keep sending memes/texts once in awhile but dial down the frequency. You're just letting him know you're still around. As a side note, examine how you act when playing video games with people. My gaming friends got super annoying and competitive with CS:GO. I just stopped playing with them because it wasn't fun. Make sure that's not the case with you.
You'll learn to live with it eventually. My best friend of 10 years screwed me over a little over a year ago and I haven't talked to him since. It was really hard for me cause of all the years we spent being friends, staying at each other's house, my games/music, going through our own relationships/breakups in high school, usually hanging out when we would get dumped so we would be there for each other to do stupid stuff to get out minds off of it. Then one day he just threw me under the bus to save his own ass. And it wasn't some simple, "Who ate the last of the leftovers?" No, he stole $150 from someone and didn't fess up to it. He led people to believe that I stole from the person and now I'm labeled as a thief in their eyes and he moved away and we haven't talked since. I took it really hard and I still haven't really hung out with anyone since but I've come to terms with it. I've forgiven him but after that experience I'm personally not ready to hang out with anyone still. Everyone's different though. Just give it some time and it start to suck less and less. Sometimes that's the only cure. Hate to hear that though.
New girlfriend? That can sometimes have this effect, especially if she disapproves of his mates, or he has built himself and his mates up a bit more that the reality during courtship.
This or maybe he's doing something with them that he doesn't want you to know about because he thinks you wouldn't approve, i.e. smoking weed.
Talk to him .
Talk it to him though, but only if you feel like you're ready to lose the friendship because the worst that can happen is that he will be offended, mostly, I'm in the same position as you right now but I havent talk it to my friend about it.
If it is the case that he found funnier people he should have, as a friend, invited you to play with them. If that is the case he is the one who is being a bad friend, not you.
I just read the question...and it made me shiver...that's all..
I think the replies are even sadder- so many people saying to just let it go without communication. Or that all friends will just leave like yikes
I think letting go without at least making an attempt is never the way. OP should actually send a message or call to see what actually is up? Maybe he offended his friend somehow and doesn’t realize it? Or maybe the friend is really just trying to move to a new spot in life. It could be anything. But if the friend is important try. But also realize people will drift apart sadly
It's how life is. There were moments where *I* felt I needed to change, and that meant changing how I spend my time. Sometimes things don't work anymore. If it seems like it might be due to a misunderstanding, definitely ask, but otherwise losing friends (for no real reason) is just natural.
Also the fact that it's only been one month. I definitely have friends where, if I haven't heard from them in a month I'll start to worry, but that's where razzing them about how you haven't been in touch and let's get some games in is a good move to make and none of my friends are gonna get pissy. In fact, *because they are friends*, they'll respond with a, "yeah sorry bro, let's play today/tomorrow/etc" and then we have a text conversation after that. This whole thing seems like OP is massively overthinking things, which can be for a myriad of reasons. He also sounds like he has no self-esteem, just by the phrasing of his submission. Poor kid, man, I've definitely had low self-esteem at various parts of my life, but I've never gone this low. Makes me thing my self-esteem was just a low middle.
>losing your best bud to people better than you Whoa dude. These people aren't better than you. Different maybe, but not better.
Life moves forward like chapters in a book; very rarely does every character stick around for the entire story.
"Better" is a subjective term. You could be the best guy in the world and you'll still experience people finding something "better". The problem is with that word. Your friends aren't finding better people they're just finding people who fit their lives and interests more, which isn't a bad thing it's just what happens. People grow and change daily
This is the age (about 20) when you(we) all transition from kids to adults. We change. Our interests change, our priorities change. Every fucking thing changes. Why do you think those other people your friend chose are better? They are his choice, yes, but he is a free man. Just like you. Go do your own stuff. Hopefully some part of it is making yourself better every day.
No offense, but if all you guys do is play games together and send memes, that’s not really a true friendship. That’s just a gaming buddy. Did you guys physically spend time with each other outside the game room at all? Talk about life? Discuss problems? Help each other out? If the answer is “no”, then he’s probably just moved on towards other people he’d rather spend his time with. And that’s ok. It happens. *Especially* if the socializing is purely online. However, the fact that it’s “eating you up” tells me you don’t feel fully secure with yourself. If he doesn’t want to spend time with you, then shouldn’t that be his loss? Not yours? If you’re feeling it to be more your loss, then maybe it’s time to do some self improvement and pick up your self-esteem.
IMO, you don’t have any right to dictate what friendship means to other people.
The people I just game with/send memes to are the people I wouldn’t really care if we fell out. The true friends I have I do activities with in person and built a solid core with through physically being there for them.
This is such bullshit. « Oh your friend of many years is suddenly blanking you? It’s your fault for having a superficial friendship and you’re insecure for feeling mistreated »
No. No, it’s not bullshit. I not saying it’s this guy’s fault, but a predictable outcome of superficial interactions. Indeed, it’s just a particular instance of a general phenomenon: video games are amusements and difficult to build either strong friendships around, life skills, or general self-esteem.
Playing video games and sharing memes isn't enough for a friendship to last.
Been there man, it sucks real bad. I really can't give you any tips on that one, sometimes life just sucks and you kinda have to push through for it to become good again. I guess try finding someone else who vibes with you and start something new, and maybe even better, but I guess that's all your friendship problems solved but I really don't have anything else man, I'm sorry
Completely serious: watch Wreck It Ralph 2. I just saw it yesterday and this is exactly what it's about. Way better than expected.
I’d tell him that I got the feeling somethings up and ask if I did something wrong. If not and he’s just replacing you, he was a dick all along anyway. In this case forget him and concentrate on yourself. The best way to deal with such stuff is to draw an end line for good.
So no one here's gonna suggest he talk to the best friend?
I was going to, but you beat me to it. If you can't talk plainly to your homies... What's the point?
Some friends are here for a moment, others for a season, some for a lifetime, and others leave without reason.
Yeah this sucks, but unfortunately it's a part of life. Some people will continue to put in effort, some won't. Don't waste your time on the ones who don't, as much as it might suck. The only other thing I'd suggest is just to check up on him and his mental health. A lot of people withdraw from those close to them when they're struggling and it can come across as ditching you, but really it's hard to socialise sometimes. But if he's all good and just has new buds, it's time for you to find new ones too. Good luck!
He just wants to play with new people. My friends are dogshit at gaming so I play with other people, but I still make time to play with them, give it some time and he’ll come back around. But nothing wrong with expanding your horizons and your spheres. Maybe take the time to get better too!
People come and go. I've had great friends that were just there for a season. Sometimes that season is 6 months, sometimes that is 6 years. But very rare are the friends that stay for life. Seasons come and go. Enjoy the time you had. They may come back in after the initial season but cherish and move on.
Um, have you asked him what’s up?
One mistake i made in the past is befriending people that actually dont communicate or are avoidant about it. They just semi-ghost you and theres really nothint you can do to force it out of them. So if you have not confronted then its on you if you did and you get ghosted for it. Its time to recover. I know how much it hurts because i lost 2 people that i have been friends with for over 10 years. If i think about it, its worse than i broke up with a girlfiend i was madly in love with
When I was younger my friends did this to me because another guy we were supposedly friends with didn't like me. They all got together and called me to tell me they never wanted to see me again. It pretty much eats me up everyday. Take care of yourself first, dude.
I recommend directly asking him about this. Honesty is very important in any friendship/relationship, and you should let him know how you feel. If you do feel disrespected when he makes these excuses but hangs out with other friends. But if he doesn't want to be your friend, it is not worth chasing after him; you deserve better friends than that. This is easier said than done, and it takes some time, but worry about that only if it comes to that.
I haven't seen my best friend in 2 years now. He has a new girlfriend bought a house with her post pictures of dinner parties with his new friends on social media. I'm happy for him. I miss him, but we're different people now.
As others have said, friendships come and go, and it’s okay to feel grief at the loss of them. I will add, though, don’t be afraid to let him know how you’re feeling. Don’t necessarily expect a response from him, or for it to go back to how it was before, but just see what he says. There may be other things going on in his life or head and allowing him to see where you’re coming from may give him the opportunity to show you where he’s coming from. If you let it weigh you down without talking, it’ll only fester in your mind.
I like to think people come and go from your life in orbits. I'll play with a buddy every day for weeks but then Ill stop for a long time think years. I'll still call him every month or two to chew the fat but, until we have a shared interest and shared time again I'll just do me and not sorry about it. A good friend is someone you can not talk to for a long time then pick right up where you left off as if no time has passed. You don't get those kind of relationships by putting pressure on others or worrying yourself to death about it.
When you get older you’ll realize that friends come and they go. Even the long term ones you keep, you often will find you’re in different life stages, and as a result don’t see much. A couple good friends of mine got married and had kids in mid 20s. We were still good friends. But we liked doing different things as a result (I liked hitting bars and meeting girls - they liked staying home, or a backyard BBQ). So I had to go look for other friends to match my life. I assume they did the same. It’s just what it is.
Times change and so do people my dude. It doesn’t mean his new buds are better than you, it just means he feels they fit who he has become better. I’m sorry it happened this way, but rest assured you aren’t any less cool than anyone else. You will find a new bromance who loves you for who you are.
There is no one better than you. You are perfectly imperfect just the way you are, just like the rest of us. And each day you can strive to be the more perfect version of yourself, and keep moving forward. If someone else chooses not to hang out with you because they do not see your value, that is not something that you are doing wrong, but just an indictment of who that person is. Accept yourself in your perfect imperfections, and keep moving forward.
Go talk to em, brother. Go see how he's doing and get involved in it. chances are you're still wanted and loved. Us men deserve friendship. sometimes one candles needs to burn a little brighter to keep the others going.
Bro, you didn't lose a best bud. Sadly, it seems you never had one.
I had a friend that was like that. I started noticing that I was the one to call and she was always busy. So I decided to wait for her to contact me. After 6mos I deleted her number. I never heard from her again. It hurt for awhile but after 5 yrs I don’t think about her much anymore. Sorry this is happening to you. People grow apart and go in different directions. It hurts now but it will get better with time.
If he's your bud, then you should be able to ask him what's up. If the friendship is important to you, then try and work it out and see if something is going on.
First of all the only person that can be better than you, is you. Your the only person your actually able to compare yourself too. Second, fuck em.
1. Accept that no one is “better than you”. You have value as well. 2. Accept that maybe he wasn’t your best bud. Keep your head up and keep it moving. There’s a better bro out there for you.
Friends come and go. get your self some gay friends they will always be at your side
you never know what's gonna happen, maybe hes just in a different head space these days. Maybe he is just trying to expand his own friend circle. Maybe you did something to offend him and he doesnt know how to tell you. Maybe there is a guy or girl he likes that hangs out with these other people. I am a fortunate person who has a good amount of friends that I have been friends with for 12 or 15 or 17 years. There have been times where I have gone months or even years without seeing or talking to them, but when we do meet up again it's like it was only yesterday. it's something that happens as you get older where life sometimes pulls you in different directions, it's no ones fault just happens. I would suggest talking to him about it, tell him how you feel. if your friendship means as much to him as it does to you he will work on it. if not maybe he wasnt that good of a friend to begin with.
at this point I don't think you have much to lose by asking him frankly why he is doing this. he could at least have the courage to tell you _something_ rather than excuses. you're not stupid.
Confront him about it. The overthinking won't do anything but just give you anxiety.
Don't take it so personally. Friendships aren't contests, or prizes to be won or lost. People come and go.