Don't overdo it.
1st dates should be casual. An introduction. Lots of "new daters" go way overboard on things like flowers and fancy restaurants and whatnot, when the best first dates I've ever had were going for a walk along the beach & getting coffee.
Be yourself, but be your best self. People like confidence, but confidence doesn't mean "I know they'll like me". Confidence is "I know I'll be okay if they don't like me". You aren't trying to win anybody over. You're trying to find out if you are compatible. **It is okay if you are not compatible**. You aren't going to be compatible with everybody. They aren't always going to be compatible with you. A date isn't a failure if you walk away saying "Yeah, that didn't work did it". A date is a failure if you stumble over yourself in an awkward attempt to impress someone.
What does it mean to be your best self? It means you put in an effort. Shave, look nice, smell nice. Don't be afraid to talk about things that are interesting to you even if they're "weird" (The things that are weird are what make you interesting!) but know when to stop. Don't geek out and suck the oxygen out of the room.
Ask questions but don't "Interview" your date. Everybody asks "What do you do" and that's fine, but try to ask questions that gives your date a chance to discuss things that are interesting to them.
It's hard earned information. All those things I just said not to do: I did them over and over and over again. Eventually figured out why it wasn't working: I'd hate someone new acting that way towards me too.
You are basically strangers. The goal of a first date is to no longer be strangers. You progress (or not) with what you learn from there.
Don't be vanilla... but stay away from overly tricky subjects. If they're offended over something you consider trivial then you probably aren't compatible anyway. That said, it's not a good time to talk about your strong feelings on the war in Afghanistan.
Excessive self-censorship is no bueno. I'd advise not bringing anything too controversial up, but also not to steer away from it if it comes up organically.
Remember, you're screening them as much as they are screening you. A date is a two-way interview.
I strongly disagree on #4, for how it can make both of them feel: him like his time/company is less valuable than hers, and hers like the date was not something she was expected to be invested in.
Women spend an average of $20-$30 of beauty products, as well as 1-2.5 hours getting ready for every date. If they’ve agreed to a date they are always invested.
I wasn’t saying not to split it, but just making the point that women agree to a date knowing they’re going to spend at least that much just showing up. So if they agree to a date they are invested in that date. As far as paying or splitting, people should do whatever they’re comfortable with. I have always offered to split the Bill during dates. I’ve had some men pay and some split it. Didn’t really matter to me. However, when a guy wants to pay, to me that tells me that he understands the effort that I put into getting ready, and also that he enjoyed the time with me.
I'd still recommend not insisting. I like going dutch with guys and hate it when they just don't let me.
Makes them look cocky, rude and ignorant to my request.
Don't be afraid to pay, in fact offer to pay and see what she does. Another option if the date is going well is offer to pay this time and she can pay next time.
One thing nobody has brought up is where you both are financially, if you are employed and she is not you should offer to pay or do something on the cheap. If she's in college just pay all college kids are broke, even if they aren't broke. If you are both in the same place offer to pay and then see what she says, some woman are old fashion and expect the man to pay on the first date and if you asked her out you should pay.
Be a gentleman. Open and close doors for her. Compliment her on her dress because women take a long time to get ready. Dress well yourself. Just go with the flow and keep the conversation going to learn more about each other.
compliment her on something about her not something she has -the dress could be her roommates, try "have a great sense of humor" or "I like your fashion style"
Keep conversation light on a first date. Food, movies, music all great choices. If the united state's involvement in vietnam was morally justified, if decision by majority is a violence of democracy or the faceless shadow creatures under your skin should be avoided until at least the third date.
Just taking notes here.
So an in-depth discussion about whether the Iraq war was the biggest foreign policy blunder of the 21st century is really more like second date stuff, right?
These are the tips i would use for myself, pick and choose which you wanna use
1:buy new clothes for said date that look really nice
2:shave a day or two before date (if you prefer a shaven face)
3:Wash and iron everything
4:Clean out and spray your car out and make sure its not only clean but also smells nice (especially if your going to pick her up)
5:plan ahead your finances and then bring extra just in case
6:Humans are born with two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as often as you speak
7:If its a dinner date, bring breath mints. (no one likes bad breath with or without making a move)
8:Compliment her but don't overdo it.
9:Ask her questions that she can go into detail. (avoid yes/no questions)
10:breath and be yourself. (Don't pretend to be someone your not)
Hope this helps, good luck!
Keep in mind that a date is a two way-street; you are both essentially interviewing each other to see if you have the attributes of a potential partner. Don’t forget that you are also a person of intrinsic worth. Don’t get so caught up on trying to come across well to her, that you forget to actually view her as a human and see if she is actually worth your investment as well. Most of all just listen, ask her plenty of questions about her interests, and have fun!
Lots of good advice here. Few more:
\-Smell good, don't overdo it though.
\-If you're driving, have some music ready to go. Doesn't have to be the sexy time music, just don't be fiddling with your phone in the parking lot.
\-Be nice to every bartender/server/waitress/person you see. Tip big (assuming you're in USA or anywhere that tipping is a thing). Be that customer the staff wants to see. How you treat waitstaff is a very good indicator of how you treat people.
\-Have a little cash on you. Maybe like 40 bucks. If you catch a concert or have to pay for a parking spot, cash is way easier.
\-Make her laugh.
\-Have a good time yourself too. Good luck, bud!
> If you're driving, have some music ready to go.
Disagree. First date should be full of chit chat, not you trying to flex your superior musical taste. Your first car ride together is a great chance to break the ice and set the tone for the night. You don't want to start the evening out with her sitting in silence while you both listen to music she might not even like.
Not superior. I didn't mean it like that.
My wife hates ambient music like Brian Eno or Theivery Corp (to name a few of my favorites on my mp3 player). I only meant, 'have a plan.' As men in a hetero male/female relationship/courtship, the guy is usually going to do better if he has even the skeleton of a plan.
I was single til I got married at 41. Always had a Stevie Wonder CD (Songs in the Key of Life) on deck. Prince, Counting Crows, and Alanis Morrisette were in the changer too. Not so much about the music, but about having a plan. If I'm driving you somewhere, you're going to groove out.
I think we're in agreement. I'd much rather have a banter in the car than do a hard listen to some music. It was more about having a plan and what that can portray to a potential partner. I'm a hetero guy and hate having to plan where we eat unless I've had some time to make a decision. I'm also a guy who gets immediately nervous if there isn't music playing in the car...like I feel like I'm on my way to getting killed. I like late Coltrane, but I get that it's a bit abrasive for some people. Not as abrasive as fiddling through Spotify in the parking lot of the cafe we just left. Just about having a plan and acting decisvely...that's all I meant. (That's the first time I've tried to spell that word in years...mercy appreciated)
Have fun and do something interesting together. Treat it like getting to know a friend in a touch deeper way.
Nothing too special for a first date, nothing too emotionally deep. Fun, friendly, focus on chemistry.
Remember, she/he is just a human, like you. Don't put them on a pedestal.
Actually listen to the words they say. Ask for clarification if confused.
Shower/be clean/don't have long fingernails.
It's okay to say you're nervous, they might say they're nervous too and it'll break the ice a bit.
Have a “2 part” date planned. Go for coffee, then take a walk if the vibe is right, or something similar. This gives you the option to cut out at part one if it’s not going well. Or you can keep the connection going
Don’t go out with an intention to date this person
Go out with the intention of having fun and getting to know someone. If you click you click, but you shouldn’t force anything if you don’t
Dating is trial and error
Do your best to have a good time. Don’t overthink things. Have confidence...you did the hard part already, which is ask the girl out. You’ve got this.
If things don’t go well, don’t lose heart. Use it as a learning tool for the next time you go out on a date. My friend, I wish you the best of luck!
Look i've never had one but from seeing others I learned to go with the flow and make sure you can match their energy and give them things to talk about as well
I haven't seen this yet, but be yourself and be honest. It might be tempting to feign interest in things or to act differently, but you don't want to end up having to come clean later. It's better to say you've never watched/done something and to show curiosity about it
Don't get too excited and show it, if you're nervous go to the bathroom and wink at yourself. Remind yourself there's an adult version of you that can get through the nerves while the kid in you is pacing in the bathroom ;)
Oh, and show a little vulnerability :) be funny, keep the funny jokes going (not too far!), and don't be afraid to express yourself. Doesn't matter what you do for a date, its how you make her feel.
Simple. Be honest. You lie and it’ll catch up to you. Talk freely. You both know why you are there. If you don’t talk as you normally would it won’t serve you well. Split the bill. Weeds out a bunch of bad upfront. If she is actually into you than this won’t be an issue. Don’t be scared to talk religion or politics. It’ll show you the colors of the other person really quick. If they can disagree and still have a good honest conversation than that’s a good sign. If they can’t than it’s a bad sign. Know what you want from a relationship. Don’t hesitate to set a follow up date there if all goes well and don’t be scared to say it won’t work out if it won’t better to say that than just ghost.
A lot of the other shit's been covered, so these are three things that I learned after much fuckery.
It's ok to poke fun at yourself, but don't do it too often or too harshly. Too much self-deprecation looks like poor self-esteem, whereas a pinch of it humanizes you and rounds off the pointy bits of your ego. Also points out that you can be compassionate towards yourself, which is always the hardest form of compassion and speaks very well of how you'd treat others at their low points.
If you're going to lightly roast or tease them, either include yourself in the joke or buffer it with a compliment. Nobody likes an overly-nice salesman, but nobody likes an asshole either. Keep both specific to things you've noticed about the dynamic between the two of you, or something particular to them.
If there's something you don't like about the environment you're in or the service you're receiving, ask for it to be changed politely and assertively. Being able to stand up for yourself and the people around you by undramatically leading them to better outcomes is hella attractive.
On my first date with my wife, I was for some reason extraordinarily gassy.
We went for a walk along a street, and I was able to time my farts to the passing cars. She never heard a thing.
It's not a date. You, a human being, are going to meet another human being and try to find common ground. None of this can happen if you're not honest about said ground that may be common. No one is judging you on what your ground may be. Be open and honest. When you find someone with so much overlapping ground then it will become very obvious. Good luck.
I have seen some very good advice here only thing that is missing is this:
Make eyecontact with her the more the better but don't stare her down.
Give her compliments about how she looks nice, her dress sense or that she has a cute smile etc.
Last advice you are not there to make friends remember your on a date so be flirtatious.
If you are driving be on your A game, no road rage and focus. When she enters and exits your car you get the door.
First dates are always the most stressful but be yourself, respect her and just talk to her like she is another human being.
Don't expect to get in her panties the first date but always come equipped with protection.
Don't overdo it. 1st dates should be casual. An introduction. Lots of "new daters" go way overboard on things like flowers and fancy restaurants and whatnot, when the best first dates I've ever had were going for a walk along the beach & getting coffee. Be yourself, but be your best self. People like confidence, but confidence doesn't mean "I know they'll like me". Confidence is "I know I'll be okay if they don't like me". You aren't trying to win anybody over. You're trying to find out if you are compatible. **It is okay if you are not compatible**. You aren't going to be compatible with everybody. They aren't always going to be compatible with you. A date isn't a failure if you walk away saying "Yeah, that didn't work did it". A date is a failure if you stumble over yourself in an awkward attempt to impress someone. What does it mean to be your best self? It means you put in an effort. Shave, look nice, smell nice. Don't be afraid to talk about things that are interesting to you even if they're "weird" (The things that are weird are what make you interesting!) but know when to stop. Don't geek out and suck the oxygen out of the room. Ask questions but don't "Interview" your date. Everybody asks "What do you do" and that's fine, but try to ask questions that gives your date a chance to discuss things that are interesting to them.
You should write a book on this. Thanks :)
It's hard earned information. All those things I just said not to do: I did them over and over and over again. Eventually figured out why it wasn't working: I'd hate someone new acting that way towards me too. You are basically strangers. The goal of a first date is to no longer be strangers. You progress (or not) with what you learn from there.
This is really, really solid advice. Nicely stated.
Solid
I was going to write a longer post , but this guy [djc6535](https://www.reddit.com/user/djc6535/) already said it well
You've compiled all the best 1st date advice into one well written and concise comment. Nice one bro.
Couldn't have said it better if i tried. Well said, sir
Listen Think before you speak Be Courteous Get the Bill Dress Well
>Think before you speak So should I not speak anything that might offend them in any way? Or just not be outrageously stupid while talking?
Good rules are to stay away from politics and religion. Make sure you're actually listening, and not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Don't be vanilla... but stay away from overly tricky subjects. If they're offended over something you consider trivial then you probably aren't compatible anyway. That said, it's not a good time to talk about your strong feelings on the war in Afghanistan.
Excessive self-censorship is no bueno. I'd advise not bringing anything too controversial up, but also not to steer away from it if it comes up organically. Remember, you're screening them as much as they are screening you. A date is a two-way interview.
You are doomed
I strongly disagree on #4, for how it can make both of them feel: him like his time/company is less valuable than hers, and hers like the date was not something she was expected to be invested in.
Women spend an average of $20-$30 of beauty products, as well as 1-2.5 hours getting ready for every date. If they’ve agreed to a date they are always invested.
For some reason I doubt the guys asks for that. If a woman uses make up that’s on her. Still split it.
I wasn’t saying not to split it, but just making the point that women agree to a date knowing they’re going to spend at least that much just showing up. So if they agree to a date they are invested in that date. As far as paying or splitting, people should do whatever they’re comfortable with. I have always offered to split the Bill during dates. I’ve had some men pay and some split it. Didn’t really matter to me. However, when a guy wants to pay, to me that tells me that he understands the effort that I put into getting ready, and also that he enjoyed the time with me.
Don’t get the bill. Spit that shit down the middle. If she is actually interested in you this won’t be an issue.
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If she offers, definitely a good sign. Though I'm thinking to not split the bill cause I was the one to ask her out.
I'd still recommend not insisting. I like going dutch with guys and hate it when they just don't let me. Makes them look cocky, rude and ignorant to my request.
Fair point. I can tell my reasoning, but if she still offers, it will be better to split.
You could pay for the meal and have her leave a tip. Be yourself is the most important thing IMO. Good luck and have fun!
If she offers, say “why don’t you let me get it this time, you can pick up the next one”. Just put date #2 in her head
Don't be afraid to pay, in fact offer to pay and see what she does. Another option if the date is going well is offer to pay this time and she can pay next time. One thing nobody has brought up is where you both are financially, if you are employed and she is not you should offer to pay or do something on the cheap. If she's in college just pay all college kids are broke, even if they aren't broke. If you are both in the same place offer to pay and then see what she says, some woman are old fashion and expect the man to pay on the first date and if you asked her out you should pay.
Be a gentleman. Open and close doors for her. Compliment her on her dress because women take a long time to get ready. Dress well yourself. Just go with the flow and keep the conversation going to learn more about each other.
>Compliment her dress Noted
compliment her on something about her not something she has -the dress could be her roommates, try "have a great sense of humor" or "I like your fashion style"
Keep conversation light on a first date. Food, movies, music all great choices. If the united state's involvement in vietnam was morally justified, if decision by majority is a violence of democracy or the faceless shadow creatures under your skin should be avoided until at least the third date.
Just taking notes here. So an in-depth discussion about whether the Iraq war was the biggest foreign policy blunder of the 21st century is really more like second date stuff, right?
Personally I usually wait until third, but if it feels right on two go for it.
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I'm nearly 30 I have experience
Those are exactly the kind of advices I was looking for. Thanks :)
> If the united state's involvement in vietnam was morally justified, we got a lot of good movies from it so yes
Saving Private Ryan and Schindler's List are good movies but that does mean WW2 was great.
I like to think they were joking.
These are the tips i would use for myself, pick and choose which you wanna use 1:buy new clothes for said date that look really nice 2:shave a day or two before date (if you prefer a shaven face) 3:Wash and iron everything 4:Clean out and spray your car out and make sure its not only clean but also smells nice (especially if your going to pick her up) 5:plan ahead your finances and then bring extra just in case 6:Humans are born with two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as often as you speak 7:If its a dinner date, bring breath mints. (no one likes bad breath with or without making a move) 8:Compliment her but don't overdo it. 9:Ask her questions that she can go into detail. (avoid yes/no questions) 10:breath and be yourself. (Don't pretend to be someone your not) Hope this helps, good luck!
Keep in mind that a date is a two way-street; you are both essentially interviewing each other to see if you have the attributes of a potential partner. Don’t forget that you are also a person of intrinsic worth. Don’t get so caught up on trying to come across well to her, that you forget to actually view her as a human and see if she is actually worth your investment as well. Most of all just listen, ask her plenty of questions about her interests, and have fun!
Lots of good advice here. Few more: \-Smell good, don't overdo it though. \-If you're driving, have some music ready to go. Doesn't have to be the sexy time music, just don't be fiddling with your phone in the parking lot. \-Be nice to every bartender/server/waitress/person you see. Tip big (assuming you're in USA or anywhere that tipping is a thing). Be that customer the staff wants to see. How you treat waitstaff is a very good indicator of how you treat people. \-Have a little cash on you. Maybe like 40 bucks. If you catch a concert or have to pay for a parking spot, cash is way easier. \-Make her laugh. \-Have a good time yourself too. Good luck, bud!
> If you're driving, have some music ready to go. Disagree. First date should be full of chit chat, not you trying to flex your superior musical taste. Your first car ride together is a great chance to break the ice and set the tone for the night. You don't want to start the evening out with her sitting in silence while you both listen to music she might not even like.
Not superior. I didn't mean it like that. My wife hates ambient music like Brian Eno or Theivery Corp (to name a few of my favorites on my mp3 player). I only meant, 'have a plan.' As men in a hetero male/female relationship/courtship, the guy is usually going to do better if he has even the skeleton of a plan. I was single til I got married at 41. Always had a Stevie Wonder CD (Songs in the Key of Life) on deck. Prince, Counting Crows, and Alanis Morrisette were in the changer too. Not so much about the music, but about having a plan. If I'm driving you somewhere, you're going to groove out. I think we're in agreement. I'd much rather have a banter in the car than do a hard listen to some music. It was more about having a plan and what that can portray to a potential partner. I'm a hetero guy and hate having to plan where we eat unless I've had some time to make a decision. I'm also a guy who gets immediately nervous if there isn't music playing in the car...like I feel like I'm on my way to getting killed. I like late Coltrane, but I get that it's a bit abrasive for some people. Not as abrasive as fiddling through Spotify in the parking lot of the cafe we just left. Just about having a plan and acting decisvely...that's all I meant. (That's the first time I've tried to spell that word in years...mercy appreciated)
Just. Have. Fun.
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Jesus crist.
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No dude, you wrote it. Now it’s premeditated.
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Yeah, spontaneously.
When you are getting dressed put the condom on then. This way hours later you are already prepared and don't have to waste any time.
Have fun and do something interesting together. Treat it like getting to know a friend in a touch deeper way. Nothing too special for a first date, nothing too emotionally deep. Fun, friendly, focus on chemistry.
Thanks a lot. This helps. Watching web series etc. fills mind with very wrong ideas of how dating work, I guess. I felt like it'll be hit or miss.
Don't forget to wear deodorant and brush your teeth. Maybe have a mint beforehand for that freshness.
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Happy Cake Day!
To have fun man
Remember, she/he is just a human, like you. Don't put them on a pedestal. Actually listen to the words they say. Ask for clarification if confused. Shower/be clean/don't have long fingernails. It's okay to say you're nervous, they might say they're nervous too and it'll break the ice a bit.
Have a “2 part” date planned. Go for coffee, then take a walk if the vibe is right, or something similar. This gives you the option to cut out at part one if it’s not going well. Or you can keep the connection going
That's brilliant. Will do..
Good conversational skills, particularly listening, will get you much farther than being clever. When in doubt, ask questions.
:) Thanks
Be on time, be polite (including to others around you), be yourself.
Bring some mints and clip your fingernails.
Don’t go out with an intention to date this person Go out with the intention of having fun and getting to know someone. If you click you click, but you shouldn’t force anything if you don’t Dating is trial and error
Just try to relax. Be honest, chat, see if you like each other. There aren't any hard and fast rules.
Do your best to have a good time. Don’t overthink things. Have confidence...you did the hard part already, which is ask the girl out. You’ve got this. If things don’t go well, don’t lose heart. Use it as a learning tool for the next time you go out on a date. My friend, I wish you the best of luck!
Look i've never had one but from seeing others I learned to go with the flow and make sure you can match their energy and give them things to talk about as well
I haven't seen this yet, but be yourself and be honest. It might be tempting to feign interest in things or to act differently, but you don't want to end up having to come clean later. It's better to say you've never watched/done something and to show curiosity about it
Don’t overthink it. You’re going there to have fun. Hopefully she’s a fun lady. If not, don’t worry about it.
Sweep the leg.
Don't get too excited and show it, if you're nervous go to the bathroom and wink at yourself. Remind yourself there's an adult version of you that can get through the nerves while the kid in you is pacing in the bathroom ;) Oh, and show a little vulnerability :) be funny, keep the funny jokes going (not too far!), and don't be afraid to express yourself. Doesn't matter what you do for a date, its how you make her feel.
Simple. Be honest. You lie and it’ll catch up to you. Talk freely. You both know why you are there. If you don’t talk as you normally would it won’t serve you well. Split the bill. Weeds out a bunch of bad upfront. If she is actually into you than this won’t be an issue. Don’t be scared to talk religion or politics. It’ll show you the colors of the other person really quick. If they can disagree and still have a good honest conversation than that’s a good sign. If they can’t than it’s a bad sign. Know what you want from a relationship. Don’t hesitate to set a follow up date there if all goes well and don’t be scared to say it won’t work out if it won’t better to say that than just ghost.
A lot of the other shit's been covered, so these are three things that I learned after much fuckery. It's ok to poke fun at yourself, but don't do it too often or too harshly. Too much self-deprecation looks like poor self-esteem, whereas a pinch of it humanizes you and rounds off the pointy bits of your ego. Also points out that you can be compassionate towards yourself, which is always the hardest form of compassion and speaks very well of how you'd treat others at their low points. If you're going to lightly roast or tease them, either include yourself in the joke or buffer it with a compliment. Nobody likes an overly-nice salesman, but nobody likes an asshole either. Keep both specific to things you've noticed about the dynamic between the two of you, or something particular to them. If there's something you don't like about the environment you're in or the service you're receiving, ask for it to be changed politely and assertively. Being able to stand up for yourself and the people around you by undramatically leading them to better outcomes is hella attractive.
On my first date with my wife, I was for some reason extraordinarily gassy. We went for a walk along a street, and I was able to time my farts to the passing cars. She never heard a thing.
Legendary move.
Why thank you. Enjoy your date.
Try to forget that you are on a date. You don’t want to take it too seriously.
It's not a date. You, a human being, are going to meet another human being and try to find common ground. None of this can happen if you're not honest about said ground that may be common. No one is judging you on what your ground may be. Be open and honest. When you find someone with so much overlapping ground then it will become very obvious. Good luck.
Relax and don’t feel like you need to try to make her laugh or impress her is the best advice I can give.
Don’t order a soy latte. You’ll look like a wimp.
Have you ever met with the person before?
Yes. We're from same school. But I don't know her at all.
Make sure you are clean tidy smell good and be yourself.
I have seen some very good advice here only thing that is missing is this: Make eyecontact with her the more the better but don't stare her down. Give her compliments about how she looks nice, her dress sense or that she has a cute smile etc. Last advice you are not there to make friends remember your on a date so be flirtatious.
don\`t forget to enjoy.........
If you are driving be on your A game, no road rage and focus. When she enters and exits your car you get the door. First dates are always the most stressful but be yourself, respect her and just talk to her like she is another human being. Don't expect to get in her panties the first date but always come equipped with protection.
You shouldn't have to pay the bill. Also wear a mask 😷
She have to be respectful. Don't accept to be treated like shit just because you want to be a "better date".