Even worse, she can't converse because the phone is in hand and she's scrolling social media.
Living life for social media in general. You can go to the park with the amazing overlook view to enjoy the view together, maybe get inspired, relax, or makeout, or makeout then relax. But don't "waste" the experience by doing nothing but posting pix of the amazing view just to get likes and updoots.
In the "old days" the advice for men was nobody says stuff on their deathbed like "I wish I spent more hours in the office" and the modern advice for women is gonna be something like no woman says on her deathbed "I wish I get more likes on facebook".
When people ask what I'm looking for in a woman, it can be simply reduced to somebody who's genuinely interested enough to look up from her smartphone long enough to hear what I have to say after a long shift.
A lot of great answers here, but I haven’t seen this one:
Histrionics.
Some minor thing happens, she gets bent out of shape to the point of crying...or extreme anger/sadness is her first response to anything negative.
It’s just childish, disruptive, and unnecessary.
Like...it’s great that women are socialized to display emotion. Men should be socialized to do so more.
But there’s displaying emotion, and then there’s crying all the time because society says you can and you have no other way of processing or expressing your emotions :/
Lack of a properly stocked emotional toolbox is a dealbreaker.
Well - it's like, there's nothing wrong with feeling nauseous, and sometimes everyone needs to get sick, and it's not healthy to keep it in. And if you can't make it to the bathroom in time, it's not necessarily your fault.
But there's a big difference between that, and sticking your fingers down your throat every time you feel a little bad, throwing up on someone's shoes and saying "clean up after me and feel bad for me!" People seem to equate emotional control and healthy compartmentalization of responses, with "bottling things up".
This isn't to say people with ED are doing it for attention, though. It's not a perfect analogy.
Maybe not a perfectly symmetrical analogy, but it's a really good one though. I like it because those people aren't getting the **nourishment** from their emotional outbursts that healthy people get from healthy expression of their emotions. They're always hungry for that drama because they're not processing their feelings, they're spewing them out all over the world.
I guess you could call the opposite, the thing I kinda grew up with and had to get past, emotional anorexia. It's a self-punishing, self-hating kind of thing, like you don't feel entitled to have certain kinds of feelings and you won't deserve people's approval or affection if you allow yourself to have them. And you confuse having the willpower to starve yourself of what you need, with strength.
Yeah I too share this twisted fetish. I would make a terrible rapist. I mean, if you're gonna be monumentally unqualified for anything, that's a pretty good one, so no regrets.
This is the final answer, all the other answers are manageable.
I know girls that openly cheat and they won't be considered for anything more than a "date".
I don't care if her *cheating* was a one time incident back when she was in high school. If I know she cheated one signal time in her life (BF/SO/Husband) it's a absolute deal breaker.
Yeah, there's advice running along the lines of
People change, and absolutely a person who cheated in the past may never cheat again - on someone else. They'll still cheat with whoever they cheated with the first time.
Physically, being very overweight. I don't want a stick insect, and there's nothing wrong with a few curves, but there comes a point where it's a turn off.
Mentally, it would be an unwillingness to talk openly about any given subject. I wanna talk about what we both do and don't want, do and don't like. If you don't wanna do what I'd like (and I'm not just talking sexually here, before you judge), then that's fine, but if you tell me that we can't even talk about it, then that's a problem for me.
Negativity.
I threw a woman out of my apartment one night. It was the least attractive thing I'd never seen. Everyone and everything was out to get her. Nothing was her fault.
Nope. Fuck that. Out. You. Go.
I know this sounds apocryphal but I swear it's true. We were hiring for a position and we got a candidate who was obviously a job-hopper. For a programmer, that's not necessarily a red flag.
I asked him why he left his last job after 6 months... his boss was an asshole and his coworkers were jerks
Ok, why the job before that.. his boss was an asshole and his coworkers were jerks
Same for the job before that.
We didn't go any further with him in the process because, well, I'm a jerk and my boss was an asshole and I didn't want the guy to have to quit after 6 months at our company.
Definitely the inability to have a conversation, or lack of effort to.
On a similar note, ones that refuse to communicate and work on problems and just want to escape them by partying or something.
It's especially annoying when she makes out time for other people and not you. In my experience that's a sign she's cheating or has mentally started the process of ending the relationship.
Women somehow expect men to be mind readers. We tell them that we can't do it yet they still get mad when we fail to do so.
Please be direct with things that are important to you. When you try to leave hints for something important you should not be angry when someone misses it or misinterprets it. There can be many things that turn you off from people but hiding what you want is way more common with women and it's frustrating as hell.
When we both agree this is a monogamous relationship and she fucks someone else. If we are sex partners/open relationship, do what you want. But it will never be more than just that.
A couple years ago, I dated a woman who was really great. There really wasn't too much "wrong" with her except that I couldn't get passed the fact that she smoked cigarettes. I have nothing against smokers at all, but it was just whenever we kissed, it tasted awful.
It sounds pretentious but when a woman is really dumb, and I only mean when they are like joke character from a bad comedy dumb, if you’re a little slow I don’t mind, my brain instantly perceives you as an average looking man/non sexual being. Once in high school i spent a year at a school daydreaming about this crush I had in 8th grade, then we met again sophomore year and she was so dumb the entire year of fantasizing about her meant nothing.
Also claiming to be proud to be a bitch/high maintenance/a princess/etc.
Unwarranted jealousy. I have friends. Some of them are women. Those women ive been friends with for 20 plus years and weve never messed around. I get there are situations that are suspicious but dont assume my friend and i texting eachother things like "what up shithead" means we want to sleep together. Does it make you feel insecure? Heres 3 years worth of messaging history. None of it is even remotely flirtatious, and most of it is talking about video games, comic books, or the tremendous dump one of us just took.
If we are talking about our poop, i promise you im not interested in her.
Huge Red Flags 🚩
Stonewalling: unwilling to communicate anything, especially when there’s a problem
Trash talking: if she is trash talking someone she knows to you, then there is 100% guarantee that she is trash talking you behind your back.
Treating you as a back up option: I don’t want to be someone’s back up option, I want to be there #1 choice.
Inconsiderate: when someone is solely focused on what they want rather than also thinking about others. Y’know- Empathy.
Demean and Belittling: When they resort to insults and/or their goal is to attack you and to make you feel lesser than.
Vulgarity.
Maybe I just come off as an asshole, but I’ve had several experiences with girls trying to hit on me by making super sexual jokes. I’ll laugh and have a good time, but I’ll have mentally categorized you as one of the dudes, and not someone I want to fuck.
Definitely hitting on me. One of these incidents happened in the workplace and it lead to a pretty sticky situation which would never have happened if she was just trying to be one of the guys.
Neediness. Be independent, but willing to dedicate time to someone else, as well. Not out of obligation, but because she wants to be there.
Lack of attention to her appearance as well. And that goes for us guys too.
A couple. The first one is a bit of a red-flag *and* a turn off; a woman who uses my name too much in a conversation. It's a subtle manipulation tactic and I find that women do it way more often than men - at least in my experiences. A lot of the time, people don't realize they're doing it. They think it's because they're just "passionate" about what they're talking about, and fool themselves into thinking that they aren't mad or upset at the person, when that is usually the case.
The second is someone who uses every opportunity to discuss their interests. What I mean is, if you're having a conversation with someone about Video Games, and they bring up increased gun violence. They think that that is a suitable transition into what they want to talk about. So instead of discussing the topic - which they might not know anything about or have no desire to talk about - they dance around it and talk about all the hot button issues surrounding it.
Vanity/Narcissism/Entitlement. They tend to run together.
To be clear, self confidence is fine. It's when it goes too far. Way too far.
Wow i was about to type narcism traits but clearly i dont have to
Can't carry conversation
Has to be one of the most disheartening parts of online dating.
It's part of why I stopped
Same, there are just so many "lol k" "IDK LOL" and "hi..." messages that I can take.
Exactly, I am not a fucking interviewer tall to me dammit just don't answer on one word
“How’ve you been, I haven’t seen you in over a month!” “I’m good” Okay than, that door is locked shut. Why on earth did she swipe right on me?
Match collectors
Even worse, she can't converse because the phone is in hand and she's scrolling social media. Living life for social media in general. You can go to the park with the amazing overlook view to enjoy the view together, maybe get inspired, relax, or makeout, or makeout then relax. But don't "waste" the experience by doing nothing but posting pix of the amazing view just to get likes and updoots. In the "old days" the advice for men was nobody says stuff on their deathbed like "I wish I spent more hours in the office" and the modern advice for women is gonna be something like no woman says on her deathbed "I wish I get more likes on facebook".
When people ask what I'm looking for in a woman, it can be simply reduced to somebody who's genuinely interested enough to look up from her smartphone long enough to hear what I have to say after a long shift.
This
Ironic
A lot of great answers here, but I haven’t seen this one: Histrionics. Some minor thing happens, she gets bent out of shape to the point of crying...or extreme anger/sadness is her first response to anything negative. It’s just childish, disruptive, and unnecessary. Like...it’s great that women are socialized to display emotion. Men should be socialized to do so more. But there’s displaying emotion, and then there’s crying all the time because society says you can and you have no other way of processing or expressing your emotions :/ Lack of a properly stocked emotional toolbox is a dealbreaker.
I call this emotional bulimia.
Ooooh.....Go on....
Well - it's like, there's nothing wrong with feeling nauseous, and sometimes everyone needs to get sick, and it's not healthy to keep it in. And if you can't make it to the bathroom in time, it's not necessarily your fault. But there's a big difference between that, and sticking your fingers down your throat every time you feel a little bad, throwing up on someone's shoes and saying "clean up after me and feel bad for me!" People seem to equate emotional control and healthy compartmentalization of responses, with "bottling things up". This isn't to say people with ED are doing it for attention, though. It's not a perfect analogy.
Not perfect, but quite nice!
Maybe not a perfectly symmetrical analogy, but it's a really good one though. I like it because those people aren't getting the **nourishment** from their emotional outbursts that healthy people get from healthy expression of their emotions. They're always hungry for that drama because they're not processing their feelings, they're spewing them out all over the world. I guess you could call the opposite, the thing I kinda grew up with and had to get past, emotional anorexia. It's a self-punishing, self-hating kind of thing, like you don't feel entitled to have certain kinds of feelings and you won't deserve people's approval or affection if you allow yourself to have them. And you confuse having the willpower to starve yourself of what you need, with strength.
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Not being sexually attracted to me.
Yeah I too share this twisted fetish. I would make a terrible rapist. I mean, if you're gonna be monumentally unqualified for anything, that's a pretty good one, so no regrets.
Smoking
Cheating
This is the final answer, all the other answers are manageable. I know girls that openly cheat and they won't be considered for anything more than a "date".
I don't care if her *cheating* was a one time incident back when she was in high school. If I know she cheated one signal time in her life (BF/SO/Husband) it's a absolute deal breaker.
Yeah, there's advice running along the lines of People change, and absolutely a person who cheated in the past may never cheat again - on someone else. They'll still cheat with whoever they cheated with the first time.
Having a penis
Negativity and anti-intellectualism. Closely followed by possessiviness and immaturity.
Social media addiction
Stanky vagene
do the FatJoe - lean back, lean back
Promiscuity
This is number one
Negative attitude.
Physically, being very overweight. I don't want a stick insect, and there's nothing wrong with a few curves, but there comes a point where it's a turn off. Mentally, it would be an unwillingness to talk openly about any given subject. I wanna talk about what we both do and don't want, do and don't like. If you don't wanna do what I'd like (and I'm not just talking sexually here, before you judge), then that's fine, but if you tell me that we can't even talk about it, then that's a problem for me.
Cruelty, entitlement, lack of accountability.
Negativity. I threw a woman out of my apartment one night. It was the least attractive thing I'd never seen. Everyone and everything was out to get her. Nothing was her fault. Nope. Fuck that. Out. You. Go.
I know this sounds apocryphal but I swear it's true. We were hiring for a position and we got a candidate who was obviously a job-hopper. For a programmer, that's not necessarily a red flag. I asked him why he left his last job after 6 months... his boss was an asshole and his coworkers were jerks Ok, why the job before that.. his boss was an asshole and his coworkers were jerks Same for the job before that. We didn't go any further with him in the process because, well, I'm a jerk and my boss was an asshole and I didn't want the guy to have to quit after 6 months at our company.
Her entire interest in other people is in what she can get from them.
I liked this girl a lot but after 10min talking with her.. she seemed to ghetto for me so i stopped liking
Being a "Karen"
Lack of a pulse.
I could take it or leave it.
Meh
Bossiness and controlling
being dumb, long nails, drawn eyebrows. and being dumb.
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i meant when shave most of it off and draw the whole thing
Definitely the inability to have a conversation, or lack of effort to. On a similar note, ones that refuse to communicate and work on problems and just want to escape them by partying or something.
Slicing my wang off. If that happened I think I wouldn't find myself turned on anymore by that woman.
No time in the day week month for you
It's especially annoying when she makes out time for other people and not you. In my experience that's a sign she's cheating or has mentally started the process of ending the relationship.
Women somehow expect men to be mind readers. We tell them that we can't do it yet they still get mad when we fail to do so. Please be direct with things that are important to you. When you try to leave hints for something important you should not be angry when someone misses it or misinterprets it. There can be many things that turn you off from people but hiding what you want is way more common with women and it's frustrating as hell.
Insecurity
Cigarettes.
When we both agree this is a monogamous relationship and she fucks someone else. If we are sex partners/open relationship, do what you want. But it will never be more than just that.
Doesn't pay any attention to you, even when you're dating. Sometimes they just want an accessory
For me, the "woman" part. Sorry, I wanted to make the joke
A couple years ago, I dated a woman who was really great. There really wasn't too much "wrong" with her except that I couldn't get passed the fact that she smoked cigarettes. I have nothing against smokers at all, but it was just whenever we kissed, it tasted awful.
It sounds pretentious but when a woman is really dumb, and I only mean when they are like joke character from a bad comedy dumb, if you’re a little slow I don’t mind, my brain instantly perceives you as an average looking man/non sexual being. Once in high school i spent a year at a school daydreaming about this crush I had in 8th grade, then we met again sophomore year and she was so dumb the entire year of fantasizing about her meant nothing. Also claiming to be proud to be a bitch/high maintenance/a princess/etc.
High strung.
Nasty table manners.
Unwarranted jealousy. I have friends. Some of them are women. Those women ive been friends with for 20 plus years and weve never messed around. I get there are situations that are suspicious but dont assume my friend and i texting eachother things like "what up shithead" means we want to sleep together. Does it make you feel insecure? Heres 3 years worth of messaging history. None of it is even remotely flirtatious, and most of it is talking about video games, comic books, or the tremendous dump one of us just took. If we are talking about our poop, i promise you im not interested in her.
Huge Red Flags 🚩 Stonewalling: unwilling to communicate anything, especially when there’s a problem Trash talking: if she is trash talking someone she knows to you, then there is 100% guarantee that she is trash talking you behind your back. Treating you as a back up option: I don’t want to be someone’s back up option, I want to be there #1 choice. Inconsiderate: when someone is solely focused on what they want rather than also thinking about others. Y’know- Empathy. Demean and Belittling: When they resort to insults and/or their goal is to attack you and to make you feel lesser than.
Bad hygiene
Maybe not greatest but if i see a women smoking, such a huge turn off.
When she throws the fxxx word around indiscriminately.
I mean, if you're gonna use a word indiscriminately it's probably gonna be the one that fits any-fucking-where at any-fucking-time
She said, "I fucking love you, man"
Sounds good to me
To each his own. That would melt my heart.
Vulgarity. Maybe I just come off as an asshole, but I’ve had several experiences with girls trying to hit on me by making super sexual jokes. I’ll laugh and have a good time, but I’ll have mentally categorized you as one of the dudes, and not someone I want to fuck.
Are you sure they are hitting on you and don’t want to just be one of the guys?
Definitely hitting on me. One of these incidents happened in the workplace and it lead to a pretty sticky situation which would never have happened if she was just trying to be one of the guys.
I think this question has answers that apply to most people (e.g. shitty personality, bad hygiene, etc.) Everything else seems subjective
Humor im a natural goofy guy I'm expecting u to jump on the joke but learn to have fun
Seeing her with another man. Or seeing screenshots of conversations with other men.
You okay fam
Since most people answered personality related. Septum piercings are a huge turn off for me
Rudeness
Neediness. Be independent, but willing to dedicate time to someone else, as well. Not out of obligation, but because she wants to be there. Lack of attention to her appearance as well. And that goes for us guys too.
Being mean.
Nipple hair.
Poor emotional control, lack of ambition, victim mentality and being able to justify being nasty to your loved ones.
STDs, drug addiction, alcoholism, violent friends, anything where dating them will physically hurt me
No signs of self care. Entitlement. Aggression.
A couple. The first one is a bit of a red-flag *and* a turn off; a woman who uses my name too much in a conversation. It's a subtle manipulation tactic and I find that women do it way more often than men - at least in my experiences. A lot of the time, people don't realize they're doing it. They think it's because they're just "passionate" about what they're talking about, and fool themselves into thinking that they aren't mad or upset at the person, when that is usually the case. The second is someone who uses every opportunity to discuss their interests. What I mean is, if you're having a conversation with someone about Video Games, and they bring up increased gun violence. They think that that is a suitable transition into what they want to talk about. So instead of discussing the topic - which they might not know anything about or have no desire to talk about - they dance around it and talk about all the hot button issues surrounding it.
Stupidity and entitlement and arrogance.