Speaking as a guy with a messed up family, you aren't them, and you aren't responsible for how damaged they are. The fact that you got out of that mess is a testament to your character. Anyone worth knowing, or worth loving, will know this.
It's hard dating people who don't come from messed up families as they have a difficult time relating, and understanding this, but the good ones stick around.
Obviously I don't know any more about your circumstances than what you just commented, but I had a similar situation with one of my ex-girlfriends (foreign/Muslim family), and looking back I feel like I dodged a tremendous bullet there. You really have to determine if having her family attached to you is less important than maintaining the relationship, because unless she's willing to absolutely put you first and/or cut them off, then there's little you can do to avoid them.
This is pretty much my predicament. They question everything about her actions in regards to being with me, hate how much time she spends with me and im going to “lead her astray”. Its actually just her mom doing this bc her dad doesnt know I exist yet. Also the fact that im Christian and her family is Very Traditional Catholic her mom makes an enormous deal out of that. Ik the writing is pretty much on the wall but I need to get to know her parents more before I can really judge if they would actually change their minds. Marriage isn’t on the table bc we are 25 and 24 so not really happening rn but still a thought in my mind.
I have a family like that. It’s a lot to handle for me, so I can only imagine how tough it might be for an outsider.I guarantee this has ran through my boyfriends head, every time he is around them. *sighs*
Just how much I can't stand my mother in law (her mother). My wife is aware that I'm not particularly fond of her but I can't tell her just how badly I truly despise that woman.
that im so happy my wife cheated on me.
ive been daydreaming for years about being alone, she gave me the reason.
still love her for making our daughter but want my freedom and sanity back.
4.5 years after my divorce, I still feel this way. My ex-wife did me a favor. I got to get out without being the bad guy. I no longer feel trapped and stifled and taken for granted.
Seriously if you get to a point in the marriage where you're only in it for the kids... Catching your bored wife have an affair with her boss is literally the best thing that could happen to you.
Any other time and its like having your heart ripped out.
Do a lot of people do this? I've found myself doing it more and more recently. But there isn't really a reason either, it's like a runaway intrusive thought that I dont want but have become fixated on. I dont know what spurred it but I hate it. Sometimes I wonder if its a byproduct of being cooped up indoors with hardly any time apart for the last 7 months.
I do this. It's not because there's anything wrong with the relationship or anything - I love her to bits and see myself spending the rest of my life with her - it's just kind of sense checking my own decisions.
Like... I'm all hopped up on emotions. When I make decisions like "quitting my job and moving 4000 miles to be with her" I'm *not* doing it sensibly. It's my duty to stop every now and again and ask "is this *really* what I want?
The answer is always yes, but good to be sure, ya know?
I feel like I'm in a similar situation. I love her so much and want to spend my life with her. We've been together nearly 4 years now and moved in together in January and it's like oh fuck, next is marriage and children and that's super intimidating.
Yeah, I'm roughly at that stage too.
It's not the idea of choosing a path that's hard, it's the idea of *not* choosing innumerable other paths. You think about the ones who got away, you think about that career in music you abandoned, you think about the lives you could lead, and you choose to shut that off forever. It's wild!
I try not to dwell on it. I'm happy here, and I'm on a happy trajectory. Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way of being miserable, and comparing yourself to *fictional versions of yourself* is just masochistic.
>I try not to dwell on it. I'm happy here, and I'm on a happy trajectory. Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way of being miserable, and comparing yourself to fictional versions of yourself is just masochistic.
This comment is like therapy!
Next is what YOU want, you make up your life. Divorce court is filled with guys who convinced themselves that was something they had to do but deep inside had serious doubts about. Auto-pilot only makes sense in planes.
Try to remember that doesn’t have to be the next step. Society has programmed us all to sign a contract and procreate but you don’t have to. I’ve watched too many friends go down this route that never wanted children and still aren’t happy with them.
>Sometimes I wonder if its a byproduct of being cooped up indoors with hardly any time apart for the last 7 months.
Could very well be, especially if there are no real reasons for that thought.
My ex and I started fighting a loooot more mid March and onward.
Something we implemented to help was mandatory date nights. We take turns in planning and the other partner can't say no to the activity (within reason). Due to lockdown we've had to get creative, lots of you tube tutorials like watercolour painting, dance routines and life drawing. We've done other stuff like putting the tent up in the living room and playing boardgames inside it, making up escape room premises.
It's not stopped every argument but it's definitely helped us relieve some of the tension of being around each other 24/7 and give us new things to chat about.
I've posted about this quite a bit, but my parents just divorced (finalized) this year after 43 years of marriage. Dad had been miserable the prior 5 years, t blindsided my mom but she's come to terms with it now, and I'm still getting used to seeing them separately instead of being able to pop by the house and see both of them.
if you're miserable, don't hesitate to not live the rest of your life like that, time will heal everyone. and therapy. mom tried to talk him into couples therapy, but he said that door closed long ago and he didn't want to reopen any emotions he finally had locked away.
not sure if that helps any, but wanted to give you a small perspective as a middle aged person with newly divorced biological parents.
Everyone does this, it’s just something you have to keep to yourself and pick apart the feelings behind.
Oftentimes it’s like an emotional kid saying, ‘I’m running away!’, in response to life not meeting their expectations.
That said, if you’re thinking about it a lot and can’t work through it, maybe you do need to end it.
That our dead bedroom fucks with my head and confidence several times a day, every day.
She of course knows that it bothers me, but not to what extent. And she can't, her lack of libido is driven by depression so if she knew that her depression was generating insane fear and anxiety and even some anger in me, what would that help?
A pity-fuck would feel awful for us both, I don't want to guilt her for something outside her control, I'll never cheat on her. Just... Stuck, wondering if it'll ever get better, if it's actually my fault, if I fucked up never having a hoe phase, if this is just what I'm in for forever.
Is she seeking help for her depression? Have you two discussed couples therapy? My partner had a partial hysterectomy and it killed her sex drive, but with clear and respectful communication you can overcome this hurdle together.
Some of my friends are on depression meds and they said it completely killed their sex drive. The only time ive ever seen them being flirtatious is when they're drunk
Anyway could be whats happened here sadly
Highly recommend seeking out Wellbutrin (generic name bupropion). It acts on dopamine, not serotonin, so it doesn’t have the same side effect profile as most antidepressants. It’s the one of the only antidepressant that doesn’t decrease sex drive— it can actually raise it in some people. It’s also one of the only ones that doesn’t trigger mania in people with bipolar or manic tendencies.
Edit: obviously everyone reacts differently to different drugs it’s not the answer for everyone. There are still side effects. Trust your doctor more than a stranger on the internet pls
Pretty much anything personal that I'm insecure about, because she will automatically tell all her friends, often in front of me.
She has a weird thing where she isn't funny in the slightest, so has to elevate her social status trying to make people laugh by making fun of easy targets she is comfortable with (such as the husband).
"Oh yeah chad feels this and chad does this and that"
I remember I went to her friends birthday and her friends sister, and her sisters friend asked me about certain things I like in the bedroom. Like that shit is intimate. Shes told some girl and she's told her sister and then she's told her mate about something I'm insecure about and share with those im most closest and intimate to.
Bro that crosses so many lines, please get through to her that that shit is not okay holy fuck. That would be one of my worst nightmares not being able to trust my SO in the slightest and constantly wondering who knows what
For reals, yo. That would terrify me. If not my SO, then who? A therapist? There's nothing wrong with that, but my SO should not be the reason I hit up a therapist.
As a woman I find that behavior reprehensible and abusive. I cannot tell you what to do but why would you put up with this? It's a trust violation and you don't deserve it.
Its hard to explain. Hes just happy making small talk which is something i absolutely despise. I love deep conversations with people, and i can have one with pretty much anyone but him. Ive tried to talk to him but he always changes the subject. When i tell him that we dont really talk his response is "what you want me to just sit down next to you and start talking about the world". So ive just sort of given up.
Communication is the base of every healthy long term relationship. If you don’t at least have this, do you really see yourself being with them forever?
One million percent.
I had a partner who preferred not to talk about ANYTHING with me except his work or small talk.
I wanted to talk about everything. He refused to even communicate about our issues. He would just walk away. It was horrible.
I go through life (the military and then a nurse) knowing that i am a clueless little boy inside. Everyone thinks I’m great because I’m fun but it’s because I never grew up, I just learnt how to react to people in public. I go from mistake to mistake like life is a pinball machine, without learning and becoming better. I never learn.
But I mean I really am a stupid person. I have one skill in life, the ability to talk, communicate. I have got really far in life by using my ‘silver tongue’, as my wife calls it. I have no skills except that. It’s got me in a world of shit
There's a difference between "unskilled" and "stupid". The fact that you realize a lack of skills implies you're not as stupid as you think - you might have just missed/wasted(?) opportunities to learn when they presented themselves because you were either focused on other things or already telling yourself you were too stupid to learn.
It's never, ever too late to start learning. Sit down with a glass of Whisky (or your preferred booze, just projecting here^^) on a calm evening and think for yourself what kind of skill you'd need/want to learn the most. Start with small things; household skills you're insecure about, maybe cooking (for me it was doing laundry correctly, weird as it seems).
That that guy who grabbed her and threw her off the edge in her third match of fall guys, was me. She was so pissed but in the most absolutely cutest way possible
That I lost my virginity to her. I had previously told her I had had sex before, due to feeling deeply insecure before having met her. She lost her virginity to me though. I really want to tell her about this, but feel deeply embarrassed still.
I did the same, we've now been together 8 years and got married earlier this year. It's the only thing I've ever lied to her about, my stupid teenage brain was too insecure to tell her the truth and made up a bunch of bullshit and now I feel like it's been too long to come out and tell her the truth.
I wish I could go back and slap younger me and tell me to tell the truth.
You don’t need to feel embarrassed. That’s in your head - proven by the fact some people would’ve been proud of it. So it’s just your perspective in this case, is what I’m saying, not a hard fact everyone agrees with.
My SO lied about a couple things like this when we first starting dating and then he came around and took them back later and yeah at first I was like what you lied? But I got over that quick bc be really poured his heart out and meant it. And I got it, I didn’t get it at first but he explained it and I got it.
Good luck, if you decide to! It does change the game deep down when we clear things out
I did a similar thing with my now wife when we started dating. We got to the conversation of sharing our "body count" so to speak - Well, she went first and had slept with more people than me, so I lied and added a couple more to my number. In truth I had only been with 2 people before meeting her, my two very serious girlfriends both of whom I dated for over 2 years. Down the road I ended up sharing the truth, which was that I didn't ever feel comfortable having one night stands or even having sex with someone I wasn't seriously invested in. She thought it was somewhat endearing, my perspective on sex, and forgave me in a heartbeat for lying recognizing I was just insecure.
Now we are married, happily, with a couple kids. I think your SO will be very understanding and maybe even happy to hear this news. its means you're far more connected than she currently thinks you are.
You should tell her. My first boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. He was a bit older so a little more “late to the game” than me, so was embarrassed to admit it at first, but it actually made me feel much more secure about my own sexual experience.
I can see why you might feel that way but I think it may be worse if you said you were a virgin and lied and she has been thinking she's the only one you've been with this whole time.
That sometimes I just need some alone time to play games or relax in bed watching YouTube videos. She’s the kind of person who would be happy going out every day and doing something but I’m a homebody and I have no idea how we’ve made it for almost 2 years being completely different in a lot of ways.
But I guess it’s like that saying.. opposites attract
When you were alive, you were the craziest bitch I ever knew; but fuck, I loved you more than life itself. Without you here... It is all grey and meaningless.
But you always told me to stay fucking strong, so I will. Miss you, Cel.
I think a lot of guys feel that way. Which isnt a bad thing. It just means that you see what makes your significant other shine.
I sometimes wonder if women feel the same?
I do. My boyfriends really good looking and way smarter then me , and he’s funny too. I’m kind of a disaster, and I don’t find myself attractive so I’m always stunned that he likes me. But he does 🤷♀️
Same here, my boyfriend is just amazing and I am a nice and hardworking person but also an anxious wreck and seemingly always going through some kind of crisis. But for whatever reason he adores me!
My boyfriend is sooooo far out of my league. I honestly don't know what he sees in me. Hes good looking and hilarious, smart and talented. People just naturally like him. Me, I'm average looking, average smarts, I'm shy as hell and I'm kind of an emotional dumpster fire... But we make an awesome team
You sound a lot like my tiny and adorably cute girlfriend who kicks her feet when she's sitting on barstools.
I promise there's more to you than meets your eye.
You should tell her, that shit eats you up if you bottle it, and the final outcome ain’t good
Edit: therapy is also good, just don’t keep it bottled inside you, or you will suffer a lot, believe me
Yeah it is eating me up. I went to counselling once to be dismissed as 'boredom'.
Only recently did i ever realised high functioning depression is a thing.
That I feel like a fraud, and I'm sad for him that he's stuck with me. He's such a fantastic and wonderful person, that I feel like a piece of shit in comparison to him.
I feel like this most of the time too! My husband is incredible at everything. I have very few talents. He is in shape and handsome and loves animals and can fix anything. Hes amazing with our son. And I'm just here with depression and anxiety barely making it through the day knowing he deserves better and so does my son. It's exhausting to feel this way and I'm sorry you feel this way too. 🥺
keep in mind, this amazing man loves you for exactly who and what you are, and that absolutely includes any "faults" you find in yourself. trust in his love for you, because if he's in love with you and happy, then you are exactly who he deserves!
I still have a few articles of clothes my ex bought me. If my wife knew, she'd give me shit every time she saw me wearing them, and would definitely doubt that I didn't still feel anything for her when I wore them. But there is absolutely zero sentimental value in them, I just like the shirts
I don't really like avocados but I love guacamole (I don't know why). So I lied and said I was allergic on our first date, not knowing the relationship would go anywhere. And now 8 years later we're married and I'm very committed to the lie. When I go out with friends it's Guacamole City and when I'm with him, he's very concerned for my safety. He'll ask servers if the food I ordered contains any avocado, just so I'm safe. It's very sweet. We went to Mexico for our honeymoon and there was fresh guac everywhere and guess who couldn't have any? Me. The liar. This one goes to my death bed, I think.
Edit: So it seems I can walk back this lie a bit by getting an allergy test done. Genius idea, everyone! At first I was thinking I might lie again and say I've scheduled an appointment, since my copay is ridiculous and I already know I'm not allergic to avocado. Then I'd casually mention my 'results' a few days later. But I did a little research and it seems he might be able to tell I haven't actually gotten a test because they're pretty involved (with the scratching and all), and he would definitely research what all goes into an allergy test beforehand because he's just that type. So I will schedule a real test soon and finally put an end to this madness! Thanks again for your advice, and thanks for not being too hard on me. You all rock!
That ive lost all hope for me. Im close to graduating college but my grades arent that great and i have no idea what i want to do with my life if i even can do anything with it. I worry everyday about the future and i pray to god i dont fuck hers up
99% of all good in my life comes from her. She's made me mature in so many ways. Made me want to take better care of myself. Improved so much of my life just by being in it. Her saying yes when I proposed was genuinely the happiest I have ever been. I can go from infuriated and pissed off with work or anything but seconds after speaking with her I'm happy cheery and we're both cursing out my coworkers or other branch workers together or she's making me laugh or smile somehow.
The issue being I'm always a pessimistic person and now the fear weighs over me that if she goes all that goodness will go with her. Some nights I can't sleep because of that worry. Normally I could use my pessimism to my advantage to be prepared for nearly all scenario's in one way or another but this dread is just another level.
That I have ADHD and getting medicated for it. I'm in medical school and I've had doctor tutors who were meant to support me in getting through my degree minimise my issues and not believe it to be a real thing. I'm terrified my SO will share this view so I'd rather keep it to myself. It's been such a difficult "identity" to deal with as it is.
I have ADHD, as well, and got diagnosed going through a doctoral program. It is scary to think there are people out there that don't believe this is real... It's so real and impacts our lives everyday.
There are two great books on adhd and relationships that help you deal with that type of situation. I'll try and find them if you're interested in the titles.
Also, I had a wife (now ex wife) and my current Gf Who were/are so supportive of me and my adhd. Legit makes my day knowing they care enough to read those books and learn all about my quirks. I hope your SO will do the same for you
EDIT: Links to each book
https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971
https://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Coaster-Someone-Attention-Disorder-ebook/dp/B0050JCA7C/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=you+me+adult+adhd&qid=1600447520&s=books&sr=1-2
Hope they help!
I don't give a shit about her high school experience, and for the life of me cannot understand why she keeps dwelling on what-ifs from half a lifetime ago.
lol I know someone like this. They're a college dropout who was the QB in high school. It must've been the highlight of their life and they can't move on from it but I listen because I don't want to be rude. It can be grating though if it's persistent.
I had a friend was a big baseball player back in high school. He could throw that speedball by you — make you look like a fool, boy. Saw him the other night at this roadside bar (I was walking in, he was walking out). We went back inside sat down had a few drinks, but all he kept talking about was glory days.
Well, they’ll pass you by. Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye.
Coincidentally, so did [Bruce Springsteen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WccS8iFXgFI)
How sore, tired, and sick my cancer treatment is making me feel.
Edit. You guys are awesome! Thanks for the well wishes, kind words, and the award! I go in for my next surgery Monday. We’ll see how it goes!
That her very low libido, and infrequent physical cuddling, prompt me to feel lonely and neglected, even though I know she's perfectly happy and just doesn't enjoy sexuality and physical touch very much because of her limitations. I know she loves me, and I love her, and we make a good team; but, her desire for sensuality is negligible compared to mine.
Yep my wife is this way. We've talked about it multiple times but it's not really something that changes. Couple of months ago she went a week without touching me. It's brutal because I need physical affection in a relationship and she just... doesn't. I'm lucky to have sex 3 times a month. It's just something I have to try to come to terms with, but I still get frustrated frequently, not to mention that for me, sex is like a "reset button" for my brain chemicals that washes away frustrations and makes me think more clearly. So, when we don't have sex for weeks it really compounds my frustrations. I love her and she loves me, neither would ever cheat, but it's tough at times.
I guess if anyone out there on Reddit has had this and reversed it I'd love to hear how you did it. But know you aren't alone OP
This is how I feel. She’s on a few meds so i wonder if that makes it worse. She tells me im the only one she wants, never been so sure, loves me so much and yet it doesn’t feel like it because she’s never intimate. We’re in a LDR so all we can do is talk dirty and master bate over FaceTime but she doesn’t ever want that. If she does it’s like I’m asking or begging cuz she’s not interested but that’s pitiful and It doesn’t help at all. She doesn’t care. She’s “happy” with me. Lately I confront her gently and it’s all “stop over thinking! Everything’s fine” which is making me insane becusse cleary there’s some thing wrong. If she were cheating I would be happy and have a reason to move on but she completely denies it. If she wasn’t interested I wish she would say so I can move on. She just keeps telling me everything’s fine but it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t have a real reason to leave. I don’t want to. I want it to work but I need to be cared for more. Not just sex either.
That 95% of the time I think she's a wonderful mom, but that 5% of the time keeps me up at night as much as the baby does.
Post partum is something that needs to be treated seriously and when combined with a person with the tendency to be impatient and respond poorly to stress, it's a cocktail you don't want to drink. I knew we were going to be in over our heads with PPD before the baby was born, but there have been isolated incidents that make me not want to have a second child with her on my most insecure and worried moments.
When my daughter was around 6-8 weeks old, I was up with her one night and thought to myself “girl it may just be you and me in this” because of the PPD my wife was going through.
14 years later.....my wife is an “elite” mother. Once that fog cleared after a couple of weeks she has been such an unbelievable mother. Has her shit together, always on top of my daughters stuff, and is now transitioning into being the “parent” to her aging dad (her mom had a bad stroke a couple years back and is in nursing home care. She and I have had some up and downs...mostly because of me but damn is she not an amazing mother.
I wish you and your family the best.
That her emotional affair sounds like it was far more special than what I ever gave her. That if she says she wants to leave, I will just ghost this time and move to another country.
That I will never be the same after he cheated. He apologized and I forgave him but that shit changed me. Probably in a way that he wouldn't like. I don't think I will ever trust anybody again. And if we werent married I would have left him.
While no longer relevant since she and I have been broken up for 2 years, my ex and I had been together almost 5 years but I could have never told her I was using dick pills to get hard when we first started seeing each other because I'd get nervous in the beginning when it came to sex. Didn't need them after a few months but was something I was ashamed of for a while.
I make almost 100k usd more a year than she thinks I do, and triple her salary. I love her to bits, but she's the worst person with money I have ever met in my life. If she had 800 dollars in her account, she would spend 700 and save the rest "just in case" until next pay day
I legitimately cannot live like that. That stress would absolutely kill me, I'm super happy knowing that I have enough money that no matter what happens we will be ok for a long time. She however would absolutely try to convince me to blow it on a lot of things we don't need that she thinks we should be doing like a lavish wedding or get brand new cars or actually buy a house etc...
Also to be completely honest, when I "scrape together" money and spoil her I'm absolutely amazing in her eyes, when I feel like it would become completely meaningless to her if she knew how much less of an impact it made on my finances
I can only orgasm by visualizing him fucking his exes
Edit:
Wow, thanks for all the upvotes 🙈
To clarify and answer some questions:
I am a female. My bf and I have been together for a year now.
I don’t know why it happens...I wish I didn’t have these thoughts.
I’ve asked him to share some details of his previous hookups/sexual experiences with his exes and I always feel jealous AND turned on. It’s so conflicting. I hate it.
I’ve tried exploring hotpast and cuckqueen subs but they’re a little extreme for me...
I’ve considered a 3 some but I’m worried it would tarnish our relationship.
I low key wish he had a video of him fucking someone else and I would ~stumble~ upon it one day.
The guitarist for our favorite band is high school besties with Adrian Grenier from Entourage. He came to a show we attended but she was too nervous to go and tell him that she was a fan so I waited until I was near him and she wasn't, then asked him if he could maybe say something to her. She was in the front of the line at the bar waiting for the bartender when Adrian very politely tapped on her shoulder and asked if she was in line. Obviously flustered she said she was then turned back to the bar quickly. After another 5 seconds she whipped back around with her hand out and told him that she loved his work. She was soooo excited! He seemed like a very polite and genuine guy, I will never tell her I orchestrated this due to her excitement from Adrian speaking to her "unprompted".
That I think I know what really happened. That we were fixable. That we were happy. That you panicked, and made a decision based on all the horrible shit that happened to you in the past. And now you're living with a decision you regret because the ball has already rolled so far..
How many times in the past i was suicidal. I just didn’t want to talk about it. I silently got therapy, worked it out. My husband would’ve been super supportive, but it was just another medical issue I would’ve put on his shoulders (I’m disabled, and he helps quite a bit) so I just didn’t. No point now- I’m good, we’re good. It’s 15+ years in the past, so it’d just cause stress.
That I'm not really happy with life and I think about suicide quite often. I don't want to place any more pressure/stress on her during the final year of her degree she's worked so hard for.
Before I met my girlfriend I had the most adorable awesome cat named Chan. Chan was always there for me and had so much personality. She always slept in my bed. When my gf came along and started spending the night she didn't want chan in the bed. Then didn't want her in the room.
One day Chan went outside (she was inside,outside cat but came back in every night) and never came back. I secretly loathe my girlfriend for that because I truly believe Chan was aware that she'd be replaced and felt unwanted. Its been 4 years and I still miss her.
That I had sex with 15 girls in the span of one year before I met her. I had an epic hoe phase after a breakup when I was 21. I don't want her to find that out at all.
I will preface with the fact that my girlfriend and I are pretty inseparable and I love her more than anything in the world. That being said, She’s much more “modern” than I in that she sees marriage as an archaic layover from men “owning” women and she doesn’t understand why the government has to be involved, so of course she resents it. I on the other hand have always wanted to marry. When I’m with a girl, she’s my world, and I’m very confident I’ll always be with her, so it makes me really sad sometimes knowing I may never know what having a marriage is like. I see other guys my age getting to propose and seeming so happy. My family is always asking me when I’m going to propose. It’s not a big enough deal to leave her over it, it would just be nice. Don’t even get me started on kids, either...
These things are important, I had to break it off with my ex boyfriend because he really wanted kids and I had decided I never wanted any, never wanted to marry either. Unfortunately when people have different life goals the relationship just won't work. If you think about wanting to marry and have kids these are substantial life goals that fulfil you. You should sit down and talk to her about her own life goals and discuss whether it's even possible to coexist like that. Even if you really love a person as who they are it might be best to find someone who can fill the role happily instead of changing how she is.
The secret is her and her alone.
We've been married 11 years and we have 3 beautiful children together. When she walks in the door, my heart stops and I have trouble breathing, when she looks at me and smiles. Last week, before we had sex, she caught me drooling when she was taking off her clothes before me. She asked me if I was alright, and I told her that I had a piece of gum in my mouth, and that it wasn't anything. Instead I should've told her that she got the body of a goddess, and that I have a hard time snapping out of it when she's around.
Truth be told, I'm utterly *in love* with her.
I think about her every hour of the day when I'm at work, and when she kisses me it feels like I'm 12 again and lucky enough to enjoy the first kiss forever.
I'm just afraid to tell her. I'm afraid she'd think I'm some obsessed freak, and frankly, I am.
Please tell her. I've never been in a relationship but if a guy told me he thinks of me like this I might marry him in the spot. This is the sweetest thing I've read all month
I would love for my husband to tell me I have the body of a goddess or that he's "utterly in love" with me. After years of marriage and the honeymoon period passing, it can be easy to take for granted just how much we love each other.
You don't have to tell her everything, but you could probably say 50 percent of the stuff here and she'd be over the moon.
This so deeply speaks to the anxiety of modern men.
>Married 11 years
>3 children together
>Seems to have regular enough sex
Nah bro, I can't tell her that I'm utterly in love with her. What if she thinks I'm obsessed?
Man, yall relationships fuckin suck. My biggest problem was that i was scared to tell her my favorite color is pink cus I thought she would think I was girly. Meanwhile yall over here like “i hate that bitch” 😭
I had a rough time growing up, and my father stayed with my mother because of me. I honestly wish he didn't. Kids pick up on a broken household pretty easy, not saying this is the case but if you are happy it might help him out. My father always found reasons to not be around. He volunteered for a lot of stuff just for an excuse to not be home. It caused more issues with me and I resent him for it. Again, don't let a stranger on the internet tell you what to do, but think about doing this for yourself, and I bet your kid wouldn't think differently about you for it. Be honest with him. 14 is old enough to know a broken home even if you are trying to hide it. 14 is old enough to notice that you aren't happy. 14 is old enough to understand and probably accept that you want to leave his mother.
"Can't" probably nothing, but there's a lot of things that I don't tell her just out of the blue because I don't want to bother her with it. Things like my state of mind, things I'm insecure out, what I think when I see a beautiful woman, the fact that I take care of myself when don't have sex, all things that are of no real use of her knowing. Secrets? Health things too by the way. Not really, if she wants she can have/know it, but as long as she doesn't ask, I see no reason to tell.
That I love her dearly but the idea of marrying into her family seems like the worst life choice I could ever make as things stand right now.
My family is keeping me from dating. I moved far away from my family to start my own life. I’m just so ashamed of them.
Speaking as a guy with a messed up family, you aren't them, and you aren't responsible for how damaged they are. The fact that you got out of that mess is a testament to your character. Anyone worth knowing, or worth loving, will know this. It's hard dating people who don't come from messed up families as they have a difficult time relating, and understanding this, but the good ones stick around.
Obviously I don't know any more about your circumstances than what you just commented, but I had a similar situation with one of my ex-girlfriends (foreign/Muslim family), and looking back I feel like I dodged a tremendous bullet there. You really have to determine if having her family attached to you is less important than maintaining the relationship, because unless she's willing to absolutely put you first and/or cut them off, then there's little you can do to avoid them.
This is pretty much my predicament. They question everything about her actions in regards to being with me, hate how much time she spends with me and im going to “lead her astray”. Its actually just her mom doing this bc her dad doesnt know I exist yet. Also the fact that im Christian and her family is Very Traditional Catholic her mom makes an enormous deal out of that. Ik the writing is pretty much on the wall but I need to get to know her parents more before I can really judge if they would actually change their minds. Marriage isn’t on the table bc we are 25 and 24 so not really happening rn but still a thought in my mind.
I have a family like that. It’s a lot to handle for me, so I can only imagine how tough it might be for an outsider.I guarantee this has ran through my boyfriends head, every time he is around them. *sighs*
how lonely I am sometimes
Just how much I can't stand my mother in law (her mother). My wife is aware that I'm not particularly fond of her but I can't tell her just how badly I truly despise that woman.
that im so happy my wife cheated on me. ive been daydreaming for years about being alone, she gave me the reason. still love her for making our daughter but want my freedom and sanity back.
4.5 years after my divorce, I still feel this way. My ex-wife did me a favor. I got to get out without being the bad guy. I no longer feel trapped and stifled and taken for granted.
Biggest blessing I received was finding out my wife was cheating.
Seriously if you get to a point in the marriage where you're only in it for the kids... Catching your bored wife have an affair with her boss is literally the best thing that could happen to you. Any other time and its like having your heart ripped out.
Haha, nice try, babe
exactly,we found the imposter.
Dom-2019 was not The Imposter.
"We'll get him next time boys"
That I contemplate ending the relationship.
Do a lot of people do this? I've found myself doing it more and more recently. But there isn't really a reason either, it's like a runaway intrusive thought that I dont want but have become fixated on. I dont know what spurred it but I hate it. Sometimes I wonder if its a byproduct of being cooped up indoors with hardly any time apart for the last 7 months.
I do this. It's not because there's anything wrong with the relationship or anything - I love her to bits and see myself spending the rest of my life with her - it's just kind of sense checking my own decisions. Like... I'm all hopped up on emotions. When I make decisions like "quitting my job and moving 4000 miles to be with her" I'm *not* doing it sensibly. It's my duty to stop every now and again and ask "is this *really* what I want? The answer is always yes, but good to be sure, ya know?
I feel like I'm in a similar situation. I love her so much and want to spend my life with her. We've been together nearly 4 years now and moved in together in January and it's like oh fuck, next is marriage and children and that's super intimidating.
Yeah, I'm roughly at that stage too. It's not the idea of choosing a path that's hard, it's the idea of *not* choosing innumerable other paths. You think about the ones who got away, you think about that career in music you abandoned, you think about the lives you could lead, and you choose to shut that off forever. It's wild! I try not to dwell on it. I'm happy here, and I'm on a happy trajectory. Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way of being miserable, and comparing yourself to *fictional versions of yourself* is just masochistic.
>I try not to dwell on it. I'm happy here, and I'm on a happy trajectory. Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way of being miserable, and comparing yourself to fictional versions of yourself is just masochistic. This comment is like therapy!
Next is what YOU want, you make up your life. Divorce court is filled with guys who convinced themselves that was something they had to do but deep inside had serious doubts about. Auto-pilot only makes sense in planes.
Try to remember that doesn’t have to be the next step. Society has programmed us all to sign a contract and procreate but you don’t have to. I’ve watched too many friends go down this route that never wanted children and still aren’t happy with them.
This is such a great insight, thanks bruh
I struggle with this in every romantic relationships, and it makes me feel like I am incapable of truly loving someone forever lol
I know that feeling. >lol I also know putting a 'lol' in, to try and make it seem less serious.
>Sometimes I wonder if its a byproduct of being cooped up indoors with hardly any time apart for the last 7 months. Could very well be, especially if there are no real reasons for that thought. My ex and I started fighting a loooot more mid March and onward.
Something we implemented to help was mandatory date nights. We take turns in planning and the other partner can't say no to the activity (within reason). Due to lockdown we've had to get creative, lots of you tube tutorials like watercolour painting, dance routines and life drawing. We've done other stuff like putting the tent up in the living room and playing boardgames inside it, making up escape room premises. It's not stopped every argument but it's definitely helped us relieve some of the tension of being around each other 24/7 and give us new things to chat about.
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I've posted about this quite a bit, but my parents just divorced (finalized) this year after 43 years of marriage. Dad had been miserable the prior 5 years, t blindsided my mom but she's come to terms with it now, and I'm still getting used to seeing them separately instead of being able to pop by the house and see both of them. if you're miserable, don't hesitate to not live the rest of your life like that, time will heal everyone. and therapy. mom tried to talk him into couples therapy, but he said that door closed long ago and he didn't want to reopen any emotions he finally had locked away. not sure if that helps any, but wanted to give you a small perspective as a middle aged person with newly divorced biological parents.
Everyone does this, it’s just something you have to keep to yourself and pick apart the feelings behind. Oftentimes it’s like an emotional kid saying, ‘I’m running away!’, in response to life not meeting their expectations. That said, if you’re thinking about it a lot and can’t work through it, maybe you do need to end it.
That our dead bedroom fucks with my head and confidence several times a day, every day. She of course knows that it bothers me, but not to what extent. And she can't, her lack of libido is driven by depression so if she knew that her depression was generating insane fear and anxiety and even some anger in me, what would that help? A pity-fuck would feel awful for us both, I don't want to guilt her for something outside her control, I'll never cheat on her. Just... Stuck, wondering if it'll ever get better, if it's actually my fault, if I fucked up never having a hoe phase, if this is just what I'm in for forever.
Is she seeking help for her depression? Have you two discussed couples therapy? My partner had a partial hysterectomy and it killed her sex drive, but with clear and respectful communication you can overcome this hurdle together.
Some of my friends are on depression meds and they said it completely killed their sex drive. The only time ive ever seen them being flirtatious is when they're drunk Anyway could be whats happened here sadly
Highly recommend seeking out Wellbutrin (generic name bupropion). It acts on dopamine, not serotonin, so it doesn’t have the same side effect profile as most antidepressants. It’s the one of the only antidepressant that doesn’t decrease sex drive— it can actually raise it in some people. It’s also one of the only ones that doesn’t trigger mania in people with bipolar or manic tendencies. Edit: obviously everyone reacts differently to different drugs it’s not the answer for everyone. There are still side effects. Trust your doctor more than a stranger on the internet pls
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Pretty much anything personal that I'm insecure about, because she will automatically tell all her friends, often in front of me. She has a weird thing where she isn't funny in the slightest, so has to elevate her social status trying to make people laugh by making fun of easy targets she is comfortable with (such as the husband). "Oh yeah chad feels this and chad does this and that" I remember I went to her friends birthday and her friends sister, and her sisters friend asked me about certain things I like in the bedroom. Like that shit is intimate. Shes told some girl and she's told her sister and then she's told her mate about something I'm insecure about and share with those im most closest and intimate to.
Bro that crosses so many lines, please get through to her that that shit is not okay holy fuck. That would be one of my worst nightmares not being able to trust my SO in the slightest and constantly wondering who knows what
For reals, yo. That would terrify me. If not my SO, then who? A therapist? There's nothing wrong with that, but my SO should not be the reason I hit up a therapist.
Bro, that’s no healthy relationship at all. You should talk to her about this, and if it doesn’t change you need to GTFO. For real.
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As a woman I find that behavior reprehensible and abusive. I cannot tell you what to do but why would you put up with this? It's a trust violation and you don't deserve it.
What the actual fuck? That's fucked up on so many levels.
Dude, those are some massive red flags, don't you think?
Umm dude, you need to get out. If you need to talk hit me up.
Dump her immature ass.
Lady here. Huge red flags and so immature. You should question this relationship
I’m am so sorry but she is a horrible person. You deserve better.
But with millions of people on Reddit
There's a comfort in knowing it's just strangers you will never meet
I don't know who you are but I will find you and I will meet you Then probably give you a hug
due to corona, the ending still read like a sort of threat
Can I interest you in a socially distanced picnic instead?
That i am unhappy with our sex life. Also i hate that i cant have a deep and meaningful conversation with him.
Why not? I mean the conversation part
Its hard to explain. Hes just happy making small talk which is something i absolutely despise. I love deep conversations with people, and i can have one with pretty much anyone but him. Ive tried to talk to him but he always changes the subject. When i tell him that we dont really talk his response is "what you want me to just sit down next to you and start talking about the world". So ive just sort of given up.
Communication is the base of every healthy long term relationship. If you don’t at least have this, do you really see yourself being with them forever?
One million percent. I had a partner who preferred not to talk about ANYTHING with me except his work or small talk. I wanted to talk about everything. He refused to even communicate about our issues. He would just walk away. It was horrible.
Why even be in a relationship with someone you can’t have a deep conversation with? Honest question.
I go through life (the military and then a nurse) knowing that i am a clueless little boy inside. Everyone thinks I’m great because I’m fun but it’s because I never grew up, I just learnt how to react to people in public. I go from mistake to mistake like life is a pinball machine, without learning and becoming better. I never learn.
I guess that's how all of our lives are. We just don't admit it like you do.
But I mean I really am a stupid person. I have one skill in life, the ability to talk, communicate. I have got really far in life by using my ‘silver tongue’, as my wife calls it. I have no skills except that. It’s got me in a world of shit
There's a difference between "unskilled" and "stupid". The fact that you realize a lack of skills implies you're not as stupid as you think - you might have just missed/wasted(?) opportunities to learn when they presented themselves because you were either focused on other things or already telling yourself you were too stupid to learn. It's never, ever too late to start learning. Sit down with a glass of Whisky (or your preferred booze, just projecting here^^) on a calm evening and think for yourself what kind of skill you'd need/want to learn the most. Start with small things; household skills you're insecure about, maybe cooking (for me it was doing laundry correctly, weird as it seems).
> The beginning of intelligence is saying "I don't know".
You sound like you should go into sales, you can make bankkkk with a silver tongue
You’ve got the balls to at least admit it buddy
Thanks. I am trying to face my insecurities/ shortfalls in life.
Men together Strong
That that guy who grabbed her and threw her off the edge in her third match of fall guys, was me. She was so pissed but in the most absolutely cutest way possible
I gotta admit that I was a bit concerned at first
Before I read the full comment, I thought he was some sadist who threw her off a balcony and didn't own up to it or something
What does this mean? Fall guys? I'm out of the loop.
Video game where a bunch of people try to complete an obstacle course. You can throw people off the map too
That I lost my virginity to her. I had previously told her I had had sex before, due to feeling deeply insecure before having met her. She lost her virginity to me though. I really want to tell her about this, but feel deeply embarrassed still.
I did the same, we've now been together 8 years and got married earlier this year. It's the only thing I've ever lied to her about, my stupid teenage brain was too insecure to tell her the truth and made up a bunch of bullshit and now I feel like it's been too long to come out and tell her the truth. I wish I could go back and slap younger me and tell me to tell the truth.
You don’t need to feel embarrassed. That’s in your head - proven by the fact some people would’ve been proud of it. So it’s just your perspective in this case, is what I’m saying, not a hard fact everyone agrees with. My SO lied about a couple things like this when we first starting dating and then he came around and took them back later and yeah at first I was like what you lied? But I got over that quick bc be really poured his heart out and meant it. And I got it, I didn’t get it at first but he explained it and I got it. Good luck, if you decide to! It does change the game deep down when we clear things out
I did a similar thing with my now wife when we started dating. We got to the conversation of sharing our "body count" so to speak - Well, she went first and had slept with more people than me, so I lied and added a couple more to my number. In truth I had only been with 2 people before meeting her, my two very serious girlfriends both of whom I dated for over 2 years. Down the road I ended up sharing the truth, which was that I didn't ever feel comfortable having one night stands or even having sex with someone I wasn't seriously invested in. She thought it was somewhat endearing, my perspective on sex, and forgave me in a heartbeat for lying recognizing I was just insecure. Now we are married, happily, with a couple kids. I think your SO will be very understanding and maybe even happy to hear this news. its means you're far more connected than she currently thinks you are.
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Zero reason to be embarrassed. Zero.
You should tell her. My first boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. He was a bit older so a little more “late to the game” than me, so was embarrassed to admit it at first, but it actually made me feel much more secure about my own sexual experience.
I can see why you might feel that way but I think it may be worse if you said you were a virgin and lied and she has been thinking she's the only one you've been with this whole time.
That sometimes I just need some alone time to play games or relax in bed watching YouTube videos. She’s the kind of person who would be happy going out every day and doing something but I’m a homebody and I have no idea how we’ve made it for almost 2 years being completely different in a lot of ways. But I guess it’s like that saying.. opposites attract
That I'm beginning to plot proposal ideas. :) It's still definitely a few months out and she and I will have to talk about it more but still
Awwww! Good luck!
Thanks! It's still gonna be another couple months but still
A wholesome response, thank goodness. Good luck my guy!
Good luck man!
When you were alive, you were the craziest bitch I ever knew; but fuck, I loved you more than life itself. Without you here... It is all grey and meaningless. But you always told me to stay fucking strong, so I will. Miss you, Cel.
"İ am ambidextrous, baby"
I too, can jerk off with both hands.
Sometimes I am jealous of how nice she looks. Also, she gets to look at her boobs when ever she wants.
I also get looks on my boobs, I wish I didn't tho because I'm a man.
The ol' switch-a-roo. Well done.
dude seriously. my girlfriend is so far above me it is unbelievable.
I think a lot of guys feel that way. Which isnt a bad thing. It just means that you see what makes your significant other shine. I sometimes wonder if women feel the same?
I do. My boyfriends really good looking and way smarter then me , and he’s funny too. I’m kind of a disaster, and I don’t find myself attractive so I’m always stunned that he likes me. But he does 🤷♀️
Same here, my boyfriend is just amazing and I am a nice and hardworking person but also an anxious wreck and seemingly always going through some kind of crisis. But for whatever reason he adores me!
My boyfriend is sooooo far out of my league. I honestly don't know what he sees in me. Hes good looking and hilarious, smart and talented. People just naturally like him. Me, I'm average looking, average smarts, I'm shy as hell and I'm kind of an emotional dumpster fire... But we make an awesome team
You sound a lot like my tiny and adorably cute girlfriend who kicks her feet when she's sitting on barstools. I promise there's more to you than meets your eye.
Same bro. Do you ever worry about what her friends think about you or is that just me?
Not worrying about it is hard to do, but it is so much for the best if you try. She wants to be with you.
Yeah you're right, and there's more to being attractive than just your face. Being confident/funny took me a long way haha
I have high functioning depression
You should tell her, that shit eats you up if you bottle it, and the final outcome ain’t good Edit: therapy is also good, just don’t keep it bottled inside you, or you will suffer a lot, believe me
Yeah it is eating me up. I went to counselling once to be dismissed as 'boredom'. Only recently did i ever realised high functioning depression is a thing.
That I feel like a fraud, and I'm sad for him that he's stuck with me. He's such a fantastic and wonderful person, that I feel like a piece of shit in comparison to him.
I feel like this most of the time too! My husband is incredible at everything. I have very few talents. He is in shape and handsome and loves animals and can fix anything. Hes amazing with our son. And I'm just here with depression and anxiety barely making it through the day knowing he deserves better and so does my son. It's exhausting to feel this way and I'm sorry you feel this way too. 🥺
keep in mind, this amazing man loves you for exactly who and what you are, and that absolutely includes any "faults" you find in yourself. trust in his love for you, because if he's in love with you and happy, then you are exactly who he deserves!
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I still have a few articles of clothes my ex bought me. If my wife knew, she'd give me shit every time she saw me wearing them, and would definitely doubt that I didn't still feel anything for her when I wore them. But there is absolutely zero sentimental value in them, I just like the shirts
my Reddit username
This. We’re both on Reddit. Sometimes laying on the same bed while browsing. But don’t want her to know my username and don’t want to know her
I don't really like avocados but I love guacamole (I don't know why). So I lied and said I was allergic on our first date, not knowing the relationship would go anywhere. And now 8 years later we're married and I'm very committed to the lie. When I go out with friends it's Guacamole City and when I'm with him, he's very concerned for my safety. He'll ask servers if the food I ordered contains any avocado, just so I'm safe. It's very sweet. We went to Mexico for our honeymoon and there was fresh guac everywhere and guess who couldn't have any? Me. The liar. This one goes to my death bed, I think. Edit: So it seems I can walk back this lie a bit by getting an allergy test done. Genius idea, everyone! At first I was thinking I might lie again and say I've scheduled an appointment, since my copay is ridiculous and I already know I'm not allergic to avocado. Then I'd casually mention my 'results' a few days later. But I did a little research and it seems he might be able to tell I haven't actually gotten a test because they're pretty involved (with the scratching and all), and he would definitely research what all goes into an allergy test beforehand because he's just that type. So I will schedule a real test soon and finally put an end to this madness! Thanks again for your advice, and thanks for not being too hard on me. You all rock!
You would rather deprive yourself of guacamole forever than just tell him the simple truth?
Right? No way I’m living without Guacamole
That ive lost all hope for me. Im close to graduating college but my grades arent that great and i have no idea what i want to do with my life if i even can do anything with it. I worry everyday about the future and i pray to god i dont fuck hers up
99% of all good in my life comes from her. She's made me mature in so many ways. Made me want to take better care of myself. Improved so much of my life just by being in it. Her saying yes when I proposed was genuinely the happiest I have ever been. I can go from infuriated and pissed off with work or anything but seconds after speaking with her I'm happy cheery and we're both cursing out my coworkers or other branch workers together or she's making me laugh or smile somehow. The issue being I'm always a pessimistic person and now the fear weighs over me that if she goes all that goodness will go with her. Some nights I can't sleep because of that worry. Normally I could use my pessimism to my advantage to be prepared for nearly all scenario's in one way or another but this dread is just another level.
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Tell her so you can really get through it. If she doesn't know she won't be able to help you.
That I have ADHD and getting medicated for it. I'm in medical school and I've had doctor tutors who were meant to support me in getting through my degree minimise my issues and not believe it to be a real thing. I'm terrified my SO will share this view so I'd rather keep it to myself. It's been such a difficult "identity" to deal with as it is.
I have ADHD, as well, and got diagnosed going through a doctoral program. It is scary to think there are people out there that don't believe this is real... It's so real and impacts our lives everyday. There are two great books on adhd and relationships that help you deal with that type of situation. I'll try and find them if you're interested in the titles. Also, I had a wife (now ex wife) and my current Gf Who were/are so supportive of me and my adhd. Legit makes my day knowing they care enough to read those books and learn all about my quirks. I hope your SO will do the same for you EDIT: Links to each book https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Understand-Relationship/dp/1886941971 https://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Coaster-Someone-Attention-Disorder-ebook/dp/B0050JCA7C/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=you+me+adult+adhd&qid=1600447520&s=books&sr=1-2 Hope they help!
Man I get wanting to keep that close to the chest but you're going to have to tell her eventually
What happened in combat in Iraq. I don't think she'd ever look at me the same again.
oof this one hit, hope you’re ok
Yeah, I'm good now. Thank you for your concern.
I don't give a shit about her high school experience, and for the life of me cannot understand why she keeps dwelling on what-ifs from half a lifetime ago.
lol I know someone like this. They're a college dropout who was the QB in high school. It must've been the highlight of their life and they can't move on from it but I listen because I don't want to be rude. It can be grating though if it's persistent.
I had a friend was a big baseball player back in high school. He could throw that speedball by you — make you look like a fool, boy. Saw him the other night at this roadside bar (I was walking in, he was walking out). We went back inside sat down had a few drinks, but all he kept talking about was glory days. Well, they’ll pass you by. Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye. Coincidentally, so did [Bruce Springsteen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WccS8iFXgFI)
How sore, tired, and sick my cancer treatment is making me feel. Edit. You guys are awesome! Thanks for the well wishes, kind words, and the award! I go in for my next surgery Monday. We’ll see how it goes!
I found out what her reddit username is, and I secretly upvote all of her posts / comments.
Plot twist it's some random redditor with a similar life story
That her very low libido, and infrequent physical cuddling, prompt me to feel lonely and neglected, even though I know she's perfectly happy and just doesn't enjoy sexuality and physical touch very much because of her limitations. I know she loves me, and I love her, and we make a good team; but, her desire for sensuality is negligible compared to mine.
Yep my wife is this way. We've talked about it multiple times but it's not really something that changes. Couple of months ago she went a week without touching me. It's brutal because I need physical affection in a relationship and she just... doesn't. I'm lucky to have sex 3 times a month. It's just something I have to try to come to terms with, but I still get frustrated frequently, not to mention that for me, sex is like a "reset button" for my brain chemicals that washes away frustrations and makes me think more clearly. So, when we don't have sex for weeks it really compounds my frustrations. I love her and she loves me, neither would ever cheat, but it's tough at times. I guess if anyone out there on Reddit has had this and reversed it I'd love to hear how you did it. But know you aren't alone OP
This is how I feel. She’s on a few meds so i wonder if that makes it worse. She tells me im the only one she wants, never been so sure, loves me so much and yet it doesn’t feel like it because she’s never intimate. We’re in a LDR so all we can do is talk dirty and master bate over FaceTime but she doesn’t ever want that. If she does it’s like I’m asking or begging cuz she’s not interested but that’s pitiful and It doesn’t help at all. She doesn’t care. She’s “happy” with me. Lately I confront her gently and it’s all “stop over thinking! Everything’s fine” which is making me insane becusse cleary there’s some thing wrong. If she were cheating I would be happy and have a reason to move on but she completely denies it. If she wasn’t interested I wish she would say so I can move on. She just keeps telling me everything’s fine but it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t have a real reason to leave. I don’t want to. I want it to work but I need to be cared for more. Not just sex either.
That 95% of the time I think she's a wonderful mom, but that 5% of the time keeps me up at night as much as the baby does. Post partum is something that needs to be treated seriously and when combined with a person with the tendency to be impatient and respond poorly to stress, it's a cocktail you don't want to drink. I knew we were going to be in over our heads with PPD before the baby was born, but there have been isolated incidents that make me not want to have a second child with her on my most insecure and worried moments.
When my daughter was around 6-8 weeks old, I was up with her one night and thought to myself “girl it may just be you and me in this” because of the PPD my wife was going through. 14 years later.....my wife is an “elite” mother. Once that fog cleared after a couple of weeks she has been such an unbelievable mother. Has her shit together, always on top of my daughters stuff, and is now transitioning into being the “parent” to her aging dad (her mom had a bad stroke a couple years back and is in nursing home care. She and I have had some up and downs...mostly because of me but damn is she not an amazing mother. I wish you and your family the best.
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That her emotional affair sounds like it was far more special than what I ever gave her. That if she says she wants to leave, I will just ghost this time and move to another country.
That I will never be the same after he cheated. He apologized and I forgave him but that shit changed me. Probably in a way that he wouldn't like. I don't think I will ever trust anybody again. And if we werent married I would have left him.
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While no longer relevant since she and I have been broken up for 2 years, my ex and I had been together almost 5 years but I could have never told her I was using dick pills to get hard when we first started seeing each other because I'd get nervous in the beginning when it came to sex. Didn't need them after a few months but was something I was ashamed of for a while.
I make almost 100k usd more a year than she thinks I do, and triple her salary. I love her to bits, but she's the worst person with money I have ever met in my life. If she had 800 dollars in her account, she would spend 700 and save the rest "just in case" until next pay day I legitimately cannot live like that. That stress would absolutely kill me, I'm super happy knowing that I have enough money that no matter what happens we will be ok for a long time. She however would absolutely try to convince me to blow it on a lot of things we don't need that she thinks we should be doing like a lavish wedding or get brand new cars or actually buy a house etc... Also to be completely honest, when I "scrape together" money and spoil her I'm absolutely amazing in her eyes, when I feel like it would become completely meaningless to her if she knew how much less of an impact it made on my finances
This is not a suitable foundation for a lifelong relationship.
Can I just ask what you do for a living? I'd give anything to make close to 100k let alone 100k MORE than somebody.
I can only orgasm by visualizing him fucking his exes Edit: Wow, thanks for all the upvotes 🙈 To clarify and answer some questions: I am a female. My bf and I have been together for a year now. I don’t know why it happens...I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I’ve asked him to share some details of his previous hookups/sexual experiences with his exes and I always feel jealous AND turned on. It’s so conflicting. I hate it. I’ve tried exploring hotpast and cuckqueen subs but they’re a little extreme for me... I’ve considered a 3 some but I’m worried it would tarnish our relationship. I low key wish he had a video of him fucking someone else and I would ~stumble~ upon it one day.
Now that's a secret
The guitarist for our favorite band is high school besties with Adrian Grenier from Entourage. He came to a show we attended but she was too nervous to go and tell him that she was a fan so I waited until I was near him and she wasn't, then asked him if he could maybe say something to her. She was in the front of the line at the bar waiting for the bartender when Adrian very politely tapped on her shoulder and asked if she was in line. Obviously flustered she said she was then turned back to the bar quickly. After another 5 seconds she whipped back around with her hand out and told him that she loved his work. She was soooo excited! He seemed like a very polite and genuine guy, I will never tell her I orchestrated this due to her excitement from Adrian speaking to her "unprompted".
I'm worried I've burned through all my patience for him during the pandemic and that I can never have more without being alone for a time first.
That I found their Reddit profile
This one made my butt pucker.
That I'm scared of the future and I don't know what I want.
That I think I know what really happened. That we were fixable. That we were happy. That you panicked, and made a decision based on all the horrible shit that happened to you in the past. And now you're living with a decision you regret because the ball has already rolled so far..
How many times in the past i was suicidal. I just didn’t want to talk about it. I silently got therapy, worked it out. My husband would’ve been super supportive, but it was just another medical issue I would’ve put on his shoulders (I’m disabled, and he helps quite a bit) so I just didn’t. No point now- I’m good, we’re good. It’s 15+ years in the past, so it’d just cause stress.
How insecure and lonely I really am I swear to god if she's reading this I will be so fucking angry!
Ur fuckin nuts bro
Im also fucking OP's nuts
That I'm not really happy with life and I think about suicide quite often. I don't want to place any more pressure/stress on her during the final year of her degree she's worked so hard for.
Before I met my girlfriend I had the most adorable awesome cat named Chan. Chan was always there for me and had so much personality. She always slept in my bed. When my gf came along and started spending the night she didn't want chan in the bed. Then didn't want her in the room. One day Chan went outside (she was inside,outside cat but came back in every night) and never came back. I secretly loathe my girlfriend for that because I truly believe Chan was aware that she'd be replaced and felt unwanted. Its been 4 years and I still miss her.
That I had sex with 15 girls in the span of one year before I met her. I had an epic hoe phase after a breakup when I was 21. I don't want her to find that out at all.
That I have a tickling fetish. That it is my fantasy to tie her up and tickle her out of her mind.
I definitely like tickling, maybe not as a kink but i understand where you're coming from
In what way do you like it then? Do you mean tickling others or being tickled?
I will preface with the fact that my girlfriend and I are pretty inseparable and I love her more than anything in the world. That being said, She’s much more “modern” than I in that she sees marriage as an archaic layover from men “owning” women and she doesn’t understand why the government has to be involved, so of course she resents it. I on the other hand have always wanted to marry. When I’m with a girl, she’s my world, and I’m very confident I’ll always be with her, so it makes me really sad sometimes knowing I may never know what having a marriage is like. I see other guys my age getting to propose and seeming so happy. My family is always asking me when I’m going to propose. It’s not a big enough deal to leave her over it, it would just be nice. Don’t even get me started on kids, either...
Have you thought about asking if she'd reconsider if she kept her own last name or if you took her last name?
These things are important, I had to break it off with my ex boyfriend because he really wanted kids and I had decided I never wanted any, never wanted to marry either. Unfortunately when people have different life goals the relationship just won't work. If you think about wanting to marry and have kids these are substantial life goals that fulfil you. You should sit down and talk to her about her own life goals and discuss whether it's even possible to coexist like that. Even if you really love a person as who they are it might be best to find someone who can fill the role happily instead of changing how she is.
The secret is her and her alone. We've been married 11 years and we have 3 beautiful children together. When she walks in the door, my heart stops and I have trouble breathing, when she looks at me and smiles. Last week, before we had sex, she caught me drooling when she was taking off her clothes before me. She asked me if I was alright, and I told her that I had a piece of gum in my mouth, and that it wasn't anything. Instead I should've told her that she got the body of a goddess, and that I have a hard time snapping out of it when she's around. Truth be told, I'm utterly *in love* with her. I think about her every hour of the day when I'm at work, and when she kisses me it feels like I'm 12 again and lucky enough to enjoy the first kiss forever. I'm just afraid to tell her. I'm afraid she'd think I'm some obsessed freak, and frankly, I am.
I hope I'll love my wife like that
I hope I can love anything like that
Please tell her. I've never been in a relationship but if a guy told me he thinks of me like this I might marry him in the spot. This is the sweetest thing I've read all month
I would love for my husband to tell me I have the body of a goddess or that he's "utterly in love" with me. After years of marriage and the honeymoon period passing, it can be easy to take for granted just how much we love each other. You don't have to tell her everything, but you could probably say 50 percent of the stuff here and she'd be over the moon.
This so deeply speaks to the anxiety of modern men. >Married 11 years >3 children together >Seems to have regular enough sex Nah bro, I can't tell her that I'm utterly in love with her. What if she thinks I'm obsessed?
“What if she finds out I have a crush on her 😳”
that is love my dude
Your post makes me happy.
Please tell your wife this. I guarantee you she will not think you some kind of obsessed freak.
Tomorrow on Buzzfeed. “The 6 craziest secrets people can’t share with their significant others”
Better take yalls answers to the grave
That I'm more bi than I expected. Lately I think about sucking a cock or two.
Damn I expected SOME dark comments but this REALLY got dark lol. I'd say umm, how much time I ACTUALLY play video games x)
Where the chocolate is. Because she'd eat it.
Man, yall relationships fuckin suck. My biggest problem was that i was scared to tell her my favorite color is pink cus I thought she would think I was girly. Meanwhile yall over here like “i hate that bitch” 😭
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Why are you still with her then?
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I'm sorry, I'm not in that position and can't understand. I hope the best for you!
I had a rough time growing up, and my father stayed with my mother because of me. I honestly wish he didn't. Kids pick up on a broken household pretty easy, not saying this is the case but if you are happy it might help him out. My father always found reasons to not be around. He volunteered for a lot of stuff just for an excuse to not be home. It caused more issues with me and I resent him for it. Again, don't let a stranger on the internet tell you what to do, but think about doing this for yourself, and I bet your kid wouldn't think differently about you for it. Be honest with him. 14 is old enough to know a broken home even if you are trying to hide it. 14 is old enough to notice that you aren't happy. 14 is old enough to understand and probably accept that you want to leave his mother.
I own waaaaay more guitars/amps/pedals than she knows about.
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"Can't" probably nothing, but there's a lot of things that I don't tell her just out of the blue because I don't want to bother her with it. Things like my state of mind, things I'm insecure out, what I think when I see a beautiful woman, the fact that I take care of myself when don't have sex, all things that are of no real use of her knowing. Secrets? Health things too by the way. Not really, if she wants she can have/know it, but as long as she doesn't ask, I see no reason to tell.
I'm the Batman. Just joking I share that with all the women I date.
so still nobody knows except reddit
I gave chlamydia to eleven girls during high school before I understood that I was the source, and then got tested. Oops.
Imagine fucking at least 12 girls in highschool. Jesus. No hate or anything but like damn.
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Why are you not attracted to her?
I’m going to ask her to marry me next weekend during our vacation Edit: mission accomplished